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AnonAnon
My partner and I are planning on taking a trip to Italy for fourteen days during the last week of July/first week of August, 2025. So far, we’ve booked a hotel in Rome for 5 nights (was slightly alarmed to see how much was already sold out at this point.)
For the remainder of the trip, considering Florence/Tuscany but am also interested in potentially some beach time and/or Pompeii etc. Our kids are 13 and 15 so have a good amount of stamina for trekking. Yes, it will be hot but there’s no other time of the year we can go for that long of a stretch and are planning on early and late excursions.
Would love to hear any tips, favorite sights, trips you’ve taken or are hoping to take. Realizing I need to likely get on booking things ASAP.
Any input re: when to purchase airfare is also appreciated. Delta flights seem to be quite expensive when first released (Boston to Rome) so wondering if they’ll drop. Thanks!
Anon
I purchase international airfare pretty much when it goes on sale, and just monitor the price. If it drops, you can get airline credit. Unless you think you won’t be able to use airline credit, it makes sense to lock in the rate now and take a credit if it goes down, rather than wait and see if it drops because it may go up.
Cat
-Use Google Flights to track the airfare for your dates. I’d be surprised if you can go for less than $1500pp based on this year.
-For Rome attractions, different things open up X days beforehand, in Rome local time. So I put appointments on my calendar for 6pm Eastern Time for the day before X days beforehand – aka midnight in Rome when things would unlock. I recall doing this for the government-issued Colosseum & Forum pass, Borghese gallery, and Vatican to get our preferred times.
-Late in the day is your friend. The tour-bus crowds are thinner and it’s cooler. We paid extra for the Vatican to get the “c-cktail hour” package – while the food was the worst we had anywhere in Italy, it was SO worth it to be with fewer people into the evening!
Anon
It sounds like planning some beach time will be wise that time of year – maybe figure out where you want to go for that? I know the beach areas can get crowded. It’ll be a great trip anyway!
Anonymous
Are you driving or do trains/tours? Advice on where to go will vary based on that.
Kids are not old enough for winery tours but you can do olive oil tours or pasta making classes which are fun. I love the beaches in Tuscany (esp. Maremma) but agritourismo stays in the country side are nice too.
I would fly into Rome and then out of Pisa/Florence depending on airfare. It’s super high season so it will be pricey especially if you are looking for direct flights.
AnonAnon
If we drive, would only do so in Tuscany/Florence. Don’t want to drive in Rome proper and would like to take trains mostly, if possible. I tend to get a little restless on most guided tours, so would consider doing some that were either really interesting or on the shorter side. Also trying to balance what places might be too packed with people-Cinque Terre sounds amazing but also completely packed with people like sardines.
Cat
We like to go at our own pace for art and churches and find the Rick Steves level overviews and audio tours to be just enough. We saw SO MANY couples and small groups at the Vatican who had done the “private guide” thing and they all looked like they were tired of making attentive listening faces by a third of the way through.
AnonAnon
P.S. reading your comment again after coffee and olive oil tours and pasta making tours do sound really fun! Interactive which is appealing.
Pompom
Just outside Rome, there’s a fantastic truffle hunting tour (dogs and all!) complete with a 2 hour hike in the mountains followed by a 7-8 course truffle centric meal prepared by the truffle hunter in his home. We did it last November (which was fantastic weather…August might be a tad hot?), and it was the highlight of our time in/near Rome. Search AirBNB Experiences for “Truffle experience Rome” with Mateo in Laghetto, Italy (a short train ride out of Rome). Kids would enjoy, provided they like truffles.
Anon
Loved Rome, could have spent 2 weeks there, we only did a couple days in Florence and that was enough. Make sure your hotel has AC!!!
ABanon
What were your favorite attractions in Rome? Any must-dos or must eats?
emeralds
Not Anon at 9:25, but the must-do attractions are the ones that you already know about. They aren’t secrets! And even if the Coliseum wasn’t personally my favorite, you can’t take your kids to Rome for the first time and skip the Coliseum, you know? The Galleria Borghese is my absolute favorite, though.
Must-eat is gelato every time you see it :)
Away Game
I love Pompeii, and think it’s totally worth the trip. It would be too long from Rome for just a day trip, and it gets hot in the ruins so take lots of water (and have some gelato on the way out!), so I recommend booking a night in Naples or near Pompeii. You can then add on the museum in Naples or Herculeum. Florence is great for a couple of days but it’s nice to go to the smaller towns like Lucca, Montepulciano, or San Gimi.
Anon
Yes, and I’d add Siena and Orvieto to the possible small towns list.
Anon
I second Pompeii! My husband and I were in Rome last May, and we did a daytrip to Pompeii. It was a long day, but it wasn’t very bad at all. The train trip was under 2 hours each way, and is very seamless. We spent probably 4-5 hours in Pompeii before catching our train back to Rome.
AnonAnon
P.S. the hotel for Rome portion we booked is Hilton Garden Inn Rome Claridge. We had a ton of Hilton points and the ones located in the city proper closer to sites were already booked. This one is near the Borghese Gardens which is appealing and has working AC per the reviews which hopefully will be a plus to take an afternoon pausa.
LizzieB
When I visited Italy a few years ago we spent time in Rome, Florence and Cinque Terre and the days hiking in Cinque Terre were my absolute favorite. So charming and a nice change of pace from the city. Highly recommend!
anon
On the off chance you are open to this, you can take Aer Lingus from Boston to Rome for considerably cheaper than what Delta costs. From my bookings this year, Aer Lingus usually runs about $500/person cheaper than Delta from Boston to European destinations even if I book the highest tier of refundable Economy on Aer Lingus when compared with Main Cabin in Delta.
AIMS
I’m probably the outlier here but I think it’s always more expensive to book this far out. I guess you can do refundable and keep checking to see if you can adjust but I think the reason you’re seeing a lot sold out now is that some of it isn’t even listed as available yet. At least that’s been my experience with booking travel but I admit that I tend to be more comfortable than some in adjusting my plans as needed.
Anon
+1 this is far earlier than I would be booking
Anon
This and also so much of Europe and Italy closes in August that I’d push the whole trip a week earlier.
Anonymous
Book some ‘skip the line” tours if there is something you really need to see. For example, the line for the Vatican was literally +1mile long but with Skip the Line we went straight in. In Florence the Hotel Paris was amazing. Our room was so large all four of us could comfortably stay there and it’s short walking distance to train station and major cathedral/sights.
NY CPA
Specifically on the Vatican, my parents did the “breakfast tour” which was before the museum opens to the public and they said it was SO worth it. Especially if you have kids who like to get up and get going, that could be a great option. I definitely plan to do it the next time I’m in Rome.
SMC - San Diego
Unfortunately, they no longer offer the breakfast tour – at least as of April 2024. They extended their hours but cut down on the early and late admission tours. Per my guide there had been a lot of complaints about tour guide companies buying them all up and them re-selling at a ridiculous mark-up.
Unless your kids are seriously into art, I would not take children to the Vatican Museum in the summer. It is PACKED with people, really hot, and extremely overwhelmingly huge. I would check out the Borghese (get your tickets in advance) or some of the other smaller, museums instead. (And this is coming from someone who adores the Vatican Museum). If you do decide to go, I recommend a small group tour, although note that “skip the line” is a bit of a misnomer. You do not have to stand in line for a ticket but there is no avoiding the security line. If you go to Florence, I suggest going to the museums there instead. They will still be crowded but not as crowded.
I think you have time for Pompeii or Florence but not both. In summer I would personally go to Florence but Pompeii is amazing if you have tolerance for heat. When we went, I hired a private guide for a four-hour tour through Mondo guides. It was not all that expensive, and it allowed us to tailor the experience to our interests and the fitness level of the people I was travelling with (I was with two people in their 70s.) I would also suggest spending at least one night and going to the archeology museum. Or skip Pompeii and take the train from Rome out to Ostia Antica instead. Not nearly as hot, not nearly as crowded and probably more fun for children that age.
Kate
Florence is my favorite city in the world. I first went at age 15 and fell in love. Particularly in contrast to the very-large scale of Rome, I cannot recommend this city enough.
Senior Attorney
+1
Anonymous
+1
AnonAnon
I really appreciate all of the comments so far. We are also toying with the idea of Rome and then Naples/some beach time there instead of Tuscany and Florence. Any experiences with Naples would be appreciated (we are Italian-American and have relatives whom we’re not in touch with anymore (unfortunately) in Naples so it would also be potentially meaningful to go there. This will likely be our “big trip” before our children leave for college. As much as I’d like to imagine going to Europe again as a family before then, it might not happen so trying to make this trip a memorable one.
Anonymous
It’s going to be crazy hot that far south. Any reason why you don’t want to go to the beach in Tuscany? I may be biased because that’s my happy place. My kids have been to the beach in Italy like 4 times but we’ve yet to tackle Rome or any cities outside of Florence or Pisa. I would do Rome, train to Pisa, drive to the beach for a 3-4 days (maybe do a boat/snorkel tour), drop car back to Pisa airport, 1 hr train to Florence. 3-4 days in Florence with a day trip via coach to Siena or Volterra or Saturna.
All the Italian cities have direct train shuttles between their central train station and their airport. It’s super convenient.
And based on the thread the other day about getting kids excited for vacations – plan at least one activity that fits your kids interests specifically whether it’s a horseback ride through the country side or a mountain bike trip or outlet shopping outside of Florence.
AnonAnon
You make a really good point about it being extra hot in Naples. I guess we could potentially do a day trip for Pompeii and then go to Florence and have some beach days on that coast. Great ideas-thank you!
Anon
Naples is a very different culture and experience from Rome or Florence; I would recommend trying to go some time if there is a family connection!
Anonymous
I’m late to this but I would go to the Dolomites. You can train there (to Bolzano, which is like 30-45 mins from Val Gardena/Ortiesi). Take gondolas up, do hut go hut hiking, etc. Easy to get to from Venice, Milan and Florence which are all fun cities.
Roxie
I did Rome and then train to Naples then private car to Sorrento which was home base for a week. Day trips to Pompeii and Positano etc. it was magical and I truly recommend it. In Italy there’s no way to squeeze everything in so you have to make hard decisions! In Sorrento with kids you can do lemon grove tours and cooking classes and at least one full day at a beach club and one full day shopping and hanging in town.
I haven’t spent time in Florence so I can’t speak to it.
Anon.
Visited Florence, Rome and Venice this March with husband and 8-year old son, so here are my tips.
Florence:
– There is an amazing Lenoardo Da Vinci museum with hands-on replicas of his machines – fun for any age.
– Book Uffici early and get a tour guide there (depending on your interests/stamina) – I think seeing the old masters in Italy is something you should not skip! We did that with our 8 year old and would do so again.
– Palazzo Pitti and Boboli Gardens is awesome
– If you’re physically able, climb the duomo/campanile.
Venice: Can be a day-trip from Florence, actually. Just leave early, and catch the last train home.
From Florence, take a day trip to Pisa.
To go from Florence to Rome, rent a car and go through the wine regions. Really liked Sienna and Montepulciano as small towns. It was not hard to drive in Rome actually with Google maps, we returned the car at the train station and it was fine.
Rome:
– Definitely see the main sights like Colloseum etc. Book tickets for Vatican Museums early, it is amazing. For the Vatican city, in March the wait time to get in was about 60-90 min, I heard getting there later in the day might be better.
– Gladiator school is a bit outside the city, you can book 2 hours and it’s so much fun (we loved it as adults, too!) https://www.romegladiatorschool.com/gladiator-school You can combine it with visiting the aqueduct ruins, which is a nice walk.
I think it is too early to book any sights, and I found the sweet spot for booking flights is somewhere between 3-6 months prior. Sometimes you’re lucky and can get a great deal 4 weeks out, but wouldn’t recommend it.
Anonymous
Not OP but thanks for this! Super helpful!
Anon99
Try a spa hotel in the South Tyrol – Merano, Bolzano, or near the Dolomites. Usually at least two meals and activities are included.
BlueAlma
I can’t recommend Ostia Antica enough. An easy 40 minute train ride out of Rome. An entire ancient port city, very well preserved. It will be beastly hot that time of year though!
Been there
I love Italy and would go back in a heart beat. 2025 is a Jubilee year and Rome will be extra crowded. Even if hotels have AC, keep in mind that it’s not as strong as AC is in the States. You may want to bring a small chargeable fan. I bought one for my Italy trip for July/August and my partner convinced me not to bring it and I regretted it. Florence and Tuscany are magical! Highly recommend Siena — it was one my favorite stops of 15 day trip.
Anon
We met with a lawyer to set up wills and guardian documents (we had some basic ones but are expecting a child and wanted it done right). She recommended setting up a trust to avoid probate (we’re in CA). Does anyone have any recommended websites or reading to understand the cons of this approach? She made it sound like it’s all pros and maybe it is, but I’d like to make sure I know what we’re getting into and how it affects management of our accounts while we’re alive and well. TIA!
LawDawg
I think the crickets from the hive indicate that we can’t find cons. A trust is pretty standard and if something were to happen to both of you, the trustee you name will have immediate access to funds in the trust to take care of your child. Funds outside of the trust will be frozen. The trust also can easily separate the physical custody of the child from the management of the assets. In a lot of families, the people that you want to provide a loving home may be different from those who can manage the money.
Anon
My post was in m0d for almost four hours, unfortunately!
Senior Attorney
The only cons are you have to make sure you actually put your assets IN the trust once it’s drafted, and make sure to keep doing that. And if you have real estate in a trust and want to re-fi, you may have to move it out of the trust and then back in to get the transaction done. None of which is even close to a deal-breaker when you consider all the pro’s.
Anon
Yes, you should do it that way.
AnAnon
Revocable trusts are standard practice in CA. There really are no downsides.
Anon
If you have a minor child, I would always recommend a trust. You don’t have your kid inheriting your full estate when they turn 18
Anon
Not doing a trust is skipping the basic point of estate planning in CA. You retain control of every, you just title things differently and avoid probate.
Runcible
The answer is that probate reportedly takes for-evah in California, so your heirs won’t have access to your assets for several years, at a minimum. Not a specialist in California law, but apparently everyone in California does this to avoid probate.
Anon
T&E lawyer here. Revocable trusts are totally a standard part of estate planning. No need for second opinions.
Reader I am divorcing him
Feels like a bit of a step back today. I heard through my lawyers that my husband is in hospital following a heart attack. The feelings of guilt are circling in the wings…..I’ve booked an extra session with my therapist, and am sorting some real life contact this evening, but it does not feel good. Good vibes and strong thought are needed. x
Anon
Hugs and prayers for you, if you do not mind prayers.
If you need to hear it from someone else: you can’t stop this. Staying married would not have prevented this from happening.
ArenKay
THIS. Hang tough and stay the course.
anon
100% and glad you’re talking to your therapist!
Anon
Sending good vibes your way.
Away Game
It sucks for him, but he’s not your problem or responsibility. If he doesn’t have a strong support system of friends and family, that’s on him. You can hope he recovers and wish him well for the future (although if I recall your earlier posts correctly, you’d be a saint for any sympathy!), but need not interfere or intervene or do anything other than keep moving on to the next chapter of your life.
Katie
You’ve already booked an extra therapy session! Look at you – doing what you need to do to take care of yourself. This is growth! Of course this doesn’t feel good, but the fact that you immediately reached out for help and can name and acknowledge the complex feelings… you are doing SO well. This internet stranger is incredibly proud of you.
Vicky Austin
+1!! I am so impressed by the emotional self-awareness you have in such a fragile time!
anonshmanon
Lots of love to you, hang in there, friend.
Anonymous
There are different severities for heart attacks (STEMI bad. NSTEMI not so bad and often not a big deal). They’re all decades in the making. You staying with him would not have prevented any one of them. You also can not fix this for him.
This is not on you. You do not deserve the guilt.
Anon
In case you need to hear it again from someone else: this is not your fault. I know it can be possible to know something intellectually, but then feel otherwise. You undoubtably know at an intellectual level that this is not your fault, and I hope that your therapist can help you process that at a deeper level. You deserve a better life than you had with him, and you have taken some really powerful steps forward. Keep up the good work and know that you have supporters.
Anon
This is not your fault and not your responsibility.
Senior Attorney
Hugs and vibes, friend. None of this is your fault. Stay strong!
Anon
I’m in a somewhat weird work situation – I am on a technical team of SMEs. My boss does not have the background I have, though she has lots of institutional knowledge. However, she’s both a micromanager and someone who has to get herself involved in everything.
So, while I report to her / she’s my team lead, I basically act as an in house consultant to other teams so all of the work I do is done for other teams. However, my boss provides feedback on everything I do (often slowing the process considerably). There are times (quite frequently) that her direction or feedback is in contrast with the team for whom I am consulting’s feedback or direction and I don’t know who to listen to. I’m a policy and compliance SME and the teams I consult for are programmatic SMEs – I work with them to make sure their projects are in compliance, their documentation is squared away, and policy is being properly and uniformly applied. My boss has a cursory knowledge of compliance from being on this team for so long and personal interest but no official experience in policy, but very little knowledge of the programmatic work.
Some of her feedback is good, but some goes against what the programmatic team or legal team wants. She’s also a bit erratic – she’ll see something and immediately flag it to several teams, set up meetings, and the like without telling me so I get blindsided on my own projects. Or, she’ll only have a cursory understanding of an issue so ends up asking the wrong questions or pursuing the wrong path. If she would only breathe and either ask me or bring me in to the discussions about my own projects we could avoid so many issues, but she doesn’t. She’s also someone who will sign up for a webinar for SMEs on a topic for which she’s not an SME and ask a million questions, work on one issue once a few years ago and then get territorial on that issue and insist on always being brought in even though she’s not the SME, or derail a meeting going way too deep into rabbit holes (mainly asking questions because she doesn’t understand because she’s inserted herself into a topic that she shouldn’t have) – like she’s the person to raise her hand in a 500 person all hands meeting and ask a nuanced question that only applies to 3 or 4 people there rather than take it offline.
She also has a pretty bad reputation in our office – because of the way she acts. This means she doesn’t get along with the programmatic teams I work for. She also is so swamped with work because she gets involved with everything and doesn’t let anything go, so things I send to her to review sit for a while, presentations and projects are always being done at the last minute, and I’m routinely getting 1AM emails from her. I already do a fair amount of managing up – she’s not good at any of the administrative aspects of our jobs (which, being in compliance there are a lot!).
I’ve been at my job for about 9 months. I gave myself until recently to get my bearings before I wanted to address anything, but I’m now feeling comfortable enough with my job and my coworkers to try to improve my constantly caught in the middle situation. In talking with the rest of my team, they’re all very annoyed by her and she’s just as bad about this with them. They’re all close to retirement and have said that they just don’t care enough to deal with it, but I’m 30 and have a long road ahead of me.
I know I’m not the only one with a boss like her – so if anyone has suggestions on how to more effectively manage up in this situation I am all ears!
Anon
What does her boss think of the situation?
Anon
It’s a very hierarchical org, so I haven’t gotten the impression that skipping a level like that is acceptable.
Cat
I haven’t done this with my OWN manager but for peers that tend to be slow, saying things like “we need this presentation in final form by X date, so if I don’t hear from you by Y date (giving us a few days to implement any changes), we’ll go with the attached version.”
My husband had this boss and his solution was getting TF out of the job asap.
Anon
I love everything else about my job, so don’t want to leave it because of her. But, I do think I’ll try to pivot internally earlier than originally thought – probably within the year. There’s also a rumor that she’s been interviewing for a promotion, which would be great for me!
Anon
It sounds like managing up is not going to work here. Do you have good rapport with her boss? Can you share some concrete ways her involvement in the minutia of your role is detrimental and ask them for advice on how to navigate this?
Anonymous
Going above like that can blow up in a big way. I’ve seen it a ton of times.
I would try to address directly first, whether it’s breaking down deadlines for a go or no go from her to giving her more feedback on why x and not y. You’re not going to change a micromanager but you can grow trust enough that they serve as your sounding board or second set of eyes in a way that’s actually helpful.
Anon
You need allys on other teams. Network more with your peers in groups you’re working with so you get a heads up when she’s acting up. Find an ally in legal to work with, they can help navigate especially when compliance is the issue. You won’t solve this with skip levels or going to your boss directly.
Anon
Thanks – I get along really well with the programmatic team’s old lead and their new lead is not new to the department but new to this team. So far we have a good relationship, but its too soon to know.
I am starting to make friends in the department (hard to do in a hybrid environment) and word on the street is that everyone finds her hard to work with – which is nice to know its not just me, but that doesn’t provide me any actionable solutions.
Legal sits in a different office, so my interactions with them are very limited and purely online. I’ll work on developing a relationship with that team though.
Anon
Nope, there’s not much you can do here to improve this situation. She’s been at the company for years and is a known entity; you’ve been there 9 months – they’re going to side with her. The question is how much this sucks for you and whether you can deal with her for however long.
Anon
+1 I’d think about finding a new team or a new job.
Anon
This post was unexpectedly very timely on my part – I accidentally started crying on a call today with my boss (who yelled at me on the call a few times) about how I was being pulled in 3 directions, I”m not clear on the actual expectations, and that she has totally pulled the rug out from under me changing her expectations of me. Its hard enough when the goal posts keep moving and when you’re reporting to 3 teams with 3 different expectations, but reporting to 3 teams, one of which keeps moving the goal posts AND doesn’t play nice with others was too much!
Anon
Freezer meal prep question – I have recently acquired both a chest freezer and a vacuum sealer and I’m excited! During the week I have virtually no time to cook, but I also (like everyone) like to eat cheaply and healthfully (so limiting takeout, highly processed meals like frozen meals, aiming for a good balance of macros + veg). So, I plan on making a few healthy meals, vacuum sealing them, and freezing them so that I can quickly heat something up when I get home from a long day. If anyone has a favorite meal that fits this method, I’m all ears! I know casseroles are popular for this, and I’m certainly not opposed, but I’d be looking for lighter or veg forward items (I eat meat 2x a day and certainly want meat in these meals, but I don’t want them to all be pasta and cream of soup based).
I have several soup recipes that I love that I know freeze well, so will be making those, but am also looking for other ideas too! Thinking a veg heavy Shepards pie or chicken pot pie or American goulash, stirfry, chicken + veg + rice.
My plan is to do egg bites or smoothies for breakfasts, these for lunch, and then a healthy “girl dinner” / really basic dinner (rotisserie chicken over bagged salad) / more of these meals for dinner. I figure I’ll just take an hour or two once or twice month and batch cook and freeze.
anon
Pinch of Yum has a post with about 20 freezer meal ideas.
Anon
As someone who does a fair amount of batch cooking and is a pretty efficient cook, I think an hour or two once or twice month is an extremely optimistic estimate of the time required to cook most of your meals, even if you’re literally just making one gigantic batch of something to eat for every lunch or dinner (and I don’t think that’s what you’re planning). That might be doable for a week’s worth of meals if you’re very fast in the kitchen and don’t have to wash or chop many veggies?
Anon
Most of the things I cook are pretty hands off, so while the actual cooking may take longer, I’d imagine that the hands on part would only be an hour or two – but maybe I’m wrong. I cook a lot of sheet pan meals, casseroles, and soups that take maybe 10 mins to prep and then I dump them in the oven or let them simmer on the stove. Pre chopped veg aren’t always available, but I do choose them when I can. if not, I break out my chopper or mandolin and can get things prepared pretty easily.
I was thinking every maybe 1-3 weeks I make one or two things, but I”ll build up a freezer full of options so one lunch can be last week’s soup and tomorrow’s lunch could be two weeks ago’s pot pie and so on so I get variety.
Marian
I recommend ordering ingredients online as much as you can, for curbside pickup or delivery. I know I have the best of intentions but shopping + meal prepping the same day is a long day
I too am curious about how to meal prep for a month in 2 hours or less. I remember an older book called something like “cook all day, eat all month!” All about freezer prep. On that note, try some cookbooks from your library on this topic. Dewey decimal 641
Anon
Unfortunately things like casseroles and pastas freeze really well which is why they’re on every meal prep recipe list.
And yes this will take way more than an hour once a month!
Anon
I’m fine with casseroles and pastas if they’re healthier! Like, I eat a lot of pasta now but it’s all banza pasta with Rao’s sauce. I’m fine with using heavy cream in casseroles, but want to avoid the overly processed cream of soups.
Anonymous
Boxed pasta with jarred sauce is not something you want to freeze. Baked pasta dishes freeze OK. Homemade pasta sauces without cream freeze well; defrost and add to freshly cooked pasta.
One of my favorite freezer meals is homemade pizza. Make individual-sized pizzas and par-cook on a pizza stone at 450 degrees for 5 minutes. Cool completely on a wire rack, then wrap in heavy-duty foil and seal in a ziplock bag. You could probably use your vacuum sealer in place of the foil + bag. Unwrap and bake from frozen on a baking tray or pizza stone for 10-14 minutes at 450 degrees.
Anonymous
I like a lot of Skinnytaste recipes. Try
https://www.skinnytaste.com/kalyns-stuffed-cabbage-casserole/
https://www.skinnytaste.com/sicilian-rice-ball-casserole/
https://www.skinnytaste.com/baked-manicotti-cannelloni/ – can do with spinach instead of meat or use turkey instead of beef
https://www.skinnytaste.com/spaghetti-squash-sausage-lasagna-boats/
All kinds of Egg/quiche/strata dishes freeze pretty well
Also, enchiladas – could do veg or meat or vegetarian lasagna
Anonymous
Perfect Spinach Lasagna from The Spruce Eats. Vegetarian enchiladas. Chili. Lentil soup.
Marian
Baked potatoes freeze pretty well actually
You could scrape it all out and put it all back in with some extra ingredients for twice baked potatoes – since they’ll be like twice-baked, anyway.
You say you have a vacuum sealer but I’d also recommend heavy duty aluminum foil and ziplock style plastic freezer bags
anon
We eat a lot of food we prepped and froze in advance – however, we usually only freeze the protein. So we cook up chicken breasts, slice, portion and freeze. Then I have homemade chicken to put on salads, or in a wrap or whatever. Same with roast beef, pulled pork, brisket…
Cat
+1
I commented on a thread about meal prep not that long ago (so OP you might want to do a search over the last week or two). We never roast just one chicken breast. More like 6-8 at a time. It adds probably 10 mins of prep to season the extra servings, and probably 15 mins of slicing and freezing in appropriate portion sizes. But that extra 25 mins saves probably 20 mins every time we just have to pull out a packet and defrost it.
anon a mouse
yes – and prepping the meat, even if it’s uncooked, also streamlines cooking in the evening. I will buy a Costco pack of chicken breasts and divide them: some in trimmed breasts to throw on the grill, some in strips, some in small cubes for stir-fry or other pan-seasoned meals. Frozen in ~2lb packets with freezer paper, labeled. I put a packet in the fridge the night before use, and then it’s easy to turn into whatever I want. For example, adding chicken cubes to a jarred tandoori simmer sauce while rice cooks, then I have an easy meal.
Anonymous
I have a reply with some recipe links in mod; check back later
Seafinch
I am a heavy meat eater with an emphasis on non-processed and frugal food but don’t really meal prep BUT have had good luck with freezing: chicken curries, meatballs in sauce (pomodoro and swedish), soups, NYT chicken shawarma, pulled chicken or pork, beef stew.
Seafinch
And chili!
Anon
Awesome, thank you!!
Anon
Chili, stews, soups, curries, “stuffing” for quesadillas (or the whole quesadilla itself).
Yes, it would take me much more time to cook to freeze for a month, especially if using recipies.
Vicky Austin
America’s Test Kitchen has some cookbooks on this topic that I return to time and time again, with interesting flavors and vegetable preparations, and with nary a cream of something in the mix. I own and love The Make-Ahead Cook, but there’s also The Complete Make-Ahead Cookbook. Some of my favorites in TMAC are the “double-batch” recipes, where the recipe is for 8 servings of, say, beef stew or shepherd’s pie, and there are instructions at the end for baking off half right away and freezing the other half.
Anon
Thank you – this looks great!
Anonymous
I am not a vegetarian but primarily eat vegetable forward items. Things I make that freeze well:
– red curry (I like the Cookie and Kate recipe, but I add chicken)
– farro or beans braised with hearty greens (kale, chard, etc.) and Parmesan
– vegetarian lasagna (America’s Test Kitchen recipe)
– Half Baked Harvest’s Gochujang meatballs
– sauce for pasta – I like to make a bolognese with half the amount of meat and I add diced eggplant and mushrooms
– pre-sliced and marinated proteins I can just throw on a sheet pan
– sauces/marinades for vegetables – I have a marinade I use when I make fajita veggies, a miso marinade, a garlic honey one, etc. you can freeze big batches or smaller portions in ice cube style trays
Anon
Thank you! I’ve found that I like taking vegetarian recipes and just adding meat in as I see fit – usually easy to add shredded chicken or ground turkey or shrimp to a dish!
anon
Just made a massive quiche for dinner tonight. I’ve made them in the past and they usually freeze well too.
Anonymous
i highly recommend souper cubes! not sure how it would change the analysis with a vaccum sealer.
https://www.amazon.com/Souper-Cubes-Extra-Large-Silicone-Freezer/dp/B07W9J64VK/
Anon
Thank you! I have some, but haven’t used them yet. From research it sounds like the best approach is to freeze in souper cubes and then once frozen wrap (vacuum seal, ziplock, foil) and seal. I think the freeze in a cube and then vacuum seal will be best for freshness.
Senior Attorney
I did batch cooking and freezing exactly ONCE and it took a whole day and I was exhausted and didn’t want to ever look at that food again. After that I was a practitioner of “cook once, eat twice” — when I had the time, I’d cook a nice dinner and make extra and freeze it so when I didn’t have time to cook on a given night, there was always a nice dinner in the freezer.
Anon
Yes, this is kind of my intended approach. Currently, I usually meal prep once a week and by meal prep I mean make a large serving of one dish and eat it throughout the week (I don’t mess with all of the containers or anything – just like on Monday night I make a huge skillet of stir fry, eat it that night for dinner, and then keep eating leftovers all week). But, Tuesday and Wednesday leftovers are fine but by Thursday or Friday things start to get funky which I don’t like AND I can eat the same meal a few days in a row but I don’t like doing it 4 or 5 days in a row. So, if I spend 1 hour a week cooking and eat it that night and then I refrigerate a 1-2 servings and freeze the rest I should get a nice little nest egg of meals.
Fallen
Some of my favorites include pioneer woman lasagna, meat/bean toping for nachos (skinnytaste has a good one), skinnytaste sausage/spinach rigatoni, chili’s, a lot of Indian food (butter chicken, saag paneer, chicken tikka masala), meatballs/spaghetti sauce
anon
I know you mentioned vacuum sealing, but I’ll also plug freezer-safe glass jars. They’re great for going from freezer right to microwave without having to plan ahead to thaw, especially if you use 1 or 2 portion jars.
I freeze a lot of veg curries, lentils with veg, brown rice, soups, and homemade pesto.
anon
I think this shirt dress is pretty but won’t be buying because the detailing at the waist/hips looks like it would do me no favors and find ways to bunch and pooch right where there is already some bunching and pooching.
Anon
Agree. I thought it was a separate peplum blazer over a skirt at first glance.
Anon
Same.
Anon
It looks so awful on the model. I’m guessing it looks terrible on most everyone.
anon
I watched the video at the link. It bunches and pooches on the model when she moves, so it’s unlikely to look good on average figures. What a shame – it’s otherwise gorgeous.
No Face
+1 I love the concept but the execution would give me a mega pooch.
AIMS
The slit! Forget the rest – how is anyone wearing that to work? (I guess with black tights it might be okay but just barely).
Anon
Agreed. It’s a conservative dress on top, but then a slit that looks like it’s 6″ or more above the knee? Not good for any purpose.
Anon
I really think it’s all-around fugly.
waffles
totally agree, there is something seriously wrong with the fit of this dress. And the slit!
Anonymous
Wedding gift ideas for a new friend who I met through a mutual hobby, we are a couple of hours apart geographically but correspond daily due to the hobby so are fairly close. We can’t attend the wedding and looking for gift ideas around £50. Late 30s, first marriage for her and second for him, they like hiking, biking, coffee and don’t really drink at all. She does quite enjoy cooking. We are not in the US, they have lived together for years and combined two households of stuff, no honeymoon till next year.
Anon
Something consumable – maybe a fancy coffee bean sampler?
Anon
This, if there isn’t a registry, then you should either give cash or a consumable.
Sunshine
Or a gift certificate to a coffee shop in her area with a congratulatory note and adding they can enjoy some Saturday morning dates together.
Anon
Since a bottle of wine is off the table,I would do a gift certificate to a nice restaurant (or better yet, restaurant group) in their area – though that’s likely going to be more than $50.
Do they have a registry? I always suggest that wedding gifts should be cash, off the registry, or a consumable you KNOW they like.
What about a check and then a pretty coffee table book on one of their interests and a nice note?
Anon
If there’s no registry then cash is what they want.
Anon
I think this depends on culture and circumstances. For a late 30s, second marriage, I think it’s just as likely that they want nothing than that they want cash. But agree a consumable gift is nice.
Anonymous
OP here – I was leaning towards a consumable, I thought cash might be odd when we aren’t attending. They are having a small ceremony/meal for family then a bbq for a wider group so no registry and invite was by text.
Cb
You’re UK based? I’d do one of the gift options from Pact Coffee. I buy my husband the advent every year and I think they do other samplers.
Kate
Cash
Marian
Are they in US and you’re in UK? Any geographical-specific ingredients you can send since they like cooking, with and a “Enjoy in good health! Congratulations!” Card
Senior Attorney
I just saw this pot lid holder at a friend’s house and was absolutely enchanted and rushed right out and bought one for myself. It may be kind of niche but I feel like it would be nice for a serious cook: https://www.wayfair.com/Staub–Staub-Cast-Iron-Lid-Holder-872078014971-L784-K~SAB1891.html?
anon
I would do coffee. Is there a place you know about that’s meaningful to them, or that’s meaningful to you and your friend – somewhere they’ve had a hiking or biking holiday maybe, or a place you’ve been together to do your hobby? You could look for independent coffee roasteries in that place and get a selection of coffees. Or look for a coffee roasting experience day or barista training day, if they live somewhere where that’s possible (I’m assuming UK given the use of the pound sign, if they happen to be in Yorkshire I would do Dark Woods Coffee but a quick google suggests there’s lots of options).
Anon
Their wedding sounds similar to mine. Small wedding, no registry because we were combining two complete households. We loved the restaurant gift cards we received. So nice to have occasions to continue to celebrate our marriage – if the gift card wasn’t quite big enough for a fancy meal for two, that was totally fine. It was the idea that we were being celebrated by the gift giver that was meaningful to us.
Anon
Does anyone have recommendations for ankle boots that look like Blundstones but aren’t Blundstones? They don’t work on my feet – too uncomfortable and too hard to get on/off – but I really like the look of them.
Greensleeves
Check out Thursday boots. They have a style that is similar and I find them very comfortable.
Anonymous
I love my Thursday boots! Also, if boots are hard to get off, consider getting a boot jack.
anon
Born has similar looking boots.
Anon
My feet love my Hush Puppies Amelia Chelsea boots.
Snoozy
My ankle/Chelsea boots are all Think! (I believe it’s an Austrian brand). Highly recommended – they come in many, many colours and wear like iron.
Anon
Hush Puppies. RM Williams if you want to spend a lot of money on something very pretty.
DC staycation
I’ve got a weekend with childcare from grandparents and my husband on a trip, so I’m looking for ideas for a staycation in DC. Hotel points to burn. A day spa/massage would be fantastic. Any recs for either, or more general ideas for how to spend Friday afternoon through Sunday afternoon solo?
Anonymous
Museum trip you have been meaning to make but never had the time to, and lunch at one of the Jose Andres restaurants.
Anonymous
Might be too spendy, but we love the Pendry at the Wharf — nice spa facilities and the Wharf has a lot of restaurants, walkable to several museums too.
Anon
The Riggs is lovely and centrally located to the Jose Andres restaurants the other poster mentioned and the Metro if you want to pop around town a bit. I did a staycation there once. Dropped my bags at the hotel and then spent the morning at the National Cathedral with a cup of coffee walking around the grounds and doing a crossword puzzle. Mid-day was walking around the Mall and museums. Dinner at a nice restaurant. After-dinner drink at the hotel bar, which is lovely. Slept in and had coffee delivered to the room the next morning before going home. It was a magical day!
Anonymous
My stepmother just died. She was married to my father for 30+ years and was pretty cruel to my brother and me…both directly and in somehow turning our father against us to prefer her kids from her first marriage. They came as a package set (no way to have a relationship with our father alone), and our father made excuses for how she treated us, too, so we had a minimal relationship with them. For instance, we haven’t been invited for Christmas for 20 years, unlike our stepsiblings. It sucked but it’s reality.
Now I’m wondering what I/we owe my father in this time. He really relied on her for everything and is obviously adrift. I know most children would be dropping everything to support their grieving parent…but he barely supported us (did pay for college though). And for so many years he was deeply under her influence…is it worth actually trying to create a relationship with him again now that she’s gone? It’s hard to forget how he stood by and let his wife be mean to us…but at the same time, you only get one father.
Anon
Commiseration – in a similar boat but not as severe. This is a very personal decision and no one here can make it for you. There isn’t an obvious right or wrong either. Take some time to think and talked with trusted friends.
anonshmanon
I don’t think this is so much about owing. My dad was not close to his dad, and he (grandpa) was in and out of our lives as he pleased. When he needed a lot of help in the last years, my grandma was maybe a little jealous that her deadbeat ex was getting all this attention from his kids. My parents always said this is the level of support you give when you can, to a person who needs help, whether it’s an acquaintance or an elderly neighbor or an estranged relative. You don’t owe it and maybe they don’t technically deserve it, but if you can give it, you do. I think this ultimately gives my dad peace of mind that he did more than his fair share on the relationship, and carries no blame that it wasn’t more loving. When that person is gone and you don’t get any further attempts to build the relationship, having that peace of mind is pretty good.
Anonymous
I feel like this grace is only extended to the male elderly.
Anon
That has not been my experience.
Anon
+1
I think sadly that it is more often that it is the male relative that deserts his prior family/children.
anonshmanon
I guess it’s certainly true that we don’t expect equally much of fathers, at least in past generations. And therefore when they do a bad job as a parent, it’s somehow easier to move past that, than when it’s the mother? Maybe!
But as someone else put it below, I’d frame this not as a gift of forgiveness to the dad, but the gift to yourself for erring on the side of generosity, because you deserve to move on from this.
OP
Thanks. These above comments weren’t from me, btw! But I appreciate your response.
Anon
Nope, I disagree. Thats great that your father decided to make that decision. But as someone with a deadbeat fathet, I don’t owe it to him and it’s not my duty to do what I can. And I will feel no guilt about that after he passes.
My father stopped the weekend visitation because the court said he had to pay child support and he decided he would rather not pay than see us. When someone chooses to walk out of your life, you have no duty to let them back in. He is nothing but a stranger to me. And I will not expend my limited energy and time on him instead of my own family and those you have been there for me.
anon
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this OP. I have a very similar situation (although my stepdad is alive- I imagine having this problem when he passes and in the meantime they ask for a lot of help due to their own financial mismanagement and it has been hard for me to not feel guilty in saying no).
To your question, I don’t think there’s a right answer here. What do you want out of this? What do you actually want to give? Usually when I find myself asking questions like what do I owe them or what do I have to do, it’s usually a sign for me that I shouldn’t be doing that thing. In your heart of hearts, what can you live with, out of options that aren’t great? For me the answer has been no; I can’t un-experience the things my mom did and there isn’t a relationship with her that I want to have.
OP
Thanks to you and everyone for the kind and thoughtful comments so far.
Yeah, what you say in the last part resonates a lot…it’s hard to un-see and un-experience how he treated me when I was vulnerable. At this point, no, I don’t want a relationship with him, but struggle with the societal messages of what we owe our parents…not to mention my mother has always been desperate for us to have a relationship with him no matter how badly he treated her/us, because he’s rich and might give us money (yuck).
Anon
If you don’t want a relationship with him, there’s your answer. Anyone else’s opinion simply doesn’t matter. You’re not a bad person in ANY way.
Senior Attorney
Completely agree with this. If you don’t want it, don’t do it.
anon
I feel sad reading this. The loss you’re grieving here is losing your father all these years. I don’t think you owe him anything. Everyone is an adult, so to me it’s more about what you can and are willing to give freely at this point. If the answer is nothing, that’s ok. If you want to try to rekindle the relationship with your dad and support him, that’s ok too. In my family, it’s played out differently. My mother in law was neglected and abandoned by her father. In his old age, he had no one left, and she took him in, and while he never changed or regretted his actions, she felt good about “doing the right thing” and does not regret her actions. My grandfather up and left his family for my grandmother. His children never forgave him and in his old age, they didn’t help him out, though they were cordial.
Me
I think the first question you have to ask yourself is whether you’re willing to have him in your life again. You can forgive someone, which I suggest doing if you have not, without welcoming them back into your life. If you are not, then you have no action item here.
If you are, then I think you wait for him to reach out, express what he needs, and move on from there. He may not need you and your sibling; he may just re-marry again in fairly short order and new wife will step into the shoes of the woman who died. If he does reach out and ask for help, only you can decide what you’re willing to provide, and that answer may be different for you than it is for your brother. It would be nice if you and your brother were on the same page, but you may not be.
Consider whether you’d need a real apology from him before you’re willing to re-engage and, if he doesn’t provide that, then what.
I think the ball is in his court and not yours. I think the only action item that you have right now is to consider what you’re willing to do and under what circumstances. I would not disrupt my life for him.
My perspective is as someone who lovingly and joyfully cared for a beloved dying parent and then the surviving parent remarried someone I wasn’t fond of, which negatively impacted our relationship although definitely didn’t kill it. I also have a sibling with whom I haven’t communicated in over a decade even though we once were very close, so I have considered under what circumstances, if any, I would let that person back into my life. While my facts are different than yours, some of the themes are similar.
OP
Thanks, this comment really resonated with me as well. And it didn’t occur to me until you wrote it but you’re 100% right, he’ll probably remarry ASAP to someone who will fill that role. If so, hopefully she’ll be nicer (if I even meet her, anyway).
Anonymous
My mom is quite difficult, and I heard something on a Scott Galloway podcast that resonated with me. (I mentioned this last week in a comment.). I’m paraphrasing, but he said you can’t decide what kind of parent you’ll have, but you can choose the type of daughter you want to be. This helped me frame the relationship with my mother on terms I can live without guilt or making myself crazy.
For me, I am responsible for making sure my mother is living somewhere she likes, is clothed, fed, and has medical care. It does not include living with any of her children, which she dearly wants, because she loves to be waited on. Sometimes my siblings feel guilty about this, but I don’t. My mom is absolutely horrible to live with, and I can meet my own definition of being a good daughter without letting her into my home.
It will be different for everyone, but it might help to think about what relationship with your dad will work for you, and that you can look back on and think it was the right thing for you to do.
Anonymous
I was in a similar situation. I asked my dad one day, why he let me be in a bad situation. He said ” I didn’t know what else to do”. When I thought about it and put myself in his shoes I realized I’m not perfect and in his place maybe I would not have known what to do either. It helped me forgive him before he died which was more of a gift to myself than to him ultimately.
Anon
I wouldn’t be able to help him now or in the future. You don’t have a relationship with him, and he hurt you very deeply. No sense of duty could make me re-open that wound and help him only because he needs someone. Maybe others are better people than I, but having to re-experience that hurt whenever I help him is too much for me.
Anon
To me this also depends on whether he approaches you. Is he going to call you and apologize? Is he going to do his part to establish a relationship?
A close friend of mine just got back from a funeral for her grandfather-in-law and she discovered that he had left his first wife and kids with no contact. After 20 years, he found Jesus and popped back into the kids’ life solely to convert them. They chose to forgive him, apparently, but the story left a very bad taste in my friend’s mouth (and mine). The way people act after all this time does matter for your response.
Anon
He has his stepchildren for comfort, right?
I’m sorry if I sound cynical. Your father has made his choices about who he values in life, and you can’t change those choices. No amount of kindness or loyalty will get him to understand the hurt that his choices caused. Respect his autonomy even if the choice itself is asinine.
OP
This is 100% how I feel in my heart…you made your bed, now lie in it. Just trying to contemplate being kinder than I really feel out of some kind of duty.
I think the other complicating factor is my mother has obsessively pushed me to have a relationship with him no matter how mean or neglectful he was because he’s rich and she thinks if I’m nice to him, he will give it to me. But I have never wanted to play that game (and if I’m being cynical too, I doubt it would even work!).
But I guess I still feel the external pressure to help even though internally I kind of want nothing to do with him.
Anon
I’m the person you replied to.
Biggest issue: your mother needs to take a seat. She isn’t in charge of your relationships with other people.
My rich family guilted me to the ends of the earth, treated me like crap, and then cut me out of the wills. Not to put too fine a point on it: if your mother thinks that a family member who treated you as “lesser” for decades is magically going to treat you equally in the division of assets, she’s nuts.
Your mother needs to step back
OP
Agreed…my mother could be the subject of a whole separate post. She is very pushy so difficult to shut out her voice, but you are totally correct. Thanks, I appreciate your and everyone else’s advice.
anon
I agree with this. My parent has come back around wanting to be “close” after the people she actually invested in are dead or can’t or won’t give her what she wants. That makes me feel used and makes her outreach feel tainted.
anon
I am so sorry. It seems to be such a common story.
My dad is similar, though stepmom only turned him against me. My brother was exempt bc he’ll do anything for my dad’s attention and doesn’t look exactly like the woman my dad left his wife for (my mom). If my stepmom passes before my dad, my neurodiverse selfish brother can either take care of him or dad can figure it out. I think, he didn’t take care of me so many times when I needed him and it would be very convenient and in character for him to reach out when he needs something.
If you do anything for your dad at this time, you’re a better person than me.
Anon
I think the best and only question you can ask yourself is “what choice will I feel good about making in a decade?”.
Dawn
I suppose one way to think about this is that every yes to him is a no to something else. Sometimes we think it is cost less to be nice but that is only true in some limited, surface-level sense. Are there things you could do that would be low cost for you but would make you feel good in this situation?
Anon
I can’t speak to what you ‘should’ do, but I will suggest that the person you will be trying to develop a relationship with is the same person who treated you as not a priority for 20 years. Your father is ultimately to blame for that, not only your stepmother. I’m very sorry about your experience.
anon
I am so conflicted about buying a new house. We have done new relatively new houses in the past. A part of me loves the smaller ranch styles – in our town these tend to be 50s-80s homes. I love the manageable square footage, more traditional room delineations (dining room, separate living room, versus open concept), lovely old trees, and backyard gardens. I don’t love the fact that almost all these homes need significant updating and some have converted garages into extra space, so no garage. But another part of me loves moving into a big box new build with everything done for you. In our area these are all open concept though, and very large square footage mostly with pools. I would love a pool, but I don’t think I would love the maintenance on a pool. I suppose the best of both worlds here might be to buy the older home and spend the money to get it all renovated before moving in?
Anon
Do you need to move? I’m a fan of improving what I’ve got.
anon
Yes, we would like to- our family of 5 is in a rental currently after relocating for a job move.
Anon
Do they REALLY need updating? I know they might if someone already started them on that path, but I might spend some time in Time Capsule Houses on Facebook getting a feel for what a perfectly preserved house looks like and keep an eye out for that.
anon
I had no idea Time Capsule Houses were a thing, but you’re spot on, it’s exactly this!!! My husband thinks they are so cool. We toured a house the other day in pristine condition from 1982, older than me and DH. One owner who took a lot of pride in their home and maintained it perfectly both cosmetically and in terms of systems/structure. He thought it was awesome, the carpet, original appliances (atomic clock type stuff), gorgeous brass fixtures, original wallpaper…. I felt like I was walking into a show home from that era. It was maintained perfectly. DH and the kids were like, this is awesome, and I was like, ok, $100k in upgrades.
Anonymous
Please don’t destroy a cool vintage home. If you’re insistent on renovating buy a house that someone already mucked up.
Anon
Yup – it pains me to see a beautiful house that’s been gray washed on the inside – if that’s your style don’t choose a beautiful vintage home please!
Anon
Idk, 40 year old wall to wall carpets and appliances seem interesting but also way past their prime.
Anon
The upgrades are downgrades because it’s losing something increasingly rare and irreplaceable to replace it w/something widely available for cheap.
anon
We passed on it and someone else bought. I hope they preserve it but it’s doubtful. That level of home maintained is pretty unique and some of those systems were nearing end of life so it would not be possible to maintain, would need to replace, like the kitchen appliances.
Anon
I was so sad when I saw a terrible renovation of a colonial-era Georgian that tore out the 18-inch wide pine-plank floors (which you cannot buy today) and dentil molding in favor of gray laminate and no molding. There’s no accounting for taste, but geez.
Anonymous
My house has some chestnut in it, it’s literally irreplaceable. Am I legally allowed to destroy it? Yeah, but morally I could never. I am a bit of an odd bird though
Anonymous
Re Georgian home. At some point the floor boards are so thin they can no longer be refinished. It takes time but floors do eventually wear out.
Anonymous
Update if you want! I live in a 1910 house and age has lent it many beautiful elements. BUT, being old does not automatically make it worthy of preservation. Most houses in my first ring suburb was built between 1910 and 1920 because that’s when the suburb was developed. It’s very much a cookie cutter house of the day. One thing I appreciated about my grandmother, born 1901, was her relentless focus on the future. Residential houses are supposed to be houses for the families that exist now, not historical monuments that we live around.
AnAnon
+1.
Anon
I agree. I remember a long time ago someone being snotty to me because I mentioned that I replaced the (gross, dinged-up, paint grade) woodwork in my vintage house instead of stripping and staining it. Just because something is old doesn’t mean it was ever that nice to begin with, and even if it was it’s your house.
Anonymous
+3.
emeralds
+4. Sitting in my office in my 1960s house, and loooving the fact that it no longer has knotty pine paneling and burgundy shag carpet.
Anon
I’m a preserver but my 1909 house is a grand house with old growth wainscoting and original wavy glass windows. I would never get rid of any of it.
And having rented several “open concept” homes for vacations and the like, I would NEVER take down all of my internal walls. I love being able to close off a room.
Retro fan
I hope this guy was wearing his neon and jean shorts to go with his mullet, or maybe a 3-piece suit with a big ole mustache
Sounds awesome?
Anon
My preference, and it sounds like yours too, is the older ranch homes. I don’t love open concept and I am with you on not wanting to take care of a larger home or a pool.
Non kitchen / bathroom updating is pretty easy – painting the walls, replacing the carpet with different flooring, changing light fixtures, and the like are all things you can easily DIY. Bathrooms and kitchens are trickier, but also if they’re still working then you may choose to live with the older style.
anon
You’re looking at the end of the season, so you are naturally seeing the options that didn’t sell. Might there not be options next year that are neither an old ranch or a new open concept? In my area there are some beautiful mid century moderns, some updated farmhouses that are completely redone but retain distinct rooms, and some true contemporaries with very modern solutions in terms of layout and design. But these all get snatched up within a week or two of going on the market.
I would wait and see what comes available in February, March, and April of next year.
Cat
The hardest part about living in an older home with “rooms” is furniture scale. Stuff is just BIGGER now since it is designed for large open concept floorplans. I use Ikea more than I otherwise would at my life stage because their stuff fits better in our 1800s home.
Anon
Why don’t you buy an empty lot and then work with an architect to build a house you like? That seems like it would allow you to thread the needle properly.
But yes, here in the inner suburbs of Boston the only options are 1930s-40s houses, many that already had small additions in the 50s-80s, or new builds that are over $3M, and lots of people do the necessary work on the old houses after buying and before moving in. (Rolling my eyes at the out of touch posters saying that people who are going to update the old houses shouldn’t buy them… as if every regional market has a plethora of options!)
Anon
My experience with Boston suburbs is the older houses don’t just get renovated, they get knocked down! And huge monstrosities are built on postage-stamp lots. Someone bought a house down the street from my in-laws for $1.7M and tore it down… (a private family, not investors)
Anon
Agree with this.
anon for this
So much of this is going to be location-dependent, and whether there’s even land available for you to buy, but I agree that designing what you want might be the easiest thing. Reach out to a builder who does a lot of work in your area, they might be delighted to do a new build that has a large lot but not the pool!
Be careful about over-romanticizing an older home. We have a 100-year house that is so quaint on the outside. We have planned, and budgeted, for a significant renovation to make it modern while keeping some of the great period details, and the actual costs are still jaw-dropping. If we could buy a new house in our area with similar SF and features, I would pay a large premium to do so. Unfortunately in my first-ring suburb there are 2500SF homes and 5000SF homes that were built from teardowns, and nothing in between.
No Face
Favorite card/board games for two? I want something fun to do when the kids go to bed without looking at screens.
Anon
Bananagrams; escape room in a box (really fun!); trivial pursuit; Phase 10 for card games
Kate
Shut the box
Anon
Agricola
anon
exploding kittens.
Anon
Classics like scrabble, chess… while listening to music (entire albums) or podcasts we like. With something chocolate.
Vicky Austin
Following with interest! We play Rummikub sometimes.
An.On.
Codenames
Anonymous
i thought you needed a lot of people to play that one?
Senior Attorney
There’s a version for two players. My husband and I really enjoy it.
An.On.
They have a “duet” version for just two people.
anon
One of the secrets I’ll never ever admit IRL? We play Magic the Gathering. My dad taught me when I was little and DH and I got back into it during the early stages of the pandemic.
AnonAnon
Spot It
Anonymous
Splendor
Anon
Code Names Duet; Splendor (plays up to 4 people, but adjusts well to 2); Agricola (adjusts well to 2); Boggle; Pandemic
No Face
Thanks team!
kag
Splendor Duel and/or 7 Wonders Duel (my 2-player favourites), Jaipur and I’ve heard good things about Sky Team (co-operative game). Everdell and Azul scale well to two players.
NY CPA
Backgammon!
DC Pandas
We love playing cribbage! It’s a great activity to alongside kitchen cleanup or snacking on some fruit/chocolate!
Anon
Sky Team is soo good!
Advisor
My in-laws’ home flooded yesterday, and it looks like the house is not liveable going forward. They also were contemplating retirement soon (which may be inevitable now, as one runs a services-oriented business out of the home, which won’t be possible), and moving out of state possibly.
Is there a type of advisor that can help in this type of situation? DH and I had discussed having them talk to someone re retirement, as they have some but not a lot of savings, and I think that this is even more crucial now, as they’re going to need to decide whether to rebuild the house/put it up for sale, how to navigate the flood recovery for the house and business, and also consider retirement. I just don’t know what type of advisor can help with this kind of thing. Any thoughts?
anon
I’ve seen retirement life coaches online but don’t know anyone who has used one before.
For navigating the flood damage, they could consider using a public adjuster- a pub adjuster represents them in managing the insurance claim to maximize the coverage, ensure everything is documented, help them get back up and running or get the house in sellable condition. The pub adjuster takes a cut but it may be well worth the money to avoid the giant headache of managing an insurance claim.
Anon
Did they have flood insurance (which is a separate policy from homeowners insurance)? All damage should be well documented, costs tracked, and they should be in contact with their insurance company ASAP.
Was their flooding caused by a big storm or other disaster that might be large enough do be a presidentially declared disaster, which may open up FEMA funding via Individual Assistance? Even if they’ve dealt with FEMA IA before, the program has recently been updated so there are changes and what was true last year is not necessarily still true. FEMA has a lot of good, publicly available info on the IA program.
You mention them having some but not a ton of savings – is this just non-retirement, liquid savings and retirement is separate or does this statement include retirement savings?
Since they’re older, assuming that mucking out the house might be too much for them. If its a bigger disaster, keep an eye out for news of NGOs like Team Rubicon or local or religious based volunteers in the area who can help with muck outs. Usually ARC provides clean up kits but not labor. Depending on local, county and state government there may be good government assistance (extra trash pickups, tools that can be borrowed) too. Of course, they can also hire people – but be aware of scammers (more on that below).
If they can’t stay in their house in the meantime, check with local government about sheltering (likely to be congregate, not ideal) or housing / rental assistance (though their homeowner’s insurance likely has this too). They can likely get assistance (either money, donations, or a connection to an org that can help) for replacing groceries, medications, important documents, and prescriptions that were lost in the flood. Religious and local volunteer groups usually set up a food drive specifically for flood victims – their local government should have info on that. The health department / Medical Reserve Corps should be able to help with prescriptions.
Post-disaster, there are lots of scams out there – I don’t know how savvy they are but you may want to help them navigate hiring contractors and getting insurance payouts to make sure its legit. Also, the state government will likely set up resources to help prevent survivors from being scammed (perhaps though state insurance commission or AG’s office).
As a reminder – flood waters are contaminated with all sorts of nasty stuff. Stay out of them! And, anything porous should be thrown out. Anything non-porous being kept needs to be properly disinfected.
Senior Attorney
In lieu of (or in addition to) an advisor, they might want to check out Steve Lopez’s book about retirement: https://www.amazon.com/Independence-Day-Learned-About-Retirement/dp/0785288724
He’s a longtime columnist for the LA Times who now concentrates on retirement-age issues and I found the book quite helpful.
T-shirt help
Suggestions for sweat-wicking t-shirts that are good for workouts but also can look okay with pants? I’d mainly be wearing them under scrubs but still want to look nice going in/out of the hospital.
anonshmanon
oh, I always assumed that medical people wear scrubs directly over their underwear?
test run
Not the OP, but it’s cold in the hospital! Plus we’re not allowed to wear scrubs in/out. OP, I like REI’s house brand – I’m not sure the exact ones I have, but they look similar to the “Active Pursuits Relaxed Fit.” The colors don’t fade and they look decently nice.
Anon
I’m cheap for stuff like this and get Costco 32 degrees type stuff. They always have sets of long sleeved ones, 2 in a pack.
Anon
I have half a drawerful of those 32 degrees shirts. My house runs cool, but not hospital cold, and I need one every day from about November to March!
Anon
You can order directly from 32 Degrees if you don’t have a Costco membership or your store doesn’t have what you want.
Anon
Yeah I agree. I don’t have a Costco membership & order from 32 degrees directly.
Laura
The Gap Fit line has some basic, affordable performance tees.
Anonymous
I got a quote from Anderson renewal to replace a living room side by side double hung window with a small half window at the top. It was 13k!
Two standard sized bedroom windows were over 4K each.
I was advised that to replace the large arch window above my front door, I should also replace my double doors at the time because they are connected by the same mounding. That would be 26k. Nothing is wrong with the front door, though it could use a repainting.
I don’t think my stick and plywood house deserves such windows. The house is only est at 500k on Zillow.
I’m going to go scope out Home Depot for cheaper options.
Any suggestions or thoughts on window replacements from the hive?
I definitely want to replace my kids bedroom windows and the living room window.
Anon
Window World did great for me! Can’t recommend them highly enough. Good quality product, transparent estimates, easy to work with. Only downside was it took a while for the windows to arrive once ordered, but that was in 2022. Supply chain issues may be better now.
editor
Seconding Window World.
anon
Renewal by Anderson is one of the top tier window companies (Pella and Power are all this tier too), think of it like the Lexus and you’re probably looking for the Toyota. Window World is the big box retailer of windows. DH is a builder and we always just did Window World or local contractors for our Windows.
Local
I have heard that Window World is OK replacing windows as-needed or even one-by-one almost whereas Anderson wants you to do them all at once.
Check in your local Facebook groups for recommendations and maybe someone has a contact that gives discounts
Anon
Renewal by Anderson and any other high pressure sales where they come to your home are all wildly overpriced. They are nice but truly not as nice as the price would suggest. I’d look for local companies, maybe source recommendations on your local Facebook community group.
Anon
This! Anderson was more than twice the price of anyone else. They also would not break down the estimate so I could compare prices. It was an all or nothing approach.
I asked my friends for recommendations and got lots of good answers. I’m very happy I decided on a local company. I have the owners cell phone number in case there are problems.
Good luck!
Anonymous
We used Sunrise windows to replace all the windows in our house between 2007 and 2010, and they were about 1/2 the cost of Anderson. We were replacing Anderson windows that hadn’t held up at all, and the Sunrise ones look just fine 10 + years later. I think it came to about $30,000 for 17 windows including a bay at the time.
Anonymous
Renewal by Anderson is known to be grossly overpriced. Like, multiple times other companies. Get quotes from several companies, and look for more local options. We recently replaced the windows in our house for what averaged to a little over $1,000 each for what I’d call mid-tier ish vinyl windows (this included replacing some rotting frames). If you want wooden instead of vinyl, it’s going to cost more. We used a local company (Aluminum Company of NC, if you happen to be in NC), but also got quotes from Window World and Apex Energy Solutions and they were about on par.
Clementine
I am of the belief that it doesn’t matter if you get the nicest windows on earth, you need somebody skilled to install them. Ask around and find a good contractor. They’ll likely have a brand they suggest/work with and then will do a high quality install job.
Our quote from Anderson was just sky of $60K, but we ended up getting a nice product installed by trusted contractors for around $30k.
BeenThatGuy
This is the answer. Anderson quoted me $12K to replace 6 windows. I found a local contractor who did all 21 windows in my home for $12K. He ordered the exact same windows as Anderson, without the Anderson name.
anon for this
I have been researching windows and Renewal by Anderson is hands-down the most expensive in the biz. One of my neighbors had a six-figure quote for 30 standard windows! You need to understand what kind of windows you want (wood, vinyl, etc) so you can get apples to apples comparisons. Your best quotes will probably be from local window dealers – if there’s a consumers checkbook in your area that’s a good place to start, or look at reddit or nextdoor in your area for recommendations. Marvin and Jenn-Weld brand windows have come up repeatedly as good value for the price. If you were doing a whole house, some people get significant savings by ordering Doorwin windows from China, but it’s not worth it for a small job.
The most important thing is how well the window is installed – I would not rely on HD or Lowes to do that well, but if you have a good handyman who knows how to do windows, you could buy the window and hire out the labor separately. Don’t skimp on this step because you need it to be watertight and airtight.
Nesprin
Andersen renewal is a rip off and a half- they’re seriously expensive!
Home depot sells Andersen windows and will install for a fixed fee (or if you’re nuts like us, you can do the install yourself…). It depends a lot on how much customization you want on the windows/doors- a builder’s grade window + door should be ~3k for parts + maybe another k for labor, unless you’ve got frame damage.
Ramen SOS
SOS. I’m going to a ramen restaurant for a business lunch. The person I’m going with is a friend but I also don’t want to look like a fool. What do I order? I’ve never been to one before. It’s Mecha Noodle Bar, which has handful of locations in the east, if you are familiar. HELP!
Z
What? Are you concerned about making a mess or do you genuinely not know how to order food at a ramen restaurant?
Anon
Not the OP but wanted to offer my perspective.
I enjoy ramen but find it so slurpy and messy that I avoid ordering it at business meals. Our local place is delicious, although the veggies (like, an entire halved bok choy) and meat (a whole katsu cutlet) are in such large pieces that there is no realistic way to eat them with only spoons and chopsticks. They offer plastic forks if you ask but they do not have knives. I have no idea how to be civil and eat something like this with the utensils available, so I just order sides whenever I end up at a work lunch there.
Cat
I’ve found that squelching my fear of looking foolish, and saying something like “I haven’t been to a place like this before, what do you think is best?”, has had zero negative consequences.
Cc
I was going to give advice but I really like Cats message here. But there is nothing to worry about – ramen restaurants like this are very Americanized you’ll be able to understand the menu if that’s what you are wondering. Ramen is typically pork but there is usually a chicken option you’ll be able to see, and typically there is a spicey version too. Let us know what part you are nervous about and what you typically eat and I’ll see if I have more advice. I’m sure it will be fun!
Anon
You can just order whatever you want from the menu that sounds good. There should be set menu options so you don’t have to create your own recipe or anything.
Anon
Just think of like ordering chicken noodle soup, with variations. Usually there is a choice of proteins. Keep it simple. Look at the menu ahead of time. If you know you like the general flavors of Japanese food, great. It’s just noodles and soup, not hot/spicy. What could be better? ;)
DC Inhouse Counsel
If you don’t like ramen, Mecha has lots of good dim sum type apps – the bao buns are all great, so are the mushroom dumplings and the coconut shrimp. If you want to try ramen but want to err on the side of simple, they have a vegetarian one that’s just ramen, mushroom and some green garnish type stuff.
OP
Went with the KFC bao bun. It was delicious. Thank you for the rec!
anon
I like Cat’s proposed dialogue but if, for any reason, you are in a situation that is a bit more formal, ask for the vegetarian option. I can be a little picky about pork – I like leaner cuts but really dislike pork fat – but rather than come off as a picky eater, I locate the vegetarian items on the menu and stick to those.
Anonymous
i adore ramen, but agree that it can be a bit slurpy/fussy. a big trick is to watch the other people in the restaurant eating — i learned from watching a good friend to use both the soup spoon and the chopsticks when eating udon and ramen. pick up the bite with the soup spoon, use the chopsticks to eat some of the noodles or pick out other portions of the bite, then eat/drink/slurp the remaining amount when it’s a manageable size.
Paging Senior Atty
Thank you for the Hotel München Palace recommendation! I booked our stay there a year ago and we finally went last month. I didn’t remember where I got the suggestion, but saw you post about it last week. We had a lovely stay there!
Senior Attorney
Hooray! So happy you enjoyed it!
Senior Attorney
Did you bring home the little green frog? We have stayed there three times so we have Herr Frosch (Mr. Frog) in every bathroom!
Anonymous
We have two! We traveled with our young kids and didn’t think to pack bath toys, so they were well loved the rest of the trip!
Phone Plans
It’s finally time for me to get off my family’s phone plan and get my own. We currently have AT&T and it’s fine, but I’m overwhelmed by the other options out there and have no idea what I actually need.
The new plan would only be me, I’d prefer unlimited data but I don’t use a ton as it is so maybe it’s not necessary? I’m open to switching carriers too, just not sure if it’s roughly the same across the board or if one is truly better than the others. What about the bargain carriers?
I feel like going to an AT&T store to discuss will lead to them selling me things I don’t want or need so trying to figure this out before going to them…
Help!
anon
I’m with Spectrum and it’s $60/mo unlimited. Service is not perfect but it’s worth the price.
Anonymous
I think Verizon prepaid unlimited is $50/month for the first line. I prefer prepaid plans because they tend to be cheaper and if you have a problem they are easy to get out of.
Nonny
what are the downsides to the prepaid, please?
Anon
Can you see what your actual data use has been historically? Until our high schooler graduated, we were fine on a shared 2 GB plan that cost quite a bit less than unlimited data.
If you are looking to switch carriers, check the coverage maps for the areas you frequent first. Our suburb is in a dead-ish spot so certain carriers don’t work at all at our house.
Anonymous
I have Consumer Cellular and it suits my needs very well. Do you frequently travel internationally?
Anon
Bargain carriers are great! They’re running on established networks but are so much cheaper. You do usually have to buy your phone outright, but I don’t mind that (I get a refurbished one). I have Boost, but know people love Mint too.
But, even with a bargain carrier – I still recommend finding a group to do a family plan with – you save so much money this way. Just have everyone pay their own portion – I still do this with my parents.
Anon
+1
I have Boost.
Anon
I’ve been happy with Mint mobile. I pay for their cheapest plan because I don’t use much data, and just buy my own phone directly from apple whenever I want.
yoga
Does anyone have a recommendation for a yoga app with a 100-day (or similar length) challenge? I workout consistently, but I would like to improve my overall flexibility. I consider myself moderately experienced with yoga. Ideally, the app would guide me through 10 or so minutes of yoga a day!
anon
i don’t know if you want an app particularly but i love yoga with adriene on youtube and she has lots of series as well as specific workouts for target areas or times.
emeralds
Yeah, I’d just stack three of Adriene’s 30 day challenges for 90 days.
Mpls
I don’t know if it has any formal challenges, but I’m a fan of the DownDog app. You can use it on a laptop or a phone, and it will track how many/what days you’ve logged in for a practice. You can customize what kind/how long you want your practice to be.
yoga
Thank you! I will check out Yoga with Adriene and DownDog!
Anon
+1 to Down Dog!! They do month long challenges occasionally.
Anon
For the last year or so I’ve noticed that I have a very hard time falling asleep in the three or four days before I get my period. It doesn’t seem to matter how much exercise I get or how tired I am, I just can’t fall asleep. Does anyone else experience? Is there anything I can do to help this?
Anon
You could try taking magnesium glycinate before bed.
anon
+1
Anon
Oh yeah, my sleep is crap around my period.
emeralds
Solidarity. I tried melatonin, but my issue is more waking up at 3am than falling asleep, and melatonin didn’t help with that. CBD, a white noise playlist, and just knowing the insomnia will be over in a few days, is the best solution I’ve found.
Fallen
+1 for CBD. I like to buy from luxe delta – they have some really great CBD gummies for sleep specifically.
Anonymous
I’m 35. I’ve noticed cyclical insomnia that correlate with menses for the past few years. I did not have this problem in my 20s.
Consistent physical exercise, daily outside daylight time, and eating better / meeting my protein goal for the day helps. It’s not foolproof though.
Anon
I am about to turn 40 and becoming very aware that my body is aging more rapidly than I would like. What routines should I build now to ensure I can remain healthy and active through old age?
Anon
Stay active! That’s honestly the top thing. Keep on top of your preventive exams and don’t drink much.
Anonymous
strength training
sunscreen
Anon
Stay active – it is use it or lose it! I have relatives in their 60s and 70s who still ski, water ski, sail, play tennis at a high level, bike 20 miles, and lift. My aunt (72) lifts 4x a week, does yoga 4x a week (back to back strength and yoga classes) and then she and my uncle walk or bike probably 6x a week – she has bigger muscles than I do! And, her husband has bounced back from chemo (3x), open heart surgery, and an organ transplant very well because of his cardio and strength (they lift together, but he skips yoga).
Anonymous
keep up your friendships, also — whether you’re single or married, mom or not, i think everyone’s friendships kind of takes a hit in your 40s because we’re all busy. but they’re really important to mental health and sense of self — so hold on to those.
Anon
Regular, sufficient sleep.
Cut down on alcohol. It can really mess with sleep and more.
Twice a year dental cleanings.
Yearly physical with your primary care doctor.
Keep up on your age appropriate cancer screenings. Mammos, colonoscopies, skin checks.
Consider a new GYN to see for your annuals/breast exams that has an interest in perimenopause.
If you are not still on hormonal birth control and start getting symptoms of perimenopause, start the talk about HRT once you get close to menopause.
Avoid the weight creep. Start very small changes in “bad” food habits.
For example, more fresh fruits around for snacks. Or up the protein, veg at dinner, a bit less carbs/grain.
Make sure you are getting enough calcium + vitamin D from your diet, or supplement. Ask your PCP.
Look at your family history. Anything like cancer, diabetes, heart disease, osteoporosis, thyroid issues etc…? Watch for these in you, and get on top of them early.
Keep up your hobbies.
Get outside every day.
Walk.
Anonymous
wish me strength and grace — seeing my mother in law today for the first time after some very passive aggressive but relationship ending issues. i never got an apology and am certainly not apologizing to her. she’s staying with us for a few days; i’m going to try to be cordial, polite, and accommodating, but also get the hell out of dodge when i can.
Anon
I can’t believe she’s staying with you!
Certainly don’t wait on her. Let your spouse do that.
Can you be very busy at work and be away from home as much as possible? I actually did that when my ex’s brother and his wife unexpectedly crashed with us (after I had told my ex no) during my absolutely busiest time at work.
Nesprin
What a great week to set up dates with friends to get your nails done one night, to go to drinks with coworkers another and to have a dinner out with a neighbor another.
Anon
Why is she even staying with you?? But seriously, sounds like a good time to be super busy at work.
Anonymous
Now is a good time to get busy with yard work and house projects.
Anon
Have been there and I always seem to have conference calls that I have to take in my bedroom lol! Try it if you need a break – good luck!
Anonymous
Our family lost/left something expensive to us but worthless to basically everyone else (think like, a bre@st pump) on vacation last week and we found out today that there are two separate good Samaritans working hard to get it back to us. We may or may not end up getting their contact info, but I wanted to put a big THANK YOU out there to the universe and remind you all that a small thing for you can be a big thing for another person. If you have ever made the effort to track someone down who lost something, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!