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Thursday’s Workwear Report: Glen Plaid Blazer

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glen plaid blazer

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Like the groundhog in February, we know that fall is coming when I start adding plaid blazers to my cart. (I haven’t pulled the trigger on any yet, but I probably have a half dozen in abandoned carts all over Al Gore’s internet.) This black-and-gray glen plaid blazer from Treasure & Bond is basically a neutral. I would wear this over an all-black outfit for an easy office look.

The blazer is $99 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes 1X–3X, as well as regular sizes; there may be matching pants still available.

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 1/22/25:

  • Nordstrom – Cashmere on sale; AllSaints, Free People, Nike, Tory Burch, and Vince up to 60%; beauty deals up to 25% off
  • AllSaints – Clearance event, now up to 70% off (some of the best leather jackets!)
  • Ann Taylor – All sale dresses $40 (ends 1/23)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything
  • Boden – Clearance, up to 60% off!
  • DeMellier – Final reductions now on, free shipping and returns — includes select options like Montreal, Vancouver, and Venice
  • Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; extra 50% off all clearance, plus ELOQUII X kate spade new york collab just dropped
  • Everlane – Sale of the year, up to 70% off; new markdowns just added
  • J.Crew – Up to 40% off select styles; up to 50% off cashmere
  • J.Crew Factory – End of season sale, extra 60-70% off clearance, online only
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Semi-Annual Red Door Sale – extra 50% off

270 Comments

  1. I clench and grind at night – but increasingly, I clench my teeth all the time and it’s giving me headaches, a sore jaw, and see fear I’m going to crack my teeth.

    Any tips (other than stress reduction) to reduce daytime clenching?

    1. Physical therapy, possibly botox, ergonomics, and self massage or muscle release (you should be able to find some suggestions if you google this).

    2. When I had this problem a few years ago and had constant headaches in a band around my face, my PCP prescribed a round of muscle relaxants to get the immediate tension released while we explored longer-term solutions. (For me, it was anti-anxiety meds and a mouthguard.)

      It came back in somewhat lesser form a few months later, and that time my PCP put me on a regime of ibuprofen every 4 hours for (if I remember correctly) a week or 10 days.

    3. Do you wear a mouth guard at night? I just got one and am much more aware now when I’m doing it during the day so I’m trying to train myself to relax.

    4. I have also had this issue that probably caused my tinnitus. I also suggest physical therapy and Botox. I had Botox to my masseters which helped a lot. Next step I could consider is Botox to my temporalis muscles. You can also get a nightguard for bedtime. And yes, of course reducing stress if possible or meditation.

    5. Massage therapy (with a licensed therapist) did wonders for me. Tell them to focus on tension around your head/neck. They’ll probably still work on your upper back since it’s all connected, but a good therapist can loosen you up in ways you could never achieve yourself.

    7. A friend of mine was a terrible night tooth grinder/clencher. Broke through SEVERAL custom made mouth/night guards.

      She looked into Botox and massage, etc., but ultimately ended up being diagnosed with a deviated septum. She had surgery for that which has fixed the problem. This may not be your situation, but if relevant to you, something to consider. This friend was told Botox would be just a bandaid and not fox the underlying issue.

  2. Thoughts on dating a smoker?
    I just started seeing a guy who is wonderful in very many ways but smokes about a pack a day. He’s Italian and has smoked for 15-20 years. He never smokes inside, he doesn’t smell like smoke and he brushes his teeth and washes his face after cigarettes so I don’t taste them when we kiss. He is also super sweet to me, emotionally open, communicative, smart and interesting.

    I am of two minds. I recognize that he can make his own choices about his body and health, and smoking is just one vice that is not indicative of his character (addiction isn’t on him). And I am not sure I want to sign up for something “real” with someone who is so obviously slowly killing themselves.

    We are both going through some weird times right now so it’s a casual relationship right now, but I can feel myself getting attached and he is making it obvious he is too (by telling me haha).

    1. I have gone through the experience of lung cancer with an aunt, an uncle, a parent and a sibling, all of whom are now deceased after long and terrible illness. For me, it is a hard no.

    2. After watching my uncle decline due to several lung problems (some cause by smoking and some caused by working construction), I would never date a smoker.

    3. Dealbreaker. I wouldn’t even go on a first date if I knew he smoked, and as soon as I found out I would break it off. If you’ve ever seen what someone goes through when their spouse dies of cancer, you would not knowingly sign on for it. He is also exposing you to many of the hazards of secondhand smoke just from the residue on his clothing.

    4. I’ve dated a smoker before where smoking was the only issue. It was largely what I call “social smoking” back when you could smoke in bars and not inside-the-house smoking where you worry they will catch the bed on fire if they drift off to sleep. And dated many non-smokers with so many other issues . . . Your smoker I’d be fine with. I’ve seen someone with a lot of rampant untreated lifestyle issues (T2 diabetes and its comorbidities) and untreated anxieties that are getting worse (you do not need to Clorox wipe every dang thing 5 times), etc. etc. I’d love someone perfect, but I’m probably not going to cut it myself. We are probably dealing with the last generation of smokers, especially if they aren’t from the US (but don’t get me started on vaping, which I truly loathe, even though I know it is a way to help smokers smoke less and maybe quit or transition to something less toxic).

    5. Hard no for me but I know several people who said, “I don’t want kids, I am going to take precautions to prevent kids, and as long as he doesn’t smoke in my home, I don’t care.”

      To be clear I know several people who smoke or vape and have kids. Just talking about the dating decision and how some handled it.

    6. There are 20 cigarettes in a pack. He brushes his teeth and washes his face 20 times a day?

    7. Dating is not a charity project. “Addiction isn’t on him” doesn’t mean that you are morally obligated to sign up to go along with it.

    8. I’ll be the outlier and say that it wouldn’t necessarily be a dealbreaker for me. Although a pack is a lot! I guess I’d take into count how old he is, too. The chances of him quitting at 30-something are better than at 40-something and so on. People have lots of terrible for them habits – eating unhealthy food (inc. red meat and cold cuts which are increasingly being shown to cause cancer), drinking, tanning, working too hard… I’d see where it goes.

      2. Personally, it’d probably be a deal breaker for me, but people do change. My sister started dating her now-husband when he was in his late 20s and a smoker. She told him they could never get serious unless he quit. I know the conventional wisdom is that ultimatums don’t work but — he quit and hasn’t smoked for nearly 20 years. So I guess the question is, is he open to considering a change? Could this be the push he needs to make a healthy decision (that was the case for my BIL)? If he’s not willing to quit, even theoretically, I’d move on.

      3. The other bad habits you name are much more socially acceptable in the U.S. in 2022 than smoking is, and it’s fair to consider them differently.

      4. Wouldn’t be a dealbreaker for me either. We think we can control so much with healthy habits and you really can’t. There’s no insurance against a terrible outcome. People you connect with aren’t a dime a dozen, so if it’s all the real deal, I wouldn’t let a bad habit get in the way of my happiness. Better to have loved for real in my book.

      5. This is a weird whataboutist take. Having bacon every other week or a drink at dinner on the weekend is not the same as inhaling carcinogens 20 times a day. Also, I wouldn’t date anyone who practiced any of those other bad habits to excess because those behaviors are associated with personality traits I don’t find attractive. Not interested in the kind of jerk who works 80 hours a week in biglaw or finance, orders a hamburger in for lunch every day, downs a couple of whiskeys every night, and visits a tanning bed on the weekend.

        1. So many perfect women here! Nobody overeats or has anorexia or drinks too much or works 80 hours a week or texts and drives!

      6. In terms of statistical risk, smoking is on a *very* different level than drinking, tanning, working a lot and eating red meat. Those things raise your risk for certain cancers and other health problems slightly compared to your baseline risk, but smoking causes 3 out of every 10 cancer deaths in the US. It’s a much more dramatic causal link. And fwiw I don’t do any of those things except a tiny bit of red meat so it’s not that I think these habits are more acceptable just because I indulge in them.

    9. My mom died a slow, painful death from smoking related COPD. When I say I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy I am completely serious. I would not voluntarily take this on.

      1. I should add that my mom tried to quit many many times. She always ended up smoking again, and it would ramp up quickly from “I’ll just take a puff off your cigarette” back to a pack a day. Sometimes more. She was finally able to quit when she went on full time oxygen, but only via a 2 week stay in the ICU. Her doctor told her quitting smoking was harder than quitting heroin.

        So if you do decide to date this guy, don’t do so on the premise that he will give up smoking.

    10. Smoking is my absolute dealbreaker. And second- and third-hand smoke are dangerous to you too.

    11. This would be a dealbreaker to me because of exposure to third hand smoke. Even if he doesn’t smell bad, you’re being exposed to toxic chemicals. But I gave asthma and a stronger reaction to cigs than many people.

    12. I can’t stand the smell/taste of smoke, but if you really can’t smell it on his clothes and when you taste I guess its okay. I don’t like the smell of weed either but if I didn’t smell it I wouldn’t mind. A pack a day with no intention to reduce that does seem concerning.

    13. I dated one. He could not travel because he could not go long enough without smoking to sit on a plane or a waiting room. It was pathetic. Never again.

    14. Dealbreaker for me. Aside from him potentially dying a slow, painful, early death I would have a problem with the guy’s judgment. Assuming he’s young enough that the risks of cigarettes were well known when he started, he chose to smoke knowing exactly how dangerous it is. I also question whether he can keep up his outside-only, tooth brushing routine long term. Eventually you’re probably going to smell or taste it. If you want to have kids, are you okay with them being around second hand smoke? Those chemicals stick to his clothing even if he manages to sneak outside away from the kids for a smoke break.

    15. POV: former smoker. I LOVE smoking, but I don’t do it anymore for a variety of reasons (mainly health and vanity).

      This would be a dealbreaker for me. I still will occasionally have one from time to time, so hypocrite I am, but I won’t even go out on a date with a smoker. Despite my love of it, I also hate it and wouldn’t want to be exposed to the second/third-hand smoke and it’s just gross to be around when not a smoker myself. I sound hella confusing but it works for me.

    16. It would be a hard no for me. A pack a day is a ton – that’s far beyond a social smoker who has one or two while drinking with friends. I find the smell of smoke nauseating. I would find it embarrassing for others to smell it on me, or to smell it when they come in my house or my car. I would find it annoying to have to accommodate “smoke breaks”. Can your man go to, e.g., Disneyland for a day without finding a spot for a smoke? Can he take a 15 hour flight if you wanted to travel internationally? Can he hang out at a friend or your parents’ house all day without either having to “take a drive” to smoke or ask them if he can smoke on their property?

      Health issues aside, since others have addressed them, in my social circles, NO ONE smokes, so the social concerns are what really kills it for me. (No pun intended.)

      1. Yep, nobody smokes anymore. The people who didn’t quit all switched to vaping, which would be a dealbreaker for me just like smoking, but smoking actual cigar3tt3s is extremely rare.

        1. It’s very common in Europe, where this guy is from. Not saying OP has to accept it! It would be a dealbreaker for me. But saying “nobody smokes anymore” is not accurate.

          We took my 4 year old to Italy this year and for several weeks her favorite pretend game was “Italy” which consisted of pretending to smoke (in a surprisingly accurate pantomime!) and saying “Ciao!” The teachers were very unhappy with us when she tried to teach this game to other kids.

          2. This. Smoking is still accepted in many parts of Europe just like obesity is accepted in many parts of the US.

          4. My kid was the one at preschool playing “party” and offering pretend red or white wine to her “guests,” which included the only Muslim girl in the class. I was mortified, luckily the girl’s mom and the teachers thought this was hilarious.

          5. Confession: I am a former smoker. I tried to hide it from my then-preschool age son, but I guess I was unsuccessful because one day when he was about four, he looked up at me and said, in the most admiring, wistful tone imaginable, “When I grow up, I am going to SMOKE CIGARETTES and DRINK COFFEE!”

          6. Agree that too many people smoke in some parts of Europe, particularly the South Eastern parts, with Greece being the worst.

            It’s not the rule, though. Ireland, the UK and the Nordic counties have fewer or similar level smokers to the US, more like California.

            I hate the smell of smoke, and find smoking disgusting, so I always check when thinking about travel. I’ve not had any problems in Italy, but would never go to Croatia, for example, until there are smoking bans.

    18. I always thought smoking would be a deal breaker for me and then I fell in love with one.

      1. This is why you know your dealbreakers up front and break off the relationship as soon as you find out. You don’t give yourself the chance to fall in love with a dealbreaker person.

    19. You guys are also very much in the honeymoon phase of the relationship- how do you feel about him smoking in front of you, not brushing his teeth, etc? I think it’s highly likely you’ll be more and more exposed to the smoke as your relationship continues on, not less and less.

      Personally smoking is a dealbreaker for me, but I’m happily married to someone who I had compromise on a big issue with. So it’s not insane if you decide it’s not a dealbreaker for you, but I would recommend fully accepting if you go the route.

      1. I think if he’s conscientious he’ll keep that up. I started dating a smoker who never did it around me unless we were traveling together or something and he couldn’t avoid it. We’re actually married now, although he quit of his own volition before we got married.

    20. I wouldn’t care if I didn’t want kids. If you want kids someday, it seems like all this smoking and washing would eat up a lot of time. You’d be stuck solo parenting during all this smoking. I’d get resentful over that. Finding someone you really like is hard, though. There’s always a trade off to be made. I’d enjoy hooking up with your hot Italian in the meantime and revisit this in a couple months once the relationship is less news.

    21. It doesn’t have to be a deal breaker for you but it was for me. My dad’s mother died when he was just a kid from smoking/lung cancer and he grieved the rest of his life.

    22. My dad is a smoker. He only smokes outside. He brushes his teeth/uses lots of listerine. I still hate it. He still smells like smoke when he comes inside (I don’t understand how an actual smoker doesn’t smell like smoke–you’re kidding yourself if it magically does not get in his hair and clothes). There’s a lot of evidence of epigenetic risk to fetuses. Just…nope.

      1. +1. Hand washing and tooth brushing? YMMV but IME that just means the person smells like a minty cigarette rather than a plain one.

    23. Wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me. If he’s recently moved to the US I bet you’ll see his smoking decrease as it’s just much less common here vs Italy. You can have whatever deal breakers you want. Overweight/obese is one for me but not smoking as long as he takes care of himself in other ways like stays active.

    25. Have you asked if it is something he is willing to give up? Smoking would be a dealbreaker for me, but I would have that conversation first if he is otherwise fantastic.

    26. Smoking itself wouldn’t be a dealbreaker for me, but a pack a day is a LOT. I dated plenty of people who were more “two cigarettes a day”-types, which isn’t an optimal health choice but it didn’t bug me. I smoked the odd cigarette in college and law school, but I was fine with not smoking for weeks or months in between.

    27. Another for whom this would be a dealbreaker, and for whom it was when I was dating. I am severely allergic to all tobacco products. An hour in a restaurant with a smoking section could send me into an allergic reaction that would result in a severe sinus infection. I wouldn’t and didn’t consider someone whose presence on my life would be a constant threat of illness.

    28. Former smoker. Hard no for me. I don’t want to be part of that lifestyle. A pack a day is LOT!

    1. Thank you! I am so grateful for all the responses, especially since you guys really called out his narcissistic behavior (since my judgment is clouded I’m too willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and think it was well-meaning). I have a therapy appointment tomorrow, and in the meantime I compiled a little list in my head of all the times he absolutely blew up at me in anger over the tiniest slights (some of them imagined by him). That definitely helps!

      Related question – if you block someone on Outlook, do they get an “undeliverable” message when they try to email you? I thought about creating a temporary email, block it on my Outlook, and test it out, but perhaps someone here knows the answer? I’m concerned that if he gets an “undeliverable” message he will try to contact me on other media (I’ll block him on my G mail too). I’m ready to go full on strict no contact after all the advice I got from you wonderful people yesterday!

      1. If you are worried about the undeliverable message tipping him off, you can set up an Outlook rule that immediately deletes his emails instead.

  4. I frequently get messages from recruiters to my personal email account. Does LinkedIn have a paid option that lets you see someone’s email address? Or are these people correctly guessing firstnamelastname at popular mail platform? They’re definitely direct emails and usually I ignore them but it’s becoming excessive- looking at you, recruiter who sent me four emails when I didn’t respond. This question is more about curiosity than complaining.

    2. Are you sure your email isn’t public on your profile? You might have to fix the settings.

    3. If you’ve ever posted a resume (indeed, career builder, etc.) you’ll be hounded for years.

    4. I’ve been seeing more of the same thing. I thought it might have to do with how many unresponsive/cold emails recruiters can send through LinkedIn before their account goes into review?
      Also, why is it always for a type of work that I have no direct experience? Just because I got an degree in teapot manufacturing does not mean I know anything about designing a space ship.
      I think they must be able to pay for access to emails. My personal email address with LinkedIn uses a my maiden name which is no longer listed on LinkedIn. So I figure they are buying access to emails in some form.
      The emails into work email account are odd too. I’ve seen some recruiters start calling at work, which is kind of excessive.

    5. I have a related question – I am not on LinkedIn at all (i know..) and I have gotten messages at multiple email addresses (work and personal) asking me to connect with people. Is it because the person “asking” me to connect gave LinkedIn access to their address book be this is LinkedIn’s weird solicitation tactic? Or is it possible I somehow have an account I never authorized?

      Always creeps me out when it happens but I never actually had time to figure this out.

      1. I think yes, LI uses the address book when permission is granted. I’ve had a few of these to email addresses besides the one I use for LinkedIn.

    7. Amazed no one has mentioned this yet…there are apps outside of LI where people can find your personal and professional info. ZoomInfo is probably the biggest one. It is often used by salespeople and increasingly by recruiters. My profile (not created by me, just scraped from the web) on there has my work title, work email, personal email, personal cell phone. It has nothing to do with your own privacy settings.

  5. How is the fit and quality of Ann Taylor cutaway blazer vs JCrew going out blazer? The JCrew fits me well and I was about to buy a new one but yesterday’s post introduced me to the cutaway blazer which looks similar but different. And how is the customer service/online returns? I’ve never bought from Ann Taylor before but I now see they ship to Canada and I am tempted.

    1. Oh, I didn’t know they shipped to Canada now, that is tempting! Their CAD prices are pretty good.

    2. I have the AT cutaway blazer and like it better than the JCrew going out blazer I used to have. I think sizing for AT may be half a size larger, and I think the AT blazer is a little longer. My recollection (it’s been a few years) is that the JCrew blazer was tighter in the neck and possibly nipped in at the waist more than I would have liked.

  6. Help! I have a big milestone family vacation coming up and will have my period. I tend to be extremely irritable and exhausted the few days before and first couple days of. I’d love any tips or products you use to combat these symptoms when you have important events. I normally just power through and get a lot of extra sleep, but don’t want to be a grump during this trip!

    2. Are you in your 40s? If so – evening primrose, and lots of fiber to combat the wonky hormones.

  7. Aaaah usually I barely pay attention to the picks bhr today I thought I was seeing a pic of myself. I am the model’s size and build. Do we like this blazer? I have jeans just like that already.

    I’m tall and size 1x

    1. Get it! Looks cute. I walked past a window on Madison Avenue the other day with a similar blazer paired with a black sweater with a roughly collar blouse peaking out on top (Edwardian?, jeans, and metallic pewter-ish Doc Martin type boots and it looked so cool!

    2. I felt the same way – most of the picks don’t grab me but something about this blazer….. I like it! I hope you get it and rock it!

    3. No, “we” don’t like this blazer. Meaning, “I” don’t like it and wouldn’t buy it. That doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with it. It might be just the thing for someone who isn’t me and has different taste in clothing than I have, different coloring than I have, and different style goals than I have.

      Do YOU like it? If so, no harm in ordering it and trying it on? You can always return if you don’t like it when you see it in person.

    4. Go for it! The stars rarely align like that – I bet it looks fabulous on you.

    5. I am wearing a very similar blazer right now with black jeans, and I feel pretty cute. I say get it!

    7. I am shorter than you so have to pass along an influencer I follow who’s tall but whose looks I absolutely love – @dressingdawn on TikTok, probably IG too. Very chic and slightly edgy.

      I got the blazer and liked it but again I’m shorter than you.

    8. I like it, but not with the weird torn pants or the moire patterns from projecting on screen. I think it’d look great with jewel toned and dark jeans or a solid colored dress!

  8. As a child-free person, I would like to express my newfound awe at parents. I just got back from vacation with good friends that have a 6 month old and a 3 year old that I haven’t really seen for the past few years, and I have absolutely no idea how anyone manages to stay gainfully employed and sane while dealing with small children. It just seems so… exhausting. I’m very impressed and wanted to let all the parents out here know that!

    1. Thank you! I could have used your pep talk when I had two under two and a go go to job. Something had to give and it was my husband’s job (a conveniently timed layoff.)

    2. Well thanks! But keep in mind that during work hours we have childcare, so the intensity of parenting you saw on vacation is not what we’re doing while holding down the job. :)

      1. Well, we have child care maybe two weeks a month while the kids are not sick or quarantined, and the rest of the time we have to juggle child care with work and hiding the kids from work. And even when the kids are in child care we have to work twice as hard as childless co-workers to prove our dedication. And we have to take time off to get the kids to pediatrician and dentist appointments, and handle all the calls from day care and school, and…

        1. and sometimes feel like we’ve lived a whole day before we even get to work! (and yes i chose to have kids, and love them dearly…)

      2. I actually find parenting full-time on vacation a lot easier than working all day. I think there’s something very mentally exhausting about working all day and parenting all the other hours of the day. At least on vacation I can unwind and have time to myself while kids nap or have quiet time.

        1. I agree with this. It’s basically having only one job on vacation, versus two jobs when not on vacation.

    3. Thank you. I needed to hear this today, after my kids got into an argument over who would get to open the front door and who would get to go out first.

    4. It is exhausting! That is why fulltime childcare is essential, and why many of us LOST OUR MINDS during the pandemic. I had an infant, a emotionally distraught 3 year old, no daycare or school, and a demanding workload. 2020 and 2021 were hands down the worst years of my adult life.

      1. Amen to this. I have PTSD re working from home. It was not a treat for me. It was like 2 FT jobs vs 1.

    5. Thank you for posting this, I really needed to see this after I managed two meltdowns of my 6 year old this morning before my first Zoom call at 7am.

      I hate to say this, but before I had a kid, I had no idea at what level of exhaustion and mental overload I could still function.

      Also, I still have PTSD from a child-free grandboss (female), who complained about me to my boss when my child had been visible AFTER a virtual meeting had concluded, we had closed a $M-deal, and we were just exchanging personal smalltalk in December 2020 – mind you, the height of the lockdowns, school closures and pre-Covid vaccination. When my awesome boss shared aweful grandboss’ feedback with me, it was the first time I ever cried at work.

      And let me tell you a secret: Sometimes we parents do stuff at 50-80% perfection/completeness, sometimes we wing it, or opt out altogether, and some (many?) of us still get promoted. Ha!

      2. That is CRAZY re: your grandboss. I don’t have children, but if one popped up on a zoom (even during the $M-deal, to be honest) I would totally get it (and if they’re particularly little kids I would likely squeal with glee). My previous boss (a man in his mid-60s) would occasionally show up on zoom just casually holding a baby (he had many children and thus a steady stream of grandchildren) and it always delighted me so much.

      3. I was so grateful that my main boss had a toddler at the start of the pandemic and also was totally fluent in zoom, remote logins, etc, so never doubted that we could work from home if needed. The fact that she understood child care issues made things so much better. Her toddler occasionally made appearances on our meetings as did other people’s children. My children were in elementary school and so were better about staying out of the room when I was on a meeting, but we had our fair share of drop-ins usually for technology issues with their remote schooling. It was a mess and I am traumatized from it!

    6. Agree – I have had so many light bulb moments in the last couple of years thinking about how Moms juggle — and I’m only juggling caring for a dog (who doesn’t love being alone and I’m single) and an elderly parent (other parent died suddenly 2 years ago).

  9. Inspired by anon’s question above, thoughts on how to handle significant cannabis use / addictions?

    DH started smoking weed to deal with some trauma/mental health issues and has moved from a “once a year at parties” user which I was fine with to a joint a day user for about 18 months now. It’s not impacting his work but it makes me feel sad that the person I married often just isn’t there in the evenings or weekends. He’s quit for a couple weeks here and there and when he’s not high or working the mental health issues come straight back because he isn’t actually dealing with them, he’s just drowning them. It’s legal here & no kids / driving / safety issues, I just don’t know how to address it in a way that isn’t “so you’re doing your own health wrong”.

    1. I’d be fine with the smoker but not fine with this. I can’t quite put my finger on how I draw the line, but it’s like coffee is fine but people who abuse sleeping meds for decades where they take for the relaxation, don’t go straight to bed, and eat 6 frozen burritos and gain 50 pounds of Ambien weight and then sleep through the morning b/c they are sleep deprived . . . is a relationship with issues / abused meds vs a relationship with another person.

      1. The difference is addiction/dependence. And also how much it affects the rest of your life. If someone drinks a cup of coffee every morning that just doesnt really make a difference to my day.

    2. You say “it makes me feel sad that the person I married often just isn’t there in the evenings or weekends.” That’s a totally valid message IMO, and is not judgmental or making it about doing his health wrong. I’d be interested to hear his response if you said this to him.

      1. +1 it’s not about the weed. This would be the same if he drank a bunch of alcohol or zonked out on opioids every night.

        1. Or video games, or work, or whatever… If it’s causing him to avoid the relationship, that is your best angle. Do be prepared for the answer.

      5. Agree. This is the message. You have needs and they matter.

        If he still has the mental health pressures, it is time to address those head on together instead of masking them with cannabis. And I have absolutely no problem with cannabis use.

    3. “Babe, we need to talk. We you get high every night you aren’t present to me and our marriage. It is not working for me at all. I appreciate that you’ve cut back these last few weeks but I think we both know it’s a struggle. I’d like you to be treating your mental health more seriously.”

    4. I think both the fact that its drowning the mental health issues and the “not there on weekends” are extremely valid points. I’m in my late 20s now but I remember even in middle school the number of kids who would use weed to cover mental health issues and just think its cool, and if anyone said anything just said they were being biased against weed, when in reality it was just a crutch like anything else

    5. My husband (a recovering alcoholic) once told me that you can’t be a partner midst addiction, which I’ve found to be both insightful and true.

      Al Anon is helpful.

      Being very clear on having and holding your own boundaries is helpful. Accepting that you cannot control or change him, only yourself, is excruciatingly difficult to do but also incredibly helpful.

      My husband and I put a lot of value in our partnership/being good partners, so that’s our usual framework for addressing our concerns.

      It’s so hard.

    6. Woof, yea, this isn’t about his health, this is about his actions. He is treating you poorly because he’s smoking weed every night. He’s not present in your relationship because he’s smoking weed every night. That’s about you and your relationship, not just about him and his health. I have no idea how I would handle this. This is why I draw a very black and white line with drugs. So sorry you are dealing with this OP.

    7. I’d think you need to talk to him. It sounds like this might be the only tool in his mental health toolbox at the moment? Has he gone through therapy at all to work on the underlying issues?
      Using getting high to deal with issues isn’t going to make those issues better or easier to handle I think.

      A family member uses weed to handle chronic pain, anxiety and depression on a daily basis. But they’ve done a lot of therapy over the last 10 years, went through a really difficult time with pain medications, now supplements advil with massage, meditation and as much activity as they can daily. The weed is just one tool in the toolbox to calm their mind and body enough to relax to be able to handle mental and physical issues with the other tools.

    8. But he is dealing with his own health wrong because he’s not addressing the actual issues.

    9. The supplement NAC is supposed to be a good supplement for chronic MJ cravings/addiction.

      1. There’s also CBD, though you need a high dose of the expensive stuff (there’s a lot of junk out there since it’s such a fad). Anyone who feels marijuana is important medicinally but who doesn’t need to get a high should at least try CBD, especially if their being high is causing problems for others.

    10. I am having the same exact issue. I could have written this post. It’s not that I feel strongly about someone who smokes pot or not (legal where I live) but what I do care about is that is not the type of person I want to be with. I want to be with someone who can deal with life and not have to smoke pot to get through it. And the “just isn’t there comment” is so true. This, along with many other things, is why we are separating.

        1. Of course not, because anti-depressants (of which he is also on), does not cause you to “not be there”.

    11. I think you have a valid complaint that he’s just not there in evenings or weekends — but as someone who just started taking edibles more frequently it might be to offset a worse inclination, like binge eating or drinking (or molly, which is supposed to be good for PTSD.) From my research addiction really isn’t an issue with pot for the vast majority of people, but smoking daily is still bad for your health.

  10. Is it me or does the rise of those pants seem completely reasonable (and not yet another second-coming of high rise mom jeans)?

    1. Yes this is the rise I like too, but I don’t tend to be a tucked in kind of person (mama belly) so it’s all about how they feel on me.

  11. Wearers of eyeshadow: is a crease line inevitable after a few hours? This happens to me no matter what product or formulation I use, and even with primer.

    1. To some degree. I have better luck with cream shadow sticks – I like Bobbi Brown – and the key is to not apply too much. I sweep it on directly from the stick and then buff it out with a little brush.

      1. I actually have exactly this eyeshadow! The brush idea is new to me though–do you think it’s important to use a brush for a lasting effect, rather than just smudging?

        1. I do. It thins it out in an even layer. I’m one swipe across each eyelid, spread it out with the brush, done.

    2. I like the Urban Decay eyeshadow primer potion. Make sure you’re not applying too much of the product and let it dry a few seconds until it’s tacky before using powder eyeshadow. I use a mix of Ulta house brand and Urban Decay eyeshadow. I tap the makeup brush against my lids instead of swiping it.

      If you’re still having problems maybe try making your own primer. There are recipes online with corn starch, lip balm, and liquid foundation. You may have more success if you can play with the ingredient ratios, plus it’s cheaper.

      1. This. Use the Urban Decay Primer Potion. I have very hooded/deep set eyes, where my eyelids really are really folded over on themselves, and this stuff keeps shadow in place all day with no creases. It’s a miracle.

      2. I used to love UDPP, but have since switched to Nars primer which is great as well, if UDPP doesn’t work for you.

    3. I used to have that problem but your post made me realize it hasn’t happened in a while. I know I use less now then I did in my 20s, so that may be part of it. I also use Dior now (got a palette that has lasted YEARS), so perhaps that is just a formula that avoids this problem.

      1. +1 – Reading this thread also made me realize this has never been an issue for me. I don’t use eye primer and I use Anastasia Beverly Hills powder shadow. Wondering if it has more to do with your natural oils than the product?

        1. Unfortunately I think this is the case. I know I have oil interfering with it. I may try a brush though, thanks to the above comment!

    5. I think if you have a tendency to oily lids, it’s going to be an issue. Try blotting paper before it starts to crease.

  12. Help me support my husband’s fashion needs! He’s 41, works in the “cool” (think tank/new product) arm of a large corporation that’s relatively casual, and needs help evolving his style — specifically, what he wears to work. Where do dudes go to do this? We don’t have unlimited money for new wardrobe purchases, but I’m thinking $500 to start and more as time goes on. When he needs a new shirt or something specific, he ends up at Kohls because that’s what’s readily available in our small town — and this is not serving his needs. We have Nordstrom, JCrew, etc. within 45 minutes and I’m urging him to be strategic and think bigger-picture/long term about his wardrobe. He’s had good luck with Stitch Fix in the past but needs more now.

    He told me today that he feels most like himself when he wears a skinny or slim jean with some stretch (colored denim or not) and a slim/fitted t-shirt or button up. He has broad shoulders, skinny legs, and a small-ish spare tire that he’s working on. He needs not only jeans but a few more smart casual items that could work for the office, date night, etc. Would love your ideas on where to look or labels that you recommend…and I think in-person is going to be best for now so he can try a bunch of stuff on.

      1. +1. My husband has a similar build and had an appointment with a Nordstrom personal shopper, who recommended AG and Frame for jeans, and All Saints Brace Tonic tee shirts. For button-ups, JCrew and JCrew Factory work best. Although his shoulders are broad, a slim cut shirt still works best because the rest of the shirt isn’t baggy and doesn’t make him look bigger than he is.

    2. So I see that the Stitch Fix model isn’t necessarily what you’re after, but my husband gets the Stately Men box for $100 every other month. They do have a style quiz, but the approach seems to be to send “basics with a twist” that fit the style you set. Things like polos or button ups with an interesting detail, basic pants in less-common neutrals, maybe the occasional belt or something. He loves it and works it in with his Kohl’s-esque basics to create lots of interesting outfits for just about everything except yard work, and is especially pleased that he doesn’t have to spend a lot of effort on shopping. Maybe once your H has a good base, look into that?

    3. My husband has had good results with Nordstrom Trunk Club. They take your preferences and make them just a bit more Fashun. And you can return anything that doesn’t work. You can try everything on at home, which is way more comfortable than a dressing room.

    4. My husband shops almost exclusively at Bonobos, and it sounds like they would fit the bill here.

      1. +1. My husband has a uniform for his daily job, but recently needed a capsule business casual wardrobe for long-term travel in civilian clothes. He spent about $500 at Bonobos and really liked his purchases. Previously he’d been a JCrew / Banana type shopper for casual clothes.

      2. +1 to Bonobos. My husband is built similarly and can find things to fit his broad shoulders, long arms and otherwise narrow frame.

    5. My similarly-built husband likes AG jeans. (He doesn’t know they’re “designer,” I bought them for him, but he commented “oh these are really nice” when introduced in the closet.)

    6. My husband tends to like Banana Republic for most things and Lucky for jeans, both seem to fit what you’re looking for. BR Factory has had some really nice looking, budget friendly men’s clothes lately. I bought him some “travel pants” from there recently which I think look great – “cooler” then, say, khakis, more laid back then dress pants, but a step up from jeans.

    8. Don’t forget the shoes! A well maintained pair can really make him look put together. Sadly, I don’t know what is cool right now, as my husband has moved to permanent WFH and rocks rainbow Tevas most of the time…. In the past he has leaned towards classis, not trendy — so Allen Edmonds loafers or something — but this might be a good time for cool sneakers?

    9. Trying to avoid mod here. I think the second type of shirt you mention is outdated; if it’s cool enough for long sleeves, a sweater is more stylish. I especially like a fine-gauge cotton or cashmere quarter-zip. Shoes are also very important to the look. Some brands to check out are Outerknown, Faherty, and Johnnie O. Wolf and Shepherd for shoes. You could try a Nordstrom personal shopper, although not all Nordstrom stores stock a good selection of more contemporary clothing for men.

      1. Disagree. Cole Haan “dress sneakers” are the ubiquitous schlubby state office worker shoe around here, and this is a state capital whose fashion tastes run about 8-10 years behind big cities.

    11. Long term he probably needs better quality, but as a starting point H&M could work for him to build a new style. Their slim fit is made for his shape.

    12. My husband loves Mizzen + Main for their comfort/stretchiness factor. I’m pretty sure they’d available at Nordstroms.

      1. Oh! He also loves American Eagle jeans because of their stretchiness which cracks me up because he’s not a tween, but they honestly look pretty good since he tends to go high end on shirt and shoes.

    13. How many husbands are out there, posting on men’s blogs, doing research for their wife on where to buy new clothes?

      1. I get the social commentary part of the snark, but I have seen – and been amused by – plenty of men posting on men’s blogs doing research for their wife for outdoor gear, backpacks, tents and bicycles, but not clothes.

  13. I thought that quiet quitting was when you said bland things on an exit interview from an employer you hated and didn’t rage quit like you deserved to. I got it explained to me today and I think we’ve got a couple of people who have quiet quit (or maybe they are just bad employees). Are there PLIs on managing this already? Or other good places to look at for info? It explains so much about two people I’m thinking of (people who resisted every “reopening” and are never available for calls/chats; e-mails are never promptly returned; “working lunches” with good food are attended late if at at all; the list goes on). Now I get it or at least it’s making sense.

    2. Omg. Don’t even get me started on this. I think quiet quitting is corporate propaganda. There are literally articles saying that quiet quitting is “not going above and beyond”. I’ve seen examples include not staying until the partners leave, not working after your kids go to sleep at night, and not checking emails after hours. No, sorry, that’s just setting boundaries. It’s ok to just do your job!

      1. Yeah, quiet quitting is simply doing your job and not giving 110%. Really bad word choice.

        1. I think of it as doing the minimum not to get fired today. But enough to start managers keeping notes for the bad culling the herd round of reviews my org is heading into. During the worst of COVID we didn’t want to lose people and now we aren’t losing these people fast enough.

        2. Nah, it’s doing almost nothing. If you’re doing your job you haven’t “quit,” you’re just not being a superstar.

          1. I understand what you’re saying, and that is also what I *want* the term to mean because that is what it sounds like, but it just isn’t how it’s being used in the articles I have read.

      2. My conspiracy theory is that it was actually whipped up by the labor side to get people really outraged. (And to be clear, I’m on the pro-labor, pro-employee side here.)

          1. Huh? How is doing what is required by your job but no more taking anything from anyone?

      4. If we’re discussing quiet quitting, we should be discussing quiet firing, where management doesn’t promote or give raises even when you go above and beyond.

    3. Were their behavior and performance a problem before you heard of this term? Are they actually behaviors that are detrimental, or are they just annoying? You have to figure out what is actually required of the position and be clear about it. People who are just doing their job and nothing above and beyond aren’t actually doing something wrong. Quiet quitting is nonsense. There have always been people at work who want to do only what is essential and nothing more.

      1. These were problem employees before. Like you would never give them anything important or on deadline because they are unreliable deadline-meters and/or do wretched to mediocre work. And they will ghost you when you try to stay on top of progress or follow up or give feedback.

        1. Ah, then I wouldn’t call that quiet quitting, your employer is just doing a crap job of management and is letting bad employees get away with detrimental behaviors. Somebody needs to be explicit and manage them.

        2. Yes, that’s not “quiet quitting” that is just being a bad employee. The company needs to manage, as in negative consequences for failing to do the job, up to and including termination.

    4. Lol it’s not a real thing, your coworkers didn’t decide they were going to “quiet quit” they just don’t want to do more work. This is normal behavior and has been since forever.

    5. this is just a re-brand of something that has happened since the beginning of time. there are always people who skate by doing the bare minimum to avoid getting actually fired.

    6. I don’t support the philosophy. I’m just not built that way and often put work before my own needs and health. But it seems like it will involve addressing underlying issues associated with burnout and sense of value–there’s a pain there of not enough work/life balance, feeling unappreciated or not seeing enough tangibles associated with taking on more work or responsibility (raises, title changes, etc.). That’s tough to manage and takes structural and cultural change (minimizing “working lunches,” changing expectations around always-on response, etc.) People are fried. “Good food” and trying to chit chat to build team morale isn’t going to cut it if there’s a bigger issue of burnout that’s not getting addressed.

    7. I thought it was somewhere between Office Space and showing up but just not caring if you got fired and therefore not doing much beyond the very bare minimum (so if you’re a salesperson maybe you ring up a sale, at your pace, but you don’t actually try to help anyone).

      I don’t think it applies to anything like normal boundary setting.

      1. ETA – the one thing about it that I don’t get, assuming my understood definition, is it would seem like it would just lead to a bad reference. But maybe people no longer care?

        1. No one gives references. At most they will confirm dates of employment. They are scared of libel and often have no-comment policies. IDK how you get out the bad ones now.

    9. I hate this term. It’s not a crime against your workplace to do a competent job at the job you were hired to do competently. If you’re asked to wear 15 pieces of flair and you’re getting chewed out for “only” wearing 15 pieces of flair, that’s a management problem and not an employee problem.

      Then there are bad employees. If someone isn’t doing their job and it’s hurting the company, that’s a conversation that a good manager needs to have with them.

  14. If we have any Jones Day lawyers here, I would love to hear insider views on the NYT article on the firm today. I’ve had the experience of having my own biglaw firm covered in a big news story, and I know that sometimes the perspective from within the firm is different than what makes it into the paper…and I know that sometimes the stories are accurate. Anybody want to share?

      1. basically that Jones Day had an extremely powerful role in today’s conservative judiciary at many levels of the court. Lots of being going to/from Jones Day and the Trump administration, ‘pro bono’ work for Trump, asking partners to endorse conservatives, etc.

      2. Here’s a gift link that should work: https://www.nytimes.com/2022/08/25/magazine/jones-day-trump.html?unlocked_article_code=u4ciDlH1DPptNVZ1DZmzQR3037ISaHCufWwm0VPpsV5n5WfVu_3kMGJg5y59T5J6h7a7s4495Wbn0ANV9OnUQ2PM7zBSAQqQN1PLzjuNNouWoewnZSSqS5sWLMMuBrffDeixn9v5Pmwzs5dYUIvnzWhOYb0I3QtUjLjeJpq0k44en69uJeyO_FbR4CrS4-jSf7c2B0pKDLtaYnASzmNAWXttVdS3BVYVKwmafcyWGrfBqwCQvteQkgRJgQldp8G4Cmz-wjYS-1ICiLq41pjx4dj8e7L2Ucv2krAwyNxHD4W7G7Oi9QYSiHc4IJRfbuqQ084tmoKg2Hi7&smid=share-url

    2. Jones Day represented Trump’s campaign for years, so I don’t really think this is news?

      1. Agreed. And if you didn’t know before, you didn’t care, so I don’t think it will affect recruiting now.

      1. It will probably help them recruit the people they want — conservative lawyers. Yes, it will turn off liberal law students but Jones day is well known as being a firm for conservatives and at which liberals were not welcome.

    4. wow i just looked up the article! it is disturbing on so many levels. i’m not sure that helping with the Trump transition is what comes to mind when i think of law firms doing pro bono work. (or at least that is not what i was thinking about as a 2L evaluating summer offers)

      1. Same. I’m not in the legal field. And that article was eye opening and gross.

        Talk about bastion of privilege. How can Right Wing media call the Democrats “elitist” when sh*t like this goes on.

  15. I posted a while ago about how I was going to try Betterhelp because I just couldn’t get my act together to find a therapist in my community, insurance, etc. Here’s my review in case it helps anyone else. I have been going through a period of “mid-life” crisis and also some anxiety related to being a working mom, managing it all, the financial pressures of being a breadwinner etc. Severity = keeping me up at night and minor episodes that maybe were mini panic attacks but more annoying than threatening. It was on my list for like 6 months to find a therapist and I just ended up deciding that if I could sign up on an app, some help was better than no help. Process was super easy. You fill out a profile and they sent me a therapist option with several available times within the next 5 days overnight. I liked my match – the first 2 sessions were a little awkward/fairly surface level but I think that might have been the same for me in person. She does her live counseling thing and then had access to repository of worksheets, info sheets, exercises, etc. that Betterhelp provides. She also would send out kind of a newsletter with some thoughts to all her clients during the week, via the app. We met weekly for about 12 weeks and then we’ve recently transitioned to every other week with the plan to stop once the back to school transition is complete. There are also group webinar-type sessions that you have access to that are on special topics like relationships, addition, anxiety, etc. Overall I found it very helpful – I’m not having the sleep issues, I feel like I have more coping strategies and she helped me work through a knot in my values/life conflict that I’d been having. Like I said, my issues were fairly mild, but there were a lot of checks and messaging built in around what to do if you’re having a serious crisis. I know some of my friends have therapists they LOVE and see for years and that might be right for them, but I felt like this was a good turnkey good enough option for what I was looking for.

    1. Thanks for sharing! My husband has been wanting to see a therapist for a few months but also facing the same hurdles re finding someone and dealing with insurance etc., and his issues likewise don’t seem too urgent though they’re definitely having some negative effects. I’ll suggest this to him!

  16. The incompetence in this office is staggering.
    That is one of my fave quotes, taken from that show VEEP.

    I am experiencing this today, hard. I saw a LinkedIn post that an incompetent colleague was just highlighted doing an outward facing/visible thing they are in no way qualified to do. All because they are friends with the big boss. I didn’t want to do that visible thing, just enraged because this person can’t even do the simple things.

    Please, share your stores. Let’s commiserate together.

    2. VEEP is my all time favorite and so is Julia…that Is definitely one of the best lines AND even better the way she delivers it!. Thanks for reminding me…and the staggering incompetence is something I’ve learned to roll with…just like Selina!:)

    3. I’m sorry. This is so frustrating, and my blood just boils because when they are friends with the upper levels there is absolutely nothing you can do. Upper levels will protect that person, no matter what the incompetence or infraction.

    4. I actually have a sort of hopeful story about this today! For years I’ve been dealing with this (white man) attorney who is – as you say – staggeringly incompetent. He’s only a year behind me in seniority, but I’ve been staffed on every major case with him because he can’t be trusted to actually do the work. I can’t count the number of weekends and all nighters I have worked to make up for his nonexistent or terrible work product. His hours are always very low – hundreds of hours below our hours expectation – while my hours (and other in our dept) have been hundreds of hours over our expectation. The firm wouldn’t let my department hire another associate (to share the burden) because of how low his hours are – they tell us to shift work to him. Despite this, he still made (non-equity) partner the year after me and he has been groomed his entire career by a rainmaker. One small silver lining is that his book is very small and mine is growing, so at least I’m finally getting some recognition/clout and on track to make equity partner before this guy.

      The rainmaker recently announced he is retiring. Everyone assumed the rainmaker would leave his entire book to the incompetent guy, which would catapult this guy into the equity partner ranks, while I would still be expected to do the work for those clients, and he would become my boss. I was getting my ducks in a row to leave the firm if that happened. Well it was announced today that the rainmaker is splitting the origination credit between the two of us. Which, still not super awesome that I’m doing all the work for half the credit, but much better than anyone including me expected. So yay (sort of)!

  17. Does anyone have advice to share on negotiating an ambulance bill? They are out of network for my insurance and my out of network deductible is high. Because of all the medical care after the ambulance ride, I’ve hit my in-network out of pocket max for the year but still have thousands to go for the out of network max. I know the ambulance company is dealing with the same broken insurance system that we all are, but from a practical standpoint I’m pretty frustrated – it’s not like you can call 911 and ask them to only send an in-network ambulance service. The bill has been “negotiated” down by my insurance company and it’s still $4,500, which seems awfully high. I don’t know where to start in trying to get this down to a more reasonable number, has anyone done this successfully and would be willing to share what they did?

    1. Just to be clear: you owe the ambulance company, not the hospital where you were taken?

      1. Yes, this bill is from the ambulance company itself. I’ve been lucky that every single other provider I’ve seen has been in-network!

        1. So I used to work for a hospital and there are a few things that would have worked with our bills, but I’m not sure if they would work with an external ambulance company, so bear that in mind.

          -Ask for an itemized bill. You may be able to dispute individual charges (like “you sure as heck did not give me Premium Gold Star Band-Aids, why are they on my bill?”).
          -Look on their website for a charity care application. This will depend on your income, but you may be able to get the bill reduced.
          -Call whoever the patient financial contact is at the ambulance company and ask to discuss payment plans. Emergency-related bad debt is the Achilles heel of all healthcare entities; it’s highly likely that they will be open to working with you in order to collect.

    2. I had to appeal an insurance claim when I went to the ER for stitches on my face. They called the plastic surgeon on call because obviously it was on my face. The doctor billed me $8,000 for 15 minutes of work. My insurance paid $5k and I was on the hook for the remainder. I appealed and I think I only paid $1,500 because it was an emergency visit and I didn’t have a choice in the surgeon.

    3. Does your work have an HR person that is specifically in charge of benefits or a healthcare ombudsperson? These people might have good suggestions.

    4. That’s a really high bill! Did the ambulance company give you an itemized statement to support it? If not, ask for one and once you have it, verify that the charges are accurate. If you see something on it that looks off, like thousands of dollars for life support when you had minimal care/treatment on the ambulance, or mileage that seems inflated, then challenge that part of it with the ambulance company.

      Unfortunately, ground ambulance services were not included in the No Surprises Act, but your state may have surprise medical billing laws that apply. If you’re comfortable sharing your state, I’d look it up for you.

    5. Do you have an EAP at work? They might be able to help you negotiate with the insurance or ambulance company. Also, sometimes if you subscribe to your local ambulance company they will waive some fees. I have no personal experience but this has been a hot topic in my neighborhood lately. I had no idea you could even subscribe to things like that.

    6. A small number of states have ambulance bill protections for consumers, so check to see if your state does. But it would only apply if your insurance is fully insured (not “self-funded” – most large employers have self-funded health plans, which means that state laws don’t apply to them).

      Then, I would call the insurance company and ask if they can offer any assistance or advice. After that, I’d call the ambulance provider and ask for a price reduction. Failing that, I’d ask for a payment plan.

      Unfortunately, there isn’t a lot you can do – ground ambulances are a messy business, and the No Surprises Act didn’t touch them.

    7. Thank you all for the advice! My state doesn’t include ambulances in any surprise billing protections, unfortunately. I’m going to start by filing an appeal with my insurance company to see if they will cover more and also try some calls to the ambulance billing company and see if my work’s EAP has any advice. Most of the bill is just their “base fee” so not much to pick at there. It feels like they are billing me their opening offer to insurance but then not actually writing down much if anything. The “discount” they gave due to insurance was 10%, which is how we got to $4500 in the first place.

      I really recognize how much surprise billing protections have helped me through this! Multiple surgeries and hospital stays later, this is the only bill I am having an unexpected struggle with, and that is a massive relief.

      1. I remember reading that no surprise billing in an emergency now applies nationwide, starting January of 2022 so I don’t think you should get billed out of network for the ambulance?

        1. The federal No Surprises Act does not cover ground ambulances – only air ambulances.

      2. I’m a personal attorney attorney. That’s a really high ambulance bill. Typically it’s closer to $2,500. Large midwest city. They add extra for mileage and could be billing for medications administered. But unless you were life linked or somethings that’s very high.

        1. Thank you for that context! $2,500 was about what I was expecting – it was a pretty run of the mill ambulance ride. Useful information to go into negotiations with!

          1. Kaiser Health News and NPR have a series where they accept bills from individuals that seem out of bounds. They work with the individual and the provider to find out why, and they try to help get it resolved so the individual has affordable care. They might be able to help you.

  18. I moved into a new apartment that has a low flow shower. I know it’s supposed to be better for the environment but I am miserable and cold in the shower now as the flow doesn’t even come close to covering my body. Is there anything I can do or is this just my new reality?

    2. You can definitely change the shower head yourself and then change it back before you move out. Changing a shower head is super-easy. Watch a youtube video and be sure to get plumber’s tape. You may need a wrench. GL!

      1. Does the shower head change the water pressure though? I’m clueless so thank you for pointing me in this direction

        1. Yep! low flow heads restrict water flow- so a standard high flow head or a high pressure low flow head will make a huge difference.

          They’re super easy to swap out- you’ll need a pipe wrench, pipe tape and a non terrible shower head, and enjoy better showers!

    3. Get a low flow, high pressure showerhead! It’s easy to change it yourself. I’ve changed the showerhead in every rental I’ve had.

      1. Oh! Do you have any brand recommendations? My dad is coming to hang curtains in a few weeks…I will order ahead of time and add this to his list :)

        2. Consider doing it yourself! It’s soooo easy (I did it in this house while quite pregnant) and will make you feel very #handy.

    4. High Sierra High Efficiency Low Flow 1.8 gpm shower head. About 40 bucks. All you have to do is unscrew the current one and screw this one on. At my house the water pressure is not good, as in such poor pressure that neighbors with irrigation systems have to install pumps. This shower head is the best I’ve found and I’ve tried all kinds in an effort to get a shower that will actually get conditioner out of my hair fairly quickly. The only bad thing is that it is very loud. N

    5. if you unscrew your showerhead there’s probably a little piece of plastic inside (usually blue) that is the flow restrictor. You can remove that with needle nose pliers and then put it back when you’re done :)

  19. I’m looking for recommendations for hotels in NYC that are centrally located and have rooms that are on the larger side for New York. Budget of up to $500 a night. Free breakfast would be nice but a small fridge will also do. Any suggestions?

    1. It’s not fancy at all, but we stay in the Courtyard by Marriott Midtown East when we visit my in-laws. The rooms are big by hotel room standards (especially for NYC) and have a hallway around the corner from the beds which is a decent place for adults to hang out if you have to put kids to sleep early. Prices vary depending on when you’re going, but we usually pay around $300/night in late spring, summer or early fall.

    2. Book an accessible room. You can also ask for corner rooms. I think I may have stayed at the Courtyard that Anon mentioned and I remember it having a ridiculously large corner accessible room. If it wasn’t that Courtyard, it was another one closer to Columbus circle.

    3. The Warwick in midtown has fairly large rooms. Not sure about breakfast, but I had friends staying there in a basic room, not a suite, and was surprised by the size.

    4. I stayed in a gigantic suite at the Kimberly. Not sure about the breakfast options, but there was a mini fridge in the suite’s kitchen.

    5. The 1 Hotel Central Park has some decent sized rooms. It’s on 58th Street and 6th Avenue.

  20. If you wanted to start a book club – and were a little nervous about it and wanted people to have fun and wnat to join – what might be a good book to kick things off? Help!

    1. Personally, I would start with Less. It’s fun, reasonably short, and it is “prestige” enough that people are not embarrassed to be seen with it. And people can have a good time discussing whether its protagonist and the narrator are terrible people or not.

      1. Ugh, no.
        I guess you just proved your point – lots of discussion about how terrible the people (and the book) are!

    2. Totally depends on what you want the vibe of your book club to be, but I think Bad Blood would be a great nonfiction book to start with. It’s a fascinating investigative piece, current with recent news events, and raises meaty issues about women in business, ethics, whistleblowing, and tech culture.

    3. In my book club every month one person brings three or four options for a book and then we vote on what the next book will be. I like this better than having a book assigned each time. Also, we usually spend only about 10 minutes actually talking about the book :)

    4. Big fan of BYOB clubs! So to kick off, have everyone bring a recent recommendation they enjoyed to share with the group. Bonus points for members who are able to loan their copy to another member who is interested.

      I find that this format decreases the barrier to entry of regular book clubs, and might help you identify themes that the club is interested in reading for an assigned book.

    5. Ooh this is something I can talk about! I think the sweet spot for my book club is not too heavy or long, but one with enough ideas to talk about for a while (before devolving into gossip) (and apparently has to start with The):
      The Measure
      The Power
      The Midnight Library
      The Book Woman of Troublesome Creek
      The 100 Years of Lenni and Margot

      If you’re in my book club, hi! :)

  21. Seeking recommendations about San Diego. Thinking of going for Labor Day. It’s me, my husband and a teenager. We will be driving from LA and also bringing our small dog. We’ve never been and it’s kind of overwhelming to figure out where to stay. We’d like to see the beaches and the zoo mainly plus some of the downtown. Could stretch to maybe $300 per night, I realize it’s more expensive over the holiday. Does anyone have any suggestions about which area to stay in? Thanks!

    1. Go to the Dog Beach (it is in a small area called ocean beach). Your dog will love it! And your teenager will probably like Hodad’s (a very popular burger place in ocean beach). We always VRBO in the same place, so no suggestions on where to stay.

    2. A good budget option is the Best Western Plus/Bayside Inn in Little Italy – you can walk to the restaurants in Little Italy, and walk to the bay front. The Hilton San Diego Bayfront also has a nice location on the opposite end of downtown, near the baseball stadium and a bayfront walking/biking trail, with nice views. Both are central to the zoo and beaches in Coronado (just across the bay bridge).

      1. San Diego’s lovely. Come on down! Staying downtown is very central. If you want the beach, you can try to pick up a VRBO in Pacific Beach or Mission Bay, but it’s probably too late/too expensive. I wouldn’t stay in Ocean Beach right now, they have a big hippie and homeless population that’s gotten a little intense, although it’s fun for a day visit. The Pearl Hotel is on Point Loma and is kind of a throwback 1950s place.
        Check the water quality if you want to visit Coronado Beach. It’s lovely otherwise.

        If hotels are really expensive that weekend, worst case you can look in hotel circle around the 8. It’s not particularly nice, but you can get something cheaper. It’s central but you’ll be driving everywhere.

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