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Coffee Break: Patchwork Suede Tote Bag

yellow tote with suede patchwork cutouts that look like they're floating on top of the bag

This patchwork tote caught my eye the other day — I don't think I've ever seen anything quite like it. I love how the suede patches look like they're floating on top of the bag (instead of as on a usual patchwork item).

With dimensions of 14.5″H x 14″W x 4″D, the bag is definitely big enough to fit your work paperwork, and maybe even a lightweight laptop.

The bag is available in yellow (pictured) as well as brown; there's also a black-and-white version. It's $2,500 at Neiman Marcus.

Sales of note for 12.5

124 Comments

  1. Does anyone use Apple Books instead of the Kindle app? Is there any actual advantage over the Kindle app?

    1. I used to prefer the user interface of iBooks to Kindle’s . . . Until the most recent iOS update which, without telling or asking me, changed it and made it harder for me to use.

  2. Allow me to vent about my MIL for a minute here. We have some cousins staying with us, and we are hosting a family get together on Friday. MIL is annoyed that she isn’t the host, even though it makes more sense to do it at our house, and so as always, she is trying to take over the event. She phrases this as wanting to be helpful since I’m “so busy with other things”. She then announces she is going to come early so she can cook at my house, picks the menu, and assigns a bunch of tasks to people and wants me to coordinate. I’m perfectly happy to cook, and in fact enjoy it and think MIL is a mediocre cook and I would much rather eat my own food. I was also planning to dispatch DH to the store to get some things I don’t have time to handle, like desert and wine. MIL acts as though we cannot possibly ask poor DH to do something food related, even though he ends work early on Friday and is happy to do it. This ties into the general narrative that men do nothing in their family. DH can’t cook to save his life, but since meeting me has thankfully gotten good about doing dishes, groceries, and other random household tasks. The last time she was here, DH got up to load the dishwasher, and she was like “wow, DH, Anon has got you nicely domesticated there!” which somehow was a way of insulting both me and him. I’ve politely mentioned that I will handle dinner arrangements but she is incessantly texting “suggestions” and I really need her to just butt out. DH has told her to stop multiple times, so she just reaches out to me. Ugh.

      1. And then ignore any subsequent texts. If she says something in person, you can say “oh sorry I didn’t see that!”

        1. This is the way. And solidarity. The low expectations some women have for men are infuriating.

      1. My jaw was on the floor. Fortunately DH was like “mom, please don’t say domesticated, that’s a really gross word to use”. I’m thankful that I grew up in a home where men cooked and did the dishes, and that DH has really stepped up even though he wasn’t taught to lift a finger growing up. There were some growing pains when we moved in together, but we have a pretty equal partnership these days.

      2. My ex mother in law was like that. I was happy to be divorcing her son, who really internalized her messages, but even happier to be divorcing her!!

    4. I have a friend whose mom is like this. It sounds like she really wants to feel needed. Can you couple your “I’ve got this” with assigning her a task like making a dessert to be brought over at a normal hour or even a couple of desserts? I think a lot of women of a certain generation based their worth on hosting, and it brings up all sorts of weird emotional issues when the baton gets passed. There also was something drilled into them that you’re lazy unless you’re pitching in and coordinating. Instead of viewing her constant messages as an attack on you, think of it as a vulnerability on her. By giving her a (small) role you’ll keep her busy while giving your family more time together vs. running a bunch of last-minute errands. At the end of the day, the best meal isn’t about the food but inclusion. From my experience, over time, as she starts to own her new “thing” that’s part of the meal, you’ll start to see her back off.

      1. Yeah, I guess that’s probably the better and more compassionate way of handling it. Honestly I would be happy to tell her to bring desert. She’s not a baker, but I’m happy to eat something she picked up a bakery. But she sent me a list of like 25 items and who was handling what. None of them sounded like things I actually wanted to eat, and the constant messaging five days before the actual got me incredibly overwhelmed. She gets very anxious and kind of unloads that on me. Maybe I can task her with soup as a starter or something.

        1. +1 to the passing of the baton being hard. My mom is a terrible cook but only reluctantly handed over thanksgiving permanently after multiple surgeries this year. My brother is typically on ‘distract mom’ duty. In addition to assigning her something critical and making a fuss over her the best distraction is to ask her to watch the grandkids. If the grandkids are too old to be watched (as is the case now) I ask if she can bring old family photo albums or ask for her to tell us stories about when she was growing up to ‘keep me company’ while I cook.

        2. For the life of me, I can’t remember the movie or TV show I saw this in, but I’m reminded of a scene where the lone single woman in a large family was told “oh, please just bring the rolls” for the umpteenth time — so she brought a cornucopia of bread products that looked like the showstoppers from bread week on the Great British Bakeoff.

          Whenever someone mentions trying to assign a specific food item to a challenging friend or relative, I imagine them showing up with a similar over the top interpretation (without the justification the TV character had). So, don’t do the starter soup — she could take over the whole event with multiple burners needed to warm the soup, elaborate tureens and garnishes, etc!

      2. Brilliant! What is the most complicated dessert she can make? “Cheryl, we would love your baked Alaska and lemon pound cake. People are raving about them from last year. Would it be possible to bring them? People will be so excited.” And then she is the star of the show.

      3. This. For example last night by mom brought the salad, DH and I did the main and dessert. For my birthday DH does the salad and the main and she does dessert. I left a bunch of stuff on the dining room table and she set the table. Smaller scale example but you can size up. Just talk up whatever role she is given as ‘so helpful’.

        Don’t involve her in what DH is being tasked with. Just work it out between yourselves.

      4. When we host family meals, I usually reserve some out-of-the kitchen tasks for those who arrive and then want to help. Setting the table, putting serving platters out on the table, filling water glasses etc.

        They feel needed & it has saved us from more than one attempt at “improving” the gravy.

    6. Can she handle the sociable side of hosting? “MIL, can you arrive a bit early, set up the trays and then greet everyone at the door when they arrive?”

    7. On behalf of the committee for strategically lying about tech issues to ensure family comity, I give you full permission to block her number, claim your phone is broken in some weird way, and have her route all communication through your husband.

    8. Are they his cousins? If so, that may be why she feels the need to take over and I see her side, a bit. That said, my ex had an older sister who was a psychologist married to a medical doctor. We were both still in college when they came into town to visit. SIL and her husband took us and my ex’s parents out for a very fancy expensive dinner. To reciprocate, ex and I invited the family over for lunch. Think hamburgers, fruit salad, beans, and the like. Well, MIL came in the door with about 6 shopping bags full of homecooked Cuban food – it was enough that it was clear to me that she really thought I wasn’t going to feed anyone. It’s been a long time and it still irks. me.

  3. anyone hear use jones road miracle balms? a friend got me a little sampler set for xmas last year and it’s not clear to me what color i’m suppose to use or where so it basically sits there and yet my facebook feed is chock-a-block with ads touting how amazing it is. Can someone tell me what i’m doing wrong?

    1. I use it frequently on the weekends or when I’m not really wearing makeup (I can’t figure it out in a “full face” makeup routine). I put it on over my sunscreen for a light flush/bronzing. It looks great on bare skin to me and gives me enough color so I don’t look dead (I’m v. pale).

      1. so you use one of the colored ones (one of the samples is au natural or something similar, no color) and you put it everywhere you would any blush? like across your nose and cheeks?

        1. Yup. Mostly only my cheekbones. It’s a nice, dewy touch of color. I don’t like matte makeup, so it works for me.

    3. I think it’s a social media thing with paid influencers. I don’t know anyone IRL who thinks it’s that wonderful. It’s just extremely greasy to me.

    4. It’s makeup for people who don’t like makeup and have dry/aging skin. I personally find the products supremely underwhelming and can recommend at least 6 other options off the top of my head that are better suited to aging/dry/combo (yay menopause zits) skin.

    5. I do but I don’t wear makeup other than concealer and miracle balm. I just use it where I would wear blush. I think the color I like the most is flushed.

  4. Sorry to say something remotely pro-Jewish [/s] did anyone see where Citi fired their employee who posted “no wonder H**t**r wanted to get rid of all of them”? Makes me wonder who’s in my workplace. Nice that she got fired.

    1. I have an acquaintance who posts the most unhinged stuff on SM re: the current conflict. This guy is a highly specialized doctor at a major hospital in my city. I am mind blown that someone can be a physician and be that hateful. I’ve honestly considered sending screenshots of it to the hospital but ultimately concluded it probably shouldn’t be my business and muted him instead.

      2. He shouldn’t be providing patient care with that kind of hate speech. Imagine if you were his patient unknowingly!

      3. His posting surely violates his hospital’s “equity in healthcare/no bias in healthcare/access to healthcare” rules. I would report him in a heartbeat. Because if/when I ever need a specialist, I don’t want to be worried that I have to hide who I am to get the care I need.

      4. I’m saying this as a physician who has lists of horror stories about disgusting physician behavior. Please report him. It’s community business when someone behaves like that. The hospital will have a mechanism for investigating it and responding appropriately.

    2. I’m glad that people who have posted antisemitic things for years and years with zero pushback are finally being held accountable. They got a free pass for way too long in an era when hateful statements about other groups have not been tolerated.

    3. Wow, I had not heard of that. This is not even borderline, and I’m glad she got fired.

    4. what?!? i cannot believe someone posted that…actually i take that back, i unfortunately can believe someone posted it, but i’m just so sad we live in a world where people think this about other people. how can you make such generalizations about a whole group of people?

      1. I think people must live in a bubble where these things are said and it’s fine or goes unchallenged. It’s all normal with no corrections or opportunities for reflection or growth. And then it festers until this happens.

        Does Citi have people monitoring being tweeted to and then an escalation team? That a big org did something fast does surprise me a lot actually.

        1. Yes, most big orgs have people monitoring social channels and online news stories that mention them. This would have come to the attention of senior people quickly.

        2. I used to work at Citi and had visibility into these sorts of things. We had tech monitoring mentions of Citi and our hashtags, but we routinely had people reporting things that employees said on sm. This was not the first person to be fired over such things.

    5. Professional people say horribly inappropriate things and let their biases slip, all the time. I was at a conference just last Friday, and the presenter talked about her work in an “immigrant city”, referring to Puerto Ricans, who are not immigrants. Puerto Ricans moving to the mainland are no different than any other US citizens moving from, say, CA to UT.

      I’m a WOC and hear statements like this all the time. People denigrating others from my background, saying we are prone to (violence/misogyny/ignorance/poverty/”broken homes”/obesity…on and on), then saying “Oh but not you, you’re not like that”. People saying I am only where I am thanks to affirmative action, not the fact I got perfect SATs in high school and graduated with honors from an Ivy.

      1. Growing up, I always heard “it’s better to keep your mouth shut and have someone think you’re a fool, than open it and confirm.”

      2. I’m sorry that this happens. I can see how it’s not acted on when it’s spoken but when it’s in writing and easily forwarded / screenshot and tweeted, it becomes harder to pretend it didn’t happen or was misheard or misinterpreted.

      3. I once had a professor (not in a sociology, etc course where it was relevant) say something to the extent that “Everyone raised by a single mom turns out to be a drug user” or something equally offensive. It’s been 20 years and I don’t remember his exact words, but I do remember going to the department chair and saying my single mom had done a great job thank you! The prof later publicly apologized to me in front of the class; he genuinely hadn’t meant to paint with the “always/never/everyone/no one” brush and I believe he really did learn something from that experience.

    6. I work at a very large global well known company and literally watched in real time as a senior level exec blew up on Slack about ‘me too’ and gender issues with a side of AAPI hate. It was…something. To my firm’s credit he was fired that evening and the firm leaders issued an apology to all employees and reiterated our policy around inclusion/diversity/etc. with links to an EAP for anyone who needed additional support. Blew my mind how someone very smart could be that dumb.

      1. He probably now thinks the “woke police” got him or some bullshit like that. Good riddance to bad garbage.

    7. A Chicago attorney with a promising career just got fired as well – working as legal counsel for the Illinois Comptroller and decides to say that she wishes they all went in the oven. I’m so sorry to all Jewish readers, this is a horrible time

  5. Earlier this week I asked for Xmas gift ideas for SIL who is going on a cruise to Central America after the holidays, and someone suggested books to read on the trip, which is a great idea for her. Anyone have recs for novels set on a cruise ship or in Central America? I think she is going to Honduras, Cuba, Mexico, Caribbean…but I could be totally wrong.

    1. Not novels, and probably not everyone’s cup of tea, but: Come Hell on High Water by Gregory Jaynes, and A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again by David Foster Wallace.

    2. Does she like Agatha Christie crime novels?
      Death on the Nile and Man in Brown Suit are both set on cruise ships. A Caribbean Mystery is a Miss Marple novel set in the Caribbean.

      James Bond is in the Caribbean in several novels. PG Wodehouse has several cruise liner novels.

      Graham Greene – Our Man in Havana – Cuba.
      Tenessee Williams – The Night of the Iguana – Mexico

      If she’d enjoy a movie – Gentlemen Prefer Blondes is set on a cruise ship.

    3. I think the sentiment is great, but personally I would not pack a book for any trip. If she has a Kindle (or even uses the Kindle account on her phone), could you do an ebook gift certificate so she has a book for her trip? If she’s into magazines, I like getting a stack of magazines for when I travel.

      Or, if there’s enough time between Christmas and her trip, a fun themed book as you suggested would be a nice way to look forward to the trip.

      I just read Killers of a Certain Age which starts on a cruise ship but really takes place all over. I enjoyed it a lot, but it got mixed reviews from some friends.

    4. It’s been a minute since it was popular, but The Long Night of White Chickens was mostly set in Guatemala.

  6. How often does an HVAC fan replace air in a home if the fan is on? Facing down another respiratory season here and trying to decide if having the HVAC fan on is enough to protect us from each other or if I should supplement a small hvac fan units (e.g. Blueair) in the bedroom of the sick person.

    1. There isn’t a simple answer to this and it depends on how leaky your house is. If you’re concerned about air quality, it probably makes more sense to address it directly with an air purifier than by pulling in more air from outside that has to be heated or cooled.

    2. We have a Blueair unit in each bedroom and home office plus a large one in the main living area. On low fan speed they are virtually silent. We have been very happy with them for allergies and for helping to prevent the spread of COVID and RSV within the household. I also swear the house smells better even though we don’t have the model with the charcoal filter.

  7. I think I have my first yeast infection (somehow I’ve made it to age 37 unscathed). I’m probably calling the doctor tomorrow, but it seems mild-ish and I’m wondering if there’s any helpful home remedies/chance it might go away on its own. I just hate paying $250 for a doctor appt if patience and time would do (high deductible plan, yay).

    2. So two thoughts: first, if you have never had one before, unless the symptoms are extremely textbook, it’s probably worth a doctor visit bc some other issues (specifically, bacterial v*ginosis) can have similar symptoms.

      That said, OTC remedies work quite well – my doctor’s advice was to use a 3-day or 5-day treatment, not the 1-day treatments, as she felt that 1-day treatments generally didn’t fully resolve the issue. IF you really want to go home remedy, sometimes plain yogurt can work; I have used it successfully when traveling in a country where I couldn’t access OTC yeast infection treatment, and have used it even when at home in combination with OTC treatments to soothe external itching.

      1. Plain yogurt works better for me than the OTC treatments. I think it’s because OTC kills the yeast overgrowth, but yogurt adds lactobacillus, which prevents overgrowth of yeast.

    3. If it is what you think, there are definitely remedies on the shelf that are effective.

    4. I’d try over the counter Monistat first. However, please be warned that that treatment can hurt more than the yeast infection itself. I’m not sure why, but I thought I was dipped in burning fire. Just fair warning. Otherwise, I’d agree that getting it checked at the doctor’s office since it is your first is best practice.

      1. Thanks, these are all helpful. My symptoms seem straightforward but all the online sources say to get checked if you’ve not had one before. I actually have my annual scheduled for next Thursday and I’m wondering if I can just wait the week. It’s mostly uncomfortable, not painful or overwhelming right now. Maybe I aim for that but have the drugstore as a backup if it gets worse this weekend…

        1. I would probably wait but with the drugstore as a back up. I will say that for me, the itching usually goes from uncomfortable to “wow this must stop now” pretty quickly!

      2. OMG THIS. I had no idea. Got what I thought was a yeast infection (like you, first one in late 30s) while I was on vacation and couldn’t go to even an urgent care. Tried Monistat 3 day and only after my first dose and the frantically googling “why is my vag on fire” did I read the many reviews about how painful it can be. It does seem from that Internet reading I did that the 7 day version is less horrible and the one day version is even worse. The burning calmed down after 15-20 mins but those were the longest minutes of my life. I recommend ice packs, probably placebo but it helped me knuckle through. And the treatment did help in the end.

        Anyway, next time (god forbid) I’m going to urgent care for the oral version.

    5. Do you have access to Teladoc or similar through work? I just call them and inform them that’s what I have.

      You can also call your OB and tell them the same thing.

    6. I’ve found Clotrimazole to be dramatically more comfortable than Miconazole (what Monistat uses). I absolutely refuse to use Monistat every again.

    7. Warm bath with apple cider vinegar. Soak for half an hour. Repeat twice a day. It also cures athletes foot.

      My children are entering teen years. They have smelly feet and we do spa on movie night. A half hour soak with apple cider vinegar works wonders.

    8. I was convinced i had a yeast infection last month, but was seeing my ob so waited – turns out it was bacterial and I needed antibiotics. see a doctor

  8. I’ve got an interview for an attorney job with the federal government next week. It’s been like a decade since I’ve interviewed, and never for a government job (have been at a firm). Any tips generally or specifically for fed jobs?

    1. In my experience, interviews for governmental positions are less fluid than private sector positions. There is a higher likelihood of a script of X questions, with less fluidity in response to your responses. You should, of course, be prepared with the usual “describe a situation where” types of questions, and do your homework on the position, agency and substantive work. Good luck!

      1. +1 that there’s nothing conversational about a government interview. They cannot deviate from questions asked at all, so there’s no back and forth. It’s like second nature for me now, but I know it’s jarring for people who aren’t used to it.

    2. Mine was a long time ago (10+ years) and it sounds like my interviews were a little more relaxed, but one, or two related, ideas you should think about how to answer are 1) are you comfortable working through bureaucracy and how do you keep going when the bureaucracy becomes interminable and 2) how do you visualize keeping projects and morale going in the face of very uncertain and usually declining budgets?

    3. I suggest you have a ready answer for when they ask you why you would leave a higher paying job for this lower paying job (assuming that is the case). Depending on your seniority, good answers (if true) can include that 1) you are ready to take on more autonomy and responsibility than is available to you in your current situation, 2) you believe in public service and are so grateful for this opportunity if you are honored to be selected for the position, 3) you’ve always had an interest in serving with the government but needed to take care of paying off/down your law school loans first, and 4) you have a passion for this type of work as can be seen by [fill in whatever activity demonstrates your passion for this type of work]. I mentioned in comments yesterday something along the lines of being at an inflection point and so it’s time for a change and you are ready for new challenges and opportunities, which is probably appropriate for a more senior attorney (adding that you have now paid off/down your law school loans, so you are in a position to be able to afford to make this move and downgrade in salary — you’re not in it for the money, but for the opportunities and service, and ability to represent the United States, etc.). Good luck!

  9. I do not think that all Palestinian people support what Hamas did almost two weeks ago. In fact, I hope that most do not. If that is the case, why is it that there are so few anti-Hamas/Pro Palestinian demonstrations around the world? I understand the people actually living in Gaza might not have that as an option, but protestors in the US, Europe, etc. why isn’t the motto ‘free palestine from Israel and Hamas’ etc.

    1. I think most of it is basically advocating for a free, independent Palestinian state, which I support.

      1. Those views are not nearly as widespread as some people on this blog seem to believe.

        1. I don’t understand comments like this. I am seeing it everywhere and have posted plenty of examples. It’s terrifying. Just today an accomplished attorney sent a message to a Jewish person saying she wished hitler had finished the job. I am not Jewish but there is certainly a very real problem with antisemitism in the US and around the world

    3. A majority of Palestinians support Hamas as the ruling party, but I too sincerely hope that there isn’t majority support for the terrorist attack against Jews.

      1. And to add to this, the Atlantic is reporting that a Hamas hostage-taking manual was discovered and it contains specific instructions for abducting women and children and separating them from men (so that was planned, not a bad decision in the “heat of the moment”). I would be shocked if there was widespread popular support for that among Palestinian women. The men, who knows.

      2. i’m not sure I realized that most Palestinians want to be ruled by an internationally recognized terrorist organization

    5. Hamas was “elected” in 2006 after (allegedly) murdering much of their competition. There hasn’t been a democratic election since then.

      The average age of a Gazan is 18. They did not choose Hamas.

      1. It’s true that they did not elect Hamas democratically, but the majority of Palestinians support them.

        1. Palestinians in Ghaza?, Palestinians in Cisjordania?, Palestinians in general? Where did you get that data from? I have not seen that in anywhere. Just a reminder that the Israeli government initially supported Hamas to divide the Palestinian movement.

  10. Anyone have budget suggestions for running clothes for guys?

    My spouse has recently started running and mentioned he needs more workout gear (pants, long sleeve shirts, probably a jacket or hoodie) for the cooler weather. He does not like fitted clothing so tights and compression styles are out. I got him a bunch of Old Navy’s athletic shorts & tees over the summer. While their shorts were perfect but the tops were like static somehow turned directly into fabric.

    2. I would check the All in Motion line at Target. I have some of their women’s stuff and like it.

      1. I liked the Champion-for-Target line called C9 so much that since Target killed it, I continue to buy it at Amazon. Fits great. Feels great. Wears great. Reasonable price.

    3. i think kohl’s tek products are decent quality and inexpensive. also can’t speak for men’s specifically but i have recently ordered a variety of lululemon knock off type stuff from amazon and been pretty satisfied with the quality.

    4. I really like the CRZ Yoga brand that you can get on Amazon. They have good guys gear too.

    7. I actually got a bunch of running colthes from the thrift store- Althleta and Lululemon tops and bras for less than $10 each.

      1. I buy all of my workout clothes second hand too.
        OP, if you want both affordable *and* quality, start at second hand stores.

    1. I am all for this clowning of Powell by Fani Willis’ office. Petty can be precious.

    2. Attorney here but not particularly knowledgeable in this area. Does it seem crazy that helping someone try to end American democracy gets a few years probation and an im sorry letter? Can we speculate she has absolutely damning testimony against tfg?

      Sometimes I feel like I’m in the twilight zone, like trying to overthrow an election and install a dictator is somehow not a big deal to anyone. I can’t imagine that she has inside information because we all saw this whole thing play out in real time.

      1. It is crazy but not especially shocking. The criminal justice system heavily favors nonviolent offenders no matter how bad their crimes. They pled her down to misdemeanors but they can use her testimony as a weapon against others who did worse, and maybe some others will get jail time.

      2. For an awful lot of sentencing on crimes, the defendant’s prior criminal history, or lack thereof, is the factor given the most weight.

      1. Good question! According to the Georgia Justice Project website (link: https://gjp.org/voting/): “If you are on probation for a misdemeanor, you can vote.” Of course, that is in Georgia. Not sure where Sidney Powell may reside and be registered to vote.

  12. Can someone remind me it’s totally fine to be a SME and not want to be a people manager? And that after a rough season of life it’s ok to coast a bit? I interviewed (was recruited) for a job that 5 years ago me would desperately want (prestige! $$$), but I … just don’t want the headache. But the blue collar raised striver guilt that I have is not helping.

    2. It really is fine! The ultimate flex is doing what you want and having a job that you like! And a career is long. You might want to do something different in future and you can change.

    3. You don’t have to. My husband was a SME for his entire career while I was the striver – I hit the ceiling one step away from C suite, and I’m semi-retired / self employed now.

      The one thing I would say is that having been through several rounds of layoffs at my prior firm, SMEs were often a target because they were maxed out at the paycap for their job grade, and there were people, on paper, doing the same job for less. You have to have a really strong manager who advocates for you and understands that a senior SME might be at double the salary of some junior people in the same job grade, but they’re actually worth twice as much.

  13. Another mil question. My mil and I have a really tricky relationship. We’ve had a few major falling outs. My husband and I worked with each other and therapist about boundaries and have mostly figured out her role in our lives and the kids’ lives. Things are mostly good.

    Here’s the thing; she kisses me on the cheek every time I see her and it makes me so uncomfortable. I should note that this greeting is somewhat standard in my region. I’m fine with kissing the trump loving uncles that I can’t stand and everyone else who I see socially. I’m not opposed to handshakes or hugs from strangers either. I’m not not a touchy person. It’s just so so gross to me that she wants to kiss me. Her breath and touch and smell are just physically repulsive to me. It’s not worth another falling out to get her to stop. Any tips on why I feel this way and how to get through it? It’s been bothering me since we saw her yesterday. I was dreading it and of course it was awful and gross and I feel so distracted and grossed out afterwards.

    2. You feel that way because of your history and other feelings about her. I’m sorry, I know that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. I also think you’re probably focused on this one thing and it is bothering you so much because you’re pouring all your other feelings about your MIL into this greeting. It’s easier said than done, but I think you need to work on just letting it go and getting through the 5 or so seconds it takes for this to happen.

    3. Back to therapy. If a cheek kiss is a standard greeting in your culture and if you wouldn’t mind it from other people you also don’t like, then this is a you issue you need to figure out. This is not a hill to die on, for sure.

    4. Maybe it’s something to do with the wide discrepancy between how you feel about her at the moment (and wanting as much distance from these unpleasant feelings and from her ) and then her coming in close. It probably feels intrusive and burdensome. which I can understand.

  14. Re: today’s pick. At this price point, I’d rather just get the Bottega this is pretending to be.

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