ByElizabeth Hours Updated
Comments 268 Comments

Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Helek Silk Shirt

A woman wearing a black top and black leather pants

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This silk blouse from Club Monaco is a classic for a reason. The fabric and cut are beautiful, and the self-covered buttons and loop placket are great added details.

If button-front shirts are your thing, I would grab one of these in every color.

The blouse is $159.50 at Club Monaco and comes in sizes XS–XL. It also comes in black and navy.

If you like this button-and-loop style but are looking for something more affordable, here's a top from Cloth & Stone that's $98 at Anthropologie.

Sales of note for 12.5

268 Comments

  1. Shout out to Trish for jumping in to defend me last evening after being called gross and disgusting in response to my vacation question. I’m not interested in rehashing that and have no desire to further defend my parenting here. I’m extremely hurt by how mean spirited you folks can be.

    That said I have a follow up question. We’re taking the kids to a tropical island where my parents spend winters for February break. Is the expectation that we also do another tropical vacation for spring break? It just seems like a lot of money and I was hoping to stay somewhat local. Are people in cold climates doing warm weather vacations for both? I can imagine why I’d need to put this in but please be kind and do not attack me.

    1. At the risk of being called mean, this is kind of a silly question. Of course there are people do tropical vacations back to back. Many people don’t. It depends what you can afford, how much vacation time you have, and what you feel like doing. No one here can tell you whether you “should’ do this.

      We don’t have February break (I think that’s a northeast thing?) but we often travel to a tropical place for both winter break in January and spring break in March. Midwest winter is really depressing and blah and I like having warm weather trips to look forward to. But most people I know don’t travel internationally for both.

          1. This board has never represented “most families.”
            Also I want to push back a little bit on the idea that you have to be super wealthy to travel for spring break- I know a LOT of middle class people who take spring break trips within driving distance. Travel doesn’t have to be expensive, and for families where both parents work, it’s often cheaper to load up the car and visit grandma and grandpa than to pay for childcare that week (if you have 2-3 kids you can easily be looking at $1k+ for spring break camp).

          2. I’m the staycation-hater and we’ve NEVER been to a tropical destination – for us, it’s more like camping or visiting a national park. We’re lucky to have better access than most in CA, but the point is that there are a lot of more affordable options.

          3. My coworker supported a family of five on a mid-five figure salary and they camped in state parks for pretty much every school vacation. I mean, yeah, most people are not skiing in Gstaad or vacationing in five star Caribbean resorts but it doesn’t mean they can’t go anywhere.

          4. This may be one of the good things about being a Californian, but nearly everything we do for “vacation” is a road trip. We do always go somewhere for our kids’ spring break, though no necessarily a 7 day trip. We are not resort people. We stay in a lot of motels. You don’t have to be rich. I grew up poor and we just camped in the mountains or at the beach. I do just one step up with my family now.

      2. This. My family lived in an nice part of California growing up. We rarely took “plane” vacations, because the weather was great and I had a ton of neighborhood kids to play with.

        I survived this challenging childhood. My first job out of college was in London, and I had visted 40 countries by age 27.

        1. This Californian apparently rode on a plane to visit Grandma when I was 3, but I have no adult memory of it.

          The next time I rode on a plane, I had just graduated from college and had to get from the bay area to San Diego because my dad was hospitalized there. I tried to act like I knew what I was doing – even when buying the ticket! – but I will admit it was thrilling. No plane vacations for my family of origin, but my own California kids have been on a handful of them. There’s a lot to do here that doesn’t require a flight.

    3. The concept of both a February break and spring break is totally foreign to me. Do schools close for more than just the day of President’s Day?

      In any event the point yesterday wasn’t that you are “expected” to do big tropical vacations – it’s that your husband’s idea that you spend ANY money on this half-a$$ed trip that benefits only him and your son doesn’t seem particularly great.

      1. One other thought- your husband’s argument that omg your son won’t be golfing if you don’t go seems ridiculous. If that’s a relatively local trip, what’s to prevent them from getting in a few rounds AT HOME in similar weather, and saving the travel budget for a trip that’s fun for all?

      2. This is how it was in Massachusetts when I was growing up: we got the week of Presidents Day and Patriots Day off, but no March break. We also only had Christmas Eve to New Years Day in the winter.

      3. I’m in the Northeast and it’s common to have a February break (often a week, but some areas have shortened to 2-3 days) and a week for April break. We don’t get out of school until mid-June, though, and only get a week at Christmas (seems a lot of places get close to two at Christmas?). It was this way in the district I grew up in, and in the three districts we’ve lived in while having school age kids.

      4. Yea, a lot of schools have both a week-long winter break and a spring break. I too was surprised to learn this–not sure if it’s a regional thing or a newer thing. But they go until well into June, whereas I got out for the summer before Memorial Day growing up.

        1. In my city, private schools have a short winter break so people can go on ski trips and then a break around Easter.

          1. Yeah, it’s called “ski week” at private schools. I don’t think it’s a public school thing, except in the northeast (maybe just Mass?). Here in the Midwest most schools just have a one week spring break in March or early April.

            When you get out for the summer has more to do with when you start back up than your break schedule, in my experience. We get out before Memorial Day, but we go back at the very beginning of August (some schools in my area were actually back on July 31 this year, which is just inhumane!!!) Schools in the northeast tend to start after Labor Day and then go until mid-late June.

          2. Interestingly enough, it is the public schools in NYC that have a week off in February. NYC private schools have 1-2 days off for Presidents Day (usually Monday and Tuesday), plus a two-week spring break that is almost always the last two weeks of March.

          3. My kids go to public schools (Bay Area) but their friends who go to private schools get a ski week off school. It seems completely foreign to us – we are not a skiing family – but it really is a thing.

        2. We had two breaks (Feb-ish and extended Easter) but also went to school until the third week in June, and started after Labor Day. The whole getting out in May and starting in August is more a southern thing.

          3. Sure, but plenty of Midwest places start well before Labor Day. Many Chicago area public schools start mid-August and get out in May, and Chicago is not southern by any stretch of the imagination.

      5. Yes, in the Northeast public schools have a Feb break (aligned with President’s Day) and April break (aligned with Patriot’s Day – which is a state holiday in MA but even the other New England states largely follow this school schedule), 1 week each. Private schools in the area typically do 2 weeks in March instead.

      7. We get a week in Feb (Presidents’ Day week)and a week in April (Patriots. day/ Marathon Monday week) in MA. NH has the same, thigh exact week typically staggers from MA. Unsure of other states throughout New England.

        We usually stay local for February. Maybe 3-4 days skiing in NH, including a weekend. April we’ll try to go somewhere, but we both work so there are years we haven’t gone anywhere. No one “expects” a vacation, tropical or otherwise, and certainly not our kids.

      8. same, these two break periods are so weird to me. In my upper Midwest school the schools don’t even close one day for President’s Day. FWIW growing up I don’t think we ever traveled for spring break. I’m not even sure we had a real week long spring break – I think we had a couple days around Easter weekend.

        Anyway, there are no expectations for two tropical vacations. Your husband and you get to set the expectations for what your vacations look like.

      9. The Northeast typically has a February week vacation the week of President’s Day, and a week in April. Don’t know why, and many people don’t like it as it means school goes until the third week of June. But, there you go.

        1. School goes until the third week of June because school starts in late August/early September. That is the case because many schools don’t have central air, and it’s too hot in mid August.

          Other schools get longer winter breaks or have a fall break, so it’s not like they get extra time off. Much of the idea of that Patriots Day is a holiday, so giving kids those two weeks off (third week in February and third week in April) comes at the expense of only three extra days off versus doing Presidents Day, Patriots Day, and a March break.

        2. I’m in NYC, and we only have a week or so off at Christmas – generally off Dec 24 – Jan 1, depending on where weekends fall – and then both the week of President’s Day and all of Passover. This year we have Good Friday off since Easter and Passover are not aligned. We do not have a fall break and only have Wed-Fri off Thanksgiving week. Our schools don’t start until after Labor Day and don’t end until the end of June.

      10. Yup! PNW here and my kids gets both mid-winter break (Prez Day week) and spring break (April).

        For additional context, winter break was two weeks and kids went back to school on Jan 2 this year. School starts the week after Labor Day and ends end of June (very late compared to other areas of the country)

    4. Whether or not it is an “expectation,” the issue seems to be that your DH wants a vacation that is fun for him and your son, but not for you. (Would you tell him to golf with your son inside and say it’s the same thing? Then you get an outdoor pool.)

      If you’re not able to find an affordable April vacation that works for your entire family, you don’t go. You wait until the warmer months so that you and the toddler can hang outside in the pool.

    5. Whose expectation? Do what you and your family want? As far as I’m aware there no vacation performance review. Have fun! I hate the cold and if it was in our budget I’d be somewhere tropical every day off between October and April!

    6. I have never in my life taken a tropical vacation. That is not how we choose to spend our money or our time. There is not a cosmic requirement that you do so, neither is there a prohibition from vacationing in certain locations and time frames.

      If you want to do tropical vacations back-to-back, and can afford the costs, go for it! If you don’t want to and your spouse does, have a conversation with them about priorities and how compromise works in your relationship. If you can’t afford it, also talk with them about your finances.

    7. I live in a cold climate and have never in my life done a tropical vacation at any time of the year…
      Your issue isn’t where you go on vacation, though. Your issue is that you are being short changed and probably will be no matter where you go.

    9. Cry me a river my goodness nearly everyone agreed with you! You do not need to come back and stir up more drama because a couple people dared to present a thought you didn’t like.

      And no. Not everyone takes back to back tropical vacations how could you seriously write this out.

      1. OP here. Equating calling someone “gross” and “disgusting” with regard to their parenting with “daring to present a thought you didn’t like” is intellectually dishonest.

        I think you are being rude and your comment is deliberately hurtful. Please know that hurt is being felt.

        I also think you understand that i understand not everyone takes tropical vacations but that I’m trying to gain insight about the vacation habits of other self described overachieving professionals, especially after a tropical vacation was recommended more than once yesterday by folks who didn’t have the insight about my other vacation. If all this is extremely boring to you perhaps you have something helpful or interesting to contribute elsewhere on this thread today. I’m sure you have more to offer others than deliberate meanness.

        1. Oh my goodness, OP. I’m not the poster you’re replying to or any of the posters who commented on the gender dynamics yesterday, but you’re being SO sensitive. It’s the internet. These responses are not that rude for an anonymous forum. Please get offline and touch some grass.

          1. I’m really not. It’s ok to demand decency from people who should know better.

          2. Don’t kid yourself – you’re being insanely rude. I have no skin in this game and think you’re being incredibly inappropriate.

          3. Respectfully, if you think being called gross and disgusting are not that rude perhaps you have had too much internet. Those things are not necessary or ok. Your attitude makes things worse, not better.

          4. I’m reacting to your reply to the poster at 9:18 (not me) which caused you to write ” I think you are being rude and your comment is deliberately hurtful. Please know that hurt is being felt.”

            That poster did not call you gross or disgusting or any other rude name. “Cry me a river” is an unsympathetic but not malicious comment. You’re WILDLY overreacting, and I’m having trouble understanding how you function in daily life if comments like the one at 9:18 causes you to become very hurt.

          5. Anon at 11:45. What is your payoff here? Who are you really upset with today? I am just not getting the need to pile onto to OP. We get that it is the internet but this is a forum for allegedly professional educated women. Are you just a troll because there is no way you are the intended audience for this site.

          6. I’m not “upset” about anything and am indeed an educated professional and longtime reader here. I just think the comment at 9:18 is pretty benign (even by the standards of this site, which is generally friendlier than other anonymous internet forums), and OP is being very oversensitive. I find your constant tone policing and accusations of trolling to be exhausting.

          7. At 1225. Her “cry me a river” was written to be dismissive of my feelings in response to people calling me gross and disgusting, thus justifying those words. It’s interesting to me how you think the two are not related. I get through life fairly well but I do try hard express my hurt when I feel it instead of immediately turning it to anger and trying to hurt others in a similar manner. It’s probably a bit weird to read on the internet but it’s effective for me. It takes the sting out without causing more hurt.

          8. Haha. I’m sure you find it exhausting to be asked to behave like a grown woman.

          1. If the implication is that I’ve done or said something to justify being called a gross or disgusting parent I wholly reject that.

          2. I was talking about picking fights on the internet. But your defensiveness about your parenting says a lot.

          3. Op. I’m sorry I’m not understanding how I’m picking a fight by pointing out that folks who are being hurtful are actually hurting me. And yet, somehow, this latest random insult to me as a parent has lost all sting. It could be because your idea of decency and mine are seemingly worlds apart. I don’t really care to hear your opinion at all.

    10. Whose expectation are you concerned about? I think you can do whatever you want for spring break. Most people don’t go on vacation.

      1. +1 – we have our kid booked at a camp that runs through the work week for spring break. And the camp is an all-day affair, so the work hours are covered.

        My hope is we take a 4-day weekend on the front end to go somewhere nearby, but I don’t plan on burning 5 days of PTO for this. Maybe 2 at max. I don’t know many people that take their kid’s completely off, but maybe that’s my circles.

        1. I’d say more than half the people I know take off the full week at spring break, but I’m in a college town so for faculty this week is not only their kids break but also their only chance to travel between December and May. And it’s not unusual for the travel to have a work component (academic spouse attending a conference, and the kids and other spouse go too).

          We always take the full week and go somewhere warm, and it’s honestly what gets me through January and February in the Midwest. I think I’d feel much less need for it if I lived in a warmer climate though.

    12. We have that schedule growing up and since my dad worked (mom taught school so her breaks were our breaks) and we were just middle class, we stayed home and ate pancakes and maybe saw a movie at the mall and went to the dentist. No one I knew took one vacation trip, let alone two.

    13. Most people don’t ever get to take a tropical vacation, much less take two in the same year! I’ve never been on one and honestly think it sounds kind of awful, but if you have so much money that it isn’t an issue and you like going on tropical vacations, go. If you want to go somewhere else, go somewhere else. If you don’t want to go anywhere, stay at home. Those are are all perfectly reasonable options. A break from school isn’t a travel mandate.

      1. I’m curious why you think they sound awful! Like any type of trip, you can design it to suit your preferences — if you want a big party scene with lots of music and crowds and “fun” you can find it, or if you want an island with no stoplights and no beach facilities and just you and your partner floating around in the Caribbean with barely another person in eyesight, you can find that too :)

        1. Eh, I LOVE a beach vacation but I get that it’s not for everyone. Some people aren’t much into swimming or sunbathing, and if you don’t enjoy those things it makes sense you wouldn’t want a tropical beach vacation.

          2. Yeah… When I’ve had to stay out of the sun, I’ve found beachy destinations are often lacking in anything to do out of the sun compared to other kinds of trips.

          4. in the context of the OP’s request – which was essentially that she wanted a real resort vacation but it would be too cold with her husband’s plan – the response of “awful” came out weird to me. I understand heat and beaches aren’t everyone’s cup of tea but clearly for the OP she enjoys it! All of you can carry on with your preferences :)

        2. Not the Anon at 9:41, but some of us don’t like the heat and humidity and can’t take that much sun exposure. My hair does a good approximation of Monica’s hair in the Friends episode where they visit the Barbados, which means I’m constantly unhappy and self-conscious in heavy humidity.

          On a more serious note, I like good food and an arts scene, so the idea of a Caribbean vacation doesn’t excite me. Maybe if I go on one I’ll change my mind? But as far as I can tell, it just sounds like Florida.

          1. Not sure about arts, but the French Caribbean has AMAZING food. St. Martin and St. Barth’s are the islands I’ve been to, but there may be others. But the food on those islands is really incredible.

        3. Not the poster you’re replying to but I thought it sounded awful, tried it, and hated it. I do not like hot weather, sand, or sun.

        4. I hate the sun, heat, sand and sitting on the beach. I already live in CA and I like seeing the ocean every day, but I don’t want to be in the ocean or on the beach. I don’t drink and I prefer to spend my vacation time outside hiking or exploring interesting natural spaces (preferably in the shade or when it’s not too warm) and around as few people as possible, so a tropical beach vacation just sounds like everything I hate and nothing I like, at least given that I’m not rich enough to vacation on a private island. But even then, tropical is pretty much always going to be a deal breaker because of the heat. I have been to a few tropical islands for work reasons, so I’m not completely dismissing things I’ve never tried. I was working while there, not vacationing, but I’d certainly never want to spend my own money to go to those places.

        5. Not the poster you are replying to and I will never visit the tropics because I hate both heat and humidity.

          2. Hawaii is typically in the 80s year-round. There are parts of the Caribbean (e.g., Bahamas) that get into the upper 70s in the winter though. But the humidity is high in any tropical place.

    14. I’m in MA. We get a week between Christmas a New Years, the week of Presidents’ Day, and a week in spring (this year it’s late April).

      My kids are a little older so we ski a few day after Christmas, go somewhere warm in Feb, then it’s a toss up in April. Sometimes we do a few days locally like in NYC if the kids have sports or other reasons to stay local. Other times we will visit grandparents who live a flight away, or do a trip to somewhere like California. We have also done disney during this break since it’s not as busy as Feb.

      In your case I’d do like, florida or somewhere tropical for Feb and then somewhere like SC for spring/April break. Or if you have the money and time off, do another tropical trip. Or Cali!

      1. Op here. This was super helpful, as were a lot of these other replies thank you.

        I obviously understand that not everyone goes on a vacation but I did want to know whether the recommendation among the group for a tropical trip would be as strong if I also had the February vacation. It seems like a lot of people don’t even have a Feb break so, I think it matters. It’s helpful to know that we weren’t completely off base for considering a more local spring trip and I didn’t consider Disney.

    15. Coming from PA, NJ in the spring is not a vacation. If I want potentially gross, gray weather I’ll stay home for free.

      I hate, hate, hate winter so I see nothing wrong with back to back vacations.

      Honestly, if I was you I’d let the boys go and I’d stay home with the toddler. And then plan a girls trip with friends or something. You both deserve a true vacation

          1. I understand why planning a vacation with a husband and kids of much different ages and interests is hard. However I think OP is trying to get a “correct” answer from the internet to be right in a little disagreement with her husband and there just isn’t going to be a correct answer here that comes from the outside.

    18. Just a note for the people whining about “expectations” – of course there are expectations for mothers. If every kid comes back from spring break having gone on a major vacation and your kids have not then they will be pissy. This is very school- and community-specific, obviously.

      1. But isn’t part of life learning that you can’t always have everything other people have? This seems like a really weird take to me. Kids are always going to be jealous of certain things other kids have, it doesn’t mean their parents need to figure out a way to give them everything. (And fwiw, you must live in a very rich community if everyone takes a super exciting spring break vacation! I’m in a very affluent community and I would say only about half the people travel for spring break, many of them to not terribly exotic places.)

      2. And part of being a mother is learning to disregard those “expectations” if they don’t fit your family.
        Another part is teaching kids that they don’t always get what “every kid” gets, and that getting pissy won’t change that…

          2. Hi I’m the op. The point was I can’t manage expectations or disappointment if I don’t know what those expectations are. That’s why I asked a group of other upper middle class women what their expectations were. It’s not because I’m obsessed with keeping up with the joneses as much as I’m trying to gage everyone’s expectations and experience when considering some responses I got. I realize it’s hyper local but my closest friends don’t send their kids to school with mine and people at his school are a little touchy when I ask about vacation plans.

          3. OP, it sounds like you’re assuming that there is some standard for a group of professional women (a large number of whom are wealthy, not “upper middle class”) that your family ought to meet, which is not true. “Standards” for what vacations are will vary wildly with income, family size, where people live, the ages of their children and their children’s temperaments. What possible “expectations” could you get that would be helpful for you? With respect, as somebody else mentioned, it sounds like you are looking for some kind of objective rule to bolster your arguments with your spouse – “most women I talked to say their families do ____” – and when you’re doing that you have a bigger problem than whether you should book a resort.

          4. To the OP, – those other peoples expectations or disappointments just don’t matter when it comes to your family’s travel plans. They just don’t. I’d encourage you to think about this being a pattern that it’s not serving you so well.

          5. I guess I don’t see why it matters at all what other people are doing unless you’re trying to keep up with them. I have a few local friends and co-workers whose winter vacation plans I knew about because it naturally came up in recent conversations, but I could not tell you where the majority of kids in our elementary school went for winter break, if anywhere. We planned the trip we wanted to take, and took it. Why would it matter what others do?

            Your problem here is that your husband is being unreasonable. It’s not other families at school.

          6. OP, you need to make, and manage, your own expectations and not worry about what others are doing. Do what works for your family, full stop. I would be ‘a little touchy’ about my vacation plans too of your reason for asking was to see what you needed to do to…what…fit in? keep up?

          7. OP, to give you anecdata, among my well-educated and mid-career peers, I would say the elementary schoolers on average have passports and use them 1x, maybe 2x a year. If there’s a big Europe trip in the summer then spring break might be a 5-day weekend in Tampa for spring training rather than the Caribbean. But that’s the average and of course there are families that feel like they are constantly in the air, and others do almost exclusively local trips like the classic shore house rental with the loaded-down SUV full of bikes and boogie boards, or basically only drive to visit extended family and participate in a big rental on a lake in the midwest, etc.

            All of this depends on kids’ temperaments, spend on other stuff (like people with kids in expensive travel sports tend to do less non-sport travel), etc. (And of course all of this comes from a position of privilege – no one is pretending here that frequent travel is possible for millions of people.)

            None of this however helps you with your real problem- that your husband wants to allocate vacation budget to a very lopsided and likely blah weather trip. To me it sounds like a waste of time not because travel is a waste of money per se, or because it’s too boring of a vacation for your circle’s “typical” such that it may be (insert eyeroll here), but because you being stuck in a smelly chlorinated indoor pool area with a 3 yo for 4 days is money totally down the drain!

        1. Yeah if my kid came home whining about how everyone else had a fancier spring break trip, I can’t imagine my reaction being “oh you poor baby.” This kid sounds ridiculously spoiled.

          1. I would say “oh you poor baby”, but it would be said with very heavy sarcasm.

      4. We don’t know what ‘expectations’ the OP is talking about, though. Family expectations? Husband’s expectations? Cultural expectations?

        If the kids are pissy because their richer friends spent spring break at Grandmama’s private chateau in the Alps, then this is where you have the classic parent chat with them about how fortunate they actually are and how comparison is the thief of joy. Also, that family decisions are made by both Mommy and Daddy together, so they don’t grow up with the ‘expectation’ that social things are women’s work.

    19. Whose expectation?

      Take a vacation or don’t, your choice. Take whatever type of vacation you want. But don’t take a vacation you don’t want to take because your husband is being annoying.

      Most people don’t take two vacations a year, let alone months apart.

    21. Yes. 2 tropical vacations are the bare minimum for acceptable parenting. These vacations should only be spent at elite, 6 star resorts. Anything less than this you are failing your children, and they will be doomed to a life of failure and unhappiness. Really 3 or 4 tropical vacations and at least 3 other international trips is what is expected.

      1. Yeah, the idea is to prepare your kids for the consulting life as young as possible. Travel so often they have a hard time remembering what city they are in! Teach them the art of buying clothes at the airport when they forget to pack a key item! Keep a fully-packed carry-on bag by the door with their travel headphones, iPads, and snacks at the ready!

        I hope people realize we’re kidding…

    22. OP the additional context you provided is important here. From DH’s perspective a good chunk of your vacation budget this year is being spent on a trip to stay with his in laws for a week, which might not be his first choice for a vacation, even if the location is nice. For your spring break trip he is proposing something that he he and DS enjoy, which is golfing, at a nearby resort to keep costs low. You don’t want to be stuck in an indoor pool with the 3-year old all day, but are there other activities at the resort that the toddler would enjoy? Another option – is 3 year old in preschool/daycare? If so then it may be easier to stay home with 3 year old during spring break week and let DH & DS go on their father/son golfing trip.

      1. I would only do the trip if we stayed at a resort that had childcare (so OP isn’t stuck with the 3 year old all day while dad golfs and ignores the rest of his family) and a spa/amenities for grownups so OP can enjoy herself while her husband disappears all day.

        1. This. And I would not offer to stay home with the preschooler while dad and son go on a golfing trip unless I had a separate solo trip booked at a different time. Also I would never even consider spending money to vacation in New Jersey.

          1. “I would never even consider spending money to vacation in New Jersey”. Eww to this comment. 90% of New Jersey is beautiful and the state has a ton to offer.

          2. I’m not that poster, and I’m sure NJ is a perfectly mine place to live but I also wouldn’t fly there for vacation. I wouldn’t fly for vacation in my home state either, so I don’t really see it as an insult. There’s a reason everyone goes to a handful of states for vacations.

      3. Op. Thanks I didn’t think of it that way. We’re not staying with them but at a full service hotel down the road. My husband and parents get along really well, my husband does golf trips with my dad, etc. The perk of the February trip is the built in babysitting. You’re right he wouldn’t have picked it but my husband loves it there and I suspect my parents husband and son will golf together most days. I’m fine to play on the beach and in the pool with my daughter because I personally don’t love golf and probably won’t bother to ship my clubs. I’ll consider staying home in April if we can’t figure out something everybody is excited about.

        1. OP – I have a kid with a particular sports obsession too, and there is some value in setting everyone’s expectations early that not every trip can revolve around the sport. Golf is a little trickier than my son’s sport because it sounds like your husband (and your parents) are big golfers too – so it’s probably easier for it to monopolize family time without realizing it (whereas only my son does his sport, so it’s very obvious if he’s pulling for a location where his favorite team is playing or there’s a stadium he wants to see), but I do think it’s a good idea to sow the seed now for both son and husband that family vacations can’t be wholly focused on golf. Disney would be a great second trip, with theme parks one or two days, then a golf day, then a theme park day, or whatever.

          For additional context on why it’s good to do this now, or at least socialize this with your husband, my dad is an avid, avid, AVID golfer, and he used to golf on a lot of our family trips. My brother went with him, but I remember hating it when he left our family vacations to golf. Maybe it’s different if your husband is able to work from home and is with your daughter more, but my dad worked a very corporate job and would golf every Sunday. I used to feel really left out and left behind when he would leave to golf during family trips or be gone for really all day on Sunday. My mom picked it up in later years (so they could spend more time together), and especially when I was old enough to stay alone, I hated being at golf resorts where all the other activities were “second fiddle” to the golf courses and golfers. I remember we finally took a trip when I was in high school where golfing wasn’t an option, and I have the best memories of that trip.

      4. This makes good sense to me. And perhaps OP can do a girls’ spa trip or similar at another time, which DH holds down the fort.

        1. Yes. Dad only gets his golf trip if he takes care of both trips while OP goes away on a trip she’ll actually enjoy!!

    23. I’m in the Northeast and we have both a February break and a spring break. The thing about expectations is that they’re very, very local. So ask other parents at your kids’ school what their plans are to get a sense of norms, if that’s important to you. You’ll an unhelpfully full range of responses here, I suspect.

      Then — and I say this gently — ask yourself why you’re invested in what the expectations are. Do you worry your kids might be left out of something? Is it about keeping up with the Joneses? (Again, I pose that question gently.). All to say that as you gather information on what expectations and norms are for wherever your community is, keep central what works for your family and why.

    24. so i have 5.5 year old twins. pre-covid (before they were in school) we traveled to one family for Thanksgiving, one family at Christmastime (though we don’t celebrate, but had off for work), one family for Passover and then both over the summer. now that they are a bit older, we are traveling a bit more, and i realize it is a HUGE privilege to be able to afford to do so, but i think that at least for me, going on multiple trips back to back is too much go, go, go. I like some staycation time. We have to fly to see all of our family, and fortunately they live in places that are desirable to visit, but where we live we dont have great vacation spots within driving distance. I still think of years in terms of school years, and in the 2022-2023 school year we had family come to us for Thanksgiving for the first time, family come to us at winter break time, did not travel over spring break, did a long weekend trip for passover and then did an extended trip over the summer (most of it was staying with family) bc DH had a month long sabbatical. That actually felt good to me. This school year we flew to my SIL’s wedding in September, flew for Thanksgiving, flew last week to go on a ski trip, are flying to go to Disney over spring break, might also try to fly for Passover bc it is the only opportunity to see my extended family, and will probably fly twice over the summer. This to me feels like way too much and I hope to not repeat the next school year. every single one of these trips involves seeing grandparents. my mom passed away shortly before covid hit and my dad isn’t getting any younger/is lonely, so we try to make plans with him when we can bc he is generally a helpful extra set of hands

      1. Yeah, everyone’s different. I get itchy if I’m not on a plane about once a month, although I will say that now that I have a kid in K-12 school I feel more need to be here more consistently and not go away for random weekends because it causes her to miss so much fun stuff (activities, parties, play dates, etc.). I feel much more settled here now, and I want to build a life here and not be gone every third weekend, which is where we were at during the daycare years. We do travel on pretty much every week-long school vacation though, but so do a lot of people so we don’t miss as much stuff.

    25. Yes. Not taking a warm spring break is “not done” unless your family is financially lagging. And no matter what push back you might get, keeping up is central to a family’s self worth, and the children’s social status. I cannot be the family that “went to Asheville for spring break” or such. I need and my kids need to have something to say about what our trip was, and no one will look kindly upon a boring, local, cold weather trip. It will be all the talk about our struggling financial situation. If you can avoid that, your children will launch much better. The one exception is if you can take a ski resort vacation at one of the finer resorts either out west, in NE, or in Canada. But that won’t address your apparent concerns about cost. If it is not actually that you are short on funds and you just want cold weather, you need to ski and make your family the family that skis. I am sure there are people telling you different here, but what you asked about is expectation, and these are the minimal expectations for upper middle class at the least. You will regret it for a long time if you take your children on a middle class vacation. You will pay but your children will pay more and for longer. Maybe it shouldn’t be this way, I don’t know, I don’t ruminate about such things, I just know that it is, and I am not interested in making my children suffer from social ostracization (or suffering myself) because we, say, took them to a state park for spring break. That can be a bonus trip if one of them expresses a specific interest at some point, but not a major school holiday.
      Are you struggling so much that one more tropical trip is going to break you? If you can swing it, I consider it an investment in the future – the family’s and the children’s. But I do know some people really just can’t make it work, in which case do the best you can and aim for better trips next year to erase the ho-hum 2024 trips. I think you can recover from one year, it just may take a while. You might consider simply going to visit family and create a narrative about why your family needed to do that this year. I have seen that work.

      4. Is this for real? I live in an upper middle class suburb, and “keeping up with the Jones’s” vacation wise was not a thing. And we did nice vacations, but I did not care what other people did. Many families stayed home and did a few special day trips.

        Comparison with others is a killer of joy.

      5. I went to an elite private school and I assure you nobody cared where my family and I went on vacation.

        1. My advice would differ in the case of true wealth/upper class circles. I don’t read the post to be asking for that.

      8. This is clearly satire but she worked so hard on it. Glad I’m not the only one slacking at work today!

      9. Yes, heavens, how would you ever make it through a social season if the Vanderbilts or the Astors knew you had to slum it over spring break.

        1. The line that made me lol was “Maybe it shouldn’t be this way, I don’t know, I don’t ruminate about such things, I just know that it is, and I am not interested in making my children suffer from social ostracization (or suffering myself) because we, say, took them to a state park for spring break.

      12. When I was in high school, I used to think sarcasm was witty and intelligent. Now I just see that it is a sad bitter way to live for cynical sad and bitter people.

        1. You are so boring! We do not all have to speak like Mormon house mommies on here.

        2. When I was in high school, I thought calling someone “immature” was the ultimate insult. Then I grew up and got a sense of humor.

          1. Making fun of people is humorous? Is that the part I didn’t get? What do you get out of making fun of OP?

        3. Oh good grief. I thought it was funny. For someone who is so into preaching kindness, it’s very rude to call other people sad and bitter because it isn’t your cup of tea.

        4. Oh, please. This is a brilliant and funny piece of satire responding to someone unironically asking what the expectation is surrounding tropical vacations.

    26. I live in a cold climate and have yet to go on any kind of tropical spring break trip. It is very, very expensive to be tied to certain dates and I have one kid who would likely be miserable. So no, it’s not an expectation.

      1. I think she wants to be able to convince her snobby golfing husband that his New Jersey vacation idea is too lowbrow.

    28. “Is the expectation that we also do another tropical vacation for spring break?”
      Whose expectation are you talking about? You get to set the expectations for what you want to do.

    1. +1 it’s so pretty, too bad Club Monaco is soooo expensive in CAD and has limited sizing.

  3. NYC people: I need a hotel recommendation for NYC or Hoboken / Weehawken for me, spouse and two teens. Would like some ability to have a suite or adjoining rooms and yet something with a cool view or ability to get to the ferry / Path would be great.

    Is The Cloisters still worth a trip? I’ve been to NYC a lot but it mostly new to them. Would a Circle Line tour be good? Anything not to miss? They like architecture and history and one likes to shop. My wallet is too afraid to tour any area colleges except we may walk through NYU when in the village.

    1. I don’t travel to NYC as much as I used to for work, but when I couldn’t get into my preferred Wall Street area hotel, I often stayed in Jersey City and took the ferry to work. It’s fine and pretty quick unless it’s stormy out.

        1. +1. Also, Jersey City has the quickest Path route into Manhattan – one stop to WTC. A consideration if you’re thinking of spending most of your time there.

      2. I’ve also enjoyed Jersey City for the prices, the views of the Manhattan skyline, and the ease of transportation on PATH. Last time I stayed at the Doubletree and it was great.

      3. Ugh said a bad word. Trying again:
        I’ve also enjoyed Jersey City for the prices, the views of the Manhattan skyline, and the ease of travel on the PATH. Last time I stayed at the Doubletree and it was great.

    2. I’ve stayed at the W in Hobooken and the Westin in JC, though not very recently. Both were nice and conveniently located.

    3. When are you going? The Cloisters is mostly semi-outdoors and not climate-controlled. I went once in August with my mother and roasted as there were only a few air-conditioned spaces. It is worth visiting if you like Medieval church architecture and art. You should also consider the Tenement Museum tours & Ellis Island for history, and maybe the New-York Historical Society or Museum of the City of NY, depending on whether the exhibitions are of interest.

      For art, there is so, so much to choose from – what kind of art? I would look at what the exhibitions are going to be at the Met, the Whitney, the New Museum, the Guggenheim, MoMA, Museum of Art and Design, Brooklyn Museum, and/or Cooper Hewitt when you will be here and see what looks of interest. The Guggenheim, Whitney, and the Met Breuer are architecturally interesting spaces. I personally never tire of the Met; its just so huge and there is something for everyone. The renovated MoMA feels a bit empty to me.

      I am a broken record with this but if you can get tickets to go up in the crown of the Statue of Liberty, that is very cool.

      I feel like the Circle Line is really long if you do the whole loop. I would rather take the Staten Island Ferry or Governor’s Island Ferry or a water taxi for less money, less touristy, and similar sight-seeing, albeit without narration.

      If the weather will be nice, you might enjoy seeing some of the newer architectural wonders, like the Vessel at the Hudson Yards or Little Island, or of course the High Line. The 2 new performing arts spaces, The Shed and the Perelman Center downtown, are also cool.

      1. OP here — this is for April. I have never been to the Frick — is it open again? I heard it closed for renovations. No one likes modern art and we have all been to the MMA before. I willl check the other spots. Thanks!

      2. Agree that the Circle Line entire circle tour is way too long, but you can do a half circle that just covers the lower portion of Manhattan, and that’s great. Also, Little Island is great.

        1. Or take the Staten Island Ferry over to S.I. and back to lower Manhattan. Nice views of the statue of liberty. It’s free.

    4. My husband has stayed at the Sheraton Lincoln Harbor Hotel in Weehauken a few times while attending events (NY ComicCon especially) at the Javits center. The place seems nice, prices are good, and the views of Manhattan are spectacular. 6 minute ferry ride to the city.

    5. If you’re looking at staying in NJ to save money, make sure that the travel to and from the city won’t eat up your savings or time. Also, keep in mind that if your hotel is not in NYC, then each day will likely be a full excursion with no ability to touch down between events. I’d look for a less perfect place in Manhattan for that reason alone.

      The Cloisters is fantastic, and if your kids are Hamilton fans, you can easily combine a trip there with a self-guided tour of historic sites linked to him. There’s a good list on the NYC parks webpage. Another teen-approved event that’s best done uptown is getting a meal from a legit bodega.

      Walking across the Brooklyn Bridge is great, and there are plaques along the way covering the history and construction of the bridge. If you walk from Manhattan to Brooklyn, you land in a good shopping neighborhood with legendary pizza, and can take the subway back.

      1. OP here — looking for NJ because we will be leaving our car somewhere in NJ (not taking it into the city), so a NJ hotel might help with that. ALSO, the NYC view from NJ is just amazing and if I’m going to have a great view, NJ view of NYC is a lot less (I think) than something like trying to stay somewhere in NYC with something like a view of Central Park or a view like out of some hotels in lower Manhattan (have stayed at SoHo Grand before). I used to live in Hoboken, but that was a long time ago, but I understand how to get around via the PATH and ferry. Truth be told, I never went much beyond where the PATH went (except the Cloisters and MMA; I never figured out MTA bus routes and often just walked or took a cab if the subway route wasn’t obvious).

  4. Will be in NYC for two weeks in early February for a personal trip tacked on to work trip. Which would you pick and why: SOJO spa or QC NY Spa? I need a place where most of our time can be spent outdoors since my mom is joining me for the vacation portion and we still mask indoors everywhere (no judgement if you don’t)… want her to be comfortable and I know she would love a heated pool in the middle of winter.

    1. SoJo. There’s more to do generally than QC, it is nicer and cleaner, and there is more to do outside. But I wouldn’t do this in February if you only want to be outside. You’ll be very cold when you aren’t in a pool and you’ll miss out on the nice restaurant relaxation area indoor pools etc.

    2. Where are you staying? SOJO is in NJ and might be a real schlep, but I think it is much, much bigger than QC NY. I have not been to either though. The other option is Spa Castle in Queens, which I have been to and enjoyed, but it is more of a family destination.

      1. I’m staying in Chelsea. I’m not too concerned about traveling to either place.

      2. I’ve been to Sojo and it was great. That said, its outdoor space is somewhat limited and you would need to walk through the indoor property/locker room to access either. We went on a public holiday and it was fairly crowded (especially in the cafeteria).

    3. I’ve been to SOJO spa twice before (last time in 2019), and there’s at least 4 outdoor heated pools I remember off the top of my head, but it’s pretty pricey compared to more Korean spa like places like King Spa. Most of the bade rooms are indoors, but if you skip those I don’t know if you’ll get your money’s worth. Also, by 2019, SOJO was overrun with influencers so not sure if they’re still there roaming in packs or if they’ve moved onto another spa. Haven’t been to QC NY Spa, since I don’t live in NJ anymore.

  5. Any recommendations for a cordless vacuum that can pick up cat litter from hardwood floors? Willing to pay any amount for something that will last. Currently, have a shark and disappointed in the lifespan. It’s starting to lose it’s suction in less than three years. I’ve been reading about Dysons and Miele and slight preference for Dyson right now because of washable filters as opposed to having to buy new filters, but priority is something that will actually pick up litter from hardwood and will last.

    2. same. you don’t even need the latest model. we have a 7 yo dyson and it still works fine though we’ve needed to replace the battery

    3. Dyson animal! I love mine, and its one of the older models (a 7, I think?) The downsides: 1) It does not stand up on its own, so if you pause use for a moment, you have to prop it up against a wall, and 2) It doesn’t have an ‘on switch’ as such; you need to continuously hold down the button as you use it, which my hand finds tiring for extended use. But overall, its the best stick vacuum I’ve had. Does a great job with the cat litter (and fur) on hardwood floors (as well as rugs and upholstery).

    4. I have a Miele and a cat. I like the Miele because it’s a sealable bag — and those bags last a LONG time.

      1. I know buying bags is not ideals for everyone – but I’ve heard machines with bags last longer. I have a Miele that I’ve had for a good 10 years and still going strong.

  6. Jumping off of Monday’s discussion about corralling trash inside your car, wanted to share my system…I collect and reuse plastic food packaging bags as car trash bags.
    Specifically, I save bags that are made of a stiffer plastic material. Like the inner bags from cereal / cracker boxes and the “zip top” style bags with a gusseted bottom (i.e. the bags from Costco’s trail mix and Trader Joe’s nuts or trail mix).

    We keep a stash of these used bags in the glove compartment. When a “trash bag” is full of kids’ wrappers, tissues, etc, I toss it when out running errands (why bring trash into your own house).

    What are others’ clever reuse/trash reduction habits or tips?

    1. Great idea! I will totally start using food packaging in the car.

      Here’s mine: I save and bring home the paper towels that I use at work to dry my hands after hand washing.

      My company buys freakin’ premium brandname paper towel rolls for our break room and the building landlord uses relatively nice paper towels in the restrooms too.
      So I save the paper towels used to dry my clean, just-washed hands. At home, they’re jammed into an old tissue box and get reused to clean the messes / spills from my two kids and two geriatric cats.

      Something sticky spilled in the fridge? No problem—just spray and clean with a “used paper towel” from mom’s office. Even the kids know to use them.

      1. I have started doing this as well for cat litter clean up. Super easy. Recycling, free.

        1. Yes!! I tear of docs to be shredded when too lazy to take them into work and stick the paper pieces in the bag of scooped cat litter—haha

    3. Produce bags (the only plastic bags i can get for “free” now in Philly) are great for wet trash – they are way less prone to having random holes in them!

      2. Agreed. We use them for cat litter like the poster above. And for soiled diapers when our kids were itty bitty. We never did buy a diaper pail / genie system—which face it, is more plastic generation.

    4. The plastic packaging of a pack of toilet paper is usually the right size to line my small bathroom or bedroom trash bin.
      The paper bag that bread comes in gets a second act to wrap my sandwich for work, or a piece of bread to go with my soup, then gets tossed.
      Pizza boxes can usually go into the compost bin, if your city has that. Just take out the little plastic-thingy that holds up the middle.

  7. Beets! I love ’em, my family doesn’t, but I just bought a big container of the precooked kind from Costco. Fave recipes, especially make-ahead or for lunches?

    1. Put on top of salad. Mix with some goat cheese and eat as stand alone salad. Eat as side dish with anything else.

      1. This plus walnuts is one of my favorite salads to eat.

        Also borscht, but I have no idea how well pre-cooked beets work in that.

    2. A grain based salad with farro or quinoa? Cookie and Kate and NYTimes Cooking both have recipes for this.

    3. Sneak them into smoothies with fruits like apples or blueberries and any greens.

    5. I love them in a salad with mandarin oranges and a crumbly cheese like goat or feta. There are some variations on this recipe online.

    6. Beets with roasted Yukon gold potatoes, lentils, and blue cheese (or goat). Love this as a strong flavored winter salad. Sometimes I’ll add some fresh spinach, but usually not. (This is a riff off a restaurant salad w celeriac, which I love but sub Yukon golds for ease.)

    7. Oh also! NYT has a great beet and citrus smoothie. Unexpected way to use up a high quantity – and maybe the kids might accept it too!

  8. Anyone got a stellar side dish to go with this menu? Preferably something that doesn’t have to be heated. I’m going to a belated Christmas family gathering this weekend and volunteered to bring a non-specified side, and now I’m feeling utterly uninspired. It’s a not fancy family thing.

    Updated Menu:
    Ham
    Rolls
    Macaroni Salad
    Mac N Cheese
    Fruit Salad
    Veggie Tray
    Taco Dip & Chips
    Cheese tray
    Cranberry Cake
    Scotcheroos
    Mayo, Mustard, Butter, Pickles

    1. OP here – re-reading this and “stellar” is too high of a bar for what I’m looking for. Literally just tell me what to bring, it can be totally boring. :D

      1. OP again. Also need something that can be prepared the night before. I have a super tight window between a class and driving the 45 minutes to the gathering, which takes out my normal MO of green bean casserole or hash brown casserole. Hence the focus on something cold.

        1. I see veggie tray and fruit salad, but I would make a lovely green salad with veggies or other toppings you know are a hit with your crowd. Bring a lovely bottle of salad dressing or two…this is easily made the night before. For my crowd, a greek salad (olives, feta) or a winter salad (apples, blue cheese, walnuts) would be appreciated, but a standard with cukes, cherry tomatoes, nice greens and arugula is great too.

          1. Lol, there’s a 75% chance I’m doing exactly this. I was thinking of trying to make it, but I really like just buying things too.

      2. German potato salad (not mayo-based but vinegar-based) — should be prepared the night before & can be served cold, room temp, and/or warm. My go-to! Familiar but interesting, easy and delicious.

    2. brussels sprout slaw/cold salad would work! Or a kale salad with lemon juice, parmesan, olive oil, etc… something crunchy and green will hold up well to the time and be a nice alternative to all the heavy food. Or just make a salad with gem lettuce, fennel, apples, whatever else and dress it once you’re there.

    3. Is nobody bringing anything to drink? I would bring some fancy sodas, juices, or mocktails in a cooler.

      1. OP here – Oh drinks is on the bottom of the planning list, I just left it off my list because it was normal water/soda. My aunt already requested everyone BYOB for anything special, so I’ll probably leave that alone.

    5. I think a veggie would suit the menu well. I’d search for “cold bean salad” recipes and choose something that has ingredients that appeal to you.

      1. Bean salad or a pickled veggie salad is a great idea. This menu tracks closely to what my midwestern family serves, and something kind of tart/sour is a nice addition.

      2. OP here – bonus points for this is that I have fresh green beans in my refrigerator. I hadn’t thought of a cold bean salad.

        1. I was thinking broccoli slaw using the prebagged stuff would be perfect. Easy, green, crunchy.

    6. This is my “winner winter” salad:

      – crumbled feta
      – pomegranate seets
      – very thinly sliced apples (fuji is good)
      – a cup of cooked squash or sweet potato, cubed small, sprinkled with cinnamon
      – extremely thinly-sliced fennel bulb
      – generously incorporated fresh dill
      – arugula, spring mix or spinach in any combo you want
      – green onion or chives

      top with a dijon-apple cider vinaigrette (google recipes–this is super-easy to make).

      You will be the star of the party, promise.
      If you hate fennel, it’s still delish without it.

      1. hmmm intriguing. I do love these sweet potato croutons in the freezer section – they’re just diced sweet potatoes that I air fry. I could make those the night before, let them cool and refrigerate.

    9. Bon Appetit’s winter crunch salad. It will be a nice contrast to the rest while also complementing the flavors. Brussels, kale, apple, sunflower seeds. It is better than the sum of its parts.

    11. If you don’t want to cook, go to Whole Foods or somewhere like a deli and order a large container of a side. Ham goes with lots of things.

  9. I posted twice before about possibly buying a horse, and people were very thoughtful and helpful both times so I thought I’d provide an update. TLDR: horse #1–people said sure, buy him, I didn’t, it was the right choice; horse #2–several people raised concerns, I didn’t move forward, and it was probably the wrong choice. This became especially clear after spending a few months officially horse shopping instead of just being theoretically open to the right horse falling into my lap.

    However, if I did learn one thing from my experience with horse #2, it was that if my trainer looked me in the eye and told me “I found your horse,” I should listen. So…this time I bought the horse! I just hit send on the wire for lucky candidate #3, and will be trying very hard not to vibrate out of my skin while I’m trapped at my desk for the rest of the day. Accepting any and all tips for how to avoid immediately going buck wild on Smartpak :)

    1. Congratulations!!! I would love to own a horse someday. Best of luck with your big new friend.

    3. Congrats! And avoid immediately buying everything and just get what you need for now until Smartpak has one of those “spend $200 and get a $50 gift card” promo that seems to happen every few months (Dover does the same). If you have a local equestrian Facebook group, they are gold for finding used stuff for sale.
      Also, medical insurance for a horse is expensive but generally worth it.

      1. Yes, much as it pains me I am going to do my best to be very restrained with the pony accessories.

        I’ve had Broadstone recommended for insurance, but if you have any other suggestions I’m all ears. I don’t really care about mortality coverage but I want the major medical for sure.

        1. I have a policy with Hartford that I purchased through Star H Equine Insurance. Star H is NC-based, but I am pretty sure they are licensed in other states as well. They are good about paying claims and quickly, though you’ll end up with exclusions the next year, but that’s true of all of them (my horse is very accident prone)

    4. Congratulations!

      I have no tips. I would be absurdly excited to welcome a new part of my family, which is what it seems you are doing.

    6. Congrats!!! What did you end up getting? I just bought my third horse last month – a 4 year old KWPN my trainer found for me in the Netherlands, my other two are 19 and 24 and I want to do some big jumps so time for a youngster. :) Hitting send on that wire was both exhilarating (so excited!) and terrifying (he’s the most expensive thing I own and horses are disasters!). I was only able to restrain my Smartpak purchases because I own soooo much stuff already, haha, no advice there because obviously, 50+ saddle pads are a necessity.
      I use Blue Bridle for insurance – I do have my guy insured for mortality (because he was $$$ and I could not readily replace him without the insurance), as well as major medical. I haven’t made a claim in the last three weeks (fingers crossed for never), but have friends that have and have had good experiences.

      1. Can I add it ask totally rude question – as somebody who has expensive hobbies of her own, but not in the horse arena, what does a horse cost, and what are the annual costs for it?

        1. Not OP but I was a competitive equestrian for years. It’s hard to answer because it really depends on the kind of horse, what you want to do with the horse, your location, the type of barn where you keep the horse, etc. Professional caliber showjumping horses can be six or seven figures. But your average ordinary pony that you ride for fun could be $5k.

        2. I have no idea, but a nature preserve in my area lets you sponsor a horse that they use for trail rides and it was $$$ for that (and you got to learn how clean stalls and brush it and could ride it once a month). I think to own it, board it, feed it, train it, and properly accessorize it, you basically need to light your wallet and lines of credit on fire (and rinse and repeat).

        3. There’s a huge range depending on what you want to do and where you live. You can get an inexpensive off the track thoroughbred or something off craigslist and keep it on your property (assuming you have an appropriate setup) and it’s a low four figure purchase and a couple hundred bucks a month for food, etc. You can easily spend mid six-figures and up (depending on level and the horse’s record) on a going horse to do FEI dressage, eventing, or jumpers or the big hunter derbies. A top barn can easily cost $4-6k a month per horse for board plus training, higher if you’re in Wellington. I event so it’s generally a bit cheaper, though I know a youngish horse sourced for a member of the US team a few years was like $300k – it’s since made a team. I bought a fancy young prospect, he’s quite green but has done a few shows, super temperament, and he was mid-five figures all in (including shipping from Europe, vetting, and commission). I pay $800/month for a non-fancy barn with no indoor in a VHCOL area for my older two, baby horse is heading to Florida next week and will be about $3k per month down there for full training. And there are vet bills and plenty of miscellaneous expenses…

          1. I have a friend who is a lifelong equestrienne. She does hunter jumpers but is now dabbling in dressage. We’ll see where it takes her. It’s because her new six figure horse, bought as a hunter jumper, is showing signs that he’s been taught dressage before. Both the horse and the rider have to be taught these things so it’s not quite like piano lessons or whatever. It’s labor intensive and very expensive before you even talk about boarding. In terms of cost, it’s like in the thousands per month.

        4. The costs vary wildly. It’s like asking how much it costs to buy and maintain a home, where the “home” could be anything from a camper owned by a diy’er to an estate with a full staff. A horse can range from a giveaway (seriously) to millions of dollars. Ones owned by amateurs who are actively competing tend to cost between $25K and $75K. Every horse will require housing, food, daily care, farrier work, and vet work. In my MCOL, that averages out to $2K/month. Each competition costs about $1.5K additional. Horse ownership requires a lot of equipment and accessories (helmet, riding boots, saddle, clothing for horse and rider, etc.). You could probably buy everything you need at mid-range quality for between $15K and will need to replace it as things wear, break, etc. over the years.

        5. As everyone has said, it varies wildly. I paid 10k for my horse and spend around $1200/month on boarding, lessons, shows, and shoes. If I just did pasture board and had one of those horses that didn’t need shoes and could get by with a barefoot trim, it’d be more like $500 in my area. On the other hand, if I was at a fancy show barn and did rated shows, it’d be more like $2-3k depending on the shows (board at the fancy barns in my area is about $1200, not including lessons, shows, etc. And my area is on the lower end of the spectrum), and the horse would cost considerably more.

      2. I mean, you need to have a saddle pad in every color to match whatever shirt you’re wearing, right? I see no problems here.

        1. Matching saddle pads and polos or boots are absolutely essential. Check out PS of Sweden.

          2. Hahaha, I was considering buying that pad for an upcoming jumper show that has a sparkly theme. We’re just enabling each other.

      3. I know horses are disasters and get themselves injured all the time, but I hope you mean last three years, not weeks. Although I would still be happy for three solid weeks without any vet bills. :)

        And congratulations to OP on the horse! I have imported three horses over the last 10+ years. Still have the original dude who is now retired at 24, sold the other two. I really want to get another horse to ride but it will have to wait (solo mom of toddler). It’s so expensive but then I think about how much horses have added to my life in terms of friends, a social life, exercise and happiness. It really is a lifestyle, not a hobby.

        1. I do mean three weeks, as that is how long I’ve owned baby horse – so far he’s held it together. :) In the last three years (with my older two), I’ve had pleeeenty of vet bills, including a ruptured superficial flexor tendon, an impaction colic due to ulcers that resulted in 4 days at the horse-pital, and a corneal ulcer that didn’t heal as quickly as expected so we went to the fancy ophthalmologist to discover that it had resolved in the two weeks waiting for that appointment ($500 and a vacation day to be told everything was fine haha).
          And yeah, it’s a lifestyle for sure, but like you I feel like I’ve gotten so much out of it that I have no regrets, though my bank account might beg to differ!

      4. Congrats to you too! How exciting, I hope your new guy has a great time down in Florida and gets you over your big tracks :) I thought I was going to end up with a youngster too, given my budget, but my trainer managed to conjure something with mileage out of thin air. He’s a warmblood/pony cross who I will admit, even as a proud new mama, looks like a chunky overgrown pony when he’s standing around…until he starts moving and then you can suddenly see his Holsteiner daddy.

        1. Thank you! I love the small ones – a little pocket rocket is so much fun, and I also think they’re easier to keep sound. I bet you’re going to have a blast with him!

    7. Congrats! There is no way to avoid the spending spree :) I suggest making a wish list, and over the next few days/week you can add and modify what is on your wish list. I limit myself to one new horse item a month, and have a day set up that I get to make the purchase. So as I think of things through the month, I modify what is at the top of my wish list. If you are trying to save money, I buy a lot of stuff from FB marketplace.

      1. Making a literal list is smart, I say with a sigh as I regretfully close my PS of Sweden tab.

  10. i need to get a new iphone- if you have a newer model, do you like it? anything i should know about it?

    1. I would definitely get one of the newer models that charges with USB C! So excited that the world generally seems to be moving towards one kind of charging port.

    2. My workplace provided me with a 15 the first day they were available and like it just fine, except I do miss having an Apple leather case on it. The Apple silicon case now is much better than prior models (not so slippery when it should grip, but still prone to getting caught in my pocket), and I am sure there are after market leather options available now. The Apple fabric case looks like garbage from the start and goes downhill from there.

      I use a wireless charger so the USB-C part was not life-changing for me, but if you also have an ipad it is nice to be able to use the same cable for charging either device.

    3. I have an iPhone SE and just got my (yes she is spoiled but I had discounts and we don’t take tropical vacations so don’t flame me) older teen an iPhone 15 as her big holiday gift because her iPhone SE was nearing the end of its useful life. Now I wish I hadn’t been so cheap and had gotten myself a better phone too. The camera on the 15 is much better, USB-C is more convenient, and MagSafe charging is much better than the wireless charging on the SE.

    4. I have the iPhone 14 Pro Max and I’m really happy with the camera(s) and the ability to rapidly charge with USB-C. I could almost have waited for the 15 but when your old phone dies, it dies.

      I like to have the latest model because the older models tend to get really slow really quickly.

  11. one thing i never thought i’d have to do as as an adult…console my 74.5 year old father when the person he’d been seeing (and i didn’t even know he was seeing someone) broke up with him via text. he understood her reasons, but thought texting was rude.

    1. Oh my goodness. My parents were married for 60 years and got married immediately out of high school. After my mother died, my father decided to play the field for a while and the amount of junior high dating nonsense was off the charts because he didn’t know how to date or how to deal with his feelings.

      I can understand your dad’s feelings, and yours about the weirdness of the situation. It’s a very strange time of life!!

    2. Thank you both so much for posting! My 70-something dad started dating, and I’m having a hard time with him having a girlfriend. And we have talked about that. But real life stories are super helpful. I feel understood here.

    3. The summer I spent working at a nursing home was filled with the most soapy drama I ever encountered, including my own lived middle school and college experience. Off the charts wild what those seniors would do, made even more extreme because they were all in DGAF territory at their ages.

      Hugs to you and your dad.

      1. OMG my mom was about this close to getting swindled by a love interest at the nursing home. It was wild.

    4. My grandfather died before I was born so my grandmother was dating basically my entire life. I have a number of items that I inherited from one or another of her boyfriends over the years. It never stopped being weird!

    5. True story: I let my hair go gray for a while in my 40s, and one time we were visiting my 90-something father-in-law when his 90-something lady friend came to visit. I was sitting with my back to the door when she came in so she didn’t recognize me right away, and she got all huffy and all “oh, I’d better leave — I don’t want to intrude,” because she thought I was Another Woman, competing for his affections!

      1. My late-70s grandfather created a major rift in the social scene in his retirement community by dating two widows of his deceased friends at the same time. And again when he surprise married someone else from out of town.

    7. Would he watch the SATC episode in which Berger breaks up with Carrie via post-it?

  12. DH got a prescription for a version of Ozemp*c for weight loss. He’s trying to lose ~30 lbs that he’s gained over the years that is impacting other health stuff and his own self-esteem. I’m fully supportive of his decision and he’s doing it in line with other intentional lifestyle modifications. He hopes to do it for ~6 months, understanding that there’s a chance some of the weight will likely come back (we’ve heard about 50% of it will come back without the drug and only lifestyle mods once off).

    What should I expect and how I can I support him?

    1. Ask him how you can support him — what works best for him? When I’m losing weight, I do NOT want cheerleading, support, or input. Especially from a health-minded skinny person. (I’m not saying you’re health minded or skinny, just that’s not the kind of person I want to hear from.) I’m so very aware that I might fail, and I don’t want people monitoring my decisions, noticing everything I’m eating, or making comments on my body. But, that’s me. Your husband might flourish by having a champion or someone actively helping him reach goals. Ask him! Or go by what you know about him from living with him through other challenges.

      1. That is so true. I went on a doctor supervised diet (successfully) about a year or so ago, and my husband chiming in to ask whether what I ordered at a restaurant was allowed on my diet was Extremely Unwelcome input.

    2. Be prepared for it to take longer than 6 months. It takes a while to get up to the right dosage. I’ve been on it for 4 months and have only lost like 5 lbs (though at least I didn’t gain over the holidays!). Many men can lose weight super quickly though so ymmv.

Comments are closed.