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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
This cardigan from Vince Camuto looks like a perfect topper for a fall outfit. The drape front is not as formal as a tailored blazer, but still looks pulled together.
If you’re in a hybrid work-from-home situation, this would look just as lovely paired with a tee and your favorite leggings as it would with a blouse and trousers — what more can we ask?
The sweater is $99 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes XS–XXL.
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Anon
I feel like if tall heeled boots are coming back, along with long skirts, kilts aren’t far behind.
Anon
J Crew Factory actually has a long black watch plaid skirt that’s currently in my cart…not a kilt but close!
MagicUnicorn
At this point, I feel like fashion has become one big “the more, the merrier” situation and I am kind of at peace with it. At least I can just shop my closet and instead of being a decade out of style, I’m probably just ushering in the newest trend.
Anon
Me too — I hope this sticks. I’m tired of the fashion cycle and want off!!
anon
Agree. Anything goes, which is very freeing. I never stopped wearing tall boots, fwiw. If I like them, and they’re high quality and they go with my personal style, why hide them in a closet for a decade?
Anonanon
I read some commentary that there are more “voices” in fashion now today which is multiplying the number of trends and also the speed at which they disperse. Instead of everyone following a small group of style setters (i.e. a few designers and magazine fashion editors) there are more individuals creating trends (see influencers, etc.). Social media is much faster at spreading trends (vs. print with long lead times), which accelerates the pace (and feeling that everything seems to be coming back into style). Add to that online shopping (which expands options), and bam. So many trend cycles!
Vicky Austin
Fascinating! This really explains why it seems like we’ve cycled through 70s, 80s and 90s fashions just in the last decade. I follow a lot of those millennial nostalgia-type accounts and my favorite (retr0avocado) described the early 2010s as very 80s inspired. We went in for big colors, skinny jeans were back, etc. I had never thought about it that way before, but it’s true!
Anon
And back to the 70s with the long skirts and boots. Which I am into.
Anon
Yes. Given how many trends seem to look awful on me (skinny jeans, ankle pants, oversized blazers), I am here for this!
Anonymous
Bring it all on! I love it all–long skirt, tall heeled boots, and kilts!
AIMS
Agree on the kilts. Already seeing some out there.
Question about the featured item – does it feel dated to anyone else or is it just something that women 35+ are going to wear now and for the foreseeable future and is kind of just a type of cardigan? Not trying to be snarky, in the 35+ club myself. I both like it and also think it looks like something that a woman of a certain vintage wears to be hip and modern.
Anon
I wear things to keep from being legit cold in a freezing office, so I really only by WARM items vs fashion acrylic items. I’m all here for giant wool / warm blanket scarves, as any hint of exposed skin gets quickly chilled by the wind kicked out by our HVAC system. Sometimes I just wear my down sweater coat inside or at least sit on it for warmth. I’m 35+, BTW. If I don’t need that much warmth, I’m more on the fun-blazer or blazer-blazer or jacket squad than a long cardi like this, but part of it is that some proportions just don’t work on me. And I like a bit of structure.
AIMS
Well – this is a cotton sweater so it wouldn’t help with warmth.
Anon
I’m convinced that only fleece or wool truly helps for people who are cold-natured.
Anon
I’m convinced that only fleece or wool truly helps for people who are cold-natured.
Sunshine
I’m not trendy or hip at all. But I ordered it for my 70 year old mom who will absolutely wear it with a turtleneck and leggings and really like it.
Anon
Exhibit A!
Cat
They have been so ubiquitous that I’m just bored of them. This looks like 30 other versions of the same thing from the NAS… over the last 5+ years.
I’m preferring crewneck sweaters for layering lately. Neat, no flapping around, and flattering alone or over a silky shirt… or to easily hide my workout top on WFH video.
AIMS
Maybe ubiquitous is a better way to explain it.
anon
Over 35, and IDGAF. I run cold, and I usually need some sort of topper to pull an outfit together. I actually really like the featured piece!
Anonymous
Yea, something specifically about the collar feels very 2015 to me. However, I am 35 and don’t dress for trends at work, so if I already owned this I would still wear it. I wouldn’t buy it new in 2022, though.
Shelle
This is lovely but does not look on trend. Cropped, boxy, and oversized is in now. Everything about this looks dated to me – the collar, the length, the nipped waist, the chevron print, the pairing with skinny jeans. Not going on a tirade because I also like it :) but trying to break down why your instincts are spot on that this looks dated.
Of Counsel
I own a virtually identical sweater and continue to wear it and would buy a new one if I did not already have that hole in my wardrobe filled. For a certain body type, having a longer topper to draw the eye down is particularly flattering, Particularly over a more structured top to balance out wider legged pants. A shorter blazer or sweater does not create that long line And a longer blazer makes me look like I’m playing dress up in my father’s clothes.
Lydia
I think it’s floppy lapels and waterfall cardigan vibes that make it look dated…plus hitting at the low hip. I would say it’s not in style (obviously, you do you, wear what you love, etc etc, but if your goal is to follow current trends then don’t buy this sweater)
AIMS
I think this is it – the waterfall cardigan thing, which the floppy lapels remind me of.I still have a cashmere waterfall cardigan that I wear around the house all winter – i call it my wine sweater. And not saying that there is anything wrong with the style – my question isn’t should I or anyone else wear it. Wear what makes you happy!
Also I am well past 35 no so remember when this place was all about “you can pry my bootleg jeans out of my cold dead hands” and now the same thing is said about skinnies and, apparently, these cardigans. I was just trying to articulate what made it seem not so current to me. I think you hit the nail on the head.
Anon
I’m 57 and have been wearing some sort of cardigan since I was in college. I’m tall so I like a longer one. It’s just a very practical choice for me on non-suit, non-blazer days. I mean? Chanel made cardigans popular so I don’t think it’s that unfashionable.
I really love all the jacket style cardigans that are out there, including this one. (I like the darker color way)
Anon
Buttoned up short cardigans are in style. Chanel cardigans are in style. This is not a Chanel cardigan, nor is it in style. Not all cardigans are equal.
Anon
Chanel wore plenty of longer cardigans, particularly tennis style. With loads of pearls.
thanksgiving anxiety
I agree with you..I personally would not wear this in public but my mom wears stuff like this and I think it looks nice on her.
Anonymous
I think the featured item would have looked frumpy even at the height of the waterfall cardigan craze. It’s the fabric and the binding.
alarmed
it’s heinously ugly. And I’m 43 and not particularly trendy.
anon
Are you seeing tall black boots paired with black pants and tights? Or other color combinations as well? I’ve held onto a pair of light gray suede heeled boots for a few years now, biding my time until they come back in style…
Anon
I feel like I am seeing a lot of brown / cognac in pictures, but I bet that as a city-dweller, IRL, I will see a lot of black.
Anon
The style is wearing tall boots with long skirts/dresses not with the pants and leggings look. Alternatively, very tall points with very short skirts or shorts- A LOOK.
Anonymous
Oh I really like this! I got a similar-ish item from BR Factory earlier this spring
Anonymous
*and it is a workhorse for me. I keep it at my desk and throw it on when I’m chilly. It goes with almost everything
Anon
I really like this too, I just wish Nordstrom Canada had all the good things that US Nordstrom does.
anon
What kind of fall activities are people looking forward to? I’m in Texas and looking for some inspriation.
MagicUnicorn
Pumpkin patch and apple orchard visits, bonfires, weekend hikes, hopefully a few more crisp morning bike rides along our local rail-to-trail system to see all the trees in full color.
Anonymous
Apple harvest is already done here!! Weird weather this year.
Anon
Riding (sitting atop a horse that I know how to start, stop, and steer, said horse being one that can well be trusted not to run or buck) a horse on trails. I’m not sure how much this counts as riding vs a horse doing all the work vs what real horse people do. 1.5 hours atop a horse is all I can take in a month, but it is fun. And nice when it’s not blazing out.
Anon
It was 26 this morning in my part of the Midwest, so we’re headed towards winter and most of these are in the rearview mirror, but…apple picking, pumpkin patch, hayrides, corn maze, fall baking, apple cider, s’mores making, lots of community Halloween events (Boo at the Zoo, etc.) if you have kids.
But honestly, if you really want to experience fall, the best thing to do is to take a trip to someplace like New England where fall is A Thing. I used to live in California and could never get into the fall season when it was 80+ degrees outside. The one year I felt like I experienced fall was the year I took a trip to Vermont.
anon
We’ve been to the pumpkin patch and took a weekend trip to see fall color about an hour away. It was brief, but really lovely and good for the soul.
Anonymous
Pumpkin spice everything at Trader Joe’s. Local football games. Pumpkin carving for Halloween, fall decor at home. Thanksgiving.
Anonymous
Headed to the mountains (Shenandoah) this weekend. We always time our Fall mountain trips wrong and miss peak leaf color, but I’m hopeful this year we might have gotten it close to right.
Anon
fall in Texas just isn’t fall. I live in Houston now but am from the east coast. i don’t miss winter, but i desperately miss fall. i was back east over the weekend and loved the changing leaves, crisp weather, etc.
Vicky Austin
A friend of mine who lived 15+ years in Texas was recently listening to me moan about the temperatures in the 80s, and she said, “You know, fall in Texas is not an automatic transmission. It’s a manual. You gotta get those pumpkins and make those s’mores yourself!”
Vicky Austin
Stuck in mod for using a forbidden word: a friend of mine who lived 15+ years in Texas was recently listening to me moan about the lack of fall weather, and she said, “You know, fall in Texas is not an automatic tr@nsmission. It’s a manual. You gotta get those pumpkins and make those s’mores yourself!”
anon
I’m in the SEUS, in a typically hot, tropical climate. Our nicest weather starts in mid-October.
– We’re taking a weekend trip to a state park this weekend. We’re hoping to see a bit of fall color, and we’re looking forward to hiking, campfires, and s’mores. And it looks like the weather will be clear enough for some stargazing.
– We have a local outdoor adventure group that does a canoe/trick-or-treat event every year. Each family gets a treasure map and canoes from Point A to Points B, C, D, and E, where someone is dressed in costume and giving out small bags of candy. (To protect the environment, the kids get another bag of candy at the end if they don’t open their candy during the canoe trip.) We’ve done this several times, and it’s really fun.
– I really enjoy baking with fall spices and pumpkin. I also brought back my tea.
– We do a lot of yard work and garden projects in the fall. During the summer, everything grows like crazy, and it’s too hot to do more than just mow the lawn once a week. Now that it’s cooled off, this is a good time to weed, mulch, prune, cut back, etc.
pugsnbourbon
The canoe trip sounds so fun! What a cool idea.
anon
It is! They started in 2020 as an outdoor, socially distanced activity. The candy is provided via pool nets and in one case, lowered in a bucket from a bridge. It’s really grown in popularity over the past few years, even though everyone is back to their regular trunk-or-treats and festivals and parties. I think they’re up to 30 different time slots over 2 weekends, and this year they created an adult-only, evening canoe event.
Anon
Mainly cooking things – I’m going to make some Meyer lemon marmalade this week with the last of my weirdly timed crop of lemons (late summer, unusual). I like cooking pots of beans and stews and Sunday gravy and other things that take all day that I neither want to cook not eat in the summer. My husband has already made apple butter in the crockpot – our Apple tree is having a great year despite historic drought conditions – and I will probably make some sort of preserve that’s not apple butter. I’m thinking pie filling.
And the thing that has been most fun recently is pulling out all my handknits for fall/winter. It’s going to be 84 here today so not quite yet, but it was chilly last week and that set the mood for me. Bye linen. Hello wool!
Anon
I feel best when I workout in the morning before work. Now that it’s cold and dark in the mornings I’m having a really hard time making myself get up and do it. I feel like the answer is that I just need to suck it up and get out of bed, but does anyone have any tips to help with this?
Cb
Are you going to bed early enough? I have a sad lamp that I flip on when my alarm goes off in the morning which also helps.
Anon
Try one of those alarm clocks that mimic the sunrise and make your house warmer around the time you want to get out of bed. Also, if you sign up for an early class and have to leave your home, that helps rather than just going for a run. If you sign up for a class, you’re paying for it whether you go or skip it.
Anon
I’m so lazy that paying for a class ahead of time does not work to motivate me, lol. I will happily eat the cost.
Anon
I’m so lazy that paying for a class ahead of time does not work to motivate me, lol. I will happily eat the cost.
pugsnbourbon
+1. I also made friends at my workout class and we’d roast each other in the group chat if we skipped, so that was extra motivation.
Anon
+1 to the alarm clock idea
anon
I’ve said it here before and I’ll say it again: A sunrise alarm clock is crucial during the winter. It gently wakes you up instead of interrupting a heavy sleep cycle. And your room has a golden glow so it doesn’t look like the middle of the night. Keep a robe next to your bed, put it on in the morning while you’re still under the covers, and then you can get out of bed without that “ugh my room is going to be freezing” feeling.
Vicky Austin
I really want to get one of these (should have gone for it when we lived an afternoon’s drive from the Canadian border!). I know we’ve talked about brands here before – I feel like I remember Phillips was good? Is that still the case?
Abby
I have that one and it works well! Great gift to suggest to family members that never know what to get you btw (:
Vicky Austin
Sweet! We’ve probably talked about this before, ha, but thank you for reminding me!
anon
I have the Homelabs Sunrise Alarm Clock Multicolor from Amazon. It’s usually 40-ish dollars. I know other people here like the fancy ones but I’ve had this for a few years with no issues.
Cat
There are fancy ones, but we purchased one that was a random Amzn brand for like $35 and it’s been great. Had it 3ish years and no issues.
anon
I put my alarm across the room because it forces me to get out of bed and out of my cozy nest.
anon
I hate getting out of bed when it’s cold. I program my thermostat so it’s warm when I get out of bed. I also make sure my workout clothes are set out near my bed so I can quickly change out of my PJs.
You can also get a cat. They will be happy to jump on your bladder at five in the morning and purr loudly in your ear making sleep impossible.
anon
Cats are so helpful!
Vicky Austin
I was going to suggest a dog – mine seems to think breakfast should be at 6 am despite having been fed at 7 am his ENTIRE LIFE…sigh. At least now I can “snooze” him since he’s learned, “No, settle down.”
Anonanon
Ha, my cat woke me up at 5:40 this morning by gently pawing my face. Attempted to ignore her… didn’t work. But I love her anyway :)
Anon
My cat snuggles me when I wake up in the morning. It makes getting out of bed a challenge.
Senior Attorney
I always tell myself that 5 a.m. Senior Attorney is doing such a good deed for Rest of the Day Senior Attorney, and then I make sure Rest of the Day Senior Attorney is properly appreciative of 5 a.m. Senior Attorney so that she is motivated to repeat the beahvior.
Anon
I’ve completely lost my drive in life over the last few years and I miss it. I used to try really hard at work, I used to have real fitness goals that I was committed to, etc. and now I just feel so blah about everything. Every day I’m just going through the motions, not really trying very hard at work, not feeling inspired to workout. Just blah. I’m sure the pandemic is part of this, but how do I turn this around? I want to feel engaged with things again but I just can’t seem to get going. Anyone else feel this way? Any advice?
Anon in Texas
Hi there…I can so relate. I attribute my loss of drive to a death in the family in January 2020 – just about 6 weeks before the pandemic. I didn’t deal with my grief and it’s caught up with me. I’m sure it’s depression of some kind. Close friends and family encourage me to get therapy, but I honestly don’t want to talk about it. I just wanted to sit on the couch with my dog and have everyone leave me alone. No advice here…just commiseration.
Anonymous
This sounds a lot like depression.
Check around inside your heart and emotions to find out when this “blah” started to take hold on you.
Name what happened to you during the pandemic: What specific effects or changes did the pandemic have on you and your circumstances? (Losses, stresses, job changes, relationship changes, etc.)
Take an inventory: in addition to the pandemic or concurrent with it, what else has been going on that may have contributed to what you’re experiencing?
Think through any health changes, medication changes, sleep changes, or other physical issues that would contribute to low energy and lack of feeling engaged.
Are you at a stage in life where the energy and goals for achievement that used to be energizing and important are now fading and you’re asking deeper and more important questions?
Talk to a doctor about checking for depression.
Consider talking with a therapist.
Anon
D*mn — I guess Olivia Wilde did not have her nanny sign an NDA. [And IDK what the point is of signing an NDA as my guess is that most staff are judgment-proof, but OMFG this is so cringey.]
Anon
Eh you can’t blood from a turnip, right? An NDA doesn’t have much value if the person who’d be breaking it and being sued doesn’t have much in the way of assets. I suspect that’s the situation here.
Seventh Sister
I have wondered about this for YEARS re: NDAs. Sure, you can ask people to sign NDAs, but unless they write a tell-all best-seller, it’s not likely they will have assets to attach if you get a judgment against them. Also, can you discharge a judgment for violating an NDA by filing Chapter 7? An NDA is a contract, and if you are telling the truth, it’s not defamation. You can break contracts in bankruptcy.
Anon
I think you’ve plotted out a good novel.
Anon
I need to know what makes her salad dressing so special that it would compel Jason to throw himself under her car
anon
She posted the recipe! It’s from a novel about divorce.
Anon
I have been following too much after the Dont Worry Darling drama but I would imagine she can sue the nanny for whatever amount of money she received from speaking to the tabloids or put a lien on their house.
Anon
But I don’t think so — absent violating an NDA, I can’t think of what the cause of action would be. Maybe the UK has some privacy laws that we don’t have in the US. In the US, you have to sign an NDA, otherwise you can chat to tabloids about anything you have seen / witnessed and show people what is on your phone.
I would love to go to a “Celebrity household employment issues” CLE. Does that exist?
Anon
I was responding to the statement regarding a nanny being judgment proof even with a NDA. They’re not really judgment proof if they get $ from the tabloids. But yes, if you are a celebrity and do not have your help sign an NDA, get a new lawyer.
anon
I’m sure they have an NDA for the nanny. My friend works in fashion with big name celebrities and she’s had to sign NDAs just to spend one day at a photoshoot. Fun fact: what separates the stars from us mortals is tailoring! They get nearly every item in their wardrobe tailored. A pushy Nordstrom seamstress insisted that I alter some pieces I thought were fine and WOW what a huge difference it makes (getting the sleeves on a blazer shortened, hemming a dress to hit the thinnest part of my leg, etc.). It’s worth every penny.
Anon
I heard Jennifer Aniston gets her basic white t shirts tailored and that’s why she always looks so good.
Vicky Austin
I heard her hair is full of secrets.
Seventh Sister
If I won the lottery, I would get every single piece of clothing tailored, whether it’s an H&M t-shirt or a suit.I would probably have someone monogram my socks.
Anon
Lol, this whole saga is a lot. Here’s my 2 cents – these two buffoons (each in their own way) put the nanny in the middle of their petty spats and stressed her out. She’d finally had enough and leaked to press. (Also, I’m sure the nanny isn’t a stellar person either.) They all need therapy and the parents really need to focus on the kids who are the most important part of this equation. I’m a single, divorced mom, so I get it. And I try not to judge women in general. But the fact that OW left the house and chose to stay in hotels (one of which didn’t even allow kids on property?!) is so weird to me.She could have left and done it in a way to integrate the kids fully into her new living situation.
But I don’t know anything but the media version, so who I am to say…
Anon
I think she was staying in a hotel for work – they lived in LA and the movie was filming in Palm Springs. I agree it’s kind of weird to choose a hotel that doesn’t allow kids (assuming she had some choice, which I think she did), but I don’t think the fact that she was staying in hotels is weird. It was basically a work trip.
Anon
I think she moved out before that and stayed at another hotel in LA. But I agree with you – work trips for working moms aren’t weird.
Anon
I mean, she was the director, not just an actor or staff member. If she wanted to stay at a hotel that allowed kids, she could have.
Also, I am skeptical that the “no kids” thing was a rule anyway – it seemed more like an excuse to be able to garden, so to speak, with an actor working for her and keep her family away from her relationship. (Whether it was an affair or not is debatable, I think, but there was at the very least overlap and choosing to spend time with new partner/employee while your kids are dealing with their home life falling apart was…a choice.)
Anon
If she was a man, nobody would suggest that she should get multiple hotel rooms so that she could have her kids and nanny with her while she was working.
I know nothing about these people, do not care about the timing of her relationships and whether she was cheating on her significant other, and will leave child care and custody issues to the people involved. It does not sound like she left her children unsupervised and if she ducked out and left them asleep in their beds while the nanny was in the house so she could see her boyfriend, that is entirely her business. This is just another example of working women being judged for not been perfect mothers. I got enough of that from my MIL when I traveled for work.
I think the nanny is a terrible person for sharing details of her employers’ personal lives to the tabloids. If she thought one of them was endangering the children’s safety that would be different but this was just cashing in to the detriment of people’s private lives (and dragging their kids into it which is worse). At least the parents seem to be centering their children in their joint statement about this mess.
And agreed that to a dishonorable person, an NDA is only worth the paper it is printed on. Even a celebrity nanny is likely to be judgment proof, even if they could establish economic damages.
Anon
To anon at 2:53: I’m not suggesting that its necessary that she or any mother bring her kids along when she’s working, nor that she was leaving her children neglected. I did read the article yesterday, and the texts involved, and am basing my opinion off of that. What I was suggesting is that the specific text telling the nanny that kids were not allowed at the hotel she was staying at, on the days surrounding her telling her longtime partner/father of her children that she was leaving him, was likely her telling a lie to the nanny to keep her kids away from set while she was gardening with her employee.
Anon
If a married man with 2 young children abruptly left his marriage, took up with a much younger woman, and left the house to stay in a hotel…yep, I’m judging.
NYNY
I just wanna know what’s in the salad dressing
Abby
She posted it a salad dressing on her stories today with nothing else!! Dijon mustard, red wine vinegar, and olive oil
Anon
I love that the salad dressing that caused all this fuss is literally just the most basic vinaigrette ever.
Anon
Add a minced shallot and this is Jacque Pepin’s vinaigrette, which is the best ever.
Anon
It’s Nora Ephron’s salad dressing that she mentions in Heartburn.
Anonymous
Srsly. Unless “salad dressing” is code.
Anon
Maybe the nanny isn’t worth going after but maybe there is something about running a story in violation of an NDA that would expose the publisher of the story? I’m sure they call the subject for comment and if the subject waives an NDA at them, they drop the story and never cut a check. Just a guess.
Anonymous
No. The NDA doesn’t have any impact on a journalist.
Anon
I mean, I have an NDA with my nanny so surely she does…
Anon
This is fascinating. I don’t think that they are standard in my city (or no one has mentioned). OTOH, only DR/DR couples that I know have nannies, so IDK that they think about NDAs the way a lawyer might. How did it go over when you asked the nanny to sign? I have an on-the-books PT helper and I felt like it was intrusive to get her license and SS# and birthday but my insurance company needed the license and the IRS needed the rest; most everyone is under-the-table so the fact that there is balking re routine forms until you explain makes me wornder how an NDA is received outside of Hollywood / celebrity circles.
And where did you get your form? Is one google-able?
Anon
My nanny actually provided a proposed contract, which included an NDA. I’m not sure where she got it but it was quite good and with some modifications, that’s what we used. She’s very professional and we were on the same page about getting clear on expectations, time off, etc. up front.
Anon
Here is what I think: they forgot to get the signed NDA back from the nanny or it got overlooked and they don’t actually have it and she knows that. I get that celebrities get NDAs. But I also get that even in the NHL, the puck gets past the goalie. I think that is what has happened here. Had it been a vanilla engagement, perhaps she was also treated poorly, there would have been nothing tabloid-worthy. This is just a cluster, but I think that there was no NDA but they probably assumed there was one and never went back to get it signed.
Senior Attorney
Heh somebody posted on Twitter yesterday “I’ll have an all-yolk omelet with salad on the side (special dressing) and a negroni sbgliato.”
I hated myself for recognizing all the references…
Senior Attorney
Gah spelling challenged…
Vicky Austin
I cannot get over the all-yolk omelet. I have heard of egg white omelets, obviously. But all-yolk was new to me!
Senior Attorney
Honestly I have to think that was a mixup in the telling of the tale. I can imagine being able to detect a bit of egg yolk in an egg white omelet, but how on earth would you be able to do the opposite? And who even eats an all-yolk omelet?
Anon
🙈 I’ve ordered an all yolk omelette before. It’s delicious. However I don’t think I’d be able to detect a bit of white, and certainly wouldn’t send it back if I did.
anon
A few months ago, I had some baking project with egg whites and had a few yolks leftover. DH made an omelet with 3 whole eggs and 3 yolks, and even that was too rich and heavy. It was terrible.
I read yesterday that the allergens in eggs are in the egg white. So one might make an egg yolk omelet to avoid the allergens in the whites. But I wouldn’t expect a restaurant to perfectly separate every egg if my well being depended on it.
Anon
Negroni. Sbgliato. With presecco in it.
Sasha
Ooooh, stunning!
Senior Attorney
Heh. Wayter! A round of presecco for the tabel!
Anon
I didn’t get the references, I feel ancient
Senior Attorney
https://www.washingtonpost.com/food/2022/10/18/james-corden-egg-yolk-omelet/
https://www.vulture.com/2022/10/olivia-wilde-special-salad-dressing-jason-sudeikis.html
https://www.winemag.com/recipe/negroni-sbagliato/
PLB
Is what that lady says is true how dare JS and LW hide behind an NDA. I would have talked, too, because the things that she says happened are unacceptable work environment. And they made it as much her story as theirs.
PLB
Wow typos. *If *OW *are unacceptable in a work environment
Anon
This is such a 2019 question but here goes… I need to get back in shape and the only way to fit it into my schedule is to go to the gym before work. Gym is next to subway, both are 15 minutes from my home so walking back home to get ready is a no go. I cannot work from home, and working out at home has not been successful for me.
So, how do you do this, logistically? You just bring a bag with clothes to change into AND makeup and hair stuff and then you drag it with you to work and back home? What do you pack? How do you make it less… cumbersome?
Anonymous
Yes. You pack a gym bag. Google “gym bag”. Lululemon, Lo & Sons, and Dagne Dover all make good ones. Then you streamline how much hair and makeup stuff you actually need.
Senior Attorney
+1 and before the workout all you do is roll out of bed and into your workout gear. If you can rent a locker to keep your getting-ready stuff in, so much the better.
anon
The logistics are such that I would be forcing myself to like home workouts and saving the gym for weekends. I know that isn’t what you want to hear, but I personally could not handle carrying that much stuff with me every day and never getting ready at home.
Vicky Austin
With those logistics, I would probably prefer to pack gym clothes all day and go straight to the gym immediately upon getting off the subway. (A locker, as others have suggested, would make this even easier.) Is there really no way you can work out after work?
Pep
If the gym will allow you to keep a locker, you could store your makeup and hair items there full time.
When I used to work out before work, I would sleep in my workout clothes (leggings, tee) and have my bag packed the night before with my work outfit, ready to go.
Anon
Can you rent a locker at the gym and leave some of your stuff there? Do you have a place to leave some things at work? It doesn’t get you out of schelping some stuff every day but it does cut down on it.
Anonymous
I workout at home or run at home in the morning. If the gym has lockers you can leave stuff there, but otherwise you have to bring everything, which is a bridge too far for me.
Anon
There’s no shower at the gym? If not, workout at home or find a better gym. I would never go to work after a workout without showering. Pre-covid I would go to workout classes after work.
OP
There is a shower and towels are provided. You cannot rent a permanent locker.
I would be doing this 2-3 times a week, not every day, but still.
After work is not possible, unfortunately.
Anon
Just bring a lock and put your things in the locker while you workout and shower. I’d bring a shower cap and do a quick shower then do my hair and makeup and be on my way. You can also finish up makeup in the office.
Anonymous
Obviously she can do that but I believe the OPs point is that she can’t leave things at the gym without a permanent locker
Anon
If they provide lockers, I don’t see why she can’t use one for the workout and then bring her clothes and toiletries to work or leave some in her office. If the gym doesn’t provide lockers that she can use for the hour or two she’s there, then her gym doesn’t provide what she needs and she should find a different one!
Anon
Because it is annoying to carry the stuff around all day following the work out! I don’t think OP was looking for what to do with her actual belongings for the duration of her workout.
pugsnbourbon
In short, yes. It’s pretty annoying but there are ways to make it less so.
Simplify everything you can – wash-and-go hairstyle, fewer makeup products (bright lipstick does a lot of heavy lifting) etc. Get a locker and leave shower stuff, makeup and your gym shoes at the gym. Keep work shoes and bulky clothing (blazers, sweaters) at work if you can.
pugsnbourbon
Ah okay, so no locker at the gym. Can you keep items at work?
Ribena
Yes, that’s what I do. Minimum makeup and hair stuff – use the gym ‘hair & body wash’ and hairdryer, even better if your gym has towels too. My makeup bag for the gym is a tiny little one: moisturiser, concealer, foundation, mascara, eyeliner, cream blush, brow gel. That plus a hair brush and hair spray does the job.
It’s actually carrying breakfast and lunch too that I find makes it the most cumbersome, so reducing the amount of days I take two meals with me is key, and I can fit them in my backpack with my laptop etc. (ie I’m carrying a laptop with my work stuff and my gym bag and that’s it)
Clara
I go swimming before/after work all the time. If I go before I get dressed at home so I can make sure I like my outfit, bring travel sized toiletries and make up, and do it after. I have the lululemon commuter backpack. Not a big problem.
Anonanon
When this was my situation a few years ago (gym was a 10 minute walk from work, opposite direction from home), I switched to post work workouts for this very reason. It was much easier to get ready at home, go to work with workout clothes in my bag, go to the gym (packing my work clothes as neatly as possible back into my bag), and then commute home in my gym clothes. The few times I tried taking morning workout classes, I inevitably forgot something (mascara, tights, etc.) which resulted in a last minute CVS trip before work.
Anonymous
I do this sometimes – I dont think it’s too hard.
I use as many amenities as the gym has available (towel, shampoo/conditioner/body wash, hair dryer, comb) so I don’t lug that. I pare down my routine those days so no hair products (I usually use mousse and a serum) and limited skincare (only do eye cream and spf moisturizer). My hair and makeup routine is pretty basic as it is: I just dry my hair (Revlon dryer brush at home, just round brush and dryer at gym) and do my makeup (BB cream, eyeliner, mascara, lip stain). I usually wear the same jewelry so that’s easy too – I’m already wearing it. I keep a few pairs of shoes at work so I commute in my sneakers. So, all I’m packing is my work clothes, deodorant, round brush and the makeup and skincare I listed above. I can fit all of that in my backpack + work stuff + packed breakfast and lunch.
Anon
I would shower at the gym, and keep makeup etc at work and finish getting ready there.
Anon
This seems fine to me? I’d pick a relatively simple work outfit e.g. a dress, and shove it into my work rucksack. I’d keep make up and work shoes in the office, and just travel in my gym trainers. That way all I’m really carrying about extra is some lightweight gym clothes. I just use the gym shower products.
Zennia
Yup – BUT you leave work shoes at work and commute in sneakers so you don’t have to lug shoes around. My gym bag: clothes, soap, dry shampoo and my make up bag.
OP
Thank you all! I think commuting in gym shoes would help significantly to cut down on feeling like a mule. I’ll also try out the gym shampoo. I wish working out after work was an option because I agree it would be much easier.
Zennia
Can you not use dry shampoo and skip hair wash all together? That’s what I do and it definitely makes it easier.
Anon
Not OP, but that wouldn’t work for my hair at all.
OP
If I get really sweaty my hair definitely needs a wash. Unfortunately!
Anon
I don’t work in an office any more but when I did, two to three times a week I would go to the gym before work. On those days, I just rolled out of bed, took my pills, and dressed in my gym clothes. I packed my work clothes for the day in my bag, along with a toiletries kit that stayed in there, and I did my entire getting ready routine at the gym aster working out. The gym had decent shampoo and conditioner and shower gel and lotion, so all I really had to take was makeup and a hairbrush.
I always grabbed my work clothes at home on their hangers and sort of rolled them around their hangers in my bag. That way I could hang them in my gym locker and they’d be less wrinkly from being packed by the time I got dressed.
The other thing I packed was a very lightweight shorty robe. It really helped me to get ready in a robe so I could get dressed last, as I do at home. This may be extra but it worked for me.
pugsnbourbon
The robe is a great idea, not extra. There’s nothing worse than still being hot after your post-workout shower and then sweating into your work clothes.
Abby
We will get a lot of kids for Halloween for the first time and I am so excited! Teal Trick or Treating question (food allergies/non food treats) for those who offer them or have kids that look for those treats: what toys or food allergy friendly treats do you offer?
Vicky Austin
Ooh, following! We’ve not had trick or treaters our entire marriage. I’m so ready.
Abby
Same!! Our last house was too close to big roads and I would prepare every year and would get 1 kid the entire night. But it would be too early so I didn’t know I could pour my entire bowl of candy into their bag yet ):
Anon
Themed pencils and stickers.
Anonanon
I had a neighbor hand out little tubs of PlayDoh, which I thought was a nice idea!
Cornellian
play doh or glow sticks/bracelets. I don’t mess with treats.
KS IT Chick
I started doing glow sticks after a manager mentioned that her developmentally challenged child can’t have candy, but they love anything that glows. We gave away about 200 thin ones last year, which often got turned into bracelets and necklaces.
Anonymous
Maybe I’m miserly, but I offer both candy items (starburst, smarties) and chocolate items (including those with PB, because Reese’s are life), but that’s it. I don’t go beyond. Seriously, parents don’t expect you to.
No Face
We get huge variety packs of candy and let the kids pick. If you want non-food options you could offer sticker sheets.
Cat
We offer two bowls, one with chocolates and one with gummy candy (Haribo bears or Sour Patch Kids or Swedish Fish). Some families hand out alternatives like stickers or plastic toys but tbh our street always has litter of those two things on it afterward, so I wouldn’t waste your money.
Anon
Just not toothbrushes, which I remember receiving as a kid and being very disappointed by.
pugsnbourbon
Oh you had a dentist on your street too!
There was one house that gave pennies but there was also a house that gave king-size (!) candy bars, so it evened out.
Senior Attorney
Speaking of full size bars: https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/000/854/420/1bb.jpg
GCA
Stickers and glow sticks. Thank you for considering allergies! My kid is in the rare minority that outgrew the allergy but I’m still glad for houses with non-food treats.
Anon
Skittles or Smarties are popular
Anon
The little packets of made good brand cookies are allergen friendly.
Anon
If you’re shopping in person you can browse the party favor section in toy stores, or online shops like Oriental Trading. Stickers, play doh, silly putty, slime, glow bracelets, toy bugs, slap bracelets, bookmarks, slinkies, magnets, plushies (Happy Meal toy size), bubbles, bouncy balls, temporary tattoos, key chains, fidget toys, scrunchies, plastic rings, etc
Anon
Does any kid actually want this stuff or is it just a feel good thing that just results in a bunch of waste? I remember getting this kind of stuff at parties as a kid, playing with it for 5 minutes, and then it went straight into the trash.
Cat
that’s the point I was making above. Cheap plastic trinkets end up dropped on the sidewalk and abandoned in my neighborhood. Kids want candy.
Abby
I’m happy to provide candy, I just want to make sure kids who have food allergies have something they can eat too. Are gummies or fruity candies safe for all?
Cat
Abby, yes, based on 10 years’ worth of kids on the block. Several say “no peanuts” but are happy to grab a packet of gummy bears (I keep them in different bowl from the Reese’s). I’ve never had a kid leave empty handed.
Abby
Ok thank you Cat!! I’ll keep the candy separate and offer a large assortment.
Anonymous
1000% waste. Kid’s aren’t interested. Parents don’t want it.
Anon 2.0
I agree it is waste. If you want something non-food, I’d go to the bank and get a few rolls of 50 cent pieces. The kids will think its cool and it has actual value and doesn’t add plastic waste.
doc
That’s a great idea.
Anan
My kids (3 and 5) would be delighted to get glow sticks/bracelet, tattoos, bubbles, matchbox cars….
I personally hate when they get pencils.
Anonymous
Glow sticks or bracelets are a popular option – they are literally cheaper than candy sometimes and great for kids with diabetes too. Kids with allergies really do want candy though just like other kids.
Plain chips, Swedish berries and sour patch kids are gluten/dairy/peanut free so we love houses that have those. For my allergic kids, they are taught to say thank you at the door and then I swap out what they can’t have for treats they can eat. I take them out the day before Halloween to pick a box of ‘traders’.
Anonymous
When I was a kid I liked non-candy treats because I got to keep them all, whereas my mom doled out one piece of candy per day. The first year we had trick-or-treaters I thought I’d be the cool house with the trinkets. The kids all asked “where’s the candy?” and threw the stuff in my yard. Never again. Candy only. The teal pumpkin thing is kind of over the top. The kids want candy, and most food allergy parents will just sort the candy and let their kids have what’s safe. The only non-food treat that might go over well is glow sticks.
Anon.
Glow sticks, stickers, bouncy balls, fun pens, Wikki Stix, mini playdoh when it’s on sale.
Oh, and I always have little cracker and pretzel bags in addition to candy – my own kid doesn’t like sweets so I always include a salty option.
Seventh Sister
I’ve done stuff like pencils, glow sticks, or small sticker sheets. My neighbor used to give out mini pots of Play-doh to little kids, I thought this was sweet (and generous!). Honestly, I always have non-food treats, but mostly it gets taken by preschoolers who are intrigued by the idea of a “toy” versus candy, I can’t think of a year where someone was like, “I have an allergy to X so I’d love a pencil.” But we’re in a weird location between two very well-traveled streets, so we get 75-100 trick-or-treaters versus the 500+ people get one block over. We give out full-size candy bars,
Anon
I get hundreds if not thousands of trick or treaters and I do not do anything special for kids with allergies. I love kids. But that’s a parent responsibility, I have too much volume to deal with it (literally don’t sit down during trick or treat hours) and I’m already going broke on regular candy.
Anonymous
My kids like glow sticks or snap bracelets. Overall, the kids get way too much candy anyway. I think Halloween is not so much about the candy, but the fun of getting dressed up and walking all over the neighborhood at night. It is such a novel thing. Of course, the kids like eating candy, but I never let my kids have all of it anyway, so even if they are getting some trinkets that they might not like, that isn’t really the point. (Does that make sense? Basically, there is some waste anyway lol. Our dentist buys back candy and ships to to soldiers or something, so we do that with most of it.)
Miss My Desk Drawer
For those of you who work in an open plan office with no assigned desks, aka a hoteling model, how do you handle the personal things you’d normally keep in a desk drawer? I’m in the office four days a week and it feels silly keeping everything in my bag (snacks, lotion, post it notes) that I’d normally throw in a desk drawer. Is there any better solution, or should I just resign myself to carrying the equivalent of an emergency kit in my bag every day?
Anonymous
You can’t be the only employee dealing with this — does the office make any kind of provision for it?
Miss My Desk Drawer
This is why I’m so stumped. I’m a fairly new hire and no one else seems to have any issue with this… Normally I’d ask the office manager, but we don’t have one of those either. Sounds like the best option is to bring in my own box to tuck away and use that. It’s a small enough office I don’t worry about someone stealing my post it notes… I just don’t want to cart them back and forth everyday.
Anon
Ask your employer to provide lockers or something similar?
Little boxes
I got a shoebox size tub from the container store with a snap on lid that I leave in an empty shelf next to the printer paper. I don’t leave anything in it where I would really care if it got lost, or if anyone else sees it. I wrote my name on the lid. Two other people started doing the same after I did, so the office manager actually issued us all boxes and designated the shelf officially last week.
Vicky Austin
This is very smart, especially for sticky notes, etc. In fact, know your office, but if there’s no fear of pests/vermin I’d keep snacks in there too since it closes securely. Meds and lotion can go in your purse – get the travel size.
Anon
We have lockers for this reason. It seems really odd your workplace haven’t made any accommodation for this. I’d raise it with the officer manager or similar.
Cat
aside from the other good suggestions, you’re in 4x a week? That seems like a lot of days to be in the office but not at the same desk… any chance you could get one assigned?
Anon
My husband is in the same situation but thankfully only two days a week. He’s a paper person so the evening before he goes in, he packs up the equivalent of an entire desk drawer in his backpack, and the next morning complains that it’s too heavy :)
London (formerly NY) CPA
If your company doesnt offer lockers or a locked drawer, there really is no better option. I’ve dealt with it for my whole career and hate it.
I’ve paired down the essentials I like to have on hand, and keep everything (hand cream, mini Advil back, one or two DayQuils, imodium, hand sanitizer, etc. into one small cosmetic bag that I keep in my bag. I bring shoes in my bag and swap for my sneakers when I get to work. I leave my water bottle, USB hub, mouse, and mousepad in my bag at all times. I try to pare down anything else unless absolutely necessary. I can’t fit lunch in my bag so I had to buy a separate lunch bag and got a cute one on Amazon with a shoulder strap.
Miss My Desk Drawer
Thanks for the commiseration. The shoes thing is killing me too. I used to keep three pairs of dress shoes (black, navy, and nude) under my desk so I could commute in comfy / weatherproof shoes and then change. Now I have to pack my dress shoes each day.
Z
I am dealing with this too. My company for renovated everything over the pandemic so the office is complete open now with no assigned desks (no lockers either). I am only going in 1 day a week now but expect to go in 3 days a week next year. I liked having a desk mug and water bottle, post its, snacks and tea bags, computer charger, a cardigan. But now I have to lug the charger home (and I have forgotten it at the office before!) and bring a thermos and bottle, pare down everything else. There’s a market thing where you can buy snacks but its way more expensive. Not to mention having to adjust the chair every time I come in because someone else used it on a day I wasn’t there. I feel way less comfortable at work in general with this method, don’t feel like I have a space.
Anon
Pencil box (like the ones my Japanese classmates used in the 70s and 80s) for pens, pencils and eraser, and another kind of zip up bag for other, bigger stuff, like binder clips, small stapler, staple remover, post-its, etc.
I am a self-employed accountant, and I carry stuff with me cuz I can’t always find what I want at a client’s.
Anon
My office has this set up and we do not have a place to keep anything on site. That said, the desks are stocked with basic office supplies (pens, pencils, post it notes, etc.) and the supply area is available if you need something.
For personal things, I have a couple of zippered bags. I keep travel sizes of hand lotion, OTC medications in one and power cords, phone chargers, etc. in another. And I carry snacks. I suggested lockers or even a shelf and was completely ignored.
Anonymous
Is there any way to get past this covid anxiety on my own or is it past that point now and I either live with it or seek meds?
I’ve been living similarly to 2020 this whole time. I mean I’ve loosened up a bit in that I’ll always go to the grocery store once in 2 weeks and if I really feel like getting out, I’ll go get takeout or something in the week where I don’t have to go shopping. Otherwise though I’m home, as I avoid being up and down in elevators if I can but living on a high floor, stairs aren’t an option. Now though it’s getting to the point where if I have to go somewhere – say a drs. appt or get a haircut, which I do once a year, I’m am SO nervous, don’t sleep well the night before.
I do feel crazy. I mean others are just out there living life. The rare person that wears a mask will grab a mask sitting on a pile of junk on their dashboard and just put it on their face, while I’m still carefully sanitizing my hands before removing the mask from its clean place. I feel like I always need to pysch myself up like – it’s a 20 min haircut in a salon which will have like 10 unmasked people max for a mid day mid week appointment. It’s not like taking a 6 hour flight with 200 maskless people – and people are obviously doing that and many are just fine. I have no IRL support. My senior citizen parents act like I’m crazy as their favorite hobby is shopping malls and they go many times per week. I have some underlying health issues but when I’ve raised it with drs. both the primary and specialist are like – just stay on top of vaccines, it is what it is. Like neither has suggested living like this forever. WWYD?
In a way this is made “worse” because my work is STILL fully remote, so I have been able to keep this up for far longer than if we had even gone back a few times a week or if I had been forced to on on business trips. But now I completely feel like I’m missing out on things. My industry is getting hot and I WANT to look for new opportunities, but I can’t bring myself to reach out to anyone as they’ll say, let’s talk, let’s grab coffee on Friday or are you going to x conference, I can meet you there.
Cat
I think you need to seek therapy or meds if you can’t force yourself out of this loop. Your rational self knows that the risks associated with Covid today are far, far lower than the unknown new disease of 2.5 years ago – a post-vax, viral treatment world. Even your physicians are telling you that your level of caution is out of proportion to the risk you face. But something in your brain is holding you back.
Anon
+1. Therapy sounds like a good place to start.
Anokha
+ 2 Therapy. A therapist can hopefully work with you on a transition plan so that you can start to relive your life. (e.g., maybe every week you do one new thing). We were very, very Covid-cautious in early pandemic, but we are back to living our lives as relatively normal with appropriate precautions (e.g., we still mask in crowded places — but it’s different than early Covid, when we just wouldn’t go to crowded places). It was uncomfortable at first, but I remind myself that we all got vaccinated and boosted and are not high-risk.
Anon
Therapy. Living like it’s 2020 is over.
Anon
Are you not seeing friends? It’s really unhealthy to go without human contact.
Auburn
I would absolutely go to therapy. There is no long-term end in sight for COVID, so we all need to learn to live with it. That doesn’t mean going out and sneezing in someone else’s face – by all means continue to mask at stores, etc. But you need to find an approach that works with your mental health as well.
Anonymous
We also remain cautious but not as much as you. (My K94 mask totally kicks around the car and kind of smells like spilt coffee.)
What I do: a) remind myself that life has inherent risks, even in your home — you could slip in the shower and die tomorrow. Have an aneurysm and be found dead on your toilet. Watch Six Feet Under, you’ll find lots of ways. b) If you’re vaccinated and boosted, odds are incredibly low that you’ll die; if you’re mostly concerned about Long Covid I’ve heard that 98% of those cases resolve within a year.
To me that means to take precautions where it’s easy (masking while shopping, not dining indoors), but to not live like it’s 2020. I also watch the local numbers; when we’re in a surge time post Thanksgiving to early January I’ll avoid unnecessary shopping trips and wear a better mask.
Anonymous
We do have people over for playdates and see friends in their homes. I doubt I’ll go to holiday parties this year, though.
Anon
+1 to life has inherent risks. We can’t live in a bubble forever.
anon_needs_a_break
Long post ahead, sorry.
I’m sorry. I can somewhat relate to this – I’ve been the most conservative/cautious member of my family since 2020 but also I don’t have kids and didn’t have to deal with their learning and social loss while homeschooling, and I worked remote pre-COVID so I had extreme privilege in my ability to be covid safe.
I did however fly a few times to see far away family and I was comfortable starting to open up – then mask mandates went away and that was really really hard. I got covid on a plane despite my N95 and yes, the covid sucked. I had post-viral fatigue for weeks/months and it set me back to me very cautious days.
Now, I have come a long way and have settled on reducing my risk and exposure when I can while also still living almost “normal” life. I VERY RARELY eat indoors at restaurants but I absolutely eat outside. I see close friends and family indoors and unmasked because I’ve made the choice to trust that if they are ill they will stay home. I always mask when flying and even bring a portable air purifier with me during boarding. I am one of the few masking in a grocery store or a mall – to me, it is easy to do and probably reduces my possible exposures pretty well so that I can feel better about being unmasked in other situations.
I share this with you because I agree that we are living in an absolute twilight zone where a deadly and potentially life-altering pandemic is still running rampant and yet most of our country pretends that isn’t the case. And that is a mind f**k. And it is hard. I don’t fear dying of covid but I fear Long Covid and I fear the potential complications that could pop up in 5, 10 years (and the data shows this is very possible if not likely!). But I also cannot stop living life and I have settled on a balance that is working for me mentally and physically.
All of this is to say – you should absolutely find a way to identify a more sustainable and healthy balance. We have come a long way since 2020 and yes, the longer you stave off infection and/or the fewer times you get covid in your lifetime will be critical so you have done a great job so far. But what you are doing is not sustainable either.
Anon
“the data shows this is very possible if not likely”
Source?
Anonymous
not OP but I’m guessing she means like how Covid is suspected to be like Epstein-Barr in that an infection 5-20 years ago can be the “reason” for MS. see https://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/science.abj8222.
Anonymous
This is wild speculation please don’t dump your anxiety here
Anonymous
A study published this week in JAMA Network Open found long COVID could set individuals back the equivalent of a decades’ worth of aerobic fitness: https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2022/10/13/long-covid-exercise-symptoms/ It stands to reason that the more infections, the greater the likelihood for long COVID.
And the likelihood of long COVID resolving for 98% in a year that was quoted above simply isn’t accurate: https://www.axios.com/2022/10/06/long-covid-cdc-data-disabling?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=newsletter_axiosam&stream=top
All of that said, life is a balance. If I were OP, I would consider whether high rise living is going to be a good long-term fit. Getting more comfortable being out of the house and moving in the world (even if it’s just outside) will make a world of difference in feeling more normal again. In the meantime, I would talk with my doctor to determine next steps and the right therapist. I’m very COVID cautious still (husband takes immune suppressants and I have cancer). Sometimes you have to just bite the bullet and put yourself in uncomfortable spaces for a bit because the reward versus risk is important (dentist, eye appointment, etc.) and it does get easier, but it’s also not dismissing that risk is out there. Learning strategies to cope with anxiety and better assess this balance should help a ton.
Anon.
+1
Anonymous
Fwiw my source on the 98% stat was this interview with the founder and director of UCSF’s long Covid clinic – I misremembered the stat but she does emphasize that the majority of patients have recovered or improved. https://www.nytimes.com/2022/06/21/opinion/ezra-klein-podcast-lekshmi-santhosh.html
“Yes, the large majority of our patients that we’ve seen, of our 400-ish patients that we’ve seen, by the one-year mark, they have improved — again, reflecting the vast differences in the phenotypes. I’ve seen people who were in the I.C.U., on death’s door, who are in the I.C.U. for months, on a tracheostomy, on a mechanical ventilator for a couple of months, come out on home oxygen and then slowly but surely recovered their lung tissue.”
Anonymous
Please don’t double down on a limited study and misinterpretation. A sample of 400 showing some improvement is most definitely not 98% of cases resolving.
More than 1 in 4 with long COVID are showing significant limitations in their day-to-day activities.
CDC: https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/covid19/pulse/long-covid.htm
Sample size is 50,258. Survey is swayed by self-reporting and is affected by things like race. But a far more meaningful representation of actual risk and consistent with other research.
Do I think OP should live in a bubble? Absolutely not. But trying to sway things to look like everything is normal (98% recover) when it actually isn’t can actually raise anxiety more.
Again, OP, I encourage you to talk with your doctor and a therapist recommended by him/her to better asses your own risk levels and strategies for anxiety mitigation. Getting more comfortable with high-reward and safer activities (outdoors, areas where you are able to mask, mingling with small numbers of people indoors, etc.) will help with adjusting over time.
Anonymous
to 4:16 – look, i agree long covid is serious and not to be taken lightly.
but the study you cite counted “3 months plus” and allowed people to self-select whether they should be included – part of what the doctor researcher says in the interview is that part of the issue is defining what IS long covid, how long is significant, who should be included in it when we say it, and what it means when someone recovers. a year-long study of those people after they’ve been included is of course going to be rare and limited at this point.
anecdotally i had a lot of weird health problems that presented after I got what was probably covid from feb-april 2020 and were all mostly gone by last spring.
Anon.
Thank you for your second -to-last paragraph. It’s good to know there are still people out there that recognize the pandemic is neither over nor a mild “endemic”.
Anon
I think you should seek therapy or other mental health support. I’m in the UK, and appreciate this may vary with region, but the way you are living your life is incredibly far-removed form anyone I know of, even the clinically extremely vulnerable. I think you appreciate that your risk aversion has become extreme and disproportionate, and I think you need support to help you live the more normal life that you deserve. I wish you all the best, this must really tough for you.
The Lone Ranger
I’m pretty high risk, due to an underlying cardiac/pulmonary disease, and get frequent reminders about remaining careful from my doctors and specialists. I’m still pretty locked down, no inside dining, masks when I grocery shop or go inside anywhere, and I’m cautious about meeting up with people, being close to people. I’m up to date on all of my boosters, etc. I have qualms about some activities, but I feel like I am less locked down than you are. I think part of it is similar to a muscle memory type thing. You need to do the thing to be comfortable with doing the thing. Some of the reason that going places seem overwhelming is because they are not frequent. Find a coffee shop with good ventilation, and if someone suggests meeting for coffee suggest that shop. Go to a mall and walk around (masked), many malls upgraded their ventilation systems in 2020/2021.
Anonymous
yes – i got one of those $250 carbon monoxide detectors (Aranet 4) and it has actually been good for me because it helps me assess my risk. knowing that sitting by the door in a restaurant is almost as good as being outside, or seeing the incredibly low numbers inside the mall first thing in the morning, helps tremendously.
Anonymous
carbon dioxide?
Anonymous
sorry, yes, carbon dioxide. it measures how much of other people’s air you’re breathing. it doesn’t account for whether the air is filtered, but it tells you how well ventilated the space you’re in is. I’ve eaten inside at restaurants that were 600 (great!) and also been at dinner tables where it’s been 2000 (really bad). my kid’s english classroom last year was 3300+.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/health/2021/02/10/carbon-dioxide-device-coronavirus/
Anon
Why are you carrying around a carbon monoxide detector for COVID?
Anon
also take baby steps. like it is OK to go to places in a mask even if you are the only one. i still go to the grocery store in a mask bc to me there isn’t much of a benefit to not wearing one and the risk outweighs the benefit. on the flip side of that, i do go into friends homes unmasked to socialize, because to me the benefit there outweighs the risk. i realize on the one hand that what i do is not fully logical, but i guess i’ve decided to take a risk minimizing approach rather than all or nothing. i do basically anything outdoors, i have dined indoors a handful of times, though admit i don’t feel the most comfortable and do live in an area where i can dine outdoors most of the year. i went to see a show and wore a mask, which did not get in my way of enjoying the production. i hate concerts so have no interest in going to an indoor unmasked event with massive amounts of people.
Anon
Yup, baby steps. I’m pregnant so I’m more risk adverse than most, and so when I resumed work travel in August 2022 I just continue to wear my mask anywhere indoors unless I’m actively eating or drinking (which, as above, not fully logical, but it’s the best I could do and my high risk doctor was on board). I’m WFH, but my husband is in-person, and he continues to mask. Are we the only ones, mostly? Yes. But we show up and no one cares.
Also he just had Covid in spite of all our precautions and so we fully recognize that nothing is 100% and we’ll all get this eventually. I’d just rather not get it whilst pregnant!
Anonymous
+1. and you may not miss the mall or Applebee’s or whatever, but think about what you do miss and go there. make it something to look forward to.
Anonymous
In terms of internally rationalizing things, you’re probably more likely to die in a car wreck on the way to the grocery store than from covid, but you still go to the grocery store anyway. You trusted the science when it said to stay home — the science now says it’s time to go out into the world. Trust the science now too. Live your life.
If you can’t internally rationalize going out, I agree it’s time for therapy.
Anon.
“The science” does not say go out in the world. Our government and media says so because they don’t care about people getting sick, and getting long-term disabled with repeated infections with a virus causing microvascular damage that affects all organs in the body.
I’m too tired to post sources now, but please Google “long covid” and inform yourself.
Anon.
I would say your level of anxiety is not “normal”, but your being generally cautious of Covid is not crazy.
FWIW, my family is more cautious than all our friends, but we do socialize. Outdoors mostly, and if we can’t keep a distance and know their risk profile is very different from ours, we may also mask outdoors. We do not remove masks indoors, i.e. no restaurants, not meeting with friends indoors UNLESS everyone agrees to test immediately before with tests we bring. The latter is something few friends are willing to do now, so hence we’re not getting together indoors.
Doctor’s appointments, stores etc… we go to those masked with N95, but will try to limit the time in the store if it is too crowded. We do not seek out crowded indoor or outdoor events even masked (cinema, theater, concerts, sports), but we are not people who liked crowds even pre-pandemic so it’s not something that we consider a huge sacrifice.
We do travel as all family lives abroad but we don’t remove our masks on the plane. Yes, no eating specifically, the most we do is small sips of water.
Working from home, as well. None of us had Covid as far as we know, and we intend to keep it that way. We joke that maybe in a few years from now our blood samples will be very valuable for clinical trials, as infection-“virgins”.
FWIW, I work in the medical/healthcare field and have had training in virology, with specific research projects on SARS-CoV-1, so my perspective is very different from most people.
I have accepted that people have moved on even if I don’t agree with the evidence or logic behind that. I don’t judge my friends for it or proselytize zero Covid for them.
Anon
“None of us had Covid as far as we know, and we intend to keep it that way. We joke that maybe in a few years from now our blood samples will be very valuable for clinical trials, as infection-“virgins”.”
That’s a really shameful attitude. Lots of people are careful and still get COVID.
Esquinkle
Yes, there was something so incredibly snug about that line in particular…
Anon
Agree with all he suggestions for therapy. You may also want to consider what your approach has likely done or is doing to your friendships. I’m absolutely fine continuing to accommodate people with real concerns (cancer, immunocompromised, etc.) but not the fear crowd. It’s hard for me to see alignment on how to approach problems such that I want to keep those people as friends.
Anon GC
I find it helpful to consider history and relative risk.
First, the leading cause of death and disability in your age group is not Covid. You are at much greater risk of being killed or disabled in an auto accident. You (presumably) still drive because you have internalized that risk. Yes you could be one of the unlucky people who gets Covid and then has long term side effects, but you could also be killed in a plane crash.
Second, for the overwhelming majority of human history,rates of death and disability due to disease was much higher than it is now. Whether is was smallpox, typhoid, tuberculosis, or polio (among others) and lasting through the first half of the 20th century, people have been living with the risk of disease for as long as we have been interacting with animals. And for as long as they have understood infection theory, they have taken precautions (whether it was closing swimming pools for polio outbreaks, requiring soldiers in the field to shave their heads or the anti-spitting campaigns of the late 19th and early 20th centuries).
We can take reasonable precautions for Covid – but the reality on the ground is that it is not going anywhere anytime soon, society as a whole is not going to remake itself, and unless you want to spend the rest of your life in a bubble, you will need to learn to internalize the risk the same way you do the risk of automobiles. Therapy might help.
Nina
I’m sitting on a Zoom call and just noticing that I look so young. I’m not wearing any make up today, which I’m sure adds to it, but fundamentally I have a round face and large eyes. Usually at most I wear under eye concealer, mascara, and lipstick. I truly like how I look overall, but at work I don’t want to look like a kid. I’m in my late 20s, major city, office is on the casual side of business casual. Any suggestions for simple ways to look a little older / polished. My hair cut is pretty polished but my office dress code is truly casual and I’m on zoom calls a lot anyways.
Anon
Are there earring styles that make you look more “grown up”? Or maybe just use lipstick and call that good enough?
Vicky Austin
I have the same round face and large eyes and I find a “button” shaped earring does wonders for my face when dangly would be too excessive. Maybe see if that works for you? I’ll reply with some examples. (Mine are from Kohl’s at least 8 years ago or I’d point you to them.)
Vicky Austin
https://www.etsy.com/shop/BlackAndWhiteJewelry?ref=simple-shop-header-name&listing_id=878488944§ion_id=24598025
Something like this, where it’s bigger than your earlobe.
Senior Attorney
Those are great! I just ordered the black ones that look like buttons!
Vicky Austin
I’m flattered that you approve of my taste, SA! Enjoy!
Anon
I get this a lot too. I’ve started wearing more makeup and always wear jewelry.
anon
I don’t think looking older and looking polished are synonymous. Does this matter? I’m in the same boat (I’m 35 and a partner at my firm) and have just decided to rock being young while it lasts.
Anon
+1, also if you sound confident and authoritative, you will come across as mature and professional vs. a young newbie.
Nina
I don’t think they’re the same, but I do objectively look similar to how I did as a teenager. People cannot tell me and my sister who is 6 years younger apart. In a lot of ways that is great! But I also don’t want to look the interns age
Anonymous
Image is easily overcome with your level of competence. Focus on doing your job really well. People are not thinking that hard about how you look.
Anonymous
If you truly like how you look, there’s nothing to change.
Anon
Same. Round face and big eyes. Pulling my hair back makes me feel more “mature”. Tidy low ponytail or bum. Same with stronger makeup even though I hate wearing makeup other than mascara 90% of the time.
Usually when I have an important call (companywide as an example) I wear my power color of maroon and stronger makeup. Otherwise if it’s just team check ins I don’t worry about it.
Sasha
I’m in a similar position–late 20s, pretty young for my level at work so I’m always hyper conscious of how young I look compared to my colleagues. I bought a cheap pair of bluelight glasses and I think they make me look older/more serious. I feel I get better engagement and attention during meetings when I wear them. I also make sure to have a “real work shirt” on when presenting or the like. I also think the medium to large hoop earrings that are very in right now as everyday earrings (which I love) can read kind of young, so I sometimes swap them out for pearl studs, which I feel read older.
Anonymous
I need new casual clothes for social activities and dating. I am late 40s but I am consistently told I look late 30s and I have no desire to change that but want to look more “pulled together.” I am generally a size 12 have a V-shaped body from strength training and I think I look best in a fitted t-shirt and jeans, but that isn’t cutting it and doesn’t really work in the colder months. I live in a city and want to look like I live in a city. I do not want to mimic the suburban styles most women my age wear. Where should I be shopping or looking for inspiration?
Anon
How tall are you? I have a friend sort of built like this. She wears a lot of moto jackets. It sort of transforms her upper-body size into the jacket vs adding to it (transmutation of matter?). But she does proportions well for her (she is fairly tall though).
Anonymous
I am only 5’5″ and I am not sure moot works that well on me. I will definitely experiment but I also find that a lot of hardware can make those jackets uncomfortable.
Anonymous
Add a leather jacket to your t-shirt and jeans.
Anon
Maybe try browsing at All Saints or Cos? What silhouettes are you trying to stay away from?
Anonymous
I definitely want to stay away from a skinny jeans silhouette. And nothing bohemian. But I think I may be looking for something a bit feminizing, now that I think about it, but not ruffles or puffy sleeves, which look comical on me. A guy recently told me I present like Wonder Woman. (He was hitting on me, so it wasn’t meant in a negative way,). And a female server I see regularly told me something similar. I am not thin enough to be ripped, but I have a thick upper body both genetically and from exercise and a straight waist/lower body.. Superhero is not what I am going for in my attire, though.
Anonymous
If you have a superhero body you are going to look odd in ruffles, puff sleeves, cap sleeves, etc. If you try to hide it with boxy sweaters you will just look like a giant brick. If you like fitted t-shirts and jeans, you can update the look with straight-leg jeans and warm it up with a waist-length fitted jacket. For a dressier look your shoulders would look amazing in a halter top or a similar silhouette with a high neck and high-cut shoulders. Bodycon dresses would also work on you because you wouldn’t be subject to the Jessica Rabbit problem.
Anonymous
When you say “suburban styles” you want to stay away from and “look like I live in a city,” do you know what those two things mean to you? If you aren’t sure, start looking at photos or shopping sites with those two filters in mind. Start looking for anything that looks like what you want to look like. Or go somewhere in your city and do some people watching. Notice when you see a woman dressed the way you want to look. When you get a feel for what that is, start breaking down the looks to see what they have in common: is there a certain color palette you are always drawn to? Do certain clothing items keep showing up again and again, or certain combinations of items?
Your fitted t-shirt and jeans look is easy to move into winter — a fitted long-sleeve pullover sweater with the same neckline as your t-shirt is the same silhouette, just warmer. Add boots that “look like I live in a city,” (whatever connotes that to you) and you’re ready to go.
Since you identify that you have a v-shaped body and you look best in a certain silhouette, it sounds like you’re interested in a clothing silhouette that is somewhat conventionally flattering on your body frame. If that’s the case, then look for sleeve cuts that don’t add more emphasis to your shoulder line, and skirt/pant silhouettes that balance out your shoulder line a bit.
DeepSouth
I also have broad shoulders/arms and I like button downs from Bella Dahl and jeans that are slightly cropped. I have black cropped pull on Levis from Amazon that are narrow, not skinny, and cropped flares and find myself wearing them a lot. You can do cute sneakers, or booties or mules with and the length is consistently good.
I like a silky top with some drape. Crosby is my high end brand, but also Vince Camuto from Nordstrom for something affordable. I can top them with a black leather blazer and a necklace and feel like a real outfit.
I also have a nude leather shacket from Tart. I have worn it over a white T shirt and jeans, but feel like I can also do it with a skinny black layer underneath.
It sometimes gets disparaged here as the Talbots of women who won’t admit they need talbots, but Ever Eve feel like there are modern options for grown adult women who don’t want to look like a grandma nor a 20something. You might stop in a store if there’s one near you.
Anonymous
I like some of Evereve’s selection and I appreciate that they curate it instead of forcing me to browse through thousands of items like a department store, but I think it’s the “suburban” look OP is trying to avoid. But Talbots and Evereve are definitely not targeting the same market in terms of age or body type. Nothing at Talbots is shaped to fit a 40-something body, even in what’s labeled as the “correct” size.
Anonymous
I definitely want to stay away from a skinny jeans silhouette. And nothing bohemian. But I think I may be looking for something a bit feminizing, now that I think about it, but not ruffles or puffy sleeves, which look comical on me. A guy recently told me I present like Wonder Woman. (He was hitting on me, so it wasn’t meant in a negative way,). And a female server I see regularly told me something similar. I am not thin enough to be ripped, but I have a thick upper body both genetically and from exercise and a straight waist/lower body.. Superhero is not what I am going for in my attire, though.