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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: High-Waisted Pixie Never-Fade Ankle Pants

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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

My problem with Old Navy pants has always been that no matter how good they look the first few times I wear them, they tend to fade and wear out quickly.

I’ve always found the Pixie pants to be super flattering (size up if you’re not looking for something quite so tight), so I’m very curious to find out more about this “Never-Fade” fabric they’re using now.

If these can withstand multiple washes, they might become a new staple for my summer wardrobe. (For what it’s worth, although the tag says you can tumble dry low, I’ve had better luck hanging these to dry.)

The pants are $30, marked down from $39.99, and available in regular sizes 0–20, tall sizes 2–20, and petite sizes 0–16. High-Waisted Pixie Never-Fade Ankle Pants

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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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310 Comments

  1. I think the ‘never fade’ is just a ploy to use a cheaper polyester blend fabric, the old pixies used to be a cotton spandex blend no polyester. FYI for those of you who care about that stuff like I do.

    1. Yeah, I had this issue with the Gap bi-stretch ankle ones. I had two pairs from around 2012 that were amazing, in a cotton blend fabric, and I wore them all the time until they finally feel apart last year. I ordered replacements online a few months ago and the fabric is tissue-thin and feels like plastic. Does anyone have a good ankle pant recommendation in a good quality, breathable fabric? This is kind of a moot question since all I wear is short these days but if our office ever reopens…

      1. It really kills me how poorly clothes are made now, especially since it happened so recently.

        I got a side job at LOFT a few years ago and I’ve boycotted them since I quit. Terribly made clothing, shipped in a TON of plastic, sold for $90 (I know no one buys LOFT full price, but still)

        I’d much rather have fewer, higher quality pieces but you have to really search for that (and that is pricey; I’m balling on a budget here)! And I can’t wear Patagonia to work so that’s out …

        1. That’s really interesting about LOFT – I bought a pair of ankle pants there in 2015 that I only retired this year. I bought a couple replacement pairs and they’re definitely different!
          Related to the comments above – I really pay attention to fabric content now, mostly thanks to this s!te. It’s also trained my out of impulse buys, so that’s an additional plus.

          1. Yes! I bought a few pairs of the Julie skinny ankles (good curvy fit is hard to find!) when I graduated college in the mid 20teens and I still wear them.

            I bought several pairs when I worked there with my discount and they are the “same pants” but feel totally differently

        2. My NYDJ ponte knit pants are surprisingly well made and have lasted longer than pants from Vince Camuto and that Macy’s house brand.

        3. I have trouble getting rid of my clothes from 10 years ago because I’m convinced that any replacements would look worse next year than the stuff I currently have.

      2. I HAD THOSE GAP PANTS TOO! I wore them to the ground because the new ones were this terrible material. I remember the exact date b/c I was at my old firm.

        1. Ugh, those pants were the best. My pair are sitting in my perpetual “take to goodwill” bag in my trunk because I’ve told myself I seriously have to get rid of them this time. They’re so faded. I’ve thought about trying to dye them back to darker black but no idea if that would work (and also seems kind of insane for a pair of pants that could not have cost me more than $35). I remember I wore them to a personal shopping appointment at J. Crew back then and the salesperson was like “where did you get these? these look great on you,” haha. I also tried to buy a new pair a year or two ago and was so bummed at how awful they were.

          1. A box of fabric dye is like $5, you definitely won’t get another pair of pants for that price. So what do you really have to lose? You can get more wear out of a beloved item. Plus it’s way more environmentally friendly!

          2. Man I wore those pants to DEATH!

            I also recommend the dying faded black clothes. I dye a batch of my black clothing about once a year with RIT dye in the washer, and it works great to refresh color and prolong the life of an otherwise solid piece of clothing.

          3. Not the OP, but thanks for this tip! I’m going to try dyeing my AG black jeans instead of buying more (pre-owned). One reason they fade so quickly is I machine dry instead of air-drying. My clothes always end up moldy-smelling after air drying in my (air-conditioned) humid house. Any tips for this appreciated. A fan? Machine dry on lower heat? I air dry my wool clothing and most synthetic workout clothing and they don’t seem to smell.

          4. Anon @ 1:01pm:
            To avoid the mildew smell, have you thought about getting an air purifier? I have two GermGuardian ones, and they make a huge difference in our sometimes-stuffy one bedroom apartment with two cats, a stinky sink, and only a couple windows that open. Seriously, they are amazing. Top 5 buys of all time.
            I would get an air purifier and put it right next to the air drying clothes.

            Speaking of air drying, I hang/air dry about a third to half of my clothes. During the winter it takes a few days to dry, in summer it can take one day. I have a gull wing rack, and drape some things over the rails and others i hang on hangers along the outside edges. I can fit a lot of items that way, with some airflow in between each.

            Clothes that goes in the dryer is mostly cotton like t-shirts, underwear, jeans, leggings and anything that’s tag says tumble dry low. I turn everything inside out for both washing and drying. I also wash on the coldest setting that makes sense.

            There is *some* fading, but not much. The only things I dry on high is towels, and that’s if it’s a towels-only load.

            Laundry is my favorite chore :)

        2. I had the Gap Perfect Fit pants in multiple colors and was really pissed when they stopped making them (inexplicably since they seemed incredibly popular).

          1. I also hold a “black dye event” about once a year. I wear lots of black and this keeps my favorite pieces sharp. Laundry tip: wash black clothes only with other black clothes, and hang to dry for all natural fabrics.

      3. similarly – i buy my toddler a lot of gap clothes. The t-shirts used to be SO well made, and 2 years ago it just… changed… cheaper, thinner cotton. so disappointing

    2. I suspect a lot of folks think Talbots is too old re their styling and colours, but if you are willing to try, they carry pants in 98% cotton and in various styles. I live in their curvy fit ankle pants in basic colours. Lots of sales this summer.

      1. Second this. Their cuts and colors are not my preferred style, but I have pants from them that I LOVE.

        1. Same – I wouldn’t do a head to toe talbots look, but I’ve always been happy with the fit and quality of their pants.

      2. I’ve been buying a lot of Talbots stuff for the past few years. Some of it is still dowdy, but most of it is more stylish than it used to be and better made than a lot of mid-priced retail.

    3. I do not get the love for the Pixie pants. First of all, they don’t fit over my giant quads; second of all, the fabric is terrible. Even in the dressing room, I was itching to get them off my body.

      1. Curious what pants you are wearing. My body has changed dramatically from weight/resistance training and I need new pants. I would love to avoid going to a mall, or at least be able to target my shopping.

        1. Serious lifter and tennis player – I like the NYDJ ankle ponte pants – they look right in both the waist and in the legs / rear. Sometimes on sale on amazon. My problem with most mall brand pants labeled “slim fit” is that my waist size (29″) often then only has like 37″ hip measurements.

    4. I actually prefer polyester/rayon work pants vs. cotton but Pixie pants don’t flatter me. Surprisingly, Express had some options that worked well for me (short but curvy.)

  2. Thank you to those who responded to my question about going to the gym at lunch yesterday! It was a late question so I did t want to post this there, but looks like 1-1.5 hr lunches for exercise are pretty normal

    1. I didn’t get a chance to weigh in yesterday but yes, this is totally the norm at every place I’ve worked.

    2. I didn’t get a chance to respond either, but I was shocked when I saw all the responses. I guess its very much a know-your-office thing, or maybe know-your-industry(?). At my company, even a 1 hour lunch break would be looked at as unacceptable–a 1.5 hour lunch break would seem insane and very out of touch, unless you were a partner. About 30 min is the norm, unless its a team-goes-out-to-lunch-together situation.

      1. Somewhat agreed. I’m not in big law but I do work somewhere where everyone eats at their desk, and the only “lunches” are usually the time it takes to run out and get food.

        That being said, in normal life I do take a 1-1.5 hour lunch two times a week to work out. I figure if I’m eating at my desk every other day, it averages out to not be a big deal. I would feel like doing that every day would be excessive and start to be noticed.

        Caveats, we have this whole wellness initiative so I always think that would be pretty hypocritical to have that but come down on someone for a couple of lunchtime workouts. Also, I’m somewhat senior and no one really notices or cares about my minute by minute whereabouts in my specific role.

        This all being said, everything about COVID sucks, so if you can make one silver lining be that while you are WFH you can do a midday workout a little more often than normal, I say rock on.

        1. Yeah I might not do this normally. But I’m working from home, I can work later (or often start earlier), so I figure it all balances out. My team doesn’t necessarily take long lunch breaks, but they don’t start work until 10 while I do, and our work is very individual, so I’m sure we’re all putting the same hours in.

      2. Lawyer here – I think billable hours may make a big difference? Every firm I worked at, your overall billables were more important that face time (provided you weren’t taking 2 hour lunches every day and were relatively responsive and kept normalish hours so people could find you when they needed you). I was one of the pro-1.5 hour lunch people on yesterday’s post, and (while I wouldn’t do it every single day) I wouldn’t blink at someone leaving for 1.5 hours 1-2 times a week, as long as it wasn’t in the midst of a major filing or something.

    3. IANAL, but everywhere I’ve worked, taking an 1.5 hour lunch to work out is acceptable. I will caveat that my supervisors have all worked out during lunch, so if your supervisor works through, calls meetings or takes a half hour for lunch, YMMV.

    4. It would have been impossible at my old job. You could just not be “out of pocket” that long. I traveled all the time and I had to do red-eyes just fo be available during the day.

      At my most recent job I could have left for the rest of the day and no one would have noticed.

      But that job was with a company who it turns out wasn’t profitable, and they laid me off so….

  3. Happy Friday!

    I have recently realized that despite trying, I’ve never lost weight, and certainly never kept it off. In my 4 years in the workforce, I’ve gained about 20 lbs. Being as short as I am, that makes a difference.

    I mostly eat relatively healthy (though I’ll never say no to nachos or ice cream) and I’m usually somewhat active (finding that harder now without a gym though).

    I would absolutely like to lose some of this weight I’ve put on but I’m also concerned of this trend. I don’t want to let the slow creep catch up with me and wake up one day 100 lbs heavier than I started.

    I don’t think IF is for me, but aside from that how have you a) lost weight and b) kept it off?

    1. Walking 30min after every meal helped me slowly lost weight without having to workout. On days where that’s not possible, walking an hour after dinner also works. Though this is in combination with not eating anything after 7pm.

    3. Get some bloodwork done to make sure you don’t have any thyroid issues that can affect your weight.

      2. Yes bloodwork is on my to do list once I can get back to the doctors.

        My dad and aunt are both at healthy weights, eat well and exercise several times a week and yet are pre – diabetic. A cousin on my mom’s side went vegan for health reasons in his early 30s due to blood pressure / cholesterol despite being one of the healthiest and fittest people I know…

        The amount of people in my family to have triple bypass surgery, open heart surgery, etc is astounding. What’s also astounding is that they also lived to their mid 90s.

        Genetics are a b*tch, huh?

        1. Genetics are hard but all the move reason to fight them. If your dad and aunt were not eating well and exercising they’d likely be diabetic not just prediabetic.

          My DH is much better at exercising and eating well then I am. He lost his dad at an early age to heart issues and he doesn’t want that to happen to our kids so he views it as needing to take proactive steps everyday to counter his genetics.

      3. This so much. I have gained 12 pounds in the last year without much change in diet/exercise, after being slim my whole life. I had always been hypothyroid but turns out that my thyroid is out of whack and probably leading to the weight gain. Know that if your thyroid and insulin are not under control, there is no amount of change in your diet or exercise that will lead to weight loss. You could be be eating 1000 calories a day and will still gain weight. So get the bloodwork done asap. Also know that there is a huge difference between normal results and optimal results. You want the latter. So if your TSH is 3, that’s technically normal but very suboptimal and you will have weight issues. See Dr. Westin Childs’ YouTube videos or podcast for more info. Good luck.

    4. I had a similar experience when I started working. Highly recommend reading Slim by Design. Basically a series of small changes set you up to slowly and sustainably lose weight (and the science behind it is really interesting). I adopted a few strategies and lost 15-20 pounds over a year and kept it off, both without really thinking:
      -1/2 my plate at every meal/snack needs to be fruits or vegetables (I think this is where the biggest gains have been made). This includes seconds or desserts. I eat seconds but often when I ask myself if I also want more vegetables instead of just more pasta it’s the check I need to realize I’m not really hungry.
      -no alcohol on weeknights. YMMV here
      -vegetarian before dinner. I don’t follow this one 100% but my meat consumption was wayyyyy higher than it needed to be. I’d say I now probably only eat meat 2 times a week but starting with limiting to dinner helped me ease into it without it being jarring
      -if I’m hungry and it’s not a meal time, I eat an apple or carrot sticks before I eat anything else. If I don’t want those then I know I’m not really hungry
      -don’t keep food in the house that I don’t want to eat. I never have sweets or treats on hand. If I want a treat, I go to a bakery to get a cupcake or an ice cream store for a scoop.
      -not from the book but I make sure I do some sort of physical activity every day. The every day part is key. It may only be 10 minutes of yoga or stretching if I feel meh but for me consistency is key.

      1. Thank you! Agreed – I need consistency.

        When I’ve tried in the past, it’s been for a week and then I fall of the bandwagon

        1. Consistency is definitely key! I had a similar experience Prior to this of being very into x, y or z trend and then falling off the bandwagon the second I got busy at work or I had friends in from out of town or it was susies birthday at work or whatever. Making really small changes slowly over a long period of time was what finally worked for me. But it’s definitely a lot less exciting to say that the changes came from always having fresh cut vegetables in the fridge for snacking and tossing the Ben and Jerry’s than following whatever the latest fad is like I’d been doing before. FWIW I also feel like I have a much healthier relationship with food now. Last week I was really really craving chocolate and went to a local bakery and bought the most delicious chocolate and Nutella cupcake. But I had one! And didn’t feel guilty about it – just really satisfied. Two years ago, I probably would have gone to the grocery store instead and bought a box of Oreos, ate 10 in one sitting and felt like cr*p (both physically and psychologically) and then would have polished off the rest of the box over the next week or so even though I didn’t really want them.

      2. These are really smart tips. I have definitely gained weight during quarantine — thanks, comfort eating — and my habits could use an overhaul.

      4. This is exactly what my lifestyle looks like too. I lost 25ish lbs with little effort over the course of about a year and have kept it off without feeling deprived.

      5. I have never read this book, but I lost 100 lbs and have kept it off for 5 years now, and this is similar to what I did. I made a similar rule (1/2 of every plate had to be fruits or vegetables) and I also focused on 80/20 – 80% of what I ate had to be nutritious and 20% could be whatever I wanted. I knew if I tried to never eat french fries again, I would fail! Snacking on veggies, drinking more water – this helped me control boredom eating between meals, which was a huge problem for me. I also do some physical activity every day, even if it’s only 5 or 10 minutes of walking – usually once I get started, I keep going, but if I don’t feel like it, I don’t beat myself up about it. There’s always tomorrow!

        I always viewed it as a lifestyle change, not something temporary – so when I was considering something, like never eating anything that came out of a drive through, I’d think, could I do this for the rest of my life? If I said yes, then it was a change I made. I didn’t lose weight quickly, but I did it in a way that felt sustainable for me (and still does).

        Oh and a +1 to walking – the more activity you can get in your day, the better! And don’t forget “nearo is better than zero” – don’t expect yourself to be perfect. As long as you’re doing the best you can, that should be your goal!

    5. How old are you? Could you be going into menopause early? Definitely have your blood checked and make sure they check your hormone levels. I did this in 2019 and discovered that my testosterone was so low it didn’t even register on the report. I’m now getting testosterone quarterly and I’ve noticed a huge difference (more energy, my libido is much improved and the weight is coming off). I was having a hard time losing weight, even when I ate practically nothing and exercised so I knew something was going on. I’ve now lost over 15 lbs and holding steady. Even if they find out that your hormones are at proper levels, at least you’ll know it’s not that and it could be your thyroid. Good luck!

    6. “If you’re one of the 45 million Americans who plan to go on a diet this year, I’ve got one word of advice for you: Don’t.

      You’ll likely lose weight in the short term, but your chance of keeping if off for five years or more is about the same as your chance of surviving metastatic lung cancer: 5 percent. And when you do gain back the weight, everyone will blame you. Including you.”

      https://slate.com/technology/2015/03/diets-do-not-work-the-thin-evidence-that-losing-weight-makes-you-healthier.html

      1. +1. When you also consider that dieting slows down your metabolism, making it even harder to burn calories efficiently after you stop, it’s a no-brainer to me. There was a good article a few years ago about how that happened to the Biggest Loser contestants, I think in the Times.

      2. Thanks. So I’m obese and at higher risk of Covid and other diseases. What do I do? Resign myself to an early death?

        1. Obvs not diet!

          I think that the only things that work are gastric bypass / lap band and/or slow and steady incremental change. Like Bill Clinton becoming vegan (but that helps if you are rich — I think that even deciding to “walk more” is hard to stick with for those of us with 9-5s who are already cursed with bad habits).

          The only thing I changed about my life in several decades of trying was . . . deciding to floss daily. I have a routine. I get it done every morning (never not morning) and always have floss with me (for touchups and back when I travelled).

          Changing habits is hard. I think that there is a several-years-old book on this that says to give yourself something like 3 weeks/habit to see if it sticks and only try one habit change at a time.

        2. I would focus on being healthy rather than moving the needle on the scale. Exercise, eat a range of healthy foods, and get enough sleep. All of that bolsters your immune function.

        3. Slow, incremental changes and also knowledge that bodies are freakin’ WEIRD and do weird stuff. Pay really close attention to how you feel and what your body does.

          Walking after every meal isn’t trendy and it won’t sell copies of books, but it’s safe, healthy, fun and there are literally zero drawbacks to it. When you’re just starting out, don’t do anything at an intensity level that’ll leave you sore the next day (or you probably won’t keep it up!). At first, you want to do something every day. Walking counts. Stay disciplined on this point and don’t fall victim to friends suggesting higher intensity / longer duration workouts than you’re ready for. This is my trap. I can do just about anything once, but then fall off the wagon for weeks, erasing any gains in fitness/loss of weight.

          Give yourself permission to spend a bit of extra money on whatever healthy but expensive treat you love. For me, that’s raspberries, strawberries and the fancier sparkling water that’s a step up from LaCroix. Yours might be cute workout clothes, a new cookbook or something entirely else. You do you!

          Lastly – this isn’t a moral thing at all (I love and miss beer), but alcohol does nothing but get in the way of losing weight/getting healthy when you’re just starting out. Cut it out, entirely, until you have solid habits around food and exercise developed and only then consider adding it back occasionally.

          2. Nobody is probably reading this anymore, but I love Spindrift sparkling water. Orange Mango is my favorite.

        4. I am also “obese” (I don’t really care for this word, but understand how it is used in a strict medical sense). There are things that you can do to improve your health without the goal being to lose weight. Of course, you might lose weight if you start walking more, but the weight loss is a neutral factor – the positive is that you improve your cardiovascular health, lower blood pressure, etc.

          I also read some articles early on about how being overweight and at higher risk for COVID may have some other factors that weren’t considered when that was all over the headlines. I.e., that doctors are more likely to admit a person into the hospital with less severe symptoms because doctors perceive obesity to be a risk factor – so of course there are more overweight people admitted into the hospital, but not necessarily because they had the worst symptoms. Also, in a lot of the data, weight was only recorded for people who were overweight while other patients had no weight data. (I was scared of this because of COVID, and honestly reading some of these things did make me feel better.)

        5. I think a lot of the problem is that the way we talk about diets is just so completely wrong.

          We tell people to aim for a pound a week; at least in my experience, a pound a week of weight loss (which is a deficit of 500 calories a day) will crash your metabolism. I’ve found that anything more than about a half pound a week is too much.

          We tell people that ‘plateauing’ in weight loss is a bad thing, but it seems like it’s your body establishing a new normal. From what I’ve heard, the body really does not like to be more than 15 pounds below the weight it is usually at. People plateau and assume that they have failed, so they give up and go back to their less-healthy habits, or they double down on cutting calories and exercising, which crashes their metabolisms. But weight loss isn’t linear; your body tries to establish a ‘normal.’ If you had been 175 pounds for years and are now plateauing at 160, embrace the plateau: in a few months, your body will start to lose weight again, but this time, it thinks that its baseline weight is 160, not 175.

          People have more willpower in the morning than in the evening, but you’re supposed to eat more in the morning than at night to lose weight. If you eat all this Greek yogurt in the morning but throw in the towel by dinner time and chow down on mac and cheese, you’ll be worse off than if you had eaten a big, rich morning meal and a light supper. There was even a study about how you can lose weight by eating chocolate cake for breakfast. Diets are just terrible because they work against your willpower or against your body.

          And mostly, we set people up to fail by focusing on outputs and not inputs. Your inputs are almost entirely within your control (if healthy and able-bodied): what you eat and how you exercise. The output – weight loss – is not. If you look at how salesmen and political campaigns are successful, they focus on inputs: calling a certain number of contacts every day, knocking a certain number of doors, shaking a certain number of hands. But with diets, we relentlessly focus on the output (weight loss) that we set people up to fail.

          Oh, and BMI is a bunch of nonsense.

          Sorry, I have a lot of opinions on this. It just seems to backwards from everything that is productive.

          1. +1000000 to this. If you are worried about your weight because of health reasons, the better path is to focus on building up healthy habits (move more – don’t think you need to do HIIT level cardio or be able to deadlift so much weight you are sore the next day, literally any incremental activity will yield health benefits, especially if you build on them over time, eat more whole foods – we could all probably benefit from more fruits and veggies, establish healthy sleep habits – very few of us get enough, figure out a healthy outlet to reduce stress, etc). These changes will likely lead to weight loss over time but that shouldn’t be the goal! The benefits to these habits are there whether you lose weight or not. And having the goal be weight loss inevitably leads you to feel like you failed and revert to bad habits when you hit a plateau or don’t see results faster. Weight loss May or may not happen if you establish healthier habits but you will accomplish the goal of being healthier. Finally stopping obsessing over weight has finally made me feel my best in years, my clothes fit better, I have more energy, etc. to me that matters so much more than what the scale says.

          3. No anonymous at 11:33, a diet is an eating plan designed to lose weight that is followed for a period of time to make you lose weight. Those don’t work. Sustainable lifestyle changes have been proven to work. Focusing on the scale sets you up to fail. Making sustainable healthy habits reaps a ton of health benefits and often (but not always) has a side effect of losing weight.

          4. Anon at 11:33, I literally suggested eating chocolate cake for breakfast as a means to lose weight if you struggle with willpower. Tell me all about how the South Beach Diet or Weight Watchers has chocolate cake for breakfast.

      3. I think this is more reflective of America’s bad relationship with food than it is about human physiology.

        1. Have you looked around??? It’s not like the rest of the world is svelte and everyone in the US is obese. The rest of the world is right there with us, and some countries are ahead (e.g., Mexico, where the obesity issue was often-cited at the beginning of coronavirus news coverage as a concern re mortality there once the virus hit).

          1. I have looked around, most developed nations are indeed svelte, have you been to the Nordic countries? France? They certainly aren’t zooming around on mobility scooters.

          2. I assure you that the young people in city centers are likely trim. And older people and others generally are less so, possibly much less so. Show me 10 50 YO people anywhere and they will probably all not look like the 20 YO people, much more so in places with high tobacco and / or alcohol use or a sedentary lifestyle. I think it can be really hard on older women who always got tasked with house chores and childrearing and didn’t historically get out a lot never mind have “exercise” as a thing.

          3. 2/3 of the US are overweight or obese. Other countries have obesity issues but nowhere has a problem anywhere near as bad as the US. That’s just like people who say ‘well mass shootings happen in other countries do’. No. The US has a way worse obesity problem.

          4. American who has lived in multiple US states and several countries here: I’ve looked around, America is more overweight on average. In my opinion, a lot of this has to do with a driving culture where we simply don’t walk much to get around. Colorado was an exception to the rule.

        2. Agree. I think Americans conflate weight/thinness with being healthy. And our “diets” are generally not sustainable because they just focus on cutting calories rather than sustainable lifestyle changes. As an aside plenty of thin Americans have incredibly unhealthy diets as well. Diet is a vital part of health, not because of the number on the scale but because what we put in our bodies impacts our overall health.

      4. Someone (here I think?) recommended the book Healthy As F*ck and I highly recommend. It does a good job explaining why diets don’t work, what actually does work to be healthy and a focus on figuring out what you actually want (which may or may not actually involve losing weight – and that’s ok!).

    7. I eat fairly healthy but downloaded the MyFitnessPal app to track my eating habits. As I added food into my daily diary I was shocked at where some of the calories came from. It has made me more aware of what I choose to eat and how much.

      I also tried a couple different fitness apps and really liked Peloton. You don’t have to have their equipment and they have a varied selection of workouts to include body weight, yoga, run, walk, etc. You can also choose music, difficulty level, and class length anywhere from 5-75 minutes.

    9. Weight Watchers! I seriously LOVE it. Sign up for a package that includes a live coach – I look forward to my weekly calls with my coach (often just 15 minutes) – she’s so helpful about helping me retrain my thinking!

      1. This. I use it for weight maintenance and it fits with almost all the tips everyone is talking about here. Eating lots of fruit and veggies, indulging moderately and consciously, avoiding stress/emotional eating, mindfulness, getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, drinking enough water.

    10. I am short too. I have had good luck with counting calories (I use SparkPeople because I like their recipe calculator), weighing myself every day, and concentrating on being active. Not necessarily a formal workout, but making sure I try to reach a step goal every day via parking farther away, taking a walk, using the long route to the bathroom, etc. Some folks say it’s really all about nutrition (and there are certainly “good” and “bad” calories), but I have found that even if I eat perfectly (“clean”, not going over calorie limit, etc.) I don’t lose any weight if I’m not active. I hate to say this, but the Pandemic has been great for my health and weight – I have had time to take long walks most days, and have not eaten out or drunk as much alcohol as I did previously, and I’m down 10 pounds so far this year.

    11. I hear you. After 15 years in the workforce, I was probably 40 lbs heavier and I finally got to the point last year where I was over it. And I’m short too so I know how that goes.
      The first thing I did was start counting calories in MyFitnessPal. It allocated me 1200 cals. I ate relatively healthy but didn’t deny treats as long as they fit in the calories. Then after 2 months or so I added in cardio a few times a week. Next I added in some HIIT. Then I added some weightlifting.
      After 9 months, I had lost about 30 lbs but I plateaued and couldn’t lose more. While I had dropped 2 jeans sizes, I was also lacking in energy. After doing some research, I realized I had probably slowed my metabolism down on the low-cal diet and wasn’t fueling properly. I switched to Macrostax.
      Now I’m eating closer to 1800 calories. I’m adding muscle, losing fat. I’ve increased the weightlifting and HIIT and reduced the steady-state cardio. I feel great and I’ve dropped 2 more sizes. The weight has only gone down a few pounds, but I see major changes in my body composition. The main dietary change is that Macrostax breaks down your numbers for carbs, protein, and fat for the day and I was eating way too little protein previously.
      This journey started for me in Sept 2019 and it’s now a lifestyle. I feel like it’s sustainable and will help me keep the weight off, and be more fit and healthy, long-term.

    13. I once did a rafting trip with a group of people that I hadn’t met. One of the women was tall, thin, and a skilled athlete. I’m shorter, curvier, and also a reasonably skilled athlete. However, she was bound by a lot of self-imposed food restrictions; as one example, she packed an entire dry bag of rice cakes that she could eat instead of the standard American meal and snack food provided by our outfitter. I remember how great I felt on that trip. I was active ALL day, I ate the simple food we prepared and was hungry for every meal (so everything tasted great, even when it was kind of mediocre), and I ate more food when I was hungry for more. The other woman ate a lot of rice cakes, altered every single meal to fit her diet restrictions, and actually skipped out on her chore duties twice because she wanted to fit in intense hikes (above and beyond the hikes we all did to enjoy the scenery), even though she had been rowing all day. I think there was a strong element of disordered eating, but I can’t be sure since I didn’t know her from before. My point is that even though I was technically “fatter” than her, we both went on the same river trip and only one of us experienced the simple joy of a simple meal cooked outside and the freedom from obsession. I think about it often whenever I’m tempted to impose food rules on myself; I could be taking away more than just a few calories.

      1. This is super weird and body shaming. You have no idea why someone would have restrictions whether it was from allergies or moral principles, assuming a skinny woman would only have restrictions because of vanity is pretty rude.

        1. I never once said vanity. I merely observed (and others did as well) a high level of rigidity, a lot of food rules, and reliance on traditional diet foods like rice cakes and celery.

          1. And you have no idea what the reasons for those restrictions are, and yet you jumped to vanity. Which is rude. You’re being disingenuous about what you intentionally implied. You’re pretending your way is superior to her because even though you are “fatter” (your words) you’re enjoying life more, and that her vanity is making her life worse.

          3. @Anon 12:20. It isn’t anon 11:50 who’s projecting, it’s pretty clearing Anon 11:12 who is projecting her own eating issues onto this woman who was on the trip with her. I’m sure it was super fun for that poor woman to be on a trip with a stranger who was monitoring her food intake and snacking habits.

        2. Yes, you’re making a lot of assumptions here, Anon at 11:12. I am a size 00 with celiac disease and was sick for a week after a hostess told me a dish was gluten free when in fact it wasn’t, because she was “concerned” that my “food restriction” was because I had an eating disorder. Just because the rowing lady didn’t tell you the gory details of the reasons behind her food restrictions doesn’t mean they’re not medically necessary. I would love the “freedom from obsession” about gluten free food but I can’t because I have a disease. That’s great for you that you don’t though.

          1. I have more context that I didn’t share in a short post here, but it sounds like we’ll need to agree to disagree. I’m sorry that someone glutened you. That’s a different situation that is never okay.

          2. Someone did that to me once too the “dairy free” food was not indeed dairy free. So I had to diarrhea in their guest bathroom, sorry not sorry.

      2. Yeah, I think (?) you’ve posted this story before, and it is starting to feel a bit odd. You know nothing about this woman, it sounds like. You come at it with this strong assumption that she must not be happy, but maybe eating is literally just fuel to her so eating rice cakes is what makes her happy, or whatever. You have a legitimate gripe about her not doing her chores if that affected you all, but that’s it. The fact that she did exercise above and beyond what everyone else is doing…so? We have friends that are ultra competitive high performance athletes and the amount of exercise they do in a given day or on a given trip is mind boggling to me, but it is legit what makes them happy/feel accomplished and not to do with weird body issues. To imply that of someone you don’t know is not fair.

        I notice you don’t make the point that she seemed unhappy, just the implication that what she is doing would make you unhappy and therefore she must be.

        1. Hey, people are allowed to have their own thoughts and observations about something they’ve experienced. It happens every single day in millions of situations. It doesn’t mean they’re wrong or invalid if they differ from how others perceive something.

          1. You need to get help for your own low self esteem that doesn’t involve shaming others in order to feel better about yourself.

        2. It sounds pretty disordered to me. When I was in the height of my own disorder, I avoided eating what others ate and stuck to my exercise routine no matter where I was. I almost made us miss a flight once because I was frantically trying to burn more calories at the hotel gym. If I had gone on a river trip then, I am positive I would have packed my “safe” foods too.

          1. You know who else packs safe foods? People with allergies, medical conditions, and moral considerations.

          2. She wasn’t running on a treadmill. She went for a hike after arriving at a location on a rafting trip. That’s a totally normal thing to do.

          3. Agree with 12:26pm. And medical conditions include not just phsyical but psychological. For example, OCD and needing to eat X amount of a certain food every day. And autism often included an element of food specific issues that are not related to weight loss at all. Highly specific diet and need for alone time makes me think high functioning autism not an eating disorder.

            If it’s not hurting you, why do you care so much about what this other person does.

          4. Even if this one person was disordered that doesn’t make OP wonderful for having a normal (I guess) experience during a brief trip. It’s sad that she’s really invested in the possibility that this one thin person had an eating disorder as a way to make herself feel superior.

      3. You are the worst. My DH trail runs (like hiking but running) 8-10 miles every day including throughout college when he worked as a kayaking guide all day on the weekends. It is so beneficial for his mental health. He also has food allergies and could easily need to bring neutral snacks on a multiday trip. You don’t want to mess with taking chances on food allergies when you are out in the wilderness.

        If your happiness about your own body depends on judging and bringing down other people, you need to take a hard look in the mirror. Don’t bring yourself up by pulling others down.

        1. I think people who don’t want to name disordered eating when they see it are probably undergoing some personal struggles too. I wish them the best.

          1. You’re also telling us a lot us about people on the lookout for potential eating disorders so they can feel better about their own poor fitness :(

      4. It’s okay if you guys don’t get where I’m coming from or why the experience was meaningful. I’m not here to convince you and you weren’t there to share the same context that I have. Happy Friday.

        1. Right? How can they not understand that judging the eating habits of strangers is super meaningful and a great way to uplift yourself? Have an awesome weekend. I hope someone at yoga eats a vegetable so you can judge them too!

        2. Taking your comment charitably: there are things you notice during a situation that are hard to properly explain to other people but are nonetheless very obviously problems. So in these situations, I try to give the person explaining the situation the benefit of the doubt: they were there and we weren’t.

          Some of it is that any one or two things in isolation are fine, but together, they don’t quite add up in ways that take a lot of time to explain. Let’s take this situation: if she were an endurance runner or training for a triathlon, and also has a digestive disorder or allergy, that would explain the high amounts of exercise, bringing her own food, and her physique. But here’s what it doesn’t explain: rice cakes. Because people who do that intense exercise need to refuel, and they are going to bring along things like HoneyStinger Waffles or Rx protein bars, not celery.

          The faulty thinking is this: some people really like endurance events, some people really like rice cakes, and some people have digestive issues; ergo, she just happens to be all three. But these are not independent situations: endurance athlete + rice cakes usually = eating disorder, whereas endurance athlete + their own almond butter spread on gluten-free Waffles = specific dietary needs.

          Now, maybe you’re one of those people who judges others and stares at each morsel of food that goes into a skinny person’s mouth. (If so, you’re my SIL, and you know that you’ve wrecked at least three family reunions with your nastiness, right?) But there’s a good enough reason to think that you’re commenting on objectively disordered eating that you saw and, hey you were there and we weren’t.

    14. I’m probably much older than you are, but the only thing that works for me is eating clean (lean meat, fruit, vegetables, limiting sugar and alcohol), tracking what I eat with Myfitnesspal, and getting a lot of exercise.

    15. I stopped eating many processed carbs and sugary things. Occasionally I will eat sweets (after a meal, not instead of a meal) or occasionally I will eat regular pasta instead of lentil pasta. I never drink sweetened drinks aside from the odd cocktail. I don’t often eat out – maybe one meal a week. I also eat plenty of vegetable and fruits. I counted calories at first but just by sticking to those rules I’ve kept it off for more than a decade and I don’t see it changing. I think at first unless you count calories so that you have enough of a deficit it will take a while to show up, so you have to commit to eating a certain way for a few months before judging if it’s working or not.

      1. I think there’s a lot to be said for nutrition density. I get cravings easily if I’m short on vitamin C, iron, or potassium for the day. I end up eating more calories than I need if I got enough calories before I got enough nutrition.

    16. Burning more calories than you consume is the only way to lose weight. But you can achieve that goal in a number of ways – counting calories, changing your diet, increasing your exercise. I found a combination of counting calories and weightlifting + cardio worked for me. At my most focused, I was eating 1200 cal/day (I’m 5ft4in) and spending about an hour at the gym doing a mix of machines and jogging/stairs about 3-4x week. It took a lot of time and mental energy, but I lost about 20 lbs in 5 months. I highly recommend the subreddit r/loseit and the calorie counter Cronometer. You’ll want to figure out your TDEE. Also I only saw quick results when I complete cut alcohol, I think it slowed down my metabolism (unscientific conjecture here).

  4. I wish I could wear the pixie but as a pear shape I’ve never found them flattering on me (though I haven’t tried in a while).

    Old Navy does have these very soft elastic waist work pants that I love.

        1. I love these pants!! I have them in a ton of colours. I’m 5’4 and I love that I don’t have to get them hemmed and they’re super comfy.

    3. I can see why they wouldn’t work for you. I’m straight up and down at the hip/waist and Pixies work for me while most dress pants don’t.

  5. Any recommendation for a security camera/motion sensor/light that turns on when there is motion for a window I have that faces a back yard and is next to some firescape? Now that everyone in my small walk up has left for the summer except me, I am suddenly feeling quite vulnerable from a security standpoint. I have those window security metal bars installed, but would like something more secure. Also, any recommendation for a rental friendly doorbell with security camera? Kind of like the Ring ones except you can stick them on a door rather than having to nail them on?

    1. I have a Ring and really like it. It was super easy to set up and I believe you can also get motion sensors + lights from them.

    2. I’d recommend a 2 pack Blinc camera system. It’s motion activated and you can set the level of sensitivity such that people will set it off but spiders won’t. You can set zones within the camera view to be motion activated or not. For example, at our house, we included the sidewalk and porch but not the road. It has live audio and video capability. It’s a camera, not a doorbell setup, so it’s not going to answer the doorbell for you but it is going to tell you someone is on your porch, for example. Installation was quick and easy. Setup and use are intuitive. We paid $179 for the two camera pack.

    3. It sounds like you only want a short-term solution for the window, so maybe just a stick-on, battery operated motion light? I have one by iZoom that seems to be out of stock now, but I think it would serve your needs. You could just leave it on the interior window sill, pointing out.

    4. Look flood light linked to a motion sensor so it turns on if someone walks by. Ring and other companies have self-install options that are battery powered insteaf of hardwired with pro install (I’m guessing that’s what you mean by “having to nail them on”?) so I wouldn’t exclude those when you make your selection.

  6. Since I refuse to touch a gym with a 10 foot pole (they’re still closed where I am, thankfully, but I won’t be going back for a long, long time), what resources do you use for strength training?

    I’m looking to put on muscle, as I’ve lost all of my muscle mass during covid. My job sometimes requires lifting, my hobbies require some muscle, and I’m vain and like how I look when I’m strong.

    I used to do some body weight exercises and I have some light dumbbells at home for barre (3lb and 5lb). I’d like to get some heavier ones as well.

    What workouts do you recommend to building strength at home?

    1. I’ve found some of the body weight exercises to be surprisingly effective. Fitness blender has some good videos

    2. I do the strength training workout videos from Fitness Blender. I bought the FB Strong workout program which has videos for strength training. I’m only a week in and I’ve definitely had some sore muscles and I feel like I’m getting challenged.

      1. +1 – I love Fitness Blender. I got the PowerBlock adjustable weights they use about 6 years ago and love them. I have the set that goes from 3-24 lbs. The heavier ones are really useful for leg work.

      2. I love Fitness Blender SO much. The couple who does them is upbeat and approachable without any sort of obnoxiousness I’ve encountered in other programs, and their approach is all about functional fitness in a balanced life. I’ve purchased a couple of their programs (which you can repeat and use indefinitely) just so I don’t have to make any choices about which workout to do when, and I find them to be more than worth the cost (around $10-$20 for programs that run from 2-8 weeks long), but picking workouts from their videos as you like is 100% free and effective.

        I also have the Power Block weights and they’re awesome.

      1. +1 for kettlebells. They allow you to get a challenging workout with relatively heavy weights while requiring very little space. I used to lift with traditional weights and find kettlebells much more fun. They are hard to come by at the moment and the fancy ones can be expensive. I was able to snag some decent, inexpensive ones at Target by stalking the website for restocks.

    4. It’s been a while, but there was a Reddit page called r/bodyweightfitness that had some great ideas.
      I’ve been incorporating more step-ups into my routine and they’re really kicking my butt. I put a kettlebell in a backpack and did a few sets … they got spicy real fast.

    5. I love YouTubers Sydney Cummings and Heather Robertson. Both have lots of body weight and dumbbell HIIT videos.

      I like both for different reasons. Sydney is peppy, cheerful, and talks you through it. Heather doesn’t talk at all and her workouts are all set to timers. Depending on my mood, I’ll choose one or the other. But their workouts are universally excellent.

    6. I realize this may not be practical, but if you have the space and funds I would just go straight to a barbell+rack. I got mine on Craigslist a couple years ago, but I’ve picked up some things from CL or FB Marketplace during Coronatide at a distance and it’s been fine — they set the item out and point at it and I hand off the money at arm’s length or set it on the step.

      1. I have home gym dreams but a city apartment reality… (I also have a super crappy, but foldable exercise bike for this reason)

        One day I will have a tricked out home gym!

        A coworker is building a full home gym, so when we are more comfortable with being inside together I will probably go there once a week or so to workout!

    7. Dumbbell workouts are the easiest for this if you are in a city apartment – Betina Gozo and Kirsty Godso on Nike Training Club app are my favorite – full body workouts and targeted ones (abs and arms/bi’s and tri’s) are both great. Compound exercises are also my favorite for this (dumbbell squat+overhead press for example, so many others to get a great weightlifting workout in like 25 minutes). gunningforfitness (40 yr old mom to 4 kids) has great workouts on insta for free, especially compound exercises, and so does Olivia Ostrom on insta (although for her you have to skip through some sponsored content for workout clothes and protein powder).

      You’ll need 10s or 20’s pounds in terms of dumbbells if you are looking to build muscle, I don’t think 3 and 5 will cut it. Ideally for a small space, you’d have adjustable weight dumbbells to save space but those are backordered and surge priced like crazy right now. If you can get some kettlebells that’s great, or for squats and lunges a backpack with heavy books works. Or if you have jugs you can fill with water, that works too as a dumbbell replacement.

      I’d also look for a slow release protein supplement if you want to build more muscle.

  7. To the Anon yesterday who said flats look stupid with a suit (gee how constructive) – ok, I admit it, the pictured shoes do support your position.

    But look into the wide variety of sleek, pointed-toe flats and leave frumpy 80’s heels behind!

    1. I’m team flats forever and I would wear them with a suit and not care if some stranger thought they looked stupid.

      2. Yup. And I’m going to pick my foot health over fashion 99% of the time. I’m so glad heels seem to be falling out of fashion.

      3. You may not care what a stranger thinks but you should probably care what your client/the judge/the jurors think.

        Suits may not be fashionable but depending on location and court, a lot of judges and jurors expect to see attorneys wearing them. I doubt the judges care about heel height but having interviewed a lot of jurors I have always been astonished by how many of them noticed my shoes.

        This is another one of those things that is highly profession and location specific and I would encourage all of you making sweeping statements about frumpy/stupid/out of fashion (and I can definitively say that the vast majority of women I see in business formal attire are in heels of some height) bear in mind that the norms of your industry and city are not universal. (And some of us are already out of loungewear and back in at least business casual and for some things business formal dress.)

    2. Let’s try not calling classic business attire frumpy. And I would never pair a gorgeous tailored skirt suit with flats, I would look like I forgot to take off my train shoes.

      1. I’d wear a pantsuit rather than wear yesterday’s heels with a skirtsuit! An older style does not automatically become a “classic.”

        If you want to wear comfortable or lower heels, I’d go for a style where the comfort is actually part of the look, rather than trying to work “comfort” into a stiletto shape. Block heels like the Ferragamo Vara would be much, much better.

        1. Too funny, Kat posted Varas and everyone came down on her for posting old lady shoes! Long ago, I vowed never to wear them until I am 80.

      2. If you’re allowed to say I look like I’m wearing train shoes when I wear sleek pointy toe flats with my gorgeously tailored suits, I’m allowed to call your shoes frumpy.

      3. Except it is? From a fashion point of view, there’s nothing stylish about classic business attire. It might serve a purpose, but it is frumpy.

      5. I think you don’t have the right flats. There are flats that look nice with a skirt suit.

    3. Agreed – I almost always wear pointed toe flats with my suits. Well, when I used to wear suits, or anything other than lounge wear.

    4. Check out The Office of Angela Scott. I wear my Mr Evanses with suits and think I look nice.

    5. I own one suit for job interviews (I don’t have a fancy job) and since the pants are slightly cropped, they look great with pointy toed flats. I refuse to wear heels.

    7. I never wear heels. Full stop.

      With skirt suits, the hemlines that work with heels are likely to be too long with flats – and that might go for the jacket as well as the skirt.

    8. I’m a shoe fanatic and I just want to plug SJP’s “Story” flat. Some of the fabrics are funky but I have a black pair from a few years ago that are a staple for me. The best part about these particular flats is that they click on floors…they sound exactly like heels! I feel powerful when I wear them.

    9. I’m not a big fan of ballet flats with a suit, but Oxfords can look absolutely smashing!

  8. Would love any recommendations from the Greater Boston readers for realtors for the Weston / Wellesley area (or anyone to avoid). While I’m at it, would also take any for home inspectors!

    1. Laura Bennos or elise siebert. I believe both are at Gibson/Sotheby’s . They live in Wayland/Sudbury but service Weston, Dover, Sherborn etc. I think as far as Needham.

  9. Anyone have experience with this brand of online only furniture? Before I spend a bunch of cash on a sectional, hoping I can find someone who can speak to its comfort and quality.

  10. Anybody have bluetooth headphones that they love? I bought a cheapish pair a few years ago and they’re starting to have connectivity issues with my iphone. I was thinking of just getting airpods, but if anyone has a pair that they love, I’m open to other suggestions. TIA

    1. Following. Probably upgrading my phone soon (I still have the old SE), but not looking forward to not having a headphone jack in the new phone. I like how sleek AirPods are but I refuse to drop $$$ on a phone only then buy pricey headphones

    2. My husband has tried multiple non-Apple brands and they all break fairly quickly (however, most of the companies have sent him new ones no questions asked – one particular company has sent him 4 new pairs at this point).

      I’m on my second set of airpods (upgraded to Pro) and love them. No issues except the batteries eventually do wear out and don’t hold their charge as well.

      1. There was a thread on this earlier this week and I can’t say enough good things about my AirPods Pro. No connectivity issues ever, good sound quality, and comfortable thanks to the choice of sizes of the part that goes in your ear.

      2. How long does it take for the batteries to wear out?

        I’ve used the same pair of ear buds for 3 years now without issue.

        I’d hate to buy something over 10x the price that’ll wear out and end up in a landfill in a few years

        1. I had my original airpods about 3 years before they started to wear out – my Mom had a similar experience with hers. In general, airpod batteries die much faster when you’re using the microphone (i.e. on a phone call) vs passive listening (but this is probably the same issue for all wireless headphones).

    3. Wirecutter has some good recommendations. My husband has the Skullcandy ones that they recommend (~$60) and he likes them. No connectivity issues with iPhone, good for workouts.

    4. I’ve been doing lots of research on wireless headphones lately, and I’ve concluded that airpods are the way to go for iphone users. I hate how stupid expensive they are, but there’s a reason why they’re popular, and it’s not just vanity. (Which is the argument I’ve heard often.)

    5. I’ve been very happy with amazon echo buds. I chose them over airpods because at the time, only the old airpods were on the market and I hate having hard plastic in my ears. The echo buds have silicone eartips, which now the airpod pros have too. But at any rate, the echos have worked very well with my iphone, sound good, stay put in my ears (even when running), charge quickly and hold their charge well.

    6. I have small ears and trouble with earbuds, the AirPods fit okay but hurt, the AirPods Pro are more comfortable but pop out on me so they’re going back and I ordered the Beats by Apple earbuds To replace them. I spend 100% of my days on the phone or video, and the cheaper ones didn’t have the staying power and conked out on me

    8. JBL Reflect Mini. I think they have a series 2 out, but I have (I think) the original.
      I like the fact that they are in-ear pods with the strap around the neck, I don’t wear them all day and I know I would lose airpods on the regular.
      Easy to move the pairing back and forth between my ipad and iphone on the fly. Doesn’t pair well with my computer but I think that’s a computer issue, not headphones issue.
      also, I believe they came with multiple sizes of ear thingies, so they could be more specifically sized to my ears.
      Noise cancellation seems to be decent.
      I use them for phone calls, zoom, and running. they do NOT fall out when I run.

    9. Anker Soundcurve, which are both in ear and have a clip for over ear. They probably only last 1-2 years, but they cost $30 and I tend to treat my headphones badly. They get thrown in bags/pockets and sweated on a lot when I work out, so the price point is good for me.

    10. I love my mpow flame pro wireless bluetooth headphones. They make a bud style too, but I prefer having the small piece wrap over my ear for stability and to make them harder to lose. I wear them all the time, and often forget they’re in my ear. They were $90 on amazon.

    11. Yes! If you’re ok with the bulky look (I think they look cool) – the Bose Quiet Comfort 35II are worth every penny.

  11. Has anyone bought anything for UpWest? I’ve been getting ads for them and I’m intrigued. How is the quality?

    Clothes look to be cute and reasonably priced and the company claims to be sustainable but I’m always wary of green washing.

    1. Haven’t heard of them before, but it looks like a similar aesthetic to Marine Layer and I think their clothes are great. Very soft and fit well.

  12. Has anyone done the whole life challenge? What was your experience? Did you find that you actually made changes to your routine and did they carry over after the challenge?

  13. Working parent of 2 kids who are registered at different schools (elementary / middle) in magnet programs, each 5-10 miles from our house, with start times 15 minutes apart. The plan was for them to ride the bus.

    Now the school system is leaning towards having 1/3 of the kids in-building at a time (so if your kid isn’t in-building on week 1, somehow they get you the chromebook that is the only thing that talks to Canvas without massive bugs), so kids are on A, B, and C weeks. They aren’t sure buses will run for school and whether 1/3 capacity leaves them sufficiently distanced (why? b/c some schools are >100% capacity). They aren’t sure if masks can be mandated (obvs I can have my kids continue to wear buffs and bring a spare).

    At what point in August do I lose my sanity? My job? Which happens first? I feel like I am thisclose to being the Michael Douglas character in a coronavirus reboot of Falling Down.

    1. 100% with you. I don’t want the school district to make a decision yet, bc the situation could change so easily, but I want them to make a decision yesterday, bc we have to figure out how to make it all WORK.
      I am expecting to rely heavily on a couple of close friends/neighbors for school carpools (due to inability to get them all on the existing buses. I can’t take bus duty but i will feed you dinner :-)
      Child 1, rotating days in school
      Child 2, rotating days in school
      Parent 1, rotating days in office
      Team member has a child in a different school system, who I am positive will wind up on a different alternating schedule bc that’s 2020, apparently
      Means that every day is going to be a complete crapshoot.
      This is not gonna be fun. Coping strategies – wine and taking vacation the first week of school. I figure we can focus on one kind of crazy at a time, that way.

    2. I guess a problem with magnets are if you register for an on-line school or charter, you may have to go back to a neighborhood school vs still having a slot in the magnet program.

    3. Is there any way you can take the decision out of the school’s hands and do your own thing? Or delay your kids’ start date so if it’s an immediate failure (or adjustments badly need made), they’re not part of it? Hopefully there will be more answers soon since the CDC put out guidance.

    4. First, our schools (“rich” neighborhood school in public K-12 city school system where most kids are poor) did not actually teach via distance learning in the spring. There was no live instruction. One social zoom a week. Maybe 20 mins of glitchy .pdfs to fill out? Maybe a link to a Kahn academy video?

      Second, daycares and camps have been on this and have gotten their sh*t together. Daycares have been open, I know of a few that had workers get sick, but no spread. I’m in a hotspot. Camps have been open, albeing differently, often only for half-days to solve for lunch / give more distancsing by having two half-day sessions (vs full last year vs nothing).

      WTF can schools not figure it out or at least promise that they will teach this year (vs not-teach)? I feel that if they can’t have a plan to teach via zoom (which I have done as part of my job — it is not rocket science and my kids use zoom now to talk to their friends b/c they don’t have phones yet), I will lose faith in them ever even pretending to care about educating my child.

      1. Are you expecting a teacher to hold a Zoom meeting for 30 eight-year olds who have no parental supervision from 9-3 everyday or what are you envisioning here?

  14. Since it looks like we’re going to be at home A LOT over the next year, I wouldn’t mind doing a few things to make our home even more of a sanctuary, both indoors and outdoors. Having a pool is my dream, but DH thinks the idea is insane and not worth it for our Midwest climate. We redid our patio a couple of years ago, so we have a nice outdoor area for lounging.

    If you could do a few small-ish home upgrades in the next few months to make life more comfortable, what would you do? Repaint? Different furniture? Upgrade outdoor spaces? More landscaping? Switch out artwork/accessories?

    1. Following.
      I put in a birdfeeder and a flower garden that I can see out my kitchen window. The birdfeeder has some sound arguments against it but I like to see the bluebirds and cardinals so I ignore the drawbacks.

    2. If I was working from home for the foreseeable future and had the budget, I’d make sure my home office was killer and had everything I needed (monitors, printer, good chair, good lighting, decorated nicely). And I would spend money on the outside since being outside really helps me feel better during times of stress. Maybe an outdoor kitchen for grilling, a TV if you have a covered porch, a fire pit, that sort of thing.

    3. First, I would make sure my home “office” was as comfortable and stylish as possible, since that’s where I spend the majority of my time.
      Then probably upgrade my outdoor space, since I’ve been trying to spend as much time outside as possible when I’m not working. On my patio, I’ve planted colorful flowers in some planter boxes and bought a hanging basket, and it definitely cheers it up. Wish my outdoor furniture was more comfortable though…I might buy some chair cushions.
      If you have any furniture you don’t find comfortable / don’t like but were dealing with because you rarely used it anyways (looking at you tiny kitchen table and wobbly chairs), then that would be the next area of priority for me.
      If you don’t like your paint color, then sure do that, but it wouldn’t be high on my list otherwise. Artwork is expensive, so I’d switch out accessories if I just wanted to brighten up a room or have a slightly different vibe.

    4. I’ve bought another really comfortable arm chair, switched around art, and am considering wallpapering my closet. If I’m going to be stuck at my house for the foreseeable future, I don’t want to spend my free time looking around and thinking the house looks tired and out of date. Plus, these projects give me something to do especially when the weather is bad and I can’t be outside. Eventually even the ceilings might get repainted.

    5. I’d start with lighting. Getting light bulbs that had the right tone/brightness for specific areas and that matched other light bulbs where they were supposed to, buying light fixtures we like, and installing dimmer switches in a few places has really made a difference in our house. Related to that, think about your window coverings and whether they’re letting in or keeping out enough light and heat.

    6. I would get a hot tub if you have room for one. It scratches the “water outdoors” itch, and if you are in a cold climate with cool-ish summer evenings it will be very pleasant. Much less upkeep than a pool.

    7. I’d want to have a beautiful oasis of an outdoor space. Instead, I have a tiny shared balcony that is surrounded by walls.

    8. Outdoor pool can be heated. I live in the Northeast and we get all May 1 through Oct 1 in our pool with heat. Otherwise outdoor hot tub is great in cool/cold weather, steam shower, small home gym with mirrored walls and an internet ready TV to do videos, internet connected bike or tread, Automatic thermostat controlled heated pad under area rugs for cold mornings, towel warmer.

    9. If you have mosquitoes, a screened porch. Mine has a high ceiling with ceiling fans, both comfy chairs/couch and a dining table/seating. It has been a godsend during the pandemic, but we used it lots before we were working from home.

    10. I’ve just spent £200 on some small things to make my bathroom more of a haven (I want to spend serious money completely renovating it but not yet): new shower curtains, bath mat, storage, etc. I barely used it at all in normal life before, because I was out all day every day and showered at the gym six times a week.

    11. I’m having an above ground pool installed in August. 15’, relatively inoffensive looking and will be around $6,000 with electrician costs etc. Live in the Northeast and wouldn’t spend the $ for an inground pool.

      1. Also would build a screened/three season porch if I could afford it right now, and adore having a bird feeder and vegetable/flower gardens.

  15. I’m starting to get really worried about a family beach trip we have at the end of July. We’re headed (by car) to a beach off the FL/GA coast. The beaches are nearly empty even in the busiest of summers, and we plan on eating at home the entire time we’re there (we’re staying in a rental house), but we still have to go to the grocery store. I can see several of our group wanting to do carry-out meals. Our 80 something parents will be with us, which is a big concern.

    We’re in the midst of group discussions now. Part of me feels that we’ll be as socially distanced there as at home. But the other part says that going anywhere near FL or GA right now is like running towards a fire and not away from it.

    It doesn’t help that the trip was fully paid for (and nonrefundable) months before COVID had ever been heard of. 2020 can go pound sand.

    1. Could you buy things at home and bring it in a cooler to the rental house? We normally do this when we do group trips like this because it is easier and we all want coolers to keep beverages in during our stay anyway.

    2. Jesus, of course you don’t go. ICUs in 20 counties in Florida at ALREADY at capacity.

      1. Totally. And what if you or someone in your group has a heart attack, cuts their finger while cooking in your rental, trips and sprains their ankle… it’s about all of the normal stuff that happens in life all the time that warrants emergency care. Are you really going to feel comfortable in Florida/Georgia coast of all places???!!!
        I hate to sound like a meanie, but come on people.

      2. I’d decide not to go & if you think your family will want to go or direct their disappointment at you, I’d also tell a white lie that the homeowner cancelled based on the reasons above.

    3. There’s no way on earth I would go to that area right now and you should be VERY concerned about your parents.

      1. Agree with this. The 15-million person study that just came out of England showed that people in their 80s are hundreds, HUNDREDS, of times more likely to die from COVID than those in their 50s.

      2. This. I wouldn’t go anywhere near Florida right now. Or probably ever, honestly, given how badly they’ve bungled this whole thing.

    4. What state are you coming from? A lot of states /cities have issued quarantine orders for those returning from high COVID states. In my city, you’re not supposed to go to those areas and if you’re coming back you need to quarantined for 2 weeks.

    6. Howdy from Georgia! It is a bit of a dumpster fire down here, BUT I think if you are going to a rural uncrowded beach it sounds somewhat low risk if you basically do socially distanced beach and rental house. If you wear your mask and take the recommended grocery shopping precautions, the risk is the same as if you were doing it at home basically.
      That said, it depends on how you are getting there. I wouldn’t be eager to fly or take a very long drive with lots of stops. Just try to minimize bathroom and food stops on the road.
      Keep your 80ish parents away from the grocery store and send maybe 1 person to stock up for your stay. Or bring a cooler of food as a pp said.

      1. Hey back! We’re driving from VA to SSI. We can make the trip with a single stop.

        If the infection rates were similar to VA I’d feel like it’s a more acceptable risk. But going from our lower rates here in VA to the much higher FL/GA rates is what’s giving me pause.

        1. So I would probably go but agree with others about the risk to your parents. If it were just your family who isn’t in the high risk category, then my vote would be to go. But it’s also ultimately your parents decision if they want to go and accept the risk.
          I went to a rural beach in SC for Memorial Day with my brother/sil, their two kids, and my parents in their 60s and felt safe and no one got sick (that we are aware of). I should also add I’m pregnant so I’m technically in the higher risk group but felt comfortable. The kids weren’t great about social distancing at the beach, but the adults all kept their distance and reprimanded kids as needed. We stayed away from the grocery store and hauled all the food in for our rental house.

    7. How long will it take you to drive there? our family of 8 went to a lake house 3 hours away in June for a week. We brought most of our food in coolers (this takes some advance planning) but we also went to the local grocery stores….masks are required in that state and we felt very safe. We got pizza takeout one night. I felt very safe…I think you minimize risk on your drive by limiting stops.

    8. I wouldn’t assume the beaches are empty because they normally are, unless you’re going to one of the truly empty islands like Sapelo. I haven’t been this year, but my family typically goes to Jekyll, which is normally pretty empty. To judge from pictures/posts on the facebook group for Jekyll, it’s been much busier than normal this summer, presumably because people are doing more driving vacations and also thought it would be (as it normally is) pretty quiet.

      So yea, I’m not sure I would go, though if you really are just in the house, grocery store, and beach, it might be ok. I will say I did go to a beach in NC a few weeks ago and felt comfortable with that, but I a) live in NC and b) it really was empty (and I knew it would be because there’s not a single large hotel in the town–it’s all rental houses and one small hotel).

        1. OP—I’m from the area and commented as “Coastal” below.

          Just to give you a local perspective: Beaches are jam-packed, busier than I’ve ever seen them. Cases are spiking—1332 cases in a population of just over 100,000, with a 64% increase in cases at the beginning of July. Restaurants have opened and closed in droves. I would strongly recommend not eating out and seriously consider not carrying food in.

          1. Two more thoughts.

            Most people are not wearing masks in grocery stores and services like Instacart are not available. If you do go, I urge you to bring your food.

            Finally: go to the website for the King and Prince Resort. Go to “Photos,” then “videos” and then click on “Live Beach Camera.” It is a live feed of the beach outside the resort, close to where many rental houses are located. Use that to decide whether you consider the beaches safe.

          2. Coastal, your location-specific information is incredibly helpful and I thank you for your thoughtful replies. We’d already canceled a trip to France this spring and had really hoped to get to the beach. It sounds like the risks are just too great. I’d rather keep my loved ones healthy. Thanks again.

          3. I’m in Savannah (70 miles north) and our cases are rising too. But, I’d maybe consider a beach house if you are willing to isolate there as well. Avoid the beach during crowded times and bring as much as you can with you to cut down on store runs. You can probably get take-out, but be mindful of what the pick-up scene looks like at the restaurant. Some places are much better than others. You may be able to get bikes delivered, rent kayaks and find other activities to do that are pretty easy to social distance. I would not dine out, shop, wander around the village, etc.

          4. Wow, that livecam…thanks everyone there for screwing all of us over! Can’t wait for lockdown to last forever.

        2. Yea, I wouldn’t go, then. We have friends who live there. Infections are spiking and a lot of restaurants are going through closing/opening cycles because of infections. Also, I would consider St. Simons moderately crowded by Southern standards during the summer even in normal times. It’s probably the most popular of the Georgia beaches, except maybe Tybee.

          1. (I would say if you can find a house to rent, the south end of Topsail in NC was delightfully uncrowded 4th of July week during the week. But I suspect absolutely everything is already booked).

    9. My extended family had a similar (but not quite so bad!) fact pattern of a family reunion that would have brought together people from all of the country (not to FL, and these discussions happened before the recent spikes) including lots of people in their 60s-70s. We were able to successfully rollover our deposit to 2021 in hopes that things are better then. any chance you could do that?
      To give some idea of risk tolerance: My family plus a grandparent are planning to do a rental in the next state over (1.5 hour drive) in August – both states are currently doing okay with COVID. We’re planning to do very limited trips out (one masked non-high risk adult for groceries or takeout) and avoid beaches, other potentially busy sites; lots of hanging out at the vacation home, outdoor/woodsy spaces, and private pool. I wouldn’t do that if the vacation home site was in FL or a similarly spiking state.

    11. If you’re going to FL/GA coast, are you going to be in Nassau County? According to globalepidemics.org (a data visualization tool), that county and the surrounding ones are mostly red, indicating the highest levels of severity.

    12. I’m so sorry, but I think you should cancel. I do not think your parents should go anywhere near FL, and honestly in your shoes I’d be way too anxious to even enjoy myself.
      How firm is that “nonrefundable” policy? My own family has had to cancel a beach trip, and we were able to roll our deposits over to next year. I think a lot of policies are a lot looser now.

    13. I’m from a beach town near the GA/FL coast.

      The beaches are packed. Locals, who are also stuck at home, are out in droves. Restaurants have opened, then closed again, in waves. Mask-wearing is inconsistent; hospitals have limited capacity.

      I have been on the beach. People did not consistently maintain social distance, especially children and especially in the water. I ended up leaving. Bringing a large tent might make it a bit safer (it certainly claims a chunk of beach).

      My opinion: vacations are important, family is important, and you should go if you can be socially distant. I personally would be comfortable going only if: (1) family drove there, (2) did not stop at rest stops on the way, (3) packed and brought food in coolers with you from home, and (4) there was a pool in the backyard of the rental house that everyone could use.

      Maybe I could get behind carry-out if you were religious about wiping down containers/heating up the food in the microwave. But I really want to stress that restaurants have been the epicenters of outbreaks my coastal community—I suspect because of tourists and because of the lack of masks.

      Good luck. This is hard.

      1. Where is OP driving from? Traveling with kids or say with adults over age 40-50 and certainly over age 80, aren’t people going to have to go to the bathroom at some point if they’re traveling more than a few hours — unless they really really control their water intake in advance? Cancel it. This vacation isn’t worth the hassle and anxiety.

    14. I wouldn’t do it, and I think I’m slightly less risk averse than a lot of people here. Plus who knows if the beaches will even be open, aren’t they being closed down in lots of places?

    15. Ugh, that’s so frustrating, sorry. Personally, I would cancel. The risks are too great in that area, particularly with older parents. Also, what if one of you ends up needing medical attention while you’re there? The timing really couldn’t be worse for this trip, unfortunately.

    16. Since it’s already paid for, so you have to decide right now? Couldn’t you just cancel the day before?

      If you bring most of your own food, and don’t go out to eat, I’d probably still go. My parents live in what was a COVID hotspot, but they live on (literally on) the beach. We drove there and didn’t stop. We didn’t leave the property. We had a blast.

    17. I was down in this area the other week (and know another family that was in St. Simons specifically), and we had a fine time. I really think like other posters said that you need to know more about the specific area you are going to. Our beach was not crowded, and we only saw one group that was not observing social distancing. We picked up takeout twice, and both restaurants were following all the rules. The area we were in, near St. Augustine, had much lower cases than I am, in Tennessee. We were all in our 30s but had one pregnant person with us and felt comfortable with everything we did.

      (We all got tested when we got back. One person’s test is back and negative.)

  16. Oddly specific fashion question: anyone have wardrobe suggestions to flatter a slim, small-chested hourglass? In general I think my billowy, comfort-driven style is very unflattering and I’d like to up my game. Thanks for your help!

    1. Buy petite tops that are narrowly cut to fit and flatter your upper body. I like Uniqlo and H&M for this, as well as Loft petites.

      1. Interesting! Even if I’m not petite myself…so that the shirt lays closer to the body? Thanks!

      1. Someone whose waist is smaller than their hips and bust. Contrary to popular belief, thin women aren’t “sticks” or “rails” and can in fact have curves. OP, I am also a slim, small-chested hourglass. Clothes that nip in at the waist are the most flattering on me. Trapeze dresses and boxy blouses do us no favors.

        1. Thank you thank you! Any brands or particular items that are you love? Thanks again.

      2. Same question – slim and small chested and hourglass? I can’t picture all three happening at once on one body? Like, is T Swift but also hourglass?

        1. Yes, that’s me, hi. I’m 5’2″, 105-110 lbs, have a 30C chest (small band size because I”m tiny over all. I’m not flat chested at all but my b00bs aren’t big– if you put my b00bs on a taller/overall bigger woman they’d look small), a waist w/ a defined hip waist ratio, and a bigger butt than you’d expect. I’m just so petite and small overall that my butt and thighs are still “tiny” relative to other women even though they’re pretty proportional for me.

          OP, billowy and baggy do me no favors. It just does not come off as elegant and breezy like on taller women… I look like a kid who went into her mom’s closet or a zoloft commercial. Cloths that are fitted in the waist/b00b region are definitely the most flattering on me, no question.

      3. I guess the more appropriate descriptor is small-busted…Generally someone who has equal shoulder and hip measurements, a small waist, and a smaller bust.

      4. An hourglass who is slim.

        Wear tailored clothes: pencil skirts, dresses that come in at the waist, blouses that come in at the waist.

        1. What a great suggestion; thank you! I am going down a rabbit hole. I am not a supermodel by any means but this is exactly what I need!

      1. I have a similar body type to Jean, and I love her recs. She somehow has managed to put out good content and not be obnoxious in these weird influencer times.

    4. If you’re buying clothes that are too big — like a size or two, start sizing down. A petite item will be cut shorter in the torso and sleeves, so if you’re short or short-waisted, you might need those. If you merely have a narrow frame, they may not help you.

      You can still wear a billowy top, just make sure it fits you really well about your shoulders and neckline. If it’s just big and baggy and droopy all over, that’s what’s unflattering. If it’s deliberately billowy, fits well in the neck and shoulders, and is the right size for your frame (so that you’re not drowning in fabric), then you’re good to go. I’d also wear it with a slim pair of shorts or pants. Or, if you’re wearing wide-legged shorts or pants, wear a more slim-fitting top.

      Basically, start paying a lot of attention to how clothes fit you, and buy clothing in the right size.

  17. Looking for good recommendations (reading, blogs, books, personal advice, I’ll take it all) for a new team lead.
    I have “lead teams” in the past but it’s always been more of a Project Manager type role. I know how to do that effectively.
    For the past 5 years I have been a team of ONE, the only person fulfilling a role/function. So I only had to manage myself. I now find myself in the (admittedly envious) position of having a new hire specifically to support me in this function. However, I am NOT New Hire’s supervisor.
    I am starting to realize that I might need some help with these new activities of delegating and dividing-and-conquering and checking-up-but-not-micromanaging! Our function is extremely self-directed… nobody hands us tasks on a regular basis.
    To complicate matters further, we are <50% in-office for the foreseeable future. Help me be a great lead-but-not-boss, if you know what I mean?

    1. Nothing has improved my management skills more than reading Ask a Manager for the past 8 years. It is eye-opening!

  18. Somewhat embarrassing workplace question: Can anyone suggest resources for learning how to create engaging content for internal communication? Mostly emails and newsletters? I’ve gone from being an individual contributor to a manager of sorts and will need to promote my departments initiatives and events. I need to learn how to create nice designs and templates for this. I’m literally starting at zero as all of my previous roles were really niche tech roles with little use for this. All of my googling is only turning up help for email marketing campaigns which I don’t think I need. Thanks in advance!

    1. This isn’t embarrassing at all! I’m looking for this too. Please post what you find!

      1. Agree – I like PicMonkey or Stencil (getstencil.com) the best but many many people love Canva. The new version of PicMonkey is pretty great. Also check out the free weekly downloads from CreativeMarket.

    4. Also – depending on your org, you might have to/ be able to lean on internal comms. Don’t invent the wheel if you don’t have to.

  19. Can anyone recommend a website / blog/ interactive forum for (actual) gardening? Bonus if it’s relevant to my New England /zone 6 location.

    (I want credit for refraining from making a seed swapping joke).

    1. I found that my state’s university (specifically, the ag center) has a website on home gardening with lots of publications, newsletters, videos, etc. Check whether any of the universities near you, especially ones known for agricultural programs, have something like this.

      1. By “my state’s university,” I meant my state’s flagship public university. We do have more than one university in the state :-)

      2. Second the rec of looking up your local state university agricultural extension, esp if the public university was a land grant university. Or see if your locality has a masters gardener program, usually associated with the ag extension. Where I live, they used to have a monthly Q&A at one of the local libraries.

        1. I mostly want to talk to other people about plants. Is that what they have? I’m in MA if it helps.

    2. My new vegetable garden has gotten me into reddit for the 1st time. In the morning I scroll through the “vegetable gardening” one, plus a couple that are particular to the kinds of plants I want to grow (peppers, fruit trees). Honestly, it’s mostly beginners and a little repetitive (mostly “look at my first zuke!” “look how many zukes I picked today!” and “omg, is this what happens when a zuke doesn’t get pollinated?”) but it has been encouraging to me while I try to be patient with my plants. (Yes, I am also hoping to grow my 1st ever zukes this summer!)

  20. My kids have convinced me to let them tie dye.

    Can anyone recommend a good brand of dye? All the kits in toy stores have terrible reviews re: dye quality.

    Also, yes, I’ve gone insane.

    1. RIT, the stuff at the supermarket, Wal Mart or any craft store. It’s been around since I tie-dyed as a kid in the 80’s and since my parents tie-dyed in the 60’s.
      Have fun!

      1. +1. Also, this doesn’t sound insane at all if they can do it in the basement or outdoors. It actually sounds like a way to keep them occupied when everyone is running out of ideas!

        1. +1. We did this every year at girl scout camp. Turns out my older sister is a savant at tie-dye – her shirts always turned out like they were professionally done. Mine just looked kinda mildewed. Have fun and good luck!

      2. Dharma Trading Co has kits which are awesome, and have colors outside the Rit dye range.

    4. Who even knew there were other brands besides Rit? That’s the one you want!

      Tie dye doesn’t have to be scary. In fact, I think that’s a good idea for a weekend project . . .

    5. If you really want to make a mess and let your kids be artistic, you could let them play with hot wax resist dyeing, called batik. Was me and my freinds’ absolute favorite craft time.

      Also, I would highly recommend letting them dye clothes they actually wear- cotton shorts, their regular sized and style of tee. When other kids’ parents bought special baggy white shirts for tie-dye, they only wore them for a week at camp. I rocked my best technicolor tiedye shorts for years.

      However, you do need to look for natural fabric content. Synthetic fibers generally can’t be dyed, so they will end up showing little specs of their original color woven through the altered color of the cotton. The kind of fabric is a lot more important than the kind of dye (but use Rit, as everyone else has said).

    6. This is one of my favorite things to do. I like the Tulip kits because they have everything in them — including gloves.

  21. Oh holy whatever, my brother just posted an absolute whackadoodle holy roller Fb rant about the Book of Revelation and sin and the end times. His ultra Christian friends are cheering him on. My nephews (grown adults) and I are worried about my SIL. I just cannot deal. Not really looking for advice, but I guess I need to just ignore it and move on. FWIW, my brother is a very Christian a-hole. He can’t help himself. Despite being very Christian and trying, he’s just that kind of person.

      1. Oh I am absolutely not engaging. Walking about from that hot mess shaking my head. My nephew says that his mom needs a new puppy to focus on. He may be right.

    2. Does he have kids? My BFF’s sister has gotten into outrageous conspiracy theories lately, including QAnon and the idea that–yes–vaccines have microchips implanted in them by aliens who are trying to enslave us. My friend is devastated because she’s about to start “homeschooling” her kids, thus taking away their best prospect of relationships with other adults. I think it would be a lot easier for her to ignore if not for the kids.

      1. His two sons are in their twenties and don’t live at home. He’s not as far out as your friend’s sister. It was just really jarring to read that on social media.

        1. Oh good. This woman’s kids are in elementary school and naturally believe whatever their mom says. Glad you can shake this off.

          1. I texted one of my nephews this morning and we were collectively shaking our heads.

      2. Is your sister’s BFF my cousin-in-law in Alabama??? Cause same on all fronts, including homeschooling.

        1. Unfortunately no, different state. However, she has a global social media following, so they may well be feeding off each other in the wackadoo mom community. By the way, I see some very concerning signs that it may be drifting toward the alt-right as well.

        2. Funny you should say that because I texted one of my friends and she said that it sounded like her family in Alabama. My brother is in NC.

  22. Talk to me about hormonal changes with aging. I suspect I may have entered perimenopause. I’m in my mid-40s. Within the last 6 months, I’ve started experiencing brief episodes of sweating for no reason (not hot flashes, as I don’t really feel that hot; weirdly, I just start sweating). PMS, which was rarely a problem for me in younger years, has become really bad. I’m emotional, moody and I generally feel bad/fatigued/depressed for 5 days or so before my period. Also, and most concerning, I’ve become very forgetful. I have a real issue recalling nouns. Recalling names of people, places and things has become a recurring problem. (Sleep deprivation has not been an issue, so I don’t think lack of sleep is causing it). I used to have a great memory, so this has been very disconcerting, esp. since my father had Alzheimer’s. But then I read that forgetfulness can be a symptom of perimenopause. Has anyone experienced this? Are there any treatments that work? I have a family history of breast cancer, so I’m a bit leery of hormone replacement therapy, but admittedly haven’t researched it extensively.

    1. Meant to add that I’m also experiencing weight gain although I’ve been slim most of my life and eat a very healthy, low carb diet. And have severe bre ast tenderness and cramps along with the other symptoms of PMS previously listed.

    2. I know people who used topical progesterone and people who used maca, but I think they had to see integrative type doctors to take these approaches. For PMS, keeping up folate, zinc, and magnesium levels has always been crucial for me.

      I am younger but have had low estrogen before from health issues, and it is the worst. I am thinking I will pursue HRT when I need to unless someone really convinces me not to (I have not looked into the bioidentical debate, but I noticed my gynecology office does offer bioidenticals at least for transitioning, so I assume they’ll offer it for HRT).

    3. I’m 45 and skip a few periods a year. When that happens I’ve gotten hot flashes. It is definitely a feeling of being intensely hot for me. I’m on a roll with like 8 consecutive periods so hasn’t happened lately. However my pms is worse and my breasts are more sore than they used to be in my 30s. I think these things are common peri symptoms. I have a strong family history of breast cancer so I have not looked into hormones. My gyno suggested limiting alcohol and caffeine (I’m not so great at this myself). I have found exercise helps with the pms.

    4. In my experience, all my hormonal symptoms started escalating and moving to more extremes in my 40s. Emotional PMS got very much worse for many many years – often for up to two weeks at a time. Breast ache, head aches, more intense cramps . .. all of it.

      I started out with random night sweats — I’d wake up and find that sweat had soaked through my pajamas. Hot flashes came in later years — your body heats up from the inside out. Sometimes (but not usually) I’d break out in sweat on my face or scalp as a result.

      Start tracking your symptoms so you can talk them over with a doctor; but also expect things to be random for a while.

      1. Thanks for your input. That’s a great idea; I’ve added “breast tenderness” symptoms to my period tracking app, but probably should be recording all symptoms.

    5. I recommend reading The XX Brain by Lisa Mosconi. There’s a chapter in there on HRT and information throughout about menopause. Very science based (almost a little too much for my taste, but I’m open to woo-woo stuff).

    6. I have experienced all of that and have a job where I cannot appear forgetful or foggy for even a moment. I started taking a supplement that I get from amazon named “2-Month Perimenopause Support Supplement – Relief Formula – Vitamins – Natural Perimenopause Supplements – Pills – Complex – 120 Capsules”. It has helped immensely with mood, fatigue, and memory. It has done nothing for the weight gain. You might want to give it a try.

  23. The post about gaining weight in the 4 years since college put me in a bit of a spiral. (This has been on my mind, it was just the stimulus) I weighed myself for the first time in a while and I’m 12 pounds heavier than I was in college, slightly overweight. I liked the weight I was at in college very much, and I accidentally got to that point because I went swimming for 45 minutes every day. And the pool just opened up here and I’ve gone and it’s safe! I also found another workout I like. I don’t have to lose all 12 pounds but I want to lose at least some, and at least I know what worked last time

    I’m also going to do what the poster said up about half the plate veggies, no drinks or desserts during the week.

    Sorry just had to write this out.

    1. I’m the OP from that post. Writing it out is so helpful! I need external pressure to be accountable

    2. I know how you feel. I hate weighing myself, and I’m fairly slim, although I have gained some weight since COVID started and am very unhappy that many of my pants and shorts feel tight. I do not want to buy all new clothes…but I am already working out regularly and eating healthfully, so it’s frustrating. I ordered the book Slim by Design that someone suggested above, and hope that I can tweak a few more habits and perhaps stop the gain that way.

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