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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: High-Waisted Pixie Super Wide-Leg Pants

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A woman wearing black pants, a black top, and black kitten heels

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

The straight-leg pixie pants from Old Navy have been wardrobe workhorses for me for many years, (I’m still wearing these from 2023), but this wide-leg style seems a bit more current, so I’m eager to give them a shot. They come in three different inseams, making it a little bit easier to find the pair that hits at the exact right spot for you.

The pants are $34.99 (marked down from $49.99) at Old Navy and come in sizes 0-30, 2T-18T, and 00P-18P. They also come in three other colors.

Sales of note for 2/6:

238 Comments

  1. I need help with a hard conversation with one of my recent lateral law partners. We are late 30s, we were ‘13 and ‘14 law school grads. I’ve been at this firm 10 years, he has been here 2. He often stops by my door to chat, during which he would talk at me about his cases (our practices do not overlap). These chats last 20-30 min each/a couple times a week. I started pivoting to go for a walk in the building or take a coffee break over these times, but I have occasionally told him that I am busy and he needs to come back later. I learned last month that multiple other attorneys in the firm are starting to WFH more because he apparently does this daily to them. Worse, our associate attorneys (primarily women) reported during annual review conversations, not in writing, that he spends 20-30 min per day in their offices, talking at them. He doesn’t have cases with associates, I don’t think he is a “creep,” he is at work early and leaves late and is a highly successful biller in spite of all the downtime. I think it’s social time for him and he does not realize how much cumulative time he takes from others. I didn’t mind a couple times a week for myself but now that I have learned it’s daily for many others, I belie be the clear and kind thing to do is tell him that his conversation time is taking away billing hours from other people and I recommend he stop. I am not his boss. This seems trivial to bring to management. Went to his practice group chair who is also annoyed at him but personally m shifted to more WFH and said associates can grow a backbone and tell chatty people to get out of their offices. I agree they can, but remember feeling as an associate I could never say no to any partner. I am worried that if I have this conversation, my chatty partner will interrogate associates about whether they “reported” him or some such behavior. I would rather not name anyone and would rather have him mad at me compared to an associate. I’d prefer a respectful relationship with all my partners but will lose no work or standing if he is mad at me. Any ideas how to have this convo?

    1. I would have a talk with him about firm culture. Just say that at your firm, it isn’t the culture to have these long, chatty conversations; it detracts from billing and (if it’s true) say that your associates value work-life balance and having a partner routinely eat 30 minutes of each day is 30 minutes later they are stating, 30 fewer minutes with their kids, etc.

      Frame it as the assumption that it was how his prior firm operated and that’s okay, different strokes, blah blah blah.

          2. Except she isn’t speaking on behalf of anyone but herself. Firm culture talks come from the firm, or at least not one peer and a lot of no-name complaints.

    2. It sounds like there’s a more general office culture issue here if people don’t have a way of signaling that they’re available or unavailable to chat? (Open/closed door or other indicator?)

      1. “Jeff, I’ve got a call to prep for” if you have to and then do not engage. How can so many people have a problem that they complain about but do nothing else about? I guess Jeff doesn’t see this as a problem since people always engage and never use their words.

        1. I find overly extroverted people don’t tend to pick up on more subtle clues because they LOVE pointless conversation so of course they assume whomever they’ve trapped in a conversation is also getting that dopamine high

          1. Am extroverted. Any subtle clue that comes across as conversational is lost on me. If someone says “oh, i should go in 5 minutes” but then chats pleasantly for 10 minutes, i assume, based on their behavior, that they want to chat.
            Be clear and then follow through – don’t say one thing and then do another.

        2. Let’s not blame women for a man’s bad behavior. The answer to your question – how can so many people be having this problem – may very well be that Jeff isn’t following social norms. Let’s not assume that a bunch of women are shrinking violets who can’t use words rather than assuming one man is a jerk to women who are junior to him.

          2. How is it a stretch? The coworker is a man, the conversation is about his behavior, and daily wasting of 30+ minutes on inane chitchat to someone who doesn’t want because the chatter is unable to read the room to hear it is bad.

      2. Maybe they are available generally, they’re just not available to be talked at for 30 minutes. Are they supposed to keep their door closed all the time just to fend off one person?

        And before you say, they should use your words, if multiple people are reporting the same issue then clearly it’s a bigger problem. He’s not taking the hint, he’s not allowing them to interrupt, SOMETHING is going on with HIM.

    3. Have the associates asked you to have this conversation with him? If not, I don’t think you should be framing it as if you’re speaking for them. Maybe I’m overly sensitive but I just made partner and dealt with a junior partner trying to micromanage my relationships with others at my firm over the last two years. It was highly annoying and ultimately damaged our relationship irreparably.

      1. Even if they did, I agree with this take. People should handle their own problems. Either be direct or make stuff up, like you have a call, etc.

      2. Totally agree. You can talk to him on behalf of yourself, but I really, really advise against you trying to handle this for them.

        1. I think it’s dangerous to step up and “be the messenger” for other people, unless you are someone’s boss and in a position of power over them. Wouldn’t it be better to have a private conversation with his boss, before taking this on as your own problem to solve?

          2. Yeah, don’t be surprised if all these associates go mum once the issue has been raised, and you are out there on your own in the conflict.

    4. I also graduated in ’13. When I was a junior associate, having a partner discuss his cases with me for 20 minutes was mentorship. It’s how I learned about courtroom mechanics, the judges’ proclivities, and current hot topics before the appellate court. I’m a better lawyer because of it.

      The kinder thing would not be to tell him to stop, but to plug him into the firm’s mentorship program so that he has an outlet for this kind of energy.

    5. I think every office has one of these people. Everyone ended up helping each other out when they hover in someone’s door – like your assistant will poke their head in after a couple of minutes to say “oh so and so is looking for you” or a colleague passing in the hall will say “oh sorry to interrupt, can I grab Cat for a question” as a way of giving him the hook.

    7. Actually I don’t think this is too trivial to elevate to management. Or at least to a senior partner in his department. It’s bad enough that partners are working from home to avoid him and the associates are complaining. It’s going to become an associate retention issue. Given that it came up in associate reviews, you might have an obligation to elevate the issue in his department, especially if no one in his department was sitting in on the reviews.

      I would try to run interference for my own associates if you can. Let them know to blame you for having to go, or message you and you’ll steer him away.

    8. OMG this is exhibit A for lawyers being conflict-avoidant. And the associates are shooting themselves in the foot by WFH over this. Shaking my head.

    9. Do you supervise these associates? If so, you can say that you have noticed that he is taking up time when you need them to be working on your matters.

    10. I would be suspicious of his billing. Even if he’s there 12 hours a day, how is he a high biller if he spends 4-6 hours a day chit-chatting?

      3. I had the same exact thought. I bet he is billing that time and considers it case strategy.

        1. One way to shut him down would be to ask him for the billing code for the matter after his next “strategy session.”

    12. I have a kid on the spectrum who can really want to talk to me. It’s not always at the right time for me or in the right (to me) amount of time. In that case, I use my words. If someone else is like this in a bland pleasant sort of way, they are usually kind enough to allow me to exit politely, which is a really useful life skill to have.

      1. This right there. This is not your problem to fix for others. You can and should speak for yourself (“I would love to chat, but I a lot to get done today. Was there anything specific I can help you with?”) But do not tell someone at your level that he needs to change his behavior, particularly when you are speaking for others.

      2. But it sounds like she is the associates’ boss and they are raising a complaint with her about another manager. So yes I think she does have to do something about it, and might be required to do something about it under the firm’s policies on harassment.

        I know OP said the guy isn’t a creep. But IF an associate ever makes a formal harassment complaint about him, and it comes out that she had raised some issue with OP but OP didn’t do anything about it, that could be a problem for OP.

        1. But OP is acting like the office mom here — sharing in from the juniors but not wanted to or able to act in this.

    14. I wouldn’t go near this. Advocate for yourself on behalf of yourself when he’s in your office (aka speak up and tell him to leave in whatever way most appropriate/kind/direct as needed). Let others figure it out or let management/his practice group chair actually manage.

    16. Next time it happens, say I can’t chat right now, I really need to finish this project. Repeat each time. I once had a co-worker like this and as soon as I started saying this each time, he got it and the behavior stopped.

    17. Where I think you can and should do something is how it affects your associates (not all – just yours). You talk to him on behalf of yourself. Coach your associates on how to politely end the convo and be clear you’ll have their back if doing so comes off as rude to him or someone. If it doesn’t work, you talk to him and say you have noticed him having a lot of strategy time with your associates, and are concerned how it’s affecting their billing. Them avoiding the office to avoid this person is a problem that you should be managing.

  2. Can you imagine giving away your Nobel Peace prize? She should be allowed to run her own country!

    1. I can’t really fault any world leader for kissing Trump’s a$$. It’s the best way to ensure their country doesn’t get attacked.

      1. I cannot believe this is the world we live in. Like are we really going to attack Greenland? I just read some other European countries are moving more troops there. Why can’t the other American politicians grow a backbone and say no to our petulant toddler of a president.

        1. I just saw in the news that U.S. congressmen from both parties have been in Europe expressing their disagreement on this issue, how important it is for them to work with their allies. The Republican congresswoman making the intervention has been very clear in her support for Denmark and the rest of the partners in Europe and NATO.
          What can the U.S. Congress do to move in that direction and stop Trump?

        2. The moving of troops from several Nato countries to Greenland has two goals: we show the US that we are mobilizing in the Artic so US cannot say we aren’t willing to defend Greenland against Russia. And we show Trump that if he attacks Greenland he will attacks troops from several Nato countries

    2. Unfortunately, the Venezuelan military is firmly lined up behind the current regime. They basically see it as their job to keep the regime in power. That’s why the CIA concluded that the best hope for stability in the country was to back Rodríguez at this time. Putting Machado or González (actual winner of the election) might just be setting them up for a military coup. I read this in The Economist (not Fox News). Personally, I hope new (honest) elections are held in 2027(ish).

    3. The kind of person who wins the Nobel Peace Prize for fighting for democracy in your country is generally the kind of person who’s willing to put the peace, stability and freedom of their people above their own personal honor and glory, so from that perspective I’m not surprised. And she certainly has experience dealing with egomaniacal dictators!

    5. She’s given him an opportunity to rise to the occasion or fail.

      He will fail, just like handing him your Golden Globe trophy will not make him a great actor, director, etc.

  3. Thanks to the person yesterday who recommended flash mob singing videos on YouTube – I have been enjoying them so much! Just started the day listening to “loosen” sung on a train and was such a day brightener!

  4. I’m considering a breast reduction. Insurance approved it. Has anyone had one? At what age? What was your before and after size? Any regrets? How did the scars heal? Anything you wish you’d known? Did you have other cosmetic procedures with the breast reduction (a friend did some back lipo and a tummy tuck). I’m sort of a bigger body (size 14) and 5’7 so I’m wondering whether I’d look disproportional with smaller chest. Thanks

    1. My friend who is a cosmetic surgeon says that breast reduction patients are the group happiest with the results of the procedure they had, FWIW.

    2. I had a mere biopsy several months ago. I would definitely have a convo about the scars because there is a lot of real estate they will be going through (including any N repositioning that may be needed), and what the plan can be for getting them to fade once the incisions aren’t at risk for opening up (or whatever they think that the timing is usually). I was not really prepared for how extensive the bruising would be and how sore that would make me (hard to sleep on one side; both sides are affected for you; I tried not to use my R arm for the day of and day after that that is just for a biopsy).

    3. I had one at 18, and have always been thrilled with the results. It made such a positive difference in my quality of life. My scars healed very well and became marginally noticeable (i.e. not really noticeable in dim lighting) within a few years. Now it’s 25 years later, and the only remaining visible scars are fully on the underside and they’re really not noticeable at all (i.e. I’ve told my husband I’ve had one so he knows but I’m not sure he actually remembers day to day if that makes sense?).
      My recovery was pretty easy too, but I’m not sure that experience is applicable to anyone who isn’t also that young. I had some very minor surgical procedures in my 30s and felt much more exhausted and beat up, so I think to some extent young bodies are just magic that way.

    5. I had one at 17 and it was the best decision of my life – I don’t know what size I was then (the biggest sports bra I could find in the 90s), but they took out 5 lbs and I’m still a 36D. Scars are negligible and you have to look hard to see them at this point. I’m in my 40s now, but can safely say that a LOT of people saw my bare reduced breasts in my teens and 20s and not a single person ever noticed or commented on my scars unless I specifically pointed them out.

      As to your concern about proportionality, that’s something to discuss with your doctor and I’m sure they won’t make you look disproportionate. I’m still a D, which works well with my curvy shape, so a reduction doesn’t mean you’ll necessarily have a very small chest.

      1. Thanks for sharing. I have a kid who I suspect may want to go down this road (can’t run, even the stairs can hurt, no sports bra is strong enough and we’ve been to the running store just for this). I am not bringing anything up, but I wonder if it the sort of thing better done sooner vs waiting until one is a working adult.

        1. No personal experience, but I vote sooner rather than later.

          When she’s an adult, someone will tell her to wait until she’s done having kids. Once she has two kids, someone will tell her to wait until she’s definitely done, ie, 40s.

          There is always a reason to wait.

          Also, your insurance covers her now, and she might not have great insurance when she’s an adult.

        2. A good friend in high school had it done at 18. They removed 8 pounds, and her quality of life was SO much better.

        3. It makes me happy that you would support your child having a reduction. Please, please do so! In my twenties, I had a friend with very large breasts. Her back and shoulders always hurt, she had welts on her body from her bra. She wanted to get a reduction, but her parents were horrified because her mom had the same figure (and problems). Her dad told her getting a reduction would hurt her mom’s feelings, and it would be like rejecting her mom.

          I wish I had been older and smarter and could have encouraged my friend to get the reduction she wanted. My friend died young, and I’m still sad that every day of her life was physically and emotionally painful.

          1. Ha! It must be a recessive trait because they definitely didn’t come from me. Biology is wild sometimes. And she is otherwise a tiny human.

        4. I’m the poster who had it done at 17 and I was so much more confident afterwards. My giant, sagging breasts were so unattractive and always sweaty and I couldn’t fit into any cute shirts and dresses were an absolute no-go. Prom dress shopping was a disaster. If your kid is in the same position, I’d definitely say earlier rather than later.

        5. What do surgeons say about doing this at such a young age? I’d worry that if you did it before age 21 or so there would be a risk of needing to adjust it later, since so much about a girls’ body changes during the college years.

        6. I think Ariel Winter (from Modern Family) had a reduction as a teen. If it’s a quality of life thing, and it seems like it is, I see no issue with it. There’s always a reason to wait.

    6. I don’t mean to jack your thread but I have a question about this: I have a lot of breast tissue under my arms. They seem to be spreading out rather than down as I age, if that makes sense. I feel like they make me look bigger than I am, and it’s also uncomfortable when I exercise. Is this something a reduction could target?

      Also: How was the process for getting insurance approval?

      2. I’m the OP. Insurance approval was easy enough. I have insurance through a major hospital system (spouse is an employee) and went to a surgeon who works at the hospital (versus a private plastic surgeon). He took measurements and submitted them. He said it’s usually pretty tough to get approval through this insurance and sometimes there are appeals. But I got an approval letter in 2 weeks. Maybe just luck. I’m 35 (done with kids) so not one of the teens or young adults on this thread. Thank you for all the comments.

    7. I hope you’ll see this late reply. I had one in 2021, at the age of 57. Best decision ever! I had a little more than 500g removed on each side and my neck, shoulders and back immediately felt better. I lost feeling in my left nipple for 15 months, so that was a slight bummer. It’s better now even after breast cancer and a lumpectomy in that breast in 2023. My breast surgeon cut on the existing scars (which are barely visible) and you can only see them if you are looking closely.

  5. The Wide Leg Pixie Pants: I love them but find them to run slightly short in the rise and towards the smaller end of the marked size range. Perhaps my sizing experience will be helpful to someone else.

  6. My 15 year old daughter and I are going to Paris for spring break. I remember seeing a lot of great hotel recommendations here but I’m having trouble finding them. I would be grateful for any suggestions, especially for smaller boutique hotels. I’d like to stay in the Marais or in the 7th.

    1. the hotel Monge has been rec’d here so often that I passed it along to colleagues, and they loved it!

    2. My brother is a Paris expert and was married there in October and secured a block at Hotel Marceau Champs Elysee and it was fantastic. I was very impressed. Also cheap. Great coffee and breakfasts. But not where you were looking. But I found it a great lcoation.

    3. Recently stayed at Relais Christine from a rec here and absolutely loved it. We had a perfect stay! I’ve been meaning to post to thank whomever recommended it, so appreciate the reminder to do so and glad to pay it forward.

    4. I love Hôtel des Grands Voyageurs, which is affordable, well located and very nice. The staff were all very friendly when I was there as well.

    7. For a budget priced option, my mom and I stayed at Hotel Icone on Rue d’Amboise in the 2nd, close to the Opera Garnier. It was boutique and quirky, but still convenient and comfortable. We could easily walk or metro anywhere we wanted.

    8. We were very pleased with Hotel Angleterre in Saint-Germain-des-Pres in the 6th. It’s the site of the former British Embassy. Fantastic location and lovely rooms and service. Last time we stayed at the Hoxton in the 2d and it was nice, too. Very hip and chic and a younger crowd. You might want to check it out as well.

    9. My mom and I stayed at Bonsoir Madame, right by the Jardin du Luxembourg in the 6th, and loved it. Beautiful rooms (small, of course, but that’s everywhere in Paris) and lovely staff, and walkable to lots of things. I even had a room with a little balcony with a table and chairs and a view of Paris roof tops. Amazing.

  7. Anyone watching “The Pitt”? It’s a fantastic show but I also love that I have to wait a solid week for the new episode to drop. It’s like old-timey TV watching, lol.

    2. Haha, I loved the first season, but I’m a devoted binge watcher. I waited until the first season was over and then watched it all and I’ll do the same with this one. I basically had no interest in tv at all until it was possible to do that and now I love it (not sure if that’s a good thing?) but waiting a week between episodes just doesn’t hold my interest. Not sure if that’s because I’m mostly a reader and the kind of reader who tends to tear through books all at once (I read the entire game of thrones series in just over a week).

      1. This is really interesting because I never thought about it but I am the same way!

    3. Yes! I was initially annoyed that the episodes are being released a week at a time, but now I’ve decided that it’s nice to have something to look forward to each week.

    4. OMG yes. I have to watch each episode 2x because I’m busy having to google the vocabulary. But also there are a lot of YouTube commentary reels by actual doctors that are good for the week waiting for another episode to drop.

      1. (I’m the OP). I also watch each episode at least twice (and do the same with “Abbott Elementary” since the jokes are fast and furious)!

    5. I love that a lot of shows have gone back to weekly episodes. Binge watching is ok but I prefer time between episodes to digest them. I’ve been watching Better Call Saul for the first time and I only watch a max of 2 episodes at a time instead of binging and speeding through it.

      1. I loved Better Call Saul! I liked it better than Breaking Bad. BCS didn’t have even one bad or mediocre episode!

    6. DH and I excitedly sat down to watch Ep2 after it dropped last night, and it reminded me of the old Thursday night E.R. days!

      1. Totally! And now that you say that I wonder if they scheduled it on Thursday nights on purpose!

    7. I love the routine of weekly shows. I don’t watch them live, but enjoy have a different show to watch while drinking my coffee in the morning. I’ve also had friends that binged The Pitt, and concluded it a lot emotionally to do in one go. The time in between really helps with not being on an emotional roller coaster for a whole weekend.

      1. Good point.

        I was not a huge fan of the show when I watched the 1st season. But now that I think about it, watching it all at once was too much.

  8. If you need something to watch over the holiday weekend, the new Peacock spy show PONIES is really fun!

    1. And for something with romance, there’s a new korean show on netflix (Can This Love Be Translated?) that is super charming so far.

      Will check out Ponies!

    2. I deeply enjoyed The People We Meet on Vacation on Netflix. Surface level rom com but idk why I really found it so enjoyable.

      1. That’s the only Emily Henry book I haven’t read, so I plan to have a double feature this weekend of the book and the movie.

        1. I watched it before I realized it was her book! I really do wish I read it first.. but it was charming. Had undertones of One Day, if you’ve ever read that one by Emma Morley.

  9. I know I am going to be excoriated for this, but I am posting anyway because I think there will be some genuine opinions among the responses. My daughter is a college student, and we are paying her tuition, room, and board above what is covered by scholarships. We do not donate to the college at this time (see tuition, above), and they know our income from the CSS so they probably don’t view us as potential major donors in the future. One of her courses has two required events in the Twin Cities in the very near future. This is an essential course in her major that she will be taking every semester for the rest of her college career, and it’s personally important to her. The college has told the students that they will be bused in and out for the events and that it’s completely safe. I suspect that the college fears the optics of canceling the events. She will be kicked out of the course if she refuses to attend, and she would never voluntarily miss one of these events even if bombs were dropping on the venue. I swore I would never communicate with the college unless I thought someone’s life were at risk, but now I think we are at that point. I am considering writing to the dean of students to ask how they plan to ensure students’ safety during these events, but I doubt that it will be effective and I don’t want my daughter to be retaliated against. Do college administrators take parent concerns into account when they make these decisions? If I were a known major donor would the calculus be any different?

      1. She did and the answer was “we are busing in and leaving immediately.” I am unsatisfied with this.

          1. My contention is that if I’m paying her tuition and living expenses then I have some say. Also we know that decision-making capacity doesn’t mature until 25.

          2. I would not try to control her actions with the “I’m paying tuition card,” ESPECIALLY in a situation like this where reasonable people can differ on risk assessment and the right course of action. It’s not like she’s failing all her classes or some situation like that where adult intervention is objectively necessary.

            I think playing that card is likely to backfire anyway. My parents tried that briefly at the beginning of my college years and my response was “fine, I’m dropping out of Prestigious University where you’re paying the huge tuition bills and enrolling in Crappy State U where they’ll give me a full ride and living stipend so I won’t be under your control anymore.” They backed off fast. Granted, not every kid has an option for college that doesn’t involve their parents paying a dime, but trying to control her will just alienate her and result in her sharing less.

          3. Wow you sound overbearing and controlling. I see helicopters when reading your comments.

          4. I realize this is a gray area – she’s clearly still financially dependent on you. But this isn’t the flex I’d flex. Defer to her judgment.

          5. This helicopter parenting even in college thread makes me really grateful for my parents. I studied abroad for a year, traveled all around Europe on my own and with friends and popped a postcard in the mail home. I FaceTimed then TWICE the whole year, on Christmas and Thanksgiving. They trusted me to use my judgement. Same in my NYC college.

          6. You really don’t have any say, though. She can do what she pleases.

            This is a wonderful way to ensure she just doesn’t tell you next time, as the child of parents who is only just now in her 40s again starting to tell them things she knows they won’t like.

    2. 1 – Yes, I think to some extent they may take parents’ concerns into account in a situation like this. Not for everything, but I don’t think you’re unreasonable in asking what the plan is.

      2 – No, I don’t believe that anyone will retaliate against your daughter. I think that does not need to be a concern at all.

      3 – Certainly a donor’s complaints might be noticed and noted, but you do not need that leverage to speak up and ask the question.

      Source: I work in public higher ed.

      1. Fellow higher ed person, and this answer would be absolutely correct at my private university. Schools are sensitive to bad publicity, and parent concerns are a potential source of bad publicity.

      2. This poster is right for my huge state university as well, but also, this is something for your daughter to manage.

    3. So it depends on how many parents and what the concerns are. I do think it’s better coming from the students but many many parents contact the college all the time. Some of it is about utter nonsense. I’m trying to envision what kind of events these could be. I’m actually heading to Minneapolis this weekend for a wedding and am a bit nervous about it but i won’t be particularly close.

    4. 1. Re money, unless you’re “buy a building” $20M+ type donor, finances are not a significant factor

      2. I don’t think it’s crazy to talk to administrators about this – parents definitely contact administrators for far far less – but it might be better received coming from your daughter and other students.

      When are these events? Where in the Twin Cities? As someone said on the moms page recently, it’s not Chernobyl. If the events are coming up very soon it might be realistic to reschedule, but I don’t think it’s realistic to expect everything in the 100+ square mile area to be canceled for months or years, and the risk to your daughter is statistically very small if (as I think you said on a prior thread) she’s a white US citizen. Fwiw I live in another major US city with a significant ICE presence and I have no qualms about going downtown, including with my young children.

      1. It WOULD DEFINITELY be much better received coming from your daughter.

        A city is a big place. You and she might start with doing some detective work re where events actually are, what the obvious routes are, and where the locations of newsy events have recently taken place. Are they the same? Or even close? If not, I think you’ve answered your own question.

      2. I feel like maybe my college is poor, but even a $1000/year donor is seen as a huge win, especially if they are consistent. Even $100/year is more than the average (which is $0, forever).

        1. $1,000/year donor is definitely significant in some contexts (including admissions at some colleges), but the people answering this question aren’t going to be aware of your donor status unless you give so much you have buildings on campus named after you.

    5. More information – what is “near future”? If it’s more than a couple of weeks away, I’d wait because a lot can change in a short amount of time. If it’s next weekend, then yes, I’d encourage her to reach out to get clarity. At the very least the administration should be communicating with students about their precautions and preparations (do they expect students to carry proof of citizenship?). If your daughter or friends are minorities, even moreso.

      In normal times I would say this is unnecessary, but when you have local schools in Twin Cities canceling in-person classes I think it merits more information.

    6. You can communicate with the college without fear of repercussion, but unless you can give more context about what you fear is going to happen to your daughter at what kind of event, this feels a little ridiculous. I, along with 3.6 million other people, live in the Twin Cities, and as bad as things are here, we still have to go about our lives. There are so many people who are living in genuine fear right now that being worried about your white, US citizen daughter (assuming that’s correct, but I think you said that before) showing up for a few hours feels like you’ve lost all sense of perspective. What does your daughter think?

    7. I’m in the Twin Cities. It’s completely normal up here. Nobody is burning cars or running around with firearms. News is way overhyping it.

      Stay out of big protest groups and you’ll be fine.

      Also, any chance it’s St. Paul and not Minneapolis? Even less reason to worry.

      1. Eh, from my perspective it looks like the news is not covering all the citizens being snatched from their cars, beaten, and dumped in parking lots.

        1. Agreed. What I’m hearing from my (very not leftie agitator type) family and friends there is very concerning. A US citizen minor was dragged out of his job at Target. Schools have been tear gassed. ICE agents are looking up license plates of people they believe are providing groceries for immigrants hunkered down at home, and then sitting outside their houses for hours. A street full of ICE agents in a suburban outdoor shopping center with guns drawn. Minneapolis schools have gone to remote learning, and suburban schools are making contingency plans to do so.

          1. Agreed. We have the benefit of video and on-the-ground reporting from citizens even if major news networks are glossing over some of the most troubling details. The people I know in Minneapolis are reporting that things are bad – school, work, and routines are disrupted. Doesn’t Renee Good show that being a white U.S. citizen isn’t protective?

          2. Something can be protective, without being a 100% absolute guarantee of safety. White, US citizens are still definitely at lower risk than others.

      3. Agree. I live in Minneapolis. It’s fine (I mean, from a constitutional/human rights perspective it’s not fine, but from a “can I travel to this city” perspective, it’s fine). If she’s at a school event, don’t worry about it. Also let her make her own decisions; she’s presumably an adult.

      4. This is not what I’m hearing from my close friend in Minneapolis. Her next door neighbor (a white man born in MN, though it shouldn’t matter) was followed by ICE while driving, then stopped outside his house. They broke his window, arrested him, and detained him for four hours. No reason.

      5. I posted above, but I live here and as a white US citizen I’m going about my normal daily life. I WFH, so it’s not like I’m out and about that much, but it’s not stopping me from doing me anything I need to do. One of those awful videos was taken just few miles from my house in St. Paul in a place I go all the time, so they’re definitely around, but I haven’t seen them. On the other hand, pretty much everyone I know who isn’t white is terrified of getting grabbed and protesters are getting grabbed and attacked. Tons of kids have stopped going to school and most school districts are now offering remote learning, lots of businesses are shutting down or not operating normally because their workers are afraid to come in. While personally feeling reasonably safe (and I really wouldn’t worry about your daughter either), I absolutely feel like our state is under attack by the federal government and am outraged by the lawlessness and lack of accountability. This isn’t about immigration, it’s about intimidation, and it does make everyone less safe, even nice middle aged white ladies and college students.

        1. Also in the city of Minneapolis. Agreed on all of this. Feeling like things are ‘completely normal’ is very much dependent on who you are and precisely where you’re located.

        2. It’s about immigration too – while the intimidation takes place in the public view, lots of behind the scenes actions are damaging immigration in the long run. We have had a family visa petition pending for 14 years and now it looks like it’s “suspended.” It’s such a casual, quiet way to destroy a family. We’re white and U.S. citizens.

          1. Yeah, I mean there are plenty of terrible things going on with immigration in general, I just specifically mean that even if you wanted to be getting rid of immigrants (leaving aside whether that’s actually a desirable goal) and make Americans “safer”, invading Minnesota with thousands of federal agents isn’t a very effective way to do that. We don’t actually have a particularly large number of undocumented immigrants (almost all of the Somalis they claim to be targeting are citizens), and they’re very clearly making things less safe. I don’t understand why this isn’t offensive even to conservatives as a massive waste of money, federal overreach, and abuse of our constitutional rights.

    8. Normally I’m a let the kid handle it person, but this is unusual and I don’t see any harm in adding your voice to the conversation.

    9. I think the bigger issue is that you risk damaging your relationship with your daughter over this. It sounds like she has made it clear she is okay with the risks. She is an adult, and that is her decision to make, and frankly, not yours to interfere with.

      If she were doing something else that came with real risk, but not “bombs actively dropping” risk – like, say, wanting to study abroad in China, or volunteer for an archaelogical dig in a not-fully-stable country, or take up backcountry skiing, would it be your place to contact the organizers with a bunch of safety questions? (Hint. No, it wouldn’t.) Your daughter may be choosing something you wouldn’t choose (not optimizing for maximum safety), but that kind of choosing is part of being an adult. Do you trust her values, judgment, and thoughtfulness?

      Specifically to address the question of retaliation — no, this isn’t really a risk. I know a lot of people who organize things like study abroad programs; and there is always some student’s parent who is having a safety freakout. It’s a frustrating part of the job to deal with; but no one I know would retaliate against the *student* for it. Usually, they’ll coordinate with the student on how the student wants to proceed – either telling the parent “sorry, your student is an adult, we prioritize our students’ safety and blah blah blah, but this is a conversation you need to have directly with your student, we won’t be involved”; or, at the student’s request, offering a single, one-time safety discussion with the parent (this can’t be ongoing because there’s only so many hours in a day. but if having our safety coordinator spend 20 minutes on the phone answering parent questions makes a student able to participate, they’ll do it if they can). It’s not going to change the actual plan. But everyone just feels bad for students in that position; they’re not going to retaliate against them for having overbearing parents.

      1. This. I don’t think it’s crazy for a parent to get involved if the kid is asking them to. I do think it’s a huge mistake to go behind your daughter’s back when she’s accepted the risks. If this is the first time you don’t see eye-to-eye with your teen or young adult on risk assessment, consider yourself lucky. It certainly won’t be the last.

        1. What’s the difference between an 18-year-old’s accepting the risks in a completely voluntary way, and an 18-year-old’s being subject to undue influence to accept risk because her education is at stake if she refuses?

          1. The 18 year old’s attitude about it. If she feels like she’s being coerced and wants you to intervene, then it’s a different story.

          2. There’s always some influence/constraints on our choices. Think about the hard choices you’ve made in your life – there were probably some limits or real consequences to whatever you chose that you might not have been thrilled about. The ideal “I want to choose X but also have A, B and C be entirely unaffected” is rarely available to us. In messy life, “voluntary” is often on a spectrum.

            If your *daughter* is upset about this, some things you could offer are:
            – “Hey, this sounds like a really tricky situation. I want you to know you can always choose your safety; and if that means something like changing majors or transferring to another school, we’ll support you in that”.
            – “I don’t know if it will be effective, but would you like me to email the program coordinator to express how frustrated I am that you’ve been put in this position?”
            – “Do you want to do a practice-run of the conversation with your professor?”

          3. I’m rolling my eyes. Plenty of 18YOs and young adults are doing the following in dangerous-ish professions every day, including in Minneapolis:
            working at a hospital
            working as an EMT
            working night shifts in gas stations and convenience stores
            driving for Uber
            driving period
            etc.

            Also, likely not in your neighborhood: serving in the military

            I get it if your kid is developmentally challenged — not everyone’s 18 is the same; but if your kid is able to go to a 4 year residential college, let her own this. She will be the one tending to you in your old age and you want to be confident in her ability to do so? Start that now. The goal for any parent is independence.

          4. You do know that there are around 50,000 students at U of M actually in Minneapolis, right? They are fine and your daughter will be too.

          5. Your 18 year old can enlist in the military without your consent and pay for her education that way. Does that sound like a better plan to you?

    10. I live in the Twin Cities suburbs, people are being arrested in my neighborhood and ICE is parked across the street from schools. It’s awful and only going to get worse, especially after the Proud Boys march planned this weekend. Pay attention to where she’s going and keep an eye on daily events. With that said, unless you’re getting involved in protests, or non-white, I would send my daughter with a university group.

    11. I think contacting the dean of students is the right move. I’d feel differently if you were trying to contact her professor; I think that runs the risk of subjecting her to retaliation. But I’m going to guess that this is an issue in other departments too and you’re more likely to get traction with someone who has a broader view. I also don’t think it’s too helicopter parent-y to raise concerns like this in this way. I think your goal has to be to express your worries as a concerned parent and not necessarily to get the school to step in and stop the trip, though.

        1. That is where I would start to get an idea how other parents feel about this trip. I would love to know more about the major, classes, and purpose of the trip. Also, I grew up in Miami and my relevatives up north were concerned about the riots in the 80s. We didn’t live anywhere near the riots.

      1. Helicopter parents of a college student, insane! My parents paid for my college education (thanks mom and dad!) 10 years ago and I don’t think they even knew how to contact the university. Fortunately! I handled all communication, including international travel and not-extremely-safe activities.

        1. +1 I am not sure my parents even knew what my major was until I got my diploma and they read it.

          1. Pretty sure my diploma is silent on my major (and it is also in Latin). I think it just says BA but not even in English.

    13. College students are adults and should handle all communication with the university unless they are incapacitated.

    14. From what I know of college administrators, they do take parent concerns into account, but they are not going to key their decisions to the most cautious parent. I do think the calculus might be different if you were a known major donor, but even then you might just get a higher-up person calling you back to reassure you it’s fine.

      1. Yep I’ve worked in development, even major donors are not going to control something like this. This response is spot on – if you were a big donor you would get a personal phone call assuaging your fears but they’re not going to change anything meaningful.

    15. I would frame it as this if you call the university: can you please point me to a recent statement discussing this future event and reiterating how students will be kept safe? (If you are local ask if parents can contribute in any way.) I think this triggers the 24-year-old kid answering the phone to think, “oh, this might be a good thing to produce if we haven’t already because lots of parents are probably wondering.”

      1. It sounds like the university has made that kind of statement though. OP just isn’t satisfied with it.

    16. The people that manage those trips are looking at safety across the board – for students, faculty, bus drivers, etc.

      Today, the trip/s may be on because nothing is happening there -or- it’s well out of the range of active areas.

      Yes, many things can happen quickly, but even the bus driver and the people leading the trip who are in the bus with the faculty and students are going to steer away from danger if the trip goes forward.

      The college may not be canceling the event because it is as safe as attending something similar in your hometown. Read what is on their website, look at maps about where things are happening – the Twin Cities cover a lot of real estate, and what’s on the news can be dotted/located on it. Take a break from the news – it’s there to suck you in. I’m glad you are in conversation here and wish you and your daughter a safe and successful year.

  10. I just started watching Industry. Is it real, but in a time-enhanced way, so what happens in an episode might happen over a couple of years IRL (not all at once to everyone)? [SATC OG version was like this — all within the realm of the possible relationship horror stories, but not every single week full like it was shown.]

      1. I worry that this is the future, as young people no longer read or learn how to write. All discussions will be as short and confusing as text messages, with lots of vague acronyms.

    4. I think the question is whether the situations that get resolved in an episode are similar to situations that take years to resolve in real world investment banking. Is that the question?

      1. Another way of framing this is: Are the events in this TV drama dramatized, or real life? Which…. lol….

  11. I have a rather silly wardrobe and style problem that pops up a few times a year. I have two sisters and we make a point of going out for each other’s birthdays. One of those occasions is this weekend. I am the oldest of the three of us. My personal style is classic overall, with a nod toward whatever is current. I don’t aim to follow trends unless they really work for me. I also don’t love wearing anything with lots of sparkle or shine. It just makes me very very uncomfortable. Or, going the edgy direction, even something like a moto jacket, makes me feel like I’m cosplaying. My sisters are much more fashion-forward overall. And often, these birthday occasions are their chances to pull out cute fashionable outfits, often with some (or a lot) of bling. I can feel great about how I’m dressed until I’m out with them, and then I feel like the super frumpy older sister. I realize this is a problem in my own head, but it doesn’t feel great.

    In the summer, I can sometimes get around it by wearing a dress. But this weekend, it’s going to be like negative 5 degrees and I frankly want to wear black jeans and a sweater and call it a day. I guess I should at least try to get out of my comfort zone now and then, but I truly do not even know where a 40-something woman shops for going-out outfits.

    1) Help me get out of my head about my personal style, which I’m fine with 90% of the time.
    2) If I do buy something for this occasion, what styles might feel comfortable and age appropriate? I would have to get something today. I have access to a regional department store and a WHBM.

    1. black jeans, add a deep v-neck cashmere sweater for a compromise of warmth and fun, bold jewelry.

      1. I also tend toward a more classic look and have been buying more whimsical or interesting jewelry (mostly earrings) and liking how it adds to my outfits.

      2. Or black jeans, black turtleneck sweater, statement earring & statement loafers. Makeup and hair done, or at least bright lipstick. Honors your vibe while also avoiding looking like you’re headed to the supermarket.

        1. This is a great suggestion and has been my go-to with a similarly fashion-forward mom, sister, and SIL. All of them tend to love bold colors, the latest trend, and “outfits” where there’s an obvious effort to coordinate all the pieces.

          Bold earrings and cute shoes have helped me feel less outdated and frumpy, even if the rest of my clothes are practical, neutral, or plain.

          A single column of color paired with one outstanding piece of jewelry on top and a great pair of shoes on bottom stands out in the best way. Also, good fit. Make sure the cut, length, etc. are perfect for your proportions, and that makes a huge difference in looking chic and classic vs. utilitarian or frumpy.

    2. Karen Kane has some fun sweaters with subtle pearls on them. The faux wrap would be fun, over a tank to fill in the neckline.

    3. Bold earrings, interesting boots, take this to accessories world. You might like Alicia Lund’s Substack – her style is kind of boring with great accessories and looks very chic.

    4. Wear something with color. It’s not as in your face as bling but still festive. Or go with something in a fabric that’s evening celebration appropriate—like silk or velvet or brocade. It’s one night.

    6. I’m younger than you, but have a similar style. I’ve started buying trendier accessories or jewelry to make a wardrobe of classic basics look more on trend. For dressier occasions like birthday dinners, I default to a black dress or black top/black jeans or pants and a fun on trend shoe and lots of gold jewelry like a stack of bangles, chunkier or larger earrings, and a simple necklace.

    7. Ha, I could have written this word for word. I personally don’t feel like I can pull off big / “fun” accessories (small frame and face). I’d probably be most successful with trying different shoes and jeans styles. So many tops feel like they’re wearing me that I’m pretty resigned to sticking with plain t shirts and sweaters and small stud earrings on top.

      1. OP here, and I know what you’re saying about things wearing you rather than the other way around. I can do a bold necklace, but bold earrings look off. I don’t know why. It must be a proportion thing.

    8. Wow, my family birthday parties are so not fashion-oriented! That’s kind of fun in a way, but I would also feel like the frumpster.

    9. I’d lean into your classic style, with high end but classic accessories. Coco Chanel: “Dress impeccably, remember the woman.”

    10. I think black jeans and a nice sweater sound absolutely perfect. Maybe a chunky sweater? I think so long as you’re intentional about your accessories (wear some great earrings, a nice watch, carry a great bag) and your styling (maybe get a blowout that day?), you’ll look amazing! Love, another semi-frump older sister just embracing the vibes!!

    11. Not the question you are asking but, go book yourself a blow out for the day of the party. You can do great hair plus jeans and a black tee/ black cashmere sweater and still look chic.

    12. I also lean towards classic, simple styles. If you are wearing styles or colors that are not natural for you, of course you’ll feel like you are cosplaying! You can be very polished and still stay true to your natural style. To me the keys to not feeling frumpy are shoes + bag + a silhouette that at least approximates current trends but is still flattering. I would wear black jeans in a current cut (for me that would be bootcut, a wide-leg that’s fitted through the hips, or a slim straight-leg style), sleek black leather or suede ankle boots with a high shaft that is completely covered by the pants when seated, and a black or gray sweater. The sweater could be chunky and oversized, or it could be a thin cashmere or merino sweater that’s either oversized or a more classic cut depending on the jeans. Finish with a fashionable bag. As someone who wears almost exclusively black and neutrals, I find the bag to be a good place to add color. I love my forest green Clare V. Moyen Messenger.

  12. Curious if anyone else works at an office where you have to reserve a different workstation each time you go in, since WFH is so common people are no longer assigned their own desk. It’s amazing how much office life has changed in the last ten years. No one on my team works in my local office, so when I go into the office (which is rare), I know no one (it’s a new job), and I also sit in a different space each time.

    1. This is just hotdesking, right?

      I’d hate it if I were in regularly, but if you’re going in rarely, it feels more like visiting an office in another city, where we’d usually have a bank of desks available for visitors.

    2. My office is WFH Monday and Friday. Desks in the office aren’t assigned but groups of desks are assigned to teams so everyone you work with is in the same area. But that’s not to say folks from other teams can’t sit there. Since we’re all expected to be in Tues-Thurs, I wish they would just let us stick our name on our preferred desk.

    3. My office does this. We have to go in twice a week and have to reserve our desks via an app. We cannot keep anything personal at our desks overnight, but we do have small lockers.

      We can reserve two weeks in advance, and I usually reserve as far out as I can, so I have better luck selecting the same desk every time – or at least the same area. I have noticed that everyone else tends to do this as well except the C-suite people who seem to have a directive to move around so they see and are seen by different people.

    4. I worked in a hot desk office prior to COVID. Was it my favorite? No. But it also wasn’t a big deal. People also really tended to gravitate to the same general area. Is it possible that this really stemming more from not knowing anyone, and the desk is only heightening the feeling of instability / uncertainty? If so, I’d work on getting to know a few familiar faces.

    5. I don’t understand what the point of forcing employees to come in to the office is when not everyone is there on the same day so you are still spending the entire day on zoom.

  13. Shell for under suit question. I need a couple of shells that are forgiving through the bust and belly, have some stretch, hold their shape, but I can’t deal with these polyester type fabrics that look like they should be light and airy but are so so hot. I think I need something like the MM La Fleur knit v-neck top, but the brand runs too tight/expensive for me in my current postpartum state. Any good and relatively cheap options? Needs to be presentable for court, so I can’t just throw on a tshirt.

    1. I buy the shell portion of a merino wool, cashmere, or pima cotton sweater set for this. Brooks Brothers and JCrew are good sources and toward the end of the season sometimes deeply discount shells that are orphaned from matching sold out cardigans.

    3. if you don’t need sleeves, I also use the shells from sweater sets for this purpose. You could also look for short-sleeved sweaters. Resale s-tes may be your friend here as places like ThredUp don’t sell sweater sets together even if someone sent them in as one.

    6. The Talbots knit pieces meant to be worn with their cardigans. They sell the twin-set pieces separately.

    7. Uniqlo t-shirts are really nice and I wear them under my blazers. They are 100% cotton, hold their shape, white is substantial but they have other colors. Love! I wear one almost every day.

  14. Have any of you had good experiences with residential hospices? My “good” example is Karen Ann Quinlan Center for Hope. But I am guessing that that isn’t the norm in the US, particularly in my city. But my big life goal is to word towards having something better in my city. What are other good examples you have seen IRL where you live?

    1. I don’t think residential hospices are as common anymore. It wasn’t an option for my family member on hospice. Perhaps it’s location dependent.

      1. Agreed. I spend significant time as an advocate in a related nonprofit space and it’s atypical to find residential experiences. Most of them in my major city have closed. What’s far more common is either the in-hospital/facility hospice or home hospice, which provides relatively few services to the family and that is always a surprise. Parentheses I’m still a huge proponent of hospice done well and most people use it for two weeks or less, which is not enough time to get its benefits, but it’s one more surprise that families have in a very difficult part of their journey.)

        1. Unfortunately inpatient Hospice programs don’t really want you staying more than 2 weeks anyway. The beds are too few and needs are too great.

          OP – in my city, the few inpatient Hospice beds that exist are more for short term stays for uncontrolled symptom management (ex. pain). There are no idyllic places to go and die in peace, with care and support. Those don’t really exist here. It just isn’t cost effective.

          Most people who require Hospice and don’t have family to support them living at home with Home Hospice have to go to a Nursing Home, where a visiting Hospice Nurse comes occasionally to coordinate recommendations with the Nursing Home team.

          OP the example you give doesn’t look like a residential facility. They look like a Home Hospice organization, with typical stated goals and services. Am I missing something?

      2. There are some independent residential (Isaiah House, Sheperd Home) plus some nursing home/hospital based hospices in Rochester NY. I don’t know anyone who used them but they get good (online) reviews.

    2. Stella Maris is well regarded for hospice, but it’s not stand-alone. It’s near Baltimore Maryland

    3. There used to be a very nice but small residential program in the Northwest suburbs of Chicago. It was highly desirable, and very difficult to get in to. I just tried to find it online, but couldn’t. As with many things in healthcare, these Hospice companies have often been bought/resold multiple times and are now all part of the Hospice Industrial Complex. I wouldn’t not trust my prior exposure is at all the same. I cannot recommend any Chicago hospice companies at this time, and experiences vary wildly. The best Palliative Care program is at Northwestern Hospital.

      I work in health care. With each of my parents I worked with a different hospice organization, and was very disappointed with the experiences.

    4. My dad had a very good experience at Beyond Hospice in Oakdale, MN. Lived there for about nine months.

      1. Hospice Savannah took very good care of my mother in her final days. Our family was so grateful.

  15. On the show and movie recommendations, my 11 year old is having 6 ballet friends over for a hang out in a couple weeks. They all go to different schools and have never hung out outside of class – I think it’ll be super fun. I was planning on serving pizza and turning on a movie and calling it a night (they’re coming over from 6 to 9) and keeping things chill.

    1) what would be a fun movie? was trying to think if there was an older dance movie that has aged well. or just something they might not have all seen. I suspect they’ll end up chatting more than watching, but thought brainstorming one might be fun.

    2) any other ideas for something low key? I might get cute paper plates for the pizza for example. she’s just really excited. these girls have been dancing together for four years so getting together outside of class is a big deal!

    1. Not a dance movie, but a movie with fun Bollywood numbers: Bride and Prejudice. Screen it first to be sure you are ok with the scandal when Lydia and Wickham run off to the city.

    2. If you think they are going to talk right over it, K Pop demon hunters. Good background music. If you think they’ll watch it, how about having dancing with the stars on in the background?

      I like the idea of themed plates. Are they the kind of kids that would like singing Kareoke are they already among TikToks? (Mine “makes TikToks” in that they make the videos then just text it to eachother because they aren’t allowed to post them)

      If they don’t normally see another outside of dance you might want an activity (cookie decorating, bracelet making?) available. You could also do make your own pizza or sushi as an activity.

      I have a 12 y/o 6th grade girl (non-dancer) and a 4th grade dancer, for reference!

    3. Not dance movies, but I’m surprised at how well Troop Beverly Hills and Clueless have held up. Center Stage is probably a little bit racy for that age. Also I’m a forever fan of Kiki’s Delivery Service.

    4. Center Stage? (Though it might be a little mature for them) Girls Just Wanna have Fun?

      You could get some kind of little dance craft for them — like plain/blank ballet slipper keychains and they can customize them with glitter, paint, beads?

      (Source: Mom of an 11yo ballerina!)

    5. Um just wanted to say I’m so glad I posted this – these are all great ideas! And you are all on my wave length! Thank you!

      1. There was a docu-series on Disney+ a few years ago called On Pointe and IIRC correctly it followed young dancers through a season of the Nutcracker.

    6. My niece was a serious ballet student at that age (took class five days a week). She loved a documentary called “First Position.” As summarized by ew.com, “The film follows six young dancers who are competing in the Youth America Grand Prix, the largest international youth ballet competition in the world, which awards full scholarships and dance company contracts to students from ages 9 to 19. The stakes are high, and the young artists’ diverse stories are as inspiring as their dedication is astounding.”

      1. That’s such a good one! I forgot about it. One of boys profiled is now a principal at ABT and he seems so sweet and fun in the documentary.

        If you can find it, there’s a 2016-ish? Teen Vogue documentary called “Strictly Ballet” which profiles a couple of advanced dancers at SAB one season and then Miami City Ballet School the next season. It’s probably on YouTube. (Related: There’s a documentary called “On Pointe” that was on Disney+ for like six months and was just lovely but got cycled off of streaming.)

    7. I was going to say Saved the Last Dance but the more I thought about it, probably not appropriate for that age.
      When my daughter would host her dance friends, we would do a couple of things–we often had a fun dessert that was like build-your-own sundaes or root beer floats with fun glasses and toppings, we would also usually have a craft like a bracelet making station (we have done the small beads on wire, or string, or those silly bands, or the larger beads on stretchy plastic string) One time we did make up bags with fun iron-ons and glitter paint (which were useful for holding dance accessories, etc. things they kept in their dance bag anyway), and we would always have karaoke, even if it was just on youtube. The kids loved to sing and dance haha!

    8. Leap! Is an animated movie that has a strong ballet plot line, although it may be a bit young for that age (my daughter is only 8). There are also several ballet documentaries altho can’t speak to them– they might be nice as background, no plot to miss if girls talk over them.

      1. My 8 year old’s dance studio showed this at a movie night and she said it was a “baby movie” – and she skews young in her interests (still loves AG dolls, pretend play, Disney princesses etc). I would definitely not show it to a group of 11 year olds.

    9. Dance Academy, an Australian tv show, is great. Not sure if it’s too mature, they’re in high school and have crushes, but I don’t recall anything too scandalous. It reminds of of teen shows from the Saved by the Bell era.

    10. I think there’s a good dub of the Princess Tutu anime if that is one they haven’t seen.

    11. Not sure how they’ve held up, but…

      Save the Last Dance (Julia Stiles)
      The Cutting Edge (figure skating but might be fun)
      Strictly Ballroom?
      Grease?

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