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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: High Waisted Striped Sash Tie Wide Leg Pant

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. These pants are definitely more on the business casual side of things — but I really like them, both for the general style as well as being on trend as a wide leg pant. The reviews are also kind of great, although many reviewers note that they run large. The pictured pants are $47.94, but note that they have a lot of other prints if the stripes here aren't your thing. High Waisted Striped Sash Tie Wide Leg Pant Psst: lots of cute dresses at Express that are on the shorter side, at least as pictured on the models — if you're on the shorter side they might be worth a shot. If you're looking for plus sizes, these stripey pants are the most similar to the pictured ones, but I'm more partial to these two options. This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

221 Comments

  1. I need suggestions for places within reasonable proximity to NYC late May/early June. I have visited the city before when I lived in New England, right now I can only think of Stamford,CT. Preferably towns where I can take the train/commuter rail to the city.Thanks!

    1. If you’re looking to avoid NYC prices for hotels I’d suggest Hoboken, Jersey City NJ, downtown Brooklyn, or Queens for much faster commutes. If you like CT the hotels in Greenwich are nicer than those in Stamford, and Norwalk also has a decent number of hotels with train shuttles and is both reasonably priced and on the MetroNorth line.

    2. +1 to Hoboken. Also, White Plains, NY. There are hotels walkable to the MetroNorth station and the Westchester Mall.

    3. +1 Hoboken/Weehawken

      I love, love, love the NY Waterway Ferry (PATH is fine, too, esp. if you are going to lower Manhattan).

      +1000 to Weekawken if anyone would describe you as having a “Hamilton problem”

    5. Hotel Zero Degrees in Stamford is a mid-range hotel that is an easy walk to the Stamford train station with express trains to Grand Central.

    6. As a twelve year old, I stayed home with my ten year old sister at that age. Rules were no using the oven, but could heat things in microwave, no opening the door for anyone, don’t kill your sister. Mom also left a list on the kitchen table that we woke up to every day with one house chore and one chapter in a book we had to read before she got home. Otherwise, we were left to our own devices entertaining ourselves. All was fine.

      1. Oops. Not sure how this didn’t end up under the question below, but please excuse the nesting error!

  2. I love these pants, but I have a feeling I’d resemble Beetlejuice if I tried them

    2. The image seared into my brain is of Robin Thicke’s “performance” with Miley a few years back…

    3. What pose is the model striking? The stripes are bending in a way that says maybe I have to find a bathroom, pronto, or kegels, or something, no?

    4. Yeah, they definitely look like Beetlejuice pants to me. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the movie and I’m pumped for the Broadway musical, but I don’t wanna dress like him.

    5. The plus size option (the first one) is atrocious. I know that model is on the small side of plus, if she is plus at all, but she looks like the side of a barn in the pants. Hard pass!

  3. Yay — I have to work over my kids’ spring break (not a surprise for them; this is usually the case for xmas break and frequently the case for spring break for them). But I’m noticing (since I have a 10.5 year old) that the in-my-area break-care options end at age 12 (so through 5th grade, but nothing for middle schoolers).

    Do you just leave your 12-year-olds alone all week (spring break) or for xmas (2 weeks)? We don’t have any local family and I’ve got one more year of runway to figure this out. I’ve got a younger kid, so I like having them in the same place. We have some local colleges, but the students leave before our xmas break starts (and for spring break, not sure a college kid could cover a full day; maybe a few hours).

    They might be happy to stay home and play video games 24/7, but that is so not I want for them.

    I feel like once you have kids in school, it would be great to have a job that would give you at least 4-5 weeks off a year (and I’d take a pay cut for that — would ease the fortune I spend for over-break care and the white-knuckleness of living in a world that expects availability 24/7 it seems). I have no idea what this unicorn job was (my mom was a teacher, so while I had a working parent, we didn’t have this schedule clash thing going on, which I have completely underestimated).

    And I am the working mom with the oldest kids where I work, so no one here will know anything helpful.

    1. I started being left alone (even at night) starting at around age 8, and I’m 32 now. I was also babysitting kids starting at age 12, so I don’t know why there’s so much concern about leaving 12 years old alone. To be clear, I grew up in New York City, not a suburb or rural area. I would check your state laws to make sure that there’s no risk that you’d be running afoul of neglect laws, and then start training your kids now to understand that being left alone unsupervised is a privilege, and they have responsibilities to not destroy the house, make decent eating choices, etc.

      I’m not sure what the harm is in kids being left alone with unsupervised time is; long uninterrupted days were when I started learning how to code, and all of the summer camps and babysitters in the world wouldn’t have made me any more or less inclined to be productive. If your worry is that your kids wouldn’t do anything productive if left to their own devices, that’s probably a separate conversation. Additionally, if you’re afraid that your kids would destroy your home/do something dangerous, then the time to have conversations about what should and shouldn’t be done is now, with plenty of time before you leave them alone.

    2. When I was growing up, my mom was a teacher but I went to private school, so we never had the same holidays. (My dad was a college professor, so nobody was off at the same time.) I was definitely left to my own devices by middle-school age, so I tended to spend my breaks reading, writing, and riding my bike. I know that the culture these days is much more to schedule your kids, but honestly, is there a reason not to let them stay home and entertain themselves? Even if that is video games? Not every experience has to be enriching, you know?

      1. I honestly don’t know. No one talks about it. It is a frontier, especially if you are used to having to have childcare if you want to go to work (and I have to WFH if they are sick).

        Would you leave a 12-year old and a 10-year old alone all day (my work day is minimum 8-4 (to avoid rush hour traffic, I usually WFH 4-5, then 7-10 if needed))? Just the 12-year old? I feel like there is safety in #s (one might do something foolish / dangerous, but having a tattling sibling / a witness might be good? No one would kidnap 2 mouthy kids, for sure.)

        Will definitely get the older one a phone if home alone all day –> that may make it better all around if you can easily check in and monitor (with find my friends). Sadly, they don’t have any friends on the street (just babies) and the friends aren’t a safe walk nearby (but maybe could drop off for an extended playdate?).

        1. I would and did leave my kids at home at that age. They appreciated that I trusted them and were very responsible as a result.

          I did put some limits on screen time that they obeyed (though it was not zero screen time.) I also had them start dinner. I did not let them have friends over for the sake of sibling harmony.

          Kids will rise to the challenge. I’d give it a whirl.

          1. On the cooking front, what does that look like for a 12-year-old? I cooked (stovetop / gas stove) and baked when I was that age, but feel like my kids are only marginally microwave-competent (one is tall enough to reach it (mounted over stove), the other is too short now). Cold cuts? Oddly, they could only safely walk to one place from our house: a Ben & Jerry’s. I’ve eaten a meal or two there before :)

          3. Between 10.5 and 12 the cooking skills improve a lot. My 12-year-old can cook, like actually cook, without cutting or burning herself and cleans up afterwards. At 10.5 I would not have thought that possible.

          4. My kids could put something in the oven that I had prepped the night before. They could also do taco night with ground turkey and a seasoning packet, and they could do quesadillas, grilled cheese, heat up soup etc. I think you need to give your 12 year old kids a longer leash. Trust them a little more and expand the protective bubble. They will be fine.

        2. I mean, we all grew up babysitting younger kids and babies at age 12, right? So 12 and 10 seems really OK in that context.

        3. I was for sure left alone for full days at that age. I remember feeling so grown-up the first time my mom went to school for a teacher workday, and I got to stay at home by myself.

          I maybe ate slightly more junk food than I would have eaten if I was supervised, and I was not the most
          “productive”–mostly read and watched TV and took the dog for walks. But I was definitely safe.

          1. Same– my most significant deviations from parent-approved behavior were food choices. I absolutely made myself an ice cream sundae every day possible- complete with caramel and whipped cream. I ate so many chicken nuggets. Also little debbie snacks. Thankfully I was one of those always underweight kids and didn’t manage to give myself significant health issues…

          2. Same – I had two younger sisters but we 100% stayed at home during teacher workdays. Those were always bonding time, sleep in/bake cookies/watch a movie days. Sometimes my mom asked us to do chores, and sometimes they got done and sometimes they didn’t. Sometimes we fought, but no worse than being at home together on the weekends – in fact, sometimes better, because our parents weren’t around to turn it into A Situation and we resolved it on our own.

            Caveat that this was a small town where nothing ever happened, right down the street from the fire station and a block away from Grandma and Grandpa. But we all knew what to do and who to call.

        4. Caveat that I’m not a parent, but witnessing this with my friends, it just seems like there’s a lot of pressure these days on parents (esp moms, of course!) to make sure every experience and every minute of kids’ time is spent in a productive, enriching day. I suspect it’s hard to buck that, but I know that I learned a lot from being left to my own devices at that time. And that was valuable even if what I was doing was “wasting time.”

          1. +1 to this– I was also left at home unsupervised at this age, but that was two decades ago, and kids haven’t changed but judgey adults have. That is to say, I think most kids at age 10 or so would be fine at home for the day by themselves, but the pressure to provide “enrichment” coupled with the “omg I cannot BELIEVE she left them home alone” is sometimes a deterrent. I think it’s perfectly fine to leave your kids at home, OP, but would you want to hire a high school student (also on break) to either hang out with them for the day, or swing by at lunchtime to help with food and check in on them?

    3. I was 12 as a 7th grader. By that time I was babysitting other families’ kids for a few hours at a time, so I was also trusted to be alone in the house. But this was 20+ years ago and I don’t know how times have changed.

      ANYWAY, idea based on what I’ve seen in my office: you/partner each take a few days off; kids spend the day with a friend who has a SAH parent on the other days?

      1. +1. Also babysat at 12 (7th grade). I let myself in starting in 5th grade (age 10) when I didn’t have after school activities and was left alone for a few hours until my younger siblings and parents came home, too.

        Are there activities at the library? Ours has a lot of school break options, even for older kids.

      2. I was 12 in 6th grade (fall birthday) and with kids red-shirted so much these days, kids may be 13 in 6th grade now (when our city’s middle school starts).

    4. My kids are on a balanced calendar, so we have a lot of breaks during the school year to cover and most of the organized options here also end at 12. I’ve covered this several different ways. The best has been that we have an after-school sitter who can often help with breaks. Sometimes the entire break (our current person works for an adjacent school system with a similar schedule to ours), sometimes portions of it (previous sitter was a college student in the area who could usually at least cover partial days around her class schedule). My other best option has been family (luckily my mom is in our area) or neighbors who don’t work. Sometimes there are camps that run during the break, and sometimes my husband or I work from home for part of the break. I have found that NextDoor can be helpful for finding a high school student who is also out of school and would like to make some money – even if you don’t want them driving your kids, they can provide some structure and a break from non-stop video games. And I have sometimes just let them stay home playing video games or watching tv. My kids are pretty active most of the time, so I don’t stress too much about an excess of screen time during a limited school break. I try not to let that happen on every break, but I figure they need some down time too!

    5. Times have changed a LOT. I was regularly home alone all day at age 12, many of my friends were babysitting by that age. But now if you leave your 12 year old alone (for a whole day, not to run to the grocery store) you’re liable to have child protective services called on you. I think it’s ridiculous but it is what it is. Our solution has been a mix of scheduling family vacations (we travel more at winter/spring breaks than in the summer), having the grandparents visit then, and taking advantage of SAHMs in our neighborhood.

    6. We have an au pair for exactly this situation (looong holiday breaks and random snow days plus ‘camp’ ending at like 3pm). I know some people leave their 12 and 13 year olds home alone, but I agree, I don’t love that solution even for a mature kid. I also don’t have any local family to help out with this.
      Are your neighbors or other parents in school facing the same issue? The solutions I’ve seen tend to be family, employing a housekeeper for after school (who turn into teenage chaffeurs), or care.com sitters. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, in retrospect daycare was SO easy compared to the school schedule!

      1. Honestly curious–why don’t you love that solution for a 13 year old, even a mature one? At what age would you be okay with leaving kids alone? Like cbackson said at 10:13, I think there is a lot of value in letting kids experience independence and learn how to manage time on their own. This comes from my own lived experience, and also from my professional experience watching college students flail when they get to campus and suddenly have to figure out the self-regulatory skills I’d learned by like, 16.

        1. You aren’t a parent so you don’t get it. Sorry, but it’s the truth.
          Just like single people here don’t enjoy the married people weighing in on their single laments, I do not enjoy it when child-free people weigh in on parenting choices like the know what they are talking about. Let me reiterate: YOU DO NOT GET IT. You cannot get it because you are not parenting a child, right now, in this current environment and in this cultural context. Have a kid and then come back and tell me how you feel.

    7. I echo everyone else’s sentiments about leaving 12 year-olds at home alone–perfectly okay, even with younger siblings also there. I am the oldest of five–we were left home all together by the time I was 10 or 12. I baby sat regularly for other people’s kids by age 12.

      Also, don’t write off the college students–I bet there are some who stay in town. Certainly not the entire population but not everyone can afford to travel (even home) for the break and other’s don’t want to be at home with their parents for the whole break. A day or two with someone who can shuttle your kids around might be a good way to break up the longer stretches.

    8. A bit OT, but for jobs with more vacation time, look at universities. All staff at my university get 5 weeks vacation plus a holiday closure between Christmas and New Year’s that covers most of the public school winter break. The pay is dismal but the upside is that we never have to worry about stuff like this.

    9. I was also home for the day at this age. I was usually supposed to do one chore each day, but can’t say my follow through was very good.
      Not too much later, around 15, I guess I was too deep into puberty to be dragged on vacation with my parents, so they even left me alone for a week. That was the most exciting ever. They left me grocery money (and a house full of boring, to-be-cooked food), which I invested in junk, watched TV until I was bored out of my mind.

    10. Work from home? I know you need childcare when working from home with babies or toddlers, but a 12 year old (even a 10 year old honestly) should be able to entertain themselves while you work. And you can have lunch together, so it’s a lot less lonely for the kid than actually being home alone all day.

      1. I would have LOVED to be left alone all day to do whatever I wanted for a week when I was younger, because it would give me time to read every Saddle Club/Babysitter’s Club/etc book I wanted. After a week I could see it being lonely, even with my brother, but I would have loved it. My brother is extroverted and would have hated it because he couldn’t go hang out with his friends.

    11. A friend and her husband both commute (in opposite directions from their home, where the kids go to school) and often have this issue. They have hired more mature teenagers or college students who can drive the kids someplace, help with meals, come up with more fun activities. Mainly, having an adult who can drive and cook. I think it has worked pretty well with her. Bonus is that she has hired singers who speak French when her kids were going to French immersion school.

    12. The summer I was 11 my parents hired an 18-year-old to hang out with me and drive me around. We went to the zoo, we went to the library and got books and then read at a coffee shop, etc. Low-key activities. I think she picked up some of my friends and we went swimming a few times. Good stuff.

    13. I have a mature, responsible 12-year-old who comes home alone after school, but I don’t think I’d be comfortable leaving her alone all day, especially for multiple days in a row. If we leave her to her own devices (figuratively and literally) for an entire day, she spends the whole day consuming electronic media and turns into a crabby mess by midafternoon. A week of that would turn her into an absolute monster.

      When we enforce screen time limits (no non-academic tech usage before 4:00 p.m. on weekends or before homework is complete on weekdays), she manages to entertain herself in creative and useful ways (cooking, drawing, etc.), but I don’t know how I’d do that while she was home alone without depriving her of access to necessary academic and communication resources.

      1. You give her chores she has to accomplish and tell her she’s on the honor system about the screen time. If she blows it she goes back to having a babysitter or day care. My kids found this EXTREMELY motivating.

        1. This. It’s not rocket science. No 12 year old wants a babysitter, and they’ll get their assigned chores done if the consequence to not doing them is having a babysitter.

      2. You can check the screen time amounts on her device. My iphone tracks mine and I sadly, see how many hours per day I was on my phone.

        Also, I think having the younger one in the house is a great way to “babysit” the older one. I have a 7 year age difference with my younger brother. I had to babysit him after school and on holiday weeks a lot. I was allowed to have friends and (GASP) even my boyfriend over. This was because my parents knew I couldn’t have a wild party without the 7 year old tattling.

    14. We usually tried to take a vacation that coincided with our kids’ spring break. There was usually 1 week of Christmas break where their usual after school care was open full days, and the other week we tried to take off, but my work is very busy at year end so this fell disproportionately on my husband. You don’t mention a spouse – are you a single mom?

      Anyway, once the kids were your kids’ ages they vehemently did not want to go to the day care so we started letting them stay home together and they loved it. My husband and I would stagger our days so that we were home the max amount of time – I would go in around 9-10, he would come home early.

      A woman in my office does the trading PTO days with her husband. But if something urgent comes up on her day to take PTO she will either try to work from home, or if she needs to come to the office, she will come in just for the meeting or whatever and stash her kids with an iPad in an empty office or conference room. We all like having the kids around and it’s not a problem. They are very quiet and good. They find it thrilling to come to mom’s work, not least because we have hot chocolate packets at the coffee station. :)

    15. I WAS the babysitter when I was 12. My sister is 6 years younger than me so babysat her all the time and then I would also babysit her friends. All the parents knew me and it was basically the only to get $$ for a 12 year old… I ate more junk food, probably watched more tv than people would have liked, but I also was responsible and no one got hurt and the house did not burn down.

      Leave them alone now, when their worst inclinations are just to play video games all day and eat stale cookies. It will pay off when there are worse temptations and they have even less parental oversight in their lives.

      1. I babysat starting at age 11 and have a responsible 13 year old to babysit my preschoolers (during the day, not for long stretches, and her parents are in shouting distance if she needs help).

        I agree that having some babysitting and home alone responsibility in middle school helps for later on. I wasted tons of time and still got into a fancy college and law school. I look back and wish I’d done more, but maybe the wasted time gave me the drive to do lots later on.

    16. I have a 13 year old and we’ve dealt with this in a multitude of ways (primarily letting her stay on her own). Although you say there’s no family nearby, what about sending your child to family? We’ve sent my daughter to visit her grandparents when she has multi-day breaks and it’s great for everyone.

    17. As a twelve year old, I stayed home with my ten year old sister at that age. Rules were no using the oven, but could heat things in microwave, no opening the door for anyone, don’t kill your sister. Mom also left a list on the kitchen table that we woke up to every day with one house chore and one chapter in a book we had to read before she got home. Otherwise, we were left to our own devices entertaining ourselves. All was fine.

    18. Summers exhaust me for this very reason. I have a 16-year old who went to various day camps during the Summer until she aged out. We stretched the age-out by one year – she was kind of small for her age and I asked the local JCC if she could attend one more Summer at 13. It was perfect because she could be on the swim team there, too, and I think she sort of helped by being willing to play with younger kids. My plan was to have her apply for a Counselor in Training position at ages 14 and 15 but summer practices for a school sport got in the way. So, she basically went to early morning (just not quite early enough, though, to finish before she would need to be available for a CIT position) running practices, then watched videos all day with a load or two of laundry here and there and a few food prep projects. I was never fundamentally opposed to her staying home alone but it turns out to be a long day of junk food and Netflix. Now that she can drive, the plan for this Summer is an ACT review course. Talk to as many people as you can about what they do. My daughter complained bitterly about going to day camps (mainly JCC but also sprinkled in a few specialty camps other places) at the time but now talks nostalgically about how popular she was (seriously, Mom, I was practically Miss JCC) and how much she enjoyed it. Nice.

    19. In our state (MD), one needs to be 13 in order to babysit, but a minor can be left at home alone once they are 8. Even so, I don’t know that I will be ready to leavemy kid at home by themself at 8. I did interview a 13 year old to sit for us and would be ok with that on the odd snow day or non school day, though we haven’t had the chance to use the sitter yet.

      When I was 12 (in the 1990s) I remember sports camp, hanging out at work with my mom (she owned her own business) and walking to the library- though my mom got reprimanded by the librarian for letting us hang out there without an adult.

    20. Have you looked into spring break enrichment programs for kids? I’m not a mom, but I feel like I’ve seen, in passing, information about week-long daycamps for kids, many of them STEM related it seems. I would do some Googling for your area, pull together the programs you can find, and ask your kids (or at least the oldest) if any of them are interesting. Your kids may be more inclined to do something like this if their friends are going to be there, so maybe find out what their friends are doing that week.

      Although honestly, I was the kid that spent her breaks sleeping in, puttering around the house, playing video games (age 10 onward), watching TV, etc., when mom or dad didn’t drag my lazy butt out to do something, and I hated traditional day camps where I had to play sports. A part of me feels like it’s not the worst thing to let the kids rest ‘n’ veg for a week, as long as they finish any homework they were given over break, but I also can see the benefit in enrichment during that week, even if it’s for part of the day.

    21. A 12 year old can definitely stay at home alone during the day. At that age I was left at home with my 2 and 4 year old siblings. You could encourage your kid to invite a friend over, buy them some crafting supplies to offset the video games, or leave them a list of seasonal chores (gardening, washing windows, etc.) and offer to pay them for each one they knock off the list.

      Re: the unicorn job, I’m going in-house to get 4 weeks of vacation I can actually take, but I set boundaries around 24/7 availability a while ago and haven’t responded to an email over the weekend in years.

    22. Answering because I am actually the mom of an actual 12-year-old and not just talking about how I was a 12-year-old at one point in the distant past. :-)
      It is tough to find camps, etc. that will take 12 and 13 year-olds but they are out there. We have also had some success making friends with families where there is a SAHP and having that family take our son during the days for week-long periods (we usually give them some money for this). I have also sent my son to my parents (they live a cheap hour plane ride away) for a week when we haven’t been able to take time off. I am lucky and have flexibility to work from home when it’s not too busy, so we can do half-day camps and I’ll work at work during the morning and then work from home in the afternoon. It is worth exploring with your boss what the options are. I am not in law and I understand there are different norms in BigLaw firms than in the rest of the world. But, if your company is making noise about gender equity and flexible workplaces, they need to walk the talk and giving you flexibility to take care of your kids is a good way for them to do that.
      Our 12-year-old is not ready to spend a week at home by himself, period. When we leave him alone to run errands we start getting texts from him after an hour about how he’s nervous being at home by himself. Plus, I have no doubt the whole week would be spent ferreting out any junk-type food we have in the house and eating all of it (plain Cheerios doused in the sugar I keep for baking is a favorite) and watching TV/playing video games. There are more productive ways for an older child to spent time. And if he can’t do a week by himself, an entire summer is out of the question. Like an above poster, our son goes to the summer camp at the JCC in our area. He is going back this summer (he won’t be 13 until after the camp ends) and they have agreed to take him next year when he will be 13. He’ll then move into a CIT position at 14, hopefully keep it when he’s 15. At 16 and 17 we expect him to get a summer job. After that he’ll be graduated from high school (will turn 18 the summer after he graduates).
      You know your kids and your neighborhood and your situation best. I am not someone who believes in “overprogramming” kids but I have a hard time with the idea that it’s optimal for kids to sit home playing video games, texting their friends, watching TV and eating junk food instead of doing something productive and being active over the summer. His camp has an academics program so he will get to keep his skills fresh over the summer. He’ll get to learn personal responsibility and moderation from staying home by himself when his brain develops a little more. 12 and 13-year-old brains are more like 8-year-old brains than they are like 18-year-old brains. A lot of the lamenting about how kids grow up too fast and get into adult things before they should are, in my opinion, the result of parents treating kids like they are older than their brains really are, and giving them too much leeway to get into trouble. One of my coworkers left his 14-year-old son home by himself for spring break and found out later, via watching their Nest cameras, he invited an older neighbor girl over and had sex with her in the house. Say what you want, but things like this happen because the opportunity is there. It’s normal for kids to test boundaries, but their brain maturity and their bodies/hormones are very much mismatched between 12 and 16. I’d rather not have my son learn “maturity” by being left unsupervised before he’s cognitively able to make good choices.

  4. About to place my first order with the Fold. Usually a ten in most US brands (Ann Taylor, Talbots) but a 12 or higher in designer (Max Mara). Any insight into their sizing? Their chart says order a 12, but I’m nervous!

    1. If you’re a US 12 in designer I’d probably go with a UK 14. Unless you’ve taken scrupulous measurements, in which case, disregard.
      For reference, I’m a US 2 in Ann Taylor, XS in Talbots, 4 in Jcrew, 6 in designer (Theory, etc.) and a 10 in most Fold dresses that are tailored/fitted, but an 8 in their shifts/Jersey dresses.

    2. Is The Fold British?
      Then it’s 2 sizes up — a US 10 is a UK 14 and that’s on the small side…I’m a 4 or 6 in Ann Taylor but I wear a UK 10 or 12 depending on the brand. British clothes are cut slimmer in the hip area. (Currently living in England)

    3. Let us know how you like your items from the Fold. I get their catalog and think that they are beautiful but haven’t yet pulled the trigger

  5. Happy Friday! Let’s have a little fun: what item of clothing (or outfit or color or general vibe) would you rock in a perfect world, where neither money nor anything else was an object?

    1. All hot pink, all the time. I’d wear hot pink sweaters and t-shirts and scarves and trench coats. I am not even particularly girly but I think most people, including me, look so alive in hot pink. If I had unlimited funds but professionalism was still a factor, I’d have a wardrobe of Burberry coats, refreshed every season.

      1. I love hot pink + white together.

        In a perfect world, I would not have an office that hovers around 65 degrees. So would it be unprofessional to layer a leopard snuggie over my suit? Perhaps another color?

      2. I love it. My favorite color is red, and in the world where I also work out every day and have impeccable hair all the time, I am in head to toe red, always.

      4. Haha I own a hot pink pantsuit and a hot pink trench coat and I love them and wear them all the time!

    2. Sky high stilettos! I actually can walk in them, but for a very limited amount of time. I’d love to rock them all day without experiencing ball of foot pain!

    3. All white. Since I can’t handle even some white without spilling in the real world. A winter coat in white where I never sit on a CTA seat is the dream.

    5. Lots of slightly goth velvet or leather. And really mean-looking boots. Basically, I want to be a modern day Maleficient.

      Unfortunately, between regular DC weather, global warming, and menopause, its generally too warm for me to wear much velvet. Or leather.

    6. I would have a wardrobe of refined neutrals in luxurious fabrics – silk, cashmere, wool, linen, cotton – and gorgeous, gorgeous shoes. In fact I am close but the shoes elude me because of problem feet.

      1. I’d go a similar route. Everything tailored perfectly. Really minimal, really expensive jewelry.

    7. I’d wear nothing but extremely over the top vintage: think Dita Von Teese with a little bit of Myrna Loy in The Thin Man and 1970s Elizabeth Taylor thrown in there.

      1. This sounds like me. I want to look $exy, but NOT when I am with a man, b/c then he just want’s for me to take those clothes off and show him my body, (and more). One guy said he onley wanted to look, but once I took off my top, he immediately came over and did the same, and worse, started rubbeing his you know what near me. I told him NOT to do that and to leave unless he stopped. He did stop, but he was NOT happy that I told him to stop. FOOEY!

      2. Similar but different era – I’d want to go all out Dior ‘new look’ from the late 1940/early 50s.

    9. High high stiletto heels.
      Unfortunately I have wide bunion-prone feet and thickset legs from waist to cankles – I have a bum made for pants suits, fit-and-flares, and comfy flats. Sigh. High heels I do admire you.

      1. I was going to say the same thing: Super-high heels with pointy toes that somehow magically feel like sneakers on my feet, so I can embody my true evil sorceress queen style and not be miserable.

    11. I would wear a lot more leather jackets and designer shoes. My fave bada$$ shoes are Jason Wu with 4.5′ heels, t-strap and a silver toe plate. My clothes would be impeccably tailored and my hair would be flawless. Hah!

    12. I would magically eliminate my cashmere allergy so I could wear beautiful cashmere sweaters without a t-shirt underneath making me look like the Pillsbury Doughboy.

    13. I’m torn between either a Jackie O wardrobe or all cowgirl all the time. And I’d look flawless without makeup and my hair would be perfect curls with zero frizz. Ever.

      Sigh. If only….

      1. Yay for perfect curls! I see so many comments about blow outs when it comes to attractive or stylish looking hair.

    16. White jeans! I would wear them every day with finely tailored silk blouses and blazers.

    17. (1) way more tattoos, visible. that cat tattoo i’ve been dreaming of, maybe I could finally get the gustave dore tattoo i’ve wanted for a decade, something inspired by calder…
      (2) low backed dresses for fancy occasions (because in this fantasy, bras are no object!)
      (3) a super short bob, like to the bottom of my ears (and in this fantasy it’s easy to style and looks great on me)
      (4) expensive and perfectly fitted high waisted jeans and jean shorts for casual days
      (5) Alicia Florrick’s wardrobe (but a bit more rock n roll)
      (5) all the LJs.

  6. Apologies for this extremely “first world problem” question, but I was gifted a Mont Blanc pen when I was sworn in, and I don’t really use it. It’s the felt tip kind, but it’s kind of dried out and I was never a fan of the felt tip anyway. Does anyone know if I can switch it to a roller ball pen? I feel bad about never using it, it was a nice gift from people I care about.

    1. Apparently Mont Blanc has a concierge with whom one can discuss such weighty matters: 1-800-995-4810

    2. I think calling them is a good idea. Another option is that if there is a good local pen store that carries Montblancs near you, you can go in and ask them. They’ll usually have refills and know if there’s a chance you can switch it out for a rollerball.

  7. Has anyone attended the Georgetown Representing and Managing Tax-Exempt Organizations conference? Dress code? I haven’t been able to find pictures online. My inclination is business casual, but I don’t want to stick out if everyone else is suited up.

    1. I hadn’t heard of this conference until just now it’s totally on point for me/my career! And I got to send it to my boss like “hey we should consider this” and I look like a go-getter. Thank you!

  8. For those of you that work on Global teams, how do you make it work? I’m doing a lot of early morning or late night calls but I am so tired and it feels really clunky. Any tips?

    1. Not sure if this is useful for you because it depends on how flexible your company is, but I tend to work from home the day of or the day after an early or late call. Not necessarily every time, but enough. Is this something you can work out with your boss?

    2. Where are you and the rest of the team located? Do you have any say in the time the calls are scheduled for?

      If they are in Asia, there is no way to avoid those late night/early morning calls. Depending on the dynamics of your team, you may be able to suggest switching off so that half the team it is late night in Asia (like 9pm) and half the time it is morning in the US. If it is Europe, I would push back on early morning calls and suggest that we do late afternoon for them/morning for me.

      1. Thanks! Yes, the US/ Europe thing is very doable, or Europe/ APAC, but when you try to get everyone together there is just no convenient time (stupid Earth and Sun!). I think I need to get in more of a rhythm and bundle things together. I can control a lot of it but I don’t have a good mental model for how to set things up if 3+ times a week I need to be on a call that’s either at 7 am or 9 pm. Thanks for weighing in!

    3. I tend to shift somewhat into the time schedule of the team I’m working closely with and work from home more on those days. I’ll also ask the other location to switch off awkward times with me. So every other week I’ll have a midnight call but then off weeks they will have a really late call.
      I’m sure it depends on your work culture, but we are generally team players and try to balance inconveniences.

      1. Oh yeah, and when it’s EU/US we do all afternoon EU calls. No reason to make things difficult for anyone if you have business hours overlap.

  9. I really like some of the versions of these pants, but as a short-waisted, bottom-heavy hourglass I have no idea whether I can actually pull them off. Has anyone similarly shaped tried this style? I know I probably need to go try them on, but I’m curious whether it’s even worth the effort to get to the mall!

    1. I am same body-type as you and prefer more subtle styles – pinstripes, yes, subtle polka dots, yes.
      Do you do heels – there are a ton of curvey women who look great in these pants but I definitely don’t do heels (see above) and that might be necessary here to lift the whole look, if you know what I mean.

    2. I have these in a solid black linen and like them, but I tried the stripe and it didn’t flatter.

  10. I have a gift etiqu3tte question. A friend gave me and my husband an Amazon Echo. We don’t want devices like that in our house for privacy reasons. I thought my friend knew about my privacy concerns, but either I hadn’t mentioned them to her or she forgot. Whatever, no big deal. We accepted it graciously like we would any other unwanted gift. We left it unopened in the box. A couple months later a family member mentioned wanting one and we gave it to her. (Family member knew it was a re-gift and didn’t care.) Now my friend is visiting for the first time since giving us the Echo and asked why it’s not set up in our home. We told her about our privacy concerns (the concerns are mine as much as my husband’s, but to make it less awkward I blamed them on my husband, which he was fine with). Here’s where it gets really awkward…she says if we’re not using it she wants it back. So we had to fess up that we gave it away. Now she’s demanding that we ask the family member for it back (no way) or that we buy her a replacement (which seems like all kind of wtf to me…it was a gift!). The other relevant piece of info is that her husband works for Amazon and I’m sure they got this free or heavily discounted, so it seems really ridiculous to ask us to replace it at full price. I know you’re not supposed to give away gifts just because you don’t want them, and if she’d given us an ugly vase I definitely would have kept it in the basement and hauled it out when she visited, but I feel like this is different – I shouldn’t have to have something listening to all my private conversations just to keep my friend happy. At the same time, I’m sure she sees our reluctance to use these kinds of devices as judgments on her and her husband’s techy lifestyle, and I feel bad about that. I don’t know what to do!

    1. You don’t owe her anything and I don’t know why this awful person is your friend. People do not get do demand gifts back. Also, they cost like $50 so we’re not talking a fortune here.

      2. I won one at a charity raffle thing and was like “ooh I guess I can sell it on eBay?” and then realized they only cost $50 brand new.

        I imagine her feelings are hurt because she wanted to get you something you liked, and she failed. Sometimes when people are sad, they get unreasonable. Hopefully if she’s a good friend, she’ll realize she’s reacting in a nutso way and reel it in.

    2. My opinion is once someone gives you a gift, it is yours to do with what you please. If you still had it, sure, give it back, but I don’t think you did anything wrong with passing it along. Tell her how happy and grateful family member was to receive it!

      I mean, maybe you could have said, at the time she gave it, Thanks, but this isn’t something we’d use and it’s so generous of you, would you rather keep it for yourself? But that’s awkward, too.

      1. I think that with ~95% of the gifts I get. It is so not unusual (and never done).

    3. That is wackadoodle. It’s not like it was her dear grandmother’s china. And if “friend” doesn’t understand how gifts work (or property rights), I don’t think there is any fixing that. Stand your ground — you are not in the wrong here.

    4. Yuck. Your friend is out of line. I’d say, “Sorry, but we gave it to Aunt Jill, and she was very happy to receive it, so thanks for being so generous.” And then step back from that friendship and give it a good hard look.

      And I don’t know what you mean by “you’re not supposed to give away gifts just because you don’t want them.” What are you supposed to do with them? Use them as dustcatchers? If you give somebody a gift you risk the possibility that it will be something they won’t like or won’t use. That is what makes it a meaningful gesture to give something. Your friend is treating this as a personal rejection and being very childish and petty about it. The Echo did not spark joy, so you gave it to someone for whom it did. Does your friend spark joy?

    5. Oh goodness, that is super rude of her. Frankly, I’m of the perspective that if I give someone a gift I will NEVER ask what they’ve done with it- because maybe they didn’t like it, maybe it didn’t work for them, maybe it got broken, etc. Gifts should never be a burden – physical or emotional – on the recipient.

      1. Sometimes I try to discretely hint around about how a gift was received, in the interest of learning more about what the person likes, for future gift giving purposes.

        But if they didn’t like it or give it away, whatever. I tried.

    6. Give her $50 worth of your corporate swag. I have a bucket hat and a t-shirt with my company logo on it right here in this desk drawer next to me – want it, ex-friend?

    7. This is ridiculous. Even if it had been an ugly vase, you are under no obligation to keep it. If she hassles you again, just keep repeating, “I’m sorry, that’s not possible.” And I would do a slow-fade on her too, because this is really outrageously rude.

      1. +1 You have no obligation to return it to her and it was out of line for her to ask. Think about what you are learning about her as a friend based on how she is handling this situation, especially if she continues to press the issue.

    8. I agree. She is rediculus for asking for it back. It is gone. Dad said you could have told her that your dog pi$$ed on it and it shorted out your phone system, but you are NOT chargeing them for this defective product. Jeff Bezos became a billionaire selling these silly devices. FOOEY on that!

    10. She gave it to you as a gift. After that it’s yours to do with as you please. Rude of her to ask you to get it back from the family member.

    11. I wonder if your techie friends programmed that particular Echo to listen in on your convos and record it for themselves. Now she’s all disappointed and annoyed that she’s listening to boring old aunt Jill. Maybe she wants it back so she can use it eavesdrop on other friends. I’m joking ofc but your friend is being weird and rude.

      3. My tech company employee friend has on rare occasion given away a gift he received from work with the caveat that it be given back when the user no longer wanted it. However, that’s because it’s not a good look for special edition limited run widgets made for certain employees signed by Elon to end up on eBay, Gift recipient uncle of my friend is a huge Elon fanboy.

        However, my friend was upfront about the terms and gave the gift because it’d be so special to uncle fanboy. In this case, I’m torn between just saying no and $50 check and goodbye to the friend.

      2. I like this one.

        Good grief that would be a friendship-buster for me, for sure.

      4. My reason for a check is that she might not cash it, but I’m super petty.

        1. I’m so petty, I’d be tempted to giver it to her in 10s and 5s and then ask if she can give you back change for husband’s work discount.

          Just kidding….Sort of.

          Could also say it broke and then cut her off as a friend.

          (Man, why can I not be this sort of bad ass in real-life when I need to?)

  11. I have naturally curly hair and want to begin straightening it again. It is very curly, but not kinky curly. I cannot afford Brazilian blowouts and need some easy tools for straightening with the least time and effort. For those with curly hair, what tools do you find helpful for relatively fast, hassle free blowouts?

    1. I have long curly hair and never had much luck, other than flatirons that totally fried my hair in college 15 years ago. Velcro rollers seem to help after an at home blowout…but not for very long. My hair is back to waves by the end of the day.

  12. Let’s talk about hair schedules.

    I’m transitioning from a job where I’m in the office 2 days a week to a job where I will need to be in the office every day. Right now I wash and blow out my hair the day before my office day, but I’m curious how you handle daily office trips and how you wear your hair on the days you don’t wash.

    3. I wash my hair every day unless (a) I’m running tremendously late, or (b) it’s ridiculous humidity and therefore a waste of effort to dry, in which case I do a neat pony. There are people on my floor who most definitely stretch a blowout 3-4 days and sorry, unpopular opinion here, it’s gross — by day 3 their hair literally does not move from the amount of product in it.

      1. Depends on hair type…I have low porosity curly hair that doesn’t really get greasy. If I wash too often, it dries out. If you quit washing your hair every day, scalp oil production also decreases after a few weeks.

      2. I’m anon with the three bullets above. I have a dry scalp so I can’t wash my hair every day. But I agree about the product. I don’t use any. That’s how I get 2-3 days. (In cold weather occasionally 4, but day 4 is not great)

    4. I wash my hair every morning. It’s super short though, ear length bob and thin so takes all of 7 minutes to dry and style.

  13. I’d love to find some high or mid-rise wide leg pants in fun patterns, but here’s my annoying requirement: I’m trying to go for natural fibers and blends. Some sort of silk/cotton/linen blend would be totally ideal. I have some solid pants that are a silk/wool/cotton blend from a brand called Silkbody that stay cool and wrinkle-resistant, but they don’t have prints. And plain linen is nice but too wrinkly on its own and doesn’t take pattern well. Any ideas?

    1. There’s a whole genre of batik and other ethnic print pants that have been around forever. Look at bathing suit coverups and resort collections.

  14. Any recommendations for jumpsuits that don’t give you a weird crotch look? I guess I just need to try a bunch on, since some seem to have too short a rise and some too long. I’d like to get in on this trend but it’s tough.

    1. Ugh, no recommendations, just sympathy. I LOVE the look of jumpsuits on other people but (maybe because I’m pretty high-waisted) they are always a disaster in the general crotchal region. Ranging from “hmm, that doesn’t seem quite right or flattering” to “oh no, that’s actually indecent!!”

      1. I really want to nail a jumpsuit but instead it’s “this is an abomination against fashion and humanity” or “well, I didn’t want to look pregnant but here I am” or “I’m done shopping today and maybe forever.”

  15. I am unhappily single and have been feeling really down about things recently. I’m doing the things I should be doing to try to meet someone, but I think it would help me to also have some goals that are more in my control (unlike dating which feels very random sometimes). I’m having a hard time identifying goals that I actually WANT to achieve though. A lot of the goals I’ve come up with just seem like “meh, so what” if I achieve them. Like, so what if I meet my goal of learning how to bake a pie? I guess I’m trying to identify goals where success is definitive and there is external recognition of that being an admirable accomplishment. Like, running a marathon or getting an article published (I’ve already done variations of those things.) Anyone want to share some of their current professional or personal goals that might fit into this category? I could really use the inspiration.

    1. Maybe try to think of a goal that connects with your values? Like, if you value sustainability and community you could grow a vegetable garden and share your vegetables with your neighbors. If you value reproductive justice you could volunteer as a clinic escort and set a goal of going twice a month.

    2. It’s not maybe as defined a goal, but something that worked for me when I was in a funk: I got a plot at a community garden last summer, and found the whole thing very therapeutic. Planting, getting fresh air, weeding, and taking care of my plants kept me busy, and when they actually produced real beautiful veggies I could cook with, I was so proud of myself! It felt very rewarding to be able to bring homemade zucchini bread to work to share with my team (know your office, of course, but my team is small and very casual about such things) and share that I grew the zucchini it was made with. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it and felt that it really helped my mental health.

    3. In defense of learning to bake a pie, and to jump off of Falstaff’s point that you could try to think of a goal that connects with your values:

      I actually did make a goal a couple of years ago to learn to bake a killer pie, and it helped me out of a huge funk after I got a divorce. I read a book called “The Art of the Pie,” and it has a section about pie-worthy fruit. The idea is that when you make a fruit pie, you use fruit that is super tasty on its own (so no cardboard red delicious apples that you add a bunch of stuff to make it better). Keeping that principle in mind helped me get out and to the farmer’s market every weekend to check out the freshest fruit and talk to the farmers, so I was making human connections there.

      Learning to make the best crust reminded me of my grandmother who passed away in the year before the divorce, so the whole process made me feel very connected to the past and my family.

      I shared every pie I made with friends, so that also helped with human connections. I’d invite someone over for wine and pie or I’d take the pie to someone’s house when she was going through a hard time or was having a birthday. Or I’d use the pie as a dessert for a dinner party. That made the pie baking kind of an event and helped me stay connected to the people I loved (i.e., not randoms from Bumble or whatever).

      It also offered a creative outlet. Once you start looking for ideas, you’ll see that there are people out there who are basically artists with their crusts. I spent a lot of time braiding crusts and learning how to do various lattices and cut shapes, etc. So that was creative and also kind of a meditation. I’ve since started entering little community contests, so there’s that aspect of external recognition and validation that you mention above. And I’ve met a lot of people — other amateur bakers, farmers, folks who work in local restaurants. This wasn’t the goal, but one of those people introduced me to my current boyfriend.

      I think this same concept applies to just about any goal you can set if you find something that resonates with you. Most activities can be connected to your values if it’s an activity or goal that really speaks to you. For me, it’s important to find some kind of deeper meaning in what I’m doing when I set those kinds of goals, or I’ll never stick with it.

      2. I love this, and also it reminds me of My Kitchen Year by Ruth Reichl in a way.

        1. That is a HUGE compliment! If we all lived in the same place, I’d definitely invite y’all over for pie and wine on the porch.

          1. I’d be there yesterday! Pie and wine is my jam. Thank you for sharing this!

    4. So, not entirely what you asked, but I do want to raise something. I think there is a struggle for those of us who are the high achieving type to need to be recognized for our accomplishments, but there is so much positive growth in the areas of determination and grit that is gained from setting accomplishing goals that literally no one knows about. I think part of learning to love myself so that I can let others love me has been around learning to do things just to make myself proud. That being proud of myself is a good completely aside from others acknowledging that I accomplished something. It was tough work to get to this point, and continues to be something I work on, but I have been working on getting myself to a point where I enjoy my life and not just ticking off accomplishments.

      Now, all of that said, my goals I have told no one about include: planting a garden and sharing produce, learning how to throw pottery on the wheel, working on getting to 3 traditional pull ups, creating a training webinar for my field, and taking several online classes in random topics that interest me.

      1. +1 – this stood out to me as well. I find it odd that the motivation includes external recognition.

        Sewing clothes is my hobby. I usually need a level of inspiration to make something, but its fun once it gets going. And yes, I’ll post pics to Instagram and its fun when people like/comment on it. And it’s fun to get the compliments in person. So I like the external recognition (“you made that?!”), but the best part is the accomplishment of having made the thing. The creating was the goal, not the acknowledgement of the creating.

        1. I think I get where OP is coming from on the “external recognition” thing. I don’t think the motivation for having a goal is to get external recognition, but when you’re dating, it’s nice to have a hobby/goal that fulfills you personally but that you can also put on your dating profile and talk about in person with strangers to shine a little light on who you are and what you value. So stuff like “I just published my first article” or “I just ran a marathon” can give you personal satisfaction, but also be a way to connect with other people who may have similar interests or goals because they are externally recognizable achievements. OP, I’d suggest looking at what activities or parts of your life give you the most joy but that you feel like you haven’t been paying enough attention to lately, and find a goal that helps you devote time and attention to that part of your life.

    5. This is how I got into running. I was in a similar place and one of the things I was looking for in a hobby was stress relief. I’ve been doing it for a couple years and I’m training for my first marathon now. I have a friend who likes to travel and made it her goal to see every state in the U.S. by a milestone birthday. Another who decided to read a book a week for the next year and stared a blog with her book reviews.

    6. I get it. Especially if you’re dating and running into the occasional ego monster who makes you feel like crap it’s nice to be able to give yourself a hype talk like “screw you, buddy, I’m [marathoner / mountain climber / diver / surfer /pilot / guitarist] I don’t need you anyway.”
      I mean, maybe that was just me, but unusual skills and achievements are not only fun to pursue and practice, but they can make me feel good about myself when other things don’t.
      I most recently took an online course on how to code an app and thought that was really fun.

  16. Can anyone give me a good idea for an easy snack-type food to bring to an afternoon easter egg hunt? I’d like to put in a smidge more effort than cheese and crackers or pita and hummus but not much. I’ll be shopping at Whole Foods.

    2. I think do baby carrots and hummus. Easter bunny, get it? If you’re super motivated, put the carrots around the hummus in a basket with greenery – shredded cabbage would look easter basket ish.

    4. Hummus (storebought) drizzled with fresh lemon, a mix of olive, herb feta (much better if you make if you cube it and sprinkle with fresh herbs, but they sell it ready-to-go).

    5. Just came back from Whole Foods and got some grub for for family to nosh on this weekend…..they have great guac already made – plain, spicy and bacon flavors, and the olive bar and cheese section is outstanding…..you can grab guac, salsa and a couple kinds of tortilla chips, or cheeses, olives and peppers from the olive bar, maybe some prosciutto and a nice baguette, slice into rounds for a lovely antipasto…..so easy.

  17. I live in an apartment complex that is a U shape with a large pool in the center. I’m on the third floor in a pool facing apartment. The noise from the pool patrons is already making me miserable and it’s not even summer yet. Screaming and shrieking kids and teenagers all day and drunken adults all evening. I work from home a lot so it’s a real disturbance. I don’t want to walk around my own home in ear plugs/headphones (I find them uncomfortable anyway). I don’t really have any options here besides moving, right?

    1. Would a white noise machine or a fan help? Can you play music to help cover up the sound?

    2. I’m in a similar situation, but with a courtyard instead of a pool. If the noise is during regular hours (versus past closing as stipulated in your lease), then there’s not much you can do. This is kind of a “figure out how to block it out” or “just move” situations. Sorry

    4. Could you ask to move to a unit on the other side of the building? Would be a hassle, but easier than moving out of the building. But maybe you’ll get used to the noise as the summer goes on?

      1. +1
        I can tune out a LOT of noises, but not pool noise since it tends to be loud/random/abrupt.

  18. What are your favorite t-shirt and t-shirt-like dresses? I found a couple not tissue-weight ones at White House Black Market last year, but I’m not seeing any this season. I’d like something in cotton, silk, or some other natural fiber blend. Also, any fav silk tees?

    2. I go to the athletic brands for super casual T-shirt-like dresses. Athleta, Prana, Title IX are all good sources. Athleta ones come in Tall sizes. I am not that tall, but I always appreciate the extra length.

    3. Eileen Fisher. Most of their stuff is frumptastic and expensive. But they always have a couple of really great T-shirt styles in natural fibers. Because they wear like iron and aren’t see through, I can usually close my eyes and just deal with the price. I also have a hard time distinguishing their fabrics from online descriptions only—I usually need to actually see them in person or risk sending back. Cotton blends can be anything from almost full cotton to linen like to crepe like to modal like in feel depending on the mix. But when you do get the right one it’s heaven. I had the same dress in three colors that I wore almost weekly last year from casual days around the house to summer events and even to work with flats and blazers or sweaters. I spilled bleach on one and wanted to cry.

      1. +1 they are really nice. There was a gorgeous one last year in the color “nori” that was unfortunately a few inches too short for me (I’m 5’11” and need knee length or longer) but it was so so pretty. PS check eBay for EF, there is lots.

  19. What’s the dividing point between being a heavy social drinker and having an actual problem? A friend of mine texted me a picture of a cocktail from the airport lounge at 10 am this morning, which seems obscenely early to me and I’m concerned she has a problem. We went to dinner earlier this week at 9 and she had started drinking around 11 that morning and was out drinking with our friends after I left at 11pm. This is not unusual behavior for her and occurs 3-4 days a week.

    I personally am not much of a drinker myself so I’m trying to figure out if I’m being judgy and this is fine, or if she does in fact have a problem and needs help. I’m not sure what, if anything, I can do if she does in fact have a problem since seeking help seems like a personal choice you have to make.

    Any input/advice?

    1. You are being judgey AND she is probably drinking too much. But you judging her for it does not help the situation in any way.

      1. +1 but I’d also like to add that, in my opinion, there are no rules when it comes to airport drinking.

    2. Rules about drinking do not apply at the airport. It’s the only place where it is socially acceptable to start drinking at 7 am. Anxiety y’all.

      The latter part sounds more problematic.

    3. Are her habits healthy? Absolutely not. Does she have a problem? Perhaps, certainly not clear from the fact that she drinks a lot. (Bad drinking habit does not necessarily mean she’s actually addicted.) Should you say anything? Maybe strongly leaning towards no. I would say to not even consider it unless you consider yourself to be one of her closest two or three friends, akin to family, and have known her long enough to see this habit develop. If you hit all those points, then I’d do some g00gle research about how to bring it up gently. It’s possible (though probably unlikely) that she doesn’t even know she’s outside the “norm.” Being judgmental about it towards her is going to help exactly none.

      1. Oh, to answer your actual question, I am not a dr and am not running this by Dr. G00gle but I’m nearly 100% positive the definition of addiction is being unable to quit or cutback and/or having physical withdrawal symptoms.

        I have had a poor habit of drinking too much and too often but when I make any amount of effort to change that habit, it’s remarkably easy and I have no withdrawal symptoms. That means that, for me, it’s not an addiction, it’s a bad habit.

    4. “Problem drinker” is kind of vague. She is objectively drinking more than is healthy, any doctor would agree with that. But quite frankly, a lot of people drink way more than is healthy and I’m not sure it rises to the level of “problem” unless it’s affecting her work or her personal relationships, and I don’t really say evidence of that in your post. I would probably not say anything to her. I’m a non-drinker, fwiw.

    5. Are you friends with a Real Housewife?
      Speaking as someone who enjoys a good c0cktail, her behavior is not “normal” for people who drink. And she probably knows it – hence texting you the picture so someone else is somehow complicit in a 10am drink. But whether it’s your place to speak up about it is really, really delicate.

    7. Be a good friend first and find out what’s going on…..when someone texts me a picture of a cocktail, wine or whatever at any time of day, I respond with….”nice, what are we celebrating?” I hope they tell me something celebratory and then I congratulate/applaud….if they’re having a bad day, it gives them an opportunity to share or vent and I can respond with kindness or advice if appropriate.

    8. The issue isn’t what times she drinks, per se. It’s whether and how it impacts her life and the degree to which she has control over the situation, the degree to which she uses alcohol to cope with problems.

      I have two alcoholic parents (one who went to rehab and hasn’t had a drink in 15 years) and I am a very moderate social drinker who exhibits zero signs of alcoholism. (Got plenty of vices and issues, that just isn’t one.) I have absolutely had drinks in the airport before 9:00 am. Usually it’s when we’re getting ready to go on vacation. I doubt texting you about it is a cry for help or wanting someone to be complicit. She’s just trying to connect with you by sharing what’s going on. That alone doesn’t mean much, but I would wonder about the drinking all day 4x a week. Does she work? How does she hold down a job?

    9. The thing that sounds off to me is that 3-4 times a week she starts drinking in the morning. There’s nothing wrong with occasional day drinking, I mean what even IS brunch without a mimosa? But 3-4 times a week? Does she work? Does she have kids? Is she drinking alone in her house while her husband is at work? Does she just have *a* drink at 11 and that’s it until dinner or cocktail hour, or does she start at 11 and then steadily consume alcohol for 12 hours? The single drink at 11 might be fine if it’s with lunch or brunch, but drinking for 12 hours multiple times a week is kind of bad.

      All that said, I probably wouldn’t say anything unless her drinking started to have a negative impact. If she’s driving drunk, neglecting her kids, getting drunk on the job, acting like a jerk when she’s been drinking, or posting Minions memes with annoying quips about wine, then I might be more inclined to speak up. If she’s managing to be a fully functional adult as far as you can see, I might leave it alone.

      1. +1 your drinking isn’t my problem until you start posting cutesy minions ish or dumb wine related sayings where I have to see it. Then it’s full intervention mode.

        1. Yeah, when someone’s entire personality seems to revolve around loving wine (or beer, or whiskey, mead, whatever), then I might think they have a problem. Like if they’re constantly wearing t-shirts and tank tops joking about how much they love to drink; or if their home is “wine country chic,” decked out with decorative barrels and wine racks, paintings of wine and grapes, and signs with those quips like “home is where the wine is,” I might need to have a conversation with them

    10. Hmm is she on vacation? Or spring break? The airport thing kind of threw me. Like, of course it’s fine to have a drink before your flight. And if you’re on vacation then I mean… a drink by the pool at 11, then one at lunch, then a mid-afternoon nap, then another drink by the pool, then happy hour, then another nap, then a late dinner and more drinks… sounds kinda perfect?

      On the other hand, no it’s certainly not normal or healthy to drink for 12+ hours a day 3-4 days a week on a regular basis. What kind of job does she have that she can do this? Or is she drinking at work??

      1. Honestly, this was kinda my week when I went to London and Paris with my family a couple years ago. We didn’t drink at breakfast, but we did usually have a drink or two at lunch, then maybe another drink or two during the afternoon if the opportunity presented itself, then more drinking at dinner, and sometimes a bit more drinking after. It was all spaced out and we were also staying hydrated and eating, so I don’t think any of us got “drunk,” and we didn’t do anything stupid, but yeah, looking back we did drink quite a bit most days. And we started with wine flights at the airport before the flight, so . . .

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