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Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
In-House in Houston
Has anyone watched PEN 15 on Hulu? If not, it’s hilarious! It’s about 2 young girls (best friends) going into middle school in the year 2000. They are so awkward, but so funny and I can’t help but relate even though I’m older than these girls would be. Give it a try. And yes…PEN 15….I’m sure there’s some innuendo there. But give it a shot.
Redux
Did you never fall victim to the PEN15 prank? This was huge in my middle school in the 90s.
In-House in Houston
No, I don’t think I did. Guess that’s where the name of the show came from….
Anon
I had to look up the PEN 15 prank and now I’m ashamed of myself for not seeing it
Anon
Yes, I LOVE it. I’m just a couple years older (I was 15 in 2000) and I related so hard! Especially all the fashion. It’s absolutely hysterical. I’ve watched the whole series twice now.
Anon
I’m the same age as you (1985, represent!) and this is on my list to watch.
Worry about yourself
Yes! I loved it and gobbled it up the weekend it was released.
Anonymous
Does anyone have any recommendations for any business development trainings in the DC area? My office offers a stipend, and I want to make use of it, but don’t have any particular areas I’m necessarily focused on. Perhaps management trainings, but I’ve already done the Management Center’s training.
Anon
Look up your local college or university continuing education centre. Don’t just look for industry specific training or management, but also look for other soft skills such as negotiation, conflict resolution etc which are transferable any which way we can think of.
If there are any industry specific groups or governing bodies, you can check if they offer any training.
You can also google for “corporate training DC” and get tons of hits and you can find some thing that works for you.
Wallet + iPhone holder
Is there something (giant wallet / small clutch) that will hold a wallet + an iPhone 8 in an otterbox?
My wallet used to fit my phone and keys in it. And now with a giant phone, I just need either a tiny purse (annoying b/c I also carry an OG on workdays) or larger wallet to hold my “need to run out at lunch” things w/o having to bring a loaded-up laptop bag along.
kk
I’ve had a great experience with the lululemon double up pouch- it’s a durable structured wallet, similar to the old hobo ones, but in a sportier fabric. Mine easily fits my wallet stuff, my phone, a chapstick, and a few extra daily contacts
anon
OOOH YES. Not OP but I’ve been looking for something like this forever. Especially for things like conferences or networking events where I don’t want to carry a purse necessarily but obvious lack pockets in a sheath dress.
Anonynous
Poshmark has several lululemon double up pouches for sale. Some brand new, some gently used; various colors. Check it out. If you’ve never been on Poshmark, use my code for $5 off (merrpg). I get $5 off too if you use my code, just FYI.
Anonymous
I like the Lo & Sons Waverly. It’s structured and slim so it fits in my laptop bag and travels really nicely.
Inspired by Hermione
I use a really small crossbody and leave it at work. It doesn’t look like the one I use is made anymore but it’s similar to a Fossil Sage.
Anonymous
Can I pull off a jumpsuit? I’m a curvy and tallish (5’9″). I’m an hourglass size 12, and I like to show off my waist. Anyone want to shop for me?
Anonymous
It’s more casual, but I just bought this in black (which now has limited sizes left, boo), and am in LOVE. It feels like PJs and is super flattering. I wore it with black sneakers and a denim jacket. I really want the olive, too… Anyway, it definitely is waist defining with the drawstring right there.
https://www.express.com/clothing/women/stretch-tie-waist-jumpsuit/pro/07852749/color/BLACK/
FYI, I’d say it runs big.
Anon
I’m 5’11” and hourglass 1x. If I’m not pulling it off I don’t want to know. But I think I am. However, the real challenge is literally pulling it off. Don’t wait till you’re desperate to go to the bathroom.
pugsnbourbon
I bought my first jumpsuit last year and I’m 100% converted. They are so versatile! There’s formal ones, casual ones, work-y ones, etc. I do agree with Anon at 2:54 that yes, plan ahead for the bathroom!
NOLA
A friend of mine loves jumpsuits and she looks smashing in them. She has lost about 100 lbs and is now a 12. She bought one for a concert, probably from ASOS that was black and white, off the shoulder, but fitted through the body. It was kind of like this one: https://us.asos.com/girls-on-film/girls-on-film-bardot-frill-metallic-jumpsuit/prd/10613548?clr=black&SearchQuery=off%20the%20shoulder%20jumpsuit&gridcolumn=2&gridrow=14&gridsize=4&pge=1&pgesize=72&totalstyles=54
Anon
I always get really anxious before conference calls, especially calls when I know I’m going to have to speak a lot. I feel sick to my stomach, get the anxious/nervous digestive symptoms, and just all around can’t concentrate on anything for a good hour beforehand. I’m on anxiety medicine for other general symptoms but does anyone have advice for this specific conference call issue?
Anonymous
How long have you had conference calls like this? For me, the answer was preparation, time, and experience.
Legal Aid Lawyer
Outline what you want to say before the call starts. Ask for an agenda if you don’t have one already. Remember that you (probably) don’t ever end a conference call thinking, “Wow, that person is bad at conference calls!” so it would be strange for someone to think that about you.
Anon
Practice a lot more on what you have to say…… in front of mirror, then inanimate objects and even before family or friends you are comfortable with..
Join Toastmasters to help deal with this anxiety. It helps big time.
Anon.
Preparation is everything. Make an outline, write some sentences down, including transitions (e.g. “I’m going to pause here to answer questions.”). Try to anticipate questions from the stakeholders and come up with an answer. My best system is:
– give an overview of the agenda,
– the executive summary including the ask
– then the details
– summary
– next steps
Timing?
Is there such a thing as “not the right time” to start a relationship? Or is that always and forever just code for “I don’t care enough to make this work”? (Assume the issue is extreme busy-ness and mental health stuff, not another woman.)
Relatedly, if someone says they will get back in touch if things change, understanding that you’re not going to wait around and may not be available by that time, do they ever actually do so? And if they do, is it worth another chance?
Anon
I think 95% of the time, when someone says “it’s not the right time” it means they’re just not that into you. But I do think sometimes it’s genuinely not the right time, and it can potentially work out later. Mental health stuff seems like a good candidate for the latter. I’m skeptical about extreme business, especially because it doesn’t seem like something that’s ever going to change. Life is busy and I don’t want someone who won’t prioritize me.
Timing?
I agree.
I had accepted this breakup, and without prompting the guy said he would reach out to me if he works out his schedule better and is able to start a serious relationship. Is this BS? If so, why say anything at all?
Eh
To be nice. To soften the blow. Reaching out later to say it is weird and probably means he’ll get together for gardening with you, but not a relationship, if his schedule works better. But if he was really into you as a relationship, he would not let his schedule get in the way.
In-House in Houston
I think it’s BS. If he was really into you, he’d make the time. Cut your losses and move on.
Is it Friday yet?
Feels like he’s trying to keep the door open for his own benefit, just in case. I agree with In-House.
Anon
Yup I agree that he isn’t interested in a relationship but would like to keep the door open for casual gardening.
Anonymous
If you had asked this about a year ago, my answer would have been “the right person makes it the right time”, but since dealing with my own mental health stuff and extreme busyness, I have actually been on the giving side of the “not the right time” explanation for the first time. I think perhaps if I really, really felt compelled that this person was *the one* I would give it more of a try, but in this instance I was truly just too wrapped up in my own head and so busy that all my spare time and energy was going towards sorting out the mental health stuff and just being okay as a person. All that to say, I think it can actually be a real reason for someone who is genuinely interested, but just not at a place where they feel they can expend energy towards a new relationship. I would add a caveat, however, that I have seen this used as an excuse for someone who just doesn’t care enough, so it can definitely be difficult to know whether its the former or the latter case.
Timing?
Thanks. I thought about this too…and realized that a couple of times in my life, I have been in no position to build a relationship. It’s just that at those times, I happened to already have serious partners who put up with my sorry state. I don’t know how I would have dealt with it if I were in an early dating situation, but I have a feeling it wouldn’t have worked very well.
DCR
I think it’s possible that there are times when a person just isn’t able to start a relationship, but they are extreme. Like, I just lost a parent unexpectedly or my house burned down and I lost my job on the same day. I’m too busy to start a relationship right now is, at best, code for “I just don’t like you enough to make time for you” and I’ve never seen that end in a true relationship.
Anon
It can be true, but as far as “extreme busyness” I’d expect to know what the reasoning is and when the expected end date is. A needy ill parent, a teen playing on a traveling league, a hard push of late nights leading up to promotion? If someone just throw their hands in the air and is like “Can’t handle life, WTF” then it sounds more like lack of effort.
Timing?
Thanks. The issue is near full-time work that is highly draining + full time student status. These factors will end this summer and this fall, respectively, but then may just lead to other time burdens. I did not ask for any expected date because I don’t want it to seem like I’ll be waiting for his call at that time (to myself or to him).
anon
Is there such a thing as “not the right time” to start a relationship?
Yes.
Or is that always and forever just code for “I don’t care enough to make this work”?
Sometimes yes, but I don’t believe it’s an always. Sometimes people run out of bandwidth. Importantly, not only do people run out of time/bandwidth to construct and sustain an functioning relationship with people they care for, but I believe that people also run out of bandwidth to connect with people at the level necessary to want to put in the effort for a relationship. It’s sort of a subtle distinction, but to me it makes sense and I’ve experienced it. It’s not just a situation where someone feeling connected to you and realizing you’re awesome but timing is wrong so they’re choosing to give up on a great connection with an awesome person. It could be that timing was wrong so they didn’t have the chance to be open to the possibility of a relationship/connect with you. Timing isn’t just a function if number of hours in a day and the decision to “make time.”
January
+1
Anonymous
Funny you mention it, someone just got in touch with me today after telling me it wasn’t good timing. We’d scheduled a first date but then his father passed away suddenly. Understandably he wasn’t in a place to go on a first date. He told me he’d get back in touch if I was still around. A few months passed by, I’m still single, so we’ll see where it goes.
Anon
I think if somebody says “This isn’t the right time because [specific bad event/mental or physical health issue/etc]” it’s probably true but if somebody says it vaguely it probably means they’re just not that into you. With occasional exceptions to both rules, I’m sure.
Anon
I’d say sometimes. I met my husband just weeks after getting out of a very serious long term relationship with a difficult breakup. I adamantly wanted to be single for awhile and be independent for a bit. We still casually dated and he was patient while I figured myself out. About 6 months later I agreed to be exclusive and we’ve been together ever since. Initially, it really was just really poor timing. We found each other when I was very much not looking.
Anonymous
My partner and I initially got together in a similar situation where we had known each other peripherally for years but got to know each other better a few months after he got out of a long term relationship which also had a difficult and sudden breakup, as well as genuine work stress and limited free time. He genuinely wasn’t in a place to start something new, and it was about a year before he was. With hindsight I can look back and see that he was clearly into me and also clearly had things he needed to work on to be ready for a new relationship, but he wasn’t certain he would come back to me when he was ready. When he was ready, the work issues were still there, but he was clear about what wanting the relationship and talking to/seeing me as much as he could.
I think if you met on a dating app where there is an assumption the person would be ready for a relationship, then it’s just an excuse. If you met by chance and had a connection, it might be real. Honestly, in any case, they are telling you not you, and not now. The only thing you can really do is accept it, get on with your life, and not look back. If they come back, great. But holding out hope will only hurt you. You also potentially damage any future relationship if you’re building up expectations in your head.
Anon
“Relatedly, if someone says they will get back in touch if things change, understanding that you’re not going to wait around and may not be available by that time, do they ever actually do so? And if they do, is it worth another chance?”
The Pioneer Woman has a really cute story about meeting this cowboy in a bar. She felt like she was hit by lightning. He had her phone number.
It took him four months to call her because he was dating another woman at the time and wanted to break it off like an actually decent human being. PW went out with him, and, well, that’s her husband.
nona
But conversely, if now isn’t the right time and they give no specifics of when will be the right time (or even if they have), they are forfeiting any expectation of you waiting around for them. They don’t get to ask or assume you’ll wait.
If you want to wait, go for it. If you want to dial back on meeting other people, but not completely stop, go for it. If you want to assume you’ll never hear from them again and go full force on meeting other people, go for it.
The key is – do what you want to do, not what you think they are expecting.
Anon
I don’t find this story convincing.
He was so in to her that we waited four months to break up with his prior girlfriend??? That seems more like he was just collecting a roster of possibilities
Anon
Yeah I don’t think her love story is all that. He was involved with someone else when they met and then he clearly just broke up with that GF, wanted some a$$ and knew she was local and single. If he had been “struck by lightning” or whatever, he wouldn’t have waited 4 months to call her.
anon
Why did being a decent human being require dating this woman for another four months before breaking up with her? Story does not check out.
Pretty Primadonna
He might not have continued dating the other woman for the entire 4 months. Maybe he broke up with her and took some time to get himself together after the breakup before calling PW. I have seen this happen, too.
Worry about yourself
I think it can be a little more complicated than a nice way to spare your feelings, but I wouldn’t get your hopes up here. Generally, when a guy says he’s not looking to date right now or it’s not the right time to start a relationship, he’s not putting you on a list of people to call when he’s ready to date, and he’s not inviting you to hover. At some point, he meets someone he really likes, and he either happens to meet her at the “right time,” or it’s still not a great time but he puts in the effort to make it work because he’s really into her.
nuqotw
There is…but usually it means no.
That said, my husband said “not a good time” at first and I mentally wrote him off…only to have him ask me out a few months later.
Older Sister
Rant warning: My younger sister is getting married this summer to a really nice man. They are having a wedding that they can afford and are paying for with no help from anyone. They also make a fair amount so their wedding is (1) at a destination and (2) more extravagant that most of the weddings in our family. The destination is a large city that is a midpoint for their families and has meaning to them. Honestly I think they have been pretty successful in not asking people to do too much and have set up deals at a couple of hotels at a range of price points.
So WHY do half of my family members feel the need to call me (the matron of honor) to complain endlessly about the expense of getting there, the waste of money in having such a “fancy” wedding, how she is getting “too big for her raising”, and insinuating a number of fairly insulting things about her and her husband and how they are paying for all of this.
I have tried being noncommittal. I have tried pointing out that since they are paying for it, it is none of our business. I have tried saying that I am sure she will understand if they cannot afford to make it – but that it is hardly fair to her fiancé’s family to have the wedding in our home town, especially since she no longer lives here But seriously, the next person who calls or stops by and says something mean about my baby sister and her dream wedding is going to get an earful.
So what do you suggest? I need something super passive aggressive (or my Mom will get upset) that will pass as polite that I can say to shut them up (or I am likely to call the next one some choice names and that probably won’t go over well).
Anon
Not answer calls from these people? They sound really unpleasant and politely telling them to mind their own business isn’t working.
Anon
The thing with destination weddings is that you have to expect that a lot of people who would attend if it were convenient for them will not attend if they have to travel for it. And that sounds like a desirable with a lot of these people. I would seriously cut them off with a “sorry to hear you can’t make it, I think it’s going to be a lovely event and I’m very happy for my sister.” Even if they didn’t say they couldn’t make it, I’d still say that.
Vicky Austin
+1, that’s good phrasing. Perhaps also a “well, we’ll miss you!” ?
Anonymous
“sorry, we’ll miss you” was my response to people who complained about things. I did not miss them.
Older Sister
That is perfect! Thank you. I know perfectly well that most of these people are planning on going. “Oh – I am so sorry you are not going to be able to make it. We will miss you.” is just what I needed.
And thank for the commiseration. I would much rather this come to me rather than my mother or my sister – but she is my baby sister who I love; she is not doing anything wrong; she has really gone above and beyond to make this easy for the largest number of people; and all the catty remarks are making me furious.
Anonymous
That is true for non-destination weddings (e.g., bride gets married in hometown of Akron even though she hasn’t lived there in 20 years and all friends + groom’s family are from elsewhere). I have been to zero weddings in places I wanted to visit (incl. the destination weddings). It is always an expense to get somewhere.
These people should zip it (or the RSVP card should say: To RSVP, call Carole; to b*tch about anything wedding related, call Cousin Tonya who never has anything nice to say about anyone).
Abby
First off, you are such a wonderful sister. I think you’re being so helpful by dealing with these questions instead of your sister hearing these complaints. Is your mom on the same page as you? For my wedding, my mom deflected any and all questions for me, you can come up with a response with her that will shut people up in a nice way?
anon
either ignore the calls and let them go to voicemail and then if these people are calling from their cell phones, send them a text back instead of calling and in the text say, “sorry i missed your call. things are super busy these days” or something along those lines and see if they respond. it sounds like they likely will not text you their series of complaints. OR, if you do want to talk to them on the phone, you can just say something like “i’m looking forward to celebrating with little sis. i’m just happy that she is happy. ” and then change teh subject and ask them something about their lives. or if you want to be a bit more direct you can say “i’m sorry that you feel this way. i know they’ve gone to great lengths to make this event as inclusive and accessible as possible for both sides of the family. if you are unable to make it, i’m sure she will understand, but i’m excited to celebrate little sis and think she has chosen a great man as her husband.”
Small Firm IP Litigator
Oof. This happened to me when I was the matron of honor at my friend’s wedding. My friend was an incredibly reasonable bride, but recognized her family was horribly unreasonable and annoying. I agreed to have all queries and complaints directed to me instead of her – so she could enjoy the day and time leading up to it, and because I am honestly good at dealing with nonsense/not very excitable.
I couldn’t believe the complaints and questions I got. Everything from people calling me to book their travel (that was met with a hard no), to complaining about the expense of traveling, to complaining about the wedding being in the city where the bride and groom lived rather than wherever they would have preferred the wedding to be, to complaining the ceremony was outside and/or the reception was inside, to complaining that the bride and groom were spending too much/not enough, etc etc etc. My favorite was either a cousin calling to ask me about the wedding cake and being outraged upon discovering it was a coconut cake, or her mom calling to see if we had somewhere to put cards and being outraged it was a large decorative bowl they bought on a trip where they got engaged.
The general problem with all of these people is that they were making the day about themselves and not understanding that this was a celebration of the bride and groom’s love and life together. I’d suggest structuring your thinking around that concept, and then saying this that jive with that. One of my go tos was something like “Bride and Groom chose [this location/cake/time/etc], and invited you to share the day with them. It would be great if you could respect their choices and join us to celebrate that weekend!” I think that qualifies as “super passive aggressive” because it really means “STFU and come or not, I DGAF.”
Vicky Austin
Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry you had to deal with all that, but the idea of taking one’s precious emotional energy and channeling it towards outrage over a decorative bowl has me absolutely howling.
emeralds
I’m getting married this summer and this made me appreciate that we either 1) have super reasonable friends/family, or 2) that my general low tolerance for BS is resulting in the whackos directing their emotions about decorative bowls elsewhere.
So far at least.
Small Firm IP Litigator
Oh yeah, my friend and I still laugh about the decorative bowl and coconut flakes outrage. Pure gold. Especially since there were FOUR calls about the risk of coconut flakes getting everywhere. Oh and her mom shipped me a giant bird cage (to my work address and then I had to take the thing on public transit) to use for cards instead of the decorative bowl, and then we had a dispute over email about what to use the bowl and bird cage for. The emails are amazing.
And it’s all good. I actually volunteered to take over handling these whackos because I saw it was stressing out my friend and they were quite numerous. These people were perfect strangers to me so it was way easier for me to brush them off and ignore them. And not much phases me so I was the perfect person to handle these people. I just treated them as if they were unreasonable opposing counsel, and got some good laughs out of it. I didn’t share all of this nonsense with my friend until after her wedding so she can truly laugh about it too.
I really think nominating a non family point person is a genius idea, if you know someone crazy enough to agree to do it.
editrix
I must know what happened with the bird cage. (I was sorry you didn’t just “forget” it at your office.)
Anon
There is literally no way to plan a wedding that pleases everyone. It’s inconvenient for one family but not another, it’s rude to have it in the bride’s hometown when she doesn’t live there anymore, it’s rude to have it in the bride’s new city because her family has to travel, it’s rude to have it near the groom because his family isn’t paying for it… it’s show-offy to have a fancy wedding, it’s rude to have people spend all that money and time but not give them a fancy party… it’s rude to not allow children, it’s obnoxious to have children because they are so noisy…. you need to have an open bar, but you can’t have an open bar because of the alcoholics.
Sorry, you got me started.
“An invitation is not a summons. If it’s tough to make it out there for her, celebrate with her a different time. Regardless of what you choose, you need to keep your opinions to yourself.”
Anonymous
“I’m not sure why you think it is appropriate to complain to me about my sister’s wedding. I’m very happy for her an excited to celebrate.”
You’re an adult woman. Don’t let your mom keep you trapped indrama with nasty people.
Senior Attorney
Or slightly more mildly, “So sorry but I am just not the person to have this conversation with. I’m very excited for my sister and support all her choices 100%! Hope we will see you there!”
Anonymous
“Yes, it’s so wonderful that her career has taken off like this. I’m so proud of her!” “Yes, it’s so wonderful that they can afford this dream wedding.” “Yes, I definitely set aside other plans this year so I can afford to travel to the wedding. I’m so excited!” “Yes, [fiance] is just delightful, I’m so happy for them!” “Yes, it sounds extravagant, I can’t wait!”
anon a mouse
100% take this tone, especially since it sounds like you are genuinely happy for your sister. “why do they have to have it in [city]?” “Oh, isn’t it so wonderful that they’ve invited everyone they care about to celebrate with them in [city], which is so meaningful to them?”
Skipper
I am a passive aggressive monster by training. I get a lot of mileage out of a very bright and cheerful “You’re so sweet to worry! But I’m sure you can understand that [sensible explanation.]” in cases like these. Like “You’re so sweet to worry about their budget! But I’m sure you can understand that Concertina and her fiance would never make a financial choice they couldn’t afford. You know she has that Warbleworth family thrift!” I mean, what are they gonna say? They’re not sweet and they can’t understand?
Older Sister
“It is so sweet of you to worry but . . . ” – Lovely and thank you!
I appreciate everyone’s responses. The thing is I am very protective of my sister (unnecessarily since she is a grown woman who can take care of herself) and genuinely so happy for her that I am reaching the point of being so angry I could not think of anything other than: “You miserable old bat, I know that your life is unhappy and that you blow all of your money but say one more mean thing about my sister and I will tell everyone about . . . “
tesyaa
Haha, this reminds me of how my mother taught me to talk to telemarketers back in the days before Caller ID. “Thank you SO MUCH for calling. I’m not going to participate, but THANK YOU for thinking of me!” Lol, what can they say after you are sweet as sugar on the phone? Instead of arguing or going into their pushy sales pitch, nine times out of ten they just hang up meekly. Here it’s the same: “I’m so sorry I can’t help, but thank you SO MUCH for letting me know your concerns!”
Anon
I posted above but I was also thinking this might be a good time to ask people to repeat themselves. “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that, what are you asking/saying? Can you repeat that?” Etc Sometimes it shames people who are being unreasonable and when they rephrase it they will have backed off a bit. Or if they double down you can pause, then “I thought that’s what you were saying/asking, but I guess I was surprised you were saying/asking it” or “oh my goodness, you seem very upset about this.” Just a bunch of noncommittal stuff that I’m no way offers to fix their made-up problem for them or refuses to share in their gossip/speculation/shade. Then say you have to get off the phone, and really get off the phone.
Biggestballsintheroom
Ladies,
I moved in-house from litigation a couple of years ago and recently accepted an offer to go back into litigation. The “problem” I’m facing is that I’ve lost 70 lbs over the couple of years that I’ve been out of the courtroom and I don’t have any suits that fit. At my current job, I can do business casual 99% of the time so I’ve been able to make do with some mid-level basics – trousers, sweater sets, wrap dresses – during the weight loss process. I still have an additional 25-30 lbs to lose so I’ve been fairly hesitant about investing in nicer pieces. I won’t be making the move to my new position for a couple of months. I have the time to start rebuilding a decent suit wardrobe but I need help. Prior to this weight loss I was always firmly in the plus sizes so my go-to suits were basics like Calvin Klein matching jackets/skirts/pants. I’m now between a size 10-12 and frankly overwhelmed by the variety of choices. Right now I’m down to a couple of blazers that I can pair with slacks but no actual suits. In my new position, I’ll be something more like 50/50 business casual versus courtroom attire. I would like to invest in a couple of mid-range suits that would get me through until I hit my weight loss goal. I’m in a small city that has a Talbots and a Macy’s. Any recommendations? Thinking I should be able to put together a serviceable capsule wardrobe that would take me through the rest of my weight loss. Online ordering would be ideal but I’m only about 90 miles from a large city so I could definitely spend a Saturday doing some shopping if need be. Also, I’m in the SEUS so lighter weight suits/separates would be my preference.
Ms B
Dresses with matching jackets sound like the way to go here if you still may drop some weight. I find that black or grey sheath works with a matching jacket or tweed jacket for court and then the tweed can be paired with a “column of _______ (black, white, grey)” for client days or even a T and Old Navy Pixies and flats for casual days. I like the Talbots seasonless crepe or wool sheaths for this purpose; the fabrics are pretty neutral.
Calvin Klein also makes straight sizes and that also may not be a bad place to start. Many, many choices at Macy’s on-line.
Anon
Following. I desperately need some new pant suits and I can’t stand ankle pants. I haven’t been able to find anything good for awhile.
Anonymous
Macy’s has tahari suit separates that are a pretty good deal on sale. That way, you can size down as you lose more weight in the top v bottom.
Anonymous
+1, I like Tahari suiting.
Anon
If this were me, I would do one great suit (interviews, big presentations, a day when you need to feel great in court), 2-3 nice mid-range suits in styles and colours that lend themselves to capsule wardrobes, and then a whole bunch of really nice shells. You can wear the shells through weight loss and get the killer suit tailored as you lose weight.
rachelellen
Congratulations! That’s an amazing success!
anon
Lots of good things happening in your life !
To keep your life easy, I would pick up some things from Talbots since they are in your town.
Rationale: timeless and high price/quality/value ratio – especially when on sale.
And if needed, find a really good tailor to make final tweaks to jacket – makes a huge difference.
I would investigate their season less wool and Italian luxe pieces as building blocks.
Anonymous
Order some talbots wool suiting online. IMHO, not all of their suiting fabric is great, but their 3-season wool (or something like that) is pretty great at the sizes you seek. There are sales from time to time so not a bad idea to start looking now.
I have purchased CK and Tahari suit separates at Macys before, but I found that while the cut could look amazing, the fabrics were of cheaper quality and I just didn’t enjoy wearing them so i have not gone back. YMMV.
Anonymous
Tell me to either suck it up or to cancel this thing. I have a first date scheduled tonight. I’m really not excited about it. The guy seems nice enough but I’m starting to really like someone else. Obviously I’m not exclusive with the other guy yet. I have other things I’d rather be doing tonight, like work or chilling at home or texting with the other guy or literally anything else. But I already committed and maybe this guy will be great who knows? So what should I do – cancel or put on a happy face and have a drink with the guy?
Anon
Honestly, I’d put on a happy face and have a drink with the guy.
BabyAssociate
+1 you don’t know what will happen with the other guy. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket yet! Who knows, maybe this guy is really great.
Monday
I’ll make the counter-point. I have discovered in online dating that my interest in any individual person is completely independent of my interest in others (or lack thereof). If I’ve been excited about A, turned down B, and then it didn’t work out with A, I have never once regretted not going out with B. Turns out that my lack of excitement about B holds true regardless of whatever else is going on.
If you know this isn’t you, then go on the date. If you’re like me, you can cancel with no misgivings, because you’re just not into him, period.
Anon
Me, too. I’ve often given myself permission to leave after one drink in those situations, and I came up with an excuse in advance so I could easily rattle it off and head out. I have never regretted going ahead and having the one drink. Sometimes it leads to another, and sometimes I say I have to go let out my iguana or whatever, but it’s always been a fine way to pass the time.
Is it Friday yet?
It is ALWAYS ok to leave after one drink, in any situation if you’re not feeling it. :)
Anonymous
I am always looking for an excuse to cancel a date (I know, I know) but I think you should go too. You never know what will happen with the other guy, and, as you say, you already committed and maybe this guy will be great.
Anon
If you can go in with an open mind, I would tell you to put on a happy face and go. But if there’s absolutely no way you’re gonna like him because you’re focused on somebody else, cancel and save him the waste of money and time.
Having said that, I think there’s a real benefit to continuing to date even if you’ve started to like a person. It helps you to stop from focusing on that one person, which can be an interest killer on his side, and statistically it’s unlikely to work out with that person and so stop you from wasting time you could otherwise have spent looking for your one
Is it Friday yet?
+1 I am 100% team keep dating other people until you’ve had the exclusivity talk, for the reasons above. I also assume guys I’m seeing are also seeing other people until told otherwise. Spread out your options, because you never know what will happen with either one.
Anon
I’d go out with him but I’m feeling romantic these days. “I was actually going to cancel the first date but here we are X years later!” Unless there’s a specific reason related to the guy that makes you not want to go. Plus, what if other guy you’re texting doesn’t work out and you want to put this guy in the line up again but you’re the “last minute cancel woman” and he may not want to schedule anything.
Anon
Go on the date. Enjoy the drink. Enjoy meeting someone nice.
Most importantly, do not avoid an actual date with someone nice in order to text some other dude.
Anon
+1 to the “most importantly” phrase above.
Anonymous
Go and give it a genuine shot. It’s really rude to let someone get excited and then cancel last minute because you just don’t feel like it.
Worry about yourself
I did, once in college, cancel a date because I’d started something with someone else and did not wish to overcomplicate things, and I was honest with him about it. I don’t think I did it day-of though. Nowadays, I don’t necessarily regret that decision, but I would also say that if you’re not committed, going for a drink with someone who seems nice isn’t the worst way to spend an evening, even if you’re not sure you like him as much as the other person you’re seeing. You could still have a nice evening, getting to know someone new with a good cocktail and maybe a yummy appetizer.
Eh
If you had already gone out with him once, and you felt this way (not excited about going tonight), I would say cancel. But since the guy himself is not the reason you are un-enthused, I would give the guy a shot.
DC therapist?
Any recommendations for a good therapist in DC? My husband really struggles with anxiety and depression, and recently decided he was ready to see a therapist and asked for help finding someone. He has had not-great experiences with past therapists (feeling like they didn’t really do anything or have anything to offer) but it’s been a few years.
Anon Lawyer
Heather Diamond at Farragut North.
ADB_BWG
Interested as well. My SO also has anxiety and depression and shows signs to my (untrained) eye of BPD. He’s also had bad experiences with therapists. We’re in the downtown DC /Bethesda / Rockville area.
EM84
Anyone tried and would recommend Nuface Trinity device? I am looking for a gift for a friend and this (if it works) would be a great choice for her. Thanks!