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Wednesday’s TPS Report: Annie Dress

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Hobbs Annie Dress I was excited to see that British store Hobbs not only has a web presence, but is also shipping to America — and they have a pretty nice outlet section as well. I like the little details on this greige dress — the darts up and down the bodice, the high neckline, the ladylike hem . . . It's a bit of a summery dress, but I think it could still be dressed up for fall with some dark brown knee-high boots and a burgundy, olive, or chocolate sweater — what do you say, ladies? It was $280, but is now marked to $185. Hobbs Annie Dress Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 3/15/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off
  • Ann Taylor – 40% off everything + free shipping
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off sale
  • J.Crew – Extra 30% off women's styles + spring break styles on sale
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off 3 styles + 50% off clearance
  • M.M.LaFleur – Friends and family sale, 20% off with code; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off 1 item + 30% off everything else (includes markdowns, already 25% off)

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

171 Comments

  1. I’m on the hunt for a new wool coat for winter. I’d like something with a similar warmth and length as the J Crew Lady Day with thinsulate – that was my previous coat, but I have a little bit bigger of a budget now and am looking for something a little more interesting. Not sure where to start with style though – any recommendations? I’m 5’3 and somewhat pear-shaped, was a 4P in Lady Day.

    1. Jumping in on this – although I’m a wimp when it comes to cold, and I’m actually hoping for something warmer than the reviews of the Lady Day have made it out to be.

    2. I don’t have a specific coat recommendation, but if you have some $$ to spend, I really love Mackage coats. They are warm and well-tailored / cut.

  2. OK — I like this dress and own ones like it. Can someone show me a jacket that I can wear with this to form an outfit? Because I think I need that in about 3 colors to extend various dresses into this cooler weather.

    I am lazy and tend to throw on a cardigan, but mine just keep me warm and have zero style and I’d like to do some wardrobe upgrading. I’ve tried my suit jackets and they just look wrong (I think the problem is that they are too long, even though they’re not early 1990s long; something ending at the high hip would work better). Maybe something with a bit of waist definition? Not wanting to match fabrics here, but something that would be a more complete outfit for cooler weather.

    HELP!

        1. +1 I love that theory jacket. I think it would look amazing on top of almost everything…

    2. Tweed and patterned jackets are great for wearing with solid dresses. Tahari are my favorite, especially Elie Tahari.

      I like this dress but don’t think that it can be dressed up for the fall.

      1. Thanks! I have some nicer ponte ones and some that are wool that I’d like to keep wearing. I have an old Elie Tahari cotton jacket that I adore and will check out their winter offerings.

      1. This. I prefer the look of shrunken blazers on me for almost anything that’s not an actual matching suit (5’4″ pear-ish). Much more flattering and less stodgy feeling.

    4. I have a similar-shaped dress (also from Hobbs) and I add a tuxedo jacket from BR. (I say ‘tuxedo’ mainly because it’s all vertical seams.)

  3. OMG, i had never heard of Hobbs but now I’m loving everything on this site. Uh oh…

    1. I can say that their stuff is lovely, really well tailored and looks expensive in person. It’s like a nicer, slightly more tailored/stylish version of Talbots (disregarding Talbots’ fit issues).

  4. OMG, i had never heard of Hobbs but now I’m loving everything on this s!te. Uh oh…

    1. It’s amazing! I’ve decided then when I’m done with my PhD and have a proper job, I’m just going to buy 10 Hobbs dresses and wear them on rotation.

      1. There’s a Hobbs at the Swindon outlet centre, which I think is owned by the same people as the centre out near Linlithgow, so there might be one there? (tenuous link is tenuous)

        1. No joy with Livingston but could be worth a trip. The winter sales are always really good as well.

    2. Me too, so beautiful. It reminds my of my favourite, Judith & Charles.

      I don’t think Hobbs ship to Canada though (probably a good thing!).

      2. Yes, I am a huge Hobbs fanatic. Half my office wardrobe is Hobbs. They do ship to Canada but I have to warn you that the shipping costs are exorbitant. I think it has to do with the company they use as their overseas agent. Be prepared to pay big bucks. I still do it about once a year, because I love Hobbs that much, but if you aren’t already in love with them you might want to ship from the US s!te to a US PO Box or something like that instead.

        1. Reposted to avoid using the dreaded word, “s!te”. Honestly, being put in moderation for that is getting pretty old.

          Yes, I am a huge Hobbs fanatic. Half my office wardrobe is Hobbs. They do ship to Canada but I have to warn you that the shipping costs are exorbitant. I think it has to do with the company they use as their overseas agent. Be prepared to pay big bucks. I still do it about once a year, because I love Hobbs that much, but if you aren’t already in love with them you might want to ship from the US s!te to a US PO Box or something like that instead.

          1. Ha ha , my follow up comment about how they DO ship to Canada was in moderation for the same reason, the dreaded s word.

            That does seem like a killer shipping fee, but I guess if you buy multiple pieces at once it makes it worthwhile.

    3. Can anyone comment on the sizing for Hobbs? Similar to Reiss? I’m just wondering because it seems like several of the dresses start at a size 8 (US 4), which makes me think they might run small and the US 4 possibly fits more like a 0?

      1. I wear an 8-10 JCrew and a pretty consistent UK 12 at Hobbs. Sometimes 14 if something is fitted at the waist (I have a T-Rex ribcage)

        1. Thanks! That gives me enough to go on to at least try one item and see how it fits before I go nuts with my wish list and risk having to pay to ship it back to the UK. My hips are such a wildcard :/ Probably best for the bank account though that I start slow!

      2. No, Hobbs does not fit like Reiss. I am a pretty consistent US size 6 pear, and Hobbs UK size 10 fits me as though I were their size 10 fit model. On the other hand, I have a terrible time with Reiss sizing and find I have to size up with them. So I think it depends on your body type.

        1. Oh that’s good to hear! I am in between an hourglass and pear–size 0/2 on top, and size 6 on bottom. I have a few Reiss dresses (UK8) and love them, but they did require considerable alterations to bring in the top. It sounds like the Hobbs 8 may be a better fit though.

    4. They want a phone # to sign up for the emailing list! I gave my home # since it’s never answered anyway!

  5. I feel odd about posting this anonymously on a blog, but I have no other way to reach you! I noticed yesterday you offered to meet with Lorelai Gilmore to talk about practicing in your city. I’m almost positive you and I live in the same city, and I am looking to switch firms. If you have any free time, would you mind meeting with me for coffee or something? If you’re open to this, my e-mail address (with a fake name) is eleanor.m.noonan@gmail.com.

    If this is overstepping the bounds of this [blog that shall not be named to avoid moderation], then I apologize, but I would really appreciate it.

    2. This made me smile. I think it’s a great idea. Good luck with the search, both of you.

    3. I’ve actually been wondering if/when this blog would spark some job offers and move careers around. We’ve got so many successful, ambitious women on here, it only makes sense. As Ellen says: YAY!

      1. +1000. In the past year or so, I’ve gotten two unsolicited job leads from fellow working ladies (and moms, to be more specific). My lovely realization from these opportunities is that the Lady Network is strong–hope it keeps growing.

      2. I love this! I’ve posted before about attny openings at The Gates Foundation in Seattle…one of my favorite organizations.

        1. Love this too! Would love to know more about The Gates Foundation. If open to an offline conversation, definitely interested in connecting.

          1. Ditto. I’m a health education/evaluation sort personally, but my dream is to work at Gates Foundation someday…

          2. I don’t actually work at the Gates Foundation but I have friends who do and I live in Seattle. So, sorry, no inside info.

  6. Can anyone recommend a watch for a watch-hater? I really dislike the feeling of things on my hands and wrists – I don’t even wear my wedding ring – but I have come to the conclusion that I need to wear a watch at work because I keep getting stuck in meetings in rooms without clocks.

    1. I’m not a watch-hater, by any means, but I do like to wear a very unobtrusive watch. I wear a rectangular tank-style watch with a black leather band. My current watch is actually Armani Exchange from Nordstrom. My previous one was Coach. I’ll look to see if I can find a similar one online.

    2. Do you carry a padfolio or similar for taking notes at meetings? If so, you could tuck a watch into whatever you carry to the meeting, or get the kind of watch that clips on a carbiner or a nice looking pocketwatch style and clip it to a wristlet.

      Alternately, are these meetings in your own office? Can you ask the office manager why the rooms don’t have clocks?

    3. Skagen watches are pretty and can have really low profile, flat faces, which might be unobtrusive.

      2. Seconded! I have a Skagen two-tone watch that goes with everything. It converted me from never wearing a watch to never being without one. What I love is that their bands don’t use holes or links, so you can adjust them to your wrist size much more exactly. I hate the feel of bracelets, etc., but this is so low-profile I often forget I’m wearing it.

        Mine appears to no longer be for sale, but it’s sort of like this, but with a square face: http://www.overstock.com/Jewelry-Watches/Skagen-Womens-355SSGS-Two-tone-Stainless-Steel-Mother-of-Pearl-Quartz-Watch/9232745/product.html?refccid=SDRGEBWV4YMK2G2JRNC6I45TOA&searchidx=75.

    4. I love my tiffany watch for this exact reason. it is a small, unobtrusive face with a black leather band. it goes with basically everything.

  8. I have been lusting after this moto jacket (link to follow). I am wondering if I can get away with wearing this in place of a blazer/jacket at work. Thoughts?

    1. Due to the thick wool, it looks more like an outdoors coat. That said, there’s lots of moto jackets that work in place of blazers. (It’s a lovely jacket, though!)

  10. For those of you in the Junior League of Washington – are there any tips for the prospective member meeting? Like, dress code, get your nails done, get a blow out, etc. I know those things mattered for sorority rush. I don’t know how similar JLW is.

    1. Oh, no. I wouldn’t do any of that unless you want to for you and have time/$. The JLW is about half lawyers, all of whom come from work (same with the various govt staffers). Maybe in some leagues, but JLW is just very happy to have you (as you are, where you are). My news anchor friend may have done all of that, but her job is to be on camera. I never thought twice about not being camera-ready.

    2. Good God! You’re joining an organization of smart women doing valuable charity work. If the answer isn’t “wear the nice professional clothes you wore to work and be clean” then what is the point?!?

    3. Is that how it is for sorority rush these days? I went to college in VA and can still remember how sweltering hot it was for sorority rush. I cannot imagine getting a blowout or manicure for rush (and I was 18 — didn’t I look just fine already?). I just recall wearing my nicer college clothes (read: no t-shirts with words, sundresses, things a bit more Lilly Pulitzer-ish than usual).

      I think this varies (perhaps a lot) by school. And also that being an undergrad can be much higher-maintenance these days?

      * Small VA school, not in a major football conference

        1. OMG — I figured that that was why there was 1) rent the runway and 2) friends to swap clothes with. #2 was the way to go (plus: does one house know what you wear to another house? do people even remember things other than those that are at either extreme 15 minutes after they happen?).

          That sounds like people saying you need a different Theory or Akris suit for every day of the week + expensive accessories + nonsense just because a person with an unlimited budget could dress like that for the office.

        2. OMG the minimalist in me is breaking out into hives looking at the slideshow of unnecessary junk that these ladies craft for one another. Yikes.

        1. Another small VA school alum here. My greek experience didn’t really mimic this article either. Both the university and the nationals put a real emphasis on making sure everyone kept their grades up. We did fine people who were chronic meeting/charitable event skippers (yet managed to come to all the social events).

        2. Perhaps

          The NYT article is nuts — I’d be surprised if any sorority on my campus fined people for being late (although: incredibly bad manners). And our big/little things could be pricey, but we tried to make them not that way (a good chunk of my school was military dependents, so maybe that limited the nonsense at the outset) as a rule. My badge had fake pearls on it and was some non-great karat gold metal. I doubt that the “diamonds” are diamonds (and if so, they are tiny chips — just get the rhinestones already).

          I still feel that I learned a lot in a sorority that is benefiting me today. I understand that schools and chapters are all different, but it pushed me towards a lot of leadership and responsibility where I could have had merely a good time.

          [And for the chicken-wire homecoming floats / other “free” things people enjoy: if things are free, somebody paid in time / money for the fun thing to happen. PTAs. Church groups. People. Stuff doesn’t just happen. You hire people or they volunteer their time. Definitely not a college / homecoming / sorority phenomenon.]

      3. I went through rush 10 years ago at a large, non-Southern state school. Our rush was a formal three-day program with each day getting progressively more formal. The first day was usually sundresses, second day was the sort of dress you’d wear to a fall or spring afternoon wedding, and the third day was cocktail dresses. Girls usually got mani/pedis and curled their hair. Blowouts were not a thing back then, but it wouldn’t surprise me if girls did them now, if anything just to avoid trying to do your hair for the first time in a new, extremely sweaty and humid dorm bathroom.

        As a solidly middle class rushee, I definitely felt like I needed to splurge on/borrow fancier brands to wear to fit in with the actives and rushees who were clearly highly-sought-after. Having been on the other side though, I now know that the houses knew who had money already and were rushing a girl based on that information, not on the purse she showed up at the door with. A girl with a solid app score based on her grades, activities, and family connections could bomb her rush by showing up in sweats and popping gum the whole time like she had a bid in the bag, but an average girl could not gain points by RTR-ing a LV logo bag.

      4. We had strict outfit guidelines for Rush, but they were strict in the sense that they were intended to keep things from getting out of control. Every night but skit night and pref night was jeans-casual for rushees, and jeans+sorority tee for sisters. Skit night was costumes for us and jeans for them. Pref night was c!cktail for everyone.

        And our big/little gift cap was literally $50 or less (possibly much less – I can’t remember, but I do remember that paying for it on my work-study salary wasn’t hard). The only thing that was pricey was dues, frankly (and we had payment plans and subsidies for anyone who needed them). And grades were a big deal – you couldn’t attend events if your average was below a B. I was Phi Beta Kappa in college, and so were a number of my sisters. The average GPA at sororities was significantly higher than that of university women as a whole.

        That said, I went to a private university, in the south, but with no football culture. So maybe not representative.

        1. cbackson, I think we went to the same university. Same sorority rush set-up and same non-football culture.

        2. I think I went to the same university. Was rush not allowed until second semester?

    4. At my school, the sisters were the ones expected to get blow outs, manis, dress up, etc. The girls rushing pretty much just looked normal, if I recall. I remember reading a leaked sorority rush guide (for sisters) about these requirements, and thinking, yeppp that’s what we had to do. You had to get your outfit approved, and if it was too tight or revealing or whatever, you had to fix it.

  11. Sorry for the morning tj.
    My question is: how to politely decline an interview.
    I applied to a position a couple of months ago, not with a huge desire to leave my current employer, but with a sincere excitement at exploring my options since I’ve only ever worked at my current job since I graduated 5 years ago.
    They took a while to initiate contact, and since then have rescheduled the in-person interview several times. I’m not especially offended that they keep rescheduling it, but my excitement has died down a little, especially since I’ve gone to another interview and got my suspicion confirmed that my current place of employment is a really good fit for me. I’d like to decline this one politely. How would you word this?
    TIA!

      1. I couldn’t come up with a great answer (but I like Spirograph’s suggestion of wording to decline, below) but I think this answer makes it sound like you were politely horrified by the organization.

    2. I would not decline the interview… even if you have no intention of taking the job, it’s good experience.

      But if you really want to, just say something like “Thank you, but my situation has changed and I’d like to withdraw from consideration for this position.”

      1. +1 and it’s good to keep the contact. You presumably now have the email and/or phone of someone in HR in that organization, so it’s a nice networking tool to have. I’d maybe write something a little longer and friendlier (in addition to Spiro’s suggestion above, “At this time, I’m no longer pursuing this particular position, but do keep me in mind if your firm has openings in the future.”) If you were able to speak with anyone on the phone, something like, “I enjoyed the opportunity to talk to X about the work your firm does.”

        You never know, in a year or two you might be back on the market and it’s a good contact to have.

    3. Good wording suggestion from Spiro above, but please understand that you have not really explored your options by going to just one interview. Considering the length of time you’ve been in the workplace, you NEED to know more about the companies outside yours, so I strongly recommend you take the opportunity for the interview.

  12. TJ – Looking to switch up my workout playlist. What are the hive’s favorite tunes to get you jazzed up?

    For what it’s worth, my go-to genre over the last couple years has been pure guilty-pleasure dance pop. I figure if it’s designed to get you moving, it doesn’t really matter if that movement is dancing or running. :P My workout regimen is pretty heavy on the cardio, but I’m working more weight training into it.

    1. In the pop genre, I love
      Betty Who – Somebody Loves You
      Kylie Minogue – Get Outta My Way
      Janelle Monae – Tightrope
      Elie Goulding – Lights
      and my absolute fav, Icona Pop – I Love It

      2. this morning I mentioned to my husband it had come out, and he said, “You told me yesterday. Are you going to buy it or something?” Did not intentionally start liking TS that much…

    3. I do a lot of very silly guilty pleasure songs like Flashdance… Bad Romance… 80’s Madonna… early Britney Spears… Patti Labelle from the Beverly Hills Cop soundtracks. But I also do a lot of what you might call “classic rock” – “Urgent” by Foreigner, “Legs” by ZZ Top, “Animal” by Def Leppard. I believe you can’t be proud when it comes to these things… ; )

    4. I like the monthly DJ Grind podcast. Upbeat techno/pop, about an hour long, and since it’s monthly it changes just as I’m starting to get bored.

    5. Muse: Panic Station, Madness & Uprising; Imagine Dragons: Radioactive; St. Vincent: Digital Witness; Haim; The Wire; REM; Drive; Ellie Goulding: Lights; Coldplay: Magic; Foals: My Number; Alt-J: tessellate; POD: Youth of the Nation; Big Data: Dangerous; Black Eyed Peas: Let’s Get it Started; Depeche Mode: Personal Jesus; Far East Movement: Like a G6; Fiona Apple: Criminal & Shadowboxer; M83: Midnight City; MGMT: Electric Feel; Pretty Lights: Finally Moving; ZZ Ward: Put the Gun Down

    6. Seconding Ellie Goulding, Lights and Starry Eyed are two of my favorite pump-up songs. Other than that…
      Jessie J – Domino
      Lady Gaga – just about anything, but Poker Face and Edge of Glory stand out.
      Paramore – Misery Business, Anklebiters
      Shakira – Te Dejo Madrid
      Hot Chelle Rae – Beautiful Freaks, Downtown Girl
      Fall Out Boy – My Songs Know…, This Ain’t A Scene, Rat A Tat

  13. DC ladies, could you help me with an event-planning question? I’ve been asked to organize the December get-together of a professional women’s group. These events usually take place on a work night in the downtown/Dupont/Georgetown/Chinatown areas. We usually go to a restaurant but I always wish we could do something a little more “cultural” or at least interactive. None of the Smithsonians are open late, as far as I can tell, and I’d rather avoid having people pay an admission fee. Any suggestions gratefully accepted.

    1. The Portrait Gallery is open till 7 on weekdays. You could go there and then grab drinks/dinner in Chinatown.

    2. Phillips Collection is open till 8:30 on Thursdays and has its Phillips After 5 event the first Thursday of the month from 5-8:30 (music, as I recall, and maybe food). There’s an admission, but less than you’d pay for drinks/dinner.

    3. Millenium Stage performance at the Kennedy Center? There are lots of restaurants near the shuttle stop by Foggy Bottom, too.

    4. For what it’s worth, you might want to see if there’s a similar sentiment to yours in the group because I would absolutely skip going to a museum after work. I like doing that on my own and I don’t see it as an easy way to talk to people, which I presume is the point. Also, after a long day it sounds totally exhausting.

      1. That’s fair. I guess I’m also looking for ideas beyond museums, things that don’t involve just sitting and eating, but museums are the only things I’ve done for fun since arriving in DC ~11 months ago.

    5. Perhaps try to find a spot that offers drinks and a free live show? Columbia Station in Adams Morgan usually has a jazz band playing.

      I know you’re trying to avoid admission costs, but if you get group rates to a basketball game (NBA or WNBA), that could be fun.

    6. You could also try exploring outside of those (kind of boring) neighborhoods you mentioned. For example, Petworth, Bloomngdale/LeDroit, Shaw, U Street, and H Street NE all are fairly accessible by public transportation (certainly more so than Georgetown) and have a lot of cool new bars and restaurants. Even if you’re still having drinks and eating, you’ll be doing so in different areas.

      1. also not a bad idea, except that the boring neighborhoods are central. alas.

    8. How about a painting/ceramics group class? my web search found this http://www.uncorkdart.com/
      Cost-wise, it’s probably more in line with drinks/dinner so that may be a drawback. I’ve done a couple of these as a networking type thing and they were a lot of fun. No artistic talent required.

  14. I really don’t know why I am posting this here. May be I need some commiserations or advice about how to deal with it or why my manager may be acting the way he is acting. I am just sad over this entire episode.

    I was given a feedback a couple days back that I may be at risk for getting a negative review this year which essentially means I will have to leave the company. This came as a shock for me as I have regularly solicited feedback from him all these days and he has given just positive feedback for me. I have worked so much and have made big impacts that I was expecting a promotion! I asked him why didn’t he tell this to me in July, August, September or even in the beginning of October instead of telling me when I really cannot do much in the next two months. He said I was doing well all through the year except the last three weeks.

    I had to deliver some work and I agree it could have been done a couple of weeks early. The product itself had no hard deadline. There were reasons for the delay. The work was kind of a moving target which had to be constantly adjusted to new data and I was asked to help another new guy to work on that. I agreed to do that and two weeks into the job, I felt that the new person was not as interested and I was worried that the work may slip. When I told this to my manager, he said I was too hung up on ownership and I should allow the person to complete the work. I stepped back and helped him as and when needed and he took his own sweet time. When giving this negative feedback, he is saying that it was my responsibility to get the job done and I am the reason that it has slipped. He said he just wants to see the result and he doesn’t care how I could get there. He is just discounting everything I have done and holding this against me.

      1. I didn’t read anything but the title of this article. IMO, learn to love criticism is absurd advice when she’s losing her job in questionable circumstances.

        My condolences, OP. Dust off the resume. This place sounds rough, anyway.

        1. Agreed. In the long term view, you are probably better off out of a place like that, but it’s hard to appreciate that in the short term stress of it.

    2. I have already started looking and I have few interviews lined up (though nothing is concrete yet) as my group is not doing very well and there is no clear goals for future. But I had no idea that he would say something like this. I have never gotten a negative review like this before. It is just hard to digest the fact that he could say something like that when he didn’t say anything till all the work got done.

      1. The article I linked above says this:

        Many women carry the unconscious belief that good work will be met mostly — if not exclusively — with praise. Yet in our careers, the terrain is very different: Distinctive work, innovative thinking and controversial decisions garner supporters and critics, especially for women.

      2. It’s possible you’ve been doing a decent job but the firm is having trouble so they’re looking for excuses to let people go.

        1. Yep, this is what I think is happening. They’re laying you off for financial reasons and they don’t want to say it.

    3. Hug’s to you. I was in this situation when I was in college in DC. My boss never told me a due date for a project, and he kept takeing me out to lunch, and then all of a sudden, he said he wanted the project at the end of the day. I think he wanted more then work out of me, and I had onley just begun doeing work on it and of course, I was not abel to turn it into him on time, b/c it was involveing detail I was totally unfamiliar with. So when I told him that he got mad and had 3 other people work with me to get the job done in 4 day’s. I did NOT get a job offer from him b/c of that. FOOEY on men that do NOT tell us deadline’s and then expect the work to do itself, especialy when they take us out to lunch and do NOT talk about it! DOUBEL FOOEY!

    4. Something similar happened to me last year. Especially frustrating was that clients regularly told my boss (and the managing partner) that I was invaluable and “deserve a huge bonus”.

      It sounds like a similar situation that you’re in (though in my case, I met all my deadlines and did whatever it took, until I didn’t – I was sacrificing quality to meet management’s unrealistic deadlines, and they noticed). I think the criticism was valuable and deserved, though I don’t think that I would have struggled as much as I did in a less dysfunctional environment. This is probably also the case for you.

      All this is to say, don’t discount the criticism and try to use it to your advantage – be on the lookout for situations like this brewing in the future. See if there is something you can do to improve. Definitely look for a new position and don’t take it personally if they let you go. Hard to hear, but that’s what you have to do. In my case, losing that job was honestly the best thing I could have hoped for.

  15. Pros and Cons to seeing a same gender or different gender psychiatrist? My initial instinct was to pick a woman for similar reasons to seeing a woman Obgyn, but I don’t want to overlook other potential benefits or detriments. Can anyone speak to whether it has made any difference in your experience?

    1. Somehow, the psychiatrists I have seen were men, and my therapists were all women (I had to make some changes due to graduating law school, getting different insurance, etc.). As far as the psychiatrists, it wasn’t intentional, that’s just how it worked out. I didn’t have a problem with it, though. So long as we get along and my doctor is committed to working with me to get me a better place, that’s all that matters.

      With my therapists, however, I did feel more comfortable with a woman, and I purposely chose women over men. I’m sure a man would have been just fine, it’s simply that I think I’m more willing to open up and discuss my issues with with a woman.

      I don’t know if that helps, but in any case, I wish you good luck in your search!

      1. Simply them being able to understand what’s going on. My first pap smear was with a male obgyn, and when I said it hurt, he told me it couldn’t possibly hurt, and I was just imagining it.

        1. That’s what my first female ob gyn said! The male ones I’ve seen have been much less likely to discount my experiences. I’m hesitant to generalize.

          1. +1 FWIW, I’ve found my male doctor to be much more understanding and gentle (esp with pap smears) and he takes my concerns more seriously than my female doctors have in the past, so I’m also hesitant to generalize.

          2. I have found this to be the case. The female OBs I have been to seem to bounce my symptoms and complaints off of their own personal experience and use that to either support or invalidate them, whereas the male OB’s have been better at really listening and then reviewing many possibilities.

        2. Wow! That’s such an inappropriate thing for a doctor to say! I’ve had male and female ob/gyns, and have no preference as to whether I want a man or a woman. My very first one that I had for years was a man and I thought he was great. I guess I just feel like the scenario cannot possibly be s3xy in any way- a pap smear is so utterly clinical and he does this all day every day, so I’ve never felt uncomfortable.

          I’ve always had female therapists and psychiatrists, however. I feel more comfortable discussing relationship issues with a woman. I do not want to discuss my s3xual assault or intimacy with a man. I believe that a woman would also be better able to understand issues I bring up like those that attend being a high achieving woman, struggles women face in the work place, the psychological impact of pervasive sexism, etc.

        3. I’ve had similar (not quite that bad) issues with female gyns, and never with men – oddly, the men were always the most sensitive to potential discomfort (of all types). I had one male gyn that met you in his office to do all of the initial questions/conversation, had you go to an exam room and change for the exam (attended by a female nurse) and then had you change back into street clothes and go back to his office to discuss. So the time you spent in the paper gown was super-minimal – limited only to what was needed for the actual physical examination. I wish all of my gyns did that.

        4. Of course it can hurt, they are scraping cells from your insides! I’ve had bleeding heavy enough to require a pad before after mine. It definitely hurt.

      2. seeing a male gyno would make me extremely uncomfortable in an already uncomfortable situation.

        1. I see a male gyn because so many women feel like this that I can always get convenient appointments with the male doctors. It’s almost 100% scheduling driven for me. I am also child free by choice and have gotten WAY more push-back on that from female gyns.

      3. Let me just say this….

        After going to Harvard Medical School, and seeing/hearing about several of the men who went into OB/GYN from my classes…

        I will never choose a male OB/GYN or PCP. No way.

        OB/GYN overtime has become highly dominated by women anyway. Primary care will also become female dominated.

          1. until we place a premium on caregiving as a society, women will always dominate lower paying fields. it sucks. but I’m just glad we have women who care enough to go into those fields.

          2. I don’t know how you can call being an OB/GYN a “low wage low prestige job” – It is an incredible field. Who knows why more men aren’t going into the field as much anymore (maybe they feel like women are less comfortable with them)? However, many women I know who have pursued a career in OB/GYN prefer it because it enables the doctor to have a surgical specialty coupled with a personal relationship with one’s patients or because they are particularly interested in women’s issues and want to help women. Its not as high paying as some other medical fields (due to the high insurance premiums), but it is still prestigious and the residency programs are very competitive.

          1. Care,
            Ob/gyn=Surgical speciality. No. They are primary care providers who practice surgery.
            Competitive specialty. Not really. It is not difficult to match in this field.
            Pay is not lower secondary to malpractice premiums. Everyone in my state has to pay for the Injured Baby Fund to prevent the high premiums for Obs.

    3. It’s really a personal preference. I know that therapists are supposed to be unbiased, but I feel more comfortable talking to a woman when it comes to relationship and intimacy issues. Interestingly, I don’t care who I see for Obgyn appointments. I’ve always have a female therapist though (15 years on and off), so maybe I am just not giving it a fair chance? My philosophy is if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

      Sorry, should have made the distinction between psychiatrists and therapists although I will admit I am too lazy to figure out the difference. I have seen a male doc who really only prescribed meds for my mental health. All other people I have seen for true therapy have been women. I didn’t find the male psychiatrist to be remotely helpful outside of the fact that he could sign the script.

    4. This isn’t specific to psychiatrists but to general health care. I’ve had to leave my optometrist, dentist and chiropractor for being wildly inappropriate. The only male health care professional I currently deal with is my general doctor (who is awesome). Now I make a point to see female health care professionals regardless of the field.

      1. +1. I will go out of my way to see female health care professionals. So far, I’ve found a few bad apples, but I’m currently very pleased with all of my (female) doctors.

    5. My longtime, much-beloved therapist is a man. Didn’t specifically seek out a man vs. a woman but chose him because he came highly recommended by someone I trusted. I think it’s been really good to have a male perspective on issues relating to my marriage and especially now that I am divorced and venturing back into dating.

      But as mentioned above, these days psychiatrists mostly just sign prescriptions so I don’t know that it matters all that much.

    6. I’ve seen both and the only ones I disliked were psychiatrists who basically just wrote a prescription and didn’t really listen to me to me; two were men and one was a woman.

      Otherwise I’ve had all women therapists, all of whom I liked, and one male psychiatrist who was awesome. He actually talked to me for an entire hour and really worked to find other non-drug methods that helped me.

      For me, I currently find having a therapist of the same ethnic/religious background to be very helpful. She can understand my family dynamics better. I never would have though that before, and have seen therapists with ethnic backgrounds different than my own who were fine, but it I’ve found it very helpful in working through family issues.

    7. Our family therapist told us that when finding the right therapist for a child (meaning, the children in the family whatever their age), it is best to have the therapist be the same gender of the parent with whom that child has the most dysfunctional relationship. I think the idea is that having a therapist that gender helps the kid (child, adolescent, whatever) experience a positive relationship with a person that gender who is stable etc.

      Maybe consider that?

      1. That makes sense for kids. I am too (irrationally, hopefully) anxious about gaslighting to see a male psychologist.

  16. Hmm,

    Has you employer had a rough quarter? Your manager may have been instructed by top brass to layoff a couple people and manufacture some artificial “cause” so that they are not at risk for getting sued for discrimination and are off the hook for paying severance.

    Your best bet may be to memorialize what he said about 3 wks of underperformance vs the rest of the year in an email for your own protection. I would also start polishing my resume. When they want you out they will find a way to get you out.

    1. I know that my group is not doing very well and they may be looking to reduce the head count. I noticed some sort of behavioral change in my manager four weeks back when talking to me. It was like minimizing the work I had done (something which he had not done before). I was upset and as my group in general is not doing well, I decided it was time to look for a new job and I started applying. In case they want to lay off staff, he can just tell that to me instead of spinning it as poor performance.

      1. Not really, because if you’re laid off due to cutbacks, they have to pay you unemployment. If you are fired for performance issues, they don’t.

  17. Yesterday’s mention of the Kindle reminded me – I need to replace my broken Kindle 3rd Edition (with the keyboard). I loved being able to turn pages with gloves on while waiting for the bus, but I’m wondering whether I should get the Paperwhite, or even the Voyage, which seems overpriced. The Paperwhite and Voyage are still not backlit, smaller, and easier to read, right?

    Anyone had both and have a preference?

    1. So far, the Voyage is a little better than the Paperwhite, but probably not worth the price difference unless you just really like new gadgets (my husband does, which is why we have all of them). The Voyage display is sharper and the automatically adjusting screen light is nice, but I had no complaints about the Paperwhite before seeing the Voyage. Whatever you do, don’t get the kindle touch (if that’s even still an option) – the touchscreen is terrible and jumps forward/back/chapters when you try to turn the page.

      1. 2 questions on the Voyage- it’s still a digital ink display like the old kindles right? And is there a non touch screen way to turn pages? I hate relying on touch screens.

        1. Yes and yes. The screen is very similar to the Paperwhite, just better. On page turning, you can touch the screen or use the “PagePress” things on the edge – not quite buttons because they don’t “click” like on the older Kindles, but definitely separate from the screen. They are part of the frame of the Kindle.

    2. I have a Paperwhite and absolutely love it (what you said about it is true), but I seriously covet the Voyage. I keep waiting to somehow break or lose my Paperwhite (I’m so clumsy, it’s bound to happen sooner or later), so I have an excuse to upgrade.

      Basically chiming in to see what everyone else replies.

      1. I broke my kindle that was the one just before the Paperwhite, so now I want the Paperwhite. Want to sell it to me and buy yourself the Voyage? Not kidding – email me at megmurryish @ mail from google if you want to do it – I’d rather buy from you than ebay.

  18. Paging anon who was about to go to her first appt with a therapist for work anxiety — how did it go?

  19. Does anyone here know the difference between the Zoom! teeth whitening treatments you can get a $99 Groupon for vs. the much more expensive ones (~$400) the dentists pitch in their offices? Is there actually a difference? I am interested in teeth whitening but I want to know if it’s worth it to spend the extra money for quality…

    1. No personal experience with the dentist office or zoom ones, though the one person I know who did it at the dentist said that they probably wouldn’t do it again. I have had great results with the 2 hour at-home kits that you can get at any pharmacy department, like shockingly good results and compliments for something like $30-40. BTW, I think it is really weird when people compliment other people’s teeth! Am I odd or is it actually weird?

    2. Huge difference. My husband did the Zoom treatment. His teeth hurt like he11 for a long time and the whitening didn’t last more than a week or two. If your teeth just need a touch up, then do the at-home kits. If they need serious whitening, get the dentist office ones.

    3. I’ve tried white-strips and whitening toothpastes, etc. in the past and had some results, but mostly just sensitive teeth. I had the dentist procedure done a few years ago (can’t remember what it was called) — I had some really painful nerve zaps during and for a while after, and while my teeth did look whiter, it wasn’t anything like the miraculous before/afters you see in the ads. Fast forward a few years, my teeth were back to looking… I don’t know, a bit dingy? So I tried the oil pulling thing that went around the internets like gangbusters this summer, and after a few weeks I actually had people who I hadn’t told (including my mother) comment on how great my teeth looked. I’ve slacked off since, and have noticed a difference, so I’m going to try to work that in as an at least several time a week oral care thing.

  20. Quick fashion advice needed…

    Have been thinking about buying a trench coat for years. At my favorite consignment store, a MaxMara trench in a classic ?tanish/greyish light neutral just appeared. It is in perfect condition and fits well, and right now is about $70.

    Is a light colored trench coat mostly for spring? Should I wait and get a black trench on sale instead to have something more versatile for year round wear?

    Right now I am slowly trying to collect some higher quality staples in my wardrobe, particularly ones that will last for years and can cross over from work to weekend.

    Thanks.

    1. IMO the tan trench is a classic and fine for all year round (assuming, of course, that it is warm enough in winter where you are that a trench is sufficient). Perfect condition, fits well, $70? I’d go for it myself.

      1. Thanks for this. It would be more a fall/spring coat, since I am in the midwest where winters are cold.

      1. Thanks for your help everyone.

        I went and snatched it up. Now I finally have a trench, made in Italy….

  21. I want to work out during lunch at work but cannot get past the whole showering in a communal shower at work idea, particularly figuring out how to carry around wet shower shoes all day (I was told they are necessary for our work showers). I think I am having flashbacks from the dorms in college. Does anyone have any tips to make showering in a communal shower less painful or, even better, tips for freshening up after exercising without taking a shower?

    1. Baby wipes and dry shampoo work pretty well for me. I also limit my workouts to moderate sweating activities. Walking or lifting, yes. Running or swimming, no.

      1. The executive shower = towel off + reapply deodorant (it is a joke at my former gym).

        The key is what mascot said: don’t sweat too much. I know it may not qualify as a workout (which I save for end of day to avoid the whole issue), but if it’s a choice of subpar workout v no workout, I vote for subpar.

        I found activity warded off the shoulder pain from bad posture / too much mouse use.

      2. There are also “sport wipes” that are a little bigger and less baby-smelling. Dry shampoo is a life-saver.

        That said, I mostly just take a brisk walk at lunch and save the more intensive stuff for other times.

    2. Communal as in you walk to and from the individually curtained showers or communal as in there are no curtains at all.

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