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Sales of note for 9.16.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 30% off wear-now styles
- J.Crew Factory – (ends 9/16 PM): 40% off everything + extra 70% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Extra 25% off all tops + markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon
My cousin from Atlanta is getting married next month, and he and his fiance have requested no gifts, with a suggestion of a donation to a charity of your choice. I’ll definitely do that, but I’d love to also get them a gift card to a restaurant in the Atlanta area (they are specifically near Smyrna, so perhaps near there) – any Atlanta-area readers have any suggestions for a fun place that would be a good candidate? Thanks!
Anny
Canoe
Anon
I just checked out their website, and this looks perfect! Thank you!
Wow
I wouldn’t do this unless you know they love a particular restaurant or a particular cuisine. Or buy a gift card from a restaurant group that has several restaurants to choose from.
Anon
Agree with this. It is flexible and easily regiftable if they really don’t want to go.
Anonymous
Meh. The suggested Canoe is a very safe bet.
anon
Agreed. Canoe is fantastic and is a “special occasion” place for a lot of people. Great atmosphere, great food– importantly, both of which have wide appeal. This place isn’t for a niche crowd. I’d love a Canoe gift card!
Anon
OP here, I know my cousin and his fiance really well, and I checked the Canoe website, and it looks right up their alley, plus these positive comments reinforce it for me. Thanks again!
Anonymous
What, why? It’s a free meal. Surely they can find something on the menu they can enjoy. And if they’re so picky that they can’t possibly enjoy a meal there, then they can regift.
The only rules for restaurant GCs are – 1) the amount should be enough to pay for a meal (i.e. don’t give $20 for a restaurant that charges $50/plate) and 2) don’t be obtuse or offensive, which should really go without saying (i.e., no steakhouse for a vegetarian, no chicken and waffles for someone with Celiac’s).
Elegant Giraffe
Dinner recommendations for Houston? Husband and I will be there in a couple of weeks. Looking to spend roughly $50 pp; neither of us will be drinking alcohol. We like to share small plates, neither of us is a picky eater, will have car. Thanks!
Anononon
It sort of depends where you’re staying, but UB Preserv, Uchi, Dolce Vita, Mala Sichuan (the Montrose location), State of Grace.
Elegant Giraffe
Thanks – UB Preserv and State of Grace both look interesting!
In-House in Houston
What part of town? Even if you’ll have a car, traffic is a nightmare so I wouldn’t want to suggest someplace far from where you’re staying. But no visit to Houston is complete w/o TexMex or BBQ. For TexMex, try El Tiempo. It’s a local chain and it’s very good. You can share fajitas for under $50; they are excellent. For BBQ, I’d recommend Pappas, also a local chain. We also have local celebrity chef who has several restaurants (BBQ, steak, TexMex) but they’re in the suburbs (Pearland) but they’re all quite good (search Ronnie Killen and you’ll find a ton of articles about him and his restaurants – I think one is in the Galleria area but most are in Pearland which is south of downtown).
Elegant Giraffe
Near the Aquarium. Live in Dallas ( so well-versed in Pappas!!) and have been to Houston lots. Any new (in the last 1 – 2 years) restaurants you’d recommend?
Ash
Restaurants near the Aquarium are not great, so it’s good you have a car. I’d also recommend El Meson in Rice Village — bonus that it’s a cute walkable area if you want to grab dessert at Chocolate Bar or a drink at one of the many wine bars nearby after dinner.
Anon
Houston has an incredibly diverse and amazing food scene. To get decent recommendations, what kind of food are you looking for (there is typically at least one restaurant for even relatively obscure cuisine)
Elegant Giraffe
We’ll be near the Aquarium/performing arts center. We live in Dallas (so no need for Tex-Mex nor BBQ) and have been to Houston many times. Just looking for something new to try.
anon
Xochi (other side of downtown); UB Preserve (basically, Underbelly remix with a more Asian influence); Wanna Bao if you want fast, casual and soup dumplings; toss up between Georgia James and B&B Butchers if you want a steakhouse; check on Finn Food Hall for downtown (close to the JW Marriot) for so many good options in one place.
anon
Ninfa’s for Fajitas – you can’t go wrong
Anonymous
If you’ll be in the Galleria/Uptown area, Caracol! It’s delicious coastal Mexican.
Yeppie
loved Saturday brunch at Hugo’s for the WHOLE experience- mariachis, milky sweets, meat-heavy breakfasts, and Theodore Rex for small, curated intimate feel dinner.
Anon
What are the colors in your bedroom, particularly if you are single/don’t share your bedroom with anyone? For years, I’ve had white bedding with dark purple as my accent color (throw pillows, blanket at end of bed, curtains). I recently got a white desk and I have an urge to decorate it with pink accents, but the desk is in my bedroom and I don’t want a pink and purple bedroom. I’m thinking about switching out all of my deep purple items for more white and pink, but now I’m wondering if that will look like a little girl’s room. This all started when I fell for a pale pink upholstered chair to go with the desk (I haven’t had any luck finding a purple or lilac colored one that I like). I rent so I don’t paint my walls and no one ever sees my bedroom (besides my bf of two years who doesn’t care what it looks like) so this is really for me.
Anon
OP here – chair I’m interested in:
https://www.worldmarket.com/category/furniture/home-office/office-chairs.do?template=PLA&plfsku=10014761&mrkgcl=660&mrkgadid=3282585682&camp=ppc%3AGoogle%3APLA%2BMerkle_Shopping_PLA%7CFurniture%2BHome_Office_Furniture&product_id=10014761&adpos=1o27&creative=260704782449&device=m&matchtype=&network=g&gclid=CjwKCAjwq-TmBRBdEiwAaO1en3iNyDhYFSg-lfX45E6Bw96-o-t5-sIfCCWJ_ETOSN9NAPcoqYBA6xoCfBMQAvD_BwE
NOLA
Buy the chair! So pretty!
Mpls
I painted my walls a dark teal (more blue than green), which makes the white trim and cherry stained floors shine. I originally had white bedding and dresser (black steel bedframe), but got a quilt (made by a relative) with deep pink and the same teal color.
So, my notes are do All The Color. If you don’t want to be just pink and purple, through in some other colors. You could do blue and green and have a whole floral feel. Or you could add in some russets/maroon/wine/burgendy to bring the color gap between pale pink and deep purple – you get a monochromatic ombre thing going on
AlexisFaye
Do you have a name/brand? i love paint and have a new bedroom…
Casper
i’m not this person but my bedroom is also teal. Benjamin Moore Galapagos Turquoise. my bedding is mostly white with a bit of navy and i have a navy chair. furniture is all mid tone wood and white. i love it!
Anonymous
Light gray! That pale pink could also look lovely with a dark real or deep burgundy.
BB
First of all, I think “you do you” is the best advice here. If you want pink and white, go for pink and white! Who cares if it looks too girly? But if you were looking for a more sedate pink and white, I think adding some other neutrals in there – grays, beiges – will make it look less like a kid’s room.
Anon
Basically everything in my apartment is white with a few hints of pale blue. I like everything to be very minimal and calming. Not a fan of lots of colour. I do love pale pink and white together, the chair you linked is gorgeous!
Houda
My bedding is white
My headboard is taupe suede – Bed body is gray – carpet is warm light gray
Bedside lamps are warm light gray and silver trunk
Bedside tables dark brown with gray tassles
Chest of drawers is white because it’s against the wall and I didn’t want it to stand out
Anon
I’d do blush/grey/white color scheme. Use those terms on pinterest for lots of inspiration!
Anon
My bedroom is teal and brown – I have a teal with some green and blue quilt, a teal and brown rug, some artwork in teal, and two teal lamps.
Cat
I’d cut the white and pink with gray for a feminine but not juvenile bedroom. Mine is cream and gray as base colors, with soft blues/greens as accent.
AnonInHouse
I’ve got an old Martha Stewart decorating issue, from probably 10 years ago, that features various rooms with pink as the predominant color. I’m only sort of joking when I say that if I outlive my husband, I’m going to have that pink house. So clearly I support you having a pink bedroom!
Anon
I love blush pink, deep blue/navy (especially with blue velvet accents), with hints of grey, cream, and gold. That is a grownup’s room.
Never too many shoes...
I think that grey or chocolate brown are great with white and pink and would reduce your worry about it being too “girly”. But I also think that if you want white and pink, just go for it.
NOLA
My bedroom is pretty girly. I chose the color when I was still married, but I just don’t care. My walls are periwinkle and my curtains are white with periwinkle grosgrain ribbon accents. My quilt now is navy, but I’ve had green and white as well. I have spring green accents (not sure how else to describe the color – light, but not mint) and my rugs are a darker blue with green (although I’ve had an all over floral for my accent rugs). The art on the walls is a combination of macro photography of flowers (in pinks and greens and blues) and some cool modern paintings of shoes and purses done by a local artist. Do what makes you happy. People have commented that my guest room (peach and brown) looks more like a “master bedroom” but I do not GAF.
Colors
I painted my room lilac and it was basically the best decision I’ve ever made. At first I was afraid it would be too girly, but I had some teal art and gray and teal throw pillows (white bedding otherwise). It is beautiful and brings me so much joy. If you want the pink, do it! There are lots of ways to make those colors look more grown up. And that chair is gorgeous.
Cb
Our bedroom is peignoir. My husband thought it was slightly too pink but we ended up doing the accent wall in our sitting room in the same colour as it is so warm and calm and works as a neutral base.
Anon
My walls are Jazz Age Coral (Sherwin-Williams) and the accents are white (bedding, curtains, fireplace), natural maple trim and floor, gold and white accent pieces (lamps, nightstands are mercury glass and gold, a few small novelty pieces), a Karastan rug with shades of tan and a subtle pattern (I think it’s the Shapura Bel Canto) and a I have an impressionist Provence landscape canvas on the wall with nice complimentary peach tones. It’s a designed look but fits my 1920’s house, and it’s feminine but mature and luxe. I’m single but I’ve never had a gentleman suitor (or any other guest) who’s commented about it being too girly. I expect I will need to repaint before I sell, but paint is cheap and the room makes me happy. I fully support your pink bedroom and love that chair – blush is basically a neutral, to avoid looking too “girly”, I would keep the number of shades of pink to a minimum. Taking out the purple will help a lot. Use cream/white, gold or matte brass accents, natural wood tones, etc.
ATL rette
My bedroom walls are a very very pale gray that basically reads as white, my bedding is true white, my furniture is a blond wood or white, and my accents are pink and a coral/red. Its still feminine and “pink” but the coral makes it less little girl pink and more grown up. I’m thinking about adding a gray-toned rug as well. I fully support a pink bedroom!!
Anonymous
I would swap the purple for cream and gray, or white and black/mettalics for an art deco thing. https://www.google.com/search?q=adult+room+color+palette+with+millennial+pink&rlz=1C1CHBF_enUS843US843&tbm=isch&source=iu&ictx=1&fir=HHy2kKvTFBQUKM%253A%252CQMZRmvsWgrFp-M%252C_&vet=1&usg=AI4_-kSgMxXfDXtBpi3B8pBR0sBxLmV05w&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwj77fCavJviAhVhneAKHQ6cCt4Q9QEwAXoECAkQBg#imgrc=HHy2kKvTFBQUKM:
I also like white and teal.
Anon
Do it. I have gray walls and gray side tables. White basics, but pink curtains and pillows and lots of pink accents. Sometimes I have the same worries as you, but I like it so I DON’T CARE.
Anonia
I paint my walls every 5 years or so when I get board. Right now they are pale blue/green, with white woodwork (that never changes, too much work to paint!), white bedding, and natural/oak furniture.
Anon
There was an article in the New York Times yesterday entitled “Sailing in Treacherous Waters to Alaska. With Toddlers for Crew”? It’s an interesting and wonderful read and relevant to the conversation here last week about bringing kids into your hobbies. Those of you who want to incorporate kids into your passions might really like the article and how it deals with the balance of identity and parenthood. Excerpt below:
“Pat and I are sailors. We are adventurers. We are also parents. It’s a dilemma we all must face: how to reconcile our many different identities into a life that feels true, and good, and, in the end, responsible. Into an existence that leaves room for others. Spending the summer on a boat was our attempt to knit the disparate parts of our lives together. On both of our previous journeys up this coastline (by sailboat and rowboat, respectively), our days were distilled to the simplest of objectives: sail, row, eat, sleep, breathe. There were only ourselves, and each other, to look after as we traversed thousands of miles alone. On this trip, many of the elements remained the same: the ocean, the wind, the waves. Yet there had been a fundamental shift; we had two young companions to remind us of the stakes, and of the joy.”
I know that people will respond that those parents are privileged and of course, they are. I don’t know anything about their backgrounds, but you definitely have some privilege if you’re sailing for an extended vacation. But the way I see it, there are tons of privileged, able-bodied people with able-bodied children who aren’t doing adventures like this (or adventures on a smaller scale) with their kids. That’s the comparison group here, not the many, many families struggling to meet their basic needs or dealing with severe disabilities. No one is saying those parents aren’t awesome, doing the best job they can, or making their own choices for their family, but it’s also really awesome to see parents taking a chance on a grand adventure and dealing with all the toddler struggles, including tears and excretions and fighting, along the way. I actually really liked how it wasn’t presented as an “Instagram moment” – the author spent like half the article describing the toddler challenges. Super cool IMHO. Thought people here might enjoy the writing too even if the parenting style isn’t your cup of tea.
Diana Barry
I could not even with these parents. Taking 10 weeks off and sailing somewhere with your children is so incredibly privileged!!! And then she *complained* about not bringing enough pairs of undies for her 4yo and the kids spilling stuff everywhere – definitely BEC to me.
Anon
She wasn’t complaining – she described the challenges, probably to forestall people like you who would have inevitably jumped on it as “too perfect” or “not real life” if she hadn’t done so. Also, if your only takeaway is “but privilege!!!”, then maybe you just don’t get it. That’s ok, you do you, but does it actually feel good to go on the attack and call her a BEC?
Diana Barry
I just didn’t like her writing, either – it just READ tone deaf to me – and I don’t like that she wrote about her kids using their names (and I hated their names), so she just rubbed me the wrong way in the whole piece!
Senior Attorney
Heh. Huxley and Dawson. Heh.
Cat
do you know what BEC means? It’s a status you’re referring to yourself as being in (i.e., prone to picking on every little thing someone does as a result of aggregate past aggravation), not calling someone else a name…
Anon
Go look up what BEC means . . .
Anon
I just think it’s incredibly stupid and dangerous to bring small children on a boat in the middle of nowhere.
Anonymous
Outside of a Donner-Party scenario, people have been successfully bringing their kids along back when the world was much more dangerous. Sacajawea had a kid on the Oregon Trail while with Lewis and Clark.
Falstaff
And a fair portion of those kids died.
Anonymous
So did the grownups.
I prefer a medium in between Donner Party and wrap-up-in-bubble-wrap. But I grew up in NYC in the Koch and Dinkins administrations, so maybe would be survivalist prep by today’s standards. Cabs with jump seats FTW!
Anon
Um…tons of people died in the Oregon Trail days. But all that aside, I think water in general is really dangerous for small kids, who can drown so easily.
Anonymous
Someone was murdered on the Appalachian Trail over the weekend. We were going on the Virginia Creeper trail next week. Nothing is 100% safe.
Anonymous
I do like they are investing their time in their family. That is something that if I take 5 minutes and do it, I really love the connectedness feeling I feel with my kids after. I’ve never had 10 weeks off, even during my maternity “leave.” But my privilege goes in the other direction — working too much, so I can invest in kindly babysitters so my kids can play outside after school or go to the park now that it is nicer out. Glass is half full, no?
Anon
A close freind of mine spent his sons’ early chilhood sailing the S. Pacific in the 60s as a family. But he was jump-in-both-feet-first like that, and also wooden sailboats were life and livelyhood to him.
Falstaff
My household income places me in the 97th percentile for the US, but there is no way my spouse and I could ever take off an entire summer like that. These people are beyond privileged.
Anon
You choose to spend your money differently. We don’t know anything about the author. I do know there are people in Alaska who fish all day all winter and take the entire summer off for adventures. I just met a cool guy who does that (even at age 74) and he said he “drug his kids all over the world in the summer.” I doubt he ever made more than like $60-70k, although idk for sure.
Anonymous
It’s not about how she chooses to spend her money, it’s about how she makes her money. If she is earning her money through work instead of investments, she can’t take 10 weeks off because she has to go to work.
Anon
There’s also unpaid leave. I agree with the OP that this comparison isn’t for high income to low income people, but among high income people. High income people with privilege can and do spend their money differently or choose to take extended leaves of absence (which many companies allow). Maybe the author is doing that or maybe she’s self employed with flexibility.
Anon
A guy I went to law school with convinced his firm to let him take a LOA to hike the AT with his wife and two small children. They agreed as long as he blogged about it along the way for the firm website. He’s super anti-tech so I think he really resented the blogging requirement but did it so he could keep his job and live his fantasy. He’s super hippy crunchy and their family loved it but I would struggle for a million reasons.
Anon
Anon at 10:02 …. girl, do you work? What do you do that you can take a 10 week unpaid leave that is not related to a medical issue? What do you do where you can take a nearly three month break in work without losing medical coverage (I understand outside the U.S.). Sabbaticals would be wonderful but for the vast majority of people are for professors, mental breakdown recoveries, business owners, and the most valuable workers (rarely). And to give you information you clearly don’t have, most people can’t and don’t want to do back breaking physical seasonal work that has them penny pinching to majority of the year to last a paycheckless summer. And no, “not investing your money right” is NOT an even close to feasible reason that most people can’t take off work – you have to have Trumpian “small loan” money from Mommy and Daddy to live off investments while you’re young – which I’m guessing is your situation cause you’re deluded.
You are thinking way past “privilege” and into “I don’t understand how society works” territory. I mean, your comment is in Gwyneth Paltrow level ignorance.
Anon
Anon at 10:34, you’re choosing to ignore all the examples people have posted here. How is it “ignorant” to point out that unpaid leave exists? What’s ignorant (or obtuse, more like) is pretending it doesn’t. No one is forcing you onto a boat for 10 weeks so chill.
Anon
I am now convinced you are a troll. The poster you responded to clearly explained how unpaid leave is not a thing available at the vast majority of jobs.
anon
I have a friend who is a specialized nurse and takes travel stints all over the west coast, working crazy hours for 10-12 weeks (sometimes longer), while her husband cares for the kids, or does odd jobs, and then they sail and travel for a 6 months or so in between stints. They live super cheap and budget like crazy. Renting a slip for their boat in a marina is far cheaper than renting a house in the Bay Area, and they live on the boat full time. It isn’t a huge boat, just one room, but I’ve visited the boat, and I’d guess half of their marina (neighbors) live on them, so it’s not crazy to imagine. They’ll rent an apartment in a port city sometimes if they need to stretch out a bit. When she’s working she makes really good money, plus a housing stipend that she saves too by just renting a room off craigslist or whatever. I kind of admire them for just going for it, and I love following along! Just throw this in the “good for them, not for me” hat, if that helps you deal with it. ha!
Falstaff
We would actually lose our jobs and thus our entire income, but ok sure. I guess we just aren’t trying hard enough to prioritize adventure travel over paying the mortgage and saving for retirement.
Anonymous
No, what people are saying is that there are many ways to live. It’s entirely possible they make a lot less money than you but also have significantly more flexible jobs.
Anon
Yeah. I actually think income is reverse correlated to flexibility in some ways. Teachers could do this easily. The fact that you as a 97th percentile earner can’t do this doesn’t mean everyone can’t.
Cat
I’m with Falstaff. We have a generous HHI and could technically “afford” to take a 10 week trip like this… but not if we want to keep our jobs.
Anon
What jobs do you know of that allow you to make that kind of money and not work for ten straight weeks a year? Do you not have a job? There’s privileged and then there is trust fund privileged.
Anonymous
Teachers. My grandparents were school teachers who spent entire summers traveling/camping with my mom and her brother. they were roughing it! sometimes they took summer jobs at bungalow colonies/summer camps/etc so their kids could spend the summer out of the city. Obviously very different from sailing (lol) but there are ways to plan a life around traveling, having summers off, etc. that allows for this kind of adventure. But it probably involves a lot less money than almost anyone who sails in their leisure time has.
cbackson
..the people I knew who did this were a boatwright and an art teacher, with a HHI under $50K and no family money of any sort.
It’s unusual on this site and hard for many of us to think about but there are people who are comfortable with a much less certain way of living their lives from a financial perspective. The people I knew loved sailing, their work was basically seasonal/gig based, they never made enough to save for retirement anyway (and so assumed they’d basically work forever), so this is how they wanted to spend their time.
Anon
cbackson I’m normally with you, and I understand where you’re coming from perspective wise but…you’re literally admitting “you can do this if you have no financial security anyway, so just live it up.” I’m sorry but if your advice is “take time off, live frugally, work like a dog for the rest of your life with little to no financial savings and cushion…to have 10 week long adventures”…that’s a no for me dawg.
We prioritize things differently, but I think a general consensus of “able to support yourself, gather financial security, and not be a drain on society when something happens to you of your own volition” is not a lifestyle we would support.
cbackson
I’m addressing only the specific assertion that only rich people can do this, not whether it’s desirable (personally or socially) or something I would or could do.
Anonymous
Anon at 10:38, do you seriously regard people who do work that’s necessary for your own quality of life as potential “drains on society” because that work is poorly recompensed?
SC
I have an acquaintance who’s a teacher. Her husband builds customized campers and customized parts for campers. For their “honeymoon,” she quit her job, and they spent 2 years driving from her home state to Patagonia and back (and blogged about it). Now they have 2 young children. After they had their first child, they bought a very rural property and built their own house. They definitely involve their kids in their hobbies/family business–they take them to car shows where they show the campers, travel in their camper with the kids, go rock climbing, etc. And of course they blog about it.
It’s a very different lifestyle from mine and most people on this board. It’s different enough that they generate traffic to their blog by blogging about it. It’s probably not practical for most people. They seem happy. Their kids seem happy. I have no idea what their financial picture is. Their expenses seem very low, and she may have good benefits and retirement from teaching.
Gail the Goldfish
In defense of anon at 9:34, there are certain seasonal jobs where you work insane amounts of time for half the year and basically earn a year’s income in that time. I had an acquaintance from high school who did this–worked the equivalent of a normal year’s worth of hours in 4 or 5 months nonstop at a fish processing plant in alaska and then traveled around the rest of the year. It’s not common, but it’s not unheard of. (I suspect this is not the case for the author of the article, but who knows).
Anonymous
I’m not going to read the article, and I assume the authors are privileged, but I’ve met people who make their whole income from fishing who take their kids on month long trips. It’s not because they’re super wealthy; it’s because they have a boat and spend a lot of time on it.
cbackson
Yeah, I mean – I live in the southeast. Anyone here who could do this would be super wealthy. But when I lived in Seattle, people owned boats at all kinds of income levels and did stuff life this. My ex-h’s best friend was a boatwright and his wife was an art teacher; they took 2-3 months to sail every year. And they were not economically privileged at all (they couldn’t afford health insurance for a lot of the time we knew them).
Also, taking your kids on boats is super, super common in places where owning boats is super common; it’s not perceived as OMG the most dangerous thing in the world.
Equestrian attorney
I also know two people who live on a sailboat full-time and charter it out for excursions etc, and also work odd jobs in the off-season. They are by no means rich. I’m assuming that’s not the scenario here, but who knows. Also, the couple I know are raising a baby on the boat. They take a lot of safety precautions – he wears a lifevest and is either inside or tied to a safety line while they’re sailing – but also, the kid lives on a boat and is very used to it. I thought the article was enjoyable and it made me want to take more adventures!
Gilligan
This is my DREAM. Seriously. I’ve priced it out. All cash charters in the islands would net us a nice little number. A friend of mine makes $150k cash for chartering their boat. Now, you’re at the mercy of some(often)times horribly behaved and entitled tourists, but it’s 100% feasible.
I realize this is not what the original post was about, but you’d be AMAZED about how robust, supportive and KID FRIENDLY the sailing cruiser community is. It knows no international borders, some of the smartest most savvy people I’ve ever met. IF you can get your hands on a 30′ sailboat from the 1980s for $15k and improve it yourself and/or for labor trades with a boat yard, you’re golden. Sure, the skill of sailing is usually available to be learned in places of privilege but the actual going out and cruising yourself absolutely does not take anything close to a trust fund.
Anon
I actually read her book (it was great!). She’s a wildlife biologist that does seasonal fieldwork and he’s some sort of self employed carpenter/architect. They’re definitely not making tons of money, but do have some flexibility. That’s it’s own kind of privileged, but it’s miles away from the lives of most of the people on this board.
Anon
My husband and I are professors and we usually spend 8-10 weeks every summer traveling for pleasure. I’m sure we earn less money than you. I also know some blue collar workers who do seasonal work and have summers free. Not everything in life is about money.
Anon
It’s not all about money. Professor jobs are not exactly easy to get
Anon
Sure, I don’t disagree that professor jobs are hard to get. But Falstaff said “My household income places me in the 97th percentile for the US, but there is no way my spouse and I could ever take off an entire summer like that. These people are beyond privileged.” I read her comment as referring to financial privilege (because she mentioned her own income) and saying they must be so wealthy they don’t have to work. I’m just pointing out that there are some lower-income people who have this option. More money does not necessarily equal more flexibility to take 10 weeks off. I’m definitely not a 97th percentile earner and I could this if I wanted to.
Anonymous
I can’t believe the editor didn’t insist on an explanation of what their jobs are. Also their 2 year old will have no memory of this adventure.
Anon
Meh I disagree with a lot of the article but 2 year olds don’t have memories of anything. It’s still really fun to do stuff with them/see the joy on their face.
Anon
Yeah, by that logic you should never take your 2 year old to see grandparents or to a children’s zoo or whatever. Enjoyment is still worth a lot, even if they won’t remember. And the memories of the other people involved count too.
Anonymous
Some people do remember their early childhood memories. (I believe nearly all children remember when they were two until those memories are overwritten at four or five?) But more important than the memories are the developmental effects of early childhood experiences.
Anonymous
This. Perhaps the 2 y.o. won’t have clear memories of the events, but he will certainly gain something from the experience (confidence, a sense of adventure, appreciation for nature, a feeling of closeness to family, lack of fear of (or healthy respect for) weather events, whatever).
Anonymous
It’s pretty easy to figure out what her job is. The bottom of the article says she is an author and wildlife biologist. Google tells you that she works for the USGS Alaska Science Center, who clearly seems to be okay with an LOA such as this.
Anon
Interesting article! I got slammed on the mom’s page once for saying this, but it’s shocking to me how many of my mom friends (all wealthy people with neurotypical children) whine about how they “had” to give up their passion for international travel when their kids were born. My kid is 5 and has been to 20 countries. Obviously being able to afford international travel for an entire family is a big privilege and there are some things you have to do differently (no long, difficult hikes once the kids are too big to be carried, for example) but international travel is by no means impossible with kids. I think a lot of moms really enjoy being martyrs, and changed their lives a lot when they had kids so they could whine about it. I never found that appealing, and have always just tried to live my pre-kid life with a little one in tow. Some days are a lot more successful than others, but I feel like you could at least try.
Falstaff
I really don’t like traveling with my kids, which we do a lot because all our family is a plane ride away. The biggest thing is their sleep is horrible away from home, and it’s exhausting and not fun for me at all. I will not be attempting any international trips until they are much older. I guess I’m a martyr who just wants to whine.
Anonymous
Idk are you? You can definitely make that choice and skip the whining martyr part.
Anon
Yup, you are.
JHC
+1. We started taking our kid on international trips at three. He’s the best traveler among us and it’s been a blast traveling with him. I don’t care that he probably won’t remember trips from when he was a toddler; he was joyful and those are MY memories.
Anonymous
Do you just have the one kid? Because that also makes a HUGE difference.
JHC
Just the one. I do agree it could be harder with more than one, although we do see lots of families larger than ours out there doing it.
S
I’m always really relieved when I read/hear takes like this. I do want a kid, but if I thought the choice were between having a full life with adventures and individual identity OR having a child, I’d get my tubes tied tomorrow. A lot of people really do use it as an excuse to give up on other parts of their lives. My parents did, my husband’s parents didn’t even though they made way less money than mine – guess which one of us is more nervous about having a kid.
Anonymous
You don’t have as much choice in the matter as you think, though. I was blessed with an easygoing, portable child who could sit silently through ballets and concerts at age 3 and traveled like a dream. But not all kids are like that–if I’d gotten one of her cousins instead of her, I would never have been able to leave the house for 18 years because he is so needy, disobedient, and hyperactive.
Anon
Yup. You have no idea what camp your kid will land in. I think it’s awesome to have goals to maintain a lot of your pre-kid life but realistically you don’t have a ton of control over how it plays out so it’s good to go in knowing that you may have to give up a lot
Anon
Caveat that I don’t have kids but – yes a good chunk of being able to do things depends on the child’s personality, but a lot of it is child rearing. The people I most often hear say “he’s just too energetic, he’s too much” who otherwise have a perfectly healthy child just aren’t parenting the child to be able to do such adventures. Yes, maybe you don’t travel until your kid is four or five, but if your child screams until you give in – your fault for not finding the right discipline. Now if people were honest and just admit they don’t ENJOY traveling with their young kids or that they find it too annoying instead of “he’s too difficult” when the difficulty of a toddler is largely in the hands of the parents, then I’d understand.
Anonymous
I don’t know, I’ve seen plenty of needy, disobedient, hyperactive kids traveling with their parents. I think there are certainly kids that are easier and harder, but you can largely still make a choice to keep doing what you’ve been doing, even with many of the harder kids (at least to a point). I’d say the majority of toddlers, especially boys, are pretty hyperactive but you just have to accommodate that personality in your plans. So no to going to the ballet, yes to spending the afternoon running around a park.
Anonymous
Hahahahaha if you believe “the difficulty of a toddler is largely in the hands of the parents.” You are either a POOPCUP or a nonparent.
Anon
At Anon at 11:51 I mean that’s possible but not really fair. You literally don’t know what your kids will be like until you have them. Also disagree on it all being about how the kid is raised. I have way too many friends with vastly different kids that were raised in the same house for things like the energetic toddler to be solely the result of parenting. Also disabilities and special needs are far more common than I realized before I had kid. And a lot of them aren’t visible.
Anonymous
I think the child’s entire environment must contribute more than people want to admit. When I travel, children of the same age are not the same in terms of behavioral norms in one community as they are in another community. I doubt parents can control this though.
Anon
Family size also matters. Note that I only have one child. That was by choice. :) I won’t say I don’t know any larger families that still travel (we were in Paris last week and met an American family of 6!) but I have noticed among my friends that each additional child shifts the balance more toward a kid-centric life and away from an adult-centric life.
Anon
I follow a blogger based in Amsterdam who has five kids ranging in age from like 1 to 14-15 and they travel a lot together, including to famous museums. I was stunned when she said they spent nearly 8 hours at Versailles (even I don’t have that attention span), but I guess there are ways to make it work.
My impression is that people who travel with their kids are dealing with all the same issues as people who stay home – the kids are cranky, someone threw up, you forgot the diaper bag, etc, etc., but they just choose to grin and bear it because they feel like the trip or adventure is worth it. I have to say, I’d rather deal with a cranky kid while running around a park in Paris than not travel in a given year at all, although I am sure the balance would tip the other way if I had a child with very severe special needs.
Equestrian attorney
To be fair, Versailles has a very large park. I have spent an entire day there but only about an hour in the main museum, so I can see it working out with kids.
Anonymous
Awwww the campervan family? Esther? Love her
S
Yup, this is exactly why I’ll only have one!! Also, I know the hypothetical kid’s overall personality (not to mention health needs and all manner of other variables) is something that I don’t get to choose as other commenters have pointed out, but the majority of really needy and disobedient children I see seem to have parents with poor boundaries.
Anon
Ah yes, I too was a perfect parent before I had kids
Anonymous
Yes you can absolutely travel internationally with kids. What do people think families that are spread across multiple countries/continents do? (I mean lots of them can’t afford to visit each other, but those that can).
Kart
Where all have you traveled to with the kiddo? Do you have family living abroad? Are you U.S.-based?
Anon
Yes, we’re in the US. No family abroad. We mostly travel to Europe and the Caribbean but we’ve also done Australia (age 3), Japan (age 4), the Maldives (age 4) and Argentina/Antarctica (age 5).
Anonymous
We gave up traveling internationally because we couldn’t afford to do that and also save for retirement, save for college, pay our mortgage and pay for childcare.
Not everyone on this board has a HHI over $300k, although that’s lost on many. We just hit over $200k HHI this year and are thinking maybe we can do a trip to Europe in the fall, especially since my kid won’t need summer camp next year.
I would tell you to check your privilege but I’m sure that’s a completely foreign (ha!) concept to you.
Anon
I’m the Anon at 10:03. Our household income is WAY under $300k. Like, about half that. That said, I acknowledged in my OP that it’s a privilege to be able to afford this much travel. I know I’m wealthier than most Americans and also that there are many people far wealthier than I am who don’t share my passion for travel – nothing wrong with that, nor did I imply there was.
Anon
I looked it up and the author is a research biologist and an author. The former isn’t generally highly paid, but being an author obviously can be. Not sure about the husband. I’m guessing that the actual cost of the trip once you have the boat is pretty low anyway.
Anonymous
I know a pair of professors who are able to do sabaticals in interesting places and they bring their kids (and have done so since the kids were tiny). It’s not lucrative and they don’t write best-sellers, but they have the luxury of time off periodically (or they have gotten “visiting professor” gigs that have let them travel).
Anon
Lol I think a research biologist is way more highly paid than an author. Biologist is likely a six figure job. Very few authors make six figures and they’re household names with lots of NYT bestsellers-turned-movies like Emily Giffin.
Anon
No, biologist jobs like that are more like $60k.
cbackson
Yeah, this is a classic example of a job that often requires an advanced degree and is higher prestige, but doesn’t generally pay well. That said, you also get this type of flexibility – a lot of people with this type of role have a field season when they’re working and a substantial chunk of the year when they’re not. (Source: used to live on a scientific research station and was married to a forest biologist.)
anonymous
It also depends on what specific work the person is doing. Also, seniority. Saying “biologist” is pretty broad– even “research biologist.”
anon
“Biologist is likely a six figure job.”
LOL.
Anonymous
The biologists I know all make six figures. They either work as professors at research universities (earning ~$100-150k) or they work in biotech (I think starting salaries are pretty similar to the professors, but go up much more dramatically). I realize someone who works for the government doesn’t make as much, but I think that’s a universal govt vs industry thing, and I don’t think of research biologist as a low paid profession at all. I know lots and lots of writers, many of whom are by any metric successful, and none of them crack six figures in income.
Kart
I mean, this is like linking to an article about a woman running ultramarathons and saying “See, if you just put your mind to it, you can run an ultramarathon, here’s an example of someone who did it!” Ignoring that the very fact that the New York Times is writing an article about it shows how insanely unusual and difficult it is.
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/12/05/sports/courtney-dauwalter-200-mile-race.html
Anonymous
THIS
Anonymous
Okay, CD, is crazy talented/freak of nature, but anyone CAN put their mind to it an finish an ultra. I know runners of all shapes, sizes, ages, abilities (disabilities included), who have finished ultras. An ultra is anything other 26.2 miles – it doesn’t have to be 200 miles!
JJC
I love this thread. So many of the commenters have mentioned that they are HIGH EARNERS! and even at their HIGH EARNER status they couldn’t afford to do this so these parents must have family money! are trust fund kids! Nope, it’s jut a reminder that sometimes being a high earner or having a large HHI means you give up other stuff–vacation time, flexibility, family time.
Anonymous
And some people just don’t make enough money to achieve significant security. If one hospitalization would destroy your savings, what’s your incentive to save vs. experience life while it lasts?
Anon
I really agree with this. Sometimes having the high-earning job means you do LESS cool stuff – golden handcuffs and all. The people I know who are the most adventurous aren’t in Biglaw or working as surgeons with 80-hour weeks.
Anon
Boy are there a lot of nasty attitudes coming out today. Sorry to anyone who got an extra snarky reply above, it must be the moon phase.
Anon
Has your donation pattern changed since the tax changes last year? I hate to admit it, but I have not donated as much money as before. I used to donate about $500 a year to various charities. Now I am much more willing to give out smaller change like $5/10 at church and other events where I don’t need to keep track of the receipts. I have a feeling overall that I am donating less (in total) than before. I understand that you can still deduct charitable donations for larger amounts and spread them out over the next few years to claim deductions, but I have never donated more than $500/year. Is anyone planning to do that?
Anon
Maybe I am misunderstanding the impact of the new law. I thought the issue was that personal exemptions were raised such that fewer people were itemizing. We still ended up itemizing last year (thanks big medical expenses) and were able to deduct our donations.
However, to answer your actual question, no, the tax law has not changed my donation pattern because I never donated money to save on my taxes. I donated because a cause meant something to me and I wanted them to have my money. I typically only donate around $1000 – $1500 / year total spread over different charities so that doesn’t reduce my taxable liability by even one paycheck.
Anon
I’m honestly more than a little surprised that someone with a high enough income to view $10 as small change has never donated more than $500 in a year.
Anononon
+1
Falstaff
I have found myself feeling freer to donate to non-tax exempt things, like political campaigns, Patreon, and Go Fund Me. I’m also giving away more clothing and household items in my local Buy Nothing group rather than making in-kind donations to charity and deducting them. It has not reduced my overall giving, which has ramped up significantly due to my concerns about the current state of the world.
Anonymous
+1, I’m funding more GoFundMes.
Anon
I have not but have considered grouping donations to maximize the net amount.
For example we usually give around $5k and would be able to deduct that since we itemized. Now it doesn’t make sense to itemize but we still have $5k last year. We are considering making a double donation this year which would allow us to make a deduction so could give more money. For example assuming a 30% rate to keep it simple, instead of doing 5k and 5k we would do 13k this year. It’s a lot of mental math so we haven’t yet but we don’t donate for tax purposes but to the extent we can time donations to donate more for the same economic post-tax impact, yes we have considered that.
Anon
We are doing this. We typically make annual donations around the end of the year anyway. Instead of $10 k per year each December, it will be: $10k Dec 2019, $10k Jan 2021, $10k Dec 2021, $10k Jan 2023, etc.
anon
interesting. So you will just itemize every other year? I’m worried this will cause charities to have cash-flow problems. if a significant amount of people stop making their regular monthly donations. (obviously not like here where you make just a yearly donation)
Anon
Yes, that’s the idea. With the higher standard deduction and the cap on SALT deductions, we were only over the limit to itemize by about $4k for 2018. It will work out better to alternate years. I do think it’s not ideal for the charities, but most of them are used to annual lump sums anyway.
Anon
I think you could also do the contributions to a donor advised fund this way, and then have them paid out at more frequent intervals, if you wanted.
asdf
My donation pattern has changed. In past years I made an annual donation towards the end of the year. In 2017 I did a double donation so I could deduct it on my taxes with plans to skip donating in 2018. I’ve now set up a charitable gift fund with the plan that I will make a large donation to it every few years. Not sure yet how this will work in practice.
Anon for this
It has changed drastically. We previously donated enough that itemizing was a better option (donating roughly $7k per year with a $65k AGI). Now that itemizing no longer makes sense for us, we have cut our donations from roughly $7k per year to about $500 last year.
Since we have also experienced a seismic shift in our values from ultra-conservative to quite progressive/liberal in the past couple of years, we have zero guilt about no longer sending $7k per year to ultra-conservative nonprofits while increasing by about $500 the amount we give to organizations with goals we support (some are nonprofits but not all are).
Curious
This is interesting. Can you explain how your values shifted so dramatically in a few years?
Anon for this
This is way oversimplified and leaves out of lot of detail, but the overall gist of what happened goes like this: we gradually became aware that the values espoused by most of those in our very conservative evangelical circle were basically various forms of bigotry pretending to be religious piety. When we began to express concern that various forms of hatred billing themselves as love were…not love, we found it very enlightening how angry the reactions were and realized that those values were not ones we could continue to support. There was drama, we said goodbye to that circle, and realized that supporting human rights does not mean you have sold your soul to the devil.
Anonymous
So it looks like you were tithing and giving $500 above and beyond that, then quit tithing and shifted the $500?
Something people don’t seem to understand about tax-deductible gifts is that you are still donating money out of your own pocket–it does not all come off of your tax bill. If you give $1,000 and deduct it with a marginal tax rate of 25%, then the gift is costing you $750 out of pocket. I am always puzzled when people say things like, “My financial advisor told me I had to donate a ton of money this year because of taxes,” or “I stopped donating because I was no longer itemizing my deductions.” The logical response to losing the incentive to itemize deductions is to reduce the amount of the gift by the lost tax deduction, not to quit giving entirely.
Anon for this
Sort of, but for us the logical response was to breathe a sigh of relief that we could finally afford things like funding our retirement accounts and saving for modest vacations, which we could never do before when giving away that much of our income without suffering either missed mortgage payments or the so-called righteous concern of the definitely very non-judgmental and loving church leaders who monitored the amount we put in the offering plate every week. Out of concern for our eternal souls, and definitely not at all because they just bought a new Porsche and needed to pay for their third “mission trip” to Costa Rica that year.
Donor advised fund
Somewhat of a related point, but if you are a high earner, consider setting up a donor advised fund. We set one up last year, there are large tax benefits of doing so. As a result of the fund, we are “required” to donate a certain amount of every year. And I really like that set up because I know that I will be making large contributions every year, whereas in past years we have given but the numbers have been more sporadic.
A donor advised fund requires a minimum amount of 25k to set up. So not for everyone, but it will apply to some on this board.
Diana Barry
No, Fidelity’s DAF has a $5K minimum. They are the largest DAF and have good administration. Be aware though, that they charge 60 bps on AUM for “administration” in addition to the normal investment management fee. If you’re not bundling donations, it’s more efficient to give directly to the charity rather than set up a DAF.
Anon
No, because that’s not why I donate.
JHC
Dude. There are a ton of people on this blog doing pretty well and it always makes me shake my head when I realize how uncharitable this lot is.
Anon
Why don’t you share your donation habits then? I’m always surprised by how judgmental some of you are. Notice how the judgmental commenters never share their own info but only comment to judge others. Jeez.
Anon
+1
JHC
Last year our HHI was about 310. We donated about 35K. We gave 9K to the community college I graduated from (we are in year 5 of 7 for endowing a scholarship). The other 26K went to: area food bank; diaper bank; crisis nursery; a child’s scholarship fund (for a boy who died at 10 yo); local boy scouts to fund a new pinewood derby track; a child cancer charity. We strive for 10-15% of our GROSS HHI.
Anon
Same.
Anon
I’ve never itemized and have always given anywhere from $500 to 1K a year. Still do.
Shal
Nope, I don’t donate for tax deductions, although that was a nice to have. I donate about 2-3K per year on a moderate income of 80K. It was the same when I earned 20k lesser, not too long ago.
Anon
I don’t understand these comments. People don’t donate for a tax benefit. They still pay the money. They get a deduction that lowers their tax bill by some percentage of the donation. But if I donate $1k and get a $300 haircut to my tax bill, I’m still out of pocket $700.
cbackson
I donate roughly $20,000/year on take-home pay of about $200,000 (that’s less taxes, insurance, and my retirement contributions, both mandatory and discretionary), plus 10% of the take-home amount of my bonus.
(I know take-home pay typically only means less taxes but that’s how I think about it for my own decision-making.)
Anon
Daydreaming about leaving my high stress, long hours, grueling travel consulting job to become an optometrist. Please talk me out of this, I need a reality check.
Retirement
If reality check is what you want: think about how much this would cost you for going back to school? Not just the loans/tuition, but opportunity cost in savings? How long would it take you as an optometrist To get back to your current salary, worst case scenario? I’m not loving my lawyer job lately but I have come to accept it’s the highest paying job I can get ( and I work at a nonprofit so not high salary as lawyer jobs go) and to get anything close I would prob have to go back to school, pay a bunch of money, and set myself back considerably in opportunities to save. I could probably never retire. That said quality of life is not nothing and retirement savings are not everything; it’s worth looking into your other options if you’re truly miserable in your current situation. But you asked us to give you a reality check, so..
Anonymous
Start applying for jobs you already qualify for?
anon
If you changed the word “optometrist” for “children’s librarian”, I’d think you were me.
anon
how old are you? if you are in your 20s, then maybe this is a solid plan, but you need a lot of the same coursework as premed to become an optometrist. if you work in consulting you likely have a skillset that is applicable to a variety of fields/jobs – so what exactly about being an optometrist appeals to you? could you find that through a different job?
Anon
I mean, I’m sure optometrists have their own work issues and stress to deal with. Can you take a vacation and maybe focus on job searching?
BB
Go in-house! Shorter hours, much less travel. Main down sides are less variety and a slower compensation ramp. And it still doesn’t prevent you from going and doing something else after a few years if you want.
Anon
Why do you want to be talked out of it? Maybe you should do it!
OD?
the field is becoming saturated, with way too many schools. The debt load is huge, and the industry is becoming more and more corporate everyday, meaning lower incomes and less autonomy for new grads. This was a great career path 10-20 years ago, not so sure about the future now. HOWEVER, its a pretty good quality of life, low malpractice rates, lowest divorce rates of any profession. You pretty much can’t take work home with you.
Anonymous
My grandmother passed away last week. She was 90 and had been doing pretty well until the last 4 months, when she injured her back and then went into a decline that she didn’t come out of. I wasn’t particularly close with her as a child but I saw her a lot as an adult and I had been involved in her care these last few months. I went to the nursing home (we’d had to put her in full nursing care) when she passed, stayed for the funeral home to come, helped my uncle pack up her room, etc.
I am struggling because I feel like both my husband and son, and people at work, seem to think I should already be moving on from her death – she was old, she was sick, and her death wasn’t a surprise, so why I am I still sad about it? But I am sad about it. She was my last living grandparent and it feels so strange to be grandparent-less for the first time in my whole life. Also, I loved her and helping to take care of her after she got injured became a part of the pattern of my life. I always saw her on Sundays and it was so weird yesterday not to go see her (not to mention the whole Mother’s Day thing). I miss her, she was funny and caring, and her not being in my life has left a hole. But the reaction from most people seems to be “sorry for your loss but she *was* really old, right?” and that’s not helping. I realize I can’t change other people, so any self-management tips for dealing with my own grief when I don’t feel like anyone is acknowledging that I am grieving?
Z
People grieve at their own pace!! I grieved my grandma for months and I still get sad thinking about her not being here anymore. Sure she was old and sick, so maybe death isn’t be a surprise, but it still hurts. Tell your husband that you’re still hurting and he needs to support you through this.
anon
I am so sorry for your loss. Grandmothers are super special. Does your employer have an EAP (Employee Assistance) program where you can find a therapist to chat with? It helped me on a handful of occasions. Cherish your memories.
Skipper
I’m so sorry for your loss. For starters, I think I might gently push back with folks who are dismissive of its scope. “I recognize this was her time, but I loved her very much and will miss spending time with her” is probably going to help you get the commiseration you need and deserve here, especially from the people you you’re closest to. You might also find a way to use that time on your Sundays to somehow honor that relationship, at least in the short term. That might involve taking the afternoon away from your family to watch old movies you watched with her, try your hand at her favorite recipes or crafts, or get daytime martini drunk with your girlfriends. You might journal about your memories or visit her grave or volunteer with her favorite charity.
Vicky Austin
I’m so sorry for your loss. I totally hear you – if you’re sad you’re sad! My grandfather died just over a year ago and he, too, was old enough that people questioned me for being sad, but I loved him, for cryin’ out loud, and love grieves. I like Skipper’s ideas (both for a script and for ways to honor her), but just know you’re not alone.
Also, has your husband lost his grandparents? Mine hasn’t, and I’ve lost two since we’ve known each other, and both times I’ve had to cut him a little slack since he doesn’t quite get it, no matter how kind he’s being. Someday he’ll understand, but this is just something that fell to me first. It sucks, though.
Anonymous
I am super close with my grandparents and will be devastated when they pass, even though they are all in their late 80’s/early 90’s now and have lived good and full lives. That doesn’t make you miss your loved one any less! Push back gently and tell anyone who is giving you crap that you are mourning at your own pace. Set aside some time for yourself to reflect on her role in your life and her importance to you – maybe take a day or two off from work to do that. Lots of you love to you in this difficult time.
Anonymous
I honestly don’t trust anyone who feels that there are circumstances that make it more acceptable to lose a loved one to death.
Anonymous
Huh? Any rational human thinks there are circumstances that make death more acceptable. For example, the circumstance of a person dying peacefully in their sleep at the age of 95 (another circumstance) is far more acceptable to the vast majority of us than a child dying at a school shooting.
Never too many shoes...
I think the point is more that saying “oh well, they were old/sick” does not help the OP. While her grandmother’s death was not tragic, losing someone she loved is hurting her and anyone who has suffered a loss should understand that (or alternatively, keep their mouths shut on the subject).
Anonymous
I understand the point of the OP’s post, as you stated. But, Anonymous @ 10:41 said she doesnt trust anyone “who feels that there are circumstances that make it more acceptable to lose a loved one to death.” That is a bizarre and unorthodox position. Anyone is entitled to grieve for their loved ones, regardless of death. But, we all (or so I thoguht until reading this post) make judgments about the circumstances surrounding death. Moreover, we all have no choice but to “accept” the deaths of loved ones, as we all are going to die at some point. The most we can hope for is to do so under circumstances that are more “acceptable” to our loved ones.
Anon
+1 to Anonymous at 11:00. It blows my mind when people act like a grandparent dying in their sleep at age 90 is a tragedy. It’s not. It’s sad for the persons’ loved ones, but it’s revolting to compare it to the actual tragedy of losing a child.
Anonymous
There are no circumstances that make someone “less gone” or more “dead.” Grieving someone’s loss is not the same as responding to tragic circumstances surrounding their death. The difference between alive and dead is so, so great. A day spent alive isn’t worth less at one age than at another age. You can’t treat people like they had “enough” of a loved one and should say goodbye more easily. There are more things to grieve in some circumstances than in others (like when you anticipated a long life ahead of the person), but those things aren’t the same as the person who has died.
Anonymous
And if this post comes across as insensitive, please compare it to “your grandma’s death is not a tragedy,””it was her time,””maybe it’s for the best,” and all the other things people say to someone who would give a lot for just one more day? I have lost someone in circumstances that easily qualify as tragic, and believe me that I understand the circumstances are harder to deal with than when older people in my life died after years of preparation. But people’s need to try to find a silver lining when there is none was the same.
LAnon
Just trust that they are scrambling for something to say that will restore emotional equilibrium. People don’t like to feel uncomfortable, and if they haven’t learned to either get comfortable with grief or sit with the discomfort, they say dumb things like, “Don’t be sad, she lived a long life and she’s in a better place!!” in a misguided effort to fix things or escape their own discomfort. (Imagine their emotions like a panicked squirrel: “Oh no, I am faced with someone else’s pain and a reminder that I too have or will experience this pain and so will everyone I love!! Gotta get away!!”) Distrust seems misplaced – it doesn’t make them a bad person to not have the emotional maturity to respond well.
Anon
+1
Anon
Really? I recently had a grandfather pass at 101. I miss him and am grieving. But I will admit that it was his time and that he was ready to go – he believes in god, missed my grandmother, and had been ready for years. I miss him and am sad that he is no longer in my life. But it is nothing near the grief I would feel if I had lost a parent, who I hope will still be around for a long time; my brother, who I hope will be around for at least the vast, vast, majority of my life; or a child, who I hope will long outlast me.
Having said that, I would never tell another person that their loss is less valid because the person was old.
Eh
It’s not a contest. Of course OP would be much more devastated if her parent or brother or child (or someone who had not lived an objectively long life) died. That doesn’t mean she’s not allowed to be upset about her grandmother. That doesn’t invalidate her current grief. The fact that there are worse things to lose does not diminish the pain of this loss.
Anon
But that is not what Anon at 11:20 is responding to. She is responding to the idea that someone doesn’t “trust anyone who feels that there are circumstances that make it more acceptable to lose a loved one to death.” What a lot of people are saying in response to Anonymous at 10:41 is that there are circumstances of death that are more tragic than others, and that some deaths are “more acceptable” than others. Even your post agreed with that concept
Anon
+1 to this. I’ve lost a parent and two grandparents (including one who helped raise me), and there’s just no comparison. My grandmother was in her 90s and had lived a long and happy life, so it was much easier for me to deal with. That said, of course everyone grieves differently.
anon.
I’m sorry for your loss. When I dealt with a loss eerily similar to yours, I repeated to myself: “It’s a tremendous loss for our family; it is not a tragedy.” That helped me understand my own reactions of grief and the realities of the situation for others who may not have been as close to her. I think both are true. I hope this doesn’t come off as callous, it genuinely helped me through.
LAnon
This is a them problem, not a you problem. Remind yourself that the vibe you are likely picking up and interpreting as them wanting you to move on is probably them just feeling awkward and uncomfortable and not knowing what to say. You don’t have to fix that for them, particularly for the people at work, you can let them just feel uncomfortable while you grieve. It is not about you – it is mostly about them doing some mental and emotional gymnastics to try to escape their own discomfort.
With your husband and son, I think you can be more direct and say, “I will need some time to grieve, and I need your support while I do that. I know it might make you uncomfortable but I would like you to be part of my grieving rather than feeling like I’m facing this alone.” And then maybe you could ask them to join you in some of the other suggestions here.
If you feel up to being a little light-hearted about it, when your husband says or implies something about you moving on, say, “Well, I plan to someday spend YEARS dramatically mourning you. I’m going to need a little longer on this one too.”
Senior Attorney
Many years ago when my father-in-law passed away at age 95, somebody gave me a card that sad “It’s always too soon to say good-bye to someone you love.” I think that is such a lovely thought and I’ve always remembered it. Maybe you can just say that to people who say or imply you should shrug it off.
I’m sorry for your loss!
anon
I lost my grandmother in February after 2 years in a nursing home and one year in a lock down Alzheimer’s unit and it was very hard. Yes, she was 90, yes, her quality of life was minimal, but she still recognized my grandfather, and her care was part of my routine for 2 years. I also had her in my life for 40 years. And when I actually tried to minimize my grief saying “well she was old so it was sad not tragic” a co-worker actually looked at me and said, but you had her longer than I had my Mom and while she wasn’t your mom it is still loosing someone who was a huge impact on your life. I took that to heart. Grief is hard, and it is personal, and it sneaks up on you all the time. Your grandmother sounds like she was a wonderful part of your life, and I am so sorry for your loss. Let yourself grieve, and if people think that is strange, my own answer to it is simply to think they weren’t blessed to have the kind of grandparents I had – where their death is still a punch in the stomach no matter what the circumstances. I completely echo what Senior Attorney has said – there is never enough time with someone you love. Full stop. Death may be the natural order of things, but it doesn’t help the void left when someone leaves us. Hugs to you.
Never too many shoes...
The above is so beautifully written. Hugs to you, anon, and to the OP.
Anon
Honestly, one of my grandmothers died 16 years ago and the other died like 4 years ago and I still grieve them both, especially around their birthdays and Mothers Day. Grief is hard and inexplicable, regardless of how old or sick they were when they died.
You’ve gotten great advice here – I just wanted to throw my voice in the chorus saying that of course this is difficult!
Anon
I’m so sorry for your loss and that people aren’t being as supportive as would be helpful.
What helped me:
there’s a grief support organization in my area that connected me with a peer counselor—this was enormously helpful. If you’re in the Bay Area, it’s called Kara. Hospice organizations may be able to connect you to a group (though be prepared to have to search again if the first one isn’t right for you).
Also, I’ve been mulling ways to honor my parent’s memory—traditions with my kids, how I live, also thinking about making donations in memory. Sometimes I talk to one of my parent’s closest friends—this person has been really helpful.
I’ve found that I’m fine with many people not understanding (or even knowing—I didn’t want to talk about the illness and death with lots of people at first, now it’s too late to say “hey, I experienced a loss last year and could really use community”), as long as I have a few people who understand.
Delta Dawn
I am so sorry for your loss and completely empathize with you. I lost my grandmother two years ago when she was 87. We were very close, and I am still very sad about it, and I still cry sometimes. A quote I love is: “When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you will see in truth you are grieving for that which has been your delight.” – Khalil Gibran
You’ve gotten great advice here. One thing I did was start a notebook where I wrote down everything I remember her saying. You know how you remember little quotes or one-liners, or just recall memorable conversations? I wrote them all down. I put them in a note in my phone anytime I think of another one. That’s how I remember a lot of things she said that I know I would have forgotten by now… and I’m so glad I wrote them down. She said a couple of things that I think might help you:
“Now honey, don’t let seeing me like this make you worry about dying. You enjoy your time.”
“Everybody wants a little more time with someone you love, no matter how long you’ve had them.”
And most importantly, “You will never know how much I love you.” My grandmother said this all the time, like pretty much every time we talked to her… I know that’s not your grandmother’s exact words, but I promise she felt the same way.
One last thing– I posted here when she passed away and got wonderful and kind responses, and one that helped me most was that someone posted this poem by Henry Scott Holland:
Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Nothing has happened.
Everything remains exactly as it was.
I am I, and you are you,
and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let me name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is absolute and unbroken continuity.
What is death but a negligible accident?
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval,
Somewhere very near,
just round the corner.
All is well.
Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!
Anonymous
I am sorry for your loss, maybe try out your employers eap program for a couple counseling sessions. I also recommend signing up for betterhelp a virtual counselor who can really help.
Anon
How do you stay motivated when your job is essentially a dead end? I’m obviously job searching but as far as raises, bonuses, promotions, there’s no opportunity with my current employer. Also, I have a colleague that completes maybe 25% of the amount of work I do so it’s very difficult to stay motivated when I know I can get by working at half of my capacity. The whole situation is making me miserable! What do you all do to stay motivated and not completely checked out?
Anon
Can you check out more? If you know you can get by at working half capacity and there’s no incentive re: promotion/raises/etc. in your current job, it doesn’t sound like you are gaining anything by throwing yourself into it. Maybe cut down your usage of capacity and take some more time for yourself in the meantime?
Minnie
Agree with this. What are the adverse impacts of working at half capacity? If there aren’t any, then save the energy for something else.
Anonymous
+1
Anon
I’m in the exact same situation. I can get by with working maybe an hour or two a day. There’s no progress to be had. I’m bored most of the time. I am coping by leaning way out – taking vacation, a few mental health days here and there, actually taking a lunch break instead of eating at my desk, clocking out early when I can. I am also mentally leaning out and have stopped worrying about how to improve or fretting about the future of the company. Basically I’m telling my natural drive/ambition to take a backseat. All this so I can focus on job hunting.
Ann Perkins!
I’m here and it’s the worst! I feel exactly the way you mentioned – high capacity, but I only need to operate WAY below capacity to be a smashing success in my current job, which might sound good but is actually terrible. I’m actively working toward a career change (completing a required degree) so I shamelessly use work hours to study and do all manner of personal admin. I’ve also had to re-frame the situation mentally – I’m grateful for the fact that my job is the one “sure thing” that I don’t have to worry about right now, I’m good at it and it takes very little bandwidth in a season when I’m maxed out on bandwidth capacity everywhere else. And it’s a temporary life season. Good luck!
NYC Lawyer Gal
Look for opportunities within your job to take on additional projects so you are busier and developing new skills. You might need to create them — come up with an idea for some kind of sharing of knowledge, improvement of a process, etc. In my job, there is some promotion opportunity but it’s quite random who gets promoted, so I’m not motivated by that. But I’ve made myself into an expert on various things and enjoy being the person that folks come to with questions about those things. I got a sense from talking to folks in the office that they’d appreciate a training on a certain subject, so I asked to make a presentation on it at our monthly staff meeting. I’m now working on developing a series of smaller technology trainings. I also spend a lot of time learning how to program in Visual Basic for Microsoft Office (it’s a programming language build in to the office suit we use, hidden but there for anyone). I use it to automate and streamline various tasks. It takes me as long (if not longer) to teach myself how to automate the task, so I’m not sure I end up saving time — but it makes a routine, repetitive task into a challenge.
HR Attorney
This was me for about 3 years. It worked for a while because I had two kids and needed the flexibility and mental vacation. But after a while, the boredom and pointlessness started to affect my self esteem and well-being. Yes, I tried to search for other opportunities to expand my role, but my boss just didn’t care one way or the other. I’ve since moved on, to a much more intense and demanding but much more fulfilling role, and I’m much happier. I just wanted to let you know I’ve been there, and I hope you find a better opportunity soon!
SSJD
A few months ago there was a thread about what you read to get you in the mood for “gardening”. I cannot find the thread–can anyone direct me to it by date? Or share a few titles if you don’t mind rehashing the topic. Thanks.
Anon
Liteerot*ca. Replace the asterisk with an “i”.You can search by genre.
Anon for this
and take out that extra e.
Abby
Has anyone traveled to Azores, Portugal and if so, did you fly Azores Airline? We’re looking to go in September, but I read reviews of the airline that they frequently cancel or delay flights and I was hoping to hear any personal experiences.
Jo March
I loved the Azores, you’re in for such a treat! (post a burner email if you’d like a *rough* itinerary/notes). We flew SATA, not Azores Airlines and it was fine as long you read the carry on weight/size limits in advance.
Abby
That would be wonderful, thank you! abbycorporette at G mail. I think Azores Airlines is a new part of SATA, so good to hear.
Anonymous
Hat tip to whoever recommended Tessa Bailey books!
Anon
No experience with Azores, but there are a lot of complaints online about how Aegean Air has horrible delays/cancellations/strikes and we had no issues when we flew them to the Greek Isles (in the midst of a country-wide strike). So personally I’d probably take the grumbling online with a grain of salt.
Anny
Delta offers direct flights from NYC and has the best US record re: cancellations
Abby
Delta is my go-to, but there are no options from my airport (Delta hub) in Sept..I’m not sure if they don’t offer flights then?
Anon
Did you check every day of the week? It’s common for airlines to only offer flights to a particular destination on, say, Tuesdays and Saturdays.
Abby
Yeah, I checked flexible dates and they don’t appear after the end of August. I’ve never found a destination before that this happened for Delta.
Anonymous
Oh yeah, probably they stop service in August then. Sorry!
Gail the Goldfish
Delta’s route is seasonal, though I can’t find the exact dates–it looks like it’s only summer, so may not be running depending on what time in September you’re looking at.
Abby
Mid Sept, leaving the 13/14th weekend. I’m assuming if flights aren’t available now for that time, they won’t be adding them in the future?
Gail the Goldfish
Also, if you can’t find it, you might try calling Delta’s help/reservations line. They should be able to tell you the dates they actually run routes.
Anon
We flew Azores Airlines a couple years ago. Our first flight out had a mechanical issue so we got kicked off the plane after about an hour sitting there wondering what was going on and had to find lodging for the night (they had to fly in the part from Portugal). The next flight was 24 hours later. We had booked connecting flights in Azores (don’t do this on your first day)- so were out those flights, some lodging, etc. and had to cut out trip a little short. The airlines said they would pay for lodging and reimburse taxis and food for the delay – however it took MONTHS and a lot of calls and emails to get reimbursed even part of the amount – we never got the full amount back. And travel insurance/CCs wouldn’t cover it b/c it was an airline issue. All goes to say – not the best airline at least from a timely and customer service perspective. But — that seemed to be the easiest option at the time otherwise if you’re flying from the east coast. Azores are fun though – enjoy!
Abby
oh boy this sounds scary. So would you do it again? The flights are cheap, $590/person from Toronto. My only fear is that we’d land in Toronto at 6 pm and drive 4 hours to get home and work the next day. I don’t want to get delayed on our return flight..
Anon
I’ve noticed several commenters mention that they send a periodic financial update via email to their spouse (or receive one from their spouse). I’m intrigued by this because I tend to be the primary money & budget manager in my household but my husband and I have had a hard time connecting on the finances lately. Tell me more about your periodic email updates, or whatever system you use to get on the same page as your spouse!
Anonymous
We do not do this. We do, however, use Mint. I am the one who updates it 90-ish percent of the time. So hubby can log in at any point and see where the money goes. He also pays a lot of the physical bills while I do most of the shopping and organizing.
busybee
I’m the financial manager in our household too. I have a spreadsheet of our assets and liabilities that I update once a month and save on my computer. My husband knows it’s there and can check it whenever he wants. He never does though. Every now and then I’ll let him know when we hit a milestone with savings.
anonshmanon
Maybe something like this
https://www.thefrugalgirl.com/the-monthly-money-email/
waffles
I’m the financial manager of our house also. I have a spreadsheet where I track spending by category. On a montly basis, I will send my husband an email with our savings account balances (RRSP, TFSA, investing accounts) and our total spending by category. I include any large purchases in that category, and I show the last month and the monthly average for the last two years for context.
On an annual basis, I show all of this for the year, compared with previous years (I think I have data back to about 2003) by category. I show our budget vs our actual, and a list of big-ticket items that I’m thiking for next year and the next few years. He can add any big-ticket items he’s thinking onto the budget, so we both know roughly what we’re planning to spend in the coming year.
Anonymous
We avoid using email for this type of stuff for privacy reasons but do share docs on a flash drive.
Minnie Beebe
This dress is amazing, and I wish I had a reason to buy it.
On an unrelated note: Have you read this NY Times article about generic drugs? Eye-opening, to say the least. https://www.nytimes.com/2019/05/11/opinion/sunday/generic-drugs-safety.html?searchResultPosition=1
Combo convection oven microwave ovens
Anyone have one of these? Are they any good? I think that it might be good as a microwave. Maybe more like a warming drawer than a true oven (like could you take it up to 400 degrees or broil?)?
They seem too newfangled — like maybe not all of the kinks are worked out?
Also, my parents had a gas oven for 30 years. Apparently now, gas ovens can cycle on and off quite noisily (even in some higher-end models, like Jenn-Air), which is something I don’t remember in my parents’ house, ever. FWIW, I have an electric oven but want to switch to gas (maybe dual fuel, which I think is more expensive but less annoying)?
Out of Place Engineer
We have one — the GE Advantium over the range model. I love, love, love it! (mostly) You have to swap out the metal & glass trays depending on how you’re cooking. (Glass when microwaving, metal for speed cook/convection cook.) It is much more functional than a warming drawer and because it is smaller, preheats faster when needed. I can make frozen swedish meatballs in 8 minutes with no pre-heating. I can cook frozen chicken breasts in 25 minutes. Perfectly cooked fish in 10 minutes! Garlic bread in 6 minutes! It suits my two-working parent family well.
Drawbacks — hard to clean. I’m not sure what finish they use inside, but doesn’t clean easily. You also have to let it cool down between speed cook & microwaving, but that is minor.
We also have a gas convection oven. Ours is a Kitchen Aid and does not cycle noisily. The only thing you hear faintly is the fan blade with the convection.
Away Game
Counterpoint: our house had an Advantium when we bought it and we HATED it. All we needed 90% of the time was a basic microwave , and the Advantium took more effort to program in than it was worth; couldn’t just hit “30 seconds, start” or “5:00″ + ” start” because we had to set the functions each time and scroll through the cooking options on the dial. When a door broke, it was going to cost $200 to fix. We took the Advantium out and replaced it with a microwave from Target and were MUCH happier. I’m now looking into a second oven for the kitchen, but won’t buy an Advantium and wouldn’t accept one for frew.
MagicUnicorn
My parents had a combo microwave/convection oven 35 years ago so I know the technology is not at all new. The unit itself lasted about 30 years before the micro part stopped working. We could bake a pan of brownies in it in about 10 minutes without heating up the house in the summer (important at the time b/c we did not have a/c in that house), and I don’t remember it being harder to clean than any other microwave. Its interior was a similar finish to those speckled enamel roasting pans and we did indeed use metal pans when on the convection setting. Ours had one metal rotating tray that was used for both micro/convection settings.
Now I have a lower end basic gas oven and it does make somewhat loud whoompf sounds when it cycles on and off. The gas oven I grew up with did not make noises like this, but it also had a now-banned pilot light and so did not really cycle on and off.
Cat
We have a combo microwave/convection oven but never use the convection setting. Not big bakers, though.
On gas ovens, we have a hybrid appliance — stovetop is gas but oven is electric — and love it. We previously had gas for both stovetop and oven and hated the oven because it was very difficult to keep a stable temperature. Maybe more expensive models are better?
Anonymous
I’ve been waking up feeling hungover for a week, despite drinking tons of water during the day and not drinking any alcohol. Has this happened to anyone? I’ve been eating and sleeping normally, no other changes.
Skipper
Is it your allergies? When I wake up with a dry mouth and a mild headache, it’s typically because I’m congested.
mascot
If you are waking up with a headache, is it possible that you are grinding/clenching your teeth when you sleep? I’m a clencher and night mouth guard has helped a lot.
Anon
This is how I felt when I had undiagnosed sleep apnea but I had it most of my life.
Anonymous
What do you mean hungover? If it’s headaches and congestion, my guess would be allergies. If it is nausea and weakness, I’d look at hormonal causes. New BC? Unusually bad PMS or ovulation symptoms? Pregnancy? Low blood sugar also gives me nausea, but you say you’re eating normally.
Anon
That’s how I feel every morning with allergies. Isn’t it fun?
lsw
+1, definitely sounds like my experience with allergies.
Anonymous
I do live in a place known for allergies (never been a sufferer before)… Thanks for the suggestion!
anonshmanon
Sounds a bit like me when my coffee consumption goes too high. Only when I cut to one per day, do I wake up feeling refreshed and not zombie like.
Anonymous
Are you pregnant?
Anonymous
I’m sure it’s been discussed here before, but favorite backpacks for work? Should be large enough for a 13″ laptop and a decent amount of paper files (maybe the size of a small redweld), along with normal necessities. Price range of up to $500.
Anonymous
Bonus question. If you carry a backpack for work, do you also keep a smaller bag for carrying around necessities when you move about the office or go out for lunch? Do you bring that bag back and forth with you in your backpack?
HSAL
With that budget, I’d check out the new Rowledge from Lo & Sons. I really want it but it’s definitely too pricey for me – maybe if they do 50% on Black Friday or something. But eBags definitely has decent much cheaper options. I like good organization in a backpack instead of a black hole, so you might prioritize differently.
I do carry a smaller bag in my backpack – usually a wristlet that will fit my phone, but these days I’m rocking a phone/wallet combo case that has a crossbody chain. I love it.
Anonymous
Thanks! This looks very nice. May I ask what phone/wallet thing you have? I saw some nice looking ones, but I have a Pixel and they seemed specifically designed for an iPhone
HSAL
It’s this – https://www.amazon.com/ZVE-Wallet-iPhone-Leather-Crossbody/dp/B07BSXBDW5/ref=sr_1_4?crid=3M48AGRMIDND0&keywords=iphone+crossbody+case&qid=1557846569&s=gateway&sprefix=iphone+crossbo%2Caps%2C134&sr=8-4 but yeah, I think you’re right that most seem best for iPhones.
For a wristlet that will hold you phone, I really love Hobo. Maybe check out the Cleo or Roam? I like to have a wristlet as opposed to a clutch just to make carrying other stuff easier.
Anonymous
I have the largest Tumi Alpha series backpack and I love it.
I used to carry a small secondary bag, but I’ve started just using pockets.
Houda
You can look at Knomo
CHL
I love my everlane backpack and people often ask me where I got it because it’s simple, practical and work appropriate.
Anonymous
Plus one, Everlane Commuter backpack. The strap is finally beginning to rip after 3 years and multiple vacations as the solo bag, but I might replace it with the exact same one.
anon
I recently got a small Knomo backpack and love it. That seemed pricey to me, but if I was comfortable with a bigger budget, I probably would have bought a Tumi.
kk
I flew into NYC last night for meetings today- I packed a short sleeve sheath dress and had planned to wear low heels with bare legs. It’s in the 40’s and rainy- when I packed, I was prepared for 60’s! If you were in my situation- would you go to Loft or H&M or somewhere and pick up pants and a jacket? Or just wear the sheath dress and tough it out? I do have a trenchcoat, which will help.
Anonymous
Wear the sheath dress and trenchcoat and take a cab/Uber.
Anonymous
Buy some tights.
Anon
Grab some tights. I’m in Boston and wear this outfit all winter long + black tights.
Anon
I personally would go get some black or charcoal tights.
Cat
The weather is supposed to improve as the week progresses, with highs more like 70. If you can make it through today you should be OK? Or are you worried about walking around tonight specifically (chilly and damp/rainy)?
Anon
I would buy a nice jacket somewhere that looks good with the sheath dress.
Anonymous
Buy some tights. You can even get them at a drugstore. Did you bring a sweater or scarf with you for the plane? If so, I’d wear that. If not, I’d buy a scarf.
Anon
Go to a drugstore and get hose.
January
I bought an inexpensive (<$20) scarf from H&M when I was in a similar situation. It kept me warm!
anon
Been there…that’s why I always have a pair of Hanes in my suitcase. Tough it out in the sheath and wear the pantyhose to keep the legs warm…hop in and out of Ubers
Sinus surgery -- full-on sinuplasty
Has anyone undergone sinuplasty (the invasive kind of sinus surgery where they put you under and break your nose, fix your septum, and clear out any lingering gunk)?
How bad is the procedure and how bad is the recovery?
I am thinking I will need at least a week off from work (hard to do). Can you drive after the anesthesia wears off (I signed my kids up for summer camps throughout my city)? Any advice?
I am so tired of being sick and tired and trying this antibiotic and that antibiotic that this may be the only other option.
Mrs. Jones
Yes, in college. No, I couldn’t drive after surgery. Recovery was not pleasant. I was basically in bed for a week afterward. Totally worth it though.
Beans
My husband did. He needed at least a week to recover and, even then, he really could have used a few more days at home. You cannot drive home after the anesthesia wears off. He had packing up in his nose for about a week and it was brutal. He was in bed for several days and I had to help clean the bandages, etc.
The recovery is hard but it was worth it. He would do it again in a heartbeat. He sleeps so much better and has more energy now.
Sara
I have! The procedure was 20 minutes, tops, but I was very uncomortable for around 4 days after until I saw the ENT for my follow up. He removed the stuffing that was inserted during surgery and then I felt much better.
I have a hard time bouncing back after anesthesia, so take that into consideration. I would not have been able to drive and function normally for about a week.
All this said, the surgery cured me of my chronic sinus infections, extreme chronic fatigue, and I haven’t needed antibiotics since.
AnonAllTheTime
(Warning for anyone who doesn’t want to read about gross sinus surgery stuff.)
My husband had this done a few years ago and absolutely couldn’t have driven himself anywhere before the followup, which I think was almost two weeks later. He had pretty major work done to his septum and multiple sinus cavities, and needed to have plastic stays left in to make sure things healed correctly without closing back up. While those were in place he was very strictly not allowed to sniff or blow his nose and had to be very careful about sneezing and coughing. Paired with the bleeding and heavy mucus production, he mostly just had to hang out on the couch and drip/spit into a bowl. Mentally and pain-wise it really wasn’t a big deal, but the recovery restrictions were too limiting for him to do much. He was able to stay home alone and take care of himself though, and he did go back to work after about a week but only because I was able to drive him and he had a private office and no client contact.
The surgeon did specifically warn us that this was going to be a more invasive procedure than most of the surgeries he did though, so it’s entirely possible you’d have an easier time.
Anonymous
If you were in BigLaw, do you just plan to “work from home” or say “I will be recovering from surgery and do not expect to be able to work for a week.” Just trying to set my expectations and those of others. If you are WFH-capable and oozy, that is one thing. But OMG the pain and painkillers are making me loopy is a whole other thing. But I can maybe time this so no one else is away / on vacation and that may let me manage any extended down time if timed with a long weekend like Labor Day, etc.
Anon
I haven’t had this procedure but I always set expectations low so people are pleasantly surprised if I can do more. I’d tell them you are having a medical procedure and you will be out sick recovering, medicated, for x amount of time (probably at least a week). If you end up feeling better, you can always email and say hey, I’m still home but feeling up to working! Don’t set yourself up for failure where you have to write back and say “oops, I actually can’t work.”
anon
I had this done 10 or so years ago, and was in less pain than I expected (only took OTC after the first day or two) but was definitely uncomfortable and woozy until the plastic splints came out (I think that was about a week after the surgery). I was in grad school, but if I’d been working would have been able to go back to work after the splints were out for sure, and probably could have WFH for a few days before that if it’d been really necessary.
Anonymous
I deviated my septum last summer and saw an ENT doctor about a septoplasty due to my allergies and snoring being markedly worse. He told me septoplasty doesn’t do much for either concern. I have severe allergies and asthma. The allergies are aggravating my asthma. I was seen in the ER a few weeks ago and followed up with my pulmonologist, who put me on a different inhaler and told me my nose looked terrible from gunk. He has me taking Claritin, cleaning my nose with a neti-pot type bottle, then using flonase in addition to Singulair daily for allergies/asthma plus 2 inhalers. I’m wondering if I should reconsider a surgical option.
For those who had sinuplasty, did you see an ENT?
Anon
Get second opinions for both the ENT and the allergy/asthma doctor. The medical judgment of ENTs vary widely and you may have received an opinion from a conservative, surgery as last resort type. And that allergy/asthma regime seems a bit intense (from a fellow allergy caused asthma sufferer) for someone with intermittent asthma.
Also – allergy shots changed my life. I highly recommend.
Anonymous
OP here — I have a sinus infection that I’ve had since November. TONS of antibiotics. I am sick and tired of feeling like I am drowning in mucus and it puts lots of pressure on my lower face. Noses are awful places, as are sinuses. Dark, lots of hiding places, wet –> nasty sh*t can take root.
AnonAllTheTime
I posted above about my husband’s sinus surgery. He saw a few ENTs before deciding to get it done, but I think the doctor you saw is probably correct that surgery won’t actually help much in your case. My husband does have allergies (and SNORES like a chainsaw) but the problem surgery addressed was that his physical architecture made it impossible for his sinuses to drain properly resulting in chronic infections. It was to the point that he’d taken antibiotics so often they weren’t even working as well and he was having to move up to stronger, longer courses of meds. He’s had maybe two sinus infections in the 10 years since the surgery, but the allergies and snoring are the same. Surgery can’t address the immune and autoimmune reactions that cause allergies and asthma.
JTM
Any chance your sinus issues are being caused by environment? I suffered through almost a year of recurring sinus infections, tons of antibiotics and visits to the ENT. I was up to the point of needing surgery until I moved, and then my sinus infections finally went away. I learned later that the building I’d moved from had a mold infestation, and I think that was the cause of my chronic sinus infection.
Leading a Call
Junior attorney here. Partner is unavailable and asked me to moderate an upcoming call between the client’s C-suite and an outside team. I get a bit nervous on large calls generally, so I’d love any tips for being confident and not sounding quite so young, as well as keeping good notes during the call, since I will be wearing a few hats.
Vicky Austin
Talk slower than you think you need to! That always comes to bite me.
cbackson
Is there an agenda for the call already? If not, put one together and review it with the group at the beginning. Always say something introductory, even if it’s just welcoming both teams, doing a roll call if appropriate, and briefly describing the purpose of the conversation. One of the biggest things I notice with jr. attorneys on calls is that they get super nervous and basically plunge right into the conversation without any framing or pleasantries. It can make you seem rude, and it also is a waste of the opportunity to set the tone for the meeting in a way that favors your client’s position.
Ash
Just remember that all you can do is your best. And that no one is on the call to judge you, they’re there to get done whatever the business purpose of the call is.
LittleBigLaw
I sometimes dictate a summary of the call right after I hang up so that I can fill in any gaps in my notes while it’s still fresh on my mind. It helps relieve some of the pressure to get it all down during the call and lets me focus more on participating in the conversation.
Coworking question
I posted yesterday but now have a slightly different question. For those of you who have used a coworking space, what are things I should be looking for/asking as I tour various spaces? What do you really love or hate about your coworking space? Should I aim for a private office or just open space?
I’m moving to an area next month where there are at least 7 coworking offices.
My main concern is noise — I write a lot for my job and prefer it to be quiet, so suspect I will need to use earplugs or noise cancelling headphones.
Anonymous
I honestly would not settle for a tour; I would want a trial day or half day to see what it’s really like. Quiet is not an unreasonable expectation unless you can’t stand hearing people type; talking in the work space is a huge faux pas in every coworking space I’ve visited (though apparently not all of them!).
OP
Great point. Most of these spaces offer a free 1 day trial, so I will definitely do that.
SSJD
Definitely ask for a trial and use it. My coworking space offered a free 3 day trial and the other ones I tested had 1-2 days (I forget the details). While there you will test out the wifi. It needs to work! In one of the places I visited I was booted off wifi mid-conference call. That definitely made me unwilling to work there. The trial is the best way to get a feel for the place. Ask which days of the week are busiest, and then visit on that busy day of the week so you assess “worst case scenario” for noise level.
Another thing that mattered to me was availability of reservable conference room space. This is important for me when I have calls, but it might also be important for you in that other people who want to talk should have a conference room they can use. If the conference room is expensive or hard to book then people won’t use it. In my set up we get 4-10 hours of conference room access per month depending on which membership level we have. (One coworking space did not allow members to book the conference room in advance–you had to come in-person day-of and physically sign your name on a piece of paper outside the conference room. I thought that was awful and outdated.)
Ask about pricing. Ask if there are offices available to you (since you want quiet). Ask about flexibility if you decide to switch from office to dedicated desk to open desk. Ask whether you can leave any personal items there. Ask about the culture: do people talk a lot? Ask about conference room booking; ask whether snacks/coffee are provided (and whether you have to chip in money for them). If you will be hosting meetings of colleagues or external visitors, ask about access to conference space. Ask about weekend access if you need it. Ask when/how often pricing goes up and whether the lease is up anytime soon. Ask about amenities in the building: gym, parking, bicycle storage, dry cleaning, etc.
Jumpsuit help?
Anyone want to help me shop? I’m looking for a jumpsuit I can wear to a formal daytime government event. Suitable for a fairly long torso and flat chest. Under $500 ideally, significant preference for a natural fibre.
lsw
I’m not sure if the crop and jersey combo makes it too informal for you, but I recently bought and adore the Eileen Fisher viscose jumpsuit in cannis (a purplish brown) from Nordstrom. It’s blocked on this computer so I can’t link to it but i think it might have been called bateau-neck jumpsuit.
LaLaLondon
I just bought and LOVE the Pearl neck detail jumpsuit from Ted Baker.
Anonymous
Reiss has some cute ones
Pretty Primadonna
This dress is sick, in the best possible way. Now, where can I find $355?!
Huh
Hmm, I find this very unflattering even on the skinny model.
Anon
Agreed. If it doesn’t look amazing on her, it will look terrible on me.
Anonymous
Can’t share this with anyone in real life but my financial goal for this year was to achieve a net worth of my current salary and I just did that!! I’m in my mid-twenties and grew up without much money so personal finance and savings have been a major focus for me in the past few years. Compared to the others here, I’m not a high earner, but I’m feeling so proud of myself right now because I never thought I’d get to feel so secure and, dare I say it, rich. My childhood self never would have dreamed I’d have this life.
thehungryaccountant
Wow! That’s fantastic :) Congratulations.
What are some of the tips you have for someone from a similar background?
Anonymous
Thank you! :)
– The biggest thing for me was that for undergrad and grad school, I picked the cheapest option. My parents weren’t in a position to co-sign any loans for undergrad, but I got into an Ivy that covered 100% demonstrated need without loans and I worked part-time throughout. For grad school, I turned down that same Ivy for a well-respected state school and graduated with less than $30,000 in debt (would have been over $100,000 at the Ivy). I cannot overstate how much this made a difference. Multiple mentors advised me that the big name mattered for grad school, and it may have opened a few more doors than the program I ultimate chose, but not having this debt hanging over my head has been so great for my finances and my overall stress level.
– right out of school, I lived with roommates in a “not nice, but anything is better than my student dorm” apartment and automatically put what I saved into a savings account. This saved me at least $350/month. (Once I built up an emergency fund, I directed this money to a Roth IRA.) I will be moving into a nicer apartment this fall with no roommates, but I still chose a place that is ~150/month cheaper than what I could technically afford.
– I gave myself a savings goal and a “fun budget” each month and spent guilt-free within those limits. That let me enjoy my day to day life without stressing about frugality each time I bought coffee or a movie ticket.
– I signed up for a travel points credit card and only booked flights to visit family/friends once I accrued enough points. I didn’t churn through cards, but just used one premium card responsibly.
– Banked all work raises/bonuses after one self-congratulatory gift.
– I paid a lot of attention to lifestyle creep. I came from humble beginnings and know how to make do with less. I saw wealthier peers and friends getting ClassPlass, Spotify premium, multiple streaming subscriptions, etc. I would not say that I live a deprived a life at all, but I think very carefully about adding any repeated expense to my budget. I prefer podcasts to music, so never bothered to pay for Spotify premium. I live near a decent park, so got a barebones gym membership rather than tag along with my friends to pricey workout classes. By having a better sense of what is worth it to me to splurge on (food, occasional weekend travel), I was able to direct my fun money to things that added to my happiness and save money on things that didn’t.
thehungryaccountant
Congrats again on your success!
That lifestyle creep has been the hardest for me personally, especially since many friends want to meet up for pricey meals/drinks. Your post is a good reminder to stay the course :)
Anonymous
I feel you! I often take half of large entrees home for another meal. I also don’t drink, which saves a large amount of money when going out (alcohol-fueled family issues have guaranteed my lack of interest in even trying it out). Also, I often suggest cheap but popular options to friends. It can be annoying to take on the planning burden but it’s easier to be the first to suggest something cheap that everyone will enjoy than to say no to someone else’s more expensive suggestion. The coolest new food truck is a better instagram post than a stuffy 3-course meal for a millennial audience. ;)
Manageress
Your attitude reflects a lot of wisdom, self-awareness, and balance. Achieving your financial goals is a huge achievement and something to be proud of. But take a minute to recognize your behaviors and how you got to this milestone. It’s really impressive. I’d be proud of that too :)
Anonymous
Thank you! The hardest part was turning down the Ivy league grad school. I had worked so hard for so long and I wanted the intellectual “seal of approval” from such a prestigious institution. I still think I made the right choice because I’d be resenting those loan payments now, and I can remind myself that I was still accepted when I need a little ego boost (I work with a lot of people from top schools and there is a culture of intellectual elitism in my field).
CountC
Congrats!!
lsw
Congrats!!
anon
Congratulations. I’m so happy for you!
emeralds
Congratulations!
Anon
Good work! Congratulations!
Anonymous
Thank you everyone! I think I’m going to treat myself to dinner from my favorite Thai place tonight to reward myself.
Go for it
You are awesome! Big congrats. It is exceedingly important to know what you want to attain and you have done it. Great job!
Anon
Congratulations! That’s fabulous!
Anon
Has anyone ever taken a leave of absence from a job for a few months? How did you arrange it? Was it paid or unpaid?
I would love to do this for 2-3 months next year, but I am afraid to ask since no one ever does anything like this here (except maternity leave, which I know is not the same thing. but since I do not plan to have kids, this is the only comparable situation I can think of where the job is held for a person until they return). On the other hand, life is short and if I don’t carve out time and space for adventure, no one else will.
I would travel, take classes, and write. I have savings to cover this, so I’m not too worried about the money issue. It’s more taking the time and the hit to my political capital at work that I’m concerned about. I’m not trying to make partner or anything and I have a great reputation here. But this would rock the boat. Am I crazy? Should I do it?
Anon
What type of work do you do? I’ve seen it allowed in two cases: rainmakers who the company doesn’t want to lose, subject matter experts that are hard to replace, and workers whose work is slow during a certain time of year. I’ve never worked anywhere where this is policy.
All that said, you can ask, they can say no, but advice is to go in with a plan of the planned time period, how you will off load your work flow, stress that you will take it unpaid – essentially make it so that everything would already be arranged and taken care of with little input from your manager.
Anon
You’re in a law firm? Yeah I think that’s pretty crazy. Most law firm associates struggle to take a one-week vacation annually. I’m now in-house at a university and extended time off is much more common here, although there’s usually more of a reason than just wanting to travel and adventure. I was able to take 4 months off (unpaid) when my professor husband had a sabbatical in Europe, but we pitched it as “husband has to go to Europe for work and we want to keep the family together.” We had young kids.
Anonymous
Counterpoint – a senior associate in my firm took a leave of several months last year for no particular reason other than that she needed a break, and it worked out just fine. I think she basically was going to quit if not and people wanted to keep her on. She has a good reputation (this is key, obviously), and I wouldn’t say it damaged her reputation or really cost her much political capital. If you don’t have a great reputation, or the firm is looking for excuses to get rid of associates at your level, it would not be a good idea. You would truly need to roll on and off as if you were taking parental leave or another long leave, so I would say it should be 3 months to be worth the transitions. I think some firms actually have formal sabbaticals (more common in Europe, naturally :))
OP
Not a law firm. Should have specified. Marketing/advertising.
Anonymous
What’s your plan for how your work would get done in the interim? What would it cost the company to allow you to do this? How big of a hit would your team take in covering for you or in getting a temp up to speed? Would the company then be setting a precedent for other people to do this as well?
Think through questions like this, so that you could go in with a solid ask that is actually doable for the company and doesn’t cost them an arm and a leg. You might be able to pitch it as a benefit that employees would be eligible for after X years of work, or that they would trade for in lieu of a bonus, or whatever.
Anonymous
You’re still an associate? Yeah, this is unlikely unless it’s ordered by a doctor. As a partner, I’ve heard of places giving you the flexibility for this (my firm included in certain circumstances). But you need to have put in 20 years or so to get the gravitas to do it. As an associate, if this is a necessity for you, you’re probably better off changing jobs and negotiating a delayed start at the new one.
CHL
I’m in HR and helped a manager arrange this for a star employee. She was in her 20s, a top performer and wanted to have an adventure. the other option was for her to quit to do it, which she was prepared to do, so her manager worked with me on a personal leave of absence and it worked out well. Some people were jealous and that was just fine with the leader.
Anonymous
I took 6 months off 10 years ago. I was a partner in a Big 4 at the time. I was ready to leave, and this was the compromise. I travelled, volunteered, took a couple of courses, helped my parents with a renovation they were doing, and enjoyed it all immensely. I went back for 7 more years after that and then left. I would highly recommend it if you can do it. It probably cost me some political capital, but I’m not sure I would have stayed if I didn’t have the chance to take the time off. I recognize that I was extremely fortunate to be able to do this.
Anonymous
Recognize that even if they begrudgingly allow this, you will be gone for 4-6 months and showing them just how much they were okay without that additional 6th or 8th year or whatever. I put ZERO stock in — I have a good reputation. There are hordes of us in biglaw who worked 24-7 and had great reputations, and yet when it was time for our firms to not make us partner/push us out, they did it without hesitation and the 3000 hours/year for 8 years or the great reputation did not matter for one second. So you may actually be expediting your exit when you return from this. If you’re fine with that, I’m not judging — but just plan for the fact that you could come back and in your next review it could be “we don’t feel we can rely on you the way we used to, something has changed, we’ll give you 6 months to improve it” and then in 6 mos — sorry you haven’t improved, you can go. So your financial/career planning should be for your adventure AND what happens if you’re out of a job 6 mos after said adventure. I think this only makes sense if you’ve sort of mentally decided that you’re over this job and then after the adventure you’d be looking to leave anyway.
LawDawg
I did it. I worked at a small investment firm. I was burned out, but knew that I didn’t want to leave. I don’t know if this is how I would do it now, but I had been there 10 years and asked for a sabbatical. I mentioned that I would be allowed 12 weeks off if I had a baby, but I wasn’t interested in that at the time. I committed to training people to pick up my work. My time off was spent volunteering at various agencies (I built a Habitat house, worked at an animal shelter and in a Planned Parenthood office). I went back after 12 weeks and stayed for another 8 years (including two maternity leaves).
I didn’t sail, but maybe I should have…
Anonymous
My friend worked at a PR firm that had a program like this. It was less time than youre thinking, about 4-6 weeks. She didn’t end up using it in the end, but I think a big part of why it was an option for her was that she was a big rainmaker for the firm.
Original Moonstone
I was able to travel in Europe for 6 weeks, when I was 29. I talked to my boss a year in advance and she let me bank all my vacation from Year One, and then take it consecutive with all my vacation in Year Two. I traveled in August and September and returned broke but happy. I was in a role (not law) where about 5 other people did the same job, and my wonderful boss reasoned that we all fill in for each other on vacation days, so she was out nothing by letting me take all my vacation at once. I think she had to sell it to the higher-ups, though.
Anon
I took a 3 month leave of absence from my work. The reasons were mental-health related for me personally and I made it clear that my employer would lose me if I couldn’t take the time off.
I was asked to provide a medical note from my doctor to indicate that the leave would be in my best interest (which they readily provided) and my paid leave was granted.
I did find, however, that my employers EFAP program kept very regular tabs on me to ask when I was coming back.
Best three months I could have possibly taken for my personal health.
JTM
I know there are big companies that offer their employees a sabbatical of up to 12 weeks, it’s unpaid but their jobs are held while they pursue other things. I know General Mills offers this as an option.
Anonymous
Has anyone bought the new clarisonic silicon brush head? I believe the branding calls it the sonic exfoliator. I have mostly stopped using mine because the regular brush heads just don’t feel clean enough to me, and its a chore to wash them out etc. So this is intriguing to me! I have oily skin acne prone skin and like a deep (but never squeaky!!) clean.
Anonymous
I have the luna foreo (which has been around for years) and i like it- it never feels dirty to me the way the clarisonic heads did.
Steel toed boots/shoes?
Random, but I know there are several on here who do site inspections/work in the field – I just found out I’ve been staffed on a matter involving several site inspections in a plant where I will be required to wear steel toed shoes or boots. This is a brief stint sort of thing, so I don’t want to splash out on something expensive, but what is the best option that would be inexpensive and not atrocious looking? (And yes, I’ve looked on the Ama-zon, but there are lots of options… just wanting a little guidance.)
Anon
Honestly, go to your nearest Academy. They outfit the plethora of construction workers in my area. And sorry, steel toed shoes are not going to look great, especially the cheaper ones, but your first concern is safety. Just go for a standard black or tan pair and go on about your day. Honestly, you’d look kind of ridiculous in something more “fashionable” (looking at pink camo boots I’ve seen).
Bette
This. Just go into a local store and purchase something. It’s worth trying them on in person because they vary in shape and they do not “break in” like normal shoes.
One tip is be sure to wear machine washable pants to the job site. Do not be that woman walking around in a skirt suit and steel toed shoes.
Anonymous
Walmart, Dick’s Sporting Goods, Cabela’s, etc.
Senior Attorney
I have these fun pink ones from Safety Girl. Not too expensive and the pink is fairly subtle (plus they have other colors): https://www.constructiongear.com/safetygirl-work-boots-womens-steel-toe-light-pink.html?utm_source=googlepepla&utm_medium=adwords&id=&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI1eCS3bGb4gIVmMVkCh052QPoEAQYAyABEgIy7fD_BwE
pugsnbourbon
Okay those are awesome!
Go for it
Love! Bookmarked;)
Belle Boyd
A tip from my sister who is a machinist and has to wear steel toes every day — buy steel toed boots that are slightly bigger or wider than your normal size. The steel toe part of the shoe can cut across your foot, especially if your feet swell if you’re on them all day and that will make the shoes EXTREMELY uncomfortable. The steel toe part of the shoe has absolutely no give, so if they feel the least bit tight when you try them on in the store, that’s how they are going to be all the time. They are not going to stretch.
Also, you aren’t limited to work boots. They make sneakers that have steel toes and may be more comfortable. This is, of course, contingent to what is required safety gear on your jobsite.
Anon
I would definitely ask to expense them like any other office equipment. Lots of companies have a catalog or similar you can choose from and they will buy.
JuniorMinion
I like the pull-on “cowboy boot” varietal of steel toes. Would second the recommendation to go somewhere (Academy, Boot Barn, Cabela’s) and actually try some different styles on to find some that fit your feet. If you want to relive grunge doc martens makes some steel toes…
Couple other recs:
1) Get socks that are designed to go with steel toes or other work boot type socks for comfort (low amount of $$ for additional comfort)
2) Find out what additional PPE is required (hard hat? safety glasses? FRC? H2S monitor?) and what will be provided at the tour
3) If FRC required (flame retardant) figure out if they will issue you a jumpsuit and if so plan your wardrobe accordingly
4) I am O&G so take with a grain of salt if your industry is different but I would plan to wear some sort of darker denim with a relatively boring full coverage top. I’ve never seen anyone on a field tour / site inspection (other than a windshield tour) in any sort of dress pant/ skirt / etc.
Anonymous
I have recently noticed, in my quiet office, that my shoes ALL squeak on our old hardwood floors. Heels, flats, new, old, with cushioning, rubber soles, whatever brand. Now every time I walk around I’m making myself a little crazy because of how loud they seem. Is this because of the floors or do I need to do something with my shoes?
MagicUnicorn
I would suggest getting rubber soles but you say those squeak, too, so my suspicion is that your building’s floors have a lot of build up and are desperately in need of a good cleaning. If that is the case, not much you do will stop the squeaking so I would just rock the squeak.
Anonymous
Holy crap, it was 84* near the Arctic Ocean this weekend, while all of us East Coasters are sitting here in jackets with umbrellas.
Hey governments, DO SOMETHING!
https://www.washingtonpost.com/weather/2019/05/14/it-was-degrees-near-arctic-ocean-this-weekend-carbon-dioxide-hit-its-highest-level-human-history/