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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 171 Comments · by

Holiday Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

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Aldo Alpignano Something on your mind? Chat about it here. I'm a big fan of clutches for hitting the town — it's a much sleeker look, bag-wise, than I normally manage otherwise. I like this clutch from Aldo for this holiday open thread — it won't break the bank, it's wearable for the holidays and beyond, and I can see it looking great with jeans or a dress. It's $40, and available in three colors. Aldo Alpignano Psst: Happy holidays, ladies! We'll be rounding up the noteworthy sales in the next few days, and next week we'll be continuing our Year in Review with some of our favorites from 2014 for TPS reports, coffee breaks, and suits. Stay tuned!

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Comments

    • Anonattorney

      Happy Holidays! Hoping our East Coast ladies are already out of the office and enjoying holiday festivities, and that the West Coasties (and everyone in between) get out of here soon!

      Oh, and that people don’t have to work tomorrow or Thursday. :)

  2. Philanthropy Girl

    I’m looking for gift suggestions for my grandfather – I’m running a bit last minute because I didn’t know he was going to be celebrating with us this year. My grandfather is a beer-drinking, football loving guy – doesn’t care for fancy stuff. He travels often to visit his “lady friend” and he enjoys going to local sporting events.

    It seems like every year I buy him either a six pack and a guys movie (Stallone, Van Damme, etc…), or a gift card for his favorite local pizza place. I’d love to do something different but I have no idea what. Price range $20-$25.

    • Anon

      One of those beer steins/cup? things in his favorite football team with the water on the inside that can be frozen, a blanket/hat/shirt/etc. in his favorite team?

      My father-in-law sounds a lot like your grandfather and he is always happy to get a useful gift with his team mascot on it.

        • Idea

          Or a sweatshirt or jacket. Old people are always cold.
          Admittedly this may be more than $25, but I’m just thinking of a fleece with the team logo on it.

      • hoola hoopa

        Does he got to games? If so, one of those foam seats (like garden kneelers) is one of my dad’s favorite items. Keeps bum warm, lightweight/compact, and makes him feel less old than one with a seat back (although I know secretly he wants one, lol).

        Also, handwarmers.

    • lawsuited

      Would a travel item like a wash kit or a portable battery charger (not sure if your grandpa has a cellphone or tablet, but I know quite a few 80 year olds that do!) be useful?

    • Philanthropy Girl

      Yup! It’s my LO’s first Christmas – I was so excited I couldn’t sleep last night (which is silly – he’s too little to know what’s going on). But being out of his routine and on the road always leaves me a bit anxious.

    • Lyssa

      Totally. I’ve had huge amount going on (my little guy turned 2 and we had a big party, we’re expecting again and I just told my boss (whew!), my in-laws were staying over and then both got super-sick (and my husband seems to be getting it too – crossing my fingers for me and the kid), hosting Christmas dinner) along with the usual having to buy presents, work, family, etc.

      I’m finally in a better place, with the birthday party being over and dinner mostly planned and presents bought and in-laws gone and work informed of said pregnancy, but, whew! I’m finding it hard to let my anxiety down.

      • January

        Congrats! I don’t remember if you’d mentioned on here you were expecting again.

        • Lyssa

          I hadn’t yet (under this name, at least!). Thanks so much! We’ve got a little girl coming, and I’m so excited for the pretty prettiness!

          • Lyssa

            I’m aware that at some point, she’ll make her own fashion decisions, but I can dress an infant as prettily as I wish. Not personally a fan of sailor suits (for either sex), but if you have kids, you can definitely dress them in them.

          • Wildkitten

            I’m going to dress my babies up like animals every day. They don’t know if their onesey is also a monkey costume.

    • Anonymous

      I’m excited for my family and SO to open my gifts to them but range from not that excited to anxious about opening their gifts to me. I’m probably a horrible person for saying this, but I’m pretty much always disappointed by the gifts I receive other than those I specifically ask for. I try to keep in mind that the holidays are about spending time with loved ones not about getting stuff, but I can’t help but feel a little let down that the people who are supposed to know me best in the world really have no clue.

      • mistletoe

        OMG, I know. I am a great gift giver (my whole family says so), but they never have any clue what to get me. I have to pretty much write out a list with specifics.

        I mean, in the grand scheme of things, it’s nothing to complain about, but I know how you feel.

        • Angela

          same, I just have decided that is the way it is, first world problems :)

          and I shop for myself when I am doing the big family shop.

        • Baconpancakes

          Definitely first world problems, doesn’t make it any less annoying. Mostly I’d just rather not get anything, or get something to eat or drink instead of the cutesy, cheap trinkets my family likes to buy. They have a strict 8 gifts tradition, so instead of buying one thing I’d actually use for $80, they’ll buy 8 $10 presents I do not need, have room for, or like.

          Theoretically this year we weren’t going to exchange gifts, which I didn’t believe for a second, so I showed up with two gifts per person and they still gave me eight. I try to remember it’s really not about me at all, it’s about the joy my mother gets in buying and wrapping gifts, but it feels like a waste of money.

        • Zelda

          Honestly, I’d be happy not to give or receive gifts to/from almost anyone. Either I ask for a specific present or I receive gifts that aren’t at all my taste, don’t fit or are in the right ballpark but not quite there. For example, I love to bake from scratch and have received box mixes several times, which I eventually pass on to someone else. Total first world problem, but I’d rather just have Christmas be about family and food.

      • Anon

        I get that. I get nervous about giving a lot, too (can never think of the right thing, am I spending too much or too little, is this creative and unique or weird, etc.).

        My MIL, who is an extremely generous gift-giver, gave me a bunch of sweaters and tops this year (like, 10+, I mean, a bunch!), but mostly of a sort of synthetic (not warm, and I really have no use for winter tops that aren’t warm) material from a store that I always find has pretty low quality stuff, so I’m not enthused about any of them, but then I feel really bad since she was so generous with picking out so many of them and going on about how nice she thought they would look on me and how the color would flatter me and so forth.

      • lawsuited

        I also only really like gifts that I specifically ask for, but I recognize that as a “me” problem, so although I often don’t like my Christmas gifts I certainly don’t feel down about it. My family members do try hard and it’s not their fault that they slightly miss the mark and that slightly missing the mark means I won’t enjoy their kind gift. As much as I love watching my family members opening their gifts from me, they probably dread me opening mine from them.

        • Latte Tuesday

          This whole thread makes me more anxious about gift giving!

          I try to give great presents- I do. I buy experience gifts. I spend hundreds of hours shopping online, obsessing. I spend more than I probably should. But let’s be honest, at a certain age, everyone buys everything they need and want and their heavily used items are things I can’t afford to upgrade (they already have LV wallets, mont blanc pens, drink wine that I can’t afford, etc, etc). I get anxious they won’t like whatever I end up buying and make awkward statements about how they can exchange it if they like…

          Please keep in mind that gift giving can be very difficult for some of us, especially if we are buying for people with significantly more disposable income than us, and consider floating some hints for some affordable items you might actually use and like!

          • Anonymous

            Not to be a pest, but it is not true that at some point everyone buys everything they need and want. That sounds true in your privileged family, and it is true of half of mine, but the other half is anxious about having to pay for my Christmas dinner while i am visiting, and i am sure im not alone, even on this board.

          • Baconpancakes

            Always check to see if they have an Amazon wish list!

            I kind of wish everyone regularly updated an Amazon wish list, and everyone else knew to check them, but no one ever talked about it, and we could all just pretend we magically knew the perfect gifts for each other. Isn’t that what the magic of the internet is for?

          • Wildkitten

            I think she’s talking about her own family. I feel the same way – the things I can’t afford to buy myself, my family can’t afford to buy for me either. I keep a well maintained Amazon list but some people don’t enjoy gift giving from lists.

    • Bonnie

      I’m sick and had to cancel Christmas Eve dinner. It’s the first time without the tradition so I’m pretty bummed.

    • hoola hoopa

      Yes! We’ve had a rough month as a family and in my work life, so I totally nailed it with the kids gifts but then lost steam. And one of my husband’s gifts didn’t ship out on time and won’t even arrive on time. I confessed to him last night, and he said that he felt the same way about my gifts, so we’re equally relieved that the other failed to the same degree and can now enjoy our holiday, lol.

    • anon

      Yes–I’m excited about the holidays, but my anxiety level (especially about being single for the third Christmas in a row as a thirty-something) is through the roof. I’m having a very hard time focusing on all the wonderful things in my life, even if objectively I know I have them and am thankful for them.

    • Senior Attorney

      Yes! Anxious and excited about spending Christmas Eve (and New Year’s Eve) with New Guy and introducing him to a bunch of old friends, even though he is awesome and I know they will love him. And just generally anxious and excited about the fact that there is a New Guy in my life, which is so surprising I just can’t even…

  4. (Not So) Buttoned Up

    Sad/funny story that I just feel the need to share…

    I am one of the few people at work today. Which is a huge relief, considering I recently discovered that two buttons on my shirt have been undone all morning, including the one right over my br@. Whoops!

  5. networking tips?

    It’s holiday time but I’m already thinking about 2015. I’m looking for a new position and have already been making an effort to network as much as possible: using colleagues/friends and LinkedIn contacts to reach out to people, informational interviews for companies I’m interested in, and even though people say it may not work, applying for positions I see posted. Any other networking tips?

    • Lyssa

      I’ve had surprisingly good luck with career services job postings through my (law) school – I wouldn’t have thought of them first thing as a graduate, but it seems that many smaller employers post listings there and really respond to them. For both my current job and my last one, although I did everything else, too, that was what actually worked for me. Good luck!

    • Anon123

      What about trade organizations? I’ve met so many contacts through just being chatty at lunch seminars and continuing ed type things.

      • Idea

        Yes, this, and feel free to bring a portfolio with your notepad, pen, business cards…, and resumee!
        Seriously, this worked for me once.

    • Hollis

      Ask anyone and everyone you know to meet for coffee and career advice and buy them coffee. If someone wants to know what you want for a holiday gift, tell them a Starbucks gift card would be perfect. People are more likely to find jobs through acquaintances, and not friends. I randomly reached out to someone I knew from a local bar group to ask her about her *former* firm that had an opening, and it turns out that her current (and better) firm happened to have an un-posted opening in the exact kind of work I wanted to do. It was no pressure at all for her to talk to me about her former firm, and she basically got me the interview which got me the job. Contact everyone who went to the same schools you did, everyone who seems friendly (you never know, it’s just a numbers game) and keep it positive (do *not* sound desperate to escape your current place), and always remember that these meetings are a good opportunity for you to get to know some new people (always a good thing) and people *want* to help you. Lastly, once you land your awesome job, be sure to reach back out to people who met with you and give them an update and a thanks. Good luck to you in finding a great position!

  6. Ms H

    A colleague of mine who is a few years senior was made redundant 2 weeks ago. I haven’t seen him since then but I am guessing he will be back in the new year for his last few weeks with the team. I didn’t know him well until recently but have worked together quite a bit in the last six months and I am sympathetic about his situation. I feel I should say something when he’s back (as opposed to acting as though nothing’s changed) but I can’t think of anything that doesn’t make me feel dreadfully awkward. Any advice/ suggestions?

    • Idea

      “Hey, heard what happened, totally sucks. Let me know if I can help with anything, networking, linkedin, whatever…”

      And then actually follow-up and offer to meet up for a drink or lunch in about 6 weeks or so.

      • hoola hoopa

        If you could genuinely recommend him, tell him that you’d be happy to be a reference if he needs one.

        If not but you’re sympathetic to him, then tell him that you heard, it’s sad, and that you enjoyed working with him.

  7. Anon

    I need advice on giving notice.

    I’m in my 30s, but only just graduated from law school this spring. Over the past couple years, my husband and I have come to the dawning realization that we have different life goals, and just a couple days ago, we decided to part ways.

    This May, my husband was transferred from the east coast to the west coast. We agreed I’d move with him in a “let’s give it one more try” sort of thing. Because of the stress of moving cross-country and the marital strain, I failed the July bar for this west coast state. I work for a state legislature in a position that doesn’t require bar admission. In October when I told my boss I failed, he said it was no problem, but that I couldn’t sit for the February bar because the legislature was in session, but he’d give me plenty of time to study for the July 2015 bar.

    I have no ties to this west coast state, so I want to move back east and take the July 2015 bar there. Divorce and moving cross-country is a financially draining proposition, so I want to hang onto this job (and the paid study time!) as long as I can. Not only that, I really enjoy this job and want to get a full legislative session under my belt before I go looking for work again. The problem is, it feels so very wrong to “use” this boss to study for another state’s bar. Do I bow out when the legislative session ends at Memorial Day and go without a salary all summer? Do I bow out July 1, when studying would intensify and I’d be around less anyways? Do I study for the bar all summer and leave my job in the fall? My coworkers are my friends and I respect my boss – I don’t want to burn any bridges. I feel like the right answer’s the Memorial Day option, but that’s going to be brutal financially :/

    • Apples

      Sorry, that sounds hard but like you’re making the right choice. All of these options sound like you are assuming you will either:

      1) have a job offer locked down on the east coast by the time you have taken the bar, or

      2) move back east after taking the bar whether you have a new job or not.

      Re (1): From what I have seen in the current market, a lot of places aren’t hiring until you actually are licensed – it’s harder to get “come on as a clerk until you pass” positions these days. Thus, my suggestion is stick with your current job, study while you’re there, then once you’ve passed you can begin looking for an east coast position with that license in hand. Then hopefully you will be moved and in your new job before the next session starts!

      Re (2): See re: (1).

    • Anonymous

      You can’t study for the bar on his payroll. Tough but true. Save as much as you can and hustle as much as possible.

      • Wildkitten

        I disagree. Plenty of people study for the bar while working. It sounds like you will keep working, just will use all flexibility and down time to study without having to hide what you are doing? You’ll still get your work done, right?

    • Clementine

      This advice is specific to someone working in a State Legislature, so it’s different than the advice I’d give to someone in a different employment situation.

      Around May, talk to your supervisor. Tell them the situation- you wanted to stay through session, but you’re realizing that moving back and taking the bar there is the right choice for you. Stress that you don’t want to leave them in a lurch, and had planned on taking them up on their offer of time off to study for the bar and even be honest that this job is needed financially.

      Here’s how it works in my State- in off session it is DEAD. Like, Dead-dead, but sometimes, you need a warm body in the office to answer phone calls and field basic emails and such. I worked with someone who studied for the bar while basically office-sitting. She’d take an hour in the morning or so and answer emails and would either let the phone go to voicemail and answer all the calls in a single sitting or would answer while she was studying. No one was around and it worked well for her. It really depends on your relationship with the supervisor and what kind of a conversation you have as to how you have this conversation, but have it at the end of session. Also, for your resume it’s really good you’re staying for a full session- you really need the whole thing to get a kind of perspective on the cycle.

    • cbackson

      First off, this is hard stuff and I’m so sorry you’re going through it. Here’s what I’d tell you: you will need time in a stable situation to recover from your divorce, even if it’s totally the right decision. You have a job you like – do you otherwise like your town/community enough to stick it out for a bit? Since you don’t need bar licensure for your current position, is keeping your current job for a while and planning to move back east and sit the Feb. 2016 bar in your new state an option? (I know you may not feel like you can hang on that long, which I totally understand – I just think I would have found it *really* hard to be going through the aftermath of a divorce and a move and a job search and bar study all at the same time.)

      Also, if you do decide to move, make sure you know when your divorce will be final. I think OR is fast, but WA has a 90-day waiting period from the date of filing and you’ll need to be in-state through the end of that to make sure there isn’t anything that requires you to be somewhere in person (for example, my ex-husband and I had to sign the same piece of paper, in front of a bank officer, to get a medallion signature guarantee on the documents transferring me our brokerage account – there was no way to do it if I couldn’t be physically present in the same place as him).

    • Bee

      What is your employer paying for and are there any formal policies in place that address this? I don’t know what’s typical in government work, but in private practice, the firm would pay a stipend (or give you some extra vacation) and pay all fees associated with studying for and taking the bar, but the firm gets to pick the state(s) you sit for. The informal expectation is that you stay with the firm for at least a year after you take the bar.

      If, on the other hand, your employer is simply allowing you to have a more flexible schedule, while either paying you less or requiring you to use vacation time for any time off, then you don’t owe it to your employer to stick around for a set amount of time. They’re paying you for work that you’ve performed, nothing else. Allowing you some flexibility during a slow period is not some huge perk that you need to informally pay back.

      • Wildkitten

        I assume they’re letting her use naturally slow times to study, not paying for the test or prep. And it sounds like this was a negotiation in exchange for her forgoing the Feb. bar exam opportunity.

  8. Clutches

    I have a dumb question about clutches. They are great in theory when going out because they feel sleek and chic, but I always run into the problem of where to put them during dinner. Do they go on the table? On the floor? On the table seems cluttered, especially at a nicer restaurant where there’s water glasses and wine glasses and bread plates and multiple forks, etc. But, on the floor seems like a recipe for disaster (risk of it getting kicked out and lost or something?), and also not really where you want to put your nice clutch.

    • Diana Barry

      So I ran into this at a wedding recently, and I ended up putting it behind my back on the chair, so it was sticking against the back of the chair. Not the most elegant, but better than putting it on the floor.

    • Anonymous

      If possible I will hang it from the back of the chair by the strap, if there’s no place to hang it I put it behind me against the seat back, and if the back of the chair is open, I’ll set it on my lap under my napkin.

    • Cream Tea

      This is actually a really good etiquette question. It drives me crazy when other women put their bags on the table (isn’t this classicly “rude”?), but there is rarely a better option. I have also done the behind-my-back thing, but obviously that isn’t very comfortable.

      I’m genuinely interested what you ladies do – what’s acceptable and what’s not?

      I’m struggling to remember what I do normally, but I’m not above putting my clutch on the floor, either between my feet or propped up against the table leg.

      Flagging for email notifications.

      • Ms Etiquette

        A lady rests her clutch on the table.

        This is propriety, not rudeness.

          • Cream Tea

            The reasoning is the same- takes up space, bags are dirty and not welcome next to your cutlery, etc.

            I think you’re confusing propriety with manners. E.g. keeping your gloves on to shake hands may be in the interest of propriety but isn’t good manners (unless it’s freezing outside, or you are the Queen.)

          • Apples

            It says “evening purse.” It’s hard to imagine tucking a handbag behind you on your chair…

          • Latte Tuesday

            It says “evening purse.” It’s hard to imagine tucking a handbag behind you on your chair…

        • Lyssa

          This strikes me as one of those things that is less about etiquette for the sake of etiquette rules than it is about general consideration for those around you. If there is plenty of room on the table and your clutch is not in the way (or otherwise unpleasant to look at while one eats), then putting it on the table seems fine. But if the table is already fairly full, that would be rude.

          (I usually do what Diane Barry said, and place it behind me, if I can’t hang it on the chair.)

    • Cream Tea

      Lauren Conrad and Beverly Hills Manners (both extremely reputable etiquette resources, to be sure..) say the purse should either go on the floor or in your lap under the napkin.
      Links to follow.

      This conversation reminds me of the classic discussion on this $ite about the infamous purse hooks.

    • Anon

      I have a flat envelope-style clutch and just keep it on my lap, under my napkin. It usually just has a phone, wallet, and lip product in it, so it hasn’t been a problem.

  9. SmartCasual

    I love clutches but rarely use them. Sunglasses plus kindle plus cellphone does not equal clutch.

  10. Tall boots over jeans for the pear-shaped?

    Can the jeans tucked into tall boots look work for pear-shaped women? I carry my weight in my hips and thighs but have narrow calves and skinny ankles. I was excited to try out tall boots (I’m fashion impaired and trying to upgrade from wearing my sneakers with my jeans), but felt like it just emphasized the difference between my thighs and my ankles. Would straight cut jeans and ankle booties be better? Any tips or thoughts are most welcome!

    • Brit

      I find that as long as the shirt comes down to my hips (not necessarily tunic length, but mid-upper hip), it looks fine.

    • Anon123

      I think it depends on your degree of pear-ness. I’m a pear, and when I first started trying it, all I could see were my saddlebags, but I got used to the new look after a couple wears and realized I was fine. (We’re so critical of ourselves!) But there are women who are very pear-shaped for whom it’s not doing any favors. Instead, a wide-leg trouser jean will always flatter a pear figure.

      If you’re not sure if you should try the look, the next time you’re out people watching, look for women shaped like you and see what you think.

    • lawsuited

      Embrace your hips of justice! I think the difference between one’s hips/thighs and ankles is beautiful (and if you’re a pear, I encourage you to adopt that thinking!), so boots that emphasize that are great in my book.

      I’m a pear and I wear jeans and leggings tucked into tall boots all. the. time.

    • Bonnie

      Definitely. Just wear a longer top like a loose open cardigan to balance it out.

    • Gus

      Can you wear them? Yes. Would something different look better? Probably so. Not all looks work equally well for all body types, so why not focus on finding a look that suits your figure best, instead of trying to embrace a current trend? The problem with pants tucked into boots is that it necessarily chops you up into pieces, with one of those pieces being from your knee to your hip. If that’s your widest part (as it is for me), it’s just never going to be the most flattering thing to have that called out like that. Jeans with at least a slight flare at the hem and a cute ankle boot (preferably with at least a bit of a chunky heel) are going to help balance your proportions. Every time I think about going with the jeans tucked into boots look, I run into one of two women in my workplace who have a figure similar to mine and are wearing this look. It reminds me not to go there. But if you really, really want to go with boots, then either pair the boots with a knee-length A-line skirt and tights, or keep the pants and boots all one color. A pair of skinny black pants or jeans tucked into black boots will at least help make the look longer and leaner.

      • MJ

        This is totally how I feel. I am pear shaped but tall (and v. thin calves and legs). A slight bootcut just looks better on me. I don’t care if it’s out of fashion–I look sleeker and thinner and more elegant. It’s way better!

        Also, if you have really skinny calves and ankles, boots may not be for you. Not impossible, but…sometimes finding the right boots is just so hard that it’s easier not to go there.

    • Monte

      Depends on how you feel about your hips/thighs/butt. I am not pear shaped (slightly top heavier than pear shaped), but I like having hips and a big butt and the difference between that and my scrawny calves is something I want to emphasize, not hide. When I lived in a different area (cough LA cough), I found myself trying to look longer and leaner, so wearing things to camouflage the butt was a bigger deal. Now that I have left, I am more comfortable with showing the parts I like, and like to show off. YMMV.

  11. Yay!

    Not something I can share in real life, but I’m getting a 20% raise!!! So excited. I was considering asking for this exact raise but had talked myself out of it so I could see what I would end up getting before negotiating.

  12. Anonny

    I recently was offered a job that I am excited about and planning to accept. I found out today that a coworker at my company was offered the position first but turned it down. Whether or not this is a rational response, I feel pretty disappointed and am wondering if the company offering the job is as enthusiastic about me as I am about them. Any advice on how to manage these feelings in light of the fact that I’m still planning to accept the position? I wish I hadn’t learned and could still feel as excited as I was when I got the offer. Thanks in advance!

    • Moonstone

      Please don’t let that info color your feelings about the job. Your coworker might have any number of reasons for not taking the job — didn’t like the commute, wanted to use the offer just to get a counteroffer, didn’t click with the interviewer.

    • Monte

      Also, don’t the idea that someone else was asked first color your feelings. The coworker may have laughed at more jokes, gone to the same high school as an interviewer, had more experience in x esoteric area. I am pretty sure I was offered my job because my boss and I have a random common interest that few other people have. Doesn’t mean they aren’t excited about you or that you are a consolation prize. Sometimes, employers have to make a hard choice between qualified candidates and use weird criteria for ranking. And when one candidate turns them down, they have another candidate they are psyched about.

      Congratulations on your new job and happy new year.

      • Mary

        As a person who makes hiring decisions on a regular basis, I agree. We just hired for a position where we had two equally qualified candidates who both had positives. We even said, “Is it possible to readjust and hire BOTH?” The answer to that was no, so we had to choose one over the other. He said yes, but we would have been equally eager to offer the job to our “#2, but not really second place” choice.

    • ANP

      I work at an organization where we made an offer of a senior leadership position to someone, she was great, her first day was coming up and…she left us for a better situation. So we called the #2 candidate and made him the offer (this is after we originally rejected him, mind you). He turned out to be fabulous and wonderful and everything we dreamed of. No one EVER thought of him as second best. Bask in the glory of your accomplishment and congrats!

    • Anon

      I was “second choice” at my job. The first guy they picked fell through for some reason. However, a couple months after I started, my boss told me that she was really lucky it fell through with him because she was really happy with my work. Six years later things are still great. At the time, I was just happy to get an offer. It didn’t bother me at all that I was second. Who knows what the other guy did at the interview to come in as first choice, but it doesn’t matter now.

    • Parfait

      This is one time that the job search is NOT like dating. They didn’t ask the girl they really liked to the prom and invite you after she turned them down just to spite her. They’re not going to bring you to the dance and then leave you sitting on the sidelines while they chug spiked punch with their buddies. Be excited! YOU GOT THE JOB!

      I was the second choice person for a job once and only found out when I was looking through a filing cabinet after I got the job and found the materials from their search. It was FINE.

  13. Brant

    My raise and promotion went through and I’m getting a 30% raise in comp (25% base and bigger bonus target.). This is my second promotion in a year- my salary inc bonus is up 75% compared to this time last year. I worked my @ss off and it’s finally paying off!!
    And….I have a just-turned-1 year old so managed all this with a new baby.

    I can’t brag to my friends/family so….had to let it out somewhere!!

    • Ellen

      Yay for you! But you MUST be humbel around peeople when it come’s to salaries and bonueses and stuff like that b/c the good times realy have NOT come back to where they were when I was in Law School (under Bush). We have all worked hard, but NOT everyone has seen the reward that a few have. So I listen to my dad and am humbel. Also, I let him do all the negoteating for me with the manageing partner b/c it is never a good idea to work with a guy you have debated with over salary and benefit’s. As it is, the manageing partner now wants me to step it up in 2015 by increasing my hours by 300 / year. I suppose if I look at it as just an extra hour a day, it is NOT that bad, but as it is, I am already billeing 7200 hours a year, and from what I have gathered talkeing to my freinds, that is alot more then other peeople bill already! So he is goieng to get alot more out of me for the money, which Dad is makeing me donate anyway by year-end for TAX purposes.

      Anyway, just a long way of saying KUDO’s to you but be humbel. And as for Kat and Kate and all the rest of the hive, you have all of my best wishe’s for a VERY HAPPY and HEALTHY 2015. May all your wishes come true, and may we all find our PRINCE’S in shineing armour! YAY!!!!!!!

  14. Anonymous

    What item of clothing or accessorywould you consider one of your “basics,” or something that really makes an outfit? Excluding stuff on all the lists of workwear basics for women, of course.

    • Away Game

      and what’s worse – I’m unexpectedly busy today. I had even brought in my Kindle with a new book thinking it was going to be super slow. Gah.

    • Clementine

      This is my first time in my life I’m actually working on Christmas Eve… I always requested it as soon as possible and kept it as a vacation day. This year my husband’s out of town for work through the holidays, my family is out of town, and I volunteered to work so my coworkers (especially those with family stuff going on) could have the day off.

      I’m trying to be happy that I’m helping other people have a good day, and have in-law stuff going on tomorrow, but the other part of me really wants to throw a dang pity party. Poor me! My husband is out of town for the holidays! I have to work! I’m happy that I have some dogs (one mine, two that I’m dogsitting) to hang out with tonight. Oh, and wine.

    • Anon

      I’m working a half day today. And I will be working on Friday. (Which is what bothers me more! I can handle Christmas Eve, but I really like to have the day after Christmas off.)

    • Parfait

      Me too, but just a half day. I’m fine with it. I usually don’t take time off at Christmas unless I have days left that I have to use up by year-end. It’s not an important holiday for me and it is an important holiday for a lot of other folks, so I don’t mind being one of the warm bodies keeping the lights on.

      Working during the holidays is awesome, actually. Nobody is around to interrupt me, I have no meetings, and there are usually some treats around. No traffic on the way in. I get a great parking spot. If only the rest of the year were this calm!

      I got something done yesterday that’s been on my to-do list for nearly a year. There’s just always been something higher-priority to deal with. It feels good to have it off my plate and onto someone else’s.

    • Rogue Banker

      Working about 2/3 day today (I get off at 2, about half an hour from now YAAAY!) and I can’t wait. Agreed with Away Game, though – I’m shockingly busy today and it’s making me grumpy. Bah humbug, people, go the heck home!

    • Annie

      Me too. But taking the day after Christmas off! There are 5 people out of 25 in our office, and I’ll probably be leaving around 2 pm. Need to go finalize my Christmas shopping!

    • Baconpancakes

      I love the quiet in the office, and enjoy being able to get things done, but unfortunately everything I need to do today requires the input of people who aren’t answering their phones/in the office…

    • anon

      Not only am I working today but my daughter has to work and can’t travel to get home tonight as expected. Her work needs her and patients need her so it’s my first Christmas without her. But with her being a nurse, it won’t be the last.

    • Muppet

      Same here y’all. Only another 30 minutes to go though…

      Merry Christmas!

    • Anonymous

      I’m working Christmas through ’til next Monday. It’s OK, I’ll have 10 days off afterwards and it’s my turn.

  16. Emmabean

    Ugh bloomies shipping fail! I coulda sworn their s!te said if you order by 12/22 your package would arrive in time with free standard delivery. I should have known it was too good to be true and paid for expedited! Now it’s not going to be here until the new year! I already emailed them to see what they could do for me, so am really just venting…

  17. What is reasonable

    My husband is in law enforcement and I’m former law enforcement. Many of our close friends are in law enforcement. My brother is a political blogger and self-proclaimed activist (as opposed to one employed in this field) involved in the “black lives matter” protests. I support the message behind the protests. I, however, do not support some of the ways they have gone about protesting nor do I support blanket anti-cop rhetoric. I generally stay out of his stuff but I occasionally post to refute a factual inaccuracy.

    Lately his online posts have escalated to saying things that are patently offensive to law enforcement. I am not on Facebook but was following him on Twitter and am considering unfollowing. However, I’m pretty upset that he would post what he posts with no regard for my or my husband’s feelings. I don’t think one should completely censor themselves but choose what they write to avoid hurting people they care about it.

    As an example, I was opposed to the Iraq war but when a close friend was deployed there, I stopped posting stuff about it (back when I was on Facebook). I’d still engage in discussion with people but I wouldn’t put something potentially hurtful in a venue he would see.

    I couldn’t help myself and responded to something my brother posted last night. My mom warned me not to bother talking to him about this stuff because he can’t discuss it rationally and he just gets pissed off and storms around. He is staying at our house for Christmas and I suspect he will not bring it up while he is here but will likely be working on his blog/twitter. It just rubs me the wrong way for him to be staying in a law enforcement house and posting law enforcement hate (if he does that).

    I’m leaning towards not bringing it up but do you think I’m out of line for expecting him to temper his public expressions considering his sister and BIL are a law enforcement family? I guess each blanket statement that references all law enforcement (instead of just some bad ones) is to me, a direct statement about my husband currently and my past life.

    This could be an interesting Christmas.

    • Mary

      Oh, how difficult. I am not as personally invested in it because I don’t have immediate family members directly involved in law enforcement or activism surrounding the issues. I am increasingly troubled by the whole discussion because it is often is framed as us vs. them. Black lives matter. Police lives matter. Everyone’s lives matter. Whenever I hear people talking about it, I try to redirect the conversation to an honest “what can I do to make the situation better” conversation and to challenge people when they say things that intentionally or unintentionally add fuel to the fire.

    • L

      Yes, I think you’re out of line asking him to temper what he says in public. His opinions are his opinions and he has the right to express them.

      I’d caution you to think about this; everyone treats social media very differently. No one way is right. If it bugs you that much, unfollow him and say “hey brother, I appreciate where you’re coming from but it bugs me that you make such blanket statements about law enforcement when my family is in law enforcement. I don’t expect you to change your mind, but wanted to let you know.” Then DROP IT.

    • Anonymous

      I think you’re expecting him to be a respectful and thoughtful person, and that’s frequently an unrealistic one to make. I have similar issues with my family and my in-laws about a different set of topics, and I just try to disengage from such discussions when they come up or remove myself from the situation. Sometimes there’s very little you can do about these people.

      If you decide to address the issue, I’d make abundantly clear that you support the cause before you refute facts or tell him not to engage in cop bashing. It’ll make your message go down more easily. That said, maybe your mom is right and he’s not capable of being rational about this.

      • What is reasonable

        You hit the nail on the head. I am expecting him to be someone I already know he is not. No amount of wishing and hoping will change this. What hurts is he can be thoughtful and respectful in many areas of life (like trigger warnings on posts to help survivors) but when it comes to the people close to him, he just doesn’t have it. He’s a very “me first” kind of guy. Years ago, grandma needed help walking down our stairs to my dad’s car. Brother’s response was “I don’t have shoes on.” So yeah, I’m not going to change him.

    • rosie

      I don’t think you are being unreasonable. I think what you should do depends on your relationship with your brother. If you have a very close relationship and you want to tell him that it hurts you and it makes you feel like you don’t connect anymore because he is not considering how making general statements may hurt you, I think that would be perfectly reasonable. If you don’t have a very close relationship, I would just unfollow him and ignore.

    • Sonnet

      This is a difficult situation, and I’m sorry that your brother is ignoring his own relationships with members of the law enforcement community in favor of painting with a broad brush. I have two pieces of advice. First, let go of the “not while under my roof” thinking, because the real problem is his abiding unkindness to you and your husband. If you were to frame the issue as, “I would prefer if you would not post to your blog and twitter account while you are staying in our home,” he would probably accuse you of acting in an authoritarian fashion, especially if he is already inclined to view law enforcement officers in this way. Second, you could try to be the bigger person and see this as a good (and all too rare) opportunity for law enforcement and activists to work together. You and / or your husband could volunteer to write something for his blog, for example. You could express solidarity with the black lives matter message, and you could point out some of the ways in which the police have been allies of the black community. I wouldn’t be too contrarian, and I would avoid the not-all-cops logic, which many find as offensive as the not-all-men defense against discussions of rape culture. The point is to write something that would make it difficult for your brother to continue relying on stereotypes about law enforcement, which would both make you feel better and contribute in a positive way to the protests. This might be asking a lot of you, especially during the holidays and especially after the murders of the police officers in Brooklyn, in which case, I would recommend that you do your best to find other topics of conversation during your brother’s visit. Good luck and merry Christmas!

    • Anonymous

      I am also in law enforcement and a military spouse and really find many of the responses from some of the police unions equally unhelpful. While the vast majority of cops are good, there are some that are not. Those people do not do the badge credit and should be removed from the force, IMO. This is no different from any other profession. There are a few bad teachers, a few bad lawyers, a few bad doctors, a few bad soldiers, etc. I think cops deserve respect but that doesn’t mean that all of their reactions should be beyond reproach. There are very real and perceived issues between police and minority communities of all kinds.

      I would just remind you to look at your own views as well. I think with many issues the truth here is somewhere in the middle.

  18. Shortie

    Having trouble getting my work finished today. I’ve had some real bleeding and thought for sure I was miscarrying. But I had an emergency ultrasound today and, no, there is a 7 wk embryo w a heart beat! Bleeding is from a subchorionic hematoma, and isn’t necessarily a big problem.

    • Muppet

      Whew, so glad you got good news! I had the same thing with my last pregnancy — a small hematoma around week 9, and some bleeding, and totally freaked out. But it just re-absorbed, and it was not a problem at all. Glad you got to see your baby’s heartbeat right before Christmas. Congrats :)

  19. Anonymous

    I’ve been thinking about getting a pair of diamond stud earrings. Is there any real reason to go for real diamonds over CZ or something similar? Are the differences really noticeable in earrings on someone’s ears a respectable distance away from you?

    • Anon

      I went for cubic zirconia because I couldn’t tell the difference and I doubt most people can, plus the ethics of diamonds is a negative for me. Nordstrom’s has very nice house brand cz studs.

    • KittyKat

      I think it matters more that the earrings are set in real gold or silver. It looks bad when the settings get all gunky. If you wear the earrings a lot the setting matters, it needs to be able to stand a lot of abuse (phones, hair, winter accessories, product, ect). My every day earrings are black diamonds in silver I’m sure I could have gone with onyx for the same look.

      • Julia

        You can get nice qualiy cz earrings…try Nordstrom, Crislu or Nadri. The setting matters. I always wanted diamonds, went through several pair of cz earrings, but I finally did get diamonds after many years. And I love, love, love them.

          • Julia

            I was working at a job where I got bonuses, and cash prizes for sales contests. I saved the money for a year, and used it to buy 1 cttw. Then I saved my prize money for the next year and upgraded to 1.5 cttw. I was working in retail, and with my discount they were about half of retail. But I went for them because I like real. I had a rolex look alike watch, too, but eventually got the real thing.

          • Baconpancakes

            I was just thinking about this today. My bonuses aren’t quite enough that I can afford the 1.5ct princess cut studs that I want, but I am considering upgrading my Nordstrom Rack $15 CZ studs for a nicer pair of Swarovski crystal studs in white gold. Thoughts?

      • AnonPara

        How do you clean your diamond/CZ earrings? I’ve used different jewelry cleaning solutions, but it doesn’t seem to get in those tight areas in the settings. I don’t know why I expect the same sort of clean that I get from a jewelry store cleaning, but it would be nice to get close…

    • Veronica Mars

      I think this is more of a ‘mind clean’ type of an issue–if you’re always going to wish you were wearing diamonds, no matter how realistic your CZs look, then get diamonds. But, if you don’t necessarily need that ‘luxury’ aspect, then there are tons of great alternatives for a lot less. If you want top-of-the-line CZ, go to WinkCZ. I personally did a lot of research on CZ vs Diamond vs other white gems and decided to get Moissanite studs. Moissanite is a 9.5 on the MOH scale (CZ is 8.5 and diamond is 10) so they’re more durable than CZs and only a little softer than diamonds. MOI are also more light-reflecting than diamonds, so they have more fire than diamonds (which is nice because I don’t live under jewelry store lighting 24/7 so they actually kick off some sparkle in real life). You do have to be a little careful with the body color once you go larger than 1ct (like, some lower quality stones may look like an J colored diamond), and be careful that you’re getting new stones (older stones had a cut issue where they occasionally fish-eyed). But overall, I thought for the price, they’d be a good fit and I really like mine. I have 2ctw basket studs and I’ve decided those are too big for me, so I got 1ctw maritini settings for about $180 on ebay (retail about $250ish?).

  20. Ginjury

    *Meant for What is reasonable above:
    I wouldn’t comment on his posts because that’s likely to be highly ineffective, but I think it’s fair to talk to him about how his comments are making you, his sister, feel. This isn’t about his political leanings, it’s about the fact that he frequently posts things that make you feel uncomfortable. You can explain to him that while you understand and support his activism with the Black Lives Matter protests, you feel like he’s moved from that stance to an anti-cop stance and that hurts you personally because it feels like you and your husband are being lumped into a group he thinks doesn’t deserve to live (or whatever he thinks).
    ETA: You should definitely stop following him and reading his blog or anything else he posts because you know it just upsets you and you’re likely not missing out on some great insight into his life.

    • Anonymous

      Sometimes you should feel uncomfortable though. Black men don’t have the luxury of unfollowing the police. You can unfollow your brother. #privilege

          • Anonymous

            That is her opinion, right or wrong, and you should defend her right to say it. This understanding comes with time and experience. Merry Christmas Wildkitten.

      • OP

        I’m very aware of my privilege which is why I asked for advice on responding. I also originally followed him precisely to learn “from the other side.” I’m ok with being uncomfortable. I’m not ok with being vilified. Now that the line has been crossed, unfollowing is the way to go. I can follow someone more tactful to stay involved.

        • Wildkitten

          Wait. You only follow your brother to purposely read things you find offensive? Maybe you should get him a puppy and a camera. I mostly follow my family on social media for puppy pics.

          • OP

            Haha, I do enjoy the occasional pics of my parents’ cat. His stuff wasn’t offensive when I started following.

          • Robin

            Pardon “wild kitten” but you sound like an old cat with too much time on your hands. Be positive! It’s Christmas!

        • Anonymous

          I am the LEO Anon from above. And to provide further context, I work in a major city with a history of high racial tensions.

          I have been following this issue very actively on Twitter since the original ferguson shooting and honestly find the conversation surprisingly courteous on my feeds. Yes, people are raising tough issues but I do not in any way feel “vilified.” While I have not read your brother’s specific posts, that strikes me as an exceptionally harsh word to use to describe the discussion regarding how minority communities have been treated by the criminal justice system. I think you should genuinely examine your views here. There is a genuine need for discussion, IMO.

      • Anon

        Really? Growing up in a predominately poor, black neighborhood – I can promise you that black men have the option to follow the law, just like everyone else. The OP sounds genuine here, and she’s right that this black lives matter hashtag has taken on a life of its own, vilifying the LEOs that are mostly just trying to keep people safe.

  21. Anonymous

    Brooks Brothers semiannual sale has started. What’s their sizing like compared to BR or AT? Also, a lot of their pants and skirts seem to have sizes 00 and 2, but no 0. anyone know what’s up with this?

  22. Lolz

    My cleaning lady contacted me last week to say she couldn’t come due to her son having chicken pox. She wanted to come the following week. I was in the hospital at the time recovering from a c-section and I thought it was a bad idea to have her in my house given the newborn baby situation.

    What’s an appropriate time to tell her she can come back to my house? I feel bad because she is missing out in Christmas revenue.

    • Maizie

      One possibility: Pick a time that’s reasonable from a medical safety standpoint, but also send her a check now to cover her missed visit and/or an Xmas tip.

    • Samantha

      I’m glad she told you the real reason that she couldn’t come. I’m concerned in these types of situations that the cleaning lady/nanny/etc. may come anyway (e.g. their child is sick with the flu, or they’ve been having flu symptoms) because they don’t want to lose the revenue. And with a newborn you really don’t want them coming in if they are sick or could be a carrier.
      So I’d suggest paying her for one visit to incentivize future honesty.

  23. Senior Attorney re Mugs

    A propos of the conversation a few days ago about whether anybody wants mugs for Christmas (I said no, Wildkitten said it was a generational thing and young people love mugs), I am coming back to report that the late-20s daughters of my Christmas Eve hosts squealed with delight when they unwrapped mugs under the tree. And hilariously, their dad looked at me and rolled his eyes and said “There will come a time when they will not be so thrilled with the whole ‘mug’ thing…”

    It was kind of a magical thiss!te moment. Wildkitten, how were your gifts of mugs received?

    • Samantha

      LOL! Good to know. Were they travel mugs or some kind of “special” mugs (e.g. had a picture of their favorite TV character)?

    • Lolz

      25 years old. Will always be happy with a mug, particularly a really big one or one of the ones with a slot for cookies. Seriously, it’s like my husband’s reaction to funny looking socks or cards against humanity expansions. My generation is easily satisfied with overpriced knickknacks.

    • Wildkitten

      I gave two! The ones I gifted were monogrammed. They were well received.

      I am also getting rid of all the mugs I have that don’t “spark joy” or aren’t big enough for my lazy Sunday coffee needs.

      • Senior Attorney

        Yay! Glad they were a success! I think your theory turned out to be spot-on for women. Men are apparently a different story. And good idea to keep only the real keepers!

        Samantha, I think they were Christmas mugs. Hard to tell because I was sitting across the room!

    • lawsuited

      I’m in my late 20s and have reached maximum mug capacity. Although I’m grateful for any gift, when I unwrap a mug, my first thought is “crap, where am I going to put this”.

  24. GoldMedallion

    I did CZ studs because I will be mildly irritated if I lose a stud, but I would cry if I lose a diamond. I already lost an earring about a month ago (CZ) when it wiggled its way out of my ear on a heavy phone day, so I tend to be practical with the stuff I wear to work because this earring had one of those swoopy backings (no post) and off it went….

    Regarding the FB issue – I had to unfollow someone because of the remarkably inflammatory comments he was posting, and this is someone I knew socially (so I thought) quite well. He was attacking people who thought differently than he did worse than a junkyard dog, and I was pretty unimpressed… I’m all for having discussion, but it went downhill really quickly. I unfollowed him (vs unfriending) because it was less messy given the amount of overlap I have with this person, but I won’t be having a beer with him anytime soon….

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