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Something on your mind? Chat about it here. Nordstrom has the tissue-weight version of their cashmere scarf still at full price, at least in most colors (burgundy is marked 33% off), but for my money (and chilly shoulders) I like the wool version just as well. It comes in 12 colors, all of which were $98, but are now on sale for $65. Nordstrom Wool Cashmere Scarf In honor of Memorial Day we'll be taking a long weekend; we've already rounded up the sales that have started and will be updating as necessary over the weekend. I'm still somewhat hopeful to do a shoe/bag/accessory roundup of the Nordstrom sale for you guys — lots of good stuff. (L-5)Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Ugh
I was just reading the latest about the Duggars, and I am SO ANGRY at all of it. It just makes me feel bad about our whole society and the fact that so many people glorify them and make them millionaires. I’m a criminal defense lawyer. I’ve seen worse things. But this has gone from allegations to admission very quickly, and the ARROGANCE of the entire family and those that surround them makes me so freaking ill.
I think I just needed to vent that a tiny bit.
Anonymous
I didn’t realize how obsessed with them people are. The facebook posts on their page are sickening.
anyanony
I hate all reality TV. I feel like an old grump – get off my lawn! Thought that Oprah, Dr. Phil, Jerry Springer et al were terrible in the 90s and with Kardashians and Survivor it just gets worse every week. (Although I do admit that I’ve occasionally watched Say Yes to the Dress as I’m a wedding lover.)
Must be Tuesday
I also dislike Reality tv, with the exception of House Hunters and occasional other shows on HGTV.
Anonymous
This arrogance is endemic in all fundamentalist religions (although not necessarily in all individual adherents).
OP
Good point. I guess as an atheist I find it doubly distressing.
enraged anon
What kills me is that these losers have made their living off of telling other people how to live their lives and promoting “family values”—- this a**clown works for Family Research Counsel, defined as a hategroup by the Southern Poverty Law Center, actively pushing for discriminatory legislation against women and LGBT populations. And his family KNEW and HID IT. Just in case there was any doubt in your minds that this family (and their religion) has no respect whatsoever for women and girls and their lives, experiences, agency, and health.
G-d I hate people like this. I’m so angry I can’t even articulate all of the reasons I am enraged.
And there are people all over the internet *defending them* vom.
AIMS
That family has always disturbed me. Somehow this makes perfect sense. I’m curious to see if they lose their show. Funny how saying something un-pc will cost some people their job (e.g., Bill Mahr at ABC after 9/11) and yet TLC is running a Dugger marathon tonight.
Brit
TLC just posted a statement on Facebook that they’re pulling the show immediately.
anyanony
Hooray
Anon
+1. Tell me again, Michelle, about how a transgendered person who chooses to use the women’s restroom is a danger to our daughters…
AMB
The show now seems to be pulled, but I’m sure they’ll find lots of ways to continue to make $$$ off their name (ugh).
bridget
“I’ve seen worse things. But this has gone from allegations to admission very quickly, and the ARROGANCE of the entire family….”
Pointing out the obvious: arrogant people don’t admit wrongdoing immediately. They hire attorneys and plead not guilty. Normal people who screw up admit to their faults.
You’re letting your dislike of them get the better of you.
OP
There are arrogant rich people and arrogant poor people. I represent poor people (some arrogant, some not), who don’t have the resources this family has. They went to a “trusted family friend” who also happened to be a cop, and the COP didn’t turn the son in. Outrageous.
I don’t see how I am letting my dislike of them get the better of me. Some arrogant people DO admit their wrongdoing immediately, and justify it by saying they were entitled to do ABC because XYZ. Believe me, I’ve heard it all.
Anonymous
This post reminds me of people who click on fluff “news” pieces and then complain in the comments “Why is this news?”
Your following them, even if it’s hate-following, contributes to their undeserved fame. Let it go and ignore them. You can only control you.
OP
I actually heard about it on CNN first. I in no way “follow” them.
OP
Also, I was trying to make a point about how it is upsetting that millions of people think they are great. It’s not about “fluff news.” It’s about the many shades of American values in this country. Maybe you can tune out everything that bothers you about the country and world you live in but I cannot.
Anonymous
You completely missed the point. The first sentence was not to say that this is a fluff news piece. It was saying that people who complain in the comments of a fluff news piece that said piece shouldn’t be news are to blame for their own annoyance. They clicked on the article in the first place–exactly what the publisher wanted. You are complaining that these people get attention and a platform on which to stand, but you’re contributing to the problem by giving them attention. Stop clicking on the articles, stop discussing it to pique others’ curiosity (who may tune into the show–I know you said you don’t), etc. This kind of micro action is what it takes for them to become irrelevant and lose their platform.
shopping challenged
And his behavior has nothing to do with the suppression of normal teen-age desires and impulses, right? I wish people would notice that side of it.
My pre-pubescent son currently thinks he will never want sex. I assume that he will, and we already talk about how to decide when it is right to take that step with another person. I don’t want him screwing everybody in town and putting notches on his bedpost, but there is a middle ground between “all” and “none” that followers of people like the Duggars refuse to recognize.
AIMS
Oh, I think this is very much related to the whole “you can’t even kiss before your wedding” b.s.
anon for this
Regular commenter, but anon for this. I agree that it’s a horrible story. I can’t even say it’s made worse by their anti-gay bigotry and fearmongering, because both that, and Josh Duggar’s actions, are bad enough on their own. So what I’m about to say is less a defense of them and more something I just want to put out there: it is incredibly, incredibly hard for families – any family – to figure out how to respond to s*xual abuse of one child by another. When parents are the parents of both the victim and the perpetrator, they’re placed in an almost unbearably difficult situation. Even the most loving and supportive parents often don’t handle this the right way. And a law enforcement-driven response can further traumatize the victimized child, for a variety of reasons. There aren’t good resources, at all, to help parents navigate this, and our treatment models are designed for adult offenders.
I generally despise the Duggars, and I’m not defending anything about how they handled this (especially given that there were nonfamily victims as well). I guess, more than anything, I just sort of wanted to share – from the perspective of someone who has been the victim of this type of abuse – that even a normal, healthy family is likely to respond to this kind of situation, even if only at first, in a way that others will not understand.
L
Thank you for this compassionate take.
Anonymous
I have not been in this situation at all, but I understand how it would be a incredibly difficult decision to report your kid for this sort of thing regardless of who the victim was. Turning your child in could get them branded a $ex offender for life and effectively ruin their life. It doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do, but I think plenty of parents would have had pause about turning him in, especially because he was relatively young and what he did was *relatively* minor, at least compared to something like rape. I despise these people – mostly because of their anti-gay views – but I do actually empathize with the parents to some degree.
Devil's Advocate
But the flip side is that you don’t turn your kid in after the first time, or the second, or the third, and suddenly you are up to five victims – whose lives are absolutely changed (i wont use the word ruined here bc that strikes me as extremely damaging in this context).
What strikes me is that the parents’ decision seems to perpetuate their general belief that a male is worth more than a female.
anon for this
I’m so glad for your comment re: “ruined.”
anon not to out
You know it was his sister right? It makes it 10 times worse.
Devil's Advocate
Sisters. Plural.
Out of Office?
I will be leaving soon for my wedding and international honeymoon and will be out of the office with limited email/VM access for three weeks. I am in a client-facing role and spend the bulk of my time interacting with people outside of my organization.
I’ve never been away from work for so long and am wondering if I should mention my wedding/honeymoon in my out of office reply as a way to “explain” my extended absence and unavailability to clients. Or is that too much and I should just state that I’ll be back on X date and you should contact Person A & B while I’m out?
Anonymous
too much- just give people a date youll be back and a contact person and number. (and dont check your email while you are away!)
padi
Your out of office shouldn’t mention your honeymoon, so I would do option 2.
As a professional courtesy, I would email people you expect to contact you during your absence (like active clients, regular contacts) with a short email about a week before you leave saying “I will be out of the office and unavailable from date to date for my honeymoon. Colleague will be available during this time.” Or, in your next phone call or meeting, just remind them that you will be out for your honeymoon and review your backup plans with them.
mascot
I agree. Also, I would even go a step further and say you will not have access to email/voicemail, especially if this trip is changing time zones or has questionable internet access. That way people won’t be expecting a response from you before they go to person A. You can still monitor and do one off-responses as necessary.
Boston Legal Eagle
I left for 3 weeks for my wedding and honeymoon and didn’t put the reason, just the standard out of office, limited email/voicemail, back on XX day. Depending on your level of interaction with clients, you can let them know ahead of time, or just let your team know that you will be out and will need coverage. Assuming you are a law firm or similar, this is one of the few instances where people respect out of office time! Enjoy!
Anonymous
I took almost 3 weeks for my wedding & honeymoon and didn’t mention the reason in the OOO email response. You might say something like “I will be traveling internationally with very limited [or no] access to email and voicemail.” My standard out of office response is something a bit more along the lines of “I will be checking email regularly and will get back to you as soon as I can” but don’t say that for your honeymoon! It’s your one chance to go totally awol.
Blonde Lawyer
I also suggest putting it up a day or two early while you are still in the office. I’m usually a day or two behind replying to emails so I wouldn’t want to have to get through every new email the day I’m leaving. It gives you a bit of a buffer. If you get caught up and can respond, great, but if you don’t, the person knows why.
Anonymous
Anyone else “get to” review the partners they work with? How candid should you be? It’s “anonymous” but I can always tell who wrote which comments on my own reviews. Biglaw midlevel but no experience with this because my previous firm did not do it.
Anonymous
Hahahahaha. Good luck. Not candid at all unless your candid opinion is the sun shines out of partner’s ass. The farthest negative I’d go is “partner A has lots of xyz work that id love to be more involved with.” There is zero upside for your opinions here. Keep it vague, bland, and positive.
Ellen
Yay! Weekend Holiday Open Thread’s! I love Weekend Holiday Open Thread’s and this cashemere scarf from Nordstrom’s. Kat, the onley problem I have is that I can NOT wear this to court b/c the judge does NOT like me covering up to much in court. The manageing partner even told me that the judge has set the theromostat of the courtroom UP so that people will NOT cover up to much. When I was there earlier in the week, he had me take my jacket and my silk scarf OFF b/c he said it was to hot in there and he did NOT want me to sweat while I stood to give my legal rebutteal to the complainant’s council, who argued that my motion was premature. The judge agreed it was NOT premature and DISMISSED the case under 3211(a)(7). YAY! That is my favorite code section of the CPRL. Even the manageing partner agrees that I win far more of these then the former partner did, b/f he left to go INHOUSE at a bank. FOOEY on bank’s. They pay me NO interest on my account’s and charge to borrow.
Myrna and I are DRIVING to the Hamton’s tomorrow Morning. We did NOT want to go tonite b/c we would be sitteing in traffic. She said she knows where some guys are staying and that we can stay over with them while we look. That is fine, but I will NOT share a bed with anyone, even pleatonically, b/c every time that happen’s, ineviteabley a guy will try and nuzzle in with me and b/f you know it, his hands are EVERYWHERE they do NOT belong, and if I do NOT chase them out of the bed, within minute’s their winkies are OUT also. That is NOT my idea of a nice quiet holiday weekend. I urge the HIVE not to encourage this behavior b/c men will do anything if you do NOT protest, especialy in the HAMTON’s! DOUBEL FOOEY!
David of all people texted me again trying to start up with me. I do NOT know what he has been up to for along time, and do NOT care to find out where his winkie has been ever since he ignored me when Huricane Sandy hit. I think my Dad told his dad I was NOT dateing anyone, so he MUST smell blood in the water (like a shark comeing in for the kill). He knows I am not getting any younger, and I am sure he will be grabbey if I let him back into my life. I also will NOT have sex with him unless he is serius about MARRYING me, b/c at this age, I do NOT want to be another sexueal repository for him.
Myrna says she is not interested in marrying anyone b/c most guys are NOT serius with her, and just want sex. She has much greater NEEDS then I do, and as a result, she sleepe’s with grungy guys I would NOT even talk to. I warned her about STD’s, but she evidenteley does NOT care to much. She also has be come more liberal about what she is willing to do with guy’s now that she is 30. I told her that men MUST not try anything strange with me, and that means no monkey busness and no tuchus play. DOUBEL FOOEY!
I have to figure out if Rosa is goieng to give me some of her summer clotheing b/f I shop at L&T next week. I have to buy a lot of new clothe’s and am trying to fit into her old stuff b/c she got all an new wardrobe from Ed after she found out he was fooleing around with someone naked in a bar in NYC. She got a great deal out of that and Ed’s winkie has literaly been MUZZELED ever since, b/c she make’s him come home right after work every day unless he calls in every hour he is away after 6:30 pm. There is no way that winkie can get into trouble now! YAY!!!!
That is what I want. A guy who is devoted to ME, buys clotheing for ME, and keeps his winkie stowed until I say it is OK. YAY!!!!!! HAPPY WEEKEND TO KAT, KATE and the ENTIRE HIVE!!!!!! DOUBEL YAY!!!!!
Irene
Ellen, if you want a guy listen to your grandma and be prepared to”kiss” a lot of frogs (though you’ll have to do a lot more than “kissing” these days, as you’re aware). Even tho you’ll have to become a virtual concubine to snag a dude, after you are married you’ll be able to clam up and lock your knees together until your husband provides you with “just compensation” for intercourse. It may sound crass, but I’ve been happily married for 15 years now, ad it is I who pick both when, how and how often I give him access. He is both humbled by my terms and my bedroom performance for which I am properly paid, and he has no complaints. So follow my lead and your lady parts will not regret it!
bridget
Constructive, yes; candid, not unless the partner is so horrible to associates (or women, or minorities, or kids who grew up poor) that someone needs to say something.
You can always put a positive spin on things: “It was great when Joe did X to delegate work, and it would contribute a lot to my satisfaction at work/work-life balance/ability to manage my own time if that happened more frequently.” You don’t need to say, “Bloody hell, Joe, stop sitting on things for a month and then dropping them on my lap right before my sister’s wedding.”
anony for this
I’m following this thread with interest because we similarly are supposed to give upward reviews.
I recently worked with someone who was downright abusive- sexist, degrading comments on a daily basis. He’s known to be this way with everyone, and always worse with women than men. I imagine it only continues because he is a powerful man, in an industry that is heavily male-dominated and well-known to tolerate a certain amount of abuse of junior-level employees. He certainly has the power to destroy my career so I (like everyone before me) just tolerated it.
During all this public degradation, I fantasized about writing a frank and honest review of all this, so it would at least appear in his file. This is a terrible and very stupid idea, right?
bridget
I was more saying that if you have a generally decent boss/manager, then write a constructive and positive review – even of things they do badly.
No real advice for the truly terrible ones. My best advice is to solicit the opinions of powerful men in male-dominated industries, albeit powerful men whom you respect and who respect women. They can tell you if you should say anything, and, if so, what and how.
I also sense that you might be well-served by documenting each and every single thing this man says, every day, and then having a session with an employment attorney. (You might not go anywhere with it, but an attorney could give you options.)
You could say something about how Manager is knowledgeable, dedicated, and extremely competent, but that you see no reason to comment on his personality and attitude towards women in the review, as that is glaringly obvious to anyone who has been in the office. Frankly, that’s the farthest that I would go.
anonymous
I once had to do an upward review when I was part of a very small – three person – team. Two women, one gay man. The questions were all multiple choice and you had to list age, etc. but we didn’t want our responses to be traced back to us. So we all put “transgender” as our orientation so as not to give the reviewers clues as to whose answer was whose.
platinomad
I work at a pretty big consulting firm and we do this. It is done through some online thing and I trust that it is anonymous from the collection standpoint, but people get to choose who they send them to and there is always a level of people knowing your written “voice”. I am normally honest-ish. I provide positive feedback as well as constructive items. For the constructive things, I normally try to not use specifics that would identify me, change up my “written style”, and paint it in a more positive light. An example is someone who i actually really respect and believe is an amazing leader (and i wrote plenty of positive things) but who often alarms people with his vision for the future because he speaks about it like he is going to completely gut our practice starting tomorrow to his new vision (changing everyones jobs and roles and things that would alarm a lot of people), when really he is working through the normal channels and just trying to paint a picture of the future. However, I cant even keep track of the number of times people have come to me after conversations with him completely alarmed. I wrote about this in his 360 feedback thing and framed it as “he is so passionate about the future of our company, and he has such a powerful and strong vision that..” and then launched into some of the problems his style has caused. He’s the sort of person who I’m sure appreciated it, and i dont feel nervous about it at all.
padi
I sold my house! The closing is in about a week. Contingencies are cleared and the stagers have removed their things from the house.
My realtor wants me to “clean” the house (vacuum, wash floors, wipe surfaces). Is this normal?
In neither of the houses that I purchased where they cleaned for me by the seller. I remember my parents cleaning new houses before we moved into, too.
I think he wants me to do this because he is also acting as buyers agent (grrr, don’t get me started, it is totally not cool) and wants to impress them.
I am this close to telling him that, no, I won’t be cleaning or hiring a cleaner and if he wants it cleaned, he can do it himself or pay for it out of his double commission. Is that out of line?
Anonymous
Honestly, if it’s not a huge problem for you just clean it. You’ll make someone’s day. Doesn’t have to be totally spotless, but I’m sure the new owners will greatly appreciate it.
KT
How else would you leave it? With mud stains and filthy surfaces? Of course it should be cleaned–you clean when you move out of an apartment, you should clean when you leave your house.
It doesn’t have to be maid-perfect, but ti should be vacuumed, mopped and wiped down at a minimum.
Sarabeth
When we bought our house, the contract specified “broom clean,” which I think is a standard industry term. Basically, no clutter, floors swept, no filth/grime/cobwebs. But not sparkling. When we moved in, we needed to wash windows, mop floors, deep clean the bathrooms, etc.
tesyaa
Yes, this is the term used in contracts. I asked my lawyer if that meant the sellers needed to vacuum, and he said that it says “broom clean”, not “vacuum clean”, so no.
ETA: I don’t think it has anything to do with him being the buyer’s agent.
ace
+1. Don’t leave trash or other items in the house, do a quick surface clean (vacuum, sweep, etc.) and you should be good.
padi
I can “broom clean”. That I don’t mind. He wanted vacuumed carpets and that would involve hauling my vacuum, which I do not want to do.
padi
I paid for a deep clean already before the stagers showed. The house isn’t dirty, the floors aren’t muddy and the bathrooms look unused.
Because of landlords, I never cleaned an apartment when I left. They all had “preferred vendors” and would re-clean (and charge) if you didn’t use them, plus it was cheaper to “hire” the same vendor through the landlord than it was to hire them yourself. What a scam.
NYNY
You did your part already – the house is clean. If I were you, I’d just do a run-through to look for dust bunnies or debris left by the stagers moving furniture out. Unless the contract says different, you’re done.
Also, congratulations! It must be a relief to be done with two homes!
Anonymous
IMO, you should hire a cleaner and leave the house clean. I mean, you don’t HAVE to but it’s just not nice to leave it as-is. This is what I would do (as a seller) and expect (as a buyer).
Anon
We bought our house in SC last year and this was the language in the contract:
“Seller agrees to deliver the Property free of debris and in a clean condition. The Property, including but not limited to landscaping and/or lawn, will be maintained in the same condition from the Effective Date until possession is delivered, ordinary wear and tear excepted.”
We also bought a house in NJ several years ago and I recall the contract having similar language but I couldn’t find an electronic copy of it. When we sold the NJ house, we had already moved out of state, but we hired someone to weed, vacuum, clean the bathrooms, and wipe down all the surfaces.
Scarlett
I’ve done this. I think you’re in the Bay Area & I’ve used one of the companies on yelp (can’t remember which at the moment) that specializes in move-out cleans and I think it was around $100. If you want, you could pass the cost onto your relator, but I think it’s a pretty normal request.
Anonymous
Can your realtor get in touch with the buyers and see if they would be willing to split the cost of a move-out/-in clean? When I’ve moved into a new place, I never trust that it is actually clean and spend considerable time (and/or money) doing a full deep clean. So I understand the reluctance as the person moving out to do a full deep clean when you know the next person isn’t going to know what you’ve done and repeat it all–I think coordinating action here solves that problem.
la vie en bleu
meh, I would pass the cost on to the realtor. But I might be bitter bc when i moved into my current apartment, it was definitely *not* clean, blinds/tops of cabinets/baseboards/windows, lots of the deep cleaning kinds of things had not been done. So I hired a move-in cleaning company out of my own pocket. I wouldn’t put too much into it. Either sweep and just leave it at that, or hire someone and pass the costs on.
Also: CONGRATS!!! So happy for you!
Anonymous
This should cost at most $250 (probably a bit less – you’re in San Jose right? Our cleaners did a move out cleaning for around $150) and a few minutes of your time to arrange a cleaning service, which seems like a really trivial expense in the big scheme of house-buying. I’d just do it.
Em
My parents are also selling their house and plan on cleaning it (ie, no major grime being left, a simple wipe down, throwing out all trash) next week after all the items are moved out today knowing full well contractors are coming in to remove the popcorn ceiling. It’s a bit silly, but also, just a courtesy to do so.
Anonattorney
Um, no, I don’t agree with most of these posters at all. If the contract says “broom clean,” then sweep, don’t vaccum. Remove your trash and leave it to the buyers. It’s not your responsibility to do a deep clean, and, in my experience, the buyer will hire someone anyway to come in and do a deep clean before they move in.
I guess it would be a nice thing to do, but this is a business transaction. Seems odd to me that people would be encouraging you to give your buyers a nice $500 gift.
meme
+1
cbackson
Agreed. This is a business transaction and your obligations are to do what’s set forth in the contract.
Must be Tuesday
Agreed.
ETA: If you actually remove all your personal items, your buyers are doing better than I was when I took possession of my last 2 home purchases. Although, I did actually like and keep some of the items left behind; it wasn’t all trash.
MJ
Agree with this! My mom is a very successful realtor, and SHE always pays for this for her clients. You do the minimum required, and the realtor, if he or she wants to impress Buyers, can take it from there. If you’re selling your house in Silicon Valley, the realtor is doing fine out of this (particularly since he or she is on both sides), so the realtor should eat this, not you. Not your problem at all, unless it’s in the K.
Anonymous
Agreed. No reason at all to give freebies to the buyers.
House Seller/Buyer
Legally, you don’t have to pay for cleaning. But it seems like the courteous thing to do. We’ve bought two houses and I was appalled at the level of grime the sellers lived with when we moved in. Both were “broom” clean, but had built in gunk all over, such in the fridge, on the floors, etc. The tile grout in our hallway was literally a different color after I cleaned to my standards. We paid for a deep clean when we sold our house, and I plan to continue doing so whenever we leave a house even if that isn’t normal for sellers. For one thing, I think that leaving the buyers with a good impression just might cut down on the chance of a lawsuit if something wrong turns up with the house. I also know that moving sucks, and after dropping several hundred thousand dollars on a home I think it is reasonable for most people to expect it to be fairly clean (even if that is not what the contract says).
Forty Winks
Thanks to the commenters who recommended Forty Winks in Cambridge! I went and got fitted and bought a bunch of bras. Turns out I had totally the wrong band size, and now I finally know what it’s like to not have my bra straps fall down all the time!
Hollis
Is there a good way to get rid of books that are over 15 years old? I won’t read them again, but some were expensive (hardcover case books from law school, bought new), some are paperback, and all have my name on them, so I’m loathe to just throw them away or donate them. However, I need more shelf space!
Anonymous
Amazon? Local library? If you don’t need or want them anymore, what is so wrong with donating?
Mpls
Because the library doesn’t want out-of-date textbooks either. Recycle them if a newer edition exists.
anon
No library will accept old textbooks and it causes them more hassle to get rid of them.
Anonymous
Not true. Law text books, maybe. But it was not specified that OP is a lawyer.
anon
“hardcover case books from law school, bought new” does specify law textbooks. I am an academic librarian and I work with both donations and reserves. We don’t accept old textbooks. Maybe a public library would, for their book sale, but for an academic library, they’re a nuisance.
la vie en bleu
are you saying you want to get some money for them instead of just giving them away? Amazon is probably the easiest for reselling books. Or you can take them to somewhere that resells like Halfpricebooks if there is one near you. But Amazon makes it pretty easy to resell.
Anonymous
Old law school texts? Recycle them. They are useless.
AIMS
I don’t think you can do much with your old textbooks because there would have been multiple new editions since and most of them are probably not very useful to anyone (unless you know someone who wants “smart books” for their bookshelves). I’d donate the paperbacks and anything that isn’t out of date to a local library/used bookstore. I’d recycle the textbooks. If you want to check if any have value, you can put in the ISBN number into “sell my books” on half dot com. You’ll get a good idea if anything’s worth reselling. If you’re concerned about getting rid of them because your name is in the books, why not just neatly cut out that part or black out with a sharpie?
Anonymous
I’ve sold them on Amazon but if you graduated law school more than a couple years ago, they are probably all horribly out of date and you’ll get pennies for them. Literally, I think I sold one of my books for 99 cents plus the $3.99 shipping fee. I was unemployed at the time so if you’re not totally desperate for money I would just donate them to a library.
Must be Tuesday
Craigslist free. I know a few new attorneys who have decorated their conference rooms with out-of-date law reporters and law school text books. They are pretty.
moss
I am late to this thread but the International Book Project in Lexington, KY will accept old textbooks.
http://www.intlbookproject.org/home/contact/
Anon
I think it’s expected that the seller will deliver the house in “broom-clean” condition. It should be in your contract of sale.
padi
It is as-is as of the date of the contract. I just know the seller of the property I bought didn’t even broom-clean.
Hydrating night cream?
So, I’m 34 and I’ve been using Retin A for a little over two months and it is essentially MAGIC. It seems to have cured my mild but persistent hormonal acne and is quickly fading old dark spots. I’m not even wearing my tinted moisturizer anymore, just moisturizer with SPF and concealer where needed. I love it so much. Thankfully I look young for my age, but bonus points for warding off wrinkles. HOWEVER…
The dryness! Oh, the dryness. I worked my way up to using the Retin A every night, and I’d like to continue doing so for the benefits. But the dryness around my eyelids and mouth has gotten pretty bad, and even my neck and ears seem to be dry even though I am not putting the Retin A on my neck or ears. So I’m on the hunt for a very hydrating night cream. I’ve been using Neutrogena anti-wrinkle retinol night cream for years, but given that I’m using the real Retin A now it seems redundant, plus I’m sure there are more hydrating night creams available. It needs to be oil free though, as anything with even a drop of oil has always immediately made my skin go crazy.
Does anyone have any night cream you love? Drugstore price preferable, but I’ll hit up Sephora if it’s worth it.
Thanks!
Anonymous
I have this same issue and I use cetaphil lotion. It’s worked magic.
Anonymous
Cerave that comes in a big tub. Slather it on before you go to bed. It’s amazing.
Calico
I know this isn’t what you asked for, but I was in your exact situation, using Retin A for acne and it worked beautifully, but oh, the dryness. The only thing that worked for me was coconut oil. If you know that won’t work for you then try taking fish oil supplements. Before I found cc oil those were the only things that helped as no moisturizer was enough.
Anonymous
Both CeraVe and Cetaphil contain oil.
GirlFriday
I used Korres’ Greek Yoghurt Moisturizing face cream. It’s a little spendy ($34 for 1.8 oz), but does a great job and isn’t oily/greasy. I also used chapstick/blistex on my lips, ears, and the inside of my nose.
Carrie...
Make sure your face is completely dry before you apply it.
Maybe every other day is enough. You don’t need to do it every night.
If moisturizing after the RetinA isn’t enough, put on the moisturizer first and THEN apply the RetinA.
Make sure you aren’t also using harsh products with other acids in your soaps/scrubs etc… That is more then you need.
Don’t get too close to the eyes, and it shouldn’t be so close to your eyelids. No no…. you don’t get acne on/near your eyelids…
anon
Two important pieces of advice:
– wait at least ten minutes after you wash your face to apply
– my derms recommend mixing any Retin-A with a benign moisturizing _lotion_ before applying.
Sunshine
Snail cream. Yeah, seriously – Missha Super Aqua Cell Renewal snail cream. It’s Korean and it’s amazing. It doesn’t smell bad and it’s not gross. You can buy it on Missha’s site, on w2beauty dot com or sokoglam dot com, or you can find it on Amaz0n, just look for US seller if you want to get it quicker.
Also, use multiple layers of moisturizer, such as hyaluronic acid serum under the snail cream.
coco
How funny – I’m dealing with exactly the same issue. I read online that you should find a moisturizer with ceramides; the article recommended Cetaphil. I wanted a cruelty-free product so yesterday I went to Whole Foods and spoke with the person in the Whole Body department. She recommended a cream called Nutrient Moisturizer from Juice Beauty, which she uses herself. I went home and did some light manual exfoliating, then applied the Nutrient Moisturizer cream, and then applied it again before bed. The flakiness is already remarkably improved. It’s VERY hydrating. It does have some plant oils, but it doesn’t feel oily at all. It’s about $36. Good luck!
Anonymous
I don’t have issues with Retin-A making my skin dry but if I get it anywhere near the corners of my mouth, nose, or eyes, those areas peel. The instructions typically say to avoid those areas, too.
quitting social media
Has anyone quit social media cold turkey? I never post, but I can’t help but lurk. I KNOW it makes me feel bad about myself, yet I can’t stop scrolling through Instagram and Facebook feeds. I think I want to quit. The only things that keep me from doing so at this point are:
1) will I miss some major announcement from a friend (but seriously, if it’s a good friend, I’d hear it from him/her anyway)
and
2) what about online dating? So many of the newer apps require you to link to FB.
But that’s it. Otherwise, I think I’m ready to quit completely. Anyone with me?
Killer Kitten Heels
I didn’t quit cold turkey, but I have tried to become a more thoughtful user of social media. Basically, I gave some thought to what the purpose of the particular app is for me (Facebook = staying in touch with friends, Instagram = following thought-leader-type people I find inspirational), and then ruthlessly cut anything that didn’t serve that purpose out of my feed. I pared my friends list way down, and have taken to blocking from my feed folks that I “have to” stay connected to out of obligation, but don’t actually want to interact with.
Basically, instead of being a passive consumer of whatever FB and Insta throw at me, I’ve been trying to cultivate feeds exclusively of stuff I actually give a cr@p about. It’s worked wonders, while still leaving me connected for things like major friend announcements, making use of partner apps, etc.
Solo
This is exactly what I have done after trying unsuccessfully to quit twice. The first time I lasted a few months and the second a few weeks. I just missed the good 10% of it even though I hate the majority of it. Be ruthless with your friend lists – I went from about 300 to 150 and it’s so much better. You don’t need to compare yourself against anyone, let alone people you haven’t seen in 20 years and never really liked anyway.
Also, I use Facebook mainly to post interesting news articles and try to get discussions going about things other than weddings and babies. It only rarely happens, but when it does, I feel good about my use of social media.
Blonde Lawyer
I did! I was a total FB addict and losing so much time to it. I just deleted it one day. FB makes it tough where it goes into an inactive period before it is totally deleted. I had my husband change my password before I deleted it so I couldn’t reactivate it during that period.
Now FB is such that you can’t even see much of public pages without a profile. I have a blank one with my real name but zero other information and zero friends that I use just for when I have to look at someone’s public profile for work.
Also, one of my volunteer groups only communicates via FB so I have joined that but I have told them I will not “friend” anyone b/c I am purposefully not a real FB user.
Liz
I didn’t go this far, but I did uninstall the FB app from my phone. I waste so much less time (and phone battery) now.
Killer Kitten Heels
This just reminded me! I took the FB app off the “front page” of my iPhone and buried it deep in a subfolder on page 3, then I put the Kindle app in the place where the FB app used to be. Now when I’m looking for an idle time-waster, the most readily available option is “read a book,” while I have to really go digging for FB, and that has helped me cut back on the amount of time I spend on it.
Anne
I did the same thing — deleted fb from my phone and logged out at work, so I only check it from my home laptop — so much better! I still check it but much less frequently and only during real downtime. I have instagram and twitter on my phone so still have things to check but I personally find them chiller than fb.
anon for this
I’m looking for advice to help me evaluate a potential job move. I’ve been working for my small, boutique firm that specializes in “X” practice for almost 4 years. A partner I used to work with recently left to start his own firm. His practice focuses more on “Y”, which is related to X, but different in many ways. We recently had lunch, and he raised the subject of me joining his new firm. He has a strong book of business, and plenty of work to keep me busy full-time. I’ve always enjoyed Y type work than X,and it’s a practice area I excelled in when I worked for this former-partner, so I am strongly considering his offer, and we are going to meet again next week to discuss more details. I already have a good sense of the type of work I’d be doing, but I don’t know much about his new firm or what it would be like to work there. What subjects do you think it would be important for me to raise at our next meeting? Salary, expected working hours/billable hours, vacation/maternity/etc. polices, business development expectations, etc…? I’m guessing he doesn’t have a lot of set policies in place for these issues at his new firm, and he will probably be flexible on many issues. Thanks in advance!
mascot
I’d want to have an understanding of his business plan, his expectations for growth, billable targets, diversity of clients in case one client leaves, technology/research resources, support staff, your rainmaking responsibility and so forth. From there you can move to the more personal aspects of the job such as how will you handle coverage for vacation, face-time, who pays for insurance/CLE/bar dues, salary/bonus structure.
Calico
Any recommendations for purse organizer inserts? I have the Madewell Transport Tote and I can never find anything I need in there without digging around for a minute. I saw the Divide & Conquer options on Etsy. Liked them, but would love guidance as to what type has worked for others.
Sydney Bristow
I picked up the tip from here (from AIMS, I think) about using a bunch of different color/patterned zipper pouches. It has been working for me. I have a bright pink pencil pouch with my phone cords and small camera charger, a black pouch with medications and little toiletries, etc.
Anonymous
How do you handle “fat talk” among friends?
I not only hate seeing my friends put themselves down, but it also makes me feel terrible about myself (like the friends are judging me for either being bigger or for not putting myself down all the time). I just want a way to shut it down.
espresso bean
I refuse to engage and tell people that. It’s awkward at first, but it effectively shuts down the conversation. And I think a lot of people feel this way, but no one wants to be the one to stop it.
You can say something nicely but firmly, like, “Hey, I don’t think anyone feels better about themselves when we talk this way. Can we ban ‘fat talk’ for the rest of the day and talk about something more fun/interesting?”
Killer Kitten Heels
The definitive guide to shutting down fat-talk, IMHO: http://captainawkward.com/2014/06/12/588-can-we-please-stop-body-shaming-ourselves-and-each-other-as-a-form-of-female-bonding/
Calico
Great advice, and that Amy Schumer video she links to is a must watch.
shopping challenged
I’ve gained a bunch of weight in recent years and I know it. I want to lose it, but have never been in this situation before. I don’t hate myself for it. I don’t hate my body. I do wish I could wear my old clothes and move like I used to. What I can’t stand is the way people shush up any mention of the above, saying “ohh, no, don’t do that to yourself!!” and refuse to talk about the things that an extra 50 lbs changes. It’s like getting pregnant or going through puberty with none of those helpful books and guides. It’s a body change that others have been through before. I wish they’d just be factual and tell me what it’s like for them, so we can compare notes. (Small example, I’ve had to change the way I move my leg in a particular yoga move, because my tummy is in my way. Why couldn’t someone else just casually mention how they do it?) Instead, people shut down the whole conversation in very rude ways that they would never, ever use if I were asking how to shift gears in a car or something.
There is a difference, people, between fat shaming and sharing information!!
emeralds
I dunno, I think it’s a fine line to tread and I get where you’re coming from, but women are so conditioned for the call-and-response Mean Girls ritual of body-shaming/validation. I have gained weight recently due to a change in medication and, on the rare occasion that I say anything about it, I clearly preface with a statement like, “I am not saying this to get sympathy/reassurance/whatever or to put myself down.” For example, “I am totally okay with this and I am not saying this to in any way put myself down, but I’ve gained some weight so I have boobs for the first time in my life. My old sports bras aren’t cutting it! Do you have any favorite brands?”
And I also think it’s a know your audience thing. As someone who has struggled (and will likely continue to struggle) with the brainweasels of ED, I would NEVER EVER EVER initiate any kind of body-related conversation with someone who I wasn’t close enough with to know that they had their body-image ducks in a row. To mix my animal metaphors.
Anon
1000+ I inexplicably gained 10 pounds last year which was a lot because my natural weight is low (115). It was frustrating that suddenly all my work clothes – my go to pencil skirts and suits no longer fit. That stuff is expensive and takes a while to find ones you love. Meanwhile, I started counting calories, watching carefully the type of food I ate, and exercising more intensely, only to see the weight continuing to go up. After a few months I just broke down in tears of frustration. I wanted to talk about it with friends and they took the usual – no, no, you don’t look fat, you’re so skinny, you look great approach. Ugh. I don’t have self esteem issues. I have issues with not fitting in my clothes and having to buy increasingly bigger sizes while recently outgrown purchases go to waste. That costs a lot. Why can’t I talk about that and seek help investigating the causes? Turns out it was a medical issue. Thank god I finally figured it out and was able to adjust my medication to stop the unwanted weight gain. Imagine though if I couldn’t talk about it because I was supposed to just love my body while it ran away from me. That’s silly.
GirlFriday
+1 what Espresso bean says. Also, this may be too passive/aggressive for you but it’s worked in my group so feel free to try it out. When someone makes a habit of shaming herself (ie does it every time we talk or more than once in a convo), I ask her to say three things she likes about herself. Be lighthearted about it – it’s a bonding ritual, but it doesn’t have to be negative.
emeralds
I instituted a not listening to or participating in body-shaming conversations policy for myself as part of my ED recovery. I’ve used a variety of responses over the years, but I’ve pretty much settled on a flat statement of “I will not participate in a conversation where anyone talks badly about their body.” It’s gotten awkward a couple of times but I really DGAF.
Killer Kitten Heels
whoops wrong place
TO Lawyer
I’m having trouble transitioning my date/going out wardrobe. A few years ago, it consisted mainly of short skirts/dresses but honestly, I feel like I’m getting past that stage where I want to dress like that, unless I’m going to a club or something. However, I still want to look s3xy when I go out with my friends/boyfriend but just less high-maintenance I think.
Any suggestions? I feel like I default to jeans and a silk blouse which gets boring (and is also what I wear to work on Fridays so it doesn’t help with the off-duty look I’m going for).
Also, I’m having a hard time with shoes. I love heels but I feel like sometimes they look too fussy for certain places. But I think my flats are too casual, and I’d like a bit of height, so I’m stuck. In the winter, I would just wear ankle boots with a bit of a heel but I don’t what to do in the spring/summer.
Thanks ladies!
anon
I’m 29, I think these ideas will work unless you’re maybe 35-40+:
date/girls night out outfits:
sleeveless jumpsuit (express or loft are good places to get these) with strappy flat sandals and statement necklace
knee-length or slightly above A-line skirt (the pleated chiffon ones are cute, or the origami type) with tucked in slinky cami plus strappy flat sandals and bling
maxi dress (jersey for more casual settings) with jewelry and flat sandals
my rule for shoes is that if I’m wearing slinky/dressy clothes, I’ll tone it down with flat sandals (but obviously not birks- check out steve madden for affordable, strappy flat sandals or just the entire DSW Store). If I’m wearing something less slinky/dressy (like rolled up boyfriend jeans and a t-shirt and necklace), I’ll wear strappy heeled sandals (but not the kind you’d wear to a wedding- check out Joe’s brand for these types of sandals)
cbackson
I love that your threshold for when these looks age out is 35.
Signed,
the 34-year-old who’s going out in a jumpsuit tonight
Anonymous
FWIW, I think jumpsuits look ridiculous on anyone over the age of 10 who isn’t a supermodel.
Mpls
Eh – I’ve seen ’em done well on regular people, but the key is to tailor well.
Anonymous
+1000! When will this style go away
Anonymous
Come on, most ideas offered on thissite are old and matronly despite the fact that a representative user is likely in her mid-thirties. I understand where this commenter is coming from.
Scarlett
Ha! I laughed at the age restriction too. I’m 40 and wear everything on the list and it’s perfectly age appropriate. Bet the commenter will change her mind I a couple of years. 35 doesn’t mean it’s Chico’s time.
Clementine
Some things that work for me:
Going out/ out with the girls: Wrap/faux wrap dresses. To work I wear camis underneath them, but when I’m going out I skip it and wear a fun necklace instead.
Everday casual: Don’t underestimate the power of a great scoopneck shirt or sweater. I like Black House White Market’s seamless t’s.
Shoes: In spring/summer, I find myself wearing these shoes all the time when I want something comfy that gives me a little height and makes me feel like I’m putting in an effort. I have them in multiple colors! (Note: got the idea from stalking what the lovely Dutchess of Cambridge wears when she’s ‘dressed down’)
https://factory.jcrew.com/womens-clothing/shoes/pumpsandheels/PRDOVR~A1244/A1244.jsp?color_name=navy
anony for this
I’m 30- I wear a lot of jersey dresses for casual dates or more casual girls nights with flat sandals or ballet flats. I usually go just above the knee, and the jersey material makes it clingy and still sexy but casual.
For a nicer night, I’ll step up the dress a bit or maybe go with a tank (usually looser one with some sparkly detail) tucked into a chiffon skirt and heels.
Another cute look is a casual T (I like a nice graphic T) tucked into a pencil skirt. I do a nice graphic cityscape T tucked into a blue pencil, with red heels and red lipstick.
Anon for this
Having an embarrassing problem with incontinence when I sneeze. I’ve heard this can be a problem later on, and in fact my mom has surgery for this issue later in life, but I’m only 28! Does anyone else have this issue? What can be done? Would kegels help and if so any resources on how to do them?
Anon
Go to a doctor to make sure you don’t have a bladder infection. That can cause the problem. It is normal to have an occasional problem though, especially if your bladder is full and you have a cold or are otherwise sneezing a lot.
Carrie...
Kegels kegels kegels.
Just check google – use one of the medical sounding sites for instructions.
Tell your OB/GYN.
If it doesn’t get better, ask about “pelvic floor” rehabilitation sessions. There are PT/OT’s that specialize in this.
Meg Murry
Not just kegels – squats are as important or even more so.
http://breakingmuscle.com/womens-fitness/stop-doing-kegels-real-pelvic-floor-advice-for-women-and-men
med anon
It’s called stress incontinence. Many resources online. Surgery should be last option, look for a pelvic floor physical therapist after talking to your gyne or urologist.
M
Talk to your OB first but ask for a referral to a pelvic floor physical therapist so long as there is no infection or other issue. They can give you specific exercises
CountC
Sneezing, running, sprinting, yea all of the above. Someone here recommended pelvic floor therapy and I just haven’t yet gotten around to it!
shopping challenged
I just want to tell Kat thanks for mentioning a place to get bodysuits a few posts back! I asked here a few months ago (they keep you warm in the winter sooooo much better than anything else!!) and people responded as though I had said I had two heads and was looking for a third, fourth, and fifth. I really appreciate the link!
Brunette Elle Woods
Color coordinating question: I recently purchased three suits black, grey and navy. What colors will go best with each one and can I mix the blazers and skirts/pants? Can I wear a grey skirt with a black or navy blazer? I’m also looking for shoe suggestions. Can I wear a black heels with a navy suit? Nude shoes? Thanks!
anon
Black or nude shoes are both fine with navy suits (go with black in the winter though).
Whether your black/navy suit separates will go with black will depend on the shade of gray. In general I would say navy and gray are ok, but black and gray can be iffy.
As far as tops to wear with the suits: you can do white tops with any of the three colors, as well as purple, maroon, and pink. Navy looks good with cream/beige and black looks good with taupe. With gray you should stick to cooler colors like pastels and jewel tones.
Cream Tea
Hard to answer the mix and match part of your question without seeing the suits – but generally (as expressed on this $ite many times), no, you can’t wear a blazer and a skirt from two different suits. You might be able to get away with a black blazer with the grey bottom.
Shoe wise, I wear black with a navy suit all the time. Nude-for-you goes with everything. I also have a grey pair that have become a surprise staple. Almost every colour of shoe will work. You pretty much can’t go wrong – those are the holy trinity of suit colours!
anony for this
I actually don’t agree with Cream Tea. I think its a bad idea to mix suits if there is a risk they will look like you are trying to create a suit out of mismatched separates- ie. you don’t want to mix a black skirt with a black blazer when they aren’t a perfect match as it looks like a makeshift suit. So I wouldn’t mix a dark grey with a black to avoid creating this impression. Rather, I would say if the 2 colours are different enough that is looks intentional, then it is fine!
I wear a navy skirt with a grey blazer all the time as a more casual suit alternative. It’s super common for women in my industry and large urban city. It’s nice for days when you don’t want to look as formal. Men have also been doing this for decades- navy blazer with tan slacks is a classic look. We do this all the time for our “fun” blazers- mix them with pencil skirts of a different colour- I don’t think it’s off-limits just because you bought it as a suit.
Anonymous
“Men have also been doing this for decades- navy blazer with tan slacks is a classic look. ” Only navy blazer with tan slacks are exactly that – blazer and slacks – not a mismatched suit. I think mismatched suits look sloppy at best.
anon
I’m looking at a map to figure this out but I thought it might be more efficient to ask the hive. I’m in Philly and some friends are in DC. I’m looking for a somewhat equidistant (doesn’t have to be perfectly so) beach we can all spend a night this summer. Doesn’t need to have nightlife (although that would be a plus), but a cute town and good beach are essential. Would also be nice if there were quaint b&bs as opposed to just motels or house rentals.
TIA!
Must be Tuesday
Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
I knew Rehoboth was close to both cities, but when I checked in Google maps, it came up as exactly 121 from each city!
Anonymous
thank you!
Cat
Partial to Lewes rather than Rehoboth (it’s one town up the coast, closer to Philly than DC) although you’ll probably have more choices in Rehoboth.
January
I am very late to this party, but I wanted to add: Lewes is very cute and more likely to have the quaint B&B experience you’re looking for, but be aware that it’s on the bay, not the ocean. Also, if you do go to Lewes, stop by Agave for the margaritas!
Anon
Related – look at Fenwick and Bethany – less nightlife and generally smaller, but still nice towns that might have some other options.
Baconpancakes
Not sure if anyone’s still checking this, but depending on what you want, I recommend looking into Bethany Beach. About half an hour from Rehoboth, much much quieter, more picturesque, like something straight out of a Debbie Macomber novel. Crowds don’t get nearly as bad. Very locally-focused, pretty sure there aren’t even any chain restaurants within the town limits.
Birthday Ideas
My BF has asked me for ideas for what I would like to do on my birthday. I thought it would be fun to do an activity, but I’m struggling to come up with ideas. I have thought of cooking/baking classes, wine tasting, anything else people can think of? I am active and I could see myself liking something sporty as well.
mss
bocci ball?
NYNY
Trapeze lesson!
AIMS
I like to go to a show on my birthday (music, theater, whatever). It gives you a solid plan, you have a nice dinner before or after, drinking is included, and it’s a fun memory/tradition.
But one of these years I plan to go on a hot air balloon ride.
Birthday Ideas
That sounds amazing! I looked into it but perhaps a bit pricey for us at the moment (still fairly new relationship), but I will be putting that on my bucket list!
Hildegarde
If you live near a river, kayaking or canoeing. You can pack a lunch and make a day of it if you want.
Lobbyist
Bowling party; Game night (charades or something similar); bike ride to restaurant for brunch; those jump/trampoline places where kids have parties; roller skating or ice skating; paint your own pottery.
Travelanon
Any recommendations of doctor and physical therapist in Seattle? I’ve just moved and very much miss my doctor (female, patient, willing to listen and answer my questions, which is important because I deal with anxiety) and my physical therapist (whom I trust with my back, which is a high level of trust since a wrong move can paralyze you). Does anyone know practices or people that offer friendly, intelligent care?
Seattle Freeze
For a PT, I will highly recommend Henry Lu with Velocity Physiotherapy in Fremont. The folks at Real Rehab and Kinetic Sports Rehab are also well recommended by runner/cyclist/triathlete friends.
I see a doc with the Polyclinic – many Polyclinic offices & specialists in Seattle and have had no trouble finding docs accepting new patients. Good luck & welcome to Seattle!
Anon
Question – when you’ve decided to separate from your spouse how did you go about it? Did you secure the rental apartment first and then tell him you were moving out or did you let him know before signing the lease? He’s aware things are not going well (we have been talking to a marriage counselor for a while). I may be bitter and angry but I don’t have any desire to be vindictive or hurtful. I just want to be fair but preserve my own sense of well-being for once. Also, how did you handle work demands? I could really care less about my job right now but clearly it is critical to my financial independence so I’m struggling to be committed when I just don’t want to be. And no, I work in a law firm with no female partners and a high billable hour requirements that I’m already struggling to meet. It is not an environment where I can ask them to cut me some slack. Frankly, if they knew I made the decision to separate I think it would somehow count against me.
Tecan
Talk to a lawyer before moving out if you own a home together.
Edited to add: a divorce lawyer, I mean, assuming you are not one.
Anonymous
Yes, talk to a lawyer before you do anything. To answer your question, I told my husband when I signed the lease on the new place, then slept in the guest room for two weeks before the move. As for work, you just have to put your head down and do the best you can.
Must be Tuesday
Talk to a lawyer first. My split was pretty amicable and my ex was the one who moved out. We had been talking about our relationship for a while and we both knew things weren’t going well. We decided together to separate, and because his job was pretty far away from our home, it made more sense for him to move out b/c he wanted to get something closer to work. It took him about 2 weeks to find a place he liked, and it was available about 30 days after he signed the lease, so we ended up living together for another 6 weeks after deciding to separate. It was during a time when we were both traveling a lot, so we didn’t actually spend that many days at home together, so it worked out okay.
Wildkitten
Best tips for LASIK? Already scheduled with a doc, just want to be ready and best practices for recovery.
had it done
consider lasEk over lasIk, be prepared for the worst case scenarios with recovery (better to not need it than to wish you’d planned better), and go with reputation over price. Ask to see videos of other patients of theirs and read every online review of the doctor you can find. Check for any hidden fees, consider getting a 2nd opinion if you can find a 2nd reputable doctor in your area, and do not do it if you are not completely comfortable with every single answer to every question you get.
Mpls
When going in for your consultation, make sure you have a sense of what would disqualify someone from getting the procedures. Like – your pupils dilatation diameter is too wide, your cornea isn’t thick enough, your prescription hasn’t settled.
Mpls
Use the eyedrops, frequently and consistently.
Celia
Did you catch this? http://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/26/upshot/when-family-friendly-policies-backfire.html?ref=business&_r=0&abt=0002&abg=1
I wonder how many people understand that a “benefit” in the workplace is a form of compensation. If you receive “free” childcare, someone is paying for it. If the company if paying for it, it makes sense to reduce your pay (tangible) because they’re making up for it elsewhere (intangible).
I’m a 1099 contractor. I have to pay all my payroll taxes and health insurance myself. I therefore charge more per hour than I would get if I were an employee, where those benefits are “free.” It’s all gotta come from somewhere…