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Happy weekend! There are a ton of cute sandals in the Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale — these highly rated geli sandals caught my eye since the details are so unusual and fun. The shoe comes in 7 different versions, each with a different color and sculptural detail at the toe. This one is a seahorse, but there's an orange, seashells, a banana…
The shoes are $41 (were $59) and come in sizes 5-11; they have over 200 4- and 5-star ratings.
(I have a few pairs of these similar jelli Crocs sandals myself — they're not much more affordable but they are crazy comfortable.)
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
pugsnbourbon
My wife and I just got some really great, life-changing news that’s a long time coming. It comes with a big move, new jobs, the whole shebang. I’m completely overwhelmed – gotta downsize, sell the house, etc – but I haven’t been this excited in a long time.
I don’t know what I’m trying to say except that that the good news you might be waiting on comes through for you, too.
Anon
Not as big of a deal, but I did the thing (ordered Boden tulle maxi skirt, in pink).
Digby
Wow, congrats to you and your wife, and best wishes for the upcoming changes! What a great way to start the holiday weekend!
anon
This is great! Congratulations!
pugsnbourbon
Last sentence should read “I don’t know what I’m trying to say except that I hope the good news you might be waiting on comes through for you, too.” So excited I can’t type.
Lydia D.
Yes, good things come for those who wait, and since you have waited, you get good news! Congratulations and best of luck in the new jobs and venue! I take it you are moving from some big house in an outlying area to fancier jobs in a big city. That is exciting! You just need to remember that people in big cities are nice, but not as open as what you may be used to in your current venue. Things move faster in big cities, and you need to know this up front. Also, don’t be concerned if you don’t make as many friends as quickly, but once you give it time, you will find people in your condo and work places that you click with, and presto, you will have friends to spend your time with! Once you settle in, you can write back and update us, and those of us in your new venue will be able to connect you with the right service providers you may need (tailors, cleaners, gyms, etc). So hang in there and enjoy the ride!
amberwitch
Sounds wonderful. Thanks for sharing, and congratulations.
Anon
congrats pugs really happy for you and your wife, what an amazing experience!
also go boden skirt purchaser!
Coach Laura
So excited for you Pugs. Good luck and enjoy the ride.
Anon
Sweet news!! Congrats Pugs! Sounds like a lot of great change.
Formerly Lilly
Congratulations and best wishes for the big new thing!
Curious
Pugs, I’m so, so happy for you!! Best of luck with all the logistics and may it be even better than you dreamed :).
Notagirl
Congrats Pugsnbourbon, and heartflet good wishes to you and your wife on this new stage in your life!
Go for it
Woo woo best to you!!
Writing training
I’m trying to help a work mentee find a training program to help with their business writing. But the caveat is that this is like super basic professional writing (not proposals or technical writing or anything like that). Colleague is from a non-traditional background and never held a salaried office job until a year ago. They’re good at their job, which doesn’t involve a ton of emails, but their emails are just…not good. Like basic grammatical errors, no punctuation, sort of reads like a text with typos. They’ll need to be able to write basic emails to move up to the next level. Anyone know of any classes that teach this type of basic writing? (And yes, they are open to the help and want to learn.)
Anonymous
What about a local community college? Look for business writing courses. They’ll be familiar with and able to serve non-traditional students who want to brush up their writing skills.
CHL
I had someone very similar and we sent her to a Business Writing course at Purdue and it made a big difference. This was a while ago so I think they’ve moved to more online, but I would recommend it and I imagine there might be a similar one local to you.
Anon
My office purchased a license for Grammarly for an employee who is really good at his job but because of a learning difference, has tremendous difficulty with writing. Your employee’s emails sound similar to what this employee would write. Technology isn’t the answer to all of life’s problems, but it really made a positive difference here.
anon
Kindly (as they say here) this isn’t business writing but just basic writing skills. At this level (remedial), students are sent to the writing lab if they make it to college. That’s what I would do if I had someone like this enrolled in a business writing course. There may be a disability like dyslexia, and very likely no history of reading (the best path to becoming a good writer.)
Grammerly or similar — something that catches and repairs errors — may indeed be a good choice while they are trying to learn, or maybe instead of.
OP
Oh, I totally agree! I put business in there to differentiate from like writing essays.
anon
I’m glad you understand. I was afraid I’d be slammed here for being honest. I do have much experience in this field.
Anonymous
Just a warning … Grammarly sends what you are writing to their servers to be checked. Since this is a business context, if you are dealing with anything confidential it could be a violation of confidentiality policies.
Grammarly is a strict No for everyone at my company (high tech & very sensitive to intellectual property issues)
Babu Riba
Coursera has a 197 results for the search “business writing”. If your firm is willing to pay a writing tutor, try contacting the writing centers of local collges to see if any of their teachers freelance as well (a friend of mine used to do that). Or maybe a post on Craigslist or word of mouth would find you a freelance writing tutor.
I know this can be a tricky cultural area. And kudos to you for cultivating new talent!
Anonymous
I wore jelly sandals at age 6 and they rubbed the heck out of my toes. Never again for me!
Anon
I feel like the little seahorse would rip off almost immediately and leave you with a totally worthless piece of plastic junk.
anon
As well as in between your toes, ouch.
Anon100
I… kinda like the color of these sandals and the seahorses. But I don’t like the design of the posted sandals and would prefer a more traditional flip-flop style.
Anon
I got blisters on the soles of my feet from just looking at the picture.
Ari
I wore the star version of these jelly sandals for my wedding and they were shockingly comfortable and durable.
Anonymous
I think these shoes are fugly. And is geli the new jelly?
Formerly Lilly
I bought jelly sandals as a beach/pool /it’s raining today option, and the problem is that when your foot is wet it slips relative to the plastic sandal, leading to an interesting gait, as well as an unstable one. And if you can’t wear them in the wet, why jelly? They sit in my closet awaiting the yard sale that never happens.
Belle Boyd
I remember jelly shoes from (ahem, shaking my head in disbelief) junior high. Looking back, they weren’t cool, pretty, or trendy, even though we all thought we were all that when we wore them. Nope. We were just trying to be cool in a pair of ugly plastic shoes.
Maybe this is why I just can’t grasp the appeal of Rothy’s, either.
Lydia D.
Yuckies! I put on a pair of pumps on Friday and wound up walking more than I planned for an now have a big blood blister on my big toe from them. I am really disgusted b/c it looks ugly and I can’t wear open toed shoes or sandals for a while. I put a band-aid over it to cover it for when it does burst, as I don’t want an infection after all this. Also, it is over 90 degrees today, and I dare not go to the pool with this and risk infections from the pool. This is a lesson to me not to wear pumps if I have to do any real amount of walking.
Anon
This morning’s bikini post made me curious. How many women on here feel like their husbands would ogle a woman with implants in a skimpy top at the beach? Or: how many of your friend’s husbands would? I’m thinking in a sexual way, not a judgey way.
I’m in my twenties and can’t imagine my friends’ dads doing this, but maybe I’m naive.
Anon
I am assured that they would be aware and the new equipment on a known pool user from prior years would be noted. I doubt this crowd would ogle (unless something was really out there re the size or outfit). I can think of one mom I know who seems to dress to get attention and a lot of her choices are the basis of stories. I don’t think anyone wants to be so out there that they are THAT person, but every group seems to have its outlier.
Anon
I’m in my 30s, and my friends’ dads did that to me as a teen. Not all of them, but there were certainty some you didn’t want to be around alone and others where it was just noticeable. And I’m not that attractive.
Anon
Omg you’re giving me flashbacks to being a teen and having friends’ dads look at my chest. There are some men who are truly disgusting.
Anon
Yeah definitely some dads were all right, and some were not. USA has a men who creep on teens problem in general I think.
Anon
It sucked as a teen. I’ve told my BF about some of the stories, like the guys that would box me in on the city bus to hit on my, and he was shocked.
The only upside is that it made adulthood easier. I’m so used to guys starting at my chest and the comments on the street, that the things I get as a 30ish women in a major city are kind of tame. Not in any way saying it’s alright, just trying to find the positive in having been a 15/16 year old with large breasts.
AIMS
I don’t think this is a USA problem, to be fair.
But yes – some guys are creeps.
Anon
Same. I didn’t really register as a teen how many of these guys were at least dressed as professionals (suits, watch, nice part of town or expensive hotel). Maybe that is just because that was my environment at the time, but I wasn’t even in a big city or anywhere sketchy and looking back it seems so out of line.
Anon
skinny blonde with natural bobs and was always being ogled no matter being covered or wearing baggier clothes. dads and grandfathers. was gross.
Anon
skinny blonde with natural bobs and was always being ogled no matter being covered or wearing baggier clothes. dads and grandfathers. was gross.
Anonymous
Same here. On a grown woman my husband’s reaction would be “what is she thinking? what kind of attention is she after?’
Anon
Yeah. I like to think my husband and friends are grownups enough that they wouldn’t ogle. They might peek over discreetly, but I would do the same if someone catches my attention, and don’t think it’s that scandalous.
Anonymous
This
Anon
I don’t think my husband would ogle but he would definitely notice and comment to me. I know mid-30s dads who would overtly ogle for sure.
Anonymous
Mine would notice but not ogle. Just like me
NYCer
+1. Mine would notice and comment to me, just like I would notice and comment to him.
anon
Same here. I think most guys are smart enough to not ogle, but I also don’t think it would go unnoticed.
Formerly Lilly
My exH would not have ogled but he definitely would have noticed. As would I. And then we would go back to whatever we were saying or reading. I was somewhat surprised by the morning comments. If pearl clutching were a sport, I would be a world class gold medalist, but I wouldn’t give more than a moments notice to the red bikini and definitely wouldn’t judge for it.
Anonymous
I think most men would/do look. Not saying it’s ogling per se though I def know men who WILL be super smiley and chatty and happy around some women while ignoring women they perceive as normal/average. And these are “nice guys” – typical white collar suburban dads with their own wives, kids etc. The only men I know that don’t look (or are SO discrete that I’ve never even caught them glancing at some woman other than their wives) are hyper religious from a super conservative faith and from countries where they are used to women covering; I feel like those men are almost nervous to look or not comfortable or whatever but I think that’s due to their teen years being spent in places with religious police.
Anon
My very religious husband would not ogle; he struggles with noticing a lot because of his upbringing.
Anon
I don’t think my husband would consider it a hardship to be surrounded by attractive women. But he’s more than once been the guy that women go to when other men are making them feel uncomfortable; I’ve never seen him ogle and don’t think he makes women feel uncomfortable. If anything he could do a better job conveying that he finds me attractive some of the time? I think he was raised to be respectful and with some old fashioned religious ideas about modesty.
Anon
Not the Taliban ideas on modesty we saw this morning, I should clarify! But more that you shouldn’t ever interact with or treat a woman any differently based on what she’s wearing if you’re a gentleman.
Anon
Ugh. I am a tall thin ITPC charter member and definitely on #TeamRashguard. A kid, who is blonde (I am not) is also turning out to be very developed very early (like is 11 and significantly larger than I am). Short of always being there giving the creepers the stink-eye, what is a mom to do for her daughter? It’s not like she can help how she’s shaped and I’m not going to lock her up (we live where it is HOT and some days, there is no refuge but the shared pool).
Anon
I get SO MAD when I walk with my daughter – she has very noticeable red hair and a beautiful figure, and so many men are absolutely, completely disgusting. It started when she was 11. Barf.
Anonymous
One thing to do for your daughter, is making sure she always has nice swimwear that actually fits and is supportiv, with bonus points for it being cute and age appropriate. I’ve seen more and more crop tops, one-pieces and tankinis in bra sizes the last years, Bravissimo has lots, if it’s difficult to find items that are not to “grown up” in her size.
AIMS
I developed breasts super early and the only things you can do is help her navigate the experience. No one gets to make her feel bad or creeped out. Talking about her body, good or bad, is not okay for people to do. Keep dialogue open. Get her some good bras.
Anonymous
How on earth is an 11-year-old supposed to police what other people say about her body? At that age, my daughter couldn’t even stand up for herself when the boys shoved her out of the way during science labs. She certainly wasn’t going to confront a catcalling adult man. And I don’t think it’s a very safe thing to try.
Monday
I understood AIMS to be talking about the role of a daughter’s mom in these situations: mom should be a fierce protector against anything inappropriate.
Anon
Honestly I would be careful about when she is alone, including about when she is alone at friend’s and family houses. I was a 5’2 B cup at 11, and was regularly followed and cat-called by men in cars on my walk to/from school alone (both parents already left for work), ogled and uncomfortable comments by friend’s dads.
I don’t think there is a great solution because obviously you don’t want to restrict HER freedom and independence, but I think she is less likely to be at risk if there are a lot of adults around or if she is walking with a group of friends, etc.
Beyond that, unfortunately, I think the reality we live in is still a dangerous and sexist reality for women. That truth will be come apparent no matter what you do. Better to equip her with a sense of herself, to realize when something is making her uncomfortable, and to give her the wherewithall/permission to act accordingly (leave, stay stop, seek help, etc).
Anon
give her words, permission, boundaries, a good cell phone and plan plus the ability to know she can call you anytime no questions asked!
words to express that she’s not comfortable doesn’t feel right, some phrases to use in situations
permissible to not be polite to elders or others if they are making her uncomfortable and that she doesn’t need to do what others want
boundaries to know she owns her body and can stand up for herself
Anonymous
Almost all of them will look, some more discretely than others. The ones that look are not the problem, the ones that comment, cat-call, bump, and make creepy noises (think silence of the lambs) are the worst. The ones that just stare, stare and stare, with no attempt at discretion, are the second worst.
Signed, skinny with bigger-than-implants natural boobs.
Anonymous
I just asked my husband – he would notice but not remark although we might joke about it later. (We kind of do joke about a friend who wore a bikini to a waterpark and that was a very sporty one.)
I’d worry more about being bugged by pre/teen boys and moms of younger girls.
PolyD
Do we… care… if male partners look at attractive women? I guess I don’t feel like my relationship is threatened by beautiful strangers, and I’m 54 and getting quite squishy. I would probably look at an attractive woman in a more revealing swimsuit or beautiful dress or whatever, too.
And I’d look at a man in one of those smaller swim trunks like James Bond wore in the old 1950s movies – shorts style, but not baggy. I wish those would come back in style! So I guess I’m just a Mrs. Robinson-style creeper?
It’s weird, this trend of thinking humans shouldn’t notice or look at other humans.
PolyD
Actually meant this comment to go below.
Anonymous
Everybody looks, I think, and that’s not a bad thing. I am totally with you on looking at everyone and enjoying a good swim trunk specimen.
But some people are not respectful or nice when they look. I remember one man vividly, because he was staring at my chest (it’s very nice, so lots of people stare) WHILE KISSING HIS GIRLFRIEND. Seriously, full on snog combined with full on ogling. I would assume that she would have cared, if she knew.
Anon
My husband would look but try not to. Just being honest.
Anon
But also, my husband would look at just about any woman in a bathing suit. Or in regular clothing. He behaves decently, doesn’t stare, doesn’t react, but he’s definitely noticing. It’s hard-wired.
Anon
Ehhh, hard wired or socialized?
Anonymous
Hard wired. Don’t be daft. Biology is real.
Anon
It’s hard wired. I’m on my second husband and first teenage son, and I’m telling you (and so are scientists), it’s innate.
What is socialized is whether you try to be discreet about it or whether you’re a pig about it. But all men notice.
Anon
“It’s hard wired. I’m on my second husband and first teenage son, and I’m telling you (and so are scientists), it’s innate.
What is socialized is whether you try to be discreet about it or whether you’re a pig about it. But all men notice.”
100%. I had a boyfriend/fiance I was with for years before I met my now-husband. Been married 20+ years. Have a teenage son. Also have three very close male friends I have been friends with for 30+ years. My husband, son and friends are good men and allies. They still look at b00bs when they see them out on display. I don’t fault women for what they’re wearing and I don’t fault men for noticing; this is just something that happens. It doesn’t mean women are “bad” or men are “bad,” it just is. Noticing b00bs is instinctual; being gross about it (leering, commenting, catcalling, etc.) can be socialized out. I have taught my son from a young age that you do not have to comment on everything you see, especially as it relates to people’s bodies. His dad has taught him that women are not objects and you can appreciate an attractive person mentally without expressing anything verbally or physically to that person, who has no obligation to entertain any nonsense from you.
I think there are a lot of women here who have a lot of ideas about men that are related to reading things in books or on the internet and are not based on actual, real experience living with and having relationships (platonic, romantic or other) with real-life men. I have lived with men my entire life: first my dad and brother; then with male roommates; then with my husband. Men look at women. Good men don’t do anything but notice and then move on with their lives. We need to worry about correcting problematic behavior and ideas, not trying to beat men over the head with the idea that any sexual impulse they have is wrong. Because we certainly wouldn’t do that to women, would we?
Anon
Perhaps my city’s local plastic surgeons don’t do as good of a job as elsewhere, but around here it’s obvious when someone has store-boughts because they hold themselves up (especially if the owner is >40 or so) in a way that’s not found in nature. So, yes, they get noticed, but more in a “yeah, she’s had work done. shrug.” way than any opinion on looks or values judgement.
Anon
That is definitely true. I think it’s just that gravity works one way on tissue and ducts and fat than it does on something that is none of the above. If I could get some with a bit of sag, I might do that (recently found a lump, so I went through all of the thinking; turns out, it was just a cyst that went away on its own) in theory. But it’s such a departure from how I see myself as being built (IBTC with a bit of hanging towards my armpits).
Anonymous
So as an owner of implants that I acquired against my will (post-cancer), even though I am effectively the same size, I can guarantee that everyone notices. They look different. I’ve been going to the same pool for years. Few know about my health history, but the stares are blatant.
Anon
Shana from the Mom Edit did this and IIRC has a tee that says “Yes, they’re fake; the real ones tried to kill me.” I’d buy that.
Anon
OMG that is great.
One of my friends has great (natural) b00bs and a mom who has had breast cancer twice. We were in a hotel elevator in Vegas, coming back from the pool, and my friend was in her bikini top. Another woman in the elevator (who was pretty drunk) said “Wow you have GREAT breasts, are they real?” My friend said, “yes, and unfortunately they are ticking time bombs so I’m enjoying them while they last!”
My mom has also had breast cancer – she was BRCA negative, thankfully – but I feel the same way about my breasts now that I am getting older and will never breastfeed again: these things are mostly useless and definitely don’t look the way they used to, and on top of that, I have to go in once a year and get them pulled and squished and prodded to make sure they’re not trying to kill me. Men appreciate b00bs but for me they’re a source of anxiety.
Monday
I’m sorry to hear this. It’s like there’s no acceptable way to have breasts. But also, you better always make sure you have them. But also, they have to look a certain way too. No, not like that.
Anon
True. Very true.
kitten
I mean almost everyone is in a skimpy top at the beach so it wouldn’t really be noticeable. The vast majority of women are in bikinis and none of the guys I’m around seem to care. Implants aren’t really that exotic here either.
Safety in numbers ;)
I notice creepy guys more when I’m downtown than at the beach. Men have have been creepy towards me since I was 10 and had no bobs. I wouldn’t bother modifying my swimwear for them.
I’ve heard a couple men criticize a woman’s swimwear but it came from a place of fat shaming, not s**t shaming.
Anonn
I don’t think of other people’s bodies as my business, although I might notice a cute top. I’m pretty sure my husband feels the same way. My close friends, male and female, tend to take a similar view. But I definitely remember the ogling from older men in my preteens/teens and did NOT enjoy it! Maybe that’s part of why I don’t have an interest in ogling, myself.
Seventh Sister
Honestly, what’s the definition of ogling? Looking at someone for more than a single second before turning his head away and quietly reciting the preamble of the Constitution?
My husband would definitely look, but I’m just not very interested in policing the inner thoughts of anyone, including him. Maybe it’s just 15 years of marriage talking, but if he wants to run off with someone else, we can sell the house and be done with it.
Anonymous
I don’t care what my husband thinks about. I don’t want other skeevy men thinking about me in my swimsuit.
Seventh Sister
Then wear whatever you want. The question was about a spouse “ogling.”
I live in Southern CA. If I was going to be personally offended every time someone in a skimpy outfit walked by, I’d never get anything done. Honestly, I kind of feel bad for my sweet, judge-y mom when she comes out here – she notices every unattractive tube top or pair of torn jeans and it bothers her so, so much. (She’s a boomer from KS and I’ve seen the pictures of her in miniskirts.)
Anon
I would honestly expect every straight man to notice. Men are visual. Their eyes are going to be drawn to visible breasts. And to be fair, if a particularly attractive man jogs past me with no shirt on, I am going to notice and admire. The fact that he is young enough to be my son is irrelevant. I am 45, not dead. Having said that, I am obviously going to keep my eyes in front of me and not leer at him.
I do not expect adults not to notice and admire attractive people of whatever gender they are attracted to. I expect them to be discreet and polite about it and not make others uncomfortable.
Anon
I’m just catching up to the earlier threads and wow…shocked at the responses. Never imagined the brilliant women on this forum would be so deeply insecure. I also thought only my MIL and the GOP lingered in 1940. That said, and to lighten up – I do agree with the fashionista who said the bikini in question was outdated style wise. Only reason I vote against it.
Anonymous
In terms of this thread – shocked at what? That a lot of men a creepy and women noticed? Or that a lot of men are creepy and women do not notice? To read those threads and conclude that the fault lies with women navigating their reality – that’s what lingering in the last century looks like. There will be no change if the first impulse is to point fingers and try to put other women down for being “uncool”. That’s basically negging, only from women, and should be beneath anybody seriously talking about women and bikini bodies.
Anon
Earlier threads. Can you not read? The hidden slut shaming and jealousy.
Anon
Seems like projection to me, TBH
Also, you’re rude
Anon
No I agree with your post. I was surprised at how many supposedly professional, modern women wanted to shame another woman for wearing a bathing suit at a pool. Wow.
Notagirl
He would notice – he is not blind. He would never ever ogle. He would not comment, and would definitely not judge. There is a reason I love this man.
And for the record, glancing quickly once when the object of your gaze is not looking at you, is not ogling. We are all human and presumably we admire beautiful diverse human bodies.
And there is absolutely nothing wrong in enjoying the attention of others while you rock your body. There are ways of being pathetic, with wearing the red bikini and staring at/judging the red bikini, and there a ways of being a balanced, normal adult, both wearing the red bikini or existing in the same space as the woman who wears it. That so many minds went down such a mean sad scary little path on the morning post, is unbeliavable to me (and, back on topic, to my husband – yes, we discussed it.)
Peloton
Not a chance my husband would ogle. Notice? Sure. I probably would too. Ogle? No, he was raised properly.
Lydia D.
Of course, most men love to leer at all women, particularly those who are pretty or who wear skimpy tops (or bottoms), as their modus operandi is to “rate/rank” them because in their own minds they are big Don Juans who will submit to their wiles. Are they jerks? Yes. Would they go further? Not likely, though their are always some when given an inch will take a mile. If you have any doubts, watch the movie American Beauty with Kevin Spacey. He had a beautiful, successful wife, and not withstanding that, spent time leering at a cute high school friend of his own daughter! How gross is that? It’s kind of ironic that Kevin Spacey later got caught up in the #me too net, where he has been vilified for certain alleged activities with other people.
Anon
Has anyone ever downsized to a studio for a while? I’m moving (suburbs to city life) and thinking about downsizing from my 2BD/2BA to a studio for a year or two to save money. Single, no kids, 2 cats. The prices in my new city are very high and I won’t be able to afford a 2 bedroom. I started my search looking for 1 BD + Den options so I could still have a home office, but they are pretty pricey too (although I COULD afford it, they are just top of my budget). I’m in a position in life where I want to really start putting money away. As I have looked at 1 bedrooms, part of me is like…why not just go even cheaper and get a Studio for a while. I’m sad I’d have to get rid of most of my office furniture and even bedroom furniture, but I’m excited about my new city so hoping that would make up for it. Any stories?
Anon
My only hesitation is that it is like college, where you do your entertaining IN your bedroom, possibly on your bed even if g-rated. Do you entertain? OTOH, I am cheap and happy to go to dive bars all the time, so I could just have my social life not in my apartment although COVID may change that a bit on both sides.
Anon
I should have added that! I do NOT entertain lol but I am a homebody so that is something to consider. My current apartment is 1,100 sq ft and the studios in the city are like 500 sq ft (there are some that are smaller but I wouldn’t get one of those).
Anon
I’m contemplating the same thing in a couple of years. I think it’s do-able, considering I don’t use all of my 1000 sf house now.
Anon
Yes… I kind of loved it honestly. Very simple day to day lifestyle. It helped that the space was architecturally interesting and attractive to me, and that I had extra space on the balcony. The only downside was that it wasn’t that big a city, so I got bored with the location fast, but it sounds like you have that covered.
Anon
How often are you going to be in the office? I work from home 3 days a week, and it would not be good for my mental health to literally be in the same room for the majority of my time. It’s not much of a change, but I like being able to switch rooms between work hours and off hours.
Anon
That is definitely one of my concerns. I will also be WFH a few days a week.
Anonymous
I WFH in my bedroom. It is truly awful, both for working and for sleeping. If you have any choice at all, I’d opt for separate sleeping and working spaces.
Anon
I have never downsized, but also haven’t upsized (though we’re about to). Family of 3 currently living in 500 sq ft, one bedroom. If it were just me, I’d be trying to buy my current apartment and never move again. since it’s me, husband, and toddler, we are going to move to a 2 bed and it will be the biggest place I’ve lived in my adulthood. A studio would be tough for me since I don’t love having guests in my bedroom (and ditto kitchen smells in my bedroom after dinner). I would maybe consider one of those studios with a lofted bedroom or bed nook or something. You probably have already thought about this, but small space living is really only relaxing if you’re good at purging belongings, otherwise it’s just cluttered and stressful. It’s also much better quality of life if small apartment is near parks, coffee shops, restaurants etc that you like so it doesn’t take any effort to leave your apartment to other places that feel like “yours” to some degree.
Anon
Agreed on kitchen smells, although I am not much of a cook ha. But yes, it seems like the smaller ones at 300-400 sq ft are the ones where it is all one room. I’m looking in the ~500 sq ft range, which seem to have a “sleep cove” or the like. I’d get one of those.
Anonymous
My cat does not like the refrigerator noises and would not like living in a studio so he has a 1-bedroom apartment.
Anonymous
I do not like refrigerator noise either.
Anonymous
I bet he is happy to pay for it, too.
Anon
This made me smile.
Anon
I have not done the move to a studio but in general when I’ve tried to go smaller it hasn’t worked well for me. I have the stuff I have in my house because the stuff is related to interests of mine, and I don’t want to get rid of it. I guess I’m not a minimalist.
BB
I’ve sort of downsized before: went from 2 beds with someone to a studio by myself. My one piece of advice is to get a studio where the kitchen is a separate room. Having that closed off made a huge difference in terms of making the space feel like different rooms and also helps with smells/noise.
Emma
I lived in a studio for a while – maybe more of a loft, it had a wall that partially separated my bedroom, so I could have people over (in small groups, ha) and they weren’t staring directly at my bed. I really liked it as a single person who spent most of her time at the office/out and about in the city. My studio was about 600 sq ft, with parking and a storage unit. It started to feel a little tight when the pandemic hit and (1) we started to WFH, and (2) the guy I was seeing unofficially moved in and needed space for his stuff and we were both trying to talk on the phone with no ability to close a door. But just for me, it was the perfect amount of space and very easy to clean/maintain.
Anonymous
I say do it, if you can purge belongings. Almost everything in your second bedroom and bathroom will need to either go in storage or be sold/donated. I had a close friend who lived in a similar size apartment for a year – he had a small bed, small loveseat, bookcase, tv, small desk, and no dining area. He was fine until WFH. He didn’t have any other places within walking distance though.
I’m a 2bed/ba person but family and friends frequently come stay with me so the other bedroom is often less my office and more a guest suite.
Anonymous
I’d be concerned about where the litter box goes. I had a loft with two cats, and the scratching in the litter box at night could make it hard to sleep. And sometimes they like to romp at night too.
Disney First Timer
I am both excited and stressed to say that my bf and I will be visiting Disneyland for the first time July 4th weekend (the only weekend either of us could make happen). We’ve booked our tickets and plan to do Disney and CA Adventures July 4-5. We’re coming in the afternoon of the 3rd and leaving the afternoon of the 6th. It is now dawning on me that I have NO idea what to expect or do. So a few questions for those who have gone before us:
– Any general Disneyland tips (arrival time, things to skip/definitely do, etc)? We plan to stay in walking distance to the park.
– Any general reccs for wardrobe?
– Should we do Disney or CA Adventures first?
– Any LA/other surrounding area things we should do on our non-Disney days? For context, we like nature-y things, I like city things (him not so much), neither of us drinks.
Thank you!
Anon
When you say you booked tickets, do you mean you booked your reservations at the actual theme parks too? I think maybe not since you are asking which park to do first. When we went a year ago you needed reservations to get into the park for that specific date, and dates did sell out. So step one I would see if this is still the case and book.
This will depend on your preference, but there are some restaurants in the park and a bunch in “Downtown Disney” that if you want to go to you have to have reservations for. I would look into this as well, and make a few reservations for lunches etc that you can always cancel. They book up. (FYI the Louisiana themed one at the pirates of the Caribbean is I think the only one in the actual Disneyland Park that serves booze and it looked cool). You can do downtown Disney for lunch regardless of whether you are at Disneyland or CA Adventure for the day. You can also definitely just get regular fair type food at the parks, but I personally liked having the break of a sit down restaurant and a glass of wine as a reset midday and the one time we did the grab and go fair-type option at CA adventure it was one of those annoying situations where we had to stalk people for a table and people then were doing that to us.
Have fun!
Anon
Oh gosh I’m reading this all on my phone and seeing now that neither of you drink and I mention booze a bunch. Sorry! The rest of my advice stands! Clearly I’m ready for the weekend!
Disney First-Timer
Ha! No worries at all, the rest of your advice is golden and much appreciated. (And no, we haven’t reserved days yet!)
Hope you have a great weekend in store!
Anon
There are entire books about the best strategy for visiting Disneyland, but at a minimum:
– Make sure you’ve made a park reservation for each day you have tickets for (not just buying tickets but reserving which park you’ll be in each day). Do this ASAP if you haven’t already because they will sell out for the 4th and there’s no alternative.
– Arrive at the park 30 minutes before park opening. It will likely be crowded all day because summer/holiday but first thing in the morning is still the best bet for minimal crowds.
– Fashion rules basically don’t apply in Disney parks, you’ll see lots of weird custom Etsy T-shirts, shorts and sneakers, though people are a tiny bit more likely to wear normal clothes than in the Florida parks. Most important thing is to wear comfortable walking shoes.
– It doesn’t really matter if you do Disneyland or California Adventure first, though Disneyland has many more rides than California Adventure. Just make sure you make those park reservations now!!
Anonymous
Do Genie + and Lightning Lanes for rides if you can
wear athleisure, comfy shoes, sun protection
eat the Dole Whip
Anon
+1 to the Dole Whip, and don’t stand in that long external line. Wait inside the gates for the Tiki Room (not to be missed, it’s corny but a classic) and get your dole whip when everyone goes in for the show before you.
Anon
It’s nowhere close to LA proper, just stick with the park.
NYCer
Genie + is definitely worth it.
I assume you’re staying in Orange County somewhere, so I would stick to OC vs. attempting to add in a visit to Los Angeles. As a previous poster noted, Newport Beach is quite nice. You can rent a duffy boat and cruise around the harbor. Balboa Island is worth a visit. I also really like Laguna Beach for browsing and eating. There are also some decent hikes in Laguna. Note that these beach cities are 30+ minutes away from Disneyland (without traffic). If you don’t want to drive that far, I would just stick with Disney on this visit.
Anon
They really only have one free evening and one free morning, and will be coming from or heading to an airport immediately adjacent to both of those time periods. If they are flying into and out of John Wayne some of these spots might work, any other airport I think this would be way too ambitious, unless their flight home is SUPER late in the day.
Anon
You don’t need to leave the Disney area for such a short trip. You can spend an entire day in each park, easily, and then on your arrival day and departure day just hang out in Downtown Disney.
We go every year, so too many tips to really write here, but get the genie to get fast passes, it’s worth the $20, and prioritize getting on the Star Wars Rise of the Resistance ride at Disney and the Radiator Springs ride at California Adventure.
You now can order your food ahead on the Genie app so definitely plan ahead for when you will be taking eating breaks and order ahead, otherwise the wait times will be tough.
If you’re into the evening shows, look into doing a dinner where you get priority seating for that. A handful of higher end restaurants do it.
Above all, remember that Disney runs on a very tight, very exact clock. You need to be like Disney and plan everything in detail if you want to maximize ride time. Do not plan to just wander around randomly and expect to get on every ride. Even with planning you can’t necessarily do that, so prioritize.
When your feet are sore and you want to sit for a while, that’s when you do a “dark” ride, like Small World at Disneyland, or Ariel’s at CA. I also like riding the train that goes around the perimeter of Disneyland for a lap or two in the evening. You get a little breeze and get to sit down for a while.
Our favorite casual places to eat are Hungry Bear and Jolly Holiday bakery in Disney, and do not miss getting a churro from one of the roaming carts, and probably just Angry Dogs in California Adventure. If you’re going to splash out, try to get a reservation at Blue Bayou at Disneyland, you’ll be down in the Pirates of the Caribbean ride and it’s really fun to watch the boats go by. The food is OK.
Best food in downtown Disney is Naples pizza or Jazz Kitchen beignets and cafe au lait for a late breakfast.
Anon
In terms of what park to do first, it sounds like you have single park tickets and not a park hopper. You will have to make a reservation for each so do that now! I would say to prioritize Disneyland, generally. Maybe do it your first day so you have the most energy for it. There’s much more to see and do in Disneyland vs California Adventure.
anon
If you’re keen on rides, get there for rope drop and prioritize something that’s not on genie+. We did the new Star Wars ride and the Spider Man ride that way and it wasn’t too painful (maybe 45 minutes for each one). Single rider line can be great for that reason as well. I don’t think the order matters, but you might decide which fireworks you would prefer seeing for the 4th. If you like macarons, the giant mickey mouse macarons are delicious. You can preorder in the morning and just change your pickup time as the day goes on. Don’t wait too late because they will sell out. Wardrobe – anything goes, definitely be comfortable. We really liked the La Brea in downtown disney for a lowkey meal, and it’s right on the edge so easy for lunch. You can preorder Dole Whip. Actually, preorder is great.
Anon
For your non Disney days, it really depends on what airport you are flying in and out of and what time your flights are. If you aren’t getting in until late afternoon the 3rd and leaving early afternoon the 6th (I don’t know, but if that’s the case) it doesn’t seem like you will have time for much other than maybe a fun dinner on the way in, brunch on the way out, hotel pool time or a very local walk? AllTrails can show you some walks/trails nearby Disney. On the night before, I don’t know your life but if a Medieval Times dinner sounds fun there is one nearby (that would seriously be my husband’s pick); or if you are a baseball fan you could do an Angels game (if you don’t think that would wear you out too much for Disney the next day).
I live in CA (though not LA) and this might be a weird thing to bring up, but if you do things on the way from or to the airport just be smart about what you are leaving in the car and where. If you must leave your bags in the car, make sure not a thing is visible and take any phones, iPads or laptops with you. Criminals use blue tooth waves to sense if there are electronics in the car. If you can drop or leave your stuff at the hotel first all the better. I’m not sure if this is as true everywhere, and if it is maybe this is obvious so sorry if that’s the case, but I think it is especially true here for reasons and I live in a part of the state where we have heard of many car break ins ruining trips.
Not to be Debbie Downer, you will have a wonderful trip and CA is awesome in many ways, but on our own way to and from Disney having our bags in the car really affected what we were and were not willing to do and I thought someone from outside the state might not have the same mentality. And I am not an alarmist about things in general.
Anon
Have you ever been denied a private sector job because you have bad credit/a lot of consumer/credit card debt? I’m about to accept a dream offer at a large financial institution and have SO much anxiety that they will come back and say never mind after they run my background (and of course it’s a long weekend so I’ll have all weekend to worry + next week because we haven’t started the background yet). I won’t be in a position where I’ll be handling money or have access to it.
anon
Are they checking your credit and not just your criminal history? It seems rather risky for a large company to run and rely on credit checks unless they’re absolutely necessary for a given position. Otherwise, it just seems like a tool that will have a disparate impact on groups that tend to have less wealth.
Best wishes! Hopefully the company is sensible and, if not, this kind of practice could correlate with other ill-advised practices.
Anon
I’m actually not sure if they were running a credit check, I just assumed they were! I feel like I won’t breathe until it’s all official. The new job is higher paying and going to be very helpful in getting me in a better financial position.
Coach Laura
I am in banking/financial services and yes, most banks run credit checks. It depends on what level job and what portion of banking. Since you’ve not been in banking before, I’ll assume you’re not at a high level in the lending area – maybe marketing, IT or something?
The general adage is the HR would screen out candidates for credit reasons if the job was high level or lending. The theory is that someone under financial stress would be tempted to embezzle/steal from clients. That is less likely if the person is not in lending/customer service because they wouldn’t have an opportunity to steal. It is also required for the bank’s bonding or insurance but again, that might vary based on the position. I don’t know your particular situation but given today’s labor market, you might not have trouble.
They also usually give you a chance to explain, so something like huge medical bill causing financial stress might be given a pass if you can demonstrate or convince them that you are in control now. Or if you had a spouse (ex-spouse now) that ruined your finances, you might be given a chance. Or if you had a sick parent that you were supporting. It just depends on the HR policies and the particular hiring manager’s opinion.
Also, some states have made it illegal to check applicant’s credit, so they may just have someone doing a background check who does a LinkedIn search and google search and other things to see if you’re who you say you are, plus a criminal history search. There is usually something you sign that tells you what they are doing. Good luck!
Anon
Thank you for the info. It will be a mid-level, fairly “boring” job in compliance (not a lawyer). I think the forms to sign are coming next week – I’ll still be worried about this all weekend.
Anon
Are you making monthly payments on all of the debt? Not a private company, but the only times I have even heard of the feds asking about debt when doing a security clearance investigation is when the person isn’t making payments/is in default. Even then, it’s not an automatic no, they just dug into it.
Anonymous
In my experience usually a lot of debt will be forgiven as long as it’s being serviced, but debt + bad credit would raise some eyebrows.
Anon
To the point of not hiring someone though? OP said they wouldn’t be in a position handling finances
Anon
Yes, that’s correct. No access to funds or even interaction with customers/clients.
Anon
Just wanted to send you good vibes and good luck! I hope it works out for you. I know how it feels to try to improve your circumstances despite some tough times in the past.
food
Wondering if any of you have this binging-type behavior, and how you manage it when you live with other people…
I have been pretty lucky food/weight wise all my life, and no major issues until I started going through perimenopause. Recently, have gained about ?10-20lbs and I can clearly blame it on what I am eating. Tasty/bad for me foods just disappear in my presence. I can’t have a few potato chips… I will eat the whole bag. Anything sweet/chocolatey? I will eat it quickly until it is gone. I never used to have night-time eating/desert cravings, but now – even though I am already full – I look forward to a night-time “snack” once my work is done and everyone is in bed for the night. I eat very healthy/ok otherwise. These are just extra bad calories and my weight (and I suspect… my cholesterol…) are increasing.
So, the easiest way I can deal with this is simply never having these foods in the house. I deal with that pretty well. But I am caregiving for a family member who loves some of these foods in very small portions which I like to keep on hand for them. They actually need to gain weight, and these foods are important for their quality of life. It would be cruel for me to stop buying them for them, but I don’t have enough self control to not eat them.
Things I have tried…… Only buying the little bags of chips/Cheeze-its etc… but I just eat more of the little bags. Forcing myself to eat something else BEFORE I can eat the snack food to try to fill myself up, but that doesn’t work. I am debating…literally… getting some sort of lock box and keeping the high risk foods in there and leaving the key with my family member. I cam kinda mortified with the thought of doing this, as they don’t realize how bad I snack.
Anon
I feel like use the little bags / single-serving containers and just make it a hard stop if you slip to just eat one. Can you keep them maybe where the person has access but you don’t? Or some place you aren’t in when alone at night (or whenever you slip up)? Or just resolve to brush your teeth RIGHT AFTER each meal? Sometimes a yellow light works like a red light or good enough.
Anonymous
Any chance there’s some junk foods they like and you don’t? If so buy those. Opinions vary but if there are cheddar goldfish crackers at home I’ll eat them, if it’s white cheddar cheez its, I’m never opening that box even though most people love those.
anon
I wish I had an answer to this. I haven’t been able to ever force myself to stop with anything other than the food not being present. I’m sorry.
Anonymous
I keep my snack foods separate from the kids’ snack foods; mine are more like Tootsie Rolls instead of chocolate. Then if I want their stuff it actively feels like I’m taking from them. We also keep a lot of chips in the trunk of the car in the garage.
For salty cravings try for air popped popcorn, pork rinds, or Quest chips instead.
Some foods I just can’t keep in the house though – dried mangoes, licorice.
IME the more snacky crap you eat the worse the cravings get; it takes a few days to break the cravings.
Rocky
Lord help the person who eats too many dried mangoes! They are delicious but I only buy them when I am going to be travelling and need to keep myself regular!
Anonymous
Maybe keep your evening ritual with some you-time and a reward, but change the reward to something that currently does not involve food. I don’t know what might be a similar instant feel-good for you, but it might be easier to try and transition with a non-calorific beverage (green tea with mint? tonic and cucumber?) and some sort of self-care ritual. Journalling? Drawing? Knitting? Luxury skin care with an audio book? Bath?
You have already established that you’re not eating because you’re hungry, so there is a different need to fill. For the actual food, it might be a good time to do some easy IF, if that’s something that appeals to you and could help with a mental connection that snacktime is cancelled because it’s not within your eating window.
food
OP here
Thanks so much everyone. I really appreciate the ideas.
Part if me wonders how much of these food impulses is caused by my hormonal changes. I know this seems extreme but has anyone during perimenopause had this switch to binging (wrong word?), and then started on SSRIs for ?mood swings or something and found that it faded away?
Betsy
It totally could be hormone changes, but could it also be stress eating? Caregiving is hard, hard work.
Anonymous
As someone in menopause, I will say that I think it’s very hormonal. With me, if I can stop myself from having that first one (chew a piece of gum, make a cup of tea, etc.) I can keep from eating it. But I’ve lost my governor. I used to be a moderator with junk foods/sugar, and now I am not.
PolyD
I feel like menopause is basically a second puberty. Mood swings, munchies, having to come to terms with a changing body…
Anon
Yes, to answer your question, I am like this. No, I do not have a solution.
Anonymous
I wish I had an answer. I try to find some substitutes. When I want ALL the salt, I snack on cottage cheese or saltines instead of chips. And I give my husband a shelf in the pantry that is his shelf that holds his chips. When I want sweet, I found a rootbeer sorbet that I can almost convince myself is like a root beer float but lower calories. Licorice I’ve found if I do a hard candy I can suck and feel satisfied whereas I would chew through a bag of actual black licorice. But it is so darn hard.
Anon
My husband’s nutrition coach helped him with this advice: think about what urge is driving your craving or habit. For example, do you have a habit of wanting something savory at night before bed? Or something with a certain texture, like crunchy? Or something sweet? Then, find a healthier substitute that will satisfy your specific craving or habit. My husband had a habit of eating chips if he woke up in the middle of the night. The coach helped him find a substitute to satisfy that craving: in his case, curated homemade trail mix made just with things he likes and with lower salt and suger options. He also wanted something crunchy, so the coach advised vegetables with savory dip, like hummus. We kept bags of trail mix and containers of veggie sticks at the ready and as easy to get to as grabbing a bag of chips. Sooo helpful in changing this habit.
Anonymous
How do you “excite” yourself about your career/next steps? I used to be career excited and then some setbacks left me in a position where a job is a job. I know I’m not going back to what I was at 28 because there was a naivete there and I can’t unsee/unhear some of the attitudes in the legal industry, but FINALLY I am feeling like I want to invest more in my career after a half dozen years of sitting on the bench.
Yet I feel SO tired that even writing up an outline of questions to work through my ideas and setting up a few calls just to chat seems like work; I have a feeling the pandemic has something to do with it because prior to that I had gotten good at conferences, chatting with people etc. and then being extremely covid conscious (even now) that all stopped. I’m starting to hear that the northeast could be seeing a peak in this wave as it shifts further south, and if that’s the case I want to take advantage and do at least a handful of meetups/coffees; while I’m happy to do zoom, I also want to be “ready” if someone says hey let’s get coffee and I’m more likely to be ready for that when cases go lower.
Motivate me to want to do this? I feel like life/time is passing by especially in the last two years.
Curious
Sometimes, it’s a Senior Attorney quote moment. The only way out is through.
Anon
Unless you have a health condition motivating your extreme Covid cautious behavior, that’s probably the root cause of your issues. I’d figure out how to get past that and the rest will probably fall back into place.
Exhausted in Academia
Entire career built for academia (college), which means I don’t qualify as well for non-academic jobs as competition for those jobs. However academia is getting worse, especially for adjuncts. All of the violence happening, all of the being silenced from speaking about important topics, fewer jobs coming, more student issues with them complaining or trying to grade grub, more schools treating students like customers and giving grades rather than accepting complaints, it’s just getting worse and worse. Why are educators important during c0vid when we were seen as babysitters or saviors but not anymore? Now we are losing jobs and losing pay and it’s just overwhelming. But if we step out of this, someone fills our spot instantly and we may never get the role back, so no breaks for any of us. I genuinely don’t know how to get out of this cycle and into something that’s a realistic workload with a realistic amount of respect and any support at all. I don’t know what my point is here but I needed to not hold it in anymore.
Anon
If you can wrap your head around leaving (no easy task), you may be surprised what jobs you end up getting. I’ve lost some colleagues to some comfortable, well paid jobs recently. Less work and more pay than academia, that is for sure.
Anon
+1 OP, what field/subject are you in?
Anonymous
+2. Depending on your field, there may be a whole lot of applied research jobs out there for you. Or data science, or …
OP
Teaching classes in psychology, social work, human services, humanities, and similar. I left the mental health practicing space for academia years ago when practice became overwhelming as the rates of depression and anxiety and su!cide jumped over and over. Am also only open to remote work as I live with someone medically fragile so I can’t risk going into offices anymore, which narrows options. I feel so trapped. I have a CV but not a resume, is there someone who is an expert in translating CVs into resumes that isn’t expensive since heaven knows academia pays nothing.
Thank you to all who are helping or saying kind things; I am genuinely struggling and even seeing people wanting to help feels like possible light at the end of this tunnel.
Anon
Is the any possibility that you have some mental health issues of your own that you can step back and focus in for awhile? You sound very fragile right now.
Anon
It might be easier to switch to staff jobs in academia rather than something totally different- you’d still have some of the same problems, but it gives you more options, especially for remote work. Would you be interested in research compliance, like reviewing IRB applications for human subjects work? I work at a university and our research office is still almost completely remote and has hired some fully remote people. The salary isn’t amazing, but better than adjuncting and more stable with better work hours.
Anon
another thing that comes to mind with your experience is to step into workforce engagement, workforce development, DEI (either dedicated DEI office at an institution or consulting higher ed institutions). More funding opportunities in the natural sciences now need to show DEI plans as part of research proposals (NHS has been requiring broader impacts for ages, others are catching on), and institutions are struggling to get expertise. These things have a strong project management component. If you are looking for stability, consider government labs like DOE, USDA, USFS for these positions.
Anon
What about a tech company in the trust and safety team?
Anon
Where did you do your undergrad /grad degree? The career services office should be able to help you turn your CV into a resume.
Anon
I’d just start applying anywhere of interest. You might be pleasantly surprised! Also, never in academia and a bit relieved that no one expect me to speak on anything or frankly cares one way or another. Colleges are hotbeds of so much wrong with kids and also adult workplaces.
Anon
Administrator positions pay better than a lot of academic positions, and could be a great fit with your psychology and humanities background. Extra points if you can handle DEI work. Apply nationally because many positions are full remote.
Higher ed is crumbling. Consider looking at private sector jobs or consulting gigs.
Anonymous
‘geli’? I had a pair similar to those as a kid in the ’80s and I actually wondered why kid’s sandals would be featured here when I fist saw the picture, lol. Ten year old me would have loved them…me now, though…I would feel like I was wearing kid’s shoes, lol.
Anonymous
After a few posts on this board and talking to family and friends, I’ve decided to start looking for a new job. I’ll most likely be leaving private practice and going in-house, and may also be moving cities. (I am open to three cities, all in the same region of the country, or remote work) I could use a ‘push’ or a ‘plan’ for looking. If you have any suggestions or tips – should I apply online? Start with Linkedin? Start by emailing people I know and asking if they’ll do coffee? – I’d appreciate it. I’m early/mid 30s but have only ever been recruited, so haven’t even updated my resume since 2011. I also have no idea how long this may last. Three months? Six? This feels like a Big Deal and I am out in the deep end, but I’m convinced it is the right move and really appreciate the feedback so far!
Curious
My standard job searching plan is “talk to 50 people, apply to 10 jobs through network, get one.” It sounds like a lot, but casting my net broad has taught me a lot and landed me a great career. The 50 people can be anyone, but I often start with alumni of my university for short calls, then get referred onward.
Anon
not sure if other regulars have noticed but comments seem to have tripled since Roe. it’s been very interesting to see
Anon
I think there are ebbs and flows and it doesn’t strike me as an abnormally high number of comments recently.
Anon
+1. 300-400 comments on the morning thread were not unusual even before the Roe leak. It’s actually less now than it used to be. In the very old days it was often 500+.
GYN in Chicago
Anyone recommend a GYN they had good experience with in Chicagoland? Will need surgery and wanted to get a second opinion. Downtown or West suburbs would be easiest.
Thanks!
anon
Dr. Dawn McGee @ The Association for Women’s Health Care. She’s really wonderful.
anonchicago
I loved Dr. Wendy Goodall McDonald. She is on S Michigan and does procedures at Northwestern in Streeterville.
GYN in Chicago
Thanks for sharing!
Both of these suggestions look great, but unfortunately they aren’t in my network. Northwestern is in my network but I guess these doctors have their own separate practice.
It’s annoying that I pay more for my PPO plan but so few docs seem to be in my network!
Anon
Eileen Murphy if she is still there
Chl
Nye Associates in river forest
Anon
Can any readers speak to how the Everlane Straight Leg Crop pants fit after washing? I am hoping they shrink in length but not width. I read one review that said they stretched out a full size while wearing. Has that been your experienc
Anon
For readers who have “unlimited PTO”, do you like it? How much PTO do you actually take? There’s a job that looks very interesting but my very negative impression of unlimited PTO is making me question whether it’s worth the time to update my resume and cover letter to apply.
Of Counsel
My own experience with “unlimited” PTO is quite negative but I am an attorney who lives and dies by my billable hours. If I take a day off, that just means I need to make that time up somewhere else. There is no time off; there is just working extra hours on nights and weekends. What is really means is that I cannot bank PTO for maternity leave or cash it out when I leave – which I am confident is the reason my firm offers it.
Anon
It really depends on the culture of the company and team and maybe also on your personality as an individual. I know someone at Netflix with unlimited PTO who never takes a single day off and someone at VMWare with unlimited PTO who takes at least half a dozen vacations every year. I’m not sure if that anecdata accurately reflects the broader corporate culture or if it’s more specific to their teams and individual attitudes.
I have a huge bias against it personally and it would take a lot to get me to take a job with no set vacation leave. Unlimited sick leave is fine and even preferred.
AnonMom
My own company does not have unlimited but instead has ridiculous amounts of pto. I currently get 7 weeks a year. We are encouraged to use it at all levels in the food chain, cannot cash it out or roll it over (our state doesn’t require that), and they staff us appropriately so we really can use it. They are also flexible about letting you carry unused days into the early weeks of the new calendar year, and about using time before it is technically accrued when needed as long as you are known to be responsible. I like this way of doing things.
Anon
and staff us appropriately somwe can use it is the winning statement
Cat
Husband has it, and it’s awful. Rather than having an amount of time you know the company has deemed appropriate to be out, it’s constantly managing unwritten expectations…. And not having any payout if you leave with accrued time.
Anonymous
Hate it. I work at a poorly staffed digital marketing agency and haven’t had a day off since October right now (2 days after major surgery) and have tasks this holiday weekend. Main reason I’m looking to leave. Only ones who actually get to take it are junior staff with few client-tied duties or the owners. Never again.
Peloton
I wouldn’t let it sway my decision to apply either way. Feel out the culture during the interview process.
About to Be GC
Hopefully this is not too late in the day for advice!
About a year ago, I was seconded by my firm to a client (mid-sized international company) to cover while their GC was on maternity leave. She just gave notice and they have offered me her position. I have already decided to take it (I can work with these people, the compensation package is more than I make now; and I finally get to say goodby the the almighty billable hour). The bad thing is it is a legal department of 2 (the GC and a paralegal).
My primary focus has been in litigation with some basic contract review added in Does anyone have suggestions for resources that would help me be sure I am being proactive rather than just reactive? I am particularly interested in any lists of things I should be looking at annually for compliance and risk management purposes.
Anonymous
– buy a couple checklists for your industry. If company wont, do it anyway. Don’t live and die by the checklist but use them to build your own.
– consider a conference in your industry for compliance instead of strictly CLE for lawyers. Often more practical.
– listen to the business leaders. But also go research what they say. I spent 9 months in house in weekly meetings with a 25 year exec before I realized he didn’t know what he was talking about. Truly, he used buzzwords and got by. So you having a basic foundation will help you learn who knows their stuff and streamline your guidance going forward (spot check vs. double check everything that comes from a specific team).
– learn if your company does have a compliance or risk team – and if they do, they should have a calendar of major deadlines. You checking in a month ahead can help.
– proactive – offer to attend a weekly team meeting for another department every few weeks for a month, then switch depts for the next month. You don’t want all the meetings all the time, but for your first year, you just attending to get to know people and truly just listening will help people build trust. Ask people what their peak work times are (marketing – when are their major contract renewals? when are the big annual conferences they throw? Basically, when are people not allowed to go on PTO)
– if you can find it, get your hands on or create a master contract database. You can schedule renewal reminders x days or months in advance (“Hi HR, I see the payroll system contract expires in six months, I know this is early, but if we want to cancel, the deadline is in 3 months. Let me know if I can assist on anything”)
– within another 6-12 months, people will rely on you and come to you for prevention if you are consistent and responsive. Doesn’t mean you’re the fastest but they will continue to build trust.
You got this!
About to be GC
That was exactly the advice I was looking for!! Thank you so much for taking the time to respond.
Wanderlust
Looking for advice on a great city to move to. I’m currently in the DC-MD-VA area and want to explore a new part of the country. Ideally, new city would have liberal or moderate politics, some diversity, decent schools, and a large hospital (I work in health care). Bonus if it doesn’t have a crazy high cost of living and has an airport so family and friends can come visit. TIA!
Anon
Portland Maine is great if you can handle the winters. I think many college towns would also check a lot of your boxes, especially diversity, liberal politics and low cost of living. Airport access can be tricky though.
Anon
Portland is diverse?
Anon
There are different ways of defining diversity. Portland is fairly white (about 80% I think), but reasonably integrated, has a sizeable international immigrant population and has more socioeconomic diversity than many places. Having lived in diverse-on-paper places like the Bay Area where I found it very hard to meaningfully interact with anyone outside my socioeconomic status or who wasn’t white or Asian, I don’t think demographic info tells the whole story.
Anon
Not the previous commenter, but yes, Portland has a large immigrant population (Somali, etc.)
anonchicago
We moved to the Triangle area of NC (Raleigh, Durham, Chapel Hill) last year for the same criteria you mention. We moved from Chicago but both of us lived in the DC area previously.
I find Cary to be very similar to Fairfax/Rockville in terms of neighborhood feel, diversity, education, and demographics. And there are a ton of hospitals here; the main systems are Duke, UNC/UNC REX, and WakeMed.
The Triangle is pretty blue but NC is purple overall and I often have to roll my eyes at our Lt Gov or Madison Cawthorn. The gov is a moderate dem, though Trump won NC by the slimmest of margins in states he carried, and we *may* send a Dem to the senate in November.
Anon
That sounds an awful lot like Pittsburgh.
Anonymous
Iowa city Iowa, only thing missing is the large airport. People generally use the small Cedar Rapids one, or since it’s the Midwest we have no problem driving 2-4 hours to a larger airport.
You’re within 4 hours of Chicago, St Louis, Minneapolis, Madison, and more. Little further gets you Kansas City, too. Low to medium cost of living. Iowa used to be a purple state and is now shifting red but Iowa City is trying hard to push back and lots of like minded/diverse people there.
Anon
I grew up in Iowa and I would strongly recommend Des Moines over Iowa City for the OP. Better airport access, and a larger city with many more opportunities at only slightly higher cost of living. Iowa City is a college town with very limited career opportunities unless you’re affiliated with a university (or in healthcare or K-12 education, since there are jobs in those industries everywhere). I see OP is in healthcare, but she may have a spouse who’s not. College towns where there’s really only one employer can also be really hard to break into socially if neither your nor your spouse is affiliated with the university, because so many people are and have social networks through that.
Re: politics, Iowa as a state is not “shifting red” – it’s firmly red. It’s true that there are blue spots like Iowa City and Des Moines but the governor is horrible and the state legislature will be red for a long time, and since so much policy is enacted at the state level, OP will feel like she’s living in a very red area regardless of liberal local politics. For example, Iowa banned masks in schools during Covid (so liberal cities couldn’t enact mask mandates) and is going to ban abortion once the Supreme Court decision is issued. I don’t know if the state govt would be a dealbreaker for OP. I can say with certainly that living in any part of Iowa would be a huge adjustment coming from the DMV, and politics would be a big factor in that.
Anonymous
Just decided my ambitious task this weekend is going to be cleaning out my freezer (and trying to meal plan / use up food in there). Any good websites for creative “how to use _____”?
The Lone Ranger
Honestly? Google. I frequently just google “recipes with x” and then pick the one that looks best.
Short Arms in Seattle
Mini win for the weekend. Did the Thing— it was less than 30min and only $45!!!!
Back story: bought a cute leather jacket during the 2019 Nordstrom anniversary sale…while pregnant. While it miraculously fits post-baby and post covid-15, the sleeves are too long. I had been dreading how expensive it will be to alter leather sleeves with zippered cuffs or have it longer in my closet or the hassle of trying to resell for a fraction of what I paid.
Finally got my butt in gear and it turns out Nordstrom alterations appointments can be scheduled online and the downtown Flagship has a tailor specializing in leather.
And for the alteration? She can cut the zipper and hem the cuff ($) rather than shorten/reconstruct the sleeve at the shoulder ($$$). And the work was discounted bc it was a NAS purchase + I’m a cardholder. Woohoo! Should have done this sooner and could have been rocking my new LJ last fall / this spring!
Anon
Getting this done: big. Alterations are a place I stumble. Every time you wear your jacket, just remember: I did the thing!
Anonymous
Same there! I more often than not end up getting rid of the clothing than take it in to get altered. Doesn’t help that my trusty downtown dry cleaner who did alterations went out of business from the pandemic
Anonymous
Anyone here have Covid shortly before a Big Work Thing? I just tested positive this week, I’ve been quarantining and have cold/flu symptoms. I’m pretty tired, though. I have a multi-hour virtual presentation next week over two days. Any anecdata about how to rest up, refresh, and be “on” for multiple hours appreciated. I don’t have any backup as my firm is short staffed, so worst case, I’ll be building breaks into my schedule.
Anonymous
I just had Covid. I still have some lingering symptoms 17 days after transmission. What I found most useful was actually sleeping quite a bit and then using OTC medication to get in a few hours of alertness and productivity. Tylenol Rapid Release and Mucinex-D (with pseudoephedrine) worked wonders to relieve my symptoms for stretches of about 6 hours.
Good luck. Covid sucks.
Cat
Go get the “real” Sudafed (the one behind the counter) – while symptoms will become less tired & flu and more cold, you’ll want the powerful stuff to clear the congestion for a few hours at a time.
Anonymous
Of course Sudafed makes you feel better. It is a stimulant!
Cat
Right! Which is why it’s great if you’re feeling like 75% but need to be “on” for a short period of time as OP requests.
OP, if you’re not through the fever and fatigue stage by next week, I’d consider begging off, but if like everyone I know you’re in the “nagging irritating cold” phase at that point, Sudafed can perk you up enough to get through it.
Anonymous
I would cancel, especially if you are senior. Experts are saying that pushing yourself too hard prolongs the symptoms. If you are senior it is also your responsibility to model healthy norms in the workplace, which include resting when you are sick.
Anon
+1
Anon
Emergency question before all of the 2022 swimsuits are gone. 11YO daughter measures 30D but is otherwise like a womens size 2 and can wear kid swim bottoms in a size 14-16. Where can I find swim tops for her (tankini or bikini — rashguards still kinda fit). She wants a lined top for no show through (and we loathe cookies but they may just be how things come). Is this a womens XXS? I struggle with this and am actually smaller, so lending hasn’t worked (we tried that). Help!!!
Anon
Athleta.
Coach Laura
Maybe Title Nine?
Peloton
You can mix and match the top and bottom. So, kids swim bottom (black, probably). Then a top that fits. Figleaves and Gap have been good for me in the past, weirdly. Old Navy and Target are trash if you need support.
Anon
Aerie maybe? Swimsuit sizing is subjective, she can size up if it has a tie back or stretchy back. Avoid clasps. At a 30D she can likely skip special d/dd sizes.
Anonymous
Here are a few that might work:
https://www.marksandspencer.com/us/ribbed-animal-print-square-neck-tankini-top/p/P60543715.html
https://www.bravissimo.com/products/paris-bikini-top-sw676/#black-sw676blk
https://www.bravissimo.com/products/casablanca-bikini-top-sw689/#multi-floral-sw689muf
https://www.speedo.com/women-s-placement-racerback-bikini-black-blue/13714690.html
And maybe Land’s end, they do a size 2 for tankinis.
Mouse
Maybe go to Target and get tops from adult section and bottoms from kids/juniors section? I think their selection is usually pretty good. I often find trying on in person to be less frustrating so there aren’t a million returns.
Anon
you may like this thought provoking piece (it could be edited a bit but the messages are very valid) my mom had quite large br easts and now I understand how she felt with everyone having and expressing opinions about mine now that I’m the same b ra size
https://www.mamamia.com.au/having-big-boobs
I like the approach of let’s not comment on others bodies as good or not good