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Holiday Weekend Open Thread

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bubblegum pink linen sweater that can be worn 4 ways

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

This sweater has been around for years (and has been a reader favorite for years!) but, for some reason, it just occurred to me what a great sweater it is to wear with sleeveless summer dresses and tops.

It's partially sheer linen, so it doesn't feel visually heavy (or actually heavy in weight), and it's got just a bit of shaping at the back to make it emphasize an hourglass-y shape.

Nic & Zoe calls it a 4-way cardigan for a reason, though — you can wear it open (as pictured), knotted, twisted, or wrapped.

It's normally $98, but a bunch of colors are on sale at Nordstrom right now as part of the big Half-Yearly Sale — it's available in regular, petite, and plus sizes.

Sales of note for 1/16/25:

  • M.M.LaFleur – Tag sale for a limited time — jardigans and dresses $200, pants $150, tops $95, T-shirts $50
  • Nordstrom – Cashmere on sale; AllSaints, Free People, Nike, Tory Burch, and Vince up to 60%; beauty deals up to 25% off
  • AllSaints – Clearance event, now up to 70% off (some of the best leather jackets!)
  • Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase; extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Boden – 15% off new styles with code — readers love this blazer, these dresses, and their double-layer line of tees
  • DeMellier – Final reductions now on, free shipping and returns — includes select options like Montreal, Vancouver, and Venice
  • Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; extra 50% off all clearance, plus ELOQUII X kate spade new york collab just dropped
  • Everlane – Sale of the year, up to 70% off; new markdowns just added
  • J.Crew – Up to 40% off select styles; up to 50% off cashmere
  • J.Crew Factory – 40-70% off everything
  • L.K. Bennett – Archive sale, almost everything 70% off
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Sephora – 50% off top skincare through 1/17
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Summersalt – BOGO sweaters, including this reader-favorite sweater blazer; 50% off winter sale; extra 15% off clearance
  • Talbots – Semi-Annual Red Door Sale – 50% off + extra 20% off, sale on sale, plus free shipping on $150+

225 Comments

  1. Any recommendations for house slippers/”shoes” that are nice for the warmer months? I don’t wear outdoor shoes inside, but need something on because of foot issues. Easy to slip on/off is good. But I don’t want to trip with flip-flops.

    In winter I wear Giesswein, which are pretty warm. Would like something cooler, that I could wear either with bare foot or sock. A little arch support is nice.

    Thanks!

      1. Interesting. I think that’s a good slip on to take out the trash shoe, but for me, not to wear all day in the house. I’d rather avoid plastic.

        And I’m not a birks fan. My feet are huge already, and to me they are not so cute…

        1. girl, you’re worried about your feet looking big in house slippers? who are you trying to impress?
          Signed, size 41

          2. I have a Women’s size 11 feet. I rock Sherpa lined birks year round. Inside and to the mailbox.

          3. To each his own. I don’t think birks are cute… Don’t like. And on my big feet, they are even bigger/clunkier. I like something more streamlined.

            We have different tastes/styles. Appreciate all the recs, as I did know Birks would be suggested. Just not my style.

            I ordered a pair of Vionics, and appreciated the brainstorming a lot. Thanks!

      2. Yep! This is me as well. The arch support is great. I wear the wave style because my feet run wide

      1. I want a pair that I can wear to the indoor pool at the Y that do not slip on the wet poolside or in the locker room by the sauna and showers. The flip flops I have are VERY slippery, and the last thing I need is to slip and fall and break something. They put a sign up saying “SLIPPERY WHEN WET” but that doesn’t make it safe for me. Even when I try to walk carefully, I slip with my flip flops. Does anyone have a solution for me that WORKS! TIA!

    5. I use regular Birkenstocks as my slippers year-round. In winter, the Boston clog, often shearling wind. In summer j just one of the sandal styles.

      1. PS I do not like the PVC ones that others have recommended. It’s just personal preference. Since I bought them, I just keep them in my suitcase to wear around the hotel when I’m traveling, since they’re light weight. Since I bought them, I just keep them in my suitcase to wear around the hotel when I’m traveling, since they’re lightweight. But they’re not my first choice.

        2. I agree, the plastic ones cut into my feet in weird ways (and are very slippery if you ever get them wet).

    7. I’m chiming in late here, and I see that you ordered Vionics based on comments. If those don’t work out, consider a pair of Neat Zori flip flops, from australia — the MOST comfortable flip flops (that do not make me trip), and good for inside, outside, rugged terrain, swimming pools and beaches, etc. The straps are water reisistant neoprene, and the footbed is orthotic-shaped. Amazon offers them in “unisex” (i.e., Men’s ) sizes, but you can figure out your own size. (I found and bought my first pair at a CVS, so you might find them there now, too.) The added benefit of these flip flops being sized for men is that they will nicely fit a wide women’s size, too! Here is a link to get you started if you would like: https://www.amazon.com/Neat-Feat-Sport-Orthotic-Sandals/dp/B01CRA1UUO

      1. Interesting! Thanks for sharing these. I do like the design and a very reasonable price point c/w Vionics (where were pretty expensive for a flip flop).

        My feet are actually pretty narrow, and the unisex slip-ons tend to be too wide, but I suspect this would be a great option for some. Thanks again.

    8. I love my spenco kholo slides and wear them around the house, which has all hardwood floors. plus, I have a standing desk so foot support is important to me. they have good arch support and keep my heels from pain at the end of the day. dh wears his as well. the black ones look cute on my size 10 feet.

  2. I’m in my twenties, and I have a question related to bad-boyfriend morning thread. For all the bad people you meet, does life wind up catching up to them? I.e., do they have unhappy marriages or get divorced or wind up miserable and needing to reckon? Would love stories about people you disliked for whatever reason and wound up getting what’s coming to them…

    I have a few people I harbor disdain for (a cheating ex, a sociopathic friend of a friend, a best friend’s terrible boyfriend who is the reason we no longer talk) and so far it seems like they keep chugging along like nothing’s wrong. When does the karma start, if ever? Share your examples if you have them!

      1. I agree with this, even though it’s not put very kindly.

        One thing I’m learning at my advanced age is that life has stages and some are great and some are not so great and the best you can do is enjoy the great parts of your own life while you’re in them, and try not to worry about anybody else. Because holy cow — the one thing I know for sure is that I really don’t know what is really going on in anybody else’s life.

    2. I don’t have an answer because I’ve embraced the freedom of not caring! If someone was terrible, it was probably because of some deep issues. If they dealt with those issues, great! If they haven’t, they will continue to be miserable and make the people around them miserable. My main concern is that I am not around them.

      1. I’m my daughter was in a toxic friend group at the end of HS /beginning of college. They screamed at her to do something she didn’t want to do, and turned it into an ultimatum – do it or they didn’t want to be her friend anymore. The ringleader of the friend group was a classic narcissist and everyone went along with it, including my kid, until this one incident when she didn’t.

        She came to me for advice and I told her to accept their decision and block and ignore any calls/texts/dms from them going forward. That did not go over well. Ignoring a narcissist is the worst thing you can do to them – it’s like depriving them of oxygen. The ringleader tried to contact her using new account names to scream at her some more. She had flying monkeys organized to approach my daughter as if they were on her side and get the dirt on her. It was insane.

        Fortunately, it eventually worked. She met a nice group of friends after this, which the old friends were keeping her from doing.

        Anyway, living your life and not caring is 100% the most freeing thing to do!!

    3. LOL no, life doesn’t work that way. It’s an unkindness to yourself to spend your time and energy thinking and hoping for this.

    4. Most of the time it doesn’t. Plenty of bad people have lovely lives.

      The best way to handle people like this is just to give no effs about them. As they say, living well (on your part) is the best revenge.

    5. In my 40s and I have to say, no, I don’t think karma catches up with people. Best thing I can ever say is that no matter what their lives look like, they wake up as themselves – and as you get older, living with yourself when you wake up in the morning becomes more and more important.

      1. Yeah, as one of my former law partners used to say when obnoxious opposing counsel got away with something nefarious: “They still have to be them, and we still get to be us.”

        1. Exactly. Most of the really mean, horrible people I’ve met professionally had disastrous personal lives. They were transparently lonely and unhappy; even if they were married/had kids, etc. their spouse was miserable and their kids didn’t talk to them much. I would never want to trade places with them in a million years. It’s not a matter of karma “catching up” to them; karma is already in action. They have to be them, and I get to be me. And I’d much rather be me.

      2. This is true. I don’t harbor overt resentment for men that have done me wrong, b/c I am actually happy that I never got married or had kids (accidentally) with any of them. But I don’t think Karma catches up with those guys. Look at guys like Hitler and Puttin. They did horrible things, but still wound up being worshipped by their subjects. Sure everyone eventually dies, but that is NOT Karma. So the best thing to do is just stay away from guys who did you wrong, and move on to things that are positive, not negative.

    6. I was fired by a very s*xist man who was a complete nightmare to work for. Fast forward 10 years and his resume lands on my desk, it was very cathartic throwing it in the recycling and then warning some of my female peers to also not hire him. Last I checked he moved cities, I’m not sure why, but I wonder if his inability to get a job in my city had anything to do with it.

    7. I’m on the backside of 40 and have no stories because I’ve learned over the years that it’s far better just to let go, move on, and not care about what happens.
      Overall, though, life isn’t fair and quite often there is no ‘getting what they deserve’ for the bad guys and you’ll drive yourself crazy if you keep thinking like your second paragraph.

    8. I’m not trying to be rude, but realizing it may come across this way via text.

      I’m not sure why you would expect bad things to happen to these people. This isn’t fiction where the villains get their comeuppance, of course people who deserve good karma have nice lives. This is reality.

      But also +1 to the poster above that this mindset won’t serve you well long term. Firstly, as I said above This isn’t how the world works. Secondly, we can all be bette off extending some grace.

    9. Nope, people who you don’t like don’t “get what’s coming to them” and karma doesn’t exist. If it did, bad things wouldn’t happen to good people. Also the best revenge is forgetting about them and focusing on making a great life for yourself.

    10. You sound very young too!

      No, karma doesn’t make things right, in most cases. Life…. is hard. Life…. is unfair.

    11. Karma is a concept from some eastern religions and is mostly about what will happen in one’s next life, not the current one. It doesn’t work the way you’re thinking it does.
      Life isn’t like the movies. In real life good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people.

      1. Karma also is an insidious concept from some easter religions that undermines individual initiative and has the effect of forcing everyone to stay in their place. Buddhism, among others, is not necessarily the benign/peaceful religion it is reputed to be. But that’s just my opinion, from recent, up-front and personal experience, where a premium on getting along and going along resulted in the bullies winning. Other peoples’ experiences may vary.

        1. Yes, my experience as a Buddhist is that the religion puts a high value on peace and creating peaceful outcomes, valuing the innate dignity of others, and understanding that every sentient being has a right to be alive and have that existence be respected. This is such a strange comment that I honestly don’t know where to start, but I guess I’ll start with: do not confuse what one individual Buddhist may have done to you in the name of the religion with the tenets of the religion itself. Christians – like, for example, the Duggars, or the Trumps – do a lot of questionable things, but I don’t confuse those things with the actual tenets and principles of the religion. Calling karma an “insidious concept” is about equivalent to saying that Jesus Christ was an immature and manipulative person, because of the parable of the fig tree (which if examined in isolation paints a picture of Jesus that is not particularly flattering). Please be more careful with your statements.

          1. Putting “a high value on peace and peaceful outcomes” sounds great in principle, but in my experience often results in the weaker party giving way and being bullied into compliance, out of a socialized reluctance to refuse a request and not to push back directly. Comparable to the cliche about certain cultures not being able to say the word “no.” Taken to an extreme, it can be quite stressful, even harmful, where the bully or stronger party wins out to the detriment of the other. Karma can be quite a useful tool for a bully or dominant person — the appeaser is discouraged from standing up for themselves, instead pressured to accept their lot and place in life and to consider that any attempt to change fate would be hopeless, useless, and could result in unrest, and who wants to be the cause of others’ discomfort? Perhaps my view does not mesh or fit well with others’ views on Buddhism and Karma, and I’m probably not expressing this clearly, but that’s my opinion, being as “careful with [my] statements” as I can.

    12. Agree that this is just petty and not a productive way of leading your life. We definitely should all just learn to move on with our lives and to be less judgmental of others. That said, I am lying to myself if I didn’t admit that I enjoy a bit of schadenfreude now and then. So I’ll bite.

      – I went to law school with a person who was very smart, but incredibly rude to others. As in, I remember her making fun of a student, directly to her face just days into our first year for not knowing the meaning of a relatively common Latin term (something like amicus curiae or pro se). She told another student (a kind person who lacked self-esteem) not to participate in the writing competition for law review, because that student didn’t have a chance of making it. It later came out that she had fabricated her records in order to get admitted to law school, and she was expelled shortly before graduation.
      – I worked in a consulting firm with a mansplainer who used to regularly take credit for the work of others. He was not a partner yet, but senior enough that he had the supervisory authority to do this without others finding out. One of the women who worked closely with him made partner before him, and made it known (with the right level of tact) to the senior management that he had done this, and that he should be put on projects with more layers of supervision. He did not make partner.

      I have other shoes I’m waiting to drop (in particular, the professor who had inappropriate relationships with female students, but is still teaching at my former institution). And some never will. It’s best to learn to move on, but delighting a bit is entirely human, even if it is a bit unattractive.

      1. Yeah, this where I come down – I don’t go thru life expecting bad things to happen to bad people, but when they do I’m not mad about it.

      2. Agree with all of this. Not sure why people are jumping on OP for asking this question. I think it’s a pretty human thought to have. I similarly don’t wish ill on anyone, but if I see someone I think is a genuinely bad person get their comeuppance in some way (and now in my mid 40s, some of that is coming to pass), I certainly don’t feel sad about it.

        1. No one “jumped on” OP, though.
          While some of the replies were more blunt than others, no one did anything other than give her an honest answer…

          1. I mean, a bunch of people basically called her petty and judgmental, and suggested she needed to grow up, so yes, I’d call that “jumping on.”

    13. I’m over 40 and hate to break it to you, but karma doesn’t happen. The people I know who have screwed me over – mostly professionally, they are living the life. They are partners at firms making millions, keep selling to buy bigger and better homes, married, kids, kids going to good colleges. Meanwhile I’m like how will I ever afford a house in the DC area and that angst makes me not such a great romantic partner.

    14. There is no such thing as bad people, only people who make bad decisions. Someone might make a lot of bad decisions which could lead you to thinking they are a bad person, but you can’t generalize and say because someone did X bad thing to you, they are a bad person. If you think that life has a giant balancing scale and for every bad thing someone does a bad thing will happen to them, you are sorely mistaken. Life is not a fairy tale. There is no balancing of the scales. If you don’t like someone, don’t have them as part of your life or spend your mental energy on them. Spending your time tracking these people’s lives waiting for them to get what is coming to them means you are the one who loses.

      1. I wish I could have gotten to this point in my life believing there was no such thing as bad people…

        1. Pedophiles are just one example of bad people.
          “there are no bad people only bad choices” can be such a harmful belief…

        2. Yea there are lots of people who I think are bad people who didn’t just do a bad thing. Murders, terrorists, dictators, and others I won’t mention to avoid moderation and triggering.

          1. Not every person who has committed murder is a bad person. Many have loving relationships with their friends and families. This idea that they are all sociopaths is a myth. As for terrorists, some of them are adolescents who were brainwashed into committing their deeds.

          2. 11:11pm, The fact that many murderers have loving relationships and that many terrorists are brainwashed adolescents does not change the fact that a great many of them are bad people. Some of them are very bad people (I’m not sure how old you were at the end of 2001…)
            Also, no one said all murderers are sociopaths. In fact, the vast majority of bad people are neither sociopath nor psychopath.

          3. Some of my colleagues are still representing people accused of participating in the 9/11 attacks. I think there are more bad people in Congress than in our prisons. I guess its all relative.

        3. There are people who experience attraction to children and fight it. Pedophiles who actually harm children are making a choice to prioritize their desires. Hurting people is always a choice.

          1. Everything is always a choice.
            Making a choice to harm others, especially a person like a child who has no power to resist or fight back, means they are a bad person.

          2. Actually, the attraction alone is what makes a person a pedophile. I had a client who was the product of incest and victim of sexual abuse by his father. He had molested a boy and was on probation following a prison sentence. He was actively working on getting better but touched a young girls buttocks at a gas station. I have never witnessed anyone experiencng the raw pain that man had for what he did and would not wish it on any human. While I do think that only incarceration will keep him from acting out, I did not think he was a bad person. It is tragic.

    15. I have known men who were total a-holes their entire lives and they died predictably lonely deaths that were mourned by very few. It wasn’t karma so much as a predictable outcome of their behavior.

      1. This. I know of one guy who really wants to be in a long term marriage, but he just cannot figure how to empathize with his partners and treat them with respect long term. He has now been divorced three times. In the business world things are different. People get away with all kinds of horrible stuff all the time.

        1. Meanwhile the most philandering husband, now ex husband, who used to be in my friend group keeps finding new mistresses somehow, then promoting them to wife, which creates a job opening for the mistress position. It’s amazing to me. He’s neither good looking nor charming. Nor rich, but reasonably well to do after ripping my friend off for more than half of their “joint” assets that were really hers.

    16. The definition of having good character is that you do the right thing as an end in itself, not because you’re expecting to be rewarded. In fact, doing the right thing is often difficult, expensive, or unpopular with others. On the flipside, I consider being a crappy person to be its own punishment.

    17. I went to a prestigious university full of smart, ambitious, socially adept people. My college friends used to joke that back in high school you felt better knowing that the jerk on the football team was going nowhere in life, but the jerk in your college econ class would probably be a CEO someday. It’s nice to imagine karma catches up to bad people but that’s not how the real world works.

    18. A lot of times after I’ve dealt with someone who was awful to me, I just think “well, they have to live with themselves, and that can’t be fun.” I try to limit it to that.

      1. This is a really healthy way to handle it. It’s cognitive reframing and it’s shown to reduce distress.

    19. Speaking from my mid-forties, the answer is “sometimes.” Some of the bad people you might *do* wind up having bad things happen to them, others don’t, and often, it happens so long after their bad actions that it doesn’t feel like they really got their comeuppance. It just feels sad. Often, the fact they have to live as themselves is really the best revenge, they are the architects of their own unhappiness.

      One of the wonderful things about getting older is that I just can’t find it in my heart to care about what happens to people that have wronged me. Mostly.

  3. For those of you who feel a deep level of life satisfaction- do you find yourself thinking about that a lot? I find myself thinking to myself “I love my life so much”, like multiple times a day. This is after slowly coming out of a very deep, very long depression. Just wondering if that’s a normal thing for happy people. It’s great, but it makes me feel sad for my past self.

    1. I have no idea if it’s normal, but I’m really glad things are going better for you!

    2. I think about it occaisionally in more specific terms. For instance, I was out walking the other day and I was was gushing in my mind that the weather was perfect and I loved that I lived in an area that had such a great trail to walk on, and so lucky that my life had time for me to take a walk, and that I was strong enough to walk far on my own (I’ve been ill in the past and unable to walk, so it is an accomplishment).

      I’ve also been very appreciative lately of the great humans my kids have grown into and get a little gushy about them, in my head, occaisionally.

      I try to be grateful for three things a day, so some of this is in my mind frequently.

    3. When I’m not depressed or overly stressed, yes I have that feeling several times a week. I literally am like “wow I am so happy right now, I love my life”.

      I too struggle with depression and anxiety and definitely do NOT have these moments of “I am so happy” when my mental health is poor.

    5. I am not sure I have a deep level of life satisfaction, but I do live in a kick-ass house that has 180 degree views of the SF Bay and a view of the Golden Gate bridge. It is breathtaking, and I do feel really, f-ing lucky an awful lot.

    6. As someone who tends toward anxiety and overthinking, I have made a very conscious effort to catch myself in moments when I’m happy, content, or in awe of what’s happening around me. Is every moment hashtag blessed? Of course not, but life is too short to not appreciate the goodness surrounding you.

    7. No, not at all. I am not depressed, but many aspects of my life are very hard/stressful, and beyond my immediate control. I do try to remind myself of the good things in my life…to be grateful for the supports/health etc.. that you have. But, no… most people do not think “I love my life so much” multiple times a day. And even those who do, may only do it for certain periods of their life.

      It is wonderful you are coming out of a depression. It is a great sign that you have these thoughts regularly. It is a sign of better mental health. And that you are very fortunate to have a good life today!

    8. Sadly, my thought here when reading this is I know when I do feel happy, it is tainted by the thought that of course it will all come crashing down soon. Like I have to “pay for” the good things in my life.

    9. I’m in the same place of moving out of a depression that was really difficult. I do end up tearing a lot about during certain conversations, and then having to explain to others that I’m sad because of the way things were, not because of how they are now. I hope not to lose this sense of gratitude, but I do think that there will come a day where I’m just used to a certain baseline of happiness and I don’t spend so much time needing to compare the present to the past. I was very satisfied in my life before the events came that led to the depression — and then, I didn’t think about it all the time, I just lived a good life that had a lot of pleasant feelings.

      Above all, congratulations to you for making it through a difficult time.

    10. Before my divorce, I didn’t really think like that. Then I went through a couple of very very hard years with my marriage ending and having to rebuild my life. Deep depression and a lot therapy.

      Now that I’m in a better place, I definitely find myself so filled with happiness and gratitude at times – when I don’t think I would have before all this. Maybe it’s something about having gone through the lows, you are more aware of and can appreciate the highs and that you’re at a better place generally now.

      I’m glad you’re in a happier place now too.

    11. I appreciate the balance and peace in my life. I know it hasn’t always been that way and I know there will be periods of challenge and loss in the future, so i cherish and do whatever I can to fully experience this current situation. When those hard times do arrive – sickness, death, etc – I can think back on these times, have no regrets, and know that I lived fully in these moments.
      When I start to project into my anxieties about the future, I use this to get myself back into the present. If my husband dies before me, I will have concrete memories of being in the moment with him. I won’t look back and realize I wasn’t present. Same with my brother and my mom. My dad died a few years ago, and since we had a good relationship and were able to be very present with each other I have wonderful memories and no regrets – other than his not being here anymore of course.

    13. I try to focus on my gratitude every day, and so spend some time every night right before I go to sleep thinking about everything I’m grateful for. Even if it’s been a bad day at work, at home, etc. I still have much to be thankful for and I am very happy with my life, overall. So yes, I do think about it multiple times a day and I also think focusing on happiness and gratitude helps me be happy.

    14. I’ve always been a glass-half-full person, while my husband is a glass-half-empty type. He describes us this way all the time. I think some of it just your constitution.

      We have a depressive son and it’s been very hard to get him to look at the good in situations – yes, he’s under the care of medical/psychological professionals, before anyone asks – day to day he will talk about how terrible something is, and sometimes it’s something that I think is great, and we are just fundamentally wired differently. I feel awful for him, so I can absolutely see how you feel sad for your past self! I’m so glad you’re happy now, and selfishly, I hope to see that in my son someday.

    15. I used to be really depressed when I was a teen, but now that I’m in my late 20s I think about how happy I am with my life multiple times a day. I am very grateful for my job, my home, my husband, my friends, etc. When I am stressed, I also try to think of things I am grateful for.

    16. Short answer – yes. But it does seem kind of odd to me too:-) Whenever I pay attention I just .. find myself so grateful for how my life is, where I live, whom I love and is loved by, what my body can do.
      I can get all weepy from happiness and gratefulness. Not every day, but often enough.

    17. I do! I love my family. I love my friends. I love my pets. My work is intellectually stimulating and serves an important (to me) purpose. I have enough. My health is ok for now, and I enjoy what my body can do. My life has had some hard things and continues to do so, but through luck and effort, I am in a wonderful place.

    18. I am very grateful for my health, my family, my career and my sobriety. Tagging on to the thread above, I absolutely wish some people would get their comeuppance but in order to stay sober, I have to pray that they get all the happiness. Even when I don’t mean it, the act of wishing them well does help. Usually. :)

    19. I don’t know if I have a deep level of life satisfaction because I do have anxiety and depression, but I do think this. I think of how I have a life the women in my family historically would not have been able to have. My family was able to support my education financially, and now I can support myself completely to live in a nice (but not that fancy) apartment, go out with friends, etc. I’ve had a lot of cool experiences. I’ve traveled a lot. I’m smart, whether that’s through education or to some extent nature inclination.

      There are downsides to a lot of these things but I do overall feel lucky and thing about it regularly.

  4. Common sense question – if you went grocery shopping, bought eggs and didn’t get home to refrigerate them for about 90 min from the time they left the store refrigerator, would you eat? Toss them? Only buy eggs a few times a year so IDK the answer and all the guidance seems to be about cooked egg dishes with mayo like not leaving egg salad out.

    DH and I went shopping in the suburbs this morning, not realizing that long weekend traffic has started so everything took longer than expected – stopping for quick errands after, picking up lunch, and then the actual highway drive home and garaging our car.

    FWIW we kept the refrigerated goods inside the car, not in the trunk and had our AC on the entire time set in the mid 60s. We didn’t turn the car off anywhere. It’s probably in the mid 70s today and very sunny, so warm but not 95 degrees either.

    I’m fine with the milk and cheese as I’ve done this before, eggs IDK as I rarely buy them.

    2. I wouldn’t have an issue with them but I’m very causual about food safety. I would think milk and cheese would go bad far far sooner than eggs

    5. They are fine. Milk and cheese would also be fine. Some people travel this distance to and from where they get their food regularly. if you have anxiety about such things, perhaps but a cooler bag for your trips. But it’s fine.

      1. I was just thinking this. I have family in rural Oklahoma and they routinely travel 90 min home from the store with meat, eggs, milk in the car and this is in the Okla heat. I’ve never seen them use cooler bags either. So yes this is perfectly fine on a 70 degree day in an air conditioned car.

      1. Agree, If you’re absolutely fine with the milk and cheese, then eggs are even finer. They’re pretty hard to kill, as it were!

    8. Definitely fine. I’d be more worried about the milk, but I rarely buy milk. :)

    10. Definitely fine. Most countries don’t refrigerate eggs at all, though they also don’t wash off their natural protective coating.

      2. It’s the washing part that’s the issue with commercial eggs. If you get them unwashed, you can keep them on the counter. I get mine from my neighbor’s backyard chickens and keep them out right here in the USA.

      3. Many countries don’t refrigerate milk, either, but it’s because it’s processed differently. In the US, commercial milk and eggs need to be refrigerated

        1. That’s actually not accurate. The thing that makes milk safe to be stored at room temperature is ultrapasteurization and ultrapasteurized milk is definitely for sale in the US too. Americans put milk in the refrigerator because we think room temperature milk is gross. I know several Europeans living in the US who don’t refrigerate milk they purchase here and they’re completely fine. I do think with eggs there are differences in how they’re processed and you should not store eggs at room temperature here. But you can for sure buy self stable milk in the US.

    11. Do you live somewhere with rampant salmonella? If so, use the eggs quickly, and by the best before date.

      In countries without salmonella, eggs are actually sold and stored at room temperature. Where I live there is no salmonella, and eggs are fine to be stored for 3-4 months.

      1. There definitely is salmonella. Eggs in your country aren’t washed before putting out for sale, thus don’t need to be refrigerated.

        1. I’m in Norway, and eggs are safe to eat raw, there is no salmonella danger. They are actually sold from fridges in regular shops (in the UK they are in room temp), but the advice for best quality and for cooking to keep them in room temp.

          Eggs are normally unwashed here, sure, but the lack of salmonella is the main thing in terms of longevity. EU rules dictate best before dates at four weeks, but you can add three months to that date in Norway.

    12. They’re fine. FYI – eggs are not refrigerated at the grocery store in France. Prob. some other countries too.

    15. I would eat them but would assume they wouldn’t last all the way to the “best by” date.

      (I am in the USA where eggs’ coatings are washed off so they’re not counter safe.)

      1. How do you know when to toss them though? I feel like with milk it’s super obvious.

        1. A bad egg is just as obvious as bad milk. Salmonella can always be present, refrigerated or not, but will be killed by cooking. I’ve only had one or two bad eggs in my entire life, and I routinely use them well past the best by date.

          1. There’s a floating in a glass of water test you can do if you’re unsure. I suggest googling it as I don’t want to give you incorrect advice.

        2. You can test eggs for freshness by putting them in water.
          Fill a 2 cup liquid measure and put an egg in the water. Touching the bottom is fresh and fine. Floating close to the bottom or the middle means use them that day. Floating on the surface means toss.

          1. This is an urban legend. I mean, it’s true that older eggs are more likely to float, but floating does not mean an egg is unsafe to eat.

            Per USDA: “An egg can float in water when its air cell has enlarged sufficiently to keep it buoyant. This means the egg is old, but it may be perfectly safe to use. Crack the egg into a bowl and examine it for an off-odor or unusable appearance before deciding to use or discard it. A spoiled egg will have an unpleasant odor when you break open the shell, either when raw or cooked.”
            https://ask.usda.gov/s/article/What-does-it-mean-when-an-egg-floats-in-water

            I eat floater eggs all the time. The best eggs for hardboiling are the old ones – they’re easier to peel!

  5. Looking for all your favorite pancake/waffles/Dutch baby/crepe/French toast recipe. It is one of the few foods my 4 year old eats, so we cook it almost daily. Getting sick of our usual favorites and looking to find new ones. And if anyone else likes these type of foods as much as my 4 year old, I have a very long list of his favorites :)

      1. Ohh I remember loving these in Vienna and totally forgot about them. He’s gonna go nuts over these!

    2. Good question!

      I have actually been looking for a recipe that is a bit healthier that uses protein powder/egg/mashed banana as the base for the batter. The last online recipe I tried didn’t work well.

      To make pancakes more interesting, I add a bit of flavor to them. Usually vanilla extract, ground cardamom, and some cinnamon. Once you up the flavor, you never go back…. I do use maple syrup, which is not so healthy. But others in my family put peanut butter on them, or sometimes apple sauce.

    5. Have you given him potato pancakes. The ones from the box are fine. Delicious with sour cream and apple sauce, which might be a new combination for him.

      1. There are also great and easy recipes for pancakes from carrots or spinach or beets or [insert root vegetable here].

      2. Assuming you mean like latkes, that’s much more like a hashbrown than what most people think of as a pancake. My picky eater who loves all manner of bread products (pancakes, french toast, waffles, etc.) does not eat latkes. Just FYI.

        1. Potato pancakes are not exactly the same as latkes. My Lithuanian dad made potato pancakes for us all the time but I could never get the texture quite right.

    7. Smitten Kitchen has a chocolate Dutch baby recipe, I believe. Not sure you want to feed that as “dinner” to a kid (lol) and I haven’t tried it but deb never steers me wrong!

      There’s also that cookbook Will It Waffle or something like that…could be fun to try those recipes!

      1. Omg that looks amazing. Chocolate is his other favorite food so this will be a hit. Maybe for his birthday :)

      2. I’ve tried the chocolate one and found it just OK. However, her extra-billowy Dutch baby recipe finds its way to my table almost every weekend. I add a splash of vanilla to it and it’s amazing with any manner of fruit and a little powdered sugar.

    9. The oat flour waffles from Cookie and Kate. Use buttermilk. Best waffles I’ve ever had and pretty healthy too.

    10. NYT Dutch baby recipe is great and very easy to customize. You can make it savory by adding bacon/turkey/whatever… or add lemon or orange zest to make it fruity.

      If you want to experiment with making a healthier crepe, I sometimes make buckwheat crepes. My daughter likes them, son not so much. NYT has a recipe from Martha Rose Schulman. Or maybe try potato pancakes or zucchini fritters?

  6. What 3 clothing items are going to be on repeat for you all summer-long? Any new things you’re trying to work into the mix?

    For me:
    – Wit & Wisdom shorts
    – Caslon tees
    – Eileen Fisher t-shirt dresses

    Trying to work in:
    – Lilly Pulitzer skort and shorts I bought on sale
    – the long flowy red floral maxi dress I bought
    – the black Somerset dress from Anthro I bought last year

    1. I wear a Patagonia sunshirt almost every single day. I haven’t found anything better for sun protection that also works well for my body type and looks like new despite frequent use and tons of washing.

    2. A few years ago in my late 20s I decided I’m not “doing” the sun anymore, but love spending time outdoors so my favorites are:
      – Solbari wide brim sun hat which has a little hole to pull my hair through
      – Columbia pfg button ups
      – Anthropologie / Maeve wide leg pants

      1. I even bought fingerless sun gloves for outside! I mainly use them for driving, but if I’m going to an outdoor thing I will wear them. I don’t care. I already have a lot of sun damage on my hands and don’t want more.

        1. Oh, can you share the brand and style? Been thinking about the sun on my hands while driving lately

          1. They’re from before the pandemic so the color I have isn’t here anymore but are the eclipse sunsleeves from amazon. I will post a link separately.

    3. Talbot’s girlfriend chino pants I bought on eBay. Dansko Tiffani sandals in denim blue. #3 is several similar woven cotton or linen shirts I have in many colors. It’s my uniform.

    4. I’m too lazy to go and look at the labels for the brand names, lol. My go-to summer wear is jeans, t-shirts, and sneakers or casual sandals. Sometimes I wear shorts, but not too often, and I also have a couple of casual button-downs I wear sometimes.
      I would like to add a couple of casual dresses and sandals to match, but I’m not sure how often I would wear them.

    5. I just bought a romper from target in two colors because it is flattering, comfortable, breezy, I can wear a regular bra, and it has pockets. Universal Thread short sleeve romper, on sale now.

    7. Flowy Caslon dresses, Haviana flip flops and a straw bag. Nothing new except a straw visor.

    8. -pintuck sleeveless t-shirt shift dress from Land’s End in various solids and patterns
      -Ariat slip-on sneakers in a gold-ish color and/or chunk-heel two-strap mule sandals in various colors/styles
      -Chico’s black sleeveless synthetic top with a sort of v-neck that ends in a knot or twist of fabric over pull-on pants, either black or white
      -T for Talbots skorts (purchased years ago) in navy and a navy pattern, topped with T for Talbots snug t-shirts

    9. I’m saying goodbye (or trying to) to some nearly lifelong body hang ups, so this is the summer of shorts for me. I’m finding 4.5 to 5 inch inseam seems to be the sweet spot.

  7. Is there some science that says sleep is more restorative or refreshing if you go to bed earlier and get up earlier – even if it’s the same number of hours of sleep? I tend to be in cycles of staying up until 2 am or whatever as I start working around 10. Even then I’m dragging myself out of bed to get started by 10. This week though I had a few meetings where I had to be out the door before 8 am to be sure I got there early and was prepped. I was dreading it as I had to be up at 645 am. I’d be tired those nights and would be asleep before midnight and then up early the following days – even when I didn’t need to be – and so AWAKE waking up before the alarm. Very different from my usual dragging myself out of bed. And FWIW there was nothing about these meetings or going to the office that energized me, so it wasn’t that I was awake and excited to go for any substantive reason.

    Does WHEN you sleep have some impact? 40 plus year old female if it matters.

    2. I think there is definitely something to do with the daylight – nighttime darkness rhythm that can work with or against your circadian rhythm, depending on how it’s aligned.

    3. People vary a lot so I’m sure there’s not a universal answer, but I absolutely can’t imagine getting high quality sleep once the sun is up, so it would make sense that you’d be getting better sleep if more of it happens during dark hours. I’m very much a morning person, though, and am pretty sure I haven’t slept past sunrise more than a handful of times since I was in college 20 years ago (it’s actually not great, as it means I pretty much have to go to bed early if I want to get a decent amount of sleep. I even have blackout curtains).

      1. I have blackout curtains, too. I’m a night owl and regularly go to sleep after sunrise.

      3. To the point that people vary a lot – I read an interesting piece at some point about how the way a lot of us sleep today (in one long block), is not necessarily the only natural sleep pattern for mammals, or for humans in other cultures or in other centuries. There is obviously the mid-day rest in hot climates, but apparently there is also something natural about waking up after half a night of sleep, being awake for a while, and then sleeping again. I am blanking on the details, but helps me to not get worked up about waking up at 3am!

        1. Biphasic sleep. I’m kind of organically a biphasic sleeper. My natural biphasic tendencies emerged in my mid 20s, after college and before kids, when social factors weren’t keeping me up till 11 or 12 every night.

    4. In my experience, sleep is more refreshing if it plays into my own cycle of awake and tired, my own circadian rhythm. When I for some reason have to adapt to a different schedule, the sleep I get at the wrong time does not energize me at all. Four hours of sleep at my own down time is worth more to my energy levels than eight hours at the wrong time.
      I’m an evening person, so my version of your recent experience would be the opposite. Almost impossible to drag myself out of bed 6 am, but refreshed and and awake at 10, with no correlation to number of hours slept.

    6. Yes, there is (but I don’t feel like googling for the links). It has to do with when different hormones, like melatonin, peak. Research suggests women may need more sleep than men and should aim to be in bed around 10ish (maybe 11 at the latest).

    7. I feel like my husband and I have opposite circadian rhythms. And contrary to what other people are saying, we both agree that I am consistently more well-rested than he is, and I’m the night owl. He goes to bed early and wakes up with the birds. He can’t sleep at all when it’s light out – I could sleep alllll day.

  8. Does J. Crew issue the Louisa jacket regularly? I apparently missed the white wool/poly with black trim version, and I wonder whether it will come back.

    2. What size are you seeking? I got one but have never worn the white one, although I have worn the navy/black one lots.

  9. People vary a lot so I’m sure there’s not a universal answer, but I absolutely can’t imagine getting high quality sleep once the sun is up, so it would make sense that you’d be getting better sleep if more of it happens during dark hours. I’m very much a morning person, though, and am pretty sure I haven’t slept past sunrise more than a handful of times since I was in college 20 years ago (it’s actually not great, as it means I pretty much have to go to bed early if I want to get a decent amount of sleep. I even have blackout curtains).

  10. Ladies in male dominated industries: how do you identify when you’re being left behind? I recently left the legal field for a new life in IT. My coworkers are great and much less cutthroat than law. My coworkers are also all male.

    Everything has been great so far, but I’m noticing that a new (male) hire is receiving different (more) training than I am and has been shadowing on-site. My (female) boss and I got A LOT of pushback today when I reminded my two coworkers that our grand-boss wanted me shadowing on-site today.

    I can explain the training as we do have slightly different positions, and my job will be the only one focusing on a specific program (I did receive training on that). However, the pushback today gave me weird vibes and I have experienced A LOT of pushback from one of the two coworkers about letting me shadow him on the program I will eventually take over.

    Resposting because I accidentally posted on the wrong

    1. That sounds really weird, and more like a him problem than a structural problem. Must have been very unpleasant to be treated so unwelcoming.
      I’ve worked in IT my whole career, with teams that skewed very male but rarely exclusively, and never noticed ‘being left behind’, so no good advise from me, sorry.

  11. Uh, I had a bizarre work interaction this week where I attempted to help someone out in another department and ended up first making them very territorial and now they’ve decided I’m their bestie? But I’m pretty sure it’s just to throw me under the bus and/or blame me for things.

    Stay Tuned. Was there something with the moon?

  12. Tips for showing more skin? I grew up in a very conservative and religious home – not what you see on TLC, but close. (I was allowed to wear pants!) Now in my 30s, I would like to try showing a little more skin. I think I look good in shorts or a v-neck top at home but I start to leave my house and get so nervous, and then I go back and change. I’m in shape, I am not a model and not going to get stares by any means, I am not insecure about my body, I don’t judge women who do show skin- it’s more this weird, “not for me” feeling. I went to a couple therapy sessions and the kind therapist basically said, you need to try it little by little – but without buying a new wardrobe I’m not sure how to try smaller steps!

    1. Idk I’m a covered up person and have always been. I didn’t have a puritanical upbringing, and was raised in a hot place so wore lots of shorts and tees as a kid. But I’ve always preferred to be covered up as an adult. It’s just my thing. Coastal grandmother came at the right time!!

    2. Would a service like nuuly fit the bill? You could rent clothes that are various a styles of skin showing to see what your comfort level actually is?

    3. I think it’s just a matter of being used to something. I would compare it to makeup – when I wore more makeup regularly my face looked strange to me without it but when I stopped I now don’t really notice it. It’s the same with clothes. I’d say do one small thing if you want to try it and see how it goes. Maybe shorts but a more covered tee or tank but longer shorts or whatever feels comfortable to you.

    4. The first step for me overcoming my childhood and making changes was to identify exactly why I wanted to make the change and then coming up with small changes that increased over time to become the big change. I also came up with a few small phrases I could say to myself when I felt anxious about the changes.

    5. It sounds like you already have some clothes that are outside your comfort zone so wear them on casual errands and don’t go back to change! Seriously, shorts and/or a v-neck when you’re running to the grocery store.

    6. How do you feel in bathing suits? Maybe try wearing a bathing suit with shorts and a big open white button-up – but to the store or with friends? Then the next wwwk try it with a tank top or bodysuit instead of a bathing suit…

    7. Sounds like some guidelines might help, how about show one of upper/lower body so a v neck with long trousers, or a crew neck with a skirt. It gives you one area to show skin at a time, so you can figure out what’s comfortable for you and what isn’t.

    8. Evening gowns aside, if I’m nervous about trying a new-to-me style I just wear it to the grocery store. The grocery store is one of the most neutral spaces. You could be coming from or going to anywhere so what you are wearing is pretty much always appropriate. Just being around other humans in ‘regular’ life can help normalize something. If you hate it you can go home after!

    9. Maybe consider WHY you would like to show a little more skin, and then take it from there? There is nothing wrong with covering up, and if it turns out that is your comfort level, then that may be your comfort level. Anecdotally, I lived for a time in a relatively more conservative place than the United States, and became shy about wearing sleeveless tops and dresses, but that wore off after I returned to live in the USA.

    10. Start with showing your collar bone and your wrists.

      A nice scoop neck below your collar bone will really open up the neckline without being cleavage-y, and help you get used to seeing yourself in a more open neckline.
      Try some 3/4 length tops, or roll or drag your sleeves up a little, showing your wrists really do give a feeling of skin.

      For getting used to shorts – maybe go hiking? With a nice pair of shorts, sporty sneakers, a looser t-shirt and a small backpack you’re suddenly in a different mind space than showing skin, you’re just wearing practical hiking stuff.

    11. A smaller step would be to wear your shorts and v-neck in the yard where the neighbors can see you. Then wear them for a walk to the end of your block. Then around the block. Then on a short errand, then a longer errand, and on and on until you are wearing them all day without thinking about it.
      All that said though, if showing skin gives you a “weird not for me” feeling then there is no reason you have to show skin…(I’m one of those people that tends not to, unless I’m going swimming. It’s just a personal preference)

  13. Interviewed for a dream job on Thursday. Now I have to wait til there is a decision, which will take 2-4 weeks. I was horribly unproductive today. Any tips on how to get through this waiting period? I must have checked my email every 10 minutes despite knowing they would not be contacting me less than 24 hours after the interview!

  14. I have an appointment for a massage at a chiropractor office. For massages at a spa, I would definitely tip but do I tip when the massage is part of a medical practice? The massage rate is higher than what would be charged at a non-luxury spa.

    1. I would say no, because it’s a medical treatment (chiropractic massage), as opposed to a personal service (spa massage). That said, I don’t see chirpractors, so I could be completely misreading the situation.

      1. +1

        Definitely no tip. I mean, would you tip your OB/GYN after a pelvic exam? No. Chiropractors, despite all of their risks/faults, are considered medical practitioners and most insurance plans will pay for your visits with medical insurance. I encourage you to get a script from your PCP, if you have one.

        I know several folks with neurologic or musculoskeletal injuries/disabilities who go to PT or OT at a clinic that also has a chiropractor on site. They go for massages to the chiropractor as part of their treatment plan for their chronic pain and/or injury symptoms (eg. muscle spasiticity/spasms/contractures etc…).

  15. I mailed invitations the first week of May to 40 people, with an RSVP deadline of June 1 for an event in July. (It is not wedding-related.) Most of the 40 knew about the event before and knew they would get a hard copy invite. There is an online RSVP. I know we are a few days out from June 1 but so far only 14 people have confirmed receipt, 12 via the online RSVP and 2 via text. My co-host and I need to make reservations for several meals and we had planned to text/remind everyone who hadn’t RSVP’d … is it OK to text these folks with something that means if they don’t tell me they’re coming, I can assume they aren’t? I’m ok with a text RSVP but eventually want to get their email for our list of events. I am a little annoyed and don’t want it to sound mad.

    Best I have is: “Hey (name)! We are hosting X event on July X. If you can make it please let me know by this Saturday, otherwise we’ll plan to see you another time.”

    1. Yes, it’s fine to ask. I’d drop the “otherwise” phrase from your text though.

      1. +1

        Also I generally think an RSVP deadline over a month in advance is odd for anything except a wedding. You’ll probably get people RSVPing closer to the event.

      2. I don’t know…. I think that “otherwise” phrase is the most important part of the reminder.

        I mean, if these friends/families can’t commit so she knows what to order (if this early June 1st timeline is set), then they should know they can’t come.

        It is not that uncommon for folks to blow off RSVP’s and then later say… “hey, sorry I missed this… can I still come…?” and expect the host to now accommodate you regardless of the hassle/increased cost etc.. Yet, people do this all the time.

        Or worse… like this OP…. 40 families get invited, and most can’t even be bothered to decline the invitation, which sounds like will be a nice (and pricey) event.

        And no, contrary to a recent thread, I highly doubt all of the invitees are just waiting until June 1st to send their RSVP, just to be sure Johnny’s 3rd grade traveling soccer league doesn’t have a championship match that same night….

      3. I am trying to make sure I can safely assume if I don’t hear from them, that they are not coming. I don’t know how else to say that. Thoughts?

        1. I think the “otherwise” language is generally fine because you do need an accurate headcount at some point.

          But I do agree that this very long lead time (hard deadline more than a month out?) seems odd for anything other than a wedding. Is it really that crucial that you have a firm number so, so early?

    2. Maybe add why you need to know by June 1: “please let me know by this Saturday because I need an accurate headcount for the reservation which must be finalized by X date” or whatever it is. June 1 seems early to RSVP for an event in July unless there’s a specific reason.

  16. How close are you to your families as adults? How often do you speak to your parents/siblings on the phone? If they are local, do you see them regularly? Do they come by without notice? Do they have keys to your home? In full disclosure, this question is coming from issues with my in-laws, who are very nice but have absolutely no boundaries. And yes, I know the solution is to talk with DH and we have, but his perception of what’s normal is just so different than mine. On the other hand, my mother hated my father’s family and it caused issues and I wished we were closer when I was growing up, so I don’t want to go nuclear on my in-laws (again, generally very nice people), especially for the sake of my children who love their grandparents/uncles and aunts/cousins. I know this is family-specific, just curious what everyone’s normal is, after a weekend of getting a little overdosed on unexpected family time. My family isn’t local, I left for college at 18 and they are a flight away. I consider myself close to them, but I call my parents once or twice a week and exchange text messages/send pictures of our children a few times a week. We generally visit them or vacation with them about two weeks a year.

    1. My philosophy on this is that when someone else doesn’t have boundaries, then we need to have the boundaries. But if everyone besides you is delighted when they stop by, “I’m so glad you’re here to help DH watch the kids! I was just heading out” and enjoy some me time at the coffee shop / spa / salon / library?

    2. I was like you – left at 18 to go across the country and from ages 18-35 only saw my parents a couple times per year. When we were settled in our forever home and our child was 3, my parents moved less than a mile away from us (with our permission). It’s been the biggest blessing for our family. Seeing our kid grow up with local grandparents, who are basically third and fourth parents at this point, is absolutely amazing. But even if we didn’t have kids I’d really treasure being near my parents in this stage of life. Several good friends have lost parents in the last few years, and I’m very aware I won’t have mine forever so having this time with them in adulthood is really special.

      We’re very close. Our child is with them essentially every day. We all have dinner together probably 3-4 times per week, and spend lots of time together on weekends. We vacation together. They have a key to our home for emergencies but don’t drop by unannounced and don’t assume they can join our family in things without express invitation (they actually go too far the other way sometimes – they assumed they weren’t invited to kid’s dance recital because we didn’t explicitly tell them “you are invited.”)

      But I think it’s important that my husband is ok with this. If he wasn’t, there would be a problem. If you have a local set of parents both spouses need to be ok with the boundaries in place and it sounds like you’re not. The question isn’t really what’s “normal” or what other people do, it’s what you’re ok with.

    3. I occasionally text my dad, a little more regular texting with my mom but totally surface level stuff, hardly ever with my sister, and no calls. I can’t imagine giving them a key to my house with free reign access (even if they were local).

      My parents are two hrs away by car and my sister and BIL are more than halfway across the country.

      So clearly YMMV. This is what works for me, but it doesn’t work for everyone!

    4. I wasn’t super close to my family but when my daughter was born I leaned on my mom a lot When my kid was growing up I talked to my mom almost daily for years, and she was quite helpful with babysitting on weekends. We lived an hour apart so drop-in visits weren’t really a thing.

      Later on we got much more distant for a variety of reasons. Now my parents are both gone and of my three sibilings (none of whom lives in my area), I am totally estranged from one, am only Facebook friends with a second, and talk/text with the third just a few tiems a year. Extended family is pretty much totally out of the picture at this point.

      Oh, and on the other side of it, my daughter moved out of state last year and she and I talk on the phone once a week and text a bit in between.

    5. Me and my mom are very close. I call her every day and text her multiple times a day (and so does my husband haha). She has a key to our house in case something happens and we have a key to hers, but none of us drops by unannounced. I am very distant from my brother, though, and I text him once or twice a year. Me and my husband are close to my BIL and his wife, but I would be very uncomfortable if they dropped by unannounced and would set boundaries.

  17. Hoping this crowd could help me with this. I recently saw a woman that wore a jean jacket that looked perfect in every way. The only thing I could decipher about the brand was that there was a paragraph symbol a couple of places on the jacket. Does anyone know what fashion brand would have a paragraph symbol as their logo?

  18. Dear fellow lawyer ‘rettes — What is it about being a lawyer that makes us A-holes? We seem to be, almost universally, complete and utter A-holes who intentionally make participating in this profession harder and less enjoyable than it could be. Today is a holiday, but the broad assumption is that I will be working. I’m not so busy that I need to work today. I didn’t plan to work today. But at 10 am I received a text from one of my partners asking me if my new laptop is working as well today as it did on Friday. Well, I haven’t turned it on since Friday, because that is the last time I worked. He doesn’t need me to work, he just figured I would have been banging away on it all weekend and today because . . . .I don’t know. He is on vacation himself, but apparently ignoring his family in service to asking me this. Since Saturday, I also have received two settlement demands, both of which expire at 5pm today. Today. Why today? Cue a flurry of emails and Zoom appointments starting at 11:30 am because a colleague at another firm has no life, forgot it was a holiday, or just wants to make me miserable on purpose. And I have gotten over the weekend an urgent request for a Zoom call at 3pm today from opposing counsel wanting to discuss a case schedule and another conference call request from another lawyer in my firm for tonight “after 6pm.” None of this is urgent except in the other lawyer’s mind Truly. I did have one truly urgent thing happen over the weekend and opposing counsel in that matter has ignored it completely because he is on vacation. I really, truly, do not believe there is another set of people who work so hard to make each other’s lives worse than they could be. What is it about us that makes us all so awful?

    1. I left litigation, in large part, for this reason. I think the law (at least litigation) is somewhat self-selecting in that more aggressive people are generally more interested in it. So you end up with a whole field of people who are trying to outdo each other in aggressiveness. And I think the more you do something, the more you’re inclined to do it — so the more/longer you’re an a-hole, the bigger of an a-hole you become. It got to the point for me where I felt like I was just taking my absolute worst qualities and just nurturing them. The law doesn’t have to be this way, but it is, and I finally decided I had had enough.

    2. You’re assigning a lot of personal motivation to peoples’ actions that is realistically not there. It is not your colleague’s fault you entered a profession known for its high workload and poor work-life balance. Nobody is sending you meeting invites just because they want to be mean to you.

      1. Anon at 3:43: are you a litigator? I see lots of intentionality in the timing of various aspects of litigation all the time that are strategically mean and inconvenient, in ways that are not critical to the litigation.

        1. Even if not intentional, completely I inconsiderate. It is not too much to ask my fellow lawyers to show a modicum of consideration. It’s just not.

      2. Lol. This comment is so out of touch. I had a boss who would send discovery requests on Christmas Eve just to ruin opposing counsel’s end-of-year holiday time. A time limited demand expiring on a holiday weekend is the same thing. It’s intentional, unnecessary, and exactly the behavior OP is asking about.

  19. For the first time, I checked my tween’s phone and am disturbed by the language, bullying, and a few risque photos I saw. Looking for advice on how to discuss, including whether I disclose that I looked at the phone. (I told tween not to expect any privacy.) Are there age appropriate movies we can watch together to start the conversation. I’m worried that I may push tween further away.

    Posting here because there’s more traffic than on moms page.

    1. I do not have experience with this but would recommend posting tomorrow when people are back. I think it may depend too on whether the tween is the recipient of these things, the sender, or both, so that could be helpful information to add.

    2. Is your kid instigating the bullying? Are they exploiting sometime else for photos? The response is very different depending on the context.

      We didn’t really care about language, as long as it didn’t get used incorrectly (i.e., “-uck this” and not “s-it this”) or in inappropriate settings. We had success in low-key acknowledgement of the phone activity that focused more on casual conversations about character than on legalistic rule following. Stuff like “I noticed they speak ill of their other friends to you in your text chains. A lot. Do they do that in person, too? How do you think those other people would feel knowing this? How do you think they talk about you when you are not a part of the conversation? How would you feel to find out that’s how they talk about you? Is the reputation they are cultivating one that will impact you?”

      1. Agreed that I would not care about bad language unless it’s being directed at someone in a bullying way. A tween saying “f this homework assignment” or something like that would be very low on my list of things to worry about.

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