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When I was updating our guide to classic sweaters for work, I was going through a lot of our “Hall of Fame” sweater styles and thinking how great this previous one from Neiman Marcus was, and how there isn't too much out there like it right now.
So I was excited to see this cashmere shawl-collar sweater from Ann Taylor (pictured), especially in this absolutely stunning purple. I think it's an elegant and sophisticated look without trying too hard, and you can wear it with jeans just as easily as you can with trousers or other work pants.
It's currently available only as an online exclusive and comes in five colors in classic and petite sizes XXS–XXL for $298 full price. (Huh, although petite sizes are almost totally sold out.) Update: As of Sunday, the sweater is down to $100!!! (Actually, a LOT of their cashmere is down to $100!)
Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – 11/5 only – 60% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Up to 30% off on new arrivals
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
Josie P
ISO tall sweats and other pants recommendations for my beanpole teen son. He is pushing 6 foot at maybe 130 lbs and the size medium Uniqlo sweatpants that he currently has are getting very short. TIA!
Anon
Try American Eagle. IIRC they have one of the better ranges of tall sizes – a lot of tall ranges don’t include the smallest sizes. Also worth looking at Abercrobmie, Gap, and Old Navy.
Anon
I’m not sure about their men’s stuff, but I’m an almost 6′ tall woman and Old Navy tall sizes have always worked really well for me.
Anonymous
If he needs a smaller waist than 32 inches, H&M is great, they can do 28 inch waists for men and have very nice slim fit trousers. Their long trousers have an 33 inch inseam.
Marks & Spencer has both long and extra long sizes in trousers and joggers. Extra long has a 35 inch inseam.
They start at Small, or 32 inch waist.
Levis’ jeans come as long as 38 inch inseam, again starting at 32 inch waist for men’s. Some women’s models look great on men, too, for smaller waist and up to 34 inch length.
Land’s end has tall joggers and trousers, seems to be 33 inch inseam, smallest is a 34 waist, though.
Anon
He’s probably not quite tall enough yet, but my favorite tall sweatpants as someone a similar height are from American Tall.
Artemis
Aeropostale pants are great for my skinny long-legged son. Waists start at 27 in more lengths at that waist size than anywhere else I’ve found. They have multiple fit types. The sweatpants from there have sufficient elastic waist and good enough drawstrings to work for him without looking weird.
Coach Laura
I had this problem with my son for years – 6’4″ and 150 in college to maybe 165 now. Lululemon ABC pants have been a lifesaver. They have trousers, joggers and sweatpants. The small but tall sizes sell out quickly which can be frustrating. But he loves how comfortable they are. He wears the trousers to work (doctor in hospital) and they are great for business wear.
Anonymous
Curious as to how you all handle Christmas gifts for kids – in terms of how many gifts, what you do for stockings, budget. It’s my first real Christmas with our son.
Growing up, we got a lot of gifts as we got older. It was usually a larger shared gift for the kids (e.g., ping pong table), 1 larger gift for each kid, and like 20 other gifts. Stocking was candy, socks, hair ties, similar. The 20 “other” gifts were more practical – e.g, books, clothes, gear for hobbies/activities, hats, gloves, coats to replace those we outgrew, swimsuit for the next summer, etc.
As an adult, I can see that my parents really wanted us to have a lot of gifts so they moved those more practical items to Christmas vs. doing back to school shopping or buying things throughout the year. My parents are also gift people and to this day enjoy giving a lot of gifts. They both grew up with limited financial resources and I think they enjoy giving gifts for that reason.
I’m just curious how you do Christmas for your kids, or what you did growing up.
Cb
I have a six year old and we try to rein it in on gifts. This year we’re doing want/read/wear/need and two presents from Santa but I got a decent amount second hand. We don’t have a huge extended families so he normally gets 1-2 presents from my parents, grandmas, and cash from international grandpa.
Anon
There are presents under the tree from whenever I wrap them, so maybe a couple of weeks before Christmas, at most. Those gifts are from Mom & Dad. Things like socks, sweaters, etc. We hang empty stockings on Christmas Eve night. Then overnight Santa comes.
When the kids come downstairs in the morning, they go first to their stockings. Stockings are filled with mostly candy, maybe a small item like a lego minifigure.
The “big” presents come from Santa – that toy you put first on your wishlist for example – and is typically unwrapped but has a bow on it, ready to be played with. After the stockings, going to the tree is very exciting!
My kids are older now and obviously don’t really believe in Santa, but we still do it this way for sentimentality reasons.
Anon
To answer the rest of your question,
Something you Want
Something you Need
Something to Wear
Something to Read
is what we go by, and make sure we have at least one in each category, but they often get more presents than that.
Growing up my family didn’t have a lot of money, so fewer presents than my kids get now, but since my kids are still really excited and grateful for everything, it eases my conscience about whether they are spoiled.
Anon
We do Hanukkah, which I think is usually a little more restrained than Christmas gift-wise, so maybe not helpful but for whatever it’s worth… I have one almost 6 year old. I plan a couple bigger gifts to come from me and DH and then we typically do a handful of smaller gifts, many of which are more practical (as you said, things like books, clothes she needs, materials for activities). She also gets a handful of gifts from relatives and my close friends, so she usually has 1-2 things to open each night. This year I spent less than $100 total, but some of that is due to the fact that my parents saved a ton of stuff from my childhood (for example, one of her big gifts this year is an American Girl doll and I didn’t have to buy it).
Anon
Growing up, we got the big gift on the first night of Hanukkah and a new book on each of the other seven nights. Yes, we both grew up to be big readers.
Anon
I like that idea! My husband’s parents did no gifts for Hanukkah growing up and mine were pretty over the top with a large number of toys, so I feel like we’re kind of in the middle. My in-laws remain horrified that we do gifts at all because “Hanukkah is not supposed to be a replacement for Christmas.”
One thing I do love about Hanukkah is that there’s no pressure to give to other adults. I’m not a “stuff” person and would hate exchanging gifts with a bunch of adult relatives. I don’t even want to exchange gifts with my husband. I love shopping for my friends’ kids and will be happy to shop for nieces and nephews when we have them, but I’m very happy to keep it as a kids only holiday.
Anonforthis
I grew up as an only child with a single mom and no real local family, so I think my mom really tried her hardest to make sure the Christmas tree looked crowded with gifts. I think generally I got one larger gift (easel, bike, computer, etc) and maybe 6-7 medium size gifts, plus stocking stuffers. I’d usually get a few presents here and there from family friends and something in the mail from my dad, but nothing too fancy. I will say that as I got older, I think my mom put in less effort with gifts, and by the time I was 15 or so, there were a lot fewer gifts but more importantly she really missed the mark a lot. I remember feeling hurt about that. It wasn’t a financial thing, either.
I have two daughters now and my husband thinks I go a little overboard, but from comparing notes with friends, I think we’re pretty average. We do stocking stuffers (usually everyone gets underwear, socks, some kind of snack/sweet, and random other things in the $10 range). Then we do 1 or 2 big gifts from Santa that are joint gifts for both girls (e.g. play kitchen one year, trampoline the next), and a few smaller gifts from Santa for each girl (usually including a book). The girls each get 4-5 gifts from Mom and Dad, usually in the $30-50 range (legos, board games, etc), plus some clothes (but at their ages they don’t really care about the clothes, and I buy them clothes throughout the year anyway so it’s kind of silly). My husband and I exchange gifts; we usually get each other 2 or 3 things, with one of those things being a splurge (jewelry etc) and the others more sentimental or silly. We help the girls “buy” or make the other parent a gift as well.
My girls get gifts from all four grandparents, plus 4 sets of aunts/uncles, and a couple of family friends. My husband and I participate in a Secret Santa with his siblings and their spouses, which we always do on Xmas eve after the kids are asleep (budget $150). This year is the first year that there are more kids in the family beyond ours, so we’ll give each nephew 2-3 gifts (spending probably $100 each).
We give gifts to both grandmas (but not grandpas for various reasons), usually pending $300-400 each, with the expensive gift being from us and the less expensive gifts being from the girls. For my mom, it’s the only gifts she’ll get at Christmas (other than some tokens from friends) so I like to splurge, and it’s only fair to spend that amount on husband’s mom too.
Typing that all out, it’s a lot. I’ve also gone down the rabbit hole of Elf on the Shelf and I really pack in the winter festivities every year (cookie baking, christmas markets, all the light displays, Disney on Ice this year), but I think a lot of that comes from trying to compensate for the type of holidays I wish I’d had as a kid. My mom did her best but it was kind of lonely with just the two of us and no big noisy cheerful house. I do worry about spoiling my kids, FWIW.
Anon
We do Hanukkah but my approach so far has been more like your parents growing up. I’m also lucky that their bdays are in May so nicely spaced. Last year for their 5th bday they (i have twins) got backpacks for kindergarten as a gift. This year i was planning on giving some stuff they need for a ski trip we’re going on but I’m starting to rethink this approach bc they are starting to expect multiple packages to open every night which is a lot for 8 nights. And we most certainly don’t buy them 8 nights worth of gifts, in fact last year i don’t think i purchased one toy. the fun stuff comes from grandparents and other extended family and we are fortunate to have many people who like to gift to our children in our lives
Anon
We’re not out of hand, but I do love the magic of Christmas so we definitely do more than the “want, need, wear, read” thing. We pretty much only get things at Christmas, birthday, and then replace clothes as needed during the year (they’re growing like weeds!). My kids wear a uniform to school, so they don’t need a ton of “play clothes” either.
We always do a pre-Christmas closet and toybox clean out and then take what we’re getting rid of to Goodwill or give to cousins as hand-me-downs.
For us, stockings are candy, practical things (toothbrush, toothpaste, chapstick) and small fun things (nail polish, superball, paddle with ball on a string). There’s usually 1-2big presents (usually one shared and 1-2 individual, but not always). In the past these have been bikes, a trampoline, a family trip, a new lacrosse stick, cell phone, doll house, etc. Smaller presents are a mix of clothes, smaller toys, things for hobbies (my kids play sports, so athletic equipment for their sport is a big one), books, games.
On my side of the family, kids get a present from each family unit and the adults do a secret santa. On my husband’s side, adults don’t do gifts but each kid gets a present from each family unit. My husband and I exchange stockings and 5-6 gifts among ourselves. Our gifts are a mix of practical (kitchen appliances, running gear), fun (usually an IOU for a fun date like a concert), and something nicer (jewelry for me, golf clubs for him).
Anon
One gift from parents (~$60), gifts from grandparents (~$50-100, one set does large single item, other set does several items), stocking from Santa. My kids who are still young lack for nothing but we do try not to go wild with holiday gifts. Big gifts don’t come from Santa because I don’t ever want my kids to be the cause of comparison for a less fortunate kid.
Anonymous
Wow, I’ve never thought of the point raised in your last sentence. I have a young toddler so new to this. Do kids really compare what Santa brought? Will be keeping this in mind. Thank you!
Anon
I mean, I grew up in the 90s, and kids in my class certainly did. It may not have been malicious or anything. But I was poor and definitely noticed that Santa brought me a CD, a doll (an inexpensive one!), and an orange, while he brought my classmates Nintendos and things like that.
Cat
oh def. My parents explained (later, when I was older) that the Santa gift was always intentionally small, like a book or inexpensive toy, since they didn’t want me thinking kids with less money were “naughty” for not receiving something as nice as I had been given by them or by relatives.
Anon
Yeah I’m Jewish but have been aware for a long time that many families avoid doing big Santa gifts for this reason.
Anonymous
Same. Santa brings a toy or two off the Christmas list but mom and dad always get to gift the good gifts.
Eg. Santa got the Lego set off the wish list; Mon and dad got the American girl doll.
Anon
Reading the responses here, I am curious. For those of you who do smaller Christmases, how / when do your kids get most of their stuff?
I feel like we don’t even have a TON of toys, but judging off of the responses we give way more gifts at holidays than many others here. We don’t really do toys or gifts outside of Christmas or birthdays, so even just replacing “consumable” gifts or gifts that can be outgrown (art supplies, coloring books, some outdoor toys that can be outgrown like bikes or smaller size sports equipment) would still put us over what people have mentioned giving! Let alone, something new a kid wants (blocks, board games, puzzles, dolls). While we definitely are mostly a library family, I do like having a decent sized home library for my kids too.
Likewise – how / when do you replace clothing? We do new uniforms in the summer before the school year starts and boring things like underwear, socks, etc. as needed but pretty much stick to new winter non-uniform clothes at Christmas and new summer non-uniform clothes for birthdays (both kids are conveniently in April). Of course if something doesn’t fit or is totally worn out we replace it as needed but that’s only here or there.
We live in a 100 year old house with small closets and minimal storage, and I hate clutter so I really can’t imagine that we have so many more things than others?
Anon
I said that we don’t do a ton of toy-gifting at Hanukkah, but my kid gets quite a bit from relatives and friends and she’s young enough that we still do big class birthday parties so she gets a ton of toys and games from that. We actually haven’t even given her physical birthday gifts the last couple of years, because the gifts from the class party + family + family friends have become so excessive (we’re talking like 35-40 presents total…without any from us!). I buy coloring books and new crayons or colored pencils a couple times a year before plane trips. She also has an allowance and spends it mostly on small, junky toys. But I think she probably has fewer toys total than an average kid, which is fine with me. We don’t spend that much time at home, and spend a fair amount of money giving her lots of activities and experiences.
Clothing I don’t consider a gift, unless it’s something really special or something that I’m opposed to buying for whatever reason. I replace clothes as needed when they get worn out or outgrown. We do special clothing gifts (like light-up sneakers) sometimes for Hanukkah.
I also generally buy books pretty liberally, although if I’m buying a book around the winter holidays I’ll wrap it up and call it a gift.
Anonymous
Grandparents
Anon
My kids are grown and flown, and we never did huge Christmas, but definitely beyond the wear, read, need, want.
Clothing was just replaced as needed, it was very very rarely gifts. I had a monthly clothing budget and would buy the kids what they needed when they needed it. This accomodated growth spurts and seasonal needs. My son got a lot of hand me downs from his older cousin (and then they went back to the cousin’s younger brothers).
Large things like game systems and electric guitars and super fancy soccer shoes were things the kids would make a case for and we would look at the numbers and see where and how we could fit them in. Books just accumulated — we used the public library a lot but we also bought books whenever we were in a book store.
Anonymous
We replace clothes when they need to be replaced.
Other than that we buy things -books, toys, whatever- throughout the year. There is no one “get most of” time.
Anon
When my girls were young, we’d typically give one “big” gift, then several smaller things. Those would include a book, craft items, a sweater or other clothing, and a couple of other things. For some reason I always aim for six gifts per kid – idk why that’s my established number. There’s also a stocking with candy and other doodads (lip gloss, something from the Target dollar spot, etc.) We also do St Nick’s in early December, with stockings containing a book, pj’s, and candy.
Anon
^^Also, all of our gifts were from Santa when both girls were believers.
Anon
I’m an outlier here! Between gifts from Santa and mom and dad my kids probably get ~15 presents? Maybe more? Plus things from extended family. Between outdoor toys (we pretty much never limit outdoor toys or active indoor toys), games, puzzles, books, craft or art supplies, science kits or other project kits, something related to a hobby or interest, plus just regular “toys”, and some clothing or practical gifts it definitely adds up!
We don’t do any video games, YouTube, or iPad yet (the only electronic they have time on is the TV, but we’re not super strict with TV time), but I make sure there are plenty of things to play with or do at home.
I don’t think there’s been a single active / outdoor toy that they’ve expressed interest in that we haven’t eventually gotten. Just like I’ll never limit a kid eating fruit / vegetables, I’ll also never limit outdoor time.
We don’t really do gifts outside of Christmas / birthdays, nor do we do much bribery / toys as a reward. So, we probably give more than others at Christmas but less than others throughout the year.
Anonymous
We set a budget every year and try to buy things on the wishlist, but don’t wear ourselves out over it. We don’t count the number of gifts, some years there are several, some without only one or two.
Anonymous
Has anyone tried the A Day Something Borrowed Shirt for travel? Thoughts?
Anon
If that’s not a name made up by AI, I don’t know what is.
Anon
I think the brand is Aday (one word) and the shirt is the “Something Borrowed” shirt, but yeah it was very hard for me to parse too.
Essential in Texas
Has anyone been to Madrid recently? If so, we are looking for Thanksgiving dinner recommendations. We always book a nice dinner (typically spend Thanksgiving in Europe). We are not looking for a traditional American Thanksgiving dinner, just a nice experience. I haven’t been to Madrid in many years and would appreciate the recommendations. Thanks!
Pompom
Was there in February.
If you can, have a long luxurious (but not super expensive) lunch at Casa Botin near Plaza Mayor. It’s the oldest continuosly operating restuarant in the world, and the suckling pig is exceptionally delcious. Festive, warm and cozy food, but so special.
Anonymous
Historical: Casa Salvador (Anthony Bourdain loved it), Casa Lucio, El corral de la moreria (two options in the same place), Zalacain, Casa Lhardy
Romantic: Charrua,
Safe choice: El paraguas, El cuenco de Pepa, Desde 1911, La Maruca (ask for the cheese cake), La tasquita de enfrente
A modern vibe: Triciclo, La tasqueria,
Cocido (Madrilian speciality): La bola, Malacatin, La Daniela, Lhardy, Taberna Pedraza & El charoles (if you go to El escorial)
To splurge: Divertxo, Lobito de mar, Santceloni, Coque
Essential in Texas
Thank you both so much! Great suggestions.
SS
Solidarity, we will be in Madrid this Thanksgiving as well!
Dog + baby?
My husband and I have a 3 month old baby girl. We’ve talked about getting a dog at some point, and always figured we’d wait until kids are in elementary school/we’re out of the baby and toddler stage (we hope to have a second kid). But recently we’ve wondered if we should just go ahead and do it sometime in the next year – we’re already in the thick of odd sleep schedules anyway, I have a long maternity leave and then will be working from home while DD is in a nanny share, and we both really want one – so why wait? Also my husband travels every few months for work and just took his first trip since baby – I hated being alone with the baby in our suburban house overnight and think I’d feel safer with a dog (I’m a former city girl – we moved out here last year). Is having a new dog and infant at the same time insane? My husband grew up with dogs throughout his childhood/early adulthood; I only had cats and have never lived with a dog. Obviously we’ll do a lot more research before making this decision, but first just a gut check: Are we crazy? When’s the best time to get a dog when you have kids?
Anon
Get the dog now. Don’t get a puppy, adopt. You’ll be able to handle a teen to adult dog. I wouldn’t get a young pup.
But yes to the dog since you’re home anyway! That’s what made us finally decide to pull the trigger – working from home. We love our rescue dog so much!
Anon
Hate to break it to you but most rescues won’t approve families with kids under 10.
Anon
I work with a rescue, the one where I got my dog. They in fact do place dogs with families like OP’s.
Anon
This might be location dependent, but most orgs in my area are so desperate that they will definitely approve families with young kids.
Anonymous
I don’t have kids or a dog but honestly it sounds crazy to me only because my schedule would not accommodate a dog. I couldn’t imagine having a newborn and a dog! That being said, if you really want one, I would be sure to add in a dog walker and doggy daycare to my budget. You never know how a dog will be with a baby and how disruptive it can be to your workday.
Anon
Having a puppy is like having a newborn, but actually worse. It’s a fine time to get a dog but not a puppy. I’d adopt a dog that’s a year to 18 months old.
Anon
I’d go even older. One year old dogs are still puppyish and big into chewing.
Anonymous
I think if you adopt a grown dog that’s been fostered with kids, you could do it now. I’d personally be concerned about bringing home a puppy because you won’t know how he’ll do with babies and toddlers.
Anon
If you want a dog, then get a dog. If you want a puppy, then get a puppy. I would suggest doing careful research on breeds that get along well with children and selecting a relatively sturdy dog. So not one of the breeds known to be difficult to train or high maintenance. I will tell you honestly that of all the dogs my family has owned the only ones that had real behavior problems were the ones we acquired past puppyhood. Which is to say, I am all for adopting and have done it, but frankly would not do it if I had a small child at home. I would want a dog from a reputable breeder whose parents I had met.
I have had a baby and I’ve had multiple puppies. Puppies are much less work than babies, largely because people frown on you locking your baby in a crate. Once you get the puppy, crate, train it! I cannot over, emphasize how important that is for everyone’s health and happiness. Enroll your puppy in puppy class. That is actually much easier to attend with an infant you can wear rather than a toddler you need to chase.
Anon
You can go to a breed specific rescue to get an older dog of the breed you choose. So many great pandemic-adopted dogs have been turned over to rescues now that people are back to working away from home. I have a couple of friends who foster and they’re all overwhelmed right now.
AIMS
I am generally in favor of adoption but I wouldn’t adopt an adult dog with a new baby and I would definitely not recommend it to an inexperienced dog owner. Even “great family breeds” can be problematic. In fact, per our vet, it’s often those friendly breeds that cause issues because people don’t think they have to train them the same way they would, say, a German Shepard, and because a lot of the more popular breeds like golden retrievers come from irresponsible breeders (which is something you can’t control for when you adopt from a breed specific rescue).
Anonymous
An adult dog is a known temperament. Puppies take a ton more time and training. Honestly, I think OP should wait. With a spouse frequently gone this sounds like a terrible idea.
Anonymous
Agreed
Anon
My parents got a puppy when I was a baby and they couldn’t handle it, they had to rehome the dog. I think it’s insane.
anonn
start following some local rescues and the right one will come along. my friend has fostered like 70 and I totally want to adopt about every 5th one. we got both our pups from rescue and they’re great! they were about 1, already neutered and house trained.
Emma
I had a puppy before I had a baby, and would not recommend doing it the other way around. Puppies are needy, they need potty breaks every 2 hours at night at first and my pup needed to be shushed back to sleep after that. It was a good primer in sleep deprivation, lol. But you could possibly do an adult dog adoption if the dog is good with small kids. Disclaimer that while I love my dog, I really resented the dog when I had a newborn. My dog needed attention and long walks and handling that with a newborn was hard and I was just too depleted. I would personally wait just a bit, and get a dog that isn’t a puppy. But it’s super sweet to see the dog and baby grow up together, and there are multiple benefits to kids growing up around dogs, so you don’t have to wait too long.
anon
I watched my neighbors have a 1 year old, get a brand new puppy, and then give birth to child #2 (2 under 2) while also having a puppy and it nearly ended their marriage. Truly. It wasn’t their first puppy, either. They now have a 3 and 2 year old and a 2-ish year old still-very-puppy puppy and it’s just a lot to watch. We love them, they’re fabulous people. But omg, it’s a lot.
Anon
In many ways, I think a baby and a (non-puppy) dog are a good age. You’re presumably home more with a baby than you were before, so that means you’re home enough to let a dog out too. A benefit of getting an older dog is that you can specifically choose one that’s been in a home with kids before. You’ll still have to work to safely introduce the baby and the dog, but at least you know the dog is kid friendly. You’ll also have the rest of your maternity leave to ease into having a dog.
Do you have a yard that is either already fenced in or that you could fence in? I love dogs but personally could not do a dog without a fenced in yard. Being able to open the door and let the dog out while I’m busy with other things is a godsend.
From a cuteness perspective, babies growing up with dogs makes my heart melt and is a very big pro to getting one now :)
Anon
People on this board are so dramatic about puppies. We’ve had two puppies in the last five years, along with young children and two careers. We’ve emerged unscathed and now have two wonderful dogs.
Anon @3:33
I was just wondering what kind of demon dogs people here have had! Glad to her from at least one other person who agrees with me.
To everyone who has had such a hard time with their puppies: I know of breeds the are really, really hard. I have a friend who has always had Dobermans and they are great dogs but the upfront training investment is high. And I have know people who got their “family friendly” dog from a glorified puppy mill and had a horrible time. But pick an easy breed, get a well socialized puppy from a reputable breeder who breeds for temperament and not just conformation (and absolutely not for money), wait until it is 12 weeks old to bring it home and crate train it.
My only regret about getting a puppy when my daughter was a baby was that he died (cancer) at 14 and it was a rough age already without losing her best friend.
Anon
On the other hand, my parents waited until I was 7 to adopt a dog with the reasoning that I would likely be away at college by the time it died, which proved to be true, but I think that was a lot harder on me than being home. I’m not sure there’s ever a good time to lose a dog.
Anon
Oh wow. I know they meant well, but it was incredibly hard on two of my friends to be in college knowing that their dog had very little time left, and then not to be there at the end. I think it is easier to be there though it’s always really hard no matter what.
Anon
Dog yes, puppy no. Sounds like a great time!
Follow the breed rescue groups for the breeds you like, and be patient. The right dog will come along even if it’s not waiting for you right now. So many dogs are looking for homes so it won’t take long.
With a baby, I’d avoid anything that needs brushing every day like a long haired breed or a poodle cross.
Trish
Consider a prison doggie trained by inmates.
Anon
I would get an alarm system, not a dog. A puppy is way too much work with an infant. An adult dog is likely to be much less work for you, but may not get along well with the baby and will result in you having to rehome it, which is a traumatic experience for everyone.
Anon
This sweater is one of my maybe 3 favorite colors. I need to be strong.
Anon
I love both the color and the style.
Anon
me too
It is perfect for my shape and coloring and vibe.
i just worry about the itch factor, and what to wear under it….
Runcible Spoon
(Don’t peek at the matching dress!)
Anon
Noooooooo!
anon
I wasn’t strong and went all the way to checkout, and was told the 50% off promo doesn’t work on this sweater. No way I’m buying it full price. Did anyone have luck with the promo code? (“GLOW”)
Anon
yeah I cannot do a $300 sweater from Ann Taylor. I also wonder if itchy.
Anon
GLOW worked for me.
Got it 1/2 off.
Got some cashmere gloves too.
Anon
Yes, beautiful! I didn’t look at the fabric content though.
anon.
I’m from a warm environment and going on a short trip to Big Bear over the new year. Not skiing but want some footwear that will hold up to cold and snow. Any recommendations for lightweight boots I might get some other wear out of during the “cold” (i.e. 50s) snowless winter months? Obviously I can combine with warm socks. Thank you, Google is overwhelming me with options.
Anon
I’m in the Bay Area. I wear lace-up Timberlands to go to the snow. The oiled leather version. I’ve had mine for years but it seems like a style they always make. I wear them on bad weather days when we’re not traveling – like much of this past year’s heavy rains. They were perfect for that.
anon.
Maybe the “Ellendale”?
Anon
Yes that appears to be this year’s version.
For some dumb reason I replaced my old dark brown ones several years ago with black. I found the dark brown much easier to wear with everything. Next time I’ll go back.
Anonymous
If you already have waterproof hiking boots, those should work with warm socks. I had about 5 years of living in small apartments in the NYC using that approach. I didn’t want to have a bulky single purpose item to store.
anon.
Thanks – OP here – I don’t have any hiking boots at all, only low rise hikers.
Cat
Cole Haan Zerogrand fake fur lined hiking boots are warm, comfy, lightweight, and tall enough to keep your ankles out of typical parking lot type of snow. They’re not intense hiking boots, like if you are actually climbing a mountain you’d want proper gear, but they’re cute and not SUPER hot to wear in milder winter temps back home.
Anon
If I’m just walking around when there’s snow, like on a sidewalk, I wear any leather boot I’d wear even if it wasn’t snowy. If I’m walking in the snow as in on a snowy trail, I’d wear waterproof hiking boots.
Anon88
If you’re not doing any hiking, I love my Blundstones. Thick socks when it’s cold out, thin socks when not. I wear mine daily all fall/winter/spring in NY.
Runcible Spoon
Look at UGG boots. Zappos has a nice variety to select from. The nice thing is you can wear the wool shearling lined boots with bare feet (in fact, I believe the boots are designed to be worn that way). Eminently wearable after you return home. Enjoy!
Anon
Just curious, do you and your SO have a set time frame in which you try to respond to texts? Like, what happens if you are in a meeting and don’t reply as quick as they would like. Or, specifically, what if you are in a meeting in a space that doesn’t have internet access, so you don’t even know they texted you so you can’t respond quickly? Thanks!
Anon
I would have divorced my husband a long time ago if I worried about when he returned texts.
anon
LOLOL
Sunshine
Same. I start with the assumption that he will not reply. I used to ask questions via text. I now reserve text for providing information like “I’m going to the grocery store before I come home.”
Even if DH did reliably respond to texts, I would assume he would respond when he has time and opportunity – just as I expect from a friend. When immediate responses are needed to something, then people need to call. While someone could say “I can’t call because Sunshine is in a meeting,” well, the logical conclusion is Sunshine also cannot read and reply to texts because she is in that meeting.
Anon
My husband: where were you?
Me: I was at the grocery store. I texted you.
Husband: oh yeah, where did I leave my phone?
Anonymous
Yeah, probably partly because we’re old (late 40s and 50s) and texting isn’t necessarily a primary mode of communication. My husband doesn’t necessarily have his cell phone near him at all times; he doesn’t even hear calls fairly frequently.
Anon
My husband and I send each other non-urgent stuff (jokes, gossip, etc) via email so text usually means pretty urgent and we try to respond promptly. Not necessarily mid-meeting of course but we don’t normally ignore them for hours.
Anonymous
My husband and I are too busy to text during the day unless it has something to do with kid logistics. (Yes, I realize the irony of taking the time to post this comment.) If I send an important kid text that he doesn’t respond to, I’ll call— and vice versa. Otherwise, neither one of us would count on getting a response during the day.
If my SO got upset about my response time during work, he wouldn’t be my SO. But I am Gen X, so your mileage will probably vary.
Anon
We’re both adults with jobs and so are understanding if one is doing something during the workday and can’t get back immediately. If it’s an actual emergency, we call. I can count those on 1 hand.
In general, if someone expects me to respond within a certain timeframe and is mean or shaming or petulant when I don’t, I wonder if they’re a person I want to be around much.
Anon
Well if you don’t have phone service and cannot answer the text, no one should have any expectations about reply time. If you’re talking about a SCIF, there was a point in time when both my husband and I worked in SCIFs (pre-marriage) and it was just generally understood that we didn’t have phone access throughout the day.
But no, if it’s something urgent or time sensitive we call (and if no answer to the call, I like to send a quick text about what my call was about). If it’s not, we text. A lot of times a text doesn’t need a reply but needs acknowledgement that it’s been seen (like can you grab milk on your way home or I’m going to the gym after work so I’ll be home at 6) so we just give the text a thumbs up. If a text started out as non-time sensitive but has become time sensitive, I’ll just call to get an answer.
Anon
Is he expecting you to text back immediately every time he texts you?? You need to have a conversation about expectations and boundaries.
Cat
uh no. we both know we have jobs. if something is actually urgent we email the other’s work account “have a minute” since that will get seen more quickly!
Anon
That is smart! I work for government and keep a strong separation between work and personal, so that wouldn’t work for us, but for people not living in fear of the FOIA, this is a great recommendation.
Cat
That’s the reason it’s only a request to chat without detail :)
Anon
Nope. Emergencies are reflected by multiple phone calls combined with a “911 – CALL ME” type text (ie: kid’s sick at school and needs to be picked up ASAP). Otherwise, we just respond when we can because we’re busy at work, and doing the job/being present at work is #1. Phone calls inherently suggest more need for urgency than texts, so if I see a missed call (or two + a text) I know that there’s a real need. Otherwise, meh.
Anon88
Literally would never cross my mind to have a specific timeframe in mind for responding to texts. Sometimes my husband and I will text back and forth immediately during the workday, sometimes hours will go between the texts, and sometimes one of us will never respond (e.g. busy and the other person sent a reddit link or something).
For friends I’m awful and have been known to take almost an entire day to respond, but my friends are all the same way.
Anonymous
Absolutely not. If someone tried to impose this on me I’d immediately break up with them. If I were wanting to do this I’d instead get mental health help.
Anon
This.
Anon
No expectations when someone is at work. If it’s important, I call. First cell, then work line. But it better be dang important. I don’t really need to get ahold of my partner while we are working. Workday texts are information only.
Anon
This. If it is urgent he knows to call me. If it goes through text, I will see it when I see it. He prolifically texts every damn thought that crosses his mind, and I have a busy job. I often delay leaving work to scroll through his stream of thought messages to see if there is anything relevant to address, then ignore the rest.
Anonymous
No. If it’s actually urgent, he’ll call. And I’m one of those “I will respond to your text in 3 seconds or 3 days, but nothing in between” people.
Anon
I have zero expectations for a response during the work day. We’re at work. Working. We respond when we have time, which sometimes is instantly and sometimes isn’t until hours later. I’d be pretty annoyed if he expected me to drop everything to respond to anything other than emergencies.
Explorette
No, and I think it’d be hard to set an “expected response time”. Especially during the work day, the expectation should be, if I can I will, if I can’t I won’t. If your SO expects you to be on call while you are working, that is a huge lack of respect for you and your work.
Anon
I was once in a relationship with someone who wanted me to wait by the phone for his calls. (This was the late ’90s.)
Never again. That’s a such a big red flag.
anon
I personally do not expect my spouse (or anyone else ) to respond to a text in any given time frame (unless it’s an emergency in which case I’d call and then follow up with a text, maybe). That said, I pride myself on responding quickly and am someone who almost never takes longer than 24 hours to respond to a personal text (and far, far less for work Slack messages – someone once told me that I responded so quickly that they felt like they hadn’t even completed their message before I responded). It’s actually a problem work wise because I probably need to cut back on how often I check messages outside of normal business hours, haha.
Anonymous
Not at all. Not with anyone.
To be honest, this kind of thing would be relationship ending, no matter who it was. It is such a red flag for controlling behavior.
Eye cream
Looking for recommendations for eye creams. I’m 34 and seeing more fine lines. Also sometimes I have dark circles and occasional puffiness. But every concealer I’ve tried seems to gather in the lines or slides off (I have generally oily skin). I use Ordinary face serum, and sunscreen every day (various brands). I’m going to start tretinoin soon also. Thanks.
Runcible Spoon
L’Oreal eye defense is a decent drug store eye cream.
AIMS
My all time favorite eye cream is Origins Eye Zing. It has some light diffusing stuff in it so it makes your eyes look brighter. If I do concealer, I dab a little bit of it over as well to prevent it from looking cakey.
Anonymous
+1
Anonymous
Be careful if you have sensitive skin. I don’t normally but this gave me such a bad reaction. Literally took days to recover from the redness and puffiness. Just awful.
Cannot wear cashmere
This is so beautiful I can hardly stand it, but I live in Southern California and it is warm enough here for cashmere about five days a year. Does anyone happen to know of something similar in cotton?
Anon
Low stakes bored on Friday question: got a job interview coming up in a couple weeks. I color my roots every six weeks. This will be at just over the 4 week mark…..can’t decide whether to get re-colored at 4 weeks or just pray my hair doesn’t grow too quickly and lean on root cover. It’s for a mid level role at an artsy institution (higher ed), not law or corporate if it matters. WWYD?
Cat
I do every 2 months but those last two weeks I’m always feeling a little mousy and glad I have the appointment coming up. Personally I’d go early for the confidence boost of feeling the best about my appearance.
Cat
I mean this to say- your interviewers will either not notice or not care, but if YOU will feel better with fresh color, worth it for that reason.
AIMS
+1. I would actually use it as an excuse to have a color appoint either day of or day before interview so I could also have the blow out to make me feel my best.
Anonymous
Does not matter
Anon
+1 just roots? No. Half head growth like me halfway through lockdown? Yes.
Anon
Has anyone here used Madison-Reed root touch up kits? I bought one in late March 2020 (when we all thought “this won’t last more than several weeks”) and by the time I needed it, it was clear that this was going to last much longer than several weeks. So I did not bother. I want to use it now. Would it still be good? It does not have an expiration date anywhere.
Anon
Doesn’t matter, except that as Cat said you might feel more confident with the earlier appointment.
Anon
If the interview is a video interview, I wouldn’t worry about it. I’m on my second post-COVID job search (just got an offer this week!!) and across the two job searches (fall 2021 and now) have had close to 20 interviews (was a finalist 3 places that had 5 rounds plus a few other shorter interview processes) and have only had one in person interview.
If it is in person, I would probably not worry about it. However, if getting your hair colored gives you a great confidence boost then I would adjust my coloring schedule. Totally on how you feel with greys poking through (I am self conscious about it).
I honestly don’t even think about being gray as a showing your age concern; my grays were noticeable to the naked eye when I was 28 and several other friends were in the same boat. I almost feel like graying / balding for me are not factors for age discrimination since it’s so common to do it so young.
Anon
It is in-person but I totally get what you’re saying about video interviews. The lighting is helpful for those!
Anon
Do it early. I disagree and think it matters. People may not consciously think they’ll count it against you but you won’t look as polished.
Anon
In academia you’re actually more likely to be penalized for looking really pretty than slightly frumpy, but the vast majority of people will not notice or care.
Anon
This is where I’m leaning but it’s 50-50 among people I asked, and here, too! It is academia adjacent, (think global non-profit) and arty so I think both bright color vs grey’s showing would be ok. I think it is a confidence thing. I have hedged and made a “tentative” appointment so I can judge it nearer the time, ha!
Anon
Personally I’d get it done before. I’d also feel a lot better about myself and confidence is always good!
Trish
I do my own roots with a box color every 3 1/2 to 4 weeks and then my hairdress does the roots, highlights and lowlights as needed. I HATE to have grey roots. In this case, I suggest getting your hair done before the interview. I would not ding you but there is subconscious judgment.
Anonymous
Anyone switch to minimalist/zero drop shoes? If yes, just for running? Everything? Do you wear a mix of shoes now? Did you switch back? Do you ever wear heels? Genuine curiosity!
Anon
I started running in barefoot shoes and managed without issue for several years. Then had nagging pain under one of my big toes and my ortho was like look, you can keep doing this and it will keep hurting or you can get zero drop with some cushioning. So I did the latter. Ran successfully in Altras for more years (trail ultras) and then could not get rid of a hot spot no matter what I tried so now I am in 4 mm. It’s completely fine. No issues. I strike midfoot generally.
I wear heels all the time with no issues. So who knows!
Anon
I switched to Vivo Barefoot minimalist shoes 14 years ago for running. I wear them for running and on weekends. Love them; I never get shin splints anymore and the shoes last forever, and I think they’re cute (I have a black and a navy pair that just look like slim sneakers). I used to wear heels almost exclusively to work but for the last few years have become a flats person (ballet flats, fashion sneakers, loafers). Haven’t had any foot issues.
Anon
Yes. I go back and forth. Sometimes I’m exercising my feet, sometimes I’m exercising the rest of my body and don’t want my feet to hold me back.
For exercising my feet casually in sandal friendly contexts, I wear Xero Clouds (these are also good for switching into work shoes after commuting; I live in the kind sort of place where public transit is sandal friendly though). For trails, I wear Merrell Gloves with superfeet insoles for a mix of support and ground feel and stability. For walking for hours on pavement (like at the zoo or a theme park), I wear Brooks with the same superfeet insoles.
Never stopped wearing heeled boots. Still wear heels to dress up but not to work. I do prefer that flats and fashion sandals have a pronounced heel or wedge, or be totally flat. But I can still wear the pointless millimeter heel; it’s just kind of annoying in comparison to something totally flat now.
Anon
I want to buy an Israeli flag. We have a small one on a wooden stick that we got at an event years ago, but we need another one.
When I search online I find only: (1) flags on Amazon sold by “companies” I cannot identify and I don’t want to support any antisemitic companies that may be profiteering, (2) flags sold by Judaica stores that are super-Orthodox, which does not comport with our egalitarian practice of Judaism (3) flags sold by Christian religious stores, whose evangelical interest in Israel is that it will come into Christian hands sooner if it is held by Jews than if it is held by Muslims, so I don’t want to support them or (4) stores that also sell Trump 2024 and “Don’t Tread On Me” flags, which I also do not want to support.
Suggestions? Am I overthinking this? WWYD?
Anon
I suspect the issue is that you are specifically searching for an Israeli flag. Try one of the more general stores that sell international flags. I know 1-800flags.com and flagstoreusa.com has them.
Anon
Thanks. I just looked at 1-800flags. They do have Israeli flags. They also have four versions of the “Don’t Tread On Me” flag. Help me out here: is there any market for the “Don’t Tread On Me” flags other than Trumpers? I learned about that flag in elementary school history class (California mid-1970s), but we learned it as an historical fact. Until the last few years, I didn’t think about it at all. Please educate me.
Anon
And . . . I just looked at flagstoreusa. In addition to “Don’t Tread On Me” flags, they conveniently sell Confederate Flags, pretty as you please.
Also a Jew
I mean they’re just capitalistic purveyors of flags. I doubt they have a big agenda here. You’re being super precious. This purity test is ridiculous.
Anon
Yeah, Don’t Tread on Me and Confederate flags are repulsive, but I think pretty much any flag store is going to sell them. I think your expectations are unrealistic. I’m also Jewish.
Peloton
They’re a flag store. They sell flags.
Seventh Sister
I remember seeing people flying it or putting it on their truck bumpers in the 80s and 90s in my little rural-ish town, sometimes but not always in conjunction with Confederate flags (I think the guy that ran the health food store had one too). It’s drifted right it seems.
Anon
They also sell rainbow flags and pirate flags.
Half the population of the United States voted for Donald Trump. And demonizing half the population is not practical and it is not conducive to moving us forward together as a nation. I am originally from the south and I currently live in California And I can tell you that the lack of understanding on both sides of the other sides positions is astounding. But on a purely practical level, you are going to have a hard time finding any retailer currently in business, who sells a wide variety of any product, but does not sell products that will appeal to Trump voters. I would draw the line at sellers of Nazi flags, but otherwise, I am not inspecting the catalog of every retailer I purchase from to make sure they are ideologically pure.
And if you were interested in the history of “don’t tread on me” the New Yorker has a great article about it:
https://www.newyorker.com/news/news-desk/the-shifting-symbolism-of-the-gadsden-flag
Anon
Surely there is no way that half of the population of the USA voted for DT. What percentage of the population even votes?
Anon
It’s pretty obvious she meant half the people who voted. But yes only about 22% of the total population voted for him. 74 million votes for Trump in 2020 out of 329 million people at the time.
Anon
Which raises the interesting question of whether the people who voted reflect the total voting age population.
But the point I believe is that no mass market retailer is going to ignore that large a percentage of the population.
Anon
“flags sold by Christian religious stores, whose evangelical interest in Israel is that it will come into Christian hands sooner if it is held by Jews than if it is held by Muslims, so I don’t want to support them”
There are a LOT of conspiracy theories going around about various faiths. This is the top one going around about evangelicals. Eye roll.
The evangelical interest in Israel is simple: God explicitly promised the Jewish people that He would always protect them. Satan wants to make a liar out of God, because if God lies, then God is not who He says He is. Therefore, there will always be threats to the very existence of the Jewish people, and it is the job of Christians to protect and support Jews.
Note: I am most definitely not evangelical.
Anon
Nicely put. I am evangelical, still, and was raised a fundamentalist Baptist. This absolutely correct. It is also why anti-semitism is such a head-scratcher for me. I know it exists-no one in my faith tradition would deny that. But I don’t “get” it, i.e., why it is a thing. Jews and Israel are God’s favorites, to grossly over-simplify, so it makes no sense that they are reviled.
Anon
It’s not this simple. Evangelicals are invested in end times prophecies about the future conversion and judgment of the Jewish people that are themselves pretty antisemitic.
Anon
I believe this is why many evanagelicals care about Israel, but there is definitely a wing of evangelical Christianity that believes Israel has to be in Jewish hands for the second coming of Christ, so their support for Israel is kind of self-interested. I live in the Bible Belt so I know quite a few people who feel this way.
Also ummm, where was God during the Holocaust? I’m not trying to be snarky but it’s pretty clear God has not always protected the Jews!!
Anecdata
to be honest, yeah, you’re overthinking this. Global supply chains are complex, pretty much anything you buy anywhere is supporting something you don’t, here’s internet permission to let it go
Anon
This is a great way to never actually buy the flag. I work in supply chain and what the poster above said is true. Just buy the freaking flag. Your visible support is far more important than the fact that a flag store sells some terrible flags as well as the one you want.
Seventh Sister
I’ve been to the physical store and my read on the owners is that they are the kind of rural/suburban guys that almost certainly voted for Tr*mp, but you might try Flagman of America out of Connecticut. Quality flags, reasonable enough prices. My spouse is a flag enthusiast so I’ve ordered a few for gifts over the years.
Anon
Support the Jewish store even if it doesn’t jibe with your practice. I’m ex-Orthodox and I have a lot of issues with individual Orthodox people, but I have no problem giving business to Orthodox-run organizations.
Anon
You could purchase a flag and then make a donation to a charity that works against the problematic policies to offset (even if just in your mind) giving money to company that does things you don’t like. This is mostly a way to soothe what’s bothering you and not a solid plan re: global currently flows, but I’ve done it when I’ve traveled to states that have laws I actively disagree with. Like I said, it’s mostly a way to soothe something that bothers me, but it does mean something I care about gets support.
Abigal
Help me shop? I’m 7 months pregnant and want to buy an oversized sweater. Oversized enough that I can wear it now, but not maternity cause I want to wear it later. I bought the free people oversized tunic and returned it – I like how it looks in the pictures but it didn’t sit right on me (even before pregnancy)
Runcible Spoon
Perhaps try looking for an oversized “relaxed fit” cardigan instead of a pullover. Big cardigans are more forgiving when you are no longer expecting. Good luck!
Anon
Sharing this article from the NYT today, which I feel is spot-on and tracks with so many of the conversations we have here about dating and marriage. The author points out why marriage odds are not good for so many women: the goods women have to choose from, so to speak, are odd. And fundamentally deficient, and ill-prepared to be full partners in a relationship. Sorry, but there’s not much hope that “the love of a good woman” is going to be able to turn an underachieving, immature, insecure video-game (and p0rn) addict into a contributory partner and father. I’m married, but don’t know if I would have been able to get married if I were dating today, and this article encapsulates why that is pretty succinctly.
https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/11/opinion/marriage-women-men-dating.html?unlocked_article_code=1.9kw.1A1y.i1BYgACcqMKx&smid=url-share
Anon
Yeah I’m not sure I’d date again if my husband died. Of course my motivation to find a partner would be lower than it was in my 20s because I’ve already been married and have my kids. But there are so many awful men out there. Just in the last couple weeks I’ve met two women, one of whom has a husband who’s never been alone with all three of their children (the youngest is 5 years old, not a baby) and the other one whose husband has never been to her home country where her parents live because he thinks it’s “gross” (it’s a developing country, but one that plenty of Americans visit and perfectly safe).
On the other hand, I do think a lot of women make unnecessarily arbitrary rules that rule out lots of good men. Since you mentioned it, I think video games are a big one. Certainly addiction to anything is not good, but many women seem opposed to the concept of playing them, which I think is just silly. In moderation, it’s not any different than any other hobby.
Anon
I’m a Smug Married but most of my closest friends are single. I’ve been friends with them for the last 20 years as they’ve tried every route to meet someone suitable.
I don’t think they’re too picky. As OP says, the goods are odd. And at this point, all of us are in our 50s. The men my friends would be interested in, ie men in their 50s, are chasing women in their 20s and 30s. The men interested in my friends are looking for a combo sex partner and nursemaid. They’ve all basically given up.
Dating apps have turned a lot of men into playboys.
Coach Laura
It really is a hard and sad time to be a woman, especially if you want to get married and have kids. My daughter is early 30s, is finishing a program where she’ll earn multiples of six figures. The guys that she meets are either 1) too focused on their career to be a good partner 2) want her to be a SAHM even though her dating profile says she’s in a doctoral program and her career is a big part of her life 3) guys who are looking to have the woman bring in a paycheck and don’t want to work/work too hard (prenup is the only way to go) 4) immature guys who want to party and play video games. I am sad that it isn’t working out for her. She could be a single mom by choice (I’d be a good support) or adopt but it’s not the life she envisioned.
Cora
Thank you for having this attitude – I wish my mom understood this. I’m almost 30 and my mom is not on my case to get married exactly, but she doesn’t understand why I’m not dating more or why I say its hard to find someone I like. The guys I meet are basically the same.
Anon
And dating takes up a lot of time which could be viewed as time wasted (looking back).
Seventh Sister
I have a dear friend w in her late 40s who is dating post-divorce and the stories she tells me about dating guys are pretty hair-raising. Lots of ghosting, lots of “can’t possibly commit,” lots of guys her age who simply screen her out for having a kid and/or being their age. I doubt she’s going to wind up in a long-term relationship again. If my spouse died, I don’t anticipate dating men again, but I also doubt most women my age are uncoupled (the old joke about Uhauls is kind of true). I figure I’ll just get a dog.
Anonymous
Dumb question, but how do reading glasses work? I’ve recently started taking off my eyeglasses and holding things close to my face to read, so I figured I needed readers, but at the drugstore viewfinder everything was way blurry. My eyeglasses prescription is like -5 or something high.
Runcible Spoon
Assuming you wear glasses for near-sighted vision, reading glasses won’t work unless your vision is corrected by wearing contact lenses, or unless you get vision-correcting eyeglasses with bifocal lenses or that are “progressive,” that is, go from distance corrected toward the top of the lens to reading corrected toward the bottom/inside of the lens. So trying reading glasses with your naked/uncorrected eyes at the drugstore probably won’t work. Good luck!
Anonymous
Basic reading glasses will be +1 compared to your normal distance vision. People who had normal vision before, can often just get +1 glasses and get away with that for a while. It’s basically a low strength magnifying glass that helps them focus a little closer than they can on their own.
But if you are currently nearsighted with a -5 prescription, your readers would need to be more like -4 if you were to switch between them and your regular eye glasses, that’s the strength you should try at the drug store (around a +1 compared to your distance vision to start).
Your natural vision is to focus very close to your face so your current eye glasses is helping you focus further out and make the world less blurry, only now you need a second setting for slightly less further out to read comfortably.
If you have different prescriptions for each eye, you’ll need different strengths for each one, so you’ll either have to get two drugstore pairs and switch one of the lenses, or do the more sensible thing and go to an opticians and get separate glasses, bifocals or progressives.
Anon
Drugstore reading glasses are for when you have to hold things far away to read them. My mom used to joke that her eyes were fine but her arms were too short. They won’t solve the problem you’re experiencing. Go get a vision test.
Cat
you should go in for an eye exam! apparently as you age, nearsightedness can reduce (weaker prescription) – you might be wearing glasses that are now too strong for you in the first place.
Anon
My husband just received (in the mail) bank account statements for a new checking and savings account opened in his name at a credit union we have no relationship with. The credit union is closed until Monday, so he can’t report the fraud until then (he already called and stopped by the local branch while running errands this morning). Our credit is already frozen and he’ll file a police report just to have it documented, but is there anything else we should do to protect ourselves? I guess check our credit reports in a month or so, just to make sure nothing shows up despite being frozen? They won’t show bank accounts though, and I’m unsure what the risks are here. Anybody else dealt with this?
Anon
Do you use a credit monitoring service? If not, then maybe sign up for one. If so, why didn’t they pick this up? Why didn’t your credit freeze stop it from happening (or maybe your credit was not frozen until this weekend?)?
I would look into whether the credit union has his SSN and whether there is a password set for “his” credit union account.
Finally, just passing on something I learned recently: even if you have a freeze on your credit, Chime can still open an account “for” you because they don’t check credit before opening accounts – because they market toward people with banking issues who might not pass a credit check.
Anon
Checking and savings accounts aren’t credit so you can open them despite having a credit freeze. That just stops you from opening new credit cards. At least that’s my understanding?
My credit report only shows my credit cards and loans, not my bank accounts, so I don’t know think there’s any way to know if people are opening phony accounts unless you happen to get something in the mail like we did here. But I also don’t know if there’s too much harm that can be done. I guess they can run whatever the bank allows in overdrafts, but that’s about it. Otherwise I assume they just use the account for nefarious purposes? But I feel like I’m missing something about the point of this scam, which is why I’m concerned.
I think you do need the SSN to open an account, but we already knew that his info was stolen from a hack of his employer years ago, so it’s not a surprise that his info is out there (hence the credit freeze).
Anon
The featured sweater is $100 today at Ann Taylor online. I don’t know about in stores.
Of Counsel
W0W!!! Thank you.
Anon
Unless you are tall, consider sizing down. It is a beautiful sweater.
Anon
thank you for this post..
i bought the sweater on Saturday for $150, and I called this AM and they gave me a price adjustment – and they lowered it to $100!