Holiday Weekend Open Thread

86 Comments

1. can anyone suggest a good swimsuit for laps for a full-busted swimmer? would rather not do Speedo or Tyr… but don’t want an underwire or something up to my neck either. didn’t realize how lucky I was to have one from Lands End that worked but I’m not seeing anything i like in their current offerings.

   1. Don’t you need a high neckline to reduce drag?

      1. i’m the slowest swimmer on the planet, i just don’t want to give people a show on the off chance I do a flip turn

      2. Maybe in a competition? But for just a utility suit vs a cute poolside outfit . . . maybe LL Bean or Athleta? I have suits from them for laps. I am flatchested though. My opposite-shaped teen often wears a no-wire swim top under a 1-piece for extra support (crewed a sailboat last summer).

   2. Try somewhere (other than Land’s End) that do long torso swimsuits, like J Crew. The longer body will help the rest of the suit stretch around your bust.

      Bravissimo does have one non-wired swimsuit in cup sizes, but it is Speedo and quite high neck.

      1. I didn’t have any luck with J Crew’s “long torso” one-piece bathing suits. I ended up getting separate bikini pieces. The bottom was supposed to be “navel-covering,” which on me was still 2-3 inches shorter. It worked out great!

   3. I’m eyeing a water polo suit for this very reason.

   4. Try athleta

   5. Take a look at water polo suits. They have more coverage front and back and have a higher neck than other styles. And if you are swimming in chlorinated water, go for a polyester suit rather than nylon. It holds up better.

      TBH, Athleta has sporty suit cosplay attire, not actually training suits.

   6. 34H here and I’ve never found anything that works better than a speedo with the thick straps.

   7. Try title 9.

   8. I really like the Tyr Maxfit. Dick’s sporting goods has them. They have a classic fit with enough coverage for curves. The standard advice is to go up a swimsuit size for a more comfortable fit.

2. Anyone regret going in-house?

   I actually like/don’t mind private practice. (I’m a partner.) But in-house offers are starting to tempt me. I’m not naive about some companies have worse hours, bad bosses, blame on the legal team, poor promotion paths, of course different risks and stresses. Curious if anyone regrets it and if so, why.

   1. Yes. The work was less sophisticated and having to talk to the same clients about the same issues over and over got boring. (No, we still can’t destroy all the laptops we have on legal hold, even if it is costing $x per month. Yes, we do actually need to send hold notices to the team involved in the part of the product we’re getting sued about. Etc.). Perhaps it is different outside of litigation. And perhaps I would’ve felt differently if they had paid me my big law salary :)

      1. When it comes to older laptops –can’t you just remove the hard-drive and give it a label? Enter the label info in a spreadsheet and toss it in a box? Less space, recycle the rest of the laptop.

   2. Private practice and I have the same concerns. I worked so hard to be a profit center consistently and I fear being a cost center so much. I am a great utility player but I see so often where there is regime change at a company and they replace all of the good people with “their people” at the get-go and then it’s a scramble and wondering if you can delivery Door Dash while you job hunt (friends in in-house finance in 2008 and after). I feel like in private practice, they can pay you less to rationalize your practice but if you have your own work, you generally aren’t put out on the street.

      1. This is a very good take.

      2. You are a cost center to your clients.

   3. No. I get the opportunity to shape things early on, before outside counsel is involved (if it gets to that point). And I take all my PTO without wondering about whether I have enough of a buffer on my billables. Yes, I’m a cost center now, but have respect of my clients for adding value!

      1. This. Best call I ever made.

3. Following up on the old money thread, I just want to look a combination of cute and polished as a middle-aged white attorney with meno-belly. It is harder and harder to find clothes that fit and are not so boring like JJill. You know what makes me happy though? Getting my nails done in fun colors and and occassional design. Unless I am going to be in a major hearing or trial, I am not buying into the classist idea that my nails have to be short and nude. I guess people are judging me.

   1. I hate done nails, but I love my garish patterned shirts on a casual Friday. Make yourself happy.

      1. Fiddle player. Low-fuss utility hands. Toes are where the action is.

   2. Then old money isn’t the look to aspire to. Do you girl, but find inspo elsewhere, and nothing like a GLP1 to deal with menobelly.

   3. I had some success by finding a stylish person at Nordstrom and asking them to pick outfits for me. With a capsule wardrobe I can combine almost anything and still look okay. One of the obstacles was me being willing to accept that I’m a new and bigger clothing size, which also (surprise surprise) then looks better on me!

   4. Your nails don’t have to be short and nude, but it is a class marker. Noticing people’s class background doesn’t have to entail judgement in any direction though. I think if you understand that there’s a look that is appropriate for a major hearing or trial, you can understand that some people were raised to live more of their life in that mode, while for others there’s no benefit to presenting ourselves that way on a daily basis.

      1. I don’t agree it’s a class marker, but can accept that it’s a personality marker. Class marker just doesn’t have the defined meaning it used to, except in our imaginations. As a commenter mentioned the other day, the truly rich do whatever they want because they have that freedom. But so does everyone else if they stop caring so much what others think.

         1. If you’re in a position in life where what others think doesn’t shape opportunities for you, that’s enviable! Enjoy it.

            1. About my personal style? Obviously. And so are you. Stop living in your self-made prison.

            2. I do not believe that you believe that I could show up to work dressed in anything purchasable at the mall and be taken equally seriously no matter what I chose.

            3. Where do you buy your suits?!!!! Even the high end brands are found in department stores like Bloomingdales. Now I feel even poorer.

         2. Someone very wise once pointed out that money can’t buy you class.

            It’s still a class indicator, but you’re correct that it’s not necessarily a wealth indicator.

      2. But my trial nails are not about class. I wear neutral clothes and nails because I don’t want the face finder thinking at all about what I am wearing.

   5. I grew up with a mom who was obsessed with old money as the epitome of “class.” For her it really stemmed from the saddest place. She had grown up dirt poor but with proximity to both upper middle class folks and truly wealthy old money types. For her, it felt like the ultimate cheat code. If she couldn’t afford the designer items that were fashionable she’d just pretend she was above all that “tackiness” and adopt the aesthetic of old money nonchalance. After all, faded chinos are more cost effective than the latest designer jeans. It always struck me as incredibly silly; everyone knew she came from nothing no matter how she dressed, spoke or acted. Because the rich know who is in their network and at their level; this is literally the point of private social clubs and private schools.

      My dad, who is much more fashionable, comes from a much more solid upper middle class background. His family were successful local merchants for generations and he led a prep school and country club life. He’s always well dressed in a way that reflects this. But he’s interested enough in fashion and comfortable enough with himself that he’ll experiment with clothes without looking over his shoulder so as to not offend the sensibilities of Mrs. Astor, who, frankly sounds like a snob and a drag. He’s a small town businessman who is proud of where he’s from and totally uninterested pretending otherwise. These are my sensibilities as well. I’ve little interest in pretending I’m from great wealth; it feels like an insult to my actual family history, of which I’m very proud.

      I totally get where we are in fashion with this “old money” thing. It’s clearly a reaction to the kardashian gaudy aesthetic of the last decade. I’m sure there’s an entire paper to be written about how extreme wealth inequality has us all dying to be perceived as richer than we are. What’s more, with this “old money” aesthetic we’re actually better than the newly rich right? we’ll never have Mrs. Bezos’ wealth, or even a government that will try to rein it in but, we, who know all about “old money” are classier thank her with her tacky surgery and tight clothing. We’re all Mrs. Astor looking down in the Vanderbilts now matter how high inflation gets and or how badly our wages stagnate. For me, this is cold comfort at best and foolishness at worst.

      Ultimately, it’s farce rooted in centuries old ideas about class and belonging. Are we to believe that every working gal with bare fingernails and beige slacks is old money bred and to be offered a seat at the table without further inquiry? Of course not; it’s a tick tock trend and a meaningless aesthetic at this point. It also perhaps marks the complete rejection of a belief in economic mobility that our parents and grandparents saw nearly universally.

      I’ll always advocate for appropriate dress and good taste. Always. But limiting yourself to the “old money” aesthetic as a means to fool others is silly and performative and ultimately useless. The fact that it’s a fashion trend has totally undermined any utility it might have had or might have going forward, of which I’m personally skeptical. Be who you are. Dress like the best version of that. Enjoy your nails.

      1. This is very well said.

      2. Well and I think it’s really hard to talk about without talking about race as well, which is very far from being an outdated consideration.

         I still don’t think anybody thinks they’re fooling anyone. Maybe your mom dressed the way she dressed because she grew up in proximity to people who responded well to people dressing that way? I’m sure she understood she wasn’t being invited to the private clubs!

         1. Anon at 4:21, I saw some reels about how the short nude aesthetic is absolutley for wealthy white women and that is why I mentioned I am a white lawyer. Now that women of color can now have long colorful decorated nails that they press on or do themselves no matter their income, then of course there is a backlash.

            1. I see wealthy white women wearing color on their nails all the time. Usually very dark colors like black

            2. Anon at 2:12 – yes, we do see that but it is changing.

         2. Right. It sounds like your mom made a choice w limited funds. I don’t fault her for that. Better than trying to emulate every dumb trend as cheaply as possible. It’s ok to opt out of that and choose an aesthetic that changes less frequently.

      3. Wise words

      4. +100

   6. Enjoy your life! Nothing is more beaujois than wanting to look the same as everyone else.

4. If you are 45+ and have gotten into a fitness routine after about 15 years off, what helped you with that? Did a change in location, lifestyle, work, etc. help? I am hoping that some impediments in my life resolve around Labor Day and I can get going on becoming healthier as I stop taking my health for granted.

   1. Things that helped: an Apple watch; blocking out workout time in my calendar; finding people willing to walk, hike, swim or snowshoe with me.

   2. I’m technically under your age range but not by much. Yes, big life changes can help. But the biggest help to me for routine is a) remembering it will take a long time to see physical changes, it took me 10+ years of sitting around, it’ll take a few months before I feel stronger or notice any visible change, b) finding some type of routine. I fail at home but excel in groups. Free outdoor yoga, running meetups, pricey classes, a gym with a class I like. I got over the fear of am I too old or lifting too light and will I stand out. I still have ups and downs. The other thing that worked for me in my early 30s was finding a personal trainer for a non negotiable weekly session. One 30-min session once per week was sometimes all I did. But at least it was better than just sitting.

   3. I used to work out with some (much fitter!) friends at the Y initially. I unwillingly switched to Orangetheory Fitness with them. 8 years later they are long gone and I am still hooked. I love it there- made new friends who I genuinely enjoy seeing there. Only thing that has worked this long for me! My studio is judgement free and I like the variety, ability to do what I can when I can, and honestly I love the community. I live in a big city suburb, so the members are many similarly minded adults with similar goals, at least at the time of day I go.

      1. And I am 54 now.

   4. Childcare. I got divorced and switched to live in childcare to facilitate 5am gym time. I went with an au pair.

   5. I am 46 years old. At 44 I took my first Pilates class after truly not ever working out since high school. I completed class 400 today. It has changed my life.

      Yes, to blocking it off on your calendar. Yes to finding cute clothes. But really what changed it for me was finding something I enjoyed. I know that seems so obvious to say, but it didn’t hit me until I found it.

      It was HUMBLED on my first class and really my first 7 months. But I stuck with it and it has changed everything in my life.

      I am in corporate America. I travel a lot. I work 40-50 hours a week. I lead a team of 45. Everyone knows to my calendar is blocked for this and they have permission to do the same.

      Also, Pilates is expensive. I asked for gift cards for birthday and Christmas and my family was so proud of me that my mom bought me an unlimited annual membership. And my sisters bought me new clothes/socks for Christmas.

      Best of luck to you!

      1. Wow, that’s really awesome. I have a good friend who is 50+ and about 300 pounds, and she has fallen in love with Pilates. She is really dedicated to it. She’s encouraging me to try it out. Can I ask what do you like about it most?

   6. Honestly, expanding the “why” in “why I work out.” Losing weight (or seeing visible changes) is frustrating if not impossible, so I need more motivations. Heart health, less back pain, being able to lift my carryon into the overhead bin….

   7. Kid going off to college + WFH job + less business travel.

   8. Better shoes. PT if something starts to hurt.

   9. I’m in my fifties and started yoga one year ago as a rank beginner. I love it. What worked for me was the fact that I’m now semi-retired and have more time and also giving myself the gift of private sessions. I have an amazing teacher and I’m so much stronger than this time a year ago.

   10. Orange Theory and free rein to spend whatever money I want on exercise related items that I’ll actually use (group classes, great running shoes and sports bras, home weights etc).

       1. Seconding Orange Theory. I’ve since given it up due to a job change, but when it was in my office building it was a super convenient way to get a good workout. I had never done any sort of workout class, and I enjoyed the variety of exercises and equipment, and that while it was challenging, it was OK to modify things to suit my fitness level as I improved. Even though the room was full, I never felt like anyone was “watching me”, so it oddly turned out to be a great little slice of “me time”, even as an introvert.

   11. Honestly? Workout clothes that fit me well at my current size and shape and that I feel cute in, and a workout routine I actually like.

   12. Reached an age when getting down on the floor to retrieve my dog’s ball from behind the couch was increasingly difficult (and would make me unreasonably irritated with my dog). Started lifting weights weekly at a gym near my house and my workplace so I could make my dog’s life better.

       1. <3

5. Have you done a color analysis and how was it? I’m debating whether to get my colors done and how much to spend (I’ve seen between $25-500). When I see videos of people being draped, I can’t really tell what colors look better or worse, but I’m assuming it will be different in person.

   1. Back in the day, I feel like department store salespeople could genuinely handle this, but I know times have changed!

   2. I’ve had it done because my mom was a consultant back in the 80s. My advice is it is worth it if you have a wide range of colors in your closet, and/or if you genuinely don’t know the shades that you look/feel best in. I would never go with a consultant who puts makeup or bold lipstick on you before you do the colors. The whole point is your skin tone without makeup, hair color should not matter. the right color makeup does matter but the key is undertone first. If you already know your season, you don’t need to spend $200- just buy a $40 swatch on amazon or get the book from a library. I am shocked at how expensive this is but for some of my friends it has led to major closet clean outs. This seems to be especially true for people who have a ton of black but look bad in it, or those who always try new colors and don’t think about whether it looks good or they get consistently compliments on how they look vs the item of clothing.

      1. I agree. Just get the Color Me Beautiful book. The reels I see have the person analyzing standing behind the head of the person being analyzed. That IMO wrecks the analysis. And then they do something like 10-20 colors in tiny strips. Also unhelpful.

         Find your dark neutrals. It might be black. It could be brown.

         Find your “white”. It might not be true white.

         If you have strawberry blonde, red, or auburn hair, your coloring is more rare and colors will be tricky.

         Also, I’m a winter but can’t wear all colors in that equally well. And my palette is different for me for cold weather vs spring vs the heat of summer.

         You can figure this out. Maybe with the help of an honest friend.

   3. I feel that’s the new selling Avon or Tupperware. Some people may be gifted for this, and others maybe less so. I’d do it for free in 5 minutes for you. I have no qualifications other than a track record.

      Can you describe your hair, skin, and eyes, and whether you can wear white, off-white, blush white, or a deep cream (like if you were looking for a wedding dress and just looking for what color suits you best vs what is traditional)? Also, do you have any hints of red in your hair or freckles? And a celebrity who sort of looks like you or at least has your coloring?

   4. I used the Dressika app $12.95. You take your picture and it gives you your season and color pallet. Then you can either take a pic of your existing clothes or a screenshot from the web if you are thinking of buying something and it will tell you what percent of a match it is to you. I get rid of every thing in my closet that was less than an 85% match. It’s been life changing.

   5. https://unefemme.net/5-myths-about-personal-color-analysis-debunked.html

   6. I had it done on fivver for twelve dollars and it was well worth it to me at that price.

6. Help me find my perfect wallet. I’m looking for a medium size (needs to carry bills, 5-6 cards, coins, and receipts) bifold wallet that zips all the way around on three sides. I also like my wallet to be a bright color so that I can spot it inside a dark tote and don’t leave it behind on a restaurant table, but I don’t want gaudy either. Coach and Kate Spade have wallets that are the right size, but the colors are uninspiring. Willing to spend up to $200 for the right item.

   1. Why carry all that around? Put your cards on your phone, change in a jar and a $20 in your pocket.

   2. What’s an inspired color in your mind? I have a red one that sounds similar from Vera Bradley in red. The best thing about it is that it shows up in the dark interior of my tote.

   3. Tusk

   4. Try Lo and Sons or Cuyana.

      1. I have this style in red from Lo and Sons and it’s very cute and easy to find inside my bigger bag.

   5. Something like this? https://tusk.com/products/joy-zip-around-wallet?variant=31988196081745

      1. That one is super cute

   6. Look up “AMNF women wristlet wallet” on Amazon. It was like $12 and I’ve had mine for like two years now and it’s still going strong.

7. Please rec good solid night moisturizer that is a cream formula. I have all the serums and anti-aging ingredients but lack a basic night moisturizer to lock it in. Budget brands please!

   1. I use Nivea soft. It works for my skin.

   2. Cerave in the tub.

      1. 2nd this. And I really like their night version, although it comes in a much smaller tub and is more expensive. Worth it IMO

   3. Prequel Am/pm

   4. Neutrogena Hydroboost Night Cream or Cerave Skin Renewing Night Cream. I prefer Neutrogena but they’re both good.

   5. Trader Joe’s Nourish Oil-Free Antioxidant Facial Moisturizer. Cruelty-free and works great. Bought it when I was working in a different city during the week to have a cheapie at my small apt, but it’s now my preferred moisturizer.

   6. Neutrogena Hydroboost

   7. As someone else said: Cerave Face Cream and my all-time favorite – Geek & Gorgeous Happier Barrier. It has an amazing texture, works well with all skin types, absorbs well and leaves your skin moisturized and nourished. No other better way to describe it. It also works well under make-up. Depending on your skin type, I would also look into Aveeno cream in a pump or Aveeno Dermexa (I use them in autumn-winter-spring for face & body).

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