Holiday Weekend Open Thread (And Deal Alert: Nordstrom Winter Sale is On!)

121 Comments

1. Talk to me about Scotland, please. I am considering a trip there the first week of July, tagging along on a golf trip but I am not much of a golfer, so I’d be alone much of time, which is fine by me.
   Generally, when vacationing, I like wondering around on foot, reading books, good food, spas, museums, etc. I’ve visited London and the Cotswolds but nowhere else in the UK. I would fly in and out of Edinburgh.
   How much time is enough time? Too much time? What are the cannot-be-missed spots, whether it’s individual cities, sites, restaurants, etc.?

   1. Are you a city person, then? Where will your companion be golfing? The beauty of Scotland is really in its natural areas. We honeymooned there last year and rented a cozy little cottage in Fort William, which is a small town in the middle of many beautiful areas. I’m afraid I can’t say too much about Edinburgh – it has that dense, medieval city thing down, which is quite jarring after a week in the country, so I’m not the best for advice there.

   2. I love Scotland, there’s a ton to see. Spend as much time as you can. People will tell you that Glasgow isn’t worth seeing but I really enjoyed it. You could see it in a day trip from Edinburgh. Stirling and Duone Castles are north of Glasgow/Edinburgh – Duone is the castle from Monty Python & the Holy Grail and was also in Outlander. The Highlands are beautiful. I spent 3 days on the Isle of Skye and could’ve stayed longer. I spent a night in Inverness to break up the drive. Culloden has a great little museum explaining the significance of the battle. Loch Ness was very pretty and I wish I’d made time for a little boat trip.

   3. You can spend three days in Edinburgh alone. Do Arthur’s Seat (hike is fun and not that challenging, but I think you can take a taxi up to the top), tour the castle (and Holyroodhouse, if any part of it is open in June – the gardens are
      amazing). There is a huge department store that rivaled Harrods, IMO – Jenners, maybe? There is a big church right in the middle of the Royal Mile – St Giles – well worth a pop in. I took a day trip to see Rosslyn Chapel (chapel from The Da Vinci Code). It was stunning in and in a very cute town. Lots and lots of small alleys/closes to walk through in Edinburgh. I would recommend staying in a hotel close to the center of town while you’re in Edinburgh.

   4. If your companion is a golfer then a trip to St. Andrew’s is an absolute must – stunning scenery and a lovely place to spend a day. I also second the recommendation of the poster above to go to Glasgow – the architecture is stunning and it is much more “Scottish” (for wont of a better term) than Edinburgh (which is beautiful and posh and a bit more reserved).

      If you come back with a list of where your companion is golfing, we can make more specific recommendations (I lived in Scotland for almost 4 years).

      1. He is golfing in St. Andrews. He is a member at one of the clubs there (not the R&A).

         1. I spent three days in St. Andrews (taking beginner golf lessons) a few years ago – it’s a really lovely place and highly recommended even if you’re not golfing. I found the cemetery by the old castle fascinating.

   5. If you like European old decadent stuff, I recommend Scone Palace.

   6. I love Scotland and Edinburgh! Scotland for hiking and beautiful, beautiful countryside and Edinburgh has a nice atmosphere, historical sights, nice food and good shopping opps when it comes to wool/cashmere items and whisky/gin.
      I spend 2 days in Edinburgh each time I go to Scotland and try to see different places – Edinburgh castle, the Mile, Arthur’s seat. But I generally like to just walk about the city, enjoy the atmosphere, sit in a cafe, stop for a lunch or drink (try 56 North Bar), do a whisky or gin masterclass, lounge in a park… Once I was lucky to catch a theatre festival and went to a few performances.
      Because majority of my trip, I spend driving through the countryside – stopping for photoshoots, stay in small villages or remote lodges. Food is unexpectedly wonderful (esp in small cities and villages)! I have done a West Coast trip, Highland’s trip, Isle of Skye, national parks. My top choice would be the Highlands (hiking, photo, food, history), the closer you can get to Glencoe, the better. And I would recommend a tour in Royal Lochnagar whisky distillery. Rannoch Moore was a strangely beautiful drive and photo trip.
      Isle of Skye was my second favourite trip – hiking, photo. Here, trek to Point of Sleat, go to Old Man of Stor, Fairy Pools and Talisker Bay. We went for a boat trip to a small island as well (photo shoot). And discovered Isle of Harris gin – make sure to try it out!
      I would spend 5 days in the countryside or 3-4 at Isle of Skye and 2 days in Edinburgh.
      I haven’t been to any museum (excelt for a few castles) or a spa during any of my trips there.

   7. I live in Edinburgh. I’d spend 4 or 5 days – go to North Berwick on the train for fish and chips, museums, cafes. St Andrews is super cute. Glasgow is fun as well.

   8. We were just there last June. We took a train from London to Inverness and spent several days in the Highlands, which are breathtakingly lovely. We hiked, we drove around, we wandered around castles and historic sites. Everything is beautiful. Then we drove down to Edinburgh, where we spent 2 1/2 days. We could easily have spent another couple days in Edinburgh. We were there with kids, so it was a bit different of a vacation, but I highly recommend the Royal Mile and Edinburgh Castle. We went to a LOT of castles over a couple weeks in the UK, and it was probably my favorite. Just gorgeous, and they really let you in a lot of the nooks and crannies of it. The art museum is really nice as well, and make sure to go to New Town and see the Georgian architecture. Such a cool juxtaposition to Old Town.

   9. Edinburgh is lovely. Lots of great restaurants – the Witchery, Kitchen, Scran & Scallie, Timberyard. I second seeing the Castle and Hollyrood Palace. There’s also a couple of good museums. The Grassmarket is nice from a stroll, as it Victoria Crescent. The Royal Mile is touristy but atmospheric to explore. Bramble is a good cocktail bar. There are occasionally concerts at the castle during the summer which would be worth doing if the timing lines up.

      St Andrews is great for golf and spas. It’s only a couple of hours drive from Edinburgh. Personally I wouldn’t bother with Glasgow.

      The highlands are beautiful. Glen Coe and Loch Ness would be my recommendations, but Skye is also lovely if you enjoy hiking etc.

      1. The best choice of destinations depends on what you’re interested in, and whether you’re willing/able to drive yourself. I think to see the Highlands you really need a car, unless you go on a tour. Glasgow is the place to see Rennie Mackintosh art / design, and there’s some great museums.
         You can take short flights from Edinburgh to other parts of Scotland – including the Orkney Islands which are amazing.

2. Can I vent for a moment about the absurdity of some dog rescue organizations? We spotted an adorable dog online and went to the rescue’s web page to inquire. The rescue makes you pay $25 to submit an application, conducts an initial phone interview, checks four references (in addition to your vet), does a background check, conducts a second – hour long! – phone interview, does a home inspection, and then and only then can you even MEET the dogs! And they say that all that may take up to a month and there’s no guarantee that dog you’re interested in will even still be available. Good grief. I understand being cautious, but this is extreme.

   1. For what it’s worth, they likely don’t do all of that. My (limited) experience has been that once they see that you’re able to offer the right care and environment, they’ll move forward. My guess is the steps of the references and home inspection are there if something seems off but they’re still trying to give the best shot at it working out. In listening to conversations with a rescue group I helped out at a booth during a day event (so granted, limited exposure), I heard them talk about one lady who had a crazy amount of dogs so the son was put through as the applicant even though he clearly had no interest in the dog, another elderly couple who had no intention of putting it on heart worm defense (guess who the dog often goes back to when it becomes heart worm positive with big vet bills), etc. Those sorts of things help weed all of that out. It’s a shame. Because hearing something like a month would be a big dissuader for a lot of people. I know when my last dog passed that our house felt so empty that I wanted a new focus just as soon as I could. Anyway, I ended up pleasantly surprised with my last two rescues (different shelters) to find I could pick them up far sooner than I had expected.

   2. That does seem extreme. I don’t understand the concept of not letting you meet the dog you are interested in before making you pay the fee and undergo all of the screening. Do they even have the cute dog they are advertising, or is that to draw people in so they will pay the $25? I know that sounds cynical, but really, it’s absurd to not let you meet the dog. At least 6 families showed up to try to rescue the dog I got from a large rescue organization. That would have been $150 in app fees. I didn’t really enjoy having to compete, or the prospect of showing up ready to take home a dog and finding out I wasn’t getting her (had that happen another time), but at least no one took anyone’s money except mine in the course of the transaction.

   3. Can you get preapproved and then be ready to meet dogs? Like, go through all this now, so it’s all out of the way when a dog shows up that you’re interested in.

   4. This is what my parents went through to get their rescue. I think it’s reasonable that they’re making sure they’re adopting dogs out to someone who can actually take care of them. You can go through a shelter if you don’t want to bother.

      1. This. I mean, legitimate rescues put a lot of investment in each animal, and in exchange you go through a longer process and generally pay more to be better matched with a healthier animal. Or, you can do what I did and go to a high-kill city shelter and see what’s there. I was in a good place to take a chance and accommodate a dog with higher needs, so I went the shelter route and paid $10 – no questions asked – for what I thought was a calm, senior mutt. What I got was a super sick 9 month old who acted 12 because she needed help. Luckily that worked out for us and I got the single greatest dog I’ve ever owned, but if I’d been in a position to need a more specific animal (in health needs, evaluated personality, basic training, having EVER been in a house or car before, etc) I would have jumped through whatever hoops and paid whatever fee a rescue group required. You do have options, but it depends on what you’re really looking for.

   5. I volunteer with a rescue and that sounds extreme and is the kind of thing that I hear complaints about locally. We are foster based, so unless you meet the dog at an adoption event, you don’t have the chance to meet the dog before applying, but we do not have an application fee. We check vet and landlord references, but don’t otherwise require references. Someone who owns their home and has no other pets could be approved in a day or less.

      Once an application is approved, a short phone interview follows, but that can be 10-15 minutes long and is really intended to save time on the part of the applicant and foster family; if it seems like a bad fit, then no one wastes time on a meet and greet. We stopped requiring home visits too, because we are in a large metropolitan area and it became a burden for foster families, especially those that were fostering litters and would have to do visits for half a dozen or more dogs.

      To require multiple references and interviews/visits before even meeting the dog would absolutely turn me off. To be honest I don’t see how they are getting dogs adopted; most people have better options than putting themselves through that kind of process

      1. Landlord? WTF do you care if I rent?

         1. Probably to make sure you are not sneaking a dog into an apartment building that does not allow dogs.

            1. Yes, this. You’d be amazed at how many renters either are unaware of or ignore restrictions on pets. As an animal lover who has owned rental properties, I don’t agree with most pet restrictions (some restricted breed lists are so long, it would be easier to simply list the dogs allowed to live there), but property owners can do what they want. We don’t want a dog returned, or worse, dumped at a shelter, because someone got caught with an animal not allowed on the property.

         2. Geez. Overreact much? It’s super common for people to sneak animals into buildings and then get rid of them when caught. Plus landlords take on certain liability in some cases and need to be able to say no to certain breeds for insurance reasons.

   6. Are you trying to adopt through the same rescue we are? The breed-specific rescue to which we just applied checks references and then does a home visit. If you are approved to adopt, you can only meet the dogs they want you to meet. I understand the home visit, as it should help in matching the dog’s personality to the family, but the pre-interview reference check is very off-putting. Because all of our references are family friends whose kids are friends with our daughter, it creates a risk that our daughter will find out what we’re up to. (We don’t want her to know we’ve applied until there is at least a reasonable chance that we’ll actually get a dog. She would be devastated if she knew we were applying and we happened to get denied, or if there was a long wait. Better not to tell her until it’s actually happening.) It’s also intrusive and a big imposition on our friends. I am so annoyed that I haven’t even decided whether to bother providing references or just give up. After a bad experience with a mixed-breed dog from a less reputable rescue, we’ve decided we are only comfortable with the breed we both had growing up. We don’t want to buy a puppy from a breeder, so it’s the breed rescue or nothing.

      1. You didn’t state your reasons for not wanting to buy a puppy from a breeder. Since you already had a bad experience with a mixed-breed dog, I wonder if the papered dogs that end up in rescue are a sure enough bet for you?

         Ethical breeders take many steps to prevent their dogs from ending up in rescues, and they also take many extra steps to breed good tempered, healthy dogs. Unethical breeders easily produce dogs that are ill tempered and prone to health problems. Many puppy mills produce papered dogs these days, and it breaks my heart that there there are now, for example, plenty of badly inbred golden retrievers that are anxious, unhappy, and prone to bite. There is nothing wrong with adopting a puppy from an ethical breeder: they’re the ones who live in close quarters with their dogs, who carefully evaluate their temper and personality, and who run extensive genetic testing to avoid needlessly passing on serious health problems.

         In my view, pet overpopulation doesn’t fall on their shoulders. Ethical breeders usually breed very minimally and usually have some kind of contract ensuring their dogs go back to them if something doesn’t work out. It wouldn’t be a great thing for any breed of dog if all the responsible breeders quit, leaving only irresponsibly bred dogs as the foundation for the future of the breed.

         1. We don’t want to buy a puppy from a breeder because we want to be able to see the adult dog’s personality before we commit. If we adopt through the rescue, we are going to insist on a trial period of a couple of weeks to ensure a good match.

            We are also hesitant to buy a puppy because we don’t have any connections who can refer us to a reputable breeder. We would only be comfortable with a breeder whose dogs we already knew in real life. The only dogs we know that came from a breeder are a family of labs. They are great dogs and we would trust the breeder, but labs are not for us.

      2. How old is your daughter? It could be a kind of good, if hard, life lesson for her to experience the hope, uncertainty and possible disappointment of real life.

   7. My experience as a kitten foster is that rescues can really be up their own a$$es, and they tend to attract the kind of volunteer that wants to martyr the animals instead of actually successfully re-homing any of them. YMMV and Not All Rescues, of course, but it is a particular behavior that I have seen multiple times. My favorite (not really) is the local group that won’t adopt out dogs to any household that has two working adults. They legit think it’s reasonable to insist that their dogs get a stay-at-home parent.

      Shelters are much easier to work with.

      1. We found this when our first two dogs passed away (one at 12 from cancer, one at 16 from…being 16) and we wanted to bring home a new dog. Rescues were ridiculous. Pages-long applications, then they wouldn’t get back to us, then they would get back to us and say the dog we were interested in wasn’t available but they did have a 12-year-old dog with multiple serious health problems and aggression issues if we were interested? We wanted a solidly adult dog, no puppies, and we had spent over $10k between the other two dogs as we got them through the ends of their lives, so we were not unfamiliar with dealing with health problems. But aggression was a no and the kinds of health problems that required us to give multiple medications multiple times a day were also a no for us. We do both work but we’re on staggered schedules so the house is only empty from 8-4; my husband comes home for lunch nearly every day and I telecommute one day a week, so it’s not like the dogs are stuck inside 14 hours a day, 5 days a week or anything. Like you, we saw rescues that would only adopt out to a home where someone was home all day. Better for the dog to be in a crowded foster home than with us, I guess. I swear at least one rescue we contacted was run by an animal hoarder who seemed to look for reasons not to match us with one of the dogs in her care. We had wanted a basset hound and were very willing to take an adult dog with some health issues, but the basset rescue in our town never even returned our emails.

         We eventually got two new dogs. Both from Craigslist. I had heard all the horror stories but honestly, we were taking a risk adopting a dog from anywhere. Both dogs are basset mixes and came to us housetrained, leash trained and with basic commands (sit, stay). Neither have serious health problems (our girl has a poultry allergy so is on special food, and our boy has some eye issues common to his breeds, basset and beagle, easily treatable with daily drops). We got insanely lucky but it worked out great. So for the OP, be careful and ask a lot of questions, but don’t discount Craigslist as a place to get a pet. We know several other families who adopted a rehomed pet from Craigslist and had good experiences. By contrast, we know two families who adopted from rescues and ended up with nightmare pets that had not been trained and had many more problems than the rescues had disclosed.

         1. What kind of organizations are these? When I was a kid we had a neighbor who worked for the Humane Society. When my parents mentioned to her that they wanted to get us some pets, she suggested they start with the HS animal shelter. We got two dogs and a couple cats that way. One of the dogs was a gift for my grandparents, who loved and spoiled her. Are the Humane Society and SPCA getting this weirdly bureaucratic too?

            1. We got an adult cat as Humane Society who was about to be put down, flagged as a bite risk. They wanted us to contract we would keep him inside 24-7, and would have stopped the adoption if we hadn’t. What sense does that make?

            2. I volunteer at my local Humane Society and also adopted from there. They’re not like this at all. They do try to make sure animals go to homes they’re suitable for re things like children and other pets. But none of this calling personal references stuff. Honestly, I respect that. They adopt out 12k animals a year, which means they can bring dogs and cats in every week from kill shelters out-of-state. I’d rather risk sending those animals to a slightly unsuitable home than have them literally end up dead.

            3. Indoor cats live safer, longer lives. This doesn’t seem crazy to me.

            4. If he is a bite risk and the shelter knew, and he went outside and bit a child there could be liability on the shelter.

               That being said, i’m fully an indoor/outdoor cat person if you live in a reasonable environment. Just get yah cat fixed.

            5. But cats outdoors live safer, longer lives than cats euthanized next Tuesday for overcrowding reasons at the shelter?

               I also feel that indoor/outdoor cats live richer, healthier lives, with more sunshine, fresh air, and exercise. I keep my cats indoors for safety, but I’m not kidding myself: they’d be about 1000x happier if they could go out.

      2. Yup, we have multiple dog rescues in this area that will not allow you to adopt if both adults work (even if you’re going to have a dog walker) or if you live in an apartment/condo/other home setting that doesn’t have unfettered access to a yard.

         1. I got a dog from a rescue organization who had very similar requirements, and it really wasn’t that big a deal. The phone interview and in person interview were helpful because we had never had a dog before and they helped us think through how to prepare etc. I don’t thunk they ever called the references. The interviews and house inspection were led by volunteers who just love dogs and they were doing a thorough, careful job. I’m so grateful for our dog and for the organization. Give it a try – it might not take as much time as you think and rescuing a dog is an amazing thing to do! For you and the dog!

            1. OK, well my husband and I have jobs. So that would be a pretty big deal if they enforced the rules we’ve seen all over the rescues we’re looking at.

3. Help me find recipes for bowls! I keep seeing those wkly meal services with things that look delish but I don’t know what the ingredients are to make them myself. For instance, Hungryroot.com’s pictures on Facebook.

   1. Using your preferred search engine, I’d look for “grain bowl recipes” or something similar. They’re pretty simple; grain, veggies, maybe some protein, and some kind of dressing/sauce. You could probably just figure out what ingredients by looking at the pictures.

      1. That’s perfect. Thanks.

   2. Look at pinterest. It’s basically all I see.

   3. Check Cookie and Kate, she has tons of bowls. She skews vegetarian but the beauty of bowls is it’s easy to add or change ingredients, including animal proteins.

4. I posted a little late this morning, so I am re-posting for some more replies – thank you for the two I received!

   I’m looking for advice on how you structure your work flow and manage your time. I’m in a litigation practice, although I rarely go to trial because the nature of my field is that cases resolve through ADR. I’ve had a long run of complex motion practice that requires a lot of focus and I’m struggling to balance that with timely responses to email/opposing counsel demands/phone calls/meetings and the rest of litigation requirements (discovery). I have access to a paralegal that I give work to, although not an associate. For reasons, I am also responsible for reviewing the more junior associate’s work – which is pretty time consuming too. I’m on a reduced schedule and I gave up certain things (benefits) to get it, so I’d prefer not to simply work more. What works for you as far as getting the most out of your time at work? Lists, time blocking…?

   1. Following. As I get more senior (midlevel/senior associate) I am getting more and more bogged down in this. I feel like I can either be responsive to clients/opposing counsel or I can do a good, timely job on my substantive work. Really struggling to manage both.

   2. I rely on a few things to keep my head above water and my clients apprised. Learned while I worked in house, although now in private practice:

      1. My state requires all lawyers to have a list of clients. Rather than rely on my firm to keep this, which they do, I also keep a running current project list with a master archive. This is hard copy and on my desk at all times except when my assistant is updating it electronically and printing me a clean copy. This not only resolves my interpretation of the ethical rules but also has, in one place, everything that is currently expected of me and when it’s due.
      2. I rely heavily on my calendar. Tell a client/partner I’ll get back to them in two weeks? I promptly have my assistant (or me) schedule a reminder in two weeks, plus block off X hour(s) one week before to do the project. Seeing that block of time reminds me that if I move it or do something else, I’ve got project due in a week and need to find the hours.
      3. I use the default color for all appointments on my calendar and then change the appointment to blue when it’s done. Blue is soothing and if it’s not blue, means I need to do it.
      4. I answer every email/voicemail within 24 hours of me getting it, or have my assistant do it. Usually this means “Dear Jane Doe, I received your email. I’ll review it in more detail and get back to you by June 1.” then I immediately calendar June 1, May 15, etc. to remind myself its due. I always get back to people on or before the deadline to say “Here’s X” or “I said I’d do X by tomorrow, but this happened and I’ll get it to you by ___.” then immediately calendar ___ and do my best to beat the deadline as I don’t like to bump it more than once.
      5. I always over estimate how long something will take so I don’t have to bump deadlines. Under promising is HARD. But better for your client/partner. “I’ll get this to you in two weeks” gives them an opportunity to tell you if it truly is a fire. “Answer is due in 2 weeks, so I’ll get you a draft by [week and a half], you’ll have two days to review and respond and if I don’t hear from you by [week and 6 days] I’ll presume it’s fine to file.” then calendar all of those things.
      6. I practice Inbox “Zero” aka 6-10 emails. I quickly respond, then copy emails into my calendar and then folder or delete the email. When I have to refer back to the thing or it comes up on my calendar, I open the email as a reminder of the task.
      7. My desk is clean every night. I spend 5 minutes a night tidying and about 2 hours at the end of every month. Stuff is scanned in and shredded or filed after I’m done touching it.
      8. For long projects, I spend 30 minutes summarizing what’s happening and then 2 minutes every time something changes. Like “Petition 1/1/19. Answer due 2/1/19. Answer filed 1/30/19.” etc.

      Long story short – I religiously calendar, block off time, and pay attention to my calendar.

      1. These are all great tips! Thanks!

      2. This is an interesting approach. For me, being in a transactional practice, the 24-hour turnaround time to return emails and voicemails, not even with a substantive response but only saying you will review and get back to them, would not work. I suspect it’s partly because transactional practice is not calendar-based in most cases, with set dates and deadlines. The clients want things ASAP every time, and my timeline is more like – respond within 2 hours, ideally less, with a minimum of “I’m reviewing this and will get back to you,” with a substantive response within the day, whether it’s an actual answer or a response about what the issues and action items are and a proposed completion date. With every client request like this, some that are even “need the answer ASAP,” it is extremely intensive to manage this flow (and this isn’t even during heavy deal times) on top of doing substantive projects (not to mention internal projects like committees, recruiting, leadership roles, etc.). There is no way I’d be able to do all of the above, plus business development and client management, plus spend time with my family, without having a reduced billable goal. I’m a junior partner.

   3. You are alot like me. I have to do everything myself b/c my secretary, Lynn dote’s on the manageing partner, and I am left to do all of the typeing myself, and the uploading to the court’s. FOOEY! But I do get to bill all of my time out at my own rate of $560 / hour, so I am a billing machine for the firm. I also do value billing, which allows me to spread out 1 task to all cleints. So you can find your able to get your hours in without wasting actual time to do it! I recomend you look into value billeing. It made me PARTNER! YAY!!!

5. I know people who designate specific times to check email and voicemail. Didn’t work for me, but worked for them. Aka they work 8-10 a.m., check email from 10-11 or whatever, work 11-whatever, check email 2-3, check email 5-6. They quickly respond like “received and will get back to you by tomorrow at 3 pm” and then preserve their focused periods of work.

   1. +1 I’m new to my team and this seems to be what the more seasoned, productive members do. Of course, this also means they’re often responding to emails from 7-10PM which is technically after work for us (not in the legal field) but sometimes it’s necessary.

   2. This seems ideal, but impractical in my circumstance. If the email sits for 15 minutes, I will get a follow-up from someone. If the email is from a partner, I get a phone call from the partner. If the email is from a client, I get a follow-up email from a partner (or two) telling me to respond. If I then respond to that, with say “will do”, I get a “thank you” email back. Then I get another email or call while I’m preparing the substantive response, either confirming that I’m responding or telling me what the content of the response should be. If there is any disagreement about the content, there is then a teleconference scheduled. Someone emails the client telling them we are discussing and will respond later. The client confirms that is okay by email. Then we have a conference. Then we exchange email drafts. Then I send the email. Then I get a thank you from the client. And thank yous from any other firm lawyers copied. Then I bill .4 for responding to an email.

      1. Hahahhaahha this is my LIFE

      2. +1. Story of my life!

      3. Is this for firms where people focus on a few clients, or a few projects/transactions/lawsuits at a time? I currently have 10-15 client projects on my desk that I know about that I expect to get done this week, plus balancing whatever comes up in the meantime, but if all my clients or partners I work with expected a substantive response in 15 minutes / same-day solutions to their issues, I would not be able to meet those expectations.

6. Reposting from the mom’s board. How do you find friends in your 30s? I work with (mostly unmarried) guys, so not many opportunities there. DH does Montessori drop off, and it leans a bit crunchy so I haven’t really put effort into trying to get to know the SAHMs who send their kids there. Basically, I think I’m looking for a bumble s!te for working moms.

   1. Book clubs, Podcast brunch club, volunteering/philanthropy… all ways that I have made friends in my 30s

      1. Oh, what do you do at a podcast brunch club? Is it like a book club?

   2. Are you not open to unmarried guys as friends in general or is there another reason you don’t think opportunities are there? I think some of my best friends are unmarried guys. I don’t have kids but I am married. I generally think people should be more open to being friends with people different from them so worth giving a shot

   3. Junior League has been amazing for making new friends in my 30s. Check AJLI.org to find a JL near you.

   4. I am in my forties, have lived in three mid to large cities in different parts of the country, am not particularly sporty, yet almost all of my adult friendships started by meeting people in exercise classes. I also met a few lifelong friends in the Jr League. I believe the key is to engage in an activity where you see people on a regular basis.

7. My last day at my company is next week and I’d like to bring in treats of some sort as a farewell. It’s a group of 10-16 people depending on who is around. Most are happy to eat junk food (myself included) but 1 or 2 are strict adherents to weight watchers and I don’t want them to be left out. Any ideas? Current thoughts are pastries + fruit platter.

   1. Yeah, cut fruit is a great idea. You could also do a fruit + yogurt bar (for those on the new WW plan “Freestyle”, nonfat plain yogurt is free) and provide granola for those who want a little more.

8. Selfish question. Since Trump is declaring the state of emergency this means the government is not shutting down, right? I’m the poster waiting to book a vacation because my husband’s essential job means he couldn’t travel if gov’t was shutdown. I can’t reach him at the moment to confirm what he is hearing at work but I’m hoping that means we can book our tickets tonight. I wish we could send Trump the bill for the price difference!

   1. Yeah he signed the budget. No shutdown.

9. How far out do you book vacations, particularly ones with travel abroad? Am I too late/paying premium prices to book a vacation to Italy in June?

   1. It is summer, so it is going to be expensive. It will be less expensive than July/August. I’m not really sure I would say you’re too late to do this since I think it would be expensive whenever you book it. Also, FWIW, we went to France at the beginning of July. Booked in February. Flights were more than I would have preferred to spend, but most everything else was normal rates.

   2. I just booked Italy for end of April/early May, so I’d say you’re probably fine. I’ve just got flights and still looking at hotels, but it looks like there are still decent options available.

   3. I book 2-4 weeks ahead without problems. But I am flexible on whether I will stay in a hotel or an AirBnB. Flight tickets are a non-issue for me since I am already based in Europe, so I can choose any local low-cost airline.
      When I travel from Europe to Asia or Americas, I book tickets 2-3m ahead.

   4. I just tickets to Paris for late April, so you’re fine. Generally you want to book 2-3 months out unless you find a great price further in advance. You can actually pay a premium if you book too early.

   5. Sign up for Scott Keyes now and book when tickets go on sale!

10. Sorry if this thread’s been done recently and I missed it, but – what is on your gym/workout/running playlist these days? I am working out more frequently and need some new music to listen to; my existing playlist is sounding stale.

11. Talk to me about early career burnout.

    I am 7 months into my new job at an insurance defense firm. I think the management finds me pleasant and likeable, but forgettable, since I’m just a third year associate with no prior insurance defense experience. I have resolved 2 cases so far and am actively working on resolving two more, so I have some results to show for it. However, this area of law is making feel like the defense version of an ambulance chaser – low complexity, high volume, thrice as many politics because there are thrice as many files and dramatic people. I am not at all dramatic by nature but it seems like the message from the top is “be more aggressive and be more dramatic, otherwise you won’t be the best.” I find great satisfaction out of counseling non-attorney clients and simplifying the law for their understanding, so I’m not sure whether that translates into a nonlegal career or transactional law or what. Long story short, I am beginning to network again and explore my options.

    However, prior to this job I worked at a crazy, borderline emotionally abusive solo/small law firm. We would get pushback about basic stuff like hiring a competent secretary or ordering essential records, and everyday I personally would hear the boss’s gripes about not being able to make payroll, not turning a profit, or feeling that X employee “is trash.” I had my work interrupted multiple times a week with actual screaming, and I resorted to actually screaming back on more than one occasion. I tried to make it work for over two years because the money was amazing, but in the end things took worser turns and I was perhaps too hasty in taking the first job available to me.

    All in all, while nobody screams at this new job being forgettable and getting inconsistent work has contributed to my current utter lack of motivation. I’m still keeping up for the most part, but I can’t bring myself to care even if I do get a favorable result or praise, and the thought of actually coming to work fills me with dread. I would like to take a vacation in April but I don’t have a sense of whether that’s too soon. People are in and out of the office all the time, so I’m not sure if they’re out and working remotely or out and on vacation, the culture is pretty open to that. However, if I don’t take a vacation I’m worried I won’t have any sort of extrinsic motivation to wait out a potentially months long job search/soul search. I have hobbies, but my career trajectory is giving me enough anxiety that I’ve trimmed the hobbies down to lots and lots of boxing/running or watching TV, nothing social or otherwise fulfilling.

    1. I’m sorry you went through that awful experience at your last firm. Congrats on getting out.

       Gently, it sounds like you’re needing a better life outside of work. FWIW, April sounds like a fine time to take vacation (approx 10 months at the firm, right?), but don’t hang all your hopes on one week out of the office. Invest in friendships and social hobbies starting now. The ideal that we all jump out of bed to have the most fulfilling job in the world is often not reality, and sometimes — or at least temporarily — it’s important to make peace with that.

       1. Honestly, I’ve never been a social butterfly due to growing up with a disabled parent. I’ve never really thought I could let loose like the other kids, meaning I wasn’t as cool and good friend material. I’ve always had a handful of good friends, not much more than that, and at times been very happy with the arrangement. The problem is I’m not even inclined to see them these days, which means I should probably figure out getting a new therapist, since my old one moved away.

          As for hobbies, I’ve always liked working out, and boxing used to be more of a community than it is. Im not sure what other fulfilling hobbies to turn to.

          1. This sounds like depression.

    2. What do you mean by dramatic? That’s a weird word to use in a professional context, especially when describing behavior that management wants to see. It sounds like this job isn’t a good fit for you, which is fine.

12. Trying to read this medical study on curcumin and wondering how many mg are in 20 uM. Anybody know? Help! Trying to figure out a health issue.

    1. I buy turmeric with curcumin powder and 20uM is in a one tbsp. serving. I take for inflammation and it’s amazing.

    2. uM is a concentration, not an amount, so it’s 20 x 10^-6 moles in a L. If my quick math is right, that’s 7.4 mg/L.

    3. Ask a pharmacist? Walgreens has an online chat.

    4. I take Thorne Meriva 500, but only 1 capsule per day per my PT. That is .5 grams or 500 mg. The study I read says that higher doses raise cortisol, but up to 20 uM lowers it. I am not supposed to raise my cortisol for another health issue. I guess if uM is the concentration, I am not sure if I have the info available to figure out what I’m doing to myself…

13. Do you love button up shirts? These are my favorite. They make me feel confident and powerful. But I know some women are so reluctant to wear these shirts even they are required to wear these to work.

    1. I can’t think of anyone who doesn’t wear a uniform (retail or military) who is “required” to wear these to work. Many women find that the buttons gap at the chest, making it difficult to no flash one’s co-workers. If you like them, then wear them.

    2. Srsly, what is this weird market research you are doing and for whom? Second post on shirts with a nonspecific question.

       1. Haha seriously, and it sounds like something run through a translation bot.

    3. If only we were not required to wear shirts to work. That is certainly my biggest reservation about accepting a job: will they require me to wear a shirt to work?

       1. By contrast, I will only accept a job where all employees are required to wear shirts to work. YMMV!

14. I’m buying a business formal combo for my daughter as she is looking for a job in financial industry in NYC. She already has some basics so I want something with a bit more variantions. I’m interested in a plaid combo from Brooks Brothers. Please tell me how do you feel about these(for interview and daily work). Thank you!
    https://www.brooksbrothers.com/Plaid-BrooksCool%C2%AE-Merino-Wool-Jacket/WJ00316,default,pd.html
    https://www.brooksbrothers.com/Plaid-BrooksCool%C2%AE-Merino-Wool-Pants/WU00416,default,pd.html
    https://www.brooksbrothers.com/Non-Iron-Glen-Plaid-Stretch-Cotton-Poplin-Fitted-Shirt/WV00938,default,pd.html?dwvar_WV00938_Color=BLUM&contentpos=26&cgid=0242

    1. No for interview

       Maybe for day-to-day depending on how the rest of the office dresses.

       If the finance she’s looking at is still formal enough to want suits on the regular they are probably still stuffy enough that a young (and I hate to say it, but female) staff’s best bet is to stick with classic, plain styles.

       Once she is working somewhere she can make a better judgement call if a plaid suit wouldn’t stick out too much.

       In my experience finance fashion tends to traditional formal or business casual to super casual. The suit is cute but I can’t picture where It would be worn in finance.

    2. For me personally, any plaid combo feels like “school uniform” (especially with a collared blue shirt) so I tend to stay well away for both interviews (I mostly stick to solid conservative colors for this) and daily work. The only plaid jacket I own (similar to the pne linked) is a brown separate that I wear on casual occasions with jeans. Not NYC and not finance though, so YMMV.

    3. Cute but too preppy for NY. Go with solid or striped black or dark grey.

    4. For a interview in financial services in NYC, stick with solid classic interview suits – black, gray or navy. Plaid is definitely an interview DON’T – you can never go wrong in business with classic black, gray or navy. Thank you.

15. I would never have thought to post here till I read Selfish Bestie’s post last week. I need some external perspective on this.
    I had a very close friend who went on to become my roommate when she moved to the city I worked in so we spent a lot of time with each other and were each other’s sounding board. However I got a place with my brother when he moved to our city and work got hectic so we started meeting less and less. No animosity, just less closeness. She also started a new job and made a very co-dependant new set of friends who I didn’t care much for but tolerated if I was meeting the group.
    She went on to date a friend of mine who I was no longer friends with and when they broke up she accused me of having said he’s too good for her. I was astounded that she of all ppl would even entertain the thought but we moved past that.
    Then I moved to New York and the ridiculous timezone difference and my inability to maintain long distance relationships meant that we spoke infrequently but we still were in touch and friendly.
    Suddenly she’s started conspicuously ignoring me – like she’ll link an article that I’d definitely be interested in and tag half the world except me, or sent me a forwarded last minute invite to her wedding (it was a small court ceremony hence no cards), or not showing up to meet me when I was in her city after 2 years citing a headache (come on!). If I mssg her she’s cordial and friendly but I feel like there’s a conscious attempt to make me feel left out.
    Should I stop reaching out (she hasn’t in years)? Should I ask her what’s wrong? I’m not sure I want to be friends anymore but I keep wondering if I did something wrong. We’ve grown too far apart and our lives are too different. But I’m unable to let go.

    1. You don’t see a reason to be friends now or in the future and she hasn’t initiated in years. It sounds like there’s neither person interested in this friendship. Maybe the best closure you can get is to think of her and that time in your life fondly and go back to focusing on those who fit into your current life and who make an effort to keep in touch with you!

    2. You both stopped being close but you’re blaming her for not being friendly enough. It’s two sided, and it doesn’t sound like you’ve put any effort in either.

16. I know this is very much a Rich Person Problem, but I would appreciate advice. My parents (mid-70s, healthy) are quite wealthy (on the order of $5M) and have informed me they are leaving everything to my daughter, who is currently 3. They may live to be 95 and drain their savings on end of life care (which is fine, we don’t need their money) but they may both have heart attacks in the next few years and make my daughter a multi-millionaire before she’s in middle school. I’m extremely uncomfortable with the latter scenario. I’m all for them giving her some money for education or to get started in life, but I don’t think she needs it before 18 and I certainly don’t think she needs millions. I want her to have to work for things and not take this kind of money for granted. I’ve expressed this to my parents but they’ve blown me off as “bitter” and “jealous” that the inheritance is bypassing me, which I don’t think is fair, but maybe there’s an element of that. I guess my question is twofold – 1) since she’s a (very young) minor is there any way I can manage this money for her or restrict her access to it until she’s older? And 2) if not, any advice on raising a kid with this kind of wealth? I grew up very comfortable and DH and I are very comfortable, but this kind of wealth is foreign to us and I don’t want to raise a stereotypical “trust fund” brat. Feel free to tell me I’m just borrowing trouble and I should wait to worry until my parents pass.

    1. Yes, of course. I’m confused what you’re imagining will happen. A minor isn’t going to suddenly have independent access to millions of dollars.

       I get phone calls from my parents’ creditors, so that’s not my background, but I know many delightful people with trust funds. (In fact, some of the more annoying trust fund adults I know are the ones who restrict access and then complain about money issues, so that can cut both ways!) And it’s not as though having to work for a living has never corrupted anyone’s character; I really believe people can turn out good or bad either way.

    2. This is the whole point of a trust fund. This happened with my grandparents when my siblings and I were very young and we didn’t know a thing about the money until post-college graduation. We all still work and are normal adults.

       Your daughter will be fine. It’s not like she as a 3 year old will be able to blow her entire inheritance on Paw Patrol stuffed animals or anything…

    3. Minors can’t control their own assets. If your parents have an estate plan, drafted by an attorney, the inheritance likely will be held in trust until her majority, or later, if that’s what your parents want. The trustee will control the funds in accordance with the terms of the trust, which may say anything — from no distributions for anything but X (like education or medical) to regular specific distributions of cash to complete undefined discretion. You may or may not be the trustee; it could be someone else or a bank or trust company. If there’s not a trust under the estate plan, a conservator or guardian of the estate (same job, different terms in different states) will be appointed by the court to control the money until she’s of age. As a parent, you would have high priority to serve, but you likely would need to account to the court to show any funds spent were for her benefit. She would get the money at 18, at which point you could persuade her to create her own trust and let you manage it as her trustee.

    4. If they have that much money, they should be working with a lawyer on the estate plan. My limited memory of wills and trusts in law school was that having a minor directly inherit was a recipe for disaster and a much better option is having a trust. Your parents can do what they want with their money, but maybe make sure they’ve discussed any possible complications with their (fingers crossed reputable and competent, although my grandmother had a similarly sized estate and her lawyer didn’t do a great job) attorney.

    5. Trust funds can be structured in a number of ways through only a portion of funds only being available at certain ages, certain milestones, for certain kinds of expenses (education, house, car), etc. I’m sure you could come up with something that would make you and your parents comfortable.

       Frankly, $5 million isn’t a lot of people’s definition of “quite wealthy”, and it seems like that wouldn’t be enough for your daughter to live off of for her whole life and she would certainly need to work and be independently self sufficient. You’re still her parents and have the ability to instill whatver values you deem important in her. It doesn’t seem like this would be something that she’d even need to know about until she’s much older (even if your parents pass soon), and it’s not something that needs to loom over her childhood – it’s only as big of a deal as you make it.

       1. Hahaha, if by “a lot of people” you mean the 1%, sure. Everybody except the very poor think they’re less well-off than they actually are. $5m is a ton of money.

          1. She didn’t say it wasn’t a lot of money – just that it’s not “quite wealthy”. It’s not quit your job and live a life of leisure money. It’s an amount that could very easily and quickly be spent down without a lot to show for it. In the context of the OPs question it’s an amount that would be a great boon to any young adult but it’s not enough for them to be set for life.

             1. I disagree – if you have $5M at age 18 and invest it in index funds, you should be able to live off the growth alone without drawing down the principal much.
                I mean yeah, it’s not “buy a private jet and multiple vacation homes” money, but it would set you up for a pretty decent life (especially in a LCOL area) without having to work anything resembling full-time. I’m 30 and I assure you if I inherited $5M I would not be going to work tomorrow.

       2. $5,000,000 will generate $200,000 in annual income at a 4% withdrawal rate. If she can live on 2% / $100,000 a year she will have that indefinitely. I don’t understand you super-rich people who don’t think that’s enough to live on. I would quit my job IMMEDIATELY if I had 5 million bucks.

          1. + a million.

    6. As a soon to be 25 year old millionaire I’m uniquely qualified to answer this question so here is my answer and my story. Try to not tell your daughter about the money, she will realize her grandparents are rich but won’t necessarily realize it will be her money one day. My grandparents were rich, magnitudes more than your parents are, as a kid I always realized they had money but it didn’t really occur to me it would be my money one day. As an adult am the black sheep of the family with my vegetable eating, tattooed, social scientist, NGO working ways, because of this I had all but written off the possibility of any money. I was okay with that because I’m happy with my hippy do-gooder ways and earn a comfortable living, as does my husband. One of my grandparents recently passed, it was undoubtedly the worst tragedy I have ever experienced because I loved them so much. The tragedy brought to light a trust with tens of millions of dollars in my name that I will receive when the other grandparent passes. I will continue to work and it won’t change my career tragectory. The grief actually had me doing hypothetical mental math on the cost of a hug and conversation with the deceased (if you’re curious I decided I’d forfeit everything for an hour of time). The main point I suppose is just raise your child well, it will turn out fine and she will be much more sad about the passing of her grandparents than she will be happy about the money.

       1. I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. This may sound like a privileged comment, but the money becomes so secondary to the time with and love of the person who passed.

17. I’ll be on my feet for about a week for an upcoming conference – both throughout the day at a booth and before/after the event walking to and from in the city. The conference dress code is business/business casual. Do you have any shoe recommendations for something attractive, professional, and stylish but yet comfortable?

    Thank you!

    1. Of course you can wear flats, but I wear a low heel when I am at a conference all day – Van Eli makes an extremely comfortable pair and I also like a Talbots sandal with low heel – both of these have memory foam in the sole. The walking back and forth on city streets is not for heels though. I have often taken an extra pair of shoes with me to the conference to put on when I get on the street – running shoes if I have to walk a few blocks, or a casual sandal or very comfortable flip flop if its hot out and I don’t have to walk (I do this for conferences in Orlando)

       1. Thank you for the tip! I will look at both brands.

    2. Try to wear nylons even if you wouldn’t normally. It will help from getting any weird rubbing (when feet start to swell even normally comfy shoes can rub). I often pre-emptivly paint the back of my heels with liquid bandage or an anti friction stick. Agree with the slight wedge advice. Cole Haan Tali have gotten me through many shows. I also like vionics. You may decide Uber is your friend for to and from so you conserve energy. Also, try to change up your shoes between days. The same shoe each day makes it harder.

18. Are there any recruiters that specialize in international in-house placements? Did 5 years in BigLaw and now am approaching the same timeframe at my current company. Past focus has been on patent/FDA/regulatory issues and now moved into a generalist focus (fraud & abuse, HIPAA, etc) in my current role. Was wondering if anyone here works in the med device/pharma industry for companies seeking folks willing (and very interested in!) taking and growing their skillsets abroad.

19. Are there any recruiters that specialize in international in-house placements? Did 5 years in BigLaw and now am approaching the same timeframe at my current company. Past focus has been on patent/FDA/regulatory issues and now moved into a generalist focus (fraud & abuse, HIPAA, etc) in my current role. Was wondering if anyone here works in the med device/pharma industry for companies seeking folks willing (and very interested in!) taking and growing their skillsets abroad.

    1. Are you looking to advise on US legal issues at a non-US location? My experience is that in-country issues are handled by in-country lawyers. As in, anyone dealing with US-legal issues probably uses someone in a US-based office. If you are looking to stick with med device/pharma, then the one exception might be regulatory filings – a midsized company (probably European) that doesn’t have a US office, but wants to get approved/cleared for use in the US, would need to do regulatory filings with FDA. Though, most times the regulatory group is not part of the legal group – those are usually separate job functions. Regulatory specialists are always in-demand, at least in the US. I don’t know what the international market is for those.

20. Recommendations for Boston and Cape Cod first week of April? Is it worth it going to Cape Cod?

    We are from the bay area in CA and will be spending a week in Boston to look at schools. But I’d love to do a trip out to Cape Cod as well — I lived in Chestnut Hill for one year when I was 12 and have amazing memories of it! Is it worth it to go even though it will be cold? if so where would you go to spend a night or two?

    1. What Cape memories are you trying to recreate? I love the Cape, and do go in all seasons, but it’s quiet and there’s not much to do in the cooler months.

       When I go there in, say, April, I will hang out on my parents’ deck and look at the water. I might go kayaking. I might go to the movies. We might go to the Vineyard for a meal. That’s about all there is to do.

    2. It will be offseason and many restaurants and other tourist-related businesses may not even be open. If you just want to see some waterfront and ocean there are some other options that might be more convenient or at least have some more going on nearby.

       When you say you’re spending a week in Boston to look at schools are they all in the immediate area or will you be going to other parts of New England too? That would influence my suggestions. Headed south? Day trip to Newport, RI and tour some mansions. Headed north? You could stop in Portland ME for some good restaurants and quirky shopping or even Portsmouth NH if you want to stay a little closer.

21. Yay! Just had a great 50+ minute 2nd phone interview so who knows….?! Would be a HUGE raise but also MAYBE a more desirable position?!

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