ByElizabeth Hours Updated
Comments 303 Comments

Thursday’s Workwear Report: Imi Scallop Trim Sweater

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

A woman wearing purple longsleeve sweater and red light green plaid pants

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I love a machine-washable sweater, so this scallop-trim number from Boden is really speaking to me. We’ve had a lot of discussion around here about how to launder “dry clean only” and delicate items, and as a lover of sweater weather, I’ve developed a pretty good method of caring for my knits that involves Woolite, large mesh delicates bags and stackable sweater dryers.

This gorgeous sweater is a cotton/wool blend, so I would probably wear it a few times with some kind of underlayer before washing it on the delicate cycle and gently laying it out to dry. This “damson purple” color is calling my name, but I would also love the “glade green” for the holidays. 

The sweater is $98 at Boden and comes in six colors in sizes XS-XL.

For additional sizes, try this sweater from Talbots — it's $89.50 and available in four size ranges and six colors.

Sales of note for 3/10/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off
  • Ann Taylor – 40% off everything + free shipping
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + 20% off
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off all sale and select styles with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off everything + extra 20% off when you buy 3+ styles
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off all pants & sweaters; extra 50% off clearance
  • M.M.LaFleur – Friends and family sale, 20% off with code; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Flash sale until midday 3/14: $50 off every $200 – combineable with other offers, including 40% off one item and 30% off everything else

303 Comments

  1. Would love to hear the experience of those who have slowly tapered off SSRIs. Have been on the generic form of Celexa for many years for anxiety and am at the point in my life where my doc and I agree I can taper off. I’ve been cutting my 20mg pills in half for about 4 to 6 weeks and have not noticed much change, with a couple of exceptions. First, I’m irritable – this post-menopausal women is having flashbacks to the type of irritability I would feel before getting my period. Second, headaches. I have a check in with the doc soon but in the meantime, would love to hear from those of you who are on the other side what your experience was like.

    1. Several years ago in the New Yorker there was a piece on tapering and psychiatric medications. Everything I’ve read says go slowly, slowly, slowly, Like only a 10 percent reduction per 4 to 6 weeks. But the reason why I mentioned the New Yorker article is because they mentioned an organization that provides guidance on tapering. It seems as if most doctors don’t know or appreciate how slowly you should go if you want the tapering to really take hold and to minimize side effects. I wish you a lot of luck and if I can find the New Yorker article I’ll try to link to it.

    2. 5HTP or amino acid therapy may be something to ask about once you are totally off the SSRI if you experience any symptoms suggesting you tapered too fast. The way it was explained to me, while we’re on SSRIs our body creates extra serotonin receptors to deal with the extra serotonin. While tapering down the SSRI, we end up with too many receptors for the lower levels of serotonin. As a serotonin precursor, 5HTP helps support higher levels of serotonin until all the extra receptors are gone. But because 5HTP raises serotonin, it’s not safe to overlap with an SSRI at all (increasing serotonin and also inhibiting reuptake can cause serotonin syndrome), so it’s only for when we’re totally off the medication and it’s out of our system.

    3. I took about 6 months to taper off Paxil. I reduced the dose every 2 months using a pill cutter. I was already on a low dose.
      My doctor said I could just go off it due to my dose being low, but based on everything I read online (and basic logic – if it’s enough of a dose to control my symptoms, its effect on me isn’t negligible) I thought that was a bad idea.

      1. Going off Paxil was one of the worst experiences of my life. I vomited more in two weeks than during my entire pregnancy.

    4. I recently quit lexapro. I was on a very low dose so I wasn’t expecting much in terms of withdrawal, but I had brain zaps for around 6 weeks after quitting. I took some 5htp and saffron to help with the serotonin. I too found that my irritability went way up, but that may also be who I am when I’m not on an SSRI. I just tried to be gentle with myself and accept that I wasn’t going to be on my A game for a while.

    5. I am currently tapering off Pristiq. 100mg to 50 was pretty easy, but I just bought a pill cutter and am going to go extremely slowly now, like 10% per week.

    6. I am currently tapering off generic Cymbalta and have been for months. There are communities on both Facebook and Reddit that provide guidance and assistance on tapering slowly. I found that after reviewing the information there, I had to mute the actual discussions of the Facebook group I joined because there were so many people really struggling and talking about how horrific Cymbalta is that I couldn’t read it regularly. I was afraid I was going to start seeing symptoms where there weren’t any. Extended release Cymbalta comes in capsules full of (usually tiny) beads and they recommend dropping 5% every two or more weeks. I started doing that and did not have any problems at all. Eventually I came across some information about how this is usually handled in Europe, where you can actually get a set of tapered dosages, and sped it up. Essentially, I’m cutting my dose in half once a month. I do notice that the first week or so after a drop I’m more irritable and less focused than usual. Other than that, it has generally been ok and I’m feeling good. I am trying to get off it for a couple of reasons. One is that I’m still not sure I was actually depressed when it was originally prescribed, as I was diagnosed with ADHD after that and late-diagnosed, untreated ADHD is often mistaken for depression. (ADHD and depression are also often comorbid, so I realize that it could have been both.) The trigger was that I was concerned that my emotions had become very flat and blunted, which is a common side effect. I definitely see a difference in that now. Of course, that means more bad emotions as well as more good emotions, but they’ve been manageable so far. I am also a post-menopausal woman and I hear you on the irritation and PMS flashbacks! As someone else said, I’m trying to be gentle with myself and realize that sometimes I will not be at my best, but I am glad that I’m doing this.

  2. Not sure if this is regional, but lately I’ve been at a number of social events where there has been an outspoken minority basically shaming people who consume alcohol while all talking about how they partake in certain herbal substances. I personally am a big ‘you do you, be safe and healthy,’ but I will have a (single) glass of wine at social functions. Can somebody help me reply to this when somebody is telling me my wedding shower mimosa is ‘poison’ while they talk about having accidentally eaten so many edibles they did some crazy thing?

    Also, this is a new trend I’ve noticed among particularly upper middle class white ladies. Is this a thing? I see fewer people drinking as we get older which to me makes sense and is normal, but the swap from wine to ‘gummies’ feels like it’s all around me.

    (As a note, this also disregards that a lot of people can’t use these things even if legal in their state for employment reasons.)

      1. Love this reply. Would then immediately excuse myself to get more snacks.

        Who refers to something being served at an event like a wedding shower as ‘poison’? So rude.

      2. I think part of this discourse shift is that the WHO recently declared there’s no safe dosage of alcohol.

        1. The WHO said that, yes, but moderate drinkers live longer than abstainers. The WHO’s rationale is that they cannot identify a “threshold” at which alcohol is safe, but they conveniently don’t mention that the cancer risks drop precipitously for moderate drinkers.

          Not to put too fine a point on it, lots of stuff is carcinogenic: seed oils, sugar, and red meat. It’s all risk assessment, and that’s where the WHO went wrong. As the OP’s fellow party-goers are demonstrating, people don’t quit vices; they replace one with another.

          If you don’t want to drink, don’t drink.

          1. I want to drink and drink. But I haven’t seen any compelling reason to think that those stats about longevity aren’t explained by confounders (like being able to afford the option of drinking, or following a Mediterranean diet and lifestyle broadly).

          3. I guess it just annoys me when people try to pull snark like “dose makes the poison” but are also ignorant of any relevant established threshold (“okay at what dose is it poison then?”).

        2. Anyone who knows how international policy works is zero percent shocked by this. Absent clear and convincing evidence of exactly the ‘no harm’ level they are of course going to say can’t be confirmed because WHO would never be able to get the broader statement out if they were endlessly debating metrics about exact type, and time measurement (eg binge vs cumulative, daily vs weekly limits, light beer vs hard liquor).

          Their statement instead focuses on risk factors. “There is no form of alcohol consumption that is risk-free. Even low levels of alcohol consumption carry some risks and can cause harm. The level of risk depends on several factors, including the amount consumed, frequency of drinking, the health status of the individual, age, sex, and other personal characteristics, as well as the context in which alcohol consumption occurs. ” – https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/alcohol

          WHO statement on the risks of alcohol is not aimed at people who have a mimosa at a wedding shower (unless they are pregnant). It’s clear that binge drinking in short periods and higher amounts over longer periods are problematic but putting exact numbers on either is not straight forward.

          1. The idea that there’s no level of drinking where the benefits outweigh the risk is a big change from the days when we were told that moderate drinking was salutary or even medicinal. At this point, there is plenty of research undermining the “actually it’s good for you” narrative that I grew up with.

          2. It’s been decades since ‘it’s good for you’ was a thing. There’s a lot of space on the spectrum of ‘good for you’ to ‘low risk in certain context’ to ‘poison’.

        3. I feel like the only reason there hasn’t yet been a statement that there’s no safe level of weed usage is that it hasn’t been determined yet. Marijuana has been classified as the most restricted drug (I can’t remember if 1 or 4 is the most restricted), so it’s been very, very difficult to study.

          I would almost bet that sometime in the next 10 years or so there will be a statement that there’s no safe dosage of weed. I know it doesn’t have nicotine, but I can’t imagine inhaling burnt plant matter is safe. Not sure about edibles, but I would bet there are some not great effects of THC or whatever.

          1. Nicotine by itself isn’t actually that harmful and not the cause of disease from cigarettes mostly (some potential cardiac effects, but it’s not a carcinogen)–it’s more products of combustion that are the problem. So yea, inhaling smoke from any burning plant/paper probably isn’t great for you.

          2. I think the part no one wants to talk about is impairment and driving. A BAC test is easy to determine overconsumption of alcohol, but there’s no great test for too much weed. Not having that guardrail sort of puts the health of everyone on the road at risk.

          4. Nicotine is an extremely powerful toxin! It may not be carcinogenic, but it can kill you even in small amounts. Kids have died from chewing on cigarette butts.

          5. I agree that it is pretty shocking to me that weed is so widely consumed now and we still don’t have any standardized tests for assessing impairment – primarily for driving safety/reaction time etc.. in correlation with blood levels/presence.

    2. There are a few ways to go here, depending on level of confrontation/purpose/payoffs you want:

      1. “Thanks so much for the unasked input! Anything else I’m doing wrong?” (confrontational)
      2. “Mmmm. So how do you know So-and-so? / How has your week been?” (dismissive)
      3. “Mmmm. Will you excuse me for a second?” (avoiding the situation)

      Don’t get into a health discussion or anything about hypocrisy. It’s annoying but not worth your time or brainspace.

    4. Haha it’s very clear you’ve never consumed MJ. You don’t do crazy things on gummies you eat snacks and watch dumb tv.

      1. If you’re going to be condescending, be correct. From a clinical perspective, marijuana can cause disorientation, confusion, and anxiety in some users. It’s called a side effect.

      2. If you read OP again it’s self-reported “crazy things” by the people taking edibles.

        “while they talk about having accidentally eaten so many edibles they did some crazy thing”

      3. Or you cut yourself on a kitchen knife, forget your wallet at the checkout line in the store, forget to turn off the oven after heating up your snacks, I could go on and on.

    5. “Having a glass of wine works for me, so I’m not sure there’s much more to talk about on this. [change subject]”

      1. Maybe. I would definitely encourage this conversation. Mostly because it’s interesting, but also I like to find where their arguments conflict with other value systems they hold dear. I’ll maybe have a glass of wine, I won’t touch drugs, legal or not, but will definitely make people defend their point of view.

    6. I see the trend of people no longer drinking. I see some people indulging in the other stuff but definitely a minority. The shaming is just crappy behavior, don’t know that that’s a trend.

      1. This. I haven’t encountered the alcohol shaming in the wild especially in low alcohol contexts like a shower.

        1. I’m very amused by these responses!

          The shaming piece… when it happened once, it felt weird (the shower) but then when a woman launched straight into a story of how she and her spouse had extra strength gummies and ordered like $400 worth of takeout for just the two of them into the fact that any alcohol was poison (specifically pointing to my drink)… I am rarely at a loss for words and actually was at this fall themed housewarming.

          1. Sounds like a “you need new friends” thing then. Are the folks doing this also people who hop on every food trend as a way to justify disordered eating and talk about it till the cows come home? That was/is a common thing in my circles where I used to live.

          2. I agree you might need new friends! I have a wide social circle and have never been shamed in this way as a grown adult. I do know a lot of people who are “California sober” or who are cutting alcohol for various reasons. I’ve reduced it because of how I feel the next day, but I’m not an abstainer. No person who’s into MJ has questioned me when I’m drinking, no matter if they drink or not.

            I believe you that this happened, but I do think I’d reexamine being around these people if it’s happening more than once!

      2. Same. I’ve seen a dropoff in drinking, which may be due to aging and/or increased awareness of the harm of alcohol. I’m a light drinker myself and will have a small glass of wine or champagne at social events. I haven’t seen much MJ use but it’s not legal on my state.

      1. And are these the same people who will tell you that sugar and other carbs are poison while they eat piles of red meat and processed protein powder?

        1. Maybe they were if they’re old enough to have been around for that one? But I feel like that trend peaked at least 15 years ago for people who had no medical need to restrict carbs and sugar, unless it’s just back again.

        2. I’ll take red meat every day over sugar, refined carbohydrates, and whatever the poison is that makes non-fat dairy “creamy.”

          1. Yeah it’s kind of understandable when hypoglycemia and hyperglycemia can both be acute medical emergencies, and sugar/carb consumption can precipitate either depending on someone’s medical conditions. And for the third of adults who are at least prediabetic, there are long term concerns too.

            I guess alpha gal can create acute reactions to red meat but that’s just a lot rarer!

            It doesn’t make people who project dietary choices any less annoying, but way more people know someone with acute blood sugar issues than red meat or protein powder issues.

          2. Fine, but you likely do not comment to someone eating a cookie that they are eating poison.

    8. The swap from alcohol to edibles is def a trend. As far as the shaming, which is obnoxious, I have previously said something like “willing to bet that Diet Coke will get me before this mimosa does!” and changed the subject.

        1. I don’t get this. Diet Coke isn’t good for you, and I drink more alcohol than Diet Coke, but who is Diet Coke “getting” and how, compared to people harmed by alcohol?

          Even if you’re crunchy, at least Diet Coke reveals its ingredients list, which is more than you can say about the wine in your mimosa.

          1. You are taking this way too seriously (and this is coming from a person who drinks almost no alcohol and thinks it is pretty poisonous, but keeps her mouth shut and doesn’t use marijuana either).

          2. The point is we’re all going to die, might as well enjoy some vices along the way, and shaming someone for having a mimosa isn’t going to (1) make anyone enjoy your company, or (2) change their behavior.

          3. I understanding owning a vice. I understand that the women who are alcohol shaming are being mean girls and should stop. I don’t understand being defensive about alcohol specifically.

          4. well, we’re being defensive about alcohol because that’s the thing that’s being pointedly criticized. Replace ‘mimosa’ with ‘piece of sugary cake’ and getting a lecture about processed food? This thread would be all about shutting down food commentary instead.

          5. So if the mean girls say my diet Coke is poison, my comeback should be that I’m willing to bet alcohol will get me first? I think the reason that would come across badly is because they’re not really comparable.

          6. ok whatever, it’s just a pithy response to a rude comment. Insert your alternative of choice.

      2. Hahahaha, nicely done. I used to drink 2-3 a day in my younger days. Now I have maybe 2 a year (and love them, but I know what they do to teeth.)

    9. Never this is wild. “I didn’t ask your opinion.” “Wow.” “Good bye”. “That’s rude.”

      Make it awkward for them.

    10. I have this look for when people are rude where I look shocked by their behavior but then immediately concerned for their lack of awareness. It’s like alarm…then pity. “What a strange thing to say, are you feeling alright?”

      Btw I like to drink wine on weekends but my “sober” family members tend to walk around stoned all day long. “Lord, if I judge them, let me give them lots of room” is my mantra. It’s an old song lyric that makes me feel calm. Feel free to steal.

    11. I usually just engage in the conversation while silently judging and then talking about them later.

      1. Right. It’s a party, why not engage? What else is there to talk about safely with a group of strangers? Dietary choices seem to be fair game and there are a lot of strong opinions. Better than politics.

      1. Yes I’m wondering if OP is on the west coast. I’m not seeing a ton of this out east. I also do not drink or partake in MJ, but I would never say anything to anyone who does. People are just rude.

      2. Ha. The number of people who claim sobriety in AA while also high on pot is astonishing. I am an alcoholic and never liked pot. That said, do what you want in moderation.

    13. I have definitely noticed a trend of people who don’t drink at all for health reasons but are comfortable with weed in many forms, and believe it has zero risks / no possibility of side effects (including my favorite argument, “it’s good for you because it comes from plants!”… what do you think grapes are?); but no corresponding uptick in people shaming casual drinkers. Rude people who are going to comment on what other people eat and drink are always gonna be rude

    14. now that white people have deemed cannabis to be legally & socially acceptable, yep. it tracks that they’re going to gain a superiority complex over it.

    15. I feel like it has a lot to do with the push to drink less. “Sobriety” culture couldn’t exist without the rise of MJ. There’s even a term for it – “Cali sober.”

    16. Funny – it has occurred to me that drinking has become the new smoking, which makes me sad as i love my wine…

    17. In a warm-ish tone, I just say “yeah, but I don’t care.” Because I don’t.

    18. Yeah, I find the MJ crowd maddening. There is zero evidence that what they are doing is safe. I remember when cigarettes were advertised as little pick me ups as well. It’s not going to end well for them. I go with snark; do you really think Big Marijuana is any better than Big Tobacco?

    19. I think its happening around me too. I don’t take it too seriously. I’ve told them I don’t like how MJ makes me feel, and I do appreciate good wine/cocktails etc. I know I don’t over drink. Basically, leave me alone and everyone do as they like.

    20. This is very much not a thing where I am, but what an obnoxious comment.

      I live in Philly, so weed is illegal in PA but now legal in jersey. So, it’s easy to get but technically still illegal here.

      However, even if it were legal, most of my friends and I work in jobs where it’s still not allowed (healthcare, government, teaching).

      A handful of my other friends partake, but not frequently and not in place of alcohol.

    21. I live in California where a lot of people have replaced alcohol with MJ, but that tends to be related to calories and/or sleep disturbance (I am of an age where menopause weight gain and sleep issues are a frequent topic of conversation!) And I know a lot of lawyers who replaced their daily “medicinal” glass of alcohol with a daily 2.5 or 5 mg gummy, because while neither of those things is ideal, one is probably better than the other. That said, I have never encountered a single person who had the nerve to comment on my drink other than to say enviously that they wished they could have that and still sleep through the night (to which I usually respond “me too!”)

      If someone said my food/drink was “poison” I would just respond that we all pick our own but getting in a car is still the most dangerous thing I do every day. And then I would walk away because I feel no need to engage with rude people.

    22. I just listened to a NYTimes Daily podcast titled “As Marijuana’s Popularity Grows, So Do Its Harms” – eye opening but not surprising. I live in a state where weed has been legalized and it think it has had a significant negative effect. I hate smelling weed every where when I walk outside, and I worry about my young kids with still developing brains thinking it is no big deal. Kids have been poisoned when mistaking gummies for candy. Also, I frequently smell it coming from cars, which is distressing as DUI is so unsafe.
      I partake in an occasional glass of wine (I have scaled back as it can affect my sleep as I get older), but no weed and I think the idea that weed is “harmless” or better for you than alcohol will be debunked.

      1. Agree with you. It would be very unpleasant to be around that all the time, so I’m glad that it’s still illegal in my state. The number of CBD stores, though, are another story.

        I don’t buy the argument that MJ is harmless, never have.

        1. Almost nothing is “harmless”. Alcohol, marijuana, OTC pain medications (google SJS + ibuprofen), red meat, non-organic veggies, etc. ad infinitum.

          I live in California and while my marijuana intake is extremely limited (it works for well for medication induced nausea BTW), I am content to let other people live their lives and pick their risks as long as they are not endangering others. And I still think the harm of excess alcohol consumption is vastly greater than marijuana consumption.

          1. Read the research. Cannabis use by the young causes cognitive damage. So does cannabis use in middle age. The Harvard research found this cognitive damage worse than that caused by alcohol consumption.

      2. I’m thankful people aren’t being sent to prison over it (and hopeful that it will actually improve law enforcement outcomes when people can’t as easily plea down to a possession charge), but we clearly need some better social norms surrounding it (and enforcement as with the DUIs).

        There’s no way that weed is not better for you and the public at large than alcohol; it’s not even close. But it’s not harmless and the harms do need to be managed.

        1. I agree with this. I enjoy small amounts of MJ from time to time and it’s almost entirely replaced drinking for me. I feel much better physically and mentally. I am very cautious about how I use it, but I know not everyone is. I think there’s a tremendous need for education about safe use.

    23. Op here! Thank you for the conversation! This confirms that while it’s totally a trend to go ‘California sober’, the shaming thing was weird but I’m not the only person who has run into it.

      They were friends of friends and one ‘friend’ who is also the type of person to shame you over seed oils or eating bread… I think that comparison was surprisingly spot on. Thank you for helping me with responses because while yes, a glass of white wine is not a health elixir, I got really bummed that my special little treat was basically ruined for me. Eye roll and move on in the future!

    25. I just tell them – truthfully – that certain herbal substances always make me *more* anxious and my paternal grandmother had a drink at 4pm every day and lived to be 104.5. Also, if they are telling me wine is poison, I’ll just go back to my Diet Coke (which is definitely poison).

    26. I don’t recall asking your opinion.

      It’s abrupt but it’s a good way to end a conversational topic not welcome to you.

    27. “What a curious thing to say!” or “How fascinating,” or “hm, is that a fact?” said with a polite smile, and then either walk away or start a new topic. Some folks are just so convinced of their own righteousness that they feel compelled to evangelize; but that’s preaching a monologue at an audience, not polite, interactive conversation at a social event. Good luck!

  3. Thank you in advance for reading my story time.

    There was a summer hire at my office that rubbed me the wrong way, but I didn’t work with them, so I just brushed off the weird interactions at company wide events. My company returned to the office this fall, however the office reno wasn’t complete yet. Yesterday the final touch was put on the office… name plaques. I have gotten the missing piece to the puzzle, the summer hire is grand boss’ child. Guess I’ll be extra nice and stop avoiding them.

    1. That’s kind d of a leap based just on a name. I share a last name with a lot of people at work because it’s common not because we’re related. Don’t you think that fact would have come out sooner?

      1. It’s not a common name and I did some sleuthing, grand boss likes to send out holiday photos which confirmed. The office very well may have already figured this out but I don’t work in the same department as the summer hire, so any info wouldn’t have gotten to me.

      3. no, because it’s not Grandma boss or grandpa boss. It makes you the grand report.

      4. I mean, lots of people use the term because it’s a quick descriptor or hierarchy. I’ve read more childish terms here “veggie, DH, super healthy/good/whatever”

      5. You have to take grand as it’s own word, denoting something that’s a level higher. Most of the examples I could think of are sports related. Grand slam, grand Prix, Grandmaster, grand vizier. Grandboss!

      7. I like the term grandboss, having been called a grandboss myself. It describes exactly what it means and is easier to say than “my boss’s boss.” Language evolves. Get over it.

  4. Random, but you all I’m worried about Chappell Roan joining the 27 club. Hopefully, the world is a different place when you’re struggling than it used to be.

    1. I love that I have know idea who Chappell Roan is, what the 27 club is, or what the struggles are. Heading back into my cave . . . .

      4. Chappell Roan is a pop singer who blew up this summer, and she’s 26 years old, turning 27 next year. The 27 club refers to the fact that a lot of prominent musicians have died at that age (Kurt Cobain, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, etc). I don’t really see a connection though – there’s zero evidence that she has substance issues or is “struggling.”

          2. I think Gen Z is just way more open about in mental health in general. Relative to her peers, she doesn’t seem to have major issues. I’m hardly an expert in Gen Z musicians and I’m sure there are dozens more I’m not familiar with, but just off the top of my head I feel like Billie Eilish and Noah Kahan both talk about mental health as much if not more than Chappell.

            Either way, I agree with others that speculating about someone’s premature death is really gross.

        2. Yeah there have been articles about her discussing her mental health issues that’s nice seen just in passing on the socials. I didn’t know who she was before that.

      5. Haha I knew who she was because she appeared on an episode of Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me. Which must be the most dorky old person reason to know.

      7. “27 club” is the slang term for famous musicians who died at the age of 27 usually due to wild lifestyle choices. Among them would be Jimi Hendricks, Jim Morrison, and Janis Joplin. Chappell Roan is a newly ultra-popular singer who has a couple monster hits out. She’s been struggling with fame recently, like cancelling shows, mouthing off and flipping off camera men/paps, being flippant or fiery about political stances in a way that surprised her fan base negatively, and so on.

      1. More than that, can we not with the speculating someone might die at a young age?? Good lord.

        1. Yes. I think when I was growing up this would have been called “in poor taste”

        2. this post made me think that she had in fact been confirmed dead, which doesn’t seem the case? Why would you post this?

        3. Eh, I am reasonably well informed about actual news, and have kids, a job, and hobbies. Random pop stars half my age have zero impact on my life, so if being unable to interpret this post means I’m “living under a rock,” I’ll just keep being a successful Old and save the space in my brain for things that matter.

          1. I love Chappell Roan thanks to an intro by my teen daughters, but I had no clue what the post was about.

    3. Wow. Sorry. I didn’t mean to vague-book at all. Nor be in poor taste. Clearly I’ve watch too many IG reels because I thought she was generically well know, as was her having to cancel recent concert appearances for a mental health crisis. I definitely didn’t think a top charting pop star was obscure :) Honestly, just wanted to chat about a thought that none of my friends would be interested in and thought may find interest here :)

      1. My 25 year old had to tell me that just because reels are in my algorhythm, that does not mean its really that big of a deal. Somehow I got on Roantok and I am already tired of her. I also know I never saw her anywhere but IG and tiktok.

    2. haha thanks for the laugh! Great juxtaposition with the big smile. Did they crop her face because her eyes were crying for help?!

  7. Calling anyone from the area around where Pennsylvania, West Virginia, Virginia, and Maryland all come together.

    I’m headed your way for work – with a car – and I’m curious if there are any good antique stores, home consignment shops, architectural salvage places, etc roughly between Hagerstown, MD and Morgantown, WV, plus or minus a worthy detour ;)

    Love: nice old things at fair prices.

    Ain’t got time for: fleatiques with old VHS tapes and porcelain knickknacks.

    I’m renovating my house, so I have a running list of things I could use – everything from building parts to furniture to another pretty thing here or there. Thank you!

    2. I live in Central PA and every antique shop I have ever been in around here is a wide range because they are stall-based. There is a decent concentration of stores in Columbia, PA, but I suspect that will be out of your way.

    3. I would recommend Frederick MD and Winchester VA and Charles Town WV. I grew up there but currently live elsewhere.

      1. Frederick and Winchester have good antique stores. I was too lazy to see where in a map they were.

  8. I’ve posted once before about having a chronic condition and recognizing that I’ll need to step back eventually at work because my performance isn’t up to par and I hate it for myself, my clients, my bosses, and the firm. By step back, I mean leave my field for a much less taxing one.

    My bosses don’t know anything about my condition. I’ve never mentioned it, in part because when I was hired 8 years ago, it was in its infancy. It’s gotten worse with the march of time, and I’ve now been seeing a specialist for nearly 2 years, and it feels like 2 steps forward, 1 step back. My medication combination frequently needs adjusting as my body grows to tolerate some part of the cocktail, and the 4-6-8 weeks where we’re trying to find the new right med leaves me functioning at 50% at best.

    I spoke to HR about this once and asked how FMLA worked, and when I told her my need was intermittent, she very kindly said, “oh, we can just work with you on that!” I believe they would, but what I need is a way to raise a flag and say, “I’m so sorry my performance is crap, I’m drowning here, please just let me get myself together for a while, I’ll resurface.” But, hello, they have a business to run! With deadlines and client needs, I can’t be out of pocket and still be part of the team. And it’s not like I have advance notice of when my meds will quit to schedule vacation days.

    In January, we head into our once-a-decade busy period. It’ll last 10-12 months. Planning has already begun and I am excited…just worried. I figure I can pull it together for one more year and finish this out. And then decide whether it’s time to leave (which I fully expect it will be).

    I’m seeing my bosses (it’s just 2 – we’re a small team of just 3 people – me and them) this weekend at a firm retreat. I want to tell them I’m not performing like crap on purpose; I so want them to understand it’s not me. Should I talk about it? What do I say? I’ve got tears welling up as I’m typing this because I hate that this is where I am. It feels natural to me to acknowledge to them that I know I’m dropping balls and that I will be reevaluating my role after the busy period, but that also seems like s h o o t i n g myself in the foot. Your insight is appreciated, thanks.

    1. You should absolutely not, not while this is how you are describing it to us. What it sounds like you may need is intermittent leave, which you’re entitled to take if you qualify under the FMLA and have doctor support. Don’t do a dramatic reveal, when you need leave go to HR and follow the process, and tell your boss that you have an approved intermittent leave for an on going health condition and will prioritize making sure that continuity can be assured.

    2. Absolutely tell them and HR too. If it turns out someday that you can’t do your job, then deal with it then. In the meantime, take intermittent leave and tell them what’s going on. Putting aside the ADA and legal protections, etc. that come with disclosure, it just helps everyone to know what’s going on. If I was planning on a busy period and knew a key team member might not be able to work the whole time, I might plan better and bring in temporary help. I’d be grateful for the disclosure and opportunity to proactively solve the problem.

      1. No–not this at all.

        Work with HR as you need to but do not disclose otherwise until you have to or you’ll be replaced at their earliest opportunities, especially since this will be a progressive issue not likely to be reversed in the long term.

        Poster: I think you need to think of what the employee needs more than the employer here when giving advice. Yes, you as employer would appreciate the heads up. But this person’s livelihood is at risk. I say this as a former cancer patient with nearly a decade of outstanding reviews who lost a job to “restructuring” once my health became known. There are very real reasons why employment protections exist–because otherwise it’s all about the business first. Don’t kid yourself otherwise, especially with a small team.

      2. No, do not tell your boss about your health. This is for HR, and when you need it. Not now.

    3. I can’t speak to the HR side of this, but if you were my employee, I’d appreciate the honesty and would be willing to work with you if you were otherwise a strong employee. One of my employees had a spouse who was dealing with a bad cancer diagnosis and treatment and we worked together to come up with some ways that she could be there for her husband, but also keep her job – it was a mix of FMLA, letting her work from the hospital, working odd hours, and otherwise just knowing when she might not be at the top of her game and stepping in to help out on some stuff. She had no obligation to tell me what was going on in her life, but because I knew we could work around it and it didn’t affect her career negatively at all. Your situation is different because you might not be feeling up to working depending on where you are with your meds or treatment, but depending on your relationship with your bosses and your past performance, I would think that telling them what’s going on in your life and trying to come up with a plan to manage it (rather than trying to hide it and underperforming) would be the better way to go.

      Also, hugs and strength to you. I had another employee who was going through chemo treatment and trying to work at the same time and she realized that it was too much and took FMLA for most of the year to get through treatment and feel ready to work again. Sometimes you just need to do what’s best for you and your health and take advantage of the leaves that are offered.

    4. You also are likely entitled to accommodations under the Americans with Disabilities Act as well as to intermittent leave under the FMLA. A consultation with an employment lawyer before you talk to HR or your bosses might be a good idea.

    5. How sure are you that you’re being perceived as “performing like crap” if this hasn’t come up yet on such a small team?

      You are going through something really difficult, and it’s not clear to me whether you are being hard on yourself or projecting some of your feelings about how this condition is affecting your life (massively) onto how it is affecting your work (I’m sure it’s affecting it, but probably less than it is affecting your life?).

      Many employed people are not all that conscientious or reliable even when they feel fine, and sometimes people who can be trusted to care and to try are highly valued even when struggling. It can feel truly devastating to make a mistake or drop a ball if it’s something we NEVER would have done while well, but it doesn’t always mean we’re underperforming from an outside perspective.

    6. You need to take a big step back and get help getting some perspective from a friend, therapist, whatever. You are understandably very emotional about your life changing. I don’t think you are looking clearly at your work performance or in a position to judge whether it’s good or bad, or how it could or should be accommodated. Your employer is a business but the way the accommodations process is set up is that you work collaboratively with HR to figure out if and how your needs can be accommodated. Sometimes they can’t! But often they can. So don’t treat this as either you do your job perfectly and as you’ve always done it or you need to leave – there’s a lot of opportunity in the middle. AND I’d be realistic about whether you can grit through the next year in what sounds like a very busy and important period, from what you’ve written that’s not obvious. I recommend figuring out how to set yourself up for success rather than trying to grin and bear it. Good luck.

    7. I think it’s dodgy that HR talked you out of applying for intermittent FMLA. As someone who has had employees with chronic conditions, I encourage them to get the right protections in place, not to do some kind of handshake “we’ll work with you” crap.
      Get on intermittent FMLA, then partner with your leadership team to scale goals to what you can actually achieve.
      Nobody deserves to feel like their performance is crap when they’re trying this hard, so I agree with you that you have to change something, but your employer can change too.

      1. It is the employer’s responsibility to designate leave as FML, not the employee’s duty to request it.

      2. This! You need FMLA to protect your job. I would never ever rely on someone’s word they’ll accommodate me–what happens if they leave? Are you SOL then?

        Get the FMLA set up use it intermittently as needed.

    8. Don’t tell them at a weekend retreat!

      My instinct would be to set up a meeting with your managers and HR. Come in with a proposed plan. Do they need to hire someone else on while you drop down to a part time schedule? Are there solutions for everyone?

    9. When I reached this place in my life/disease process, I re-evaluated my job completely and left my career track. I sense that you are toying with this idea, as 1 year of most intense in a decade work on a very small team sounds very daunting and stressful to me. And I suspect that your disease may flare with stress/less sleep. Forgive me if I’m wrong.

      Is it time to be re-evaluating, before you are in the midst of everything? I may be totally off track as I don’t know your disease. Mine is progressive so I know it will only get worse with time, so I had to really slap myself on the face and think about how I wanted to live my life. It sounds like you are a lawyer so fortunately you may have financially acceptable options that will leave you with better quality of life. Quality of life should be the most important thing for us… for all of us… but particularly when our health is at stake.

      1. Similar here. I tried for 2 years with taking chunks of time off to recover, but quickly realized that I actually needed to remake my life to be calmer and lower stress all of the time. It was hard, physically, emotionally, economically, mentally, but I ended up in a much better place as a result. I still work but it’s at about an 80% schedule and I really never get to a point where I’m sick and need to take time off to recover because over all my stress/sleep/exercise/diet is all zeroed in to make the best of my sucky health.

  10. I’m interested in getting hair extensions installed to add volume (not length) to my thin, fine, shoulder length hair. (I already am on oral minoxidil, have taken oral supplements, and am implementing all the hair care best practices. I want more thickness than they have achieved.) I’m booking consultations with a couple of different salons in my area that offer tape-ins and keratin tips, but I’m wondering if anyone here has gone down this path and has advice.

    1. I have sewn-in wefts for the same reasons. They are pretty high maintenance, but I LOVE how they look. I had tape-ins before and they were fine, but the wefts provide a lot more volume. There are two layers sewn all around my head and my actual hair covers them. Pros are they look great and I have to wash my hair less often. Cons are they are SO expensive and time-consuming. I have to get the wefts moved up no less often than once a month, and then every quarter or so we take them out completely and sew them back in. It takes forever to dry my hair (and you have to blow dry – you can’t let the wefts stay wet). Again, I love them and it is all worth it to me.

      1. Thank you for sharing! Do you find it difficult to style your hair in ponytails and half-up styles with the wefts? And have you noticed much damage/loss to your natural hair?

        1. No and no. I wear ponytails and half-up all the time, although the clip/elastic has to be kind of low. For exercise I put it in a high pony and wear a thick headband. I have not noticed damage. I think any damage caused by the wefts is offset by the fact that I wash, dry, and heat-style my hair so much less often. I went from every day without fail to twice a week.

    2. I have a similar experience to anon at 1019 except that I don’t consider my monthly move ups to be a big deal. It coincides with my gray root touch ups and maybe adds an extra ten minutes. I was told to replace every 6 months so I’m not spending as much. FWIW my salon specializes in extensions and recommend the sew ins. It’s really nice and worth the money.

    3. I have had tapes in a couple of times and I loved how my hair looked with the extensions, but no matter what your stylist says, they WILL damage your hair. After taking them out, it took a good 6-8 months for my hair to get back to normal (it wasn’t awful, but I definitely lost a lot of natural thickness in the multiple removal processes and my hair wasn’t that thick to begin with).

      Tapes last less time than microrings (6-7 weeks before they start showing depending on how thick your hair is – mine isn’t very thick so it was 6 weeks and they can start poking out, vs 3 months with microrings. They take less time to put in/replace at the salon, but if you leave them wet, the glue will weaken and they will start to slip or can cause tangles (but you just have to dry around the tape part, you can leave the ends wet). With microrings, you also have to blow dry immediately because they will get matted/tangled.

      A word to the wise: if you go for tapes, make sure that for a maintenance (ie where they replace them after your hair grows) the salon will remove the tape and add new tapes rather than CUT the tape off the extension so that every time you go back, the extensions get shorter and shorter, which is a waste of money. The second place I went to replaced the actual tape which means that your expensive extensions actually technically last indefinitely.

      1. +1 to all of this. OP, if your hair is thin + fragile as mine was due to medical reasons, all extensions are going to be rough on your hair. After years of extensions and paying a frankly absurd amount of money on a 6 week basis to maintain them, I tried toppers and never looked back. They are especially helpful if you have thinner hair on the top of your head. Extensions can only go on the sides of your head so adding volume at the top is just not possible. Toppers are pricey upfront (good ones that mimic a real scalp and don’t look wiggy are $800-1400) but last 18+ months with good care and my hair goes from blah and undone to polished and styled in a minute or less. They are also great for covering greys. The only downside for me is that styling your hair in a high pony is difficult unless you get a topper made especially for that.

  11. Would you trust an “x press spa” at an airport to safely remove gel polish and give you a manicure? I have a 3-hour layover in Salt Lake tomorrow and could use a mani refresh – I have 2.5 week old gel polish on right now. My normal salon doesn’t use drills and I’m a little nervous about what a new spot could do / damage my nails. Have never done an airport treatment. Any experiences or suggestions welcome!

      1. That’s not true. The acetone will loosen it, but they will scrape, which does thin the nail.

  12. I’m a partner at a midsize (<100-atty) firm. I am taking my first “no e-mail, no cell service” vacation in 8 years starting Saturday. (The last time I didn’t have email for more than 2 days was not vacation, I was having a baby! And then checked every day during “leave”, ha…) I am confident I have all my clients covered, my legal assistant and para are excellent, I am still weirdly nervous. I am trying to practice what I preach and model for the (younger) attorneys that it is possible to take breaks. I have spent the last year introducing associates and partners to my top 20 clients so these clients have more than just me. Almost no issue in my practice area has any deadline before x business days, and I scheduled so I will technically be back in/could cram a response even if an issue hit the day I leave and everyone else was sick or frozen until I got back. But I’m still nervous – probably a control thing! – even as my family is elated for this new effort. Any other tips, sympathies, etc. welcome!

    1. Did you hire and train a good team? Part of that is being able to handle emergencies that technically aren’t theirs. Remember this as you’re on leave.

      Also the cynical advice is right: if you are hit by a truck at lunch, your firm would figure out how to make do without you. They can certainly handle a planned absence.

    2. My only tip is to enjoy your vacation and don’t look back! Once you take a real vaction, you will be hooked and will wonder why you never did it before.

    3. Your nervousness probably does come from a sense of control, the adrenaline of being always on, and the habit of being needed at all times. Please expect it to take a while (days?) to calm down internally while on vacation. After 8 years of constant connection, you’ll probably feel anxious and twitchy because you’re not checking in. Though work has “forced” you to always be “on,” you’ve probably also internalized it, and may experience some addiction-like responses to not having that constant input.

      I find it helpful to go in expecting an internal reaction like that, and knowing I’ll need to put up with the discomfort and ride it out.

    4. Also, think of it this way: you want to convey to your team that you are confident in them, and trust them. You do that by letting them handle things, not by constantly checking in. In other words, if you can’t do it for yourself, do it for them!

  13. I’m having trouble deciding between insurance plans at a new job and would love some help. All three plans are PPOs from the same provider, so the difference between them seems to be minimal. The main questions I’m asking myself:

    *Would I rather pay a little out of paycheck each month or pay nothing out of my paycheck and pay it in the form of a deductible?
    *How important/good is it to have an HSA? I’ve never had one, but I’ve heard mixed things.
    *Which would you choose?

    Plan A
    $30/per paycheck (so $60/month).
    $500 deductible
    $3,000 out-of-pocket max
    No HSA option

    Plan B
    $43/per paycheck ($86/month)
    $0 deductible
    $3,000 out-of-pocket max
    No HSA option

    Plan C
    $0 per paycheck (no cost to me)
    $1500 deductible
    $3,000 out-of-pocket max
    Option to contribute to an HSA

        1. +1

          A HDHP with HSA is usually the cheaper option by far if you are on either end of the health care use spectrum. If you are in the middle use-wise it might be closer to a traditional option, but you still usually come out ahead financially on average over a few years with a HDHP with HSA.

    2. How is Plan C an HDHP eligible for an HSA? The deductible must be at least $1650 for a 2025 individual plan.

    3. HSA is great if your company contributes, and if you are comfortable managing expenses. The money is yours, so if you leave, or have one light expense year and the next heavy, any money you fund into that follows you and can also be invested once it hits a certain value and rolled into a retirement account once you reach a certain age. I have had them for years, but work in a closely related field and also get a company contribution.

      In all cases, in your worst case scenario, the most you will have out of pocket is $3000, so to me assuming you are planning for worst case scenario, Plan C is the cheapest. If you are a generally healthy person who is not going to hit that cap, to me option B makes the most sense. That’s your least expensive assuming your costs are going to be in the 1000-3000 range for the year. If you literally never use your insurance, then go option A.

      1. I will add, from helping figure out options to offer employees, Plan A is what we call the “my mom told me I should have insurance” plan. Its easy to understand, and cheap out of pocket. Plan B is the I have chronic issues but don’t understand HSA or want to have to pay out of pocket for random visits plan. It’s what most people are used to and comfortable with navigating. Plan C is I have a planned surgery a year or so from now I want to set money aside for or the I am looking for more ways to save for retirement plan.

        1. This is so true! I love the way you categorized them. Plan A is definitely the “my mom wants me to have insurance” plan and it’s the type I’m most familiar with.

          Re: Plan C, I guess it’s always nice to have another retirement savings vehicle… I don’t know why I’m feeling weird about it. Probably just because it’s unfamiliar! But my financial advisor is very pro-HSA, and maybe I just need to get comfortable with it.

          1. HSAs are great. Triple tax advantage. I switched from a ‘traditional’ insurance like Plan B to Plan C three years ago, and now my HSA is well over my OOP max (which is a lot higher than yours!!) in case of something major. I am in good health so most of my care is 100% covered as preventative even with the HDHP.

            I do have a handful of $20-$50 copays for things like the derm, and just pay those on my credit card and preserve my HSA as an investment vehicle for retirement. Unlike FSAs it’s not ‘use or lose’ every year, so you can accumulate a ton.

          2. Yeah, Plan C is a good one – a lowish “high” deductible takes a lot of the sting and risk out, and the OOP max is the same across all 3 plans.

      1. For all: No copay for in-network preventive services; 20% for out-of-network

        Plan A
        In network: Copay $20 reg, $40 specialist
        Out of network: Coinsurance is 20%

        Plan B
        In network: Copay $15 reg, $30 specialist
        Out of network: Coinsurance is 20%

        Plan C (HSA option)
        10% in-network, 30% out-of-network

        1. But what is the coinsurance on A and B? The copay only covers the doctor’s visit, not labs, xrays, procedures, etc.

        2. If you can discipline yourself to contribute regularly to your HSA, I would go with Plan C. Contribute enough that you can pay the out of pocket max from your HSA funds, and keep it replenished to at least that amount.

    5. I should add, I am generally healthy, but I do see a therapist regularly, so I will definitely use those $30 copays…

      1. If you do go with Plan C (which I suspect would be less expensive overall), just remind yourself when you see the first full-amount therapy invoice that a $30 copay hid the fact that you were paying an additional premium with every paycheck for the privilege of that copay discount.

    6. If you choose option C instead of option B, you can contribute the $1,118 you would have spent on premiums to your HSA.

  14. I am wearing a work dress to work today. The 2″ black block heels I threw on now don’t seem right. I wish they were more like 1″ (so not flats, but flatter than what I’m wearing). Does this shoe exist? I keep finding flat flats or heels and not this in-between hybrid. At any rate, what are you all wearing with work dresses? Mine is a shift, slightly above the knee. Sort of an early 70s vibe.

    1. Tbh I don’t wear dresses to work anymore and I don’t think anyone else in my office does either.

      1. I’m not wearing sheaths any more (more of a me issue with my perimenopause shape-shifting), but I am for other shapes.

      2. I hear this all the time here but I also see a lot of midi dresses in my Southern California office. I expect that might change as it gets colder because nobody seems to know what to wear on their legs. Opaque tights look dated but we have not yet gone back to the sheer hose of my youth (although I suspect that is where we are going).

          1. Thank you for giving me hope! They might be headed west once our temps drop (our high today is supposed to be 81 – we are definitely still in bare legs). I reluctantly wore opaque tights but they always made me feel like a toddler.

            Boot cut jeans, sheer tights/hose and bow blouses. I will retire in the same clothes I started out in at this rate. All I need is the return of “The Skirt”.

      3. Counterpoint, I wear dresses to work 3 times a week and sometimes every day. Usually a merino knit dress or a ponte knit. Dresses are not “out of style” they are a style choice.

      4. I work with almost all women and see dresses all the time. Very rarely a sheath dress, but longer dresses for sure.

    3. I wear real heels or pointed-toe flats. I don’t think low heels look flattering with dresses.

      Is it possible that your issue is not the heel height but the color? I think black shoes with bare legs creates a jarring contrast unless you have very dark skin. The shoe should be similar in value to your skin tone.

      1. My skin tone is rosacea, so sticking with better colors. Hot pink is otherwise my skin tone.

    4. Check out Ann Mashburn. She has the not flat, not heel you’re looking for. Talbots has good knock offs.

      Re: dresses. I was all about pants, feeling like the zeitgeist is really pants, but I went to a conference in DC with mostly DC types, and everyone was wearing dresses, so definitely a know your town kind of thing.

      1. And most of my pants are black and I get tired of the black. It seems that a dress is the easiest way to wear color or prints without it looking to much like a random vs intentional pairing.

        1. Post your size and price range in the afternoon thread, and I’ll find a few options for you.

    6. I’m wearing a lot of flats or flats slightly raised. My favorites at the moment are by Vionic in a cheetah print with a strap across the top. When I’m going to be doing a lot of standing or walking, I like the Vellore style of softwalks. I think what helps both of them work for dresses is the toe and vamp being more almond than round. When it gets colder, I’ll do boots or sheer black tights and black shoes. I attend a lot of conferences (healthcare and finance)–usually two or so a month. I’d say dresses are about 50/50 with pants. At dinners, it’s more like 75% or 80% dresses. If anything, I think dresses are having a resurgence right now. The long style jackets aren’t flattering on a lot of folks, which is what I suspect may be behind it–at least that’s why I’m not wearing more blazers with pants right now.

  15. I have $50 to spend on a gift for each of my daughter’s sport team coaches. They are all female, two are moms of players (ages 9-12) and one is a local woman in town who volunteers with the org. All three have busy careers (one is the CEO of a hospital!)- this is a thank you from the parents, not a tip/cash situation.

    They will also be getting flowers.

    $50 seems like not quite enough for a restaurant. I don’t know them enough to know if a mani-pedi would be appreciated. Starbucks? There is a locally owned sporting good store, maybe that?

    1. 50 for a popular restaurant in town would probably be well received and they could spend it all at once. Starbucks I would find more annoying because I’d have to keep track of the card. I’d probably prefer target or barnes and noble, which can be spent all at once during the holiday season.

      1. $50 isn’t enough for a restaurant anymore, so it kind of puts the burden on them to go out and have a meal. I’d say 100 would be fine, and myself have gotten $75 to a place that does fancy brunch and it worked. If my money pot could afford $75 that’s what I’d do.

        1. Depends where you live. In my Midwest college town there are tons of restaurants where $50 covers a meal fro two if you don’t order alcohol or tons of food.

    2. Can you organize a group gift card from the other team members? Like, a $500 Target gift card is a heck of a lot more useful to many people than a dozen one-off gifts.

    3. If they’re Starbucks people, then I’d go with that. They will load their card on to their apps so they don’t have to keep track of it. Your $50 will buy them about a dozen drinks depending on what they get, so it’s kinda a gift that gives several times. For this reason, I love getting Starbucks cards.

      1. I love Starbucks gift cards, too. I don’t go to Starbucks often; I can easily afford it but it feels like a splurge because I am frugal. I love that I get to feel slightly pampered multiple times from a single gift card.

    4. Mugs with a team photo printed on them. Or, a framed photo. Honestly, if all the girls just wrote notes that you put in a notebook about their favorite memory of the season that could also be an options.

      1. OP here…you are not wrong, but that’s beyond my ability to organize. I tried that years ago and it took so much chasing down and I was still missing players. Even the group photo is impossible as someone ways seems to be missing! I did a group photo with the basketball team since they are a smaller group.

        With softball, I have had them sign the ball in the past. This sport isn’t as straightforward. But I completely agree with you.

    5. I’m similarly situated although kids are a bit younger and I would love Starbucks. Target or Barnes and Noble is also good. Amazon is ok. I don’t support the company but wouldn’t have trouble spending the gift card. No Visa gift cards!

  16. Just found out that I’m pretty moderately B12 and iron deficient and doctor is recommending supplements. That’s not why I had the blood draw done, but wouldn’t ya know. Probably part of why I’m exhausted after any amount of sleep….

    Anyway, I’ve never taken vitamin supplements before. Doctor recommended Floradix because it’s “well tolerated” for my iron supplement. Is iron generally not well tolerated? Any other recs for iron or B12?

    1. similar situation. doc recommended iron. i felt ok but (not sure if this will get through the site) it made my waste shall we say tarry and greasy and hard to wipe.

    2. I’ve never had notable side effects from iron supplements, but I understand they can cause GI discomfort. If your doc is recommending something specific, that seems like a fine place to start.

    3. I took Slow Fe when I was low in a pregnancy. There are some recommendations—take it with food because it doesn’t sit well on an empty stomach. There are some other food things —foods that help or hurt absorption.
      It was fabulous. I felt better immediately.
      You can also look at iron rich foods.

    4. Iron makes you constipated. Liquids like Floradix are supposedly better absorbed and are non-constipating.

    5. I took prenatal vitamins to combat anemia while not pregnant. They were the only iron supplements that didn’t kill my stomach.

    6. The only formulation of iron I’ve tried that doesn’t bother my stomach is heme iron (e.g. Proferrin). Others slow my digestion badly and don’t raise my iron well either. But I do have low stomach acid, and I haven’t tried Floradix. Some people (and some doctors) say that combining regular iron supplements with vitamin C helps with absorption (this worked for my mom).

      For B12 supplements, methylcobalamin supplements are very trendy right now, but may not be what your doctor meant for you to take (hydroxocobalamin is the form found in foods, and cyanocobalamin is the form usually used to supplement).

      B12 deficiency can be from inadequate intake if you’re on a long term plant-based diet. But if you eat meat, fish, eggs, or dairy regularly, the most common cause of B12 deficiency is malabsorption (from parietal cell antibodies, Celiac, IBD, etc.), so you may need further workup even if the supplements help. (The liver can store a ton of B12 and release it back into the GI system for absorption, so it’s unusual to go deficient unless something is up with absorption or unless we’ve been relying on stored B12 for months on end.)

      If supplements don’t correct the exhaustion, know that it is possible for B12 injections to outperform supplements when it comes to neurological symptoms like fatigue. BMJ has a good recent overview on troubleshooting the treatment of B12 deficiency. The injections get around any malabsorption concerns and can be helpful if that work up is still ongoing.

      1. Thank you for this (and everyone else). I’m not vegetarian but I am on a GLP1 and have a monster turn-off to meat. I’m trying to eat more salmon and will be mindful of meats in general, but it’s hard to force myself to eat it.

        Interesting on the B12. All she told me was an over the counter 1000-2000 mg supplement daily, but was not specific as to the type.

        The reason I wanted the blood work in the first place was because I’m experiencing a lot of hair loss and suddenly. We don’t think it’s weight-loss driven given the timing of the hair loss relative to the weight loss. We were thinking thyroid but nothing in this initial panel has made her think it was thyroid. But, I honestly don’t know what she’s looking at in the panel to make that call. What would they have tested for to indicate thyroid function? They did CBC, Iron w binding capacity, TSH w/ reflex, folate and B12.

        1. TSH was the thyroid test. Iron can really help with hair loss if iron has been low!

          1. Super helpful – thank you! TSH was at the very low end of normal, but normal. Will pursue the iron (and B12) immediately!

            Thanks for helping me advocate for myself!

          2. Lower TSH means higher thyroid levels, so that is probably why the doctor isn’t pursuing the thyroid angle. I really hope you’ll be feeling less exhausted soon!

    7. FWIW, a dermatologist recommended for me the MegaFood blood builder iron supplements to me as an easy on the stomach iron + B12 supplement. My iron levels were borderline at the time. Available at Whole Foods and Amazon.

      1. My doctor also recommended this one for iron.

        To consider before you start B12 supplements (or afterwards if they aren’t helping), ask them to test you for pernicious anemia. I went through three years of up down up down injections and more injections and throwing money away on supplements before they thought to test me, and I didn’t even know it was a thing.

      2. This was the winner for me after trying lots of iron supplements, including heme iron.

    9. Solgar’s Gentle Iron, taken every other day, has been pretty easy on my stomach.

      1. I like this one.

        For B12 I use the kind that dissolves in your mouth. My thinking was that if I was low on B12 it was probably because I wasn’t absorbing it, not because I wasn’t consuming it, so I should avoid the kind that gets absorbed in the digestive tract. Disclaimer: I am not a doctor.

    10. Ive always taken iron supplements at night before bed because of the possible stomach distress. I think when I was pregnant they used to make me nauseous. Definitely watch the constipation on them though.

    11. In case you don’t know: You need vitamin C to absorb the iron and make use of it, so have a kiwi fruit or a glass of OJ with your supplement.

    12. I have a B12 deficiency and I use shots. Even with the shots, I still barely cross the lower threshold.

      1. I’m not seeing it….! I see “B Complex” in green but not B12. Looks like B12 is pink?

  17. I am gearing up to gut and redo both our upstairs bathrooms — they are original 1960s, starting to leak everywhere, etc.

    What fixtures/features in your bathrooms do you love (or hate)? A flat side toilet for easy cleaning, a certain shower head, radiant heating, etc.

    The constraint is that the spaces are relatively small and narrow. Kids will have a tub/shower combo, primary will have just a shower (but hopefully a good size one). And has anyone regretted keeping a window in the shower (assume there is no other place for the shower, and the alternative is to remove the window entirely)?

    1. I love the black grid shower we have (sort of like the one in the link below). I absolutely hate the rain shower head we put in, and I trek down two floors to shower in an unrenovated bathroom with an old-fashioned but powerful shower head. I also hate the super shallow drawers in the vanities we chose. I should have paid closer attention but my decorating style is Modern Empty and I just had no interest in thinking about it. I let my husband choose everything.

      https://www.wayfair.com/home-improvement/pdp/dreamline-french-corner-36-w-x-36-d-x-7475-h-framed-square-shower-kit-dln4054.html?piid=31983552

      1. We also hated the rain head that came with our shower and replaced it. Some people like having a shower head and a separate hand held. The hand held is helpful if someone needs to use a shower chair or similar, which has happened once to me after a leg surgery and a second time when my mom was in cancer treatment and needed to sit while showering.
        I also don’t like that our shower is really big because it never gets warm. I don’t want a tiny shower, but I prefer smaller. I also don’t like the showers with half glass doors where a lot of the shower is open; they also don’t get warm. I hate tub showers and would never put one in my own bathroom.
        I like a window in the bathroom. If someone could see into the window, then use glass bricks or similar. If not, plain glass.
        Bathrooms never seem to have enough outlets or they’re not in convenient spots.
        Install toilet paper holders with an arm instead of a spring like a pivot one or just a straight arm. The spring ones are annoying and harder to use as you get older.
        If you plan to age in this house, consider things like a roll-in shower and the amount of space around the toilet.

        1. Hand held is better for most purposes. With an adjustable head you get jet stream for getting shampoo out, reach for intimate washing, reach for self-gardening jets, adjustable angles, adjustable height… I don’t get why anybody would want a fixed one.

        2. My new shower is also large, which I thought I would love, but it never gets fully warm enough for me (I like borderline scalding hot water) and I’m weirdly validated seeing someone else with this problem! The tile is lovely and there’s even a little tiled-in bench but it’s too big!

    2. We are looking at a bathroom renovation soon. My #1 priority is materials that don’t attract mildew, are easy to clean, and don’t get damaged or stain easily. In the shower I think this translates to minimizing the number of joints (both grouted and caulked) and frameless doors. I also want as much built-in storage as possible, a powerful but quiet exhaust fan, and outlets at both sinks. I would keep the window for natural light and for ventilation if it opens.

      Things I detest: rain showerheads, giant showers that get cold, those pebble shower floors, showers with insufficient built-in shelves so you have to use a shower caddy, anything that has the potential to break like powerflush toilets and heated floors, countertops that stain easily, cabinets with lots of grooves and details that trap dust.

      1. You and I have the same shower pet peeves. I’ll add that there should be a ledge for shaving your legs at the correct height, a detachable shower head, controls you can access without standing inside the shower, and a towel bar on the shower door (or a nearby hook plus two bars elsewhere in the bathroom). Not relevant for a tub shower but stall shower doors should swing both inward and outward.

    3. If I had a 60s home I would lean full into the mid century and pick a a neutral tile (white maybe?) with a color tile trim, brass and wood accents.

    4. I will add the most random plus of a window in the shower, assuming it has a wide enough sill: it’s a great place to put an orchid. Bright, indirect light (because presumably a window in a shower is frosted) and humid.

      1. Oh wow, what a cool idea. My biggest complaint about our house is the builders put FIVE of the south-facing windows in bathrooms and closets! It’s very limiting for plants since so many of the living spaces, including the primary bedroom, are low light.

        Speaking of…has anyone put a transom window from the bathroom into a bedroom/hallway? Maybe frosted? The lack of natural light is bumming me out

        1. I did a whole wall with 18 inches of glass at the top to let light from the skylights in my big bathroom filter out to the hall and stairs (stairs also has a skylight at the top, original to the build in 1876). I loved the quality of light that resulted.

        2. Not sure what you are suggesting. When we moved in our house had Suntubes. They bring in a lot of natural light. I am not sure we are going to keep them as it’s gotten so hot where we are.

    5. Shower tub combo is absolutely fine for a kids bath. I prefer the shower curtain to the glass door in that situation be it’s easier to sit with the kids during bath time and you won’t have to worry about kids keeping it clean.i put one by three inch white herringbone porcelain tile in the kids bath with darker grout and I’d choose it again. Slip proof, cute, cheap and easy to clean. I was cautioned about my radiant heat floors but they are really nice and we like them. You probably don’t want a huge shower because they get cold. Women tend to dislike rain style shower heads because they kind of waterboard you and it’s hard to avoid getting your hair wet. Hardware was a splurge for us (Newport brass) and I think personally that it makes a difference in the lux level of the master shower. Fans are silly important, windows or not. Oh and because it’s my biggest regret, you don’t want to put a shaded sconce in your bathroom. That is what the clear shaded sconces are for.

    6. -Good exhaust fans!!
      -Hide the shampoo niche as best you can for your layout. Builders always want to put it at shoulder height in the middle… which means all your products are always cluttering the view.
      -The less grout, the easier to keep clean. We went with 12×24 tiles for the floor and have no regrets.
      -A shower that’s big enough not to be banging your elbows but small enough to feel cozy warm vs. cavernous.
      -Went with a regular showerhead + handheld sprayer combo. Good for use as well as cleaning! I hate rainfall style as you’re either 100% soaked or outside the spray.
      -Didn’t do a bench but did put in a niche that was the right height to use as a footrest when shaving
      -Plan for where your towel bars & hooks will be most useful

      1. oh and although pedestal sinks are trendy, we did cabinet style because no one ever says a bathroom has too much storage.

    7. A bidet!

      I love a shower head that can create high pressure, needle-fine spray and includes a handheld component. Not rain shower.

      Enough towel hooks and spots for hanging clothes or robes are a must.

      Good lighting that is bright enough when you want to see, and that has a dim option for quick night time trips so it doesn’t wake you up.

      Good exhaust fans that turn over the right CFM for your space and that are quiet and properly vented to the outdoors.

    8. Make sure the tub is deep enough. We have a small NYC bathroom and the one tub that fit and that we could afford is a bit shallow to actually bathe in, at least for an adult, unless we cover the overflow.

      1. On the other hand, make sure your tub isn’t too large. Ours literally holds more water than our water heater. It’s unusable because you can only fill it about a quarter of the way before the water gets cold. Totally ridiculous.

    9. I am curious about a flat side toilet.
      I love our frameless glass shower, large tiles (easier to clean), removable shower head with magnetic setting (easy to wash the dog). Radiant heating is really nice but I don’t use it as much as I thought I would. If I could redo I would add a bench to the shower.

    10. TOTO toilet. You will thank me!

      Big niche for 1 L shampoo bottles.

      Vanity, not pedestal sink, for storage!

      HEATED FLOORS.

    11. I love a big tiled walk-in shower downstairs as compared to a shower/ tub combination recommended by the architect. His recommendation made sense (one has to have a tub somewhere in the house) but I always go downstairs to the shower I love!
      Install ADA grab bars – you never know when they will be needed. Vhile visiting family in the UK recently. I saw chargers for electric toothbrushes in the wall not on a flat surface somewhere. I loved them. I don’t know if they are available in the US.

    12. I love my new heated floors; Kohler toilet with heated seat and auto flush; and towel warmers. It’s important to have shampoo niches that are tall and wide enough, and don’t forget one or more shaving niches for shaving your legs! One thing I’d do a little differently: we chose fixtures (faucet for the sink, handles inside the shower door) that are flat across the top. They look great, but water pools on the flat surfaces. In future I’d pick fixtures that are rounded on top. Enjoy your new bathroom! It’ll be so worth it.

      1. I’ll add one thing about my Kohler toilet. While I love the toilet itself, I despise the flush plate. It has a continuous blue light that cannot be turned off or even dimmed. We had both the plumber and the electrician look at it and also called Kohler customer service. Our bathroom is right off the bedroom and that light shines so brightly at night that it disturbs my sleep. Closing the bathroom door isn’t a solution for Reasons. Currently it’s covered with cardboard and we’re going to have to replace it. TL;DR don’t get an illuminated flush plate unless your bathroom is far away from your bedroom.

    13. Easy access drain and heated floors.

      Dont’t get rid of natural light, but accept that you will have to replace the window frame due to rot at some time.

  18. Our pots and pans (and general cookware like spatulas and whisks) are reaching the end of their life and we need new ones. I’ve tasked my husband with finding a new set, but any suggestions for a set/brand, maybe under $500 or so but for tough-wear everyday use?

    1. All-clad stainless steel for sure. Ours have been in use for 12 years and I expect they will last for the next 50!

      1. Ugh.This. I just want all my cookware to be stainless steel. Why is the world constantly pushing everything else? Ss is easy to clean and lasts forever and I don’t have to worry about the weird non stick coating or cleaning it without soap,

      3. My all clad is from 1998 and seriously as good as new. And I’m an avid cook.

        For spatulas I like the sur la table silicone line where the handles are the same material as the spatula blades. They make so much more sense.

    2. I’ve been using a Calphalon Tri-Play set from Bed Bath & Beyond for over a decade and it’s doing great for typical home cooking. Sometimes they get thrown in the dishwasher and emerge fine.

    3. I would not buy a set, just the individual pans you actually use.

      All-clad stainless steel is fantastic but will come in over your price point if you need more than a couple of pans. If you can swing it, it’s a worthwhile investment. I chose the D3 Everyday line because it has a pouring lip and is not as heavy as the D5 and other more expensive lines. The D3 pans are already quite heavy when full of water.

      I would get induction-compatible pans even if you don’t currently have an induction stove. That way if you get a new stove or move you won’t have to replace your pans.

      1. You can also buy an induction appropriate disc to set between the burner and your aluminum or other non ferrous pots/pans. It’s a heck of a lot cheaper than buying all new, if you move to induction.
        I have a mix of newer and old. The harvest gold Club saucepans my parents received as wedding gifts in the early 70s still see heavy use.

        1. The discs don’t work as well, though.

          Fun fact: Not all stainless steel is induction-compatible. I thought magnets would stick to any steel, but apparently not.

    4. I was just this last weekend thinking about how the Cuisinart stainless steel set I got for myself as a Christmas present 14 years ago right after graduating from college is still going strong.

      1. We had Cuisinart stainless steel for about 20 years and it held up perfectly. We only had to replace it because we got an induction stove. I did always wish that the Cuisinart were a little heavier, though.

    5. We just replaced all of our old black plastic spatulas and similar utensils with Calphalon stainless steel ones. They are so pretty.

      Also, apparently black plastic (specifically black) is often made from recycled electronic devices or other sources that include toxic flame retardants, which don’t get removed in the recycling process.

      In your price range, we are happy with our Tramontina stainless tri-clad pans (just open stock in sizes and styles we use most, not a set), our Lodge cast iron skillet, and an enameled Dutch oven (I think it’s a Pioneer Woman one).

    7. We just bought some Caraway cookware; it’s ceramic coated, so it doesn’t emit weird plastics when heated. It’s been surprisingly good given its price point. I would go with a mix of their ceramic pieces and Lodge cast iron. Lodge is also really good given its price point. Stainless or silicone for the utensils; plastics are getting a lot of negative safety reviews. Don’t buy sets, just buy what you need given what you like to cook.

      1. My DIL bought the Caraway and it looks great (and works well too when I have used it) but there are dozens of postings on Instagram and X saying it stains/burns/doesn’t hold up and had to be trashed just a few years in. It’s not cheap either-I would go for All Clad.

    8. I would not get a set of pots and pans, but buy separately.

      I have a mix of cast iron (le creuset) enameled and not, stainless steel (ikea and some locally made) and a small non-stick omelet pan and milk pan. I will not replace the non-stick when they scratch, then I’ll get steel instead.

      I have wood, steel and silicone spatulas and whisks. My ladles are my grandmas 80 year steel ones. If I had to get new ones, I’d go to Goodwill and get somebody else’s grandma’s ones.

  19. you know this idea of the three piece outfit?i mainly wear a sweater that’s not a cardigan and pants. that’s two pieces. what is the third? a scarf? a brooch? both seem so dowdy…… i don’t usually tuck in so don’t think a belt is an option….. i would be very warm in a sweater and blazer most of the time….

    2. Every day doesn’t require a third piece. Some sweaters are enough on their own, but you could cuff the sleeves and add a bracelet.

    3. The key isn’t having three pieces of clothing. It’s having an “outer” piece of clothing. A sweater is an outer piece. So is a dress with sleeves.

    4. A “third piece” does often help pull an outfit together and create interest. But it’s not the only way to do it. In a pants/sweater outfit, you’d want to pay attention to the cuts, fabrics, colors, and textures of the pants and sweater, to avoid it looking like a generic combo. Also, add interest or tension via shoes. Think of the difference between a generic turtleneck, black office pants, and generic black loafers versus a chunky textured turtleneck in a cropped cut, high-waisted wide-leg tweed trousers, and sneakers. One set of clothes is going to look fairly generic, the other will be an outfit.

      1. +1. A basic outfit with thoughtfully chosen fabrics looks like an ensemble when you add interesting shoes or jewelry. I make sure I’m always wearing one intentional looking item.

  20. When buying on poshmark or second hand, do you always dry clean an item when you receive it or only if it needs it? Just got a new wool coat today that’s in great shape, I’m wondering if I need to dry clean it first or if I can get by without it. Thanks!

    1. always – even if in great shape, you just don’t know whether moths got into wherever they were storing it. Worth the $50 or whatever to avoid that risk!

    3. Almost always. Sometimes I get lazy and just check (depending on fabric) in good light. But in my ideal world I dry clean 100%. Like the other poster noted, it’s bedbugs I’m worried about. But not so worried that I’d stop buying second hand.

      1. just throwing it out there– for those who worry about bed bugs in second hand clothes, you could just put them item in your freezer for a few days.

        1. This is what I do if it’s small. A full length wool coat, though, I’d take to the cleaners. My freezer isn’t big enough.

    4. I hate dry cleaning, so with that caveat:

      I machine wash. Wool setting, wool wash in a mesh bag, dry flat.I have never had anything dry out of shape, but I am willing to take the risk.

      Oh, and I put items in the freezer for at least 3 days to koll any moth or orher bugs.

Comments are closed.