Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Inlet Houndstooth Knit Tweed Blazer

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

A woman wearing a tweed blazer, black turtleneck, and olive pants

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I work in an office where I don’t necessarily need to wear a blazer every day, but with the weather in the Northeast this time of year, layers are key, and if I need to, I’ll keep layering until I look like Joey Tribbiani.

The houndstooth blazer from Faherty would be a chic topper over my blouse and sweater combo, and the fabric provides a little bit of stretch to accommodate a few extra layers underneath. Do note that some of the reviews mention that the sleeves run a bit long, so if you’re petite, be aware that there may be some alterations in your future. 

The blazer is $278 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes XXS-XXL.

If you're hunting for winter blazers in tweeds or other warm fabrics, check Uniqlo, Ann Taylor, Boden, Smythe, J.Crew, Veronica Beard, Tuckernuck, and L'Agence. Some recent ones we've featured:

Sales of note for 2/7/25:

  • Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
  • Boden – 15% off new season styles
  • Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
  • J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+

299 Comments

  1. Man, my skin is rebelling against wool. Like even layering a turtleneck under a wool sweater isn’t enough any more. Forget unlined wool pants. The little thorns of the wool are still bothersome. I can wear wool / nylon socks in my feet and some cashmere or merino blends are OK. But no more just plain “wool” for me. Humbug.

      1. I can only wear Cameron’s merino blends and then only with an under layer. I’m such a hothouse flower in this. Merino blends socks are OK.

    1. Well, y’all are in luck since plastic sweaters seem to be all over the place these days!

        1. Me too, but they aren’t very warm. I’ve been layering with LL Bean silk long underwear, because the technical long underwear is so plastic.

  2. I am looking for advice on dealing with criticism in a professional context. My practice involves arbitrations; there is an arbitrator I deal with who is just a difficult person. The last time I appeared before her she disparaged my performance. I’ve been practicing for decades and tend to be self critical but there was really no need to make the comment and it was baseless in the context. Still it was upsetting. How would you respond to this? I just remained neutral and ignored it but still felt awful and ashamed even though I did nothing wrong. Is there a professional way to shut this down? I tend to default to extreme courtesy in professional situations but I’m getting to the point in life where my self respect won’t let me be a doormat anymore. All of my dealings are without a record or transcript.

    1. A cold “Thank you for your thoughts, but they’re not necessary.” And I think you can follow up if it happens again: “Please keep your opinions to yourself.” (I don’t know about any hierarchies here — this isn’t my field, so others with direct knowledge of arbitration proceedings might be useful.)

      The second part is about you internalizing the comment. Keep reminding yourself that you did nothing wrong, and keep reminding yourself that you know what you’re doing.

      1. This is not possible because the arbitrator is like a judge, who gets to decide OP’s case. There is a power dynamic, and on top of that, as noted below, the OP must act in her client’s best interest.
        I have worked with some nasty people over the years, and honestly, the thing that makes me feel better is rolling my eyes about it with someone in my office, usually one of my partners who knows me and will tell me the other person was at fault. I also remind myself of the things I tell my kids–other kids are being mean because of a them-issue, not a you-issue. It makes her feel better about herself to do that, for some reason you’ll never know.

        1. Ah, okay — thanks for explaining. I didn’t realize that the arbitrator was a judge, so there’s a hierarchy issue.

          1. Op here. She is not a judge. Id be more inclined to deference if she were. She’s the finder of fact and law in this particular tribunal, though so things get muddy. But essentially she’s an attorney with a contract agreement with a private company. She is not a public official.

          2. She is serving as the judge in this capacity though. Continue to ignore and don’t get snarky with her. That will undoubtedly hurt your side’s case and is not in your client’s best interest.

            In my personal experience with arbitrators, there’s a certain breed that enjoys being the ultimate authority, and that’s why they do it. So she’s not going to react well to any pushback from you, especially when it doesn’t have to do with the facts of the case.

          3. The issue isn’t whether she’s a public official, it’s whether she has power over your outcome.

      2. You can’t be snarky to someone with power over you, and the judges know that, they love the power

    2. At least in my area of practice, the parties mutually agree on (or at least have the opportunity to strike) an arbitrator. I’d look into how you can stop providing this woman with arbitration fees at all.

      Beyond that, don’t respond in the moment; it’s not to your client’s benefit, and you are there for your client’s benefit, not yours.

    3. I’m practicing in a small bar in an area where in-person appearances for case management and motions are frequent. One of the judges notoriously lacks a measured judicial temperament. Unfortunately there’s not really anything I can do in the moment except to say, “Yes, Your Honor” or “Thank you, Your Honor.” It’s afterward, back at the office, where I tell my clients (and my colleagues) that every time that judge treats me poorly, it only makes me stronger.

      1. I wouldn’t want to hear that as a client. Save it for peers if you must. As a client, that feels unprofessional and opens the door to me wondering if any interpersonal issues are going to affect my case.

      2. The only thing I would want to hear as a client is that the judge’s obvious bad treatment of my attorney won’t affect the outcome of my case.

    4. There is nothing to do when the jerk is the arbitrator or judge. You appear before them over and over again, and they are the decisionmakers. There is no benefit to having a conflict with them.

      I love a good long rant with my coworkers back at the office though!

  3. So I just learned when someone says they’ll add a tv/music/book recommendation to the ‘list’ they’re blowing you off. But I really do have lists, and actually do check out. What are other common lies like this?

    Just me over here being a weirdo with my lists clearly not realizing when people are trying to ‘politely’ get rid of me.

    1. (to add, I learned this when I pulled out my phone to literally add something to a list and my bewildered friend explained to me how out to lunch I was).

      1. I think your friend is the rude one in this case. There isn’t anything wrong with taking a recommendation seriously and tracking it if that’s how you remember things!
        Monologuing through a one sided conversation when someone else clearly doesn’t care or want to chat more is where you edge into ‘rude’ territory but even then it’s more ‘clueless’ vs. ‘inconsiderate/rude’.

        1. Yes. FWIW, I also have lists. Literally a google sheet with tabs for fiction, nonfiction, tv shows and movies. The book ones are embarrassingly well organized with columns for author’s name, genre (historical fiction/sci Fi) and subgenre/notes (WWII, dystopia) that I fill in depending on how specific the rec is. I mark whether I’ve read something and whether I’d recommend to others. (Yes, I am aware Goodreads does all of this, but I am anti-social media in all forms)

          So, you’re not the only one! if I say I’m adding something to my list, I usually mean it.

      2. eh, I wouldn’t say it’s blowing you off. It’s more of a “huh ok, I’ll look it up later and see if it really interests me” way to change the subject. Making a literal note is not weird unless you spend forever doing it causing a long pause in interacting.

      3. Um, no, your friend is wrong. I have actual lists in the notes app and so does everyone I know. I swear there was a recent article in the NYT or the cut or something talking about how people keeps lists for this purpose.

        1. Why would I use the notes app when there are actual apps for books, music, tv, and movies? I add books my library list and movies and shows to my steaming apps. But I don’t do that when I’m literally taking to someone, only after further research. One recommendation isn’t enough to get me to read a book or watch something.

          1. Because sometimes one recommendation is enough, or because the person wants to make a note to remember to look it up. The notes app is exactly the same as carrying around a piece of paper to jot things down. Note taking has been a thing for a really, really long time.

          2. Not the person you’re responding to, but I use my Notes app to record the random recommendations, and then the actual apps lists for ones that I’ve done further research on/have decided to watch or read.

            Notes app also for recommended places to go or restaurants. I always forget recommended restaurants so it’s very helpful to quickly put them in one place.

            I use the Notes app heavily in general though. It’s a very useful tool for me.

          3. for exactly the reason you said? like you, I’m not going to launch Netflix and add a show to my list while casually talking to someone, but there’s also a high probability I will misfile that mental note to look it up if I don’t record the rec somewhere… Notes to the rescue.

          4. Different strokes for different folks! I don’t have all the streaming apps, but I rotate from time to time. So your recommendation might sound interesting but I don’t have that subscription right now. So I will write it down for later. I do use the library app though to put holds on stuff that sounds good, but then someone else might prefer not to read on screens so they do it a different way.

          5. Because you might want to research it before actually adding it? I take a note along with noting the source so I can make a decision later about whether it’s worth my time. Plus it’s faster.

          6. I’d write it down on the notes app just to make sure I don’t forget it, especially if it’s a book or something like that where I’m unlikely to spontaneously come across it (v. netflix serving up recommendations).

          7. Chiming in to say, I use my Notes app for this sort of thing also. It’s easy to search and I don’t need to have a bunch of other apps on my phone since this works for me.

    2. My older kid is neurodivergent and we finally classified a whole bunch of typical human interactions as ‘cats meowing for attention’ vs. cues for deep back and forths or info dumping. It’s not that they are ‘blowing you off’ per se, it’s that they are responding with a pleasantry to a question they consider more of a ‘how was your weekend’ query vs. a ‘let’s analyze and cross-reference our mutual good reads lists’.
      The ‘trick’ I taught him was to have a surface level response and then if other person asks another follow up question (or multiple) then that’s your cue to share more. So – the script for this interaction would be ‘what are you reading’, ‘I’m reading XYZ book’, ‘Cool, I’ll add it to my list’ ‘Nice, hope you enjoy it!’ – not a further explanation of your top books of 2024.

      1. This!!! And the question made me think of my neurodivergent boyfriend who CANNOT tell a “white lie” if this even qualifies.

        It’s not a blow off. I will have friends recommend things and say directly, “You should watch this.” My (real) list is long and I usually have no intent of watching. But what else do I say? I’m not going to say “That doesn’t interest me,” because my friend will hear, “I don’t care about things you like.” That’s not what I want to convey. So I say I’ll add it to the list. It’s just a way to make the interaction smoother. It’s not deep!

        P.S. Your friend was very rude to say you were out to lunch when adding to a real list. People do this all the time.

        1. Agreed 100% — there’s also a lot of shows that I will not watch, due to my own neurodiversity (OCD). However, I am deeply private about this, and am not going to discuss with you why I’m not watching [insert almost any show here]. I’m really glad you liked it, though, and am happy to hear why you liked and that you want me to enjoy it. So I’m unlikely to respond directly back to you “Great, I like that you liked it, but I will never, ever, EVER actually watch it.” Because you would ask “why,” and that’s not something I discuss over casual conversation, or just be deeply hurt.

      1. +100000000000000
        If you think somebody who says this is blowing you off, that’s a you problem.

    3. Oh I think this one can be both. In an interaction like what Anon@9:13 said it is just a pleasantry like with coworkers etc but also I have pulled out Google Maps and added restaurants to my list etc

      1. add me to the apparently clueless people who will add recommendations to a list on my phone mid-conversation with the intention of following through.

        1. I do this only with the closest of friends. I wouldn’t be opening my Goodreads while talking to an acquaintance; that seems super weird and rude.

          1. Is it more polite to just completely forget what they said? I would have thought it showed that the recommendation was genuinely valued.

          2. I usually explicitly say “that sounds good, I’m adding it to my list right now” and then put the phone down. Ymmv.

    4. Would you rather they say that they think you have terrible taste and that show sounds awful? And how do you even know that they’re blowing you off? The reality is that I chose what to read or watch based on the accumulation of recommendations from friends and critics and whatever I’m in the mood for at the time. I don’t keep a list on my phone, but I have a very very good memory and when I see that show again later, your rec will prompt me to read some reviews to see if it’s something I’m actually interested in. I don’t watch anything based on any one person’s recommendation because everyone’s taste is different, but someone I trust loving something will prompt me to look into it (though, conversely, if you give me a lot of recs for things I don’t like, I’ll probably avoid future suggestions).

      1. Honestly yes I would totally prefer someone to say ‘folk music isn’t my jam’ or ‘I’m not really into sitcoms’ then I don’t waste either of our time by talking about them again.

        1. I almost never think it’s a waste of time to listen to a friend talk about something that interests her, even if it’s not my preferred genre! Seeing a friend light up about something they enjoy is fun.

          1. Totally agree with this. And who knows, even if I don’t like the thing generally, maybe I would like the specific thing they mentioned.

          2. Sometimes I’ve enjoyed something only because someone I like talked it up to me so much that I saw it through their eyes!

    5. Huh? I don’t think this is a lie. It’s a colloquialism. Even if they don’t have a specific list in the way you do, they may be making a mental note to check that out if they have time.

    6. I pretty much never watch movies and rarely watch TV (has to be “OMG I can’t stop watching” good for me to watch something AND I must be doing it alongside another activity) but people act weird when I say that so I’ll add it to my list I’d a way to avoid talking about how I don’t watch tv

      1. Same. I don’t watch TV, really. It’s not because I’m virtuous. I have very little free time when my kids aren’t around, and when I get it, I’d rather read than watch a show.

        1. Anon 9:33 here and yes ! It’s not virtuous but a lot of people assume it is when I say I’m not really into TV. I usually only have an hour of downtime at night and I’d rather use it scrolling on my phone (which is absolutely not better than tv!!), reading (lots of thrillers so no great literature here!), or doing a non-impressive craft (nothing I make is worth displaying, it’s just a way to keep my hands busy).

      2. Same! People have SO MUCH to say about me not watching TV, so if it’s not someone I talk to regularly, I just say, “oh I’ll keep an eye out for it” or something and change the topic. I only watch TV when I’m sick or very depressed, and it’s usually the same few things.

      3. Yeah, same. I responded above, but nothing flares my OCD quite like TV or screen time. I’m not going to discuss that with colleagues or even close friends, and I don’t have a better response than “okay, sure” when someone says “You HAVE to watch [x].” People get weirdly pushy about wanting others to watch favorite shows. I’m never going to watch X, but I’m also not going to be a jerk about it when you are exited about it (I’m genuinely happy you are) OR explain to you why I’m never watching X.

      1. I feel like people don’t know how to talk to each other anymore. Maybe it’s better that people just want to hide at home now. Can’t deal with this level of insecurity.

    7. Omg it’s not a lie? It’s also not a firm commitment. You’re being very weird about this

      1. Totally agree. I do add things to a list, but in practice, I never consult the list again. I’m not blowing anyone off, I just get lots of recommendations from all over, so the ones I’m most interested in have a tendency to stick in my mind, not on the list.

      2. I think the friend is being weird and that she seems like a not very nice person.

    8. This sounds like my partner. He keeps lists and checks out things his friends recommend, because that’s how he connects with them. I find it very very endearing. I’m more the blow off response, because I get overwhelmed with new concepts/shows and it takes me a long long time to come around. But I don’t forget! It’ll just take me longer than you expect to listen/watch something.

    9. People are capable of keeping lists in their heads. They aren’t “blowing you off,” they’re just doing something more abstract than you are.

    10. I’m not sure how you know it’s a lie. There are plenty of times someone has said oh you should totally watch the popular show or movie that everyone is talking about that I will respond to some effect of adding it to my list only to look it up and know I wouldn’t be interested in that. I don’t think that’s a lie.

      Now if you’re pointing out that people tell white lies as social graces such as not saying no I hate reality tv or pop music or whatever category your thing is because that would seem rude, that’s different and probably dependent on the relationship they have with you. They may not honestly tell you how you look or sound either because it’s rude to them. So maybe that’s what the other person is doing.

      1. I’ll totally ask a bunch of follow up questions about a person’s favorite tv show! I know more about love island than I willingly want to, but I don’t go as far as to say I’ll add it to the list because I won’t.

        1. Ok, but people mention tv shows and movies that I haven’t heard of so I say I’m going to add them to the list or check them out even if I’m not physically putting them on a list. And then I look them up and decide not to. Are you going back to people and saying actually I’m not putting that show on my list now that I know more about it?

    11. As someone who says this often and does not have an actual list (although I would like to), to me it means “I have noted your recommendation in my brain and will consider it in future”.

    12. I do not have an actual list, but when I say “I’ll add it to the list” I’m not blowing someone off! I mean I’ll add it to my mental list, and I do. Does that mean I always watch it, no, but I’m interested in watching it and that comment isn’t intended to be dismissive of the person suggesting the show.

    13. Oh goodness gracious, people recommend stuff to me all the time and I really do put it on a list on my phone. Maybe not in front of them, but I do make a list. Frankly, I have weird taste and not a lot of time.

      There are easily 20-odd movies and shows I’d like to watch, but I am super busy with a volunteer project so I just don’t have a lot of time to watch TV shows. Also sometimes I just want to watch something I’ve seen a zillion times.

    14. I always miss subtle hints or even digs like this too. I’ve learned to like this about myself, though.

      I have no poker face. If I think someone is being rude then my face will show it even if I’m trying to be cool and collected. If I could craft the perfect response to cutting but seemingly innocent comments, being good natured and treating it as actually innocent is exactly the right way to handle it. So if the cutting part goes over my head and my genuine reaction is to treat the comment as innocent, then all the better!

      1. Yeah another comment that is either genuine or a dig is just “I love your haircut/skirt/shoes/etc.” I would go crazy trying to figure out which it was every single time!

      2. You aren’t “missing” them; they aren’t digs, and you have to be pretty mentally unwell to interpret them as such.

        1. I’m the person you’re responding to, and while I’m not sure the OP gave the best example of this, barbed comments certainly happen. I was thinking specifically of the older staff members (women) at my first biglaw job who would “compliment” my heels with comments like, oh those heels are so high I could never walk in them. It took a while for it to click that they meant they didn’t think the heel height was appropriate for work. Which btw the heels were 3, mayyybe 3.5” pumps, you can’t get much more basic than that, and none of these comments ever came from women attorneys, who were all wearing the same thing. But I’m glad I was too oblivious to hear the comments as catty because I just cheerily said thank you and moved on with my day.

          1. Or they just have arch issues because they’re old and miss being able to wear heels….

    15. I’ve always considered “be well!” as the ultimate polite “hope I never see you again!” but that may be just me :)

      I think sometimes people use “I’ll add it to my list” as a polite “okay, I heard you and acknowledge your interest and excitement and don’t want to argue or sour the moment…but there’s no way I’m actually going to read that/watch that” but then again some people might actually have a list!

  4. Hi all! I need golf-related gift ideas. My 14 year old nephew is obsessed with golf and is working really hard to get state ranked. He is a special kid, has overcome serious medical stuff, and I would love to celebrate him and his upcoming bday. I live across the country so I need to be able to ship the gifts. Any ideas?

    1. I’d inquire with his parents since someone that serious is really hard to guess at – maybe you can do a gift card to his favorite store for fresh wraps on his clubs? or is there a specific new club he’s been eyeing?

      1. I was going to suggest the wraps as well. Can you contact a golf club close to his home and arrange for an hour lesson with a pro?

        Golfers are so specific about equipment so I’d be careful.

    2. Definitely check with the parents about how he’s playing, but for all the golf-related folks in my life, they always like a set of golf balls, a new golf glove, and/or a gift card to the local PGA store if there is one. Again, check with the parents, but if there’s a cool/fancy golf course nearby, maybe pay for a day there?

      1. +1 I’m the mom of a golfer and this is right on target. There’s always a new want or need and it’s hard to pick without talking to the parents or coach. Except they always need balls. The above suggestions are also good but I’d imagine a state ranked kid is already working with a pro or coach so again I’d check.

        I find it’s really fun to hit the range with my son so even if op is not a golfer that might be a fun activity for the two of them.

    3. I think golfers are pretty specific abotu what equipment they want so check with his parents, but my golfer brother always asked for Titleist Pro V1 golf balls for christmas (also, golf balls are weirdly expensive for fancy ones)

  5. Has anyone quit Amazon? How did it go? I want to, but with two small kids and little spare time to run errands, I’m scared to lose access to things like next-day diaper delivery.

    1. I’ve never bought this type of stuff on Amazon, and store pickup works fine for me. You can pick up from most major retailers like Target, Walmart, etc. without ever stepping foot in the store.

      1. All those companies used to get the same amount of negative press as Amazon. Do a little homework before making your life difficult.

        1. I agree, I’m just giving the OP a suggestion if she’s trying to get away from Amazon specifically.

        2. I’m kind of wondering now, where would you even buy diapers if you wanted to shop at a “good” company?

        3. I’m out here googling, and I don’t see Target getting “the same amount of negative press as Amazon” at all! At least not if we’re talking labor conditions? It’s some negative press but not Amazon level. Ditto on unionization attempts.

          1. Yeah, I don’t think Target is on the same level as Amazon at all. Like yeah they’re both big corporations, neither are great, but big corporations aren’t all the same level of evil-ness and I think it’s silly to say they are.

        4. Walmart maybe, but Target has never gotten the degree of negative press that Amazon and Walmart have.

        1. Really wasn’t claiming to have the moral high ground here, as I’m well aware that Target and Walmart have their own issues, but I did want to reduce the number of packages arriving on my doorstep. Using another major retailer that wasn’t too far out of my way solved that problem. Sheesh.

      2. I think Target is the least evil of these options. They seem to be in the news less. They have delivery from some stores, have curbside pickup and ship anything that isn’t corrosive.

    2. No, it’s a stupid online reaction. They’re a big company like anything you’d replace it with. They all have “problems” and it’s naive to think you can somehow shop completely virtuously.

      1. You can shop virtuously it’s just a lot of work, it’s okay to admit you don’t care rather than use logical fallacies.

          1. It’s fine to care about yourself, most of society does! Just don’t lie about it.

          2. Okay, look, these issues are actually a lot more complex than good v bad. You can delude yourself into falling for the narrative but I’d suggest a little education.

      2. This. My other alternative is Walmart which isn’t better.

        I have both Prime and Walmart+ and buy that stuff from wherever is cheaper. I live downtown, walk everywhere, and would have to go really out of my way to go to any big box store (so popping in on my drive home to grab xyz isn’t feasible).

      3. OP here. I disagree that I have a stupid online reaction and with your nihilist approach. You assume that I would replace it with another big company, but I am looking for ways to limit my consumption while acknowledging that my family still needs access to physical goods like diapers. Perhaps it’s impossible to shop ethically while participating in capitalism. But my goal isn’t to shut down Amazon. I want to improve my own habits and values: I want to stop impulsively reaching for my phone for the Amazon app to buy stuff, limit the plastic and packaging that I have to sort and dispose of, and teach my kids that we can’t and won’t replace literally everything that they break when they don’t care of it. You also take an all-or-nothing approach to “problems,” but there are plenty of stores that are less problematic than Amazon for the things I might buy, like the local mom-and-pop toy store for kids’ Christmas presents. I acknowledge that my goals could be an inefficient use of my time, and that’s why I’m asking about other peoples’ experiences.

        1. Hear hear! It’s fine for some people to make a different calculation, but just because other companies aren’t great doesn’t make me okay shopping frequently at this one.

          To answer your question, I did this a few years ago but I don’t have kids. I just have made a habit that if I open the last package of something I put it immediately on the shopping list so that I don’t run into needing most supplies emergently. It still happens sometimes, but I figure next day shipping once or twice a year is waaaay better than every week or two.

        2. Honestly, Costco’s shipping has worked well for us. I live in fear of going there with my kids, but enough is available by 2 day shipping that we can do our bulk goods that way. Worth seeing if it’s in your area.

        3. Thank you!! I’m so tired of all these people who give zero f***s but ALSO want to put down people who try. Like okay fine, you don’t care about changing your shopping habits for any reason, great! go on with your life. But why put down other people’s efforts to make changes for whatever reason. It’s almost like they want everyone to care as little as them so they can feel better.

          1. You are presuming that your premise is correct. I do not agree that Amazon is “bad,” or a net negative for society. I’d argue the opposite. So that makes your conclusion incorrect. It’s pretty amazing that people can have different opinions.

          2. Anon 11:51, I’m not “presuming” anything. The premise I’m responding to is the person(s) above who called OP’s post a “stupid online reaction” and “they don’t care.” I’m saying “fine, don’t care”, but why put others down if they do. Because like you said…it’s pretty amazing that people can have different opinions.

      4. Okay. I’m unhappy with the value. They don’t honor 2-day shipping anymore, they still send counterfeit products because of their mixed inventory practices, and their prices aren’t competitive.

        1. This, this, this! I could get beyond the whole times are changing and perhaps “ignore” the fact that Amazon is crowding out every other type of commerce, but when I think about shopping on Amazon, it’s all fake sh*t or more expensive or arrives damaged or about a thousand other problems. Yes, I would rather support Walmart or Target vs Amazon. Jeff Bezos is not doing anything worthwhile with his money other than buying WaPo but at least Walmart’s founders are starting medical schools for the underserved etc. YMMV but I am actively trying not to give Amazon any of my money (and I don’t buy from third party sellers on Walmart, because they are selling the same fake stuff too!)

        2. In my small Midwest city, Amazon “2 day” shipping never came on time. It was 3-5 days always, sometimes as much as 6 or 7 days. We got a RedCard and started using Target’s free 2 day shipping and it’s been so much better. I’d say 95% of orders actually get here in the advertised 2 days.
          That was the main reason we stopped using Amazon, although I do think their labor practices are worse than Target’s.

      5. Target employees are not subjected to the same evil employment practices as Amazon. I’m not saying Target is the best employer ever, but they are not nearly as evil. And it’s really disingenuous to act like they’re the same.

        Plus, at least with Target, I know that I’m getting what I ordered and not some weird knockoff or clearly used product

    3. I waited until I didn’t have little kids. I’m at a point in my life (teen/tween kids) where adding some friction to buying stuff is a plus, not something that just makes my life harder. So I made a rule for myself that I could only buy stuff online if I couldn’t get it in person. I don’t have a lot of time, and I live in a semi rural area where it is a 20 minute drive for anything, and 1 month in I’ve cut my consumption back significantly, which was my goal. But there is no way I could have done this when I was drowning with kids in diapers.

      1. OP here – I appreciate this perspective. It’s a good reminder that, while I want to develop good habits, having little kids may be a season in life that requires grace. I don’t want to get in the habit of buying last minute stuff for elementary school kids (why all the spirit weeks?!?!) so slowly adding back friction is a good approach. Maybe this is like weightlifting–have to start with the small handweights before progressing to olympic-style lifts.

        1. I don’t know if this helps to hear, but for me, I feel like the amount of consumption is more important than where the consumption occurs when you’re trying to find the least worst option among big retailers. I’m not going to feel guilty using Amazon to get CPAP supplies urgently when needed, but I also won’t use it for nice-to-have versus need-to-have items like shoes I don’t absolutely need. Cutting back on overall purchasing is going to make far more impact on this world and is way more in my control as one person in the grand scheme.

    4. To get better responses that don’t send the brewing debate into a tailspin, it would be great if you could provide a why you want to quit Amazon. I see several reasons why someone would want to quit Amazon, and they’re going to lead to different recommendations. Possible reasons why:

      1 – too easy to buy random stuff and want to cut down on consumption
      2 – too many shipments/packages getting delivered and dealing with the shipping is annoying/taking up too much headspace
      3 – annoyance/disagreement with Amazon/Bezos
      4 – wanting to limit subscriptions/eliminate Prime subscriptions
      5 – generally wanting to limit the feeling of “needing” things that you don’t actually need.
      6 – I’m sure there’s other valid reasons

      My bff tried quitting Amazon for reason #1 this month, and already broke. For reason #5, I’m trying it too, and so far have been pretty okay except for work related purchases that I had to order for the company.

      1. Just adding 7 – I quit Amazon for most items because it’s too easy to get weird random Shein/Temy type fakes. (I got the most random fake items before I gave it up.) I know that you can avoid this with some care, but to me that sort of defeats the purpose of the convenience of Amazon, so I switched to Target and have never had this problem there. I typically get packages from them within 1-2 days which is perfectly fine for me, sine I’m more of a planner and rarely really need something overnighted.

      2. I appreciate this! I think 1 and 5 are top, plus a variation on 7 as someone else posted. I get decision fatigue with all the options on Amazon, and then I wonder if I actually gained the benefit of convenience if I spent an hour deciding which version to buy of a product worth twenty bucks.

        1. Honestly Walmart delivery has gotten a lot better if you just want to try an alternative. You can also cancel your Prime subscription but tell yourself you’ll either reinstate it for a month or just pay à la carte for next day delivery if you have a “need diapers now” emergency

          1. I find Walmart house brand products lower quality than Target, and it feels like Walmart has more food recalls.

        2. Are you relatively close to a target? I’ve used their same-day delivery when I desperately need diapers or milk for my toddler, and couldn’t deal with getting them in the car when sole parenting. It’s always worked great, and I get the items within a few hours

      3. Yeah, the why really matters. I have some serious concerns about the power of Amazon and the way they treat workers, but they’re also not a ton better than Target or Walmart in that regard, so I don’t consider those to be significantly better alternatives., though I order from all three.

        I don’t drive due to a disability and don’t live in a neighborhood where I can easily access many stores, so online shopping is my main option for a lot of things My husband does drive, but it’s a pain to have to be driven places and we both wfh, so if we go shopping it’s always a dedicated trip, not just on the way home from somewhere. We do live close to Amazon distribution centers and most stuff comes through USPS which already comes daily, so it’s clearly better environmentally than driving to buy things ourselves (research backs this up), especially since we always do slow shipping. I mostly focus on reducing consumption overall as much as I can.

    5. I canceled Amazon Prime and don’t miss it at all. When something isn’t available in the stores around me and I have to get it on Amazon, I still get free shipping on orders over $35. You don’t get the two-day shipping but things will usually arrive in about a week which is fine for me.

    6. What works for me is buying in bulk for the non-perishable things I’d hate to be out of in a pinch (e.g. toilet paper, dish soap, etc.), and never letting the stock run too low. However, I don’t have little kids, and I do have a car, reasonable storage space, and stores nearby – so I can see how it would be tough in other circumstances.

    7. Amazon has a ton of competition these days. You can get next day diapers with Instacart + Costco or with Walmart Plus.

    8. I’m a pretty big costco fan for general household stuff and groceries they pay their staff way above minimum wage here (a highschool friend is an employee and showed me their pay scales) so I’m much more comfortable knowing the staff serving me aren’t as abused.

    9. Quitting Amazon got easier when I learned more about the extreme level of counterfeit and used products, including for infant formula and personal care products, and the company’s utter lack of effort to address it. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s being ripped off.

    10. I still use Amazon, but I did. Two things things to reduce my usage:
      – got rid of the app. I only can use Amazon on my computer. I don’t store the log in on my phone at all.
      – start writing down the things that I think I need to buy, and every few weeks, go through that list and decide if we really need it, and if so purchase it. If not then I cross it off my list.
      – tell my kids that I won’t buy things last minute for them.

      1. This makes sense to me, but doesn’t really require a Prime account if after the end of every few weeks, there are $35 worth of things to order.

    11. Yes, Target was a fine replacement. Their free two day delivery works better than Amazon’s, at least in my area.

    12. I make a list and go grocery shopping once a week. I’m in the midwest and Meijer has pretty much everything I need. Stock up on things like diapers so you don’t run out and need stuff at the last minute.

    13. Do you have Instacart where you live? You could possibly get these things from your local grocer or drugstore.

    14. I tried to last month and I ended up keeping it because I couldn’t replace prime video. There might be a way to do it, but you have to cancel your membership first and that’s not easy apparently.

      1. I quit Prime years ago, but they keep offering me free trials of it. So probably once a year or so, I get a 30 day free trial and watch everything I care about. I don’t find there’s that much on Prime that I can’t get on the other streaming services though (we pay for Netflix and Disney and have access to Hulu, Peacock and Max through our phone plans or cable providers, so we have most of them).

    15. Two little kids here and two big jobs. We never used Amazon prior to having kids. We now use it maybe ~3-4 times a year (for things we can’t find readily elsewhere). We’ve lived both downtown without a car with kids and in the suburbs with this setup and been fine. I think you need to figure out one solution for your repeat buys – paper goods, diapers etc – and a different solution for your one-offs; you’ll run into problems without a custom fit solve for your needs.

      I’m not saying our family has it perfect and there’s a good chance that what works for us won’t for you, but sharing in case it is helpful to see examples. We stock up on the repeat buys only as much as can fit in the cupboard of one small bathroom vanity (ie we usually have 1-2 extra rolls of paper towels, maybe 3-6 extra rolls of tp). The kid stuff like formula, diapers, wipes either gets purchased at Costco/Walmart in person once every two months or so or is included in the weekly grocery run. In a real pinch, we swing by CVS or the local pharmacy on the way home and grab stuff but we only get to that point like once every few months. This means that at most, stock-ups of bulk items take at most ~45 minutes every two months (if done via Costco, no additional time when included in a grocery stop we would have already been making). On the one-off purchases we really trim that fat. We basically don’t buy all the random extra consumption stuff – no fun toys in our Halloween candy bowl, no special stuff for kid spirit days that we don’t already have on hand. Same for adult stuff too, a lot of our siblings and friends buy stuff as soon as there’s the slightest hint of “I might like/need this” and we just don’t. (No judgment in that statement, to be clear). What remains and isn’t offered by our local hardware, grocery, pharmacy is our ~3 Amazon purchases a year. Our most recent one included a folding travel toddler toilet seat, a small folding step stool, and replacement parts to fix our roomba. We also don’t buy much online even outside of Amazon. It just takes too much time to shop!

      Good luck! Whenever we do order stuff online I’m blown away by how much more work it is – finding the exact piece of plastic crap I want, tracking deliveries, breaking down boxes, potentially dealing with returns. I hope if you find a solve for your family you see some unexpected benefits beyond what you’re trying to solve for!

      1. Thanks for sharing! We’re also in two big jobs, just recently moved to the suburbs and WFH, and I’m missing when I could drop into the downtown Target on my lunch break, which doubled as outdoor time and exercise. It worked for repeat and some one-off buys, but we need new solutions. One idea I’m getting from your post is that we could move to a monthly Amazon order for the random stuff (like replacement parts).

    16. I quit Amazon in 2018 when my kid was 4. Other than your diapers example, there’s really very little that you need within 24 hours but can’t get to the store in time (and when my kid was in diapers, even with Prime they arrived within 2-3 days). I use Instacart for emergencies — like when someone has the stomach flu and we need pedialite and applesauce ASAP, but this happens maybe 2-3 times a year. For normal life, I keep a list on my phone of things we are running low on, and pick them up at the grocery store, pharmacy, or Target once a month or so. There’s really only a short list of things that I replace regularly (toothpaste, hand soap refills etc), so it’s not hard to iterate through what’s running low when I’m at one of those stores. It requires a tiny bit of planning and forward thinking, but it’s a pretty easy adjustment to make.

      For everything else, a little bit of friction is a good thing, IMO. I only order online things that I cannot get nearby at all (special deodorant, out of print used books, yarn the store ran out of that I need to finish something). I honestly don’t even understand what people are buying from Amazon every day, though I see tons of packages arriving daily in my building.

      1. With two big jobs and kids, shopping in person except for emergency items isn’t realistic.

    17. I canceled Prime and quit the app long ago (deleted it from all my devices) and don’t let my browser save my login. I still receive gift cards now and then so I use them to make purchases, but otherwise I view Amazon as a shopping-specific search engine. Once I filter to find whatever it is I am looking to buy, I search online for alternate providers (whether that’s the manufacturer themselves, or some other less-gigantic retailer).

      Do you have a smaller local grocery store where you can get diapers? Otherwise, while Target isn’t perfect, I personally would feel less skeevy about participating in end-stage capitalism by getting diaper delivery from there rather than from Amazon.

    18. I think you might need to tackle 3 things in your own mind:

      1. The mindset of having everything instantly. You may need to run out for diapers last minute, you may need to stock a back up in the closet. Thats okay! I promise youll be okay!

      2. That everything should be available to you in the manner most convienent to you. Yes its a headache sometimes but you will survive if you need to wait a day or two or make the extra trip to the store.

      3. How much of your life and money are you willing to give to a corporation? And has that corporation artifically made you think you need them? Beyond just the money you give amazon, how much personal data about you and your family? How much reliance for your material comfort? If turning to a single company to fullfill your needs doesnt give you pause, maybe it should? Do you rely on amazon for groceries, entertainment, clothes, home decor, etc? How many facets of your life does amazon supply?

      1. I posted above but #3 was a big factor of why I quit (in addition to the labor issues). As soon as they start a bank and convince everyone to direct deposit their paychecks there, they will be the Company Store.

    19. Never had to quit because we never started. Amazon has always given me a flea market vibe. I don’t want to have to search though a bunch of sellers to find what I want.

      Our answer with three kids, a crazy dog and 2 big jobs is Instacart – usually from Costco. DH jokes it’s cheaper then me going to the store because I always find more stuff to buy.

      Saved my b-tt that time the dog jumped out of her pen when we were on vacation in Italy. Jumped on the hotel wifi and instacarted a new taller pen from Pet Smart to the pet sitter at my house in less than an hour. You can also instacart to other locations – which is how I do groceries to a vacation house we shared with my parents when they arrived the day before us or Christmas gifts to my sister’s house.

      Instacart is better for the environment because the items are already shipped in bulk to the stores vs being airshipped as a one-off item (*at least in my area, YMMV if you are in a big centre or near an Amazon warehouse).

    20. we don’t have kids, but I feel like there are very few instant-need items you can’t easily get via doordash/instacart etc. when that pops up; and generally it’s good to have less instant-gratification esp. if you’re trying to model reduce/reuse/repair for your kids.

      Does Target have some of the same problems all large companies/retailers do? Sure, but as someone living near their HQ, they do a lot of good in the community & there are lots of people happy to have long careers there. They’re generally happier than the folks I know working for Amazon corp.

      Amazon is good for the niche things like a specific water filter for your 2005 fridge. But there’s a lot of easy ways to reduce the constant ordering cycle.

      1. This. Unless you are somewhere super rural, there’s almost no day to day items that you can get on Amazon which are not available in local stores and deliverable via instacart/door dash/ubereats. One of my credit cards includes a doordash membership for free.

    21. I quit Amazon because I live in Alaska and whenever I’d order stuff it’d just . . . never ship. It never said they couldn’t ship, it would just be in this weird pending purgatory for weeks and weeks before I’d eventually cancel my order.

      So anyway, if I can get by without Amazon living in bumfck nowhere, you guys who all live within driving distance of actual stores can do it to. You might not want to, but don’t lie to yourself that it’s impossible.

  6. I need to buy a cutting board. I’ve never put thought into buying one but I’ve upgraded a lot of kitchen things recently so its worth thinking about this. Should I buy wood? Plastic? Which ones can you dishwash? Assume I have 0 cutting boards.

    1. I have pretty wood ones that lean against the wall and I use occasionally. I pretty much use these exclusively for cutting finished/cooked food – pizzas, quesadillas, hot sandwiches, etc. Then I have hard plastic ones I use all the time for prep. I dishwasher those. The plastic ones get used much more often and honestly feel more clean to me – probably because I can have the dishwasher clean them. I have a set from target. I think it’s nice to have three sizes.

      I have had the flexible plastic kind before (looks like Target is calling them “cutting mats”) and I wouldn’t recommend those. I just don’t see the benefit and they don’t feel upgraded at all.

    2. I have a thick and beautiful handmade wooden cutting board that I bought from a local artisan. It has replaced all of the cheaper wood and plastic ones I’ve ever bought, and it is AMAZING.

      I’ve had it for about 7 years now, and it is still in perfect condition despite daily use. We cut everything on it— vegetables, meat, etc. Then hand wash like you would anything else. I’ve never gotten sick from this.

      We do have to care for it. After a wash, it’s very dry, so we use food safe mineral oil to keep it shiny and sealed. But that takes about 3 seconds (keep the oil right near the board and it’s a quick swipe before going to bed.

      It stays out on the counter because it’s pretty and useful. It does have some knife marks in it, but that gives it character and improves the look, imo.

    3. I buy wood. A knife repeatedly chipping off plastic particles sounds like a bad idea near your food. I have a very sensitive stomach due to GI issues (thanks IBS!) and I’ve never had an issue with bacteria on the wood cutting board. Hand wash with regular dish soap, chop your veggies before using the board for raw meat, and it’s fine.

    4. My all time favorite is the Five Two Bamboo cutting board – its about two inches thick, and reversable; one side has the trough/well for liquid collection, and the other side is flat, but it has a little groove where I can stand my phone up to follow along with a recipe. I’ve had it about four years and its going strong as ever. As other posters mention, wood or bamboo needs care – handwashing and regular oiling. Its been worthwhile for me.

    5. Wood is optimal but not dishwasher safe. The dishwasher safe compromise is the composite cutting board by Epicurean. If you’re tempted by straight up plastic, get the Epicurean one; it’s much better.

    6. so to the degree that instagram is taking over the world, this has been on my mind also as of late because my feed is covered. According to the infulencers you should use metal. Wood ultimately doesn’t hold up and plastic gets in your food.

      1. Yikes to the idea of using metal. Actual chefs use wood butcher block; it lasts ages and is the easiest on knives as well. I don’t know what “doesn’t hold up” means, but you’re not supposed to toss a cutting board because it’s stained or has knife marks in it; those are cosmetic issues and aren’t a sign that there’s anything wrong with it.

      2. One of the many reasons we don’t need to listen to influencers about a lot of topics.

        I posted ecstatically about my wooden cutting board above, and I’m not sure why the influencers think it won’t last. And my partner is a literal chef and vastly prefers wood over all other materials for the mixture of food safety (no plastic debris), cleanability, and safety for knives. The aesthetics are a plus to me.

      3. A metal cutting board sounds extremely dangerous and bad for your knives. Influencers shill whatever they’re being paid to shill, not necessarily what is best. And this sounds like the worst.

        Wood holds up if you start with a good one and take care of it. I’ve had my Boos wood cutting board for over 10 years and no plans to replace it.

    7. I use wood myself (teak or maple) because I’m vegetarian and don’t use the boards for meat. But epicurean boards have been recommended to me. Not plastic but they are dishwasher safe and do better for use with meat.

    8. I have one wood (Boos) and one rubber (Hasegawa). Love them both. I chose them because they are gentler on knives.
      I do hand wash both of them, though.

    9. I have had bamboo cutting boards for years. Use them for cutting non-meat items and hand wash them. I use separate plastic ones for meat.

    10. We have wood for all non-raw-meat. I know you CAN cut raw meat on wood, but it grosses me out, so we do plastic for that. The wood is beautiful but requires upkeep. Worth it, though!

      1. This. Big beautiful wood board that sits on the island most of the time. Plastic for raw meat.

        1. Same. I bake a lot of bread, so our wood one lives in the counter for bread, cheese, and the occasional apple. I have a set of 3 plastic ones in various sizes that I use for raw meat, strawberries (they stain!), and whenever I just want to cut something really quick and then throw the cutting board in the dishwasher.

    11. I have a variety of cutting boards from nice to cheap. All kidding aside, the cheap plastic ones from Ikea are my favorite. Dishwasher safe, hold up well, and I don’t have to worry about which is the meat cutting board, which is veggies, etc. as they all go in the dishwasher. I’ll pick my battles over microplastics, and tend to throw them out when they get particularly old.

    12. We use bamboo cutting boards for almost everything, including cooked meat. We do have a thick plastic cutting board that we use for raw meat (which we don’t have in the house often). The plastic one goes in the dishwasher, all the rest are handwashed. I would never, ever put wood or bamboo cutting boards in the dishwasher. Once the plastic one starts to wear out I will throw it away and probably not replace it.

      A few times per year I reapply food-safe mineral oil to the bamboo ones. Every couple of years I actually break out the orbital sander and sand out the worst of the knife gouges before reapplying mineral oil. We have had them for at least a decade and they are still going strong.

    13. I have the white plastic ones in every size and throw them in the dishwasher. The biggest one gets air-dried because it won’t fit.

    14. I have an oversized Boos wood cutting board. I also bought the Boos brand board oil.

      I’ve wasted money in the past on cheap cutting boards but wish I’d just bought the good one first.

      I cook a lot and the cutting board just lives on my counter in the place where I do the cutting/chopping/meal prep.

      For raw meat, I have a cheap plastic cutting board that I do throw in the dishwasher.

    15. I use wood only and hand wash. For raw meat, I wash with dish soap and hot water. I store them upright. I don’t like plastic cutting boards bc you’re basically cutting up and ingesting plastic.

  7. Wondering what your favorite follow on YouTube is?
    I’ll go first – really enjoying “Doctorly” , a couple of derms who review skin care products and devices. They have started their own product line, which is when I typically stop watching reviewers, but so far still liking them. Used to love Dr. Dray, but she now has branched out into shopping vlogs (endless picking up and putting down kitschy junk at TJ Maxx and elsewhere). Still like Angie Hot and Flashy (makeup and skin care).
    Need some new follows on any topic – who do you like?

    1. I have a few!

      Cecelia on Svalbard for beautiful scenery and learning about living in harsh conditions.

      Nami’s Life for a very very cozy and calm vibe.

      Imamu Room for cozy cooking.

      I also follow several knitters who I watch while knitting (Ali Makes Everything and Marlene are my faves for any other knitters!)

      1. My current favorite is Choki! I love calm/relaxing youtubers for when I’m stressed.

    2. I follow a ton of people on YouTube because I find it interesting to see people who live completely different lives than me.

      Cecilia Blomdahl – living on an island close to the north phone

      Jordan Bauth – works as an ice skater on a cruise ship. I’ve never been on a cruise, but it’s interesting seeing the behind the scenes.

      Kat Nesbitt – flight attendant. Again it’s interesting seeing what life is like for a profession I will never do.

      Caroline Winkler – interior design with some other life advice stuff videos.

      I also follow a bunch of random 20-somethings living in NY. I guess these are more influencers, but not of the extreme variety – Alexis Eldrige, Chelsea Callahan, Tisha Shrestha, Julia Fei

      Abbey Yung – I’ve gotten a lot of food haircare recommendations from her.

      Emily Noel – one of the few makeup channels I still follow.

    3. From among the type you listed, I like Dr. Sam Ellis and Dr. Shirene Idris, both dermatologists. I agree with you about Dr. Dray.

  8. I’m realizing that I’m becoming very sensory-sensitive to things like bra bands. I re-measured myself and it appears I need to go up a band size, but the fabric itself can also be an issue. Anything with a rubbery seam is a no-go. Any recs for bras that have super soft bands? Oddly, underwires don’t typically bother me as long as there is some sort of padding along the wire. 38D, for reference.

    1. Before you invest in a new bra, make sure you’re in the right size, especially when you say you need to go up a band size.

      Redd1t abrathatfits is best for this. They’ll also have recommendations for bras that are best for your sensitivities.

    2. I love Natori and Wacoal. I find them both comfortable and really nice quality. I wash in cold and hang to dry.
      My skin hates rubbery or silicone seams too.

    3. My stepmom is allergic to silicon, which is what most of those rubbery bits are really made of. She breaks out with a horrible, itchy rash. She can’t even handle a silicon phone case. Is it possible you have something like that going on?

  9. I’m looking for a good concealer – im a pale 50ish with neutral or cool undertones… any ideas? Thx!

    1. I went into sephora recently, and they used a camera to take a microscopic picture of my skin and determine what color of foundation works best! It was so cool, and it worked. After they took the picture, I told the salesperson what I was looking for, and the computer had several options, one of which I picked and was very happy with. It was a really good experience, highly recommend.

    2. I have the same kind of skin and I really like the Nars creamy concealer (my shade is vanilla).

    3. Maybelline Instant Age Rewind has done better than any number of fancy concealers for me. They have a good range of warm vs. neutral vs. cool tones.

      1. Same. I’ve tried others, including much pricier ones, and keep coming back to this. It’s not fancy but it just works and doesn’t settle in my fine lines.

    4. my favorites are the natasha denona hy-glam and the kosas revealer . I used to use the nars radiant and liked it too.

  10. Tried to talk to my boss this morning about my huge, unsustainable workload and trying to manage it, and her response was “Work longer hours.”

    Ok, thanks a lot.

      1. do you work somewhere w a real HR department? if so i would bring this to them, that’s a b–l s–t response.

        1. US labor law is so wild. Salary has max hours in basically every civilized country.

      2. I love being a Fed for so many reasons but no uncompensated OT is one of them! I say uncompensated because on some situations we get OT and in others we get comp time but I’m getting something regardless

    1. Ugh, this reminds me of when a “strategic consultant” my boss hired told me, when I apologized for having made less progress on something (that was totally NOT urgent) because an unexpected death in my husband’s family had pulled him out of town for several days and I’d been solo parenting 3 elementary kids while fighting an illness, “you need to figure out what you can cut out to make more time for work.” K, I’ll get right on offloading my kids and preventing family emergencies and never get sick. 🙄

      That guy was wrong, or at least I did not aspire to his career-centric life at the expense of my family, and so is your boss.

    2. F your boss. I’m really sorry.

      Whatever your situation is — never, ever forget this comment. Don’t forget it when the boss needs something from you. Don’t forget it when you start to feel like you “owe” something to this person or this place. Don’t forget it if and when you are in a position that someone comes to you with a similar issue.

      1. Thank you so much for this comment. It’s timely because I have been job searching and I am struggling hard with feeling like I “owe” them something and feeling a lot of guilt about leaving, even though there are lots of reasons I want to leave.

        I will keep your words in mind. Thank you.

      2. This. I literally had a team member pass over the holiday break. It deeply shocked and saddened my entire team and I guarantee you that nobody in their family is thinking, ‘gee, I’m so glad my family member provided such cheap labor to their company!’ at the funeral services.

      3. This. I’m the “cut things out to make time for work” poster above and that guy made that comment to me in the middle of a merger when I had just gotten about 20 new team members and was drowning even before the personal ish hit the fan. This was 3 years ago, and I’m still livid when I think about it. But it really crystallized the type of human and the type of manager I want to be, and what I will and will not tolerate from my employer. I’m no longer at that job and so much happier for it.

        1. No, this is a valid question. I have one attorney who really needs to work more, and I have had to tell him that. We don’t know how much the OP is working, but if she’s like my young associate, it’s not a full day of work, and that’s a performance issue.
          Based on her other comments, that doesn’t seem to be the case (OP, sorry you’re not getting the support you need, glad you’re looking), but this is a valid question to ask. Sometimes people do need to be told that they are very busy because they are not working a full day (or they are wasting time).

    3. Please start looking for a new job. This might have been typical 20 years ago but it isn’t now.

      1. Good news is that I have been! It’s hard though, the job market is pretty brutal right now.

    4. Clearly they need you more than you need them – you’re putting in tons of work and they’re not hiring enough to manage it. Consider this permission to “quiet quit” until you find a new job. What’s your boss going to do, fire you and take on your workload?

    5. One of my up-chain supervisors frequently said “the reward for great work is more work” like it was a good thing. Always a promise for better bonus, better raise, but guess what, those are capped out for individual contributor subject matter experts. [Compensation is capped but work is not, year after year, hhhmm.]
      I “survived” the covid layoffs but my 50 hour weeks turned into 65-70.
      Read up on burnout. New studies are showing that recovery can take much longer than the 3-4 months previously expected.
      Companies continue to ask for “above and beyond expectations” from employees like we’re still in the company town, pension, work somewhere your whole life era. We’re not. We need to treat our jobs for what they are – short-term transactions between us and a company. The company will drop us immediately if we aren’t keeping to the terms of our agreement. We as employees need to be just as quick to hold them to reasonable terms and dump them when they don’t meet the terms of reasonable employment (including not working burdensom hours, working on pto, and other poor conditions).
      A lot of managers manage like bad boyfriends -gaslight, blame, isolate, and occassionally love bomb to keep employees off balance.

      1. It’s so so true that the work is never capped… Indeed, I tried to get a raise earlier this year and was turned down. But my work continues to increase.

        It’s funny you mention burnout because my therapist told me yesterday she thinks I am burned out.

      2. Amen.
        and anecdata on burnout: getting laid off from my 50-70 hour a week job with a bad boyfriend style manager was one of the best things to happen to me last year. Within one month I’d healed enough to see just how toxic and awful my job had been. By the end of summer, ~3 months, including a solo vacation, a couple vacation, and a family vacation, I felt like myself again. It’s been 6 months and I’m just now feeling like I’m ready to actually go back to a full time job. I’m ver fortunate that my severance lasted this long, my husband’s job is very stable and has good benefits, and my husband was supportive of me just chilling for a bit. And by chilling, I mean SAHM-ing for three kids ages 8-12.

  11. Prefacing this with saying that I work in a helping profession and I work with volunteers and I know the challenges with reliability that can happen with volunteers.

    That being said, I’m getting so irritated at the requirements many places I’m trying to volunteer at place on volunteers. So many places want a large time commitment, the same hours every week, multiple shifts a week, only offer M-F 9-5 shifts, but then also complain about not having enough help.

    I, like many others, want to volunteer but have a somewhat demanding job with at times unpredictable hours or hours that flex to meet the operational needs of my job. I can’t do a week day 4 hour shift! I can’t do the same 2 hours every single week – sometimes I have to travel for work.

    Likewise, I’d love to foster animals, but I also can’t commit to “foster this cat until someone adopts him” – that could be months if not years. But then the same shelter that doesn’t do “short term” (weeks to months) fostering sends out urgent emails that they’ll have to euthanize if they don’t get fosters. Likewise the extensive checks and training needed to foster – obviously you need to vet these volunteers but as a longtime pet owner with excellent references and someone with a security clearance for work do I need 10+ hours of training? No.

    I try really hard to “walk the walk” and incorporate the values from my work life into my personal life but it’s so hard!

    1. What’s wild to me is when I see “job postings” on LinkedIn that require years of experience and education and sound like a full time job, but it’s a volunteer position. They just want to get away with not paying someone.

      1. Both in volunteer work and in paid employment, so many places want and expect to find a unicorn. Very over it. I see this all the time in my particular field. If you’re really skilled at Thing A, you are not likely to be equally good (or even competent) at Thing D. They are two completely different skill sets! It’s maddening.

    2. I used to be a manager at an NGO, making 40k/year and trying to wrangle volunteers who honestly just made my life harder wasn’t fun. I get the want to volunteer but you should also be providing value to the organization. We’d also get people who would drop off random junk as ‘donations’ like maaaaaam we do not want your camping chairs.

      1. That’s why I mentioned my professional background – I’m in this field and I’ve had to manage volunteers and I know the headache. I know it can be a pain but icing out basically anyone who works full time isn’t a great solution either.

    3. I want to find a volunteer spot but places local to me do this too. I’d like something I could do for a few hours on saturday or sunday morning, or late afternoon one or two days a week when my work schedule is free enough. If it’s not hours only during the work day, it’s requiring full background checks and application process.

    4. +1 I struggled to find somewhere to volunteer for these reasons for years. So many places wanted basically a full-time employee. I eventually discovered that the diaper bank in my area allows volunteers to pop in for one-off 2 hour shifts (and offers weekend slots), which has been great.

    5. That’s frustrating about fostering. I foster for one shelter and usually keep the kittens until they weight enough to get spayed/neutered and then they go back to the shelter. It’s about a 1-2 month commitment. If you’re really interested in fostering, definitely check with some other shelters.

      I agree that fostering until an animal is adopted is unrealistic, because that can take a really long time.

      1. It’s not unrealistic in rescue organizations where the expectation is that the foster family adopts the animal. We found out the hard way when trying to adopt a dog that it’s basically impossible to get one unless you “foster fail.”

    6. I’m always baffled by a local non profit that makes a big deal of how they don’t want volunteers who are just doing it for a year to look good on grad school applications. You mean you don’t want unpaid labor by smart, organized people who are committed for a full year…?

      1. Have you ever managed volunteers? Genuinely asking because the people who are doing it to tick a resume box are often decidedly unhelpful and sometimes down right useless (I had one volunteer mislabel over 100 outgoing letters, swapping the sender and recipent!)

      2. Some volunteer orgs are just terribly insular and/or they’ve been burned by one kind of volunteer a few too many times. We have one like that in our area and I wonder how well they’ll be doing in 5, 10, 15 years because they are so hostile to new people. In my town, there’s also some social class friction and generational friction that pops up periodically. 20 years ago, my town was pretty working-to-middle class, lots of blue collar families, plenty of SAHMs, and relatively homogenous. Today, there are a lot of upper-middle and well-off families and it’s much less homogenous. Way fewer SAHMs. So the “old guard” is pissed that you can’t have a parent coffee at 9am and the “new people” (I moved in about 15 years ago) are begging for an online signup sheet instead of something pasted on the teacher’s door.

    7. it’s hard finding rescues that strike the right balance of vetting & reasonableness, but they are out there if you’re really interested!
      the group I foster with has temporary fosters – basically people who fill in for a week/days when the normal foster is travelling or needs a break etc. It’s a low commitment way to really help.

      and on the vetting/training – you would think it’s obvious, but some of the things I’ve seen seemingly smart, capable people do would shock you. For every rule or policy, there’s a reason it has to be stated!

    8. Yes, our local orgs have a preference for women who don’t work. We’ve got a lot of retirees and SAHMs in our town, so this works for them. But it means they aren’t building ties to the two-income households in our town. Personally, if an org tells me they don’t have non M-F hours, I don’t donate money.

    9. As much as it pains me, I’ve had to just mentally detach/disregard appeals from volunteer orgs that ask for unreasonable things. For instance, one of the parent orgs at my kids’ school was constantly begging for help with an activity but the time commitment was so restrictive and burdensome that no one with a paying job could help. The woman in charge basically had to be there for every shift because of the way she ran it, but wouldn’t change it.

    10. It’s perfectly for fine for organizations to want what they want and it’s perfectly fine if what they want is not you.

  12. Has anyone had luck moving from a management role to an individual contributor role without changing organizations? I feel like at least 50 percent of my work-related stress would disappear if I weren’t ultimately responsible for everything my department does. My team is great, truly, but the load is still heavy. Even after 5 years, I often feel like an imposter. There isn’t a precedent for moving down, so I need to think through this carefully.

    1. No. I approached my supervisor with this request and was layered and had half my team taken away the next week, but was still responsible for the part that gave me the most headaches in addition to what I had proposed as my IC responsibilities. My boss then proceeded to act like I’d been lobotomized and treat me like crap until I was laid off about a year later (which, honestly, was a relief).

      Does your org have a path for non-management experts? If this already exists, you might have better luck. It wasn’t really a thing in my organization at that time (our HR dept was in the middle of redefining levels and actually created an IC role equivalent to VP band eventually, but too late to help me).

    2. I’ve seen people move laterally successfully, from a mgmt role to subject matter expert. I think it’s near impossible to do a step down within an org without consequences, unless you have a big life reason you’re okay sharing publicly (like taking care of a sick child)

    3. My husband did. It was OK, but it’s not like it was a great career path after that. And then think about who you’ll have to report to. In his case, he reported to someone he should have been managing, and that person was a really difficult (mansplaining) manager.

    4. I did. I went from a Marketing Director role with 17 direct reports to a Global Marketing role with zero direct reports. It was amazing time – when I was only responsible for my work, no people management, drama… I am back to a team lead role for a 50+ staff and I truly miss those individual-contributor days.

    5. I did this move about 6 months ago – I led an operations team but moved to a new division/subject area into an individual contributor role. At my level (senior manager) there are still a lot of IC roles so it wasn’t a ding for me to make that type of move.

  13. I have been in a really good place with my rosacea using my current setup of products, but my moisturizer (Farmacy Honey Drop) has now been discontinued and I am frantically searching for a replacement. I don’t like dimethicone as it feels uncomfortable and tends to break me out. I also can’t tolerate most chemical sunscreens. Any suggestion for rosacea friendly SPF free moisturizers? I am willing to throw money at this to keep my face happy.

    1. My rosacea-prone skin loves Cerave PM but I suspect it contains dimethicone. I also like Clinique’s dramatically different moisturizing gel (the gel version is very important; my skin hates the lotion+ version).

      1. Thanks! I used to use the Clinique gel and it was not moisturizing enough for me, but otherwise tolerable. The Farmacy product was very similar to it but heavier. Will look into the CeraVe for sure.

    2. My rosacea prone family use and like the Vanicream Moisturizing lotion (used to be called the ‘light’ lotion). It’s cheap, effective, and the bigger size comes with a pump which is handy.

    3. Also have rosacea and Vanicream is fine for me, although I find I have to apply it very sparingly or it feels too thick and greasy. I use a dot about the size of a small green pea for my entire face and neck.

    4. My rosacea face hates most moisturisers, and all foaming cleansers.

      I have started to use a moisturising serum instead, the Multi-Peptide Plus HA serum from the Ordinary.
      It’s a little sticky, and for me that works well as a primer for concealer and foundation.

      I also like the propolis/honey moisturiser from CosRX.

    5. My sensitive skin deals well with Korean chemical SPFs (they use different filters vs US sunscreens), I would recommend Benton AirFit SPF50, Beauty of Joseon has 2 or 3, and I also like Kaine SPF50.
      As a basic moisturizer, I would recommend Cerave moisturizer night version or – my recent find – Geek & Gorgeous Happy Barrier. Women in my family have extra sensitive skin, rosacea, etc and we all love it. I also enjoyed Aveeno Dermexa body cream for face in winter.

    6. I cannot use anything with dimethicone, trimethicone, or silicone and have been very happy with a mix of Juice Beauty and May Lindstrom.

  14. Would you say something in this situation? I received an email that a gift I gave was returned. I included a gift receipt and have no issue with it being returned for store credit or exchange. But I think I am getting money back on my card for it. I suspect this is a mistake as I can’t imagine that was intentional because even if the recipient hates the store I got this from, it was the kind of place that she could have given the credit to someone else or stocked up on cotton tees or socks. Do I say something and if so, how do I phrase it so it’s not awkward?

    1. I wouldn’t say anything. They’ll take it up with the store if they care. It’s also possible the store refunded both of you, which is their mistake and I wouldn’t feel the need to correct it.

    2. It’s how gift receipts work at some places. I tried to return a pair of PJs to JCrew with a gift receipt and the only option was crediting the givers account. I couldn’t buy something else. So they’re kinda useless.

      1. I don’t know what kind of ridiculously bad clerk you got, but JCrew gift receipts absolutely can generate a gift card to you.

        1. I was in line at Macy’s behind someone returning a gift with a gift receipt and this is exactly how it worked – the clerk repeated over and over that the credit could only go back to the original card. And there was no exchange option.

        2. Maybe in store but it’s not an option online. I ran it up the customer service chain.

    3. FWIW when this happened to me recently I was happy to give the giver back their money, I really didn’t want anything from the store even seemingly simple ‘basics’.

    4. heh, my husband did this once to my in-laws. I’d sent him to the store with a gift from them and said “please get a store credit for this” and he came home all proud “oh they didn’t have a problem putting it back on the card” – thinking I’d said store credit because it was a chance-y return, not because of gift reasons. None of us ever talked about it again and it was fine.

    5. I wouldn’t say anything. I did this once because I did not want or need anything from a particular specialty store, so a gift card would not be used in a very long time.

  15. This is a gross bikini-area question. Has anyone had an ingrown hair become a cyst? And did hot compresses help? Did it go away on its own? I have an appointment but it’s not for a while and I’m on the cancellation list. It doesn’t hurt (yet?), but it is swole. [No chance of any STD or anything; if anything, I am overly furry due to it not being swimsuit season and things may be cushioned if also out of hand generally. Prayers for the doctor who will have to help me out with this.]

    1. Zit cream, if you haven’t already, as many times per day as the package permits. Hot baths and hot compresses when you aren’t in the hot bath.

    2. Maybe I’m gross but when this happened to me I just popped it and pulled the hair out with tweezers. It hurt but it was quick and then healing only took a few days with some antibacterial cream.

      1. I do this too. If it doesn’t have a white head to pop, I will do a bath with water as hot as I can stand and Epsom salts. Then, I’ll pop it as soon as I can.

      2. I’ve done that with a different ingrown hair and it worked.

        Also remove navel stones on my own (I have a weirdly narrow and deep belly button).

        1. I’ve had one of those but it wasn’t around my pu bic hair area. There was no mistaking it for an ingrown. It was in my vag.

          If you think you have this, go to urgent care.

    3. I had a monster of a cyst like that once. Noticed it one morning when it was already angry. I went the self surgery route with a mirror. Have something to disinfect at the ready and steal yourself for being tender afterwards. The relief was pretty much instant and healed in a couple days.

      Ive had a similar cyst on my back once 10 years ago that hurt like nothing else. If any of you are dr pimple popper watchers, it was gnarly as any of those and seemed to keep going.

  16. I have been at my current position for over 12 years and am bored with the work (I am not interested in being promoted or an internal job transfer). I have the opportunity to interview for a comparable role at another organization that would be closer to my family (and my husband’s family), pay more, and provide an executive title. I am not particularly excited about transitioning to a similar role but my husband and friends are encouraging me to interview and I just do not know what else I want to do career-wise.
    What is a good way to describe why I want to leave my current role? I am looking for new challenges but am concerned that sounds like a trite response. I also like that this organization recognizes the appropriate title and pay for the role, which is another reason that would not sound good to a recruiter.
    I would welcome any advice about explaining why I want to leave. I have been out of the interview game for a while.

    1. I think “new challenges” in the context of 12 years at the same company in the same position is a perfect response, even if it is trite.

      1. Also, they probably won’t ask you why you want to *leave,* they’ll ask you why you’re interested in the job you’re interviewing for. Your answer should be about why new company’s role sounds compelling…the mission, the challenge of a new industry, professional growth, etc. I’d avoid saying anything about title or proximity to family or anything like that. focus on the role

        1. This is good advice. Tell them why you want to work for them, not why you want to leave your current company.

      2. Agreed. The response is stronger when you can give some specific examples of new challenges you’d like have, or skills you’d like to develop, or areas of growth you’re interested in. Ideally you’ll be able to say how the new job would provide those.

    2. “My organization has limited opportunities for growth. Twelve years in my current role has me interested in exploring change. This position interests me because X, Y, and Z. Can you share more about…?”

      It’s pretty clear you are not a job hopper after 12 years and you don’t need to explain a layoff or resume gap. No need to overthink this question.

      1. hard to know but i don’t categorically think that the something like ” we are looking to relocate” is such a bad thing to say.

        1. With nuance, I agree.

          At my company, we actively recruit expats from our mid-sized city. We find those employees to be the most settled upon returning to town. They usually come with excellent work experience after having moved to big cities for big jobs. As they moved up in their careers, the novelty wore off and they really want to be back where they grew up with their families who still live here.

          We hesitate when a candidate from a much larger city thinks they want to relocate to here, however, because more often than not they miss the faster paced lifestyle and leave to go back after a year or two. Our city is great, but it isn’t for everyone.

  17. Another rosacea question, because yay winter…

    I don’t usually wear makeup, at most a swipe of mascara. My firm is refreshing our corporate headshots next month and cameras make my rosacea look extra ruddy and noticeable on my freckled, light-colored skin. Is there a drugstore product that can tame that for these photos, without making me look “made up”? I don’t want to look cakey, and would rather not spend a ton on something I will use once.

    1. Hero Cosmetics rescue balm red correct. Green tinted, and a dab really evens out my rosacea, without looking like heavy makeup. They have it at Target.

  18. anyone on here who has worked at the white house? i’m very curious as to what happens in the week(s) leading up to the inauguration. I’m guessing it’s not like a regular job where the president and staff can just twiddle their thumbs until things switch over. are there good bye gatherings, etc. business as usual?

    1. The boring answer is that it’s like leaving a lot of other jobs: wrapping up your projects that can be wrapped up, preparing continuity books for projects that will be left unfinished, looking for other jobs, hanging out with friends. How much wrapping up you can do and how busy you are until the 11th hour really depends on your role.

  19. Please help. I accidentally posted something that I did not intend to post and reveals some information I did not disclosed to the public. How can I get Kat or Elizabeth to remove my posting? I looked on the Contact Us page and it says I need to fill out a form but instead of a form, it says: “Whoops! You’ve made too many entries. Please try again later.”

    1. Type P L I T K without the spaces under your original post and ask there. It will go into mod but it will get looked at. It has worked for me before.

    2. Hi! Would you please post the word “PLITK” below the post you want removed/edited? Not seeing anything worrisome in your IP history. (PLITK goes to the moderation queue directly.)

  20. What bras do you recommend? Forgot one at a hotel while traveling over the holiday and need to replace it

Comments are closed.