Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Isa Cardigan
This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
This lavender mohair sweater looks like something that I would like to curl up and take a nap in. It’s not going to work for minimalists, but if you’re looking for a cardigan that makes an impact, here we go!
This lilac color would look gorgeous with a pair of deep purple trousers for a monochromatic effect, but it would also pair nicely with any neutral in your closet.
The sweater is $368 at Mille and comes in sizes XS-L. It also comes in “deep pine.”
A couple of more affordable alternatives are from Target ($59.95, 0/2-8/10) and Express ($88, XS-XL).
Sales of note for 3/15/25:
- Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off
- Ann Taylor – 40% off everything + free shipping
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – Extra 30% off women's styles + spring break styles on sale
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off 3 styles + 50% off clearance
- M.M.LaFleur – Friends and family sale, 20% off with code; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off 1 item + 30% off everything else (includes markdowns, already 25% off)
I just found out I am covering a presentation for a partner in my practice area who is sick with a bad case of flu. It is tomorrow. Presentation is an hour-long “annual reminders” seminar for a group of experienced sr. managers at an industry conference. It is at 1pm, right after lunch. My session is the only workshop option from 1-2pm, there are three tracks from 2-5pm. My partner prepared 10 slides, one for each reminder, not many words. (Think things like, “Confirm you have an anti-discrimination policy” and “Remember to file your annual business filings on time.” ) I know the area of law, normally I would be jazzed to present to this group, but I cannot think how to fill an hour by myself without half the audience falling asleep after lunch. Any tips or ideas?? I have meetings all AM but will check back this afternoon!
I think hypos are cool, and then very light audience participation. Like explain a scenario of how many would do option A, B, C, and have the audience raise their hand. If it’s a small enough group or seems appropriate, maybe ask the audience members why they chose what they chose.
If you have the time and support for this research, specific real-world examples of “where this can go wrong” or showing the risk attendant to that tip could be good and chew up ~3-4 minutes of explaining each example. Here’s an example of a company that didn’t have an anti-discrimination policy and how it hurt them.
I loathe audience participation at CLEs. My tip would be to use chat GPT to round out some examples for each slide, and second the idea of where it can go wrong.
Do not use ChatGPT. What’s the point of going to a session of examples made up by AI.
Use examples from the news as others said.
chat gpt can pull examples from the news, fwiw. it’s not a bad idea to start there if pressed for time then use your knowledge and experience to modify! (not the original poster on this, just have been amazed at what you can do)
Clearly you haven’t used chat gpt, it can quickly source real examples and is a great short cut when your time is limited.
My experience with ChatGPT is that it is almost always wrong.
My experience is that the AI is wrong a lot as well. But if OP knows the subject matter, she can sift through. I also think Gemini is better than Chat GPT for accuracy but maybe that’s just in my niche.
And for another perspective, I think hand raising is minimal audience participation and can also be useful to ward off post-lunch doziness.
I think you also need to keep your energy high yourself, agree with discussing real-life scenarios of problems (if you can come up with them on short notice) and do at least one practice run to make sure your timing is good.
And if this is for CLE credit or similar, please don’t leave a bunch of time for questions, if people have them, great, they can track you down later, but the worst is dead air.
Most folks WANT audience participation. I speak about once a month and often the speaking RFPs request it in some fashion.
You sound both lazy and boring. Congrats.
Nope, just very efficient and disinterested in hot takes from people like you.
Here goes:
Firstly welcome the audience with quick one or two sentences acknowledging the practice partners absence.
Perhaps add a joke around the idea that it may be a “post lunch nap session” ~ if your audience would be responsive to that.
If your practice partner prepped 10 slides use them as a launching pad. In speech writing there is a distillation process for ideas, much like this person did. Write up 3 lines for each slide to use as talking points. Deep breath!
No, don’t make an advance joke about a post-lunch nap session. Nothing is worse in the workplace than seeing a woman lead with “this is going to be really boring, I’m sorry!” or “this isn’t my area of expertise so bear with me!” and other preemptive apologies. I’d round out the slides with real-life examples – pull stuff from the news if you have to.
Agree. I hate these type of downer comments. Don’t set up a presentation to be boring!
+1 million
Seriously. That’s like the only big way this could go wrong.
When I present on multiple topics at a high level like this, I like to provide some background to the scenario that provides context. Kind of like “taking a step back” and making sure everyone in the room knows WHY, not just that they have to do it and how to do it. So for anti-discrimination policy, you could talk about which laws apply, why having a policy helps with legal defenses, and some quick tips on writing a good policy. Also, if you’re speaking for one hour on ten topics, that’s actually NOT a lot of time – it’s AT MOST six minutes/topic, which will fly by!
A good way to keep people awake it to ask questions and try to get people talking. Sometimes I specifically ask someone in the room to ask me questions, or I ask a question and then wait and revel in the awkward silence until someone answers me (kidding, kind of), but that does get people going.
This is the best advice so far.
Acknowledge at the top that you are filling in for your colleague. +1 to having ChatGPT round out your presentation. Leave time at the end for Q&A. There may be a really good discussion that will take up some time. If not, it’s ok if the session ends early. Your audience will appreciate that your presentation was succinct and that they get a longer break between sessions.
Find out if it can end early in advance. If it’s for continuing education you may HAVE to go a certain time or it won’t count. Fill in your audience with peers who have pre planned canned questions to make sure you can hit your time.
Professor here: Cases are your friends. Pick 4-5 cases w/ good facts to share. They fill a lot of time, and people like (and learn from) stories.
See if the partner recorded the presentation before, if it’s an annual reminder you might be able to just crib the old one.
I’ve been with my bf for 2.5 years, living together for 1. We’re early 40s and no interest in kids, so while we both said we’re interested in marriage, I had no timeline and have just been enjoying being with him. But recently I asked his thoughts about getting married and he said he had one reservation, which is that he wants to be gardening more and more creatively before making that commitment. (We’ve gone from ~2x week initially to ~2x a month-ish now…IMO largely because that first phase of infatuation has worn off.) He said he’d been meaning to bring it up for a while but felt shy.
At first, I agreed and said I wanted the same. But the more I stew over it, the more I feel kind of mad and even insecure in the strength of our relationship, that I in fact actually do want to be married and have more stability. It feels unfair that to get what I want (marriage), I have to do what he wants first (gardening). I’m feeling resentful and powerless, and it’s doing the opposite of making me want to garden more.
I fear this is becoming a Catch 22 so would really appreciate any thoughts especially from anyone who has been through this. I know a real option is to break up over it so don’t really need to hear that…I’d prefer not to as he’s a great partner and we get along so well. Thanks.
Do you not also want more intimacy? If you don’t, that’s something to work through in therapy together
What changed between 2x week and 2x month, what’s causing that? Are you both just less interested? Reading between the lines, it sounds like he’s not as interested/excited about the gardening as he once was, and that’s making him not want to commit long term, and he’s putting the onus on you to increase his interest. That is super unfair and unappealing. Rather than whining at you about the lack of frequency, what has he actually done to increase it? Does he initiate and you say no, or are you like many couples where at the end of the night you’re both busy and tired and don’t get around to it? Major major red flag here IMO.
Your last paragraph shows you already know the answer. He only wants you for sex. He’s telling you that if the sex doesn’t “improve” from his POV, he will look elsewhere. If you do meet his demands, he will look for another excuse to not commit, I’m afraid. He doesn’t value your relationship, just what he’s getting out of it at the moment. I’m really sorry you are dealing with this.
Adding, it’s likely he’s already cheating, or he’s setting you up to accept the “blame” for his future cheating.
Huh? This makes no sense to me. Wanting more or different gardening can happen in relationships absent cheating. Lots of posts here about that. There’s absolutely nothing in her post that indicates this. Coming from someone whose marriage ended over infidelity.
My comments keep getting an error. I’m quite sure he’s not cheating or looking to cheat.
The people who always jump straight to “he’s cheating” must be cheaters themselves. It is such a bizarre response to me. Not everybody cheats at the drop of a hat.
+1 The issue is not his wanting to garden more, it’s his approach. This is such an icky ultimatum – I want to have more sex before I decide to commit…vs “I love you and want to improve our gardening life”
Yeah, I didn’t read this as “more.” OP, I’d really think hard about committing to someone for life who won’t communicate with you. I dated this guy, it doesn’t work out.
This!!!
That’s so manipulative and icky of him. Honestly I would not trust that even if you gave him what he wanted you’d get a ring. Seems like he just opportunistically pulled that lever to get what he wants.
I’m going to go in two very different directions here.
1. You’re in your early 40s. Please talk to a doctor experienced in perimenopause related issues. Changing hormones can impact libido and satisfaction.
2. He needs to use his words. Was he just going to chug along with a subpar gardening life? Is he holding this over your head? Also… is he good in bed?
1. This is a good point.
2. Yes, he has a hard time admitting things that he wants and has previously been in therapy around that. He is pretty good in bed and very generous.
I agree that this feels icky at its face, almost a quid-pro-quo. Marriage has different seasons, some with more gardening than others (sickness, stress, etc.). I’d turn this on its head and decide what you ultimately want– a partner that wants to marry you, or being in the relationship sans marriage with this guy. If you can be at peace with not getting married, then it’s an opportunity to give it an old college try with your current partner if that’s something you’re also interested in (you may be mismatched in this regard). But I worry that the “creativity” side of things is code for peter-pan syndrome, where your partner isn’t willing to stop sowing his wild oats yet, and wants to explore more before settling down. At which case, no amount of creativity with one person would really scratch that itch. It’s hard to say from one post, but hopefully you have some things to mull over.
If he used the word “creativity”, I wonder about undisclosed kinks that he’s been doing without. It would possibly explain his reluctance to open that discussion.
I would be more worried that he “meant to bring it up” and then didn’t until you expressed your feelings and then he hijacked the conversation (and your attention and emotional bandwidth)
To me, a partner who doesn’t express what they want is a yellow flag and a partner who hijacks your expression of what you want to focus on them is a yellow flag and in this case yellow + yellow can equal red
it’s kinda funny to me that everyone is super sure this is a red flag. And maybe it is! But if the OP had said she wants more or more interesting gardening, everyone would side with her and be like ‘of course gardening only twice a month is not acceptable’. There may be other context that would make this either a reasonable or unreasonable expectation on your bf’s side.
Saying you want more gardening is fine. Using it as an ultimatum is weird.
I don’t really see it as thought he made an ultimatum; it sounds to me like her bf has been contemplating whether the relationship is fulfilling, and told her he thinks it’s all pretty great except for this one reason? I think his “crime” here is that he hadn’t brought it up yet if it was bothering him. Open communication is key. But I don’t see how you can blame someone for not being sure they want a lifelong commitment in a relationship that is lacking something they consider to be important.
This is the exact situation. Sorry everyone if what I said was less clear than this.
I agree with EB. I’ve never really understood the opposition to ultimatums. Certainly, there are people who use them as a manipulation technique, and that would be wrong, but it’s OK (good, in fact) to have conditions on important things in relationships. In this case, either this is just a blip for whatever reason and it can change, or you two are incompatible on this issue, which is important to the relationship, and it’s right that he would say he is not ready to make a permanent commitment without knowing which it is.
I love advice columns, and I couldn’t even count the number I’ve read where one person writes that their spouse has always had a lower desire and now the relationship is near-sexless, and the LW doesn’t know what to do. And the underlying issue really is that the LW should have really thought about this mismatch before getting married.
+1 to this. OP – if he is otherwise great, I would try to talk this through with him and see where you come out.
I agree.
Sex is important in a relationship. It’s a key area of compatibility. I know it comes across as an ultimatum in OP’s description, but it’s eminently reasonable to make sure you’re sexually compatible before committing to what should be a lifetime together.
It’s unacceptable because she’s being manipulated and it’s a quid pro quo. You cant be that dense.
I obviously wasn’t in their conversation, but OP says she asked him about his thoughts on getting married. Should he have brought it up independently? Perhaps. Would she have reacted hurt if he said, out of the blue, that he wants more or different gardening? Also probably. So while it’s not perfect, it’s also human that he was avoiding the talk. She opened the door for having that conversation. At that point, his choices were to come clean about how he feels or actively lead her on.
Perhaps something is lost in the way OP is retelling, but it’s a super red flag to make a conversation about marriage be mainly about sex. She doesn’t say he responded “yes, I am committed and can definitely see marriage in our future, if it’s important to you”. He responded, “in order to know, we have to have more sex.”
As someone else mentioned, sex is important to a marriage, but it is not the main thing. That he’s approaching it as such is the concerning part.
But it’s his main reservation? Which seems ok. It’s the one thing that can’t come from somewhere else in most relationships.
+1 if a woman said here that she had reservations about marrying a guy with a low libido, everyone would be on her side.
I totally agree. I personally would not want to get married to someone who I was only having sex with ~2 times a month. That being said, the timing was not good – he should have dealt with it separately from the marriage conversation. But on its face, I think it is a valid thing for them to discuss.
sexual compatibility is a big thing – but what does “gardening more and more creatively” mean? is he getting into kinks, or wanting to explore kinks? those might be deal breakers for you even if he weren’t being icky about this.
I just read a novel where people were exploring kinks – there’s a spreadsheet and checklist you can download from the internet for discussion and consent. I’d say look it over, give it to him and see exactly what he’s talking about.
Deep End, eh?
yes! normally i love her but that one felt a bit icky to me.
The icky part to me was that the characters were so young. I would have preferred them to be in their late 20s, but I guess that wouldn’t have worked well with the storyline.
I think you should not marry this guy. You can stay together, but I would not get married. The fact that he put a condition on committing to you is not good. At what point will he actually commit?? When you garden X times a week or the creativity reaches X?? And what will happen in the different seasons of marriage when gardening ebbs and flows?? How would you feel if he said something like “I want you to lose 20 lbs before I commit”? It’s kind of the same thing.
This. I also wouldn’t stay together, why waste any more time if you want to have a committed partnership. This is relationship purgatory.
I’m going to assume the BEST possible interpretation of this, since you said you knew you could break up but wanted to think things through.
You asked him, out of the blue, about Big Future Plans. Suddenly, he was in a Big Conversation that he didn’t realize was coming and hadn’t been thinking through. Turns out, he had been thinking about his own Big Conversation he wanted to have with you. So now that big conversations were on the table, he brought up his own big topic. He did it awkwardly, and it meshed badly with the marriage question. Suddenly, you were in a topic you didn’t see coming, and hadn’t had a chance to think through.
Does this interpretation fit his personality and conversational skills about hard things? Or is he what it sounds like: a jerk who is making demands of you before he’ll considering committing?
ha! I posted this below. I think this is a real possibility, having had my fair share of awkwardly timed sex conversations.
By the time anyone is posting here about their relationship, they know the answer is break up.
I agree that the way it’s come up makes the whole thing feel transactional instead of cooperative. You can’t unring the bell, and you heard something you didn’t want to hear. And it’s not great that the two of don’t seem to be on the same page about marriage or gardening.
But, if you don’t want to break up with him, then you need to reframe this. From his perspective, maybe he’s been mildly disappointed, but likes you too much to hurt your feelings by raising the issue. Now you’ve put him on the spot, so he’s being honest with you. I can’t tell you if it would be worth it to stick it out with this guy, but if you want to try, you need to look past the hurt.
Over the course of a marriage, there are times when sex is plentiful and times when it’s not. If someone you have been in a relationship with for years is questioning whether he is ready to commit because of frequency or spiciness, this doesn’t seem like an “in sickness and in health” partner.
I really disagree with this. They have been living together for 1 year. This isn’t like year 15 of a marriage. I think it is 100% reasonable that OP’s boyfriend would bring this up before they consider whether or not to get married.
I also disagree, and I say this as someone who has been married for 14 years and has dealt with several dry spells in that time, including one currently. It is not unreasonable for her boyfriend to want to know if they can work on issues like this before making a lifetime commitment.
OP, I think it is a good thing that he felt able to share this with you. I would try to see it as an expression of trust and deepening intimacy. You can also tell him that it makes you feel insecure, and worried that the thing you want most is threatened (and why is that? Are you worried you won’t be enough for him? Ar that what he wants is wrong/bad/says something about him?). I’ve probably been watching too much Couples Therapy–highly recommend–but is your anger masking your fear? Try to share the underlying fear with him. And it is also totally fair to make him be in charge of telling you what he wants – you should not have to be a detective to figure that out.
Assessing whether your gardening drives are fundamentally compatible does not equate to an expectation that gardening frequency/quality/style will never fluctuate in a relationship.
Two times a month and only together 2.5 years?? Yikes. I would need more from my relationship and would also require us to find a way to fix this before marriage.
I am going to go with a very generous view, which is that you asked a serious question, and your BF used that to bring up something that was a serious question to him, now that it was Serious Question Time. In your telling of it, it seemed like “no marriage until there’s more sex” but I think it would be fair to back up and reflect on it as two separate questions. He’s been thinking about this less sex dynamic for a while and wasn’t sure how to bring it up. You brought up a big and serious question that is related to what he’s been sitting on.
Is this a fair way to look at it? I’m honestly not sure. But I hadn’t seen this suggested and I thought it’s worth pointing out.
OP, you can’t win here. Marriage has its ups and downs wrt gardening. At almost two years in, you know the big things about each other and should know if you want to marry each other. Tossing in an issue, any issue, as a predicate to marriage means he doesn’t want to marry you. Cut your losses.
i don’t think the catch 22 is really fair framing -the other side is he has to get married to have a satisfying gardening life?
I think this could be 1) someone who never is going to commit & this was an optty for him to ask something for himself / easy excuse (personally I don’t think so, based on your description of the relationship otherwise) or 2) a valid concern based on how many garden-less marriages exist and he’s worried about it based on what’s happened pretty early on.
nothing makes me want to garden less than feeling obligated to, but where is your desire in this? Do you want a marriage with that level of gardening or does it not matter to you? Are you annoyed by other habits of living together that makes you not into him, or is it just life getting in the way?
Don’t garden to ‘earn’ a proposal but it’s reasonable to want a fully strong & healthy, happy relationship before getting engaged
You said you wanted to get married and he expressed his concerns about that. If he had said, I’m concerned about your debt, I don’t think it would feel as transactional as it does when a topic as delicate as s ex is the issue. That was clumsy on his part, but I don’t think it was malicious.
I think you should consider what your needs are in the intimacy department and then have a frank discussion about it. Twice a month is a lot for some people, for others it’s way too little. At the one year point, he’s probably worried that frequency will continue to decrease until you have a dead bedroom. It’s something a lot of couples deal with and it really, really sucks.
I’m currently in a db (it’s been over 6 months) and while I love my husband, the rejection and avoidance has killed my desire for him. Even if he wanted to turn it around, at this point I’m not sure I could. Menopause is right around the corner for me so I’m praying for that li bido drop I hear about. I wish I just didn’t want it and could be truly happy without it.
I have a tan wool trench coat with a sewn in lining that is some sort of synthetic. At the bottom, it has some severe pilling and is worn almost to holes. The rest of the lining is fine as is the coat. How much would replacing just the lower lining cost? Enough to just get another coat?
Depends how expensive the coat was initially if the repair would cost more than replacing. Personally I’m almost always on team repair because modern clothes tend to be poor quality.
+1 it is worth an ask at your local tailors
I’d bring it into your tailors and if you want the best estimate, see if you can get a similar color/fabric at JoAnn’s (before they go out of business) and bring it in with the coat. The easiest thing would be to patch over the area that’s worn with a similar colored fabric versus taking out the entire liner and replacing it.
I didn’t realize they were going out of business – that’s so sad! I’m only an occasional crafter, but I love going to their stores. So many memories of going there with my mom!
There are other fabric stores besides JoAnns! But they’re mainly in urban areas and small cities. There’s nothing like an old fashioned fabric store with bolts piled close together and a guy showing you what you didn’t even know you wanted but is actually perfect for your needs.
Those still exist! Probably not many places like that anymore though. :)
Oh yeah, I definitely patronize my local fabric store, too, but there’s something about a strip mall Joann’s that brings back a lot of memories!
I think I just learned firsthand why people go no contact on family members. My cousin’s new wife is…a piece of work. I had a C-section last year and was discussing it with another pregnant family member at a family event over the weekend. Then she pops over and after a few minutes, ends up saying that a C-section “isn’t giving birth” (I’d seen this sentiment online before, but never IRL). I somehow managed to get out “I can’t believe you just said that out loud, I’m embarrassed for you. Without a C-section my baby would likely have died.” Then she doubles down with “but at least that would be a natural outcome. Some babies are meant to be born sleeping.”
If I never see this B again, it will be too soon. I told my cousin what happened (and everyone else there – she deserved it) but he just seemed stunned and stuttery about how she must not have meant it like that. I’m so, so sick of these crunchy “natural birth” N@zis and I’m pissed one has infiltrated my family.
That is so insane I’m so sorry. Truly wtf
I’m sorry you have this person in your family, but please realize she’s an extreme outlier. I’d be more worried that she’d convince other family members to not consider lifesaving medical care. You have my permission to go no contact with both her and your cousin.
There are at least enough of these extreme outliers to explain RFK Jr’s career success.
Wow. I have no words. That woman is so devoted to being an idiot that she freely shares (and is a jerk).
I wonder how committed people like this are to the cause. No Advil? Tylenol? A DNR because death is a natural?
Yeah some people have crappy family. Sorry you had to learn that through experience
Has this person ever even been pregnant or had a baby? I also had a c section for my twins. I do sometimes wish I’d gotten to experience labor, but the goal is for a healthy mom and healthy babies, and I’d take a c section any day to have a positive outcome. This woman sounds like a piece of work. Who on earth says that some babies are meant to be born sleeping?!? Like she’s encouraging stillbirths? She should never get pregnant as this world already has enough idiots
It’s a common line among women who experience preventable stillbirths in the freebirth community (because women need a justification/a way to absolve their own guilt for denying medical care that would have saved their babies), but it’s not meant to be used against someone else. You’re not supposed to just march up and tell someone with a living baby that some babies should have been born sleeping.
Going to add Aggressive Freebirthers to my 2025 bingo card.
The pandemic really changed the world. You would not believe how many people felt free to express opinions about whose very high risk kids may just have to not make it since they weren’t really “meant to” or because it’s “natural.”
Thanks for this insight but good grief. Free birthers whose babies die deserve to feel guilty.
It’s pretty devastating to read about babies who died for being breech or for aspirating meconium. I can’t believe anyone would choose that.
Prior era women had c-sections, at home, with no anesthesia and they usually died, if not of blood loss, then of sepsis. The babies didn’t always die, but when you took away their food source (and didn’t hire a wet nurse), they often didn’t fare well. But you do you, cousin’s wife. Just keep me out of it.
I find it’s the women who have given birth who are the most ignorant about stuff like this. My birth was a breeze therefore everyone’s should be. You must’ve done something wrong.
“Shame you weren’t one of the sleeping ones! Now that would have been a good outcome.”
Wow, that is truly awful. I had an elective c-section with my daughter for the same reason – my baby would have died. I’m thankful that I haven’t run into anyone like your cousin’s wife in the wild, it would not be a good time (for them!).
Quite frankly in addition to going no contact with the cousin/wife I’d be seriously looking at going low contact with anyone who tries to ‘explain’ what she said. There’s no misunderstanding what she said.
I’m continually flabbergasted by which procedures are called “elective”! My baby will die without this doesn’t seem like an elective c-section to me! I don’t distrust your account at all, I have the same reaction to things like elective knee surgeries where the patient can’t walk without pain, or Covid shutdowns of all elective treatment that somehow included chemo.
… I have no words. I am so sorry you had to deal with that.
Please tell your family about it. Consider: “‘Born sleeping’ isn’t a cute thing. It means dead. That woman thinks that my child should be DEAD. I will not be at any family events where she is in attendance, because I do not associate with people who want my child to be dead. That isn’t just principled; it’s practical. I am not going to confuse my child by having her around Cousin Becky who thinks that her life is worthless. That is a hurtful situation for little Eleanor and it’s my job as a mother to keep her away.”
Clean up as need be. I’m too enraged on your behalf to be cogent.
It’s not even accurate. If those babies were sleeping, you could wake them.
Hard agree. I had a crash c-section with my first and an elective c-section with my second. I have no patience for ridiculous, ill-informed idiots who spout this kind of nonsense. As a parent, my first loyalty in any family situation is to my own children, full stop.
My mom is the elderly female relative who’s always telling people to “forgive and forget” and wistfully musing that we should all be together as a family and anyone who thinks differently is a bad person. I ought to invoice her for all of the therapy I’ve had over this stuff.
I’m the Anon you’re replying to.
I needed a semi-emergency c-section and am so, so grateful that my son was born in the twenty first century in a good hospital in a first world country.
It isn’t any different than treating cancer or RSV or whatever. It isn’t different than giving blood. We are so, so fortunate to have these things.
And I have zero patience with people who don’t want my son to be alive. Take your asinine philosophy elsewhere, Becky.
I honestly have no words.
she sounds absolutely unhinged. not sure if this is a good idea or not (i’m sure others will weigh in, ha) but can you tell your cousin directly why you’re going no contact? i feel like he needs to know how wildly unacceptable her behavior was in no unexplicit terms.
I agree with telling the cousin.
I’m so sorry you experienced this interaction and that she married into your family! I wanted a natural birth, but a C-section saved my son’s life (he’s now a healthy and brilliant 5-yr old). I can’t imagine someone telling me he should have died. I echo that she is an extreme outlier – most women who opt to pursue more natural birthing options for low-risk pregnancies are normal (and non-judgmental) people. For your cousin’s spouse, I would create space for now – and if that space extends to no contact with her, so be it. She sounds unpleasant, and I hope life experience helps her grow out of this.
WHAT! that is so awful and cruel. No one deserves to be around someone who thinks like that. Full permission to go no contact.
And yes I’m so done with anti science “crunchy” people. At least this one is transparent that she’s actually wishing for more dead babies and children.
Kudos for not slapping the ish out of her. If she keeps saying things like that, eventually someone will, and then maybe she’ll learn.
I’d chalk it up to being a student of Julius Ceasar / Shakespeare, but the doubling down proves otherwise. IDK how I would have acted, only that I doubt any jury would have convicted me of any of the crimes I easily could have committed. Kudos to you.
I would nullify!
That’s awful – I’m so sorry. I would also refuse to see her again (especially if she essentially wished my child dead).
+1
That’s horrible and I’m sorry you have to deal with it. No contact is the way to go. If she is this batsh!t crazy on this topic, there is a 99.9 % chance she is batsh!t on other things. Get her out of your life and gain some peace.
I am so sorry you had that encounter and have to navigate her in the future.
At the same time, good for you for speaking up in the moment and making it known how awful she is.
I am sorry. I am not generally on the “cut them off” bandwagon, but this was pretty disgusting. I’d think you had run into my grad school roommate if I hadn’t read her obituary a few years back.
That is awful, I am sorry that she said that to you. I also have a BONKERS family member (husband’s cousin) who says the craziest things. Perhaps not as bad as your experience, but still weird enough to make me really dislike her. I find solace in the fact that everyone else in the family mutually agrees she is an absolute nut job. Including 91 year old grandma lol. I know she will attend all extended family holiday gatherings, so I do my best to avoid conversation with her (and I notice most others do too, HA). If she says something weird I try to ignore it (or correct her and end the conversation) because I realized she THRIVES from the attention she gets from saying ignorant comments. I hope you don’t have to deal with her any further.
Seattle recommendations?
My husband and I are going to a wedding there this summer and added a day to our trip for exploring. We’re not taking our young kids so are hoping for kind of a romantic get away. Any recommendations for hotels, restaurants, activities?
Thank you!
A ferry ride to Bainbridge Island (leaves from downtown Seattle) is always lovely: 35 minutes on the water, and BI has several good restaurants and cute shops.
Not sure what kind of food you like, but some restaurant recommendations: Spinasse (Italian), Taneda (Omakase – reservations are very hard to get but worth!)
I am livid about how we are treating Ukraine. It seems very clear to me that Russia is the aggressor in this situation, unless I’m missing something (in which case please correct me)
You’re not. Unless you’re in a RW echo chamber, every one agrees Russia is the aggressor and us reneging our support to Ukraine it’s disgusting
How many countries has Russia invaded since the 1930s? It’s quite a list.
And Ukraine? I’ll wait.
I don’t understand your reply. We’re all in agreement here
She was adding on. The point is that Ukraine hasn’t invaded other countries while Russia has. Not every comment should be read as a hostile response.
My parents have been super pro-Ukraine (bumper sticker, etc.) and as they voted for That Guy, I’m curious about their views right now. But not curious enough to call them because I don’t want to hear what they have to say about government workers right now.
Even asking this question shows you need to be more informed and politically literate
No you are not missing something. The white house is for sale and Putin bought it.
Is there a Czar we could bring back?
This is what the college kids should be protesting
This
That, bad math outcomes for poor kids, and removing floride without increasing Medicaid dentistry spending.
I don’t know why this comment was such a big “aha” moment, but it was. I was generally nodding along to the idea that it’s brave/selfless for kids to protest for people across the world to whom that they have no direct connection. But actually, in this instance, I think it may just be another BS way of othering, a “white man’s burden” sort of approach.
What’s brave is standing up to the bullies nearby, and caring about your direct neighbors as much as you do the noble idea of “those poor people who I will never actually have to interact with”
But no one is standing up to bullies in the US either.
My ten year old asked me this morning if we can move to his Dad’s home country if the US invades Canada. I said yes.
Putin owns Trump. I still don’t understand ALL the behind-the-scenes factors at work here; I think there’s more to it than the public will ever know. But Putin owns him.
Absolutely. I think this has gone from a plausible tinfoil hat theory to the only logical explanation.
I don’t think you’re missing anything. Dictators are friends with dictators. Even an extremely isolationist president who just wants to spend $0 outside of the US would go about this differently
Yah, LOL on keeping all our money for ourselves and then going and giving $4B to Israel (I know it may have been allocated by the last administration, but that hasn’t stopped him yet!)
This.
It’s not about isolationism. It’s about helping Putin.
If it was about isolationism there would have been a 4 or 6 month notice period of withdrawal of support so other countries would have an opportunity to increase armament production to fill the gap.
Or there would be something like the US reducing financial aid but increasing sanctions on Russia, or freezing Russian assets. Even an extremist isolationist would just be stepping out, not blaming Ukraine for “starting” the war, not bringing Zelensky to the White House for an ambush. This is about being friends with Putin. Heck, maybe this is about trying to change the international consensus about whether it’s ok for larger powerful countries to annex their neighbors. But it’s not about budget priorities.
Donald is pro large powerful countries being able to annex their neighbours. That’s literally his entire policy towards Canada currently.
He keeps saying the tariffs are because of drugs but like Canadian border is less than 1% of fentanyl last year. Ten times as much or more is intercepted coming from the USA north to Canada.
You’re not. Conservatives were all for Ukraine when Putin invaded, but now that Trump is back in power and siding with Putin, the idea that “we’re doing too much for another country and not enough for our own” is back in vogue. There was absolutely a similar populist movement in the US at the beginning of WWI and WWII, i.e., why should we involve ourselves in a war overseas?
But at that era, the US had not given security guarantees so that the country would give up its weapons. Ukraine gave up the 3rd largest supply of tactical nuclear weapons in the world because they trusted the security guarantee of the US.
Ukraine is losing the war, and there’s no money left to keep fighting. The U.S. is draining its own weapons stockpile, while Europe makes empty promises. They aren’t actually seizing Russian assets—just offering the interest, not the principal, and even that hasn’t really materialized.
Europe has no army, no real way to change the outcome, and no money to give. Meanwhile, Germany is still buying Russian oil, just at a markup through third countries, proving the sanctions are a joke.
And the idea that Ukraine ever had a real nuclear deterrent is a myth. The nukes on its soil were never under its control—Moscow had the launch codes and Ukraine did not have the resources to make them operational.
It’s all a facade. The war is unsustainable, and Europe’s efforts are nothing but political theater.
But America should just keep handing out blank checks?
Thanks for your Russian talking points. Heading to a meeting but pop back later and I’ll take them down point by point.
Can’t wait! :)
Claim: “The U.S. is draining its own weapons stockpile, while Europe makes empty promises. ”
– if the US contributes, then yes its stockpile is drawn down if it does not resupply itself. That’s literally what support involves. Resupply yourself.
– Europe makes empty promises. Europe (which is about the same size as the US), has contributed about half. ” Since February 2022, US military support to Ukraine has amounted to €64 billion, while Europe, including the United Kingdom, sent €62 billion. In 2024, US military support amounted to €20 billion out of a total of €42 billion.” from https://www.bruegel.org/analysis/defending-europe-without-us-first-estimates-what-needed
Claim: ” They aren’t actually seizing Russian assets—just offering the interest, not the principal, and even that hasn’t really materialized.”
This isn’t a coherent statement. Who is ‘they’? Many countries around the world have seized assets and frozen or transferred other assets. Please be specific in what you are claiming. Is this a reference to the recent French transfer of funds or the additional sanctions by the Canadians?
Claim: “Europe has no army, no real way to change the outcome, and no money to give.”
This is incoherent. Europe is made up of various countries with varying strengths. Some maintain larger standing armies, others use a requirement for military service to have a trained citizenry and a smaller standing army. Re: “no real way to change the outcome” – this statement has no factual basis. European countries has not actively engaged in bombing to date. That would change the outcome. Russia is currently nearing the end of its military stockpile from the soviet era. “No money to give” As a proportion of GDP a number of wealthy countries such as Norway have given significantly more. Other wealthy countries like Austria who have been relatively neutral until now are reviewing their positions. See detailed analysis of how EU can replace US militarily in Europe here: https://www.bruegel.org/analysis/defending-europe-without-us-first-estimates-what-needed
Claim: “Meanwhile, Germany is still buying Russian oil, just at a markup through third countries, proving the sanctions are a joke.”
– Germany and other countries are actively working to create energy independence. Projects of sufficient scope to replace piped oil and gas from Russia cannot be built overnight. Numerous new hydroelectric projects have been announced in the last year.
Claim : “And the idea that Ukraine ever had a real nuclear deterrent is a myth. The nukes on its soil were never under its control—Moscow had the launch codes and Ukraine did not have the resources to make them operational.”
– this is a Russian talking point that is not factual. “In 1992-1993, Ukraine, concerned about its security vis-a-vis Russia, as well as about getting a fair deal, had real misgivings about surrendering its nuclear inheritance. While operational control over nuclear arms in Ukraine remained in Moscow and Ukraine lacked key elements of a nuclear weapons program, it possessed the scientific and technological capacity to develop the missing links in a relatively short time. ” Harvard Belfer Center for Science and International Affairs – https://www.belfercenter.org/publication/budapest-memorandum-25-between-past-and-future?_gl=1*dtouez*_gcl_au*MTA1MDc5MzcwNi4xNzQxMTE3OTU3*_ga*MTc0NjkxNTU1OS4xNzQxMTE3OTU3*_ga_72NC9RC7VN*MTc0MTExNzk1Ny4xLjEuMTc0MTExNzk3OS4zOC4wLjEwMzI5ODkwOTE.
Claim: “It’s all a facade. The war is unsustainable, and Europe’s efforts are nothing but political theater.”
Europe has provided billions in support to Ukraine to date and has announced substantial new increases in defense spending. See previously provided links (comments 1 and 2 may be in moderation due to links)
Claim: “But America should just keep handing out blank checks?”
After WW2, some European countries were constitutionally required to be neutral before US troops would leave (Austria). Other countries were encouraged to remain dependent on US protection to benefit the US economically. Read literally any well sourced book on the cold war and post-cold war eras.
The US has used its defence spending to build military industrial companies to try and sell to other countries. Other countries can no longer trust the US and will stop buying. Eg. Modi and the fact that India is developing domestic fighter jets to avoid buying American ones.
And on the ‘blank checks’ piece – there is a MASSIVE difference from adopting an isolationist approach and refusing to support long standing allies in current conflict zones vs what Donald did which is take actions to intentionally help the country which invaded another country.
You want to stop paying? Fine. Just don’t do it in a way that sabotages countries that trusted you for decades. European procurement is going to move away from purchasing US materials very quickly because the way this has rolled out makes it clear that the US is subject to institutional capture by the Russians in the executive branch. I don’t know who they think they are going to sell to now. Might as well buy from the Russians or Chinese.
If the US just wanted to stop writing checks, they could have done that and made a TON of money selling to European countries as they stock up. But Donald didn’t want to just stop writing cheques. He is Put!n’s bitch so he put the Russian strategic interests ahead of the American military industrial interests.
Resupplying isn’t instant—it takes time and money, and Europe won’t be able to ramp up production fast enough to keep pace before 2030. This isn’t just a short-term delay; it’s years of lag, with the U.S. left to cover the gap in the meantime. The problem isn’t just funding—it’s capacity. Even if European countries throw more money at the problem, they still don’t have the industrial base to produce what’s needed at scale.
Freezing assets isn’t the same as seizing them. The EU has talked a big game about using Russian funds to support Ukraine, but so far, they’ve only managed to hand over small amounts from interest. The principal—the real money—remains untouched. Two years later, they’re still debating legal roadblocks instead of actually delivering. They keep promising billions, but where is it?
Most European countries barely have real armies. Individually, their forces are too small and underfunded to handle a major war, and without U.S. leadership, coordination is a mess. Every few months, we hear that “Russia is running out of weapons”—yet the war is still going. That should tell you something. Wishful thinking won’t win battles.
Bombing would escalate the war, and that’s not an option in my mind. But that just highlights the reality—Europe doesn’t have many ways to actually shift the outcome here.
Economically, Europe is in worse shape than the U.S., which makes all of this even harder. War isn’t just about having weapons—it’s about sustaining them. If European countries are already struggling financially, how are they supposed to keep this going long-term?
And then there’s energy. Yeah, transitions take time, but that doesn’t change the fact that, right now, Germany and others are still indirectly funding Russia. Buying Russian oil at a markup through India and Turkey doesn’t magically make it “non-Russian.” It’s just an expensive way to pretend sanctions are working. Even in the best-case scenario, they won’t be able to fully cut off that dependency before 2027.
Capacity isn’t the same as possession. Ukraine never actually controlled the nukes on its soil, and it didn’t have the money to maintain or modernize them. People love to argue that Ukraine could have developed a deterrent, but that’s pure speculation. It wasn’t a real option at the time.
Announcing bigger defense budgets doesn’t equal battlefield results. European aid is slow, buried in bureaucracy, and often structured as loans instead of real military support. “Billions in aid” sounds great in headlines, but if the war keeps dragging on, that means the money either isn’t enough or isn’t being spent effectively.
The idea that U.S. military aid is just about selling weapons ignores Europe’s decades of underfunding its own defense. If they’d taken security seriously, they wouldn’t be in this mess. And the claim that Europe is moving away from U.S. defense contracts out of “frustration” is nonsense—it’s about necessity. The U.S. isn’t going to bankroll their security forever, and instead of stepping up, they’re looking for alternatives because they don’t know how to defend themselves without American support. The irony? Without the U.S., most of them wouldn’t last in a real war.
Resupplying isn’t instant—production takes time and money, and Europe won’t be able to adequately resupply itself until at least 2030. That’s not just a delay; it’s years of lag where the U.S. is left covering the gap. Europe’s slow response isn’t just about funding—it’s about capacity. Even with increased spending, the industrial base to produce what’s needed doesn’t exist yet at scale.
Freezing assets isn’t seizing them. The EU has only managed to transfer small amounts from interest while still talking about accessing the principal. Two years in, they’re still debating legal hurdles instead of taking real action. The promised billions? Still nowhere to be seen.
Most European countries have armies in name only. Individually, they’re too small and underfunded to sustain a high-intensity war, and without U.S. leadership, coordination is a mess. The idea that “Russia is running out of weapons” has been thrown around for years—and yet, here we are. Wishful thinking isn’t a strategy.
Bombing would escalate the war and isn’t an option in my mind. But that leaves Europe with even fewer options to meaningfully shift the outcome.
And economically, Europe is worse off than the U.S. This matters because war isn’t just about firepower—it’s about sustainability. If Europe is already struggling financially, how can it sustain long-term military commitments?
Energy transitions take time, but that doesn’t change the fact that right now, Germany and others are still indirectly funding Russia. Buying the same oil at a markup through India and Turkey doesn’t make it “non-Russian.” It’s just paying extra to pretend sanctions are working. Best-case scenario, they cut off dependency by 2027.
Capacity isn’t the same as possession. Ukraine never had operational control of its nukes, and it didn’t have the money to maintain or modernize them. Saying it could have built a deterrent is pure speculation—it was never an option at the time.
Announcing spending increases isn’t the same as delivering battlefield results. European aid is slow, bogged down in bureaucracy, and often structured as loans instead of direct military support. “Billions in aid” sounds impressive, but if the war keeps dragging on, it’s either too little or being misallocated.
The idea that U.S. military aid is just a ploy to sell weapons ignores Europe’s decades of underfunding its own defense. If they had prioritized security, they wouldn’t be scrambling now. The claim that Europe is shifting away from U.S. defense contracts out of “frustration” is misleading—it’s about necessity. The U.S. isn’t going to bankroll their security forever, and instead of stepping up, they’re looking for alternatives because they don’t know how to defend themselves without American backing. The irony? Without U.S. support, most of them wouldn’t last in a real conflict.
Many of the points you have raised are addressed at the links provided if you care to read more in-depth than the comment section on a fashion board.
But I suspect you don’t care to do so as you have provided nothing to attempt to support your numerous demonstrably incorrect statements. Enjoy life under Donald.
Good lord, I had no idea how hard it was to get into med school.
I get that people now tell kids to carefully consider law school and make a plan B because it is so expensive and the job you get may not pay enough for you to afford your loans. But with med school, it’s “dream big” if you are good at science — like it is for people with perfect grades and a perfect mcat, and even then, not a shoe-in and you may have to reapply to eventually get a spot. Like why not at least play up the kid-level provider jobs out there? I’m trying to figure out my life now that the writing on the wall is becoming clearer, but I would have loved to have had a bigger picture when I was 18. I feel like I’m running out of runway.
Are you trying to get into med school? I know people who got into med school without perfect grades. Sometimes it helps to do a post bacc first (though that is not cheap).
What’s a kid-level provider job?
Maybe mid-level provider, like a PA or a Nurse practitioner? Not a Norse practitioner, which is where typos are doing funny things.
Thank you. I needed that snort laugh.
Does a post-bac really change the outcomes?
A doctor friend I know recommended to kids in our high school’s health careers club that people seek out being an EMT because it is great background knowledge, you can get the education inexpensively, and do valuable work while taking a year to reapply. You can even do once you are 18. It also is helpful to know early if health profession are NOT for you or if some are and others definitely are not. She thought this was better than waiting and then doing a post-bac, which she saw as very expensive and trading on hope and worsening student debt. You can get the EMT training at home at community college.
I think this makes a lot of sense, but it probably depends on undergrad major and whether requirements were met?
Sorry, I mean that a post bacc may also be necessary if prereqs for med school weren’t met. Not that any particular coursework was needed to be an EMT!
I was am EMT in college. It’s not even a community college class; I did mine in the basement of a hospital at night over the course of a couple weeks. It’s only slightly more work than a lifeguarding certification.
Where you can’t get into med school but are licensed to treat baby goats. The pay is good and it’s lifestyle friendly.
Huh? Are you applying for med school and just now learning that it is hard? If you can’t get in, look into other health professional options. But this isn’t a secret and never has been.
No, this is one of those anxiety-dump hypotheticals about college and STEM. We get about four a week.
I think it’s always the same person. Take a chill pill, OP.
This is very common knowledge. I don’t think anyone has hidden how hard it is to get into med school even with excellent grades, MCATs, and extracurriculars or volunteering.
Many people I know did a Master’s (several of which had admission agreements if you maintain a certain GPA) and/or worked or did research before applying.
I graduated college in 2015, I know about 15 doctors, only 3 or 4 of whom went straight to med school.
I am 40 and know a lot of doctors and midlevels. Only a handful went straight through to med school.
It IS really difficult to get into med school. People who really want it no matter what are open to gap years and Caribbean med schools and are dedicated to doing all the studying and extracurriculars and dealing with the competition and all of that.
Residency etc after that is also a whole nother kettle of fish.
What are kid level provider jobs?
Not OP, but that’s obviously a typo for mid level, like PA, NP, etc. And as a professor who writes a lot of letters of recommendation for students applying to all kinds of health professional programs but otherwise has nothing to do with pre-health advising, I’d say students are very aware of both these mid level positions and how hard it is to get into med school. The vast majority of students I know that have gotten in have to apply multiple times.
Med school is hard to get into. This is common knowledge.
If you’re not positive you want to go the PA or NP route then don’t waste more time before pivoting to a career path that you’d be happy with long term. I know too many people who picked a backup career without enough careful thought, and now in their early thirties they’re unhappy with few options.
That can’t be fun to learn this if you already started down the path, but med school has never been a “shoo-in” option.
If you really want to make yourself anxious, read the stories of people who got into and completed medical school, then failed to match into a residency.
How to you get a pattern for jeans that is loose below the thigh and a bit big in the waist but aggressively tight in the seat and stomach? It’s like 2025 denim is not meant for 3D women. C
Are you just venting or do you actually want to know the geometry involved in garment construction?
Unfortunately all humans are shaped differently which is why off the rack clothes are hard.
That sounds like a pair of men’s jeans being worn by a woman.
People come in different shapes? That sounds like a cut that would fit me.
Maybe look at curvy fits?
What would you send in a care package to a federal employee friend who was recently DOGE-d?
gift cards she can use for groceries or other necessities. target gift cards, for example.
But not Target because they’re bending the knee and lots of Feds (myself included) are boycotting target
Costco gift card?
Voodoo doll
I snorted at this!
whisky
As a fed, lots of alcohol…
If you do gift cards (which I’d be thankful for but also feel weird about), consider a) a company that’s not bending the knee and b) something that’s useful – for example, a food delivery service (UberEats, DoorDash) wouldn’t be my preference because the food there is so over priced AND I now have plenty of time to cook… a grocery store would be good. If they’re someone who likes coffee shops, a local coffee shop so they can a) enjoy a treat and b) go there to work on job searching. This is definitely a kmow your friend situation – could also do a local fast casual spot or the nail place if they’re into their nails.
Gift cards to – local grocery store (not Target or Amazon which many ex-feds are boycotting), local coffee shop so she can get out of the house and get a treat, maybe something to a clothing store like Ann Taylor if she’ll be doing in person interviews.
Something to pass the time. Maybe movie tickets. Something related to her hobbies
I would send a Target or Amazon gift card, so she can use it for essentials or food or something more fun in her discretion.
Normally I’d agree, but many people are boycotting these companies, especially federal employees
Is there any networking you can do for him or her?
Or pay towards a resume service .
Maybe some practical but slightly indulgent items like snacks and socks.
Assorted ideas, particularly if you don’t want to go straight grocery gift card. Agree with a number of the other posters that Target and Amazon are disfavored.:
-Immediate term: Sweet treat or alcohol for the “eat your feelings” portion of this experience.
-Medium term (comfort): Something prepared for dinner or flowers. Honestly, the job hunting is exhausting and a lot of networking calls happen over lunch. Flowers because they will spend all their time at home now and make it a little more joyful. Costco delivery might be a good option for both.
-Medium term (business dev support): Gift card for a coffee shop. They will do so many recruiting coffees with contacts. (Note: Not Compass Coffee, if they are DC-based.)
-Know your audience: Stuffed animal for the “hug your anxiety” out. Weighed eye mask to help with sleep. Gel/dip manicure gift card if that’s something they do, because again, so important to be put together for all the networking.
If you’re asking about this, I know you will keep checking in, but I cannot emphasize enough how vital this is. Depending on their role, this may be an extinction level event for their career. Even if not, the anticipated reductions in force (government for layoffs), are going to continue to flood the job market, so its not just a question of “Oh shirt, I’m out of a job.” But “Oh shirt, I’m out of a job and more and more people with similar resumes are coming.”
Putting all of the excellent answers above together: a gift basket with gift cards, booze, chocolate, and fuzzy socks. Plus an offer to proofread their resume if desired.
If $$ was no issue, where would you prefer to live if your priorities were good schools and excellent and diverse food options: eastern PA (the Main Line), Hudson Valley in New York, or Western CT (Wilton, Ridgefield)?
Hudson Valley in NY. Cute towns, good food, close to the city, great public schools.
Live in Queens + private school
Hudson County NJ + private school
Bergen County NJ
Falls Church (the city, not just an address) VA or Montgomery County MD and public schools
Philly burbs and send your kids to an InterAc school (while not created equal, all are quite good and most are truly excellent). Note, that not all InterAc schools are on the Main Line
What sort of food options? Like for everyday people from that culture, where you get tripe, chicken feet, and tendons of various animals? Or restaurants that cater to more vanilla Americans and feature foods for that palate (which are also delicious)?
Hudson valley or CT but on the water (Westport, Fairfield, darien vs wilton, weston or ridgefield). If you are going to pay the big bucks, live in a town on the water.
Yes. consider the CT towns on the Water (Fairfield, Westport, Darien, Greenwich). It checks all your boxes. Also if you do Greenwich/Darien, you are a 1 hour train ride from NYC which has some of the best food in the country.
My elderly parent has a passport issued 25 years ago (so long expired). The state department says what to do for online renewals and by mail, but it looks like the passport is too long expired for either. Parent isn’t driving anymore and now lives in assisted living in a state that would require a test, etc. to get a license. Parent and I would like for him to have a valid government ID for travel, including flying. What is easy here? He wouldn’t fly a lot, likely just to family weddings or funerals. I have all of the documents for him, but I know he doesn’t have the patience to spend all day at the DMV or post office trying to get a passport interview like we do for our kids (even with an appointment, it’s a bit of a zoo with lots of bedlam surrounding you and not enough seats).
There are many different places to get a passport other than a post office. Many libraries or court clerk offices also do passports.
Most (all?) states can issue a non-driving ID (usually still issued through the DMV)
In my state, passport with a scheduled appointment isn’t too bad but it sounds like it is in your neck of the woods – maybe you could hire someone on care.com to take him & wait with him?
You can get a REAL ID that isn’t a driver’s license, that seems like the best bet.
It would be helpful if you tell us what state parent lives in. I could tell you the answer for California – but that might not be the same for Nebraska.
But also, passport interviews are for children. Adults applying the first time have to go in, but it is not an “interview” in the way you are thinking.
Does he need to travel internationally? If not, then what I would do in my state is make an appointment at the DMV and just get a state ID, not a driver’s license. Our DMV actually requires an appointment now and it is nice because there is very little waiting and also very few people there because you have to have an appointment. Also, we just helped my MIL get a new passport (hers was also long expired) and we just took her to the post office before they opened so we could be first in line. We also picked a post office in the suburb next to our busy city hoping it would be less busy. We got seen right away and were in and out in about 20 minutes. It helped that we filled out the paperwork ahead of time.
Just get a state ID. We got them as backups (stored in travel bag separately from wallet) in case either of us loses our license when traveling domestic.
there aren’t passport interviews for adults..? It’s a pretty simple process especially if you have all his paperwork together.
Most (all?) states offer a non-driving real ID. I’d do that unless you anticipate him travelling internationally.
Our post office passport appointment was 20 minutes and scheduled. Midday it ran only about 5 minutes late. It’s not an all-day affair.
Same here, and since we schedule at an outlying post office that doesn’t see much foot traffic, we always walk right in.
Bonus: it’s an old building with some really cool original architectural details, a historic mural on the main wall, and a small mini-museum in the vestibule with interesting facts about the local area. We like to browse on our way out.
Unless it’s flying abroad, I would just do a Real ID. It’s much easier. (I got one because I didn’t feel like dealing with Passport stuff until later this summer–and I know I won’t be doing any flying outside of the country anytime soon due to my work commitments.)
What I would do is get them a Real ID.
In my state, they have appointments available now for getting a Real ID, although they are hard to date because the May deadline of needing a Real ID to fly is coming fast. Usually you can make appointments online vs. call. Go to one of the smaller DMV offices, that may be a drive away, where you are likely to be processed quicker.
My Dad was severely disabled and in a similar position. When they saw us enter the DMV, they always shuffled him to the front so he wouldn’t have to wait in a long line. But then there was always a long wait in the seats.
State ID or Passport. Since he would be starting from scratch with the state ID, I’d just go with the passport and get a passport card. Especially With REAL ID as a requireme.
I am itchy just looking at this sweater.
Ha, same.
For all the pearl clutchers who have been posting against the pro Palestine protests (even came up in a thread about Ukraine), you’ll be happy to know that the President agrees with you. He signed an executive order threatening funding for colleges allowing “illegal protests” which is clearly aimed at the pro Palestinian protesters.
Sigh.
I personally don’t think the protests are accomplishing much good, but this is free speech for me and not for thee.
BDS is where the results come, but the spectacle is how you draw attention to that action. Most of you weren’t around, but boycott was how we best showed unity with ending apartheid in South Africa.
I’m fine with *illegal* protests being shut down, like the one that injured a security guard while destroying property and the antisemitic one at the private home of a Jewish professor.
Hopefully, you feel the same way about illegal settlements that displace people from their homes for the past 70 years.
It isn’t good advocacy to be so reductive. It really isn’t.
+10000000000000000 It is so self-defeating.
Why wasn’t this an ok response? It’s factual.
was the entire founding of the U.S. illegal? if so, how do we move forward, not back?
Yes and that’s why the native Americans fought back. Whataboutism doesn’t support your position the way you think it does.
Not sure if you’re aware but it’s possible for people to think that professors should not be attacked at their homes for being Jewish and also to think that Gaza should not be ethically cleansed as proposed by Trump.
You can care about multiple groups of people at the same time.
+. This. I am totally fine with legal protests, and think most of the campuses know how to make space available. Going to the Dean’s home is unacceptable. We should all have a zone of privacy.
yes, generally, actual “illegal” activity should be dealt with; otherwise, what is the point of having laws? i have no issue with any legal protests (whether i agree or disagree with the content) happening on college campuses or anywhere else for that matter. (I personally despise our current President).
If the protests are truly student-led and pro-Palestine or pro-Palestinian, I will release my pearls.
When the protests are led by outsiders who support Hamas in being antisemitic and anti-Israel and anti-Zionist, imma gonna keep holdin on to my pearls thankyouverymuch
Peace
related/unrelated – where is all of the pearl-clutching about the cultural appropriation happening during the protests? students adorning themselves with keffiyehs and the like?
Not that there couldn’t be a double standard for the protestors, but I think the left has kind of moved on from talking about cultural appropriation in general. I haven’t heard it mentioned in a few years.
I think at this point Palestinians are probably happy to have others recognize them as human and take up that accessory as a symbol of solidarity. It is conflating wearing a keffiyeh with donning a KKK uniform that is offensive, especially as Palestinians are the oppressed minority on that side of the flawed analogy.
Tell me about your experiences with the Dyson dryers/straighteners. Airstraight? Airwrap? Something else? I have thick, curly (now graying) hair. I prefer wearing it straight but am grumpy with roundbrushes + dryer (I get fooled by the hot hair and it is still damp!). If I use the straightener, I have to let it airdry all day first, and then I have no patience later that evening. I loved the Revlon One Step wet to dry, but it really damaged my hair from the high heat. My daughter has superlong, thick, wavy hair now wants to dry it before bed. I can justify a more expensive one, but…will it solve my impatience?
The Airstraight is not worth it. I do love my airwrap, but I use it to curl. If you really like the roundbrush/Revlon one, I think the Drybar doubleshot is the better option.
I have the Shark FlexStyle which I love – it doesn’t damage my hair the way the Revlon One Step did and it’s faster.
I have fine (but a lot of it, so overall its thick), wavy shoulder length hair and it’s been a life changer. I usually rough dry with the hairdryer setting and then finish it with the round or flat brush attachment.
Same. I bought mine after trying a friend’s Dyson, which I didn’t like at all. For once the cheaper option was better!
Another fan of the Shark! Incidentally, I also have very fine, thick hair (i.e., it’s not coarse and not thin) that is wavy and shoulder length. I have all the attachments but almost exclusively prefer the diffuser.
One note of caution: I tried using the anti-frizz finishing attachment one time (and one time only). Had to stop after a few seconds because it felt and smelled like it was burning my hair. The Shark has more control but is capable of getting a lot hotter than my old Conair dryer.
For a mid-point option, I just switched from the Revlon One Step to the Shark FlexStyle. I loved the Revlon One Step a lot but it was too damaging. The Shark had a lot of recommendations here and around the internet, and was more palatable price-wise for me. The Shark is working well; I am still getting used to its shape since it’s longer than the Revlon. But I think it’s a good option and it feels like a step up to the Revlone OneStep.
I have thick, wavy hair that is mid back. I have the Dyson Supersonic Nural which works really well for me both wearing my hair straight and curly. This morning I spent 12 minutes from straight out of the shower to dry. Biggest difference for me is that it gets my hair dry in about the same time as a traditional blow dryer but with much less heat. The diffuser attachments are also pretty good if you want to experiment with letting your hair go curly. I got one of the first gen airwraps – it’s a fun toy, but not an every day product.
Are you using a heat protectant spray or cream? If not, add that and use whatever heat you want. Aveda and Oribe make some good sprays that have heat protectant qualities.
I love my Airstraight. My hair is naturally wavy and I wear it straight everyday. On hair wash days, I let it airdry for 30ish minutes, do a quick rough dry of just my roots with a regular hair dryer and then use the airstraight, which takes me less than 15 minutes – about two passes on each section of hair.
I get balayage highlights every 4 months using a bleach technique, and my hairdresser has commented on how healthy my hair has been since I switched from a regular flat iron to the Dyson.
Thank you all! I do use the Oribe protectant. Good info!
I have come to the end of my beloved European, soft backed, grid paper notebooks. Any recommendations for websites to find these type of notebooks in the US?
Barnes and Nobles has tons. But, for cheaper, search for cahier on Amazon.
I get stationary from Jet Pens. It’s primarily focused on Japanese products, but there’s also a good amount of European items. I use Rhodia (a French company) A5 dot grid notebooks all the time and I buy them there
Leuchtturm?
Moleskin brand?
+1
OP, my brother uses one of the Moleskin notebooks as his daily “diary” that sounds exactly like the version you like.
I lean towards Japanese stationary, but I ordered some A5 notebooks from jetpens lately- I prefer dot grid and tried both the Midori and the Stalogy ones and liked them both. They both felt really indulgent.
Seconding Japanese notebooks! I prefer Stalogy over Midori, but they’re both great. Hobonichi is another great brand.
My local bookstore has a really cute selection,and they are good about always stocking the ones with dot grids.
Would one of these work?
https://shop.mochithings.com/products/81427
Maybe a Blick Art Supply; Fabiano brand’s Ecoqua may be what you’re looking for. Michael’s sells them in multi-packs.
Or check out Muji’s notebooks. Good luck!
Fabriano
Are cardigans always frumpy?
They’re back on trend now
No
#TeamCardigan for life!
Same! One woman’s frumpy is another woman’s classic.
Of course not! That said do find they skew frumpy fast when not in great condition or when they don’t fit well.
Yes. Some are just the kind of frumpy that is currently fashionable.
This is such an excellent, succinct description of current fashions.
Yes.
There are so many different styles and purposes that this questions seems bizarre.
You sound young.
We have a bit of a windfall and as an indulgence, I’m replacing our nearly 10 year old threadbare towels.
We have an ensuite as well as a main hall bathroom. Right now the towels for both are white, get used interchangeably. Do we replace all of them? How many towels is reasonable for a family of 5 (3 tweens/ teens). I don’t know how many we have right now- sometimes it’s way too many and the cabinets are stuffed; other times we can’t find any towels (spoiler: in the teens’ rooms).
We have another full bathroom in the basement and I got grey towels for that bathroom so I could keep them separate.
Also, brand recommendations please! I did not like anything I saw at homegoods. I think our current towels are a combo of inherited from our downsizing parents + lands end circa 2009.
Would separate colors for each family member work for you, or do you want all matching colors/interchangeable use?
imo, if you have “personal color” towels, 2 per person is the right amount, but I don’t wash my towel after every use
Some thoughts that would make a difference – does your family reuse towels? Are your tweens/teens good at hanging towels to dry? Does each person have a spot for a hook for “their” towels”?
My DH won’t use the same towel twice without it being washed, even though he’s good about hanging it to dry. I’ll use the same towel several times. So the two of us go through much different amounts of towels. It’s just the two of us and DH does the laundry, so I don’t really care about his ridiculous towel use rules. :)
I do like the idea of each kid gets a different color set of 2. If anyone has long hair highly recommend adding a microfiber hair towel to the set.
Then 4-6 towels for the ensuite/parents to share in a different color.
RE brand – I believe that Costco towels have been recommended before. My mom got me a set from Kohls when I went to college that is still going strong (just a little faded, but remarkably in great shape) 18 years later, but I don’t know the brand.
The “how many” question is entirely up to your laundry patterns and the storage space you have.
I’d buy a separate color for the teens’ bathroom, and store their towels separately from yours. That would make their over-use of towels (or under-doing of laundry) their own problem, not yours.
I like the cotton towels from Pottery Barn. Not the “hydro cotton,” but the regular thick cotton ones. The higher-end all-cotton towels at Target can be pretty nice too, and may be a better investment for kids.
We have two sets of towels for each household member and enough guest towels for three people. Each bathroom has its own designated towels. I regret buying our teen white towels because they get grungy and bleaching doesn’t really help.
I am so sad that the LE ones recently have disappointed. I got some from Ikea (terry on both sides; reasonably plush) and they are a delight. Thinking of replacing every towel we own now.
Household of 4.5, some heavy users; at least 10, but probably closer to 15.
Just putting this option out there: after encountering some at an acquaintance’s open house recently, I really want to switch to pashmina turkish style bath towels.
They were so amazing they are stuck in my head 2 years later and I haven’t found them in the wild yet. They were not terry cloth. They were substantial and not gauzy, very thick and luxe feeling. The colors were grey and champagne and there was not a brand tag to be found. They were mostly grey with thin champagne stripes in a sort of Fibonacci pattern and were double-layered. There was tightly twisted, short fringe on the ends. They were bath sheet sized, and I sometimes dream about them.
Something like these, perhaps: https://www.silkandsnow.com/en-us/turkish-towel/?product_type=classic&colour=finn&size=bath-sheet&wickedsource=google&wickedid=EAIaIQobChMIyu2t0IjxiwMVVVlHAR0R8DSfEAQYBSABEgIUx_D_BwE&wickedid=&wcid=16976844914&wv=4&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=%7B%7Bcampaign.name%7D%7D&utm_content=pmax&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADOTS1FOP3bD5iBI8nhazlB412zMe&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIyu2t0IjxiwMVVVlHAR0R8DSfEAQYBSABEgIUx_D_BwE
I have these from huckberry and they’ve held up well
https://huckberry.com/store/turkish-towels/category/p/50581-herringbone-turkish-towel
I have really liked the Vera Wang brand towels from Kohl’s, although with the caveat that I haven’t bought any in well over 10 years and can’t speak to whether the quality is the same now. I don’t use them regularly any more because when I re-did my bathrom several years ago none of the colors, which were all very muted, worked for me. But I still have a few – ex-H or child have most of the ones I bought years ago – and they are great, very plush and absorbent.
As a Canadian, I am so angry about this baseless tariff war Trump has started, not to mention his threats to annex our country. I hope the Americans that voted for him feel the financial pain of their decision.
Same.
American news media is not at all covering how deeply damaged the relationship is. My dad is 75 and says he can’t ever remember anything like this.
About a third of the products on any grocery aisle are upside down. That’s caught on so fast in the last week. Grocery stores starting marking all Canadian products with maple leafs but have left American products on their shelves if they still have them in stock. So customers turn a product upside down or backwards if it’s American to save other people having to check.
Usually 25% of the lawyers in my office vacation in Florida between March and June and this year no one is going.
I have also heard that a lot of Florida condos are on the market, with Canadians leaving in disgust. I am so appalled by our government. Reagan was bad, but this is so much worse.
Reagan was a blip. This is a fundamental reorienting of supply chains away from the US. People line up to buy Oasis orange juice made in Canada with Brazilian oranges as soon as the store gets a new shipment while Florida orange juice rots in clearance bins at 75% off.
My Canadian colleagues also used to vacation in Florida and it always puzzled me. They would drive through the whole Eastern seaboard to vacation in the worst state we have available.
But for better or worse, a boycott of Florida won’t leave much of a financial impact on the rest of the US. It’s such a service economy the impact will just be local.
That’s just one personal example.
LCBO in Ontario is one of the largest if not the largest purchaser of alcohol in the world and they are no longer buying American products.
I live near the border in a Trump voting state and I am so, so sorry. It’s horrifying and senseless. I’m watching it all unfold and am as helpless as you. Trump and his cronies are burning it all down and to he’ll with the consequences or misery they are creating for future generations.
Noem jumping back and forth over the border in that little library in Vermont shouting ’51st State’ was all over my Canadian kid’s tiktok FYP this morning. So disrespectful.
oh good grief. She is vile.
i am also so sorry. i did not vote for him, and still find it funny that people thought voting for him would lead to lower grocery prices…
I’m an American, and even I am boycotting FL and US vacations. I’m angry at my country.
I was a college student studying abroad in Spain during a Bush presidency in 2005 and recall the Spanish students asking me why people wanted him to be president (I myself had not voted for the man). I would now pay money to have him as president again and I can only imagine the questions I’d be getting if I was currently studying abroad. it’s embarrassing. but then again, our current president got more than 50% of the
Same! I was also in Spain (Valencia, by chance?) in Fall 2005 and did some solo backpacking that August. I told people I met in hostels I was Canadian when I felt it was going to be an aggressive convo, of which there were several over the month or so I was traveling. My mom’s family is 100% French Canadian so I knew enough to keep the surface level convo going but it was really eye opening (in the best kind of 20-something-learning-about-the-world kind of way) how aggressively people hated Bush. Now, at 40, duh… they hated him. I did, too, but was painfully naive and didn’t realize how global it was.
Same. I was supposed to go to an industry conference in FL this spring and backed out because I don’t want to spend time in a state that is so ass backwards.
It’s going to cost a fortune to rebuild in California after the fires. Donald just said he’s going to double whatever the retaliatory tariffs are so that would mean a 50% tariff on lumber.
I definitely didn’t vote for him, but am an American also so very angry about this insanely stupid tariff war against our North American friends. It’s so wildly inconceivable to me that we’re spitting in the face of Canada, and yet here we are. I’m really, really sorry.
Yes. I am so embarrassed and horrified. I am sorry.
As much as I haaaate Doug Ford I really hope he turns off the electricity to the US. I can’t see another thing that would hurt as badly.
I think it’s going to go more the brown outs or flickering on and off route given concern that shutting it entirely would be seen as a justification to invade.
we haven’t heard in some time from the poster who was so satisfied with their stock portfolio roughly 2018-2020…
There are early indicators of recession. I’m a travel advisor with a 99% US-based client base and bookings are way down the last couple weeks. This is always kind of a sluggish time of year since most people have booked summer travel but aren’t ready to think about fall and winter, but I’ve also gotten a bunch of messages about people needing to save money due to fear of layoffs or impact of the tariffs, and a few people have canceled trips they booked.
I’m a fed and would dearly love (and need!) a vacation, but it’s impossible to plan when I have no idea if I’ll have a job next week, be starting a new job with no leave built up yet, or what. I can’t even get to the point right now of not affording it/needing to save money. I don’t even know for sure where I’ll be working or living come summer. It really sucks.
Thanks! We all will!
I am so very ashamed of my country and I apologize to all Canadians on behalf of this grossness.