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Tips for confrontation at work
The title of this comment sounds harsher than I intend it. I’m looking for advice on how to respond in confrontational situations at work. I’ve had a few instances where I’ve felt that others have walked all over me and I haven’t known how to stick up for myself in a way that isn’t escalating the conflict. My tendency is to offer to be helpful in some way, but I’d like more practice in being firm (and fair), saying no, or pointing out when an error wasn’t due to something that I did. The problem is that I get nervous and shaky if I feel “attacked” and I don’t want that to show to others. Does anyone have any book tips or strategies that I should learn about? TIA!
anyanony
The book – Nice Girls (still) Don’t Get the Corner Office – would seem to be a good place to start. Honestly for me, it took time and practice and reviewing afterwards what I wish I had done so that I could do it better then next time.
TBK
You might try reframing it as not a confrontation. I feel like people often say things like “I’m just not a confrontational person” when they’re talking about things that aren’t actually confrontational — meaning they’re viewing the situation through a lens that says that if they bring up a topic, it becomes a “confrontation.” Is it possible that your co-workers think they’re making suggestions and you assume they’re commands, or that they’re operating under incorrect assumptions but you’re not clearing those up? So an example of the first would be that a co-worker says “So how about OP takes care of X and then we regroup Friday to discuss.” Where the co-worker thought she was making a suggestion, and would be totally fine with you saying “actually that won’t work for me,” but you feel like that would be a confrontation and so you just say “okay.” An example of the second would be that your boss gives you a major project due Friday but you have another one due THursday. The boss doesn’t know about the Thursday project so her assumption that finishing her project by Friday is totally doable, but really you’re too slammed to do it. If either of these is like what’s happening, what if you think of it as offering helpful information instead of escalating conflict? Because if I were your boss in the second scenario, I’d really really really want to know that you had that other project! I mean, it would be huge for me if you told me! And I honestly do the first thing all the time to my husband. I think I’m making a suggestion. He thinks I see it as a done deal. And resentment followed by fighting ensue (we’re both working on this). Does that help at all? Or am I assuming totally the wrong thing?
Tips for confrontation at work
An example of a situation that just happened at work last week (to give context) – someone else on my team was supposed to have a memo drafted by COB Monday. On Wednesday morning, she told me she wasn’t going to be able to do it because she was too busy. I then said “OK, I can do it” because it needed to get done, but I would have wanted to indicate that the ball-dropping/super late notice (this is part of a big deliverable package) wasn’t okay. However, I’m too nervous/shy/SOMETHING to ever say something like that, particularly to someone above me. Any thoughts?
Killer Kitten Heels
This may be my law firm background talking, but you *shouldn’t* be saying anything about the ball-dropping/late notice to someone above you – that’s basically their prerogative as a person who outranks you on the food chain to drop stuff on you at the last minute. It’s not a nice thing to do to underlings, but it’s certainly not uncommon, and I don’t think it’d be received well to say something disapproving to a higher-up in that circumstance.
If it’s someone lower down the food chain than you, I do think it’s okay to push back with a “I can do it this time, but in the future, please pay better attention to your work flow so that we don’t have problems like this at the last minute on future projects” or something like that.
TBK
Ugh, I hated lines like that last one when I was a junior. “Please pay better attention to your workflow” — yeah, I know, I know. It’s so condescending. Only female senior associates said things like that. When a male senior associate had to pick up the slack for a junior person, they’d just be kind of pissed off for awhile. The junior person would KNOW why. Then it would blow over but the junior person would have taken steps to fix the problem. And there would be no weirdness.
As to the OP’s example, maybe the problem is that you don’t actually need to say anything. The thing had to get done. No one else was available to do it. S–cks. But that’s it. If it happens a lot, you just say “this is like the third time this has happened — how can we fix this” assuming, of course, that this person isn’t senior to you. Because if they’re senior, you generally just have to do it and not complain. I agree with Killer Kitten Heels on that.
Anonymous
But if one partner or lead attorney is always doing this to staff, it can impact the work for the whole office. So, it needs to be addressed but maybe not at that moment. I worked for an inconsiderate attorney and I learned to anticipate the last minute dump so I would approach him in advance and offer to do X. He liked to pretend he was going to do it all and then dump it at the last minute. Now that I am the lead, I really try to ask my subordinates what else they have going on when I am doing a project.
A
I don’t think that’s a confrontational situation. Just be honest when you are asked things like that – yes you can take it, or no you can’t and here’s why. If it’s a repeat issue, ask if you can be delegated to do some types of work on their projects regularly so you have advance notice.
Getting big assignments at the last minute is not something you should take personal offense to, unless you work in some crazy office where people are trying to stab each other in the back all over the place and they’re out to get you or something strange like that. A heavy workload is a problem the team is facing, you’re all part of the team, and you should work together to solve it. If you have helpful suggestions, offer them. If you just want to chastise someone, don’t. It’s not helpful.
The more you go through these situations, the more comfortable you will get. Yes, you will be very annoyed at people sometimes. That is something that comes with any job.
bridget
“My tendency is to offer to be helpful in some way, but I’d like more practice in being firm (and fair), saying no, or pointing out when an error wasn’t due to something that I did.”
Saying no: People take it a lot less personally than you think. All you have to do is to be polite.
“Would you like to go to lunch with us?” “No, thank you, I am taking lunch at my desk today. Have fun.”
“Would you be able to do this project by Wednesday?” “No; I’m on a deadline for the Acme case. I can, however, help out with [name discrete portion] [looking over younger associate’s work].”
Pointing out an error was not something that you did?
“Joe, let me go back and check to see how we missed that filing date. I did [walk him calmly through everything you did], and [explain what else happened without throwing people under the bus].” If need be, “It was my understanding that… because…” is helpful.
S in Chicago
Just wanted to agree with Bridget and also suggest that is some situations (for example, error made by someone else that had nothing to do with you) it might be valuable to practice saying no and giving a three second pause afterward and moving on to another topic. “Do you know why X error was made?” No. I think sometimes it’s easy to feel like you need to explain or defend somehow or delve into why something might have happened when you really don’t. People often listen to a simple no more than you give credit.
Blonde Lawyer
I can’t tell if you are talking about normal reactions to being “attacked” or perceiving being attacked in what should be perceived as a normal communication. If it’s the latter, I would try to think about why you have a tendency to feel attacked by normal business discourse. If there is something in your past that triggers this attacked feeling then I would try to work on mentally separating out how this environment is different than your past. Random hypo as an example. Colleague who previously was a victim of domestic violence would get very nervous if someone wasn’t happy with her work because in her prior home life, someone not happy with her led to physical violence. So in that situation you would remind yourself that your boss is not your abusive ex and you have no reason to suspect he would ever be physically violent no matter how much you screwed up at work. Then you could listen to constructive criticism without worrying about an attack. If it is something this serious, I would also recommend therapy.
Tips for confrontation at work
Thanks everyone for the responses – this is helpful. Blonde Lawyer, that’s a good point – I think my family background contributes to me going on the defensive instantly, but like you say, it’s important for me to realize how work is not like that. As a sidebar, I’m looking into therapy, but in the short term, I’ll see if I can find some way to diassociate my past from the present working environment.
Walnut
Marriage/Finances question – My husband and I each have allowances to cover work lunches, happy hours with coworkers and things of that nature. His allowance is deposited into his pre-marriage checking account and uses that to pay his credit card, while I just pay my credit card out of the joint account.
Recently DH provided me a copy of an old statement so I could submit for a reimbursement and I noticed he’s carrying a balance on the credit card. I have a personal hatred of debt, which is very much a known to my husband. We have ample amounts of cash sitting in a savings account to pay this balance off.
In the past, DH has handled issues like this by freelancing extra and paying off the balance, so I don’t know for certain that the balance is still an issue. I don’t really want to bring the issue up because the point of the allowance is so that I don’t kvetch at him about his snack/soda/coffee/lunch/happy hour spending. At the same time, it seems stupid to be paying 17% credit card interest when the cash in the bank is making a .5%.
Any thoughts?
NYC tech
Sounds like it might be time for a relaxed discussion about whether your method of splitting up the family finances is still working for both of you. You could discuss whether you’re each individually happy with the current state of things, and look into whether this method is introducing inefficiencies (i.e. unnecessary credit card debt) that could be solved by tweaking the system (or shifting to entirely shared finances, or whatever). Over the course of a marriage, it’s always good to check in on whether the systems that have evolved over time in a relationship are still working well. This way of framing the problem takes the emphasis completely off “his” allowance.
Walnut
We tend to have this conversation monthly when we recap our net worth and decide if we’re in a position to meet our annual objectives. For instance, this last month we each upped 401k contributions an extra 4% to put us closer to meeting the annual mark.
I used to pry about the allowances much more, but it led to more conflict than it seemed to be worth, when the rest of the bigger decisions were so calm. It’s probably a good call to bring these up at the end of this month again.
NYNY
Is this a topic you can bring up with your husband without starting a fight? It sounds like you have *very* strong feelings about the topic, so it might be something he’s on edge about discussing with you at all. If that’s the case, the two of you probably need to look at your whole system. Is the “allowance” system fair, or does it not work for him? Are you aligned in your goals, both short and long term? Are you both getting what you need, and a relatively even amount of what you want, or was your financial system set up with only one partner’s priorities in mind?
Walnut
I’m pretty sure he would not take the conversation well and would view it as my prying into the 2% of the finances that he can directly control. He comes from a family where the women were kept in the dark about finances, which is *NOT* how things will ever go down in any household I am part of.
He had one other situation where there was a large-ish debt that he kept in the dark. When he finally came clean about it after an evening of rather prying questions, I handled the situation by writing a check in full from the savings account and handing it over to him. For as high strung as I tend to be, I thought my calmness about the entire situation would encourage him to not let something like this fester again.
The part of the conversation I really don’t want to have is in regards to exactly how much money is being spent on work lunches, happy hours, etc. I completely understand spending some money on this, but I don’t agree that $500/month is appropriate either.
Quarterly Meetings!
Quarterly Meetings (come on, say it with enthusiasm!). We have completely separate finances in every respect (ex-wives, etc.) But we coordinate everything so that overall our expenses are in hand, we carry no debt, our savings and investments complement each other etc.
If you have quarterly meetings, this is also a good time to both create joint goals (“carry no debt, other than X”) and then to check in and make sure you both are complying. Then it’s a joint issue, and you aren’t nagging.
Curious how others see this.
Walnut
We walk through all of the joint accounts and the overall financial picture at the end of each month. We paid off a nagging 0% interest credit card in March and it was a celebrated event, since it was officially the end of any consumer debt. That said, I know this has always been more important to me than it has been to him. He’s more focused on generating revenue whereas I tend to focus on keeping expenses in check.
Walnut
And when I say the end of any consumer debt, I mean that I was aware of. I know there was some freelance cash in January that didn’t migrate its way to the joint account, but I don’t think it would have been enough to cover the balance.
Wildkitten
How much is the debt on the credit card? If he is allowed to spend his allowance how he wants and he chooses to spend it on credit card interest that is pretty silly but isn’t that point of allowances?
Walnut
This is an excellent point and indicates I should just mind my own business. I don’t want to get into a situation where I’m nagging him to eat leftovers for lunch and fill a thermos with coffee in the morning, which is likely what he would have to do to get more on budget.
Anonymous
I completely disagree. Carrying a balance on the card affects his credit score which in turn affects your ability to make joint purchases like a house. It’s totally your business.
Hollis
Yes, this is your business, especially if you are in a community property state. Can you increase both of your allowances? I am in a totally different type of financial arrangement with my DH (we have joint everything and freely spend whatever we want – but we are both pretty frugal people) so this type of arrangement is totally foreign to me.
Signing Bonus
I’ve been offered a senior associate position at a large law firm. I am really excited and plan to accept. But I need a little advice / encouragement on whether I should ask for a signing bonus and how to do it. I will be eligible for a pro-rated bonus at the new firm, but that means I’m leaving about 50K on the table based on my current firm’s 2014 bonus amounts. Should I ask for that amount? Would that just seem greedy and ridiculous? My thought was to call the hiring partner (with whom I will be working closely), enthusiastically accept, but ask if they would consider a signing bonus or plus-up at end of year given that I’m leaving my bonus behind here, and because I’m saving them the recruiter fee since I applied directly online. Thoughts?
NYC tech
I don’t work in law, but in general you negotiate *before* accepting an offer, not after.
Cat
The OP said she plans to accept, not that she has accepted – that said, I wouldn’t call and say “Yes I’m joining you! By the way, can I have my bonus” it would be – I’m excited for this opportunity but have one more concern – I am leaving this bonus on the table.
NYC tech
Yes, that’s exactly what I meant. The way the question was phrased, it sounded like she was planning to accept, and then ask for the bonus.
nyc anon
Absolutely ask for a signing bonus that will make you whole. This is a standard ask for a mid year switch!
Cat
Yes of course ask about this – you will not look greedy at all.
L in DC
Definitely ask. Tell them you’re excited about the position and would love to accept, but you are concerned that you’re leaving $50k of your bonus on the table and ask if they’d be able to give you a signing bonus to make up for leaving that money on the table. If they don’t offer you the full $50k as a signing bonus, step 2 is to mention that you’d love to accept the offer, but it’s important to you that they match the $50k (that money represents a lot of hard work on your part) and that you understand that you’re saving them a substantial recruiter fee since you applied through the website. Definitely don’t officially accept until AFTER you’ve gotten the signing bonus. At the same time, you want to project enthusiasm about the offer and effectively communicate that you’ll be excited to accept as soon as this one pesky item is resolved. I’d start with asking for the full amount as a signing bonus and then offer the plus-up if they don’t agree to the $50k right off the bat (e.g., if they offer you $30k as a signing bonus then you could ask to get the remaining $20k as an end of year plus-up).
Maddie Ross
While I agree you should ask, since you only saw “large law firm,” and not specifically the 500 lb gorilla that is “Big Law”, you may want to be prepared for them to push back on this. Were bonuses collections based at your old firm? Is any portion of your salary replacing the uncertainty of the collections-based bonus at your new firm?
Hollis
I don’t understand how you will be leaving $50,000 on the table for 6 months of work – does your previous firm pay $100,000 in bonus? I think if you are switching law firms, there are obviously reasons that are drawing you to the new firm and making you leave the old one. I, for one, took a pay cut and left bonus money on the table to switch to a place where there’s room for growth. While asking for X amount is great and I encourage it, I wouldn’t be too disappointed if they don’t give you the full amount.
Tech issues
This might have been discussed a lot already (haven’t been on this site this week), but comments aren’t showing up in Chrome. When is this going to be fixed?
Lorelai Gilmore
I’m using Chrome and I see the comments. (Or at least I think I do. Maybe there are invisible comments I’m not seeing?)
Financial Advice
We’re moving from a HCOL area to a LCOL area but we’re splashing out for a house, a complete kitchen remodel, painting the interior and exterior of our house, and a second car (a necessity since we currently live within walking distance of my husband’s work and will both be commuting by car in the new place). Those things, plus the cost of the move & furnishing an entire 5 bed house after living in a 1 bed apartment (I’m not shopping at Restoration Hardware but I also don’t want junk from Walmart) is pretty much decimating our savings. At the same time our incomes are getting cut almost in half thanks to a much lower salary for me (going from Big Law to small law and I’m the primary breadwinner). I know eventually we’ll do ok – our salaries are good for the area we’re moving to, we have no debt except the mortgage and the mortgage is manageable – but right now I’m feeling incredibly poor and want to build our savings up fast. Any tips for the best way to do this? It was so easy in Big Law where we could easily save $5K a month without any real effort or budgeting, but I’ve done the math and I feel like on our new salaries, even sticking to a strict budget and cutting back on fun stuff, it will be tough to save even half that. My husband doesn’t spend much money at all and I don’t buy much in the way of clothing now that I’ve built up a nice work wardrobe. Our big indulgences right now are meals out and travel. We certainly expect to cut way back on meals out because our new area has way less in the way of nice restaurants, and we’re not taking a big vacation this year (though we want to take one next year because it will hopefully be our last before a baby). Please don’t tell me to delay the kitchen remodel, I’ve heard enough of that from my parents already and I haaaaate the kitchen in the house we’re buying.
Bonnie
It sounds like you need to slow down. There is no reason why you have to immediately furnish the entire house. Start off with your bedroom and the common areas and furnish the other rooms as you can. Even though you hate the kitchen, that’s not something that you have to do right away either. The same goes for the exterior painting. Especially if you’re planning to have a kid soon, decimating your savings to get what you want (not need) may not be a wise choice.
Cat
+1
Slow down on the furniture. So you live with a few empty rooms for awhile or you’re still using your apartment sized furniture even though you have room for a nice big table & chairs – that’s OK.
Consider delaying the kitchen. Yes, you hate it. But it could end up being a smart move to live in the house for awhile before you gut it – you’ll be able to experience the layout in real life, etc. – to make the renovation smarter.
Scarlett
Opposite vote for do the kitchen now or before you move in. I think there’s nothing worse than being without a kitchen and than living under construction. It’s much easier to do a big project like that before you move in or before you get settled in.
Anonymous
+1.
Cat
Having lived through one kitchen renovation (where we made the mistake of demo before all the parts were in – leaving us granite-less and therefore sink-and-dishwasher-less for 6 weeks) I do realize that it’s a complete PITA to live through. That doesn’t mean it’s impossible to delay. Feeling stressed and out of control about spending is also not a fun way to go through this transition – it might be worth the future annoyance to take things more slowly now.
Anonymous
Don’t furnish the whole house at once! You need max two bedrooms to start, not five. And a room to chill in, not two or three.
Anonymous
I would hold off on furnishing the whole house. It will save you money plus give you time to slowly pick out the perfect items you want.
Meg Murry
What outsourcing were you doing when were at BigLaw and can you cut that? I’m assuming that going from BigLaw to Small Law means you’ll have more free time in your day, so you could scale back on meals out, etc.
I agree with others that you don’t need to furnish the whole house right away. Same with painting – paint the rooms you will use first, and then go back and have the extra bedrooms painted later. Yes, you’ll have to potentially move stuff in and out of those rooms, but with 5 bedrooms and no furniture yet you’ll have plenty of space to do that in.
Is there a way to scale back the kitchen renovation (paint the cabinets instead of tear them out for instance)?
Have you already bought the second car? Could you buy something used so you don’t have to throw so much money at it immediately or have it paid off quickly?
Are you really feeling poor or are you just using the money you’ve saved for a house and move on said house and move? Do you still have an emergency fund? If so, you’ll be fine – after all, if you were used to seeing a big $ in the bank before your down payment, now you have the house instead so you’ll need a different mental target for that dollar amount. If you are managing to save $2.5k a month, that doesn’t sound poor to me – that sounds incredibly lucky, even if it seems low to you. There are families out there living off less than $2.5k/month, for some perspective.
Not to be b*tchy, but spend some time with people who aren’t in BigLaw in HCOL areas and then we’ll talk about poor vs incredibly well off and privileged. This s!te is a good place to complain about this kind of thing, but please don’t whine to people in your real life about feeling poor at the same time you are buying a 5 bedroom house, renovating a kitchen and taking a vacation.
Financial Advice (OP)
Your point is well taken and I should not have said we are poor. That was a bad choice of words. What I meant was that psychologically it is hard to see our bank accounts go from the huge number we had saved through our years of hard work (in a very demanding job that I know a lot of people here can relate to) to a number that is less than what I had before I graduated from law school. I have definitely not complained to anyone in real life except my husband and parents because I know we are very privileged overall, but is in an adjustment for me.
Anonymous
+ 1 This !!!
Anon
Why on earth are you going from a one br to a five br? That sounds really excessive and doesn’t make sense considering you don’t currently have the need for it and the market is generally pretty high. If I were you, I’d hold off on buying for a bit.
Anonymous
We already bought. The market is currently very good for buyers in our new area. We want home offices & a guest bedroom for visiting family and a kids room within a year or two. We’re in our 30s and have put off buying for years and years because we wouldn’t begin to afford it in our current HCOL area. We would have moved from 1 bedroom to 2 or 3 a long time ago but there were various circumstances (not financial) that prevented it. Our house is 2,300 sq feet and is really not excessive for our current & imminent needs. We’re waiting to finish the basement because we don’t need that extra space for now.
Maddie Ross
Echoing everyone on the furniture – we moved last year to a bigger house and we still have a completely empty room, a guest room with just a bed in it, and in many areas are just getting by with the furniture we had (think same old unmatching dressers we both had in school 10+ years ago, kitchen table from Target, etc.). And you know what? It’s totally ok. If you really want to get the pieces for a nice living room or family room, maybe do that, but then just close all the doors when you have company come if you’re that concerned.
mascot
Do you own or rent now? Being able to deduct the mortgage interest can make a nice difference come tax time (knowing nothing else about your tax situation).
And I agree with not furnishing the whole place at once. Start with your immediate needs and go from there. Do you need to do exterior paint right away? I can understand if you are trying to schedule interior painting and maybe remodeling prior to moving in. It’s hard to see the available cash dwindle when you put down that down payment, but there’s no quick fix if you have limited funds to put into savings.
L in DC
I’d focus on the kitchen remodel first and just live with your apartment furniture for a bit. That will allow you to furnish the house slowly and consider consignment/antique shops/craigslist for things like hard wood furniture, art for the walls, persian rugs, etc. If you force yourself to buy a bunch of furniture in a short period of time, you’ll pay too much for it and you won’t be taking the time to find things that you LOVE.
Also, buy a used car. That alone will save you some real cash.
Separately, remember that you’re going through a huge emotional as well as financial transition. You’re changing your job as well as your location and living space and there’s always anxiety associated with big change, even when it’s really positive change. My natural response to this type of anxiety is to want to have everything settled and taken care of as soon as possible, when sometimes it’s actually in my best interest to slow down a little and give myself some mental space to let things process. If you think that is at all playing a role in your itchiness to handle all of these things at once, then maybe think about intentionally slowing yourself down and focusing on the top-line items (kitchen remodel, purchasing a serviceable car, new job) while putting your remaining energy towards extra self-care (getting enough sleep, exercise, eating healthy).
Overall, it sounds like you’re going through a huge but really positive transition and I wish you luck!
kc esq
Doesn’t solve big problems, but I learned recently that the Container Store has well-priced office furniture, so since you say some of those rooms are offices, buy a desk, chair, maybe a $20 plant at Home Depot, and call it furnished.
And recently I have heard endorsements for Ikea kitchens from some big earners I know.
A
I get the anxiety, I had it too, but it sounds like you are financially secure and are just going to have to adjust to seeing all that money be funneled away from your bank account into your down payment. Unless you will be left with nothing in emergency fund money, do your kitchen immediately and other annoying things before you move in. You can wait, but it’ll be more annoying living with a torn apart kitchen and it’s not like the cost of it will go down. Also, it will most likely take you way longer to furnish your house than you think. Much, much longer.
I would live there for a couple months and see what your cash flow looks like before freaking out. You may end up with more money that you thought you would have.
C
So I decided to wear lower shoes at work due to some foot pain (twingey nerves in the balls of both feet) and limit the heels to the occasional client meeting. I ordered some lower wedge heels from Cole Haan (Milly and Air Tali) and they arrived yesterday. They feel good, came in wide and don’t look too dowdy. But they squeak. Both pairs. They make a lot of noise when I walk. Anyeone else have this experience? Did it go away? Should I send them back? Thanks in advance …
S in Chicago
Send them back. I probably have at least 10 pairs of the Air Talis through the years (pre and post Nike relationship) because they are my conference and travel go-tos. None of them squeak. Suspect you probably just got a bad pair. (Can you tell I love those darn shoes?)
Anonymous
This happened to me with a pair of wedges and it went away within 1-2 wears. I think I was not accustomed to walking in wedges, and once my stride/foot placement adjusted it went away.
Veronica Mars
This happened to me with some Cole Hann Air Monicas. Return them. I practically tore the shoe apart trying to figure out what was squeaking/rubbing. It’s within the padding. RIP shoe.
C
Thanks ladies … I’m definitely returning the Air Tali because they’re a tiny bit big. The Millys in the same size and width fit a little better. I noticed there’s no squeak when I wear them with a pair of shoe liners. I’m thinking it’s my toenails rubbing. I have mixed feelings on the shoe liners (the ones I have show too much).
Furlough freakout
My husband has been notified by the state university he works for that he could be furloughed effective Sunday, as our state elected officials haven’t been able to produce a budget. He forwarded the email to me, as I’m the primary financial manager for the family.
I’m having quiet little freakouts over this. He could be declared non-essential, in which case he will be told not to report and the state will file for unemployment benefits on his behalf (which will be about 25% of his regular take-home pay). If he’s declared essential, he will have to report for work with no guarantees that he will get paid for that time. Not reporting will be grounds for termination.
He will have health insurance, as the foundation associated with the university has volunteered to pay the employer’s portion of the health insurance for four weeks, under the assumption that by that point there will be a budget. I’m less hopeful than they are about that, honestly.
Our entire financial plan is built around being a 2-income household. I make slightly more than he does, and my job is stable. I can cover the mortgage and food, but things like utilities are going to be more of a problem. We’ve got some savings, but I also have some medical bills that I was planning on paying out of that. I kind of hope he’s declared non-essential, so at least we have unemployment coming in.
Anon
This happened in my state a few years ago and may happen again this year. If he’s essential and still has to come to work, wouldn’t they have to pay him for that back time when the budget passes? (otherwise it’s involuntary servitude). In my state, the credit union offered state employees 0% interest loans until the budget was passed and they were finally paid. Has this ever happened in your state before? If so, you may want to look into how it was handled – it may give you some peace of mind.
Furlough freakout
It’s never happened here before. The legislature can decide not to include back pay for anyone, back pay for everyone, or back pay for those who were deemed essential when they finally pass a budget.
My folks own a farm, and they’ve offered to temporarily hire my husband to help with harvest if he is deemed non-essential. The problem there is that he could be told he’s essential for Tuesdays & Fridays, but not Monday, Wednesday or Thursday, or that he’s essential from 8am to noon but not from 1pm to 5pm. That makes it very difficult to go help out when the farm is 4 hours away.
I’m sure we’ll make it through one way or another. I just am frustrated that we even have to think about all the contingencies, when the state legislators are still drawing their pay for not getting their work done.
ELS
I’m with anon above — the legislature can try to vote not to include back pay for “essential” employees, but I believe that would have 14th amendment implications that would make such an act unconstitutional.
Other than that, I just want to offer stranger-on-the-internet support. I am a state level employee, and my husband is a federal employee. When the last federal budget crisis/shutdown happened, my husband was an essential employee and required to commute and report without pay. He is the significant breadwinner, and we had (at that point) not much in the way of savings. I also had silent freak-outs, and called my legislators daily.
Like Anon above, my husband’s work-related credit union also offered us low or no-interest short-term loans during that time, which may be something you want to look into, if this comes to fruition.
Finally, I found this insulting at the time, but it could have potentially proved useful, if our situation had continued: my husband’s government agency sent home with him essentially a “creditor letter” in which it indicated that he was furloughed, would not be paid, and asked, on his behalf, for his creditors to show leniency for any shortfalls that took place during that time. I remember being infuriated that it was sent to us, but I would have used it with my utility companies if it had some to it, and tried to get a payment plan to cover any shortfalls. Perhaps the University would do the same for him?
Wildkitten
My replacement Ann Taylor skirt zipper broke as well. So anyone who bought Ann Taylor suiting at the sale – KEEP YOUR RECEIPTS! I don’t normally keep mine for clothes I am not planning to return but I am going to have to go to a tailor and get a new zipper sewn into this skirt.
Basics
Sometimes they can do the return based on the credit card you used for the purchase, even though you don’t have the receipt.
Amelia Bedelia
I am in San Diego next week on business. I need recommendations for awesome Mexican food. I’d like to not pay a ton, and I’d love to eat in gas lamp area. Any suggestions?
OfCounsel
Are you looking for a relatively nice sit down place or a hole in the wall? For the former, oddly there are not a lot of great choices for Mexican food downtown. We are inundated with Northern Italian. You might try La Puerta. I hear good things. If you want to get something to go, walk over to State Street and go to Taco Express or try Salazars or Lolitas in East Village (which is right next to the Gaslamp.) The best Mexican food in downtown trends toward hole in the wall taco shops.
Or ask at the front desk of your hotel. They ALWAYS know the best places for tacos. Stay away from Seaport Village – terrible and overpriced.
Anonymous
Thanks. Love hole in the wall and will try these.
And now I want Italian. Any suggestions for that?
Anonymous
If you are open to a hole in the wall… Don Carlos in La Jolla. Best shrimp burritos and worth the trip from downtown.
OfCounsel
For Italian, I like Osteria Panevino, Bice (but that is a bit pricey), and Bottega Americano. There are also a bunch over in Little Italy which is relatively close. Not Italian, but I Recommend Searsucker and Zanzibar as well.
Page me if you need more information. As you may have gathered I live in San Diego.