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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 196 Comments · by

Thursday’s TPS Report: Cashmere V-Neck Cardigan

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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J.Crew Collection Cashmere V-Neck Cardigan Sweater | Corporette Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. J.Crew's sale is pretty good if you're willing to look at final sale stuff — right now, for example, this cashmere collection cardigan sweater is marked down from $198 to $159 — and then with code SHOPSALE you can take an extra 60% off. It's available in three neutral colors, and the size selections are still pretty good. It's $64 — final sale, alas. J.Crew Collection Cashmere V-Neck Cardigan Sweater Here's a plus-size option available in four colors. Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-3)

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

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Comments

  1. Asideralis

    Running question!

    Does anyone in the hive have a half/full marathon to recommend in the DC (ish) area? I’m willing to drive a bit, if there are some particularly good ones further away. This will be my first race marathon, but I have run 24 miles before on my own for fun.

    • Wildkitten

      Marine Corps is awesome but hard to get a bib. I did not like the Nike Women’s Half. The Rock n Roll DC is a good one. Navy/Air Force Half is probably my favorite. DC has great 10 milers – Army and Cherry Blossom. Also “I have run 24 miles before on my own for fun” is completely insane (sorry STFU Ret te, I don’t know how to say that without being able-ist).

      • CountC

        I was going to recommend Rock n Roll as well. I did the St. Michael’s half this year and liked it, but you’ll have to wait until next May for that one. Look at Philly and PA as well, I am running a trail half there in the fall. You can usually scope out comments on the FB pages of the races for people’s gripes :)

      • Asideralis

        Thanks for the suggestions!

        The 24 miles thing was just to see if I was capable of running that long, and I didn’t want to pay for a race at that time.

        • CountC

          You’re welcome! I think it also depends on whether you want a smaller race (like me) or want to run in one of the gigantic ones (no thank you). I don’t mind a smaller race that is not quite as fancy, so long as it’s not the first year of the race and I can find comments online about years past.

    • emily

      I haven’t run it, but I know people really like the Parks half in Montgomery County. For what it’s worth, my favorite 10 miler by far is the GW Parkway Classic (in the spring, like the Cherry Blossom, so a while away). Not nearly as large/hard to register for, among other things.

    • emeralds

      Richmond! It’s fantastic, well-organized, flat, and an easy drive from DC. I will (fingers crossed) be running my first marathon there this fall as well :) I’ve done the half version and know at least 50 people who have run fulls there and loved it.

      • EB0220

        I haven’t run it, but Richmond is lovely. My husband did the 1/2 and BIL did the marathon last year.

    • New Tampanian

      Marine Corps is an amazing first marathon. You can often get bibs in the next month or so as people get hurt and want to transfer their bib. I believe MCM allows you to do that.

    • Anon

      I don’t have a rec for a race, but check Marathonguide and Findmymarathon to sort by state, distance from a location, etc. and to read reviews.

  2. yup

    Anybody have a recommendation for a straw hat, like a fedora or maybe a bit wider brim, that fits larger heads? I can’t wear anything that is one size fits all.

    Thanks in advance!

    • LilyS

      H&M mens. I have a largeish head (58cm or more depending on the hair situation) and always go straight for the men’s accessories. Bonus: half the price of the nearly-identical straw fedora in the women’s department!

      • AB

        +1 I didn’t realize it was a men’s hat at first, but this is where I finally found a fedora that fit. When it rang up at the register as “mens accessory” I realized the reason why.

    • Mpls

      Look in the men’s department. I also have that issue and have rarely found anything in women’s sizes that work. I found a wider brimmed Panama(?) hat at Target in the men’s section. You won’t find any of the floppy sunhats, but at least it will fit your head.

    • APP123

      I recently found a straw fedora sized L-XL at Kohls for like $11. It’s great.

    • OfCounsel

      You can order a customized size from Tilley Endurables. I have a huge head and this is the only decent looking hat I have been able to find that fits.

    • lucy stone

      I wear Wallaroo hats, which are crushable, and they fit my giant head.

  3. PEN

    Looking for a gift for a mentor. I am leaving my job for a similar one in another city. Leaving on very good terms. I have been in my current position for 4 years and am incredibly close to my supervisor who has been an exceptional mentor to me and champion for me, both internally and externally. She is in her late 50s, an old-school feminist, public interest lawyer. I would like to get her a goodbye gift under $150. Any thoughts?

    • Anonymous

      Is your organization one that takes donations? One in her name could be good. Or to a charity you know she supports.

    • Cornellian

      It might lean a bit feminine, and I’m not sure about your relationship, but all lawyers (and probably particularly those on smaller incomes) could probably use a massage or some other consumable service.

      My old mentor liked the gift I gave him when I left, but raves about the heartfelt card I sent along with it.

    • Another anonymous Judge

      As a mentor myself I can assure you that mentoring you and seeing you succeed is all the gift she needs. I would resist the urge to buy her anything beyond the smallest of mementos (maybe a small framed photo of the two of you?), but instead give her the gift of your time and gratitude by composing her a heartfelt thank you. I would much rather get that then any gift at all! Congratulations on your success and remember one day you will be in her position – before you know it!

      • Senior Attorney

        I agree with this. Really, “don’t gift up” applies in every circumstance including this one.

        And heartiest congratulations on the new job!

    • Another anonymous Judge

      My first reply disappeared so if this posts twice, apologies.

      As a mentor myself I can assure you that mentoring you and seeing you succeed is all the gift she needs. Please resist the urge to buy more than the smallest personal memento (maybe a small framed photo of the two of you?). She’s likely at a stage in her life where she doesn’t need any more things, and, if she’s like me – doesn’t want them or certainly doesn’t want someone else spending their money on them for her. Instead give her the gift of your time and energy by writing her a thoughtful thank-you note – then go and do a fabulous job at your next position. Not to detract from appreciation for your genuine gratitude but trust me, she doesn’t need a physical manifestation of it. If you absolutely can’t resist spending, the idea of a donation in her name is quite nice.

      Congratulations on your achievements so far and remember, one day very soon you’ll be in the same position she is now!

  4. LDR Dilemma

    I could use a weigh-in from some unbiased sources: I’m in a long-distance relationship where the BF and I see each other frequently – as in, we trade off weekends to visit, and since his company has an office in my city, he often flies in during the week to work there and stay with me. Since he flies in, he doesn’t have a car, and his office is the opposite direction from mine, adding 20-25 minutes to my commute if I drop him off on my way to work. When it was a rarity, I was okay with this, but it’s starting to frustrate me to drop him at the office when it’s a couple or few times a week. He is of the opinion that since he’s coming to visit, I should get him to work, but I’d like him to explore alternatives (Uber – would cost around $7 each way; public transit for $2.50 each way but takes longer). This seems to be a sticking point for both of us. I wouldn’t mind taking him on the rare occasion, but he feels this is unfair since he’s spent the time and money to come visit.

    I could use a reality check – what’s reasonable here? I know he doesn’t have a car and doesn’t want to pay for transport, but I’m getting tired of rearranging my own work schedule to pick him up.

    • Marie

      Ugh no. I would find this really annoying. How long would the public transportation take? With my budget at least, Uber seems excessive, but public transportation that takes a little longer is totally reasonable. It’s a little weird to me that he refuses to explore that alternative. It’s great for your relationship that he’s able to come stay with you during the week, but it’s not great to expect you to upend your routine to accommodate him at those times, especially if the visits are more frequent. I feel like with a ldr, the more you see each other, the more the visits should and can feel like “normal life” rather than a vacation, and I would want my partner to be open to finding his own independent routine for part of the time… which includes getting to work.

      • Marie

        I meant to edit to add–this depends somewhat on how long the commute is (i.e. an hour? that’s pretty long). Also maybe you could offer to chip in on the cost of flying down to visit, or on getting him a metro card (or whatever) if the cost is really what’s at issue?

        • LDR Dilemma

          I could drop him off at a train stop, and it would likely take him around 30-35 minutes on transit – but it requires transferring to get to his office and walking a couple blocks. Me taking him to work is 15 minutes or so – the issue is that my job is in the opposite direction, hence the added time.

          He’s a pretty reasonable guy generally, which is why I’m struggling on whether my frustration is reasonable here.

          • CountC

            If he’s generally reasonable, I definitely think there might be something more going on here than just him getting to work.

            How long is his commute in his home city? I can also see how in his head he may be saying, it’s only 15, what’s the big deal, and not fully understanding that adds an additional 30 minutes to your commute.

          • Meg Murry

            I mentioned this below, but why are you put out that it takes you an extra 20 minutes in the car to drop him off, but asking him to take the train, transfer and then walk for 35 minutes total instead of getting at 15 minute ride isn’t putting him out? Are your 20 minutes not commuting worth more somehow than his 20 minutes?

            Not to be b!tchy, but LDRs suck for a lot of reasons (been there, done that), and sometimes it is the stupid stuff like this that make it harder. You are used to your routine, and now he is at your place interrupting your routine. Until you get to the point where you either both move to the same place or you decide to end it, this is the kind of thing you have to deal with. And it tends to be the little things (20 minute extra commute! He leaves his socks on my floor when he visits! She uses up all the hot water!) that grate on the two of you, even more than the big things that you expect with LDRs like flying back and forth.

    • CountC

      As someone who has been in a couple of LDRs, I think a compromise here is reasonable. When it’s not too onerous for you to take him to the office (maybe twice a month), then I don’t think it’s unreasonable for him to ask you do to so. He has been able to turn a visit into something where he can also work, so generally, I believe it is reasonable for him to get his own butt to work. It’s working out well for him and you that he can work in your city when he visits, but IMO that doesn’t mean you have to completely rearrange your schedule to get him to his office when there are completely reasonable alternatives. The visits are what I think a non-LDR would look like so far as frequency, so he should not be treating it like a special out of town visit where you are expected to cater to him all the time. He is an adult, he should be able to figure it out.

      It’s probably worth exploring in more detail why he feels like you owe it to him to get him to work every day. Does he feel like the relationship is lopsided in terms of who visits who more and who puts in more effort? He may need to work on not keeping score here. Or does he resent that he travels all the time to you but isn’t expressing it well? I think there is something deeper going on here, because finding an alternative way to get to work shouldn’t be that hard. Just my $.02.

      • CountC

        I’ll also add to this, the flip side is why is the extra 30 minutes such a big deal to you? Dig a little deeper and think about the general inconvenience of it (not all that much in the grand scheme for getting to see your SO more). Is there something else that you might be resenting that is not the actual driving here, but something bigger? Do you feel like he is not spending enough time with you because he is working while he is in town? Does it not feel special to you anymore because you have gotten into a routine? It’s worth exploring the annoyance on your end as well.

        • Anon 2

          Also: what about his borrowing your car and dropping you off at your job and picking you up? If my H and I had just one car, I think we’d trade off.

          • commute solution?

            Yes. I was thinking of this. Or having him do the drop off all the time and see how he likes it. but taking turns would be better.

        • KateMiddletown

          +1 to the “routine” – it’s hard w/ LD relationships to not feel like you’re an “old married couple” since you’re with each other 24-7. I’m no expert since we have this problem all the time, and a friend who is LD dating a guy has it worse since they’re not together. I agree compromise is a MUST (and this is going to require lots of communication and flexibility) but try making the rides something special, too. Maybe sharing listening to a podcast that you like or doing one of those cute first-date convostarter games. Make it not-routine. I read an article a while ago about how couples with long commutes are likelier to divorce, except in the circumstance where they commute together. Ahhhh… together time.

    • Mpls

      I kind of see his point, but…he’s not just visiting, he is also working. So why are you bearing the cost of his commute? Presumably he would have to pay to commute when he was home, either in gas money or wear and tear on the car or public transit or whatever, so why should he get a pass here? ETA: not that it should be a bean-counting exercise where he only spends in your town what he spends in his town, but rather, its a cost he would generally be expected to bear.

      Is there a spot on the way to YOUR work that would make his public transit take less time?

    • Anonymous

      Well, if I were in his shoes and you wouldn’t give me a ride to work – that would be a dealbreaker.

      • Blonde Lawyer

        Yeah, I don’t see it as that disruptive. If it is adding 20 mins to your commute, his office is only 10 minutes away from you. A 10 minute car ride with your SO is way better than 30 mins on public trans. Plus if you are in an LDR I presume you want to spend as much time together when you can. Do you have to leave work early to pick him up or can he hang around there until you get there? If it is the latter, I really don’t think bringing him is that big of a deal. Could he bike if he bought a bike to keep at your place?

        • Baconpancakes

          I think it depends on what her original commute is. Adding 20 minutes to a commute is actually a pretty big deal. It makes a 10 minute morning drive 30 minutes. It makes a 30 minute commute almost an hour. There’s a huge quality of life difference between a 30 minute and 1 hour commute.

          I do think compromise is key here. Maybe drive him half the time, and he has to figure out his own way the other half of the time. Or as Walnut said – if it’s possible, could you take public transit and lend him your car?

          • LDR Dilemma

            My commute would be 20 minutes in the morning and 30 in the afternoon. Dropping him off and picking him up, it’s 45 in the AM and 50+ on the way home. I feel like I’m getting to work late, which makes my workday hectic. From the responses above, it looks like a pretty even split between this being over the top and being an ordinary part of dating.

          • Parfait

            It’s not an ordinary part of dating. Ordinary dating people figure out how to get themselves to work. He has other alternatives and it doesn’t sound like he is willing to consider them.

            My daily commute time is similar to yours and it would make me INSANE to have to double it just so a regular visitor doesn’t have to take transit. Let’s math. If the Uber is $7 each way, that’s $14 per day that he’s visiting. I am pretty sure your time is worth more than $14 per hour. If I really liked the guy, I might pay for his Uber on the grounds that he paid for the plane ticket to come see me. That seems fair. It’s the refusal to consider other options and the sense of entitlement to your chauffeuring services that bug me about this.

      • Scarlett

        Yep. Same here. He’s making a huge effort to come see you and to make the relationship more than just weekends. He’s not in his home living space and is working away from his office. If I was functionally going on extended business trips all the time for my SO, I’d expect a little care in return and if my SO was upset about 20 mins in the morning, I’d seriously rethink her. It’s just not that much time given everything else going on. Also perhaps OP could reframe the whole issue and see it as a way to spend time together. I love the days when I commute with my H – we get extra time to talk and it feels like a mini morning date.

    • Oia

      Maybe I’ll be the voice of dissent. I totally get why you’d be annoyed – this is super disruptive to your routine and commuting sucks at the best of times. But, I’m assuming that flying in to see you is very disruptive to his routine too. In his shoes, I’d feel like I was making a big effort to come and hang with you and you weren’t making as big of an effort back (I have no idea if this is true). Is there a way to make the commute together fun? Like telling him that he has to get you coffee from the awesome place for your efforts or he can drive you sometimes and bear the extra commute time? If this is a major sticking point and you’ll be doing the long distrance thing for a while, what about splitting the cost of a clunker for him to use to commute (yes, you can take a ton of ubers for the cost of a clunker and insurance and gas)?

      • LDR Dilemma

        I think this is at least partially what he’s thinking. If I could find a way to work remotely in his town, I’d do it – but my job just doesn’t have that flexibility. I do visit often on weekends and feel like the relationship is otherwise pretty balanced.

      • Meg Murry

        Yes, if I spent X hours on a flight (and Y dollars) and now I’m living out of a suitcase and working out of an office that isn’t my own I’d be kind of annoyed that you seem so put out about an extra 20 minutes on your commute. So instead you want him to take public transit, making his commute an additional 20 minutes instead of making your commute an extra 20 minutes. Does he do things that are inconvenient to him when you visit?

        Are there things you can do to make the commute less bad? For instance, can he do the drive from your house to his office so you can spend those 15 minutes eating breakfast or vegging out with your eyes closed?

        For a bigger picture idea – do you share the travel expenses when you fly back and forth to see each other? When my husband and I were long distance before we were married we split the cost of all plane tickets because we were both broke and it was a treat for BOTH of us to be in the same place at the same time.

    • Brunette Elle Woods

      I can see both sides to this, but he’s the one flying to see you. Even though he can work at the office in your city, it’s still not his space or his home or his city. He’s flying to see you! I’m sure it is more frustrating for him to go through airport security and sit on a cramped flight. I know it is frustrating, but you’re in a LDR and this is what comes with it. Deal with a few inconveniences or end the relationship.

    • Snickety

      Is there a way the two of you can share the driving? Can he drop you off some days and pick you up after work? Your car, obviously. I’d love it if someone chauffeured me occasionally.

    • Anonymous

      I’d break up with someone for complaining about this. Honestly it just seems completely absurd. It adds 20-25 minutes to your commute! That’s nothing. For days when you actually have something going on that makes this impossible, absolutely he should figure something else out.

      The fact that this is an issue is a major red flag for me. Something else must be going on.

    • moss

      Y’all are missing the part where she has to rearrange her work schedule to pick him up. I think that would be very very annoying if he won’t grab an Uber to come home. Breaking up with someone who is annoyed by this is beyond unreasonable. I think it’s a legit annoyance and some kind of compromise should be worked out .. at the very least he should do some of the driving.

      Maybe he can drop you off at work and come pick YOU up at the end of the day?

      • Senior Attorney

        This. I think the added commute time, in and of itself, shouldn’t be a big deal. But it would drive me crazy to have to adjust my schedule to pick up somebody after work at a particular time.

        I think driving him one-way would be a super reasonable compromise.

    • lawsuited

      My husband usually uses the car and only takes me to/from work when I have a lot of files or some other large thing to carry, maybe once every 2 weeks. I think it’s win/win because I don’t inconvenience him every day with my commute and he happily helps me when I really do need it. Otherwise I walk or use Uber (no public transit route is very direct from my home to my office). My Uber ride to work is $7 and translates to a 15-20 minute walk, so I assume walking is also an option for your SO? It sounds like he has a lot of good options aside from you driving him. Maybe he just wants to feel “hosted” when he’s away from home?

    • A

      If it’s a business trip, he should expense his transport. I would have him get his own car/taxi.

      • Susie

        No because he’s the one requesting to work out of the other office, it is not for the company’s convenience. The transport is like his regular commute, which is not deductible or expense-able.

      • Anonymous

        Its not a business trip though – its a social trip for which he has managed to extend by working remotely in another office.

        He’s sacrificed the comfort of being at home, the time on a plane and the cost of the plane… part of the give and take in a relationship is sacrificing a bit of her day since (presumably) she benefits from him being there as well.

    • Moonstone

      After reading all the comments, I suggest dropping him in the morning and he gets his own way home (Uber or whatever) at the end of the day. Then it’s routine.

  5. Innsbruck!

    (LilyS here)

    I’m going to Innsbruck, Austria, for the weekend and just realised that some of you might have been there and might have useful tips! We’ve got the main tourist trail mainly sorted; I’d especially appreciate tips on the best coffees or other useful info.
    TIA!

    • Cb

      Weird, I’m staying there on Saturday night before heading to South Tyrol on Sunday morning! Shall we figure out our secret this-site handshake?

      • LilyS

        I still have your email address from just before I went up to Edinburgh – I’m emailing you now.

    • ml

      My husband and I went to Innsbruck a few times (years ago, back before he was my husband) and it remains one of my favorite places in the world. No advice, I’m just jealous! Enjoy your trip! And if you ever have the opportunity to go back for New Years Eve, DO IT. The fireworks on the river and mountains are spectacular, and the “crowds” are laughable compared to other NYE celebrations.

  6. TBK

    Need ideas for a small gift for a 4 1/2 yo little girl. Her mom is a good friend of mine and her baby brother has been scary sick lately (a variety of ear infections etc. scaring the pants off of mom and dad). I live on the other side of the country and I really want to do something for my friend. She mentioned her daughter was kind of getting lost in the shuffle this past week and now my friend is sick herself with a bad cold/flu something. I plan to send a few things to the family (toy for the baby, maybe something for a nice bath for my friend, and something for the little girl). I just don’t know any kids this age so I’m not sure what girls this age might like. Some sort of activity kit she can do on her own would be ideal since mom and dad have their hands full.

    • Wildkitten

      If the mom is okay with it, and if the daughter is spending a lot of time in waiting rooms, a Kindle fire loaded with educational stuff would be pretty clutch. Kids aren’t supposed to have a lot of screen time but handing a kid a screen is a great way to keep them occupied when you really need them to sit still (including long car rides, restaurants, and doctors offices.)

    • KaLuLo

      Stickers. Bonnie Belle Lip Smackers. A kid sized purse for her to carry (Kids love bags. It is inexplicable.) A new coloring books and crayons. Barrettes. Fake Tattoos (there are lots of kid appropriate ones, check out Tattly).

      • Shayla

        This. All of this. Go to the dollar store, by all the stickers. It doesn’t matter what they are…letters…numbers…dots. Get an interesting coloring book for her to put them in. Brilliant, KaLuLo.

      • Anonymous

        Stickers are great. But if someone gave my 4 year old lip gloss, I w0uld die – not because it’s makeup, but because it’s going on the walls, the books, everything. Unless my 4 year old is just really behind all of y’all’s, some of these suggestions seem a little advanced!

    • Triathlon gift?

      Maybe a small Lego set; they make Legos specifically for that age group. If she has a LeapPad, maybe you could get her a game for it.

    • NYNY

      My niece is about that age, and is slightly obsessed with Melissa & Doug sticker books. They have a set of reusable stickers – sort of like Colorforms if you remember those – and page with pictures you can stick the stickers on to create stories. She can spend hours with these, and tells herself stories (sometimes in song) while doing it. Super-portable, not electronic. Totally recommend.

      • Coach Laura

        Colorforms are the best memory from childhood! And I love Melissa & Doug’s products – that’s what I get for all my nieces and nephews. Great idea for kids in and out of doctor’s offices etc.

      • greenie

        Melissa & Doug sticker books are the best! Always a hit with my girls (you can do faces / dolls/ houses and furniture/ animals etc).

    • anonymom

      My favorite gift for this age group is Lego Juniors, but the small pieces have to be kept away from babies. Sticker Dolly Dressing books will keep them amused for hours. Crayola Color Wonder coloring books are also a big hit with 4.5-year-olds.

      If she is reading (yes, many kids have picked it up by this age, especially if their parents read to them a lot), books will also make for hours of good quiet entertainment. If she’s at the “I Can Read” stage, the Fancy Nancy “I Can Read” books have more sophisticated and engaging stories than other books at that reading level. If she’s moved beyond that, the Fancy Nancy topical hardcovers (Poet Extraordinaire, Stellar Stargazer, Explorer Extraordinaire, Aspiring Artist) are fun and educational. For early chapter books, the Ivy and Bean and Stella Batts series are cute, and so much less annoying than the Magic Treehouse.

      • Basics

        Second reading material. A few age-appropriate books in her own little backpack, plus maybe a coloring book and crayons. Then she has her own “go bag” for trips to doctors, hospital, babysitters.

    • Maizie

      For activities I’d send a box of non-toxic crayons and one pad each of construction paper and drawing paper. Also include a few self-addressed stamped envelopes. Write a short note with a quick scribbled picture inviting your friend’s daughter to be your pen pal. She can scribble or draw _anything_ in reply and her parents can quickly mail it to you.

      If her parents can’t manage to get the envelopes in the mail (I’ve been there and this was just with ONE kid!) ask if you can Skype with this child and show each other your pictures that way. Or you can mail to her. If you don’t want to draw you could send a collage of interesting paper scraps (tissue paper, doilies, wrapping paper, cotton balls, whatever) glued onto a sheet of construction paper.

      Don’t worry if you can’t draw a straight line with a ruler! She’ll be thrilled with your attention and may also be tickled if she happens to be able to draw “better” (more realistic images? neater scribbling?).

      Also don’t send a coloring book! The idea is for a child to develop her own visual skills and express her own ideas, not just color in the outlines of someone else’s ideas.

      Another idea might be to send her something to help her process her feelings about being lost in the shuffle:
      – the book “A Baby Sister for Frances” (When the Badger family gets a new baby, at first big sis Frances feels displaced and disgruntled) or “Owen” or “Wemberly Worried” by Kevin Henkes (in each story, a kid solves a problem either alone or with the help a parent).
      Or you could send her books that use humor to explore the sense of total chaos:
      “Ten Apples Up on Top” by Theo LeSeig (aka Theo Geisel aka Dr. Seuss)–3 animal pals cause total disruption with a few apples
      “Giggle, Giggle, Moo”–Farmer Brown flips out when his animals go on strike

      • Jules

        Great ideas. And the list book actually is titled “Click, Clack Moo; Cows that Type.” It’s a favorite among parents who also happen to be union side lawyers, there might or might not be a copy in our lobby.

    • marketingchic

      +1 for legos – get a set that includes some sort of container.

      Also Playmobil sets – they make a super cool doll house that my kids have loved.

      Or Magna-tiles. This is a great open-ended creative building toy. Easy to throw in a bag and take along.

      • In House Lobbyist

        Love Magna- Tiles. My 4 year old and 1 year old play with them everyday. And I love to play with them too!

    • SuziStockbroker

      Sticker books, colouring books (maybe in a plastic case with a handle, that also holds a box of crayons).

      LeapPad or LeapFrog (can’t remember the exact name) tablet, cheaper than a Kindle I suspect, and has activities she can do, geared for her age. It’s interactive too.

      • anonymom

        We had a couple of LeapFrog devices and they did not get nearly as much use as I’d expected. My kid mainly used the camera on the LeapPad to make silly movies, which can be done better on a real tablet. Right now the Kindle Fire is on sale for about the same price as a LeapPad. The Kindle apps are much cheaper than the LeapFrog games, there is a much wider variety, and the Kindle Fire will not quickly be outgrown.

        • SuziStockbroker

          Good to know. My kids’ LeapFrog did not get used all that much either. But they weren’t sitting in waiting rooms a lot. This was 5-7 years go though, Kindles/tablets were much more expensive.

    • nutella

      If you know just one thing about her, it won’t be hard to find something. Is she observant and into mechanical things? Flashlight and child’s magnifying glass. Does she like Frozen? Dress-up princess dress and figurines. Does she like to stack or build things? Lego/duplo. Does she like art? Stickers and crayons and pads of paper/coloring books. Now that it’s warm out: sidewalk chalk, bubbles, swimming goggles, beach towels, frisbee, and don’t understimate a plain old big rubber ball.

    • mascot

      Things that are a hit with my boy that age- dress up clothes, magna-tiles, legos, Where’s Waldo/hidden item books, play-dough, action figures, beginner card games like go-fish and crazy eights, sticker books, water guns. He does love his Kindle Fire. How about a Doc McStuffins play set? (disney character who doctors her stuffed animals)

    • KateMiddletown

      Ask if you can pay for a sitter for a night. Even if the mom stays home to care for the other kid or herself, the gift of someone’s attention would be huge for the kiddo.

  7. Diana Barry

    I see this article from the NYT, but nowhere does it mention declining quality!!!

  8. anonymous

    I bought a new pair of shoes I love, but they’re very stiff leather. I’ve worn them twice, so I can’t return them, and they have softened little bit. Do they just take a little longer to break is this something a cobbler can fix?

    • Ellen

      You should use saddel soap and MINK oil on it to sofeten the leather. My dad told me about this from when he was in the Service. Saddel Soap should be rubbed into the leather to keep it soft, and the mink oil is to make waterproof. You do NOT need a cobbler to fix it. Have your cleaneing lady do it if you have soft hand’s.

      The judge called the manageing partner today and asked him to ask me if I would like to be a MENTOR to his grand neice. She is 22 year’s old and is thinking of becoming a litiegator. Evidentally, she was watching in his courtroom when I got up to present my 6 cases this week, and now she want’s to meet me and for me to be her MENTOR. The manageing partner think’s it would be a great idea, and I have NEVER been a mentor before. WHAT does the HIVE think? Is this something I need to work at? What happens if she does NOT like me and tell’s the Judge? HELP!

    • New anon

      Depends, I think. I have a pair of Frye loafers that really softened over time, whereas some Nine West and Cole Haan shoes have remained stiff in perpetuity. Also probably depends on where you want them to soften: those Frye’s really loosened up where my toes bend, but the area around my heel has (thankfully) remained structured and relatively unyielding.

      • lsw

        Depending on the type of leather, would treating with oil/leather treatment help?

  9. emeralds

    How do you know whether to take a new job offer if you’re on the fence about it? I need to get out of my current position by September or October, and there’s a good chance I’ll receive an offer next week. It’s the kind of position and title I’ve been working my a s s off to get since undergrad, but I’m not sure about the location (7.5 hour drive away from family, friends, BF, and not anywhere I’ve ever had an independent interest in living) and have some other concerns about the fit of the organization as a whole. I do have applicatilns pending at other places that would be better fits, and have a pretty decent ratio of applications:interviews, so I think I’m overall a competitive candidate in my field. But I just don’t know what to do and don’t want to get caught totally flat-footed if I get the offer next week. Thanks for any insights you can share.

    • moss

      can you take the job and do it for one year? This could be a springboard to an org you like in a place you like if you can stick it out for a year.

      • emeralds

        I get that, and on some level believe that, but my job history up until this point has been entirely 1-2 year positions + grad school. All of that has been for non-job-hopping reasons (e.g., 2-year contract job without possibility to renew, 1-year fellowship) but I think I’m at the point that I need to be in my next position for 2-3 years, minimum. That was supposed to be my current position, FWIW, but we had a leadership change and the new big boss wants us all gone.

          • emeralds

            There are some internal politics that I observed that could be potentially problematic. The two major champions of this department are also leaving the org, to be replaced by leadership who may or may not continue to support it and supply it with resources. I’ve seen firsthand how tumultuous upper-level leadership changes can be, and I was told during my on site that the next few years would be challenging, ambiguous, and political. I don’t want to jump from my current position (all of those things) into the frying pan.

    • Veronica Mars

      If it’s consistent with your career growth (i.e. would help you land another job after it), then I’d take it. Even as an excellent candidate, it can takes MONTHS if not longer to find work (which would become increasingly difficult if you didn’t find anything by September and became unemployed).

      • emeralds

        Oh believe me, I know. I’ve been looking actively since January. This is also the hiring season in my field and there will be fewer postings in the fall.

        • Veronica Mars

          I’d say in that case, take it. Unless you have 3-4 final round interviews coming up and you would have enough savings to support yourself during unemployment and you found the location completely intolerable.

          • emeralds

            I just had one (worse fit than this one, 99% sure I’ll turn it down unless they magically double the salary) and will find out about another in the next week. I can afford a few months of unemployment, though.

    • Scarlett

      It’s a little unclear from your post, but sounds like you’d have to move for this job? Unless you’re moving to a major market where there are other options if this one doesn’t end up working out, I personally wouldn’t go. I’m also not a big fan of moving for a job. Some people love to do that, but unless that’s something that gets you excited, I’d focus on looking closer to home and building an extra cushion now in case you need it.

      • emeralds

        I’d have to move 7.5 hours away into a tiny market, which isn’t even something I’d considered. I would have zero local options other than retail or food service.

        I’ve moved for jobs before and it’s worked out okay, but I really want to be close enough to my people for weekend trips. I have some cushion if I need it. Sigh.

    • Anonypotamus

      Will the new company pay relocation? Although the title sounds good, your description is setting off all sorts of alarm bells (moving from family, no personal desire to be in new location, other concerns about organization). I did this once, worse mistake ever. Fit was terrible and I was laid off at 18 months, and in a new city, away from family. I think you need to seriously consider this kind of worst case scenario and decide whether it is better/worse than a few months of unemployment while you look for something that you are more positive about.

      • emeralds

        No relocation. The title and position are literally the only things going for it. The worst case scenario with moving is pretty rough; the realistic worst case scenario for not taking it is continuing in my current position until September or October, getting laid off, and then being unemployed for a few months. I have enough money and low enough living expenses that I can bring in $0 for 3-4 months and be fine; I’d probably end up picking up a few hours a week in food service where I worked in college and for a brief stint post-grad (my manager still offers me my job back every time I run into him…) to give myself something to do. I might also be able to be a quasi-temp for my current organization in another department for a while.

        Okay. I think through reading all of these responses and writing my ones of my own that I’m pretty set on not taking it. We’ll see if that changes if they actually offer it to me.

  10. Diana Barry

    Shopping challenge: ballet flats that come in a WIDE and are soft leather (thus stretchier). Looking for gold and/or pink. Anyone seen any? :)

    • tesyaa

      I bought the Lucky Brand Eadda flats online from Nordstrom and I am loving them. They don’t come in pink or gold, but I think they’re functionally identical to the more common Lucky Brand Emmie style which comes in a million colors at Zappos, and yes, in wide.

    • NYC tech

      Hush Puppies Chaste ballet flat. You can find them in various sizes/colors (including wide, and pink/gold) on Amazon, Zappos, 6pm, the Hush Puppy website, and many other places. I have several pairs and like them very much.

    • SFedits

      Sam Edelman! I searched high and low and returned other flats that pinched and/or flapped around my heels. Cannot recommend SE “Felicia” enough and they come in many colors. Try Nordstrom perhaps, or other sites.

    • afdvzx

      AGL – in Clarks I wear a WW but AGLs are so soft they fit my feet. (Sadly, they’re also about $300 full price.)

  11. rice

    I just saw yesterday’s comment about a the “wedding gap”. OP, I am attending a brunch wedding in September that has a black tie dress code. The wedding itself goes from 11am-2:30pm…. Then there is a party starting at 9pm at a local bar, with a casual dress code. No plans in between.

    Not only am I confused about the length of the gap, but my DH is a groomsman and will probably be busy with photos between 2:30pm-9pm so I will be all by my lonesome during the gap. Blech.

      • rice

        I will admit – the 6.5 hr gap will certainly not be just for photos! I have no idea what the wedding party will be up to, perhaps I will be able to tag along as a guest of a groomsman.

    • Ok...

      While these gaps are a little atypical, I’m surprised by the whining. Obviously there must be a reason the family is doing this, and they probably feel a little bad about it, so just deal with it.

      Don’t people know how to take care of themselves? Explore the city, sleep, work, email, make calls, watch bad TV, exercise, organize your upcoming week.

      I’m single, but why is this an issue for people?

      • Baconpancakes

        It’s fine if you’re in an accessible city, or at home, or have a hotel right by at least one of the venues, but if you have to drive an hour to get from your hotel to the venue, or you’re in the middle of nowhere, or you flew in and didn’t rent a car because you normally only need transportation to the ceremony and back to your hotel after, it’s annoying. I’m thinking of the wedding I went to two summers ago in wine country, where the group-rate hotel was a 45 minute drive, and the only things to see nearby were more wineries. That wedding had both ceremony and reception at the same place, right after each other, so it wasn’t a big deal, but if I’d had 6.5 hours to kill, I probably would’ve been annoyed.

      • Moonstone

        I think this is one of the 10,000 family/cultural landmines that are part of weddings. I have a huge Catholic family (50 first cousins). When I was a kid, every wedding had a Mass around 1 p.m. and the reception hall would not allow you to arrive before about 6. Especially in the ’70s and ’80s, it was unthinkable that you would not have a Mass. (The Mass cannot be scheduled any later because it would encroach on the Saturday Masses.) My parents had 4 kids to wrangle for hours in their dress clothes in-between the events, and it was usually too far to go home in-between.

        So that’s my baseline for weddings. Big gap? No big deal. But I understand why folks from different traditions are like, What? It’s actually a sign that people mix so much more now than they did 40 or 30 years ago with people from different faiths and traditions.

        • Mpls

          See – I have the opposite experience with multiple Catholic weddings, in the 80s and 90s. Wedding Mass – maybe 3 or 4 in the afternoon, then right to the parish hall afterwards, if you were at the parish hall, or out to the grandparents for an outdoor reception.

          • Anonymous

            I can’t speak to the 80s and 90s, but today, most churches have an 11a/noon time slot and a 2pm. Saturday Vigil Mass is often at 5, but can start at 4 or 4:30 in some parishes, and most parishes that start at 5 have confession from 3-4:30, so they need the church cleared by then.

      • Wedding Planner

        I’ve been surprised by all of the whining as well, considering that they are most often for good reason. Strict limitations on ceremony times are especially common in Catholic churches, making the “Catholic Gap” a definite thing for couples who have no choice but to get married in the morning/afternoon and celebrate the way they’d really like later that evening. Many couples try to fill the gap for their guests, but it’s not in the cards for everyone.

        • Day Drinking

          It’s not like having a noon event with friend A and a dinner event with friend Y and your life happens in between. It’s like a friend invites you to event A at noon and event B at dinner and abandons you in between (I’m sure for reasons that are good for her). When people send a Save The Date card, we don’t assume that they want the whole day. It’s not nice to take up a whole day and then leave people unmoored for much of that time (fine for people who are local or staying on site, but that’s hope and hope is not a strategy).

          Why can’t people just have a reception immediately following at a place that won’t leave a big intermission? [Or church basements — I can remember doing to potluck receptions in church basements as a child. Is this even done anymore?] Can I have an amen for day drinking?

        • Anonymous

          Couples need to make some sacrifices though- the gap is putting that onto the guests. Sure people would love to have a mass and also a blow out party- but if you cant do those together than you pick- have a great afternoon wedding or a brunch.

          Also please stop calling it the catholic gap- I had a catholic ceremony and no gap. It just takes some planning and yeah, maybe you dont get to do your first choice venue if they wont let you until 6.

          • Walnut

            Your diocese is more lenient than most. My diocese is 100% strict with 2PM as the last mass time whereas the next diocese over allows 6PM. I did my best to convince the powers that be to “bend the rules” (and have good relationships with priests high up in the food chain) and was told absolutely not.

            That said, mass was over around 3PM and I convinced the reception hall to open doors at 5PM. Most of my guests spent the gap two hours at the hotel bar, but I still HATED the gap and hated to put my guests in a position to where they had to pass the time.

          • Anonymous

            Nope I had a 2 pm wedding. 2-315 wedding time, recieving line, then cocktail hour 345-5 dinner at 530 dancing until 10.

          • Anonymous

            “First choice venue” is not really a thing in Catholicism. You marry in the parish you are a member of. In some cases they’ll allow you to marry in the one you grew up in, but not all will allow it if you are no longer a member and are not planning to settle down there. I think it’s kind of self-absorbed to demand that couples give up a ceremony that complies with their faith just because some people are apparently toddlers incapable of entertaining themselves. Seriously, bring a book. An ipad with a movie. A deck of cards. Talk to people (do people still do that?)–it might help you to become more self-aware.

          • shirley

            I assume she meant 1st choice venue for reception, not wedding mass. My 1st wedding was catholic. Mass started at 3:30, ended at 4:15 (confession started at 4:30, before 5:00 Saturday mass). Reception site was a 20 minute drive from church, and cocktails started at 5:30. So a tiny gap, but not much a of one.

            This time around, my ceremony and reception are at the same location, so no travel and no gap time.

          • Anonymous

            Yeah I meant the venue for the reception not the ceremony. Dont ask me to bring a book when Im spending 700+ to attend your wedding. I would never say people shouldn’t have the ceremony they want but yes, that might mean you change your “vision” for your reception

          • Anonymous

            Anonymous at 2:27pm. I think it’s self absorbed to assume that I should give up an entire day, somehow wrangle two lots of babysitting and figure out what to do for the gap in the middle so that the happy couple can get the church they want and a scarily specific reception venue. If the wedding location matters to you, go with something cheerful and convenient for the reception at a reasonable time – show some consideration for the people trying to share the happy day. Planning all day events seems like people are missing the point of the day…

      • rice

        Sorry about the whining! The wedding and party are about an hour away from home so it’s not impossible for me to head home in between, but it is enough to make me think twice. Plus, hotels in that area are $$$ so I don’t know if it’s reasonable to pay for a hotel for me to just hang out alone for several hours.

        Either way, I have to change from black tie to casual, somewhere, at some point between 2:30pm and 9pm. I just thought it was strange and thought we could all laugh at it a little :)

        • Walnut

          I think I would almost go home in that time gap. It’s easy to burn an afternoon, but I feel like you’ll end up wandering from place to place. There’s only so many hours you’ll want to spend shopping/eating lunch/etc., unless you can come up with some touristy places to burn hours.

          If I’m on my own, I tend to seek out botanical gardens and then bring along a book. My other preference is to find a coffee shop and bring along some work to take care of. Browsing the internet looses it’s luster after a couple hours, so I definitely need a “project” to fill up seven.

      • bananapants

        There’s a couple hours between which is still a lot of time to entertain yourself, but fine. But 6+ hours?! That makes the wedding practically two entire days. I don’t think it’s at all fair to expect people to be able to fit all their plans around *two* different time slots in a day, even if they are in their home town. But especially people who have flown in from out of town! Oh great, I spent all this money just to sit around my hotel room for almost an entire work day, thanks so much.

        Also weddings are like one of the top 5 things people complain about since like the beginning of time. So, if people aren’t allowed to ‘whine’ about them here now, what the hell are we supposed to talk about?

        I’m with you, rice, this is annoying. Whine away.

    • Anonymous

      This is absurd. Black tie is not for daytime. You don’t get to keep your bridal party for 6 hours of photos.

      • Coach Laura

        I would bet that in this gap between wedding and 9p.m., the “close family” is having a party to which the rest of the guests aren’t invited. If it were me and I was on my own not in my hometown, without SO for that gap, I’d book a spa session.

    • Bee

      People can do what they want for their weddings and others can choose to attend or not attend all or part of the wedding. And invitation is not a subpoena. The only problem I have with rice’s situation is that the wedding party is clearly going to get dinner at some point, and rice, as the spouse of a wedding party member, is being excluded from that dinner. That’s impolite. You don’t host a dinner and invite half of a couple while the other half is on her own, especially if there’s travel involved. I’d be inclined to go home after the brunch wedding and let my husband know I will see him when the after party is over.

      • bananapants

        of course people can choose to attend or not. We discuss things on here, often things that are annoying someone in some way or another. I don’t get where all the “stop whining” comments are coming from lately, about lots of different topics. If you aren’t here for these random conversations, I don’t really get why you’re hanging out in the comments.

        • Mrs. Jones

          +1000. I do not expect everyone, esp. internet commenters, to agree with me, unless I’m talking to my husband. :)

      • Anonymous

        Right- but they should know that rude choices affect relationships. Can you also invite people and tell them its 50 to attend? or have a cash bar? Sure. But gaps are rude too (though not to that level) and people should know that they are and that people don’t like them.

      • Anonymous

        I’m a big proponent of the adage “an invitation is not a subpoena” but even I think that splitting one event into two is fairly rude. Because when there’s more than a 2-3 hour gap, it really is two different events. Even if it were in my hometown, that would still be breaking up the day in such a way as to monopolize the whole thing.

        • Must be Tuesday

          I think a 6+ hour gap is unusual, but I don’t think it’s rude. I don’t think the more common 2-3 hour gap is rude. It would be more convenient for guests if there wasn’t a gap, but less convenient =/= rude. Guests can take a pass on either or both parts if the inconvenience to them outweighs their desire to attend.

          • Anonymous

            Well I think it is extremely rude. Imagine having people over to your home for an hour then telling them to go do something else for 2 hours and then saying come back after? Just have the event following the ceremony.

  12. Flats

    I recently bought a pair of flats (the Vince Camuto Ellen flats) to wear commuting to and from work and occasionally around the office. They were super comfortable in the store, but the first day I wore them the back of the flats rubbed against my heels and caused blisters. Is this something that will get better once they’re worn in, does it mean they’re too small, or does it mean that this style is not for me? They fit otherwise (I’m between sizes and got the larger size). I bought them to replace Steve Madden ballet flats that I wore for the same purpose for 6 years (!) until they finally developed holes and needed to be replaced. Anyone have any recommendations for comfortable black patent flats under $100? I’m a size 6.5/7.

    • shadow

      I keep a bunch of those waterproof tiny bandages in my purse to tack on the back of my foot before I wear the flats for the day… then after a few days it should be fine without the bandage. I use the waterproof ones because they adhere all the way around the padding, so the bandage doesn’t rub off your foot when you’re walking. I also did these with the black flats I got at payless (under $20) which are now super comfortable after a few days.

  13. Baconpancakes

    Suggested birthday gifts for my SO’s sister? 28, physical therapist who moves every six months. Into adventure and outdoors sports, not a girly girl but not a tomboy either. Married to a similar outdoorsy guy. Drinks me (and her older brother) under the table, then gets up the next morning to hike 10 miles. Seriously, this woman is an ethanol-fueled energizer bunny. Strong family bonds, but they don’t necessarily talk on the phone every week. I think she likes me so far, but I’ve only met her twice.

      • Baconpancakes

        Oh, I forgot to add that. <$50. Only from me. We're not at the joint gifts stage yet, except maybe for wedding we attend together.

        • Senior Attorney

          Will you be seeing her on her birthday? Because otherwise I wouldn’t think you need to buy a gift for a sister you’ve only met twice.

          • Baconpancakes

            Yep. Saturday. I was going to see her this weekend and then found out today her birthday is day after tomorrow.

    • Senior Attorney

      If you know what she drinks, how about a special bottle of booze? Like fancy limited-edition bourbon or a special bottle of wine? Or a nice cocktail shaker and/or ice bucket?

    • Walnut

      Find out if she has a favorite outdoor store for a giftcard or a collection of splurgy hiking snacks. If she has a hike or a favorite park that she’s mentioned, order a bumper sticker to commemorate it. As a hiker, I never turn down a trail book for an area I’m planning to explore. Does she have a solid set of hiking equipment? This purchase can be very hiker-specific, but if she’s more of a generalist, then she probably wouldn’t mind a new water bottle (make sure it’s light!) with some water purification tabs inside.

    • anon

      I think the suggestions for a nice bottle of alcohol or REI gift card are good. I would also check and see if there is a local activity she likes and then get a gift certificate for that. In my town there are white-water rafting, kayaking, or paddleboarding day trips that my outdoorsy brother and SIL love, and I have gifted those to them.

    • anon

      I would say if you aren’t at the stage of buying a joint gift, then you might not be at the stage for buying the sis a birthday present, however ymmv. I say this in a nice way because I personally love buying gifts and I show love that way, but sometimes have to tell myself to tone it down. If you want to get her something, I’d make it a small but thoughtful gesture, such as flowers, bottle of wine, a treat from a local bakery (cupcake?), or treat her to a drink/dessert when you see her if you go to dinner.

      • Baconpancakes

        This is a good point. I just hate to show up empty handed. There’s a ridiculously good local bakery I might swing by to get cupcakes from.

        • Senior Attorney

          That sounds like a good idea. I really think an actual gift-gift at this point would be a little much.

        • Brit

          I think showing up with a birthday card would help that. It’s simple and it shows that you took the time to stop and recognize her birthday, even if you’re not at the gift giving stage yet. But +1 to the anon above about the other thoughtful gestures.

  15. EB0220

    Managers – how do you acknowledge employee life events? So far, we’ve done a gift card + regular card for weddings and babies. I got a card for someone who defended his dissertation. What about a death in the family – card and flowers at the funeral/memorial or just a card?

    • anon

      I’m not a manager, but my office does the same for weddings and babies. For a death in the family, my office typically does a card and flowers at the funeral and the sincere assurance that the manager will handle things while the employee is out and not to worry.

  16. yay and thanks!

    Thanks to all who gave advice last week re asking for a signing/retention bonus. I asked, they agreed, and I accepted the offer! Woohoo!

  17. Anon

    Anyone with experience buying a second home using a Family Opportunity Mortgage? Also looking for support or suggestions for dealing with aging yet irresponsible parents. My husband and I are considering buying a house for my parents who can no longer afford the rent in their area. We would in turn charge them a smaller rent to help cover the mortgage. They routinely make bad decisions which backfire all the time and we usually end up having to help out one way or another. I would rather gain some equity instead of helping with their rent all the time. Moving in with me or any other family is not an option. I know we shouldn’t enable them and we are not that close due to their many poor decisions but I just can’t let them be homeless in their 70s/60s. In the past few years they have had to move every 6 months-year due to rent they don’t budget ahead for or other issues, like not getting along with the landlord or hating the apartment, house, yard, fall outs with friends, etc.

    • Seattle Freeze

      Prefacing this to say that I’m sorry I don’t have a positive or encouraging take on this – I wish I did!

      I would only do this if you’re prepared to cover the mortgage on their house entirely. Some friends have done this and unfortunately, their parents’ bad financial decisions have not changed one bit – my friends never receive the full rent and sometimes don’t receive any at all. Are you willing/can you afford to take the risk? Are you able to take the tax hit for owning a rental property (if they’re paying any rent at all, it’s not a second home for you)?

      It’s a really tough situation to be in – just be sure to consider all the ways it could go wrong so you aren’t in a situation where their bad finances put yours at risk.

      • Must be Tuesday

        This. If they constantly have trouble with landlords, what makes you think they’d be different with you? They may not pay rent at all or pay very little, because not paying you is easier than not paying a stranger who might evict them. If they make bad decisions, they may not take care of the property or they may cause damage, and any equity you’re building could end up being used for costly repairs due to misuse or negligent upkeep. They may also decided to move again for similar reasons as past moves, and you’d be stuck with a property that you might have difficulty renting or selling, and your parents would still need financial help.

    • Saguaro

      I did exactly this for my irresponsible sister. I was able to buy a small, inexpensive townhouse (low COL city) with cash, so I don’t have a mortgage to worry about. I charge her a very small amount of rent, about 35% of what I could probably rent it out for. She pays all the utilities.

      It has been about 4 years now and it has actually worked out really well. She has never missed a payment (even when she was on unemployment), and seems to make paying the rent a priority. I think because the amount is affordable on her salary and she knows she would pay much more somewhere else. I would definitely not have done this if I had to take a mortgage that I could not handle easily if she couldn’t pay the rent.

      Yes, I did this to help her out, but the place has increased in value so I feel like there is something in it for me too. And if she didn’t rent it for whatever reason, I know I could rent it easily to someone else (and get full rent). So, all these things considered made it worth it.

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