Weekend Open Thread: J.McLaughlin

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1. The last time I went to London, I was a broke student who had a job lined up but hadn’t yet gotten that first paycheck. Then COVID hit. I did a lot of reading. For my next trip, are there trips for people who maybe have watched too much Tudors and Wolf Hall (but were actually history majors and would welcome some substance to go with the fluff)? I have been to St. Peter ad Vincula and the Tower and Westminster (which I would go to again), but Hever Castle is a bit far, and I never made it to Hampton Court). Driving on the left terrifies me, so any sort of good packaged offerings would be fantastic. Would love to travel by river as they did in the day, but car / bus is fine.

   1. Hampton Court is easy by train.

      1. Yes! And the audio guide is excellent. They filmed part of The Mirror and the Light there.

   2. It’s not difficult to get to Hampton Court! There’s a 40 minute commuter train from Waterloo station and then it’s basically just a bridge away, or you can book a river cruise one way from Westminster, if the weather is nice. Thames River Boats is great. During summer there is at least one weekend where there’s jousting.

      Definitely go to the National Portrait Gallery and see the Tudor portraits. Windsor is also just a short train ride. There are some pubs with history are just a few decades younger than the Tudor reign, like Ye Olde Chesire Cheese, Ye Olde Mitre and the George Inn. I think the Chesire looks the part the most.

   3. I don’t have advice, but I have a London trip planned this fall and I was thinking about how the first time I went I was so broke I could barely afford to do anything! I hope you have a great time when you go!

   4. Go to Eltham Palace! It’s part Medieval, part Art Deco. Henry VIII spent time there in his youth.

      You can get day or week passes for public transit, as far as I can remember. With the price of gas, it’s not worth it trying to rent a car, remember which side of the road to drive on, AND deal with parking.

   5. I live in Greater London and lived in the city for many years when I was younger. What time of year will you be visiting, what is your energy level, how long are you staying, and what were the high/low points on your last trip?

   6. Look up details of Chelsea Physik Garden, Kew Gardens, Dulwich, Greenwich, Richmond and see if anything interests you.

   7. Hampton Court is fantastic. I also recommend Sutton House in Hackney, which is a short trip on the London transit system. It’s a well-preserved Tudor house that was home of Ralph Sadler, who was brought up in Thomas Cromwell’s household and is a character in Wolf Hall. Hackney is also a pretty nice place to wander around, especially on Saturdays when there is a fun outdoor market.

2. what’s a good neutral nail color that isn’t a gel? mademoiselle never looked right on me unless i layered different colors together. i saw something about funny bunny? trying to elevate my nail game!

   1. Essie’s Skinny Dip is better for my skin tone than Mademoiselle is. Sheer blush color that looks nice and not-streaky with just one coat of color.

   2. I LOVE Manicurist’s active bright. It gives sort of that milky nail color. Can’t say enough great things and my nails stay super healthy. Originally got it when I switched to cruelty free, but it’s by far the best regardless.

   3. Essie you don’t know Jacques is my favorite neutral- it’s a purplish brown. Madmoiselle looks funny on my skin tone as well.

   4. OPI Lisbon Wants Moor is my go to neutral

3. I have a dress that has a mid-shin skirt. I am wearing it with stacked-heel boots with a 2.5″ heel and I feel that this is the only thing lengthening my leg and keeping me from being too stumpy in a longer straight-ish skirt. I suspect that I would not be an elegant column if I were in flats. I think that for me, maybe I need either knee-length skirts (like to the knee or slightly lower than it; not higher unless v casual item) or flowy long skirts. I feel like every item requires thought now (and that in the suits era and the skinny jeans era that followed, I did not have to think about clothes nearly so much). #tired

4. a friend just posted on FB that her 20yo son passed unexpectedly and tragically. i’ve expressed sympathies, my heart really does go out to her. he was disabled, as is my son, but different disabilities. it’s just tacky to reach out to a mutual friend (another mom to a disabled kid) to ask what happened, rght? i’m not close enough to her to go to the funeral or anything.

   1. Sometimes there’s a clue for where donations might go to, like a rehab center or suicide awareness or the like. But when the person is young and it’s a surprise, I assume it’s a suicide because if it’s an accident, that always seems to get mentioned. Sadly.

      1. I hate the whole thing about keeping death secret and ‘in the family’. One of my best friends died and I have no effing idea how, I can guarantee we talked more than every single member of her family combined. But I dont get to know because I’m ‘not family’. There’s a huge void in my heart that will probably never be filled because I don’t know what happened to someone I loved.

         1. Yes, this can be very hurtful.

   2. Give it time. It will come out. I’m sorry though. Times are hard.

   3. Do you see the mutual friend in-person, or maybe talk regularly enough that you can ask them next time you connect? I would be more inclined to ask verbally rather than to message them specifically with your question. It’s harder to make sure your tone doesn’t read as gossipy in writing than verbally.

   4. I would gently push back on “not close enough to go to the funeral.” My rule is “always go to the funeral.” I still remember everyone who came to my mom’s funeral and I appreciate every single one of them, even the ones I’m not super close to.

      And yes, it’s tacky to be gossiping about the cause of death.

      1. +1. Always go to the funeral.

         1. +2

            1. +3. For the last two funerals I attended, I didn’t know the person who died – I work with their wives, but don’t even know the wives well. Both women appreciated it. The funeral before that was for my own parent.

      2. Amen.

      3. I assumed it wasn’t a local friend and she meant “not close enough to travel to the funeral.” I agree if it’s local you should go even if you’re really just acquaintances.

      4. I don’t completely agree. Humans have a need to know this kind of thing. I think it’s more ingrained as part of our survival instinct—not as gossipy entertainment.

         1. Can we not? It is gossip. She doesn’t need to know this for her survival or that of her child. It’s a casual conversation about someone else’s private life. It’s not meant to be unkind, but it is what it is. Let’s not pretend it’s some necessity.

            1. Disagree. It’s human to want to know why someone died. That doesn’t automatically make it sordid.

         2. My husband died unexpectedly at 49. At the time I felt some people were interested in the story of his death as entertainment. I’m not saying I was 100% right in every case but that’s often why people don’t talk about the cause of death. For that reason I would not ask.

      5. People who only knew as aquaintences came to my mother’s funeral. I will never forget how good it made me feel.

   5. OP here. she actually is local so i’ll try to go. i guess my curiosity is around the disability piece – was there negligence from a caregiver or program i’ll only find out about once my kid graduates? did the board of developmental disabilities push him into some job that was unsafe like working in a warehouse? was it some weird elijah mcclain wrong place/time thing? but y’all are right, not my place. maybe i’ll reach out to our mutual and see if she wants to go to the funeral together.

      1. I understand the fear. I’ve been surprised how many deaths around me definitely could have been prevented or maybe could have been, or at least pointed to some kind of failure. It is hard with disability too since the risks from bad actors or poor medical care are known to be higher.

      2. Frankly, this isn’t your business and this reads a lot like you’re rubbernecking. you don’t need to know, especially before the funeral.

         1. If they are in the same community then it is her business. Death doesn’t get to be private.

         2. This doesn’t sound like rubbernecking at all. It sounds like a desire to know about the safety of programs her own child is headed towards. Imagine if a child mysteriously died at summer camp. Wouldn’t all the other camp parents want and deserve full information so they could decide whether to remove their own children?

            1. Actually, a lot of parents prefer to bury their heads in the sand. Just look at Camp Mystic. 27 girls died within 50 feet of higher ground (that they had more than two hours to reach) because the directors were so negligent and incompetent, and yet 500 families signed up for summer 2026. One literally said “there’s no family I would trust with my child more.” Personally I don’t trust people who killed children with my child, but everyone is different!

      3. I think it’s fine to ask someone else, just not the parent, which I’m sure you wouldn’t do from your posts anyway. People talk, it’s normal and fine.

         1. I second this. It is normal and fine.

   6. I have two disabled children and their lives are private. If there has been wrongdoing I’m sure the parents will follow up on that.

      It is extremely rude to gossip about the cause of death. Respect their wishes. Leave the family to grieve in peace. Something similar happened to a fellow special needs mom. I sent a sympathy card.

      1. It isn’t gossip. It is a need to know.

      2. No it isn’t

5. Are there circumstances under which you’d consider giving notice before a background check is complete?
   I accepted an offer with a company that has a very rigorous processes, for good reason, and there’s one outstanding search that needs to be complete. It’s going to take a while, but the search will come back clean.
   Selfishly, I want to give notice soon to maximize my “funemployment” time (like 10 days, not a month or more) before my start date. But that seems foolish even though I know there is nothing to find in my background!! (Not top secret clearance or anything like that; this is a private employer.)

   1. I would be careful. You never know how a case of mistaken identity or a not so bright background checker could detail things.

   2. I would ask your employer-to-be if your start date can be moved to accommodate a comfortable notice period rather than risking having zero job in case of an issue. (Like, what if there is a mix-up with someone else that has your name?)

   3. I get the impulse for extending funemployment, but I’m too chicken too quit early.

   4. I am superstitious enough that I would never do that in a million years.

   5. I did a year ago and I know that lots of people do, too, despite a lot of strong messaging I got on here about how I’d better not even think about doing it.

      I have a clean background – not even a parking ticket – and while mistakes can be made, I had some circumstances, including press about me, a large project and my then employer that I could not stop from running unless I resigned, so I did.

      1. I’m in HR and this is what I always say. It’s normal to be anxious around a background check, but you already know if you’re a criminal or if you’re lying about your education. Vast majority of background checks clear, if something weird happens (like sometimes education can’t be verified), I’ll reach out, and as long as you graduated you’re all clear.

         1. OP here, thanks. Industry is in-house legal, tech. The check is for county criminal and DMV records in a location I haven’t lived for several years. I have no criminal record (there or anywhere; all federal checks and current place of residency checks have cleared); no traffic record either, not even a parking ticket. Job has already pushed back the start date a week for me so I don’t want to push it again. I was hoping to give current employer longish (3 week) notice bc I’m a mgr and have been there many, many years…but looking like they’ll just have to deal with 2 weeks. Thanks for the input, all!

   6. This has bitten I know people before, even outside of government.

      Just take some leave and if something happens, you’ll be so glad.

   7. Every industry is different, but I would push back the start date at the new job rather than resign before the new job is finalized. How much notice do you plan to give at your current job?

   8. I had a rigorous background check for my job and the offer was dependent on that being clean. I think I gave notice before the background check was complete. In fact, I had to contact the HR person at the job I was leaving and let her know the background check would be in touch with her to verify my current job title. And then it was kind of awkward because she gave the background check people my old job title, not the one I was promoted to, and mixed up the dates of my employment! I had to provide an explanation to the background check people and was super nervous about it, but it was fine. I think they’re usually looking for big deal red flags.

   9. Nope. Just push back the start date.

   10. How about using up some PTO or calling out “sick”?

       1. Part of the reason I’m so protective of my funemployment time is that in 16 years, I’ve never NOT worked on PTO, so that won’t result in the break I’m looking for ;) Trust me, though, I had that thought! Thank you.

          1. If you are about to quit, what would be the fallout if you actually took PTO and just didn’t work?

   11. I dunno, I get that there’s risk, but if you want the time off, it might be worth the risk. You know whether you are very likely to be pass the background check. Even if you wait, there’s never *no* risk – they could have a funding freeze and pull your offer the day before you start. They could lay you off day one. Your current job could lay you off!

       Quitting before background check increases the risk you end up unemployed but it’s a small zero, and it’s not like you can make that risk zero anyway. It’s a personal choice whether it’s worth it to you, but it doesn’t seem like an “absolutely not” to me.

6. Does anyone have personal experience with peel and stick wallpaper, especially removal? The paint in my condo is looking sad, and I’m interested in using peel and stick wallpaper to inject more personality. However, I’m hoping to sell in a few years and will probably need to remove it before it goes on the market. How bad will future removal be? I don’t mind needing to paint at that time, but I don’t want to do major sanding or patching because of adhesive residue.

   1. I had a tenant put up adhesive wallpaper and it pulled down half the wall when it came down at the end of their tenancy. I don’t know what they used but it was a lot of work to fix it. The bill for a 1 bed apartment of a mere 650sqft was $2000. It took the guy the whole week.

      1. Yup, I posted below and this is what happens. That stuff is manufactured by the devil himself.

   2. The worse the surface you’re sticking it to, the worse the removal. Like, old sad paint will probably be a stage 10 clinger to the adhesive.

   3. Stop, do not pass go, do not collect $200. This is the fastest way to ruin your walls and have an expensive paint repair job. Don’t do it.

   4. I don’t think traditional peel and stick is a good idea. But for something to last 1-3 years in a dry room, you could do fabric and starch fake wallpaper. Instructions are easily found on the internet – “starch fabric wallpaper”. I did it as a teenager and it is easily removable without damaging the walls.

7. Maybe a mean question – how much do we think Kimberley guilfoyle and others in the Trump admin are more or less always high on cocaine or whatever?

   1. I don’t think about her at all.

   2. Reading the news I kinda hope they are high on something. It would explain the terrible decisions being made.

   3. No: but I always wonder if she’s wearing a wig and/or dentures.

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