ByElizabeth Hours Updated
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Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Yiyan Classic Blazer

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

A woman wearing a white top and a dark tan suit

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I have been a fan of M.M.LaFleur since the brand’s earliest days, so I was thrilled when they reached out and asked if I would be interested in receiving a piece of clothing from their fall collection. My blazer collection is in need of an upgrade, so I selected the Yiyan one-button blazer in the “toasted coconut” color for maximum autumnal enjoyment.

The fabric is fantastic — it’s substantial without being bulky and has just a hint of stretch — and the fit is perfect. MMLF’s customer service is top-notch, so when I reached out with questions about sizing, they were able to help me quickly select the best option. (For what it’s worth, I’m between two sizes and the smaller size was the perfect fit.)

I’ve already worn this to a Big Meeting with an ivory blouse and black trousers, and I’m considering buying the coordinating dress to make a full suit.

The blazer is $519 at M.M.LaFleur and comes in sizes 00-20. It also comes in six other colorways, some at reduced prices.

Sales of note for 10/16

  • Ann Taylor – 50% off + free shipping on everything!
  • Brooklinen – Friends & Family – 20% off sitewide and 50% off select bundles
  • J.Crew – Extra 50% off 3+ sale styles with code – includes lots of suiting, sweaters, and pants
  • J.Crew Factory – Friends & Family, extra 15% off your purchase
  • M.M.LaFleur – October Sale Event, best prices of the season (Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off on other items)
  • Nordstrom – 5840+ new markdowns for women, up to 40% off
  • Talbots – Friends and family, 30% off your entire purchase
  • Theory – End of season sale is on with extra savings (new prices are marked)

296 Comments

  1. Help a girl out. We’ve decided to spend Christmas in NYC, and for this visit, I’d like to find a hotel room that has a little extra space, as we’ll likely be in the room more than normal. Fairly indifferent to what part of town we stay in, as long as it is close to a subway stop. I’d love a suite, although that may be cost prohibitive. I’d welcome any and all suggestions of places to check out.

    Also, if anyone has heard of StayAKA, can you let me know about that? Can it be legit? It feels too good to be true – made me think it is a scam. Appreciate any intel.

    Finally, if there is anything we must do, let us know. We’ve been to NYC many times, but never at the holidays, so hit me up with your suggestions.

    Thank you!

    1. I’ve liked the Incentra in the West Village. It’s such a great walkable area. But because I like it, I’m not more widely versed except for work trips. Can you get access to anything like the New York Athletic Club? That place is amazing (but may not work for everyone).

      1. Agree that NYAC or something like it would be great if you can access – check reciprocal privileges with any groups you’re in (they partner with a lot of alumni clubs). Book early.

    2. I recently had a great stay at Radio City Apartments in midtown. Very spacious with a kitchenette, but not outrageously expensive. The only downside was a lot of street noise at night, specifically the pedicabs blasting music. So bring your ear plugs and your white noise.

    5. I set myself a different palette each month, and that gets me to wear different combinations, which results in less boredom. October is going to be the weird greens, and black and cream. November everything brown with the weird greens. Weird greens refer to my tendency to buy yellow green things, none of which go together. December is burgundy, black and cream.

    6. We stayed at an Airbnb at 356 Bowery and it was so nice to have extra room and 2 bathrooms with laundry. There were 3 or 4 flights of stairs so that was a bit much but worth it. Was within walking distance to coffee shops and a great pizza place about 15 minutes away walking.

      1. Most Airbnbs are illegal in NYC so I don’t recommend this. For it to be legal, the host has to also be staying in the same unit while you’re there (so no renting an entire apartment), no more than 2 guests, and the host has to be registered with the city.

    7. Conrad downtown. It’s set up with all suites (it was an embassy suites in a past life), so each room has a separate living area. The hotel is very nice. You are downtown, so next to all of the subway lines.

    8. aka hotels are real. I haven’t stayed at one but I live near one and walk past it. It seems like stayaka dot com is their website based on Google search results. What feels scammy about it?

    9. Different vibe and location – and probably high prices?- but the mint house in Fidi is one of my faves and has big suites.

      Limited light because of how small the streets are but very cool art deco feel.

  2. Four season climate friends – Do you seperate winter vs fall in your wardrobe and how much overlap in items/ outfits do you have between the cold seasons?

    How do you keep from feeling UGH about getting dressed for commuting and work in Jan and Feb?

    My midwest fall through spring can be one unending slushy grey slog. And I’m bored with my clothes, and annoyed with layering, by January.

    I have a distinctly May-September wardrobe (linen, lightweights, bright clear colors) that I can make multiple variations of the same outfit from throughout the season and dont really get bored with. And getting dressed is easy.

    I’m thinking I need to hold back a favorite piece or two (that I normally would have reached for starting in November) until the new year. Just to keep something to look forward to/ feel like I have variety.

    1. I think this is a perfect opportunity for a month or two of a clothing rental service. I really like Nuuly, but Rent the Runway is a good option too! I always try to rent a “fun” coat or two and it does wonders for getting me out of the house in February.

      1. I have little confidence with my body staying the same size to wear things I own that I have tried on. I have even less when grabbing an armful of clothes to try on in a store (and for anything to continue to fit post-purchase). I have zero confidence that RTR would work for someone going through menopause size flux where the week to week variations are just so weird. Apparently, I have a front stomach now (but didn’t last winter at the same weight) and what I folded and put away for the summer doesn’t look good at all even though it technically fits.

        E.g., 64″, 130″, and a lot of larges for bottoms now and not even all of them work; an XL would fall off. Numerical sizes are “just try on everything from 8-12 and hope something fits and flatters.”

      2. I’m 41, moderately stylish and struggling hard with RTR for any reason other than one-off wedding/event rentals. It skews so deeply trendy that it just does not work for me or my office, which is 99% finance bros. It’s not a sizing issue – I’m average height and size overall I suppose – I just spend so much time scrolling and scrolling to find things that are work appropriate and the juice is proving to not be worth the squeeze.

    2. My clothes only differ based on weather, not actual season – so anything I’m wearing in October / November is also still in rotation in March / April. Basically summer and not-summer.

      1. So, no linen, velvet, corduroy, dark tweeds, or wool flannel for you or you have all this and just wear it all as it suits you? I feel like this approach actually worked when we wore 3-season worsted wool suiting pieces to work, but not at all for a more casual office.

        1. FWIW, I live in seasonless California and wear all those fabrics, they’re just not dependent on the calendar.

        2. Not the poster you are asking, but I have a similar split between “hot weather” (i.e., heavier emphasis on the cotton, linen, and other lightweight & breathable fabrics) and “not hot weather” (i.e., wool, tweed, flannel, cords, velvet, and other thicker fabrics). There are plenty of fabrics and garments that work year-round if layered or styled to suit the weather.

    3. I do a four season rotation or I get bored of my wardrobe. I do this even though the temperature extremes are not significant. Some favorites I use year round but I change up the combination. I rotate accessories like necklaces, earrings and scarves as well.

      For winter I love a long sleeve knee length sheath dress with black tights. For spring summer, I tend to do a midi skirt or dress in a lighter material. I used to default to pants but now I try to mix in a skirt or dress at least once or twice a week so I don’t get bored.

          1. If you were getting new boots this year, would you get leather or suede? And flat or heeled? Rounded toe? I feel like I could easily have sporty black booties, heeled black booties, flat heeled tall boots, heeled tall boots. And that is too many pairs. And probably if I get round toe, I will wish I had picked pointy. And the good ones are so $$$ that I’m too nervous to pull the trigger.

          2. Anonymous at 10:35: I’d get boots that are not super trendy, with a heel height that is comfortable for you, and get them in 100% leather. I personally hate how so many high boots now have a back panel that is elastic fabric instead of leather.

            I have some boots I bought probably 10 years ago, didn’t wear them during the pandemic or over the last year or two but I am planning on wearing them this fall. I have a black pair and a dark brown pair, almond toe, block heels no more than 1.5 inches high. These boots are not super trendy, but for me, I don’t think they’ll look horribly outdated. I think simple knee high boots are one clothing trend that you can keep for a good number of years and they won’t look outdated.

          3. I have a range of aquitalia and La canadianne boots and booties, mostly black. Mostly almond toe, some suede some plain leather. Some more interesting, some with shearling. And one of my favorite pairs is actually ?nylon knee high upper, and tight fitting, and makes me look like a superhero when I wear them. They look great with my workwear commute outfits, and women often stop me on the street to ask about them.

            I actually avoid trendy boots. I pick things that will last and take care of them. And I rotate.

        2. Black tall boots, shorter boots, pumps or ballet flats depending on the dress and the day.

    4. A little bit. Fabric goes by weather, color goes by season. So… my medium-weight knits tend to be more berry colors or dark neutrals for Oct-Feb, but those feel too “fall-winter” for the same high temps in March, so I have some sweaters in more “spring” type colors – moving to greens, pinks, light grays – for early spring weather.

    5. If I were you, I’d separate your clothing into smaller seasons, so you can pull out a couple of months at a time. Maybe the same basic items are available November – April (layering t’s, pants), but there are seasonal sets you pull out and then put away. So, October – November are cool fall. Then there’s a set of clothes you pull out for December for winter/holidays. Jan – Feb gets the “cold winter” set, and then Mar – Apr gets “cold spring” (winter-level clothing in spring colors).

      This time of year, it’s still bordering on hot where I live. But I’ve put away my summer clothes (blue and white linen), and switched to fall colors in lightweight fabrics – plum, burgundy, olive.

    6. I’d say I have three seasons’ of clothing: summer, winter, and spring/fall.

      Many pieces are worn in multiple seasons; jeans are worn almost year round, sweaters are fall/winter, brighter pieces are spring/summer.

      Most of this depends on the weather, and a little depends on the coloring or weight.

      Stuff like a short sleeve sweater is great in the fall/spring but not really worn in other seasons.

      I love earth tones (terracota, olive, camel, brown), and also love a light jacket, boots, and jeans so I love spring/fall clothes. I detest having to wear a heavy coat and thus always hate winter clothes. I am a summer lover, so love most summer clothes. Also, the ease of throwing on a breezy sundress and slip on sandals can’t be beat.

      I get so bored dressing in winter, but don’t know if that’s due to more limited clothing options or just because I hate winter and it’s such a slog.

    7. Once the weather cools off I’m tempted to wear all my black sweaters and chunky knits. I try to avoid wearing them until December but it doesn’t always work. I have better luck keeping things fresh with coats, shoes, and accessories. I classify many items as either pre- or post-Thanksgiving, usually based on material and color. My pants and top might feel uninspiring but the outer later looks great. By March I’m sick of everything though and spring clothes are the worst.

    8. Don’t hold back your clothes. Just buy some cute new sweaters in January. You are way overthinking this.

    9. I have my ‘only summer’ and ‘only winter’ subsets and do rotate those out. So for me wool sweaters, high boots, velvet and turtlenecks get rotated out for my shorts and sundresses and linen and sleeveless tops. My cross season clothes are long sleeved cotton button downs, jeans, black sheath dresses – you get it.

      I’m a big fan of mixing up my scarves for the winter. I love making it ‘less boring’ with a new scarf or even a brooch (note that I have never bought a brooch but got a couple from family members who have passed away). Honestly, the way to get around the winter blahs is to either get really into winter sports or book a break mid-winter.

    11. I’m in the upper midwest, and I have some fun sweaters that I try to hold out until January to wear. One is a merino wool burgundy cardigan with a geometric print; one is a chunky cream sweater with large flowers; one is camel with polka dots and a funnel neck, etc. They’re visually interesting and relieve me of the winter doldrums and I get compliments literally every time I wear them. My goal is to buy a few more interesting sweaters that I can wear with work pants so that at least once a week I feel energized. I’ve had luck buying them at local boutiques, not online. I’ve also gotten some wool and textured blazers, like an eggplant herringbone and a charcoal weave that give some interest, too.

  3. Looking for Chicago dinner rec the Friday before the marathon. Staying at the Congress Hotel. Any ideas for something we can still get in to?
    Any other marathon weekend recs?

    3. As a former Chicago resident, I strongly advise against staying at the Congress Hotel. The negative reviews online aren’t off base, it truly is that bad. I realize it’s cheap, but if you can find a place further out and take the L in, that would be better than staying there.

      1. eh, the bad reviews mostly center around the fact that it’s overpriced for the quality, which I agree with. But OP knows and has presumably accepted the price, and given that, it will be ok. I’m frequent visitor to the city and I stayed there a couple years ago and it was fine.

      2. I think the ship has sailed. The race is in less than two weeks and it’s close to the start line. But good to know for the future. Thank you!

        1. You can, if you’re up for it, check the websites of other hotels near the start line; people cancel quite close to the race, even if they have to pay.

          That said, I can understand if you have enough on your plate with taper, travel planning, all of that.

      3. It really depends on what your needs are. Yes, it is a bit dated and some rooms are in better shape than others, but we’ve stayed there a few times, including last year during the marathon (completely oblivious that this event took place, as we had planned the trip many months out for entirely different reasons).

        It is very conveniently located and is an okay hotel!
        OP will be fine.

    4. Here’s a couple recommendations not too far – Pizzeria Portofino, NAIA, RPM Italian, the Gage and Harry Caray’s Steakhouse. Best of luck to you at the marathon!

  4. I noticed on the Garnet Hill website they have a new tab for Pre-owned, which leads to a site called Second Nature that resells used Garnet Hill clothing and home goods. They mention sustainability as one reason for the new offering. I’m curious about the profitability of it, and also how the business model works. It seems like a lot of work to process incoming used clothing and bedding for resale. I do like the idea of reducing waste. Has anyone seen this model with other retailers?

    1. Lululemon does it and so does Patagonia. I think it’s a great option if you have favorite items or something you missed out on. I’ve thought about using the Lululemon one to grab leggings for my daughter. I hate paying full retail for her to abuse them at skating practice.

    2. MM La Fleur and Anthro do this (although I think the Anthro items are from their rental).

      1. It really bugs me that Anthro does not have a separate site section or search function for pre-owned items. When I search the main Anthro site, I only want to see new everyday clothing. I do not want a hundred pre-owned items mixed in with the results, or BHLDN bridesmaid dresses, or furniture.

    4. I don’t think it will work that well for Garnet Hill since the quality has gone down dramatically but it seems to work well for Patagonia, which is probably not AS high-quality as it was in the 90s but still up there. If you sell back to those companies, you won’t get much and then you’ll see the used item on the page super marked up, though.

    5. Lots of places are doing this now and I hate it. It seems like a way for companies to squeeze dollars out of consumers twice—once when the original item is purchased and again when a used item is resold. I don’t have an issue with Poshmark, for example, but a company selling their own used items just gives me the ick.

    6. Polarn O Pyret (kids’ clothes) was doing it, but it made more sense because kids outgrow things.

    8. So–a lot of this is powered by ThredUp in the background. They call it RaaS – retail as a service (hilarity–this is not software–it’s used clothing). I think it’s great that companies are doing it. It’s surely a loss leader, but it helps them with their ESG posture.

  5. What is your go-to fall work outfit? I am having a hard time finding inspiration this fall! I don’t love all of the boxy/slouchy/baggy trends happening right now.

    1. I’ve found myself drawn to midi and maxi skirts with heeled ankle boots and a cozy sweater for the top. Comfy and I’ve gotten compliments!

    2. Jeans or other similar pants (boot cut, straight leg, or wide leg), low block heeled Chelsea boots, patterned blouse.

      I’m mostly cool and hip but dang you can pry my Chelsea boots and my patterned vaguely peasant blouse out of my cold, dark hands.

      That being said, I’ve been really leaning into buttondowns lately. Long sleeve, sleeveless, shirt dresses, etc.

      I’ve also gotten really into jeans alternatives. I got two pairs of carpenter pants I’m loving.

    3. I just bought this olive blazer and matching Kaya pants from JCrew. Wore it with the top below and got lots of compliments including a stealth text from opposing counsel inquiring where it got it.

      https://www.jcrew.com/m/womens/categories/clothing/blazers/Classic/margeaux-blazer-in-four-season-stretch/MQ318?display=standard&fit=Classic&color_name=dark-moss&colorProductCode=CX369

      I did not style it with black as shown but pulled this ancient BB top out of my closet which still had tags on it because I hate the back and had never previously made it out of the closet in it. I also flipped it from back to front and discovered I only hate the back in the back and not in the front.

      https://posh.mk/fmjNhroZN6b

  6. Sometimes the pay-to-play element of this blog is a bummer. There is nothing special enough about this 61% Recycled Polyester, 26% Viscose, 7% Cotton, 6% Elastane blazer to justify that price tag. Surprised this is a recommendation.

    1. What? You don’t have to buy anything?
      And for the record, I have that blazer and the fabric is indeed lovely.

      1. Yeah, there is no pay to play here. I think plenty of people just come for the message board tbh. There is no requirement that you buy something in order to participate… So you really do not need to pay for anything.

        1. By pay-to-play, I was referring to the fact that the blog gets a cut of sales off the link shared. They’re motivated only to promote items of which they can get a piece, so occasionally less-than-nice items are touted as something worthwhile.

          1. Lawd, some days I just can’t.

            Mondays are for the spendy items. Fridays are for the thrifty. If it works for you, it is worthwhile for you. It’s not a trick or consipiracy.

          2. I think the majority of the people on this forum have no idea how affiliate marketing works and how certain items/sites get a higher commission than others during specific times. I’m with you though – I like the Monday (spendy) to Friday (cheap) curve, but let’s not pretend she has good fashion taste. This is all driven by commission offers.

          3. That is how a free to you blog works. No one is forcing you to buy anything. And for the record, many people like MMLF.

          4. I’d be curious to know what the break down in earnings are of ads vs commission on sales

          5. Gotta say, I’m impressed by all the stans for the blog. Did not realize there was this degree of loyalty in the mix!

          6. That is not what pay-to-play means. I’m not a “stan” because I’m aware of whether I’m paying to play or not.

          7. The PTP relationship is between the blog runners and the retailers, not us. I’m not sure what was confusing about that? But yeah, I mean (obviously?) you’re right we aren’t part of that PTP deal, as visitors of the blog…

          8. I mean, you’ve heard the phrase “if the service is free, the product is you” before, right? Kat has always been very up front that she may earn commissions. She’s picked out an item of clothing to feature every workday for the last, what? At least 15 years? I am not expecting her to do a deep dive on the value of each piece relative to its price or be out there doing test runs and personally evaluating the quality of every piece. I wouldn’t call this loyalty or being a “stan” (whatever that means), it’s just acknowledging reality. This blog has never represented itself as anything other than what it is.

          9. MMLF doesn’t seem like splurge Monday material to me. Those posts used to be crazy aspirational pieces that were interesting to look at.

          11. Actually MMLF isn’t that affordable… Remember, although this blog steers relatively rich readers, even some lawyers don’t make the big bucks.

        2. Not pay to play re: commenting, but pay to play re: recommendations

          but yeah. I treat the top line posts as simply advertising.

    3. The idea that all synthetics are low quality is getting tiring to me even as someone who avoids synthetics.

      If you have the blazer and know that it pills or wears poorly, by all means, let us know. But there are synthetic blends that wear like iron or that have other qualities that are worth it to people even if they don’t.

          1. I don’t wear synthetics because I don’t like how they feel.

            But I am familiar with vintage clothing and antique furniture, and I promise you that there are synthetic blend fabrics that can outlive you.

      2. I agree. My favorite suits are mostly viscose, I believe. I paid more than this for them in 2019. They drape beautifully and look expensive. They stand up to multiple wearing with just a steam. And they do, indeed, wear like iron. In fact, I fell in a rough parking lot in one of them. That was embarrassing, but the fact the knees of the suit took quite a beating but show no evidence whatsoever of that abuse is why I am heartbroken that the brand has not offered any suiting since the pandemic. I love wool and cashmere and cotton, as well, but none of those fabrics would have withstood that fall or as many wears as those suits have gotten over 7 years

      1. Is it not? Give us a cut of sales or we won’t suggest your items to our readership…?

        1. What, should clothing brands expect free advertising from bloggers?

          I think this is all part of the sneering at content creators that I am convinced happens because most of them are women. We do not seem to sneer to the same degree at actors getting paid to shill Nespresso or men working at ad agencies. And it’s all the same thing: get people to buy stuff.

          2. Seriously. Many (most?) of the “highly coveted” jobs in the tech industry are essentially just…. advertising.

        2. The OP’s complaint about this blog being pay-to-play implied we have to pay to chat here.

    6. I really like this blog! I have no idea what’s what in work fashion and it’s fun to have someone else pick out items and brands to look at.

      Agree with the your sentiment on fabric content, there’s so much plastic in clothing.

    9. I am a big proponent of all natural fibers. I am Old and that is how it used to be even at mall clothing level and I am more than a little salty about fabric quality these days.

      With that said, you just about need a trust fund baby’s budget to buy new 100% wool suiting these days. My preferences, nor anyone else’s, change the reality of what passes for reasonably affordable suiting right now.

    10. i always assume that every slightly big blogger is getting this kind of swag (and yes, of course affiliate commissions), but this blog is one of the few that discloses regularly

      1. I actually prefer this recommendation to most of the ones we see here because Elizabeth actually tried this on, wore it, and can presumably report back.

        Maybe that good review is affected by her getting a free blazer out of the deal, but I prefer a rec based on someone seeing an item in person over something they randomly picked out on saks dot com any day of the week.

  7. I’ll be in Colorado Springs for work Wed-Fri. I’ll have time Thursday afternoon to get out and about. Any recommendations for a lunch spot, shopping, etc.? We’re not hikers.

    1. The Broadmoor is beautiful – if you are not staying there, you could go for lunch. You can walk around the public areas of the resort after lunch.

      I think Garden of the Gods is worth a visit too. There are nice walking paths, no need to be a hiker in order to enjoy.

      You could ride the cog railway up Pikes Peak if that interests you. Again, no hiking required.

  8. I am going to London for the first time since I was a student. (No, I’m neither of the posters Friday, but clearly, something’s in the water!) I would love suggestions of places to eat or great experiences if you’ve been, but it’s been a long time, and now the budget is bigger than 8 bed hostel room.

    1. We’re excited for you! Let us know some of your interests and we can give you better recommendations. Also, what type of food do you love?
      E.g. I like history, so would recommend the Churchill War Rooms. I love a good independent bookstore, and so would recommend the Daunt Books shop in Marylebone.

      1. Churchill War Rooms were fantastic. I also really liked the Borough Market. You can get a private guide at Viator or similar, and that makes it even better. And of course a West End show is a must! The TodayTix app is a good way to get tickets.

        1. +1 Churchill War Rooms, Borough Market and a West End show were some of my favorite things. We did a food tour at Borough Market with Secret Food Tours that was great.
          Afternoon tea is a must as well. I did a bunch of themed teas because I was with my 8 year old but for an adults only trip I’d do a more classic place. F + M underwhelmed me a little bit (the actual tea was very good but the food was not), so I would say not there.
          Tower Bridge was super cool. I enjoyed that way more than I thought I would.
          I was also surprised by how much I enjoyed Greenwich. The museums there are very well done, the views from the top of the hill are nice and the boat ride to get there was also fun.

    2. I’m biased as I lived in London previously. I love the oatmeal from Pret and the coronation chicken mixed with plain grilled chicken from M&S. I eat all the bread and somehow magically don’t gain weight.

      For restaurants it all depends on the area you are in. Which part of London will you be staying in? Any dislikes/likes? Personally I think everything except LATAM food is better in London compared to NY and the US in general.

    3. I’m one of the posters from Friday, one thing I booked was Queen Elizabeth II: Her Life in Style. It’s the largest exhibition of her fashion. The tickets were sold out for the dates I was going to be there, but I checked back a few times and was able to grab one.

    4. Which time of year, and do you travel by yourself/couple/with kids? What are your interests?

      I went with my family in January 2024, and we had tons of fun in the museums: London Transport Museum is superb also for adults – the city history through the lense of transportation. Tate Modern is my favorite art museum, but the Portrait Gallery is also great.

      For a daytrip, we loved Greenwich with the Observatory (go see all the clocks and read up on how they enabled Britain as a naval superpower), the National Maritime Museum and the Cutty Sark.

      If you’re there for multiple days, look into the City Pass – we found it super practical. Since we went to London in the winter, it was a great to be able to just pop into a random museum to warm up between walking in the city, without having to pay or justify the entrance fee every time.

      The Shard around sunset was also amazing. It’s included in the City Pass, but you need to reserve a time slot, so book as early as possible.

      1. British museum, the National Gallery, the National Portrait Gallery, Victoria and Albert, Tate etc. have free entry to see the permanent collection, and tickets for major temporary exhibitions.

        Places like the royal collection museums and Tower of London are ticketed and expensive.

    5. A fun restaurant is The Wolseley Picadilly. Nice atmosphere (makes me think of a Parisian brasserie) and decent food, not too pricy. It’s my cousin’s default in central London and she lives there and has money.

  9. Are there any actually evidence-based tips for getting over a cold faster? I’m supposed to visit an aunt in a retirement community for the first time in years this weekend and I obviously need to be recovered first if that’s going to happen.

    1. Fluids, rest, and tylenol cold and flu. Wear a mask when you visit; you might be over the cold but have a lingering cough come the weekend (I always do).

    2. It’s Monday, you’ll be fine by the weekend regardless of anything you do. Don’t skip a precious visit over an imaginary concern.

      1. The concern is bringing whatever this nasty bug is to an assisted living community. My toddler had it first (starting last Thursday with fever and terrible cough) and he’s still home today. Tested negative for flu and COVID so we’re not sure what it is but it’s something I don’t want to bring to the elderly. My throat hurts like a MF as I type this!

        1. For at home tests, it might be a good idea to test 1 or 2 times with 48 hours in between. I’m hearing from friends that they tested positive for Covid on day 5 or 6 of symptoms.

          Otherwise, an N95 mask is a good idea.

          1. +1

            Please retest the night before you see her. And please just wear a good N95 mask – especially if you are coughing/sneezing/runny nose/unwell.

      2. Huh, my comment disappeared into the ether but my concern is that this is some kind of nasty daycare bug. My toddler has been sick since last Thursday and had fever through yesterday. It’s not flu or COVID per a rapid test he did at urgent care, but it’s a bad one. I’m not even sure if he’ll get back to daycare by tomorrow. I definitely don’t want to bring this to assisted living.

        1. Honestly given the low sensitivity of rapid tests and the high levels of COVID right now, I’d still be wondering about COVID. But maybe levels aren’t as high where you are (seems like everyone is catching it near me and wastewater is soaring).

        2. There is some sort of nasty cold/virus going around. My family had it starting about 12 days ago and none of us tested positive for flu a/b, covid, or RSV despite multiple tests. Rest, zicam, and nasal spray were our best bets.

        3. How about rescheduling your visit? If you were talking about mingling with a healthier population on the tail end of a mystery illness this weekend seems fine, but elderly people in general have a higher risk of bad outcomes. It makes sense to avoid seeing your aunt while you are starting to feel better but still possibly contagious.

          1. I would talk to your aunt about it. IME, people in rest homes care less about getting sick and more about seeing you. Time isn’t infinite at this stage of life and rescheduling may mean never.

          2. Ugh, no. It’s not just her aunt that needs protection here. It’s the whole community. And if she brings something and someone else gets it, it may go back to her aunt anyway.

    4. There are some interventions that may help shorten duration but the timing matters (intervening at very first sign of symptoms works better than waiting until the virus has spread a ton). My ENT has me do sinus irrigation but I don’t know what advice he’d give to you!

      N95s are excellent source control if you’re worried about being contagious.

      1. I’m planning to mask on the plane (which I was going to do anyway) but I don’t want to mask for the visit – we’re supposed to eat in the dining room with her and let her show us around, etc., and as someone who masked for 5 straight years in the pandemic due to my high-risk condition, I just cannot do yet another fully masked visit and pretend it’s the same. I’d rather reschedule than do that.

        I just did a neti pot this morning and will keep that up for sure.

        1. That is very selfish of you. You sound like a Child. Wear a mask. Or change the visit.

          Gosh, I am shocked that you have a high-risk condition and you are considering not wearing a mask. You should know better.

          1. No she doesn’t. The pandemic is over. People visit normally now and many residents do not care, they’d all rather a visit than not. You’re being insane.

          3. The pandemic is over in the sense that it’s just never going away. That doesn’t mean people at the highest risk want to suffer needlessly and die prematurely just so that they don’t have to witness a mask on an actively sick and contagious person.

          4. No, 3:09. You are the one who is not being appropriately careful.

            I volunteer in a nursing home with a Hospice organization. If you are sick with ANYTHING, they appreciate that you do not come. COVID is still here, even though we don’t talk about it, and the new strain is not fun. We have to keep colds, flu, covid, everything infectious out of nursing homes because what is just a bug/cold for you can often turn into a pneumonia or worse for someone elderly. And Assisted Living and Nursing homes and any facility that clusters together folks over the age of 65 is a hot bed for spreading infection among the vulnerable. Lots of poor ventilation, crowded dining rooms, and caregivers moving from room to room means infectious spread easily.

            Why don’t you call your local senior living facility OP, and ask them what they would like you to do about this visit, if you can’t figure it out yourself? Obviously you have reservations or you wouldn’t be posting here. Listen to your gut.

    5. My best tip is pick a thing (zinc or hot showers and wool socks or whatever) and believe it in. Placebo effect *is* statistically significant.

      1. agree! I believe in elderberry. I refuse to read any research that would call this belief into question because I don’t want to lose any placebo effect it might be having!

    6. Chicken soup. Chick-fil-A has good chicken soup; waaaaay better than canned, and waaaaay easier than making it yourself.

    7. Saline nasal rinses – some really good studies came out on it this year, so the info isn’t really mainstreamed yet. Plus nasal rinses can be uncomfortable.

      2. Yes–specifically hypotonic saline spray. So much better than the horrible neti pot.

    8. Vics Vapor rub on both your chest and the soles of your feet (under socks) before bed.

  10. Looking for recommendations for good quality cotton sheets that will last many years. I am willing to spend on something pricey if the quality is worth it. Thanks!

    1. Honestly, Target Threshold 400 thread count. Best sheets ever and not expensive. I only just recently retired a set after like 7 years and many washes.

    2. I am not a fan of Target sheets, but you’ll get a lot of recs for them. My kids all had them on their college beds, and every one of them shredded (3 kids, 4 schools, same result). I also just don’t like the feel of them.
      My favorites are Red Land Cotton’s percale. Parachute Home also has good percale. I (obviously) prefer percale, so I can’t speak to the other weaves.

    3. FWIW, I don’t think this is a category worth spending money on. I believe sheets should be replaced around the same cadence as pajamas. I like crisp sheets that look good on a bed and have elastic on the bottom sheet that hasn’t stretched out. I buy from The Company Store during sales, so I pay around $100-150 a set, and get a few cute ones to rotate. They last 2-4 years with this approach.

      1. Our ideas of “spending money” are very different if you consider $100+ cheap! I buy from Target or Costco but will take a chance on cheap-to-me sheets (less than $50) if Homegoods has the color I’m looking for.

        1. Seconding Costco sheets and Target’s Threshold brand. They feel nice and hold up well.

    5. LL Bean Pima Percale was our latest and they’re lovely (smooth and a little cool).

    6. I differ from others here. Sheets are one of only a few areas where I splurge. I love: Brooklinen sateen sheets for a cheaper option to Sferra, and Sferra sheets, including the Celeste line. My bed currently has some old Pratesi sheets that I’ve had forever (12-14 years?), and on both nights this weekend my husband and I commented at how fabulous they are. Our sheets last forever– I always get white. And they get better with each passing year. They do not thin. We have a mixture of percale and sateen.

    8. Another percale fan here. Vermont Country Store’s percale sheets made in Portugal are really high quality and last forever. LL Bean’s pima cotton percale sheets used to be made in Portugal but now are made in China, and they’re not as good, in my opinion.

    9. Whatever sheets you get will last years if you air dry and not machine dry. I’ve just recently said farewell to a flat sheet that I bought in the mid-90s.

      (Same is true for towels)

  11. I am struggling with getting rid of everything that doesn’t fit or isn’t flattering and then realizing that that is most of what is in my closet. And that at my age and stage, it may not be realistic to have “flatting” as the goal. It’s just too high of a hurdle. Do I just rip off the bandaid and toss / donate and then shop when needed with extreme vigilance?

    1. If you can afford it. Yes. Find a good pair of pants you like, buy three of them, and begin from scratch.

    2. Start by getting rid of the items that truly don’t fit. It’s not helpful to have a closet full of too-snug trousers or shirts that are so large they look like you are playing dress up.

      For items you don’t believe are flattering, take a minute to figure out why before you spend a lot of money and end up in the same boat. Wrong color? Consider getting rid of it; the color isn’t going to change. Poor (but fixable) fit? Get the item tailored.

      Cut that doesn’t work for your body? This is the trickiest one for me. Sometimes I find current cuts unfamiliar or at odds with 90s-era fashion rules that were drilled into me. I think that must mean the items are unflattering, but when I open up to a new concept they end up working really well. Other times I just need to admit that I don’t like the silhouette certain garments create on me, even if they look great on someone else (or the hanger). I do have success by putting certain items either in a must-wear rotation for a week or two to see if I can make them work, or in time-out (and then getting rid of them if I don’t find myself missing them).

      After all of this, if I find that items would work except they need X to complete the outfit, I make a list of all the missing items and figure out what wardrobe holes I need to fill. I prioritize those, keep in mind all the observations I made earlier, and then slowly fill in missing pieces.

    3. It sounds like you need to sort your clothes into a ‘love it’, ‘maybe’, and ‘hate it’ pile, then put together enough tops and bottoms for 1-2 weeks from the ‘love it’ and ‘maybe’ piles. If you can’t, go shopping.

    4. Replace the couple of items you find yourself reaching for the most but no longer fit perfectly. If you loved that one pair of pants but now it’s snug, buy the next size up. Or if your body shape has changed, go to a store and try on a few different styles of pants, then get a couple of colors in the one you like best.

      Personally I get overwhelmed by buying a lot of things at once. I’ll get whatever sort of fits just to be done with it. It’s more effective for me to focus on a couple of things at a time.

    5. It’s fine to have “Flatters my current shape and size” as a goal for your outfits. What’s not good is to have a goal of, “Flatters me in a way that makes me look the way I wish I did,” or, “Makes me look the way I used to.”

    6. If your body is changing go to a store and try things on. Nordstrom has shoppers that can help. Try a smaller , capsule while you experiment and figure things out.

  12. I know GLP-1s have come up a lot here. I’m going to be starting one, primarily because of some health concerns.

    How have you handled explaining it to people in your life? I’m primarily thinking of my friends, who are all skinny. I used to be skinny too and then life happened. I feel embarrassed about having to tell them that I’m losing weight because of a drug. I know the obvious solution is to not tell them but I feel like they would notice changes in my eating/drinking habits for example.

    1. Oh I don’t. People make whatever assumptions they want, I don’t discuss my weight with anyone.

    2. I don’t know. Everyone I know is either on them or has a loved one who is. Even the men. They are mostly concerned about visceral fat and hoped for health benefits. I wouldn’t share—just tell them you’re drinking less and don’t have much of an appetite. Most people aren’t thinking about you.

        1. But it’s true. They are drinking less and don’t have much of an appetite. That’s not lying. You’re allowed to *not* tell people about your health and medical care.

          2. If they have cancer then you’ll find out (and if you don’t then you weren’t as close as you thought).

          3. LOL all you want. What I said is true. And wonder all you want. Who cares what nosy busybodies are gonna wonder about?

        2. I wish prying questions weren’t so common. I have zero moral qualms about lying when someone is asking questions outside their lane.

    3. Just be honest. Tell them what the health concern is and that you started a GLP-1. If you lie they will either assume you’re lying or be scared you’re very sick and not telling them.

    4. FWIW, I’ve had several friends tell me they’re on GLP-1s and my reaction has always been positive. I trust that they’re making the right decisions for their health and would never judge someone for losing weight because of a drug. Typically, people mention it in a casual way the same way they’d mention anything else – “oh, I started [whatever drug] and it’s harder for me to eat full meals so I’m just going to order an appetizer.” As to the idea that losing weight from a drug is the “easy way,” well, I’m naturally thin. That’s the true “easy way.” It’s luck. I’m grateful for it, but it’s luck, not a moral or physical feat. So where would I get off criticizing someone else for choosing an “easier” path? (I put this in quotes because I think it’s more complicated than saying GLP-1s are easier than diet/exercise/etc.)

      1. I would never ask someone how or why they are losing weight unless they talked about it first. I would hope other people would be discrete and respectful as well.

    6. Just don’t explain! The judgment is strong (as seen by at least one poster here) and there is no upside. Order something small when you get together and (if anyone asks) explain you are cutting back to try to lose some of the weight you have put on. If they comment on weight loss, just smile and say, “Thanks! I have been working on it”.

      If you lose dramatic amounts of weight, people will assume you are on a GLP-1 but most people in my experience are not rude enough to bring it up. I lost 40 pounds on one and while I got a lot of “you look great” and I am sure assumptions are being made, there are two people outside my doctor’s office who I have discussed it with, and I live with one of them.

      1. Thank you. I am afraid of the judgment. The funny thing is, unlike my friends, I don’t even care about being thin or having a socially acceptable body. I’m very body neutral. But weight loss will help with some health issues.

        1. I definitely don’t think you need to tell people if you aren’t comfortable doing so. That’s not “casually lying”, its just not giving personal details about your body that isn’t any of their business. To me it’s no different than feeling comfortable sharing that you are on any medication (i.e. anti-depressants etc.). You might feel comfortable telling a close friend but not someone at work, but it’s not lying to keep it to yourself if you want to.

          I think most people who comment on someone losing weight are trying to be nice/pay a compliment, but obviously it’s still a bit weird to be commenting on someone’s body, and you don’t owe them any explanation about how you lost weight. If you are worried about it coming up, I would likely just pre-think of a boring comment to say so you aren’t caught off guard with what to say, and then change the subject.

    7. It’s possible they won’t say anything and you won’t have to explain. I’ve been on a GLP-1 for a year and half and I’ve been (pleasantly) surprised how many people haven’t said a word to me, despite having lost about one-third of my starting weight. A lot of people have absorbed the lesson that we shouldn’t comment on each other’s bodies!
      That said, many people have said something and so far not a single person has been judgmental when I’ve mentioned that I’m taking one. I realize that isn’t everyone’s experience and I have been prepared for a different reaction, but so far it hasn’t happened.
      So I guess I’d say to be prepared with how you want to answer, but don’t stress too much about it. You definitely don’t need to offer the information if no one else asks or mentions it.

    8. Don’t worry about explaining. A general ‘yeah, had to make some changes,’ will be enough.

      Either you’re in the ‘I’m doing this genuinely for health’ camp and your efforts to make genuine dietary changes will be noticed, or you’re in the ‘Oh! I just don’t have to eat because I’m taking a GLP-1, look at how SKINNYYYY I am,’ camp which… like people will judge you for that and that’s its own thing. (For me, the first group has absolutely no impact on me, the latter group I find brings back my early aughts ‘nothing tastes as good as skinny feels’ icky vibes.)

      1. You’ve identified something that is also bothering me about this whole thing! I really hate feeling like I’m taking part in “diet culture.” There is such toxic discourse around it.

        1. For me – diet culture has ‘smallness’ as the Most Important Thing and I think that there’s an important distinction between working towards health vs. working towards ‘skinniness’.

          In my observation, 90% or more of people are using GLP-1’s to really address underlying health issues driven by weight. And like – they’re an incredible tool in the toolbox, and a huge part that ties to overall health… but not the ONLY thing that drives health. Exercise, mental health, diet, etc. are also important.

          My second example – I was specifically thinking of somebody I know IRL as well as a handful of influencers who are really confusing ‘skinniness’ with ‘health’. In my life, it’s the handful of people who are visibly misusing GLP-1’s – with ‘skinny’ as the governing goal.

          This is made with zero judgement as to how a body looks. Working on health includes mental health, and self image is a huge part of that.

          3. To the Anon – again, there are two camps – one are people who have medical professionals recommending a low maintenance dose or very very low dose. The other is this weird influencer ‘oh, I’m MICRODOSING so it’s not the same.’

            Again, very very different in my mind. Do I get an ick from my friend who was pre diabetic despite being in the ‘healthy’ BMI category and whose doctor suggested the low dose primarily for blood sugar issues? Nah, that’s not it. Do I get an ick from some random size 0 influencer trying to sell her ‘course’ on how to be ‘effortlessly thin’ and finally fesses up to ‘microdosing’ when she’s trying to make money off of women’s desire to ‘be effortlessly thin’ and she – in fact – just used a drug that she likely didn’t meet the medical criteria for? That… I do.

            Sorry, this whole post has really stirred up some feelings for me. I literally don’t care if a GLP-1 is the tool in the toolbox that works for you in working towards your health goals, what I don’t like is the general ideal that thinness is always the peak goal. I also don’t like people selling snake oil and trying to pretend it’s ‘cold plunges’ when it’s actually a revolutionary pharmaceutical intervention.

        1. Yep. I’m on a GLP-1 mainly because I had started suffering health issues as a result of my weight, but with that said, vanity is running a very close second place to why I’m doing this. GLP-1 is no magic wand for me – I am old and short, and I still have to keep calories very low in order to lose weight. It’s just that now when I keep calories very low I do actually lose weight. “Health” is an amorphous and intangible goal. Liking how I look when I get dressed in the morning is a much more effective motivator to stick with the plan. I make no apologies for my vanity.

    9. Honestly I don’t explain unless I’m talking to someone else who’s told me about it. No one’s business but yours. I just don’t take the bait if someone comments, just an “mmm” in response and people quickly catch on.

      1. +1 honestly reading here has made me double down on keeping quiet about it. People here are crazy judgmental. They think they have a weird right to know what medicine others take. Even if they are nice to my face, they could be secretly talking about how “gross” I look for reasons that probably have more to do with them than me. Why give them ammunition? I don’t.

        I make it weird when people insist on discussing my weight. I straight up call them out if they mention it more than once.

    10. I am what many people would call skinny. Two of my best friends have had incredible success on GLP1s. One told me at the time that she started and one didn’t say anything until about a year later. I am delighted for both of them. And I hope that your friends will be happy for you too because you’re improving your health, losing weight, and perhaps happier. If they aren’t happy for you, then I think there are other concerns in these friendships.

    11. Whether it is your eating and drinking habits, your preferred nail color, your weekend hobbies, or all manner of things, you are allowed to change. If your friends are giving you grief for this, consider spending your time with others who are less judgmental and who don’t insist you exist in stasis.

      1. Exactly. The GLP conversations are starting to remind me of how people fret that their companions will notice they aren’t drinking. I understand if one is trying to delay announcing a pregnancy, but otherwise, there really should be no need to “fake it” with club soda and a lime (although I do genuinely enjoy club soda and a lime), people shouldn’t be so nosy about other people’s business.

        1. Agree that they shouldn’t be . . . but they quite definitely are! And while I am good at ignoring nastiness from people I do not have to deal with, I would rather avoid it from co-workers, casual acquaintances and family members if I can. Hence the club soda and lime. (And not mentioning the GLP-1.)

    12. it’s hard bc people also want to “know your secrets” of how to lose the weight. i went on one for 4 consecutive weeks at the lowest dose and lost weight but felt awful, so since then i micro dose, one shot at the lowest dose possible every 3-5 weeks.

  13. Paging the ‘Rettes who asked on Friday what to wear to the dance party. How was it?

    1. I missed that but I recently discovered these in my local community and have been to 3 and it is like the most fun I’ve ever had. People wear all sorts of stuff but almost everyone wears gym shoes. I like to wear a sparkly top. I invite lots of friends but you don’t need to. It is like all the best parts of being young again:) highly recommend.

  14. I am the OP who talked about sharing a hotel room and car with a friend for my kid’s college parents weekend. I am writing to report back that the weekend went very smoothly and my concerns were totally unfounded. My friend was super flexible and basically asked about our plans and was happy to use the car at times when my kid and i were planning to go to things on campus. We met up a couple of times to hand the keys over to the other person but it was never difficult or annoying. Each kid had a chance to go shopping and out to a meal with their own mom and the kids actually did not see each other at all the whole weekend since the mom and I split up as soon as we got on campus and met up at the end of each night to drive back to our hotel together. We each saved a lot of money by splitting a room and a rental car, it was nice to have someone navigating the drive and figuring out where everything is at the airport, and we chatted and got to know each other better during our time together. I don’t know why I was so worried about it – it was probably just displaced anxiety about my own kid who recently started college. Anyway, thank you to everyone here to read my problem and weighed in with great advice.

    2. I’m so glad it went well! The transition to college is a huge deal so I can totally understand overall anxieties about the trip/your child being transmuted to parents weekend. I hope both children are enjoying their college experiences!

    4. Your friend sounds awesome!

      Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence.

  15. If people ask I just say I’m strength training and prioritizing protein. I feel like nobody needs access to my personal medical info.

  16. Kat, last week on mobile there was a Ken Paxton ad that took over the entire screen with a message along the lines of “Ken Paxton saves families.” Are you allowing political ads? Was this sanctioned? It was quite jarring to see on this site, would love to understand more of how that kind of ad ended up here.

    1. I just checked — I have opted out of all political ads so there shouldn’t be any… please report them to Mediavine with the little “report” button. Advertisers lie to get through things that publishers have opted out — autoplay sound, politics, etc. (FWIW there also shouldn’t be any ads for downloadable utilities, drugs & supplements, gambling & betting, “references to sex & sexuality,” and “significant skin exposure.”) Thank you for reading!

      2. I feel like lying to get through a filter is really on brand for Ken Paxton…

    2. LOL the same ad absolutely took over the website with all details for my son’s baseball tournament this weekend. We couldn’t do ANYTHING on the website and everyone was so angry at Ken Paxton for messing with our coordination and seeding info.

      1. UGH. Also, I’m not in Texas. I’m in San Francisco. Paxton is certainly wasting his ad dollars here. Just why.

  17. I turned 40…some months ago and my skin is so DRY. I used vanicream last night and that seems to have helped. I have a facial later this week so I’ll ask her, but is this my new normal? I need vanicream every night? It’s 87% humidity outside so this seems weird. Curious if others have experienced this.

    1. I’m in my 50s and my skin is definitely drier than it used to be. I used to use a heavier moisturizer on my face in the colder months and switch to something lighter for the warmer months, but now I use the heavier one all year and my skin is happy with that.

    3. What would you use otherwise? I think it’s common to switch to a richer moisturizer at summer point.

    4. Skinceuticals Triple Lipid. It’s worth it. Also, I tried a tip I got from another ‘retreat about adding a drop of glycerine and it helped too. I bought mine from Amazon.

    5. My skin has gotten drier as I have gotten older (currently 43). I use La Roche-Posay Cicaplast Baume B5 Balm and it works well for me.

    6. Also be careful about what facial cleansers you are using, how hot and frequent your showers are and what cleansers you are using there too. Mild mild mild.

  18. I’m going on a 2 week international field visit and trying to brainstorm some food that I can take with me. I’ve been to this location before and I have a very sensitive stomach, and I know it’ll be good to bring some food that I know my digestive system will be okay with. I can’t eat beans or wheat. When I’m there I’ll have a fridge, freezer, stove, and microwave. I’ll have access to a grocery store but its limited.

    In the past I’ve brought oatmeal and granola bars. I can bring rice/rice pasta. Maybe I can bring cans of tomato and make pasta sauce? Is there shelf stable pasta sauce? I can think of a lot of snack things, but not food. Can I bring food I’ve made at home and frozen on a plane in checked bags? I’ve done it before but very small amounts.

    1. i’d go to trader joes before and buy lots of stuff. pasta sauce is shelf stable until it is opened, but then you’ll have a fridge so doesn’t seem like a huge issue. canned tuna, pb & j,

      1. Sorry, I was more thinking about whether glass jars would be safe in checked bags.

        Would the trader joes frozen food stay frozen? If so that works 100%

        1. I cannot imagine the hassle of flying internationally with frozen food (TJ or otherwise) would be worth the effort. You would certainly have to declare it at customs. And different countries have different rules about what type of fresh food is allowed in (meats, produce, etc).

          Personally, I would stick with bringing primarily snack foods. And then rely on basics (plain pasta, rice, bread, cooked vegetables) at your destination.

    2. To stop the spread of agricultural diseases, many countries have restrictions on meat and produce that might apply to frozen or home cooked meals, so I’d look up the policies for the country you’re visiting.

    3. You might get some good shelf-stable ideas by looking up backpacking recipes or specialty foods. I’d recommend jerky (wheat free?) and dried mashed potato packets as well, and checking somewhere like Trader Joe’s for things in packets or aluminum cans (not glass), and dehydrated and dried fruit. Also, peanut butter or PB2 that can be reconstituted. I’d also look at specialty websites (Harmony House Foods is gluten free, although they do process beans) for dehydrated backpacking foods like vegetables.

    5. If you want pasta sauce then bring tomato paste. You’ll have to add seasoning but you don’t have to deal with glass or heavy liquid. Make sure you have access to a can opener.

      The international aisle at my grocery store has powdered miso soup mix. Throw in some rice or noodles and eggs bought locally.

    6. i would google “country + name of your condition” if it’s something common like IBS or gluten allergy or crohn’s. you might also look up “backpacker food” for freeze dried meals.

    7. Pomi sells tomato sauce (just tomato) in cartons. It would need some doctoring and add a lot of weight to bags plus still potential for a breach . You can buy vac packs of rice and rice pilaf. Also vac packs of tuna and salmon. I like Epic protein bars which are meaty. Oatmeal would get me through some days for sure. This seems like a major hassle. I’d rather figure out the minimal thing I can eat from the grocery on repeat and maybe pack the oatmeal.

      1. +1 re the hassle. Two weeks is really not that long. There is a zero percent chance I would lug packs of rice, canned fish or tomato sauce in my suitcase. Yes to the oatmeal, protein bars and snack food, no to everything else.

        1. +1000 dear god I would not do that, sensitive stomach or not. Buy things in stores there.

    8. Is the local grocery limited in what you can safely eat? Or just limited in that you might have to eat the same things more often than you do at home?

      Things like tomato paste, tuna, peanut butter, applesauce, etc. come packaged in foil pouches or squeeze tubes. Those seem like they would be much easier to put in a ziploc and pack in a checked bag than cans or glass jars would be.

      1. Limited in what I can safely eat. I know this is a huge pain. I just would rather do this than have any issues. I go to this country all the time, and my gastro issues just got worse recently. Bringing oatmeal, 1 box pasta, a couple of those pouches of rice, and some tomato paste would save me a lot of possible issues. Instant potatoes as someone suggested is a good idea too. I basically need to bring some “safe foods” because its very unpredictable what can suddenly make something unsafe.

        1. Maybe some wheat free crackers and bouillion? Nutella?

          Whenever I need to pack any food items in tins and bags in my suitcase, I put the items in a soft tupperware (plastic with some give, so it doesn’t crack) and then in the big IKEA ziplocks.

          I assume you already know, but for anybody else, a PSA about oatmeal and wheat: even though oats are naturally gluten free, oats are often processed in the same mills as wheat, so there can be quite a big amount of wheat in regular oatmeal unless it’s specified as gluten free. Red lentils too.

    9. Can you order some basics to have delivered there? I would hit a local grocery store, but if that doesn’t work for some reason then I’d investigate local grocery delivery options.

  19. AITAH? I am getting married in December in a non-US country. My future in-laws are very celebratory about their culture. My parents went to my fiance’s brother’s wedding two years ago, and my future mother in law gifted my mom two of their traditional garments, both made out of raw silk. These garments have a specific name, which was repeated both when it was given, but also throughout the night (think: “ah, lovely sari, you wear it so well” from other guests). For my wedding, my mother in law has told me she will again gift my mother these garments to wear for the wedding, which I told my mom.

    Today my mom said she had asked an online forum about getting gifts for the wedding, and someone from the specific culture mentioned she should wear this garment. She sounded like she was hearing the name of the garment for the first time, but said she Googled it and that it was what she wore last time. I said “Mom, you really have to remember the name of this garment, you were given several of them and you are getting several more. They are super protective of their culture and they will bristle if you don’t remember the name of this dress.”

    She got really upset, and I feel really guilty now. I had to do the same thing recently with my dad since he kept mispronouncing my father-in-law’s name (think: ‘Steken’ instead of ‘Steven.’), so I might be overly sensitive and overly ready to correct. But I am a bit stressed knowing how much their culture means to my in-laws and how the gaps might inadvertently cause offense. Should I drop correcting at all going forward / not try to emphasize the certain things? With my dad, for example, saying ‘Steven’ when he said ‘Steken’ didn’t work. What did was saying ‘Dad, you have to get his name right. It’s going to be a huge deal if you say his name wrong at the wedding.’ And then working through it a few times. But I do feel really guilty now being forceful about these things and feel like a huge a-hole.

    1. Nah, it’s your parents’ fault if they feel awkward about being corrected. They should use the correct names!

    2. Your in-laws get to tell your mom what she has to wear to your wedding, and you’re supporting that? The in-laws are running the wedding-it’s their country, their everything, and your parents are in the way. To answer the question, yes, you are.

      1. They definitely aren’t ‘telling’ her what to wear. My MIL asked if my mother would like to be given garments to wear for the traditional events (i.e., cultural-specific events), and we said yes. The garments are hand-woven raw silk and cost many hundreds of dollars each. She is only gifting her the clothes for two events, both specific cultural ceremonies where everyone will be wearing the garments and it would look extremely out of place to be in Western wear.

        1. If your parents are happily participating in the traditions, I don’t think I’d kvetch at them about forgetting some words.

        2. I don’t care if they’re woven from gold; that’s not the point. And your original post says they would be worn for “the wedding,” which sounds like–the wedding. Your parents have every right to be annoyed, and they’re playing along because they love you, and all you’re doing is sniping at them because they’re not Indian (or whatever) enough to suit you. Chill. I don’t see any references to the groom or his family honoring your parents’ culture.

          1. We’re having a three-day / three-night wedding with 8+ events. “The wedding” refers to the three days of events, but there are only two that my mother-in-law is giving garments for. The religious wedding ceremony and a pre-wedding ceremony. We are all extremely willing/excited to wear the traditional dress to these two events. There will also be a white wedding where our culture is celebrated, and a bunch of parties and additional more laid-back events.

    3. None of this sounds like enough for anyone get upset over. If this is all that’s ruffling feathers before a wedding, I’d call it a win.

    4. I would try to give your parents some grace. I do not think anyone is an AH here per se, and you should/can certainly correct your parents when they mispronounce or forget things, but just try to remember that your parents are significantly less immersed in this new culture than you likely are. It is nice that your mom even wants to wear the traditional clothing to the international wedding.

    5. I think you can try one conversation with your parents to say that it is important to YOU that they pronounce things correctly. But they are adults, and you cannot control them. I would be far more embarrassed to scold my own parents than to have them mispronounce or forget the name of a garment they have only encountered a few times in their lives. To me, seeing you chide them for an honest mistake reflects on your character, and not positively.

      1. This seems like way overkill. If my father mispronounced someone’s name after being corrected many times, I’d find it appropriate to level with him.

      2. I agree with the above. I’m guessing that it’s hard for your mom (and maybe your dad!) to see their daughter married in a wedding that they don’t have a ton of involvement in (assumption being made here). It’s understandable given that you are being married abroad, but it still has to sting a little. Then you compound it by chastising your mom instead of giving her some grace. My son got married here with none of these issues and I still had to do some emotional regulation because it was sad not to be involved in any/much of the planning. They just had a specific vision and didn’t want to spend hours on details. All I was really interested in was going to the wedding cake tasting, but that didn’t happen. Which is fine! It was not my wedding, but still you have to understand that your parents are likely acclimating in their own way to what they “hoped” for vs what is actually happening. I still say you are NTAH but a little empathy will also go a long way.

      3. This is a bit harsh but I generally agree. Maybe the conversation went differently IRL but it sounds like you’re impatiently scolding them. They might be more receptive if you say something like “Fiance’s family will be offended if you mispronounce their names or don’t know what the gift garment is called. I know it’s a lot to remember but they’ll really appreciate if you make the effort. I’ll send some links with more info on their wedding traditions. It might be easier to read about this stuff beforehand instead of trying to absorb it during the chaos of the events.”

    6. You know your parents. But if this were mine, they’d be stressing over knowing what to do/how to interact/wanting to get it right.

      So both:
      a) if there’s something *really* important, they’d appreciate a heads up (“this dress is called a XYZ and it’s really important you don’t call it an WYZ because then it’s only for funerals!”
      and
      b) correcting them about everything would only make them more stressed and anxious about getting it right and therefore more likely to forget stuff
      and
      c) I would want my parents to enjoy my wedding, not be super stressed about offending my in-laws the whole time.

      Big picture question – which parts actually matter to your in laws (ask your fiance). Like, if your mom tells your mil “thank you so much for the beautiful dress, and for raising such a wonderful son; I am loving celebrating our beautiful kids with you”, does it matter to your mil that she didn’t use the right word?

      1. So the big picture question is truly the only reason I feel stressed about it. MIL would probably be upset if she didn’t know the correct term. She bristled once when my dad called it a dress, and was very forceful in correcting him. Which he forgot (understandably!) but I don’t want them to run into a situation where something that feels irrelevant turns out to deeply offend the in-laws.

        1. So I think if the distinction is: if remembering the name of the garment is The Thing that is really important, you tell your parents it’s really important, and it’s reasonable to expect them to treat it as Really Important. But if your goal is: they remember everything about everything, and your future in laws can hardly even tell your parents are American… that’s not reasonable, and tbh your fiance needs to tell his parents “hey, Jane’s parents are trying hard to fit in at the wedding, but there’s gonna be a lot they don’t know, please be gracious”

        2. I’m not too impressed with your MIL if your parents are good-maturely going along with all this and your MIL gets mad if they misspeak about something that isn’t in their native language.

          Turn it around: if your MIL misnamed something in US culture (called a hotdog a hamburger or something more important, maybe not remembering the name of a religious item), would it be appropriate for your parents to get mad at her?

    7. There is no way my brain would retrain the nuances of what is a sari vs. what is the name for another celebratory outfit 2 years later. Like that is something that I would remember at the time when relevant, and then … not think about again. I’d be annoyed too at being scolded for not remembering rather than you saying something like “yeah that’s right! I know it would mean a lot to MIL if you thanked her specifically for the Precise Names when she gives them to you – I’ll try to remind you of the name when the time comes.”

      Your dad repeatedly not getting the name right, that’s a different level of problem. But the dress? Have some grace.

    9. I’m with you on FIL’s name but not on the dress. It’s important to get people’s names right. Or at least try to get it right. Give them a little grace if they trip over unfamiliar pronunciations, but you can continue to gently help them.

      The sari thing feels like you’re you’re annoyed about your mom’s general lack of interest in your FH’s culture. Sometimes our parents just aren’t interested in things that are very important to us. That can feel really disappointing. But as long as they are respectful, I’m not sure there’s much you can do about it. Maybe you have one conversation with them to express that it would mean a lot to you if they would enthusiastically participate in learning about FH’s culture. But I wouldn’t hold my breath on them changing.

    10. I suggest you ask yourself if you would be upset if someone from another culture made a similar error speaking to an American. My name is almost impossible for native Chinese speakers to pronounce. I do not get upset about that; nor would I want anyone to feel “forced” to correct it. Your parents seem to be making a good faith effort and I very much doubt your in-laws are going to be offended because they have issues remembering or saying some words.

      Give your parents the same amount of grace you would want them to give your in-laws if their positions were reversed.

      1. Of course not, but it’s different if an American mispronounces an ethnic name because they didn’t bother to remember it properly, versus if a Chinese person mispronounces a name because it is phonetically challenging. My dad is completely capable of pronouncing a “T” sound instead of a “K” sound. The language they speak is phonetically the same as English, so it isn’t a mispronunciation so much as just not saying it correctly since it’s not a name you know. For reference, is basically saying “Arkom” instead of “Arjun” or “Lagor” instead of “Lamar.” Arjun and Lamar are easy to pronounce – you just have to remember what the consonants are.

          1. That’s my thought, as somebody closer to your parents’ age. If your parents screw up, they screw up. If your in-laws get mad, they get mad. None of this is your responsibility and just because they invite you to participate in the madness doesn’t mean you have to accept the invitation. It sounds like you have given your parents the information you think they need to have, and now it’s up to them how they will behave, and it’s up to the in-laws how they will react. The only thing you can control is whether you let it get under your skin.

          2. And I say this as somebody who totally feels your pain — the name thing in particular would drive me nuts. But you can’t control what you can’t control.

      2. I don’t think it’s the same when the American is mispronouncing things. True or not, the rest of the world thinks Americans all think they’re better than everyone else. An American mispronouncing a name comes off as condescending.

    11. It does sound a little like you’re nervous and putting on your parents some.

      If my mom kept getting a name wrong it would be passive aggressive, so it wouldn’t help for me to let it get to me. Your mom actually sounds like she put effort in if she googled it!

    12. Why don’t you text your parents jokingly right before the travel time, something like “So looking forward to marrying blah blah blah, supported by my amazing loving parents, at whereever, blah blah! Dad, don’t forget FIL’s name is SteKen, and, Mom the special dress is XYZ, I know you will look beautifu1 in it, blah blah. I am so grateful to both of you (heart, heart, heart) for always being there for me…” It’s sometimes harder for older people to remember things you say on the fly in amidst lots of other info. Help them out by giving them something upbeat and positive in writing where they can check their phones surreptiously later if they need a reminder about what that name was, or that garment was.

  20. just confirming – by “always go to the funeral” y’all mean “always go to the wake,” right?

    3. Northeast Catholic here, but I usually go to the funeral, not the wake when I’m choosing just one and one isn’t clearly better for my schedule. I don’t think I’m unusual in that personal preference, but honestly going to either is what’s appreciated, not which one you go to!

    4. One or the other or both depending on your availability. Going to either counts and it’s lovely to go to both.

      1. Yeah I don’t really know the difference but the important thing is to show up.

    6. I think showing up for at least one of the events works. Both if you were close to the deceased or to the deceased’s family.

  21. Any tips on telling a brand new job you’re pregnant? I’m 19 weeks pregnant and will be 21 weeks on my start date. The interview was via Teams, so they haven’t seen me in person. I was thinking it would be best to tell the hiring manager before I show up on day 1, so I was going to call and ask some other questions about first day logistics and mention it then. Does that sound like a good idea? Has anyone else been in this situation? What did you do and how did it go?

    To make matters more complicated, it’s a temporary job until next September, not certain to be made permanent, but definitely possible (it’s state government and subject to budget). I’ve been job searching since before I got pregnant and was really, really hoping to have had something months ago, but that was not in the cards.

    1. For term jobs pregnancy is often a disqualifying condition because there is a mandatory term of the role which you can not meet (and no this isn’t discrimination or illegal).

      1. Yeah, it’s really unfortunate for you, but for a term/contract position, if you know in advance that you’re going to be out for a 1-3 months you actually do need to disclose that before taking the job, and they can refuse to hire you about it. The best time to discuss it is when you’ve got an offer in writing but before you’ve firmly accepted.

    2. Employment atty here. I would NOT disclose until you’ve started, because they cannot fire you for being pregnant. They can refuse to have you start with no liaibility. To be safer, wait until you’re there.

  22. My family will be visiting Yosemite NP on a road trip in mid October.
    For reasons, we cannot stay longer than a day, and will drive there in the morning from Oakland, and end the day in Lee Vining on the other side.

    What are your experiences with driving through the park, stopping at the main sights on/off the main road? How crowded is it on a Sunday? Does it make sense to use the shuttles?

    I have visited 20 years ago driving the opposite direction, and found it manageable, but things have probably changed.

    1. It’s been a while but that sounds like something I’d keep my car for and not do shuttles. I might reconsider the whole plan with that limited amount of time.

    2. We visited Yosemite in August a year ago and had no issues using our car in the valley. We did ride the shuttle to dinners to avoid moving our car, but it was not overrun. We had no issues parking at Glacier point or the sequoia groves. We were there mid-week, but I’d imagine October would be less popular (at least in the valley).

      That said: I’d have little to no interest in the drive you’re describing. Sunset will be earlier than 6:30 by mid-October, and you’re going to want to be at your destination— or at least out of the mountains— by the time it’s dark. You’ll barely have time to get out of your car in the park unless you leave Oakland by 5 am. If you have a separate, compelling reason to drive from Oakland to Lee Vining, by all means you should go via the park— but otherwise I urge you to re-prioritize or skip it and use the interstate to cross the Sierras so you can spend more time in your ultimate destination.

    3. It can be pretty crowded, and you are going to be pushed for time. I don’t know that you’re going to be able to squish in all the Yosemite sites and still end up in Lee Vining. I believe the shuttle service is in the other part of the park, not the Tuolumne Meadows, Tioga Pass, Lee Vining part. You will need your car for that.

      Also, it often snows in October and the pass will likely close in that case. So keep an eye on the weather report and have alternate plans. You will be at high elevation. They will turn you around in the park and you will have to return or find an alternate route. At a minimum, Oakland to Lee Vining is 5 1/2 hours of driving. And that’s with good weather, no stops, and minimal traffic. There’s a good chance you can’t do it all in one day.

    4. Personally, I would not want to do Tioga pass in the dark. You may want to carry chains. When travelling in October that same route, from much closer to the park than Oakland, there’s been about a 50% chance snow will happen and we will need to re-route through Lake Tahoe to Nevada, or through Nevada. This makes for a much longer trip, make require chains, and once took us about 12 hours with a close to newborn baby. –Not for the faint-hearted.

      Also, yes, things were much less congested and crowded in the park 20 years ago.

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