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Coffee Break: Beaded Chunky Necklace

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beaded chunky necklace

I was excited to see that this necklace is a bestseller at J.Crew — personally I was never a fan of the “tiny dainty necklace” era.

I'm featuring the gray because it was the only color shown on a model, but it also comes in green, burgundy, light blue, red, navy, and black. I feel like the black one would be a lovely basic, but any of the other ones would be great for a pop of color above a crewneck or peeking out from an open collar.

The necklaces are $49.50-59.50 at J.Crew.

Sales of note for 9/4 (Happy Labor Day!):

79 Comments

  1. From the morning thread: people are really bringing gifts to the hospital with them?

    I get the person who brought food for a prolonged thing like ongoing cancer treatment. There, you have a bit of a relationship with the people. At a hospital, you don’t really pick the place (even for a planned birth — I was told that my OB practice delivered at hospital A, so A it was). How soon will it be until we are a third world country where we have to tip police and bring our own medical supplies to the hospital because I want a clean, new suture, not a new-to-me suture?

    [Oddly, as a retiree, I plan to bring tons of “better” prepackaged food items to our ER because ER staff and the ambulances and fire companies who bring people in are often really scrambling for food and a lot of what they eat is not good food and EMTs in my area are criminally underpaid).]

    1. Nope. I’m a public servant and people should be allowed to do their jobs without being endlessly thanked. If you build a relationship you want to honor, great, but otherwise, inappropriate.

    2. Yes, people do this. No, not everyone. Of those who do it, some make a big performative Insta about it, and others just bring a tin of energy bars or something else equally low-effort, relatively speaking.

      Not following your distinction of birth / not ‘picking the place’ – you know you’re going to *a* hospital at some point and you know which one it will be.

      1. You pick the place, but hospital providers flow through 24/7, so you aren’t really picking or having a relationship with THE providers that you have (my labor spanned two shifts; at 7am, the overnight nurse said she’d be going off shift and someone else would be signing on and my mind was blown at how wildly different my job is because I just can’t hand things over mid-task ever and that is how a hospital needs for things to happen every single day). For an oncology practice, you are only going in daylight and seeing the people who work there every time you go unless they are on vacation (from all of the cancer patients and families I know). It’s like I have a relationship with my dentist and his staff but it’s because I choose to go there on repeat for decades; births are really not like that.

        1. people bring enough for both the day and night staff to get a treat, if they’re doing this for a birth. It’s just a little thank-you for the people that are caring for you, not an assumption you’ll have a long-term relationship with any particular nurse, etc.

    3. I missed the morning thread, but I’ve taken treats to hospital staff twice. One was staff in the hospital-based hospice floor where my grandmother died about 24 hours after being moved there. I was with her overnight and when she died. The other was to the staff of the cancer unit where my mom was treated repeatedly before she died. In both cases it was more about me, and my wanting to share how much the experience meant to me and how important the staff were to our family, than about feeling I had to repay the staff in some way.

    4. I am the morning thread poster; I’m primarily bothered by bringing in treats *before* anyone has provided any care. Sending treats after is a thank-you; bringing treats before seems problematic on a number of levels.

          1. I wonder with L&D if it’s more of a compromise with wishing for a birth center or home birth environment (some birth centers, even hospital attached ones, are very homey in style and decor).

          3. I mean, if you want to drop off brownies or Gatorades or bagels and a card, that feels fine. But look how quickly the comments section escalated to $1000 cash! That seems like a problem!

            Everywhere I’ve worked, we’ve managed to have a policy that lets a vendor buy me coffee or send holiday cookies to the office or what have you, but doesn’t let them… hand me $1000 cash as a “thank you”. I’m a little horrified at least one hospital doesn’t.

    5. I didn’t bring it to the hospital with me, but I brought it after I was discharged. My L&D nurses stayed 4 hours beyond their shift and were part of the team that saved my life while I delivered my son, and I brought each of them $1k in case as a thank you the following week. I will be forever thankful for each of them, who were really my stewards through that whole terrifying process, and it felt like a small thing I could do to show my gratitude.

      2. Giving people $1k each for doing their jobs feels condescending and performative.

        1. +1 – I believe as much as the next person that nurses (like teachers) are seriously underpaid, but I also am firmly against this type of behavior.

          1. I live in the Bay Area, which has some of the highest nursing salaries in the country, and the starting (yes, starting) salary is $150-160K at the area’s major hospitals. That doesn’t include overtime. I do think it’s underpaid relative to the skill and importance, but it’s a far cry from the situation facing teachers and social workers.

        3. I think this is far too much money, even for the circumstances described. In that situation (where staff went above and beyond), I think handwritten thank-you notes are the most meaningful, plus sending a letter to management praising specific staff members for use in future performance reviews. I’m sure others will disagree but $1000 each is something I’ve never heard of.

          1. Is it even permissible for them to accept this money? I’m not allowed to accept outside income for the job I’m already paid to perform.

          2. Most hospitals have really strict policies against taking anything other than food. Im sure this came with good intentions, but giving money puts them in a really bad position-particularly if it’s money that would be really hard to turn down. They would very likely lose their jobs if caught.

          3. You absolutely cannot accept $1k cash gift. A sweet treat, or rarely flowers may be ok. Handwritten thank you cards are the best.

        4. As a nurse, I can tell you we are not allowed to accept money from patients. Everything is pooled for the unit- they should not have accepted that from you or once they realized, had the hospital return it. It probably went to the hospital instead of to the direct staff. Don’t tip professionals.

      3. Wow, this seems shockingly unethical. I would be really surprised if they were allowed to keep it. That has to be against hospital and professional policy.

      5. What?! I’m supposed to give four figures of cash to EACH nurse? You gave the each that? And they TOOK it? What hospital was this? Sometimes I get the feeling that everyone BUT me gets how the world works but I had no idea people were bribing nurses. If thousands of dollars in CASH are being handed out by certain patients I seriously question how others are receiving any kind of decent care? Am I supposed to dress fancy while IN LABOR so they think we have crazy money and take ok care of us? Or are my baby and I just going to get ignored at a critical time because some lady with thousands in cash down the hall wants a four figure tip worthy premium birth experience? I don’t even tip the Botox injector and you’re handing out thousands to labor and delivery nurses?!

    6. I’m pregnant for the first time and was shocked to learn some people do this. If gifts upon arrival at the hospital become expected, am I going to receive subpar medical care if I opt out? If gifts after delivery are expected, how TF will I have time to do this when I’m recovering from a medical event and caring for a newborn?

      Tipping culture is out of control but it’s especially harmful in this context. Maternal care is low quality and expensive enough in the US. The last thing women need is a gift basket arm’s race. I get the commenter below meant well by tipping her nurses $1k each but consider what type of expectation this sets.

      1. I also think this is wishful thinking. If I “curate” my birth and bring treats for the staff it will be a life affirming experience and nothing can/ will go wrong …. A way to make everything perfect at a time you’re least in control of what happens.

      2. No. I’m a nurse who has worked in L&D. If a patient’s family brings in coffee or bagels, it’s nice but honestly a lot of times the nurses bring their own food and don’t eat it. We absolutely do not treat someone differently because of bringing or not bringing items. My parents have been hospitalized several times- I never once brought food in. However I DO make sure to be courteous, try to stay out of their way in the room, and say thank you. Trust me we get yelled at constantly by patient family members and other staff. If someone is just nice, treats us professionally. and says thank you, we’re happy.

        1. This is nice to hear. I’ve never sent gifts (I’ve even thought of it before but every time my family has had an emergency hospitalization, the care needs at home afterwards took precedence!). But I do try to be courteous, appreciative, and minimally needy.

    7. I didn’t. And my post partum nurses didn’t deserve gifts I’m still traumatized

    8. Never with me. But, I did routinely give my grandmother’s care team treats – think break room snacks – whenever I visited. I also sent them flowers when my grandma passed. My mother and aunt on their best days are “a lot” to deal with, and it was as much a thank you for dealing with the dysfunctional duo as taking care of my grandma.

    9. It really bothers me. Gifting is absolutely out of control. It’s a big issue with kids’ teachers as well. Nurses and teachers and other “helping” professionals are mostly great, but they’re also being paid to be there. They’re not volunteering their time. I don’t know why they need to be constantly showered with gifts for doing their jobs. It also feels a bit condescending, because people only do this for the female-dominated professions and it feels like it’s implying they’re not “real” professionals. Nobody shows up to a doctor or lawyer or accountant with a gift basket and it doesn’t seem like a coincidence that these are male-dominated professions.

      1. Yeah. I mean I’m in no way against a nominal gift for a teacher with a sweet card. We’re talking ten dollars to a coffee shop at the end of the year? That seems fine to me. But now we’re trying to get medical care from nurses being gifted a thousand dollars in cash from the other patients? There’s just no way that’s not out of control.

        1. Oh, it’s definitely not $10 to the coffee shop. It’s a whole gift basket and I’m betting at least $100 in gift cards to boot at our local public school.

          I prefer how our local Catholic school handles it, which is to collect a central amount at the start of the year to cover all gifting occasions. They provide suggested amounts across classroom teachers, paras, admin, specials teachers, etc and then distribute it. I don’t see a lot of extra giving beyond that.

        2. You can opt out, but at our public school in a not particularly fancy burb there’s a bit of an arms race around teacher gifting. The school circulates lists of teacher’s favorite things at the holidays, which include restaurants with $30+ entrees and salons where basic pedis start at $60ish. I’ve talked to many people who spend $50-100 on each of their childrens’ classroom teachers. Plus you’re “supposed” to give to art, music and PE teachers, librarians, bus drivers, aftercare teachers and lunch/recess supervisors as well. We tend to go cheaper and focus on handwritten cards from the kids and at most $25 for the classroom teacher, but you could easily be in the $200-300 range per kid and then multiply that by 2-3 kids and it’s… a lot.

  2. What would you do? We have a vacation planned at the end of the month/start of September to go to San Juan to stay in a nice hotel/resort. There is apparently a big water shortage and water rationing in PR right now. Hotel has their own water cistern and should have water but the whole thing feels like a messy situation and a nest of potential issues, never mind the ethics of staying a fancy hotel and using water when everyone around has it shut off. I can only get a 75% refund if I cancel, but that does mean around $1500 out of pocket. Traveling with kids.

    2. Unless local government is asking tourists to stay away, I would go. Because a water rationing sucks (been there; done that) but losing your job and not being able to feed your family is worse. And if all the tourists stay home that is what is going to happen.

      1. +1 I’d do some a lot of googling to see if you can find out what PR specific sources are saying.

        I understand that it feels bad to be freely using up resources while on vacation, when people next to you are going without. But sometimes when tourists stay away out of consideration, it only makes the suffering worse.

        It’s a hard call.

        1. I agree that it’s a difficult decision and I think it’s great that you’re being thoughtful about it. There are some PR reddits that have had some discussions about this, so that might be a good place to get a feel for how the locals feel about the situation. (We went to PR last month so they keep showing up for me!) Another alternative would be to change your trip to visit a different part of the island, as I understand the problem is primarily in San Juan and some other areas do not have the same water concerns right now.

    3. One thing to consider on the ethics is that the people who work in tourism still need income even with (maybe especially with, if water delivery is expensive) the water shortage.

      If I already had a trip booked and thought it would be safe and fun for the kids, I’d consider trying to minimize my water use and tipping generously. I wouldn’t go if I had health and safety concerns, like inadequate sanitation.

    4. Can you afford the loss? I’d be tempted to cancel because I’d be concerned about the situation changing for the worse while there, plus I’d feel uncomfortable for ethical reasons and that’s not the mindset I enjoy on vacation.

    5. Literally all of Bermuda hotels have their own water. Residents have to buy their own and get it delivered, or collect rainwater (usually both). I had coworkers whose water tank ran out and they had to get an emergency delivery. Why is it unethical to stay in a hotel in PR? If you don’t use the water, it’s not like the hotel will distribute it to the masses.

    6. I would go. What are you helping by staying home? It’s not like the hotel is going to send the water elsewhere. And the economy depends on tourism.

    7. It’s pretty normal in the Caribbean for hotels to have their own extra reserves / cisterns that they stock for just this reason. You aren’t taking water away from local families by staying there.

      1. OP here. My primary concern is the situation will just make for a bad vacation. If anyone has experience vacationing in similar circumstances, I would love to hear it. Wondering how this affects ability to go out to eat, food safety if water if being conserved and stuff isn’t getting adequately cleaned, etc.

        1. That’s fair, especially if you have kids.

          I’d see if anyone’s posted recently about on the ground conditions on the TripAdvisor forums.

        2. Yes I’d ask online forums like TripAdvisor and R*ddit about on the ground conditions at this specific hotel.

          If it helps, I’m a travel advisor and had not heard of this until your post. I don’t have any clients with upcoming travel to Puerto Rico but I typically hear chatter about big travel disruptions (e.g., hurricanes or the recent cartel activity in Puerto Vallarta) so I’m guessing this isn’t really affecting people booked into large, full service hotels. I would try to confirm with people actually staying at your hotel though.

    9. Id call the resort and ask about their water situation. If it’s fine, then I’d still go.

      I wouldn’t be bothered about the ethics of it.

  3. I’ve never been a fan of chunky necklaces like this. I prefer there be some space in between, otherwise it feels so dense around the neck. My favorite pearl necklace has some wire wrapping to break up each pearl.

    1. I love it. It is certainly small compared to the chunky kitchy necklaces of the past.

    2. I want a Nancy Pelosi pearl game. Where can I get that, but in freshwater pearls, probably baroque.

      1. I’ve purchased a few things from Pearl Paradise. Prices for necklaces range from $330 to $168k, so there’s pretty much something for everyone.

    1. Please let me continue to operate under the belief that posters here are generally smart and sane and not TikTok addled. Another Clancy thread will probably rob me of that forever.

      2. In defense of this op, the article isn’t a conspiracy theory. Feel free to scroll. I personally find it too upsetting to engage with this story most days.

        Op, as far as substantive feedback, I agree with the point the article makes that conspiracy theories stem from an unwillingness to believe a mother would or could do this. I disagree with the idea that the conspiracy theories threaten the efforts to remove stigma around mental illness. I think the facts of case are doing that. I’m personally unconvinced that Clancy was the victim of medical incompetence or that she didn’t have better access to treatment and resources than the vast majority of people who suffer from mental illness. The uncomfortable fact, for me, is that she still did what she did even with tremendous resources and support. It’s hard to think that won’t result in more stigma of ppd and related issues.

    2. I mean, as a society we pretend to pay lip service to the reality of mental illness, but in practice we are quick to say “Mental Illness doesn’t do that!” But yes it does.

      1. Why? Lots of actual things people do upset me, but having wrong-think about news isn’t one of them. If they were seeking out the family and hurling abuse at them? Yeah, that would be wrong and illegal. Being entertained by spectacle? I can’t bring myself to care.

        1. I’m not sure it’s all best viewed as entertainment. A lot women are going to feel invested in a public narrative about whether people who give birth are always in control of and responsible for their actions. To me it seems like people are projecting their own baggage and actually are invested beyond entertainment. I think the Gisele Pelicot case is still fresh in people’s minds (another real tragedy that happened to real people that shook people up because of their own different experiences).

          The idea that attempts to seek support for mental health concerns can spiral and actually worsen mental health, while opening the door to potential gaslighting, is something that definitely resonates with a lot of women.

          1. I get that. Some cures are worse than the disease, even when you are trying to do the “right” thing. But ultimately you are never going to get the majority of people to come down on the side of compassion. Societally, we are too blood-thirsty for that—we want retribution more than we want understanding. Once you get that, it makes it easier to stop wishing for a better outcome when people are invested, collectively, in being $ hi tty to each other.

          2. I don’t think people are lacking in compassion here. I think people are legitimately horrified by this crime. There is a willingness among a lot of people to point the finger not at the uncontested perpetrator but at literally anyone else: the professionals who tried to help, society generally, the person clearly didn’t do it. We’re asked to be compassionate towards the perpetrator of the most horrific act we can imagine and it’s worth thinking about why that’s true in this case and not other devastating crimes. Is it objectively true that she deserves our sympathy? Is this just impeccable lawyering? Has the narrative tapped into our existing frustrations with the expectations of motherhood and the failures of the mental health system? Or is it something else? Is “good mom” status just irrevocable? If you host the birthday parties and obsess over organic food and sleep training and really look the part while you go through the motions, can even the worst thing you could do to your kids ever really be your fault?

            I don’t think that if a single mom from Appalachia also struggling with mental health and possibly psychosis killed her kids we’d be talking about compassion for her. We’d all be blood thirsty, but we’re not and it’s worth thinking about why.

      2. Same, same, same. And it makes me really sad that the first reply to you is “well, why shouldn’t it be.”

        1. Why should it be “deeply upsetting” though? That’s a big deal emotion for something that ultimately, does not concern her.

          1. Some of the people posting know these people. It does concern them. You’re coming across like you think you’re better. Maybe you just have more distance.

          2. I mean, I think all things where children are murdered are deeply upsetting. Pretty weird that you don’t.

          3. People should be allowed to have opinions about horrible crimes, especially when those crimes involve issues that touch most people in one way or another. If that’s upsetting to people who know the family that’s fine but they should be avoiding the conversation, not telling the world they can’t have thoughts and opinions on major news events. I find the foolish conspiracies annoying but I take issue with the idea that we can’t discuss this case and the clear societal implications of it because someone knows the family and insists they’re “wonderful.” For goodness sake it an ongoing public trial, it would be very troubling if no one had interest in this.

          4. There is a difference between noticing a car wreck as you drive by and rubbernecking at it.

          6. Yes, from a moral one. It is cruel and immoral to use the deepest pain of others as frivolous entertainment.

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