Coffee Break: Edie Bag
People seem to LOVE the Edie bag. Like, LOVE IT. The reviews note how gorgeous both the blue and the green colors are in person, and this is what one reviewer had to say:
Whoever designed this bag should get an award. Well made, perfect size, goes with everything, it's fantastic. I got it in black and am considering getting a second in a different color. It's THAT good.
I mean, wow.
The bag is $198 full price, and comes in four colorways: black, natural, icy blue and kelly green. The icy blue looks gorgeous, but I will note that kelly green bags are surprisingly, amazingly versatile — I highly recommend if you haven't had one.
Sales of note for 12.5
- Nordstrom – Cyber Monday Deals Extended, up to 60% off thousands of new markdowns — great deals on Natori, Vince, Theory, Boss, Cole Haan, Tory Burch, Rothy's, and Weitzman, as well as gift ideas like Barefoot Dreams and Parachute — Dyson is new to sale, 16-23% off, and 3x points on beauty purchases.
- Ann Taylor – up to 50% off everything
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- Design Within Reach – 25% off sitewide (including reader-favorite office chairs Herman Miller Aeron and Sayl!) (sale extended)
- Eloquii – up to 60% off select styles
- J.Crew – 1200 styles from $20
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- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
- Steelcase – 25% off sitewide, including reader-favorite office chairs Leap and Gesture (sale extended)
- Talbots – 40% off your entire purchase and free shipping $125+
I’m having the hardest time falling and staying asleep. What are the best apps, preferably free, to help me?
I’ve had good success with “singing bowl” videos on Youtube lately. There are lots designed to play for a long time with no commercials and darken the screen as they progress. You could try it on your phone or smart tv (if you have one in your bedroom?). We particularly like one that overlaps the bowls with ocean waves (It’s Just So Calming | Ocean waves & singing bowls combination by Sleeping Vibrations http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCAmpNq-nPE).
No apps, but I listen to podcasts that aren’t going to rile me up. Specifically, some that deal with anxiety are weirdly soothing to me as I fall asleep.
I love the Sleepy Cat stories on YouTube. They put me right to sleep!
Have you ruled out other factors, such as food, alcohol, caffeine?
When I wake up in the middle of the night, I do crosswords on my phone. I eventually fall asleep thinking of a 7-letter word for “why the heck can’t I just sleep through the night like a normal person.” YMMV.
(If crosswords interest you, I’m currently using the black and white and red app entitled Crossword by RedStone Games. Free, with super minimal ads that only appear for a couple seconds between completed games. App does inverted color well for nighttime playing (black with white text instead of the other way around).)
Doing crosswords on your phone in the middle of the night is the issue. You should NOT be engaging your mind if you want to get back to sleep. Personally, I use my Fitbit’s mindfulness app which has sleep inducing music and sounds — like rain and white noise (I hope that is still politically correct) to lull me back to sleep. I used to do Wordle at night, but now I wait until after I have my morning coffee in the office before I take the 15 minutes or so to do it. Grandma Trudy says there is a time and a place for everything, and night time in bed is not the time to do any serius thinking. That’s how she had Mom and her 4 siblings. I don’t have a man, so that is a non-issue for me now. FOOEY!
I love Sleep with Me; its weird and you might need to try it a few times before judging, but it definitely helps me fall asleep.
Ooh this bag looks so good, especially in that blue – I just wish J. Crew in CAD wasn’t so freaking expensive.
It’s so pretty but one thing I know about myself is that I can’t tolerate a bag with a flap like that. I like to be able to dig around in my bag easily and the flap gets in the way. Alas.
I bought a used Edie bag on poshmark this year and can confirm it’s a pain to dig around in it. In addition to needing two hands to hold the flap and reach in, it’s also really narrow so I keep cutting my knuckles on the (high quality and sturdy) zipper hardware inside. It’s awfully pretty though…
This is also me. No bags with flaps for me, ever.
This is also me. I switched from a leather tote and now I have a mixed relationship with my new bag that has a zipper as well.
I totally agree that about the color of this bag though! I’m very attracted to this particular shade of blue this spring.
I just got a coach bag with a flap like that and it will be my last. It’s so cute but the flap seems to get in the way of the straps every time I open it.
Paging St. Lucia – I responded to your post in the morning thread late and it got put into mod, so trying again.
It takes around 1.5 hours to get to the Soufriere area from Castries. I would suggest dedicating one day to check out the sights in Soufriere. You can visit the Tet Paul Nature Trail, drive-in volcano an possibly the Diamond Botanical gardens all in one trip.
The roads are curvy, but mostly in good condition. The drivers we used were all very safe and we had no issues. We used Swanson from Golden Ticket SLU for the majority our transportation. Highly recommend. There is an email address on their Facebook page and you can get a rate to do all the activities I mentioned.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate this info.
I know a few of you work in/around politics so I’d love to hear thoughts.
Biden announced his re-election bid. Admittedly, I will enthusiastically vote dem in this election but very unenthusiastically vote for him, the person, in 2024. I know a lot of people in my circles (old millennial) feel similarly and wish there was a stronger dem candidate. I’m seeing a lot of headlines from news sources across the political spectrum saying that this is not a unique sentiment.
So my question(s) is, is it just a given the incumbent will run for reelection? Or was there really no obvious dem talent to challenge Biden and/or cause Biden to step aside? Maybe dem strategists just see this election as blue vs red and the body in the seat almost doesn’t matter given the current political climate? Or maybe historical data suggests the incumbent just has a greater chance of winning vs. a potentially splintered opposing party so if it ain’t broke and it beat trump/republicans once, don’t fix it?
Not intended to be a political debate, truly, just really intrigued by the strategy behind it all.
I feel like Harris is felt to be weak and can’t win (esp. against Trump, which is crazy and yet I think likely). And she can’t be dumped as a contender at this point. And it’s not like there is a reasonable other contender. Most known candidates are too California-centric or are too far left to win in a general election. So he has to run absent a new incapacity such as a stroke. Everyone is stuck with him (like Feinstein).
Harris is being subjected to a higher woman-only standard for VP. And Biden is hardly Feinstein. I’m not a fan of the gerontocracy. But I’ll be enthusiastic about supporting Dems.
Bruno’s NYT piece is a good take n the situation.
Agreed — when in doubt, the tie will go to the mediocre man. Every dang time.
She’s also the vice president of an unpopular president doing rather thankless jobs (southern border immigration, for example). Her campaign in 2020 wasn’t brilliant and fizzled out before Iowa. She’s from a state which would vote Democratic with or without her candidacy. Harris might be a great president but she is not a great presidential candidate.
This is a good example of one of the problems with Harris. She’s completely unaccountable, nothing is ever her fault, any criticism is refuted as sexist or racist. If one wants to be President of the US, and play the key role in global affairs the position requires, then step up and stop whining.
This. Someone like Gretchen Whitmer might do well, but doesn’t have enough of a national profile and the optics of ditching Kamala Harris would be too toxic, so Biden feels like he has no choice but to run again. And let’s be honest, he always wanted to, but might have been convinced otherwise if there was a better alternative. I partially blame him for not giving Harris better opportunities to look good, though I also think it’s true that she hasn’t made the best of the opportunities she has had and that she’s dealing with racism and sexism and is judged unfairly harshly.
In an ideal world, Biden would graciously step down because he’s just too dang old to run again, and we’d be able to put Kamala, Gretchen Whitmer, Mayor Pete or someone else who’s younger and has fresher ideas up as the Dem candidate for president.
We don’t live in that world. Trump is running again. A lot of people feel like if the choice is between an old white guy and a younger woman/WOC/gay guy, they’re voting for the old white guy. So we might as well put our own old white guy up there again and have him beat Trump, again and hopefully Kamala is ready to take over if needed because whoo, boy – I am just not sure about Biden’s health holding out another five years.
I really, really hope the same Democrats who made the mistake, in 2016, of turning up their nose at Hillary because she wasn’t ______ enough are not going to make the same mistake this time. Remember how Hillary said “If Trump wins he’s going to appoint a bunch of conservative Supreme Court justices” and then that actually happened and then we lost a whole bunch of our rights? Remember back in 2021 when the country was on the brink of complete disaster because a bunch of loonies tried to storm Congress, egged on by conservative news commentators who have now been a little bit humbled by nine- and ten-figure lawsuit settlements and judgements??? Good times, good times. We’re not far enough from that to take risks with candidates, at the moment. We need to keep Trump out, so that means Biden stays up there. And then we need to then develop a game plan for dealing with DeSantis, who’s like Younger Smarter Craftier Trump and a real threat in 2028.
I still have so much anger towards democrats (or liberals or however they identify) for not voting for Hilary. It caused so much damage that won’t be fixed for a very long time.
I voted for Hillary but knew she’d lose. I’m angry at her.
I know multiple people who are very left wing (left of me) and didn’t vote for Hilary (some in swing states) because they didn’t like her and didn’t think Trump could win. What a mess they wrought. They’re all white men, which is probably not a coincidence.
Angry at her for what reason? I’m dem too but I don’t really blame her for losing the election because so many people decided not to come out and vote…
I guess I blame many candidates for losing elections because they failed to attract voters with their campaigns, platforms, track records, and public statements? What’s the point of being a great candidate that people don’t vote for?
What Biden should have done from day 1 was to put Harris in a position to be a strong candidate for election in 2024. Instead, he gave her all the no-win assignments.
DeSantis is not a real threat. He impressed some right wing people with “don’t say gay” and refusing to take any pandemic measures, but the pandemic is essentially over and the national electorate doesn’t actually support anti-LGBT stuff. Plus he totally lacks charisma and his numbers are tanking fast. I’m sure he’s a smart guy but I don’t see him going anywhere on the national stage.
It would have been too much to ask of Hillary that she give up being a woman to attract voters.
Yea she made some pretty bad comments throughout the campaign. I still think she would have been a thousand times better than trump.
I also think she would have been a thousand times better than Trump, which is why I voted for her! But I can still be mad that she campaigned badly, underestimated Trump, and failed to win.
In 2016, I was so mad at the mostly young, mostly male guys I knew who just couldn’t “ethically” vote for Hillary because of her emails or Bernie this or Jill Stein that or something something Wall Street. (And yes, I was mad about other stuff too, I’m a GenX so I am well-versed in being intersectionally mad, especially about politics.) I’d love the perfect candidate, but I think it’s important to elect not-Tr*mp.
Points to Seventh Sister for “intersectionally mad”
agreed that he always wanted a second term. In order for setting up Kamala to be a real 2024 contender, he would have not given her immigration to fix but visible projects with actual wins. I am not at all saying she is entitled to that, but it’s pretty obvious that she was not being built up to run in 24.
Serious question: what is to stop him from running? He can file the paperwork, he can put together a team, he can fundraise. While a party has some tools to derail an outsider, Biden has been in Washington since 1973 and knows where all the bodies are buried. The Democratic Party doesn’t have much of a choice.
Yeah people aren’t enthusiastic about Biden the man, but there aren’t any other good options and historically the incumbent has an advantage so it isn’t a crazy idea for him to run again.
That said, I think Trump has a very good chance to win in 2024. 2020 was a very unique circumstance because ~60% of the country was very concerned about the pandemic which Trump had badly mishandled. The pandemic is essentially a non-issue at this point and economy is top of mind for most voters, and people blame Biden for that, fairly or unfairly.
I’m enthusiastic about Biden the man more than I am about the other Dems in this thread, who have either not made the most of the opportunities provided them, have leaned into Twitter politicking in a way I find undignified, or don’t seem to have made the leap to national “actually getting things done” deal brokering well. I strongly wish there was a younger, better candidate, but of the people who actually exist today, I trust Biden’s abilities the most.
Ugh I was not thrilled with this announcement. I voted against Trump in 2020, not necessarily for Biden. I would have voted for my 10 year old nephew over Trump. I don’t think the Dems have any good candidates while the republicans have a few and I’m worried again.
Trump is almost certain to be the R nominee again. He has a double digit lead over the next best candidate DeSantis, who is fading fast thanks to unpopular things like picking fights with Disney. It’s gonna be Trump.
So another 2020 matchup? I don’t think I have the stomach for that again. I’m still traumatized by….everything.
100%. I can’t imagine what data, news articles, polls, and LIFE anyone who thinks it won’t be Trump is looking at. Of course it will be Trump. That was part of the point of “stop the steal,” was to make a 2024 not about Trump-the-loser versus Biden-the-winner, but making it a 2020 rematch.
I’ve always thought it was a given that the incumbent is who runs.
It normally is, but I think his age is giving a lot of people pause. He’ll be 86 when the winner of the 2028 election is sworn in.
I’m unenthusiastic about him and his party. I expect I’ll go vote for “not Trump,” and then see Trump take office again anyway.
I am not a politics insider, and forget where I heard this… probability a politics podcast, maybe Hacks on Tap? But it was something to the effect of that Trump has advisors/people working on his campaign this time around who are very smart and know what they’re doing. That worries me immensely, as I do not want another trump presidency.
There’s so much effort and energy behind him already (not to mention gerrymandering and legislation; they’re not going to fight fair!).
Oh man, that is worrying. However didn’t he basically have a revolving door of advisors in his 2016 campaign? Hopefully the smart people show themselves out early.
I think there are some smart people who are going to stick with it now that they’ve seen what a Trump presidency can do for them!
He’s had smart people, including himself, working for him all along. You don’t get to be elected president without being brilliant and surrounded by brilliant people, sorry. Dems who want to pretend his election was a fluke or an accident are fooling themselves, and it makes him much more dangerous to underestimate him. Hell yes he and his people are smart and know what they’re doing.
Yea this has always been a long game plan. They know exactly what they are doing.
Maybe the more relevant question is what can Dems do to strengthen their bench of the next round of candidates? Obama didn’t do a great job of that, and Biden has not either.
They can stop being Republican-light! I am sick of the DNC supporting all the neo-liberal Dems and pushing out the progressives.
I feel like they have pushed out everyone BUT progressives at the national level. State governors like Roy Cooper will never be more than that (and are wise to stay out of what would be an ugly fight). And yet a governor is exactly what I want in the White House (either party, TBH at this point), not yet another lifer senator.
I know a lot of Dems and only a few progressives; my circle is East Coast (mostly NYC and DC), well educated young adults (and our parents) and the vast majority of us don’t want a progressive. Progressives always seem to forget that there are a ton of more-moderate Dems
Maybe so, but unless you’d vote for the Republican instead, you’d be stuck with the progressive candidate anyway?
This is what centrists tell progressives whenever they run another centrist, anyway.
I would vote for the progressive over the Republican, but I know a lot of people who wouldn’t.
I’m an Obama/Clinton Democrat and really dislike AOC/the Squad. If it was a Republican like Trump, I’d deal with it and vote for AOC instead, but it would be a close call against a moderate Republican. I’m more socially democratic and fiscally conservative. My belief in civil rights, LGBTQ protections, reproductive rights, etc, outweighs my concern for my bank account though.
After some recent mishaps in my local political sphere, I’m wary of candidates that self-identify as progressives. I tend to agree with a lot progressive goals (e.g., Medicare for all, Elizabeth Warren’s bankruptcy reforms) but having super great plans with lots of buzzwords doesn’t mean you’re going to get much of anything done.
No one pushed out Sanders or Warren, the fact is the progressives are a small but loud part of the party.
I know Republicans and independents who would have voted for Sanders though. I don’t know if there are more non-Dems who would have voted for Sanders than Dems that would have voted for Trump or sat out though!
Bernie had a populist appeal that was broader than the Democratic party, although a lot of Dems (me included) really hated him. I don’t know any Republicans who would vote for Elizabeth Warren or AOC. I’m sure gender is also a factor.
I wouldn’t have voted for Bernie Sanders or Warren and I identify as a democrat.
So you would have voted for Trump? Really?
Not the poster at 7:19 but I’m not sure I would have been able to vote for Bernie in 2020. I definitely would not have voted for him over any semi-sane Republican, but I probably would have voted for him over Trump even pre-insurrection and would 100% vote for him over Trump now. I find Elizabeth Warren way more palatable although I don’t agree with her politically on a lot of issues.
1) Because the opponent is Trump, and the only thing that matters for the future of our republic is whether a candidate can beat Trump, and Biden is inoffensive enough to do so.
2) Because typically the incumbent president would only step aside for their VP, and Harris can’t win a national election. The dislike for Harris is strong: https://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/polls/approval/kamala-harris/
3) Who else besides her is standing in the wings and ready AND could beat Trump? I’m a huge Buttigieg fan, but I hear the only people who like him are coastal elites (guilty). Sherrod Brown’s good, but he’s shown no interest. Gavin Newsom – too much California baggage. Elizabeth Warren – too liberal for most. Senators Hickenlooper, Kaine, and Klobuchar have all dipped toes and gotten nowhere. So the bench is shallow right now. It’s all about winning the suburbs, because that’s where elections are decided these days, and there’s just not someone out there lighting a fire with suburban moderates enough to defeat Trump.
This will be a much different conversation once Trump passes away. (He’s 76 and eats Big Macs – it can’t be that long now, right? Right??) While others may copy his policies, his cult of personality is unique to him.
I have no idea who would vote for Gavin Newsom. I live in California and think he’s actually an decent governor, but I still can’t stand him as a person and have absolutely no desire for him to run for president. He’s completely delusional if he thinks he has any chance outside of California.
I mean, I think he’s awesome and is creating kind of a cool national profile as the anti-Desantis. Sauce: non-Cali.
I think unfortunately Trump is going to be one of those people who lives forever fueled by his own hatred.
I unfortunately think you’re right on that one.
I like my moderate Democratic governor who could probably do well against another old white dude (NC-Roy Cooper) as he’s managed to win our very purple state twice, even when the state has elected republican senators in the same election, but he doesn’t have the national recognition (nor has he expressed any interest in running, to my knowledge)
I live in the Midwest and I feel like Buttigieg was popular here in 2020. Not sure what the opinion on him now is, and I think a lot of people think he doesn’t really have enough experience to be president (and I tend to agree).
I feel like Trump is going to be one of those people who lives to 95 despite being very unhealthy. My dad is heavier than Trump and I’ve watched all my close friends’ fit, healthy fathers pass away in the last 5 or so years while my dad is still around with fairly minimum health issues given his age and weight. If you had told me 10 years ago he’d be the last of my friends’ dad’s to die, I never would have believed you. Sometimes there really is no rhyme or reason to it.
+1 Upper Midwest here, and Buttigieg fan. I think he would have a good chance, but I’m not sure Transportation Secretary was a good call for him to gain more national recognition though. I really like to see Presidential candidates who have won some big races. It’s why I never got excited about Beto.
I think he’s heading an administration that’s generally doing a good job. I’ll happily vote for him.
+1 He really isn’t that bad a president. I don’t love the idea of an 85 year old president, but I think he’s done a good job and I’m happy to vote for him.
Compared to the alternative, I will happily vote for Biden.
I don’t think he would be running again if there was a strong candidate with a great national profile. Harris can’t win in the current environment (I’m hopefully that if Biden wins another term that she can up her profile and maybe be viable to follow Biden).
Dems need to get back in. This country is f’d if Trump gets another term. Based on how January 6th went – I’m not convinced that he would leave office after his term ended.
He’s done a great job I think. Why wouldn’t he run.
Honestly my only concern about Biden is his age. I think he’s been quite effective as a president and I truly don’t get why so many people don’t like him?
Handsy and rapey (I thought that that allegation had the ring of truth about it and it seemed to be gaining traction and then it seemed to disappear). Pandering vanilla mediocre dude –> pls send this country anybody else. His age is truly concerning now also.
I have a lifelong childhood friend whose mother was a higher up in the Democratic party in the party. When she disclosed that he was handsey with her when she attended a function as a teenager, I believed her.
WAPO has a list of current runners for the Dems, and it’s depressing. Also, don’t think Harris will be running? Either way, she’s been almost invisible during the term. Also, not sure there is any coming back from the explanation of Russia and Ukraine that she gave.
I have a feeling Gov. JB Pritzker (Illinois) will run in 2028. He’s everything Trump pretended to be: a wealthy, successful businessman who isn’t beholden to donor interests. Most Illinoisans agree he’s done a great job but needs a few more years to become well known nationally. And by then the Covid restrictions won’t be a recent memory.
I wanted to root for Harris. But I’m disappointed that she was assigned unwinnable challenges and fumbled the simpler tasks. The Democratic party needs to cultivate the next generation of leaders.
He is running a state with an albatross of a bad pension system around its neck. He won’t be able to fix it. Not sure he is White House material (maybe if he were in a less basket case state, like NC or VA).
Agree he will run in 2028. I live in Illinois and he’s already campaigning. Don’t agree that he’s widely loved. In 2022 his opponent, Darren Baily, was very weak, which accounts in part for Pritzker’s high margin of victory. According to the latest numbers I’ve seen Pritzker’s approval rating is 43% and his disapproval is 41%, not really a ringing endorsement. https://morningconsult.com/governor-rankings/
Yeah I don’t think he’s really that popular here.
+1 my mom groans every time she mentions him, though she liked his pandemic response.
Has a party ever switched horses after first term and kept the white house? I don’t think so. For that reason, I’m pro-Biden. Has he knocked my socks off? No. But after 2016-2020, I’m happy not having my socks knocked off one way or the other.
Make Politics Boring Again!
It would be nice, but it’s really possible that voters who wanted boring in 2020 won’t want it again now.
I still agree with you that running “the president of the United States” is the best chance at winning, vs. any other candidate they could come up with.
Incumbency advantage is staggeringly huge in politics. You can look at data on this. It’s why you get House/Senate members who sit in their seats for 30+ years. They get plenty of challengers, but it’s very very hard to unseat them. It’s much easier for the opposition party to take an “open” seat. If you have a remotely acceptable incumbent in a competitive race, your party would be insane not to run them.
I married into a family where my spouse has an existing nephew (who knew my husband’s prior wife, his original Aunt with “Uncle Rico”. They weren’t particularly close (largely distance and age and unclose sibling relationship) and we vacationed together on extended family vacations, but by then I had littles running around in diapers or was nursing for several years and the “older kids” pack never really mixed with the “younger kids” pack. It was never bad, just not close.
Fast forward to now, where nephew has a lot of upcoming life events, which is very good for him. And, suddenly, his father was in a car crash with a drunk driver and was just taken off of life support. It is so devastating for all. Husband has been spending a lot of time with his family and they have become closer. Still, we life far away.
How can I support my nephew, his mother (my SIL), and my husband? I have been covering at home so husband can go solo and not have to deal with grieving family and do childcare at the same time. But what else? Both of my parents are still alive, so I cannot imagine being a teenager who has suddenly lost a parent he loved and adored. I need to call my SIL to check in, but what can we do for her also?
What does your nephew remembering the original Aunt Rico have to do with anything? Unless they were super close, you’re just creating an issue out of thin air.
Show up to nephew’s life events if you can at all swing it. My SIL lost her mom shortly before she got married and still remembers, 20 years later, her entire extended family coming to the wedding to support her – even people she hadn’t met or seen in years.
I’m also confused why former aunt comes into the picture but perhaps to set the stage. I think you should continue to support your husband by letting him go visit solo and not worry about anything at home. Handle everything you can at home including his doctors appointments, car maintenance etc. Basically treat him like a child in that sense. Also, go to everything that you can attend. Most of your PTO time should be devoted to the nephew and SIL where feasible. Invite them on family vacations and pay for them if possible.
OP here — it was mainly that Wife 1 had a toxic reputation and was avoided for years and then I think people who were burned had the same initial reaction to me. It was just my sense. After a couple of years it wore off, but by then I had toddlers and was tied up with them a lot (but was free with giving a spouse a pass to hang with “his” family on visits, like going to movies while I stayed home for little kid bedtime). IDK that that makes sense, but it can be hard to enter in what feels like the third act of a play, especially if there was drama preceding your arrival.
Just do what you can to be there for your husband and his family. Time, money, emotional support, household chores, etc. If you have any legal connections, help with the husbands estate. It’s a horrible situation and I’m so sorry for you and your family.
I’m guessing on ages and upcoming life events. DH lost his dad around this time, and not going to sugar coat it, every one of those life events is an open wound through until about university graduation. What helped was that the aunts/uncles provided the scaffolding for those events. What I mean by this was that the aunts/uncles did the backbone of the planning and grunt work for grad parties, etc. so that all DH, siblings, and his mom had to do was attend the event for about the year after the death. Think of offers to help in terms of discrete things – not I can help you with the party but “I can order all the food from restaurant x or y, which do you prefer.” From memory – I think they also rotated for the first month afterwards so that there was generally one of them at the house and handled stuff like mowing the lawn, getting a handy man, (again grunt work). Again, very much a know your family. Low key suggestion on what to do while you sort things out – send your SIL memes, or cat videos, or whatever other content she does not need to reply to but it makes her happy.
If nephew is going off to college, can you help move him in or visit him on family weekends, especially if his mom can’t make it to everything? Or just visit randomly?
Any recommendations for dresses to wear to my own graduation events? In prior graduations, I was so young that I wore skimpy light colored sundresses under my regalia.
I have a school-specific event indoors that is likely to be business formal and an outdoor event that is going to be muggy and will probably lean more garden-party aesthetic. I’m also looking for a third outfit for a family bbq.
The cap & gowns are navy and my regalia is fairly neutral. I’m a shorter pear shape so finding occasion-appropriate dresses has been a challenge! No set budget for these- it’s going to be my final commencement so I don’t mind spending for the right fit.
I think Boden is a good place to look – lots of levels of coverage, formality, and colors/patterns.
Business formal could be something like this:
https://www.bodenusa.com/en-us/side-ruched-midi-dress-palm-leaf/sty-d0715-mgr?cat=C1_S2_G4
Outdoor event:
https://www.bodenusa.com/en-us/waistband-detail-midi-dress-vermillion-tulip-pop/sty-d0583-red?cat=C1_S2_G4
and tons of casual but but fun tops you can do for the BBQ, like this:
https://www.bodenusa.com/en-us/placement-print-wow-shirt-ivory-wild-bluebell/sty-t1204-ivo?cat=C1_S2_G18_G321
I feel like what you’d wear to a cousin’s rehearsal dinner, and what you wear to grad school graduation are about the same.
Someone mentioned the Manicurist Green Flash system which has been following me around the internet for a while now this morning? Any thoughts? Especially about cuticles with it. My nails are just trimmed short and filed neatly but my cuticles are a mess and if I want to start doing home manicures (something I did in law school with normal polish basically every other day but I have nowhere close to that time now) I’d have to fix those.
For treating cuticles: I LOVE this woman’s youtube channel.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC72QuninCn1xZ62hrbhGXHg/videos
Anna focuses on natural ways of caring for the nails and has a bunch of info on improving cuticles. I learned from her about the difference between the proximal nail fold (living skin) and cuticles (dead skin). I thought it was all cuticle and fine to trim etc, but they are different things entirely and my nails are much healthier since following her. Also, her accent is awesome.
I may have followed an earlier recommendation from you, but now I also think she is great and follow her advice.
For those of you who are 40 plus or 50 plus or beyond and you say – I feel like I’m 30 or this is the best I’ve ever felt in my life, what habits do you credit that to? Obviously I know a lot of this can be luck and genetics. But I’m looking for anything you’ve done that has kept you feeling healthy and strong – anything from habits to certain meals to foods you don’t eat to work outs to anything else.
Thinking about this as I’m considering switching jobs back to something that’ll be harder and more time consuming, and at 42 I WANT to do it work and opportunity wise but am also kind of scared of whether I can physically handle it. It is not something that’ll be as all in as biglaw, but I keep thinking back to those days and IDK how I did it – working 12 hours a day, being on call all the time, working out was basically my mile and a half walk to and from the office daily, eating out basically every meal. Somehow I thrived on it but I imagine it was more because I was ages 25 to 35 at the time. Somehow I feel weaker and more physically tired in a very routine 40 hour per week job that I drive to – and I don’t have a family to tend to or anything. I’ve had a physical which was fine, and even the dr suggested a focus on things like eating good fats, resistance training and all. So looking for all tips.
Moderate (vs very intense) exercise. And psychologically, I am a joiner and worker be and am glad to be socially connecting in person more and more each day.
I mean as you age there’s habits you can’t get away with the way you did 15 years prior, but FWIW I feel most energized when I’m busy and challenged, and more tired if I’m bored and uninspired, so maybe kicking it up a notch won’t have the downside you’re envisioning?
+1 mm. When you are excited about your work and the new opportunities, you will feel more energized. So, I don’t think it has to do with age really. I’m mid-40s now and I know I can do great work and work late, etc. if the project is interesting to me. If anything, I do the least amount of work when my work is slow or repetitive or I’m not excited about working on a particular project for whatever reason.
+1, I always tell my kids, energy begets energy
I’m in my thirties, but I’ve spent this year dedicated to maximizing my physical wellbeing and I have found a routine that makes me feel amazing when I stick to it. Literally, I feel like I’m fourteen again health-wise and just a deep peace in my body. Like when you spend a day at the beach in sunshine swimming all day and then shower and lay in bed, but all the time.
Here’s what works for me:
1) Not eating any refined sugars
2) No coffee
3) Eating 7-10 servings of vegetables a day
4) 1 hour of yoga a day
5) 30 minutes of cardio 5 days a week
6) Sauna or steam room 5 days a week
7) paying attention to feelings in my body as physical sensations / quietly observing my feelings and thoughts with equanimity
How do you manage with 7-10 vegetable servings?! I live in the SEUS, love me a good “vegetable” plate, and even I can’t polish off 2.5 of them a day. Eat the family size bag of broccoli (but daily?)?
Eating a salad as your lunch is a good way to pack a bunch in. I’m currently trying to replace some of my dinnertime starches with more veggies and struggling. An entire childhood with meat + veg + starch on the table at dinner is hard to override!
I have discovered that one way of defeating a meat + veg + starch childhood is to include at least one item for dinner that is warm even if the rest of the meal is cold. Crazy I know but it works for me!
OP here! I eat raw veggies as snacks throughout the day (cucumbers, carrots, snap peas, etc). I eat a salad for lunch, and then have a big bowl of steamed vegetables (usually kale, broccoli, green beans) with dinner. For breakfast I have blueberries in my oatmeal. It gets easier if you focus on trying to have vegetables at every meal and as snacks.
Plus keep in mind a serving of veg is only 1/2 cup cooked. Most of us when we’re making our plates with cooked vegetables load up at least a cup if not more. Veg with lunch and dinner plus a couple snacks throughout the day (1/2 cup is 6 baby carrots), and it’s not that hard.
Oof I’m happy you found what works for you but the amount of time and deprivation (and, uh, self-satisfaction) in that list…just take me now
Right?? If I’m going into a busier job that I’m scared about – yeah if a coffee and a cookie provide me comfort, I’ll be consuming those. I think everything in moderation – OP you’re getting older so yeah up the vegetables, the good proteins and fats, the strength training. Those things will make you feel strong and energetic enough for your next challenge, but if your guilty pleasure is candy IDK I wouldn’t deprive myself of that entirely.
Besides not eating refined sugars, I don’t think there is any deprivation? I love yoga and it’s such a luxury to do daily, as is sitting in the sauna with a nice book. If you’re aware of your body, things that are bad for you feel bad, so it doesn’t really feel like deprivation to give them up. I’d now way rather have a bowl of fruit than an ice cream, and green tea feels more energizing than coffee to me anyway (and doesn’t have the same spike in cortisol / effect on your hormones).
Not sure how a list of healthy habits can be self-satisfied, but I suppose I am pretty happy about how well it’s working… I think the average U.S. lifestyle is pretty unhealthy, so prioritizing wellness can sometimes come off as extreme even when it’s a basic level of health maintenance.
I”m not sure why you posted this list as a 30 something, when the OP is specifically asking for 40+ and 50+ women’s inspiration. Sounds quite a bit braggy, and out of touch with what the 40’s-50’s women are going through.
I’m 39, so only a few years away from 42. It’s been life-changing for me to focus on my health, and I can’t imagine having things change that much in my ability to take care of myself in my 40s and 50s. Sharing since I would hope it would help others, though it seems like there’s quite a bit of defensiveness of anger around someone posting habits that have helped them…
It doesn’t sound like that much deprivation except for the sugar but it does sound very time-consuming to me. It’s two-ish hours of exercise/recovery daily. I don’t think most adults do anywhere near that much.
Seriously…. like your typical 50 year old woman, working a full time job +/- kids +/- caregiving parents +/- perimenopause +/- sleep disturbances with this +/- agism hitting the workplace trying to maintain her health/hobbies/relationships/marriage etc… is able to make time for a daily sauna and 1 hour yoga in addition to her cardio…. and please no coffee…
Older folks posting is more helpful.
Honestly I feel like you rise to the occasion whatever your age. When I was in my early 50s I was working full time and doing grad school full time and it was a lot and I was tired, but by 20-something classmates were tired, took, and I didn’t for one minute feel like my age was holding me back. I completely agree with the person who said being busy and challenged gives you energy and being bored sucks it right out of you.
And also? 42 is YOUNG.
Thank you. I’m 38 and 42 does not feel at all old to me.
I’m the same age and struggling with similar things OP but for me I think things are better when I get on a schedule and eat consistently. I got through biglaw like you – work came first, everything else was on hold. Worked great at the time. But after the fact I realized it was hard on the body and I had fallen into this thing of – no time to eat, too stressed to eat, ok skip a meal NBD. But you do that for years and it takes its toll and you notice that toll in your 40s more than your 30s.
So I’d say – get on a meal schedule and get to whatever ideal body weight is for your height. For me it also meant paying attention to fiber – never noticed when young but you do feel sluggish if you don’t and the added benefit is eating fiber means you’re eating good stuff – fruits, vegetables, oatmeal, grains. So you start to get away from the habits of a sleeve of crackers or stack of cookies and calling that a meal because you’re too tired to care.
I don’t think work outs just consisting of walking a mile or two are bad – I mean that’s more than the avg American is doing but yeah if your dr specifically mentioned weight training, I’d add that.
Eating nuts and cheese. Swear I feel stronger doing that than not, which I’m sure is due to the protein. Not a big meat eater so I can easily go a month or two and not eat meat and by then I start to feel the overall tiredness. So I have learned – nuts of all types are great and they have the good fats your dr is recommending.
Resistance training, walking, and making a lot of friends and making an effort to see them/do things with them but also taking myself out alone if there is anything I want to do (and being open to and making an effort to meet new people when I do)
The healthy, energetic 60-somethings in my life build fun exercise into their hobbies and routine. They don’t drag themselves to the gym five days a week to hit the treadmill. It’s hard to keep that up for several decades. Instead they play sports, meet friends for weekend bike rides, and take the dog for long morning walks. These kinds of activities are social and provide more mental stimulation as well.
I think so much of it is genetics and/or mindset. My mom is 73 and has more energy for playing with my kid than I do. Like she’ll spend every minute of a 12 hour day playing, while my husband and I are wiped and have to lie on the couch after an hour. She’s a healthy weight and reasonably active, but so are my husband and I and we’re 30 years younger and don’t have half her energy! She’s been like this my entire life. When I was a child she volunteered in my classroom, led the Girl Scout troops, baked homemade cookies, did Pinterest mom crafts before Pinterest was a thing, gave me lazy summers playing dolls with her and going to the pool and somehow fit a full-time job around that and maintained our household with little support from my dad and minimal outsourcing. I still don’t understand how she did it. I spend way less time with my kid than she spent with me, and I have a supportive partner, more outsourced chores and my job is nowhere near as intellectually demanding. I’ve just concluded it’s in her DNA/personality to not need any downtime.
I launched my own law firm at age 42 and never thought for a moment that I couldn’t handle it physically. Taking on a new and exciting role might energize you a lot, OP. Go for it!
Lifting heavy weights. I’m 53 but feel…maybe 35?
I have a pair of nude wedges that are falling apart and need to be replaced. This has been such a versatile pair of shoes, both because it has a tiny bit of height and the color works with most of my wardrobe. What would you replace them with? I’d prefer to stay away from loafers.
A nude low block heel?
Like a Day Heel from Everlane? I have the J Crew clone and really loved them (before my feet grew half a size — thanks, pregnancy feet than never went back down).
I absolutely love these, but I bought a pair and they were so tight (even sized up) and tore up my heel terribly. I don’t have wide feet, either. It’s a shame because the style is perfection!
Honestly, I’d try to find the same pair from poshmark or ebay and get it. There’s something to be said about a really versatile pair of shoes that fit your feet and your wardrobe.
I do this all the time. I like what I like!
The MM La Fleur Rowan flat. The sand colored croc is a good modern neutral, or you could do a metallic.
I had planned to go to europe for an event this august. trip involves flying into major city (from nyc) and then a 4 hour train or rental car to town where event is. Had planned to build a whole trip around it but due to commitments on either end can now do no better than flying wednesday night, arriving thursday morning, taking train to town, going to party thursday night and flying home sunday to be at work on monday. putting aside expense and general hassle (clearly this isn’t ideal!) has anyone ever done a whirlwind Europe trip like this? How crazy is this? I just don’t want to be so tired I can’t even enjoy the few days I’m gone.
I don’t think it’s crazy if the event is important to you. I’ve gone to Europe for 4 days before. If there’s any way you can splurge for business class on the redeye outbound flight that will help you be more functional on Thursday. Otherwise I think the event on Thursday night might be tough. I’m usually in bed by 6 pm the day I arrive in Europe.
Adding that if you can’t afford business class for the redeye, I would book a hotel room for Wednesday night so you can take a solid nap on Thursday afternoon. Let the hotel know you’re not checking in until Thursday at noon or whenever you expect to arrive.
Not crazy. You’ll be fine.
How bad is the time difference and how well have you adjusted to the time before? If you’re talking like, NYC to London or Paris and then an easy train ride, I’d do it. Things run enough later in Europe than at home anyway (like dining out, we were shocked how fast our dinner reservations changed from our standard 7pm home slot to like 9 or 9:30…) that you only really need to half-adjust, right?
I would 100% take the train rather than driving myself under any circumstances but especially navigating in a new place.
The only way I can see this working is if you can apply the money you would save in hotels for a longer trip to flying business class, or at least a good seat in Economy Plus, so you could sleep a bit on the plane. Choose a flight that lands in the very early morning, so you can hop on the train, nap on the train, and, if you’re lucky, arrive at the destination for the party in time for a decent nap.
(I envision 5 pm flight from NY, 5 am landing in Europe, couple hours for customs & getting to train station, 8 am train to destination, nap or at least totally zone out on the train, 12 noon arrival at destination, BIG NAP, Cup of coffee in the late afternoon to perk you up, 6 pm party)
Then plan to do NOTHING on Friday after the party. You will be wiped out. Plan a little sightseeing, time with friends, etc. on Saturday. Back on the train/plane on Sunday. No big meetings on Monday or Tuesday.
YMMV but economy plus does not make any difference to my ability to sleep and I’m tall for a woman (5’11”). I prefer it, but sleep-wise it doesn’t make a big difference. Business class does though.
I went to Israel (longer flight) on a Saturday night (arrived Sunday afternoon) and flew home Thursday night. The point was to see family, not tourism, and I had a great time. It didn’t seem crazy at all and I hope to do it again.
I have done a wedding in Europe on that time frame and had a great time (minus the 4-hour train ride, which admittedly makes your travel day quite a bit longer). I flew business class on the way there so I could get half-way decent sleep, which I do think helps.
Has anyone tried the ClarityX MindWell test for how your body metabolizes antidepressants? It’s similar to the GeneSight test, but you don’t need a prescription – you just pay $300 out of pocket and they mail you a cheek swab and you get your results. As my nth med stops working, it’s almost worth $300 to me to see if the meds that haven’t worked for me in real life will appear on the list of non-recommended meds.
(I know there’s chatter about whether these tests work at all, but it’s been so, so challenging as I search for meds that I really am willing to grasp at a straw.)
Travel q, might post in the AM if things get slow- how long would you spend based in Nice to feel you got a decent taste of the French Riviera? Planning on stopping for a few days as part of a longer France & Italy trip and thinking either 3 or 4 full days – like one day to spend on a winery tour-type day, one day around Nice itself being more lazy and maybe some seaside time, and two days choosing nearby towns or villages to explore (Eze or Villefranche, walks around Cannes / Monaco). Obviously with unlimited PTO we’d spend longer… but is that enough to feel like you’ve seen some lovely things?
That sounds like plenty of time to me. Nice isn’t my favorite place though.
yes. lovely. not sure i would want to spend more. that’s about how long i was there.
That sounds perfect! If you have time, our family owns chateau de palayson in roquebrun and it is beautiful!
How do you make your coffee in the morning? I need a new system. (I know I don’t want k-pods or grinding my own beans.) Most days it’s just me and DH drinking about 20 ounces of coffee total, but a few hours apart. When guests come we’d need more coffee than that. We had a 9-cup Oxo with a thermal carafe (still rated the best by Wirecutter), but the coffee wasn’t staying warm hardly at all. We’re currently just using single-pour-over cone. Should we upgrade to a French press? AeroPress? Just pull out the 9-cup thing when in-laws visit?
Good old Mr Coffee style coffee maker. We leave it in the pot and just microwave the second cup.
I use a French press that makes far more coffee than I can drink on my own each morning. I had one inherited from a friend’s mom who passed away, then my husband bought me a new one when the original one shattered in the sink while I was washing it.
French press is the way to go. Now I will grind my own beans and only make the amount I plan to drink. Less waste that a single cup style and a traditional drip and it comes out so much better! However, I don’t drink coffee everyday.
I’m pour-over all the way. I have a ceramic thing that’s like a Melitta, I use undyed melitta paper filters, and I have a burr grinder right there next to the coffee pot, which takes next to no time, but you could also scoop pre-ground coffee. I am more of a tea drinker so the act of pouring a cup of water into my electric kettle is no big deal and something I do every day.
For my pour-over coffee, I wet all the ground coffee briefly, wait a second, then pour all the water in. It’s done very quickly.
I don’t think there’s a good solution for people who want coffee hours apart than making each cup fresh.
By no K-pods, do you mean only no Keurig? We love our Nespresso, and the pods are aluminum, with a recycling program. I think we actually believe them that they’re recyclable.
An electric kettle and a pour-over cone make the fastest, least messy, and best-tasting coffee, a cup at a time. You don’t need a gooseneck kettle or a fancy Chemex pitcher unless you are a connoisseur who grinds their own beans and won’t drink anything roasted more than a week ago. I use a regular Breville electric teakettle, which boils water in about 90 seconds, and a plastic Melitta cone I bought at the grocery store in college.
Percolator.
I make pour-over coffee and have the pour over drip into a large thermos. Once the coffee is all brewed I want I close up the thermos. It stays piping hot as long as I want. Clean-up is simple, I just compost the filter and beans, and rinse the thermos.
The one I have is similar to this: https://www.amazon.com/HIC-Coffee-Filter-Number-12-Cups/dp/B01HXGE1E4/ref=sr_1_5
MoccaMaster drip. For me it’s the best balance between ease and taste. I like it so well that I have both a one cup device and a big one. I know you don’t want to grind your own, but if you did this would be the easiest, best cup of coffee out there. I think it would still be great with recently roasted but pre-ground coffee.