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Updated: Apr 25, 2023 169 Comments · by

Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Tie-Waist Crepe Sheath Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS) | ·

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A woman wearing a tie-waist light-blue dress with slingbacks

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

It’s spring and I’m ready for all the bright, saturated colors that I can find. This gorgeous sheath from Adrianna Papell comes in classic black and navy, as well as four stunning colors. I love the tie-waist detailing and three-quarter-length sleeves.

Add some earrings and a fun shoe, and you’ve got yourself an outfit.

The dress is $129 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes 0–16. The plus-size version has a few sizes in stock in light blue at Dillard's for $149.

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Lane

    People who know things about perfume – I got the Miss Dior blooming bouquet as a gift, and I’m liking it as an option for summer. To be blunt, is it considered either too old or too young? I’m in my late 20s and live in NYC.

      • Anne-on

        +1 – if you like it, wear it. I adore perfume and have a ‘wardrobe’ of scents that I like to chose from depending on mood – it’s fun to experiment! And before people come for me – I work from home 90% of the time and don’t wear strong perfume if I’m going into the office.

    • Anonymous

      To me, all fragrance screams either “I am an old lady” or “I am a young trendy person who doesn’t shower or wash her hair.”

      • Anon

        +1, bonus “I’m oblivious to how effing strong this smells in the elevator.”

      • Anonymous

        I was just thinking about this the other day. I’m 48. I don’t smell people wearing perfume as frequently in public as I used to. I wonder if it’s because some people feel so strongly against it. Like how one of my guy friends in college told me once that he never took up smoking knowing it was lowering the size of dating pool. For everyone that loves a scent there are probably a bunch of others who don’t, so you end up risking a negative impression versus someone not wearing anything and being seen as neutral.

        • anon

          I used to wear perfume somewhat regularly, although I was always cautious to be very mindful of only wearing a bit. But after seeing (here especially, but also in other places on the internet) how many people absolutely hate perfume, or feel unwell from it, I’ve basically stopped. Obviously I don’t want to make anyone feel sick or otherwise accosted by my presence, but I’d be worried about being perceived as selfish, stupid, inconsiderate. Basically, shamed into not wearing perfume.

      • Mrs. Jones

        LOL yes. I occasionally wonder who is buying all the perfume I see ads for.

      • Anon

        Some people douse themselves. Nothing wrong with wearing a bit though. I wear just enough to smell myself lol and anyone who gets super close to me could also get a whiff. If you’re stinking up an elevator or leaving a trail of scent behind you everywhere you go, you’re wearing too much. That stuff ain’t cheap, use it sparingly!

      • Cat

        Same, in fact wearing scent in public has sharply decreased in the last 10 years or so. I used to wear perfume daily in my teens and 20s but now it feels insensitive if you’re going to be indoors in public.

      • Anon

        Um what? I know plenty of twenty somethings who wash their hair daily and enjoy perfume. If you can smell the fragrance from several feet away then the person applied too much.

    • Anon

      I love perfume, wear it if it smells good on you! Ignore the haters too, most people know a little goes a long way.

    • Anonymous

      Based on the description on fragrantica, this is a light scent with low physical range that won’t overwhelm your surroundings. So it will be a scent for you, and your taste, so wear what you love!

      For your question about age – I don’t know a lot of 40 year old women in my daily life who wear these kinds of florals, but for the ones who do love them it suits them and their mood.

      I love different kinds of scents, and have a collection that I choose from. I don’t think about age as much as light/heavy or everyday/party, and most importantly whether it suits my skin chemistry.

    • Anonymous

      Wear what you like. No judgement. I wear it all the time except at work where people are kind of captive to their location. On weekends or evenings I do what makes me happy.

  2. Ellen

    Elizabeth, I totally love the powder blue dress! And the high neckline is what I need to deflect Frank’s eyes and his pencil from his uncalled for inspections of my body, which he has now taken to restarting, even tho the manageing partner warned him to cease before the pandemic. Myrna says he does this b/c he is likely not the Alpha Dog at home, where his wife likely leads him around by the nose if he want’s any kind of s-xueal attention at night from her. I think she is right b/c when I was dating Alan, I learned that I could get what I wanted if I told him I was having my period, and was nautious. I never was interested in his thing anyway.

    Elizabeth, I also wanted to call out your Nordstrom link, where they have a huge clearance going on. I had bought my Dad these “GENTLE SOUL” jogger sneakers by Kenneth Cole last Hanukah, and I paid full price. My dad totally loves them and now the HIVE can get them on their big sale! Anyone with a man can get them NOW by clicking through the top link, so that Kat and Elizabeth can get their commission too. You can’t loose by getting a pair for Fathers Day or for your boyfreinds! YAY!

    https://www.nordstrom.com/browse/sale/designer?siteid=j3wYAlndgaI-QeZ5LW1I7dDPZv5mB1qoGw&jid=j012877-20529&cm_sp=merch-_-designer_20529_j012877-_-globalnav_0_p99_0&utm_channel=low_nd_affiliates&sp_source=rakuten&sp_campaign=j3wYAlndgaI

  3. Anon

    Wow — this dress is lined! I love a lined dress. When I had a dressed-up job AP was a good brand for me.

  4. Anon

    I’m recently back to work after laparoscopic surgery and realize I need more soft-waisted pants. Anyone have recs for a size 14 pear? Navy, olive, and gray would be great, but really any color that is actually in stock and available to order online works. Not looking to spend a fortune as I hope to return to normal clothes in a few weeks. Thanks!

  5. Summer

    What’s the best exercise to firm up my legs? Orange theory? Running? Pilates? Hot yoga? Something else?

    • London (formerly NY) CPA

      It is but I tried it on last year but unfortunately it just wasnt as nice quality in person as it looks in the picture. Shows every lump and bump. Might work if you were very thin though.

      • Anne-on

        This is my problem with jersey dresses as I age, 9 times out of 10 the fabric is very thin and shows everything. I have to either go for higher end brands that I know use thicker jersey (Hobbs/DVF) or try on in person to accurately asses if it’s flattering. I WANT to have more jersey dresses because they’re so easy to care for but it’s such a pain to do the buy/return thing.

      • Cora

        Would a slip or slip shorts work with this dress? I’ve started wearing slip shorts more often (chafing, subway fly-up risks, etc) and I’ve realized why people used to wear slips, it makes everything look smoother.

        • London (formerly NY) CPA

          I wear Spanx with all dresses and it didnt help me much with this one. Might if you only needed slight smoothing?

      • Runcible Spoon

        This style is totally up my alley — I would probably wear a slip if it weren’t lined. But it is dry clean only, which I don’t do these days. You can find similar styles that are machine washable. Very pretty and practical for travel, flexible if you gain/lose weight easily.

  7. Anon

    Crosspost. Does anyone have any links/recommendations for exploring data related to room sharing and SIDS? I’m having trouble conceptualizing the contribution of NOT room sharing to SIDS risk for babies in otherwise safe living environments (e.g., babies that are fed at appropriate times, that are not at risk of accidental suffocation from a parent overdosing on drugs, etc). I want to look at the actual data, not just the recommendations, and ideally broken down with the types of risk factors present in each death. I don’t want to see the data for the poor babies who were left with heavy duvets over them grouped with the data for babies on their backs on firm mattresses with no coverings. Anyone have any leads on good places to start?

    For context, I’ve been seeing recommendations to room share, including for all naps, and I don’t understand how that can work consistently. I’m guessing there must be very few people who actually follow this guideline to the letter because then you’d be around the baby 24/7, sitting in a silent dark room while the baby naps instead of cooking dinner or taking care of older children or helping an elderly parent on the phone. If you bring the baby with you to all those things instead of sitting in the dark room, how do you ensure a flat sleep surface or no noise? My best friend used a Dock-A-Tot for naps in the living room (next to the kitchen where she had her work table), but those have since been recalled for that purpose. I’d like to find a way forward that reduces real risk when possible, but that doesn’t go to crazy extremes for miniscule reductions at the margins.

    • Ribena

      Emily Oster wrote about this last week – Cb linked it in her newsletter. Link to follow

    • Anonymous

      . Practice safe sleep put your baby in a crib in their room to nap if you want there is no level of data crunching that can respond to this level of anxiety.

    • anonchicago

      http://www.sidscalculator.com/

      I have a 5 month old and just lived through this decision. We tried two bassinets and she kept flipping onto her side and sliding into the wall. Also, none of us slept well with her in the room as she woke up to every breath of ours and I couldn’t sleep waiting for her to wake up.

      We ended up moving her to her own room at one month and everyone is much happier as a result. She started sleeping longer stretches and now wakes once a night max. She is across the hall and we have a Nanit monitor. I am still nervous sometimes and I do check on her, but room sharing just did not work for us.

      • Anonymous

        The point of room sharing is that they are stimulated to breath and wake up more frequently to feed. You don’t want a one month old that only wakes once in a 10 hour stretch. They need to eat every 3 hours which is 2 overnight wakings minimum.

        • Anon

          Don’t do this; like, don’t be this person. The person who made that comment did what worked for them and their baby is healthy and fine. Just so you know, from the mom of an older teenager? All this time and energy that people invest into competitive parenting and doing absolutely everything “right” and judging other parents is wasted energy you could be putting into something a lot more productive. And from where I sit, the really anxious competitive moms ended up with anxious, competitive kids who are struggling in school and in life because that energy was seeded into them. Make a better, different choice for yourself.

          • Anon

            I thought the whole idea was that not every baby who goes too long without eating ends up healthy and fine. Can’t the effects of hypoglycemia in infancy show up later as developmental disabilities?

    • Anon

      I hope you can find the broken down data; whenever I’ve tried, I’ve felt that the data gathering and categorization is a huge mess even when it comes to something like the SIDS/SUID distinction. But maybe SUID is what you are looking for if you are trying to exclude identified suffocation risk factors?

      My parents had to monitor all sleeping for one of my sisters who would stop breathing and turn blue and need to be woken up. I obviously don’t know what would have happened if they hadn’t woken her up! I sincerely hope there are better solutions than “monitor all sleep” in 2023 than there were back then. But I wonder if this is the kind of scenario where it makes a big difference.

      Another family member of mine believed in never providing a no-noise environment, and her babies slept through everything right there in the same room. I doubt that works for every family, but I did witness that zero concern was paid to “not waking the baby.” and the babies didn’t wake up from the commotion, somehow. So maybe some people are having success with that approach.

    • AIMS

      I think Emily Oster lists SIDS studies in her book, and maybe has links on her webs*te?

      FWIW, I don’t think the recommendation to room share, inc. for naps, means you are supposed to be in the room while they nap. Room sharing for nighttime doesn’t mean parents go to sleep at 6:30, right? I just think it means baby should be sleeping in the same place.

      • Anon

        But isn’t the whole mechanism supposed to be managing levels of carbon dioxide and preventing the baby from going into too deep sleep? If that’s really why we’re doing this, then shouldn’t the parent be in the room for all naps and at the 6:30 bedtime? I feel like the guidance and reasoning is so all over the place.

        • Anon

          The mechanism is (allegedly) preventing too deep of sleep from which the baby cannot awake, and making breastfeeding easier. BF-ing is associated with a whole host of positive outcomes, but many of them are not causal – wealthy, educated, married women who are very involved moms breastfeed, and they also do a whole pile of other good things for their kids.

          • Anon

            Ugh – so it’s just another wedge to promote breastfeeding at all costs then…

          • Anon

            I BF-ed for eight weeks because Reasons. My toddler is the sunniest, happiest kid, absurdly healthy (fingers crossed), and extremely smart. While there might be some marginal benefit to having continued for longer, it was not worth the stress for our family. That stress would have rubbed off on him, too.

        • Hmmm

          Practice safe sleep, check on baby periodically during naps, use a fan in the room and a video monitor if it makes you feel better. If your baby will take a pacifier (mine won’t), do that too.

          We room shared to age 1 but it worked for us and none of my friends and family did that long. I don’t know a single person, thou, who was in the room constantly when baby napped. It’s just not possible.

          I’d be shocked if there were studies showing the effect of always being in the room for naps because I don’t know where they’d even get the data for that.

          • Anon

            I had my son nap in the living room during maternity leave… in the bright light. He established a circadian rhythm in record time. :-)

        • Anon

          When you are awake you can keep tabs on the baby, either via a monitor or periodic checks in the room. Plus, until 3-4 months most baby naps look less like “two hours straight alone sleeping” and more like “five minute bursts of sleep, on mom, in the car, etc.” Newborns can also sleep through noise, so I napped my infants in a pack n play on the main floor a lot and kept an eye on them as I went about my day.

          I know you asked for hard data and I’m just giving comments, sorry. But I room shared until 9+ months and did not nap with the baby or go to bed at the same time. Risk reduction is not a foolproof formula — it’s about lessening risk, since you can never eliminate it, and doing the best you can with all the factors you have to balance. Don’t let the perfect become the enemy of the good (because the perfect is literally impossible).

    • Anon

      Balance the risk of room-sharing with the risks of being an overly tired parent. If you can sleep well with your baby in the room, go for it. If not, you’re not a bad parent for balancing risks.

      (Flame away.)

      • anon

        +1 also, my experience was that an excellent pediatrician (well-trained, and hopefully has personal life experience raising children) is a good resource for practical advice on balancing risks and for overall risk reduction.

        When talking to fellow parents for pediatrician recommendations, ask if they feel their pediatrician is very practical.

    • Anon

      I’m also interested in hearing what the deal is with the owlet or other products. It sounds like the AAP doesn’t not recommend them because they are unsafe, but because they lend “a false sense of security.” I don’t understand what that means or why I shouldn’t use it if I am also following almost all other safe sleep practices.

      • Anon

        Are you saying people aren’t allowed to write anything about kids or parenting here?

        • Anon

          Of course not, but this seems particularly like what that was invented for and she’ll probably get more info there.

    • anon

      Wait, now room sharing applies to naps?! How would that even work? I don’t think that’s remotely realistic for parents, and if anything, would heighten your own anxiety. It’s definitely not a bad idea to periodically check on your babies while they nap, but I would focus more on safe sleep practices and not worry as much about being there every second.

      • Seventh Sister

        Jesus, who writes these recommendations? Have they ever had children? Seen children? Interacted with a mom who just gave birth? Who on earth sits there in the same room and watches their baby while they nap?

        FWIW, the recommendation was room-sharing in a full-size crib when my daughter (now 15) was born. Because she turned out to be the world’s loudest sleeper, she wound up in her full-sized crib in her own room with the full approval of the pediatrician. She’s an imperious little miss sometimes and probably won’t get into Yale, but I don’t think it was because we broke the rules.

        • Anonymous

          The people who write these recommendations are men who want women to sit at home watching, feeding, and holding babies 24/7.

    • Anonymous

      I have cared for three foster infants, all of whom had SIDS risks, but I’m by no means an expert. Keep in mind SIDS is a diagnosis of exclusion, so there are lots of cases where cause of death is unknown that get lumped into this category, making it more confusing, IMHO. My understanding (though it seems to change often) is that major risk factors are: co-sleeping, being male, being non-caucasian, not taking a pacifier, not being breast fed, being premature (and/or having no prenatal care), maternal smoking, side/tummy sleeping, and others that I can’t remember. My fosters all had at least 7/10 risk factors, and have survived to their second birthdays. I had twins that I put in Pack N Plays for the first six months of their life so they could be near the kitchen – that was for practical purposes so I could feed and them and then wash bottles, do laundry, etc. while they napped. I think if you’re reading this board you should make an effort to minimize risk factors like co-sleeping, pillows, blankets and side/tummy sleeping to the extent you can, and then try not to worry otherwise. I say this as someone who would wake up every three hours and go check on my first infant to see if he was breathing. He’s in kindergarten now.
      https://bmcpediatr.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12887-021-02536-z

    • Anon

      Just buy an actual hospital-grade pulse ox if you’re very nervous about it and forget about all this data crunching.

    • Anona

      I have an eight month old, so we also just had to go through these risk-calculations. We moved to crib sleeping in a separate room at 12 weeks, and never had were around for naps unless they were contact naps… which actually was most of them… We did have a bassinet stand in the kitchen where our baby napped occasionally, but he really hated the bassinet so it didn’t get a ton of use during the day.

      I also think that the number of SIDS cases is so small, that it would be hard to get statistically significant numbers, even if you could see it disaggregated from other factors.

    • Anon

      Having an open floor plan studio apartment solves for this, but also means none of you sleep (BTDT, don’t recommend).

    • Anonymous

      I think you are over thinking naps. You seem to be envisioning your baby sleeping peacefully in a bassinet for every nap. That’s how I thought babies napped until I had a baby. My baby, and most of my friends kids, would rarely nap in a bassinet – maybe one of 4/5 naps. It was all baby wearing, stroller naps, etc. And we all still get things done and tend to other children etc. Or more realistically just stopped getting things done and it was fine.

      At night we are keeping our son in our room through 6 months. He goes to bed at 7 and we watch him on a monitor until we go to bed at 9. This is an acceptable level of risk to me.

      • Anon

        I’m sure that’s how it is in reality, but the AAP guidelines talk about using safe sleep during all sleep, including putting the baby on its back for naps. I don’t think I know a single person who did that 100% of the time though.

        • Anon

          I would interpret that as “don’t put baby on their stomach for naps” not “baby is never allowed to nap in a carrier.” IIRC, AAP talks about car seat naps and specifically sets a recommended time limit for them. So I don’t think they’re saying the baby needs to be in the crib for every nap. It’s more that *if* they’re in the crib you should be following all the recommended practices like putting them to sleep on their back in an empty crib with no pillows or toys, etc.

    • Anon

      When my kids were babies, they’d nap in their room which had blackout blinds. They would be put down for the night in their rooms again, but we would bring the crib to our room at night. Our baby cot had wheels though and was ultra silent …stokke brand. I was petrified I wouldn’t hear the baby cry at night and was mentally more comfortable with room sharing. But we never ever put the baby into bed with us.

    • Anom

      I don’t remember my first ever napping except in stroller. Or the swing, the rock and play or the front back carrier. The boppy after we both dropped off to sleep. Definitely never slept on a flat mattress. Hahahaha. I mean the whole premise that your baby will sleep before sleep training at 5-6 months is just wrong. Parenting a young baby is more about survival than science. Luckily they are just so darn cute.

    • Anon

      You can totally put your baby to sleep in their crib for naps. I sometimes used a portable bassinet that I could wheel around downstairs, but that was more for my convenience.

  8. Anon

    More St. Lucia questions if anyone is game to give input:

    -I switched hotel to the Green Fig resort in Soufriere. The view of the Pitons looked so dreamy!

    -What activities/can’t miss things did you do in St. Lucia? I definitely want to relax, but would also like to do some hiking and exploring. I saw that there’s the option of taking a ferry to Martinique but am thinking it’s too short of a trip to do that (Friday-Tuesday.)

    • London (formerly NY) CPA

      I did scuba diving and zip lining in St Lucia and loved them both!

    • anon

      The Tet Paul Nature Trail is a must do. Amazing views of the Pitons from the top. The drive-in volcano is not picturesque, but it’s interesting to see and smell! The mud baths there are pretty popular.

      Diamond Botanical gardens is nice and peaceful and there is a waterfall to see. if you actually want to stand under a waterfall, then visit Toraille Falls.

      We paid cash in US dollars for all the sites, you should be able to confirm the prices online.

      There is some nice snorkeling off Anse Chastanet Beach. I also loved Anse Mamin beach. It was a little less busy and the burgers and pina coladas at the little shack there were delicious!

  9. Necklaces

    How do necklaces work these days? What is in fashion?

    I put on 4 different options this am and they all looked too short and the pearls (tried round, irregular, and seed) all looked dowdy.

    • Anonymous

      Try something that is not pearls. White pearls are dowdy by definition. That doesn’t mean no one should ever wear them, just that they are “a look” and that look does not say – modern, current,fashion-forward, or edgy.

    • pugsnbourbon

      I haven’t seen the full return of the chunky 2010s necklaces yet. I’m seeing (on social media) mostly gold chains, maybe with some small gold pendants. Either one at a time or layered with different lengths. I think a necklace with seed pearls or baroque pearls would also look current.
      Of course, take this with a grain of salt – I never wear necklaces because I think they look stupid on me. I know this is irrational, but in the long run I guess it saves money.

    • Anon

      I layered necklaces – check out Gorjana . I haven’t bought anything there but I enjoy their Instagram.

  10. Anon

    Favorite vacation you’ve ever taken? Vacation spot you return to over and over again? Dream vacation location?

    My dream vacation is visiting Italy, Spain and Cyprus over a month’s time. Favorite vacation I’ve taken was to Barbados.

    • Anon

      Favorite – Chartering a sailboat in the US Virgin Islands was incredible and so hard to top for relaxation. Bora Bora was also amazing.
      Return – We go to coastal Maine (near Bar Harbor/Acadia) every summer. Otherwise we don’t really go back to the same exact places but I never get tired of visiting Italy
      Dream – Antarctica is #1 but an insane amount of $$$ and also hard to schedule. Bucket list trips hopefully happening in the next 5ish years are Maldives, Galapagos, Australia, safari in South Africa and Indonesia.

    • Senior Attorney

      Favorite: river cruise down the Mekong in Cambodia and Vietnam in 2012. It absolutely blew my mind and indirectly led to me blowing up my life a couple of months later when I ran away from home and left my husband.

      Return over and over: Italy. North, south, central, you name it.

      Dream: Dying to do a long visit to Australia/New Zealand. Maybe next year.

    • Anonymous

      Favorite: Probably Italy, though safari in Tanzania was also amazing.
      Return to over and over: Vieques. Super chill and we’ve been enough times that we know what we like and planning requires almost no effort.
      Dream vacation location: New Zealand. Plan to do this one for my 40th birthday (in 2 (eek) years)

      • Anon

        Hi fellow 1985 baby! Doing safari for my 40th. Would love any planning tips you have!

    • Anon

      Hard to pick a favorite, but the locations I do over and over are Charleston for a long weekend type trip and Jackson, WY for a weeklong trip in late summer for hiking/fishing/relaxing. Did Tahoe last September, though, and the West Shore and Truckee were amazing.
      Dream trip is Patagonia for sure.

    • Cat

      No way could I name a favorite vacation ever, more like favorite moments from a bunch. But every time we debate going to northern Europe instead of southern, France, Italy, or Greece suck us back. The food! The climate!

      • Senior Attorney

        Give it a try! We were very reluctant to do Northern Europe and then we ended up on a Nuremburg-to-Budapest bike/river trip and it was one of the best ever! Then last year we did a Belgium/Netherlands cycling/barge trip and it was awesome as well. Branch out, says I!

        • Cat

          SA, have you done a Loire bike tour? That has been on my ‘someday’ list for awhile and seriously considering it for this fall.

      • Anon

        My husband is annoyed at how much I want to go to Italy, but like…that country has everything. Great food, great wine, beautiful scenery, interesting art and history, friendly people, so many fantastic cities, mountain regions and coastal regions to explore. Why would you need to go anywhere else? Kidding-ish, but I would really really. love to go there annually for the rest of my life.

    • amberwitch

      Sun and summer vacations return: Alicante, Spain, and Crete, Greece
      City return: Munich, Hamburg, Paris and Barcelona.
      We once rented an apartment in central Paris for a month, January, the dreariest month. And it was amazing. Even though I was working remotely most of the time. Picking up croissants and pain au roisins in the morning, walking along the Seine, lunches and dinners at great cafes and restaurants. Shopping for food at the local specialty stores – a whole road dedicated to butchers!

    • anon

      Favorite: BVI bareboat sailing charter
      Repeat: See above, have done it four times (but not since having a kid… needs to be a stronger swimmer and a bit older)
      Dream: Above, but Greek Isles, Tahiti, Thailand and/or Seychelles

      Drooling just thinking of it. Just so very, very good. And, for you non-sailors, you can hire a captain to take you! I’ve done it as a part of 2 (me and DH) and I’ve captained a boat of 12 – college roommates and significant others. The freaking best moments of my life!

      • Anon

        Yes, I commented above but I did this with my mom in the USVIs and LOVED it. My mom is a skilled sailor but only has experience on much smaller boats, so we hired a captain/chef. It was very expensive (at least for us, probably not for many here…~$12k for a week for the two of us on the smallest/cheapest boat we could find) but truly a dream vacation. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so relaxed and the snorkeling was unreal – much better than I’ve ever had from shore or on organized snorkel tours. We’re planning to do it in the BVIs next. I would love your suggestions for the best itineraries there for avid snorkelers.

  11. Anon

    I have a serious case of the blahs. I feel like it’s been years since I’ve been truly excited about something. Is this just being an adult? As a kid, so many things were FUN and genuinely exciting. Does that just not exist as an adult? What do you do to get that feeling as an adult?

    • Anon

      Doing new things or doing things that are new for my kid. Seeking dual citizenship. Travel. Hitting PRs in road racing. Getting published.

    • Anon

      I have that feeling when I’m not happy with how I’m spending my time. Sometimes that can’t be helped, like when I was taking care of my elderly parents (or if you have little kids or are going through a crazy job moment).

      As to how I get the feeling now– I have a mindfulness practice that has helped a lot. I get genuine pleasure from going on a walk in my neighborhood and feeling the sun on my face and inspecting the new flowers that are blooming. I try to drink my coffee in a way that I feel the warm coziness of the ritual. I also enjoy learning new things, so I seek out those opportunities (from a new museum opening to taking piano lessons as an adult to exploring a creative writing class).

      Another HUGE aspect for me was making sure that I’m surrounded by people who love me and who I love. They don’t excessively judge me or others for being excited about something, even if it’s not their thing.

    • Anon

      Planning vacations is how I get my fun as an adult. Not sure how healthy that is though.

    • Anon

      Not to make you feel bad, but no. I feel more excited and empowered to do fun things than ever before (I’m 34). I got back into some of my favorite hobbies as an adult, I have more money to get them done, and I have more self-confidence and less self-consciousness when I’m out there. My husband and I have a silly attitude towards life (using fake voices and accents with our cat, for example) and we just have fun in the day to day. I highly suggest a fun outdoor hobby to get that vibe in your own life.

    • anon

      I got that feeling at the Taylor swift concert in Tampa. It’s been years since i’ve been to a concert, but genuinely it was so fun, and so many different age groups there. Before that, ironically it was a work event where i was on travel and we all went kayaking in the most beautiful river. I think as adults we don’t let ourselves get as excited over things,because we don’t want to be seen as cringey.

      • Anon

        I totally agree with your last sentence. I think adults often don’t try things like skateboarding or jumping into the pool on a dragon pool float or dancing with their kids but being that self conscious can be a real thief of joy.

        • The Ancient One

          Having read this, I really will try riding a simple, old-fashioned scooter, and go down a gentle slide; things I always wanted to do as a child and never could!

    • here she goes

      I definitely am in a blah funk lately. I’ve had life things happen lately that are the hard life things to happen, so things are just not exciting right now. It’s not that I don’t enjoy things or have fun while doing them, but that I don’t look forward to the things and I am forcing myself to plan things that I know I will like to do. We went to a concert last weekend that is one of my favorite artists and it was very, very good and the entire evening was fun (great dinner, great friends, great concert); however leading up to it I was not excited about it. Another example: I have a tandem skydive jump scheduled in a few weeks, and I know I’ll love it (it’s one of my very favorite things in the world to do) but I am not genuinely hyped or excited about it. It’s like excitement used to make things more effortless to plan, and now I am still planning the things but it feels like it’s requires heavier effort to do so. I definitely believe that this is just a season of life and that if I keep doing the things and getting outside, things will turn again.

  12. Anon

    I want to be a more lighthearted, easy going, joyful person. I had a moment of realization recently that I’ve turned into a bitter and negative person who’s often not great to be around. I do feel bitter about things (singleness being the big one) and I don’t think how I feel about that is going to change (though I really wish it would), but I don’t want that to be who I am. Has anyone had a similar realization about being overly negative and had success changing it?

    • Anon

      I’m with you on this. I had a very serious job and it rubbed off on me. Starting therapy just for this.

    • Anon

      I can be unnecessarily snarky and have made a conscious effort to not be. It’s easier online, where I can read and edit before hitting send, and that’s where I started. It made adding a pause to my IRL interactions a bit easier, though I’m not perfect.
      Note, that I’m not talking about being obnoxiously positive all the time… just really considering if, positive or negative, what I have to say adds to the conversation before I say it. It’s a work in progress, but I do find it’s helped more my outlook a bit more toward the middle from very negative.

    • Anon

      I have! I think a few things off the top of my head might be worth looking into:

      1) Start listening to happiness podcasts while you clean or commute. You can absorb a lot of wisdom from psychologists about rewiring your brain and thinking, and it is a nice passive way to start getting different input in
      2) Look at what you’re unhappy about. Find the roots of it. What are your triggers that make you bitter or negative? What is underlying them?What beliefs are there that you may not be noticing? Think about upbringing, early childhood years, lessons you learned from past relationships, ways you might be angry at others for having what you have.
      3) Realize that the negativity isn’t helping, and can actually trap you. I.e. if you think “I’d hate to have a husband I have to make decisions with” in order to feel better about not having a husband, you may subconsciously start to think that having a husband is terrible and bad even though you want one. Instead, try to be curious and leave space for the fact that things could be positive, that you can be happy, that things can be better than they currently are.

    • Anon

      If you recognize that you’re this person, you’re already leaps and bounds ahead of the most difficult people.

      • Anon

        +1 I’m related to a Negative Nelly who is extremely bitter about everything, especially being single. It rubs off onto literally every aspect of her life, which just makes everything worse, which makes her more bitter. The fact that you recognize this and are seeking to change is huge!

    • Anon

      I try to put time limits on how long I can be negative when venting to my husband or friends. Sharing problems makes relationships closer, but as you probably know, it can quickly turn toxic if it’s too unbalanced. I find that having a time limit helps me feel that I can be heard, but not go overboard.

    • Monday

      Consider the book Bittersweet. Pressure to be happy can easily become “toxic positivity,” but this book is about how negative feelings can be part of an overall rewarding and meaningful life.

      My issue tends to be anger. I need the whole menu: meditation, exercise, therapy, journaling, support of trusted loved ones, all of it.

    • positive anon

      Yes! Law school and big law turned me into a very negative person and it was hard to break out of it. Biggest help was getting a new job with normal hours and nice co-workers. I also found that it really helped to think about what I was thankful for each night (inspired by a Calm meditation)—anything from something I ate that day to hanging out with a friend. Good luck, you can do it!

  13. Nerves

    I was just asked to be on a medium-to-high-profile panel in my city as a SME in my field in early June. I’ve only been the lead on my team since June last year, so in my market I’m hands down the least experienced “SME” on the topic. I very sincerely believe I was asked to participate because I’m a woman and the rest of the panel and SMEs (and 90% of industry) are all white men, no exaggeration. I’m in a very blue city so this kind of stuff gets noticed… but I also don’t really seem to care.

    I’m scared out of my mind but I’m going to accept because any mediocre white man would, right?!?!?

    • amberwitch

      Right! Congratulations on getting the opportunity, and go slay. Next time will be easier:-)

    • Go, You!

      Yes, accept. You will be fantastic because you will be the most prepared person on the panel. I can tell even from the little you wrote that you will make sure of that.

      On the day of, someone once taught me when I was a ground litigator: go into a stall in the ladies room and do 10 wall pushups against the wall (I will add because it is now 2023: and then wash your hands!). Something about getting that little bit of blood moving in the upper body really takes the edge off right before you go on stage.

  14. Anon

    Does anyone have any experience with freezing their eggs they’d be up for sharing? I just turned 34, am going through a divorce, and I’ve been thinking about maybe getting this done. I’ve always leaned child free without being willing to do anything permanent just in case the my annual 2-3 day feeling of wanting children changes to a more consistent desire. Work will pay for up to $15k of the cost, but I’m responsible for the storage fees. With the divorce and the feeling of everything changing, I’m tempted as a backup, but I don’t know how stressful/hard the process is.

    • Anonymous

      I would want to know about the success rate of attempted pregnancies from frozen eggs so my expectations would be realistic.

      • Anon

        I think the success rate of using frozen eggs is often inflated by people who work in reproductive medicine. I’ve heard of women retrieving 13 eggs, successfully fertilizing 9 and only have 1 pass all the tests.

        • Anon

          It’s very low success for an egg only. If I were going to do it, I’d also do a fertilized batch.

    • Anonymous

      It was emotionally and physically challenging, much more than I was expecting. Hormones made me depressed for the month following.

      Nonetheless, I am glad I did it. I do want kids, but am still single. I take comfort in knowing I took this step at 34, when I had the time and the funds. If it doesn’t work, I will really value that comfort, and if it does end up resulting in a kid, I will be eminently thankful.

    • Anon

      I did five egg freezing cycles in biglaw over 18 mos. Honestly, it’s not that bad. You need to schedule your monitoring appointments as early as possible, and then there’s a little uncertainty leading up to the retrieval day, but it’s generally day 10 to day 13. (Day 1 being the first full day of your period). You will be bloated, you will be emotional, but it’s only two weeks to do something that really gives you options in the future. Please don’t wait until you’re 41 like me and trying to make this work when your egg quality is way worse. Do it early!!!

    • Anon

      I’ve done IVF, so the process is the same for egg retrieval. I personally didn’t find the process stressful. I’m a SMBC, so it wasn’t an emotional experience for me. (I’ve heard that it can be a really emotional experience for those couples who have had problems getting pregnant.).

      I had to have some initial tests done, go for lots of monitoring appointments (multiple appointments a week for over 2 weeks), and then have the retrieval, which took about half a day. You will need someone to take you to that appointment since you are out under for it.

      One thing I would look into is the success rates for using frozen eggs. The process was fine for me, but even with $15k in coverage the costs will add up. I know many people who froze their eggs and then didn’t have success when they tried to get pregnant. But maybe the process has improved since then

    • anonypotamus

      I just did this at the end of February. 35, lawyer in small law, and in a relationship, but not ready to have kids. I found the process easier than I expected – there are a lot of appointments, especially leading up to retrieval day, but luckily there was a location close to my office, which made things much easier logistically. I went out of pocket; no insurance and no work benefits. I had never given myself shots before, but it was pretty straightforward and quick. I didn’t notice much in the way of emotional changes, but definitely bloating and “fullness” towards the end especially. I luckily had a very successful first round, so I don’t have to go through the process again (esp. since work isn’t paying!) but I have several friends who did a few rounds. I am very glad I did it so that I can keep my options open.

    • anon

      I did IVF so same process and physically it’s no big deal at all. The hardest part for me was emotionally but since you’re leaning child free anyway, you won’t have that aspect really. Time is not on your side (cue angry posters saying that they totally know people who got pregnant on their own at 40!) but biology is biology and your odds of success are much higher now than in a few years.

    • Anonymous

      I froze my eggs at 34 and am really glad I did. I found the process involved an annoying but ultimately not that hard. I got 14 mature eggs and I’m thawing them next week to fertilize and implant! Fingers crossed but I’m so glad I have them available.

    • Anon

      I have several friends that did it with no issues, but one friend of friend had a really bad time with the hormones and swears it triggered a deep depression that has now lasted for years. I’m kind of skeptical – I think depression is usually multi-faceted and this might be a factor but likely not the only one – but just something to keep in mind. I do think there’s a big range in terms of how people react to the hormones. Some people seem to think it’s no big deal, others have very intense reactions.

    • Anon

      If your company will pay for it then there’s really no downside. It’s one month of your life but really only 1-2 weeks of injection. However, I hardly got any eggs and the meds didn’t really work on me. I was on the fence about kids and it was still 2021 before the vaccines came out so everyone was mostly still WFH which made it convenient. Ultimately there weren’t enough eggs to make it financially reasonable to keep them frozen but I don’t regret it. I mostly did it because I didn’t want to regret not doing it later on.

  15. Wills attorney?

    Reupping a request for a recommended attorney in the DC area to draw up a pretty straightforward will and the accompanying documents. The advice on an earlier thread pointed toward an EAP referral, which was helpful, but the documents that the lawyer I was put in contact with were full of typos and made me a little skeptical, maybe unfairly. Any other leads would be much appreciated!

    • NYCanon

      Dan Ruttenberg at Smolen Plevy. He is admitted in VA, MD and DC, so should be able to help regardless of where you live.

      [Sorry I posted on a new chain below, but replying here too.]

  16. NYCanon

    Dan Ruttenberg at Smolen Plevy. He is admitted in VA, MD and DC, so should be able to help regardless of where you live.

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