Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Seersucker Schoolboy Blazer

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1. Have become hooked on audiobooks and love the Libby app, which is connected to my local library system and card, so I get access to all the audiobooks available in my local system.

   Are there any other free audiobook services that you would recommend in addition to Libby? They have about 80% of the books I want to read, but would like to avoid purchasing the others on Audible if possible.

   Also, if there is a way to join other library systems that would give access to their audiobook collection, would love that as well.

   1. If you enjoy books, you should support the authors who write them and buy them too. I think you’re saving a real buck here 80% of the time and 20% isn’t too much to ask.

      1. That seems like a weird take. I don’t do audiobooks, but I use libraries for 99% of my reading and so does pretty much everyone I know.

         1. +1

            1. +2

         2. Checking out books from libraries actually does benefit authors. For one thing, the more times a book is checked out, the more the library pays in licensing fees.

            https://www.huffpost.com/entry/should-i-feel-guilty-for-checking-out-a-book-instead-of-buying-it_l_665614a2e4b052122749de1a

            1. +1
               Smart authors love libraries. We expose their books to new readers who would never buy them on their own. Many library patrons will then go on to purchase further copies of their own, or encourage their local library to purchase more books by favorite authors.
               Sure, buy them if you can and want to build your collection. But remember library books are green and sustainable, and they benefit and encourage readers who can’t afford to purchase their own.
               (I’ll get off my soapbox now…)

      2. Are you against libraries too?

         1. I understood this post! And she clearly is encouraging the OP to continue using the library. But the OP asked for FREE libraries. I pay taxes to my local library. If I use another library for free, I’m not financially supporting it. Which is fine if the library allows that type of access!

            But I can afford to buy books, and I think they’re important and want authors to make money, so I use the library and also buy books from my favorite local bookstore. There should be nothing wrong with saying a person can put their money toward their values.

            1. Yeah, this was my take too

      3. What? You do know the libraries buy the books right?

         1. Right? And, like, every other I follow on socials says that requesting it through your library is also super helpful to them. So, the authors are pro-library as well.

      4. Please support your local library! If you want a book they do not have, you can request it. Public libraries need more support.

         1. My public library is effectively a homeless shelter.

            1. And it probably provides a lot of other community services. You do realize that the homeless population (and those you presume to be homeless) have as much right to use the library as anyone else, don’t you?

            2. It is the only population it serves. No one else can use it. It’s crime ridden and disgusting.

            3. Our public library is basically a community meeting space with a paltry selection of books, both in hard copy and in e-book form. I would love to use the library but it doesn’t even own many of the books I want, and those it does own have ridiculously long waiting lists. Everyone I know has just given up on the library and buys books and e-books.

               Our public library system is now under attack from the book banners, which is ridiculous because it doesn’t have any books to ban.

            4. And thank god that warm dry safe library is available.

            5. Imagine being the person who doesn’t have the resources to get away from somewhere crime ridden and disgusting. In fact, it’s your best option.

               The entitlement and lack of compassion on this page is so disgusting sometimes. Hope you never lose that law salary.

            6. I’ve never been homeless but at one point I was a penniless college student living in an unairconditioned apartment in the south. Frankly, if I had had air conditioning I wouldn’t have been able to afford to run it. The public library was my air conditioned home away from home in July and August when the heat and humidity were unrelenting. I do have concerns that these days and in some locations homeless people have overrun libraries to the exclusion of other patrons. I am familiar with a beautiful downtown library that seems so inviting, except for the fact that the restrooms are trashed and they are constantly fighting a bedbug problem. So while I recognize the right of a person to camp out at the library in air conditioned splendor, or because it is heated, or because it is out of the rain, I do think there need to be some standards with regard to safety and hygiene.

   2. My library system also connects with Hoopla which also has audiobooks.

      1. +1 If you look on your library’s website they will list other services that you can use with your card and there might be other audiobook options. Or call your librarian and they can tell you.

   3. This is not free but you might be paying for it already – Spotify has audiobooks now.

      Additionally libro.fm is an alternative to Audible that supports independent booksellers. They have frequent sales and there are typically a good range of options under $5. So again not free but an option to fill in a book occasionally while you wait for something from your local library.

      And here is a collection of places that offer non-resident library cards and whether they are free or for a yearly charge.
      https://everyday-reading.com/where-you-can-get-a-non-resident-library-card/

      1. Spotify limits you to 15 hours of audiobook per month, and the month is based on your billing cycle, not the calendar month. So choose a short book or time your listening wisely unless you want to wait weeks to finish an audiobook (which can happen on Libby too).

         1. I’m going to have to take another look – I thought Spotify only offered audiobooks on top of the regular payments? We’re on the Family Premium plan IIRC.

   4. If you’re in a large metro area, sometimes the libraries let you get a card even if you don’t live within the bounds of their city lines, but are in the area. In the DC area, I know you can get a DC library card if you live in one of the surrounding areas (Arlington, Alexandria, Maryland towns, etc.).

      1. Similarly, some areas have both city and county libraries and you can get cards at both.

   5. I’m a huge audiobook consumer. There are some books that are only on Audible, unfortunately (libraries can’t even get them). So you might be running into that.

      I do agree with the person who said that if you’re just purchasing 20% of them, hopefully that isn’t too much of a burden if you enjoy them!

      Other avenues to find audiobooks are libro.fm (supports independent bookstores and works like audible) and Spotify (you get 15 hours free each month if you have a paid subscription). Neither of those options will help you completely avoid Audible if something you want is only carried on that platform, unfortunately. I’m kind of a crazy person and I have a subscription to libro.fm and I use Libby/my library. Then I buy some audible credits every year when they’re on sale for the times when that’s the only option.

      Enjoy!

   6. Chirp had deals sometimes. I wound up doing a brief subscription to Audible after I had enough on my list.

   7. You’re probably not going to get access to those other books by getting another card, unless your current library is bad. I have a lot of cards because I’ve moved frequently, plus a bunch of places I lived gave me access to more than one card, like city and county. I can see which books different places get, and it’s very similar across systems, though some of the smaller systems do get a lot fewer books. I assume some publishers or authors just don’t sell the rights to libraries for whatever reason.

      1. I just want to note that while this can be true, it’s not always true. we pay property taxes in two states, so I have library cards in two states. In one state, my library has access to about 7 different Libby systems, but they are pretty similar and somewhat limited. The second state has one single statewide Libby system and it has about ten times the amount of titles and way more copies of each title, do the wait time is always significantly less. I am honestly shocked how different they are, and really thankful we have access to both!

         1. Yeah I mentioned city vs. county above. Our city library has way more because it has a more robust inter library loan system, even though the county library system is bigger.
            Both systems get all the popular recent releases but if you want something older or off the beaten path, there’s a very noticeable difference in availability.

         2. Yeah I have both NYC (which has branches in Manhattan, Queens and the Bronx) and Brooklyn public library cards, and their collections are just different. Manhattan has a larger collection, but Brooklyn sometimes has things that NYC doesn’t for whatever reason.

      2. Getting additional cards may help with availability when the book you want has a long wait list at one library and doesn’t at another. I have used my multiple cards for exactly this reason.

   8. This probably is not what you are looking for, but Audiobook Librivox has readings of books in the public domain, so older books. It has a lot of classics. But the reading seems to be for this particular platform, so you won’t find, say, a known actor reading. It has been fine and a good way for me to “read” some classics I might not otherwise, particularly because of the way the app shows those books visually rather than relying on you to search.

   9. I belong to three libraries via Libby. I’m in the Bay Area so I just joined three local libraries, including San Francisco and San Jose. I googled which library you could join for free and found a bunch of them. I could’ve joined Los Angeles too I think.

      1. +1, I saw a twitter thread on national free libraries, and googled and a bunch came up in my own state (Ohio) so I just went with those. The Library Extension on Chrome is better than Libby in my experience for comparing which library has what and how long the wait time is.

   10. hoopla is another app like Libby that enables you to take ebooks and audiobooks out of the library. It seems to have better availability of the books I’m looking for. I use both.

2. I want to follow up a comment I saw here yesterday. Can it really be true that some schools are teaching kids that if kids with disabilities touch or bother them, there’s nothing they can do? How can that be legal? Wouldn’t the parents revolt en masse, especially the parents of girls? I hear that more parents than ever feel empowered to challenge teaching decisions and policies – but is this different somehow? I just don’t want to believe that unwelcome touching could be tolerated.

   1. I can say that this was not true in our experience. We had kind of a nuanced situation because my child was actually good friends with the child with disabilities, and would have liked to stay that way (they had a lot of common interests and the other child was a sweetheart 85% of the time). But as that child got older, there was a difference in impulse control that was becoming more pronounced and leading more often to acting out physically in ways that weren’t age-appropriate (and it was becoming more alarming as the kids got physically bigger, too – my child hadn’t been seriously hurt yet but I was really worried it was just a matter of time). We talked to the school, asked them for a safety plan (on the advice of a friend who works in education), and got one.
      I will say that our elementary school has a particularly strong reputation for special education (I actually know families of kids with special needs who have moved into our zone for this reason), and really seem to be on top of these issues in a way that I think isn’t universal. My friend practices education law in a different area, and she has some pretty hair-raising stories of kids with disabilities being put into totally inappropriate situations (and then reacting in a way that hurts other kids), etc. etc.

   2. I’m a teacher at a public high school but have taught middle school before as an inclusion teacher. Students with disabilities have a wide spectrum, most don’t have disabilities that would lead to hitting or harassing kids. Those few that do, school admin is not great at handling it. Often it is about deescalating the offending student and doing restorative justice towards the recipient of the action. Definitely often a focus on the offending student and teaching them de-escalation and not judging their behavior. I don’t agree, but that seems to be the thinking.

      1. Interesting. Does “judging” or punishing the behavior lead to better outcomes?

         1. “Judging” the behavior by acknowledging the negative impact on other students and “punishing” the aggressor by removing them from situations where they have the opportunity to hurt other students are both necessary and effective in protecting other students.

            1. Amen.

      2. Restorative justice is a ridiculously harmful idea. Let’s make people who have been harmed by others engage in dialogue with the people who harmed them, and excuse their behavior!

         1. My kids’ schools (middle and high) seem to be moving away from “restorative justice” in dealing with discipline / conflict between students, which is a positive change. “Restorative justice” circles and so forth at my kids’ school were pretty much a disaster that changed very little, especially in bullying situations. Also, the savvier parents (and students) began to realize that they could refuse to participate, so the administrators began to lose interest because it wasn’t saving them any time.

            Also, we had some regime change and the current administrators are a lot more practical AND don’t view parents advocating for their kids as unreasonable helicoptering.

   3. In our smaller, somewhat rural public school district this was not a formal school policy but there was a lot of “boys will be boys” mentality we had to push back against, as well as some well-meaning but misguided teachers who thought compassion for the student with the IEP overruled my child’s right not to be repeatedly physically assaulted in the classroom and on the playground. I typically started with coaching my daughter on how to respond in the moment, how to raise the issue to the teacher or adult, then if that adult did not quash the problem I would have one contact with that adult. If the problem appeared again, I went straight to the school principal with the concern (focused on my daughter’s right to bodily autonomy, not on judging the adult for failing her nor on anger at or retribution towards the IEP student). This invariably solved the problem.

   4. In NYC, public school. No of course not. My kid was being harassed by another kid who had special needs last year, school was on top of dealing with it.

      1. +1 Small Midwest city; public school. And same experience, the school seems very on top of dealing with issues like this.

   5. We’ve had this come up in my kids 1st grade class. They aren’t taught that it’s ok per se, but kids are kids and trust that if the adults/school put them in this situation then it’s normal/ok. The kid in her class has hit her and others, body slammed someone else and was still there. We only know this because of gossip among parents, a very chatty para, and a cryptically worded email from the teacher that probably got her in trouble. The school can’t give us details and kids aren’t great at sharing in the 1st grade. Kids don’t know what’s normal or not. Think back to your childhood, surely things happened that you now as an adult realized were not ok. I did email the principal and basically got a response that said she’s aware, and they’re working on it and then there was a reminder about this being a free education. !!

      1. “and then there was a reminder about this being a free education”

         WOW.

         1. did she actually say that or that as a public school they were required to follow IDEA and offer the least restrictive environment and offer a free appropriate public education (FAPE)?

            1. What about the least restrictive environment and a free appropriate public education for the rest of the kids?

               I am pretty salty about this because I had a 2e child who most definitely did not receive a free and appropriate public education. Somehow this right seems only to attach for disabled children of below average IQ.

            2. I pulled it up “… working tirelessly to make sure….that your daughter and all students receive the best free appropriate public education our district has to offer.” I’ve never heard of FAPE, but clearly that’s a thing?

      2. WTF. First, free education is not really free. Taxes support this publicly available resource because our society agrees there is value in having an educated populace.

         Second, the solution may not be to remove the aggressor from the school, and you may not even be privy to the action plan or solution, but the principal does have a responsibility to prevent kids under her oversight from being attacked violently, whether by another student or anyone else. Please push back on this.

         1. yes, I was super annoyed by that comment, but chose to laugh it off based on what I know about the principal and the situation and the rest of her response/actions. I’m involved at the school and work with the principal quite a bit, it was toward the end of the year and that woman deals with ALOT, and for like 1/3 of my salary, so I let it pass. I’m guessing the kid has abused her too, but she cares a ton and wants her school to be the answer for him.

      3. We had a similar situation in my son’s first grade class. The school cannot tell the parents, so it takes a while to get back to the teachers because the kids aren’t great/reliable narrators. It was upsetting to everyone that the child was saying such horrific things (violent things) and allowed to remain in the class for so long. He was pulled from the school around March, so had been there for months before final action was taken (and it was only after a teacher was injured). We do not know if they were asked to leave, or finally decided it was time on their own. I think all the parents universally felt horrible for the child at issue, the school and the position it was placed in, the teachers who were in harm’s way, and for our own children who were being placed in a position where they had to hear things no child should hear (although honestly, my son didn’t think much of it, he was buddies with the kid when he was behaving, and when he was having an episode, my son kind of just wrote it off as misbehavior). We live in a very affluent area, so there was not much question that the parents had resources to move the child to a situation that was better for him and for his classmates, yet for some reason were choosing not to. Many parents were very angry and raised a stink (once they learned about it), others like us were more just very sad about the whole thing.

   6. My son has a disability and is also small for his age. He went to a school for students with learning disabilities for three years. The first two years were great. Last year, there was a student who repeatedly harassed and hit the other students, including my son. We had multiple meetings with school administrators, and they basically told us they couldn’t do anything about it. It got to the point where my son was attacked three times in one week, and my husband finished the year home schooling him.

      This year, my son is at a school that’s been mostly great. He’s been in trouble a few times for physical interactions with other kids. Once, he was being teased/ bullied by kids getting really close to him and making silly faces, which really bothered my son. (Probably related to his disability, my son has a thing about faces that don’t look “normal”–emojis, sad Mac commercials, face paint, even people making funny faces, all really bother him.) After a couple of days of teasing, my son swung his jacket out at a kid who was in his personal space, and the zipper caught the other kid on the cheek. My kid was sent to the principal, but the school also put a stop to the teasing. Twice, he was pushed or jostled first (once on the monkey bars and once out of a desk another kid wanted to sit at), and he got in trouble for pushing back instead of getting a teacher. We teach him that the person who retaliates always gets in trouble, and that he needs to go talk to a teacher immediately, but it’s tough.

   7. Plenty of school adminstrators dgaf about the safety of students, and they’ll pull out whatever excuse they think will shut down parents who do care. Plus, they hate dealing with special needs kids and IEPs. So blaming misbehaving kids on ‘disabilities, what can we do’ is a two-fer.

   8. Case in point: Abigail Zwerner.

   9. Wow. This thread is rife with ableist comments.

3. I used to love throwing dinner parties. Then I had kids who go to bed early (and a small home), so dinner parties have been out for a decade. Kids and spouse will be away for a few days, so I’d love to throw a dinner party, probably outside to enjoy the summer weather.

   Can anyone remind me of how to throw a dinner party? Invite people I think will get along, make some tasty food and drinks, have some music. Anything I’m missing?

   It’s about a month out–does one text or email this kind of invitation these days?

   1. My formula is keep it simple, 2 couples plus us. Easy apps like cheese and crackers, dinner is also just two things – often roasted chicken and a green salad. Dessert is something fun, but also easy. I wouldn’t do it a lot if I made it more complicated. My husband helps too, he’s a great cook and mixes cocktails, helps clean up. I like a party to look pretty, so I do a lot of fresh flowers and candles. Outside in the summer, string lights, fire pit, blankets for when it gets chilly. For the height of summer, we’ll just do burgers or a filet on the grill.

   2. this sounds like fun! you aren’t missing anything, other than when ever single person asks you what they can bring, have a prepared answer :-).

   3. Text the invite. Most people I know aren’t checking their personal emails as often because their inbox is overwhelming. Make things easy on yourself. You can get some of the dishes or dessert from a restaurant/bakery. I would be delighted to receive an invite to a dinner party even if the meal was pb&j. Maybe for dessert you can do a grown-up version of s’mores on the patio with artisan marshmallows and dark chocolate. Fifteen minutes before the party sit down and have a glass of wine so you are relaxed before guests arrive.

      1. I’d be a little concerned that texting an invite would lead to people thinking it’s an ultra-casual event that would be NBD to blow off at the last minute.

         1. I agree with texting. I’m not keeping on top of my non-work email for social things. And I don’t want this kind of invitation at work. Text is the way to go.

         2. PS everyone thinks EVERYTHING is ok to blow off at the last minute. That’s the world we live in now. Texting the invitation doesn’t change that.

            Invite 8 and be happy if 4 show up.

         3. That’s a good point. She could text an Evite link or use contextual language. I’m throwing a real, adult dinner party for the first time in a long while. Please RSVP. Let’s dress up and dine this night.

   4. So I recently learned that “dinner party” means different things to different people (my one friend only uses that term for very fancy gatherings that are likely catered, I use it whenever I’m having more than a handful of people over for dinner).

      But yes, invite some friends over for good food! I love apps, so I always have ~an hour for apps and drinks before dinner.

      I personally text because I don’t have all of my friends’ emails. Since I invite people who are friends with each other, I put it on one text chain.

      1. Also keep it easy! I prefer foods I can pop in the oven and come back 45 mins later because that lets me enjoy the party. I usually do one easy meat, roast veggies, and a salad (grain or green) that I’ve prepped in advance.

         For apps I do veggies + dip or salsa + chips + air fryer or baked easy apps (frozen mini quiches or a dip I can make in advance).

         For dessert I usually pick something up from a bakery.

         1. +1 to keep it simple. I have pretty much foresworn apps other than a dish of nuts, “bar trash” (mixed savory crackers/pretzel bites and the like — I’m into wasabi peas at the moment), and some fresh grapes or cherries. If I’m gonna cook dinner I don’t want people filling up on apps.

   5. Don’t make too many items from scratch yourself, if you lean that direction. It’s ok to put out some store-bought items in addition to home made.

   6. I would keep it small, and invite friends who are already friends or at least friendly with each other.

   7. The New York Times just did a good feature on how to throw a fussy or not-fussy dinner party (gift link): https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2024/04/15/dining/dinner-party-menu.html?unlocked_article_code=1.zE0.A7Nc.y8B0-ViOV0nP&smid=url-share

      Also I like to use evites (you can text or email them) because it makes things seem more festive and people seem to feel more committed once they’ve accepted.

      1. Thank you for the gift link!

   8. Thank you, everyone!

4. ‘Tis the season for upf clothes! I’m looking for upf joggers for me and upf shorts for my five year old. Any good companies? Last year I got three super lightweight shirts from mountain hardware (REI) and two from Eddie Bauer and spent the summer in them and it was lovely. I’d like to add some joggers and start getting kiddos in the game. Any recs would be appreciated!

   1. Check Uniqlo? Just got a UPF hoodie I like for gardening.

      1. Agreed. These are the best.

      2. Can you please tell me more about these Uniqlo hoodies? Are they helpful for cold AC? Or do you only wear them outdoors? What temp range are they comfortable in for you?

   2. What is “upf”?

      1. Its a sun protection rating for fabric.

      2. https://www.skincancer.org/skin-cancer-prevention/sun-protection/sun-protective-clothing/

   3. Coolibar is great!

   4. If you have some from last year why do you need more? Clothes don’t have to be this disposable.

      1. she has shirts; she needs pants.

5. How do you celebrate your birthday (especially milestone birthdays) and/or how do you manage difficult emotions around your birthday? If birthdays are a big deal in your family or with friends, what has celebrating them looked like?

   For context, I recently turned 40 and grew up in a very dysfunctional family in which birthdays would always end up feeling tense or disappointing. This year, I’d asked two close friends if they’d go out the night of my birthday. One ended up cancelling the day before due to work/family needs. One of my siblings had said they wanted to take me out with my other sibling, but then didn’t and sent text messages on my birthday. My mother took my kids for the weekend which was nice but didn’t do much otherwise after going on and on about how she needed to honor the occasion because it was she who gave birth to me. Spouse is dealing with a lot of stress but we enjoyed our time together without kids. Teenage kids I don’t expect much because they are in a developmental stage of being focused on friends and their own needs and I’m just thankful they’re doing well.

   Rational part of me says I’m an adult, I can celebrate myself if I so choose and people are busy. The other part of me just feels a little embarrassed like this was a pretty significant birthday and there just wasn’t anything that felt special. I’m usually inclined to just minimize my birthday completely to lessen disappointment but had hoped that this year would be different. I’ll just…plan a trip for myself and spouse/kids next time and anything else would be an unexpected bonus?

   1. I love my birthday and learned a long time ago that I’m the only one who’s going to care about it the most. So I plan my own celebrations. I turn 50 this year and I’m having a dinner party for 30 at a local restaurant. I send out the invites, book the place, order the flowers, etc. For milestones, I love a party. For in between years, I still like to do things. I’ll book dinner and vacations for me and my husband, some years I’ll do a girls trip. I’m always happy I did it, too. I end up feeling loved and I celebrate with the people I want to. Highly recommend this approach.

      1. Yup, if you want it to be special you have to plan it. I love taking trips for my birthday.

      2. Ha, I hate birthdays so I plan them for the same reason. If I don’t my very extroverted husband assumes I want a big to do when I typically just want a spa day, a nap, and dinner out. For milestones a big party can be fun though. My absolute favorite birthday memories are from my 21st and 30th birthdays – nothing huge, just close friends all coming together for dinner and drinks but it was super fun. My 40th was during covid and a total wash, I’m planning on a big trip for 50!

   2. I am notoriously gloomy about birthdays (Christmas baby, and baby Jesus was always stealing my thunder ;)) and I’ve started working on a birthday formula. Once I started setting expectations rather than expecting them to guess, I started having much better birthdays. My 7-year-old son is really into it, he knows “mumma likes books, sushi, yoga, and chocolate cake” and works with his dad to fulfill those requests.

      We normally fly out to Portugal on the 20th or so, so tend to celebrate the week before, I’m turning 40, and we host a Swedish fika-style open house (cardomon buns and hot chocolate) in early December, and I’m going to add champagne and a reminder that it’s my birthday this year.

      1. This sounds like the perfect way to handle birthdays & your son sounds like a wonderful gem! Thank you for the inspiration to plan my birthday.

      2. I love this cardomom bun and hot chocolate party idea.

   3. I’m sorry, that sucks. I would also expect more than a text from immediate family on milestone birthdays. Hopefully you had fun with the one friend who could go? And maybe you can do something else with the other friend some other time.

      I’m Team Trip for birthdays, especially milestone ones. Before my kids were in public school we usually traveled on my actual birthday. Now with kids in K-12 school I don’t travel on my actual birthday (unless we go without them, but my birthday is usually on or right near Mother’s Day and I feel guilty about spending that away from the kids, so we don’t normally go anywhere). I’m planning a big trip for my 40th next year although it will be several months after my actual birthday.

   4. No amount of being rational can erase the part of us that longs to be known, loved, and celebrated in ways that feel good to us. When that doesn’t happen, we can feel sad and lonely. I even understand the feeling of being embarrassed: (“what did I do wrong with my life that I ended up at this age without that close group of friends and family who would gladly come together and celebrate me? What is wrong with me that I don’t have all those photos and girl trips and fun parties that other people seem to have? If I tell people the truth of what the birthday was like, they’re just going to pity me, and I don’t think I can stand that.”)

      1. As someone who tends to analyze my emotions instead of actually feeling them, that first sentence hit me like a train.

         1. same. offf, anon at 9:51 you nailed me.

         2. Yes, same here.

         3. Yeah, I didn’t know we were having therapy this morning, but I’ll go get the tissues!

      2. Ugh, I know – when you hear me say “my birthday was low key,” that’s me trying to save face on not having any local friends to attend a party. I’m afraid that the few people I could call would bail on me because bail out culture has gotten really out of control and I really don’t think I could stand that.

         1. I relate to this. I feel like it’s a double edged sword that none of my close friends are local. No one to celebrate with, but also no disappointment about people not being able to come or canceling on short notice.

         2. Exactly me too.

         3. I feel you on bail out culture. I invited 20 friends to a graduation party when I finished my PhD, about half of those people RSVPed yes, and only 1 showed up. It really stung.

            1. Were the “yes” replies the only replies? RSVP means “please respond.” It doesn’t mean “yes only.” People are so rude sometimes. I’m sorry only one person had the manners to show up.

         4. Me too. Most of my good friends don’t live in the same town that I do. We keep up in a lot of ways, which I love. But when you want to celebrate something like a birthday, it can feel lonely. The first sentence of anon at 9:51 is getting sent to DH.

      3. Yup, this is me 100%. Perpetually single, childless, and not often the first choice of people for my friends to hang out with or go on trips with.

         OP, I truly sympathize with your post.

      4. 100% agree with this. I hate Insta for this reason. It seems like everybody has 50 friends and everyone is loved but me.

   5. As someone who is single and whose family of origin has mostly passed away, I have realized as an adult that I need to plan my own fun for birthdays if I want it! For my recent 40th, that took the form of a fabulous trip. Highly recommend for you next year. :)

      Getting to that point was a mental shift for me, as I also have a tendency to minimize my birthday. But I realized that others follow my lead. If I treat my birthday as no big deal, they will too. That said, I would also be a bit sad about the flaking/bailing from your loved ones you describe above and I think it’s totally fine to let them know even if it’s just a text like, “hey sibling, was really bummed you weren’t able to meet up for my birthday. I would love to see you and celebrate entering another decade together! Are you free Thursday?” Or whatever comm style works for your family.

      Happy 40th!!!

      1. Yep this is me too. I typically downplay my birthday or don’t do anything for it, which makes me feel sadder or more like a loser, so for my milestone birthday this year I’m planning a trip and making it A Big Deal. We deserve to be celebrated, even if we’re the only ones celebrating ourselves!

   6. Awwww, friend, this sucks. I would be really hurt in the same situation. There’s nothing wrong with wanting others to see you on your special day and celebrate with you. Any reason to gather and recognize each other is fun and adds to a bond in my opinion. I vehemently disagree with the folks who are down on adults for wanting to have a birthday dinner!

      Anyway– I find travel to be a little stressful, so I personally like a birthday dinner or brunch or similar. Most of my friends do as well. We will always get together around each other’s birthdays where the person of honor gets to pick (unless picking stresses them out) and we give small presents and generally toast the friendship. I also make it a practice to send heartfelt texts to my friends on their birthdays. Sometimes I’ll send a written card (I literally put this on my calendar so I can remember to do it). It would really really hurt my feelings if someone randomly bailed unless they were sick or had an emergency. And I’d never do that to a friend–I will always reserve the friend birthday dinner space on my calendar as sacred.

      Birthdays were NOT a big deal in my family at all. My father never even acknowledged my birthday after my mother died. I’m an only child so no siblings to do that either. Having a friend tradition now is fun. I definitely encourage you to celebrate with the people you love! It doesn’t have to be your biological family.

   7. I grew up in a family where birthdays were recognized, but celebrated modestly (You got to pick the entree for dinner, we had cake for dessert, and received one gift plus checks from the grandparents).

      I still prefer to celebrate my birthday this way – just a nice dinner out with my boyfriend and a card/phone call from my parents and close friends.

      When I started dating my boyfriend 15 years ago, I became friends with the wife of his closest friend. This wife and I share a birthday – same day, same year! Unfortunately, this woman is one of those people who act as if their birthday is a national holiday and expects a big production every year. I am dragged into this, since sharing the birthday gives her even more ammunition for how special the day is.

      We turn 60 in August. I wish I could take a trip far away to avoid the hoopla already being planned. Only half kidding.

      1. Why can’t you? There’s no law that you have to celebrate your birthday with this person just because you share a birthday.

      2. It actually sounds nice of her to invite Pep to her big birthday party. At least she’s not one of those people who can’t stand to share the spotlight.

      3. You can absolutely take a trip on your own for your 60th. Do it!!

   8. Ugh, I’m sorry. My 40th birthday was recent and also felt like a bust. My MIL was here, but that did not lead to me getting any time away from the kids (who are little and tons of work; it’s not that I don’t enjoy time with them, but it’s also tough). We had takeout at home with the kids, which was fine. I got text messages from my siblings, a call from my parents (who are semi-local) and a gift and cake from DH and the kids. The kids sang happy birthday which was cute. It was fine and I appreciated the efforts. Mostly it just felt like another day of parenting, but with cake. With space, I think I’ll look back and remember it as a special day with family, but at the time it just felt like diapers, breaking up kid arguments, the usual.

      I offer this in case you’re feeling like everyone else has something really special for milestone birthdays.

   9. For my actual birthday, I take the day off from work. No particular agenda – may go shopping, get my nails done, get a massage, buy myself a fancy lunch. I’ve been doing this for years and convinced other people to do the same for their birthdays. Weekday me day has gotten a lot of positive reviews. For celebration, my friend group has gotten in the habit of planning activities on our birthdays but being lowkey about it.

      1. +1 – I always try to take the day off work (we get a floating holiday – that’s what I use mine for). Went and saw a movie in the middle of the day this year. Wandered around a bookstore.

      2. I have done the same thing with taking the day off from work on my bday – highly recommend! I do whatever I want and it is so nice!!

      3. Yes I do this too. I used one of our “floating religious holidays” for it when I could. It means I have a fun day no matter what – and I usually plan something with friends in the evening. I’ve told a lot of people about it and some have copied that plan.

      4. I always take the day off too.

      5. For my birthday this year I spent the morning volunteering, then got a nice lunch, a pedicure, and took a nap before dinner with my family. It was really nice to spend at least part of the day giving back and really took me out of my own head (I am not a big birthday person).

      6. I do this too. My birthday is always around a holiday weekend so I’ll make it a long weekend.

         1. Martin Luther King and I have similar birthdays. I always want to go somewhere on that 3 day weekend for my birthday. Fortunately I’m in CA so the weather is usually fine for a cozy long weekend.

      7. Same. When I was working I always took the day off.

      8. What do you all do that taking one day off work is actually relaxing or worth it? I am by no means convinced that the world will fall apart without me, but I can’t take a day off without interruptions from work unless I do major advance prep. That’s worth it to me for a vacation or a long weekend for an event – but not for a random one off.

         1. I agree. I always think, “Maybe I’ll take my birthday off this year.” But when I do go on vacation, it takes me 2-3 days for me to unwind, and seemingly for people at work to get used to me not being around. One day never really seems worth it.

   10. I don’t celebrate my birthday. I don’t even mention it to anyone. I always get an ecard from my mother, every few years a text from my sister, sometimes my father remembers but not usually. I do have a great group of friends who would do something if summoned, but it’s a really bad date so I ignore it except that typically, either on the day or another day around that date, when I think of it, I make myself the meal I always got as a kid.

       1. I also often take the day off. It trails the winter holidays so it is usually easy to just extend my holiday break through it without it being obviously about my birthday.

   11. Ugh, that’s so frustrating. I would feel hurt too. I agree to some extent that you need to say what you want – but there is also a baseline cultural understanding that birthdays are special, decade birthdays are a little more special, and to not have your close friends and family do anything does seem at the very least, rude.

       Question – what do you do for your husband’s birthday? The kids’ birthdays? If you do cake/meal/presents for them, there should be equivalent for you. Your teen kids are old enough to recognize your birthday.

   12. The part where others raise the birthday expectations and then drop the ball is particularly frustrating, hurtful, and crappy. I have the birthday equivalent of “get out of my yard”. I am perfectly fine with my low-key approach to my birthday. When I want something different, I let my husband and adult kids know that this year would be good for a dinner or x, let’s look at calendars. If it works, we do it, if calendars are too busy, we don’t schedule.
       It’s when extended family or friends do the whole “let’s do x on your birthday!!!”, push for me to make x work in my schedule, then bail the day before or on my birthday that I get really frustrated. Because not only did they fail to follow through on their plans to celebrate my birthday, somehow I’m supposed to also manage their feelings over letting me down? I’d love to tell these folks at the beginning “just deliver the lit paper bag of poop on my porch on my birthday and skip all the back and forth between now and when you cancel yet again on my birthday”.

       1. This is exactly why you have to take the bull by the horns and plan a celebration yourself.

          1. Planning a celebration yourself is fine, but if the people you want to celebrate with perpetually flake, that’s not really a solution.

             1. I’ve never had people flake when I’ve planned an actual, legit party. Can some people not make it? Sure. But when you send invites, pay for the event (don’t expect people to pay their own way and yours) and present it as a party, the flakiness goes away.

             2. There were all sorts of comments unthread about people planning parties, getting a bunch of Yes rsvps, and then maybe one person showing up.

   13. I think you just have to plan what you want. You also have to live with the fact that plans can go awry. I like a nice supper out for ordinary birthdays, and a trip for milestones birthdays. With that said, on my 50th I did not wake up in a tropical paradise as I had long envisioned. I went to day 4 of a mass murder trial. Happy effing birthday indeed. Honestly I am still disappointed.

   14. It sounds like you would have liked a bigger party for your birthday. I learned a long time ago that no one is going to read my mind, and also that not everyone thinks birthdays are a big deal. So if you wanted a party, you needed to be specific. For me, I plan it myself, then it’s what I want it to be.

       Happy birthday!

       1. Hi! Im in the birthday conundrum as well. All I wanted is to fly away somewhere. Instead my well meaning husband is flying people in. I am barely able to admit to myself that I am turning 50 this year. Seems so overwhelming somehow.

   15. Hey, mainly commiseration. I take now trips on my birthday but it is a given that I will spend a good part of the day crying. It is the saddest day of the year, no matter where I am.

       But I spent my 40th with my wheel-chair bound, dementia-addled mother at the peak of COVID, nursing major stress injuries from lifting her, feeding her, and toileting her for months on end. In the one selfie I took, I am wearing a neck brace, a shoulder brace, and a back brace. Oh and I was wearing a mask to avoid possibly cutting her life short.

       My future bdays are likely to be way better than that.

   16. Haven’t read the whole thread, but I am Team If You Want it Done Right, Do it Yourself. We are often on vacation for my birthday, which I love (we were on a train in Canada for my 65th and dressed up in the dining car and that was great). For my 60th we flew to NYC and chartered a party boat and invited pretty much everybody we knew, and ended up with about 60 guests for a destination party that people are still talking about.

       Relatedly, I had seen many of my friends with awkward and embarassing retirement parties (or none at all) because they had counted on others to honor them. Fooey on that. My husband insisted that we throw the party ourselves and it was exactly what I wanted and I had a blast and so did everybody else.

6. Any advice on lightweight rain gear for running? I have gotten back into running but we are getting a lot of summer rain. The only athletic jacket I own is too warm, so I’m looking for something lightweight and breathable to stay dry in.

   1. Look for something without PFAS chemicals, which are currently in the process of getting phased out by most of the outdoor manufacturers.

   2. I generally find any kind of rain gear too hot for running unless it is well below freezing. So, I just get wet. I do use a visor or hat to keep rain out of my eyes. I love vests for colder weather running, but again, I think they would be way too much in the summer.

      1. +1. I do not actually enjoy running in the rain, so I usually turn it into a treadmill day or pivot to a different time. But if I do go out, I just accept that I will get wet. A visor or hat is key though!

   3. If it’s hot out, I just get wet. There’s no such thing as a rain jacket that’s comfortable to run in when it’s above 60 degrees or so (depending on wind, sun and how fast you’re running). Just make sure you have dry clothes to change into as soon as you’re done and obviously be careful if you’ll be trail running somewhere with major elevation changes where you can run into much colder weather, as it can be dangerous if you’re wet and underdressed.

   4. I find a wicking hat like an adidas baseball cap is the primary thing I need – keeps the rain off my face

      1. Oh that’s a good idea, I agree that the thing that bugs me the most in rain in my face, I can probably deal with getting wet otherwise if it’s warm out.

   5. Sweaty Betty has a very cute lightweight rain jacket for running.

   6. I have a really light Craft jacket for rain. It isn’t totally rain proof but is good for those cooler, rainy days. Otherwise, I don’t bother. I do like a hat to keep the rain off my glasses and face, though. I’ll see if I can find a link to the jacket.

   7. Either way, you’re getting wet, whether with rain or sweat. I choose rain.

   8. I sweat enough to get wet even when running in A/C on a treadmill. Running in summer rain and attempting to stay dry honestly seems silly and counterproductive. Just toss a baseball hat on to keep from getting your eyes pelted by the drops and dry off when you are done.

   9. You’re not going to stay dry, but Tracksmith (while bougie) has a good lightweight running jacket, as does Under Armour.

   10. Just get wet.

7. Lately the coffee from my moccamaster is not good. It seems weak, though I’m using the same amount of beans as usual. Same beans, same water, same filter, same grind. Do I need to descale it or something? Maybe I’ll try different beans and see if that helps? The moccamaster is at least four years old.

   1. We descale ours once a month, though we have pretty hard water.

   2. descaling should be your first instinct yes

   3. I don’t have a Moccamaster, but I have to clean my coffee grinder regularly to ensure that all the beans I put in are coming out. It’s a little shocking how much coffee builds up in there. Could that be your issue?

   4. Moccamaster recommends using descaler for lime and mineral buildup and caf cleaner for coffee oils. They recommend doing it every 100 uses and sell the products for a reasonable price. Failure to descale can permanently affect your coffee maker.

8. My 30th birthday is in early July and I want to get myself a nice treat to celebrate. FWIW, I’m not loving where my life is at 30 and thus I’m struggling with the milestone. I’m looking for a physical gift, so I have a physical reminder. Budget is around $500. I can’t travel for various reasons and I have already have scheduled a massage / facial for myself. I’m having a low key get together with family and local friends in my apartment the weekend before my birthday (will be traveling out of state to a wedding the weekend after).

   Some info: single and live alone in a fun neighborhood in a big city. No pets. I like fashion, but want something more lasting than clothing. I have no interest in bags. My hobbies include reading, crafting, going out with friends / checking out new restaurants and bars, and virtually anything active or outdoors (hiking, biking, running, studio classes, rec sports, skiing, camping, kayaking – you name it). I’m decently trendy but also am practical to a fault so don’t love spending $$ on the hot new thing, I’ll wait for the markdown or a dupe.

   I feel set for what I need for hobbies: I have a kindle and craft supplies and sports equipment. I’m set with my apartment / housewares. I’ve already got the concert / pro sports tickets I want for the summer and fall.

   I thought I wanted jewelry, but I realized I never ever change my jewelry so I think it’d go to waste.

   I know it’s silly, but I’m really, really struggling with not being where I feel I “should be” at 30. Like breaking down crying over it once a week level dreading it. Which is why I want to treat myself to something nice that’s just for me (as opposed to going out and celebrating with friends).

   1. I know you said you wanted something physical, but since you have all that you need for your hobbies, how’s this – put down a deposit on a multi-day rafting trip for next summer and get yourself a small token for it, like a new sunhat, to remind you to look forward to it.

      1. I thought about doing something for future me, but decided that I would rather have something now.

   2. This is a rather out of left field suggestion, but I recently saw 1980s and 1990s fashion watches featured on a blog and really fell in love–it’s on my wish list. A gorgeous Fossil or Guess watch from 1980s or 90s will run you about 100-300$ and it’s something you’ll wear every day–maybe you can get one from your birth year and make it extra special. There’s a “shattered glass” (it’s mother of pearl I believe) Fossil watch from the early 90s that runs in the 300-500 range on various secondhand sites and it’s just lovely. There’s something about the analog face + leather band and various design choices (fonts, colors, faces) that just feel right and current in a way to me.

      1. Oh that’s fun! I’ve been back and forth on a watch (love my Garmin but also love the look of a real watch).

      2. +1. I always suggest a new watch for this kind of thing. Also just a note that many people are not satisfied with where they are in their careers at age 30. You have plenty of time to get to where you want to be! You’re doing fine.

   3. Art. Something to hang on your wall.

      Try local art fairs, what weird prints are the local frame shop, reproductions or prints that really speak to you (and get it framed!) Or an interesting textile piece. Or stained glass to hang in the window over the kitchen sink (or wherever has good light).

      1. Art is the answer here.

         For breaking down over not being where you should be at 30: it’s a sucky feeling, for sure.

         But look at it another way: you have your own place, a fun city, friends, and a job that gives you a healthy amount of disposable income. The rest – house, spouse if you want that – tends to come, these days, in your 30s. You are in a good position for both.

         1. I went to a family party over the weekend with a lot of relatives I haven’t seen in a while . . .and realized that all the cousins who had lived in big cities with big jobs only got married in their late 30s/early 40s (men or women) and then had kids shortly after. One cousin was telling all the younger cousins to freeze their eggs. So I think things are just changing.

            1. Yeah I am totally fine not being married yet, I just don’t like being totally single! I’m in no rush to get married or have kids, but I’m also cognizant that there is a biological clock, even if I still have a while.

            2. Without getting into fraught discussions over the best time to have kids… again, you’re in a good position for the things you want.

               Date intentionally. Don’t be afraid to say no to someone when there isn’t chemistry; you can’t find the right person when you’re with the wrong person. Ask your friends to set you up. Meet people. Have fun.

               And remember that you’re a catch: successful, fun, with a lot to offer.

   4. I think you should get a dog and name him “Thirty”. A dog would enjoy sharing the lifestyle you described and keep you company while you are filling in whatever you feel you are still seeking in life.

      1. Hah, I love the idea of that but a) I’m allergic and b) my life is very not pet-friendly at the minute.

         I’m sad about not having a partner, but the best upside of that is the total spontaneity I have!

   5. Thirty felt old when I hit it, and looking back it was oh so so very young. Like every single life option is still available to you and the odds of having met your person already are so low. Enjoy this time of life in the fun, big city. On a present, I’d still get jewelry and there’s no reason you can’t decide to become someone who wears more or changes it out. With $500, I’d go vintage – your money will go a lot further. Personally, I’d start a bracelet collection. I did that around 30 and have a wonderful collection of unique bracelets and it’s fun to have something to collect.

      1. Completely agree with the first part of this post. I know it sounds condescending, but holy cow! At 30 you are barely getting started! When I turned 30 I was married, yes, but the marriage was awful and I still had a divorce and another awful marriage and divorce in my future, as well and several big career changes. Life is long and there are many twists and turns and this is what I’ve learned: There are good stages and bad stages in life and none of them lasts forever so try to make the best out of the stage you’re in!

         1. Thirty was when I felt old, because it came home that I wouldn’t always be young.

            Rationally I always knew this, but I had always been young so it was hard to imagine not always being young. It would be like if I were no longer tall.

   6. What about art? Something fun you can look at and remember you bought it for your 30th?

   7. I would actually revisit jewelry based on your interest in fashion! Just because you wear the same jewelry doesn’t mean you always have to – I would upgrade my daily earrings or necklace in your shoes (e.g., if you wear studs, upgrade to small diamond studs or something similar). Or, I would get a pair of beautiful earrings to wear for special occasions like weddings, etc.

      Also, consider fancy shoes (e.g., boots you love; dress shoes; etc.) or a coat? I love buying special/more unusual coats as a milestone gift because they get less wear and last for a really long time.

      I agree with the suggestion of art as well.

      Turning 30 is hard because it is a time in your life where everyone is doing Big Happy Life Events and it’s so hard if you want some of those things and aren’t doing them yourself. So I’m glad you are celebrating your birthday in a way that is special for you.

      1. Yes – you hit the nail on the head. It feels that everyone else is doing Big Happy Life Events, I want a lot of those things (a partner, an house or nicer apartment, next step in my career anbd financial status) and I am not. Trying to be positive about it but it’s been hard. I’m trying to make the best of my situation (making my apartment how I want it, finding the right balance between saving for those investments vs enjoying things now, dating when I can but also enjoying time with friends and myself that I wouldn’t have if I was in a relationship). But it’s still hard!

         1. Yeah it’s really hard! My early 30s got totally derailed by a serious illness and it was extremely hard. I felt like everyone else super charged their life while I was standing still.

            Also came back with another suggestion – I love the Omega x Swatch collection of planet themed watches and would totally buy the sun one for myself.

      2. Love the shoes idea. How about some Frye boots? Get a classic style and maintain them over the years–they’ll last forever!

         1. I did buy myself very nice boots when I graduated grad school a few years ago!

   8. There’s no one way your life “should be” at thirty. It’s so young!!

      1. I know, and there’s a lot I do love about my life but there’s also things I feel like I’m really missing.

         1. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself as a best friend would.

            Your only this young once. Life can be long.

         2. “There’s a lot I love about my life but there’s also things I feel like I’m really missing” is, alas, a lifelong condition. E.g. right now I’m super happy with many parts of life but feeling sad because I’m not a grandma and probably never will be.

   9. Ideas that would work for me:
      – a real watch. not sure if this counts as jewelry for you. I have my eye on the Citizens Calendrier watch
      – a big crystal picked out from a rock/crystal shop. I love having big cool rocks in my house
      – a piece of art
      – upgrade all your bedding to beautiful and lux bedding and pillows

      Also, please do this for yourself and don’t let it just be a fleeting thing that you let go. My 30th was decidedly disappointing and I wish I would have done this for myself.

      1. The bedding is a really good idea.

   10. Craft hobbies – any online course(s) or in-person workshops you can take which could take your skill set to a deeper level? Or any supplies you’ve been drooling over but have been telling yourself are too expensive for your skillset? Splurge and make something from expensive supplies.
       Jewelry – I know you said no jewelry. I’m tossing in something I’ve recently become interested in – vintage sterling charms. With all the interests you listed, a necklace with a sterling charm holder could be really fun to assemble and unique to wear. Modern sterling silver charms are ok but some of the vintage charms are really amazing.

   11. I would buy myself a nice Garmin watch. I have a Fenix and love it. Works with all your activities.

       1. I have one (not as nice as the Fenix but the nicest one I’ve had to date – this is my third) and I love it!!

   12. What about a permanent bracelet? Works with the “same jewelry every day” conundrum :) I love mine — got it at Catbird in NYC for my birthday last year! Lots of other jewelers offer them though.

       1. lol, one of the reasons I wear the same jewelry every day is that my bracelets are permanent! I love love love mine. It then inspired me to virtually never change my earrings or necklace.

   13. I am now 40+ and I remember turning 30. Do not beat yourself up for being where you are now in your life. You sound like an amazing person with clear and sensible priorities. The good men are still out there and lots of them are focused on building their career before they settle down. It doesn’t feel this way because so many of your peers will be celebrating major milestones. You don’t see the guys quietly working.

       My gift suggestion to you is a something like a huge amethyst geode. I got one which was 2ft tall and I just love it but its extremely heavy so something smaller is a lot more practical!

   14. I got myself a tattoo for my 30th.

   15. Jewelry is really where it’s at for something lasting and special to commemorate an occasion. Since you never change your jewelry, can’t you add something like another ring or necklace or bracelet? Get your ears pierced again and add nice earrings you don’t take out? A forever bracelet or necklace?

       I love jewelry and do change it, but every piece is special to me and reminds me of when/where/why I got it.

   16. I have a tradition of buying myself really fabulous, splurgy shoes for my birthday. Maybe that would work? They don’t last forever, but I treat them well and get them repaired so they last a good, long time. And every time I wear them, I think, “these were from my __th birthday.” I think it was dark red knee-high boots when I turned 30.

   17. I’d buy a piece of art that you truly love. With your budget, I’d shop estate sales and nice consignment shops, go to local art markets, or have something commissioned from an artist on social media. Unless you have something in mind, though, don’t put too much pressure on the timeline–put some money aside and keep an eye out for that “aha” moment.

   18. As a reader, is there a first- or early-edition book you love that might be in that price range?

9. Speaking of birthday trips, any ideas for where DH and I could go for 3-4 days in late May coming from the Chicago area (but eastern time zone)?

   Given the short timeline I think it probably needs to be in the continental US. I’m not much of a beach person and don’t like hot weather so I think most of the south is out. We were thinking Napa mostly for nostalgia’s sake (we used to live in SF and did days/weekends there all the time) but I’m kind of feeling the itch to go somewhere new, and I’m not sure the jet lag to CA will really be worth it for such a short trip.

   1. Maybe you’ve been there, but Door County, WI and Sturgeon Bay are beautiful that time of year. Since it might be a driving trip for you, you could also stop in Madison for a day and eat a very nice dinner at L’Etoile.

   2. Quebec City
      Bar Harbor / Acadia (weather can be iffy, but we went over Memorial Day a few years ago and it was totally fine)
      NYC

      Blackberry Farm is also spectacular if your budget is $$$$.

      1. I was looking at Blackberry Farm — will it be too hot that time of year though?

         1. I went in October and it was beautiful then, so I was thinking (?) May could be similar. But you’re right, it definitely could be hot.

      2. +1 to Quebec City. I tagged along years ago with my mom while she was there on a work conference and was totally charmed. Great combination of city + cute historical village + outdoorsy activities

      3. Quebec City! It’s like going to France without the long flight!

   3. Montreal or Quebec for Europe vibes?

   4. Toronto or Montreal. Easy flights from Chicago, lots to do, and the weather should be nice in May.

   5. I’ve heard that Nova Scotia is gorgeous that time of year – like coastal Maine but just different enough to feel like something new.

   6. How about Iceland? Or Mexico City, to avoid jet lag? There are several nonstop flights a day out of ORD. Enjoy!

10. Update from the exhausted Wegovy user. I decided I’m not going to take my fifth shot on Friday (shot day). I went to bed at 6:30pm last night and managed to oversleep this morning and missed both of my morning meetings. Still feeling like I’m in a fog, as usual, and have to lead a meeting at 1pm. This is just not worth it. My doctor said the Wegovy is probably absorbing my ADHD and depression medications so I’m not getting the usual benefits of those, on top of experiencing the exhaustion/fog side effect. It took me 8 months to get this medicine and I was so excited…now I just can’t wait to be free of it.

    1. You might want to try Mounjaro – I’m on the compounded version and while there is mild fatigue the day I take my shot, nothing like what you’ve described. I’m also on an SSRI and haven’t noticed any changes in mood.

    2. Another compounded tirzapetide user. I felt like crap – nauseated and just not great – in the beginning on shot days and a day or two afterwards, but I was losing weight quickly and powered through. Those feelings faded with time. I ended up losing 60 lbs and it was so, so worth it. Tirzepetide/Mounjaro is supposed to have fewer side effects than Wegovy.

       When I felt like crap in the beginning, I let myself eat all the plain white foods I wanted because I just didn’t feel good.

       I also question your doctor’s medical degree if s/he said the weight loss med is “absorbing” other meds. Literally not how it works, not even a little bit. I’m on antidepressants and it had no effect for me.

       1. are you still on the meds or are you now off and maintaining without them?

       2. Well, maybe not “absorbing,” but it could interfere with how the other meds get metabolized?

          1. I was in a mounjaro Facebook group last year (before I was booted out) and lots of people had such different experiences to the same medications. It was eye opening.

11. Has anyone tried mini trampoline/rebounding for a workout? I am quite active, and I’m also always looking for new fun workout options. I cannot find any classes in my city to try, unfortunately, but buying a mini trampoline isn’t that expensive, and I see there are classes on YouTube. Is it actually fun? Is it a good cardio workout? I’m thinking this would replace one of my other cardio workouts during the week to add more variety or be something I do for 10 minutes at a time at home in the evening.

    1. Make sure your ceilings are high enough, and that your floor isn’t flimsy.

       Wish we thought of this before grandma bought our kids a mini trampoline for their upstairs playroom. Kids can jump okay, although it is very noisy on the floor and shakes the house. Husband, however, hit is head on the ceiling light fixture when he tried to join them and I thought he was going to come through the floor.

    2. My kids have a mini trampoline (a real one, not a little kid one) and I tried rebounding on it once or twice. I didn’t enjoy it. My pelvic floor issues were definitely part of it, but I felt really out of control and jostled around, but in a small space. I’d test out before committing.

    3. The trampolines for this are a specific product. It is quite small and very tightly sprung. You are not going to go bouncing around the room or the ceiling unless you have no muscle control and some sort of aerial superpowers. I’m not sure it’s that big a workout, but it is supposed to be healthy.

    4. I bought one about two months ago, and so far, I like it. I’ve been using YouTube videos, which vary tremendously in quality. Some I like are from Michelle Briehler, San Fran Fitness, and GymRa. I’m also going to try some rebounder apps that have free trial periods – I think Aaptiv and the Ness. It seems to be a good cardio workout, but I was starting from a deficit after a rough year last year, so in a different place than you.

12. I just wanted to say I’m sorry to the poster who posted on the afternoon thread the other day about her husband drinking during IVF treatment. I piled on about needing to be prepared to take your own medicine, but reading through the post, I could have been much nicer and I’m sure you are feeling extra bad on the hormones. I know how it feels to be torn apart on this board and I’m sorry.

    1. I’m not OP but I’m interested in the why here – why were you all so vicious? It’s an anonymous board so you don’t need to worry about anyone knowing the real you. Was it boredom? Jealousy?

       1. I also thought that was a very weird chain of responses.

          So sorry to OOP it turned that way.

       2. It was honestly just my knee jerk response without thinking whether it was nice.

       3. I did not participate in the original thread at all, but speaking as someone who has been through both IVF and another health crisis – there are two weirdly opposing strains of pressure that happen in these situations to a) be a super tough superwoman powering through whatever treatment you’re on and b) be publicly vulnerable about your pain. Most people are not in fact either of those things, and it can trigger some really weird reactions.

          1. There were a lot of people who thought it was perfectly fine for her husband to get incoherently, passed-out drunk in the middle of the day and forget his obligations to her.

             I sort of wonder about the drinking patterns of people who felt that way.

             1. I don’t know why you would assume that the people who felt that way drink a lot, rather than the opposite. I was one of the people who didn’t think it was a big deal, because based on her original post, I assumed that he’d just had a few drinks, didn’t feel comfortable driving (which is responsible and also something my husband and I do after just a couple drinks), and then went to bed to sleep it off. I made that assumption because I almost never drink anymore and even a couple drinks pretty much put me to sleep now, so that didn’t seem that weird. I drank more when I was younger, but at no point in my life have I ever passed out drunk, so I wasn’t really thinking along those lines.

             2. I think a lot of people assumed that he had gone out in the evening, had a few drinks, and the combination of the late hour and moderate alcohol knocked him out.

                The day drinking part was what floored me, and it wasn’t in the original post; it was in a comment.

       4. The posters that get piled on the most are the ones who are coming here hoping to get people to pile on someone else while seeming to be oblivious to the fact that they also have a part in the problem. You can’t expect people to only be sympathetic to you when the problem almost always involves both people, and actually fixing it will also involve both people. Posters get especially bad responses when they don’t include relevant information in the initial post, leading a lot of people to make incorrect assumptions (like the husband just had a couple drinks and then came home and slept it off, rather than he was passed out drunk for hours). In this case, it sounded like both of them were really struggling with the stress of IVF, so my sympathies to them both and I hope they work things out!

          1. I disagree with this take – I think it was pretty clear from the very original post that the level of drinking was not OK. The only relevant details that made it even worse were that it was day drinking and that the clinic had advised no more than one drink, which also seemed obvious to me on face because it’s IVF. I think certain posters get the bit between their teeth, want to be angry for some reason, and decide to tear the OP a new one. My hypothesis is that something about the OP or her husband reminds them of something that they’re very unhappy about in their own lives. Sometimes it’s easier to be angry than empathetic.

             1. See, that part wasn’t obvious to me on the face because I’ve never gone through IVF. I had no idea you can’t drink on IVF.

             2. Maybe you should assume someone going through IVF knows more about it than you do.

             3. Then don’t comment on it? Holy forking shirtballs, how is that not obvious to you.

          2. I remember Diana Barry and Dr. The Original… getting dogpiled like no one’s business. They are lovely women who contributed a lot to the community for years, and then a bunch of rando Anons ripped them apart. (Go Anon if you want – I do – but do your best to be reasonable and kind if you do.)

             1. A lot of named commenters have left or gone anon. LaurenB was one who could literally say “restaurant recs for NYC?” someone would find a way to attack her.

             2. Mean Girls. They are among us.

             3. That was so true about LaurenB. She seemed great but somehow became the punching bag for mean girls.

             4. I can’t remember which one it was, but one of those named commenters came here and got piled on once for calling her tween daughter fat and once for saying she tries to dictate her younger (adult) sister’s life and both pile ons were completely justified and valid, but people like you defended her because they recognized her name. Someone like Senior Attorney could shoot a puppy and people here would jump all over themselves to defend her.

             5. And yet here you are snarking at me. Whether you go anon or brazen it out with a regular handle, you can’t really avoid the mean girls.

    2. I feel like that happens a lot here when people tell a different story in the comments than in their post. (husband went out after I told him too & now I never want him to drink again!) is very different from (husband got black out day drinking & he has MFI, I’m pissed) — then people are more extreme in their comments because they are seeing such different versions of events

       1. MFI was in the original post. So were the words “he passed out.”

          1. The problem is that lots of people use “passed out” to just mean falling asleep rather than literally passing out (it’s what I say when I’m exhausted and fall asleep earlier than intended, no drinking involved). It definitely wasn’t clear to me that he was falling down drunk and then passed out after day drinking rather than went to bed as soon as he got back from a night out with friends.

             1. But that’s not OPs fault that you read her meaning differently. “Passed out” is a pretty clear phrase to describe what he did. That people read it differently/less severely than she meant it doesn’t mean OP was telling a different story in her first post

             2. +1 to Sasha. OP isn’t “changing the story” because you don’t think passed out means what it means.

             3. Oh, I agree it’s not contradictory and I wasn’t one of the people saying that she changed her story, just that it wasn’t really clear how bad it was initially. Personally, I just thought it was completely crazy that she wanted to call his parents to shame him. I can’t EVER imagine calling my husband’s parents, no matter what he did, which made me skeptical about their whole relationship and wondering what else was going on that would get them to that point. It seemed pretty clear that there was a lot more to this story than included in the initial post.

             4. It may be a cultural thing. It’s common in some Asian cultures to reach out to your in-laws if you’re struggling with an issue with your spouse. Several of my close friends are Asian-American and they’ve all talked to their MIL about martial issues. I agree as a white person it’s pretty unfathomable to me though. My MIL is a nice lady but the last person I would go to about any marital problem!

       2. Plus, I mean the idea she was too entitled to do her own shots. I half felt sorry for the guy.

          1. It must be really nice being perfect and having no flaws – not being squeamish about needles, never having a marital issue, knowing what’s best in every situation, sticking up for downtrodden men. Good for you! What’s your secret?

          2. I feel sorry for you that you think that is “entitled”.

          3. She did her own shots; it was just unplanned and therefore stressful, and the occasion wasn’t a chance emergency but someone incapacitating themselves by choice.

             1. This! I was baffled by all the people saying “but she should know how to do the shots in case of something like a car accident.” This wasn’t some freak accident that happened TO him; he made dumb choices and there were very predictable consequences. Nothing like a car accident at all, unless you were speeding at a telephone pole and not wearing a seat belt.

       3. She said in the original post that it was MFI and that he passed out drinking and wasn’t able to help her with her shots, which he’d agree in advance to do. I agree that the follow up details (day drinking, clinic had given them very strict alcohol intake limits) made her even more sympathetic, but it was pretty clear from the original comment that the husband had screwed up in a big big way.

          1. For anyone who didn’t Google MFI (I did) it means Male Factor Infertilitly. So the OP was the one taking the hormones to provide eggs for IVF even though the problem wasn’t with her body. Then he goes out and further destroys his already challenged sperm & ditches out on the injections he had agreed to do.

             He sounded very unreliable and selfish to me. Not exactly someone you want to have kids with. I still suggest she freeze the eggs for now.

             1. That part really bothers me too. Some things can’t be helped, but the CDC (and the infertility clinic) make it clear that excessive alcohol use damages sperm. More research is coming out about how many cases of fetal alcohol spectrum disorder may be due to paternal influence, NOT maternal. It’s really NOT a small thing to get pass-out drunk while TTC!

             2. I googled and found Multidimensional Fatigue Inventory, which seemed to be not related to fertility but what did I know.

                People, don’t use acronyms!

    3. In addition to everything other commenters have said, some posters get extremely defensive when anything involving alcohol and policing other people’s alcohol intake comes up. I am a self-admitted heavy social drinker and I have never gotten so drunk that I couldn’t figure out Uber or had to be physically helped into my house. Drinking to the point of incapacitation indicates a higher issue beyond “He’s stressed about IVF and unwinding with his friends”. And the fact that he started at 11am is a whole other layer.

       Regarding posters coming back with additional information–I don’t think this is usually intentional obfuscation, particularly in this instance. Responders ask questions you didn’t think about, or interpret what you wrote in a way you didn’t intend (see OP’s “passing out” comment which she meant literally, but others took it figuratively, and her “one sip of beer” comment which she meant figuratively and other took literally). So following up with additional details is just a byproduct of this being a back and forth conversation. The additional details made the situation much more clear, yes, but I don’t think the details changed the overall scenario described in the original post.

       1. +1. I’ve rarely seen anyone come back and substantially change the core details of the story. It’s usually posters latching on to something in their own interpretation.

          1. I have seen people change the core details, but agree this wasn’t that.

          2. I saw a commenter on the original thread claim that OPs additional details painted a “completely different” picture than the initial post. No, it didn’t! Her OP included the details around the MFI, their clinic okaying *moderate* consumption, her doing her shots herself, and him being so drunk that she needed to help him into their home. If that last detail wasn’t enough to telegraph how inebriated the husband was, idk what to tell them.

    4. To the commenters of this thread, can we not rehash the entire thing again?

       1. Yes this

       2. No. OP was unfairly dogpiled on with over 100 responses. If people want to make a (much shorter!) thread expressing their feelings about how OP was done wrong, that’s warranted. Collapse it if you don’t want to read.

    5. I for one appreciate your contribution to this community by coming back to apologize! I don’t know if it helps OOP, but I feel like if we all could do a bit more of this kind of reflection and repair (in general, not just on this site) the world would feel a litte safer

13. I feel like this is going to sound so privileged but when my husband and I got married, my wedding present from him was a pair of emerald cut diamond earrings. When our daughter was born he got me an emerald cut diamond solitaire necklace. We’re thinking about trying for a second child, and I would love to have a special piece of jewelry that fits the theme- what would you ask for? I don’t really like bracelets.

    1. My 10th anniversary present was a channel set anniversary band with diamonds and emeralds, I adore it and wear it more than my engagement ring. Alternately a right hand toi et moi ring could be fun since you’ll have two kids now!
       I think this is a really sweet idea – my husband had his grandmother’s engagement ring set into a solitaire necklace as a surprise present when my first was born. I plan on passing it down to her as an adult.

    2. How about a layer onto a the solitaire necklace—so the same necklace but shorter or longer for a double look?

    3. If your second child will be your last, you could do a ring with everyone’s birthstones in it. I got my mom that for a milestone birthday.

    4. Emerald cut eternity ring for your right hand. I have no idea if this is a legit site, but this is kind of a cool design. You could go the family ring route, although I prefer it to be a little less on the head and just do all diamonds.

       https://www.jewlr.com/products/JWL0872-4/10k-yellow-gold-engravable-4-baguette-gemstone-ring-with-accents-and-genuine-diamond-stones?shopfeed=1&sku=10KY&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=PLA_US&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwjqWzBhAqEiwAQmtgT9fx8j9P7VEZiZV47ZugcLgJtWOMsutxJ_Iw4o3SC_ksMNL1vjdMIhoCZK8QAvD_BwE&s1=04DIAM&s3=04DIAM&s2=04DIAM&s4=04DIAM&s5=04DIAM&e1=k&e2=g

    5. I got a ring with my daughter’s birthstone when she was born. The plan was always for her to wear it someday, and now she does! I got a pair of earrings with my son’s birthstone but he’s not a pierced ear kind of guy so I think those are mine forever. :)

    6. I would get something with the baby’s birthstone.

    7. What about a different type of stone in an emerald cut (maybe an emerald!)! If you have diamonds as a base, then any color you like would match.

    8. Emerald cut ring.

14. Office chairs – the bane of my office existence. I keep buying ones around $100 and then wondering why I hate them after 6 months. I’m 5’6″ and a smaller stature/slender, the big chairs seem too big. I do like to sit cross-legged a lot* and can do that in bigger chairs, although I’m not convinced I should sit that way all the time. I do get up every 45 minutes or so; I never sit for hours at a time. Any recommendations for office chairs? Realistically I will spend up to $300-500. Are the ergonomic expensive ones really worth it?

    *just a side note, I was in a meeting yesterday with a very experienced, well respected engineer from another firm and he sat cross legged at one point in his chair for a while. He wasn’t the customer either – there were customers in the room. I won’t be copying and of course I didn’t say anything but I was kind of delighted.

    1. Look for a chair that comes in different seat depths and allows you to move the armrests inward. I had an Aeron with both of these attributes at my previous job, but it was over your budget.

    2. Yes, an ergonomic chair that fits you is well worth it. I am 5’6″ and like the Herman Miller Embody (especially for sitting cross-legged), and also find the Aeron comfortable (not for sitting cross-legged, though). Cost new is higher than your price, but you can often find these used. Check to see if you have a used office furniture warehouse nearby and go check out what they have in stock.

       Learning how to sit properly to avoid long-term problems, and then training yourself to do so, is also worthwhile.

       1. +1 to Herman Miller. Have sat cross legged in mine for years because the arms can adjust.

    3. I inherited a very old, very expensive humanscale chair, and will NEVER give it up. It’s probably 15 years old and I love it. It is called the Humanscale freedom, and I just looked it up, and seems it comes at various price points. I can sit cross legged in it if I want.

    4. I got the branch office chair for my home office and it both seems smaller than those giant office chairs and is also definitely good for cross legged sitting.

    5. Yep, they are worth it.
       For a specific model – I had the Teknion Sabrina at my old office and I could sit cross-legged. You can also check out chairs specifically for sitting cross-legged. I don’t have brand recs, but here’s an article with some links: https://www.autonomous.ai/ourblog/the-best-office-chairs-for-cross-legged-sitting

    6. Get a gamer’s chair. Our adult son recommended one to us and it is amazing. Looks like a cross between a racecar seat and an office chair. The headrest is hidden behind you on zoom calls so it looks like a regular seat. Everything adjusts, everything. It has a pull out foot rest and the back reclines (which I use when reading and marking long contracts).

    7. I got a Steelcase in the black friday sale last year, and it’s soooo much better than the $150 chair I had before. If you can, go to a showroom and try out some different styles.

15. Help me shop. I’d like to find a casual, comfortable dress to wear to summer concerts. Would prefer a bit of a boho vibe but not too much. Bonus points if it looks good with cowboy boots. I’m in my mid-40s and everything looks really young. Even specific brands to look at would help. I go for more of a preppy vibe in my daily life but would like something a bit different for concert wear. I’m 5’8″ and a size 14.

    1. Faherty has what you’re looking for.

    2. no specific recs but I’d check Anthropologie for this

    3. Daughters of India has some beautiful stuff that I think would be boho and look good with boots. Like this:
       https://us.daughtersofindia.net/collections/mini-dresses/products/kyra-mini-dress-pepper

    4. Try Free People

    5. This sounds like a job for Free People.

       1. Another thought – the Sundance catalog.

    6. I like Mata Traders. And most of their dresses have pockets!

    7. Faithfull the Brand or Cara Cara

    8. Peruvian Connection
       Maybe Roller Rabbit

16. What’s everyone eating for dinner these days? We’ve fallen into a cold cereal or take-out rut and want to get back to cooking.

    1. We love panzanella in the summer for a dinner that’s not really “cooking” but is more elevated than cold cereal. Salmon rice bowls are another decent summer option.

    2. This is popular in our house, especially since the veggies are all in season and available at our local farmer’s market: https://www.seriouseats.com/farro-salad-asparagus-peas-recipe

    3. Right now I cannot stop making/eating Marcella Hazan’s Tomato Sauce over pasta, parmesan on top.

       Semi – homemade pizzas…basically assembled at home with store bought crusts and pizza sauce. We each make our own. I like mine with homemade Alfredo sauce mixed with the pizza sauce, mozzarella, shaved parmesan, pepperoncini peppers, chopped up fresh basil. My husband has a whole other concoction that I think is ridiculous but the beauty of this meal is that he can do ridiculous and it doesn’t matter at all to me.

       Last night we had salmon that my husband pan fried and I air fried some small potatoes. The salmon was amazing :) the potatoes will be better today chopped up with butter.

    4. We do a salad & quick seared shrimp seasoned with salt, pepper & garlic powder (or any protein cut small and seasoned). Sometimes we buy a rotisserie chicken and cut it up and add to the salad.
       We prep a huge salad over the weekend in two bins. One has the delicate lettuces, the other has the tougher stuff like carrots and red cabbage. If I had to do that salad prep every day it would not happen.

       1. If you like shrimp, it’s one of the quickest, easiest, tastiest things to do. Once a week we have shrimp pasta; you can quick thaw under running water, then sauté with whatever vegetable you have in oil and garlic. It cooks in 3 min. We then toss it up with linguine and top with parm.

    5. I tried this Pinch of Yum recipe on a whim earlier this summer and it’s been a repeat recipe for me: https://pinchofyum.com/chickpea-curry.

    6. I’m having a horrible month at work with a ton of travel so we’re on the ‘quick and easy’ meal bandwagon at the moment. My recent meals include:
       Roast pork loin/roast veggies/rice pilaf
       Marinated grilled chicken breasts/green salad/french bread
       Homemade tomato sauce, meatballs, chopped raw veggies
       Sausage and peppers on rolls
       Chicken pot pie (I made the crust but store bought is fine obvs)
       Trader Joes pork gyozas with steamed brocolli and jasmine rice (brocolli gets thrown in with a bit of water to steam after the gyozas are done, rice is frozen and nuked
       Lamb merguez with tzaiki (store bought) and raw veggies/pitas on the side
       Seared hanger steak with sauteed mushrooms and crumbled blue cheese, green salad, focaccia
       Smitten Kitchen dilled potato salad and burgers
       Tacos (allll the variations – ‘gringo’ tacos, pulled chicken, pork al pastor, etc.)

       1. Laughing at “Store-bought is fine.”

          1. I know, I know. I truly try not to judge but I come from a long line of farm wives who only started using store bought crust when they got arthritis. To this day when I’m in my hometown for a gathering I’ll hear ‘you don’t want so and so’s pie, she uses that Pillsbury crust instead of making it herself’ or ‘make sure to grab me a slice of Mary’s cherry pie, she makes the best crust in the entire church’.

             1. I hear you. I am ashamed because after years of trying I cannot figure out how to make a good piecrust with butter in the food processor. When I was a kid I made great pie crust by hand … with Crisco. I can’t stand storebought so I don’t bake pies anymore unless they have a crumb crust.

             2. 1) you have to use some crisco. Ok to use 1/2 butter 1/2 crisco, but the crisco is what makes it light and flaky

                2) get your hands in there. I prefer squeezing bits of fat into flat flour-coated pieces rather than using any sort of pastry cutter.

                (Not the person above you)

       2. what marinades do you use with chicke ? do you grill, bake, slow cooker?

    7. NYT braised white beans and green and parmesan served over rice, protein of your choice optional on top

       Smitten kitchen one pan tomato farro

       Home made flat breads (I like the America’s Test Kitchen recipe) with grilled chicken and a veggie and spread of your choice (hummus, feta dip, etc.)

    8. Easy, cheap, and delicious: https://www.budgetbytes.com/maple-dijon-chicken/

    9. Rice bowls with peanut sauce
       make-your-own pizzas (we use frozen dough, but easy enough to make your own)
       chicken enchiladas
       Greek chicken with falafel, hummus, & pita
       Chicken schnitzel
       brats & pierogis
       empanadas (beef and/or veggie)
       Salade nicoise

       1. mmmm the brats and pierogis reminds me of my favorite sheet pan meal –
          brats (or kielbasa) sliced up
          periogis
          bell peppers sliced up
          onions sliced up
          drizzle/toss all above with olive oil, spread out on a sheet pan, and roast in the oven

    10. One-pot pastas where the pasta cooks right in the sauce.

        A salmon fillet baked in a dish of marinade or sauce for about 18 minutes at 425 degrees is easy and delicious and doesn’t stink up the house. Teriyaki and red curry with coconut milk are especially good. Roast some broccoli, broccolini, brussels sprouts, or carrots alongside at the same temp for the same time and serve it all over rice.

        Breakfast tacos: Tortilla, scrambled eggs, cheese, salsa, scallions, avocado, crumbled bacon. Serve with Cholula.

        Homemade pizza. Make the dough ahead and freeze or buy dough from TJ’s or the grocery store. Half Baked Harvest has a no-knead dough recipe that is quite easy and tasty but somewhat difficult to handle; use extra flour. Bake on a preheated pizza stone at 450 or 475 degrees for around 12 minutes. Prep the pizza on a piece of parchment sprinkled with cornmeal and slide the parchment onto the pizza stone. Some topping combos I like:
        Tomato sauce, fresh mozzarella, pepperoni, sliced jalapeños
        Olive oil with garlic, fresh mozzarella, shredded Havarti, bacon, shredded brussels sprouts, red pepper flakes
        Olive oil with garlic, fresh mozzarella, shredded fontina, frozen chopped spinach (defrosted), red pepper flakes, finish with lemon zest after baking
        Olive oil with garlic, fresh mozzarella, goat cheese, quartered fresh figs or dollops of fig jam, prosciutto, finish with fresh basil or arugula dressed with balsamic vinaigrette after baking
        Homemade ranch dressing, a mixture of cheeses including gorgonzola and the sharpest cheddar you can find, broccoli, bacon

    11. I posted this one yesterday. Good by itself or alongside a simple grilled protein (esp salmon, though I prefer it pan fried)

        Couscous cold salad:

        I c dry pearled couscous, cooked
        A handful of cherry tomatoes, diced
        A peeled, seeded cucumber, diced
        Salt and pepper on the tomato & cucumber while they sit waiting
        1/2 a can of small black olives, quartered
        I drained can chickpeas/garbanzos
        Newman’s own lemon vinaigrette

        Add vinaigrette to couscous while still warm.

        When slightly cooler, add beans, tomatoes, cucumber and olives to couscous. Toss with more dressing if necesssry, then add dried dill and red wine vinegar to taste.

        I posted this as an add-on to thanking whomever recommended Pompeiian red wine vinegar. The right vinegar really makes a difference. And to me, red wine vinegar is what makes a Mediterranean dish taste Mediterranean.

    12. Quiche and salad, which I buy pre-made at the grocery store. It’s hot, I don’t want to cook (and have never liked cooking). This feels like a balanced meal to me.

    13. Burrata and tomato with salt, pepper, a new Spanish spice consisting of a mixture of dried garlic and parsley, and a drizzle of olive oil. (Would have included arugula, but it went bad in the fridge.)
        Sautéd chicken cutlets topped with arugula.
        Cincinnati chili, with a dollop of Greek yogurt or a diced avocado
        Smashed mini avocado on a toasted mini bagel.
        Egg salad
        Potato salad
        Sliced strawberries with Greek yogurt.
        Tuna salad
        Supermarket sushi

17. Since dinner prep seemed to be a big issue for many I thought I’d share my formula – I cook 3 meals a week, usually Sunday/Monday/Wednesday. Tuesday is leftovers, Thursday is freezer meals (trader joes frozen stuff, or fast casual like Qboda before sports), Friday is pizza (order in or grab and heat) and Saturday we eat out.
    My veggie sides are almost always roasted veggies, green salad, chopped crudite, or a veggie slaw. I always buy carrots, lettuce of some sort, peppers, cucumbers, onions, garlic, and brocolli and sometimes cole slaw mix. I keep peas in the freezer along with rice and the Trader Joes ‘half baked baguettes’ or rolls if I need a carb on the side. It’s a bit repetitive but my family doesn’t particularly care.
    I do a green salad/roasted veggies on Sunday or Monday and chop all the other veggies up at the same time and stash them in ziplocs for the week. I cook something on Sunday that will make leftovers – big pot of stew, soup, or throw on extra protein so I have Tuesday night leftovers. If I know Monday will be awful I’ll sometimes cook Monday’s dinner on Sunday night (stew plus tomato sauce, brisket plus grilled steak, etc.). Monday I cook the other protein I got from the butcher counter, Wednesday is vacuum sealed meat that stays fresh longer (ground meat or bell and evans type of chicken) OR something in a slow cooker for ease. With this formula I can cook faster/healthier than takeout without much thought.

18. I know there are some sunscreen aficionados here, so I thought people might be interested in this. My kid got some UV beads at a science camp and I decided to test all the sunscreens we currently have in our house (a Banana Boat SPF 50, a Neutrogena SPF 70 and several European brands (Riemann P20, La Roche Posay and Avene) with SPF 50+, which is the highest legal rating in Europe). The bead with the Banana Boat turned very dark immediately, the Neutrogena was better and took longer to darken and didn’t get as dark, but only the European sunscreens kept the bead clear! I’d heard European sunscreens were better, hence why I have all these different EU brands in my house right now, but it was still crazy to see it in person.

    1. This is really interesting to me, particularly because Banana Boat has always been my pale self’s drugstore go-to because it always protects me better than the other mass-market US options. I cannot imagine how bad those others would perform in an experiment like this.

       1. Yeah, I’m superrrrr pale and Banana Boat was one of my go-tos before we discovered European sunscreen. I don’t think it’s necessarily terrible relative to the US market. And to be fair, this is very far from a controlled experiment :) although I did do it twice and with the exception of one very liquidy Euro sunscreen it seemed like they were all adhering to the beads equally well.

    2. I use neutrogena 70. You’ve convinced me to try european brands now!

       1. There’s a lot of much more legit evidence that they’re better! https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2024/05/18/1251919831/sunscreen-effective-better-ingredients-fda

19. I just uttered what is possibly the most millennial middle management sentence ever and I thought some here might chuckle. I’m a partner. I instructed a senior associate to call a client about a simple question. Associate has spoken to client many times, including alone, this should be nbd. Associate proceeds to email client to set up a WebEx, which our firm insists on using for reasons I don’t understand. This client always has trouble with the WebEx and also doesn’t regularly check email. I told him, just call her. One of her underlings responds to the email with a time, he sends the WebEx invite. Five minutes after the scheduled time, associate emails me that the client hasn’t shown up. I respond, just call her. Ten more minutes ticks by, he emails me again, I respond, just call her. Fifteen more minutes, he emails the client asking for alternative times.

    I take my own advice and pick up the phone to call associate. I tell him, stop trying to get boomers to use WebEx and JUST. CALL. HER.

    1. Stop trying to get anyone to use WebEx! It is the worst!

       And yes, just call her.

    2. Haha I’m an MBB partner and this has happened to me so many times…. It’s mind boggling and infuriating.

    3. Oh god, my company uses Webex and I hate it because none of our external partners use it. Everyone uses Teams or Zoom. It always causes problems!

    4. I’m closer to a boomer (old X) and don’t understand this anymore. What should she call me on? I don’t give my number out. If you want to talk, it’s over zoom/teams/webex whatever you’re using and at a scheduled time.

       1. OMG you do not give out your business phone number?!?

          1. Most people email now asking about scheduling a time to chat, whether that chat is old school or a video call. Avoids phone tag and follow-up emails.

       2. Ha I’m the same, I hate the phone, I don’t listen to voicemails (in my personal life). My oncologist could be leaving me a vm telling me to call her 5 minutes ago and I wouldn’t listen to it.

          But we are a service industry so we need to service our clients according to THEIR needs and preferences not OURS. So if you know this client doesn’t respond to email and doesn’t use WebEx but DOES answer her phone, then guess what! You’re calling her!

          1. Tangential point: every business and every role involves some sort of service or customer. Figure out who that is and what their needs are, from metrics to responsiveness to preferred methods of communication.

             It could be clients, customers, “internal customers,” donors, your manager’s manager; figure it out.

    5. This happened to me 20 years ago at my first job in 2004. Scary Grandboss (who was probably 35-38 and not at all scary IRL) told me to reach out to other department. I emailed said department. Grandboss saw me in the hallway 30 mins later and asked about the thing; I replied that I had emailed and hadn’t heard back. Grandboss looked at first-real-job-22-year-old me, rolled his eyes heavenward, and said through gritted teeth, “Call. Them.” All it takes to learn something FOREVER is for someone above you to speak firmly to you about it at your first job haha!

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