ByKat Hours Updated
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Coffee Break: Loca Slingback

taupe slingback heel in patent leather with three criss-crossy buckles across the vamp

I fondly remember a pair of low kitten heels I had (possibly even a shorter heel than this) because they were the perfect thing to wear with full-length pants in summer if I also wanted to commute in flats. They haven't been in for a long while, now, but suddenly there are a ton of kitten heels out there, and I'm liking the trend.

The pictured kitten heel, from Steve Madden, has a bit of interest with the criss-crossing triple buckles across the vamp… I think the shoes definitely have a casual S&M kind of vibe, but not in a way that's too much for work. (That's just my opinion, though; know your office!)

The shoes come in the pictured taupe and a black patent, and are marked down — they were $99, but now come to $60, with lots of sizes left. (There are only a few ratings, but they're good ones!)

If you like the price point but are looking for something more basic, this pair from Steve Madden is similar but without the buckles; Nordstrom has a bunch right now from brands like Sam Edelman, Franco Sarto, Open Edit, Dolce Vita, Jeffrey Campbell, and Steve Madden. Looking for something fancier? Check out Sarah Flynt, Stuart Weitzman, and M.M.LaFleur.

Sales of note for 12.5

136 Comments

  1. Are there any European brands of cookies or biscuits imported to the US, ideally available in regular grocery stores – not just Whole Foods and the like? I know Walkers shortbread is available and made in Scotland, but I’m not a huge fan of shortbread as it tastes too buttery to me. I’m very much a chocolate person. I just find that European brands of things just have fewer ingredients than their American counterparts and often are less sweet too. I only get to vacation in Europe like twice a decade, so stocking up on my next vacation isn’t realistic lol.

    2. Not what you asked, but if you have a Cost Plus World Market near you, they have a huge international foods section.

      1. Oh those are like crack in my house. I can’t buy them. If I don’t eat the whole box at one sitting, someone else will!

    5. Both Publix and Kroger in my area have large international sections that typically include many European, particularly English, sweets, including Hobnobs and caramel wafers and stroppwaffels (sp?) among others.

    7. I’ve found Pan Di Stelle in rare supermarkets+ cost plus- they’re lovely crisp, not too sweet chocolate+ hazelnut cookies.

    8. TimTams! I second the World Market rec though—they’ll have the legit imported brands, not the ones manufactured for the US. They also have candy, snacks, spices…etc.

      1. As an avid tea drinker, I now think I. Red to go to world market. Like right now. I’ve never heard of these.

    10. Aldi has a rotating variety of European cookies in stock (lots of specialties during their German weeks), and always has made in Germany chocolate covered shortbread.

    11. I would think any specialty European shop or deli should have German Belsen and Leibniz which are excellent. You can get them easily in most small Canadian cities. And Walmart frequently has an international aisle with them, as well as as Loacker.

    12. My favorite are Bahlsen Leibniz Chocolate. My goodness… I order them online, but have rarely found them in some higher end grocery stores.

      1. Aldi has a version of these that are always stocked and made in Germany – you may want to check them out!

    13. Le Petit Ecoier
      Bahlsen
      McVities
      Jacobs
      Burton’s
      Now I have to go get some!

  2. Bizarre question but how would you handle this – 45 year old woman whose family has been friends with my family for probably 50 years. She and I were never personal friends growing up but have become closer in the last five as she’s a lawyer too, was doing biglaw life for the first time, and I’ve been in biglaw for decades.

    As I’ve gotten to know her over the last few years though, it turns out she’s doctor obsessed in a way that is just weird. Her dad is a doctor. We’re all Indian-American so there’s a huge cultural component to – medicine is the best profession there is. My family never bought into that and encouraged us to pursue our interests, but her family openly says medicine is the only worthwhile profession – though none of their kids are doctors. She wanted to go to med school, was a really bad student, so went into healthcare law. Married a doctor.

    EVERY conversation we have lately is in some way about medicine. Either complaining on behalf of doctors – how hard they work, residency, long hours, how tough their job market is for promotion or research. Discussing what CDC is or is not studying. Or going on about how she only sees the top MDs in universities and will bring them studies and ask them to discuss the biochemistry of disease and not just let them treat her like any other patient when they say things like – well your cholesterol is creeping up, you need to make lifestyle changes. I have no idea whether she’s doing this for real or just bluffing and acting like she’s an MD too so they are her peers – because IDK where she’s getting doctors appointments lasting more than 20 to 30 minutes max. Who has time to discuss biochem??

    I have nothing against doctors obviously – great profession and sure it’s hard. But given that neither of us is a doctor, it is odd that 90 percent of our conversation is about medicine and healthcare?? WWYD here? TBH I am already responding to texts less bc I know a simple text will 5 min later turn into something about healthcare. But anything else I can do here?

    1. I think it’s okay to say “this isn’t really my jam — what else are you up to these days?” And if she won’t stop, I think it’s okay to distance yourself if you’re not enjoying the friendship.

      Alternatively, if you value the friendship you can just consider it the price of admission to the relationship and listen with half an ear.

    3. She grew up in a doctor family and married into a doctor family, and she doesn’t have perspective on this being weird. It’s dinner table conversation, and to her it seems relevant to everyone because everyone has a human body. (Not all medical families are like this, but some really are!) It is true that the latest science and best practices can roll out slowly from the research universities, so it probably feels exciting to her to be ahead of the trend, and she may feel like she can benefit people by sharing. Medical advances right now are like nothing we’ve ever seen before in history, so if someone is interested, it’s almost like the moon race must have been for someone who cares about space. And for those who aren’t interested, it’s just as perplexing and boring!

      I think you just need to let her know that it’s not a big topic of interest for you.

      1. Health, our bodies, and public health is FASCINATING especially in this day and age. Totally fine to say it’s not your cup of tea but she’s not weird for being interested

      2. Agree with this comment – both my parents are physicians and our daily dinner table conversation was like grand rounds. I’m not a physician but I still think about medicine much more often than the average person does, and I didn’t realize how odd this was until my husband, who has no medical professionals in his family at all, pointed it out. I don’t usually bring it up with friends, though it can be hard to bite my tongue when one of them is sick and gets a Z-pack and steroids to take at the same time from urgent care…

      3. While I agree it isn’t weird for her to be interested in medicine and that’s probably what her family dinners are like, I do think it’s weird that a 45 year old woman doesn’t notice that her friend isn’t equally interested in the same topic. Sure we all geek out about our personal areas of interest whether medicine or finance or how bridges are designed, but I think most of us realize whether we are speaking to a friend who is equally interested in the stock market and the Fed’s latest moves or whether we are speaking to a friend who follows those headlines and is ok just knowing the big picture but doesn’t need to discuss it every time we speak. I’m not sure people here would be saying oh this is totally normal if she was prattling along about astronomy. After all we all see stars right, we should all be interested. OP I’d slow fade here.

        1. Some people are pretty good at faking interest out of politeness, and very enthusiastic people are focusing on their topic and not on scouting out whether their conversational partner isn’t genuinely interested. If someone isn’t taking a hint, stop hinting! It’s a basic life skill.

    4. It’s definitely a little weird, but not so strange, given that her dad and husband are doctors, she works in healthcare law, and she has a body, which I think should make everyone at least a little interested in how it works. It’s also understandable that you want to talk about other things, so I’d just start changing the subject or tell her you’d rather discuss other topics. And if you don’t actually like her that much, spend less time with her.

    5. “Oh I’d rather not talk about doctors and medical stuff it’s stressful for me. What else is new”

  3. I am working at a coffee shop today, and a woman from a few tables away me if I had a charger for a Mac (I was using a Mac). I said no, even though I do, because my laptop doesn’t maintain a charge and I was about to plug it in. But since I’d said no, I suddenly felt self-conscious about using my charger and bad about not lending it to her.

    This is the third time this month someone has come up to me to borrow my laptop charger, and I am starting to feel like it is a bit entitled. I need the charger for my own laptop, and I personally would never ask a stranger to use their personal belonging that they’re in the process of using. I feel weird having to say no though, since there isn’t usually enough space to say “my laptop needs to be plugged in after 15 minutes or so.”

    Am I being a grinch? Is it bad if I say no to people who ask for my charger?

    1. Absolutely not! I wouldn’t ask, nor would I lend my charger to strangers. (But I am an introverted misanthrope, so YMMV.)

    2. Sorry I don’t have an extra. That’s what I’d go with as I think move to plug in my own device.

      IDK if that’s rude or not but that’s where we’re at in America nowadays. It’s not like community is a thing. I mean I feel like I’d handle it differently if I was hanging out someplace like a college library or at work, where I’d try to help even if I didn’t know the person – I just see that as the social contract at universities or work. But in a commercial space with actual strangers, nope I wouldn’t feel bad.

    3. Just keep your charger plugged in the whole entire time and say you are using it and unable to let them borrow it.

    4. I am assuming everything is a scam unless it’s fellow travelers in an airport. “Mine is about to die and I don’t have a spare” can be your answer.

      1. Yes, also I had a cell phone stolen in a coffee shop on this exact scenario. They ask to borrow your charger, and when you go to get it out of your bag they snatch your phone (or laptop) and bolt.

    5. Just tell them you need to use it for your own laptop! I wouldn’t think twice about it. I can understand if you are at work and a colleague forgot theirs but I wouldn’t lend anything more than a pen or iPhone charger (I have a ton) to a total stranger.

      1. A friend once told me she thought it was “so rude” when I told her I declined to switch my aisle seat to a middle seat when some stranger asked me to. Couldn’t disagree more, but some people (ahem, women) have been very conditioned to never say no.

    7. What’s the downside to helping someone get a quick charge if you’re not using it? It’s not a security risk or anything like that, and it doesn’t degrade the charger in any way. And if you need it back because your charge is going, you can ask for it back.

      The reason you’re feeling weird about using it after you said no was because you liked and refused help when there was no reason not to. Sorry, but I think you are being kind of a grinch on this.

      This may shock you–but in the olden days of land lines, people would even let others use their phone frequently so long as it wasn’t long distance.

      1. I wrote this in the post, but my laptop can only go 15 minutes or so being plugged in before it dies. So the downside to lending my charger is not being able to use my laptop.

        1. About twenty years ago, my stepmother broke her ankle while out walking the dog with my father. Neither had cell phones on them. My father knocked on doors and asked someone if he could either use a phone, or if they would call an ambulance for his wife.

          It wasn’t that uncommon or crazy of an ask.

          I was without a charged cell phone at the end of a marathon and asked someone to text my husband for me.

          1. I’d ask this but not lend a phone — I have my Venmo locked down but do fear scammers being in their A game. O

        2. Yes, of course. If someone had an accident or another minor emergency, how else would they get help? There weren’t pay phones on every suburban street.

        3. In 1998 I went running. I only had a pager and got a 911 page, which means emergency, and the call back number was the number of a hospital where my toddler daughter was inpatient (her dad was with her and I was taking a much needed break after sleeping in a chair next to her bed.) I didn’t have a cell phone on me. I had to ask a limo driver to let me use his car phone. Random limo sitting on a residential block in the middle of the day. It felt like the car was sent there from sky daddy.

          2. Using the term “sky daddy” is incredibly offensive. To me, it’s as bad as a racist or sexist slur. If someone said that in y presence, I’d look at them the same way I would if they were using derogatory names for people of certain races or religions. Why do you think it’s ok to be so rude and dismissive of other people’s beliefs? It’s ignorant, not cool.

        5. These emergency examples are not at all analogous to letting a stranger use your laptop charger. Of course you help in an emergency! I would call 911 myself rather than let a stranger into my home, but I would certainly help.

          1. +1. If anyone ever knocks on my door claiming it’s an emergency, especially if I’m home alone, there’s no way I’m opening it but I’ll gladly call 911 and do what I can safely.

        6. As a kid, I called my parents from businesses, other kids’ homes, pay phones, whoever’s home was hosting a club or function, etc. Before cell phones it was very much a norm to use phones that weren’t yours. My grandma lived in a rural area and the neighbors shared a party line (Google if you haven’t heard of that).

          Totally different now when you have so much info on your cell. And home safety is also different obviously—people used to welcome in vacuum cleaners sales people and such if you can believe it!

    8. “Sorry, I need it for my own laptop.” They aren’t being rude to ask and you aren’t rude to say no.

      1. +1. Neither side is being rude. Most women are just socialized to feel bad when they have to tell someone no (me included).

    9. I think it’s odd you said you didn’t have one instead of saying you needed to use it! “sorry, I have to plug mine in because the battery is crap!” is much less awkward then pretending you don’t when you’re about to use it in front of her.

      1. Right, there’s no need to make up an excuse to decline the request, and it can create more complications than the situation calls for. You don’t have to have a good reason to say no, and you do not owe whoever has invited the declination an explanation — at all. Easier just to say, “no, sorry, I need to use my charger and can’t spare it.”

    10. If you have a normal laptop that’s mostly charged, I would lend it.

      In your situation, I’d say “my battery is shot so I can’t lend – sorry!”

  4. TLDR: I’m like a deer in headlights most nights when it’s dinnertime and I have zero plans — is this depression? burnout? apathy? What should I do to turn this around? I feel like I’m failing at some integral part of being a mom/wife.

    I’m a married mom to 2 kids (10 and 13) and I have a mental block against dinner. I was good about doing it in the first few years of my marriage, and then maybe the first year or two when the kids were born, but it’s completely devolved. My husband tends to have an unintentionally huge snack at 5 regardless of how much we’ve planned dinner, then says he won’t eat. On other nights, he wants to eat like 5 portions of something that I’m hoping to extend to a few different meals and I feel like the portion police if I’m limiting him. My 10yo is a picky eater and we end up repeating Spaghettios/hotdogs stuff for him most nights, and my 13yo is a burgeoning foodie chef who likes to invent meals. All of this is to say that I often don’t plan dinner. When I do plan dinner we often don’t eat the dinner, unless I’m trying to meal prep-for-dinner and then everyone wants to eat all the portions. But more days than not I feel like a deer in headlights when it’s 6:30 and I haven’t even thought about dinner. (DH often does the cooking when I do plan stuff, but all of the planning/defrosting/finding ingredients in the pantry is on me.) If it were just meal I’d be happy to do a frozen WeightWatchers meal and call it a day.

    1. Meal prepping on the weekends is the actual worst and I refuse to do it, but getting a proper dinner on the table each night does require a little thought and pantry stocking. What can you serve that everyone likes that relies on ingredients you already have plus whatever fresh stuff you got at the store that week? I don’t do a strict meal rotation, but we have lots of go-tos in mind that we can pull out after the inevitable “what do you feel like” question game. It’s all pretty basic and won’t win any culinary awards, but it’s quick and keeps me out of the kitchen for excessive lengths of time. Budget Bytes is a good blog for inspiration if you need some.

      1. Budget Bytes has a meal plan section that basically puts the weekly plan together, including grocery list and recipes. It’s $12 for a 4 week set of plans and she’s got a bunch of them on her website broken down by type (vegetarian, one-pot, 30 minutes, etc).

    2. First of all, you’re not failing as a wife/mom. My partner and I don’t have kids and still often struggle with ideas for dinner! This is where those overpriced meal boxes come in handy. We just pick the meals we like and don’t have to think about dinner for a few nights. I’m sure it can be difficult with kids but I don’t think the responsibility should fall solely on you, but if that is the planned division of labor, I’d try to meal plan Sunday evenings and keep a stock of easy meals in the freezer. We love those Trader Joe’s frozen fried rice meals with chicken or shrimp. I also like to have an arsenal of some easy dinners with kitchen staples like pasta with veggies, protein and some sauce.

    3. Sounds like meal planning could be your friend! There are two ways to do meal planning. You could sit down on Sunday (with or without your family) and decide you’re making chili on Monday (with leftovers for lunches), chicken parm on Tuesday (and making enough to have again on Thursday), Wednesday is stir fry, Thursday is chicken parm leftovers and Friday is pizza night.

      Or, you could have a basic rotation: Monday is soup, Tuesday is tacos, Wednesday is pasta, Thursday is sheet pan meal, etc. Then have a handful of go tos in each category to whip up.

      Would your budding chef have an interest in taking on one night a week of dinners? Even if they can’t or don’t want to cook every week, maybe let them choose a meal idea once a week?

      If you’re planning on meal prepping, tell people that! If they’re still hungry they can have a bowl of cereal.

      I’d also tell your husband that dinner is family time so he has to e present.

    4. Dinner is a struggle. I wouldn’t spend the whole weekend meal prepping, but I notice a huge difference when I take 20-30 minutes to make a rough plan for what we’re eating that week. And then grocery shopping usually follows. Do I enjoy this? Not really, and I’ve been doing it for 10 years. But I have learned that if I skip this crucial step, it ends up being a major pain point during the work week.

    5. At 13, I was responsible for cooking one dinner a week and for telling my mom what ingredients I would need ahead of time. Yes, at least a few times, I decided to do something over the top like a multi-course meal on a school night but generally it worked out fine.

    6. I also struggled for many years and started planning during covid. Now I do a very loose plan, but I always want to have 3 things in mind for the upcoming week when I go shopping, and then the other 2 weeknights are always filled in with something else – either leftovers or snack dinner or similar.

      You also have a husband problem if he is eating at 5 and not waiting for dinner. Have you considered moving dinnertime earlier? We started really early dinner (5:30) when the kids were tiny and had a 7 pm bedtime and have just kept it up. IME everyone is less cranky if they eat before their softball practice/game/what have you, even if that means eating at 5 or eating half then and half at 7:30 (my son’s strategy).

      I also don’t make separate foods for the picky eaters, but YMMV.

      2. Agree that an earlier meal time might be better. I am ravenous and cranky if I have to wait until 6:30 to eat, as are my kids.

      3. I think a great solution for picky eaters is to serve things separately. Taco night is great for this. Keeping some plain pasta to the side without sauce works too. Salads with all the toppings out separately. Asian style bowls not pre-composed, everyone gets a bowl of rice and the toppings are on the table.

        Casseroles & things cooked in sauce are the worst for picky eaters.

        I did the above and now my formerly picky eater is much better.

    7. I tend to think it’s burnout in this situation. (I mean, you could be depressed, but nothing about your description makes me jump to that.) I feel the same way. It’s like those awesome memes about how you didn’t realize you were going to be feeding these kids three meals a day, 365 days a year, for 18 years. It is definitely hard. One suggestion for options is to do the “bowls” – I cook a protein, cook some rice, slice up some veggies, throw a different sauce out a couple times a week (tzatziki, salsa, soy or ginger dressing) and let people fix what they want.

      Not sure what to do about your husband, but if you reliable have dinner in the evening, maybe he’ll stop with the large snack? Or he can just fix a smaller dinner for himself…

    8. First of all, it sounds like your husband is actively undermining your attempts to plan. I don’t have enough information to believe that it’s intentional, but the dynamic sounds terrible. No wonder you feel like you’re failing! (You’re not)

      I think you need to talk with him about the whole thing: is family dinner a priority or a bonus? what is a fair division of labor to plan and make dinners? what are some strategies you can deploy for the bad days? Like, if neither of you is super invested in family dinners, or only need to do it occasionally, then think about what you need to have on hand so everyone in the family has something to eat that they like and covers their nutritional needs without requiring a ton of effort. If you decide family dinners are important, then it’s time to talk about how to protect them (no giant snack at 5!) and how you can share responsibility for getting them on the table.

      We all get used to the way something is, but when you’re struggling, it’s time to change the system, not just beat yourself up about it.

    9. Well, you can’t just expect dinner to magically make itself at 6:30. You do need to plan. It doesn’t mean you have to devote every Sunday to meal prepping – it could be a matter of making something big enough on Mondays/Wednesdays to have as leftovers on Tuesdays/Thursdays, with the weekend for ordering out or doing simple meals like cheese/charcuterie. Also, your kids are old enough to help!! Assign them one day to plan and cook.

    10. Do you need to handle dinner at all? Can it be all on your husband to coordinate (including purchasing all groceries)? It sounds like he’s the one who is causing you the most pain (eating a lot or a little) and he cooks. Can you have a conversation with him about your stress level and just ask him to take it all on? It is very reasonable for one partner to handle 100% of one chore on a recurring basis, as long as the chores overall are balanced. Like others have mentioned, you don’t need to be on top of dinner (or any specific chore) to be a good mom.

    11. Sounds like it’s time to assign 13yo to make dinner once a week! S/he can make a list of the ingredients ahead of time.

      Very few people like meal planning. It is agonizing to me to sit there and think of what meals to make. But it’s so nice having it done and having a plan (my husband also cooks 90% of dinners, but I do the shopping).

      I would brainstorm with your family 10 summer meals and 10 winter meals you like, and then put them on a two-week rotation, with a couple spare nights each week for takeout or DIY/leftovers.

    12. I think this is a great situation for divvying up nights and each person is 100% responsible for adding ingredients to the grocery list in advance of the shopping day for that week and defrosting, etc as needed. I’d be unhappy if I went to the effort to make dinner and spouse chose to snack instead of eating dinner.

      What if it’s something like you and spouse each take 2 nights, 13 year old takes 1 night, leftovers 1 night and takeout 1 night?

      1. I keep kind of hope they’ll notice and take it away from me but alas, no…

        1. Also, is your 13 year old ready to have a regular night to be responsible for (coordinating with Dad on ingredient shopping)?

    14. Aim for a certain time for dinner every night. I’m your husband often because if meal planning isn’t happening until 6:30 sometimes and it’s earlier on other nights, then I’m probably going to eat at 5 if I’m starving (then kick myself when DH wants to sit and eat together at like 7:30 or 8).

      Try to aim for routine in your nights. Meal planning is a lot easier once you have certain nights devoted to different meals. Doesn’t have to be every night. But knowing Tuesdays are turkey burgers and Fridays are Mexican makes things a ton easier.

      Not everyone manages leftover approaches well–either eating too much or hating the leftover meals (and then sabotaging those meals with snacking). I would just accept that leftover discipline is going to be tough and only do with things freezable (like setting aside chili to freeze before anyone is served) or making a smaller batch and avoiding deliberate leftovers–but planning for something simple for the next lunch or dinner to make up for the loss (like wraps or similar where there isn’t a lot of cooking).

    15. 1. Assign the foodie child to plan and cook one dinner a week.
      2. If your husband is the type of snacker mine is, the only way to stop the snacking is not to keep any snack foods in the house. My husband used to sit down and polish off a container of nuts or a bag of pita chips while I was cooking dinner. Buying single-portion packages didn’t help; he’d just eat four of them. If he snacks on real food that’s more challenging.
      3. Come up with a couple of “desperation dinners” that are easy to cook with ingredients you always keep on hand when you just aren’t feeling it. We have breakfast tacos at least once a fortnight.
      4. Plan and shop for just 2-3 dinners at a time, even if this means you have to go to the grocery store twice a week. Somehow a full weekly meal plan feels like a huge obligation to me, and if I have a couple of dinners to pick from I somehow feel less constrained. Shopping more frequently also allows me to better calibrate the meals to my mood.
      5. If you are planning for leftovers, put the extra food away before you serve dinner so it’s not easily accessible. I like to plate the food at the stove instead of letting everyone serve themselves at the table.
      6. Stop worrying about what your husband and the non-cooks want or don’t want to eat. You’re the cook–you get to serve what you want to cook. If your husband spoiled his dinner with snacks that doesn’t mean everyone else doesn’t get to eat a nice dinner.
      7. Come up with one or two boring substitute foods that picky child can prepare for himself with minimal mess if he doesn’t want what you made. For a long time our approved kid substitutes were cottage cheese (for main dish) and baby carrots (for veg).
      8. If you cook, husband is responsible for cleaning. I can deal with cooking if I am done for the day once I sit down to dinner. I just cannot face the thought of cleaning it up too.

    16. Is it time to trade tasks with your husband and take a break from cooking dinner for a while? My husband and I have traded off weeknight dinner responsibilities a few times over the years depending on work/school demands, commutes, kid taxi duties, etc.

    17. OP here – what’s really funny is that I have done a ton of planning and have like a 6-8 week rotation of our favorite meals on a spreadsheet that lists what ingredients we’ll probably need that week and what we can do ahead of time on the weekend… it just floated around the kitchen and no one ever did anything with it, me included. I’ve also done a lot of my “desperation dinners” like crockpot ones or whatever and then everyone decides to do their own thing. Maybe my husband can take the 6-week rotation if I just drip it to him one week at a time.

      Love the idea about giving the 13yo one meal a week, though.

      1. I guess some of this us Daly culture too – unless it was a “fend for yourself night” (which we had like once a week), “just doing our own thing” was never an option. Everyone sat down at the same time and ate the same meal together. My parents didn’t make things anyone hated, but they made one dinner and that was it. It wasn’t always my favorite, but I survived.

        1. My kids are in college now, but when they were still here, we did regular “fend for yourselves” nights. It was usually when we had a lot of leftovers in the fridge that needed to get used up. My husband will never voluntarily eat a leftover when there are other options, but if I’m absolutely refusing to cook, it’s either he makes a sandwich or eats leftovers. Then he will inevitably say “this is pretty good” about the leftovers. Some things really do get better after a stay in the fridge.

      2. The lazy genius either her podcasts or the book the lazy genius kitchen has some tools and tips that I think will help you get over this block. (Let each kid pick one meal a week, have a short list of meals to choose from, etc). Good luck!

      3. OP, I have this problem too and ordered a weekly menu that I stick onto the fridge. I’m a visual planner so seeing it while I have my coffee in the morning reminds that it’s time to take the chicken out of the freezer or whatever and helps limit the “we have nothing for dinner” anxiety. As a bonus, my picky husband can tell me if he hates something ahead of time instead of after I’ve gone to the trouble of cooking it, and then he can be in charge of finding an alternative plan.

      4. If your family regularly decides not to eat what you’ve cooked, and you and your husband are fine with this and allow it, then it’s time to give up on family dinners and buy yourself a freezer full of Weight Watchers meals if that’s what you like. There is no point in cooking for ungrateful people who won’t eat what you’ve cooked.

      5. See if you can find a grocery store that will let you save multiple shopping lists and order online (I use Hy-Vee but I believe they only serve the Midwest). I have a 4-week rotation with a pre-set grocery list for each weekly menu, so all I have to do is order that week’s items with one click. This is the only way I’m able to keep up with the meal planning/grocery grind. It is the actual worst

    18. Seriously- you’re stressing out about a thing that no one in your family seems to appreciate and I suspect you’re carrying some “good wives make dinner that a family eats together around a table” baggage.

      It doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad mother to farm out feeding everyone, especially if husband wants to eat at 5 and the youngest wants to eat spaghettios. It sounds like eating together doesn’t work for your family, and that’s fine! If everyone eats at some point and you do some family bonding thing that isn’t nightly dinner, that’s perfectly acceptable!

      I’d suggest trying to balance out how many meals you’re doing a week:
      -a few nights a week everyone feeds themselves, smorgasboard style- everyone makes what they want to eat and you don’t do anything except make sure a vegetable happens to your kids once in a while
      -A few nights a week where making dinner is on your husband and 13 yr old (and takeout/freezer)
      -Picking one night a week for a “family dinner” if that feels important to you- so sunday everyone sits down together for a casserole.

    19. I definitely wouldn’t be able to do a family dinner every night, so it’s a good thing I don’t have kids. I’m starving the minute I get home, which means I have to have food prepped in advance, and all I have to do is heat it up or assemble it from pieces mostly ready to go. It sounds like your husband is similar, so maybe you should work together to come up with meals that would be ready earlier, and he could skip the snack. If that means making tomorrow’s dinner after you eat each night, so be it, though I usually batch cook or prep more on the weekends.

    20. There is nothing wrong with eating a frozen Lean Cuisine for a meal. Stop beating yourself up. If anyone in your household feels strongly about a home cooked dinner, they can step up to the stove themselves.

    22. This may not apply to you, OP, but I feel like sometimes people think “dinner” has to involve multiple component “dishes” with sauces or cheese or that have a title. Really, a complete, healthful dinner can be plain rice, a single steamed or roasted vegetable or a handful of salad from a bag, and chicken/fish/meat seasoned with salt and pepper or seasoning mix and baked or sauteed in olive oil. Yes, you can make “Chinese chicken salad” with crunchy noodles from a bag with foreign lettering and many specific vegetables chopped up and a particular dressing, or “veal Parmesan” with tomato sauce and two cheeses and bread crumbs and garlic bread and a Caesar salad. But you’re not better fed because the meal has a title or is the combination of components you’d get at a restaurant. If you have a few proteins and a few vegetables (frozen is fine) and some rice, quinoa, other grain and/or potatoes (optional to me but not everyone) in the house, you can make a full week of meals pretty much on the fly.

      2. Also, if this sounds boring, recruit your foodie kid to help you make batches of fresh condiments twice a month. A salad dressing, a pesto or chimichurri sauce, or a marinade can keep a couple of weeks and be used across proteins and veg of many kinds to liven up basic component meals. I keep a delicious romesco sauce frozen in portions to throw under fish, chicken, and vegetables like cauliflower on the fly.

      3. In our house, a sandwich can also be a dinner. We make an effort to add some vegetables and avocado for extra nutrients and fiber and then call it a day. Plus, having apples and carrots around for quick snacks/sides is way better than nothing.

    23. Do your grocery stores have meal kits? For a while higher end grocery stores were doing these to compete with meal delivery services. Whole Foods has nice ones where I live. I would knock out a few weeknights with these, plus maybe a rotisserie night or a pizza night.

    24. Not failing at all! Dinner is the worst. If I could take a pill and satisfy all of my nutritional and caloric needs, I totally would!

      This may sound over the top, but our system is to sit down on a Friday or Saturday night and plan out food for the week ahead, then it gets written onto the whiteboard that is attached to the fridge and that is what we eat. It has stopped my DH snacking madly late afternoon (snap!) and also means that when I’m exhausted later in the week, we don’t just revert to junk. If I’m feeling super enthused when meal planning, I’ll involve our 3 kids (4, 6 and 8) and everyone has to come up with dinner for one night (main, veges, side). I do a little vetting on meals to ensure there is something planned that each kid will eat and we also do the same meals on Tuesday (tacos), Wednesday (soup and grilled cheese, with chopped up veges), and Friday (purchased pizza bases and kids top their own, with fruit salad to finish).

      I’m responsible for the planning and DH is responsible for the shopping and pantry stocking.

      It sounds like of a lot, but it really is easy once you’ve done it once or twice. Having a system removes a massive amount of stress and brain space.

    25. I’m late to the party but I have this problem and I get local chef delivered meals and components. There are a couple businesses around me that do this and I usually get two entrees and a few veggies /sides depending on what’s available. It is so 100% worth the money because of the mental load it removes. If you can swing it I would try.

  5. My beloved color protecting shampoo has been discontinued and replaced with a sulfate-free option. I do not want to use the new version; when I’ve tried going sulfate free in the past, I always ended up with buildup and scalp issues. No thanks, just give me some SLS and call it a day.

    Anyway, if you have recommendations for color safe shampoo, I’d love to hear them.

    1. ooh can you say more about your scalp issues? I’ve been having some flakiness and dryness just in the front, and I wonder if it’s the sulfate-free shampoo I switched to…

      1. Sulfate-free shampoos won’t get your hair clean if you are using conditioner or hair products with silicones in them.

      2. It itched constantly and I could tell there was a bunch of buildup. My hair never felt clean even after washing. Then the flakes started.

    2. Pantene is the only thing that doesn’t irritate my scalp (oily/occasional acne-prone skin still at 40.)

    3. I hate most sulfate-free shampoos but have had good results with the Madison Reed shampoo and conditioner for colored hair.

    4. The Sulfate free shampoos trend is a culture above science marketing thing like “clean beauty”. Sulfates work and most people have zero reaction to them. I’m a sulfate shampoo only person.

      2. I used to have terrible dandruff. My doctor told me to use tar shampoo. Still had dandruff. Turns out I”m allergic to SLS, and the tar shampoo had it! So…

      3. Meh. You do you. Sulfate free shampoo person here, and I have so much less painful open sores in my hair, scalp, face and mouth (sulfate free toothpaste!) than before. I’m very happy that you love sulfates, but seriously, please let others have different experiences.

  6. A funny observation is that this morning’s post made me feel like a total health nut but then the snack post on the mom’s site made me feel like I a house that’s filled with junk food – ha!

  7. Okay I’m posting this here just because I don’t have a place to post/say it generally.

    I started a new job a year-ish ago and it is good but my assistant is frustrating. She is the general assistant for the legal department and does not seem wildly busy but she has been for 25+ years and she loves to talk. And talk. And talk. About nothing and anything. I went down to her desk today to ask when a colleague would be back from a business trip (she doesn’t IM) and she gave me the answer and then followed me back to my office where she chatted at me for the next 20+ minutes. About a lunch she recently went to, her daughter, community colleges in our area, technology development since the 80s, and I don’t know what else. I mostly tried to focus on my computer and look busy to make her take the hint but it took a while. This isn’t rare. She did this to my neighbor this morning for a solid 45 minutes and I thought about falling on the grenade for them but I’m not that good of a person.

    1. use your words! “hey it’s been nice catching up but I need to prep for my 10:00”

    2. we had an admin like this – who has now thankfully retired – and you have to use your words. They don’t pick up on social cues. “nice to catch up, I’ve got to get back to this!’ “thanks, I’ve got to jump on this call!” etc. said cheerfully but firmly

    3. Please don’t make people try to get the hint — it’s really mean, actually. Be a grown-up. “I’m so sorry; I have to get back to this. I’ll try to stop by your desk to catch up on my way out!” Or leave the last part out if you’re not going to do that.

      Directness is more kind in this case.

      1. Unfortunately, if you’re direct it will get her away in that moment but as soon as you open your door she’ll come back. “Well I guess I was taking up too much of your time earlier” and off she goes again for another 20-30 minutes

        1. Let me stop you right there. I’m glad you picked up on that. It’s true that my work does not leave me time to chat throughout most days, so I am trying to be better at keeping it short and sweet. Thanks for understanding!

    4. My friend was just complaining to me about a coworker who is like this and who also has the unfortunate habit of repeating herself in a giggly tone after each sentence, so like: “I’m heading to lunch now. I’m all, I’m heading to lunch now!” and “We need two people on staff that day. Haha, I’m like, we need two people on staff that day!” It blows my mind the spread of humanity you can find in a typical office.

  8. Just wanted to thank whomever recommended Pompeiian red wine vinegar. I had bought some store brand red wine vinegar and it seemed like there was no there there. The good stuff makes all the difference.

    1. You are welcome! Sometimes I also use their balsamic (it’s not the thick syrup restaurants used to drizzle on things to be fancy… it’s just vinegar… but it’s pretty good).

      1. Here’s what I just made-

        I c dry pearled couscous, cooked
        I drained can chickpeas/garbanzos
        A handful of cherry tomatoes, diced
        A peeled, seeded cucumber, diced
        Salt and pepper on the tomato & cucumber while they sit waiting
        1/2 a can of small black olives, quartered
        Newman’s own lemon vinaigrette
        Add vinaigrette to couscous while still warm
        When slightly cooler, add beans, tomatoes, cucumber and olives to couscous. Toss with more dressing if necesssry, then add dried dill and red wine vinegar to taste.

  9. This is so dumb but I need to vent.

    I have a 45 driving commute home each day on semi rural roads in light traffic. I typically call (hands free) my husband as I am leaving work, talk with him for a few minutes about our respective days’ events, and then spend that last half of the commute just kind of sitting there quietly while he is obviously distracted (usually doing dinner prep, sometimes by whatever is on TV in the background). I tell him I am going to hang up and will see him soon. Sometimes he is fine with that, but more and more lately he gets defensive and protests about me hanging up. I’ve told him I don’t want to keep him tied up if he’s busy. I’ve told him I am bored and think it’s silly to sit there mutually silent on the phone together. I’ve told him I want to spend the drive decompressing from my day so I can better enjoy my time together with him when I do get home. We have talked through this outside of the commute conversation and he says he understands that sometimes I just need the quiet time to myself. He agrees that it is okay for me to either not call him at all or to end the call when the conversation is done. He is normally a rational, reasonable, and kind person.

    But. Every time I do this, either don’t call him as I leave or end the call before I arrive home, he mopes and pouts. It is maddening. We have been together for 25 years, and he has always liked the commute call when our schedules allow it, but this inability to hang up already is a recent change. I have banned it and asked him why it is happening; he tells me he just misses me so much he doesn’t want to hang up. This is not normal, right? How do I address this and get past it?

    1. Tell him you want to catch up properly face to face and not while you’re focusing on traffic and that it’s getting really distracting–so you’ll be texting when you leave instead of calling. My husband (16 years now) used to do this and it is maddening. He also used to try to have conversations with me while I showered. Set the boundaries lovingly.

      Commutes should be for singing to the radio or ruminating over work or listening to podcasts or having calls with other people stuck in traffic, darn it.

      1. Yes!!! I just want to veg out the drive, not entertain him with conversation beyond its natural life or be unable to fiddle with the radio because he just wants to exist on the line.

    2. Absolutely not normal. If you use up all your material on the drive home what are you supposed to talk about over dinner?

    4. You’ve been together 25 years, you live together, and he misses you so much he doesn’t want to hang up even when you’re not having a conversation? He’s a rational, reasonable and kind person, yet if you hang up the phone at the end of a conversation with him rather than leaving the line open, he gets defensive, mopes, and pouts?

      No, this does not sound normal. What’s your best guess at what might have changed with him that would be causing him to behave this way — is there some higher stress, anxiety, insecurity, or loneliness going on?

    5. My husband is a night owl and stays up sometimes until 3 or 4 AM (his schedule allows) but I like to be in bed around 9 PM and wind down to sleep around 10. I will come and say goodnight and everynight he does a little “nooooo” and I’m like “hon…why?” we’ve been doing our own thing for hours since dinner, what is the objection? Usually he chuckles and realizes he’s being silly. Maybe this is similar.

      Maybe he thinks it’s some show of how much he loves you or opposite, he thinks that you hanging up or ending the call is a show of irritation/you losing interest? Or it’s just a learned reaction?

  10. I love slingbacks but I get self-conscious about the state of my heels. I’m pretty active and hard on my feet, and walk a portion of my commute. Even with the most regular moisturizing/exfoliating routine, my heels will always have a callus. I feel like it looks unprofessional, but I’d love to hear other folks’ thoughts.

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