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Updated: Sep 18, 2024 134 Comments · by

Suit of the Week: J.Crew

Suit of the Week

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charcoal pantsuit in herringbone

For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional. Also: we just updated our big roundup for the best women's suits of 2024!

I love a good herringbone suit, and this one from J.Crew looks lovely.

Somewhat annoyingly, these are the only two pieces — wouldn't this suit be fabulous with a matching vest, or perhaps a fit-and-flare dress?

Both the blazer and the pants come in a wide size range (00-24), and the blazer is available in petite and tall sizes as well. The pants are full price at $298, but the blazer is marked down a bit to $268 for a limited time

Hunting for a similar suit in a print or pattern? M.M.LaFleur has a lovely houndstooth option, a plaid, and a black-and-white check; J.Crew also has a number of striped suits, and Brooks Brothers has a surprisingly nice paisley corduroy suit. Banana Republic has a nice mid-brown plaid as well as some nice pinstripes.

Sales of note for 9.30.24

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Anonymous

    can someone explain to me like i’m 5 (pretty please): how do rate cuts from the Fed affect the little people? is it related to mortgages? taxes?

    • Senior Attorney

      It affects every loan you take out: Mortgages, personal loans, car loans, and so on. It also affects the rate you earn on your savings accounts. More details (gift link): https://wapo.st/4gmDGfk

    • Anon

      The cost to borrow money goes down. Interest rates on savings accounts, cds, money market accounts, etc. (popular among retired people or anyone else who wants a low risk return on savings) also go down.

    • Anonymous

      The Fed sets the rate by which banks can borrower money, which impacts the rate at which a bank can then lend money. They don’t directly set home loan rates or other rates, but it will trickle down to those if you’re taking a new loan or have an adjustable rate loan. It doesn’t impact taxes at all.

    • Anon

      It’s one of three levers the Fed has to impact how much money is out circulating in the economy (the other two are changing reserve requirements and printing money / buying up money via bonds). When the Fed raises the rate, it is more costly for banks to borrow money, which is then passed on to the consumer who gets mortgages, car loans etc from a bank. Since it costs the bank more to “buy” access to that cash, they pass that on to consumer via more expensive loans – ie higher interest rates. Right now the Fed is going to be lowering rates, which will make it less costly for banks to borrow cash, and in turn they should pass that on to consumers borrowing money via lower interest rates. This then helps inject money into the economy, as more people will be able to afford to take a loan to buy houses, cars, start a small business, etc.

  2. Anon

    What makeup, if any, are you wearing today? What do you keep at your desk?

    I always like to hear what products others are wearing.

    Today I used my very efficient desk makeup bag to get ready for a zoom. Skincare including sunscreen already done.

    Dr Jart+ Premium Beauty Balm (light)
    Bobbi Brown corrector stick under eyes (light bisque)
    Charlotte Tilbury Pillow Talk Lip & Cheek Glow (colour of passion)
    Beauty Pie Archology Eyebrow gel (perfect brown)
    Bobbi Brown shadow stick (golden pink)
    Beauty Pie Kohl eyeliner (smoky quartz) smudged out
    L’Oreal Panorama mascara
    Beauty Pie One Powder Wonder (uberlucent universal) – it really is a wonder
    Revlon Super Lustrous Shine (003 glossed up rose)

    I use a double ended Trish Mcevoy foundation/concealer brush for the first three
    A double ended Beauty Pie brush for all eye applications (blending the shadow stick, smudging the liner)
    A freebie Sephora brush (maybe for my birthday? Idk) for the powder
    I have a tiny magnifying mirror for the close up stuff but otherwise use the mirrors on the blush or powder

    • Anonymous

      i’m wearing light concealer (e.l.f.), light blush, and dior addict.

      for zoom i’ll put on a brighter lip (i have an old Bite color I like) and glasses with light blue plastic frames.

    • Anon

      I am currently loving my Urban Decay Vice liquid lip color in PDA, and my Charlotte Tilbury Unreal Skin Sheer Glow hydrating foundation stick. With this, some blush (NARS the Multiple usually), one of several tubing mascaras, and an eyebrow brush I am good to go.

    • anon

      Estee Lauder double wear foundation (1N1)
      Maybelline Age Rewind concealer
      NARS multiple stick (Maui)
      A dusting of Clinique pop cheek blush (Heather Pop)
      Urban Decay eyeshadow (Sin)
      Clinique Quickliner (espresso? Something brown.)
      Elf lip oil in a pinkish color

      Other than a lip color, I don’t keep makeup at my desk.

    • Anon

      Rare Beauty primer
      Smashbox x Becca Under Eye Brightening Corrector
      NARS Radiant Creamy Concealer
      NARS liquid foundation
      VIOLETTE_FR Bisou Blush (a cream blush)

      I don’t wear that much lipstick these days. I really miss the Sephora Rouge Lip Tints, which were liquid lipsticks. They were this amazing lipstick/lip stain hybrid and stayed sooo long.

      I used to wear mascara pretty regularly, but it started bothering my eyes. I never did learn how to do eye shadow or eye liner well.

    • Anon

      Today? None at all.

      Keep at my desk? Lip balm.

      On the rare days I do wear makeup? Mascara, maaaybe a small bit of eyeshadow.

      Seasonally? I wear mineral sunscreen in the summer if I think I will be outdoors while the sun is up. In winter I wear a lightweight moisturizer, but don’t usually see daylight just due to living so far north that I commute in the dark both ways, so I forgo the sunscreen.

    • Anon

      I often don’t wear makeup to work, but today I did. These are also the things I keep at my desk/in my work bag to throw on my face if needed:
      Maybelline Age Rewind concealer
      Tarte tubing mascara
      Benefit brow gel
      Tarte maracuja gloss/lip color in primrose

      I always come to work with skincare done, and if I’m putting on makeup I’m looking to cover dark circles and look less tired than I actually am.

    • Anonymous

      Kosas SPF
      (if winter, I’ll also add a layer of Merit face oil)
      Kosas Foundation
      (if long, long day like at a conference, then I’ll add a setting spray)
      Hourglass blush/bronzer combo by swiping from a palette I have
      Thrive eyebrow tint
      Chanel lip duo in rosewood
      eyelash extensions so no mascara or anything

      Only thing I pack in a to-go bag is the lip duo and some powder or blotting papers in case my nose gets shiny

    • Anon

      Cerave sunscreen, Merit foundation, Merit mascara, Merit bronzer, Nars blush, NYX eyebrow pencil that is a knockoff of the Anastasia one, brow gel, Bareminerals powder, NYX setting spray. I always forget to put on lipstick in the mornings.

      After one too many crying sessions at work, I now keep a concealer and powder compact at my desk, and an Ilia lipstick as well.

    • No Face

      None, but I have eyelash extensions and brow tint. Other days, I add a light powder and all day lip color.

    • Pep

      Just Prunier “Plumscreen” which is a serum/SPF product.

      I wouldn’t buy this for myself, but a friend who is really into cosmetics and skin care gave me a gift bag of personally “curated” products for my recent birthday.

    • Anon

      Make up below. My profile: medium-deep skin tone, normal/dry skin, slight hyperpigmentation

      Products:

      Live Tinted Hueguard Skin Tint SPF 50 Mineral Sunscreen Broad Spectrum (Shade 7 I think) – LOVE this for fellow brown girls. Sometimes I layer concealer but normally don’t need to.
      Loreal Voluminous Lash + Maybelline Bambi Eyes (Black)
      Elf cosmetics Wow Brow Gel (Black)
      Physicians Formula Butter Bronzer
      Maybelline baked blush (not sure of color)
      Elf lip stain + Peripera lip gloss in chilling rose

    • Seafinch

      Make-up Forever Redness Corrector
      Fenty Eaze Drop (4)
      Jones Road Face Pencil (Shades 1 and 2)
      Benefit Precisely, Brow Wax
      Make-up Ever Eye Liner (some kind of Brown)
      Jones Road Miracle Balm (Flushed)
      Sephora Microsmooth Powder (15 Fair Neutral)

      It all lives in small zip pouch in my handbag. I was ahead of my husband this morning and the baby was whining for me so I jumped in the car to get out of his eye sight and did it in the car while I waited. It takes me about 90 seconds.

  3. Amelia Bedelia

    help – my mascara always, always, always, smudges under my eyes. I’ve tried about 78000 different types of mascara. now I’m wondering whether I can put something under my eyes to make it stop? I currently wear under eye concealer and then face powder. is my eye too moist? clingy?

    I am so sorry of having the smudgies underneath my eyes.

      • Anonymous

        Not OP. Tubing mascara is better but not perfect for this. I finally stumbled on eyelash extensions and am never going back. (I get them for length not volume and they look very natural–not the muppet style) Honestly lifechanging to always have perfect looking eyes and nothing irritating my contacts or settling in my undereyes. I don’t even wear eye concealer anymore–I don’t need to.

    • Anon

      Your eye is too moist. Stop wearing undereye cream/ stop moisturizing under your eyes for a day and see if it helps. Too emollient of a concealer can also be a problem. Try a stick formula.

      Tube mascara can help, but I find that even the best tube mascara can’t resist a creamy undereye area.

    • Trixie

      I have deep set eyes, so I have this problem too. In the am, I reduce the moisturizer/concealer/foundation around my eyes and try not to get any on my eyelashes. After I use my powder blush, I use the brush to put a tiny bit on the lashes, sort of a primer. Then I use a tubing mascara–Thrive is one of my favorites, but there are others. Allie at Wardrobe Oxygen just reviewed tubing mascaras. It stays put very well, and is easy to wash off. Good luck!

      • Moose

        For me, tubing mascara on top lashes only is the answer. All regular mascaras rub off on me.

    • Anonymous

      Primer maybe? The Lancome one is good and also encourages eyelash growth. I put on, let dry for a few minutes, and then do my mascara. I wear Thrive on top.

    • Veronica Mars

      I second the tubing mascara recs and would say that Lancome Lash Idole is the best tubing mascara I’ve tried. I used to be team drugstore before getting it as part of a holiday set.

      • Anon

        Thanks for the recommendation; I need to replace my drugstore pick and was thinking of upgrading!

  4. Anon

    i really don’t understand the purpose of homeowners insurance if deductibles are so high. our deductible is like 22k, we sustained some roof damage in a recent storm, cost of a new roof is like 24k, not worth submitting a claim for like 2k given the likely rate increase. i mean i guess it’s useful if you have tens of thousands in damage which i am grateful we don’t have, but it seems like in many cases it wont be worth submitting anything.

    • Anonymous

      Yikes, where do you live? Ours is much less…we had water damage from a hidden leak last year and found asbestos tiles under the floor as part of the clean up, it was a whole thing and probably cost $25k all together. Pipe repair wasn’t covered, but all the damage was, and we were out of pocket less than $2k.

    • Anonymous

      Ours is $1k. But we pay a high annual rate. I would suggest looking at your coverage and seeing if it makes sense to change your deductible.

    • Anon

      Former Florida resident here. Yeah, I go through all the inspections and other annual song and dance the insurance companies put me through trying to find cause to deny. I do whatever they ask, have never filed a claim and operate under the assumption that if something bad does happen, they’re not going to pay a damn thing.

      • Anon

        Californian here. Plenty of song and dance out here. In fact I received a non renewal notice this year, plus a piece of paper saying my “wildfire risk score” was 1 out of 30 (“Low to very low”) and that’s why they were cancelling me. I fortunately found replacement coverage by combining my auto and homeowners, but they had me over a barrel.

        I don’t expect it to get better. It’s all climate change and extreme events are more extreme.

        • Anon

          Part of the issue in CA are the price caps. The prices are artificially low. It isn’t financially feasible for insurance companies.

          I was shocked when I priced homeowners insurance in Texas. It was significantly more expensive (2-3x the price if I recall correctly) despite the value of the home being half the price.

          • Anon

            It’s not really a price cap per se. There have been rate increases approved. What is not approved is pricing by model. Insurers can choose risks by using climate/wildfire models. But they can’t currently price them using the model.

    • anon

      A high deductible policy is helpful for homeowners who have enough to pay for repairs under the deductible, prefer the lower premiums of a high deductible policy, and want insurance for the really big stuff (like house is totally destroyed).

      I live in a state where a bunch of insurers have stopped writing policies, so a high deductible is helpful because I don’t want to pay the higher premium for a lower deductible because it’s not really worth it to me to make a claim for something short of catastrophic. I could realistically be dropped at the next renewal after the insurance co pays the claim and there isn’t a lot of competition should I have to go look for a new policy after being dropped.

      22k is a super high deductible, even for folks who are fine with high deductibles. Were you offered other choices? Is your house worth so much it’s assumed you have enough on hand to not bother with insurance under this?

    • Anon

      $22k seems very high to me! I’ve heard it should be 1% of your insured home value, which doesn’t include the physical land. Unless you have some kind of mansion it’s hard to imagine a house that’s worth $2.2M when you exclude the land it’s on.

      Our deductible is $4k and our home is insured for $400k (we could sell it for ~$600k currently), which is still a lot and we pay for minor repairs out of pocket. But we haven’t had many repairs and the trade-off is low premiums.

    • Anon

      Where do you live? I am in the midwest and my deductible is $1k. We had a storm that produced hail damage and sent a branch through our roof (just the decking, not any of the framing) a few years ago. The full replacement cost was ~$12k, $11k of which was covered by insurance. Our rates did not increase notably after that.

      • Anon

        I should include: our rates are not terribly high in the first place, but we also don’t live in an area with any appreciable risk of anything other than harsh thunderstorms. We could get tornadoes, although we are not in tornado alley.

    • Anon

      You should have some choice in the deductible. But insurance companies are raising hail deductibles because hail damage is increasing due to climate change and the roofing companies seem to be exploiting that and aggressively solicit business after every storm. I suspect that increasing deductibles is an attempt to reduce fraud and more marginal repairs.

      • Anon

        Just to add, we have a 10k deductible for wind and hail and 5k for everything else, in the Upper Midwest where wind and hail are the major threat, aside from a fire or theft or something else human caused.

      • Anon

        Yeah, be really careful of those “free” inspections roofers offer after a storm. Those are hugely laden with fraud, including damaging your roof while they’re up there so they can “fix” it.

    • OP

      we live in Houston (prone to hurricanes, flooding and other climate events). Perhaps we do need to shop around for a better/different policy before it renews again though word on the street is that premiums are just getting higher

    • OP

      live in Houston, TX where we have hurricanes, storms, etc. the word on the street is that premiums are rising even if you don’t make claims due to all of the ‘natural disasters’ we have here, but it sounds like we should shop around

      • Anon

        Check in with a broker. I do some business in Texas and we refer clients to Kirsten Crawford. She was a referral from a friend. She’s excellent.

        In general, Texas insurance is really high and you do have to shop around. Kirsten is a broker.

        Even my car insurance quotes varied like crazy there recently.

        Contact: Kristin Crawford
        Phone
        Office: 918-308-5873
        Cell: 918-519-1937
        Email: kirsten.crawford@goosehead.com

  5. Boyfriend wants to "combine finances"

    I was talking to my BF last night on the phone. We are 6 months in, and at the point where he wants to introduce me to his 3 younger kids (all pre-teen). As part of the “future” discussion, he shared his vision of “combining finances” with his long-term partner. He is “fine with his partner not working” and envisions partner contributing in other ways.

    I am single, no kids, with a mid 7-figure nest egg. I plan to retire before 50. Partner says he does too, but he doesn’t really have retirement savings. He does own a home (that will be too small as kids grow) and the possibly of a 7-figure inheritance but future income is hard to project in his field.

    The “combine finances” comment is giving me pause today. Frankly he doesn’t have much to “combine” with me, though that could change. Should I bring this up now, and if so how? Or would you keep moving forward and re-visit at some later date. I don’t want to assume intent that isn’t there, and I also don’t want to offend him!

    • Anon

      Honestly this situation sounds perfect for a pre-nup. I would imagine he would want to make sure his inheritance passes on to his kids, and I would think you would want to hold onto your nest egg in the event things go south. I don’t think the comment of ‘combining finances’ all alone would give me pause but I would take it as the start to a series of ongoing conversations, not as a notice that this is something you must agree to by X date or you break up. Although…if he meant it in the ‘do this or we break up way’ I’d break up and be grateful you did it before marriage!

      • Anon

        +1 to this. I definitely agree re the prenup and definitely agree that this should be the start of a series of bigger picture conversations.

        How old are you? How old is he? [Ages relevant to see how close you are to retirement.] Do his three preteen kids have a mother who is still in the picture? How often does he have custody of the kids? If you’re not working, are you willing to take care of his kids? Is the kids’ mother okay with that arrangement?

        • Anonymous

          All of this. If I were bringing 7 figure assets to a relationship, either actual assets or a probable inheritance, I would absolutely want a prenup. But these lifestyle questions are equally important…it sounds like this was the opening salvo in a long, “hey we’re compatible as people, are our lives and goals compatible?” conversation.

    • Anonymous

      Hahahahahahhah girl what? He’s trying to freeload off you. Hard pass.

        • Anon

          +1

          This was extremely worrying to me to read.

          And honestly, divorced with 3 kids and zero retirement savings (!), there is no way he (you? if you marry) should be considering upgrading to a bigger more expensive house. A lot of people raise 3 kids in very modest houses and do just fine. You really need to think about what sort of lifestyle you want to live in, as it sounds like any house upgrade YOU would need to pay for…. for someone else’s 3 kids that you haven’t even met.

          Then again, you say your savings in mid 7 figures. So you mean 4-6 million dollars? Well, then are are pretty rich. Well done! It is up to you if you want to use that to buy a new house for your family. Also realize, that if you split up, this is a type of situation where you may have to pay him alimony if there is too much lifestyle creep. But clearly this guy has to clarify what he means by combining finances, and what his plans are for supporting his kids long term (bigger house/college) and his own retirement, and he expects to fund that.

      • anon

        I hate to say it, but that was my first reaction. Why wouldn’t he want to combine finances? He would benefit greatly, and you would not at all.

      • Wow

        I literally screamed and the Whoopi Goldberg gif came to mind

        OP please also go read the stepparents Reddit to open your eyes to the horrors that may await you. You have to tread so so so carefully if
        You want to continue being with this guy.

    • Anon

      Uhhh that seems like a huge red flag to me, and I say that as someone who has been fully “one pot” with my husband since we married at 26, but at that time I was a recent law school grad with five figure loan debt and he was in grad school with essentially no savings. It sounds like your BF wants to live off your savings. And the “envisions his partner contributing in other [non-financial] ways” is pretty rich (pun intended!) when you have so much more money than him. It also sounds like hints of a guy who wants a tradwife. And it’s minor relevant to the other issues, but I’m also confused about why he will need a bigger house soon – if his kids are already preteens they’ll be leaving the house in about 6-8 years — wouldn’t his eye be towards downsizing once he doesn’t have 3 kids living at home, rather than upgrading to a bigger space?

    • Flats Only

      I feel like if he’s casually talking about combining finances you can casually talk about a pre-nup. Especially with his small-ish kids involved. Just as his plans give you pause, your desire for a pre-nup may do the same for him, so it’s not like you’re somehow the bad guy in this. This sounds like the perfect point in the relationship to get a few cards out on the table. You’ll miss him, but better a six-month relationship down the drain than inadvertently becoming responsible for three college educations + keeping up your standard of living in retirement if his “not much to combine” doesn’t grow substantially.

      • anon

        +1. Also, what does “fine with his partner not working” mean to him? Is he looking for a stay at home spouse to look after his kids? Does he know/could he guess about your nest egg?

        I’d wait to meet the kids and see if you’re compatible re finances, life goals on a more granular level in the interim. Any plans should involve reasonably foreseeable money–not speculation on possible inheritance, jumps in income, etc.

    • Anon

      Boy, this sounds like a man who wants you to become a SAHM to his three small children. I don’t really know how else to read that discussion.

      Pre-nup, yes, but also, a very frank conversation about what role you, as a stepmother, would and would not be willing to play with regard to the children.

      • Anon

        I don’t think he’s necessarily trying to freeload off you, FWIW. He may be completely fine with a pre-nup. But he may have expectations about the role the woman in his life plays vis a vis his children that are out of alignment with the expectations you, as a woman who has not even met them yet, have about that role.

      • Nesprin

        +100 this sounds like a lot of unexamined assumptions on his part- “the woman always does the house/kids while the man brings home the bacon” without considering that OP makes more money and presumably has better lifetime earning potential and they’re his kids and he’s the default parent regardless of who he marries.

          • Nesprin

            I was trying to make the point that there’s the societal pressure for how families work, and it takes a number of conversations to figure out where he is.

            It’s worth asking if OP’s boyfriend’s cluelessness re finances is that:
            he’s stuck on the default settings and has never examined these assumptions,
            or if he’s having feelings about being the partner that doesn’t bring the bacon and has some shame around that but can be made to see the light,
            or if he’s actively looking for a more traditional family structure and is stringing OP along until she gives him all her money, quits her job, and stays home to raise his kids.

    • Anonymous

      So much hinges on whether “long-term partner” means “wife.” Does it?

    • Anon

      He wants to retire early but doesn’t have retirement savings and wants a SAH spouse? I would love to hear how exactly he think that will work out.

    • Anon

      Doesn’t really have retirement savings? I know a lot of people don’t, but if he is old enough to have 3 kids (and I am not clear if there are only 3 or if there are others who are not “younger”) I would not want to tether my financial future to his. The discussion of the possibility of an inheritance is just gross to me. It would be his, not a marital asset, if I am not mistaken, and anyway relying on the possibility of an inheritance is just . . . ick. If you want to continue dating him, I would absolutely insist on a prenup and I would decide how much money you are willing to spend taking care of his children.

    • Anon

      I’d like to “combine finances” with you too. Where do I send all my bills?

      Girl, come on. You know better than this!

    • Anonymous

      For me it depends on the context of the conversation – if he was just sh!tballing i wouldn’t be too worried. I do think that if he brings it up again you should talk about combining finances “going forward,” ie what was yours stays yours and what was his stays his. you’d be open to a prenup to keep any big inheritance on his side of things. but make it clear your money before marriage stays yours.

      I also think it’s relevant why he divorced (unless he was widowed)? If financial issues were part of it that would be a huge red flag to me.

    • Anonymous

      Why on earth would this man be appealing? Three kids and bad finances? Nope

      • anon

        Seriously, OP. I don’t care how great the guy seems 6 months in. He has lots of assumptions about the woman’s role in the relationship, you don’t know how you’re going to feel about his kids or even being a stepparent, and he is bringing heaps of baggage to the table. Yeah, nope.

      • Anon

        Boy, I really hope those are not the only criteria you’re evaluating potential partners on.

        • Anonymous

          Not the only criteria, but no children and good finances are on the list…. Luckily I found one who fit the bill.

        • Anon

          I know. The commenters on here are something else. It sounds like he’s gainfully employed and raising children and having a conversation where he’s putting options on the table for discussion.

          • Anon

            She’s asking because what he said gave her pause. It would give me pause too, and it look like it would many of the commenters here. But sure, you can get together with a guy like this yourself. Good luck!

          • Anon

            Don’t plan a life with someone if you plan to keep a “what’s mine is mine” mindset.

          • Anon

            Absolutely, @5:11. You go find yourself a broke man and support him yourself! Sounds great! Enjoy!!

          • Anonymous

            Feel free to spend your hard earned money on some shmoe and his kids but I have the self respect not to.

    • Anon

      Does he own the house free and clear? Does it have a significant value? Is the reason why he has no retirement savings because the mother of the three children received it in the divorce and he got the house? I’ve seen those types of things happen. I would definitely bring it back up since the door is already open. Also, a prenup is 100% what I would be evaluating here. And if he won’t sign a prenup, run.

    • Anon

      Huge red flag. If I were you, I would make it clear right away that in the case of marriage, you’d be protecting your 7 figure retirement savings and are happy for him to keep his inheritance. Also make it clear that, if you are combining finances, you will not be on the hook for covering his kids’ college.

      In this situation, since he has 3 kids and no savings, and you could retire now, I would absolutely not combine finances. You’d be on the hook for supporting his children into adulthood, covering college and living expenses, upgrading their house, and supporting him through retirement. Say you want separate finances and don’t worry about how he feels.

      It’s also bizarre he’s saying he wants to combine finances at 6 months in. You barely know each other, and he has kids to protect. Big red flag that he is thinking he has more to gain than to protect by recklessly merging financial lives with someone he hasn’t known a year.

      • Anon

        But why would she want to marry someone, with children, if she also didn’t intend to care for them and their future? That’s part of the deal of marriage. Otherwise don’t date people with children. You don’t get to opt out of the child rearing part.

        • Anon

          I’m that commenter and neither my stepmom nor my stepdad contributed in any way to my college fund. I don’t think financially supporting someone’s teen/adult children or paying for their college is the norm by any standards. A person having children definitely informs whether or not you combine finances.

          OP, it is totally fair to get a prenup to protect your retirement and also set boundaries on whether or not you combine finances. If he can’t afford his current lifestyle while also saving, that may mean you are on the hook to fund his retirement and/or contribute a large amount of your monthly income to supporting his 3 kids. Think for awhile about what boundaries you want. If my boyfriend had 3 kids and no retirement savings, I wouldn’t in a million years consider combining finances.

        • Nope

          Bull. Stepparents have zero legal protections or rights when it comes to their step kids but are expected to function as parent? Absolutely not. Every blended family is different but there is not a general consensus that a childfree adult woman now has to be mom to someone else’s kids possibly at the cost of her own finances or well being.

      • Anon

        Throwing this out there: her financials might make them ineligible for need-based aid. Many colleges require stepparent information and evaluate accordingly.

    • Anon

      Throwing this out there: her financials might make them ineligible for need-based aid. Many colleges require stepparent information and evaluate accordingly.

      • Anon

        It sounds like he’s relying on the potential inheritance but that’s risky.

    • Kate

      Yes, bring it up now. Yes, stick to your instincts and don’t comingle. (And if you get there yes, get a prenup.)

    • Anonymous

      Why am I feeling like I would be insulted and disappointed in him if I was in OP’s shoes. Oh because I would be. His “future vision” does not consider you and is just so out of touch with what you have to bring to the table. And what you have to lose. His “future vision” is centered around him, not you and him. If he thought for one minute about protecting your future, he’d suggest a prenup. Obviously. So does he have your best interests at heart?

      I’m curious whether he knew OP has 5mil invested when he suggested combining finances. That will grow nicely. Enough for two adults and any adult children that fail to launch.

      The inheritance thing. Yuck. Not his money. He should stop talking about it.

      He’s not retiring early with 3 kids. Not without “combining finances” with you. It’s just not happening.

      • Anon

        I agree. How is he going to retire at 50 when he has no retirement savings? If I stood to be the only one profiting off of the combining finances, I would NEVER ask to combine finances.

      • Anon

        Disagree on discussing an inheritance. When there are large amounts involved it can be a routine part of a family’s conversation and it’s not “yucky” to discuss it. He may have been meeting with family financial advisors for years and may have a very good sense of what that looks like. It’s not always speculative.

        • Anon

          I agree it’s not necessarily yucky to discuss it, but isn’t it always speculative? Unless his parents are in the $10M+ net worth range (which they’re not, she said 7 figures not 8) it can easily be depleted by eldercare costs, to say nothing of the fact that they could change their minds and choose to spend it or give to someone else. Or one parent could die and the surviving parent could get remarried and choose to leave everything to the second spouse (not uncommon!). Etc etc. There are lots of scenarios in which he doesn’t end up with the money and I don’t understand how you can count on an inheritance until the wire transfer goes through.

    • Anon NYC

      Something doesn’t add up here. He says he also wants to retire before 50 but has three kids, will likely need to get a larger home, theoretically pay for them to go to college all with uncertain future income and not a ton already saved for retirement? And he wants to support a stay at home wife too? You need to have more conversations with him about this and as others have said, don’t commingle and get a prenup. Definitely have your own bank account.

    • Anonymous

      “fine with his partner not working” is a different thing to me than a *preference* for a partner not to work. This would be a really important thing for me to nail down, if you like and want to continue your career. And it’s a separate issue than combining finances.

      FWIW, my mom has lived for years with her long term partner in a house that she owns free and clear, and they have not married or combined finances, very intentionally on her part. He is a lovely man, but not on fully solid financial footing. He still works (has no significant retirement savings), she is now retired, and he contributes a certain amount per month to household expenses and also “contributes in other ways” via a ton of home and car maintenance. This is obviously a very different and less complicated situation than partnering with someone with young kids, but I just wanted to throw out an example of how uncombined finances could work. IF you can agree on the lifestyle pieces, of course.

    • Anon

      I think you’re starting with the wrong question. Do you love him? Is he someone you want to build a life with? If so, then you get to finances. Off of a couple of paragraphs, I’d want to know more about the kids you haven’t met yet and what the situation is with his ex-wife or partner. If that’s all what you want to sign up for, I think your conversation turns to how you protect your different interests and then how you handle day to day finances. I agree with the advice to get a prenup, but also, regardless of whether you officially commingle your finances, you are still impacted by his financial life and vice versa if you get married. So I’d also take a step back and see if you’re comfortable with what his looks like. Combining finances or not is just a paper exercise to make a divorce easier. The reality is what you can afford and how you plan for your future depends on what you both do money wise.

    • CR

      Pre-nups do not protect the assets you acquire after a marriage. If you wouldn’t be happy to give half of your post-marriage assets to a person, you should not marry them. This goes for your boyfriend. That inheritance he’s hoping for would be half yours if you get married.

  6. Anon

    is apple picking in denver area a thing? i grew up in the northeast and have many apple picking memories from my childhood, but now live in Texas and will be visiting the Denver area next month and would love to take my kids if possible

    • Anon

      is apple picking in denver area a thing? i grew up in the northeast and have many apple picking memories from my childhood, but now live in Texas and will be visiting the Denver area next month and would love to take my kids if possible

      • Anon

        This is getting to be so annoying? Have there been any updates from Kat on when this might be fixed?

        • Kat G

          Thank you guys for your patience — we need to do an entire framework switch (kind of like replacing the engine of the car) before caching problems like these can be fixed. We have a draft of the new theme in working order for CorporetteMoms but we’re finetuning it… after we get it working smoothly over there we’ll apply the changes here.

          We’re also testing out a new third party commenting program that my tech guy swears is really good. (WPDiscuz). I have historically been wary of third party commenting programs but I’m considering it now because of caching issues like these.
          (edited for clarity)

        • Anon

          I’m not sure what happened! I tried to post a reply to the 3:15 poster. I don’t know how her text got copied!

          • Anon

            Anyway what I tried to say is that yes apple picking is a thing in Colorado though not like it is in New England and I think the season normally ends in late September so it may be too late.

  7. Anon

    ISO a warm brown sweater. Like a warm camel with a hint of yellow/orange, kind of the color of autumn leaves? I had one that I really loved from Everlane, but it has holes and they seem to be doing cooler beiges this year. Any suggestions?

  8. Anonymous

    What level of detail do you include on your LinkedIn and any tips? I suspect that I’m getting missed by recruiters using LinkedIn to source roles because I have so little on my profile. I am a lawyer and used to practice in a specialized area at a firm. I’m only getting picked up for those niche roles even though I have a much broader role now that I am in house.

    • Anon

      Not a lawyer so YMMV. I don’t copy and paste my resume into the job descriptions but I do have several bullet points per role that use key words for the industry or type of position I’m interested in.

    • Clara

      Not a lawyer but I literally only have the titles. I think if its not clear from your job titles you should add 1-2 bullets.

  9. Anon

    For those of you who got the Sephora annual sunscreen sample kit, what did you love and re-order? I’m really loving the Innisfree one and may want to get a full-size one.

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