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Weekend Open Thread

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green and white dress with cinched waist

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

I'm in the mood for a breezy weekend/vacation dress today — and this new bestseller from J.Crew looks great. I love the cinched waist, plus it has POCKETS!

The dress is also available in a black and a small black and white floral Liberty print.

The dress comes in sizes XXS-3X, XXSP-PL, and XST-XLT for $128-$228 (depending on which color; all sizes in stock as far as I can see).

Other great options if you're looking for something slightly similar for an upcoming getaway: this chambray option at Tuckernuck, this stripey dress from Old Navy, and this very similar dress from BRF. Found any great favorites lately? Shout 'em out in the comments.

(Not similar, and kind of more wedding-guest than the others, but I'm drooling over this blue dress from St. John.)

Sales of note for 4/21/25:

  • Nordstrom – 5,263 new markdowns for women!
  • Ann Taylor – 25% off tops & sweaters + extra 40% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50%-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Boden – 10% off new womenswear styles
  • Brooks Brothers – Friends & Family Sale: 30% off sitewide
  • The Fold – 25% off selected lines
  • Eloquii – $29+ select styles + extra 40% off all sale
  • Everlane – Spring sale, up to 70% off
  • J.Crew – Spring Event: 40% off sitewide + extra 50% off sale styles + 50% swim & coverups
  • J.Crew Factory – 40%-70% off everything + extra 70% off clearance
  • Kule – Lots of sweaters up to 50% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Earth Day Sale: Take 25% off eco-conscious fabrics. Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Madewell – Extra 30% off sale + 50% off sale jeans
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 50% off last chance styles; new favorites added
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 30% off entire purchase w/Talbots card

226 Comments

  1. I was talking to a friend about getting down about specific situations and she suggested that it could be depression and that there isn’t really such thing as situational depression. Is that true? I don’t feel depressed or down overall – but I’ve had temporary periods of being either very stressed (job loss, family health crisis) or sad (death in the family, miscarriage). I’m in one right now. During those times, but not at other times, I would probably fail a depression screener asking questions like whether I’ve been crying a lot. When the situation resolved or enough time had passed, I felt better. Is she right that there could be underlying depression? It seems like even with therapy and antidepressants, people are going to cry when they lose a loved one…

    1. Your friend said it was unusual for people to cry with grief?! I don’t think that’s true at all.

      (And, depression isn’t necessarily crying a lot – I get irritable and have EF problems like task completion.)

      1. She didn’t really say it was unusual, more like that you need to be on the lookout for depression even if there’s an obvious “cause” of crying.

        1. Is this a friend who has a proven track record of being wise or insightful? If so, I might pay more attention to what she’s saying, because she might be seeing some normal grief or stress in you that actually is sliding toward a depression-like response. But if she was just talking, then feel free to leave it there.

          Personally, I was in a situation where stress was quite normal; anyone would have it. Yet after 2-3 years, I was grinding down into a place where I simply couldn’t find my way out, and where normal life tasks were increasingly hard to face. I needed a friend to point out the possibility of depression, and i went on medication that helped a great deal. When the situation shifted, I went off meds, and was fine. But they were essential for that space of time. I think the key here is “after 2-3 years.” (And, it wasn’t a grief situation.)

    2. I agree with you that there’s a difference between a normal grief or stress response to a loss or an external stressor, and underlying depression. Of course you are going to be sad if you lose a family member! Not that therapy isn’t useful in processing grief, but grief doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you and you need to be drugged. For situational stress like an illness in the family, it’s easier to just tell women they need to take anti-anxiety meds and and practice mindfulness and cope better than for society to fix the systemic problems that cause the stress (lack of high-quality affordable child care and elder care, etc.).

    3. I am sorry you’re going through something right now.

      The way my psychiatrist explained this, it’s not always mental illness to have sadness or a sense of concern or urgency that’s proportional to a situation, but because society doesn’t always accommodate stress or grief and because at least in the US the safety net is inadequate, they have chosen to make the threshold to medicalization very low. This way if someone has to keep it together or else e.g. lose their job, potentially their housing, probably the healthcare access that’s letting them see the psychiatrist, etc., they can go on medication that will numb their emotions and help them keep it together (even in cases where the long term outcomes may be worse as a result, which is a fraught research topic). And then sometimes someone is drowning and even though it’s not strictly disproportionate, there’s real concern that they need more help to get through it and that time won’t be enough, so again the threshold for getting insurance to cover support needs to be low or people who need help may not get it.

      Culturally there’s also just some discomfort with anything less than cheerful positivity that makes people want to “fix it” in situations that are less precarious or concerning. I wonder if that is where your friend was coming from, or if they have some broader context or observation (e.g. that you seem tired a lot) that they were reading too much into.

      1. I don’t think the motives for overmedicalization of ordinary stress and grief are as noble as that doctor claims. There is a huge profit motive for doctors, therapists, and drug companies. And health insurance doesn’t actually cover therapy in real life even if it does on paper. There is no such thing as an in-network therapist without a months-long waiting list, so the most you might get is a tiny amount back from health insurance after you’ve met your enormous annual out-of-network deductible.

    4. If you are open to a Christian perspective, you could consider asking your church or a church in your area to connect you with a Stephen minister. Stephen ministers are not therapists but are trained to provide individualized support for people experiencing normal but serious life stresses such as grief, job loss, divorce, or illness.

        2. You know you really don’t make yourself look good with this kind of response, right?

    5. The English language doesn’t have the right terms.

      IMO, situational depression is exactly what you described – sadness over a situation, like a miscarriage.

      Depression is a medical condition where (work with me here – science lacks an actual understanding of what’s going on, so I’m gonna use common shorthand) your brain doesn’t have the right chemicals and you cannot function well without an addition of those chemicals. Depression is NOT sadness. Depression is the overwhelming sense of bleakness that effectively weighs you down physically and keeps you from doing the simplest tasks like getting out of bed, showering, replying to a text – and then makes you feel guilty for failing to do the things that are too hard to do.

      That’s a description of pretty bad depression; there are lighter cases. But it’s not the same as feeling sad.

      1. Agree with this. My father is grieving the loss of my mother. He is very sad. But I disagree that that makes him depressed. He gets up every morning and showers, shaves, eats, and cares a lot about his attire.

        But to the extent someone wants to insist that he has depression, I think they put it under “situational depression,” like depressed for a reason (vs depressed because of brain chemistry).

        1. I’m sorry about your Mom.

          All depression isn’t the same, especially in elderly men. They may be more likely to withdraw and isolate, and become irritable.

          Situational depression and clinical depression are really just a continuum, and there are many subtypes. Once the depression becomes prolonged enough that it interferes with your life/function, then it becomes clinical depression/subtype and is in more urgent need of treatment.

    7. It’s hard to tel a friend you think she is depressed. So when people we love tel us that, I think we owe it to them and ourselves to take it seriously. Talk to your doctor about it.

    8. Years ago I was in a very stressful work situation. Like, would cry in my car during a lunch break. I told myself it was burnout and that I was happy when I wasn’t at work. And that’s all true, but also, looking back- it was depression. Similarly, I would have said I was doing fine after I had my first kid. Then I had my second and wow, I clearly had had some postpartum anxiety with #1.

    9. It just sounds like normal grief to me. You can also have anticipatory grief in the case of a family health issue. The first year is the hardest but there are still periods where grief comes out of nowhere. If you’re concerned, I would look into some grief support online or a grief counselor but that’s not code for needing antidepressants. And yes, even then you will cry because it’s something you can only go through. I would also consider whether this friend has been through a significant loss. Because it isn’t the same until you actually have.

  2. Need some NYC hotel recs for mid-June around the Theatre District. Stayed at the Kimpton Theta last year and must have gotten a good deal because they’re almost $400/night right now. Looking to spend closer to $300/night. Not particularly loyal to any brand.

    1. Did you visit in June last time? Hotel prices in NYC are insanely seasonal. We stay in a pretty basic Marriott and it can be as little as $200 in mid-winter (non-holiday) but is usually more like $400-500 in the summer and can be $800+ at the holidays.

  3. Why is it recommended to eat less fiber the few days before a colonoscopy? Wouldn’t it make more sense to eat MORE fiber, so as to clean things out? Asking for a friend, haha.

    1. No because it leaves bits behind. The idea is to change your diet to things that don’t cling to the walls or pockets (diverticuli) of the colon (seeds, fiber) so that when you do the prep, everything gets cleaned out.

      1. Visibility is also the reason for the switch to clear liquids (so they can see the real color of everything and not the color of whatever you drank recently).

        It will make more sense when you see the colonoscopy photos they’ll try to make you look at whether you want to or not afterward.

    2. My understanding is that fiber takes longer to move through (this is why people with slow stomach emptying are put on low fiber diets all of the time, not just before colonoscopies).

      As for absorbing water in the colon and preventing constipation, I’d guess there’s nothing fiber can do that miralax can’t do better?

    3. I started eating lighter foods a couple days before the prep and it made the clean out much easier. Fibrous foods are often dense…I avoided heavy meats and whole grains, and stuck to things that approached liquid and would presumably move through the bowel quickly (chicken soup, yogurt, etc). I still had an awful time swallowing the prep (even threw some of it back up…) but I was on the toilet MUCH less than I was expecting

      1. Yes my experience too! Much easier than the time I continued to eat my regular diet until the day before.

      2. I’m an old so I’ve had a pretty decent number of colonosopies and have had them at several different places, every single one has said to start a low fiber low volumne diet at least 14 days before the procedure.

    4. Others have explained well. I particularly recommend going low fiber the whole week before, and definitely no nuts or seeds or whole grains. It is shockingly common that residue gets left behind from high fiber foods. And junk that is still in your colon during the colonoscopy makes it more difficult for the doctor to see means polyps can get missed.

  4. What seasonal things do you like to eat, whether high brow or low brow? I was thinking about this while getting my son a much-requested Shamrock shake today…

    This season I’m trying to get excited about asparagus and peas (neither my favorite) because I know they’re in season and at their best right now.

    1. I think Girl Scout cookies are about it, lol. I like comfort foods like soups and casseroles year round and although I’m pretty good about eating veggies and fruit I’m fairly picky about which ones, so I eat my favorites year-round, not what’s in season.

          4. I’m scared to say my secret vice is Peeps…slightly-stale Peeps.

            Naturally, I stock up after Easter.

      2. Literally forgot I had a stash of Girl Scout cookies until this very moment. Thank you for your service.

      1. Aw, hello fellow Cincinnatian! Agreed on the Busken cookies, and I get excited about the Graeter’s seasonal flavors, too.

    3. I look forward to rhubarb season – it’s a sign of spring and delicious in a cake. I also love zucchini flowers, stuffed with cheese, battered, and fried.

        1. Sautee or roast in oil s&p if I’m just having them as a side, but they’re good in risotto, pasta etc too. They’re basically like garlic flavoured asparagus, pretty versatile and easy.

    5. Beef stew is my family’s most requested dinner in the winter – I lean into stews, soups, and casseroles in the winter
      I am desperate for produce by late winter/early spring so we’re leaning into citrus from FL and making ‘fresher’ versions of stuff like carrots and cabbage (slaw vs. roasting)
      A fresh tomato sandwich with just mayo, salt and pepper is one of my favorite late-summer lunches. Summer is also about the only time I’ll ever eat a hot dog – having them outside, fresh off the grill just hits different.
      Fall is for apple cide donuts/pies

      1. Oh yes, lamb for Easter and brisket for the holy days is my family’s tradition (we’re Jewish on one side, Catholic on the other).

      2. Oh yeah I said “nothing” but I do look forward to the foods for Jewish holidays especially brisket.

    7. I love rhubarb but it’s so hard to find in the grocery stores. One store near us seems to have it for about two weeks each spring and that’s it.

    8. I like candy corn and all things peppermint mocha, and would happily eat more of them if they had zero calories. I love good tomatoes

    9. Strawberries in June and tomatoes in august. Sumo oranges in the dead of winter. Lobster and steamers in the summer. Cabernet in the winter, rose in the summer, Pinot noir in the spring Beaujolais at thanksgiving. Cherry slurpees from 7-11 when it’s over 90 degrees. I think anything with fresh herbs feels like spring.

    10. White chocolate covered oreos at christmas time.

      I secretly buy a box and hide them, as I am embarrassed…

    11. Probably 70-80% of what we eat comes from the farmer’s market, so I’m a super-seasonal eater. These are my faves:

      Spring – ramps, asparagus, strawberries!, rhubarb, snap peas, lemon kitkats, black jelly beans, girl scout cookies (but only from Little Brownie Bakers)

      Summer – tomatoes, basil, cherries, peaches, blueberries, corn, cucumbers, linguine with clams, ice cream truck treats

      Fall – apples, peppers, plum torte, brussels sprouts, green chile stew, pecan pie

      Winter – cabbage, fennel, potatoes, chex party mix, posole, tamales, biscochitos

    12. All the spring vegetables and berries for me. Summer tomatoes and peaches. Fall lettuce grown in my container garden is to die for. And kale right after a freeze in the winter.

    13. I love seasonal baked goods, like stollen, hot crossed buns, hamentaschen, etc. Sure, you could make these anytime, but there’s something fun about them only being available at special times.

      1. I crave she-crab bisque every spring/summer and I simply cannot find it up north. Sigh.

          1. Yeah, my Maine-raised mom gets amazing lobster stew via mail order so I would imagine you could do the same for she crab soup. It’s pricey though.

        1. To me Target is way different from Tesla or Amazon or Hobby Lobby. Target is just responding to market forces and trends because it’s pretty good at predicting what will sell. When rainbow merchandise was all the rage, Target went all in on rainbows. Now that fewer people want to wear rainbows, Target offers less rainbow merchandise. Target isn’t causing market trends, it’s predicting and responding.

          1. Sorry, but that’s a load of bull. There aren’t fewer people wearing rainbows or interested in visibly supporting LGBTQ rights.

          2. I wore rainbows like 4 years ago. I no longer will because they have been co-opted. Many other moderates are the same.

        5. Shrug. I went to Target twice in the past two days. I expect Target to treat their employees fairly, have good prices on a wide selection of merchandise, and donate to the community. They do all these things. I

          I do not care at all about DEI or performative DEI statements on company’s websites.

        6. I looked up Target news stories and the boycott. I have a conscience, and have no issue with the changes Target is making. It’s kind of gross to align the boycott with Lent though. Anyways, I’m probably shopping at Target again this weekend.

      2. I get the Target boycott is because they recently bent the knee and reversed their DEI initiatives. But why only target them (and Amazon) with this Lenten boycott?

        I don’t see anyone calling for boycotting Walmart…who also rolled back their DEI policies last year.

        Somewhat jokingly / not joking, it’s *quite* convenient for Walmart that both Target and Amazon are specifically being boycotted right now…. WM seems to be the biggest competitor to both stores, no?

        -I’m a liberal and am on a spending diet period right now. Only local shops for necessities.

    2. I would love to sew this dress, or add this type of elastic to a current pattern… I also have some liberty lawn, so thank you for this inspiration!

      1. It’s great sewing inspo, I have an old linen sheet which I think could be upcycled into something like this.

    3. The target one has a pretty substantial amount of rayon so it wouldn’t look as crisp and would get stinky.

      1. I would rather have a drapey fabric such as rayon. Cotton poplin is so stiff and hangs oddly in a garment like this. It looks like a home ec project.

        2. There are so many possibilities in different fabrics. Cotton poplin is usually heavier, but there are thinner versions, it would be crisp, but the elastic cinching would be interesting. I think a thin soft cotton would work, as well as a cotton silk voile, a rayon can be lovely too— all of these fabrics would change the drape, but that would make sewing this in different materials could be an interesting experiment.

  6. My boss is such a bad boss and so bad at managing. Everybody who has ever worked for him thinks so and he just does not care. I am so ready to just walk out.

    1. Can you elaborate on what makes him so bad that you are willing to walk out? I know people leave managers, not jobs, and curious what specific traits lead to this.

      1. He does not set clear expectations. Relatedly, he oftentimes will just do the work himself rather than give his employees a chance to do it. He does not ever provide feedback, either positive or negative. He does not take into account his employees’ opinions or suggestions (and I mean people who are senior enough that their opinions should have enough weight to at least be acknowledged). He hoards work and denies people opportunities for growth or recognition outside the organization. I know none of this is toxic and he’s not abusive and there’s no harrassment. But it’s been years of never having my work acknowledged and never being given more opportunities.

        Today’s a Friday and the last day of the pay period and I am so seriously tempted to just tell him I’m done. The organization and the role I’m in are basically my dream job but I can’t stand working for him anymore.

          1. Right, but I don’t want to come back on Monday.

            I mean, I know that’s ridiculous and I’ll calm down but this is the fourth or fifth time in the past couple of months I’ve felt like this and one of these days I’m going to reach my limit.

          2. Have you started applying for new jobs? If this is the fourth or fifth time you’ve felt this way I. The last couple of months, it’s time to do something about it!

        2. Ugh. I’m sorry. No advice (and you didn’t ask for it!) but commiseration and sympathy from this internet stranger.

  7. Another resume question. I have twenty years in international development which…doesn’t exist anymore as a viable job field in the U.S. :sob:

    I’ve had lots of postings and different assignments over the years and my resume is at 2.5 pages. I’m thinking about taking off the earliest assignments, but two of them were prestigious and still matter. Should I do a “career highlights” section and boil those jobs down to a single bullet each? Or don’t worry about it and leave it at 2.5 pages?

    I’m going after generic management jobs – I’ve certainly managed people and warehouses of supplies and more paperwork than imaginable. Are there any secrets to changing fields I need to know? Thanks.

    1. What is prestigious to you may not mean much to someone in a different field. If you can get an insider to go over your resume with you and highlight the things relevant to them, that would do a lot of good imo.

    2. I pivoted from international development to private sector ~5 years ago; imo even something very prestigious that you did 20 years ago is less relevant now and time for it to drop off the resume. You can keep it on your LinkedIn version though!

    3. first of all i am so so sorry you’re dealing with this. For field switching you really want to emphasize those transferable skills and make sure your bullets are understandable to someone who knows nothing about international development. I’m usually not one for a skills based/functional resume, but think they can be useful for field switchers, and if a role requires a cover letter, definitely use a more bulleted/skills-focused approach.

    4. I know hybrid resumes are controversial but I think they can make a lot of sense for this situation, though obviously you should also get feedback from people in the field you’re applying to (this will work better if a person is reading your resume than AI, I suspect). You can have one section that highlights your work experience in terms of skills and accomplishments and another section with the actual positions held, with minimal detail for each (title, dates, org, and a one line description of what you did).

    5. Unless you’re going for academia, do not have a 2.5 page resume.

      1 page, both sides = 2 pages
      That’s pretty much the limit

      Ask a person in hiring – any friend in HR or recruiting – to take a look at your 2.5 and suggest where to consolidate and cut

      You’ll do great!! 👍

    6. How prestigious is prestigious? Like, I’d leave a MacArthur genius grant, a federal appellate/SCOTUS judicial clerkship, an appearance at the Olympics, or a Rhodes Scholarship on my resume permanently, even if it was 20 years ago. But if you have to tell people outside your field that it’s prestigious, it can be axed.

    7. I’m a hiring manager. Do not use a 2.5 page resume under any circumstances. I will seriously ding a candidate more for being so tone deaf as to submit a 2.5 page resume than give them credit for the content contained within the 2.5 pages. Right or wrong, you could definitely argue with me, but hiring is exhausting and sometimes you’re legitimately splitting hairs and making snap judgments. To me it’s also about nuance / self-awareness and 2.5 pages suggests to me the candidate lacks it, at least in the split second I have to make a cursory decision about you.

  8. I’m really wanting a navy (maybe?) maxi dress this season — can y’all help me shop pretty please? 16P which is always the hard part. I don’t like midi styles because I have to wear flats. I’m not sure what’s in for maxi dresses? Just for casual date nights, nothing specific like a wedding.

      1. Thanks for this rec. Just found my summer uniform. I usually have a couple of dresses like this that I put on after work/workout and on the weekends to run errands or whatever and this is perfect for me – one in each color should get me through.

  9. For the person the other day whose mom wanted to reach out to DNA relatives—agree with the folks who said yes reach out to whoever is on the DNA website. My dad is 85 and just had a guy reach out who is his cousin. Turns out they all had heard rumors that their uncle was catting around. Sadly the guy’s half siblings have all passed, but my dad and his siblings and many cousins were thrilled to chat with the guy and tell family stories and such—it wasn’t as hurtful to them as if it had been their dad, and hey, at 85 there’s only so much new hot gossip to spread, they were so excited!

    1. That was me! Thank you so much. My mom is still deciding what to do. I passed on a lot of thoughts from the commenters, particularly that she should not have any expectations and be prepared to not hear back.

      1. I don’t know if you’ll see this, but I wanted to reply to you too. I think it’s perfectly ok to reach out to the online contact. I say this coming from both sides – being approached and doing the approaching, but in different circumstances.

        As the family genealogist, I maintain all our info on Ancestry. Somebody reached out asking if we were X’s family. Yes. It turned out X had a son, Y, we never knew about – and X himself may not have known about – and Y was currently on his deathbed and wanted to know more. They also asked if alcoholism ran in our family, because it had been such a dark force in Y’s life, and unfortunately, the answer to that was yes. This is a bit different than your mom’s situation, because X died in the 1930s in a tuberculosis sanitarium, and thus the parties involved were pretty far removed from feeling shame or embarassment or whatever other emotion. But everyone involved just wanted to get whatever answers they could for Y before his time was up.

        And now doing the approaching. Let’s just skip the details and say I have lots of half-siblings all across the country in a 30 year age range. None of us have anything to do with each other then or now. But when we were younger and curious, every couple years or so one of us would look up another of us and call. Some were open to the contact; some hung up the phone. None resulted in a close, familial relationship. The one person there on paper could have been a relationship with – she and I have so much in common – we just didn’t click, and efforts to foster a relationship just felt so awkward.

        So, I think I might approach the online POC with something like, “I’m X, Y’s daughter. I’m not looking for a relationship unless one develops naturally; I’m just curious and looking for information about who my father was. Please reach out if you’d be willing to chat. Thanks.” And yep, be prepared to hear nothing or be prepared for defensiveness.

  10. Talk me through this like I’m 5. Kid is touring colleges to do applications this summer for various programs wanting them submitted very early. Kid is XX but a bit questioning at the moment, in some contexts. Kid wants to be in a female dorm (and is female presenting, not transitioning and wanting to). How best to present this in applications to avoid unwanted surprises (like male/XY roommate or dorm or bathrooms)?

    1. I would just apply as AFAB, unless there is some sort of financial incentive to disclose it will only muddy things.

    2. First step, find out the dorming policy. Are the dorms single-sex? Bathrooms? Do they get a choice?

      If Kid is XX and female presenting and wants to be put in a female dorm, then I don’t see the issue. But if you want to make sure that Kid is put in a female-only dorm, then this is a phone call after Kid gets into the program.

    3. I’m confused. How does a female student avoid a male roommate? By checking the box on the application that says “female”? No college will assign a boy and girl to room together. If the issue is that the child is possibly identifying as non-binary or tr@ns then I think you have a conversation with the school about it and their preferences for housing, etc. But I would deal with all of that after the child is accepted.

      1. My 18/F kid had to specify that she did not want tobe paired with a 21+ male smoker dorm mate during her college housing match process. She still had to call and change that when the system tried to override her stated preference and pair her s an incoming freshman with a senior, 22/M smoker. I was flabbergasted that this was a thing.

        1. Dorm mate or roommate? Big difference. I’ve never heard of a college pairing a boy and a girl in a shared room though most dorms are co-ed. I lived in a co-Ed dorm in college and it was a great experience.

    4. You do nothing. If the kid is XX and wants to be in a women’s dorm, that will be the default unless a school specifically tells you there are mixed rooms (can’t even think of a school where this is the case absent some sort of specific request). If the kid’s thinking changes by the time move-in day is nearing, then you raise it with the school at that point.

    6. I was about to say that I know at least a few schools have dorms specifically identified as inclusive, but with the current administration’s mandates, I don’t know if that is true anymore.

      My daughter applied for housing next fall at a large Midwestern state university, and the application asked something about whether she would be comfortable living with all gender identities. I don’t remember the exact wording.

    7. You mean she doesn’t want an XY but female-presenting roommate? Most colleges allow incoming freshmen to select their own roommates, so she should be able to screen for this. I don’t know whether a college would force an XX girl to room with a female-presenting XY roommate against her will. I suspect that it depends on the college’s prevailing ideology.

      Most colleges these days default to coed dorms with single-gender rooms, and a lot have gender-neutral bathrooms. You have to ask about the bathroom situation during the tour. There may be one all-female floor in one dorm with female bathrooms, but there won’t be any guarantee she’ll get a spot. At many colleges upperclassmen can live in suites where they choose all their suitemates and share their own bathroom, which is a workaround to avoid coed bathrooms.

      You can tell a lot about a college’s attitude towards gender in the first five minutes of the admissions presentation and in the introduction to the tour. Many schools, especially in the northeast and the west, make prioritizing one gender group above all others the defining feature of their campus culture, and will announce that loudly. Not all schools are this way.

    8. This is very confusing. Does your female daughter want a biologically and socially female roommate? Or is she questioning and wanting a biologically female roommate who is also questioning? Is this the autistic daughter who wants to study nursing and is in a friend group where all the girls have gone NB?

      1. Yes. OP, for the love of all that is holy, chill on your daughter’s college situation. My God.

    9. No school is randomly assigning a female first year student to share a room with a male what are you even talking about? If they want an all female dorm, they need to apply to colleges that offer that. Applications don’t usually ask which dorm you want to be in.

      1. Not true; I posted above that my 18 year old daughter experienced her school trying to assign exactly this pairing. She had to call and ask for a second consideration in the roommate lottery when the first match they assigned her as a freshman was with a 22 year old senior male smoker. It would have been a 1 bedroom dorm, 2 beds, with an attached bathroom they shared with each other. She nearly backed out of this university b/c of that.

        1. What university is this? I want to warn my daughter if it’s one she’s thinking of applying to.

  11. extremely low stakes question: do you use coasters for regular daily stuff? I will use them visiting my parents, when we’re sitting with their “nice” furniture, but otherwise I feel like coasters are MORE likely to make me a mess/spill by putting a glass down half-on, half-off the coaster.

    1. Always, but all of my furniture (in my studio apartment) is family heirlooms from my now-deceased grandparents

    2. Yes, I do. You need to be more careful if coasters are what’s causing you to spill your drinks.

    3. I hate using coasters at home, and searched for years trying to find a coffee table I liked (don’t care for most glass ones, and they’d get messy easily, too) that wouldn’t need them. I ended up getting a metal topped one, which turned out to get scratched if you look at it wrong, but it is paintable, so we’ve re-done it every year or so. (My goal is to find a coffee table topped with the same sort of material as a kitchen counter would be, but I’ve never been successful at that.)

    5. Yes, since all our side tables and things are wood (or Wayfair “wood” but still gets rings). If they were glass it wouldn’t matter as much, other than it makes a loud sound to put glass on glass.

      Tbh I’m not super strict about it, and because we have kids the coasters often go missing or get knocked under the couch and I’ll still set down my mug or glass, but I try. My husband is adamant about using coasters for everything, all the time.

    6. Yes. My house is full of wood.

      And it makes me crazy when guests purposefully avoid the coasters.

      1. Oh yes. If I hand a guest a coaster for their drink they damn well better put the drink on the coaster. If they don’t, I will, with a “Sorry, it’s an antique” while silently seething inside and evaluating their future guest status. Or maybe next time and thereafter they only get served in the kitchen or on the porch.

    7. I read your post and thought to myself, “OP must not live in a humid climate…”
      I don’t care about my wood furniture and mugs of coffee or tea (my wood is very durable, and my cups aren’t wet or very hot). But I do use coasters to catch the condensation that rolls off my glasses of cold beverage about 9 months out of the year. I’d never put those down on bare wood.

    9. Yes, and they are all ceramic or stone coasters that are somewhat absorbent so condensation doesn’t puddle and drip off, but not so absorbent that they soak through.

    11. Not coasters per se, but I definitely don’t put cups or glasses directly on wood furniture. So if a coaster isn’t handy, I’ll use a paperback book, magazine, etc.

      2. Same. Although I do like my cork coaster set, and the kitschy plastic canvas cross stitch coasters the kids made when they were little.

    14. Nope. I have a couple of sentimental antique wood tables, but I’ve found that a tablecloth or just remembering to wipe off moisture is enough. For parties with high spillage warning, I layer a water repellant cloth under my fancy tablecloth.

  12. Finally booked my trip to London/Paris — travelers include me and hubs (love a martini/cocktails), 13yo foodie/gastro, 10yo picky eater who I’m going to have to bribe with candy the entire time we’re there. Any recommendations for restaurants, bars, bakeries, or ice cream spots? Going in June. We’ll eat any type of cuisine but I’m not into offal or other truly adventurous proteins, more of a steak/fish/chicken/tofu. TIA!

    1. (oh also – I know OneFineStay is recommended here, but has anyone done Airbnb abroad?)

      1. AirBnB is a cancer to local communities, errodes local housing stock, and is often illegally not paying necessary tourist fees. Please stay at a hotel.

        1. Operating on the theory that it is up to local governments to decide whether vacations rentals are a “cancer” and understanding that travelling with two kids who are big enough to take up adult space but not actual adults makes hotels (particularly tiny European hotels) logistically difficult:

          I actually use Airbnb a lot in Europe. In fact, I tend to use them more in Europe because my stays are usually longer. I will say unless you are spending at least 3-4 nights in one place they are often not worth the money because of the fees. I have not used them in the UK (I go there alone and when I am alone I stay in a hotel) but Paris has a lot of excellent options. I recommend you look at the 11th if you want something both affordable and in a cute and reasonably central location.

          As to food – good food is at every corner in Paris. I would look at places near where you end up staying for breakfast pastries and dinners. Just stay away from places with English menus out front and you will be fine. Also, Google reviews are a good resource and they are easy to browse by area.

          1. Strongly disagree. Paris restaurants are very reservation focused. Don’t just assume whatever will be good. Subscribe now to Paris by Mouth and make a plan.

          2. AirBnBs are illegal in my city, doesn’t stop people from posting them. It’s like whack-a-mole for the city to enforce, the website needs to be shut down.

            Your desire to be selfish is not justification for putting huge administrative burden on cities and errode housing stock for locals.

      2. I generally treat AirBnb as basically a search engine. You can tell which are being rented by vacation rental companies and then book direct which saves air bnb fees.

        In UK/Europe there are great options for aparthotels. I like Citadines.

      4. I’ll plug OneFineStay too. Having a responsive person for service calls and being able to do things like pay for an extra half day so we could check right in after landing/arranging car services/doing the ‘fridge fill’ was SO helpful.

        1. +1 I’ve used them at least 5 times in London and Paris and have nothing but good things to say about them.

        1. It really isn’t. I’m so tired of this trope. Many people have second homes in vacation destinations that would just sit unused but would never become rental property. That’s the majority of airbnbs. Educate yourself and stop spreading fictions like this.

          1. They probably want to forbid second homes too.

            I’ll never understand why it’s in the interests of equality for people NOT to share a living space in a desirable neighborhood, but to hoard it exclusively for themselves!

          2. This is untrue, most air bnbs aren’t second homes they are bought for the express purpose of renting. I live in a major urban centre and cute historic row homes are being bought up left and right to illegally list on AirBnB.

          3. This is definitely not true everywhere. In my area a huge percentage of Airbnbs are foreign owned by people who own dozens of investment properties and never visit them. It’s not what most people think of as a “second home” in the stereotypical way of an upper middle class family with a lake cabin a few hours away from their primary residence that they visit several times a year but is otherwise empty.

    2. OP – to clarify – we would like at least 2 bedrooms and a kitchen so I can make mac n cheese or rice and beans for my picky eater.

      Thank you to the peeps who recommended A Place Like Home and Citadines! I’d love any other recommendations anyone else has.

      1. unpopular opinion here but we have used Airbnb or competitors (like not sure how One Fine Stay or local agencies are any better; it’s still tourists renting apartments?) all over Europe – England, France, Italy, Greece so far, plus Mexico, a bunch of Caribbean islands, etc. We pore over the reviews and find the property by Street View before booking. We would never go anywhere if we had to eat out every meal.

        1. We use apartments as well because of a kid with multiple food allergies. Eating out about once a day is the highest risk we can tolerate and still enjoy ourselves.

          Rental agency properties in major cities are more often pied a terre places owned by non- residents that are rented when they are not there. They would be sitting empty if not used for short term rentals.

          I also prefer rental agencies because I like having a reliable professional local contact. First preference is aparthotels though as they are more likely to have amenities like gyms and pools or in house restaurants.

        2. You’re saying you think your trip is more important than housing security of locals which is wildly selfish.

          3. I’m fine with it. London’s worth visiting because of what they stole from all over the world. Surely it would be even more selfish of the English if they didn’t leave some space for the people they stole from to even visit and see their things?

      2. Don’t. Your picky eater can eat fries at basically any restaurant. Or potatoes. Or plain pasta. This is silly.

    3. Hi OP – on the recommendation of a friend, we stayed at an Airbnb “Atelier, 2br/2ba, 6 people” in Paris, near Bastille. Excellent experience.

        2. I live in a place that put major restrictions on short term rentals and basically put Airbnb, etc. out of business in our city. Anecdotally I hear some people are making private deals in Facebook but the number of listing on places like Airbnb plummeted. Guess what? It made literally no difference at all in our severe housing shortage or our prices.

          1. I’m shocked shocked! Same here. There’s studies on this but it’s so obvious. Anything that would be appealing as a vacation rental is not low income housing stock.

    4. I live near Oxford, England; when we go into London, we usually grab breakfast at Paul (I know, it’s a chain, but it’s good!) and hit up a pub or make a reservation in advance. There are some really cute Afternoon Teas (Peter Pan, Beauty and the Beast, etc) that will cater to specific diets but you have to book them in advance. We also eat at Museum Cafe’s, highly recommend the V&A which is next to the Natural History Museum, depending on what your group’s interests are.
      I’ve been staying in apartments across Europe since kids were toddlers and love having a kitchen. There are plenty of them in London, just pay attention to the area both for convenience (tube locations) and safety. London is very expensive to eat. Avoid anything that is a Weatherspoons (pub chain). You’ll have a great time!

    5. We stayed at an apartment-hotel, Fraser Suites La Defense which was great, close to the metro and with full kitchen. For food options, definitely agree that you should do some research – we didn’t and ended up eating a lot of steak frites that were pretty much run of the mill!

  13. If anyone needs a good laugh, this was just posted in my local Facebook group “Looking for a travel agency referral for a Canadian extended large family vacation. We travel with a parrot so we need to figure out about how to travel with him. Thanks for any referral you may have.”

    2. I’m of two minds with this, I know a lot of conversationists and folks who otherwise have parrots and it’s really easy for an uneducated pet sitter to accidentally kill them, that said, don’t travel with an effing bird find a bird person to properly care for it!

      1. They can also get depressed and ill if they’re not around their people. (Birds can be astonishingly high maintenance! Even for professionals at times. They’re just very emotional.)

    3. Tracking with a bird in the middle of a bird flu epidemic seems like a likely way to kill your bird.

      2. You should look up how bird flu is passed between birds. It doesn’t work this way (we have backyard chickens, and I was relieved to learn this!).

          1. I am so confused by your huge leap that these people will be interacting with wild birds on this trip. Avian Flu is sadly in several parts of the US too, but people who have domesticated birds aren’t just staying indoors or isolating from their pets… Nothing in this post tells us that they are traveling to or from an area with high incidence of avian flu or heightened exposure to wild birds– and even if they were, your post is unnecessarily alarmist.

          2. If everyone is the US is this blasé about bird flu no wonder there are issues.

            A Canadian vacation was mentioned. Many Canadian cities have parks or walking paths right downtown with lots of Canadian geese (and other wild birds) in the summer.

          3. I’m guessing that you do not have domesticated birds (backyard hens or parrots or otherwise)? I do, and have done quite a bit of research on how to keep my hens and my family safe, including speaking with the Cornell Cooperative Extension (i.e., actual agricultural scientists). What would you have us do? Not leave the house? Parks with walking paths with wild birds describes… all parks? Respectfully, you appear to not know what you are talking about.

  15. I am in love with the wardrobe of Parker Posey’s character in The White Lotus. I know her little white purse is a current Gucci bag. Where are the clothes from? They seem Tuckernuck-adjacent, but more exclusive.

    2. Victoria Ratliff (Parker Posey) first look: 1947 Gucci bag, scarfs from Swaine London, dresses from Banana Republic
      others:
      Farm rio
      Agua by Agua Bendita
      Romualda
      Cashfana
      In vogue there is an article about all the brands.

  16. I know you can get grocery store versions of Thin Mints and Samoas. Is there a grocery store version of the Girl Scouts s’mores cookies?

    1. Nope. Please stock up on S’Mores from real Girl Scouts now. They freeze really well! I think that the S’mores cookie is going out of rotation, so if you like them, now is the time to buy.

      Also, just a general PSA: Please buy Girl Scout cookie products from Girl Scouts, not the random “thin mint” stuff that shows up in the grocery stores. Those are not the same and they do not fund local girl scout troops.

      1. I’ll be honest, I don’t care that much if my cookie purchases fund Girl Scouts. I just want to know if I can get them in the 11 other months of the year when GS cookies aren’t available. But thank you for the sanctimonious answer.

      2. As the mom of 2 Girl Scouts, I’m fine if you buy the knock offs. Please just donate $5 to the next troop you see selling cookies :). Our girls make $1 on every $6 box.

      3. Yes this is the last year for S’mores, at least in my region! And yes we only get $1 out of the $6 per box so feel free to buy the cheap knockoffs and donate a bit.

        1. They are the last year for S’mores in my region as well.

          Also, if there are Girl Scouts in front of the supermarket, that means their mom had to enter an online Ticketmaster-type system to get the space and do a huge amount of work to get it all over there and set up. And if the girls are wearing tan vests and/or look a bit older than 8, they’ve probably gotten a few creepy “aren’t you a little old for Girl Scouts” remarks from weird old men in the first 10 minutes.

      4. The boxes have gotten so ridiculously tiny and the troops make about $1 from them.

        It’s better to throw a few dollars at the Girl Scouts than to buy their cookies.

    2. Both Annie’s and Goodie Girl have s’mores cookies, but I don’t know how closely they replicate the Girl Scout version. I’ve seen both at my local fancy grocery store.

    3. Yes at Kroger and Walmart. They call them like caramel and coconut fudge cookies or something. Don’t get me wrong – you should also purchase overpriced Girl Scout cookies to benefit future leaders and because girls scouts is way better than Boy Scouts. But yes is the answer to your question

  17. Has anyone experienced a fractured heel bone? What does treatment involve?

    I can’t get in to be seen by anyone at my doctor’s office until late next week. My heel has pain that is not getting better in spite of trying to rest. I don’t want to make it worse before then, but can’t really just sit with my foot elevated for the next week.

    2. Try anti-inflammatories (ibuprofen). Ice it 2-3x a day. Stay off it as much as possible.

      So, you do know it’s broken, or its just hurting and you don’t know why? You could try to go to a same day walk in clinic – some of them have xrays on site. Like get up early tomorrow or Sunday and try to get in. Some of them actually let you schedule appointments online.

      If it was broken I would think you wouldn’t be able to walk. Wear comfy shoes, and get crutches to stay off it if you have to. I’d probably call a podiatry office and try to get in Monday.

    3. Could it be plantar fasciitis? Can you go to an urgent care? Can you get in to a podiatrist sooner?

    4. If you did break a bone in your foot you would almost certainly need to stay off it for more than a week.

    5. I’ll be amazed if treatment doesn’t include sitting with your foot elevated for at least a week even after you get in to see someone.

      But is there a reason you’re trying to get in with your doctor? Have you already had it imaged? For things like this, we go straight to an orthopedic practice with walk-in availability.

      1. Why wouldn’t Igo the doctor? Or are you saying you self-refer to a specialist? That is several months out without a referral, if I am lucky enough to find a specialist who will even agree to see a new patient without a referral.

        1. Not the Anon above.

          In my small city, there is a cash pay clinic that can get people in with a mid-level provider within days, and she refers for X-rays or MRIs that are done that day or the next day, respectively. If you want, you can use HSA or FSA funds. You can pay out of pocket and submit to your insurance for reimbursement.

          The prices are so inexpensive on cash pay that it’s actually competitive with or cheaper than my copay.

        2. Injuries are a time sensitive thing, so the doctors who work them up keep walk-in hours. They don’t expect a referral. I don’t think of them as specialists; they’re just first-line providers for injuries.

          1. But I can’t tell you how your insurance works if it’s POS. If the insurer has a nurse line, it may help to call. But I don’t think it makes sense to wait all week for an available PCP appt.; if a referral is needed for insurance reasons, I’d want the referral from their office on Monday, or else see whatever in-network exists for urgent access to imaging.

    6. An urgent care or the ED will be a faster route to a referral in that case. Or your doctor may give you a referral without you physically needing an appointment.

      Access to care varies greatly, I have at least 4 othopedic focused walk in places within 5 miles of my house and probably a dozen other urgent care places. I forget that other places don’t have this access.

    7. No experience with a heel injury specifically. But +1 to urgent care!! I sprained my knee last month on a Saturday and would not have been able to even call doctors until that Monday. Instead, I went to urgent care (of a major healthcare system in my metro) that Sunday. They took x-rays on site to confirm it was not a fracture and gave me referrals to PT and an orthopedist—I was in and out of UC within half an hour.

      Insight I gleaned:
      -even though I have PPO insurance, it sounds like most orthos still want a referral
      -having the x-ray and preliminary diagnosis from UC helped

  18. Does anyone know of a dupe for the Old Navy Power Slim Straight jeans? They were the perfect non-skinny, but not too baggy Jean. Of course they don’t make them anymore.

  19. I know it’s late in the day Sunday but I owe a shit ton of taxes thanks to new job guesswork combined with the new tax form that made it hard to know what to withhold. Thoroughly depressed…. Now will have even less take home plus another debt for my very average salary in VHCOL area. Need commiserations.

    2. Same! It’s so disappointing. Last year was ugly because of job changes and contract work in between. We were expecting this year to be back to normal and instead we have to pay an underwithholding penalty in addition to the huge tax bill. Happy to commiserate but wish we weren’t in this position!

    4. We filled out the withholding forms right and got hit with a huge bill. Additional withholding will wipe out our raises and then some. Our income hasn’t grown much at all but our taxes have grown a lot. The math isn’t mathing.

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