Coffee Break: Oversized Wrap

109 Comments

1. What are your favorite non-skinny jeans for less than $100? Looking to branch out but don’t want to spend a ton of money

   1. I like the high waist slim sstraight jeans from Universal Thread at Target. The Old Navy OG straight are good too!

      1. I am wearing those Target jeans right now! I’ve been happy with every Universal Thread item I’ve purchased.

   2. I like the BR trouser flares, also the Levi’s Wedgie straight cut, which are on sale at Nordstrom right now.

      1. Did you have to go up 1-2 sizes in the Wedgie, SA? Wondering if that has changed since I last had them.

         1. Now that you mention it, I think I did.

            1. And of course I blamed my body, not the jeans…

         2. Not SA, but I am between sizes and had to go to the larger size due to the waist circumference. But they are roomy everywhere else.

   3. I got a great pair from Gap! Straight leg, not skinny though

   4. These, for about $40.

      Women’s Modern Straight Jeans https://a.co/d/eJtvCIj

      They’re a terrible length on the model. I wear mine a bit shorter with no break.

   5. Betabrand on sale (right now!)

   6. Abercrombie Curve Love Ultra High Rise Ankle Straight Jean (I am 5’9″ and got the long length for it to actually hit at my ankle). Fitted through hips and thighs and straight from the knee down. Very substantial fabric and flattering fit on this high-waisted hourglass with athletic thighs.

   7. I just bought Old Navy Wow Slim Straight jeans and they’re great. Really comfy, still slim but not skinny.

      1. These are my work uniform! (Casual, in-person). I also bought a pair of the high-waisted flares on a whim. I was surprised by how much I love them!

   8. Jcrew on sale

2. Tell me all your success stories about quitting (refined) sugar. I’ve done a food diary and realized that sugar makes me anxious, especially with caffeine. I’ve cut back a lot over the last few weeks but it’s so so hard (I have a major sweet tooth). This morning I slipped and got a chocolate croissant with my coffee and have felt awful all morning. Really kicking myself but that chocolate croissant was SO GOOD.

   1. IMO, the croissant is good b/c of the fat. I like sugar, but sugar + fat is the bomb. I think you can quit sugar or dial it back, but you’ll need to embrace fat. I feel that people are taught to hate fat and when you limit fat, it gets replaced with junk carbs.

      1. But the refined flour is essentially sugar. I don’t think the problem is the chocolate.

   2. It only takes a few days to get past the withdrawal/cravings. Really. And then you hardly miss it. But if you’re really hooked it’s best to go totally cold turkey including reading all the labels because it hides in everything — salad dressing, peanut butter, you name it.

   3. Tastebuds reset after just a few weeks, so it’s possible to stick it out. After that, even fruit can taste super sweet.

      If you want to embrace your sweet tooth and just cut the sugar, it’s also possible to adapt your taste to non-caloric sweeteners but it also takes a little time and adaptation.

   4. I am working on cutting back (I am a moderation person, so this won’t work if you are all or nothing). I have thought about it for a while, but what helped me be more serious about it was to use a daily tracker. Every night I get a check mark if I had no sweets that day, and I like seeing my stats over time. I don’t get a check every day but maybe half, these days. It’s also just good to be reminded daily, because I swear sometimes my memory is totally useless.

   5. I just went a month without refined sugars and it was easier than I thought it would be. I’m a full blow sugar addict, and noticed it was making me agitated and depressed.

      Some things:
      1) most of the cravings go away after 3 days, but you might have depression and anxiety feelings from the withdrawals. Tell yourself you have to just go 3 days, and then it will get a lot easier
      2) after a few weeks, your blood sugar levels will feel more regulated and you feel the deepest sense of calm and cleanness in your body. I really hadn’t felt that level of peace in my body since I was a kid. It also was really surprising how much it helped my sleep. I think visualizing this is helpful in terms of keeping motivation.
      3) let yourself eat a ton of high-caloric food and fun snacks so you don’t feel overly deprived or restricted for the first few days. Make cutting out sugar your only focus
      4) read about the ways in which it’s bad for you to keep you in check. It’s so so bad for you so keeping that in mind can be helpful
      5) eat lots of fruits but no fruit-juice or smoothies
      6) never let yourself get hungry. have snacks on you at all times. And drink lots of water.

      It’s easier than you think! I want to go off of it again too.

      1. Can you tell me about your fun snack suggestions – I really need to cut out sugar, but do best when I substitute.

         Thanks.

         1. Nuts and popcorn are fun!

         2. I love TJ’s freeze-dried apples, mangos, and strawberries, since they remind me of astronaut food. I also love dried seaweed, frozen blueberries and pineapples, sliced oranges. It’s important to get enough fat, so almond butter on rice cakes with a little bit of salt is great, or peanut butter on toast. Teas are helpful for turning off cravings, and I like chamomile or peppermint at night, and green in the morning.

            I also love burritos and live in a neighborhood with tons of Mexican restaurants, so I started just grabbing one to go whenever I wanted a treat. Maybe let yourself eat bowls of pasta or whatever your favorite comfort food meal is?

   6. look up glucose goddess and her hacks – the goal IMO should be to reduce sugar intake and manage blood sugar but not cut it out entirely if you like it. so for instance for breakfast ill have something savory (e.g. 2 eggs) and a bit of sauteed kale, and then i would have the croissant after. I think croissants like the poster above said are actually way less bad bc there is fat in there and if you have it after the other fat and fiber items, your blood sugar won’t spike as much and you won’t feel so jittery. Same thing for cakes etc, don’t have them on their own in the afternoon but have them after a nice balanced meal with fiber, fat and THEN the sweet dessert. for me personally all or nothing never works and I look forward to the dessert after a balanced meal.

      1. This is what I do, only have sweets with meals. I don’t do well with sugar and (especially) caffeine on an empty stomach, but am fine as long as I have a full meal of protein, fat, and fiber along with it.

   7. I went cold turkey on Feb 1st of this year and haven’t had any refined sugar since (and man, it’s in everything!). I’m a very all or nothing person so I don’t do well with moderation. I was constantly craving sweets and just snacks in general and quitting sugar has allowed me to greatly reduce between meal snacking. My energy is definitely more even. I’ve maybe lost 2 pounds – but I didn’t do it for weight loss. I did it to curb the uncontrollable cravings.

      1. Possibly stupid question, but what is an average day of food for you? I am struggling with what the food intake looks like bc yes, refined sugar is in so much!

         1. Not Anon at 3:26 but I am trying to cut down on refined sugar and carbohydrates because I feel so much better and have so much more energy when I eat mostly protein and veggies. Note that this is not about weight loss – just maintenance. My Monday through Friday food is generally:

            Breakfast – Two eggs and some kind of veggie (most commonly cherry tomatoes but sometimes I have an omelet with spinach or similar)

            Snack – Low fat Greek yogurt with a small amount of sugar free vanilla syrup and 1 oz of almonds (plus berries if I have them) or an apple with some unsweetened almond butter (nuts are a weakness so I have to measure them)

            Lunch – Salad with some kind of protein or lettuce wraps if the weather is warmish and substantial soup or chili if it is not.

            PM Snack (not always needed) – Veggies and hummus or fruit

            Dinner – Protein + veggies. I tend to make a sheet pan meal every weekend and eat that a couple of days. Then I alternate between salmon (Costco frozen fillets), some other fish, or some other kind of protein with veggies. By the end of the week I am getting creative with stir fry to use up veggies from my CSA box before the next one arrives!

            I usually eat dinner out at least twice a week and regularly have weekend brunch with friends. This is when I pretty much eat whatever looks good. I do try to pick either alcohol or dessert but am not adverse to splitting with a friend! And if I eat something super sweet at brunch (pancakes!), I try to pair it with eggs or something with some protein or I know I will crash hard later in the day. (And I skip the mimosas for the same reason.)

            1. Thanks! Makes sense. I’m vegan so may have to get a little creative to get my protein but seems very doable.

   8. Meanwhile I’m sitting here popping M&Ms while reading this lol

   9. It’s worth it to just stop cold turkey. After a little while, you’ll notice that your sweet receptors are reset, and you’ll taste things differently. I can no longer eat ordinary chocolate, it’s become sickly sweet to me rather than pleasingly sweet. Sodas now taste truly disgusting to me.

      I think it’s important to have a different kind of treat (dopamine rush for your brain) available, and I think it’s helpful to be mindful of what kind of drinks and fruits you have. Berries are a lot better for you blood sugar than fruits, so in a transitional phase it can be helpful to choose berries over other fruit if you normally have a lot of fruit.

      I like my treats and snacks to have a higher fat content to feel satisfying. I’ll have a plain, unsweetened croissant with ham and cheese rather than one with Nutella. Full fat natural Greek yogurt with berries, not dessert yogurt. Peanut butter that’s actually just ground peanuts and salt.

      You’ll have to read labels for a while, if you use any sort of packaged food. Sugars are added to a lot of stuff that really shouldn’t have sugars. Deli ham, bacon, sauces, breads – all full of added sugar.

      If you already know no sweets make you feel very deprived it might be helpful to you to do some lower carb sweets like chocolate avocado mousse or something. I don’t like the taste of artificial sweeteners anyway, but I don’t think it’s necessarily smart to switch to other sweeteners if what you want is to quit sugar, since you’ll keep your cravings (because you’re feeding the brain sweet spot).

3. Do your moms get hurt by you and/or feel rejected by you? If you have adult children, do you feel hurt or rejected by them?

   I feel like I am as present and loving a daughter as I could be, but my mom will still feel rejected by me or hurt sometimes. It hasn’t happened for a while, but then came up yesterday as I had accidentally double-booked and needed to reschedule. I never do this and was really apologetic and tried to reschedule, but I think she’s really hurt and feels a bit wounded. I feel very guilty, but also like somehow it seems crazy to me to get hurt by your daughter over something small? Like she knows I love her, she gave birth to me, she saw me as a baby – it’s hard for me to grasp why asking to reschedule plans once would make her feel this wounded. I don’t think she has this kind of a reaction with anyone else, and I am probably the person in her life who is most available and giving to her, apart from her husband. She has infinite amounts of patience for everyone else though. I just feel like it seems weird to have insecurity around your kid but maybe I am overestimating the confidence that being someone’s mom would give you with them.

   1. No this doesn’t happen to me. Your mom is way overreacting here. It sounds kind of narcissistic to me.

   2. Yes, I have had the same thought about my mom being disproportionately hurt when I make a mistake like this, or even just express annoyance with her.

      But I have also had to say to my mom, “Of course [that thing she said] hurt me, coming from my own mother! I care about your opinion!” So I suspect it’s just that mother-daughter relationships are unbelievably complex and hard, so I will sit here with you and sympathize.

      1. Ugh thank you Vicky – I always really appreciate your kind and compassionate insight…

         1. That’s so kind of you to say; I’m very happy I can be helpful!

            1. You really are! Grateful for you <3

   3. Look into attachment styles – my mother does this and has a very anxious attachment style. Part of it is needing constant reassurance because she was taught as a child that people might reject her/might not be really available to meet her needs.

      It helped me understand so much more about my mom… and when I mentioned it to her, it helped her realize things about herself that 30 years of therapy hadn’t uncovered!

   4. I have no idea. I have skipped holidays bc I just didn’t feel like seeing them and no one told me it upset them. I very clearly have a different relationship with my mother than you do with yours, but I will say that you are not responsible for your mom’s feelings. Sure, don’t be a jerk and treat her respectfully and kind (assuming the relationship is not toxic, abusive, etc.), and if you are doing that, you’re fine. Rescheduling is something that happens! She can for sure be sad or disappointed, but she should manage those feelings not have them at you. Easier said than experienced, I know.

   5. Yes, and I appreciate this comment because my mom is the EXACT same way but if I complain about it I sound like the petty one. She once got incredibly hurt because she in my town once during the week, and I was planning to see her but a work meeting came up and I had to cancel, and she told me she was so embarrassed and felt so rejected over it she lied to my dad and told him she actually did see me. She used to work and should know how that can happen! Our plans were not special! I see her fairly often! It’s to her detriment because it makes me keep my guard up around her a little more, and has made me vow to not do the same thing to my own kids.

   6. is your mom going through menopause by any chance? Mine went from being normal and reasonable to walk-on-eggshells for a few years and it was awful, but it was like a switch flipped and she reverted to her old self one month…

   7. Your mom is human, as are all moms. My daughter just cancelled on me and I’m not mad at her, just disappointed I don’t get to see her. Let your mom be disappointed without taking it in as a problem you need to solve. She’s a big girl.

      1. Yeah except it sounds like her mom is making it OP’s problem by guilt tripping her.

   8. My mom used to be like this, to an extreme degree. Small examples, but I remember calling her in college when I had fifteen minutes to walk across campus and instead of being glad to hear from me she would be angry that I hadn’t set aside a full hour and a half to sit down and talk. If I had a date and couldn’t make plans with her for an evening she would react with hurt instead of with happiness or curiosity. Etc, etc. I of course wasn’t mature enough to handle this well, and we ended up with huge rifts between us. We’ve each gone through our own therapy journeys in the last decade and things are better now, partly because she has improved but also because I don’t internalize it to the same extent anymore.

      My situation is definitely beyond what is normal, but I do think that smaller versions of this are actually pretty common. Mother-daughter relationships are sensitive!

   9. Moms have feelings, too. Hers are hurt. Would you rather she not give a flying fig that you cancelled plans? Trust me, this is better. You don’t have to fix it, but at least don’t give her a hard time because she is disappointed that she doesn’t get to do whatever with you.

      1. this is way wrong.
         Moms are people with feelings, yes, but OP says she doesn’t act like this with others. This is Mom’s behavior to fix.

         1. Agree. Also, while people can’t control their feelings, the feeling seem really disproportionate to the situation here. Of course the mom is disappointed the daughter canceled plans, that’s a normal, human reaction. But OP mentions several times how “wounded” mom feels and feeling “wounded” about someone canceling plans does not seem normal to me, unless OP is missing something really major, like the mom’s birthday party (which the post gave no indication of).

   10. No I don’t feel hurt or rejected, because their need to reschedule plans is not an attack against me.
       My father was like your mother, very manipulative with his feelings so he could be in control. We were very limited contact right up until he died.
       I’m sorry you have to deal with that.

       1. +1 I have a teenage daughter, so not quite the same thing as an adult child, but we often have plans I look forward to that get canceled because she has a better offer. It definitely makes me sad but I don’t view it as an attack on me and I know it’s developmentally appropriate for teens to be more focused on their social life outside the home. The mom’s reaction seems way over the top, and putting your sadness on the child is a great way to ensure you don’t have a close relationship in the future.

          1. Exactly.
             Being sad is normal, taking it to the level of hurt and rejected is not.
             We want our kids to launch into adulthood and a life away from us, so we have to accept that that comes with not being pride of place anymore.

   11. No, this is weird. Don’t take responsibility for her overreaction – her feelings are not yours to manage.

   12. My mom is a 3rd gen narcissist. It seems to fade a bit with each generation best I can tell (or self awareness increases? idk). She’s no where near as bad as her mother or oldest two siblings was but definitely does exactly what you’re describing with some regularity.

       Here’s where I’m at: I’m not responsible for her reactions. I love her. I don’t want to hurt her but I cannot cave / relent / feel guilt about her every overreaction and often self-centered, selfish overreactions.

       Put differently: this is not a you problem at it’s core. What you can do is manage how you respond to it both in the moment and on a more long-term basis.

   13. I think this is one of those things that isn’t actually about you at all. This is about whatever’s going on inside of HER and it’s her job to get it fixed, not your job to manage it.

   14. Are you my sister? This exact situation happened with me recently. My mom texted asking if I had time to call and chat on Sunday. I forgot, and then she was all upset and I felt guilty and resentful. I do think the problem is on both ends though– is it an overreaction to cry because your devoted daughter forgot to call? Yes, but also my mom is allowed to feel sad or disappointed and it’s not my job to manage her feelings. This is really, really hard for me to internalize, but repeating it to myself whenever something like this comes up does help. You are not in charge of your mom’s feelings, and you didn’t do anything wrong. And she can get upset if she wants to. Both things can be true! You didn’t fail because she is sad, because it’s not your job to make her happy.

       This is how I’m trying to tackle my own daughter-guilt at least.

   15. Just adding a slightly different perspective. My mom acts like this, and it’s because she’s part of a long line who believed the daughters have to take care of parents in their old age. I’m breaking that cycle and I know it hurts her, but it’s also got to end. My brother lives in the same town while I live half a country away, but his twice a month calls are exciting treats he’s bestowed on them while my every other day calls are expected and not frequent enough. They’re hurt I don’t drop my family and full time job to fly in and take them to dr appts, but would never ask my brother to do it because “they don’t want to bother him with that stuff.”

       Therapy helped a ton but sometimes it’s hard to remember that it’s not my fault that they’ve made me their only option. They can be hurt AND I can still be making the best choice. Both things can be true.

4. Has anyone here been on Pristiq? It’s an antidepressant that may help with anxiety. I don’t feel like I’ve heard it discussed much. Interested in any anecdata (especially w/r/t women, which I feel are under-studied for most meds and conditions).

   1. I took it a VERY long time ago — like 15 years ago or more — and it made me sleep all the time. Like, to the extent that I once slept through my alarm and my assistant called me in a panic from work because I was missing a meeting. And sleeping past noon on the weekends. My doctor swore up and down it wasn’t the fault of the drug, but I never had that symptom before or since, so…

   2. Yes. It’s my absolute favorite anti-depressant! (FWIW, my body HATES Effexor, is fine with Prozac and Wellbutrin, barely responds to Ativan, and also tolerates trazadone).

      It had almost no side effects for me. I felt great, had a $ex drive still, no weight gain/loss, etc. However, under my garbage HDHP plan, the generic is >$300/mo for me and the generic formulary I last tried did not work well so I want the name brand formulary which is even more expensive. So I settled for Wellbutrin.

   3. I have been on it for years and find it very helpful. My sister was prescribed it for mild depression and hot flashes — the hot flashes is a common off-label use. She found it helpful, too.

   4. I wrote a long message that disappeared but yes it is my absolute favorite of the 5 or 6 I have tried over the years. Low to no side effects, felt great, but it was and is so expensive under my HDHP plan (even the generic which I didn’t like the one time I tried). So I am on Wellbutrin.

5. Through Tik Tok I’ve discovered Polene bags and I’m really interested in the brand. Does anyone have a personal review of them? I’d love to hear what bags you love and what you typically carry.

   I used to be a big tote kind of person but in the past couple of years I’ve slimmed down to a crossbody or camera bag. My current bag is a Gucci camera bag & I love the size, but I’d love to go to a slightly lower price point. I also have a lot of Coach & Kate Spade in my collection as well.

   Also if anyone has a review of the Polene wallets, I’ll take that too.

   1. No personal experience, but there’s a lot of negative reviews online about their quality control and how they hold up. They are beautiful though! I think if I was in the market for a smallish bag I would take my chances and get one anyway.

   2. I have two Polene bags and am obsessed with them. The quality is spectacular and I get tons of compliments. I have the tiny cross-body and then a bigger satchel. Highly recommended, 10 out of 10.

   3. I have two and love them. Kind of sad to hear they’re becoming a TikTok trend because I selfishly enjoy them not being a well known brand.
      I have a Numéro Un and a Numéro Sept mini. They’ve held up well but I only wear them on “special occasions”– basically anytime I’m kid free, which isn’t often.

   4. I have one (numero un) and it has not held up well. The leather is stitched together on the sides to create a gorgeous design, but the stitches don’t hold. They repaired it for me once (the stitches broke within a week of receiving it), but it happened again a month later. I’ve given up on using it.

   5. Surprised to hear the criticism — I have had the Numero Un for three years and I love it and think it has held up really well. I was thinking of getting another next month, but if not if it is TikTok popular.

   6. The TikTok leather expert @TannerLeatherstein dissected one in video 7159681376084708654

6. How is everyone today? I am feeling sappy and grateful for this community. Would love to hear about how you’re all feelings and how your days are going.

   1. Stressed. It’s a first world problem, but we leave for a trip Saturday and I’m behind at work, behind on my side gig, behind on life stuff like my huge reading stack and our super messy house.

      1. I’m Anon’s twin. Waaayy too much work and leaving soon.

   2. This is sweet! How often does someone gush with gratitude about how wonderful this board is? ;)

      I’m pretty emo the past 2 days. I sort of had to do a friend breakup with a very close, very long-time friend. I don’t think it’s forever, but it’s sad.

      1. I’m so sorry :( I broke up with my best friend a year ago and still think of her often. I had a vivid dream of her last night hugging me and felt so sad she’s no longer in my life. It’s as real of a grief as any other type of break up.

         Hope you are taking care of yourself. Friendships ebb and flow, and many people who take friend breaks meet later in life and reconnect. Being healthy, even when it’s painful, is so important.

         1. Thank you, this is exactly where I’m at. It’s helpful to be reminded that yes, it’s a big deal. It’s normal that I’m moping.

            1. Aw, hugs, Monday. This stuff is hard.

   3. Thank you. I’ve been really stressed with too much work for one person to possibly do and disappointing people right and left, but I’ve been able to finish and cross a few major things off my huge to-do list, and that feels like seeing blue sky amidst the clouds. I’ve been grateful to be able to come here and read and post responses as a mental break from the madness!

   4. I’ve been at a new job for nearly two months and while there have been a couple hiccups during the learning curve, it’s going so well and I love all my colleagues and the work I’m doing.

   5. I’m frustrated. I’ve felt underemployed basically my entire tenure at this company. At my semi-annual eval I was told that I needed to be more proactive about asking for work when I was finished. So I have been asking – as often as seems appropriate and of pretty much everybody so I’m not constantly bugging any one person. Most of the time I get handed super menial tasks like “the client sent us a load of files, could you please organize them.” I brought my master’s diploma in to hang up the other day and it’s starting to feel like a joke. I’m due at the end of the month and want to nest like crazy, but after spending 8 hours scrabbling for things to do and trying to look busy enough otherwise, I’m too tired to do anything but make dinner and go to bed when I get home. And I’m trying very hard to stay busy so I don’t drive myself distracted wondering when baby will come, but man, if they don’t give me anything to do, I’m going to go nuts.

      1. Yikes! Sounds hard! Your company and/or Baby Austin need to make something happen!!

      2. I’m sorry. I’ve been there, and it really sucks to be working beneath your level.

         1. Thank you both; it just feels like the worst kind of limbo!

      3. Have you put together your transition plan yet?

         1. In that I know what day is definitely my last (unless baby comes early) and what day I will be back, yes. It’s hard to plan for something like important deliverables when I don’t HAVE important deliverables. At this point I have delivered on everything I’ve been asked to do, sometimes within minutes.

            1. Yeah I never made a transition plan because I didn’t really have long range projects.

   6. As I posted in the other thread, it’s my running-away-from-home-iversary so I am feeling grateful and amazed at the turn my life has taken in the last 10 years. Happy to have you all in my life!

      1. Congrats!! I remember you posting about it!

   7. It’s pouring (atmospheric river) in NorCal and will be for the next two days. Sometimes I find rain comforting, but not today.

      A few hours ago, I found out my first boss, from my first post-college job, Rose Mary, died yesterday. She was only 50. She had breast cancer. I can’t believe it and I am just so saddened.

      I just want to cry (and I am not a crier!). I am so deeply sad.
      She was a truly lovely person.
      F*CK CANCER.

      1. I’m so sorry.

      2. I’m so terribly sorry for your loss.

      3. So sorry for your loss. Please send a note to her family with these sentiments. It would mean a lot to them to know how many lives she touched.

      4. F*ck cancer. I’m sorry to hear about your friend.

   8. Slightly anxious. We leave for Scotland in almost exactly 2 months. We submitted passport renewal applications on 1/3. Mine has been in processing since 1/27. No update since then.

      We have both now paid for expedited service and delivery, so we have done what we can. Our travel agent asked twice this week if we have them yet.

      1. Expedited processing has been taking a while lately, but you should have them well before May. My husband and daughter just renewed and it was about 8 weeks expedited for both of them. When I renewed in late 2021, I got it back in a week!

      2. In a travel group or two on Facebook that I’m in, I’ve seen multiple people get suddenly out of processing limbo out of nowhere in the last couple days. Hopefully that bodes well for you, too!

      3. They just shut down their beta version of self-serve online passport renewal, so maybe that will free up some resources – fingers crossed!

   9. Angry and confused. Found out my ex-husband (we were still in a romantic relationship as we tried to figure things out and work through issues) had a girlfriend that he moved into a house down the road and kept her a secret from me for about two years. This is a woman who caused major issues in our marriage as he had a weird emotional connection with her (she is a high school friend). She went along with it because she is desperate for a relationship and a family. I found out and called her to confirm, as he lied about it to me. Why are people so terrible?

      1. How awful, I’m so sorry they both betrayed you like that.

   10. Sad and stressed, and feeling like I’m letting everyone down.

   11. Happy, grateful, and also quite sappy. I left my job during the pandemic. My former company paid extremely well, but at a cost. My colleagues weren’t kind; I worked around the clock, to the detriment of my relationships and my health; and I wasn’t getting the sort of professional opportunities that I had hoped for. I found what seemed like a better opportunity, although at a substantial paycut, and I convinced myself to leave. I’m now six months into the new job, and finally starting to transition from cautious optimism to happiness without reservation. I’m getting much better experience, my coworkers are amazing, and pretty much every aspect of my life has improved from being in a position that encourages life outside of work. I’m even finding the paycut less difficult than I had anticipated, now that I no longer feel a strong need to use money to create serotonin (for example, ordering myself a fancy dinner four nights out of five, because I’ve been pinned to my desk and haven’t been able to do any grocery shopping).

   12. I have the flu and have been out of commission for the last 6 days. Unfortunately I have a major deadline next Wednesday, so now I’m about a week behind.
       BUT I watched Galaxy Quest to improve the mood and it helped.

       1. I love that movie!

7. Paging the anon who found out her husband had lied about male gardening specialists. Just wanted to say I’m thinking about you and sending out love. I know this is an incredibly difficult situation, but the world is full of kind people you can trust, and I hope you are finding community and support in your life amidst it. You will get through this and come out better and stronger.

   Also – my best friend’s mom went through an almost identical situation about 5 years ago. The pain and breach of trust were awful, but she is now on the other side married to a wonderful man. She has as much trust and love in the relationship as anyone I know, and the events of the previous marriage are now a blip that only come up sometimes. No matter what, you’ll wind up on the other side of this. Sending lots of love.

8. I understand each office is different and some are very cold, but I have never worn a wrap to the office or used one the way this post describes. I would rather wear additional layers such as a sweater under a blazer to keep warm if needed.

   1. I guess to each their own. My last office job was in a glass office with outside windows and I was freezing all the time. I was so glad the thing that looked like a basic oblong scarf could unfurl to be used as a wrap. The rest of the building was regular to warm, so warmer overall clothing wasn’t the answer.

   2. In my office (when I used to go in regularly) almost everyone kept a throw of some kind in their office to wrap up in on cooler days.

   3. A blazer keeps my torso warm but my legs still get cold. I need to drape something over my lap.

   4. Mine varies wildly in temperature and I actually have this exact wrap for that exact purpose.

9. Just wanted to say thank you to those who weighed in yesterday on whether to negotiate when the travel requirements changed for the job I’m interviewing for. The interview went well but it does sound like travel will be high. I have one more interview round to go but I’m feeling confident I’ll get it. So will be putting your tips to practice soon (hopefully). Thank you so much again!

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