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These Mary Jane flats are best sellers at J.Crew, and I do like them — particularly the snake-embossed leather on the black versions. The square-toed shoe also comes in a corn yellow and silver, and they're marked to $89.50 for a “limited time.”
The black, at least, is still available in a lot of sizes between 5-12.
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Sunshine
CapHillStyle recommended these shorts several times and I bought a pair on final sale, which I never do. They’re great. I wore them to a fancier lunch with a nice top and wedges. If they came in other colors, I’d buy those. Unfortunately, black only.
I’m usually a mall-size 6 and I bought the medium (I’m 5’10” and 150 lbs with long legs and a short torso). They’re bigger in the legs, which is good for me.
Spanx Perfect A-Line Short. $60 on final sale.
https://spanx.com/products/the-perfect-a-line-short?variant=43014665470163&entry=sale
anon
Thanks for this! I have a linen version of this outfit that I like and this looks to be the more polished version.
Sunshine
I tend to sweat a lot, including cr0tch sweat; I don’t own linen as a result. The shorts looked great at the end of lunch. They’re a thick material that I wouldn’t wear to do errands when it’s 100 degrees. But great for lunch or dinner at a nice place in the summer.
Senior Attorney
They look amazing. I wish they came in a lighter color so I could see the details better.
Ses
My trick for this is to look at the image on my phone with the brightness turned to the highest. That often reveals the pockets and darts on dark clothing.
Senior Attorney
Ooh, good thinking! Thanks!
Kripalu Yoga in the Berkshires
Nice – thanks for the good rec!
Anon
Don’t give that woman clicks. Absolutely abhorrent views and she is unrepentant. Google the time she got mad that people were being mean to her over a school shooting (of all things).
Jane
If you’re excited about the Harris ticket, can you talk about why. I’m voting for her as the least bad option, but I’m not excited about her. I think she has energy and enthusiasm and would be fun to have a drink with. But she hasn’t done much to explain what she really thinks about policy issues and hasn’t given any media interviews.
Anonymous
I feel similarly. I’m voting for her. I’m beyond excited about another female candidate, but I do worry that some of her speaking points and policy ideas are very superficial ($25,000 first time buyers cash, but how? from where?). I get that this was thrown at her quickly, so I’m giving her some grace, but I’d like more substance soon.
Anon
She has been the VP for 3.5 years and Biden has obviously been in decline. She should have had plenty of opportunities; she hasn’t taken them.
Anon
I think you misunderstand the “opportunities” the VP actually has. Primarily, they preside over the senate and then get sent to funerals and the like.
Anon
I perfectly understand the roles of a VP.
You don’t understand that she was in charge of the border, bragged about being the last person in the room during the Afghanistan withdrawal, and, with an obviously ailing President, had plenty of opportunity to run point. Or you do understand, but want to pretend that she hasn’t been VP for 3.5 years and is inept.
S
The border where republicans voted down the best initiative we’ve had? Seriously one of the best rebounds this country has had in terms of jobs, and she’s played a major role in supporting unions. Inept is the last thing I would call her.
Anon
Border crossings are lower now than at the end of Trump’s term so I’m not sure why she’s “inept” for her handling of the border.
Not Elizabeth Warren
This sounds like a GOP talking point but their candidate has publicly distanced himself from their unofficial detailed policy handbook (Project 2024) and I’m pretty sure he thinks “policy” is the name of Sting’s band.
Anon
I feel excitement that Biden stepped aside, but I’m not specifically excited about Harris for the same reason (policy proposals are vague or non-existent, vice presidential run was unremarkable or at least not covered extensively). Doesn’t matter, though, since I’m just going to ride the wave of “it’s not Biden” and see where it goes. I hate being consistently stuck between bad options or not specifically loving a candidate, but it’s the world we’re in. The last time I was really psyched was Obama 2008.
Anon
I also would love to be psyched about her policy proposals but have no idea what they are. To a certain extent, I blame Biden for that, because the nominee should have had months to carefully craft their own policy proposals, and he’s kind of left the nominee in the position of just having to adopt his (whatever she thinks about them).
anon for this
I’m voting for her because I think she is smart and will surround herself with capable people who will put the country’s best interests first, not their own self interests. (This should be a low bar! Alas.) Some of Biden’s signature accomplishments (like the Inflation Reduction Act) weren’t fully fleshed out when he was a candidate, and I’m okay with that. I want someone who is able to adapt to what’s needed in the moment. I trust Harris and Walz to do that.
Anon
+1 to this!
Anon
I think the country has overall been doing really well under Biden and I think she will continue that. The stock market is doing great, illegal border crossings are way down, violent crime is down. Most of the major problems like inflation are worldwide issues and the US has handled it better than most countries, so I think Biden gets unfairly blamed for that, and overall they were a really successful administration that will be judged well by history. I also think she’s very smart and will fill her admin with smart/competent people which is really the most important part of the job.
I actually support her not doing interviews. The media, even the so-called liberal media like CNN and the Washington Post, has a huge double standard for the candidates. Trump constantly spews crazy lies and even when he’s not lying he’s always constantly talking out of both sides of his mouth so no one has any idea what his actual policy positions are. But the bar for his behavior is in hell so most of the time it doesn’t merit a lot of attention from the press, while everything she says and does gets absolutely picked apart and micro-examined. It’s ridiculous and I fully support her not subjecting herself to that double standard. Also I’m just not convinced detailed policy proposals influence the public that much. Hillary Clinton was arguably the biggest policy wonk candidate we’ve ever had, and she lost.
Anon
+ 1,000,000
PolyD
x2
Very well said.
Anon
Totally agree.
Anonymous
+1
LeeB
Agree 1000%
Anon
Yup. I trust that she’s smart and cares and will surround herself with competent people. Presidential candidate ‘policy positions’ are always just a wish list – congress has to actually pass laws for the president to sign, there’s not much they can do unilaterally.
Anon
I personally believe (as do many strategists I admire) that Biden’s presidency was the most accomplished of any president’s in my adult lifetime. That legacy will be continued by Kamala, and she will inherit many of the staffers and officials who have been implementing his agenda.
Moreover, I’m excited for the possibility of codifying Roe, implementing huge wins for climate action, and being able to trust the competency of the person in charge. A Trump presidency will be so beyond nightmarish (Project 2025, national abortion bans, plans to restrict birth control, gut federal agencies and slowly dismantle any protections of democracy, basically make any climate policy impossible and set us back decades in terms of emissions, put as at huge security risk with his willingness to be bribed by foreign governmetns). The thought of not having that nightmare manifest is enough to make me cry with joy and relief. I also believe in a non-hate fueled country, and I am overjoyed at Kamala’s vision for the future being one of inclusion and diversity (not fear, hate, and violence).
Senior Attorney
Agree with all of this. I happen to think Joe has done a great job for the most part and Kamala is going to continue that, plus she is a new generation, she’s a woman of color and that’s tremendously exciting, and most of all I am hoping against hope that the Trump fever is finally breaking. Plus I am loving Coach Walz.
Anon
<3
The entire campaign makes me feel hopeful, and it's been a while since I felt that way.
Trump's campaign seems to be built on hate.
Anon
Here to comment on one point: Project 2025 is from the Heritage Foundation. It is NOT Trump’s plan. This has been fully debunked but is repeated over and over.
Anonymous
Sigh.
KJ
I have some beachfront in Nebraska that you would love!!
Anonymous
I’m excited. I think she’s our best shot at protecting and winning back women’s healthcare rights, she’s focused on supporting the middle class (as opposed to more tax cuts for the ultra wealthy), and I think she will help our position globally. Aside from aligning on policy positions, I’m excited to have someone so incredibly smart and who has worked their way up in life. I honestly wasn’t that excited in the past. She hit me as kind of bland. But the more I get to know of her, the more I like.
Anon
I admittedly don’t know much about Harris’ policies or views, but I agree that I like her energy and how energized the DNC is (for once).
Everything I hear about Walz I absolutely love, so I’m very behind that part of the ticket even though a VP doesn’t have a ton of sway over policy.
Anon
I would be voting for her regardless, but since Walz joined the ticket I am so excited to vote. I really like him and think he has a very refreshing approach to governing.
Anon
Honestly, who cares? You don’t need to be excited to vote for her.
Jane
I agree with this. But I also know some people are excited about her. I’m interested in what makes them excited. Maybe I’m missing something that’s great about the Harris campaign and another person can fill in that information.
My question is no different than asking someone why they really enjoy their job or what was so fun about the last place they vacationed if they indicated it was a wonderful trip. I’m trying to understand people’s perspectives.
anon
i once saw this quote that i am now paraphrasing but you should think about candidates the way you think about the bus. does the bus excite you? no. does it get you where you want to go? yes.
PLB
Thank you!
Anon
I think it’s reasonable to want to try to get excited about the candidate you’re supporting!
Anon
Sure, I guess. But the way to do that is probably not to pose a “change my mind” challenge to strangers.
Anon
I think it’s a perfectly fine way to do it!
Anonymous
considering the way the media (NYT and WaPo) had a 6-week long campaign accusing Biden of being too old and senile (yet nothing about Trump’s word vomit and senility) I don’t blame her. The WSJ isn’t going to give her a fair shake. MSNBC is going to fangirl regardless.
I say this as a former journalist, the death of journalism in this country and the media’s complete and total inability to cover the years 2015-2024 in a real way are heartbreaking.
Anon
Also a former journalist and I agree. It’s just terrible how journalism in this country is falling apart.
Anon
+1. It’s actually pretty disgraceful, and that’s not even thinking of the extreme rise of cheap clickbait headlines in even the most lauded newspapers.
Anon
Did you see the same debate I did?
Anon
The debate is just the surface of the double standard though. 99% of what comes out of Trump’s mouth is either false or incoherent but people are so desensitized to it that it only makes the news when he says something utterly horrifying, like the recent Medal of Honor remarks. Dem candidates are all held to much higher standards and expected to be sharp and articulate at all times, and their policy ideas are picked apart whereas Trump doesn’t even take policy stances.
For example Trump recently said “hello Pennsylvania” when he was campaigning in North Carolina, or something like that. I don’t personally think it’s a big deal but when Biden did things like that the media would cover it non stop for a week. When Trump did it, it didn’t even make mainstream news media.
Anonymous
I’m excited about the vibe shift. I don’t think Kamala could have generated this kind of energy on her own but she seems to have risen to the challenge and I think she’ll make as good a president as Trump or Dubya. I like that she’s a woman. I like that her husband’s ex-wife came out in favor of her. I cry when I see her telling young girls cheesy things like demanding that people treat you well. I’m proud of her for her actions supporting others like the TN legislators kicked out over gun reform and Liz Warren after the whole “nevertheless she persisted” thing. I like the way she questioned Brett Kavanaugh.
I’m really really hopeful for her and Walz. I think that’s what excites people — having hope for the first time in so long. So many people are saying this election feels like 2008 again.
Senior Attorney
Exactly! I keep pinching myself and going “what’s this weird feeling? Oh yeah — it’s HOPE!”
Anonymous
She’s smart enough to hire experts to develop policy for her and humble enough to actually follow the advice of those experts. Really all I can hope for in a leader is someone who recognizes what needs to be done and can assemble the teams to do that. I don’t expect Harris herself to be an expert on anything.
Anon
Can you provide any evidence for your first sentence? Her former staffers – and there are a lot, with 92% turnover – vocally disagree on both points.
Anon
Can you provide sources for that? I’ve never heard any staffers be super critical and very high turnover for staff positions is normal in DC.
Anon
Are you really trying to argue that Kamala is not smart? Really?
Anonymous
Definitely not excited. Will vote for her the same way I voted for Biden – to keep Trump out. At some point in the next decade or so, I’d love to see a regular not Maga republican again or a centrist Democratic. This current Dem party’s MO of just giving money away – homebuyers or student loans or PPP money that’s not needed or child tax credits – and then being like huh I wonder what caused inflation is not really for me. I mean going after price gouging on bread seems like a plan written by a middle schooler. But I can roll my eyes and vote for her in my swing state because she’ll at least have the ability to appoint good people to Treasury, Fed, maybe Powell stays on. With the other guy, the people who get appointed will be like golf pros from his country club taking a shot at running the Fed or the children of important donors who graduated b school last month.
Anonymous
Bread price fixing was a huge scandal in Canada among all the major grocery stores. I don’t see how trying to uncover the same corporate collusion in the US is a bad move? Unless you believe in neoliberalism.
Anon
American grocery stores have a 1% profit margin.
Anonymous
Canadian grocery stores told the same lie
Anon
Hey baby, im a grocery store chain shareholder. They’re all bragging about record profits. Margins have always been low per bag, and they love to throw that around, but you can check out their financials. They’re doing extremely well.
Anon
I work for a family who owns and runs a household-name grocery store and this is satire, right? Profit margins in this sector are orders of magnitude higher than that.
Anon
It’s certainly true that middle schoolers just learned the history of monopolies and regulation.
Anonymous
I thought the bread thing was silly too, until I read the FTC is looking at how large supermarkets are planning to use electronic pricing to adjust pricing whenever they want to. I can’t imagine that being used in a way that would benefit consumers.
Anon
You forgot the near-mandatory requirement for DJT appointees to engage in criminal and/or unethical behavior.
Anon
I’m doing whatever I need to do to defeat Trump, but I’m not entering this election assuming that Dems will truly lift a finger to protect women’s abortion rights. They sat on their heels ever since Roe v. Wade, constantly dangling the “better vote for Dems so Republicans don’t take your rights away,” but never showed even 1/16th of the creativity the Republicans showed. Republicans are fighting this war on ALL fronts with extreme energy and have made their intentions crystal clear for decades. Democrats cannot pretend to be surprised or like they didn’t know this was coming. I have no loyalty to the Dems because of this and am only voting for Harris to defeat Trump. She won’t be our savior just because she’s a woman or just because she supports abortion rights herself.
Anon
Agree
Anon
I’m not particularly interested in policy proposals because they’re a total joke. What gets enacted has nothing to do with what the president wants, but with who controls congress, by how much, and what they’re they’re willing to pass. I do think it’s helpful to know what she prioritizes and how she thinks about politics. It’s clear that she’s politically flexible and essentially a pragmatist, willing to go with whatever makes sense at the time, rather than someone with strong ideology, and I’m okay with that. I like getting things done and think it makes sense to change priorities as things change and people want different things. It seems like they’re emphasizing abortion and cost of living issues, which I generally support and are popular, though realistically there’s not a lot the federal government can do in the short term on COL, which is why some of her plan doesn’t sound that impressive, but they have to look like they’re trying and it’s way better than Trump’s plan to increase tariffs on everything. Bottom line, she’d be a perfectly fine president, and the main thing that determines what she actually gets done is whether she gets elected and whether the Democrats control congress, not anything else about her, unfortunately.
Anon
This makes sense to me. Biden was a truly terrible president if we judge him against his platform and campaign promises, but much better if we ignore them!
Anonymous
I agree, I’m not at all excited. To some extent, we didn’t choose her. Technically, she was on the ticket with Biden, so we voted for them both. But how many people thought, well, I’m not for Biden but I’ll vote for him because I support Harris. However, since I loathe Trump with the passion of a thousand suns, I’ll vote for her.
Excitement for a candidate is important. People that are excited vote (even negative excitement), which benefits other candidates on the ballot. Strong support helps the candidate gain momentum for their party’s agenda.
I hope she wins only because words can’t even express how I feel about Trump. However, I know when the Democrats congratulate themselves on winning, I’ll be irritated because they didn’t win, they just didn’t lose. It’s not great when I get to vote for the person I loathe less.
Anonymous
We know the federal courts will be better off with her and we won’t have a demented person running the country. That is why I am excited.
Anon
+1
Anon
hallelujah
and I’m the atheist scientist that doesn’t pray
Anonymous
No Jane. It’s not my job to get you hot for Kamala.
Anonymous
Because I love smart powerful confident women and it’s a literal dream to put one in charge.
Anon
+1 million!
Anonymous
Just curious how this board leans – do you pray for things? I don’t necessarily mean things like a Mercedes but for things like health, wealth, job, whatever? Doesn’t matter what faith, just curious if asking a higher power for things is a part of your life in any way.
anon
Pray yes, for things no.
Anon
I have a little ritual I suppose of wishing on eyelashes or at 11:11 for my mom and dad to be safe and healthy and happy. I’ve done it for decades now. I don’t believe in any higher power, so I’m not sure why exactly I do it. I also used to wish that my husband and I would have a baby, but we’re three and a half years into fertility treatments and I’ve long since given up on that one for being too depressing.
NY CPA
I wouldnt say I pray on a daily basis, but yes I sometimes do
Sunshine
I believe in a higher power but do not practice any religion. I both express gratitude for my day each night before I go to bed and I pray for things at time. As you said, not like a Mercedes. But, for example, when it became clear that my mother’s cancer treatments would not work, I prayed that our family would continue to be at peace with one another, that she specifically would be at peace with death and dying, and she not be physically uncomfortable during that process. Now that she is gone, I often mentally talk to her and attribute some things in my daily life to her as though she were calling to say hi.
Anon
No. I’m an atheist Jew and my heritage is very important to me but I’ve never prayed.
Anon
My friend’s daughter got up in front at her bat mitzvah and used the word “Jatheist” to describe herself. My friend still cringes but honestly it was hilarious.
Senior Attorney
Love this!
Anon
Me too. I will go to services and sing the prayers or recite the liturgy. But I’m not appealing to a higher power. I’m commemorating or acknowledging my connection with the history of Jews and the principles of morality espoused by it. (And moving past the principles that I don’t agree with).
Walnut
Honestly, my most useful prayer is the meditative rounds of Our Father, Holy Mary and Glory Be that I fall asleep to many nights. For me, the comfortable familiarity sets my brain at ease and lulls me to sleep.
I generally say a quick prayer anytime I see an emergency response vehicle and regularly offer up quick prayers of gratitude. I have seriously prayed in moments of personal health emergency that my husband and kids would be cared for and that the medical personnel handling my care would be uplifted.
Anon
Dumb question, but do you know why Catholics call the Lord’s Prayer the Our Father and why they end it a little early?
Anon
Hey, we don’t end it early, everybody else goes on too long! ;)
Anonymous
There is more than one version, is the short answer. It’s called our father in the Scandi protestant tradition, too.
Anecdata
Not the OP but I can answer this (not dumb, I promise!) question – the “Our Father” as a name is just convention, but doesn’t mean anything. Lots of Catholic prayers follow this naming convention (as do Papal Encyclicals), where the “name” is the first two words – or the first two words in Latin. Maybe the convention persists because Catholics have more named prayers overall and we needed an easier way to remember them?
The “ends early” (ie leaving off the “for thine is the Kingdom, the Power, and the Glory, for ever and ever” part); is because that part doesn’t appear in the Gospels; but has developed over time in liturgical use as a doxology (a little ending of praise – another place you see them is the last “verse” of traditional hymns)
For that reason, Catholics do say that last line when praying the Our Father in some liturgical contexts, like at Mass, but it’s separated by a little transitional prayer the priest says. In English it would be:
Congregation: “… but deliver us from evil.”
Priest: “Deliver us Lord from every evil and grant us peace in our days. In your mercy, keep us free from sin and safe from all distress, as we await, in joyful hope, the coming of our Savior”
Congregation: “For the Kingdom, the power and the glory are yours, now and forever”
Anon
This one was new to me at a fairly recent Catholic funeral. When I was a kid we ended at deliver us from evil.
Anon
Very rarely. Lapsed Episcopalian here. I have no issue with the church (in fact I really like it), but in my day to day life I never really encounter religion. I am also agnostic – I really neither believe in god nor don’t believe in god.
I’m very mildly superstitious, I don’t like to tempt fate and do worry about speaking things into existence, but also I don’t believe in anything supernatural. So, if I mention something bad I usually knock on wood or say god forbid. I don’t walk under ladders. But, I also don’t like go looking for 4 leaf clovers or anything either.
I “wish” on birthday candles, eyelashes, when throwing pennies into a fountain or at 11:11 AM – my wish is almost always to be happy and healthy, but sometimes its tailored to something on my mind.
I also occasionally speak something to the universe – usually a thank you or something about peace on earth. Sometimes I’ll even say a prayer – usually the Lord’s Prayer or the Prayer of St. Francis because I like the intention behind them but sometimes I”ll go off book – usually its about world peace. I grew up saying grace every night at dinner, and honestly I should bring that back – I love the concept of being thankful for our dinner.
When I see a tragedy of any scale (ranging from passing a lights and sirens ambulance to a natural disaster to war) I say a silent nice thought for the safety and health of those involved – is it a prayer? is it an intention for the universe? Honestly – what even is the difference between the two? I think its just important to put that energy out there.
My whole thing with Christianity is that I am agnostic, but if God exists I think its in the Diest view. I think Jesus was a real person and an excellent role model. If we all followed his example, we’d be far, far better off as a world. I also think he was a total radical (in a good way) and that the conservative “Christians” are so far from his example. But, I also don’t think he was the Son of God or divine in anyway. Just a normal man who was a really good person.
Anon
I would say I am kind of a Diest – I think there’s probably some higher power but I don’t believe that the higher power is all that involved on earth, and I certainly don’t think that God is going to be directly involved in my own prayers or wishes.
There are times that I silently say something that is I guess my version of a prayer. Usually its for peace – often world peace or human rights in general but at times I’ll specify a certain group. I also always “pray” when passing an ambulance going lights and sirens, or when I hear about a tragedy. I’ll also “pray” for health or strength or inner peace for loved ones having a tough time. I don’t think I’ve ever “prayed” for myself. I also don’t ever “pray” for specific things (like it’s not that a loved one beats cancer, but its that a loved one’s continued strength and good spirits during cancer treatment or for peace and serenity for the spouse of the cancer patient).
I think I usually frame it more as an intention, but really what’s the difference between an intention and a prayer?
I really like the Quaker phrasing of holding someone in the light, which I guess would be interpreted by many others as being prayed for.
Anonymous
i when i left the catholic church i realized i wanted to stay connected in some small way, and so now whenever an ambulance or fire truck passes me with the lights blaring, or i see a cop pulling someone over, i do a quick sign of the cross and wish them well. (for the traffic stops i wish all parties well and hope it will be an uneventful stop for all beyond a ticket.)
a good friend just lost both her parents and i find that whenever i pass the cemetery my thoughts turn to them and i say a small prayer for them and for her.
but i don’t like kneel by the side of my bed or thank god for my coffee or anything. no hashtag #blessed here.
Anon
+1
anon
Yes, in cases where there is nothing else that I can physical do. Basically, the situations where, to use the cliche, it’s in god’s hands. I’ve also been known to light a candle and pray for someone to have peace and strength to do the hard thing. Last time I actually went to church to pray was when someone I knew had to make a mandatory report.
Senior Attorney
Nope. I used to back when I was a believer but those days are in the past.
Senior Attorney
Give or take “sending good thoughts to the universe in respose to specific requests for prayers.”
Anon
Same. My devout grandma is appalled at my refusal to say I will pray for family members when she shares the latest gossip, and instead send my love and hopes for a smooth recovery/successful outcome/peaceful resolution. I love her, but am not going to be baited or goaded into placating her. I don’t denigrate her faith practices; she can respect my lack of them.
Senior Attorney
We talked about this on here a while ago, and somebody noted that one of the definitions of “to pray” is “wish or hope strongly for a particular outcome or situation.” So if you are willing to privately use that definition maybe you can go along with your grandma. That’s what I did in a similar situation recently when I really wanted to support somebody. It was important to them and no skin off my nose. YMMV, of course.
Of Counsel
Every day! Practicing Episcopalian here and I would never pray for money or a job, but I pray for health and comfort for other people every day. I pray for comfort for those in distress. I pray that people might be open to God’s grace in their lives (which does not mean I am praying for them to believe in God!).
And I thank God daily for the many good things in my life and ask that I might be a kinder, more patient and more tolerant person. Because honestly I am not naturally any of those things and I need help. And I ask for help in being a mirror of God’s love in the world so that I might do his work.
And maybe it does no good – but I believe in things that cannot be seen or proven.
Anonymous
I tried praying a few times around the age of 7 or 8 before figuring out my parents were correct in their decision to raise us as atheists. Now a days I’ll say ‘thinking of you’ to someone going through I hard time to indicate support.
Anon
Nope. Sorry! Atheist to my core, not in an angry way. I’ve never been able to convince myself to “believe.”
Anon
No. Atheist and scientist.
I think. I hope. I meditate.
Lutheran wool socks
I often pray for others, their health and well-being. I pray for myself mostly for comfort, courage or peace.
Been there
I’m a recovering Catholic who is spiritual and not religious. I don’t pray but I do ask the universe for guidance or a sign when I’m struggling. It could be priming my mind to look for it but I usually get that guidance or sign. For example, yesterday morning when I meditated, I asked for guidance for a particular issue. Then I happened to see one of my favorite podcasts had a new episode on the topic. Even if it’s priming at work, I don’t care. When someone near to me is having a hard time, I hold them in my heart when I meditate or mentally send them positive energy. It may be Woo Woo but it gives me comfort and doesn’t feel as loaded as praying to God (who I always imagine as an old white man because of my conditioning).
Anon
Yes, liberal Catholic and I pray (and lead my two year old in prayer too). Much more of my prayers are ones of gratitude/thanksgiving but when I’m overwhelmed by something I do ask for wisdom, patience, understanding, etc to help me through the challenge. In my toddler’s nightly prayer we ask for our family and friends to stay healthy and safe and happy. I also pray a quick thanks every time we arrive someplace safely by car and anytime we see on the road an ambulance, car accident etc – usually in my head but if my toddler is present I’ll do it outloud.
anon
yes, I pray multiple times a day for all kinds of things – safety for people I love, wisdom to know how to parent, a difficult situation to be resolved even though I don’t see a solution – and also prescribed prayers, like the Lord’s Prayer, the collect of the day, the Kyrie. We pray before and after every meal and I pray with and for my kids every night. I pray because I believe the Heidelberg Catechism Q&A 26: “I do not doubt that God will provide whatever I need for body and soul, and will turn to my good whatever adversity he sends upon me in this sad world. God is able to do this because he is almighty God and desires to do this because he is a faithful Father.” and Q&A 118: “What did God command us to pray for? Everything we need, spiritually and physically.”
Anonymous
Nope
Anonymous
Definitely not.
janet R Jeske
I pray for people, things, healing, provision, protection. You name it, I would not be here without the blessings I have received. Thank you for asking so you can hear my testimony of how grateful I am to my father in Heaven. And nothing like having Stage 4 cancer to strengthen my faith life.
Walnut
Stage three cancer gave me some interesting perspective on what I felt was God at work in my life. I joked with my Mom that maybe if I was a better listener God wouldn’t have to smack me upside the head to get my attention.
NaoNao
I have about a 50% success rate with hoping for “pennies from heaven” if I’m a bit short or have an unexpected expense. I typically ask myself what’s the least/lowest amount I could use, concentrate on that amount (like “okay, I need $180 dollars”) and often I get an unexpected source of cash (a refund, a gift, a bonus–or a couple times I’ve gotten a random check from a former job when some stock cashed out or similar) in around that amount! It’s *just* often enough I keep doing it, but I try to keep it to when I really need it to keep it special, if that makes sense!
Anon
Any ideas for a token housewarming gift? Two people who report to me just purchased their first homes – both are married and live in apartments so I’m assuming the basics are all covered from their registries. Unsure of their personal interior design styles but would love to gift them something <$50 to celebrate.
orchid
My boss gave me a bottle of $50 champagne at holidays, it was fancy and cool. I’d do that for this unless i was aware that they do not drink.
Anon
Fruit or treats basket if you’re ok with consumables. If not, a wooden salad bowl or set is fairly classic and likely to be useful and not clash with decor.
Anonymous
op – they are also both mid/late twenties!
Anon
Nice wine if they drink, fancy chocolates if they don’t.
anon
i think a bottle of champagne is a good one (and that could be your go to gift when someone else moves in a few years!). it’s not exciting but i used to give a $50 gift card to Bed bath and beyond ( but could do target) to my team when they moved/ bought a house.
Anon
I always do a bottle of wine, but recognize that that’s not appropriate between coworkers. In that case, I’d do fresh flowers.
Anon
It may not be universally appropriate depending on the individuals or type of workplace, but it certainly isn’t universally inappropriate to give a bottle of wine to coworker, or in this case, as a housewarming gift to direct reports.
Senior Attorney
I think you can’t go wrong with some nice dish towels. I like these from William Sonoma: https://www.williams-sonoma.com/products/the-trevor-project-rainbow-towels/?pkey=cdish-cloths-towels&position=37
Senior Attorney
Or this, which somebody gave me for my wedding and which I use regularly: https://www.amazon.com/OXO-Grips-Dustpan-Brush-White/dp/B00004OCL4/ref=asc_df_B00004OCL4/?
Anon
Anything OXO is great, so I suggest that brand to OP!
Anon
I think alcohol is not appropriate in a work setting, and I think gift cards from boss to employees aren’t appropriate either. I also think $50 is too much to be giving to people to report to you if you’re not giving it to everyone (so $50 for the holidays is fine, $50 for this is not).
That being said, flowers or a plant or basics like dish towels or cloth napkin. Or a little wind chime or something. As long as its something innocuous!
Anon
I’ve long brought a houseplant and a bottle of wine to housewarming parties. In a workplace I’d skip the wine, so thumbs up to your suggestion.
orchid
Fascinating. I guess it’s a know your workplace situation. At my firm it would not be an issue in the slightest as long as it is taken home.
Anon
My boss once left a bottle of wine on all of his direct reports’ desks around the holidays. A guy I worked with who wasn’t a direct report confided he was a recovering addict (younger for that than you’d expect) and that it seemed uncomfortable/weird to him to suddenly be surrounded by bottles of wine at work.
ArenKay
If they are shifting neighborhoods, you could spend some time on Yelp or Eater and get them a gift card for a local restaurant or cafe. I did that for a young relative when she bought her first house and she seemed really pleased.
Moose
I love this idea!
Anonymous
My go-to housewarming gift is a Gurgle Jug (there are other brands too). It’s a fish-shaped pitcher that makes a gurgling noise when you pour water out of it, and it’s great to pull out when you have guests, because it gets everyone at the table to smile. They come in a bunch of different colors and are usually about $40.
Hip Hop Hippie
How long does one stay in PT before pursuing more aggressive intervention? I like my PT a lot and plan to ask him at my next appointment but, well, he’s a physical therapist and I suspect may just say “more PT!” It’s been 90 days and symptoms are the same if not worse (not more severe pain, but more frequent episodes). Is 90 days enough time for PT to work its magic? I feel great after the PT appointment but within 24 hours I’m back to where I started. Time to call an ortho, regardless of what physical therapist says on Friday? This is my first rodeo with PT since I was a kid so I’m not sure. Want to go in to Friday’s apt with a little more info, even if only anecdata.
This is hip pain, and possibly a torn labrum, if that matters. I’m 40, have two little kids (one’s a baby) and a very full time job. I’m just. So. Exhausted… and in pain. TIA.
Anon
If you are doing your exercises at home and not improving within three months, pursue other options. You may have other issues that haven’t been diagnosed properly (I got worse because a PT assured me I could not have a specific soft tissue problem; an MRI revealed that I had the exact problem). You might need more aggressive intervention. At the very least, a doctor can tell you to keep up with PT and ease your mind.
Anon
If you’ve been doing it as prescribed (like, actually doing it at home when you’re supposed to) then yeah, definitely seek out further treatment.
OP
I’d say I’ve been doing it 75% of the time, if I’m being really really honest. I think it’ll be a month or so before I can get an ortho so planning to hunker down and keep going until the appointment can happen.
Anon
I think that’s probably a pretty good rate. I’d go ahead and get an appointment on the books.
Anon
If you have some spare cash to throw at this, see if they are cash apt orthos or walk-in clinics in your area. They can usually get you in within a couple of days.
I live in a small city and use one such clinic; it’s $100 per visit, $350 for a MRI, and I can use HSA/FSA funds or submit to my insurance.
Sunshine
I would call the ortho and get an appointment. I suspect the ortho is going to order an MRI, which will give you a lot more information. Other than the time, which I hear from your post is in short supply, you have nothing to lose by seeing an ortho. It’s possible the ortho will send you to a different PT. Perhaps the one you’re seeing isn’t doing the right things.
I had a torn labrum in my early 30s and had surgery. Pre-surgery, it only hurt when I ran or walked a lot. I read this blog post after I had my surgery, and I suggest reading it. She did not do surgery and I keep hoping she will post an update because she’s now marathon training. https://www.peanutbutterrunner.com/femoroacetabular-impingement/
A friend also had hip pain in her early 40s. Hers was a partially torn labrum. PT was enough to keep her out of pain as long as she keeps doing all of the exercises.
NY CPA
I’ve had some quite serious injuries, and by 90 days, I’ve always felt some relief if not substantial relief.
I do definitely encourage asking the PT for his recommendation, I asked mine about what I should do about my ankle “sprain” (as diagnosed by an orthopedic doctor) that had gotten somewhat better but where my progress had plateaued. She suggested getting some imaging done and going back to the doctor, which I did and it turns out I needed a surgical repair that the doctor misdiagnosed the first time around.
Anon
I’m pretty quick to look for a new PT. Their training seems to be more consistent on what is wrong than what to do about it. Near me the orthopedic clinics have walk-in hours set aside so it’s easy to get in and get some imaging done.
OP
So you’d recommend getting an MRI before the ortho appt? I didn’t know walk-in MRIs existed, but I’d be totally down with doing that and skipping the step of going to the ortho and having happy talk, then getting the MRI and then getting back to the ortho. If I can skip the first appt and go right to imaging… yes, please. I’m in Boston so there’s gotta be a place around here that would offer that. Thanks for the heads up; I’ll investigate.
Anon
No, make the ortho appointment to get the MRI.
Anon
+1
anon
You may be able to get a walk-in MRI, but your insurance will likely require preauthorization to cover the MRI, which typically means you have to visit to the ortho first. You probably want to send the MRI through insurance, either because you’ve met your deductible or because you want “credit” for your deductible / OOP if there’s a chance you may need surgery or other interventions for your injury.
Anon
Yeah, get a prior auth for the MRI for sure. Having “exhausted PT” will help get it approved though.
Nesprin
Not necessarily- labrum damage should be detectable on a physical exam.
Anon
Oh, I just meant a short notice orthopedic appointment. If they’re not booking scheduled appts out for ages where you are it may not matter!
Anon
I’d be seeking imaging at this point, if you haven’t had it already.
Anonymous
did you go straight to PT or see an ortho first and get an MRI? If its the former, then I’d go to an ortho and get an MRI to see what is really going on. Otherwise you may be doing PT for something that can’t be fixed with PT.
Anonymous
i’m a huge fan of PT for a LOT of aches and pains but if you aren’t seeing success in 90 days then you need to see a real doctor to see what’s wrong. it could be a lot of things — something structural that all the PT in the world won’t fix, it might be something different than what you think and so you’re working on the wrong bits, or the PT maybe isn’t good. I wouldn’t ask your PT again at this point… I’d just go to ortho. if it IS the exact thing you and the PT were working on, you can either go back to PT for a different approach or get a new one.
fwiw tiktok has a lot of PTs showing exercises.
Anonymous
oh, and — re hip pain — it can be caused by a lot of different things that don’t seem related. tight lower back, stronger on one side, tiny flexors like your psoas… ergonmics, shoes, how you sleep. if this happened after having a baby there are a bunch of other possible things like SPD misalignment and so forth.
One thing you might want to google is “Myrtl exercises” — i believe they strengthen all muscles of your hip. i feel like no one ever talks about these!
Anon
Go see the orthopedist. I’m in PT right now for my shoulder, and my very nice PTs (team of two) really really think they can fix it, but after talking to the MD I am now aware that it’s going to require surgery. PT can give me some strengthening tips, but it’s not going to do what the surgery will do.
A.n.o.n.
hey, I had a torn labrum! I did a couple months of PT, scheduled surgery, and continued doing PT up to a few weeks before. after, probably 4 months of PT.
so not to be a bummer, but the recovery from surgery was not smooth. I am ~18 most post surgery and still definitely have a bad/weaker hip. one good source of info I would recommend is the hip impingement reddit to get a realistic picture of what surgery recovery looks like.
A.n.o.n.
and actually my steps were
– sports medicine doc visit
– referral to PT
– 2 mos of PT (and continuing PT thru remaining steps)
– shot to attempt to address pain (limited help)
– follow up with Ortho, referral to MRI
– confirmation of tear from MRI
– meet with surgeon to discuss surgery
– … continuing PT while awaiting surgery
– surgery
– 3 weeks on crutches/limited weight bearing
– 4 mos of PT
Anon
I’ve done extensive PT for reasons, and not all PT is created equal. I’d get second opinions – both with PT and a surgical eval.
Nesprin
Oof, PT for a torn labrum won’t fix anything other than strengthen the joint, and 3 months in you’ve probably gotten the benefit you’re going to get and then some. Especially with joint laxity, any loss of stability can give rise to arthritis a decade later.
If you’re subluxing at all (i.e. if you stand on just the foot for your bad hip, can you keep your hips level? can you lie on your back and frog your legs out without joint pain or popping?) you’ll need a labrum reconstruction.
LA for first timers
What would be your 3 day weekend itinterary for a first timer to LA? I’ll have about 3 days in LA in October before heading to a conference. I’ve only ever passed through LA and don’t know much about the area except that it is huge and there’s lots of traffic. The conference is in DTLA, but I’ve heard that’s not the best area so I’m planning to stay elsewhere until I have to move there for the meeting. I’m kind of at a loss for where to base myself and what is reasonable to do and see in that time. I’d like a mix of fun touristy things, relaxed exploration of cute areas and maybe a visit to the beach.
Anonymous
You will need a car. Perhaps stay in West LA, Century City area, and visit the La Brea Tar pits, LACMA, and head to Santa Monica for cute shopping and beach. Avoid Venice beach and unless you are into really touristy stuff, avoid the whole Hollywood walk of fame etc stuff.
anon
we went last winter break with my tween son. We did the warner brothers tour and really got a kick out of it. He also wanted to play pick up ball at venice beach ifo the kobe mural which we did too but seems unlikely that’s your thing …
LA for first timers
Yes I should have added that I assumed I would need a car and plan to rent one
Anonymous
I disagree about avoiding Venice Beach. I loved visiting the day I was leaving, getting brunch at Gjelina, walking around, and then heading to the airport, which is pretty close. I stayed in Koreatown and did the rest of your itinerary, plus the farmer’s market.
Senior Attorney
In addition to LACMA and the Tar Pits, the Peterson Automotive Museum is awesome if you like cars. Don’t miss the tour of the basement, where they have dozens of historic vehicles. The Academy (as in Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences) Museum is in the neighborhood, too.
The Getty Villa is just up Pacific Coast HIghway from Santa Monica and it’s fabulous if you like ancient history. And the Getty Center off the 405 is worth a visit for the architecture and views alone. Plus they have a great restaurant on site.
Any of the studio tours are great. Warner Brothers is fun because you get to see the set of Friends. My advice is to spring for the deluxe tour, whichever studio you pick. The VIP Experience at Universal Studios is super pricey but it includes skip the line for all rides, lunch in the commissary and access to all kinds of great locations like the gigantic prop warehouse.
Or you could come to Pasadena and I will take you to lunch or dinner! We have the Huntington Library and Gardens, which is lovely, also the Norton Simon Museum of Art, the Gamble House, Old Town for shopping and eating, (Eaton Canyon for a nice hike, it’s close enough to easily take in a Dodgers game if you like that sort of thing. The Langham Hotel is fabulous if pricey but there are nice accommodations in every price range. It’s also close to DTLA so you can take the light rail down to Grand Central Market, the Broad Museum, Olvera Street, and other attractions.
Senior Attorney
Long reply in mod so check back.
Anonymous
Santa Monica is a good base. I enjoyed the Getty.
Anon
Try to make it to the beach at least once. I like Manhattan Beach and the strand, less touristy than Venice Beach, though Venice is definitely something to gawk at once in your life!
I like shopping and dinner at The Grove.
I’m not super into Hollywood, though both of my kids wanted to see it at least once.
Anonymous
The Getty in the evening is lovely
Anon Pls
I’ll do a plug for my neighborhood, Culver City, as a good base and stay at The Shay. It’s at the crux of the 405 and 10 so pretty easy to get to most things in LA. The neighborhood is generally safe and walkable for breakfast and dinner. It’s also home to The Ripped Bodice, a romance novel bookstore.
I’d do the Getty or Getty Villa, spend a day at a beach city like Manhattan Beach where you can also bike up and down the coast on the pathway, check out the Petersen, Academy, and LACMA museums since they’re all close to each other, and get some Korean bbq sometime. For shopping, I like the Century City mall which has a bunch of high-end stores, an Eataly, and a Din Tai Fung. I second the Huntington and Norton Simon too if you plan on spending a day further northeast. I’ve heard the high teas at the Huntington and the Langley are great.
In DTLA, I’ve stayed at the Intercontinental Hotel and it was fabulous. Even if you don’t stay there, go up to the hotel lobby bar on the 70-something floor and have a drink. It’s a fantastic view of the whole city and worth the $20 drink.
Anonymous
Depends on where you’re coming from? If you live near a beach, you can skip all the beach stuff. If you don’t live near the beach, then go to the beach :)
Definitely go to an art museum, shopping and some restaurants. I like the Getty, and hear the Getty Villa is cool if you’re Malibu curious.
ALT
This is an odd question but my jaw and facial muscles are extremely tense all the time. I do clench my jaw in my sleep and grind my teeth, but my face hurts all the time. It hurts to touch my cheekbone, for example. I have a night guard that seems to make the pain worse.
I’ve done Botox in my masseter muscles but I just cannot afford to spend $500-700 every three months.
Any ideas on what to try here? It’s starting to affect my facial structure and I feel very lopsided :(
Anon
Have you been evaluated for TMJ?
Anonymous
My dentist recommended a TMJ specialist and that specialist sent me to a massage therapist. I thought it seemed woo woo and that’s not my thing. But she did WONDERS on loosening things. My ear lobes went back to hanging more symmetrically. Some of the work she did was on the top of my head, base of skull as well as face. If you can find someone who focuses on TMJ massage, go for it. My insurance picked up some of the cost. I haven’t been back in years after those initial treatment (I think Invisalign was the culprit). Seriously made such a huge difference.
anon for this
Yes, massage is great for this. I have intermittent TMJ flares (coinciding with high-stress periods) and a 30- or 45-minute massage focused on my jaw and shoulders is usually enough to get it under control again.
Anon
TMJ massage as others mentioned may be something to look into (my dentist has someone she recommends). Pain clinics may have different night guards than dentists have (again my dentist refers to a pain clinic). High absorption magnesium is a muscle relaxant that helps some people.
My understanding (possibly garbled since I don’t know any anatomy) is that if the jaw is hypermobile, sometimes relaxing the muscles exacerbates instability and prompts tension in an attempt to stabilize, so while it’s still necessary to relax those muscles, sometimes a device or a PT routine or something is needed so they don’t tense up again (the vagueness is partly because I haven’t followed up on this particular referral yet!).
My team expressed some urgency over not somehow angering the trigeminal nerve (not sure if that’s a real possibility, but they really wanted to get the pain under control).
Anon
That’s funny… I was just thinking of asking my doctor about this. I have a rheum disorder with inflammatory arthritis that affects my TMJ and other joints.
It can actually be hard to find a doctor/dentist truly knowledgeable or interested in TMJ, but I did find one (oral surgeon) who confirmed the diagnosis and gave me some recommendations and said to consider physical therapy. There is PT just for TMJ that involves stretches, manual work/massage and it should be covered by insurance. It’s good to see a PT because they will also work on your neck… sounds like you need a lot of stretching/relaxing.
Do you have a lot of anxiety/stress in your life (don’t we all….)? As this can certainly make it worse.
Anon
Who recommended Botox? A neurologist? Do you have a diagnosis?
ALT
I was diagnosed with TMD by my former dentist and he recommended a night guard so I don’t grind down my teeth and also Botox to relax the muscle. The Botox helps a ton but I just can’t afford to do it as often as I need it and insurance doesn’t cover it.
The dentist who diagnosed TMD has retired so I’m in the process of finding a new dentist, but my face is so painful right now. I have a physical with my PCP in a couple months so I’ll bring it up with her and try massage in the meantime.
Anon
Got it. It’s very surprising that your old dentist recommended Botox before PT. It is NOT typical to be using Botox for the rest of your life to this. And if you don’t train yourself how to relax/maintain that joint, you will struggle with it indefinitely.
Meanwhile you could try anti-inflammatories/heat or cold packs and look for online basic exercises to relieve TMJ pain. Avoid opening your mouth to wide/eating large foods (ex. burger in a bun, apple etc..), lean to soft foods for awhile and small bits. Let your poor joint recover.
Any chance you could have rheumatoid arthritis or another cause of TMJ? I was also “diagnosed” with simple TMJ by my dentist (who honestly knew nothing) and told me to get a mouth guard, but I later learned I don’t need a mouth guard as I don’t grind and I also felt worse using one. I have a rare rheum disorder that can have inflammation at that joint that causes it to flare.
Anonymous
Start with talking with your dentist if you haven’t already.
I used to grind through my all extra-thick plastic retainers and my jaw was sore during the day.
I had to switch family dentists and she fitted me with a retainer / mouth guard and it prevents me from clenching down. Like, my bite just does not fit together enough for me to grind anymore, if that makes sense.
Anonymous
I use acupuncture for this, and it’s been very successful. I’ve had a ton of dental work, my bite will probably never be aligned 100%, and I clench my teeth. I wear a night guard, and my newest one is a little bit smaller and works well. Whenever you go to the dentist, bring your mouthguard and have them check the fit.
My teeth clenching and grinding was giving me face and neck pain that lasted for days. When my friend was having chemo, her doctor sent her to acupuncture to help with the nausea. In desperation, I decided to try it even though I was a bit skeptical. I got some relief the first time, and by the 4th time, was pain free. Now I go every three weeks or so and it’s so much better. It’s also helped with a knot in my shoulder that I had forever, and randomly helped with a painful cracked rib. I have no idea how it works, but it does.
I paid $165 for the first session, and $90 thereafter, in Denver metro. Each session is an hour, and it’s very relaxing and soothing. Occasionally, a needle will feel uncomfortable, but she can fix that immediately. Some practitioners accept insurance, and many insurance policies will pay, I pay cash because I know my insurance won’t pay in this circumstance.
Anonymous
Anyone have a TMJ specialist you recommend in NYC?
Anon
I highly recommend Dr. Laura Torrado. Very few people even in NYC know how to treat TMJ/D correctly. https://www.dentalwellnessairway.com/
Anonymous
For those of you who had Botox, do you remember how many units did you get? My husband just got 20 units for a similar issue and it did not help. I thought that it was perhaps not enough
Anon
I wanted to try the Louise Penny books some of you had mentioned (the Three Pines series) but unfortunately started with A Fatal Grace, but I’m so put off by the fatphobia I’m not sure I can continue. Describing an overweight child as “revolting” “disgusting” and “grotesque” was enough, but one of the main characters seems to be only described by her large size and her skin color, with “jokes” about how much she eats and another character’s wonder that she can fit in a car.
How do you get past that?
Anon
Wait; why did you start with the second one and not the first one? Just asking out of curiosity.
Anyway, I don’t think the descriptions of Myrna change much and that character is in all of the books, so they might not be for you.
Anon
+1
Anon
I started with that one because it’s what was available. Sorry to hear the Myrna stuff doesn’t get better.
Louise Penny has issues, y’all.
Anon
I agree. That sounds pretty egregious.
Anon
I’m fat and have read like, all of the Louise Penney books, and it has never crossed my mind to be offended by the books. I didn’t get past it because I didn’t feel stopped (or even mildly affected) by it. You don’t have to read the books if you didn’t enjoy this one.
Anon
Ew, that sounds gross. I wouldn’t read it either.
Anon
If it bothers you, don’t read more. It is probably true that she frequently mentions the size of several of her characters (along with other physical traits, like smells, which I do get a little irked by), but the two that I can think of, Myrna and Gabri, are so clearly some of the most beloved and best of the townspeople that it never occurred to me to think of it as fatphobia. Their size is just one of their many traits, along with intelligence, hospitality, etc. The part with the child is worse, but I don’t think it’s common in her writing.
Anon
I’ve never read the books, but if it’s true that a character is described as “grotesque” for being fat, that’s beyond “fatness is just one of many traits.”
Anon
I’ve read A Fatal Grace like four times and have no idea whether that word is in there. It frankly doesn’t sound like Penney, unless she’s having one character say it about another — there certainly are characters who say offensive things (as there are in almost every work of fiction).
Anon
So, I’ve read almost all the books and I was googling the character name to make sure I got it right and found quite a few posts about this specific word in this specific book. I believe it’s in there. Totally cool for that to be a turn off for people! I don’t think Louise Penny needs defending on this issue.
Anon
Oh yeah, it might be in there! I’m just saying she absolutely has offensive characters say offensive things, and that is different (in my mind) than having a narrator / authorial voice say offensive things.
Anon
Yeah, that’s very true.
Anon
If I’m remembering correctly, the person is described as grotesque by another character who is clearly bad, and her comments are shown as being cruel.
Anon
That’s not the only one tho. Some of them are editorial descriptions.
Anon
No. I just grabbed the book. “And beside him an enormous child was wearing a sleeveless sundress of the brightest pink. Her underarms bulged and flopped and the rolls of her waist made the skin-tight dress look like a melting strawberry ice cream. It was grotesque.”
This is not another character saying this. It’s the author setting the scene.
Every time the child appears her fatness is described by the author (not the other character) and there’s always some unfavorable adjective about her size and how much flesh she’s showing.
Anon
Ok. The description is uncomfortable. But maybe that’s the point. Authors are allowed to set a scene. Not everyone in a narrative is visually appealing. That’s ok.
I guess I just wonder if you’re new to fiction.
Anon
I’m anon at 515. I read that particular book more than a decade an ago, so my memory is vague, but OP says that it was the child that was described as grotesque, not the ongoing characters. I won’t defend that and if it really bothers you, don’t read more. I’m just saying that I don’t especially think of the ongoing characterization as being fatphobic. There might be a little bit of the magical Negro thing going on, but honestly, pretty much everyone in these books has a bit of that. There’s a magical gay, a magical cop, a magical wife, a magical artist, and they all live in a magical town. If you don’t like that, these books aren’t for you.
Anon
Lord, did I just read a defense of the magical Negr* trope as a matter of taste?
Anon
I’ve read most of the Three Pines series. People say outrageous things all the time and her characters reflect that. I don’t think it’s the author glorifying the outrageous things. It’s just a piece of humanity. Do you judge all of your reading this way?
The books annoy me for lots of other reasons—this doesn’t even rank top 20 to me. You get past it by continuing to read and determining if the whole work merits reading the next one. And obviously go in order.
Senior Attorney
And this series, in particular, needs to be read in order because there are B-stories that carry over.
Anonymous
I haven’t read but this may be the reason my mother enjoys Louise Penny so much.
Anon
Haha I think your mother and my grandmother may be besties
Nonny
I pray for people, things, healing, provision, protection. You name it, I would not be here without the blessings I have received. Thank you for asking so you can hear my testimony of how grateful I am to my father in Heaven. And nothing like having Stage 4 cancer to strengthen my faith life.
Anonymous
[deleted by mgmt]
Anonymous
[deleted by mgmt]
Anecdata
If she asked me for advice :), I’d say to worry less about a binary between resigning and getting fired; and break it down into the parts he can negotiate separately.
So for example –
– Negotiate neutral language for how they’ll describe his term to reference checkers. Especially if it’s something like they can agree they needed someone focused on Y; but his expertise is in X
– Severance or unemployment
– Insurance extension
– End date : set a last day a few weeks out, so he can do a little job searching while still employed + also the company gets their projects really well wrapped up.
Anonymous
I don’t think that’s universally true at all and it’s not really your business anyway.
Anon
…you know it’s normal for close friends to talk about what’s going on in their lives and share thoughts and advice, right?
Anon
We are not OP’s close friends :)
NaoNao
It depends on his role and his tenure, but I disagree it’s better to get fired, as unless he’s pretty high up in the executive suite, he’ll be filling out applications for almost any role and if one is fired, the options are: lie, or check a box saying “yes, I was fired or asked to resign” for *every single application* from now on!
I realize most jobs in corporate America don’t involve a paper application, but I’m mid-career and make 6 figures and I’ve *always* had to fill out a formal application at some stage and verify under penalty that the facts are true. It can be post-hire “for HR” but it’s almost always a ‘thing’ and it’s a tough choice that I wouldn’t want to face!
Also there’s dancing around it and explaining it in interviews, the scuttlebutt in the industry, and so on. I don’t get where this advice to “let them fire you” comes from with mid level or higher level jobs. I can see getting canned from your retail job so you can get unemployment or something makes some kind of sense, but to me personally, getting let go is deeply upsetting and not something I’d choose to go through again!
I guess quitting means he loses the possibility of severance and other things (like maybe unemployment, but he might be able to argue constructive dismissal with a demotion) so perhaps negotiating a mutual exit is in his best interest?