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Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Joggers in Everyday Cashmere

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

If there were ever a time for cashmere sweatpants, this is that time. I’ve always avoided spending a lot of money on loungewear, assuming that I wouldn’t be able to enjoy it properly, but now, let’s do it. I like the jogger cut and ankle length of these — it makes it look just a bit more fashionable than a traditional sweatpant.

These are $228 at J.Crew and available in sizes XXS–XL. They also come in black. Joggers in Everyday Cashmere

H&M has some cashmere-blend joggers for $59.99, while these joggers from Vince (made from cashmere, wool, etc.) are $99.99 on sale (marked down from $295). For plus sizes, these French terry joggers at Lands' End are on sale for $20.98 (marked down from $59.95). 

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424 Comments

  1. I am glad you are here. Did anything make you smile this weekend?

    Oregon State has a free online Master Gardener program you can take https://workspace.oregonstate.edu/course/master-gardener-series-vegetable-gardening?hsLang=en

    An astronaut talks about enduring isolation https://www.euronews.com/2020/04/01/build-your-own-little-spaceship-in-your-home-astronaut-chris-hadfield-weighs-in-on-isolat

    Other hospitals are starting to try extracting antibodies from plasma from recovered COVID-19 patients. The Red Cross is asking for people who have recovered to sign up here https://www.redcrossblood.org/donate-blood/dlp/plasma-donations-from-recovered-covid-19-patients.html

    These paintings are cool https://www.etsy.com/shop/KKeanPainting

    Here is a Monday morning song, here’s to all of us! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyGY2NfYpeE

    1. Always glad for your links! I will check out that gardening class.

      My goal this week is to stick to regular work hours. I’ve been letting work seep into the evenings and weekends too much, wasting time during the work day and then telling myself I’ll catch up on the weekend. Then I never really disconnect and de-stress. Trying to turn that around starting today.

    2. Silver lining of this whole ordeal: My son and I were cuddling in bed, reading a book about the case of the missing cake and he decided he wanted to make a chocolate cake with icing and sprinkles. So we did. A lovely way to spend a Monday morning.

    3. Thank you for the links!

      I find it sad and painful to zoom with friends I’m used to seeing often. However, we did a zoom meeting with all our old friends from college (including a lot of people I’m not in touch with anymore) and it was pretty fun. It was nice to catch up with people I haven’t been in a room with in 15 years.

      1. Yes! I feel the same way – I hate video chatting with local friends and family, it just really emphasizes the fact that we can’t be together. I have friends whose apartments I can see from my deck who I can now only see on a screen! I STRONGLY feel that FaceTime is not a replacent for actual interaction , and the constant recommendations to just do a zoom happy hour are grating. It really bothers me to only see family/friends virtually (huge extrovert who is wfh and my roommate left the city, I am struggling with no human interaction).

        However, several different groups of my college friends and I have been video chatting regularly and it’s been great. Many of these are friends I only see once or twice a year, some of them I haven’t seen in 4+ years. Love getting to “see” them more, and hope it continues. It doesn’t bother me to video chat these friends, since I’m not used to seeing them regularly. This is is just bonus hanging out with them!

        1. that’s interesting, and I am sorry it’s hard. I guess I am so used to videochatting (years of long distance relationship, now live far away from family), that this crisis is not a change from how I see my peeps in everyday life. I hope that it gets better for you!

        2. No one thinks it is a replacement. It’s just better than nothing for many of us.

          1. For me it’s slightly better than before. My group of oldest friends used to be very hard to pin down on a meeting time and place – we ended up only being able to get together a few times a year.

            Now that place is easier (zoom) and everyone has more free time because what they used to be busy with is cancelled, we’re finding it relatively easy to have happy hours together almost weekly.

            It’s nice to check in with long time friends about job worries, pandemic worries, and what are some interesting cocktails we haven’t tried yet.

    4. Good morning!

      I may take that gardening class even though I live in an apartment with no real garden potential. I’m really enjoying the Yale Science of Well-Being course you linked a while back.

      Thank you, always, for helping us find a bit of community. And speaking of community, I need to catch up on texting a few people… after I get my first round of work emails out of the way of course.

      1. Have you seen the nougticulture instragram? She’s gardening in a small apartment and it’s incredible.

    5. The highlight of my week was finding TP (with a per customer limit) and dishwasher detergent on our grocery run. Oh, and ordering masks on Etsy before the new mask guidance. The only color left for women’s masks from the shop I selected was lilac camo, so I will be a sight.

      1. I also found TP on Saturday! We down to our last couple of rolls and I was starting to eye our paper towels for softness, so it was a relief to finally find some.

        1. I read that my home town’s sewer system is really struggling, not from people flushing wet wipes, but also paper towels. They hold together much better, while real TP falls apart more. Proceed with caution!

          1. I think the idea is that you dispose of paper towels (and anything else that isn’t TP) in the trash. That’s actually the norm in some Asian countries I’ve been to.

      2. I sewed masks this weekend. They’re out of an old work shirt of my husband’s (I have a sewing machine but no fabric stash) ….my sister said they look like they’re made out of old boxer shorts…. then I realized she’s right.

        1. a mask that looks like its made out of old boxer shorts is better than no mask – you’re doing a great job!

    6. Thank you for the posts! It’s getting warmer in Seoul.

      Today was supposed to be the last day of voluntary social distancing guidelines here, but the government extended it by another two weeks. So we are on week 9? 10? of social distancing. I’ve lost count. Probably for the best.

      Warm weather is getting the people moving, though. Most people are going about their day as usual, minus the huge gatherings and concerts. My company is back to having everyone back in the office, although people are allowed to WFH for whatever reason they need.

      Several people are breaking quarantine rules and getting prosecuted. The government is discussing using electronic wrist band trackers to enforce compliance for quarantined people — voluntary cooperation only seems to get us so far.

      Worryingly, there are reports of several cases where people who tested positive for COVID-19, got better (and tested negative), but later fell ill again and tested positive again. So far the evidence seems to point to re-activation of the existing virus (rather than re-infection from a different outside source of infection), and none who had re-surgences are in serious condition. But the implications are worrying from a public health perspective.

      Things that made me happy: Partner got me a bouquet of flowers from around the corner, just because. Ordered delivery food and had a rooftop picnic. Zoom happy hour with friends in different parts of the world. And beer. Lots of beer.

      1. Thank you for the update from Seoul!! I think South Korea is sort of the ‘best case’ so it will be interesting to see how it goes for you all.

        Are you having the privacy/security discussion over there, relative to the tracking wristbands etc? I see a lot of discussion on how we’re giving up our privacy and isn’t the USA circling the drain because of it. Do you all have the same concerns?

        1. The tracking wristbands – usually reserved for convicted criminals in normal times – are definitely sparking some discussion, yes. However, the general consensus here seems to be that individual privacy is the lesser value than public health, the public’s right to information, and transparency in the context of a pandemic.

          From the start, the government has been releasing detailed information regarding each confirmed patient’s past trajectory – down to the minute – using cell phone, CCTV, transportation and credit card usage data, so that the public can be informed of their potential exposure if they were in the same place as the confirmed cases at the same time. While some raised concerns whether the announcement of confirmed patients’ trajectories potentially make the them identifiable (they are released as case #, and their residences are not released), most people haven’t batted an eye.

          Personally, I think we’re much more of a collectivist culture and tend to place less value on individual freedom than the US. (As an aside, the book “The Geography of Thought” had interesting observations on the philosophical, linguistic, and historical background that difference, and how this spills into relationships, psychology, academics, and public policy. It also noted that Europeans fall somewhere in the middle in the spectrum of individualism vs collectivism, although I’m grossly oversimplifying matters here.)

          1. That’s really interesting! Just added that book to my wishlist, thanks for that. I would be really uncomfortable having my entire movement history released but I am not sure I could articulate why exactly. Thanks for the info!

          3. I think your concern is completely valid. I wasn’t clear — the movement history released is limited to the 1-2 week period of time leading up to each confirmed case’s diagnosis (so, the time when they may have been infected but asymptomatic), or in the case of increasing imported cases, their movements and method of transportation between the airport – diagnosis center – home.

    7. Not this weekend but my current “breakfast” is making me smile. Super simple, just good bread, good butter, and good tea. Such a simple meal, but bringing so much joy. Enjoying the simple things these days…

      Crusty French boule from a local bakery, Kerrygold butter, and Irish breakfast tea.

      3. I wish I had english muffins that were not sad, healthy whole wheat. I would really kill for just a basic, white, nooks and crannies english muffin right now.

        1. The nyt “beer bread” recipe has a not dissimilar texture to English muffins and is easy and delish!

    8. thank sooo much you for the morning posts!
      Our ‘trip to Paris’ was a success, luckily DH is a match for my dorkiness. I found some pillowcases for a makeshift French flag, and rearranged the living room to create a sitting nook surrounded by our potted plants, aka street cafe in a beautiful park. French press coffee and romantic accordion music plus videos of street mimes to make fun of did the trick. I think rearranging the furniture a bit to create a different view from the same old chair did wonders for the feeling of being trapped at home.
      Later we took a virtual tour of the Musee d’Orsay, looking at beautiful statues and Van Gogh paintings, and because we could return anytime, not feeling like we had to drag ourselves through the whole museum.
      Wine and cheese while looking at generic sightseeing videos, and reminiscing about our actual trip to the city of love concluded the trip. It was great to pretend for a few hours and focus on art and connect with a deeper conversation. Oh and I did use that instagram ‘kitchen garden tour’, hilarious! Thanks, for whoever posted that!

  2. I am REALLY bad at staying productive when I work from home (so much so that in normal life I forgo my wfh allotment and choose to come into the office each day).

    I’ve been pretty good about sticking to a routine and I try to wear one article of “real clothing” a day. Does anyone have any recommendations for pants that are somewhere in between leggings and work pants? I have this jumpsuit from target that is actually from their new athletic section. The material is athletic like but the style doesn’t scream sporty. Something that looks polished but feels comfy.

    Probably Athleta has something, and found a good option at Marine Layer, but my clothing budget skews more Old Navy or LOFT on sale.

    1. To clarify, I am not buying these pants only for quarantine work from home. If the pants I’m envisioning exist, I predict I’ll get a LOT of use out of them when this ends

      1. Can skinny jeans do this for you? Mine are only slightly less comfortable than leggings thanks to the built in stretch, but they are “real pants” so help me feel like I’m actually dressed…

        1. Can skinny jeans do this for you? Mine are only slightly less comfortable than leggings thanks to the built in stretch, but they are “real pants” so help me feel like I’m actually dressed…

        2. I must have the wrong jeans then bc I never find them comfy, even though I have soft and stretchy ones.

          I’ve found that jeans are impossible to buy online so I’ll look into better jeans once stores open up. Which, will likely be timed well for fall :)

        3. I have been living in the Levi pull on jeans and black pants that have been featured here twice. I find them as comfortable as leggings. I ordered my regular size but not the size down I usually order in stretchy jeans.

          And yes I will also for sure continue to wear these after the shelter in place ends.

          Signature by Levi Strauss & Co. Gold Label Women’s Totally Shaping Pull-on Skinny Jeans https://www.amazon.com/dp/B077R55929/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_hI0IEb8CFBYXD

    2. No specific recommendations since I buy all my stuff at Goodwill but I like cargo capris (I’m short so they usually end up being ankle pants), bonus if they have a stretch waistband.

      1. Dear Good Morning!
        I’ve been enjoying your posts here and sense of positivity, but the fact that you are a thrifter makes me <3 you even more. Go you!

        1. I love you back!! I am SUFFERING SO MUCH from not being able to thrift! I have to imagine browsing the racks and the fantasy is just not enough.

          1. On the plus side, when we get out of this mess, the thrift stores are going to be a freaking GOLD MINE from everyone cleaning out their closets!!!! My friend is a thrift store shopping genius and she is just going out of her mind for the day she can hit the local thrift stores here!

            PS — thank you so much for the Master Gardener class link! I am signing up to see what new things I can learn AND I’m checking out my state’s website to see if they are offering any kind of classes, too! It’s still too early to start planting in my neck of the woods, but I’m itching to play in the dirt! BTW, did y’all know that planting a garden and playing in the dirt works as an antidepressant? There have been studies that have proved it! Lord knows we could probably all use a little of that these days, and I think I may end up with the most spectacular garden I’ve had in about ten years!

          2. I was thinking that too about the amazing stuff just waiting for the quarantine to lift, haha. Although if we’re all hoarders now people might not be donating their cashmere sweaters and cargo capris…. I guess we’ll have to see! Someone needs to write an app for thrifting so I can get my treasure hunting fix.

            Good luck with your garden, keep us posted on how it’s going!

          3. My husband and I were lamenting not being able to go thrifting this weekend. It’s something we really love to do together and some of the nicest, most unique pieces in our home came from thrift stores.

      1. Yeah I think joggers are the right answer here. Athleta has some cute linen joggers I just bought for the summer.

    8. what do you think of the old navy pixie pants? I find them reasonably comfortable, but i’ll be honest i am mainly wearing universal standard joggers right now. Another option could be the soft pants (i have no clue what to call these) that seem to be coming back in fashion. Old navy has high-waisted tie-belt soft pants, loft also has a version that seem cute. I have been wanting to get a pair of these and have a few options in various carts, but haven’t purchased yet. I feel like they would still be fun for summer casual outings.

    10. Levi’s Women’s Pull-on Jeans from Amazon. They have compression, and have been a GOD SEND the past few weeks. My weight keeps fluctuating from drinking too much @ night, and then sitting all day in front of the computer, followed by trying to “work it off” on the bike and outside. (I know, need to just stop the cycle). These feel like leggings, kind of like jeggings but not, and have pockets!

    11. Hilary Radley stretch ponte pants from costco- they’re sweatpants that look professional.

    12. Kohls Vera Wang line has skinny Ponte dress pants that feel like wearing pajama pants. I size up so they are not legging tight and they are my main pant choice anymore. And they frequently go on sale for like twenty dollars.

    13. Betabrand. They’re $70ish, but they’re worth it. They have everything from wide leg to skinny pants (and also fancy joggers that I really, really want).

      Here’s my referral code if you want it ($15 off over $75): https://www.betabrand.com/sale?r=anXD&utm_source=referral-copylink

      I’ve found 3 pairs now on Poshmark, each for under $40. Betabrand lists inseams and measurements on their website so you could look there for your size and then buy on Poshmark!

  3. I don’t know about others, but I’m totally seeing how structure can vastly improve my daily experience. (For the first couple of weeks I’d get so distracted working from home – Last week doing small things like making my bed, having a morning routine, getting dressed, going on a walk, etc. have been so helpful) The issue is that is that my research/policy job has been slow lately for various reasons, so my day-to-day ends up being longer-term projects where I have to self-direct my research. If this is your experience, how are you faring? How are you going about planning or structuring out tasks or research when the next steps don’t seem that clear? Wishing there was more structure or guidance from above but I’m seeing I need to create it for myself now.

    2. I’m the same. I’m an academic researcher and my work (Brexit etc) all just seems so irrelevant at the moment. I’ve been focused on a couple longer term projects with very clear goals (write 500 words etc) and some more fun things – recording a lecture for digital comms etc. But it’s hard. I only have 4-5 hours a day and it is really tricky.

    3. I’m also in research and the only thing that has made any tiny difference is scheduling check-in meetings so I’m accountable to others. However, it’s not really enough and I’ll be curious to hear others’ strategies. Meeting my requirement to bill 8 hours a day has been a challenge.

    4. Yes, I have to focus 100% on the writing aspects of my research project, when usually I can procrastinate by working on other short-twitch projects. The best success I’ve had is switching to pen and paper, without the distraction of the internet.

    5. Couple of things. I’ve been WFH for a month now.
      1. I made a “By the end of WFH” to-do list that includes some bigger projects. I’m list/task/sticker chart oriented, so it’s helped to see a list of things I really want to have done and see as I’ve checked some of them off.
      2. To-do lists every day. I don’t usually do this at normal work, but I have created a to do list every single day that I refer to constantly. Sometimes the things on it include things like “Go to conference call,” because it’s a thing I have to do, but I’ve also tried to make it very granular some days so that I can feel accomplished. “Send email.” “Organize documents.” “Read one chapter of treatise.” Etc.
      3. Schedule some time away from my computer, and all of the fun and distracting things it brings (like this website, for example). When I’m trying to read something, I put my computer in another room.
      4. Structure. I get up later than when I’m going to work but at a reasonable time. I walk the dog in the morning. I get coffee. I eat breakfast. I work for a few hours. I eat lunch. I walk the dog at lunch. I finish at 5. I walk the dog, make dinner, and work out. Otherwise I end up losing my whole day and then trying to cram in work from 9-midnight.
      5. Give myself some grace that it’s not going to go well every day. There are some days when I probably do no more than 2 hours of work, honestly. We are at home, in a crisis, trying to work. It isn’t going to go well every day.

  4. I’m searching for podcast recommendations that aren’t so “serious”! The “serious” ones I like include The Daily or Unf*ck Your Brain, but I find I need a break from them. Right now I really like Here For You (it’s like a daily cozy check-in) and Who Weekly (makes me laugh). Are there any engrossing, funny, entertaining, cozy podcasts everyone is enjoying right now?

    1. I’ve recently found Bad On Paper and I’m really enjoying it – there’s also a new foodie podcast from Samin Nosrat and Hrishikesh Hirway called Home Cooking which I loved the first episode of.

      1. I like Bad on Paper. So behind on podcasts without a commute / those early mornings in the office.

    2. – If you’re of a certain age that American Girl dolls were a thing for you, the American Girls podcast is going through each dolls’ stories one episode at a time.
      – Noble Blood is interesting about different royalties and their gastly reigns (Anne Boleyn was their latest episode).
      – Partners is pretty cool and is a quick listen to different people with successful work partnerships (they had Rachel Bloom and Aline Brosh McKenna talking about their work on Crazy Ex Girlfirend recently)

      1. Along the American Girls Doll one, there is one for he Babysitters Club.

        On a different track, I recently discovered and really enjoy Heaveyweight. it’s engaging and substantive without being tone deaf to me in this moment.

    3. Sorry if this is an obvious one, but I keep trying to get into podcasts and yet seem to have a difficult time at it – but the only one I consistently return to is Marc Maron’s WTF. At this point he has interviewed SO many celebrities, there is bound to be someone in his backlog you would find entertaining/interesting to hear more about and I personally find him usually pretty good at leading the conversation. Marc himself might not be for everyone, and he does just talk for a decent part of the beginning, but don’t let that deter you if you’re not into that part, just fwd to the interview.

    4. I love Armchair Expert. I could do without a lot of the celebrity interviews, but the ones with actual experts (economists, doctors, etc) are so interesting. The Ezra Klein episode is good, Ronan Farrow was fascinating, but I think Adam Grant might have been my favorite.
      Some of it is a little heavy, but for the most part it’s funny and educational.

    5. The CIA spy museum does a podcast called “Spycast” which is pretty fun. For Halloween they did one on UFOs and the CIA. They also did an interview with the wife of the guy who wrote “Master of Disguise” on how they had to be extra disguisey when they were working in Moscow during the Cold War.

      This is the book https://www.amazon.com/Master-Disguise-Secret-Life-CIA/dp/0060957913 (not the terrible Dana Carvey movie)

    7. I love “Grownups Read Things They Wrote As Kids.” It’s exactly what the title says – adults reading from things like their 5th grade diaries – and it’s hilarious.

    8. *Staying in with Emily and Kumail is adorable! It is indirectly related to serious topics (it’s about dealing with the pandemic) but it’s really more about coping strategies, distractions, and finding humor and joy in the everyday. They have the sweetest relationship. I’m loving it.

      1. I listened to that this weekend and I absolutely love them. I want them Samin Nosrat (doing the Home Cooking podcast mentioned above) to be my new besties.

        1. YES! They all have the pandemic energy I need right now—acknowledging this is a crisis situation but still finding plenty to laugh about. I adore Samin, too!

    9. Be There in Five!! She’s long winded and some people hate that but like she says, no one is telling Dax Shepard to edit out long commentary. When she’s on a tangent I’m less interested in I just skip. I got hooked on her through the Mormon Mommy Bloggers deep dives, but pretty much enjoy all her episodes!

      1. I listened to the one on modern debutante balls and found it fascinating. I’ll have to do the Mormon Mommy Bloggers one next.

    10. What Should I Read Next and One Great Book are both great if you like to read! I find Anne Bogel’s voice to be very calming, and I generally hate podcasts.

  5. Moto-style leggings. I own these. Because I have too much time on my hands, I am trying to figure out if they are exercise gear or just leisure wear. I don’t think they are for exercising, visually, because I think it would look strange to go for a jog in them. I think they are for going to a coffee shop after pretending you went to yoga first. Like they would be fine for finishing up an alert on the CARES act and doing some pro bono work and homeschooling, but I’m gonna need to change to actually exercise in them. Nuances matter and I feel that moto styling transforms exercise gear into non-exercise gear. Maybe it’s that the stitching becomes obnoxious if you do more than sit in them? They look cool though.

    1. I was just having the same debate — as to whether to wear my new, fresh from the laundry moto leggings on a run this afternoon. Frankly, if I were faster/in better shape at the moment, I would not hesitate, but they feel a bit over the top for my current sad slow pace.

      For me, the big issue as to whether they are exercise gear is whether they are truly moisture wicking or not. A fair number of moto leggings seems to have a coating or treatment that to me makes them look like they would be super sweaty, which for me is a no-go. But assuming they actually wick sweat, I would go for it.

      1. Wear them! Use them! If this has taught me anything, it’s not to wait to use the “nice” things.

    2. Yes, I change out of my work from home athleisure leggings and into actual workout leggings each night before I workout.

      Most moto leggings I see are more fashion leggings (thicker and different material than my workout leggings). You probably could work out in them, it’d just be less comfortable.

      For the record, I’m super picky about the clothing I workout in. The lighter/looser/less fabric on the shirt the better (like tank tops with giant arm holes, open backs, etc) and loose running shorts (enough room for my thunder thighs) and always commando (either built in underwear in running shorts or commando under leggings. Former rower – never wore underwear with a uni, why start with leggings now)

    3. Mine are “weekend suburban mom” gear. They have less flex than my exercise leggings, and are in Old Navy’s streetwear section I think.

    4. I have a pair of high-waist Z by Zella moto-ish leggings (with zippers on the thighs and shiny fabric) that look fantastic and SUCK to work out in. Yoga? Hi, yes, that great looking zipper left an imprint on my leg and the waistband doesn’t stay up.

      But to wear to the coffee shop on the weekend or on a lazy walk with the dog? The best.

  6. Is anyone else’s Next Door feed 80% internet Karens (now extended to men, not just women) shaming others for not doing coronavirus according to the related Karen’s preferred coronavirus measures? I love the 20% cheering section.

    1. Oh, hi there, neighbor who came up and tried to pet my dog while breathing in my face and followed me when I backed away.

    2. No, mine’s completely lovely. We have tons of people making masks and giving them away for free to their neighbors, people being very kind and doing favors for our elderly neighbors, and of course, lots of people complaining about dogs being off leash on the walking trails.

    4. Replace “next door” with “all social media” and I’m right there with you… I said this the other day but I’m on a social media break due to the prevalence of (1) fearmongering as if the poster assumes none of their friends have even so much as heard of the virus, (2) influencer-speak “to all my sweet friends, we can get through this! just stay home!”, and (3) people whining about other people (“went to the grocery store today and someone walked right past me! so selfish!”).

      I did go on insta yesterday to watch The Queen’s speech. Man, I wish we had a leader like that for our country.

      1. And because this is a fashion blog, I will say that I loved the Queen’s jewelry and dress (I am assuming it was a dress. For all I know, if was one of those fancy tops from The Fold and she was in comfy joggers for the bottom of the ensemble.) When I am a 90-ish ruler of my realms and territories overseas, owner of all of the swans, defender of the faith, queen of the Britons, etc., by grade of g-d, I hope to have half as good.

      2. I think people are scared and think if they do everything right and harass other people to do everything right (right being a very subjective term), they’ll be safe. It’s like how people always ask if someone who has lung cancer smoked – they don’t smoke, so they’re safe, because only smokers get lung cancer (wrong).

        I try to think that most people are doing the best they can and I can’t control their actions, but I can control mine and try to keep myself safe.

        2. yeah, now that all the CA parks are closed and people are flooding my usually quiet neighborhood to drive up to the corner with a view, I am working very hard to not turn Karen myself. I am worried and I don’t know what to do with myself.

        3. Yes, this. My best friend’s dad never smoked a day in his life and got lung cancer. From what/where, who knows. He got it and he died of it. My friend had people who repeatedly asked her, “are you SURE he never smoked?” They refused to believe that non-smoker lung cancer is a thing and it is totally a thing. It was like when my friend was killed by a drunk driver and people asked his mother “What was he doing out at that time of night?” He was coming home from work at a video store. At 9 p.m.

          It’s terrifying for some people to sit with the knowledge that none of us are ever safe, ever, anywhere, at any time. You can do everything “right” and still die of something you thought you were “safe” from. Living is a risky proposition; something can come along and stop it at any time.

      3. + 1 million on all social media.

        I did hop on f-book because a really lovely charity sprung up in my town but the from hysteria about how “stupid” and “selfish” everyone else is from the mean girl crowd is enough to make me log out again.

        1. I enjoyed it too, but it really wasn’t anything difficult to do! Sit down, look at the camera, and read a statement of calm, encouragement, hope, and gratitude. Any of us could have written it. It’s so horrible that such a basic service to the people is nowhere to be found in the US government. (I’m not counting Fauci.)

      5. #3 is really wearing on me, I’ve seen a lot of people complain that they went to the grocery store and too many people were there, or some people weren’t wearing masks, and it’s like, I get the frustration but people need to buy food one way or another, and *most* people really are doing their best to do it safely and in the most considerate way possible. Ranting about small, barely avoidable infractions isn’t really helping. Grocery store aisles where I am are narrow, sometimes you need to come within 6 feet of someone for a hot second to get the thing you need.

        But then I remember that these people are probably scared out of their wits, and anger is part of their trauma response. Whereas guilt and anxiety are part of mine, so it’s just a bad combination of things.

        1. Complaining about other people being at the store when you yourself are at the store is the height of self-unawareness.

          It’s like that highway poster that says “if you’re sitting in your car complaining about the traffic, remember you are the traffic.”

          1. Yep, I agree! This has always frustrated me. I live in an area where we get snowstorms most winters, and the grocery stores tend to get busy before said storms. I have the misfortune of realizing I’m running low on something important I’d like to buy before the storm, or I decide “hey, great time to make some chili and mac and cheese! maybe a pie if I’m in the mood” so I go to get supplies, and there’s always some smug jerk going “ugh, all the crazies are out, look at all these people acting like it’s the end of the world.” And sure, there’s some people being aggressive, but you can’t complain about other people simply being in the store when you’re also in the store. How do you know they’re not there for the exact same reason you are?

    5. It is a bit too much of “I saw Goody Proctor dancing with the Devil.”

      And not to Karen, but our complex is at home so much that I think our trash collection should be doubled (God Bless Sanitation Crews!) until our stay-home order ends. It is very Lord of the Flies at the dumpster.

    6. No, but I’ve found that if you look for negativity on social media, you can easily find it. I have mostly seen helpful notices about which businesses are open for takeout and offers to help people who can’t leave their homes.

    7. Our neighborhood FB page, which is active enough during non-crisis times, is outta control. We have daily arguments about masks, desperate pleas for TP, and still the occasional “wE dOn’T Do tHiS fOr ThE fLu” post.

      1. OMG a HS friend is a nurse in NYC and he was posting ‘this is just the flu ppl’ rants on Facebook until about a week ago….promptly swapped to rants about lack of PPE once Trump acknowledged it was a pandemic. The idiocy….I cannot….

        1. My cousin who is a practical nurse at a nursing home was prolifically posting on fb that it was just a cold and 98% of people live (as if that’s a good statistic) and that this wasn’t going to ruin her social life.

          In the words of Joe Exotic, “Guess what, mother%*#kers!”

    8. Yes, Nextdoor is insane right now. Lots of good things going on it too, but definitely a crowd of folks demanding how things should be done, in some cases that are way more strict than the guidelines, and then just give me anxiety when I do things even within the guidelines.

      For reference, I’m in the Bay Area, we’ve been shelter in place for awhile, and data shows were actually doing it fairly well (okay, except for that one beach weekend, but I kind of understood why that happened) so the over the top on Nextdoor here seems so unnecessary and just gives me anxiety.

      1. Right? We have had days of declining cases even though we’ve had community spread for weeks now, so even if we’re doing it only 90% right, that has been significant.

    9. There was this one woman in my neighborhood who wanted to start a barter thread, specifically saying there needs to be no human contact and please sanitize whatever items you get. These people pounced on her. Luckily someone said there’s just as much risk as you getting a package from Amazon or the grocery store so just chill and don’t participate if you don’t want to.
      I kicked the hornet’s nest by asking if Home Depot was open under our new state shelter in place rules. Apparently I’m going to kill everyone in our neighborhood by spending 5 minutes there picking up pre-ordered paint.
      Totally get reducing your risk, but our county has been on lockdown for over a week now, with the state just now following so the risk is pretty darn low to trade puzzles with a neighbor or run to the store to pick up an order.
      Definitely don’t physically congregate, but goods and services still need to be exchanged for us hermits following the rules.

      1. I did see someone asking incredulously why Home Depot was open right now. And it’s like, yeah, maybe embarking on a big home improvement project isn’t ideal if it means spending a lot of time in the store (versus popping in to pick things up, as you did, or ordering items for delivery or curbside pickup), but the reality is, things break, even essential things, and if something in your home breaks and you’re able to repair it yourself, that’s probably safer than having someone come in to fix it, but you still need supplies.

        (don’t get me twisted, I’m not judging people who are using this time for home improvement projects, but please be careful! the ER is an extra bad place to be right now)

        1. Seriously though, what is it with Pandemic stir crazy folks and dangerous tools. My husband decided this weekend was a great time to bust out the chainsaw and trim up some trees.. He’s fine, but I had to be his safety monitor the whole time. Apparently my brother, a super experienced jack of all trades, nearly injured himself with a chainsaw this weekend too.
          Chill out, men of the world!

          1. I have requested that my husband avoid using the hedge clippers during the pandemic, as hedge clippers have previously been associated with an ER visit.

          2. Last time my husband decided to trim high tree branches with his extendable chainsaw (who thought that design was a good idea?) it ended in stitches, then an infection, then antibiotics.

            I should hide that thing now that you mention it….

          1. I don’t know how rational or logical this really is, but sometimes it really feels like everything goes wrong at once.

          2. Well, if you’re home all the time you are actually using it more frequently, so there is some logic there. (Not that it makes having to fix your toilet any more fun…)

          3. I know this is the Firstest of the First World Problems, but this weekend my husband was heard to say “I’ve had that hot tub for 40 years and it worked perfectly, and now it springs a leak in the pandemic when (a) I can’t get it fixed, and (b) I just want to sit in it all day!”

          4. We have two full baths in our house. The shower isn’t working in one and the toilet isn’t working in the other. Le sigh.

          5. Or the fridge. Which we just learned is not exactly repairable. So guess who gets to buy a new fridge when her household income is down 50%? Building some Character around these parts these days!

        3. In my state, construction is essential. We need housing. And necessary home repairs are also essential, for obvious reasons.

    11. Ours is always insane, and I think it has maintained about the same level of insanity during coronavirus. Although it is not nearly as amusing as it used to be. I miss the people posting about healing crystals, inwardly talking to raccoons to get them to go away, etc.
      A topic that has garnered way too much discussion is whether the farmer’s market should stay open. And there is an ongoing feud about who is worse – runners or dog walkers. And I learned this morning that someone thinks we should be allowed to shoot coyotes on the streets of our neighborhood.

    12. My Nextdoor has a long thread going about teddy bear hunts and which houses have teddy bears, alternating with people being judgmental about parents taking kids on a walk.

      There are a couple of prolific posters on my Nextdoor who are always cranky and judgy, and this pandemic is their moment to shine like never before.

    13. Good lord am I glad I’m not on any social media right now. My Nextdoor even before this crisis was a terrible NIMBY paradise (Things like “Watch out! There’s a suspicious character biking on Maple street right now, I think he’s casing the porches for packages! He’s on a fancy bike, he probably stole it! My Ring camera is set up to record 100% of the time, will post video if I capture him.” “….Are you sure he isn’t just, you know, biking?” “NO! He doesn’t look like he’s ~from here!~”) It is filled with passive aggressive people who LOVE their porch cameras, shaming homeless people, shaming people generally, and just generally refusing to use their f-ing words or talk to their neighbors.

      So I’m sure it’s a godawful hell right now….

    14. ours has a lovely kicker of our nutjob neighbor showing his inner lunatic to the entire town. A lake community on the other side of the town (no where near us – we heard nothing) set off fireworks for their kids at 8pm – brief, everyone seemed happy. Neighbor proceeded to berate them all for being inconsiderate and telling them they dont belong in society. Meanwhile his large pittbull flips out at anyone who has the audacity to walk down the street all day long.

      I think this has just shown who the nice people are and the people who should probably be living in a cabin in the woods…

  7. Midlevel biglaw associate here, not New York. I’m in a niche and highly regulatory practice group, which will likely be hit by the upcoming economic situation, but (hopefully) not devastated by it. Still very busy now but assuming the next couple of years are going to be quiet from a billable hours perspective, is it a horrible idea to do a part time professional llm in my field? Or am I better off learning to be helpful for groups like bankruptcy that will presumably be growing?

    A few considerations: I am currently on partner track, but slightly ambivalent about actually being a biglaw partner. I am intrinsically very interested in my area and would love to maybe do a phd/teach/work government in this field eventually. The local law school has a very well regarded llm program that can be done online or in person over two years. That said, its professional and not academic and I don’t want to get kicked off partner track.

    Any advice welcomed!

    1. I’d wait. Doesn’t seem like a great time to signal that you have free time, and that you’re prioritizing anything other then helping your firm wherever help is needed.

    2. I would not pay for an LLM outside of tax. Maybe there are a few other specialized fields where LLMs are known to be necessary for career growth – I’m not sure. But in general, you’re expected to develop knowledge in your specialty through practice, not through the classroom. I do know one person who was able to successfully use an LLM to entirely jump practice areas (from litigation to environmental law) but I’ve also known people who tried to do that and weren’t able to.

      Bottom line: in this uncertain economy, I would not use your $$$ on this (unless you’re in tax).

      1. And, to be honest, I’d get an LLM in tax focused on ERISA (specifically the pension plan side of ERISA and permitted investments / plan assets). The originals are retirement age and my sense is that there aren’t enough young guns going that way vs traditional tax.

    3. To me, these LLM programs are just moneymakers for the school and are most useful for non-US lawyers looking to get a toehold and make contacts in the US legal market. I don’t think they’re particularly helpful for marketing yourself–my husband once asked his firm about doing one, and they didn’t see much value in it.

      I think your time now is better spent, as you said, doing work for other busy practice groups and gaining more experience and more advocates at the firm. Even if you don’t want to be a partner long-term, your best bet for getting your next opportunity is (1) knowing the right people (2) knowing the right people (3) knowing the right people and (4) having useful skills applicable to that job.

      Good luck!

      1. I have considered an LLM (Canadian lawyer looking into to moving to the US) and concluded the majority of them are not good value for money, except to get contacts in a given area by attending law school there, or, as mentioned above, in tax. They are pricey and generally not that well regarded by firms. I would recommend just trying to get experience in the area you’re interested in. If you really want to do an educational program, there are shorter certificate-type things you can do – cheaper, remote, not the same as a real degree, but if it’s from a well-regarded university it can be a minor plus to help you segue into another practice.

      2. You are right. I spoke with my Dad about this years ago when I got a JD, but only got a job serving subpeenies in NYC, and thought I could be more marketable with an LLM. He again said he knew people at Harvard with LLMs who told him they got the degree b/c they were middle of the road law students at undistinguished schools, and used the LLM degree to get teaching jobs but they were still very unimpressive even with an LLM. So he said NOT to waste your time and appear unbusy. Work your tuchus off doing whatever the partners want (like I do), and you will get a head, even w/o the LLM. If you eventually leave the firm to get married and have babies, then THAT is the time you can get the LLM, and then teach or do something lighter as you raise your children.

    4. If you have PLI, stream some classes related to loan workouts or employment law. Get your hours in and learn what might be useful to you next week. You don’t need to outrun the bear not to get eaten, just the others that the bear could eat instead of you.

    5. I would only do it if you seriously want to switch to Tax (but only if it’s NYU / Georgetown) or want to get a doctorate to go into academia (but only if it’s Yale / Harvard / Stanford), but in either case it will take uo a significant chunk of your time and attention.

      And yes they are absolutely cash cows for the law schools as far as anyone remotely related to legal academia has told me. I say this as a prospectice applicant whose employer will be funding the degree in a few years. The COVID-19 disruption also means that you might not be getting the in-person networks that you otherwise might.

    6. I third/fourth everyone on the board that says only do the LLM if it’s free or if it’s tax (and even then, only NYU) You don’t need an LLM for a job – basically everyone who is getting an LLM is doing it so they can have what you already have (an associate position at a BigLaw firm). If you enjoy your subject matter that much, can you get into writing or teaching locally? A lot of your local bar journals are probably looking for content and I got a teaching job (teaching law to non-lawyers) basically by asking the current instructor, who happened to be looking to retire from it after doing it for 25 years.

  8. The only downside to cashmere sweats is hand washing is required. Which if you live in an apartment building with communal laundry may not be a dealbreaker right now (since you may be hand washing stuff anyway), but just something to consider.

    1. The biggest downside is itchiness. Yikes. I would rather wear burlap sweatpants.

          1. This. Even the finest cashmere gives me a horrible itchy rash. I do not understand how anyone thinks it is soft.

        2. I find anything with 10% or more of wool or cashmere to be itchy. Like if I try on a sweater in a store and it immediately feels itchy, I’ll look at the label and sure enough, it’s 20% merino wool. It doesn’t matter how good quality it is, it is itchy to me (no, I’m not allergic). I have to wear a long sleeved shirt under anything made of wool or cashmere, and even then I’ll be itching around the collar if the under shirt has a slightly lower neckline than the sweater…those couple centimeters of exposed skin will be itchy. No way will I ever spend money on Smartwool socks, because they are guaranteed to be itchy to me even if everyone you ask says they’re not itchy at all (and forget about regular wool socks! those are torture). Some of us just have super sensitive skin!

          1. That’s funny. Inexpensive merino is less itchy to me than cheap cashmere.

            The itchy factor is little fiber ends poking out. Better quality yarns use longer staple fibers, so fewer ends stick out out per mm, and usually twist them in such a way that the ends are less likely to stick out.

            Unfortunately this is one of the areas where you get what you pay for. The best non-itchy cashmere is unfortunately not going to be on the $59.99 table at Macy’s.

          2. I have expensive cashmere. And expensive merino wool. The more expensive stuff might feel softer on your hands when you touch it than the cheaper stuff, but it is all itchy. And sure, maybe I can go two minutes in expensive cashmere without wanting to claw my skin off as opposed to less than a minute with the cheaper stuff, but I will always find it itchy. It is not a quality issue, it is a “wool/cashmere is inherently itchy” issue.

          1. +1 I can only wear wool if it’s over something else. I have 1 cashmere hoodie that I can wear (Banana Republic from ages ago) but otherwise, it’s all out to me. I desperately wanted an Icelandic wool sweater when I was there a few months ago but I couldn’t bring myself to spend $200+ on something that I would want to tear off at all times. I bought a blanket instead, which I can only use if I’m in long sleeves and long pants. :(

    2. I throw cashmere in the washer with woolite on the delicate or handwash setting on cold, hang to dry.

    3. They are also not going to last at all. Cashmere is very delicate and will thin and get holes from friction, so I picture a lot of holes in the bum and thigh areas.

    4. I love my cashmere hoodie (Anne Taylor from a few years back). Makes sitting around in yoga pants and a tshirt still feel like I bothered. At least a little tiny bit.

      Threadjack – Now that I’m dipping my toe into quarantine grocery delivery for the first time, what is the norm for tipping? Is this a 15-20% tip situation? That feels like a lot, but I don’t want to be a bad customer if that’s what is expected. Not sure how the shoppers are compensated and want to be fair.

  9. Ladies – there was talk on the weekend thread about some of you feeling angsty about having too look presentable for zoom meeting and I just wanted to share: apparently zoom has filters! I haven’t used it since right now my work is thankfully all by phone and email & im only using zoom for my kid’s school, but I have copied instructions below.

    “To access the filter, all you have to do is you open it up, click on the gear icon in the top right and go to the video tab. From there, you’ll see yourself through your webcam and there will be an option to ‘touch up my appearance’. This filter evens out your skin tone, giving you more of a fresh look even if you’re four days deep into a no showering cycle and have only managed a measly 3 hours sleep the night before – perfect for showing yourself in a better light during any long or sudden meetings you might have to appear at.”

    1. OMG, thank you so much!! I wonder if there’s something similar for Skype??

      1. if there is PLEASE advise. My company is not using Zoom due to the security issues so this is sadly not applicable!

      1. I disagree, I thought I looked great. And even if it looks like a filter, so what? Also, most of the oldies will never know about this option, so it won’t occur to them.

        1. I agree that it works well. It helps more with correcting issues caused by poor lighting and a crummy camera than as a substitute for personal grooming, though.

      2. I don’t think it’s about “fooling” anyone. I just don’t want to look like a zombie. I’m fine looking “filtered”; I don’t want to look half-dead.

      3. I did it for my weekend happy hour and honestly it didn’t look that much like a filter to me. I have teenagers so I’m used to that super fake “perfect skin and eyeliner” filter thing, but this was just like a little less harsh focus.

        I wasn’t trying to fool anyone. I said “I’m going to try this filter” and then we all did and we all looked lovely.

    3. Can’t you just not use the camera and say your computer is docked or that it’s not working and you don’t know why?

      1. Sure.and you could also not care, but there were posters who specifically complained about having to put on make up for this and I thought this would be a good solution!

    4. I was thinking about this, too (not that anyone in my office cares what I look like on Skype). My thought was to slowly de-escalate the prepping. Like, one day, use less make-up – maybe skip eyeshadow. Next time, skip foundation and just use some concealer. The next meeting, skip eyeliner and/or just put your hair in a ponytail. With a slow change, I bet no one will notice, like they might if you went from full face to nothing in one shot. Settle on an amount of makeup you are comfortable with using, which could be none or maybe just some mascara and under eye concealer.

    5. Honestly, no one notices how you look on Zoom once you’ve reached a point of basic grooming. I promise you that I don’t notice if coworkers look tired or if they’re wearing makeup. I’m too focused on the content of the meeting (to wrap it up quickly!) and/or how I look. You really don’t need the filter for typical coworker meetings.

      1. I haven’t seen a reference to potato electronics in quite some time. Thanks for the chuckle.

  10. In February, I was traveling domestically for business back to back weeks and very busy with various deals. Although I would work from home office in between travel, it was rare that I was full WFH for weeks at a time. Due to the busy schedule, demanding commitments and pace, I was always regretting missing a workout here and there or not getting enough sleep for a few nights. Although I managed my own schedule, I was expected to be flexible, and adapt to shifting business priorities – I had been working like that for many years. Now that I am WFH, this is the first time I am able to schedule alot of exercise time and not miss any workouts (outdoors yea:)), not feel rushed every day and no missing sleep. I also have more time to plan healthy meals and spend time with my husband. The new normal brings a healthy lifestyle. Not sure if I will miss the rush culture….especially if we can accomplish same results with more WFH. Anyone share this experience?

    1. Nope. I have kids and am an attorney (so billable hours). I feel more rushed and like I have less time than I ever did.

      1. OP here, I should add that we are empty nesters….yes, I can understand how this situation would impact families with children in a completely different way.

        1. Yeah I had an online session with my therapist a few days ago and he said his clients without kids are generally doing well and finding some upsides of the situation, and his client with young kids at home are generally struggling.

          1. Which, I hasten to add, I totally get. It’s hard enough to be a working parent of young kids in normal times!

      2. Ha, yup, I called my parents this weekend who normally watch my brother’s 2 kids almost full time and they kept saying how relaxing this break was and how they’re just watching tv/going for walks/napping/etc. and I KNOW they’re not trying to rub it in but omg our experiences could not be more dissimilar…
        I’ve inadvertently lost weight (probably due to very little eating out/no work travel with the accompanying airport food and dinners out/and the physical activity of cleaning our house) but I know I’m also losing muscle as my gym is shut down. I just cannot seem to make myself care about it much. If we all come out of this with jobs/sanity/health intact I count it as a win…

      3. This. I want to scream anytime I hear someone talk about how bored they are or how much free time they have. We are in full on basic survival mode here.

    2. I am hopeful that a silver lining to all of this is people taking a step back from Rush Culture (and the worst parts of Influencer Culture with it). I was remembering over the weekend that United was running a series of ads in Feb where the sales tactic was literally “Do it for the gram.” I think they featured a guy having his picture taken overlooking Lake Louise. If that kind of nonsense is washed away with perspective so much the better.

      1. OP here…”Do it for the gram”? I missed that one. Yes, this situation has put so much in perspective and will make me think about how I spend my time going forward. Thankful for good health and the opportunity to reflect and revise the way I use my time.

      2. What is Rush Culture? It can’t be sorority rush, but that is all that comes to mind.

        1. Hustle culture/grind culture? Busybusybusy culture? (Spitballing here as I am obviously not Cat and don’t recognize the term either.)

        2. I was just picking up on the term the OP used. Vicky’s explanation is how I read the OP’s usage.

    3. I had not realized how beaten down I was due to frequent travel until I wasn’t doing it. That has been a real blessing.

      Life has otherwise been more (rather than less) stressful, but I’m in a heavily affected industry and WFH has basically meant the elimination of all boundaries between work and life. My day starts with an executive call at 7:30 AM every day, and since the CEO knows we don’t have commutes anymore, we’re expected to be available from then on. And end of day/weekend conference calls used to end promptly but now they drag on indefinitely because the CEO knows we don’t have anywhere to be.

      1. This. Not realizing how the frequent travel affects you until you are not doing it. A blessing for our health. Sorry your workload has higher urgency and stress now due to expectations of ‘always on’.

      2. Same on your second paragraph. I am crazy busy because work is non-stop COVID-related craziness in addition to my regular work, which hasn’t slowed down. There is no line between work and home anymore during the week and I hate it.

      3. > I had not realized how beaten down I was due to frequent travel until I wasn’t doing it. That has been a real blessing.

        Omg same. So much. United just extended my 1K status for a year and I was like “whatever,” when I literally pre-pandemic had a spreadsheet of all past and future travel to make sure I made 1K.

    4. I am working out much more and pursuing new (and old) hobbies and interests inside. It has helped me cope with the stress about my health and my family and the world. However, as I posted below, there is some pressure from above to get rid of all boundaries. I’m resisting it.

    5. Yes, but I miss a commercial gym. Home workouts and outdoor workouts are nice and a great way for me to spend quarantine time. But it’s just not the same.

      1. +1 my neighborhood gym was such a microcosm of my diverse little town. Upbeat retirees, young people from El Salvador, the judgy Karens in their MML pants, dudes straight out of jersey shore throwing weights down, this one dude who exhales SO loudly while running we all hear it through our headphones. I never made friends there but I really miss the vibe. I’m homesick for it.

      2. Op here…I hear you. I have adjusted to more running, biking and at home free weight all over body workout. I also take long walks. I missed the gym at first but with the spring weather getting nicer in the Northeast, I don’t miss the commercial gym.

      3. Same, but with my fitness studios. I can do body weight workouts, livestream cardio, and run outside, but I miss the rowing studio, barre, spin classes, trampoline workouts, etc. And I miss the accountability that comes with signing up for a class and having to pay a fee if I cancel at the last minute.

        Maybe I should put $15 in a savings account when I plan to run and then decide not to.

        1. You probably won’t see this this late, but check out Run Bet. It is an app where you “bet” yourself that you will run 4 times/week or a certain distance weekly for 4 or 6 weeks. If you win — you get your money back! If you lose, your money gets split among the winners. I usually do a $30 or $40 game and only win a few additional bucks, but it is a total motivator for me! Really makes me more consistent with my running.

      4. This is the thing I miss the most. The types of workouts I do at the gym I just can’t do at home because I don’t have the equipment, or even room for it all. I’ve accepted that there is only so much I can do at home/outside, and I am just going to get out of gym shape during coronavirus. I’ve never been out of a gym this long, and hope it doesn’t take too long to get back to where I was before, especially as a 40-something.
        Also really miss the pool and surfing. I imagine it will take some time to get my aquatic fitness back too.

    6. Yep, I traveled a lot for work, too and am enjoying the respite as well. Despite the complaints about video, I really think once people get used to it (and I hope they do now) it will become a pretty good substitute for a lot of unnecessary business travel.

    7. Same! I even have two little kids at home – a preschooler and a baby. After the initial shock of readjusting to family life all inside with no school/church/etc, we’ve relaxed into a rhythm and routine that really works.

      No 4am wake up time to catch the early flight, so rushing to airports, no lugging my pump all over creation and trying to grab a lactation room.

      I enjoy cooking, I just could only do it a couple of times a week because life was so hectic. I’ve lost 6 pounds in the two weeks I’ve been working from home and still dropping.

      It’s been a bright spot in a dark time.

  11. Fellow members of the pixie cut club, how are you coping without regular trims? My hair is two weeks overdue for a cut and is a hideous puffball. It’s not long enough yet to dry it flat and bobby pin the front, and I can’t get away with wearing a baseball cap on teleconferences. I am contemplating buzzing it all off, but that might make things worse. What are you all doing?

    1. I am embracing the sheepdog aesthetic.

      (And, honestly, putting in some product and wearing a hat before all of these zoom calls so that it’s flat and mostly under control and praying for the day it’s long enough to bobby pin….)

    2. Girl! Ok I just bought clippers and am going to make an attempt this week. Men I know claim it’s pretty intuitive (has settings for how much length you want to take off) but I’m keeping my expectations in check. For the longer parts, I’m planning to cut very sparingly, targeting obvious “puff” areas. I plan to cut while it’s dry.

      If you figure anything out, post tips!

      1. Report back on your experiences. My husband keeps his pretty short and usually goes for trims every month. He’s now way overdue for his cut and is threatening to buy clippers and do his own hair. I know lots of people do this but I am worried he is going to end up looking like Kojak. Or worse.

        1. My husband has been doing his own hair for the last couple of years and it looks fine. I used to have to help him get the back even, but he’s got the hang of it now and I don’t even have to do that much. He just watched a bunch of YouTube tutorials. From what I understand from him, it’s easy as long as you’re using a clipper with a blade guard.

    3. Oh yeah. Long pixie here, and it’s starting to look hideous. I’ve taken to flat-ironing at least the long bangs and front sections; it’s helping them look sharper/more defined. Under normal circumstances, I don’t. Pinning back the front section also looks semi-cute. I’m more worried about what the back is going to look like in a few weeks! Hello, mullet. My gray roots against my reddish-brown dye line look super cute, too.

      1. I got very lucky to get in for a haircut right before everything locked down, but I know by the end of the month I’ll be looking a mess. I think I may embrace clips and headbands. I adore the look of a headwrap on others, but it’s not my personal style. I normally color my hair at home (and more and more white is starting to come in), but while I CAN continue to color, I’m wondering if this might be the time to wean myself off it since I don’t want to keep coloring forever.

    4. I wear big headphones for my zoom phone calls (Beats Studio 3). I wear a large headband under the headphones to keep my long hair from getting tangled in them. Could you do the same thing to more or less “hide” your hair?

    5. I’m attempting to maintain by “dusting” the ends once a week – i.e. trimming the same amount evenly all around the tiniest amount in the hopes that it will keep its shape and length by taking off any amount it might have grown that week. But my hair grows at a pretty even rate all around so YMMV.

    7. I don’t currently have a pixie but last time I had to grow out a short cut I lived in headbands for a couple of months. I also did ‘90s style little pigtails with just the front of my hair – basically a half up style in two parts. (yes, I was a vision.)

    8. Longish pixie. I was only about a week away from a trim and color (lowlight ~every three months) when we went into lockdown. I am on Zoom meetings 2-3x/day–sometimes more.

      I have fine hair, and I seem to be growing into a weird shaggy short bob–not horrible with some product. I had my husband trim the neck edges and bottom back over the weekend, which cleans up the lines from the front.

      I think wearing a headset + glasses distracts from my hair during video calls. I am also using “improve my appearance” in Zoom, which seems to slightly blur the roots.

      I have (nearly) decided to use this enforced growing out to transition to gray/natural. I’ll get a really short cut right before we head back to the office and maybe a gloss treatment or some blonde highlights to blend out any color that remains. (Anyone have thoughts about how best to handle?) My roots aren’t a hard line, but I think I have maybe 1.5″ grown out already.

      1. Sounds like we have a very similar hairstyle! I am also considering using this opportunity to stop dyeing but I don’t feel mentally ready to accept my grays. I sort of envy people with blond hair; it seems like the transition isn’t nearly as jarring as when you’re a brunette who has been coloring for awhile.

        1. I’m not sure I’m mentally ready. :-) But I am fed up with the upkeep, and I suspect the color is getting less convincing as I get more gray. I’m not sure–maybe 35-40% gray now?

          My natural color is auburn or reddish brown (lots of bright redheads in my family, but mine is more muted). With the growing out I have now, it actually appears much lighter than what I think of as my “real” color.

          My concern is actually that what I have now looks kind of brassy, and that the undertones of my gray will be too yellowish, not a nice salt and pepper, which I think can look really elegant. Maybe some violet shampoo will tone it. Brave new world!

      2. I am growing out my grey. I found using a violet shampoo once a week to pull the yellow tones out of my hair has helped blend everything together. Don’t leave it on too long, though. I would not do highlights because they just make the overall grow our time longer.

        1. I actually have a bottle of violet shampoo that I bought maybe six months ago. I haven’t used it, because I never quite committed to the transition–so I think this is the moment. Thanks for the suggestion!

          How do you suggest using it? Shampoo, let stand for a couple of minutes (or less), then rinse? How often is once a week for you in terms of number of washings? I wash every other day.

  12. How is the products quality of Massimo Dutti? I have never bought anything from this brand.

      1. I would say they use much better materias than H&M and Mango, but depends on the piece. At least, the moto jackets
        I bought in Europe have gorgeous leather that is buttery soft and super comfy and have held up well the last 5+ years, and my Italian boyfriend (who goes for generally taylored and classic clothing) buys white shirts from them when not in Italy (where he buys tailored suits and shoes). But I did not like the quality of the materials in their ties.

    2. Slightly better than Zara or H&M (it’s actually owned by Zara). I’d say probably on par with a J. Crew.

      1. It’s a slightly upgraded Zara. I have purchased some nice workwear from there, but recommend sizing up.

  13. Morning- Any recommendations for a steam carpet cleaner / wet vacuum / however you call it? Hoping for something easy – cat is urinating on upstairs carpet. Also if you have a cleaning solution you like for this type of event, that will be appreciated as well.

    1. First clean with an enzyme cleaner like Nature’s Miracle or Urine Off. You should be able to find both on Chewy or your local pet store. Clean with the enzyme cleaner first. You need to saturate the area and let it dry completely. If you use another cleaner first it may set in the odor.

    2. My mom gave me a Hoover Power Scrub Deluxe she had bought for herself and never used because they shortly thereafter moved into a condo with no carpet. We cracked it open this past week and used it to clean some rugs and a patch of carpet upstairs that had some traffic wear. It worked great and was very easy to use.

      However, word to the wise on the cat peeing on the carpet. Eventually, no amount of cleaning with enzyme cleaner, scrubbing carpet cleaners, etc. will get the smell out and the urine will break down the carpet and if the subfloor is wood, it will break that down too. There’s a reason the cat is urinating outside the box and until you fix that, the problem won’t be fixed. We figured out after too much time had passed to save our carpet that the cat had urinary tract issues that got resolved by changing his food. We ended up having to not only tear out the carpet but also replace part of the subfloor where he was urinating. It was expensive, and could have been avoided with a quicker vet visit (not to mention the cost of the multiple kinds of cat boxes and litter we went through trying to find the “right one”).

    3. I highly recommend Rocco & Roxie Supply Professional Strength Stain and Odor Eliminator, Enzyme-Powered Pet Odor and Stain Remover for Dogs and Cat Urine, Spot Carpet Cl. Long name, and not inexpensive, but it totally works. Since you’re asking for a wet vacuum reco also, I also have the Bissell 3624 SpotClean Professional Portable Carpet Cleaner – Corded and it works great, too, but my dog hates the sound so someone has to hold her back while I vacuum spots.

      1. I just purchased this! Nature’s Helper didn’t completely help after my dog had an accident in our new house.

    4. Kids N Pets. I wish I could post photos of my front passenger side seat before and after. My dog, who is a jerk, knocked over an entire venti mocha onto the seat and scrubbing the hell out of it with Kids N Pets got the stain off completely. They also have stuff to pour into a carpet cleaner, and stuff to spray on carpets/furniture/etc to keep them from marking it again!

      I have a carpet cleaner too but I don’t really recommend it. It’s bulky and annoying AF to use.

    5. All I can say is best of luck. Once my cat started peeing on my rug, she wouldn’t stop. I used steam cleaners, Woolite carpet cleaner and Nature’s Miracle, but ended up having to buy a new rug. Thank god Ruggable makes machine washable ones.

  14. The option from Vince are slouchy and baggy, but the length is pretty short on the model. Is that how we are wearing our pants now?

    1. We are wearing any kind of sweatpant that is comfy :-) And if they go from pajamas to conference call, well, so be it.

  15. We had an interesting staff meeting on Friday where my boss encouraged us all to work on the weekends “if we’d like” and reiterated how that’s what she’ll be doing because “weekends aren’t any different from weekdays now” and, as one colleague fervently agreed, “there’s nothing else to do.” While I can appreciate the offer of flexibility for the exactly 2 employees with young children, I couldn’t help rolling my eyes at the rest of it. Boundaries and time to pursue my own interests are more important now than ever before – I don’t need permission to work just for the sake of having something to do. I pushed back as much as I could without being rude. Anyone else seen any interesting statements from workaholics at their offices?

    1. Look, I have kids and in theory I like the idea of flexibility, but I am even more protective of my weekends now than before. I spend all week telling my kids “hold on” “let me finish this” “not now, I’m working”. It’s wearing on them and me. I took the whole weekend off starting at 4pm Friday and it was magical.

    2. Oh, that is so irritating. Last weekend I was getting emails at midnight from my senior team. WTF, man, just go to bed. These are from people who work for the sake of working, so I’m choosing to ignore their insane behavior.

      1. Yup exactly, same here. The people in my office seem to not know what to do with themselves except for work. I was emails at all hours all weekend for stuff that could 100% wait until Monday. I haven’t pushed back expressly, but I have been setting boundaries for myself by doing things like saying I can get started on tasks given to me over the weekend “on Monday” and not being available for late-night calls on the weekend (such as the one that was proposed for 9 pm last night….like go to bed).

    3. I dealt with my boss both Saturday and Sunday this weekend; he’s definitely treating the days as indistinguishable. But I haven’t pushed back because I do want the flexibility for weekdays. I think it’s fine to politely raise some boundaries though.

    4. Oh, I forgot to include another coworker chiming in with “flexibility works for me because I know people are home if I need to reach them anytime!” It was a good reminder to make sure my phone is on silent. Urgent needs to work late can be discussed in working hours – I’m not always available just because I’m home.

    5. That would make me insane. We’ve been given a (reasonable, I think) message from our misdsized law firm to keep billing as much as possible so we stay financially viable. I’m very lucky in that I don’t have kids to look after and I’m not a caregiver for anyone, but the flip side of this is that I feel like the partners are going to think, “oh, there’s no reason for her not to be billing a million hours– no out of the office commitments, no gym class, no kids, no family, no vacations, no social events…” But I still have to take care of my mental health, and yes, I too would like to enjoy life outside of work. That’s not nearly as easy to articulate to old man partners and makes it hard to enforce the boundary.

      1. Same. Small boutique firm but yes, I need the weekend to decompress and process all the crap I am ignoring all week to try to “stay productive.” I need the weekend to cry and go outside and not pretend that this is normal.

      2. “No gym” cuts two ways. There’s a gym in my complex that I normally use, but it was shut down. Instead of walking for a few minutes to the gym, I now pack everything up and drive 10 miles each way to the one open hiking trail.

      3. I am one of the people sending emails on the weekend, but that is largely because my husband and I have to trade off time during the “work” week to look after our special needs son who requires constant attention during this time. So, in order to hit my billables, I am working until 11 pm some nights and whenever I have time on the weekend. I do not expect my juniors or assistant to answer though.

        1. Really, really not making any assumptions or judgments here, but do you mention in the emails you don’t expect any response until Monday? My old supervisor used to do that every time he emailed me on the weekend (which wasn’t very often, even though I knew he worked almost every weekend) and I appreciated it every time.

    6. Aw, hell no! Weekends are absolutely different from weekdays. Just because people are working from home doesn’t mean they are available 24/7. I shut my laptop down on Friday night and don’t open until Monday morning. Unless you’re trying to find a cure for coronavirus, I’m pretty sure any “urgent” work doesn’t have to be addressed over the weekend.

      1. That was exactly my take as well. We have one new project related to coronavirus at work (that I don’t work on) that is requiring extra time. That makes total sense and if I get pulled into it, I will gladly put in the hours to help save lives. That’s VERY different from working because you don’t have other interests or things to do.

    7. The head of our department said back in March “resist the urge to just work all the time, that can be very easy to fall into when there’s nothing else to do” and I’m thinking urge? What urge? Am I supposed to have that urge? Because let me tell you, I have so such urge. I work extra hours when I need to, but for the most part, I value being able to disconnect at 5 and log back in the next morning, and being able to sleep in and not worry about work over the weekend.

    8. Due to the nature of my work, I don’t know the last time I had a day off. We’re scheduled to be 6 on/1 off, but of course am still glued to my phone and doing some tasks on my day off.

      If you don’t have to, and it’s not life and death, DONT! Don’t give in to this “we’re home, we’re always on” life if you’re not involved in the COVID response!!

    9. Worst,
      We have been asked to “voluntarily” request annual leave on Easter weekdays, while of course we continue to attend to urgent matters.
      Other departments are worse, they have been asked to take official annual vacations while continuing normal work but not recording hours.
      And yes, some colleagues have said that “it is great to have conference calls over Easter, I would be grateful for our mental health” Idiot, I prefer to zoom my friends.

  16. Question unrelated to Covid:

    If your boss or grandboss’ job came open, and you met basic requirements for the job, what are some reasons you might NOT apply for it?

    2. Maybe you don’t want to be that much of a manager? Like, you like the work you’re doing at this level and don’t want to add on the paperwork-type responsibilities?

    3. You don’t want a more managerial role and instead actually prefer making the work product rather than supervising the making of work product.

      1. This. My partner owns a small business that’s grown a lot over the years and he still enjoys it but often misses getting his hands dirty with the actual making of things as opposed to spending all his time talking to people (both employees and clients) and doing the big picture paperwork and strategic stuff. It used to be just him doing everything; now he has 15 employees.

      2. This. People often make the mistake of assuming if they like their job the natural next move is their bosses job. While technically a “promotion” managing is a totally different job/skill set than the work you’d be managing. A lot of people really hate managing.

    4. You like your work-life balance where it is and don’t need any more cash? Not an exact replica of the situation but I’m writing a policy at the moment which will be executed by a new hire one pay grade above me (at senior manager level). I’m not applying for that job – I’m not ready for that step up and while I love being part of the team I don’t always want to run the things we do.

    5. It’s a bad time in your life for that promotion. The corporate culture is dysfunctional and people in that position take the brunt of the dysfunction.

    6. I don’t want to. Period. I like the work, not managing others do the work +personalities!
      Even if the #s were vastly higher my answer is still nope for the above reasons.

    7. Because you want to work with your team, not manage your current team.
      Because work politics suck. I’ve been catching up on Madame Secretary and Henry gets a promotion at one point and the first meeting where he’s in charge goes off the rails immediately because they all assume he’s gunning for the primo parking spot. He says something like “I’m really hoping we could discuss the future of this department” and one of his colleagues says something like “Oh, so you’re saying you want to change the subject so you can sneak in and take the spot yourself? Wow, how egalitarian of you.”
      Because one of your team members sucks and you don’t want to be in charge of them.

  17. Just a vent. Ladies, I’m exhausted. Being cooped up inside is really difficult for me, I miss my friends and family, I miss my coworkers. I’m in Biglaw and am both anxious about the looming recession but still billing 60+ hours/week for now (despite being in a practice area that is supposed to be slow). I’m on partner track so feel like I really need to be leaning in right now. My husband is taking on the brunt of childcare with daycare closed/not having a nanny over and we’re making conflicting conference calls work but we’ve lost all our outsourcing which is how I make our normally hectic life somewhat manageable. I.am.exhausted. I feel like I’m not doing enough at work and not doing enough as a mom. Kiddo is getting way too much screen time. My brain can’t stop thinking about grocery planning/meal planning to minimize trips outside. We live in New York. I’m trying to avoid the news since it doesn’t seem as bad as the media makes it out to be but every so often I catch a news story about the warzone of New York and it further peaks my anxiety. Then I’m just tired. All the time. So on a whim this morning took a pregnancy test, which at least explains the exhaustion. We’ve been trying for a a few months so this really should be joyous news as we really want another kid but I don’t even know when I’m going to be able to get an initial appointment. This week is supposed to be particularly bad in New York so I guess I’ll just ride out a few weeks but I’m just so overwhelmed.

    1. I am a firm believer that there is no such thing as too much screen time in this environment. (And I normally don’t let my kids touch a screen during the weekdays, for reference).

      1. I’m glad to hear you say this. I work FT (from home now), but I feel my other FT job is policing son’s screen time. I need to just let that go.

      2. I believe this too (do what you need to do), but only as long as it’s not counterproductive. If it makes your job harder because your kid is more irritable when the screen goes away for bedtime, then it could be worth reassessing. Are there any other toys that hold as much fascination? I’ve heard posters here recommend Magna Tiles (?) for hours of entertainment.

        Congratulations on your pregnancy!

      3. Don’t have children at home, but I fully think it’s fine to use screens liberally. This is called a crisis and so crisis measures are called for.

    2. I’m sorry, any one of these things is a lot. Can kiddo do video calls with grandparents or family who might be willing to do story time by video? But honestly, I wouldn’t worry too much about too much screen time for kiddo – my parents would set me up in a room with a couple of picture books and toys, educational comic books, Disney movies and Sesame Street, Magic School Bus, and Nintendo. Throw in a few snacks and I was happy as a clam. Khan-academy-like math worksheets for 20 minutes a day if they wanted to be educational, and they seriously called it a day. That was basically my childhood until I started middle school, and I was totally fine developmentally and academically (if standardized tests were any indication).

      I know it’s hard, but these are not normal times. Cut yourself a lot of slack. You’re pregnant (congrats!), juggling a high powered career, a kid, a relationship, and a house. Keeping everyone alive is the priority, and if all three members of your family are fed and have a place to sleep (even if you have to remove a pile of clothes and towels to get there), it’s totally a win.

    3. General advice: Let go of your rules, standards, etc that you developed in normal life. This is a pandemic. Those rules don’t apply. Trying to apply them here will stress you out.

      My kid used to watch TV for an hour a week. She’s watching tv or using her kid’s kindle tablet for hours every day now. We are all about family movie snuggle time in the evenings. She’s doing great. There is no reason to limit screen time right now.

      I don’t meal plan AT ALL anymore. We buy what is available in general categories (meat, produce, grains, dairy). I decide what to cook on the fly. I cook things throughout the day. I take a break to put rice in the rice cook here. I brown some ground meat there.

      I was trying to make equity partner this year. I am also assuming that will not happen (and do I want to own a part of a law firm right now anyway? not really). I’ve released myself from that pressure completely. Who knows what my firm will even look like a year from now?

    4. Congratulations on your pregnancy! Sending you germ-free, long distance celebratory hugs!

      It’s nice to hear happy news.

    5. Another voice chiming in in support of unlimited screen time. Paired with me doing absolutely zero anything else to get my child “kindergarten ready” for this fall. I just can’t. I’ll have plenty of time to work on it if/when I get laid off. And if I don’t get laid off and by some magical fluke kindergarten happens this fall, every single other kid will probably be more or less in the exact same spot.

      1. This is the way I feel as well (and I’m not even working at the moment – just looking after three kids under five and I. Am. Exhausted!). My kid likes some educational apps and they have really improved her skills, which makes me feel better about not teaching her.

        That said, we’re Australian and, over there, kids mainly just draw and color in in kindergarten so maybe I’m in for a shock!

    6. First and foremost, you are a rockstar. I am also in Biglaw with a 10 month old and it is so so hard. My husband is also in BigLaw and we lasted 2 weeks of daycare being closed before hiring a temporary nanny. So you are exhausted because what you are doing is exhausting. I don’t love all aspects of having a Nanny, but weighing it against everything else it was necessary for us. Subsisting on 4 hours of sleep for months on end for both me and my husband just didn’t seem feasible. I don’t know if there is a way to make it feasible / comfortable for you but its something I would consider if you can. I found a nanny who has been social distancing for 2 weeks for starting for us, whose husband works from home, and who drives to get to us.

      And CONGRATULATIONS on being pregnant!!!! I’m sure its hard news to get right not even though you very much want the baby. Everything is hard now and to me it sounds like you are killing it. Hugs from and internet stranger.

    7. OP here – thank you all for the kind words! Anyone have recommendations on do’s and donts for early pregnancy until I can get to a doctor? I’m already taking prenatals and cut alcohol/cut back on caffeine but am struggling to remember the other stuff on the list and google is super overwhelming in these times. Maybe I’ll reread expecting better, any other more recent recommendations?

      1. The only other big one is avoiding pretty much all medication at this point (other than Tylenol. Ibuprofen and Aspirin are considered NOT safe).
        No retinol skincare, though the evidence is a little sketchy there on topicals. Salicylic acid and other topical acne medications are also cautioned. If you are like me and get bad pregnancy acne, I cannot recommend black soap enough.
        Everywhere you look, people will be saying stuff about pthalates, parabens, and other common personal care product ingredients. I asked my OB, and she basically said they aren’t compelling enough studies to issue guidelines on, so do your normal routine.
        Lots of new suggestions on deli meat, soft cheeses, and other listeria concerns. You can eat them under certain conditions. The risk is pretty low all things considered. You can also get listeria from Ice cream, but they don’t recommend not eating that.
        I think those are the big ones I had to adapt to.

        Signed,
        A 24w pregnant FTM who spent way too much time analyzing all this stuff.

    8. Congrats! This is good news since you’ve been trying for a while. That said, even during normal times a happy, expected positive pregnancy test brings a lot of changes so it’s ok to feel unmoored.
      Hope for an uneventful pregnancy and smooth sailing!

    9. Throw some money at toys that kiddo will use to play on her own for a while. Magna tiles will work but also – variety works better! Crayons and coloring books, or books that use those magic markers that only show up on the book. Scratch pads with designs on them that you can scratch off. Frozen themed jenga tiles. Melissa and Doug stamp pad. Print out sheets that she can cut using toddler scissors. Playdoh with tools. New sidewalk chalk. New crayons in a 120 pack (my kid is years older but still got excited about these). Stencils that you can use to draw shapes. Dry erase markers and board. Book where you push buttons and songs play. Tot piano or the kind of piano mat that you can step on to play music. Look at amazon gift ideas by age to get started. All of the above work great for my kids who range in age.

  18. I would like to send some sort of virtual birthday gift to a family member during our respective isolations. She doesn’t have Spotify–is there another easy way to share music in a mixtape type way? Thanks!

  19. Can someone explain to me gently, without calling me selfish, why people are mad that the beaches are open in Georgia? We’re in New York and the beaches (state parks) are open and we’ve been going just to look at the water and take a walk. It’s remarkably calming. They’re crowded for April but you’re not within 10 feet of anyone. The governor has encouraged us to run and I saw people running on the boardwalk. What am I missing?

    1. I think issue with Georgia beaches is they attracted large groups. I live in Chicago and they closed the lakefront in Chicago once we had a nice day and way too many people went and congregated in groups. if people are smart and distance it seems like more places stay open. If people go out with all their gear and party in large groups, officials are closing the area.

    2. Certain beaches in Georgia are way more of a tourist destination than beaches in NY and they can be a lot more crowded.

    3. Because in many places, people have been terrible about social distancing in the outdoors, and since they cannot police themselves, these public spaces should be shut.

      I am with you that in an ideal world, people should be able to avail themselves of the beach, parks, trails, etc. Unfortunately, that has not been the case in many places all over the country. (NY, Chicago, Miami, Northern California are all places where I have seen complaints about heightened risk of community spread due to lax social distancing at beaches and parks.)

    4. In order to go to the beach, most people need to get in a car, (at some point) go to the gas station to fill gas, stop to use restrooms/get food, etc. etc. etc. All of those things entail risks. And any outdoor activity is going to entail risk of getting hurt and needing to go to the hospital at the absolute WORST time to be going to a hospital.

      1. “And any outdoor activity is going to entail risk of getting hurt and needing to go to the hospital at the absolute WORST time to be going to a hospital.”

        I understand this, but I have not heard any pubic health official say this is the reason for stay home orders. It’s to keep people away from each other.

      2. “And any outdoor activity is going to entail risk of getting hurt and needing to go to the hospital at the absolute WORST time to be going to a hospital.”

        My aunt and her partner work in a major teaching hospital and told me this weekend when we talked that this is a ridiculous way to look at it and to ignore this “advice.” They are still prepared to help people who come in with injuries or other illnesses and proper precautions are being taken. They do not want people coming in with Covid-19, because there are no current universally effective treatments. That’s what the restrictions are designed to prevent. Covid-19 infections. Not the normal consequences of living life, which everyone acknowledges are still going to happen.

        Please be aware, if you are sitting on your couch 24/7 in fear of getting injured, that is going to cause problems, some of which will be more immediate than others. Immediately you will experience tailbone problems, joint pain and lack of easy mobility. Longer term (but not as long-term as you think) you will experience problems related to your pulmonary and cardiovascular systems, and also probably with your insulin metabolism. Please do not cower in your house, completely sedentary, until this is over. It will absolutely affect your health long-term.

    5. In GA, the beaches were not cold northern beaches with a few people walking. They were crowded parties.

    6. ^^ This. The resistance to closing them is that locals want to be able to just walk on the beach and relax, but keeping them open allows people to still go on vacation, party, etc.

    7. Because people cannot be trusted to do the right thing. They had to close the lakefront and the 606 in Chicago (the 606 is somewhat like the High Line in NYC) because it just attracted too many people.

    8. It’s a few factors. As others have mentioned, there is a concern that if the beaches are open for exercise, eventually people will let their guard down and start congregating. It’s also the case that for many of the local governments, closing the beaches also enabled them to not have to put law enforcement/EMS resources there so they have them for other purposes. A lot of these communities are small towns and are thinly staffed, and now they not only have to get LE/EMS back out to the beaches, they may actually need more enforcement because they’re supposed to break up large gatherings.

      I think the final piece is that a lot of these towns made these decisions (which were tough economically) based on their own careful assessment of their local risks. The state order overrode all of them, so even if they decided they needed to be more restrictive in light of their own circumstances, they can’t be.

      1. +1 to this analysis. I live in Savannah and our local beach is making news. It’s spring break season and we are a tourist town. Trust me, the local officials are acutely aware of the economic hit we are taking by shutting down the main attractions, but the local sentiment is to do what matters for the good of the order. I mean, they cancelled St Patricks celebrations and that is a huge event. The weather is beautiful here, even if the water is a little chilly still. Plenty of people are going to flock to the beach (kids aren’t in school, all the vacation houses, new places to exercise, etc). I would love nothing more than a social distancing responsible beach day with my kid right now, but I also think that keeping them closed is the right call.

    9. You’re missing the fact that in their efforts to feel in control, people have engaged in an arms race of oppression.

    10. Because a crowded beach is a location for viral spread. And every respirator that goes to Georgia as a result is one fewer for the rest of the nation.

  20. Runners: I’m not a serious runner, but I really enjoy a few mile run 1-2 a week, especially in this environment, mentally and physically. I’ve been shelter in place for weeks, but exercise is allowed and I go out of my way to steer clear of people more (run I the road if need be, etc).

    But now, with this whole mask recommendation thing…I really don’t think I can run with a mask on. That doesn’t sound safe to me from an oxygen intake level. So…are we not allowed to run anymore? Or am I being dramatic and everyone can run in a mask and be fine? Or am I correct in assuming that is not safe?

    I KNOW the simple answer is just don’t run anymore, but I also don’t want to just do the most draconian thing if it’s not really necessary and not what the rules are intended for. Like, I totally get why wearing a mask to the grocery store makes sense bc you are inevitably close to a bunch of people even when trying not to be. But running I can go out of my way to avoid others. I would also just follow rules, but I feel like the intersection between the mask rule and the exercise rule are as clear as mud. Help?

    1. No, the mask recommendation is for situations where you can’t socially distance from other people (like if you need to go into a store, pharmacy, etc.). The CDC guidance is explicit on that. No need to wear a mask on your runs.

    2. Contact tracing for people who are known to be positive are people within close contact for > 10 minutes, so I don’t think that actual running where you may be fleetingly not-close to another person is material. I have long thought and haven’t been persuaded otherwise that improper mask use and improper glove use can increase your exposure. Mere cloth masks are good for pollen and some other things but not viruses.

    3. No one is running with a mask on.

      Also I’m team no mask. They told me not to get one. It was selfish and dangerous. Then the told me not to leave my house. Now I’m supposed to have one. Or make one? Hard no. I don’t have crafting stuff laying around. I Kondoed this joint. I’m not scouring the internet for craft supplies or masks. I spend my time searching for food and toilet paper and trying not to get fired. If the government wants to drop one off I’ll put it on. Other than that, sorry but no. Come at me brah (oh you can’t…)

        1. Sorry I was mostly trying to be funny. I do think the cdc put us in a rediculous situation that makes me angry but also kind of cracks me up. I’m trying to follow the rules and do my best but the mask thing is just so absurd at this point.

          2. I feel the same way about the cleaning your groceries thing. Not that that’s mandated by the CDC (I think?) but I just can’t bring myself to do that. Something about rubbing my food packages with chemicals seems not okay to me. Also, after a grocery run we are just so mentally and physically exhausted, and it just seems so futile. Like, it’s more likely I got COVID from the check out person than I will from the cardboard on this box of cereal 2 days from now.

            No judgement for everyone that does this. Actually, respect.

      2. I’m having a hard time with the mask thing too. I wish when they first started telling us not to wear masks they had not said it was because wearing a mask could be dangerous and actually make you touch your face more! So now we’re supposed to wear cloth masks (I’m like you – what was I supposed to make a mask with? I just bought some on Poshmark) except once they’re moist/damp they’re dangerous, which, isn’t cotton going to get damp pretty fast? The CDC now recommends using something with multiple layers of fabric but then provides 3 DIY recommendations, one of which calls for only a single layer of t-shirt fabric, another design suggests sewing 2 layers of cotton together, but then the third is for a bandanna style mask that you insert a coffee filter into. Why are multiple layers of bandanna not enough when 2 layers of the plain cotton were fine?

        I really am trying to be a good, responsible citizen. And I get that there probably haven’t been studies about this stuff and we’re all just trying to do our best. I’m just having a really hard time wrapping my head around the mask thing.

        1. Thank you! Yes, its near impossible to do what theyre asking when they change the requirements like this. It’s also absurd and kind of funny how it changes on a daily basis and people on this board are like “get over it! Learn to sew! You don’t have a garmet to sacrifice? Learn to plan better! Why don’t you have this leftover from woodworking? The patterns have been available for seven hours! Jeez, it’s not that hard!” No. Guys. It’s full on madness.

          Don’t get me started on the people who recommended showering after using the bathroom in lieu of toilet paper like “Oh that’s no big deal..” what? Can we at least acknowledge how crazy this is? Some days I’m so depressed but sometimes it’s actually very funny.

          1. +100 I’m trying my best guys but no none of this is normal and pretending like everything is NBD is exhausting and not helpful

        2. They are seriously working with what limited information they have, in the framework they find themselves in. There is at least one 2003 peer-reviewed study (probably more) that looked at the efficacy of bandana-style face coverings (in the context of a flu pandemic). Comparing a home made mask to a surgical mask directly showed that the surgical mask was three times more effective than the bandana, but it had some effect. The study also comments on all the complicating factors (people are not trained to wear them right, will touch the mask and contaminate their hands, the better the fit and material, the more effective, but also the more it will impede breathing, so people will not wear the mask for long or won’t position it correctly), but those factors couldn’t be quantified in the scope of that study. If you pay attention to people (without medical training) around you wearing masks and gloves, touching every surface they can reach and then pull off their mask, wear the mask for a whole day even though it needs washing after an hour etc, you will see that wearing a mask doesn’t protect the wearer. That is still true. That’s exactly what the CDC said a few weeks ago. That fact hasn’t changed.

          Add to that that we are STILL working on convince parts of the population (and government) that increased hygiene, handwashing, social distancing is needed. Those habits are foundational for this public health situation, and I think that it was right to emphasize those in the beginning. I also don’t think that a recommendation for everyone to cover their faces would have landed well with the general public a few weeks ago, we’re all changing how we look at things as things progress. I know that compared to two weeks ago, I can now see myself wearing a mask when going shopping or to work, where I used to mock people walking around with masks, to be completely honest.

          Even if you want to go all the way and assume the worst intent in this change of public health advice, the most ruthless interpretation that I come up with is ‘they knew they needed to get more respirators for medical staff and they purposefully didn’t want to create a run on those supplies by the public’ (side note, if you want to be cynical, think about how many people look for an easy, gadget-based solution to anything, and probably would not change their movement patterns or hand washing, if they could tell themselves that they are now wearing a mask, visible for everyone, and therefore doing enough). Now I DON’T think the CDC made this calculated decision and purposefully misinformed the public, see all the reasons I listed above. But in the remote possibility that they might have, it boils down to 1) we need to protect medical staff, because they play an irreplaceable role in responding to this crisis and 2) we urge everyone to stay home, which is the safest choice. 3) Everyone who needs to keep doing essential work and has contact with a lot of people, will be safer if only half the people come in, than if we carry on as usual with makeshift masks, still spreading a lot of virus everywhere.

          1. I appreciate the lengthy explanation,but as a citizen who is not inherently distrustful of government and wants to do the right thing for myself and others, they have lost all credibility. The mask recommendation is a total joke.

          3. I don’t think this was an issue of limited information. The immune compromised people I know were getting accurate information from their immunologists both about masks and about how this virus spreads very early on. They were confused and upset at the time about what the CDC was saying. My own view is that we’ve been behind on how mask use could help during flu and allergy season for years now.

          4. Because it is darn near impossible to follow their recommendations even if you can somehow believe they are both acting in good faith and got it right (this time). It’s HARDER to wear a mask if you listened to them the first time. Really, why bother?

          5. I don’t get what the problem is. I just checked their website, they recommend cloth face coverings and still say the surgical masks and respirators musk be reserved for medical workers. How has their original advice made it harder for you to come up with a scarf, bandana, tea towel or other cloth to cover your face?

    4. A- try running in a mask and see how it works for you

      B- if it doesn’t work well, wear a mask while in proximity to people and take it off when you’re not close to people

      C- to aid in B, run early or late in the day

      D- stop panicking.

      2. You do not want to put a mask on and then take it off outside. You want to remove the mask at home, carefully not touching the outside of the mask, and wash your hands immediately. If you take the mask off outside odds are you will rub the outside of the mask on your face or hands – defeating the entire purpose of the mask. Here’s a good link that explains how to best wear and remove a mask: https://www.sfcdcp.org/communicable-disease/healthy-habits/how-to-put-on-and-remove-a-face-mask/

        1. In this case isn’t the purpose of the mask more to protect others than to protect yourself, so it shouldn’t matter?

          2. Since I’m now going to have to “learn” how to wear a mask, I want to develop good, consistent habits around it.

          3. I heard that fabric masks are more protective of others than they are for the person wearing them. So the thinking is we should wear them now in case we have it but are asymptomatic.

    5. I went for a run today around 7 am and everyone was running without a mask — the location where I run is empty and wide enough that you are never within 10′ of someone, if that. I think it’s reasonable to have a mask to wear when you are going into and out of places but while you are actively running, I think skipping the mask is totally fine.

      1. +1 and even if you are occasionally passing someone I still think no mask is fine. Research seems to be pointing to prolonged exposure (like more than 10 minutes) especially indoors is where the risk is. I wouldn’t sweat about the occasional ~3 seconds of being within 6 feet of someone on a running trail in open air.

        1. +1
          the hysterical people on the internet thinking that runners are projectile-breathing the covid-19 all over town? miss me with that mess. If I’m not breathing into your mouth we’re all gonna be okay.

          3. This is my husband. He is worried about vapor trails of droplets following runners for 1/4 of miles. We’ve had arguments about t
            his. Being with a very anxious person is so exhausting.

    6. Okay, thanks everyone! I went running without a mask yesterday and was just waiting for the dirty looks or posts in Nextdoor about how could someone run without a mask? (Because there have been anti-runner posts even before the mask rule). I think the real answer is I need to step away from Nextdoor…

      1. Yup, that’s a Nextdoor problem, not a You problem.
        I’m not running with a mask for all the reasons already listed. If for some reason it comes down to cover face or don’t go outdoors, I’ll wear my Buff, which is thin enough to not be completely awful (also probably useless except as safety-theatre).

      2. Everyone with a mask right now is probably someone who ignored the cdc the first time. Or is is wearing a likely dirty bootleg one they bought from somewhere sketchy. Or they made it and it’s doing very little. Feel free to judge them right back.

        1. Or we had the surgical masks on hand well before Covid because we had a healthcare professional in the house and he had a small store (about 10) of them.

          People who do a lot of woodworking sometimes had these masks as well as part of their hobby.

          1. In my town the hospital was begging for those so if folks kept them for themselves I guess it was smart, but they’re not really in a position to judge, right?

        2. or had one for wildfire season, already worn and not worthy to donate to hospitals.

        3. Maybe, we could try NOT judging people whose situations we don’t know? IDK. Call me crazy.

    7. In my mid-size SEUS city, everyone at the grocery store was wearing a mask, but no one is wearing a mask to run/exercise/walk the dog– all things you can do and distance yourself from others in my neighborhood. This is consistent with the CDC guidelines.

    8. So far I haven’t seen anyone exercising outside with a mask on (walking, running, biking). I’ll wear a mask only if I’m going to be stuck around people like at the grocery.

    9. I ran with a buff yesterday and pulled it up when I was in areas where I had to pass by people closer than 6 feet.

    10. In Massachusetts, they are now asking that people wear masks for errands and “passive” outdoor exercise, but I interpreted that to mean mask for walks, but not for running or jogging (probably biking as well). There’s no way I’m gonna run with cloth over my mouth, unless Nike wants to start selling special “active” masks that are somehow comfortable to wear while running or biking.

      Also, I don’t have a mask, nor a bandana to make one. I had two bandannas, I may have gotten rid of them since I no longer wore them, either way they probably didn’t make it to this apartment with me. If they still exist, they’re at my parents’ house and I can’t get them. Ordering some might take a while. My boyfriend made some from an old pillow case and shoelaces to hold us over, but they’re flimsy and probably only good for short walks and errands.

      My point is, masks may be recommended or encouraged now, but not everyone can suddenly make, obtain, fashion, or otherwise manifest one so it might be a while before they become universal in your neighborhood. Be patient.

    11. I’m in NYC. Some people are running with masks. I tried it this morning with our homemade cloth mask and found it challenging; I ended up pulling the mask down when I was away from people. I am mostly concerned with wearing it while leaving my building and when in areas where I am most likely to be in close proximity with others (e.g. on the way to the park but not on uncrowded trails). But in general I think it is most important when at stores or other places where you really can’t ensure 6 feet of distance. Many city sidewalks qualify as that crowded, but less so at 6 am when I run.

    12. “I KNOW the simple answer is just don’t run anymore,”

      No, it’s not. I am taking social distancing seriously but I haven’t lost my damn mind. Socially. Distance. Wear a mask in the store so you don’t accidentally breathe the virus on someone’s pear or cilantro. Exercise in areas in which you aren’t breathing on people. Order no-contact takeout from a small business owner.

      Just don’t be stupid.

      1. I think she meant it’s the simple solution to the mask vs. no mask dilemma, not that people should stop running. Even Doctor Mike is encouraging people to go out and start a running program! Sorry, I know it sounds like I worship that guy, I kinda do . . .

        But I agree with you, the recommendations you set forth are common sense and feasible for most people. A lot of folks are overcomplicating things by tacking on their own rules, and then people like me stress out trying to follow all the rules out of consideration but it feels like too much sometimes.

        1. “But I agree with you, the recommendations you set forth are common sense and feasible for most people. A lot of folks are overcomplicating things by tacking on their own rules, and then people like me stress out trying to follow all the rules out of consideration but it feels like too much sometimes.”

          Yes, and it “feels” like too much because it IS too much. You can’t keep making up ever more restrictive rules because there is “some” risk, like that nonsense about the gas pumps. Yes, using a gas pump entails some risk, but if that’s the rationale we want to use, we should just have the government weld the doors on our homes shut and deliver rations to us.

          1. What nonsense about the gas pumps? What I’ve heard is either wear disposable gloves and dispose of them, or use your hand sanitizer upon getting back in the car. NBD. Of course touching a gas pump is going to be a high-contact point.

      2. Unfortunately, I’m hearing anecdotal stories of people getting sickened (in DC and NY) who are otherwise only leaving their apartments for walks or to go to the grocery store. I just don’t know how to incorporate this information into (what I thought) was a safe isolation + daily running routine.

        1. if they’re going to the grocery store… that’s where they’d be picking it up vs. the walk in nature.

        2. Grocery store seems like the issue there, not taking walks. People touching their faces or coughing on them and then touching stuff on the shelves, not wiping down the carts well enough, etc.

        3. Yeah this is 100% the grocery store not the running. There are germs everywhere in the grocery store, all it takes is for someone to cough on something (even from a few feet away), then you touch it then you touch your face. Given the number of things you have to touch in the grocery store, this seems like the likely culprit not running/walking. When I go running, I don’t touch anything that I didn’t bring with me and wipe down my phone/earbuds and wash my hands when I get back.

      3. OP here…so I included that “I KNOW” statement because based on other’s past posts here, I assumed that I was going to get at least a few “you shouldn’t do that if you can’t without a mask, you’re spreading the virus unnecessarily in order for everyone to be safe!” responses. I just wanted to be clear that I knew that was an option, but was hoping it wasn’t the only option.

        I’m pleasantly surprised that it seems to be unanimous that running without a mask is okay, and I know this can be a tough crowd. So I will run unfettered! Take that Nextdoor! (Where, as I mentioned in a different response, there were already a few busybodies yelling at runners on my Nextdoor and I was worried with the no mask thing they might actually have a leg to stand on, unlike before when I knew they were just nuts. I will continue to think they are just nuts :)

        1. No one has said that you need to run with a mask. That is not the public health advice being offered.

  21. Is there a secret to making black beans from scratch? I’ve tried twice now during the quarantine and they just taste so bland. And both times I ended up needing to cook them for double the time the recipe stated. I was inspired to learn how to make them because my favorite neighborhood Mexican restaurant is closed but they have the most amazing black beans. Would love to conquer this skill during my time at home!

    1. Salt. And then more salt. And then a little bit more salt. And then maybe a pinch more.

    2. I put half an onion into the water and bay leaf into the cooking water. If they are taking that long to cook they are probably pretty old, which is common for beans from grocery stores.

    4. Opinions differ on salt with beans, but I think if you add some at the end it can’t hurt. I’ve also seen lots of recipes that call for a bay leaf with black beans.

    5. I love beans. I cook with tons of seasoning. I also cook in broth (homemade or water + better than boullion) instead of water.

    6. Use broth instead of water, and add spices once they start to get tender. For Mexican style, I’d probably use chili powder, cumin, cayenne, and a pinch of oregano. You can also dice up some onion and peppers and sauteed them in the pan before you add the beans and broth. If you eat meat, brown some diced ham or bacon along with the onion and peppers or throw in a smoked hock when you add the beans.

    7. Definitely agree with the poster who said salt, but it can slow down bean cooking a bit. I find the trade off worth it though. A lot of people salt at the end but I feel all that really does is salt the cooking water, not the beans.

      Also, older dried beans take longer to cook than fresher dried beans. Ideally you’d use them within a year of harvest, but now is not the time to get fussy about pantry goods.

      Here’s how I’d cook them.

      Soak about a cup of dried beans in lots of water overnight. Drain soaking water. Put soaked beans into a pot with fresh water to cover by about an inch. Add half an onion (not chopped), a couple of smashed but still whole cloves of garlic, a bay leaf, and a lot of salt. At least a couple of teaspoons. Bring to a boil, then do a low simmer with the lid on for an hour or so. As beans start to get soft taste a bean and see if it needs more salt.

      Once the beans are cooked, they’re ready to be used in a recipe. The cooked beans are not in and of themselves much of a tasty meal, but this is where you chop an onion and some garlic and maybe a jalapeño, sauté that in olive oil, add the beans and stock of some sort, add herbs and spices, and make black bean soup.

      1. I’m the salt poster above. A note on salt, it’s best to add salt throughout the cooking process rather than just at the end. Salting at the end tends to make things salty whereas salting throughout enhances other flavors. Also if you salt throughout you’ll usually find there’s not a need to salt at the end and you’ll end up using less.

        1. You’re responding to my post and I totally agree with you.

          OP, If you think of the beans as plumping up with the water you’re cooking them in, you want some salt in that water from the beginning so that the interior of the cooked bean has some salt in it. If you wait to salt at the end, that just salts the water and maybe salts the surface of the beans. Same with pasta. I start with tons of salt for pasta. I start with less for beans because it really can make it harder for them to get soft, but I start with a couple of teaspoons of salt and I taste and add as I go along, even if that means spitting out an undercooked bean now and then.

      2. Careful though, the acid can prevent the beans from cooking properly, so you need to add them in at the end.

    9. I’ve heard it’s helpful to salt the water you soak the beans in (if you presoak). Also, like others have said, be generous with salt when cooking, and cook in broth rather than water. :)

    10. If they’ve taken a really long time to cook, your beans are probably really old.

      I cook beans with half an onion and some smashed up garlic and a bunch of salt and I like the way they taste straight out of the pot, but I think a lot of times you’ve got to actually *do* something with your beans.

    11. Crockpot “recipe” for Mexican style blackbeans

      2 cans
      black beans
      1/4 to 1/2 can Adobe chili peppers
      2 cups chicken broth or boullion (knorr pollo will give authentic flavor – It must have a bit of salt)

      Rinse black beans super well. Toss weird looking ones

      Place beans in bottom of crock pot.
      Add 2 cups chicken broth
      Add 1/4 to 1/2 jar adobe peppers (depending on your tolerance to heat)
      Cook on low 8 hours. You may need to lift the lid or place on high to cook down the liquid depending on your style of crockpot. Purpose is to simmer on low to cook down liquid but not scorch the beans.

      Extras: 1/2 teaspoon of smoked paprika, 1/2 teaspoon garlic, 2 tablespoons of chopped jalapeño. Mix and match to your taste.

      I also occasionally throw a large frozen Costco chicken breast in the pot to cook off/shred.

  22. On the topic of bad social distancing behavior…I was driving to the grocery store this weekend and was SHOCKED to see a cluster of 4-5 protesters in front of a local family planning clinic!! (Not PP, but similar) They were there with their virgin Mary posters and very much not social distancing…and this was at like 8AM and made me wonder if they were just the first ones there of an even larger group?! Also should point out that this is in a dense metro area, not some suburban or rural clinic.

    1. Any chance they’ll all infect each other before returning to their cave? That is infuriating.

    3. Maybe if they get the bug, we should treat them to the medical care they’d give a woman with a doomed pregnancy?

      1. You chose to go outside and get the virus. You must now carry the virus to term. It’s what Jesus would want.

      1. Technically, it’s not. The fact that the virus kills mostly older people and rarely kills children or people of reproductive age means that it will have almost no effect on natural selection.

        I still have ill wishes towards these people. I also said “good” on a call this morning when my boss mentioned that a minister who insisted on holding services now has coronavirus.

        1. Right. I was being sarcastic but statistically more of the coronavirus deniers of all ages are going to be removed from the population.

          The deniers in my extended family & acquaintance circles tend to be avid Fox News believers.

  23. currently on an office-wide call and the speaker is basically monologuing. how can anyone pay attention for someone just blathering for 10 minutes straight

    1. That’s the one benefit of conference calls over in-person meetings. I can totally f off and no one know. Even with Zoom calls, I put them on my tablet in front of my laptop so I can still read blogs on the laptop behind the tablet and look like I’m watching the Zoom call.

      1. This is genius.
        We haven’t moved to video calls at my work yet (praise the Lord). If there’s a cultural shift I plan to use the “I’m having trouble with my Skype and am just going to call in” excuse when I have meetings with known monologuers.

    2. Yup. Most of my meetings are actually briefings. Glad we’re an office where the person speaking is expected to be on camera but no one else so I can play on my phone

    4. Things I’ve done during conference calls (not on video, thank god):
      – Jigsaw puzzle
      – Dishes
      – Made lunch
      – Walked dog
      – Every single game on my phone
      – Organized desk
      – Read blogs
      – Updated my reading tracker spreadsheet

      As long as you know how to mute (HOW IS THIS SO F-ING HARD FOR SOME PEOPLE), you’re golden.

  24. Does anyone have standard language they use to email a firm/vendor that they’re not chosen/you’re not selecting their proposal of services? This is in the context of higher education – it’s a shock to me that no one internally has language for me to use. Higher ups just like “sure, email them and say we’re giving the work to another firm”. I’ve never had to do this before and don’t want to say the wrong thing. I’m probably overthinking this…

    1. Probably just like rejection emails on jobs. “While your qualifications were strong, we have decided to move forward with another candidate.”

    2. You are overthinking this massively. “Thank you for your proposal; we have decided to go a different route for now so we won’t be needing your services for the XYZ project. We will keep you in mind for the future should our needs change [if that is true].” And then a closure about wishing them well and staying safe.

      1. +1. If they work with higher ed institutions often enough, they know it (almost) always comes down to money. They are used to it.

  25. I’m freaking out a bit and may out myself, but I could use some internet hugs.

    – I’m a non-clinical hospital employee in NYC, and will be redeployed to move COVID patients later this week.
    – I manage a team who are now working remotely and starting to be redeployed, and am trying to figure out how to show their value to the organization during the crisis.
    – My mother has stage 4 cancer, not fully diagnosed – we know where the metastases are, but not where they came from. She lives across the country, and I cannot go there to be with her without a 2-week quarantine.

    3. Oh wow, this is tough. What are your options? Have you thought about maybe just going to be with your mom? (I’m sure it’s not that easy).

      1. Thanks all for your sympathy. I can’t go be with my mother because of the COVID crisis. As a New Yorker, I have to assume I’ve been exposed. So I would have to travel, then quarantine somewhere for 2 weeks before I could even see her. I’ve been thinking about it a lot, but the logistics just don’t work. I can do as much good from here as I could from quarantine. Which isn’t much. :-(

        1. I was thinking along the lines of chucking your job and just go be with your mom but obvs that only works in movies etc. Anyway I will keep you and her in my thoughts & wish you the best & I am so grateful for the work you do.

          1. like doing the quarantine etc because it sounds like your job is weighing heavily upon you.

          2. I think she would have to quarantine simply based on the fact that she lives in New York. So quitting her job wouldn’t really accomplish anything.

    4. As a New Yorker, I just want to say how grateful I am to you and all the essential workers that are taking care of us. Re: number 3 – my husband’s 83 year old dad was recently hospitalized for pneumonia (not COVID, we’re sure) for the second time in 6 weeks, on the other side of the country, and we can’t go see him. He’s blind and can’t really use a phone without help, and he’s very isolated now. Even if we could travel without putting others at risk, which we don’t feel we could, we couldn’t visit him due to hospital and nursing home regulations. It is so hard.

      1. Thanks. I’m so sorry you are going through this with your FIL. The pandemic makes things that are normally easy hard, and things that are normally hard nearly impossible. Sending my support to you and your husband.

  26. Any Jewish ‘rettes doing a virtual seder this year? I’m doing one – it will be me and my SO on one computer, my mom at her house, and possibly some family friends at their house.

    1. doing 2- first night with DH’s extended family and second night with mine, which is 30+ people spread out all around the country. we were planning on flying to visit family for the seders with our kids, which i am disappointed about, but excited we are still doing it virtually

    3. We are doing one with DH’s mom’s family– who are spread out in 6+ states. We never get everyone together except for weddings and bar/bat mitzvahs so this is actually pretty exciting.

      Also– a restaurant near us was doing a passover meal pickup, so we ordered that and still are getting to have all of the traditional foods. It will be our first nice meal that we didn’t make ourselves since this started, so we are really excited.

    4. My husband has a large extended family that always does a seder together and it will be virtual this year. We were really bummed we couldn’t go in person this year, so the fact that it was moved online and we will get to join is actually a silver lining of COVID for us. It’s on Saturday because no one is very religious and it’s more convenient than a weeknight (the in-person gathering is always held on a weekend too, to allow for easier travel).

  27. Now that life has moved entirely on line I was feeling left out and finally broke down and created a facebook account. Yikes. Now I have massive regret.

    2. Now is probably the worst ever time to make a Facebook. I would deactivate that and reactivate it if you want to later.

      I’ve liked Pinterest the last few weeks because I don’t follow any Influencers Who Post Artsy Things About Staying Home Titled “Self-Care Tips for When Things Are Hard!”.

  29. Any tips on having the pregnancy conversation with your boss? I have a few complicating factors — we are all remote, so no in-person meetings, we are in the midst of a merger and layoffs are rumored, I’m considered a top performer and have data to establish my performance record, I’m planning to ask for 12 weeks fully paid by using up all my PTO. I am 18 weeks pregnant – was planning to tell him sooner, but now an in-person conversation is proving unlikely.

    I’m hoping to announce the pregnancy now, and then wait to have the leave conversation separately.

    1. I know people often say to go in with a plan of what you want when you announce, but I think this moment may be one where leaving it a little up in the air is not a bad idea. Who knows what things will look like in 22 weeks? I’d probably make it clear I was planning on taking leave and planning on coming back, and leave the rest a bit fluid unless pressed. Is there any policy at your employer for this?

  30. Actual gardening question–favorite websites where I can order fruits/veggie plants (and maybe flowers) online? (actual plants, not seeds). I don’t really want to risk Lowe’s/Home Depot right now since they are only moderately less crowded than normal spring shopping. I’ve ordered flowers from Bluestone Perennials before, but they just sell flowers, not veggies.

    1. I’ve been very happy with Baker Creek Heirloom seeds, but they’re running low due to the surge in demand.

    2. Garden centers/nurseries are still open in our area and are happy to do curbside type orders and even delivery for plants.

    3. A lot of nurseries here are doing contactless pick-up. I’d call a local or family-owned shop and see if you might be able to order over the phone, pull up and open your trunk, and collect the delivery.

      1. Agree with both of the above – and they could use the business! In PA some at least are allowed to be open right now, and we have a state-wide nonessential closure.

    4. My local grocery store had amazing plants out the other day. Like literally amazing, the species available and the quality. Annuals, perennials, vegetables, herbs, you name it. I bought a bunch along with my groceries and went home and planted my containers. I think most grocery stores keep the plants outside, so you can do a drive-by and see if they have a selection worth further investigation.

      1. A local nursery may be the more affordable option. If that does not work out, Burpees may be a decent option

  31. Is this crisis messing with anyone else’s sleep schedule? I have diagnosed insomnia and Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder, meaning my “natural” bed time is very late (4am). I manage it with a busy litigation schedule that requires me to be out of the house before 7am most mornings, so that my “off” days don’t change my schedule too much. It is really difficult for me to wake up that early for no reason though, and as a result I can’t fall asleep until 4am or later. Maybe there is no harm in leaning into my natural rhythm and it will go back to regular once court picks up again, but I’ve internalized a lot of guilt and always feel bad and lazy when I “stay up all night and sleep all day”.

    1. Don’t you need to be awake and answering email by 9 am or so? I don’t think there’s anything “wrong” with staying up until 4 am and sleeping until noon if your colleagues are ok with it, but in most offices it wouldn’t be very practical to be totally offline during normal business hours.

    2. Raises hand. Me. I’m normally someone who goes to bed really early (like 9pm) and gets up at 5am, but I’m totally off track now. It doesn’t help that the time changed right before quarantine started. And I have small kids, so the only quiet time I can get is after they go to bed. Honestly, I think you do what you need to do right now and get the sleep that you need. You’re obviously a litigator based on your comments and if you work at a firm like mine, if you don’t get online until 11am or 12pm each day, that’s probably fine. I would just prioritize emails that are from early risers first.

    3. I’m having a rough time. My natural schedule is sleep from something like 11:30-9 or 9:30 During normal working times, I make a really conscious effort to have it be more like 10-6:45 or 7. But I have no reason to get up at 7 right now, so I’ve been pushing it back later and later and then I don’t really start working until 10 or 10:30. Ugh.

      1. I work for myself and finally had to embrace this pattern. I was a “morning person” my whole life because… you have to be to be successful? My natural sleep rhythm changed? I have no idea and I fought it for years. But now, four years in, I sleep 11/11:30-8/8:30 unless I have to get up for a meeting before 10 am. It started working well as soon as I let go of the guilt. I say embrace it and manage the early emails ASAP. If your world is like mine (who knows! I’m an atty but not lit), no one will notice that you aren’t “online” until 11/12.

    4. My problem is that I am alternating nights of 5 hours’ sleep (because I’m too stressed out to sleep) and 9 hours’ sleep (because I am exhausted from being up the night before). My brain is mush.

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