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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 169 Comments · by

Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Amy Stretch-Crepe Wrap Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Joseph Amy stretch-crepe wrap dress | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Happy New Year, guys! Net-a-Porter is having some amazing sales right now, with stuff as low as $10 and prices up to 80% off. There are, of course, lots of lucky sizes — I'd also put a lot of what's left in the category of hard-to-wear-without-intention. Still, this Joseph black dress, with a cool wrap detail, elbow-length sleeves, and pockets, seems like a pretty easy basic… And it's a killer sale. Was $825, now $330 — very limited stock. Which are your favorite (and bucket list!) brands in the Net-a-Porter sale, ladies? Joseph Amy Stretch-Crepe Wrap Dress Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 9.10.24

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Comments

  1. Cat

    Does anyone have tech gloves that they really like? On the hunt for a pair that is business/tailored (preferably leather) and that are longer than typical gloves – I prefer the style that goes 2-3″ up the arm, rather than ending at the wrist.

  2. Anonymous

    Need career advice from fellow in-house Corporettes. I have 8+years experience as an in house counsel, but no law firm experience. I started my career as a contract manager for a large tech company because that was the best offer I had coming out of school, and have negotiated 30 million dollar agreements. I have,however, notice that I get treated like trash when I interview for positioned due to the lack of big law experience. I am back on the market right now due to the fact that the temp to perm in house counsel position that I am in right now is not panning out ( just 2 weeks after my boss got approval for funds for the job opening, the company instituted a hiring freeze). Are there any in house hiring managers out there who would like to give me some advice? I went to a top quarter law school, if that matters.

    • Aline

      Do not consider yourself inferior for the lack of big-firm experience. You yourself said you’ve had 8 years of inhouse experience negotiating big $ contracts. Don’t just tell us, tell the interviewers! After all, they are the ones that need to look past the lack of big firm experience — even though the actual experience gleaned at the big firms are marginal. Having done both, I can tell you that big-law meant little more than being a glorified paralegal, checking cites and doing grunt work for the senior associates. We hardly ever spoke with the partners, and we really had no autonomy — my husband likened my job experience to working in the post office. They too just follow rote directions and have no latitude whatsoever to think on their own.

      You have to impress upon the interviewers that you had both autonomy and latitude (assuming true) that you exercised in advancing the needs of the business. The only difference between you and a law firm partner is that you probably were not tasked with the tedium associated with billing for your services. Be assertive, be forthright and be yourself, and you will have reason to be impressive. Good luck!

      • LawyrChk

        I would caution you that while there are some biglaw associate jobs that are glorified paralegals, I think your sweeping statement about no real experience isn’t acurate for all firms or practice areas, particularly after the first couple years of practice. I spent 5 years in biglaw and didn’t have this experience at all.

        To the OP, I don’t think there’s any reason to feel like your resume is inferior, but TBH, if you’re trying to get a job in biglaw now rather than in-house, it’s going to take a lot of convincing that you’ve got the technical skills and/or business development ability to make a move 8 years in (when most firms are evaluating their current associates for partner roles). Be prepared to take a large cut in seniority by class year and if possible reach out to firms you’ve worked with as a client who have some experience with your skillset.

  3. Diana Barry

    I thought this dress looked too big on the model and then it says on the description, “cut for a relaxed fit”. Hard to tell how it would fit on someone with a larger bust though!

        • TCFKAG

          I got a very similar dress to this from ASOS for around $40 (don’t remember how much.) It was a Frugal Friday item I think a couple months ago maybe? People also felt it was bathrobey but I think its comfy. Its the ASOS pencil dress with kimono wrap detail if you want to look it up.

        • TCFKAG

          Though now looking at the item, I must have had a coupon or something but I’m sure if you keep an eye out you can get it at a discount.

      • Clementine

        This dress just wouldn’t work on me; however, a woman I work with frequently wears dresses like this and they look great on her. She’s taller and has a swimmer’s build- broad shoulders and muscular arms and very slim hips. The fullness of the bottom of the dress balances out her shoulders and it looks great.

        She has a sleek bob and wears very minimal accessories and it looks really sharp.

    • hoola hoopa

      I really like the dress! Looks like I’m the minority. I’m full busted and wear a cami under all my wrap dresses, so that’s neutral to me. I can see getting good use out of an office appropriate bathrobe ;)

    • Idea

      I actually really like this style and would love to see similar items in the future. Just my 2 cents, rupees, lire, shekels, whatever.

      • Sacha

        Agreed. I think this dress would be perfect in my business casual law office on any day I don’t have court or a client meeting. Assuming the quality is as it appears, this is just the kind of basic that my ideal wardrobe would revolve around. I own a similar dress, but this looks to be of much higher quality and a slightly more stylish cut. I see bathrobe if I try, but my initial reaction to this is just the opposite. I ordered and returned a similar dress from Brooks Brothers. The fabric was outstanding, and the cut was good for me, but the navy blue made me think of a flight attendant. The black and lower neckline of this one solve that issue.

  4. LaCanadienne Passion boots -- need skinny jeans help asap

    I have these boots and they are great. The heel is 1.5 inches and the legs are a little loose around the ankles and up top.

    What am I doing wrong that I don’t think that I’m doing the jeans tucked into boots thing right with them? Too much heel? Maybe I’m too used to seeing Frye or Tory Burch boots?

    I am really used to boot-cut jeans worn over western boots, but was looking to branch out my weekend style. I wear straight leg and skinny jeans with flats, but my feet are cold and I’d like to go to tall boots. [I don’t think I could do skinny jeans in western boots without a mullet and maybe a bad perm — bad 80s flashbacks with that.]

    • LilyStudent

      I think for boots like this and jeans you need really super skinny jeans. I’m always paranoid I look like a pirate otherwise.

      • Clementine

        Yeah, they should be fitted around your knees. If they’re fitted there and just a little wider in the calf, you can ‘pinch fold’ them- if you remember the 80’s/early 90’s, I’m sure you remember the classy pinch fold.

        Note: my awesome babysitter with the COOLEST perm and scrunchie collection showed me how to do this. You take the extra fabric, pinch it together at the seam and then fold it around your leg so the calf portion is skin tight and not bunching.

        • LaCanadienne Passion boots -- need skinny jeans help asap

          We used to call that pegging your jeans. Even the guys did it.

        • Lyssa

          We called it “tight-rolling.” It was a great way to show off your high-top sneakers and day-go scrunchy socks.

          • Clementine

            I can still remember being near tears because my mother wouldn’t let me wear multiple pairs of socks all scrunched on top of each other for that awesome multi-decker ice cream cone look on top of my keds. I realize that she didn’t want to deal with doing 3 pair of socks per day for a 6 year old but I am still waiting for the cankle-like look to come back.

    • Anon

      I don’t know, I think they’d look fine with jeans tucked in. Is there a specific problem you have? Maybe a picture?

      • LaCanadienne Passion boots -- need skinny jeans help asap

        I think LilyStudent has it right — something about the sleekness is off. The boots look fine with black tights and various skirts /dresses, but I’m still on training wheels for the with-pants look. The AintNoMomJeans / Mom Edit lady would do it a million times better.

        Any other pointers? I feel like I need a tutorial (or examples of what not to do — I always find that a helpful way to frame where issues come up).

        #piratefail

        • Anon

          Sometimes it helps to peg your jeans and then tuck them into knee socks, to keep them tight. Though honestly, I’d invest in a good pair of jeggings.

    • BB

      I tuck in my jeans with these exact boots. My only issue is that I cannot zip them all the way to the top because I have huge calves (they were tight but zippable when I bought them, then I started running again). I wear straight leg jeans – Rag & Bone cigarette jeans – with them. they are tight on my thighs, but loose at my calves. Again, not sure if this is just because I have pretty wide thighs too and so they look like skinny jeans up top.

    • TCFKAG

      Have you tried wearing skinny jeans and then pulling your socks up and over the jeans before putting the boots on? I find this helps keep the jeans from pulling up and bunching at the top of the boot.

      Though I also have a pair of capri cut jeans that I like to wear with my boots because then there’s no extra fabric really at all (still do the sock thing though if you can because otherwise the pants might pull all the way out of the boots and nobody wants that.)

      • anon

        Yes, Kat recently posted a link to a tutorial on how to tuck wider jeans into boots – in the last two months.

  5. Bar Study Tips

    I’m sitting for the bar in February, after having not passed in July. Rather than sit through Barbri again, I’m going to try and study on my own this time around, partly because I’m working full time now. I have all the materials, and based on my score from the summer, I know on what I need to focus. That said, any advice for trying to study on your own?

    • Anonymous

      I think it really comes down to what you think went wrong this summer. Did you actually do BarBri? Did you pay attention in the lectures, outline, do your homework? What did you do that got you through school that you didn’t do for the bar.

      I feel like one of the biggest lies is that the bar is really hard and lots of really smart people fail. It’s not and they don’t so for a second time around you really need to hone in, honestly, on what went wrong.

      Maybe you got overwhelmed, and need to do more full length practice tests. Maybe you went through the motions but didn’t actually focus. Maybe you worked really really hard but couldn’t translate that into multiple choice. In general, for any self study while working I think a schedule is essential- an actual written one, but other than that it really depends.

    • TCFKAG

      Do you get a free BarBri second enrollment? Because I had a few friends who were working while studying for the Bar who did the remote study BarBri course and found it helpful.

      Otherwise, I think the key to studying on your own is discipline and making sure you practice enough of *all* the types of questions and not focus too much on the multiple choice.

    • Anon

      I made flash cards and found they really helped with learning elements (and learning the “key” language that graders look for when assigning points). I think flash cards helped more with the essay portion that MBE. For the MBE I think doing practice questions and using some type of program to identify your weak subjects so you can focus on them is your best bet.

      • Bar Study Tips

        I didn’t do significantly better on one than the other, but based on the score report and from what I remember, I think the essays were where I could have done better.

        • Pink

          If it was the essay part, I would just do a lot more practice essays and it may be worth the free barbri (ithink it’s free if you failed the first time) just to have someone else check your answers.

          What also helped me learn how to score points on the essay portion was to read the answer keys to the essays after I had done them (er, not even do them since I reviewed it in the last 2 days of studying).

          I’d also do practice MBEs just to keep that part fresh.

        • cbackson

          I took a second bar while working, and because I was already admitted, I only had to do the essay portion. BarBri gave us a book of the last ten years of essays for my state (I did the remote program). For the last two weeks of my study time, I did nothing but essays–I basically did three three-hour sets of essays every day (yes, that’s nine hours of study time – I took the last two weeks off of work). So that’s my suggestion – do lots, and lots, and lots of practice essays. And take time off (even unpaid, if necessary), immediately prior to the exam.

    • Scout

      I bought my books off of craigslist, studied on my own and passed the bar the first go around. My buddy also bought the books online and studied on his own but didn’t pass. Not because one of us was smarter than the other but because he had trouble staying self-disciplined without a classroom component.

      If you are going to study on your own, you have to absolutely have to be disciplined and accountable to yourself. A little fear goes along way. I mapped out a pretty extensive study plan and stuck to it. I did so many hours of each particular subject on each day. I wish I had done more practice tests. I also had a study buddy, not the friend who did not pass, who was studying on her own. We checked in with one another and got on each other’s case a bit if we weren’t to a point in our study plan that we said we would be. We also studied together maybe once a week. Mostly solo studying but we asked each other questions about some subjects or whatever.

      Good luck to you- sounds like you know exactly what you need to do to get the job done!

    • marise

      My response may be dated since I took the California bar 20 years ago. That said, I think the key comes down to discipline. I treated studying like a full-time job. I mapped out a full schedule for every day, which included studying subjects, flash cards, essay writing, multiple choice practice tests, etc. I timed myself again and again. By the time the week before the exam rolled around I felt ready and I stopped studying three days before the exam.

    • Woods-comma-Elle

      As others have said, it does really depend on why you failed, but sounds like you have a good idea about that so in terms of general tips, and having studied for the bar while working full-time, I’d second the point about the accountability and the schedule. You don’t have the luxury of having too many off days (that’s not to say you shouldn’t have days off, you should or you will go crazy) so having a timetable and checklist is key. Try to stick to it BUT equally don’t beat yourself up too much if you can’t, in the sense that everything always takes way longer than you think it will so be reasonable about how much you can get done in the available time.

      Unless you study non-stop for like a year, you cannot physically learn every single thing that could come up on the bar, so once you accept that, life becomes a lot easier (it took me a while to accept it but once I did it got to a point where my fate essentially depended on whether or not there would be a California evidence or Civil Pro question as I just did not have time to learn that!)

      The bar exam is not fundamentally a knowledge exam – it’s more a process exam, basically on how to follow instructions being instructions on how to answer the questions and instructions given to you in the questions). Obviously you need to know the law, but if you learn how to answer the questions the way they want, then sometimes you can get the points even if the law is wrong.

      You can totally do this! Good luck!!!

      • Apples

        +a million to this:
        “The bar exam is not fundamentally a knowledge exam – it’s more a process exam, basically on how to follow instructions being instructions on how to answer the questions and instructions given to you in the questions). Obviously you need to know the law, but if you learn how to answer the questions the way they want, then sometimes you can get the points even if the law is wrong.”

        This may not be true for you, but the classmates of mine that failed dutifully watched the lectures and filled out their outlines but seriously shorted themselves on practice. I think some folks trick themselves into thinking they’re “really studying” by idly watching lectures/reading outlines – you won’t abosrb anything doing that. At this point, don’t read outlines. Don’t watch lectures. You need to do as many timed mbes and essays as you possibly can. When I was as close as you are to taking the exam, all I did was timed mbes and timed essays. I know it is hard to write essays when you feel like you don’t have the knowledge background but you have to train yourself to *just write something*. Just practice, and you will gain the knowledge you need from going over your wrong mbes and comparing your essays to samples. Good luck.

      • PD

        I agree with this. And for some unsolicited essay advice: I am not positive if this is how it is for every state, but in Illinois, we had actual bar graders for my Kaplan review course for essays, and they focused more on the IRAC formatting for the essays it seemed than the actual law. If you got the rule wrong but correctly found the issue, did the analysis, and wrote a conclusion, you could get 75% correct. My best advice for the essays is to IRAC.

  6. Anon

    Anyone have problems with lint on the Lady Day (or other wool) coat? I have noticed recently that mine is collecting a LOT of lint, and I’m not sure why or what to do about it. I have a wool scarf that I’ve been wearing the last month or so – could that be it? Or is wool just super suceptible to lint?

  7. Clothing/Beauty Expenditures 2014

    Hello ladies,

    Another year, another opportunity to figure out how much we spent! I’ve started this thread over the last few years and have found it super useful. Please list:

    – Total clothing/shoes/accessories expenditures in 2014
    – Total beauty (haircuts, nails, makeup, etc.)
    – Best buy
    – Worst buy
    – Total income
    – Industry/job
    – Clothing/beauty expenditures as a percentage of total income

    My stats:

    Total clothing – $1806 (a $700 decrease from previous year, mostly because I was pregnant and could recycle my maternity clothes from my last pregnancy)
    Total beauty – $1836 (major purchase was for a personal trainer)

    Best buys: 1) Banana Republic white lace peplum top ($29) – get a ton of compliments every time I wear it, great fit, 2) Paige Premium maternity skinny jeans ($72) – wore them constantly and loved the style

    Worst buy: AGL ballet flats from Ebay ($145) – not comfortable but missed the return window. Note to self: don’t buy from Ebay!

    Total income (not including DH): $170K
    BigLaw, senior associate
    Percentage spent on clothing/beauty: 2.1%

    • Dana

      You are my spirit animal, with that salary and still buying from eBay. Signed, Poor 0L Who Hopes to Stay as Down-to-Earth, Too

    • BB

      Thanks for the reminder that I need to inventory my purchases for 2014! I LOVE that Amex makes this super easy…unfortunately my other card is a Citibank one and I’m going to have to go dig through my statements for that one.

      I am pretty pleased though that I seem to have spent <$4000 on clothes, although this is mitigated by the fact that I did a huge splurge shopping trip in December 2013.

    • Tibby

      I’ll play. One of my new year’s resolutions last year was to spend less money on clothing/”stuff” in general, and save more.

      – Total clothing/shoes/accessories expenditures in 2014: $1840 (down from $4802 in 2013!)
      – Total beauty (haircuts, nails, makeup, etc.): $644

      – Best buy: a black leather jacket that I bought at an outlet for $180 that was originally $900; such a great deal and goes with everything!
      – Worst buy: a $50 sweatshirt I bought in a resort town over the summer… it was colder than I anticipated at night and I needed something to wear and there just weren’t many options. Already own several sweatshirts and haven’t worn it since, and I could have gotten something similar from Old Navy/Gap on sale for way cheaper.

      – Total income: $275K, including bonus (I’m single with no kids)
      – Industry/job: BigLaw, mid-level associate
      – Clothing/beauty expenditures as a percentage of total income: 0.9%

    • Diana Barry

      Yikes! I spent about $7000 on clothes last year, but that was for 5 people. I am on a shopping ban for myself for the first quarter of 2015.

      • Diana Barry

        Beauty – unknown, my categories in mint aren’t that good.
        Best buy – 2 cashmere sweaters on super sale at Bloomingdales in January
        Worst buy – Anthropologie sweater (had a gift card), it is really itchy and not as flattering as I told myself in the store.

        I am in small law and my husband makes quite a bit more than I do.

    • HSAL

      Spent around $1200 on clothing, excluding undergarments (maybe another couple hundred there?).

      Beauty…probably $150-$200 in haircuts, no nails, probably $300-$400 on skin care and makeup.

      Best buy? Two pairs of the Perfect Trouser from Gap, which I’m sad they seem to be phasing out after changing the fit (for the worse for me).

      Worst buy? An elbow length striped shirt from Old Navy (I think it might have been featured here after I bought it) that was boxy and terrible and I was too lazy to return it because it was only $12.

      Income – 60K (excluding my SO because I didn’t count his clothing purchases)

      Attorney/government

      2-3% of individual income on clothing/beauty.

    • Miss Behaved

      – Total clothing/shoes/accessories expenditures in 2014: $1,163
      – Total beauty (haircuts, nails, makeup, etc.): $1,045 (down over $900 from 2013!)
      – Best buy: (1) Cashmere dress ($127 at Bluefly); (2) Instantly slimming dress ($45 at White House Black Market); (3) Purple Tahari sweater dress ($49 at TJMaxx)
      – Worst buy: None. I’ve really cracked down on my shopping
      – Total income: $95K
      – Industry/job: IT in Higher Education

      • Miss Behaved

        Oops. The clothing purchases are down over $900! Not the beauty. The majority of the beauty purchases is for my hair…

    • meara

      Ouch, made me go into Mint and I don’t like the totals, even though I mostly can’t break it down super well!

      Shopping–hard to say–definitely more than $1600 (which is what Mint put clothing at, but there’s another huge chunk that includes all my amazon and target purchases, some of which were clothes).

      Other–$736 on ‘personal care’ in Mint, which includes haircuts, nails, massage, etc. But doesn’t include drugstore purchases…

      Not sure about “worst buy”, but I’m currently super excited about a pair of pants I found at goodwill, realized they were torn, and the next day found a brand new pair at Nordstrom Rack on massive clearance for $12.50! (I’m a big fan of bargain-hunting!)

      I’d say total is at least 2.5% of pre-tax income (but I’m single and childless). The percent makes me feel less bad, but it still seems like a lot of money to me!

    • Anonymous

      Shopping: $2870, which is higher than last year but I made a cross country move and had to purchase seasonally appropriate items that were expensive. Hello puffy coat and snow boots!

      Total beauty (haircuts, nails, makeup, etc.): $1939 which seems really high but I got married last year so all those expenses are lumped into the total

      Best buy: Cognac ankle booties from the NAS. Love them and they were only $100!

      Worst buy: T shirts that feel thin/see through and don’t hold their shape well. Still searching for good replacements!

      Income $100k (not counting DH as he buys his own clothes!)

      Industry/job: Banking

      Clothing/beauty expenditures as a percentage of total pretax income 4.8%

    • Anonymous

      What the heck, I’ll throw out my numbers to make the higher data points among us not feel as bad about the numbers already posted ;)

      Total clothing/shoes/accessories: $7,200
      Total personal care: $3,100
      Percentage of total income: 6.2%
      Best buy: Custom closet
      Worst buy: Bikini laser hair removal. I’m happy I did it, but I think I overpaid about $200, and I hate seeing the better specials on the board every time I go in.
      Total income: $165k (single, no kids, I maxed out my retirement and padded my savings accounts–I just spend ridiculously low amounts on other categories, live in a LCOL state and have no state or local income tax)
      Job: Midlevel associate

      • Anonymous for this

        I spent about the same.

        Clothing/shoes/accessories ($8000). Had not shopped in a couple of years and needed new suits.
        Total personal care ($3000). Most of that was for skin tightening (and fairly useless but worth a shot) ($3000)
        Percentage of total income: 3.00% of only my income
        Best Buy: Winter coat
        Worst Buy: above thermal skin tightening.
        Total income: about $365K for me and $135K for husband (3 kids).

        I actually did not buy that many pieces with that $8K but they were all classic, fit me well and high quality. Hence why I don’t shop that often. This year was definitely a “high” year.
        I also paid about 100K down on my mortgage, which is now under $100K, maxed retirement and children’s educational savings.
        Unlike Anonymous above, I paid a boatload of taxes.

        • also anon here

          glad to see some others in my boat:

          –Total clothing/shoes/accessories expenditures in 2014: approx. 10,000
          – Total beauty: $2,700 (haircuts, make-up, no chip mani/pedi every 3 weeks, massages, make-up etc
          – Best buy: navy blue patent manolo pumps — paid full price but I wear them at least 2x a week
          – Worst buy: ??
          – Total income: $800k combined; we have 2 kids
          – Industry/job: attorney, Biglaw, partner
          – Clothing/beauty expenditures as a percentage of total income: less than 2% (so to put this in perspective, my spending is about the same % or less than others)

          • Anon

            Phew, thank heavens for some non frugal types…

            Clothing: 10k
            Personal care : 2k (haircuts plus root touch ups)
            Best buy: kurt Geiger leopard wedges…worn every weekend
            Worst buy: tadashi dress (returned)
            Industry: big oil
            Income: 200k post tax (excludes DH’s income)
            No loans except mortgage @1%
            Age 40, with 2 kids under 10

    • anonsg

      Clothing: $1000
      Beauty: $200
      Best buy: Down coat from Uniqlo!
      Worst buy: Sweater from beyondtherack – not going to buy any more sweaters from them
      Total income: 120K (single, no kids)
      Industry: Law/jr associate
      Clothing/beauty expenditures as a percentage of total income: 1%

      • wintergreen126

        I was eyeing a down coat from Uniqlo. What do you think about the warmth level?

    • Alanna of Trebond

      Totally unrelated, but how can your income be $170k as a senior associate? Do you mean after taxes?

  8. medical bills q

    Hi ladies, regular poster going anon for this. I have a question about medical bills. My child was in the hospital for a week a few months ago and while we have health insurance, we have a co-insurance responsibility of 20%. Usually this is manageable but when the hospital bill is $30,000, it is not. So now I’m stuck with a sizable bill that technically I could pay off, but, you know, would prefer not to or would prefer to pay less. Has anyone ever successfully negotiated with a hospital to pay a reduced bill, and if so how did you do it? Second, what are the credit implications? The bill is in my child’s name – will it affect my (and/or my husband’s) credit? If the bills go into collection and I eventually pay them, will my/our credit be affected?

    I know a lot of people will ethically disagree with what I’m trying to do and I’m not saying you’re wrong, but I’m not really interested in discussing that here. Just looking for some advice on how to handle this.

    • Anon

      I think you or your spouse probably signed something to be a guarantor of the bill. It’s usually a one-pager.

      So, as the guarantor, your credit is what can get dinged.

      The WSJ regularly writes about how people negotiate fees down when they are paying cash for procedures (not technically you, but it seems that hosptial fees are like car sticker prices: nobody pays sticker and it’s all negotiable).

    • Anonymous

      It’s $6000 right? And you have the money, and your insurance worked like it was supposed to, and $6000 for a week in hospital is reasonable, you just don’t want to pay it.

      Right. So I’d call the hospital billing department, explain what your personal liability on the bill is, and ask if there is anything they can do. If the bill goes into collection it will be a hit to your credit report for sure and could land you in small claims court. And if you eventually pay after the bill goes into collection yes, it will still affect your credit.

      It’s nice you’re not interested in discussing your plans to steal (mmhhhhmmmm that’s what getting services and refusing to pay for them when you can afford to do so sounds like to me) but it’s prob good you’re anon for this. And maybe don’t tell people IRL.

      • Apples

        I mean, there are lots of circumstances where we could pay full price but don’t want to, so we ask for a better deal. If someone who cannot afford to pay the bill asks for a discount, that’s not stealing. She’s not “stealing” just because she can pay the bill but asks for a discount.

        ETA – just saw your comment below at 11:31 – glad to hear you weren’t saying negotiating is stealing. Carry on :)

      • Gail the Goldfish

        I have no comment regarding negotiating or paying the bill, but I do think it’s a terrifying commentary on the state of healthcare and health insurance in America that we consider an amount that’s more than a lot of people bring home in a month to be a perfectly reasonable price of a week in the hospital.

        • Blonde Lawyer

          I think it is difficult too because many healthy people consider a week in the hospital a once in a lifetime emergency. There are plenty of people with chronic illnesses for whom a week in the hospital is a fairly regular event.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      You can start by getting copies of your bills and looking for errors. You can request a payment plan so you spread the payments out over time. Most medical providers take credit cards with no additional fee so you could use the opportunity to get a new high reward card with a sign up bonus and use the payments to score a free trip. Check your insurance policy to see what your catastrophic cap and per incident (if your policy has one) cap is. If you have been paying 20% all year, this visit could put you over it and you wouldn’t owe the 20%. Review your policy and see what is supposed to be categorized where. Sometimes you can save if you have a flat copay for a specific procedure that is separate from the admission fees. For example, your policy might say $75 co-pay for a cat scan, 20% co-ins for admissions. Even if your child was admitted when he had the cat scan, the cat scan might still be a set $75 copay. This may or may not be cheaper. Your best bet I think is checking for caps.

      Regarding whether this will ding your credit, it all depends on the hospital. Most report. Some hire attorneys even. There are some, however, that don’t bother. Usually the PI attorneys in your town (or collections attorneys) will know who does what. Most will negotiate to take some off of the bill to resolve it. 1/3rd is common around here (with the idea that they are sharing in the cost of hiring the PI attorney to get the insurance money to pay the hospital bill of the uninsured patient.) They may not be as willing to negotiate if they suspect you can pay.

    • Noelle

      I negotiated a hospital bill once when I was finishing grad school and about to start a really low paying job. I talked to someone at the hospital, explained my situation, sent in some supporting documents, and they gave me a “discount” and an extended repayment plan.

      • L

        Right, because you were in a low income scenario. The above scenario where someone can pay, but doesn’t want to, is completely different. Those programs are used to help people who otherwise would go bankrupt by their medical bills and hospitals are having to cut them left and right because of people like the OP who are choosing to dig in their heels because they don’t like their coverage.

        rant over.

    • mascot

      There are legal and contractual limits to how much a provider can discount/waive co-pays and if they can advertise these discounts. I’d call the billing office and ask if they offer a “prompt pay” discount.

    • TCFKAG

      When I was in law school and had a similar health insurance plan (20% co-pays for hospital stays) and had multiple surgeries and such, I talked to the hospital and they were able to put me on a monthly payment plan so that I didn’t have to come up with $10,000 out of pocket in one go – it was interest free so not so bad. Once I graduated and we had a little money to spare we paid it off though, because it was such a pain in the butt and the hospital would frequently lose payments or double bill things.

      P.S. Out of pocket health costs are tax deductible (depending on your income) so remember to keep track of what you pay.

    • Anon

      I completely disagree and find it offensive that someone thinks you are stealing by trying to negotiate a lower price. Even if you can afford it, if you think the price is too high, you should definitely scrutinize the bill and call the hospital to ask for a discount. It never hurts to ask, and more often than not the hospital has charged you unfairly or incorrectly (think $300 for tylenol). I’ve seen it, and I have done it, even though my husband and I both are professionals and make good salaries. You My husband once had a $200 bill for a procedure by the demotologist that was simply completely unnecessary and left a scar. I called the office and negotiated it down to $80 (probably the cost to give him the procedure) because they value getting paid immediately over fighting it /sending it to collections/ ending up in court.

      • Anonymous

        I’m the stealing anon. To be clear I don’t think negotiating is theft. I suggested it! I do think just walking away from the payment, taking the credit score hit, and hoping they decide it’s not worth suing you just because you don’t feel like paying is getting to have a stealing vibe about it.

        I can ask Nordstrom to price match but I can’t just put something in my purse and walk out with it and hope they don’t notice.

        • Anon

          ok good, perhaps I misread your post then. I agree that it would be wrong to simply not pay/ignore the bill, especially if you had the money to pay it. But I think she can negotiate hard on it, and if they accept a deal, then everyone is happy.

        • Anon

          How is an individual negotiating any different from what an insurance company does?

      • Anon

        You might see $300 for tylenol on your bill, but show me where they show the hourly cost of all the nurses and support staff for your stay.

    • Anon

      Call the billing office and ask for discounts and/or to be put on a payment plan. I would ask for discounts first, including a self-pay discount (even though insurance covers it, your portion is self-pay), and then ask about payment plans (which can make even the discounted amount less painful). This isn’t stealing. The billing office will either have policies and procedures to allow this, as part of its standard business model, or they will not. Can’t hurt to ask, and it might help.

    • Anon

      Are you sure the full 20% will be your final cost? Have you received the explanation of benefits from your insurance? What is your out of pocket maximum? If it’s less than $6k than you shouldn’t have to pay the full $6k.

      • Mpls

        Depending on the plan, the out of pocket max for a family can be $12,000, $6350-ish for an individual. An embedded plan will allow the individual max to kick in for that individual before the family max.

        Definitely review the explanation of benefits and any bills to be sure you are charged correctly. The thing is – because you have insurance, you are getting the insurance rates for those items. Which may give you less room to negotiate your portion of the bill. You might be able to set up a payment plan, so you don’t have to pay all of this at once. Don’t forget your HSA money (if you have it) can be used to pay off this portion.

        Side note: this is EXACTLY the reason you have insurance. So you are paying $6000, instead of the full $30,000.

      • NYNY

        Everything Anon at 11:44am said. Also, have you received an EOB from your insurance carrier? The 20% coinsurance will be 20% of the insurer’s rate for the services, not 20% of the charges (assuming the hospital was in-network).

        Do you have an HSA? It’s always better to pay out of pocket medical expenses with pre-tax dollars when you can.

        Finally, although not paying can be a ding on your credit score, not all healthcare entities report to credit bureaus. Not sure if that’s a gamble you want to take, but in the large health systems I’ve worked for, it has been the case.

        • Bewitched

          Not sure if my large health care employer reports to credit bureaus, but we do file small claims court actions (or state court actions if the amount is too high for small claims) on a regular basis. Do you really want to be named as a defendant in a payment lawsuit? Also, if you signed a guarantee (which is customary in our area), it also makes you responsible for legal fees and court costs, which will increase the amount you owe substantially. As others have noted, payment plans are readily available and some discounts may apply.

      • stc

        +1 for payment plans. $50 a month and we are still paying off my son’s birth (what insurance didn’t cover for my three hospital stays and C-section). No interest and we should be done this year. The year he turns 3. Sigh.

    • Bonnie

      Good luck. I’m trying to negotiate a lower bill for lab work ($2,000 copay) but can’t get them to answer their phone.

    • medical bills q

      Thanks for all the tips. I actually just tried to call the hospital to talk to them and after being on hold for 27 minutes, I was hung up on. Oh well.

      My original plan was to try and drag out the process and eventually get the hospital to settle for half or less, but I’m worried about the credit hit and the effect on future me’s ability to get a mortgage.

      And for the concerned anon above, the reason I went anon for this is so that I wouldn’t be identifiable to my friends, because I talked about this with all of them. I’m not ashamed about doing this, as I don’t think not having a spare $6k to pay medical bills is a personal moral failing.

      • Anonymous

        But you do! You said yourself you could pay it you just don’t want to. I’m not sure why it isn’t a moral failing to decline to pay for medical services rendered do you can do other things with your money. You aren’t a charity case.

      • Anon

        Wow, ok so you don’t intend on negotiating. You want to just have them fold. That’s theft.

      • Anonymous

        “but I’m worried about the credit hit and the effect on future me’s ability to get a mortgage.”

        As you probably should be. If I was a lender, I wouldn’t want to give you a mortgage.

        • Cimorene

          Nope. My husband works in risk/lending for a major bank. They basically don’t care about medical debt because they know the medical industry/billing is so screwed up. So if they see some medical debt on an application or in credit history, especially medical debt that is several years old, they don’t blink. (Consumer debt is a totally different matter.)

      • Bewitched

        If you can afford $250/month for 24 months, you can afford to pay this bill. As stated above, many hospitals will accept a payment plan with no (or low) interest. I’m just sad that you raise this with regard to your child’s hospital stay. Obviously, I’m biased because I work for a health care system, but I am forever grateful that we have an excellent pediatric hospital in town. Fortunately, my children have never had an extensive hospital stay, but I know plenty of people who have had kids with cancer, accidents, genetic diseases who have greatly benefited from the care provided by a children’s hospital. Your full payment keeps the doors open for your child and other children who need the care.

      • Carrie...

        Doctor here.

        I complete agree with carefully scrutinizing your bill…. and wait until you actually get a really bill. Don’t panic yet if your explanation of benefits has given you this anticipated high co-insurance charge. Wait for the hospital bill.

        Then ask for a detailed, itemized bill, and scour it carefully. Dispute anything that seems unclear/amiss. Definitely get on the phone with your insurance, ask for a supervisor, and discuss with them any charge that seems unclear and make sure you are completely clear on your benefits and coverage.

        And only then, ask the hospital for a reduced charge since your out of pocket is so high. It can’t hurt, they can only say no. Ask to speak to a supervisor, and only accept a bottom line charge from them. And then ask for a payment plan. If you are always timely with your payments, sometimes years after your initial bill, the rest will be forgiven. Call every year to ask for this.

        Yes, this is a pain in the A$$. Yes, I hate wasting time on hold too and getting disconnected. Ugh… happens all the time. Try to make your calls not on a monday or friday, and first thing in the AM when the offices open. I am an excellent multi-tasker and often do billing/insurance stuff while sitting at the computer doing other work.

        This is the advice I give everyone. But honestly, my patients are primarily low income. I don’t know your situation. It is possible the hospital will request evidence of your finances before offering you a lower charge, and that is common now.

        But finally….. this is how insurance is supposed to work. This is the time to thank goodness you have health insurance and don’t owe the $30,000. I know our health care system is still a mess in many ways……. But your health care is just about the most important thing you pay for. It’s funny how many will pay more for our car insurance + payments then we pay for health insurance, and see little problem with that. Of course, I am generalizing.

        Think about this…. it is $6000. If your daughter was admitted, then it is likely her problem was serious enough that her life and long term well-being was at risk. Thank goodness she’s home quickly and doing well. I can’t think of $6000 better spent.

        • anon2

          This is why I always feel so broke now. Yes, I have decent health insurance but it has a $6000 deductible too. Two years ago, I had a cornea transplant that was needed to stop from going blind, painfully and slowly. $40,000 and I had to come up with the $6000. I need the second eye done but haven’t saved up enough (without taking out of long-term savings) to have it.

          Twenty-five years ago, I had a disc removed from my back and it was $20,000 total and I think I paid $200 out of pocket. And my monthly premiums were a 10th of what I pay today. Twenty-five years ago, I wouldn’t have had $6,000 – it would have been 1/6 of my yearly income. Both of my kids were born via c-sections and each of those were ~$500 OOP twenty years ago. It’s great to have some insurance but health care is not cheap and in a lot of ways makes me feel poorer. And what about people in their 20s, just starting out (not counting those with big-law salaries) who have to meet those deductibles?

          I am in my early 50s, take no daily medications, work out regularly, and have been taking care of myself so that I’m not a burden on my insurance company or my budget but it’s sad.

          So OP I feel for you.

          Rant over.

          • Carrie...

            I’m sorry to hear about your struggles. Of course, $6000 is a lot of money. Of course, I believe health care should be a right and since medical problems are not distributed equally, our current health care system is burdensome and unfair. And it always gets worse as you get older, and develop more health care needs. But finally we are starting to make steps now to improve things. I have had many patients who couldn’t buy any insurance until Obamacare because of pre-existing conditions. They were in a horrible position, and most were in poverty because of their medical situation. Obamacare is not ideal in many ways, but it is a first step. We had to start somewhere.

            While your situation is rough, it is quite different from the OP’s – which is what we are discussing. She simply doesn’t want to pay for her deductible, even though she can afford it. Is it right that you are delaying a surgery you need because you don’t have the money, while she is getting the care her child needs and yet now she wants to simply not pay for it even though she can? You do realize that by doing that, she is increasing the cost of health care for all of us, to afford to pick up her deficit.

            For our current health care system to work at all, people have to put a priority on their health care that is reasonable. Many of us had luxurious health plans through our employers in the past and are not used to sharing more expense. But remember, in the past many people had no health insurance at all, or truly terrible insurance. Until we have a society with higher taxes that prioritizes health care coverage for all that’s fair, this will continue to be rough. And honestly, I don’t think our country will ever change to look more like Canada or England etc… There are problems with all systems.

    • Bewitched

      One other thought. You say the bill is in your child’s name, and others have mentioned that you might have signed a guaranty. Ours is part of the hospital admission paperwork. Even if you didn’t, though, it’s likely that you are legally responsible for the bill. Most states have case law or legislation which states that a parent is financially liable for the “necessary” expenses incurred by or on behalf of their child: food, shelter, education, medical care. It is unlikely that you will be able to get out of paying the bill simply because the bill is in your child’s name. I’m in NY but you may be able to find case law or articles about your state’s laws using google.

  9. Capsule wardrobe?

    I stumbled upon a couple blogs this weekend that focus on creating a capsule wardrobe (Into Mind and Unfancy, to be specific). I’m really into this idea but not sure how to implement it in the context of a business professional wardrobe. I wear a suit 4 days a week and all the capsule wardrobe examples I’ve seen are created by bloggers/other creative professionals who work from home. Would I need two separate capsule wardrobes (work vs weekend)? Does anyone do this? I love the idea of simplifying my life by putting together a capsule at the beginning of a season and then not thinking about shopping again until the start of the next season — although I’m not sure how well this would actually work in practice. My style tends toward classic shapes and lots of neutrals which I think is well suited for a capsule wardrobe (ie I wouldn’t get bored and it wouldn’t be so obvious that I’m wearing the same thing all the time). Any advice is appreciated!

    • Idea

      Pinterest is pretty helpful with this, actually. Think about, like, a week-long business trip, or 2 weeks – what would you pack and bring to maximize your outfits while minimizing your packing?

      I think about it in terms of color – my main colors are few and boring – black, cream, shades of blue with occasional pink. But my accessories – scarves, jewelry, layers, really brighten and change my outfits (yes, even suits) so that they don’t look like clones.

      Sorry this isn’t specific. I’m still learning, too. But Pinterest has really, really helped me – so has being pregnant, where I really want to minimize my purchases but maximize my outputs.

    • Anonymous

      I have thought about this too and also usually have to wear suits 3 or more days to work. I don’t have any advise to offer but want to let you know you are not alone.

    • Anonymous

      I think this is the easiest capsule wardrobe! 4 suits, casualish black pants, jeans, a dress that can go to work or dinner, and several lovely blouses.

    • mintberrycrunch

      I have the same problem, and my goal for this year (fashion-wise, at least) is to come up with 2 capsule wardrobes – one casual, one work. I plan to use the same base colors so that there can be overlapping pieces (tops, sweaters, etc.)…. so maybe it’ll just be one bigger capsule? There will definitely be certain pieces that do not overlap (I never wear jeans or leggings to work, and I never wear a suit or suiting dress on the weekends/out with friends).

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      I just did this, and I’m a suits-daily person as well. I set myself up with 3 capsules – one work, one casual winter, and one casual summer (figuring I’ll mix the lighter winter and heavier summer pieces to cover myself in fall/spring).

      For the work capsule, it’s 2 weeks’ worth of clothes – basically, two pairs of Friday pants, two cardigans, 6 suits (some are pants/skirt/jacket, some are just pants/jacket or skirt/jacket), 2 sheath dresses, and 10 tops (my M-Th and F tops are interchangeable).

      The casual capsules I kept a lot smaller, since I only need truly casual clothes 2 days a week. Then, since I was pruning back from an oversized wardrobe, there were probably around 10 or so pieces that I kept even though they didn’t fit into a particular slot on any capsule list because they’re items I love and wear, or items that would be a pain to replace on short notice if I ever needed them again (like formalwear). All told, I managed to let go of about 50% of what I owned, and mornings have gotten a lot easier.

      ETA: The biggest thing that helped me with this was thinking about color selections, and I got rid of a number of oddball pieces that I owned that only matched one other thing that were taking up a lot of space without getting a lot of use.

  10. ANP

    Let’s talk about Frye boots. Do you wear yours to work? If so, what style? How do they fit? Do you love them/are they worth the splurge? I have a $300 windfall to spend and am thinking these might just fit the bill, but I’d like to be able to wear them to work (mostly biz-casual with a few dressy days here and there, obviously wouldn’t wear them when I needed to be more formal).

    • Anonymous

      Do you work on a cattle ranch? Pls pls say yes. If not, they’re awesome boots but I don’t think they are appropriate for frequent work wear.

        • Mpls

          Lol – no kidding. And hasn’t seen the full range of styles. There are some that evoke the Western feel more than others, but not that I would call inappropriate for a biz casual environment.

    • Type A

      I do, but I am in a more casual office. I wear mine with skinny jeans on Fridays, and skirts through the rest of the week. I have owned them for about 3 years and they are so comfortable. I wear them with more casual skirts, but I wear pumps with my pencil skirts.

    • HSAL

      Which ones are you thinking about? They have a lot of styles, some more appropriate for work than others.

      • Gail the Goldfish

        I have the Melissa Button Back Zip and also wear them to work in the winter. Not often, but on days I just can’t deal with heels and it’s too cold for skirt +tights+flats.

    • anon

      I love mine, and wear them to work on casual Fridays with skinny jeans, and I wear them other days with a black A-line sweater skirt that falls just above the knee and black tights, but I do work in an extremely casual office, i.e., most people wear jeans when not going to court, depos or client meetings. I mean, if someone wears a suit, everyone asks them where they are going that day. I have the Melissa Harness knee-high black boots. I’m trying to decide if they would look appropriate in the office with a black and cream wool houndstooth pencil skirt that I just bought, with black tights, not sure if that would work or not.

    • BankrAtty

      I have the Frye campus boot, and have worn them to work a handful of times. Once with a camel pencil skirt, brown tights, and leopard sweater (lots of compliments). Another time with a plaid dress, and a co-worker asked me if I was headed to a ho-down. So, I second the cattle ranch apparel risk. But they’re great when it’s cold and rainy.

    • Cimorene

      I have the Melissa Button Back Zip and I do not wear them to work (BigLaw, West Coast). My office does not have a lot of boot-wearing in general.

      I got mine a couple of weeks ago and I’m really happy. I ordered a TON of boots in this price range and a little lower from Zappos, and the quality of the Frye boots just shone right out of the box. They were tough to zip at first but have gotten much easier with a few wears. I look forward to wearing them on weekends and if I go out after work. They’re really beautiful.

  11. anonymous

    I love dresses, especially pretty ones that aren’t really work appropriate. I went to a couple of weddings this year, but besides that, I don’t have anywhere to wear such dresses. Where do people go that there’s a need for pretty non-work dresses?

    • Anonymous

      Charity galas, fancy parties, showers. Opening nights at theatre/opera/ballet. It sounds fabulous but it’s really just a matter of googling events and forking out the cash for tickets. Or try the Junior League.

    • Hildegarde

      The symphony, opera, ballet, plays. If these are evening dresses and you don’t have friends who throw cocktail parties, you could throw one. If these are day dresses, wear them to church. If they aren’t cocktail-dress fancy, you can just wear them out to dinner or whatever you usually do with your friends in the evening.

      I think to make all this work you have to get over the seemingly common fear of being a bit overdressed. I don’t advocate dressing wildly inappropriately, like wearing a cocktail dress to grab a burger, but I do think it’s a shame that so many people would rather be underdressed than overdressed. Dress nicely, raise the level of beauty at whatever event you’re attending, and people will get used to your looking like you have it so together you just look great all the time. This despite the fact that dresses are the easiest outfit there is!

      • christineispink

        Godzilla – this is great. I used to wear my old prom dresses while I wrote finals papers (in college and law school) to make it more “fun”. My family and friends teased me but I felt so much better chilling in a ball gown.

    • AIMS

      How fancy are we talking? I pretty much live in dresses so I have lots and I just wear them to do whatever – shopping, going to dinner, going for a walk in the park, etc. Most of the ones I’ve worn to fancy evening weddings, of course, are too formal for that but the more casual weddings ones can be worn in everyday life too, esp. with different accessories like flat sandals and a denim jacket, etc. I should add that this is all easier to do in the warmer weather but some can be worn in winter with tights, boots, and a sweater.

    • hoola hoopa

      casual dresses (ie, appropriate for afternoon wedding, shower) I’d wear to brunch or even on random weekend day when I left the house.

      formal dresses I’d wear to dinner. I’m in PNW so it’s extremely easy to be overdressed at even nice restaurants, but it’s still fun to go all-in.

      As mom-0f-small-children, they get used as dress-up when my daughters want to give me a makeover or have a fancy tea party. They still get used as above for date with my husband or a girls’ outing, but those are so extremely rare that I definitely don’t buy them any more.

  12. roses

    casual dresses (ie, appropriate for afternoon wedding, shower) I’d wear to brunch or even on random weekend day when I left the house.

    formal dresses I’d wear to dinner. I’m in PNW so it’s extremely easy to be overdressed at even nice restaurants, but it’s still fun to go all-in.

    As mom-0f-small-children, they get used as dress-up when my daughters want to give me a makeover or have a fancy tea party. They still get used as above for date with my husband or a girls’ outing, but those are so extremely rare that I definitely don’t buy them any more.

    • DCR

      This is standard for vendors. I’ve been to everything from lunch to baseball games to a spa night that was hosted by a vendor. I don’t know of any price limit, but try to keep it middle of the road. Not the nicest restaurant in town, but not fast causal. Maybe what you would take a summer associate to for a nicer lunch.

      But keep in mind: the nicer the restaruant, the longer the lunch. I don’t do them often because I hate wasting the billable time.

  13. Mexico wedding attire?

    What would you wear to a February wedding in Mexico (Riviera Maya area)? Dress code was not specified on the invite, and the bride just says to wear whatever I like.

    • Anon

      I would probably wear a more dressy sundress (something that isn’t cotton) with wedges because heels can be annoying with sand. I would bring a shawl/pashmina/cardigan in case it gets a little chilly. wish I could go!

  14. T. McGill

    Recently moved into a new neighborhood, and my neighbors have been very welcoming. Wanted to invite a group of them over to return the welcome and grow the relationships. Don’t want to do anything formal like brunch or dinner, wanted something more casual like drinks and appetizers. What time of day would be best for something like that (weekend, obviously)? Also, any suggestions for the menu? TIA

    • Anonymous

      I’d prob do 4-6 on Sunday. Early enough that everyone can get home for dinner.

      Unless they’re like hot male neighbors. Then I’d do cocktails and nibbles from 8-whenever.

      For what it’s worth I often find brunch is cheaper and easier than drinks and snacks and can be super casual.

      • anne-on

        Ditto this. We did an ‘open house’ cocktail party for New Years Eve with our neighbors from 4-6, it was a nice way to chat with everyone, but people were still able to go out afterwards for dinner/to other parties if they wanted. We also have a block with loads of small kids so it worked really well for nap/dinner schedules.

  15. Erin @ Her Heartland Soul

    I know I’m really late to the party on this but I just read the 50 shades series and loved it. It completely sucked me in and I couldn’t put my iPad down the entire weekend until I was done.

    Does anyone have any recommendations for similar love stories that are as addicting to read? They do not have to have all the BDSM things. That was my least favorite part of the books! haha

    • cbackson

      So I actually hated the 10 pages of 50 Shades that I tried to read, but I liked the first of the Crossfire series pretty well (far more complex and non-creepy from a relationship perspective, in my opinion). “Billionaire boyfriend” doesn’t do much for me as a trope, so I didn’t finish the series, but I think you’d like it a lot (probably more than 50 Shades) if you tried it. (Among other things, the heroine is wealthy in her own right, so the relationship is more equal, which I liked.)

      • Erin @ Her Heartland Soul

        Thanks so much for the recommendation! Yeah it bugged me a lot that Ana had no personal ambitions for herself after college. It made me feel like when Christian picked her brain she didn’t really have a lot to offer about herself like he did.

        • Anonymous

          If you enjoy reading poorly written novels about relationships where women have no ambitious or identities outside of their Man Candy, I recommend the Twilight series.

          If you want a real page turner, try The Good Earth or The Grapes of Wrath.

          • cbackson

            Look, I was an English major in college (the most recent book I read was Patrick Leigh Fermor’s “A Time of Gifts,” if I must offer “I read serious books” cred for you to pay attention to this comment), but I think it’s pretty obvious that sometimes you want a realist depiction of life in the Dust Bowl in the Great Depression and sometimes you want escapism. There are plenty of things to criticize about FSOG (more than there are to criticized about Twilight, IMO – there are some very interesting conversations to be had about the depiction of s*xual and romantic agency and maturation in the Twilight series, notwithstanding that I disliked it on the whole), but is the snobbery really necessary?

          • Mpls

            +1 cbackson. Well-written and romance are not mutually exclusive. And while 50 shades was not a favorite (and would likely not recommend to anyone), it gives a jumping off point to recommend plenty of other good stuff.

          • Anonymous

            Meh. I don’t mind brain candy/ escapism. But it’s hard not to roll my eyes at “literature” that is both poorly written and idealizes problematic relationships. My suggestions were serious-I think these are page turners.

            “….if I must offer “I read serious books” cred for you to pay attention to this comment….”

            I love when women on this thread call out others for “snobbery” and come back with *just* as much snarkiness as they bemoan. Come on. What I said wasn’t monstrous and the OP acknowledged as much that these books have problematic elements.

            “Well-written and romance are not mutually exclusive”

            Never said they were.

          • Mpls

            You are right, it wasn’t monstrous, but it was tone-deaf and that’s what came across as off-putting. She asked for romance, you gave them the Grapes of Wrath.

            Unless you have an argument about how the elements that she liked in 50 Shades are also present in the Grapes of Wrath. In which case, it may have been useful to expand on the recommendation to make the connection as to why you thought it was appropriate, since the connection apparently isn’t obvious to the rest of us.

          • cbackson

            For what it’s worth, anon, I don’t believe I said a word about snarkiness. I was raised by the internet. Snark (a nebulous and ill-defined term) doesn’t bother me much. But snobbery does.

          • cbackson

            For what it’s worth, I don’t believe I “bemoaned” any snark (a nebulous and ill-defined term) in your comment. What I objected to was your snobbery. Notwithstanding that they share their first two letters, they’re different things.

    • meara

      Try checking out smartb*tchestrashybooks. They read and review romances (and a few other things) and are generally very on point, I find.

    • Anon

      50 Shades of Gray was Twilight fanfiction, so you could just look for that (for any book/movie/tv show) online. It’s a dime a dozen.

      • Must be Tuesday

        And if you haven’t read the Twilight books yet, you might enjoy them.

    • Clementine

      The Outlander Series. Different but very good page-turning books with a romantic edge.

      • Mpls

        The Outlander series (by Diana Gabaldon) is awesome, but TOTALLY different than 50 Shades.

  16. Type A

    Maybe a really nice dinner or party. I am now in my 40’s, so most of my friends are already married. I tend to buy dresses that I can wear for work. I used to think…If I buy it, the event will come. Well, the event never came. So sad.

    • Moonstone

      Or, in my case, the event came but I could no longer squeeze into the dress I bought two years earlier. Also sad.

  17. kellyandthen

    Random credit card question: I will call my cc company later to double check, but has anyone here successfully used the Capital One Venture Card purchase eraser for an AirBnb charge?

    • Anonymous

      I’ve only used the purchase eraser online and the charges that are eligible show up in a list. I’m not sure how they apply criteria, but if the AirBnb charge is there, you should be able to take care of it no problem.

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