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Ooh: I love the look of this sleek pyramid tote from Kaai. They have smaller sizes, as well, but this one can fit a laptop. I like how it's a solidly colored, good leather, but with a few interesting origami-like details that make it so interesting.
(I love all the other details too – metal feet! interior pockets! reinforced handles! top zip! They also note that the leather is “[s]cratch-proof, water-proof, and UV resistant so your bag will keep its shape and color for years.” Nice!)
The bag also comes in a ton of great colors.
The bag is $750 at Kaai.eu. There are a lot of boutiques and stockists in Europe, but if you don't have a trip planned in the near future, the brand offers free worldwide shipping over 125€/£/$. “Returns from outside the EU will be charged a processing fee of 50€/£/$.”
Readers, if you were to splurge on a tote/briefcase-type thing, what brands would you be drooling over?
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
Anon
I have to be on the TV news for a local civic event tomorrow. Will be outside. In sort of sporty attire (vs business wear). Heavy makeup is obviously out, but I have adult acne and rosacea. Some moderate concealer and Bare Essentials powder (no SPF, just a light tint powder) won’t look weird on camera? I could do a quick Sephora trip if needed. Help! This was not on my 2023 January bingo card.
Anon
Don’t wear anything reflective. I made that mistake and really regretted seeing my glowing face. In my case it was Bare Minerals powder foundation. The sunscreen they use is very reflective.
Stay away from mica, zinc oxide, and titanium dioxide.
I’d use a bit of foundation in your case to even things out. Apply lightly and use less than you think you need since you’re not used to using it.
Moose
Wear whatever makeup will make you comfortable on camera! If it were me, I’d avoid obviously bright lip color/shadow that would anachronistic to your outfit, but would still even out skin/concealer/mascara/etc.
No Face
No mineral makeup. Use eyeliner and mascara so your eyes stand out more.
Anon
Ooooh, so no bare minerals even if it is the kind with no SPF? It may be time to go to Sephora (am overdue anyway). What do I tell them that I need?
Anonymous
Tell them you’ll be on camera and need products that avoid flashback.
Anonymous
Heavy makeup is actually better than light on camera. Avoid any mineral foundations or eye makeup that says they reflect reflect light. Take your zoom light and do a selfie from your phone to check how you look.
Anon.
Also, lipstick!
Anon
Aiiii — I haven’t worn it since before masks were a thing. I am going to be a hot mess.
pugsnbourbon
Aiiii — I haven’t worn it since before masks were a thing. I am going to be a hot mess.
anon
Fellow rosacean. Loreal Infallible Matte foundation will work for something like this. It’s not heavy but does provide good coverage.
Anon
It’s been a few years since I asked but I went to college with a couple people who worked as tv reporters, and 10 years ago they were all wearing MAC foundation on camera. So I’d go for something matte from MAC.
Anon
Oh boy, this is the first bag featured here in a long time that’s calling my name. I don’t need it. Thankfully it’s $750 and not $150, because that’s all that kept me from impulse buying it immediately.
Anonymous
Exact same! Way outside my price range but gorgeous!
busybee
Same. I’m not a handbag person at all but I think this is really beautiful.
pugsnbourbon
Yeah I’m drooling over this color.
JTM
Same! It’s super cute but not $750 cute
Anon
Same here. And I have a Lo & Sons Seville that I absolutely love, but this one…wow.
Anonymous
I splurged on this bag in a forest green to make myself feel better about the return to in-person meetings and I love it so much. I feel so much more put together than I did scrabbling around for things in the bottom of my old OG. Kaai’s customer service is fantastic, too.
Anon
That sounds beautiful – forest green
Anonymous
I work closely with someone who has the forest green and I spent a LONG time trying to find the bag online with no details (there are no identifying details if you don’t know the brand). It’s beautiful and very functional in person.
Anon
Ditto. This bag is gorgeous.
OOO
Do you write online reviews on products? I realized I rely heavily on online reviews of things I buy on Amazon, etc but I almost never bother to write reviews of things, even when I really love or hate them. I know many online reviews are from bots, and others are from people who receive the product for free to write an “honest” review, but there are many that do seem to be unbiased reviews that are enormously helpful when I make purchases online. Who are you kind souls? Do you just do it for the greater good? Or are there more bots than I realize?
Anon
I think many people are moved to write reviews when they feel strongly about something, and especially if they’re angry about it. It’s like no one searches out a poll to answer “I don’t know” to every question. So I try to keep that in mind when I read reviews.
I tend to be the same way and I know it. Things that meet my expectations mostly don’t get reviews.
I might write a review for an item of clothing or footwear if the sizing is way off and I want others to know when they order. I wish someone had done that for a pair of shoes I bought recently and had to pay return shipping on – they ran at least a size small.
Anonymous
I do if folks make it easy. If Nordstrom emails me, I usually will. If it is something I have to go hunt down myself I probably won’t. On rare occasion I’ll be shopping for something else and come across a past purchase item and stop to leave a rating if it’s something I’ve come to really love.
Anon
I do! Yes, for me it’s a generalized reciprocity thing. It doesn’t take a lot of thought because I’m often echoing something already expressed in previous reviews. If I add information, I try to be informative. There are a lot of kinds of product information that aren’t standard that are nevertheless helpful to know!
Anon
Ugh that was redundant. But I do really appreciate reviews that cover the important questions like “did the cat easily destroy it?”, “but is it REALLY dryer safe though?”, “will wearing this produce a weird sound when walking down the hall?” and so on.
JTM
I tend to write reviews if I really love or hate something, or if it’s a smaller company that people may not be willing to buy from without reviews.
I also also do travel reviews because I read them religiously before I book my own trips.
Anonymous
My mother writes long reviews frequently because she is not heard elsewhere in the world and so being a committed and engaged consumer is where she directs all of her energy.
Anon
For products almost never but I also don’t buy much “stuff.”
I used to be a pretty religious Yelper for restaurants, hotels and tourist attractions but I’ve gotten away from it lately and usually only write reviews if something stands out in a positive way. I don’t like being negative but I don’t feel like writing 3 star “this was fine” reviews either. It just feels like a waste of time.
I don’t use reviews that much in my own travel planning anymore either. TripAdvisor skews so high that I consider it a red flag if a hotel doesn’t have at least 4.5 stars there, but otherwise it isn’t very useful. Yelp is a bit more useful but lately I rely more on recs from here, real life friends and physical guidebooks.
pugsnbourbon
I do! I review small businesses or restaurants I’ve liked. Usually just a couple sentences about what I enjoyed or appreciated. I’ve also written a handful of reviews on Amazon. Only one was negative (product was awful) and the seller hounded me for two weeks and offered a $20 gift card to take it down.
Curious
+1, I do doctors and other small businesses religiously. Amazon less so.
Anon
I write reviews of products that I find surprisingly good, or that I was skeptical about but turned out to be wonderful. I rarely leave clothing reviews because opinions of clothing are so subjective and personal.
Anon
I do leave clothing reviews when I myself had a specific question and the info was not readily available, or when the reviews were at odds with each other and I think I have a point of clarification that can help the next person decide.
No Face
What is a life lesson that you learned from an unusual source?
As a longtime Real Housewives watcher, I would never marry for money! So many women who married rich in their 20s who were scrambling in their 50s.
Anon
I used to work in child support court, where no one has any money. If I were marrying “for money” (and not for anything else), I would make sure I cashed out well before 50. Like if I did that, I’d have a 10-year plan (get a beach house I like, demand that in the divorce, maybe have a kid to increase my yield). I kid, totally, but if I were a grifter, I’d be in it to win it.
Monday
I learned from my most conventionally beautiful friends, that beautiful women often attract jerks and especially cheating jerks. I think it has to do with the kind of man who is most motivated to have the most beautiful girlfriend/wife on his arm, i.e. he’s focused on status and attention. I see this among celebrities too–you’d think the most gorgeous women in the world would never have any problems in their love lives, but it seems quite the opposite.
Anon
I think that there is really something to this. Say I’m a 6 on a scale of 10, but my sister and cousin are 10s. They got a lot of A+ jerks for a long time, including their formative guy years. I’d have traded places then, but not now, having seen how this plays out.
Anon
Completely agree. I have a couple of friends, and an aunt and a cousin who are all very conventionally attractive: tall, thin, long hair, nice facial features, etc. All four have some pretty horrifying romantic stories in their pasts, including my friend who married a handsome rich guy who dumped her for another woman 5 years into their marriage.
Meanwhile, I’m about a 5/6 and not being conventionally attractive seems to have weeded out a lot of jerks. My husband isn’t with me because I’m some great beauty; he was looking for something else. I had my share of romantic misadventures before I got married, but nothing like my friends and family members have experienced (my cousin is on her fourth husband; part of that is she keeps choosing attractiveness and charm over things like stability and employability. She has said she “just can’t see herself” with someone who isn’t reality-show-star handsome, and as it turns out, a lot of really handsome men are self-centered losers). Would it be nice to be prettier? Sure, but I wouldn’t trade places with the really beautiful women I know. Looks like a lot of drama to me. (I mean, if Gisele Bundchen couldn’t find a guy that would pick her and their kids over his job…)
Monday
I saw it happening as early as high school!
Anon
Agree on this. When I was younger and *very* conventionally attractive, I was knee deep in jerks. In many ways, it’s a lot like being a single, wealthy man: you spend an inordinate amount of energy trying to figure out who is in it for status and who is in it for you.
Anon
Does…does this mean I’m conventionally attractive??
Anon
If it makes you feel better about being knee deep in jerks… yes, yes it does.
Anonymous
As long as we’re talking about reality TV, I’ve somewhat surprised myself by hating almost every American on 90 day fiancé and liking most of the foreigners. I think I came to the show assuming it was about a lot of scammers. There are one or two, sure. But I don’t think most of them are scamming and if they are they don’t seem to be very successful at it. It’s definitely not an easy or fast path, I have a lot of respect for couples who manage to stay together and happy and healthy through all that.
Anonymous
I learned how to do my make up much better and apply false eyelashes while watching a stand-up comic who I like on YouTube who just happened to do a rando tutorial a few years ago on how she does her own makeup and hair. I literally bought the same foundation and it has been life changing . (Laura Mercier in the black tube)
I’ve also seen enough episodes of Botched and the Pimple Popper lady to know that I need to avoid any sort of foreign matter under my skin. I’m prone to skin keloids. Seeing some of those crazy problems years after ear piercings …oof. I’m lucky my cartilage piercing didn’t go crazy and I’ll never see piercing as a good thing for kids. Lot more thoughtful about risk that way than I ever would have been otherwise.
Anon
A bartender once told me never tell anyone your baby name(s). No good can come from it. Almost any response you get will make you rethink your baby name a million times. No one questions a baby name, after the baby is born. It made for some awkward conversations when I was pregnant but I think it was for the best. I didn’t have to hear anything negative about my kids name.
Anon
Same. We made up a horrid name and people struggled with polite responses (only did a few times when pressed and then fessed up to the prank).
Vicky Austin
That is a good idea. Relatedly, I learned from being in/around the foreign language teaching world for a long time that sometimes the best answer to an awkward or unanswerable question is a completely implausible one. When campers would ask me how old I was, rather than tell them I was nineteen, I would say, “Three hundred and two.”
It’s a huge pet peeve of mine right now that everyone in my office is asking me, “So you STILL don’t know?” about the sex of our baby. No, we DECIDED not to find out until baby is born, and you can clearly see that I still have a baby in there. Maybe I should start saying, “Oh, we accidentally saw on the ultrasound that it’s a Martian.”
Anonymous
This is the way.
Anon
I love this advice.
Q: What are you going to name the baby?
A [with confidence]: Mashed potatoes.
Anon
I used to respond that I hoped I was having a human but would still be happy if it were puppies
Anon
“Do you know what you’re having?”
me: “So far, they think it’s a baby.”
Anon
We told people and generally got a very positive response, likely more because the names carry so much significance in our families. Other friends didn’t have such a great time of telling people and it’s not because we chose a better name or anything.
Anon
I learned a lot about how to dress myself from the old What Not To Wear. Obviously I’m into this subject if I’m on this s i t e, but back then I had two babies, a different body than I had before them, and a career that was taking off.
Fashions have changed since then but the basic rules still apply. Most of my friends would (and do) describe me as their well-dressed friend, and I was a hot mess before discovering that show.
BeenThatGuy
Yes! Long live Stacey and Clinton!
Anonymous
Same but god-blessing Trinny and Susannah!
Anon
I loved both duos!
Trish
We need a new show with updated styles.
pugsnbourbon
These boots are out of my budget, but I feel like someone on this board needs them and would look incredible in them: https://schutz-shoes.com/products/eastwood-atanado-leather-bootie-o99-high-block-s2165900040003
Anon
Well I’m setting up a sale alert for them anyway! Thanks!
Anon
I started a new job this week and I am equal parts overwhelmed, excited, anxious, and exhausted! I forgot how much new information you have to absorb in the first days. You have no context for people’s reactions, no pre-existing relationships built to get the scoop or vent, no sense of “how things are done” at the new organization. My anxiety is through the roof. Everyone is so nice but I am struggling a bit.
I was recruited to join this place and I know I can do it, but I am totally having impostor syndrome. Tell me it gets better!
SC
It gets better, but I’m right there with you right now, at least with the exhaustion. I’ve been sleeping 8-9 hours per night and am still absolutely exhausted some days. This is not my first job switch, though, and I remember that it gets better!
ALT
I started a new job last month and felt the exact same way. A month in and I’m feeling more settled but still have those moments. It’s hard!!!
I discussed all of this with my therapist and she reminded me that they wouldn’t have hired me if they didn’t think I could do the job. So I’m reminding you of that! You wouldn’t have been recruited and hired if you couldn’t do the job. You’ll be fantastic!
Carrots
6 months into my new job and I’m just getting over this, but still occasionally stopped by the feeling again! It gets better!
Davis
It totally gets better! As a long-timer at my company, I’m thrilled when new people join, but I’m sure it can feel overwhelming and hard to navigate. Assume good intentions, until proven otherwise! You were hired because you were the *best* candidate. Go you!
Anon
When I started my job last year the CFO came by my desk a month in to check in. I felt the same way you are feeling and he said that’s exactly where I was supposed to be, that he didn’t expect me to really know my job and start being a contributor 6 months in, and not to really add value until a year in. It’s the drinking from the firehose phase! And he was right. I was sleeping so much those first few months with how much was happening and adjusting to the change.
Vicky Austin
OK, so I recently had a six-month-ish eval at my newish job and it went well. Both my evaluators had plenty to say on the topic of their own evaluations by the powers that be and the things they are supposed to be working on changing about our team, all of which I was pleased to hear. But I’m not 100% sold that they have specific plans for how to do this, and I feel that they are also specifically contributing to the problems with junior staff retention, uneven workloads from senior to junior staff, and general attitudes. (I’ll put an example in the comments so this isn’t unbearably long.) When they’ve casually asked us before what we’d like to see changed, most of the suggestions are met by vague complaints about not being able to find good people and the industry not being the right one for everyone.
At some point in the next couple weeks, we’ll probably talk about those changes as a team. How can I diplomatically say, “have you considered that you might be the problem”?
Vicky Austin
Example: We’re evaluated on punctuality. Both evaluators cited “a couple” – and I also remember this happening 2-3x – times during our busy season when I was a minute or two late to a very early meet-at-the-office-to-carpool-to-the-client time. Once the big boss left with the other senior staff member and the other junior staff member waited for me (again, for maybe two minutes). We were on time to that client. Big boss, who was one of my evaluators, said, “You know, that’s probably one of those times when you had Busy Season [Big Boss] waiting on ya, so don’t worry too much about it.”
“Busy Season [Big Boss]” is a frequently used phrase around the office, by the man himself and others, to explain all kinds of behaviors (bluntness, brusqueness, leaving without staffers when he’s anxious about making it on time). I loathe this kind of self-excusing, and I also think it’s bad management to imply that sometimes you should be taken seriously and sometimes you shouldn’t.
Since they’re actively asking for our opinions, I’m going to try to answer them honestly (and diplomatically). If your answer is “suck it up, buttercup,” I’ve already decided not to do that, so please feel free to collapse.
Anon
Are you sure you have the political capital to do this after only six months on the job? You’re not wrong, I just don’t know you’re going to get the outcome you want.
Anon
I guess also my advice would be don’t do this for something you did objectively make mistakes on. You were actually late, so you’re really just making excuses with that example.
Anon
Agree.
Vicky Austin
No, honestly, I don’t think I do, which is why I could use all the help and perspective I can get on how to do this.
Anon
Don’t do it.
Anon
Agree. As a former harried manager myself working for a dysfunctional company, I wouldn’t have welcomed a six month hire telling me all the things we were doing wrong at my level and above. I just want the new hire to be productive.
Anon
I don’t understand the example. I get that you were late and they left you to ride with someone else. But the big boss/big season is very confusing.
Anon
I’m also so confused. All I’m getting is that you were a couple minutes late to the office meeting point but still on time to the client. Are they upset about this? And bringing it up negatively in your review? If so I don’t think there’s really any reply other than “it won’t happen again.”
Vicky Austin
Sorry; let’s say that big boss’s name is Trad and the phrase is “Busy Season Trad,” spoken about like he’s a separate person.
I don’t think it was actually brought up negatively. That’s why I’m so confused. They noted it, but then Trad says, “Eh, that was just Busy Season Trad talking,” and we moved on. Like if I snapped at them and then apologized by saying, “Oh, that was just PMS Vicky.” Does that help?
Anon
If they noted it, it was negative.
Anon
+1 to Anon at 416
Anon
Makes more sense. But bottom line you were late. Seems to be one of the big bosses hot buttons, especially at times of stress. What is there it bring up? You were late, he was annoyed (especially because of other things). He is now telling you know this wold not matter as much during normal times.
Senior Attorney
I think you have completelly misconstrued this. The lesson you should be taking from this, as a new hire, is to move heaven and earth not to get sideways with Busy Season Trad. If you know he frets about punctuality, then for heaven’s sake be early. For good or ill, that is part of “knowing you office” at that company.
Anon
+1
Anon
This is spot on.
anon
I don’t know that there’s a way to diplomatically say they may be the problem, particularly when it comes to personality and communication issues like bluntness, brusqueness, impatience, etc. I seriously doubt that your bosses want feedback that’s this honest. The people with vague complaints are doing what they can to survive. I agree, it’s not great management.
Anon
I’m not sure what environment you work in, but I worked at a law firm with similar issues for 8 years, so I hear what you’re saying. It’s very frustrating to be in an environment where retention issues are blamed on everything and everyone else. Especially when everyone who’s paying attention knows the problem.
I raised this type of issue a couple of times when asked for honest feedback in a context where I thought the ask was sincere. Things like, “I don’t think people like being yelled at, even if the person does that to everyone and calms down later” or “newer lawyers find this person to be difficult to work with because he can seem harsh.” I also tried phrasing like “I know that you didn’t need any positive reinforcement when you were a new lawyer, but that’s how communication is now, and I think people would appreciate it.” I will note that I only said these things after being there for many years and becoming a rockstar/ trusted associate who worked closely with the biggest rainmaker in the firm. I also knew how to communicate with him, specifically, and these were all phrases that I thought had the best shot at results.
None of my comments changed anything! After I left, some young partners came to the leadership with actual ideas for solutions, and those also got nowhere. I only say this last paragraph so that you aren’t expecting miracles. I think it’s very very difficult for successful people to get into their heads that the way they’ve been operating is an issue. Especially people in client facing fields when their clients love them.
Good luck.
Anon
Well, it’s not up to you if you are “late”, it’s up to your boss. If they want you there 2 minutes earlier than you showed up, you need to start showing up two minutes earlier, regardless of whether you made it to the client on time.
Anon
If I’m following, were late to a carpool to a client – more than once. The big boss left without you and you think it’s the company’s culture problem?
I am a law firm partner and consider myself late if I only am “on time” to a client meeting. If you are holding up your boss from when he or she expects to leave to arrive at a client’s, I think that is a definite negative.
Anon
I agree. Even if you don’t think two minutes is a big deal, your boss did, and that’s what’s important. It’s not a great look on a new hire. Be early from now on, not barely on time. Like 10-15 minutes early. You need to build in a cushion of time in case anything goes wrong.
Anon
Also, I don’t think your boss saying he’s a little shorter during his own busy season is self-excusing! He’s the boss. If anything it sounds like he’s trying to be lenient after the fact, but he has pressures and stresses too!
Anon
And it’s okay to have different standards during the busy season than at other times of the year.
Vicky Austin
Thanks for the replies, all; I’m getting the sense I’m trying to punch above my weight. Appreciate the gut check.
Anon
I’m the OP from this morning about the rich man question. Thank you for all the helpful and compassionate responses! That was very helpful perspective and definitely a reality check.
Curious
Thanks for coming back. It was an odd question, but it’s also okay to have strange thoughts, and coming back helps us to see you weren’t likely a tr0ll.
Anon
I didn’t see the thread until late, but I think you were unfairly jumped on. I’m in a VVHCOL area where a combined income like yours is a struggle and pretty close to paycheck to paycheck if you have a kid. Add in if either of you stops working for whatever reason. I think it’s realistic and smart to consider your spouse’s earning potential. People really discounted how much easier money makes life too. All that said, the right choice is obviously B because you probably both have decent earning potential and a deep connection is critical. But I deeply connected with some losers and I’m very glad I didn’t marry them and waited for someone with both a decent job and a deep connection. Basically what you outlined being in. I think you’re smart to think about it is all.
Anon
Any self-help book recommendations around people-pleasing, setting boundaries, conflict avoidance, etc? Or healthy communication?
Elle
My therapist recommended boundaries by cloud and Townsend. I liked it but it was VERY religious
Londoner
Communication:
Nonviolent Communication (Marshall Rosenberg)
More philosophical:
The School of Life series (Alain de Botton) — How to Overcome your Childhood, What they Forgot to Teach you In School, the Good Enough Parent, A More Exciting Life, etc
You might also consider therapy if you aren’t doing it already.
Anonymous
I am so Over It today. All of it. Can’t leave the house and can’t focus on a movie or a phone call – anything else you’d recommend that makes you feel better in this moment?
Anon
Paging Shots! Shots! Shots!
Just kidding. Kind of.
I usually get deep into cooking on a very distracted day like that. I like to listen to a playlist that sort of goes with what I’m cooking – french, mexican, italian, etc. It really cheers me up, then I have a delicious meal. Maybe with a glass of wine if shots shots shots didn’t show up.
Senior Attorney
Don’t know if a book is out of the question, but I just finished How Lucky by Will Leitch (on my Kindle so it’s available instantly) and it was such a lovely, surprising, entertaining read. Highly recommend.
pugsnbourbon
Ugh I’m sorry. Do you have any exercise equipment? Could you do a quick online yoga session?
Podcast that makes you laugh?
Music, loud, that you can dance/sing/rage to?
pugsnbourbon
Also very niche but Vine compilations on Youtube.
Anon
US figure skating nationals are on TV right now through about 11 pm eastern. That and some homemade brownies are my big plan for tonight :)
Davis
This sounds divine!! Enjoy!
Senior Attorney
Perfect!
Anon
Could use a gut check on this. Is emailing a therapist outside of sessions ok? In this case, it’s a new therapist. I had an initial zoom with her last week, then filled out the new client paperwork which included a detailed history form. Now I’m really spiraling and not totally sure how I’m going to cope until the first session on Monday (to be clear, I will be fine; it’s anxious spiraling and not anything dangerous).
But basically the way it’s working is:
Me: I’m not really sure I should be here but I’ve been feeling an uptake in anxiety lately and thought maybe I should talk about it.
[fills out intake form detailing various issues over the years that I always figured were mostly disconnected.]
[goes into intense spiral where I realize that maybe that OCD diagnosis from a psychiatrist that I shrugged off years ago and that my therapist at the time seemed to dismiss and that I didn’t mention on the form actually explains a lot and now I’m kind of losing it.]
I’ve never contacted a mental health professional between sessions before. But I’ve heard it is sometimes ok to do. Is this the type of situation where I could write and be like hey, I’m really struggling after writing down that history is there something I should try?
pugsnbourbon
I have emailed my therapist twice, during a crisis, and each time she responded quickly and thoughtfully. It’s okay to do this! If you spammed her inbox forty times that’d be different, but you’re reaching out for help. That’s what she’s there for.
Anon
Yes, email her! The worst that can happen is she doesn’t answer. Very likely she will try to get you in sooner.
Anonymous
I think you just need to breathe through this until Monday and then on Monday share this with the provider.
anonshmanon
You could start by writing it all out, partially to do something with all those thoughts swirling around in your head. Best case – you can come to the scheduled session with some notes to discuss. Or you can send it off to the therapist in the sense of “here are some things I am thinking about a lot after filling out the intake – lots to discuss in our first meeting”. Might help you get it off your chest without placing a burden on the therapist.
OP
Ok thank you all. She emailed to see if I had any questions about the intake paperwork and I emailed her back mentioning what I said above and that I left the OCD diagnosis off the form and to see if she had any advice before Monday. I just feel so dumb and I don’t understand how I can go from being high-functioning mom and lawyer to a neurotic mess in less than 24 hours.
OP
Oh well, I got stuck in mod and saw the comment about not doing it in the meantime so hopefully it wasn’t too terrible.
pugsnbourbon
I guarantee it wasn’t too terrible. I also have OCD+anxiety and it deeply s*cks but things will get better. Hang in there!
Anon
First of all, I can totally relate to this. I’ve been here a million times.
Second of all, I’d just note for your rational brain that only one comment above out of several advised not sending anything to your therapist. She may or may not respond, but I promise it was okay to send it. Then on Monday be sure to talk to her about what to do in those situations in the future.
My therapist is very open to communication outside of sessions and even encourages me to text her if I’m having a particularly hard time with something (or even with good news). She has always been very supportive and understanding. She will sometimes tell me that we should address in session, and sometimes she’ll reiterate tips about sitting with the feeling and getting through the situation.
I hope that it helps, and congratulations on taking such a huge step. It’s really hard to get help for these issues, and I promise you there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.
Kelz
Looking for advice from the hive. I’m in an upper-level management position at a private company, and have been disappointed with several changes made over the last 6 months. I have enjoyed my job and believe in the mission of the company, and a month ago suggested changes to my boss that would improve the situation. Since then there has been silence, and the workload and type of work is not sustainable. It got to the point where I started actively networking, and have interviews set up with new employers.
Today, my manager comes to me and says they are going to implement several of my suggestions, and offered me a promotion. It’s not going to solve all of the problems, but is a good step. My problem now is, I’m completely checked out mentally, and having a hard time getting excited about the changes. I’m not in a position to turn down the promotion (I don’t have a new position lined up yet, and it would look odd for me to stay where I am).
I think I need a mental re-set, to figure out if I can recommit to the role and the company. Any suggestions on how to do this?
pugsnbourbon
Take the promotion (congrats!) and keep job searching. If things really do improve, you can stop; if they don’t you haven’t lost any time.
Anon
Hmm would reframing this as an information asymmetry help? You thought nothing was being done, your boss was working to implement suggestions. But because you thought nothing was being done, this period was tainted by some broken hopes. Maybe realizing that things were happening might help recoup some of the lost energy?
Lean In
Trad would take the promotion and keep looking.
Coach Laura
Touché!
Laur
I know I’m late on the response here – so apologies. I coach executives through this exact scenario regularly. My favorite guidance would be:
First, take a quick vacation. You’re not only checked out but also burnt out. Take a beat. Even if it doesn’t feel sustainable or possible, take a few days and go off to do something fulfilling to you (a beach resort, a staycation in a spa, a long hike, something you love)
Accept the promotion. Even if you’re interviewing, it looks fantastic to get that validation as a leader. It will add to your case externally.
Finally, put a time boundary on looking for a new job. 3 months, 4 months maximum. If you haven’t found anything you love in that time, shut that door for now and double back down on your current role with a renewed focus.
Anon
I’m in a depressive episode that hit me like a truck this morning. I spent all day in bed even though I should have been working from home. I haven’t been able to muster up the energy to even take a shower. I’m on medication but I don’t have a therapist right now. Even if I did, I don’t think I could have the energy for even a video chat.
What have you done in these situations? Wait it out?
Anonymous
No. Get a therapist. Call your regular doctor. Just wallowing in it never solves anything.
Anon
How is someone supposed to get a therapist and have a session when they can’t even get out of bed?
Anon
I’d see a doc to rule out anything medical that could be contributing. Or at least take a multivitamin to cover some bases. I feel like my body needs “extra” if I’m going to have energy.
pugsnbourbon
Eat dinner (cereal counts) and go to bed early. First thing tomorrow, reach out to the doc who prescribed your meds and request an appointment. Meds sometimes just stop working.
I hope you start feeling better soon.
Anonymous
Email your doctor and say exactly to him or her what you said to us. Ask for help.
ALT
I didn’t show up to work for a full three days and went incommunicado, which ended up with a mental health/well being check by the police and an inpatient stay in a facility……..none of which I recommend.
Can you muster up the strength to send your PCP a message and say hey having an mental
Health emergency, can you assist? Can you reach out to a trusted friend or a parent and have them schedule an appointment with doctor on your behalf? Can you have a trusted friend or parent come stay with you and take care of you? My mom came to stay with me when I was let out of inpatient care and it was nice having someone feed me and take care of me and making decisions because I just could NOT function enough to decide if I wanted cereal or yogurt for breakfast, let alone how to handle doctors appointments or anything like that.
Sending you lots of love and good vibes…you’ll get through this!!!
Anon
My health insurance has an “advice nurse” line which I think is 24/7. Any way you can reach a real person may be helpful, and they can help you evaluate what’s going on with you at the moment. I’m sorry, I’ve been where you are and know how it feels. Try to remember this is temporary.