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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 203 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Cobble Hill Curtis Hobo Bag

Coffee Break

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Kate Spade New York Cobble Hill Curtis Hobo BagNeiman Marcus seems to have a good number of Kate Spade bags on sale. I'm liking this slouchy purple hobo bag — I like all of the pockets (two exterior, three interior), and I think this particular shade of purple can be worn year round. The bag was $348, but is now marked to $233. Kate Spade New York Cobble Hill Curtis Hobo Bag (L-4)

Sales of note for 8.30.24

  • Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
  • Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
  • Boden – 20% off
  • Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
  • Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
  • Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
  • Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
  • White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale

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Comments

  2. Closet Purge

    I have a bunch of skirt suits with no-lapel jackets that you button up and wear with nothing underneath. They aren’t meant to be unbuttoned (skirts have elastic-backed waists or otherwise don’t look right with a blouse + unbuttoned jacket).

    I can’t see wearing the jackets with other things.

    I need to donate or burn, yes?

    • AnonInfinity

      I have seen people wear those jackets with jeans sometimes or with other pants.

      BUT if your jackets don’t look good with anything else and you’re getting rid of the bottoms, definitely donate. I’m a big fan of not keeping things that will just languish in the closet forever.

  3. just Karen

    Question re: appropriate attire – I am volunteering to help with registration at a fundraising dinner for a non-profit. I believe that volunteers have their own table at the dinner, but am not positive (I have known the woman being honored for years and just wanted to help out any way I could – not worried about whether I’ll get to eat/participate). I had been planning on just wearing a black suiting dress with 3/4 length sleeve matching jacket, but just found out that it is black-tie optional. Should I be dressing in cocktail attire instead?

    • Bewitched

      Sorry-hit report accidentally! I’ve gone to quite a few of these types of dinners, and in my location (Tri State area), the volunteers are always attired in a way that matches the dress code. So yes, I would dress in cocktail attire. Your black suiting dress definitely does not sound inappropriate though-would likely be just fine with some blingy jewelry.

      • Houston Attny

        Completely agree. Bling it up, have great makeup, and you’ll look lovely!

          • anon

            If you are concerned, I would contact someone at the non-profit. The organization I work for puts on various dinners in various regions around the country, and some have dress codes for anyone “working” the event, while others do not. I agree that your outfit sounds totally appropriate. You can always wear the jacket while at registration and then take it off for the remainder of the event.

  4. zora

    You Guise, i need a fun game to distract me from this completely cr@ptastic week that is happening, SO…….

    -If you could take off right now and have a Treat Yo’Self Day, what would you do?

    I would go into SF, take a long walk up Telegraph Hill and see my favorite Coit Tower, go to all the bookshops and buy All Of The Books, and sit in a coffee shop reading them with a cappuccino. I would go to Nordies and Macy’s and try on all the prettiest, fanciest dresses there are. And I would buy one of those fancy dresses to wear to dinner at a super fancy place in SF I haven’t been to yet, like flour + water or Nopa or Foreign Cinema. And MAYBE buy myself a full, authentic Batman costume, maybe…..

    Ok, Go!

    • Equity's Darling

      I’d go to the nearby Fairmont in the mountains and get a massage and spend all day in their pools and eating cookies, while reading a terrible chick lit book.

    • Diana Barry

      I would go to yoga and then go get a massage, mani/pedi, and then take a nap and go out to dinner with my DH. (Also my house would magically be clean!)

      • zora

        YUM! I just realized I forgot chocolate in mine, how did I do that?? I would also buy an entire chocolate cake and eat the whole thing myself.

    • NOLA

      I would get a pedicure, do some shopping maybe, and go see a movie in IMAX 3D with a friend. If calories were no object, I’d get a daiquiri for the movie.

    • S in Chicago

      I would get a no-one-else-in-the-house-day, and cozy up on the couch with the dog watching really bad zombie movies and eating ice cream without guilt. He likes Dairy Queen banana cream pie blizzards as much as me, so will aptly name it a Treat Yo’ Self and Yo’ Dog day.

      I know, dream big.

    • L

      A spa day (massage, mani/pedi, blow out) followed by a nice relaxing lunch with a new book curled up in the sun. My house would magically be clean and then I’d go to a nice dinner with DH and wouldn’t fret over money!

    • January

      I’d like to tag along on your perfect day zora, except I would have to get on a plane to do it.

    • Susie

      My perfect day involves unlimited funds and calories not counting. Absent that, I might as well be at work :/

    • Senior Attorney

      If money were no object I’d fly to Manhattan, check into a fantastic boutique hotel with a bar on the roof, have a drink at said bar, then go to a Broadway show. Then more drinks on the roof! ;)

      • eek

        Yes, this. The perfect nap with no interruptions, no waking up, etc. etc. Must wake up rested.

    • SoCalAtty

      I would either go hiking somewhere near the beach, or go out to the desert to the big tactical shooting range I’m a member at now and spend the day running around the desert and plinking away at little steel targets. I know, weird, but it combines my love of hiking / outdoors with being competitive – and it is something fun I can do with my husband.

    • AlaskaLaw

      I would binge-watch something on Netflix while crafting or knitting for hours with zero guilt. Occasionally I would stop to eat a brownie.

  5. Diana Barry

    Ladies,

    I have a question about weekend attire. This weekend my DH and I were out doing an errand and he asked, “Should I be wearing nicer clothes? Nicer clothes exist in the world.” :) I think I told him that he should wear whatever he wants. Note: he works at home so mostly wears jeans and t-shirts, or sweatpants if he doesn’t have to go out. If he has a meeting he will put on regular pants (khakis) and a collared shirt.

    I notice two things for my own weekend wear: (1) if I am not comfortable, I get annoyed; and (2) when I wear nicer clothes (tunic or dress/leggings or nice jeans/nicer t-shirt), I feel more put-together and better overall. BUT, when I am tired, I am more likely to pull on my adidas pants and schlumpy t-shirts because they are more comfortable.

    What do you ladies do? I also wonder if this differs by life stage. If I wear clothes that are “too nice” on the weekend, then I am annoyed if/when the kids get them dirty.

    • Closet Purge

      I have a hard time upgrading from gym attire unless I’m at something with defined stop-start times. So: church, swimming pool (rashguard + bikini top + swim mini + dry clothes for wearing home), tennis, brunch out, dinner out all get thought-about and put-together outfits; maybe shopping trips IF I am by myself.

      Otherwise, 2 small children (both of whom have to be lifted to wash hands and 1 of which often gets lifted onto potties still) = gym attire unless it’s very hot (shorts + polo) or very cold (fleece pants + lots of layers + sweater). It winds up being that I’m on my feet so much that I build a wardrobe off of sneakers or closed-heel clogs.

      I have upgraded from a sports bra to a Coobie unless I’m actually exercising.

      • Stephanie

        Totally agree with the defined start/stop times for nicer attire. I don’t wear gym clothes– well maybe for awhile after working out, but not just as clothes. What I’m guilty of is grabbing jeans or jean shorts (it’s been hot in LA) and a cute grey or white tshirt and flip flops. I aspire to wear an actual outfit– jeans, a blouse or sweater, flats or boots– but it doesn’t usually happen unless I’m going somewhere. I can’t blame my kids– they are beyond the age where they might barf on me or force me to pick them up and get me sweaty. I figure at least it’s not mom jeans and Reeboks with a crappy mom-style tshirt. I have no idea how the stay at home moms get dressed every day. I would be in pajamas at pickup by day 4.

    • Cb

      It depends on what I’m doing, watching movies or working from home, leggings and my shamefully pilled but cozy cashmere sweater. I don’t like to feel schlubby all day though.

    • Bonnie

      Wearing schleppy clothing makes me feel schleppy so I don’t wear sweats out of the house. My weekend wardrobe is still casual but generally machine washable, e.g. skinny jeans with tops like this http://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=5039&vid=1&pid=558774002
      I strongly believe that there is a corrolation between appearance and confidence. Look for the middle ground. Just because you’re not wearing sweats, does not mean you have to wear silk.

          • emeralds

            When this occurred to me, it was probably the biggest revelation of my fashion life. Jeans + a decent-looking shirt or sweater takes exactly the same amount of effort to put on as sweatpants + a gross workout tee. And I feel SO. MUCH. BETTER. going out and about in the former!

          • eek

            I do this. Plus my statement orange AGL flats. Bobeau knits on sale are a great buy – they feel amazing and wash great.

      • A Nonny Moose

        This is how I roll as well. I refuse to leave the house in sweats or yoga pants. Workout pants only if I’m running errands after the gym. Even just for grocery shopping I’ll usually do jeans, ballet flats, and a top. I also have no kids, though.

        • Diana Barry

          How about a follow-up question? What shoes does everyone wear? I generally go with sneakers on the weekend since they are the most comfortable, but find that sneakers don’t look great with skinny jeans or leggings. Ballet flats are fine enough for work, but not COMFORTABLE on the weekends. In the winter I can generally wear boots. But are my Nine West Uggs-like boots OK enough, or must I wear nicer boots?

          • L

            I wear an athletic ballet flat. Right now I’m sporting some Puma ballet flats in a nice metallic that go with everything from jeans to leggings. Slight upgrade from sneakers, but with all the comfort.

          • NOLA

            In the summer I wear beaded sandals. In the winter I wear flats or boots. I have some Easy Spirit boots that are a low heel and really comfortable. Or if I have a lot of energy, I wear boots with heels. I have some “dark sienna” suede boots that match the fleur de lis on my Saints hoodie. ;)

          • Anonymous

            I wear flat sandals in the summer. Strappy, leather ones, not flip flops (rainbow flip flops or Toms for when I’m just doing the yoga pants and tee shirt thing for coffee or farmers market wandering). In the winter, I wear booties. I have several pair — some are flat and some are heeled. Or flat tall boots. If I’m doing the yoga pants and tee shirt thing in colder winter, I wear them with a sassy pair of puma sneakers.

          • Susie

            Leather sandals (most often either plain dark brown, or a lighter colored, beaded one with a think ankle strap/cuff) in the summer, otherwise most often I wear cognac Nine West wedges or black leather ballet flat style shoes, though those are less comfortable than the wedges. For extra casual, usually black Shape-ups. Generally I only wear my booties or tall booties if I’m going somewhere, in other words I don’t usually grab them on my lazy days.

          • Anon

            I’m a mom also. In the summer, I usually wear flip flops– I meant to step it up this year and get leather sandals I wouldn’t mind ruining, but I never did. This time of year, I wear something like Pumas or leather sneakers. In the winter, I wear flat knee high boots or the nicer sneakers (unless it’s icy or snowy, in which case I wear merrill shoes).

          • hoola hoopa

            I lived in a pair of perforated flats this summer. In the wet months, I wear tall boots with a low wedge heel. I can still run after kids in them.

          • big dipper

            Gold sandals in summer, khaki keds or red converses in fall/spring, black knee high zip up boots (flat, no heel) in winter.

      • anon-oh-no

        i totally agree with this, which is why i invested in some casual clothes last year that is both comfortable and makes me feel pulled together. i have a couple of pairs of “nicer” leggings and then i bunch of tunics/long sweaters and scarves. i can wear the leggins with ballet flats or boots (same for skinny jeans, but i feel like im wearing sweats when i wear leggings).

        • hoola hoopa

          This. Do you follow Ain’t No Mama Jeans? I subscribe to the momiform concept on the weekend. In the cooler months, it’s basically skinny jeans or leggings + knit tunic + loose cardigan. I add a scarf or necklace when we leave the house.

          Also, I wear the same off-time outfit until it’s covered with food and snot (not mine, btw). It makes wearing something more stylish and together easier/faster, and my weekend wardrobe lasts longer without the frequent washing.

    • Ellen

      I am generaly in favor of being comforteable over being fashioneable, at home after work, primarely b/c I have to look VERY nice and VERY formal AT work. B/c I dress so well at work, I often change into jean’s or even sweatpant’s with a sweatshirt at home. That is why I do NOT like it when men just “drop over” b/c I am NOT put together for them (and I do NOT want to be). I did NOT care when I was dateing Alan, b/c he knew exactely what I looked like, so if he came over and I was all schlumpey, so what? He was no prize either! FOOEY!

      I DO HAVE SOME GREAT CLE NEWS FOR ALL THE ATTORNEY’S IN THE HIVE: My freind sent me a great FREE CLE app for my I-phone (or IPAD) that give’s everyone who enroll’s a FREE CLE course, that you can watch right from your IPHONE OR IPAD. YAY!!!!!

      I think I will turn on my FREE CLE COURSE when I walk in to work, then by the time I am at work, it will be OVER and I will get FREE CLE Credits. DOUBEL YAY!!!!! For those lawyer’s in the HIVE that have NOT heard about it, you can read about it. As a veteran copy and paster, it’s just called CLE mobile, and it’s published by Thompson Reuters. Here’s what they say:

      Attorneys can now listen to continuing legal education (CLE) programming on their iPad, iPhone, or iPod touch. West LegalEdcenter has recreated its online experience with the free CLE Mobile app. All of the regulatory safeguards that states require have been incorporated in the Mobile environment. This allows you to earn credits as you would with an on demand program at West LegalEdcenter, not just with a downloaded podcast for self-study credit.

      With more than 4,500 CLE courses available for download, you now have mobile access to the most comprehensive and current source for online legal training and CLE, taught by the most prestigious names in the legal industry. Our experts and world-class programs come to you. Courses cover both hot law topics as well as the core substance of law in every practice area.

      Download the CLE Mobile app and you’ll find one FREE COURSE in your My Programs.

      YAY! To bad all CLE classe’s are not free. I will have to pay for some program’s if I am to remain in good standing, unless Frank is abel to tell the Auditor guy from the Bar he lost all of my certificate’s in the flood after Hurricane Sandy. FOOEY!

      https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/cle-mobile/id342571285?mt=8

      • Vi

        This is a valid free itunes app! I think I may have to reassess Ellen’s legal skills after all!

    • Lynnet

      My weekend attire is almost entirely boot-cut jeans and a fitted t-shirt with a sweater or jacket in the winter. In the summer its a jersey skirt and a fitted t-shirt. If I’m trying to look fancy, I wear flats or nice sandals, otherwise it’s sneakers in the winter and my worn down comfy sandals in the summer.

    • Amberwitch

      I love my clothes so much, sometimes I have a hard time wearing them during the weekend because it wears them out. It is very silly, so I try to remember to wear some of the clothes that I wouldn’t wear to work during the weekend.

      I just hate having to throw out clothes that I love because they are worn out. And I rarely find anything as good to replace them. So sometimes it is simpler to wear ‘paint clothes’ when I am not going anywhere. The kind you only keep around for when you have to paint the house.

    • NOLA

      This summer I wore a lot of sundresses. Completely bare. It’s just too hot for anything else. In the winter I wear some tunics with jeggings and flats or if it’s cold (by our standards) hoodie, jeans, boots.

    • Senior Attorney

      “Smart casual” is my favorite wardrobe category, and since I have to dress up for work I am eager to wear my nice casual clothes and shoes on the weekends.

    • j

      I spend all week staring longingly at my “fun” wardrobe (which is much bigger than my stable of work clothes). I’m single, childless, and live alone, so anything but sweatpants is game. Last Saturday I wore a marigold Kate Spade Saturday miniskirt, a heather gray Vince t-shirt, and a motorcycle jacket with 3 huge iris apfel-inspired brooches. Sunday I wore a green silk romper, tights, and fringey minnetonka boots. I feel much more comfortable when I’m decked out.

    • tk1

      Summer – jeans, boot cut or skinny, or jean shorts, t-shirt/tank top and sandals. Winter – jeans, sweater or hoodie and boots. Sometimes sneakers if I’m doing alot of walking. I’ll upgrade to a nice top if we go out with people or for dinner.

  6. Anonymous

    I’m looking for some cute desk organizing things, as opposed to the usual stuff you can find at Staples or whatever. Where do I find nicer desk organizing things?

  7. emmabean

    Does anyone here have a moissanite engagement ring?

    If yes – are you happy with your choice? I don’t LIKE the idea of spending a ton of money on a ring, but I also want to have a pretty sparkly thing to show friends and family. I feel like this would be a great compromise, but only if it is indeed a good purchase. I’d want it to be indistinguishable from a diamond engagement ring, and I wouldn’t buy an obviously too large stone or anything like that. I just keep thinking that there have got to be better places we can spend that money.

    If you’ve seen one in person, I’d love to hear about it. I think my biggest question is – Can you tell it’s not a diamond? Is it worth it to spend ~$1,000 on a fake, or is it better just to bite the bullet and buy a smaller, real one?

    • Anonymous

      I fully support non-diamond engagement rings and have seen beautiful ones. I always find it a little tacky to try and do a fake diamond though. Why try to pass it off as real? Why not go with a different stone that you would love?

      • Anonymous

        I agree. If you don’t want a diamond, don’t get a diamond but I find it tacky to get a fake diamond, intending to pass if off as real.

        • bridget

          What’s “passing off”? I agree it would be odd to get moissanite/CZ and then say “look at my beautiful X carat diamond, everyone!” But if you just put a clear sparkly non-diamond in an engagement setting, and people assume it’s a diamond, that’s not “tacky” in my book. As long as you wouldn’t outright lie about it if asked (although I’d still be more inclined to say that the asker is the real tacky one).

          • Anonymous

            Its sounds like from the OP that since she wants everyone to think it is a diamond, I assumed she wouldnt be correcting anyone that said what a beautiful diamond. I just find that tacky. I having moissanite because you like it, like the poster below who like having a meteor, is cool. But wanting it because it looks like a diamond is a little weird I think. Just get something sparkly and beautiful and different.

          • Dulcinea

            Sorry, accidentally clicked “report” instead of “reply.” I just wanted to say I agree with Briget re: tackiness.

          • dancinglonghorn

            I have fake diamonds in my ring – There is no way I’m walking around with thousands of dollars on my finger! When I (inevitably) lose my ring, no stress or drama! Also, conflict-free! If anyone asks about my ring, I always volunteer that the diamonds are not real (FWIW, I felt strongly about diamonds and have synthetic diamonds that you wouldn’t be able to tell are “fake” unless you had a microscope!!)

      • Monday

        For what it’s worth, since neither of us were into diamonds we went with colored sapphire. There were lots of options at great prices and it’s very close to the strength of diamond. I get lots of compliments on my ring and I love that it’s unique.

        • KC

          My mom had a blue sapphire, so growing up I thought that was the “default” engagement ring.

    • Cb

      I haven’t seen them but can’t speak to the difference Moissanite might be a good bet if you’re concerned about ethical sourcing as well.

    • mascot

      So not really answering your question, but something to think about. Personally, I am pretty selective about my jewelry. I like classic, high-quality pieces. I don’t mind spending money on them because I wear them daily and plan to wear them for decades. So the cost per wear analysis is different than it would be for something with a shorter lifespan. Everyone has different attitudes about what they like to spend their money on so if a non-diamond ring makes you happy, go for it.

    • Wildkitten

      Have you looked at them in person? Online they look just as sparkly as the more expensive clear rocks.

    • Anne Shirley

      It depends on the setting, but I think you need to expect that at least some people will be able to tell some of the time. They have a tendency to look too sparkly as compared to a diamond, which can make them look “fake.”. Still pretty, but if you want to pass your ring off as a diamond, potentially a concern.

    • Sydney Bristow

      There are quite a few discussions about them on the WeddingBee boards. It seems like there are a few types of processes (non-enhanced, Forever Brilliant, and Amora). I personally want one but haven’t seen one in person.

      As for passing it off as real, if I get one I don’t intend to pretent it is real and would have no issue telling people it is Moissanite.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      Moissanite’s been discussed in the comment threads several times. If you google “moissainite site:[thissite’sname]” you’ll find a bunch of previous conversations on it. But I think there was a general positive consensus from people who had moissanite engagement rings .

    • Houston Attny

      Many Moissanite rings are pretty and sparkly, but they are not indistinguishable from a diamond. A couple of things to consider – a lot of Moissanite has a faint grayish or greenish so be sure you see it in person. The bigger the stone, the less likely it will be indistinguishable from a diamond. Also, even a clear Moissanite gives off a lot of color in its refraction. It’s pretty, but for many, this will be a giveaway that it’s not a diamond.

    • Moissanite

      I have a moissanite engagement ring and I love it. Instead of thinking of it as a fake diamond, I walk around with a piece of meteorite on my hand. I think that’s pretty special.

      I balked at the idea of my boyfriend spending a huge amount of money on my e-ring when we were talking about getting him a very simple and inexpensive band because he wasn’t sure if he’d wear it all the time and was working a job where he’d need to take his ring off to avoid injury.

      It’s quite sparkly and after having it for 5 years, it looks great. I wholeheartedly recommend one.

      • Sydney Bristow

        Which vendor is your ring from? It seems like there are only a few places that sell them.

    • lucy stone

      I have one and love it. I’ve commented on here before on the reasons why I have one over a diamond. I wear it next to an antique diamond wedding band. I’m sure people who are trained can tell the difference in how they refract, but I don’t try and pass mine off as a diamond so I don’t care. I also have moissy earrings, which are now 5 years old, and I love them. They’ve held up well.

    • Anon

      I have a moissanite wedding ring and I LOVE it. Moissanite really is more brilliant than diamond – there are a thousand pretty colors in it, instead of diamonds which are just white. It’s also, at least for me, less pressure to wear – moissanite is incredibly hard and I got mine set in palladium, so it’s fairly indestructible (as opposed to gold, which is fairly soft). My husband calls it the “rainbow robo-ring of the future.” I can wear my ring everywhere (white water rafting, mountain climbing, etc.) and not worry about it getting destroyed – and, even if it does, it’s not as much money as a diamond would have been, so I don’t feel like I need an insurance policy on my hands. If it’s not going to bother you that your ring isn’t “real,” I’d go for it.

    • Senior Attorney

      Yes, I had a moissanite engagement ring and loved it. Very sparkly, very durable, no guilt, cost maybe 5% of what a comparable diamond would have cost. The only downside is it’s not perfectly colorless — it’s got a tiny greenish tinge to it, but you can only really see it in daylight. I definitely agree with the advice to look at it side-by-side with diamonds of various color grades.

      I love it so much that it’s at the jeweler right now being converted from an engagement ring to a pendant.

      As for “passing it off as real,” I never refer to it as a diamond, and nobody has ever asked if it was a diamond. If anybody ever asked, I wouldn’t lie, but I don’t volunteer that it’s a moissanite. Nobody’s business, in my view.

    • anonypotamus

      I have a moissanite engagement ring and I absolutely love it. Cost was one factor for us, along with ethical issues with diamonds. We also took issue with the fact that diamonds are not that rare and their price artificially inflated. But I did want something sparkly, and also something that would hold up to every day wear. After doing some research, I felt in love with moissanite. Keep in mind that moissanite is not a fake diamond (100% Carbon based) but rather its own stone (silicon carbide). This gives it different properties than a diamond (higher fire, slightly lower hardness, etc).

      Mine is not super large (a little over the equivalent of 1C) and my husband handpicked the actual stone at the store so he could pick what he judged to be the whitest/clearest one. In certain lights you can see a faint yellow tinge, but I barely notice it. I do not hold it out as a diamond, and when asked I tell them what it is and everyone loves that it is unique. I think most people can’t tell though – I even had a Tiffany’s employee compliment me on the cut of my “diamond” (admitedly, this is the one person I did not correct! I do have a diamond wedding band (heirloom from my husband’s family) that I wear right next to my engagement ring and to my untrained eye, I can’t tell the difference.

      For us, it made sense. For a fraction (and I mean fraction!) of the cost of a much smaller ring, we got a beautiful ring. I don’t think of it as “fake” but just as a beautiful unique ring.

    • emmabean

      Thank you all for your comments and perspective! Especially wrt being tacky..I hadn’t considered that perspective, but after reading your comments, I think you may be right.

      I’m going to do more looking into moissanite rings, and if that’s what we end up going with, I won’t be holding it out as a diamond!

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      My engagement ring is an aquamarine, and I really love it. It tends towards clear, so I imagine some folks do mistake it for a diamond, but I never try to pass it off as one, and if anyone asks/comments I’m upfront about what it is.

  8. anon

    need advice: anyone have any recommendations for cute work appropriate black leather booties (or perhaps suede–but preferably leather) and black tights with dots that last longer than one wear?

    • Cornellian

      If you have foot problems and/or money to burn on shoes, gentlesouls has two work appropriate booties in leather. Both have a reasonable heel. They’re not cheap (for me, at least), but you can get 10% off if you sign up for their e-mail list.

      • Anon in NYC

        Agree – my Wolford tights (and hose) generally last me a full season with heavy rotation. I have a hard time with the price tag, but I’ve wasted money on less expensive hose/tights that tear as I’m putting them on for the first time. I have also found that Hue’s quality is pretty good.

      • Amberwitch

        If you are willing to pay Wolford prices, the Falke basis woolen and cotton thighs are good, as long lasting, and slightly cheaper. They are long in the torso, and comes in a lot of sizes and colours which I like. If you a looking for fance patterns Wolford has a larger selection.

    • natty

      I like Spanx tights – not as expensive as Wolford but still last through a season of heavy use.

      • Diana Barry

        +1. I have Sp@nx that I’ve had for a few years. They last for a long time if you position them correctly on your foot – I have to give my big toe enough room or it tries to poke through.

    • j

      Nordstrom’s polka dot hose are pretty and subtle, which is crucial for wearing patterned tights to work. 3 for $30 and you can get a punch card where you get a free pair after purchasing 10. I have a couple pairs of Hue polka dot tights, but they’re a bit more out there – the dots are much bigger and the opacity increases the intensity a little bit. The one time I dropped coin on Wolford hose, I got a run in the FIRST WEAR. My favorite hosiery brands are generally Nordstrom, DKNY, and Hue (their tights are indestructible!).

    • Gallerina

      I wear my Ash Jalouse black ankle booties to work all the time. I’m in a smart casual office and they go with almost everything. One of my friends swears by Topshop Chelsea boots, but they’re a little more casual.

  9. AMB

    Love this colour and actually do need a purple bag but prefer a bit bigger (tote/large enough for files). Any one spot anything interesting lately?

    • A Nonny Moose

      Love this colour and actually do need a purple bag but prefer a bit bigger (tote/large enough for files). Any one spot anything interesting lately?

      • Killer Kitten Heels

        I have an MZ Wallace Kate tote in black, and it is the best bag I have ever owned in my life. A million pockets, the pocket placement actually makes sense, the hardware is lovely/heavyweight/classy looking, and the nylon keeps it relatively light. It also fits EV. ERY. THING. (shoes, laptop, file, Kindle, 2 phones, makeup bag, and assorted purse junk) without looking overly clunky.

        I cannot recommend MZ Wallace highly enough.

    • MH

      Check out Rebecca Minkoff bags at Nordstrom dot com. There are also some beautiful high-end purple/plum bags by Fendi, Chloe, and Yves St. Laurent, but they’re all quite expensive.

  10. Lynnet

    Threadjack-

    Any recommendations for good modern literary fiction (say, published in the last 20-25 years)? Preference is for books that don’t have major plot lines involving middle age white guys being angsty because their father didn’t love them or couples being angsty because one or both had an affair.

    • Mpls

      I know I’ve mentioned it before – and have no idea if it qualifies as “literary” – The Sparrow by Maria Doria Russell. Otherwise known as “Jesuits in Space”.

      • Amberwitch

        Horrible, and very good. I never could make myself read the sequel because The Sparrow was so harrowing to read.
        It sort of reminds me of A Canticle for Leibowitz. My copy is from 1970, so outside the preferred timeframe, though.

      • Moonstone

        “The Sparrow” was weird and great. I just finished “Sutton,” which is fiction but based on the life of bank robber Willie Sutton, and liked it so much I want to press it on strangers in the street. The author is JR Moehringer, who wrote a memoir called “The Tender Bar.” Bonus: Both of his books are good choices as gifts for men.

      • Lynnet

        I’m familiar with The Sparrow (I’m much more comfortable in the sci-fi realm than the literary) realm, but since I know the vague outline of the story I’m having a really, really hard time forcing myself to pick it up. Everytime I think about it, the image of the hands pops into my head and I can’t.

      • Senior Attorney

        OMG I bought this book after it was mentioned here and it is freaking. me. out. I’m maybe a third of the way through and it’s giving me nightmares, and nothing has even happened yet.

        Freaking.

        Me.

        Out.

        • Mpls

          Sorry :) I think the conclusion is satisfying. I want to say more but it all feels spoilerish.

          I might have to go reread it, now that I’m thinking about it…

          • Senior Attorney

            Don’t be sorry. I am actually feeling kind of the way I did when I was in the middle of binge-watching “Breaking Bad” a few weeks ago. Had to take a break and catch my breath in the middle when some upsetting Jesse-stuff was happening! Went back to it and LOVED the second half right up to the finale.

            You’ve inspired me to pick “The Sparrow” up again this evening! :)

        • anonypotamus

          I love love love the Sparrow (and liked the sequel, but more for “wrapping up the story” purposes than enjoyment of the actual story and characters). It is hard to wrap your mind around, and it definitely can be uncomfortable at times, I think partly because, at least for me, it challenges a lot of more ingrained ideas about society and belief in God. I initially read it for a “religious themes in literature” class which fostered a lot of interesting discussion which helped me digest it a bit better. I have gone back and re-read several times, and each time I catch something else or think about things in a new way. Now I want to re-read it!

    • TBK

      Have you read any Jhumpa Lahiri? I haven’t read her newest book yet, but I’ve really enjoyed her other work.

      • Lynnet

        No, but she’s been peripherally in my awareness for a while. Do you have a recommendation for a good place to start?

        • TBK

          I’ve enjoyed everything by her, but I really think her collection of short stories “The Interpreter of Maladies” is terrific. If you want a novel, though, she has only two: the Namesake and her new one, The Lowland (just released a week or two ago and in pretty much everyone’s hands on Metro these days). I really liked the Namesake. I have the Lowland on my Kindle but haven’t gotten to reading it yet.

        • Sue

          Jhumpa Lahiri is good. The Namesake is highly recommended! Her other novel which is written in the form of interconnected (short–ish) stories “Unacccustomed Earth” is also good but rather sad. I enjoyed the “Interpreter of Maladies” but some of the stories didn’t do it for me

    • AEK

      I love your description— i.e., no Phillip Roth?
      What I like to do is browse the finalists lists for the National Book Award for fiction. If you go to the National Book Foundation’s home page, you can find all of the finalists and winners from the 1950s onward under the Awards tab. I’ve been doing this., and my most recent favorite was In America (Sontag). These are all American authors, so there is a world of other fiction out there, of course.

      • Ella

        Ha! I was thinking no Martin Amis when I read it.

        Swamplandia is a couple years old now but had a great female protagonist.

        I also really like Kate Atkinson and Ann Patchett for something fun and readable but substantive.

        The Michael Connolly Harry Bosch novels are updated noir, lead detective is a white man (who might have issues) but i find the female characters to be well written.

        When looking for a good book, I like to check out Maureen Corrigan’s reviews. She’s a professor of literature at Georgetown and appears on Terry Gross’s show on NPR. I generally agree with her take on things.

      • buffybot

        To build off of the award list approach, I’ve had great luck picking short-list nominees for the Orange Prize and the Booker Prize.

    • CapHillAnon

      Ha! Love the parameters here! Very interested to see what suggestions others have.

      Hummingbird’s Daughter, Luis Alberto Urrea
      Let the Great World Spin, C. McCann
      The Known World, E. Jones
      Gilead, M. Robinson
      Olive Kitteredge, E. Strout, or
      William Trevor’s short stories

      If you want some nonfiction that reads like fiction, you could add Beyond the Beautiful Forevers (K. Boo) or Random Family (A. LaBlanc).

      • Anonymous

        Love, love, loved Random Family. In the similar vein is Alex Kotlowitz (There are No Children Here — fantastic book. And he wrote another one that is also fantastic).

        • Anonymous

          The Other Side of the River: A Story of Two Towns, a Death & America’s Dilemma

        • Francie Nolan

          In a previous job I met CoCo and Adrian LeBlanc, this is one of my favorite books. I am so psyched that others here have read it.

      • Lady Harriet

        Another great non-fiction that reads like fiction is Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, by John Berendt.

      • ER

        I liked Gilead but loved Housekeeping (same author). It might be just outside your 25 year window but it still feels modern.

      • buffybot

        A number of these have been suggested already, but just to add to the general consensus:

        – The Sparrow is great (and the sequel is not bad)
        – Jhumpa Lahiri for sure (the Namesake in particular, but her new book The Lowlands is getting good buzz)
        – Ann Patchett (The Magician’s Assistant, State of Wonder, Bel Canto — all very different settings and characters but really lovely to read)
        – Anything David Mitchell (Ghostwritten and Cloud Atlas are a bit similar, but Thousand Autumns of Jacob DeZoet is fascinating historical fiction and very different)
        – Wolf Hall, if you like historical fiction
        – Junot Diaz (maybe starting with The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao)
        – The Tiger’s Wife
        – A Visit From the Goon Squad
        – Special Topics in Calamity Physics

        Also, Barbara Kingsolver (Animal Dreams and Bean Trees) is a longtime favorite of mine. Her writing and characters just make me happy.

        • Janep

          Buffybot:
          I think we have the same reading list. Love, love David Mitchell; Special Topics is up next for me. Finishing Lowlands by J. Lahiri; loved JK Rowling’s Cuckoo’s Calling; Room by E. Donoghue, Wally Lamb’s The Hour I first Believed and I know this much is true; Orphan Master’s Son by A. Johnson. I could waste my whole day with books I love.

    • Anonymous

      Jeffrey Euginides?

      Andres Dubus III

      I love Jonathan Franzen, but some of his books fall in your description of angsty middle aged white guys.

    • Senior Attorney

      I love Barbara Kingsolver. “The Bean Trees” is one of my all-time favorites.

    • abogada

      I second Jhumpa Lahiri. Also, other relatively recent authors who don’t skew towards angsty unloved middle aged white guys or angsty couples having affairs:

      Margaret Atwood (favorite: Blind Assassin)
      Jeffrey Eugenides (favorite: Middlesex)
      Isabel Allende (favorites: House of the Spirits, Maya’s Notebook)
      Mario Vargas Llosa (favorite: Aunt Julia and the Scriptwriter)
      Keigo Higashino (only read Naoko, but it was good enough)

    • Jules

      Second the noms for Junot Diaz, Olive Kittredge and Jeffrey Eugenides (I really loved Middlesex). Also:

      Any book ever written by Kate Atkinson. Her newest is called Life After Life; it’s sort of an alternate reality story – the main character dies, at birth essentially, but then her story continues on a different path, as if she had not died, over and over. I’m not explaining it very well but I thought it was wonderful, and it got great reviews. Atkinson also did a series that might very loosely be called detective stories, only because the books have a private detective in the UK as the main character, but they are very rich and beautiful. The first one is Case Histories; the books don’t have to be read in order but it helps only because the characters are intertwined and some plot elements (well, his relationships) move from book to book. The second or third book in the series, When Will There Be Good News?, was on a number of best-of-the-year lists for all fiction, not just mysteries. Amazon should have a listing of the books in order.

      And just about any book by David Mitchell. I really liked Cloud Atlas (although the movie apparently was terrible), which is a set of stories involving the same or related characters over many centuries, arranged like nesting dolls with each one bracketing the next. Again, I’m not explaining it very well, check the Amazon reviews. Much more traditional fiction is The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet. It is narrated by a young man in a Dutch trading post that is the only contact point between feudal Japan and the outside world.

      Telegraph Avenue by Michael Chabon

      The Secret of Lost Things by Sheridan Hay

      Plainsong by Kent Haruf

      • Lynnet

        I think we have similar tastes, I’ve been waiting for Life After Life at the library forever, and I’ve read and enjoyed The Secret of Lost Things. I haven’t read Telegraph Ave, but I loved The Yiddish Policeman’s Union, so I’ll have to check that out.

        • Jules

          I was on two library waiting lists for Life after Life, finally got lucky and got it on CD. (I drive a lot, so this is great for me.) I actually didn’t love the Yiddish Policemen, but so many people did, guess it was just me. I feel like there are lots of other good books I’ve read that I can’t think of right now — I had to do an amazon search to find the Sheridan Hay title, which I just could not remember — but if I think of any others I’ll post tomorrow.

          Oh, but how could I forget Louise Erdrich and Barbara Kingsolver?

          What do you recommend?

          • Lynnet

            I’m 4/5ths of the way through Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie and really enjoying it, although I’m in an interesting place of wondering if the New York Times Reviewer was missing something or I’m reading too much into it.

            I thought of this thread because I read A Tale for the Time Being by Ruth Ozeki recently, and was surprised to find that I’d actually read one of the Booker nominees this year. I enjoyed it quite a bit, but I was a little disappointed by the end.

    • Anon

      Anything by Jasper Fforde. Perhaps too plot driven to truely be literary fiction, but very well-written.

    • Anne

      I *LOVED* Tell the Wolves I’m Home. Also loved The Lotus Eaters. Really like this thread as I’m always looking for suggestions for books to read… (if you don’t have the criteria of the OP, The Good Life is fantastic but deals with married couples having affairs).

    • Lisa

      Coming out of lurkdom because this is my favorite book of all times (and I am a very avid reader)- The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Jafon. It’s amazing, especially if you love books.

    • AlaskaLaw

      Jonathan Strange and Mr Norell by Susanna Clarke. Kind of Jane Austen meets the Wizarding World.

  11. Anon for This

    So, has anyone had the experience of being stuck at a weight or size that is about 10 lbs. above your goal weight and finally breaking that barrier to come down to the goal? I have been kind of stuck here for years, always with the intention of getting really serious to lose that final 10 lbs./couple inches, but I always feel as though my body sabotages me, or I semi-subconsciously sabotage myself in that endeavor. Example: I am really “good” for 5 days to week or so — eating little to no junk, eating lots of veggies and fruit, lean meat, etc. — and I start to see or feel some good minor result. Aaaand then it’s hard to stop the feeling that I need to “reward” that effort with just a little treat, or a big meal. And then I spiral upward again to where I started. Another way might be me not feeling comfortable being slightly thinner, mainly because it’s a new feeling which I subconsciously want to get rid of. I don’t know if that makes any sense to anyone else.

    The other example of why I feel that my body might be sabotaging me is that I eat healthily all day, and decide I’m not going to eat any more — and don’t even *want* to eat more — but I am SO hungry that I eat just a few crackers or whatever, and I lose the mental momentum that way.

    Mind you, I am not undernourished in any way. I am at a healthy weight for my height — probably near the median– so this is not me trying to achieve something bizarre or unhealthy. I am just looking to lose a couple inches.

    I guess I’m looking for some commiseration, but also, if anyone has experienced this [admittedly minor problem in the grand scheme of things] and succeeded, in a healthy manner, I’d love to hear about it. Thanks!

    • Em

      Your body isn’t sabotaging you; it just doesn’t want to weigh ten pounds less than the healthy weight it’s at.

      • Anne Shirley

        Why do you need to lose those 10 pounds? It sounds like if you just accepted that you’re not going to, you could live your healthy life and not call eating when you’re hungry sabotage. Sounds exhausting.

        • Nellie

          To OP, as long as you can keep it in perspective and not form disordered eating or exercise habits, or obsessive thoughts, then I don’t see why anyone would criticize your desire to “lose a couple inches.”

          I’m all for not body-shaming and being comfortable with oneself at any weight, but I can completely commiserate with the OP and I think it’s completely normal not to give up on losing a few pounds or inches. I am also in “normal” range for weight/ BMI, but I clearly have fat arms and a bigger belly than I find enjoyable. If and I when I can consistently live healthier, I’d like to think I could I improve those problem areas.

          It might be true that your body doesn’t want you to lose the weight, but that’s because once any body reaches a new “normal,” our evolutionary instincts like to keep it there. And of course metabolisms slow as we age. So it’s tough to do.

          • Em

            The problem is you’re making a lot of weird equivalencies that aren’t backed up by data. Like that being “healthier” will always mean being “thinner” or adjust “problem areas” in way that meets your preferences.

          • Nellie

            Em, being healthier for me would mean exercising more, mostly, and moderating a few unhealthy choices I like to make—like too much wine, too often, or larger portions than I need to be satisfied. When I make healthier choices, I do tend to lose a little weight, and—godhelpme—I like it! These are not “weird equivalences,” they pretty standard ones I’ve observed in my own experience— which by the way, was all I was talking about. I can tell you are very invested in your point of view—one I’d actually like to hear about, if you’re interested in contributing something other than critiques of others’ posts—but you seem to be projecting something onto my comments that isn’t there.
            (Also, I would never apply the term “problem area” to anyone else’s body. It’s only a “problem” to me, because of my own preferences for myself. Again, not sure why you’d be invested in that.)

    • Orangerie

      How much strength training do you do? Building lean muscle is a great way to see results in terms of inches lost. The number on the scale might not change, you’ll likely see a difference in the way your clothes fit.

      • Pretzel_Logic

        +1. I actually gained a couple pounds doing Insanity, for instance, but lost inches. Just body weight training can get the job done in terms of lean muscle mass.

    • Susie

      Yep I managed to eat super well (no processed food, low sugar) for the 5 days my husband was gone on a trip, but fell right back into my old habits as soon as he returned. In the past I’ve had success with losing those last few vanity pounds on both Slim Fast and South Beach, but my willpower is definitely not as strong now in my 30s. Plus I’m good about not buying the unhealthy food, but if it’s freely available (ie someone brings into the office) I can’t resist. Something about being raised by my depression era/war refuge grandfather tells me I can’t let the opportunity go to waste!

      • OP

        I have that mentality, too! I am in my 30s — post-2-kids — and my Dad was born during the Depression, and my Mom lived in Europe during WWII. Waste not, want not!

    • mascot

      Is exercise in the equation? Even if it doesn’t change the number on the scale, it can change your shape. It also would give you something positive to channel the energy into, such as the motivation to eat healthy is to give you enough energy to make it through your run. I also agree with the previous posters that this may be your body’s setpoint and it’s not going to change.

      • OP

        Exercise is slightly in the equation. I went from doing nothing to doing about 40 minutes 2x/week in the past few months. It makes me feel better, but I feel like it’s not enough. Working it in is very tough. This is, of course, not counting the fact that I am on my feet pretty much alllll weekend long, with kids and cleaning, etc.

        In response to Orangerie, above, I don’t really do strength training anymore (I used to have a personal trainer, but the fees got too expensive for me), but I should. Good point.

        • gigi

          Have you ever tried an exercise DVD? I’m a big fan of Jillian Michaels’ 30-day shred and No More Trouble Zones (she also has other dvds). They are about 25 minutes – combo of strength, cardio, and abs. The number on the scale didn’t really change for me but I (a) felt better and (b) looked better / more toned, especially in my arms, back and butt. It’s certainly cheaper than a personal trainer.

        • AnnonFoo

          Highly recommend Jillian Michael DVDs. There is a free you tube video as well called “Jillian Michaels – Banish Fat boost metabolism”. It is 55 minutes long including warmup and stretch, mix of cardio/strength with no equipment. I am always dripping in sweat after finishing it. You can also checkout fitness blender (google it), they have lots of youtube videos of varying lengths, with dubmbell and without. I like the mix of cardio/strength together. I don’t get bored like running on a treadmill and I don’t have to come up with sequence/reps or what exercise to do, they tell you everything. It definitely helps me save on personal trainer or days I cannot get to the gym.

    • OP

      Really, I’m just looking for advice and commiseration. But I will say it will make me feel better, look better and look better in my clothes, which I love. I have grown larger around my middle and would like to regain my waist.

      • Wildkitten

        I like drinking a cup of warm tea before bed so I don’t snack late at night.

      • Anon for this

        Commiserating here–I’m right there with you. I love my body, but I feel so much better when I’m 5 pounds less. In the past for me, it’s been a combination of better food choices–mainly smaller portions–and more strength training, and I KNOW those two things (plus persistence) will work again for the vanity pounds. I am at a healthy weight, but these extra 5 pounds make me feel sluggish, frumpy, and much older.

        But in the last few months, I’ve been skipping workouts to sleep in and snacking mindlessly at work. Even though it’s only been about a 5 pound swing on the scale, my clothes aren’t fitting well, and I’m in a spiral. Please share if you find what works for you!

        • Wildkitten

          I gain weight if I’m stressed. So, there might be other factors besides calories in, calories out. YMMV.

      • Em

        Another thing that will make you feel better is not looking at your body like an enemy that is trying to sabotage you. (And I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: if you want mindless agreement with something, take it to your girlfriends; don’t post it on the Internet.)

        • Morgan

          Another thing that might make OP feel better is for you to stop criticizing her goal.
          Sure, you have the right to comment on whatever interests you, but it doesn’t mean that you’re being any less unpleasant to someone who specifically asked for a little commiseration. You don’t have to give it but why go the opposite way?

          • Em

            Honestly? Because I think challenging the assumption that thinner is always healthier, and that being thinner is always a reasonable goal for every woman, is valuable. I know a lot of people disagree, but it’s still important to me that the idea is expressed in public sometimes, especially in spaces geared towards/populated by women where the opposite is so, so often put forth as the unchallenged default.

          • Babs

            except NO ONE is saying that. You are projecting. And you’re coming off as defensive. no one called you fat, Em. and no one wants you to look any different than you do.

      • Lobbyist

        I’m in the same boat. I actually gained 10 lbs on a medicine and couldn’t lose it. Now I am off the medicine and am (slowly) losing the weight. I’m about halfway there. I also am not fat at this weight but I feel and look better a little lighter. I think I am able to stay consistently in my healthy eating mode when I: get enough sleep, am not overworked, am not over-stressed, make some time to indulge myself in other ways. My issue is that rarely happens for more than a couple days at a stretch, if that. And then I am back again, tired, stressed, overwhelmed, and I don’t overeat or binge, but neither do I load up on veggies, plan ahead and bring my healthy snacks, get good long workouts in, and the things I prefer to do to look and feel my best. When you get it figured out, please report back!! I could use the help too.

        • SoCalAtty

          That’s how I picked up my extra 15 pounds. Well, now it is 12 pounds but the progress is excruciatingly slow. Weight training, cardio 4x a week for 60-90 minutes is changing my shape, but not my weight. I think I’m resigned to just being patient and stop staring at the scale.

          I have to say – weight training a little is changing my shape MUCH faster than just cardio. It is a new thing for me this year and I like it.

    • Yellow

      I would make sure you’re eating enough when you’re healthier. Switching out junk or calorie dense food for things like fruits and veggies can leave you with a relatively large calorie gap that I think can make you SO hungry. Make sure you’re not doing things like eating a salad just of veggies for lunch and then wondering why your stomach is growling uncontrollably by 5pm.

      Make sure you’re adding in foods that feel substantial and will make you satisfied while still being low cal and healthy. When I’m trying to be healthy one of my favorite comfort food meals is a veggie burger with a whole wheat bun and sliced sweet potato baked til crispy, making it feel like fries. Even starting your day with something filling like oatmeal or something will help make you feel satisfied. Bottom line- even though you’re dieting, you can’t deprive yourself of the “Whew, I’m FULL” feeling all the time or you’ll binge on the food you’re trying to avoid.

    • Anon

      If you’re hungry, why in the world are you eating a few crackers? Seriously, just eat something healthy.

      • Anne

        How about setting up so that there is healthy snacks easily available? I think it was someone here who said that when they get home from the grocery store they chop up (some) vegetables to have readily in the refrigerator to snack on. I aspire to do this.

        Something that you can eat enough of so that you feel full, but that doesn’t pack a huge calorie punch. Carrots, celery sticks, broccoli, cauliflower…

    • Sydney Bristow

      I’m reading a book called The Sharp Solution right now and one of the things discussed is how your brain gets freaked out by big change. The reason given is that you only have so much mental energy in a day (which you can refresh somewhat throughout the day) and that changes mean more things for your brain to use energy on. Things that are habits like brushing your teeth require very little mental energy because they are habits and automatic. When trying to change a habit, it is something you have to focus on.

      The ultimate suggestion out of all of that is to make small changes over time instead of one big one. You said you do great for 5 days then lose control. Can you think of small changes you can make over time to make your diet and exercise habits better? I’m trying this now by focusing only on quitting drinking liquid calories. When that is no longer a big deal I’m going to work on changing my granola bar snack into something with protein. Individual things at a time.

      The book is pretty interesting and a quick read. There is also someone named Fogg (can’t remember his full name) who has a website and free weeklong program called “Tiny Habits” that is all about making small changes that last.

      I’ve been stuck within the same 10 pounds for about a year after losing a lot of weight. I’m currently trying to regain my focus to lose the rest so I definitely can commiserate with you!

    • bananagram

      Have you tried Weightwatchers? I started it in August and have been losing, slowly but steadily. I went down a size in jeans (awesome) and running feels so much better. FWIW, I’m 35.

      • Wildkitten

        Congratulations! WW is great because it teaches/trains lifestyle changes that you can keep using even if you don’t want to count PP for the rest of your life.

      • DC Association

        When you do WW, you will really be amazed at what you thought you were doing “right” with eating and what you weren’t, somewhat along the lines of what someone said about are you sure you’re eating enough…and when you think you’ve hardly eaten anything in a day, you realize, oh whoops, I DID eat a lot.

        The best thing about WW is it shows you that you CAN eat whatever you want…it is just how much and what else you eat to compensate for that brownie sundae.

  12. SV in House Paging kpadi

    Paging kpadi! I seem to recall that you have a personal shopper at the downtown SF Nordstrom that you like. Would you mind sharing her name? I have a breakfast interview next week and I guess I should wear a suit, so I need to do some shopping!

    Thanks

    • Jules

      Someone said on the morning thread that k-padi’s traveling right now and therefore out of the loop.

    • zora

      Hey, she’s traveling right now so might not see this. But in the past she posted that her name was Melyssa at the Stanford Nordies.

      Also, congrats on the interview and GOOD LUCK!! ;o)

    • Susie

      Speaking of the SF Nordstrom, Kenneth Cole will be there on Saturday introducing his fall collection and signing books

  13. Kathryn

    I’m hoping the hive can help me out– I am looking for an alternate to the Longchamp shoulder tote bag. I have loved and worn mine to the ground. I’d like to find something that will perform the same function (weekend getaways, transporting gym clothes + lunch, etc) but for more like $70-$80, rather than $145. My thinking is that something just as great can be found for less. I don’t want a copy or even need something that looks similar, but I would like something unadorned, functional, and not cheap looking. Something that zips would be ideal.

    Anyone have any great recommendations from experience? TIA!

    • Pink

      My friend got hers on ebay at around $50. Apparently people will get them as gifts and just try to sell them for cash if they don’t want it.

      • Kathryn

        Pink- I guess I could have looked there first! I saw tons on there and will keep an eye out.

        Anonymous- thanks! I think this might be what I want (and SO much less than I was willing to spend!)

    • mandy

      i recommend the michael kors kempton large tote (i have the east/west)…it’s similar to the longchamp but has both interior and exterior pockets for better organization and i really love the colors it comes in. the large tote which i have is ~$100-130 but you can often find coupons/sales that bring the cost down even further. good luck with your search!

    • Cb

      I have. Dakine bag that is the same shape. It’s made for recycled water bottles and is really nice looking (looks like twill). I have a nice jewel tone striped one but I think it comes in black.

      • Kathryn

        Cb: This might be the ticket! Has yours held up well? It’s such a good price I guess it doesn’t really matter.

        • Cb

          I’ve been using mine pretty much nonstop for 2 months and no sign of wear. The lining is also light coloured which makes it easier to find things. I have the Dana in the Odette pattern.

  14. Dulcinea

    OK, I just want to share that I am a little annoyed with myself for a comment I made to opp counsel today. I work in legal aid (civil) and he works in BigLaw. He wanted to send me something today and asked how long I would be at the office. Normally when clients ask this I say “I usually leave around 6” because I don’t want them calling me later than that (I need some part of the day to get actual work done). In truth I often work 12 hour days, leaving around 10 pm or later, plus weekends.

    So when this guy asked me the question, I gave my normal response and now I am annoyed because I don’t want him to think I have this cushy job with low hours – he has already made a somewhat envious/snarky remark about how nice it is where my office is located (near beaches).

    It’s not really that I care what he thinks of me, it’s just that I don’t want him to feel smug. I know this whole thing is silly, just needed to vent and thought someone here might identify with my gripe.

    • Nonny

      Meh, I wouldn’t worry about it. I’ve been there too, though, and I know how you feel. If it makes you feel better, set your Blackberry to e-mail him something at some horrific hour of the night tonight. Passive aggressive maybe, but sometimes you just need to do these things.

      If it helps, I’m feeling p*ssed off right now too. Just got off a conference call with a client that I would like to fire, on which there was a supremely annoying finance guy who tried to systematically undermine every single thing I was saying to the client (about a non-finance matter). So angry, because I know I’m right on this matter and the finance guy was speaking out of his *55, and yet he tries to make me look bad?

      • Dulcinea

        Ugh, I love what I do, but I too have a client or two I would like to fire….

    • SoCalAtty

      “So move your offices to the beach, your billable rate would support it!”

      “Yes, well, I would work those hours too for that salary…”

      Take those with a grain of salt – I came from MidLaw and am now in house, and I have no sympathy for that kind of snark – my go to is “I know, in-house is lawyer utopia.”

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      He’s not smug, he’s jealous. He’s using smug azzhole-ry to cover up the jealous.

      And if he actually thinks he’s “better” than you because you work humane hours helping people near the beach while he’s in some thankless office tower 80 hours a week, he’s a dumbazz, so who cares what he thinks?

      • Dulcinea

        I agree! But the thing is I *don’t* work humane hours a lot of the time. And I want “credit” for that I guess?

        The other thing is that I just did him a huge favor, allowing him to file something even though he waaay missed the deadline (and blamed his secretary) but in exchange I asked him to give me waaaay more time than normally allowed to file a response. In reality I need this time because I have a crazy caseload (and sadly no support staff to blame when things go wrong) but now maybe he gets to smugly think well of course she needs 3 extra weeks, going home at 6 every night, must be nice).

        But thanks everyone for the support!

        • Killer Kitten Heels

          Eh, I’m still going with “if he thinks that, he’s a dumbazz, so who cares what he thinks?”

          If he can’t interact with opposing counsel without being a dooshcanoe, imagine what it must be like to be him on a daily basis, then be glad you’re you. :-)

    • Anon

      I get where you’re coming from. I worked part-time flex hours for a while and was sometimes uncomfortable when someone asked me that question, because I didn’t want them to think I had some cushy high-paid job (I didn’t) but I didn’t want to explain my whole backstory either.

      I got myself in the habit of saying “we’re open till 6” or “the office closes at 6” to avoid accidentally giving someone my schedule (or giving someone the wrong impression of my schedule). The doors are locked at 6 and calls will go straight to voicemail, so 6 is the time that matters for people contacting the office.

    • anon

      Who cares what he thinks? Stop trying to control everything and “win” all the time. Just be secure in yourself and let it go.

  15. SoCalAtty

    Hi Hive! I thought I’d post an update on all of my financial drama – Quicken Loans funded my refi last week, so I’m out of the FHA product and into a conventional at 5.25% (decided to go 30 year rather than 15, and didn’t want to pay points because the break even mark for the cash they wanted would have been 7 years – and I’ll be in a different (construction) loan by then). That made my mortgage payment go down $600/month.

    Today we were approved for a home equity line to pay off ALL of my revolving/credit debt at 6% (more than halving my interest rate in some instances). This lowers my credit payments by $1445/month. It is a 20 year product, but we are going to make extra payments so that it will be paid off in 5.

    So all that’s left for me as far as debt is mortgage + student loans! We got a $6000 refund after our refinance from the left over escrow on the old loan, which went directly into savings. Goal is to quickly pay up our saving account so we have 6 months of monthly expenses saved away. Second priority is start paying down the private student loans that have the highest interest.

    Polly is still up for sale, but has been moved to the new trainer and everything is much improved. I may or may not sell her, depending on the offers that come in after we get out to a few shows.

    So…well, financial responsibility is boring but in a year or so we will have a great savings account and bills that are a manageable part of our salary, so we won’t feel bad splurging (with cash) every now and then.

  16. preg 3L

    An old man just got in an elevator with me and looked at my belly, looked up at my face, and said, “I’d say someone’s been eating too much!” I’m wearing maternity jeans, a tshirt, and a maternity sweater that belts with an empire waist. I laughed and said, “Yeah, so would my daughter!” but now I’m kind of peeved. Who would think that’s an appropriate remark? Ugh. Anyway, carry on.

    • Dulcinea

      I think the remark you made was perfectly appropriate, certainly no more inappropriate than his remark! I hope he “got” it.

    • R

      Your comment was great. I got something similar at five months preg (“Time to hit the gym, huh?”) and wanted to say “Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll lose the weight eventually.” but was too chicken.

      • preg 3L

        Haha. That would have been awesome. I keep wanting to say something clever like, “well, the doctor says it’s temporary.” I suppose this is the first of many comments I’ll hear….

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