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Updated: Oct 13, 2020 267 Comments · by

Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Katla Belted Brushed Knitted Cardigan 

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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A camel cardigan is a great basic to have on hand, and this version looks like a dream. I find that chunkier cardigans look best on me when they have belts to give a little waist definition, but if done incorrectly, they can easily veer into bathrobe territory.

This would look so chic over a black turtleneck and leggings for a casual office or work-from-home outfit.

The sweater is $210 and comes in sizes XS–XL. It also comes in a light gray. Katla Belted Brushed Knitted Cardigan 

This belted cardigan from Express is more affordable at $58.80, marked down from $98, and is available in “warm taupe” and charcoal heather. Another option is this Talbots belted cardigan that comes in regular, petite, and plus sizes and is $89.50–$99.

Sales of note for 9.30.24

Sales of note for 9.30.24

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Anon

    I usually don’t comment on the clothing selections, but both the Katla and the Express versions are way overpriced! The Katla is mainly acrylic for $210. The Express looks like a Delia’s item that should be $25 at most. The Talbot’s is a better value, but it doesn’t come in the useful camel color. In terms of the Katla styling, the loose sweater with the midi skirt reminds me of my early 1980s attempts at dressing professionally for college interviews – I’ll pass on doing this again.

    • Anonymous

      My mom sews and has maybe 8-10 versions of this (including camel) that she wears only with tall boots. Hers are a heavier wool and lined and have pockets.

    • MagicUnicorn

      I get major “Dr. Quinn goes to the Big City” vibes from this outfit.

      • Anon

        I could see the cardigan working over a very sleek outfit – fitted turtleneck without the fold-over thing, cigarette pants. As styled, no.

      • Anon

        This outfit is giving me a very “Kathleen Turner circa 1984” vibe. I have not seen the riding skirt + belted cardigan combo since the late 1980s and very much feel this is something people should not be trying to bring back. Next it will be gaucho pants with boots and a long vest over a turtleneck.

        • Ellen

          I agree. Kathleen Turner was my role model growing up b/c I watched her in a number of movies my Dad saved on VCR, b/c I also liked Michael Douglas. I do not remember who the male lawyer was in the movie Body Heat, but Dad said he wished that I grew up to be like her. Now, Dad says that Amy Coney Barrett should be a role model for my neices b/c she is a top female judge.

    • Panda Bear

      I know – I was tempted by this sweater until I saw the acrylic content. I can ignore a small percentage, but anything more than a small touch of the stuff makes fabric feel like plastic to me.

  2. Concierge medicine

    Does anyone have experience with concierge medicine? Did you like it and was it worth the money? I have avoided regularly seeing a doctor for years and have a laundry list of issues that probably need to be addressed. I’m considering going the concierge route to help jump start this and get more personalized and quicker advice, referrals, and follow ups. I’ve had bad experiences with my last PCP just not listening or caring that have really frustrated me. For example, I have a weight problem that is likely PCOS related at a minimum and her solution was to give me a 30 year old copy of a food pyramid and told me to eat 1200 calories per day. When I would come back to see her for an ear infection or UTI, etc. and not have lost any weight she would ask why I wasn’t just eating 1200 calories and was just very harsh with me. The concierge practices I’m looking at charge around 200 per month out of pocket for membership/access to the doctor. It’s a big expense but one I’m willing to pay if I can get fast, personal and maybe more compassionate help. Thoughts or advice appreciated!

    • Anonymous

      I would try a different doctor before you jump to concierge medicine. My husband and his parents all used to go to the same doctor, who is compassionate and great with follow-up. He converted his standard primary care practice to a concierge practice. My husband dropped him because he didn’t want to pay the concierge fees. His parents stayed and are still happy, but say nothing is different about the concierge practice except the expense. Bottom line: just find the doctor who’s the right fit for you. If you think PCOS is an issue, I’d start with an OB/GYN rather than a PCP.

      • Senior Attorney

        This, exactly. I go to a conceirge practice because my beloved PCP switched to that model and I didn’t want to lose her. It’s great because I can always get in within a day or so, and she spends as much time as I need. Plus I can text or call 24/7 for things like “calling in a prescription for a UTI on Thanksgiving Day.”And yes, she never bugged me to lose weight but she was supportive when I decided to have weight loss surgery (my idea, she never breathed a word), and she still treats me the same now that I’m smaller.

        But. Most of the things I love about the practice are things I loved before she went to the concierge model. As others have said, it’s the doctor, not the model of practice, that makes them fat-phobic and tone-deaf.

    • Anon

      I don’t think you need concierge for “fast, personal and maybe more compassionate help”. I think you just need a new PCP. I have all of those after finding my PCP, which is part of a large practice group, through word of mouth.

      • Anon

        I agree. I also would not overlook NPs and PAs who often take more time and look things up more. A humble NP who looks things up can be much, much more helpful than a confident MD who is regurgitating something memorized in medical school while rushing you out of the office.

        • emeralds

          Agreed. I like my current MD PCP, but overall I’ve preferred NPs for both PCP and OB/GYN stuff–their training is often more patient-centric, and I’ve found that they listen more.

        • Nesprin

          On the other hand, I’ve had some terrible experiences with NPs/PAs who were utterly unable to handle my moderately complex medical issues, to the extent of prescribing contraindicated medications together. So it really depends on the person- I’ve had great MD/DOs to terrible MD/DOs, and good NPs and NPs who should have sent me to an MD.

          • Anon

            Yes, there’s research showing that NPs/PAs are not always great diagnosticians and in studies are not as good with complex issues. As a rare disease patient, I guess I’ve had enough out-and-out mistakes made by health care providers that I have learned to double check things myself, and I have sometimes found that MDs don’t want to hear it, whereas midlevels will actually look at something like UpToDate or a patient information sheet and learn something that day.

            With an already diagnosed chronic condition like PCOS, I can imagine a midlevel helping manage blood glucose and insulin levels with diet and lifestyle, for example; I may want to see a specialist to discuss spironolactone or possibly a functional ob/gyn if I wanted to pursue something like bioidentical progesterone.

          • Anon

            +1 my doctor was out and his NP diagnosed me as needing an orthotic when what I actually had was a broken leg.

    • Anonymous

      I think all concierge medicine does is screen out the poors. I get great comprehensive care from just going to a large medical group that doesn’t charge a monthly fee and takes my insurance. There are good and bad doctors everywhere.

      • Anon

        Unfortunately this can actually really help. Treating patients who have the resources to manage their conditions can be really different from treating patients who don’t. When I had lousy insurance, I had a doctor tell me, “I don’t know what to tell you; you’re already doing better than all my other patients.” I found better care when I had better insurance later on.

        I would not go concierge either, but I would and have gone direct care.

        • Ellen

          I would not want to rely any more on a Nurse Practioner to handle serious medical issues then I would having a local Doula to help me give birth. My Dad says there is a right time and place for both of these great people, but not when my serius health needs are at stake. I simple MUST have the best.

      • Anonymous

        In my city a lot of practices are selling themselves to the hospital systems that control our market. Doctors become mere employees on an Ethel and Lucy assembly line. If this is the alternative, I’d consider it. Medicine is squeezing the middle out of the provider market.

        • Anon

          I’ve actually seen Direct Care brought up as an alternative to “leaving medicine altogether” (and even in discussions of physician suicide). It’s troubling. There are providers who do sliding scale or low cost instead of full blown concierge medicine (Direct Care is less than insurance copay for me at this point, since “decent” insurance seems to cover less and less).

    • Anonymous

      I would ask around for suggestions for a new primary care doctor. Each time one of my doctors or my dentist retires it takes a couple of tries before I find someone I like.

    • RW

      I joined one medical group, which was much cheaper than what you are outlining but nice in the sense of being able to always get an appointment same day, free video calls, the appointments always ran on schedule. I think weight is just a tricky topic with doctors. I am overweight, and have experienced what you are talking about pretty much with all doctors to a more or less extent. Any possible cold, issue somehow weight is brought up. There are doctors who follow a health at any size model, but they are hard to find. I think you have to keep looking, review websites, look at reviews, etc and be up front with the doctors. For your particular concierge group, at that price, i would expect you to be able to have a free consultation/trial first. I would ask how they approach managing overall health, how they deal with weight in treating other problems, etc.

      • Anonymous

        I mean, morbidly obese isn’t healthy at any size and we can all stand to lose some weight and exercise more. But I have yet to find a person who is blithely unaware of her size, especially if she is larger than a 2 or a 4. The sky is blue. Also, losing weight won’t help my strep throat or bad Pap test. That’s what I need a doctor for — medically treating a medical problem.

        • Anon

          This. Further, weight is such a heated topic, it can make people avoid necesary health care on non-related issues because they are embarassed and don’t want the lecture.

          It can also be actively harmful. My husband is a very tall dude with some body dysmorphia. His waist is absurdly skinny. But he lifts and has high muscle mass in his legs and arms. Every time he sees his doc, their stupid computer system spits out a report that his BMI puts him at obese and they include tips for losing weight. His doctor always brushes it off and says, nah, that doesn’t apply to you. But that doesn’t stop it from negatively impacting someone with body dysmorphia. They should be able to override the system to not print the weight loss tips when someone’s BMI is not an accurate measure of their health due to muscle mass or pregnancy.

          • Anon

            It is harmful. It’s one of the least of the harms caused by existing healthcare EHR software and the absurd bureaucracies produced by insurance companies and the ACA, but still.

          • Anonymous

            When I was in college I was very overweight. Yes, I needed to lose weight for my health. But when I went into my college’s health clinic with a terrible, terrible virus one winter (fever, cough, everything) the doctor’s advice was to “drink lots of fluids, but not orange juice because you don’t need the calories.”. Yes, my weight was an issue for this doctor even when my diagnosis was a common flu-like virus. The worst fat shaming. This is real. If you don’t believe it, you are choosing not to be ignorant.

        • Anon

          Yep, this 100%. I’m mildly overweight (BMI of 27). Yes, I should lose a few pounds. But no, being 10-15 pound over weight at 5’10” is not causing my ankle issue.

          • Anonymous

            IDK. I’m also 5’10” and being that big definitely caused me joint issues. My ankles and knees are much better with a healthy BMI at 140lbs vs when I was 185lbs.

          • Anon

            Yeah and it also doesn’t mean you don’t exercise. My best friend is fat (her word) and doctors always assume she is brand-new to exercise or doesn’t exercise at all and she always has to correct them with “I walk three miles daily and do Crossfit or Peloton six days a week.” Assumptions based on body size are false, stigmatizing, and harmful.

          • Anonymous

            I went seeking treatment for a cough my PCP thought might be acid reflux. The doctor, a teeny bird boned woman, saw my weight, made a whole bunch of assumptions and gave me a long lecture on cutting out the junk food, fatty meat and fried foods. I could not get her to shut up, as she thought I was lying when I told her am a vegetarian who hates fried food. On my own I figured out switching to La Croix 24-7 when they made it free at work was the trigger. I didn’t seek any further medical care for two years because I won’t pay to be abused by a medical professional.

          • Anonymous

            Re acid reflex, talking about weight actually is a really appropriate response because Excess weight puts pressure on your esophagus and can cause the acid reflux. Sometimes doctors do have the answer but we don’t want to hear it.

          • Anon

            No, it’s not an appropriate response to immediately assume weight is the cause of acid reflux without even listening to what the patient is telling you.

          • Anonymous

            Hey Anon at 4:04, given that my weight had not changed in many years it was highly unlikely to have triggered my first ever bout of acid reflux. If you are a doctor you are like her a poor diagnostician.

          • Anon

            Primary care doctors are often not great with reflux specifically. Mine wanted me to take acid blockers, and then I saw a gastroenterologist for actual medical testing who found that my stomach acid was already far, far too low, and that this was contributing to my symptoms.

          • Anonymous

            Hey Anon, you are an example of the problem. I solved my acid reflux without losing weight, your blind insistence on not looking at any causation other than weight is the exact kind of bad advice we are often given.

          • Anonymous

            I’m not saying it’s the only cause, but it should be the first line to look at, and if the OP came across to her doctor like she does here (the doctor is “being abusive” for talking to her about the first line treatment for her condition?), I can see why the discussion didn’t exactly go well.

          • Anonymous

            Hey Anon, try reading the various threads about fat shaming by medical professionals on this site or any other. You will see that instead of getting actionable and thoughtful advise, too many doctors just say lose weight. Since that is virtually impossible to do, it’s in no way actionable and does not assist the patient in any way.

        • Anon

          People can try asking a doctor “What would you recommend for treatment if I were a thin person?” The answer can be telling.

      • Anon

        Also overweight, but I’ve had really good experience with doctors. They’ve allowed me to bring weight up and they offer practical advice (no magic, but small, actionable steps aimed at making me healthier even if I don’t lose weight). I don’t have PCOS, just heavy.

        Good docs are out there! I think it helps to see docs who have a lot patients whose lives look similar to mine. They have more practice giving advice that works with my life, and more insight into what my life is like.

      • BB

        +1 recommendation for One Medical if you have it in your area. I would absolutely do concierge medicine if I had a serious issue, but for general health type things, One Medical is a good start. Easy to book appointments, and you can choose who you want to see in their offices, so if you didn’t like one doctor you saw, you can easily pick a different one next time with no awkwardness. Also has had good network of referrals for specialists in my experience.

      • Anonymous

        Good idea, does anyone have a PCP in Silicon Valley who won’t make everything about weight? The BMI chart was built off of European men, think those small boned guys who fit in Armani. I am of big boned peasant stock and registered as overweight when I was working out 4 hours a day for a competitive sport. Now that I am older I tipped the BMI calculator into deciding I am obese as the result of aging — we turn into those pigeon shaped gals in menopause. My PCP was fine until the BMI flags started flying and now she is offering unsolicited and completely unhelpful advise. I don’t want to starve myself to fit onto some stupid chart, and am otherwise healthy, low BP and good cholesterol, no heart problems, no asthma, regular exercise, no fast food, etc., so I think I am entitled to not be fat shamed.

        • Anonymous

          Agree. Even the inventor intended it as a broad tool only to be used to flag who might need to have their health checked more closely. Not that it should be in and of itself more determinative of health. I wish we paid more attention to waist measurement and the documented issues of not just what you weigh but whether or not the weight is carried primarily in the abodomen vs evenly distributed.

        • Menlo Park

          Dr. Thornton at Menlo Medical is phenomenal.

          Only thing is that the office staff isn’t always great for time-sensitive issues, so if you have something time-sensitive, either message her or phone and politely demand to speak to her/her nurse.

      • Anonymous

        My husband joined One Medical (I think it’s a yearly membership fee of $200) and he loves it – both his doctor but also being able to get an appointment same day and having as much time as he needs with his doctor.

    • Anon

      Also, if you leave this doctor, I would write a review online or offer feedback. I’m sure she’s doing the same thing to other patients.

    • Anon

      First of all, I’m sorry that happened to you. Your previous PCP sounds like a terrible doctor. Having a UTI has nothing to do with your weight. What a shame that was all she could focus on.

      My recommendation is to look on Nextdoor for a great primary care doctor in your area. People will have asked that before so you can just find it in the archives. Then start calling. In my experience, many of the great doctors are not taking new patients so be patient (get it) but hopefully you will be able to find one.

      If the only good doctor taking new patients is a concierge type, then I personally would probably go for it.

    • Anon 2.0

      This may come across badly – but I have a PCP I love. The key to me was to find someone who, frankly, was a bit overweight themselves. She understands the weight issue but doesn’t push it or force it. We have had some brief conversations about it but it is never brought up on a visit where it is not relevant. If you have a larger local health system usually you can find the photos and bios of the doctors online.

      • shananana

        was actually going to say the same. My PCP is also around my size (14 ) and has been the most understanding and still willing to run the tests and see if there were medical issues making it so hard for me to drop any weight. (there was, PCOS) and offered options. My obgyn is similarly one of the best doctors I have ever seen. Everyone in her office makes it a point to say my name correctly (small, but wow how nice it is) she sits and talks to me, including just checking in on how my mental health is, and after one conversation about 5 years ago how kids were not in the cards for me, she left it at if they should ever be, make sure you come see me, and has never raised the issue to me again. It took trial and error, being willing to never return somewhere again, and just asking people, who do you see and why do you like them. I am covered by VA health care and purposely will never use them unless its a last resort due to how many terrible interactions I had with them in my 20s.

      • Seventh Sister

        Yes, my PCP is a bit overweight herself and she’s more reasonable about it than other doctors might be.

    • Anon for this

      No advice but commiseration here. A car accident left me with lingering pain, I have an autoimmune condition and likely have another autoimmune condition but I just keep getting bounced around – oh, you have X condition, that is the reason you feel terrible; you are medicated, you *should* feel fine; have this invasive surgery and your pain *may* go away (but also maybe not); etc

      I’m exhausted all the time, have gained 20 lbs in 4 years and have sore joints (I am still not overweight per BMI now but it’s a lot of weight to suddenly gain). I force myself to exercise but I pretty much have to immediately nap after – dead to the world zombie nap. PCP says Endo says Neurosurgeon says Pain Management says PCP. Repeat.

  3. Anonymous

    I need self control help. Pre-covid, i mostly read books or volunteered at night. Now, I got Netflix for the first time ever and I’m hooked! I watch 3-4 episodes a night. I know this isn’t “binging” but it’s making me go to bed later, read fewer books, etc. I i don’t really want to get rid of it because im enjoying watching things my friends talk about, but i will if needed. Any thoughts for moderation?

    • Lily

      Watching 3-4 episodes a night is indeed binging! No judgment, but think about what it’s causing you to miss out on. In addition, by binging the shows, you’re finishing them sooner and preventing yourself from enjoying the suspense of waiting for the next episode. Why not just limit yourself to an hour a night and set some goals to get back into reading and/or volunteering?

    • Anon

      It’s a pandemic. Presumably, your regular routines have changed drastically and you are dealing with stress. I would cut yourself a break if you are still able to function professionally and personally. If you wanted to be reading books, you would be reading books. I would not assume that your brain will turn to mush if you watch tv for a year and read fewer books.

    • Cat

      Netflix is designed to make you keep watching! Like- there is a reason the next episode auto-plays rather than going back to the home screen. And series that are made for Netflix are also designed to flow right into each other, rather than more standalone (when people watched a show once a week and the details of last week’s weren’t fresh, more time was spent on plot maintenance than new stories). So you need to set a limit for yourself, like 2 episodes, and then turn. it. off.

      • Cat

        I should add- *not* binge watching can mean I just opt out of some pop culture entirely, because by the time I’d get around to finishing a show, the world is now onto the next thing. Somehow I don’t think skipping Tiger King or Emily in Paris is going to be on the list of my life’s regrets.

      • Ellen

        You do not say if you have an SO, or are considering one, but I encourage you to limit your TV viewing b/c it has an adverse effect on your tuchus. If you want to get MARRIED, like me, you must remain svelte, and that means not sitting more then you need to. That means less TV, be it Amazon, Netflix, Hulu, Apple+ or any other streaming service. Good luck to you!

    • anon

      Alternatively, you could allow yourself to simply enjoy something that you find enjoyable! No need to feel guilty about not having the “correct” pastimes.

      • Anon

        Yes, this is always temporary for me. I watch like this and then for the next four weeks read books instead. I enjoy being excited about a show and watching it all at once. I don’t really enjoy watching TV a little every day for weeks.

        • Bonnie Kate

          Agree with this! I love binge watching a series, and then I can go a while before I watch anything else at all. If I want to watch less TV I would finish whatever series I’m watching and then just not start another series.

    • anon

      I think you just need to impose a hard stop time or time limit. The more you enforce it on yourself, the easier it becomes.

    • Anonymous

      Try stopping in the middle of episodes. Shows, especially Netflix shows, are designed to hook you to watch another so they build narratively at the end. There’s usually a downbeat/more boring part 1/2-2/3 the way through the ep that are easier to stop at than the end of ep cliff hanger. Netflix remembers your place, so this is super easy to implement. This really helps me head off a binge (but may be frustrating for other family members who watch with you :) )

  4. Clementine

    I have decided that I am going to lean HARD into the holidays this year. Not so much the $$ part, but I’ve broken it to my husband that Phase 1 of Christmas decorations is going up on November 1 and I’m going to be listening to 24/7 Christmas music shortly after.

    Any suggestions/ideas for blogs or posts that will help me lean in? Also, would you go with a ‘plaid’ theme (so, plaid bows, plaid pillow covers, etc.) or a ‘Scandinavian Christmas’ theme. Note that I craft/sew a lot of decorations and re-use fabrics and old clothes and such so this is more of an ‘activity to keep us going through quarantine’ rather than a shopping list.

    • Veronica Mars

      Wonderful idea! I’m already counting down the days until Christmas. I think Live Your Style/Kinwoven Home/Robeson designs on Youtube are probably the best for their years and years of past Christmas content and decorating. I also like She Holds Dearly because she does more DIY decorating and offers some interesting ideas (like some thrifted vintage ice skates hung with jingle bells on the door, I’d never think of doing that, but it looked so editorial and cool!). She also has some great content on how to make wreaths and other things. I’d definitely add ribbon to your tree if you haven’t already. There’s several really good tutorials on how to do it, but it did add so much last year.

      • Clementine

        This sounds awesome, thank you! I’m going to queue some of these up to watch while doing super glamourous household chores like folding laundry.

    • Anonymous

      I would go with Scandinavian, but that might be because I’ve had plaid Christmas decorations forever and am sick of them. Scandinavian seems fresher to me. You could probably combine the two themes into one cohesive look if you wanted to.

      • Vicky Austin

        +1 – Plaid/Scandinavian would probably be beautiful. Plus then you have the bonus of reusing more of your fabric stash, lol.

    • spookyvibes

      Too early y’all! I am a professed Halloween lover and to those of us that love to get our spook on, Xmas talk in October is a personal attack.

      • Katherine Vigneras

        She’s not coming to your house to Christmas it out. Let her live.

          • Clementine

            Um, I’m pretty sure you overheard the conversation my husband had with me this morning.

            The phrase ‘Let pumpkins have their moment.’ Was uttered.

          • Anon

            I have had people actually tell me I’m stupid or wrong when they find out how early I start listening to Christmas music. As if my own personal, private enjoyment of something I love affects their lives. Why don’t we just not yuck anybody’s yum?? Life is too short.

          • Anon

            The problem is here is all the stores and coffee shops that play the same 20 Christmas songs for two straight months every year. Individuals who enjoy Christmas a lot are fine; I know two unrelated people who celebrate year round (as in, if you visit their house, there will be decorations up everywhere, at any time of year). That doesn’t bother me, but the annual holiday spirit onslaught in public places does.

    • Anon

      Do both! I LOVE a plaid and ticking stripe Christmas!! <3 So rich and welcoming (ya know…to all those delivery drivers dropping off packages…) And then I think Scandinavian would be a beautiful way to cozy up the house in January and February.

    • Anon

      I already bought a tartan collar for my cat, but I would love a rec for a decent indoor garland if anyone has one.

    • anon8

      Check out some cleaning and lifestyle videos on YouTube. They always start decorating for Christmas early.

      • Clementine

        Any specific recommendations? My current YouTube watch history is like CSPAN Congressional hearings, some weird kid’s show where they open dinosaur toys, John Oliver’s Last Week Tonight, and Minnie Mouse (used to bribe a 2 year old to stay sitting on the potty).

        Unfortunately, whatever algorithm YouTube uses, none of it suggests any type of Lifestyle videos to me, so lifestyle Vloggers are kind of a foreign concept to me.

        • anon8

          These are some channels I watch. And by watch, I mean I usually put them on in the background while I’m cooking or cleaning.

          Amy Darly
          Amy Lynn Sattler
          Kailyn Cash
          Laura Leth Lifestyle
          This Crazy Life
          Til Vacuum Do Us Part

          You can always go back and watch Christmas videos from last year too.

        • Anon

          Blogger Karen has The Art of Doing Stuff. She’s has a serious countdown to Christmas list. She’s fantastic without the smug “spark joy” part.

    • Anon

      I would also check out the Kiel James Patrick Instagram account if you haven’t already. They go WAYYYYY overboard for the holidays but I also kind of love it.

    • Obsessed with this Question :)

      Scandinavian! I think a ton of plaid could be busy visually, and given how stressful everything is, I’d not add the visual mess. (I say this as a person who LOVES Christmas, listens to Christmas music year round, and enjoys Christmas plaid…but maybe not if you’re staying at home almost all the time including work hours because of the pandemic.)

      Please get/make one of those wooden advent calendars that look like houses and have little boxes and make your own with your husband! Maybe alternate even and odd days? Little notes of gifts for each other would be a really sweet tradition. Another idea: advent candles! Take the leaning into Christmas and add the hygge candle love :). That would give you something to look forward to every time it gets dark: yay, we GET to light the advent candle, not boo, its dark and its not even 6.

    • anon

      Pro tips:

      Put all of your lights on smart plugs so you can say, “Alexa turn on Christmas”. For some reason it made me happy to see all the indoor lights come on as I was stumbling for coffee in the morning.

      If you are going to order anything from Balsam Hill, I would do it now. Shipping can take a while at peak Christmas ordering times (and that was pre-COVID).

    • Anon

      Yay!! Christmas! I already started listening to music :) I personally would go for the Scandinavian theme and would love to see what you’re looking at for inspiration!

    • Anon

      I agree with you other than November 1. My son’s birthday is right around Thanksgiving and he identifies strongly with that holiday, so we don’t skip celebrating and decorating for Thanksgiving and head right into Christmas. The rule is, no Christmas decor until after Thanksgiving or his birthday, whichever is later.

      Why not also decorate for Thanksgiving? Because of everything described above, we decided to have some thanksgiving decorations to pull out as soon as we put the Halloween stuff away. It’s out there if you look for it. The nice thing with the thanksgiving stuff is it’s generally “fall” themed so you can really put a lot of it out in September (towels with pumpkins – not Jack o’ lanterns) and fall leaves on them etc. The more specific Thanksgiving turkey/pilgrim type stuff comes out after Halloween. And corn. Love the dried corn. Don’t skip Thanksgiving!

      • anon

        Heh, we have the same rule. DS came home from the hospital on Thanksgiving Day 2009. :)

  5. Honey

    What is the SAD lamp everyone loves? Thinking of finally investing one because COVID. Thanks!

    • anne-on

      I finally moved my Verilux one to my office yesterday and am so glad I did. I’ve got the Verilux HappyLight VT43 and really like being able to switch the intensity and ‘tone’ (warmer or cooler) of the light.

      • Anon

        Thanks for this rec! I’ve been meaning to get one, and this model is even on sale for Prime Day.

    • Katherine Vigneras

      I have the Verilux Happy Light – the small one – which was about $20 on A’zon.

    • Cb

      Looking for recs as well as mine was abandoned in my office in March (because we’d surely be back by winter) and my requests to go on a search and rescue mission were rejected.

  6. Anon for this

    Hi all – weird UTI OP from a few weeks ago. I’ve since had the urine culture come back clean and a bladder/kidney ultrasound come back normal, but continue to have off-and-on achiness around the urethra. Sometimes it will feel totally normal and sometimes as if my period cramps decided to relocate to that area.

    I’ll be making an appointment for PT to see if this is a pelvic floor issue — for those of you that got to this step, can you tell me more about what that involved and how fast it helped?

    • yeah

      I went for a different issue (pain during intercourse after childbirth) but it was life changing! It didn’t take many appointments. Part of it is awkward, for sure, but soooo worth it. Those people are really skilled.

    • Anon

      I had similar. No uti and normal ultrasound. But I continued to have urgency and frequency issues, and some pain with intercourse. I was 4 months post partum when I started PT. The urinary symptoms went away completely after one session. After months of struggling with running to the bathroom all day while caring for two kids, it was a miracle. I’m continuing with the sessions (8 total) to work on the deep muscle tension that is causing the pain with intercourse. The therapist does both external and internal massage and gives me stretches to do at home. It’s not that awkward. She’s about my age and we talk about our kids and general stuff while she massages. I enjoy the “me” time.

        • Anon

          My insurance is through a major hospital system (my husband works for it) so I first saw an ob/urologist specialist at the main campus. This is after my pcp and regular ob both thought uti and/or normal post partum issues. The ob/urologist diagnosed the muscle strain. Then I scheduled with the first available pelvic floor therapist at a different campus of the same hospital system. There were only a few who specialized in this. Yes, it’s been helping a lot and I’m so glad I didn’t settle for “this is normal post partum after two kids” … because it’s not and shouldn’t be.

    • Anon for this

      Thanks guys – made the appointment for Thursday. I have no children to blame for this… but perhaps 7 months of scarcely leaving the house and sitting on a not-great chair with not-great posture have affected more than just my psyche!!

      • Anonymous

        I don’t have kids but was one of the people who responded to your earlier post about thinking I had a UTI when what I really needed was pelvic PT, so it’s definitely possible for that to be the issue even without having had children. It helped a ton. She had me keep a bladder diary and then did external and internal massage during the appointments. Thinking about it in the abstract it sounds pretty awkward but I felt really comfortable during the visits. She did a lot to make sure I was comfortable and respect my privacy. I think I had probably 8 visits total but I felt quite a lot better after just 1 or 2. Good luck!

    • anon

      I had this and I’m one of the people who wasn’t helped by PT (I did it twice a week for six months…it was a serious commitment). I would still recommend trying PT because it helps many people, but know that there are other options too. In the end I had (and still have) interstitial cystitis that was triggered by an allergy to a compound that is in almost every soap, detergent and shampoo. A patch test confirmed this (they tested me for 70 different chemical allergies). I have to be super restrictive with the products I use (I can pretty much only use Dr Bronner’s soap, and only one kind of baby laundry detergent (definitely not the ones marketed as hypoallergenic)). If I slip up and use hotel toiletries I’m right back where I started (irritation, pain in the urethra and bladder area, pelvic floor spasms, frequent urination, etc.). It took me about 2 years of misery before I figured it out.

      A few other things I tried before figuring out the culprit: elmiron (for IC) – didn’t work. suppositories with gabapentin and valium (yeah seriously) – worked only as a temporary bandaid. IC diet (low acid, no coffee, no citrus) – didn’t work.

      I bounced around between a lot of doctors (urologies, gyn, etc.) that were all pretty dismissive because tests showed nothing pathological. The doctor who finally solved the issue for me was a gynecological dermatologist – that’s pretty rare to find.

      For the PT: ask for some recommendations for someone who specializes in this and find someone you’re comfortable with. It’s a pretty weird thing to do at first but they are so professional and it becomes just a matter of fact thing in the end. They will work on trigger points (internally) and also show you exercises to do at home.

      • Anon for this

        Thank you- did you develop the allergy as an adult? I have never been allergic to anything before, but did eat shrimp (once) for the first time in ages around the same time that symptoms started. I haven’t been near shellfish since though, and that’s been 6 weeks ago. If you slip up, how long do your symptoms take to abate again?

        • Anon

          Lots of times reactions to shellfish are really not reactions to the shellfish, but to preservatives with which the shellfish has been treated. Some of those preservatives, or their close cousins, also surface in soaps, shampoos and conditioners, lotions, etc. So there could be an allergic response link between shellfish and personal care products.

          • Anon for this

            oh man. So an allergic reaction to a shrimp preservative could trigger a broader allergy to something else? I hope that was a coincidence and PT is the solution but if not, I know what to ask about next!!

        • anon at 10.54

          Yes, I developed this as an adult (late 30s). It came on after a period of cycling through UTIs and yeast infections (and being generally stressed and run down – perhaps my immune system was going haywire) but once everything was cleared up, the allergy remained. I took so many UTI tests and they always came back negative.

          If I slip up, the symptoms take a few days to abate if I get strict again. Sometimes I use a mild steroid ointment. I had a miserable flare up this summer and couldn’t pinpoint what it was, until I checked the ingredients of my shampoo. They had changed the formula of the shampoo I had been using for years (as a safe option) and started including the substance I’m allergic to (cocamidopropyl betaine and all the variants of it). So my body tells me right away.

          • Anon for this

            Thank you- also in my late 30’s. If PT doesn’t help I will be sure to bring this up at my annual PCP appointment, thankfully scheduled for a few weeks from now!

      • anon at 10.54

        Oh and also, I was getting an allergic reaction in my mouth (sensitive and raw insides of my cheeks). Turns out even my toothpaste had cocoamidopropyl betaine! I switched to Toms of Maine and it went away.

    • Anonia

      I’ve had yeast infections that mimic UTI’s and don’t have the typical yeast infection indicators. When this has happened, I’ve needed prescription strength meds, as the OTC stuff doesn’t work. My doctor said it’s fairly common to assume it’s a UTI when it’s actually a yeast infection, and to try Monistat. If a couple days go by and it hasn’t helped, then I go to get checked out.

      • Anon for this

        Oh really? Interesting… I ruled out yeast infection based on (sorry TMI) normal discharge and no itching. Just pain in the general vicinity. Is that how yours were too?

  7. anne-on

    Favorite place to buy flower bulbs online that doesn’t require dozens of bulbs per variety? I probably need 20-30 total and would like to do a mix of narcissus, irises, crocuses, and tulips. Ideally ‘fancy’ varieties – not the typical yellow/purple/red – which is all my local garden store stocks. I can order from Terrain but not sure they’re worth the (wowsa, incredibly high costs) for the quality. I would like to get them in the ground between now and Thanksgiving so relatively quick shipping is a plus.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      I usually order from Brent and Becky’s Bulbs and in the past have ordered from Longfield Gardens or Bluestone Perennials, and they are both fine as well. I think the minimum order per plant from all is 5 bulbs, but they also have some mixes that might have several things you’re looking for without having to order each separately.

    • Anon

      I live near the OG terrain and the plants are $$$ for the same thing every other nursery has here. It’s a fun store to browse but I wouldn’t shop online, they’re just reselling bulbs anyway.

      • Cat

        +1 – also familiar with the OG terrain.

        We’ve ordered from Burpee in the past, and their bulbs have been hit or miss. We’ve had great success with their seeds, though.

      • January

        I’d like to propose a post-COVID happy hour at or near the OG Terrain for those of us in the neighborhood. Probably in 2022 at this rate.

    • Anon

      K.van Bourgondien has been a good source for me. I don’t live in a good traditional bulb growing climate – it doesn’t freeze here, so if I want tulips I have to chill them in the fridge before planting, and then they’re only good for the one year – but I have mananged to find a number of South African bulbs there that work really well in my climate. Belladonna Lilies aka Naked Ladies are my favorite.

  8. Eagle Scout projects

    For any of you that are part of churches or nonprofits that have been the beneficiary of Eagle Scout projects, are there any that were really useful or appreciated? They are generally supposed to be where a scout can show leadership (so leading a team that will do X and not just doing X solo) and tend to take about 100 hours (a bit of that is planning and training a team and some learning from an adult how to do a new skill, like pouring footings, etc., that they will need in the project).

    For this troop, the church that sponsors the troop is not really needy and tends to hire professionals for any projects on its property, but the city that the church is in has wild disparities in wealth and some areas of truly entrenched poverty.

    • Anon

      There are many amazing projects at the county parks in my area (Montgomery County, Maryland) That were Eagle Scout projects – offhand I can think of a rope fence on a flat trail to aid hikers who have difficulty seeing, many stone steps on steep paths, and a beautiful fairy garden and “natural” playground with wood stuff to climb. These projects make the community more beautiful and accessible for people with different abilities, and improve access to the outdoors in the poorer parts of the county.

    • Anon

      Where I live Eagle Scouts do a lot of trail maintenance – clearing paths, building small foot bridges, that kind of thing. Is there a park nearby that could use some help?

      • Anon

        This is the only thing Eagle Scouts do where I live. I’ve always wished they’d be a little more creative!

    • Anonymous

      My church runs a community food pantry in a very poor neighborhood and there is so much scope for 100 hours of volunteer work! We need to convert one corner to a children’s library- source and install carpet, shelves, organize the book donation drives, decorate. The “park” across the street is an abandoned lot- the city is pretty good about approving volunteers, if someone could dig it up, and replant it to be decorative and edible that would be a real gift. Our local reservoir is much needed green space, and could do with a picnic area.

      Part of the work is to get to know the community you want to help. Can the troop start regularly volunteering some place in need?

    • Anon

      There also may be unique needs related to distance learning. I’d reach out to a thoughtful teacher.

    • Anon

      One Eagle Scout project I really liked was to build a stone bench with a small rock garden as a memorial to a teenager who passed away. It fit in well with the park and overlooked a river; it would have been a nice thing to have in the park even without the memorial aspect. The memorial was a lovely gesture to the teenager’s family.

    • Z

      In high school I helped a boyfriend with his Eagle Scout project, he built a fence for an animal enclosure at the local nature preserve. Maybe reach out to a place like that?

    • KS IT Chick

      The son of a friend did a project for kids in foster care. He organized the setup of collection stations for luggage and bags so that kids don’t have to use trash bags to carry their belongings from house to house when they are moved. Most of the stations are permanent and are located in churches and a local mall. The troop made a long term commitment to continue the pickup and maintenance of the stations even after the project was completed.

    • Nylongirl

      Our son built a Gaga ball pit at his school & it gets used multiple times a day. The parents told me that their kids go to school to play Gaga ball during recess.

      • Anonymous

        Interesting. Is it a public school? I have a feeling our school district would not be in favor of scout projects on school grounds. It is generally a sense I have and will nose around — it may vary at the principal level.

    • Anonymous

      We liked a local project where the Scouts delivered cut firewood to seniors.

    • anon for this

      In my area, an Eagle Scout is collecting gently used sports equipment to distribute through a rec center in a poorer neighborhood.

    • Anon

      Building trails, small stream bridges, and wooden steps in small local parks to make it more accessible and traversable.

    • Anon

      My son belonged to a really old Boy Scout troop. Most of their projects are on parks lands. So, maintaining trails, clearing invasive non-native species, stuff like that. Why would the project just be for the church? Doesn’t seem like that’s truly for the greater good. How about fixing up a playground in one of the less fortunate areas?

    • Anonymous

      Two eagle scouts projects I have seen: 1) Eagle Scout led a team of volunteers who went around and asked an entire neighborhood if they would like their house number spray painted on the curb in front of their house and then for those who did, they did the spray-painting. This was important in this particular area because there were a lot of older people who would have had a hard time doing it themselves, but makes it much easier for police or ambulance to find the house if necessary. This was in a rural area of the SW. 2) Eagle Scout (with the help and supervision of a local engineer), built wheelchair ramps for handicapped people who lived in trailers with stairs and therefore made it very difficult for them to leave their homes. He got donations for materials and found a crew of other people to volunteer to help build. This was in a rural area of the south. I think they did a few in Alabama and Arkansas.

    • Anonymous

      Not sure if you will see this because it is a few days late, but an eagle scout project in our area was to start a Blessings in a Backpack program in our local school district. They provide food for the weekend for families with children who may otherwise go hungry. Details here: https://www.blessingsinabackpack.org/

  9. Annonnn

    I know we talk about depression and ADHD diagnosis a lot here. I went through a depression diagnosis earlier this year, for which I’m eternally grateful for the candid discussions about struggles and solutions here–normalizing it in my (non-normal, ha!) brain. I think I’m about to go through an ADHD eval/diagnosis. I had always skimmed those discussions… but now that I’ve read a few articles and search the comment archives here triggered by some realizations about patterns of behavior…. I’m so angry that it’s taken so long for me to see this as a possible problem and the solution. My appt with my psychiatrist is coincidentally tomorrow morning just as a check in for my Wellbutrin Rx. I’m prepared with my written notes about what my new concerns are specifically because I usually chicken out or down play my concerns. I don’t have a question, just venting and throwing another thank you out to you all.

    • same, same

      Hey, are you me? I’m also getting a formal assessment this week and I have all the feelings about it. Right now, I am really worried that I’m going to be told that this is all in my head and if I would just try harder, all my problems would resolve and there’s no way you could have gotten this far in life if this was really an issue (I’m a mid-career lawyer). The times I’ve brought it up before over the years were while I was also seeking help with some situational anxiety and I pretty much got told this was all anxiety and ADHD couldn’t be also in play. But so many of the books and guidance I’ve read have been a-ha moments for me. Plus, my sibling and my child both have a diagnosis so this is something I’ve been around for a very long time. I’m not looking for an excuse, just some context as to why my brain works this way.
      As a side note that you may have already discoverd, Wellbutrin is sometimes used as a non-stimulant option for ADHD treatment. I hope we both get some answers.

      • Anon

        Recently I’ve seen advice to start checking for ADHD in women with anxiety and depression symptoms, especially if they’re recurring or refractory, since untreated ADHD is such a huge risk factor and so many women weren’t diagnosed as children. ADHD is also considered to be up to 80% genetic . So it’s so, so reasonable to ask for assessment. I hope it goes well.

      • Annonnn

        Your fear about what you’re going to be told is what I’ve been telling myself to make it NOT A THING. But it clearly is…and the repetitive cycle for it is turning into a shameful secret I have (like my very long to do list I just can’t get done). I’m sure this is all made worse by stay at home/corona virus and whatever systems I used to cope have failed me. When I got my depression diagnosis I was like ‘yay everything will be different.’ And SO much is, but there’s still a problem. I’ve read that about Wellbutrin, but it doesn’t seem to have worked for me… Ha! But maybe it’s different if there’s actual depression (there was) in addition.

      • CountC

        Are you working with your PCP or a psych? I just took a test and while it may be COVID related, I have the majority of the symptoms and would like to investigate this more, but don’t have a pysch. My PCP prescribes my depression medicine.

        • same, same

          I’m going to a psychiatrist who treats adult ADHD. I’m not sure what all the assessment entails, but I know that part of it will be a computerized CPT test.

          • CountC

            Thanks! I sent a message to my PCP to see how to proceed. I am not sure if I will need a referral, but wanted to start there since they prescribe my meds.

    • Anonymous

      Am currently going through this and was recently started on ssris and stimulants, thanks in large part to this community. So far stimulant meds have been life changing and I’m so mad that I’m 30 and have been struggling literally my entire life with these issues and waited so long to get help.

  10. Anonymous

    Love the camel color, Antonio Melani at Dillard’s has a Light Camel color in cashmere that is reasonably priced. I usually stay away from the big cardigans like this, lest I end up with a Bath-Leisure vibe, but this year I may embrace it.

  11. Bose nc headset?

    Which Bose noise cancelling headset does everyone like? There is a Pr*me deal today on one version with good reviews, but I know there have been mixed results on certain models.

    • Anonymous

      I was gifted a headset and was shocked that the plug broke off the second time I wore them on an airplane. They did not seem very durable considering that was 100% of the way they get used

    • Bonnie Kate

      I love my Bose AE2 Soundlink pair – they’re over the the ear and wireless and the most comfortable headphones I’ve ever owned. I won’t fly without them (not that I’m flying anywhere this year anyway).

  12. Horse+Crazy

    I had a job interview last Thursday with a panel of 4. It was set up by one of the panelist’s assistants – he’s the only person I’ve corresponded with outside of the actual interview, so he’s the only one whose contact info I have. Afterwards, I emailed the assistant and asked him to pass on a thank-you message, plus something I wanted to add, to the panelists. The next day (Friday), I emailed him again to send a letter of recommendation from my current boss. He hasn’t responded to either of the emails. Is it weird to follow up and make sure he received them, or should I just let it go?

    • Cat

      Let it go for now. If you haven’t heard anything in a week or two then I’d check in.

    • Anonymous

      Let it go for now. Plus realize that for some employers this was a long weekend — so it’s not unheard of that he was trying to finish up on Thursday, took Friday off and had Monday off — so he’s still dealing with emails on Tues. morning.

    • Anon

      I would not expect a response to either of these emails unless you asked a question or specifically asked for confirmation/acknowledgment.

  13. Outdoor space for winter?

    Any ideas for making backyard more comfortable for Social distance socializing this winter in the mid-Atlantic? We occasionally have one set of friends over to eat or have a drink, and have been sitting on blankets on ground so we can be far apart but it’s getting too cold for that.

      • Marie

        Co-sign. We love our fire pit, and it doesn’t have to be $$$$ to have one. My husband DIY’d ours years ago using pavers he got from Home Depot to build it and we absolutely love sitting around it once the weather gets chillier (you can find a plenty of options to take these steps on Pinterest). We bought Adirondack chairs to sit around it and also have strung up twinkly lights around the area. It has been such a soothing space to sit in at night, especially in these COVID times.

        • Anon

          And it doesn’t have to be an in-ground firepit, either. We have one of those metal firepits you can get for $100, and it sits on our large deck on square of four, 12″ square ceramic floor tiles (the builder basic ones you can get at Home Depot for $1 each). And ditto on the party lights strung around the deck railing. It’s really lovely for cool evenings.

    • emeralds

      Fire pit, chairs, lots of blankets, layers. Think whatever you’d use for tailgating.

    • Abby

      I’d also think about the lighting in the backyard since it’ll get dark much earlier

    • Tea/Coffee

      Warm drinks (and good insulating mugs)
      We made hot mulled cider (with cinnamon whiskey) and it was amazing!

      • pugsnbourbon

        I was at Target last week and they had a TON of insulated mugs (like Yeti knockoffs) on clearance. Might be worth checking if you’re in the market!

    • DLC

      We have set up a whole separate table in our back yard for our occasional visitor. So we have the table our family eats at and then a smaller table that we set about 8 feet away so our friend can bring their own dinner/food. It also used to have its own box fan and mosquito coil set up. I’m thinking of getting electric blankets for the winter.

      • DLC

        Added note- I just asked my husband what he would add it our backyard for winter and he says “Whiskey. A fire pit. Some gasoline in a spray bottle to shoot at it for fun.” (I mean maybe not in California for that last thing, though…)

    • Anonymous

      Fire pit–propane if you want easy or wood if you like the ambiance it provides. Or one of those big standing propane heater things that restaurants put on their patios. Hang some lights and get some chairs. Then provide blankets, warm drinks, and stuff for smores :)

    • anon.

      For people with kids – we just bought a huge 4×8 tumbling mat and it’s awesome. They love having it to sit on (and play on) and it keeps the outdoor fun going longer.

    • anon a mouse

      I haven’t been able to find an outdoor heater, but I did buy a handful of hot water bottles. I figure at worst, I can hand them out to friends to put them on laps under blankets outside.

    • Senior Attorney

      We have three white plastic collapsible 6-foot tables, and set them up in a U-shape. Then the couples sit facing each other (on folding chairs from Costco) at the tables that are facing each other, and the middle table makes a six-foot buffer zone.

      We also have a full-on outdoor “living room” setup with two chairs, a six-foot sofa, and a love seat, all spaced far enough apart for proper distancing.

      We have two tall propane heaters and when it gets colder (if it ever does — it was 101 here yesterday!) we will use them to warm things up.

      And, yes! Fire pit!!

    • Asthmatic

      Please consider something that burns cleaner than wood for a fire pit if you have neighbors. Wood smoke isn’t good for anyone, but it’s a particular problem for people with lung conditions like asthma and can make people more vulnerable to getting sicker with Covid.

      I’m in California and I was stuck inside for a month due to wildfire smoke and I’d really like to be able to take evening walks now that the wildfire smoke has cleared.

      • Anon

        Yeah, go with propane. It’s eAsier and cleaner, and that way no one ends up sitting in the smoke path (which is always, always me)

  14. emeralds

    Newbie mortgage question–if we ended up with a shortage in our escrow account, is there any advantage to paying the shortage in a lump sum vs. paying the shortage monthly?

    The shortage was from the property tax assessment going up. It’s about $500, so $41/month. Not a problem to pay the $500 at once, also not a problem to pay the extra $41/month. I can’t find anything saying one option is better than the other, but y’all are always so knowledgeable about stuff like this!

    • Anonymous

      I don’t think it much matters so I’d pay it up front and then you don’t have to think about it again.

    • Anon

      We have ended up in that situation a couple of times and elected to just pay it as a lump sum. The only time I would hold back from paying as a lump sum would be if you are going to refinance or sell the house soon (within the next six months).

    • Bonnie Kate

      They way ours worked was that we were responsible for the shortage when it first appeared (so tax bill comes, we’re short $500, we pay $500 to make up the difference) and then sometime in the early part of the year the bank redid the escrow amount and it goes up the extra amount so theoretically the next year taxes will be covered. I’m not sure if what prompted the re-calc of the escrow payment; I assumed this was something they automatically did every year. I bet we could have asked for it, but it wasn’t a big enough deal to me to bother about.

      • emeralds

        Yeah, our city’s tax assessment just appears to not be on the same calendar as when our mortgage lender calculates our escrow payments, so I imagine this will happen in the future. When I get the next tax assessment (which I think was in February?) I guess I could call the mortgage broker to see if I can adjust the payments? But also, I hate talking on the phone, so….

    • Walnut

      Might be worth it just to pay it. We ended up in a ping ponging of escrow amounts that ended up being weird “Why did my payment change” activities.

      The situation arose after a property tax hike, escrow adjustment, successful property tax appeal, escrow refund check, then another escrow review with another escrow change. It reaffirmed why I like just paying my property taxes and insurance out of pocket versus using an escrow account.

  15. Paging editrix re YNAB referral

    Hi – this is for editrix. I used your YNAB referral code but unfortunately it didn’t go through! They can add it with the referral link and your YNAB email address. If you are interested (and totally understand if that’s more info than you want to give out), you can reach me at ynab2020 at yahoo dot com. Thanks!

  16. Tea/Coffee

    Any recommendations for a beauty-based subscription box? I am thinking that I need some kind of little pick me up… periodically… to get me through the winter. Also 100% open to other ideas!
    -early 40’s female. WFH primarily, a few days in the office.
    -My biggest face issue is dark spots (mostly sun). Would love something with little sample sizes of masks, serums, etc. Not so much focus on makeup as I am only wearing eyeshadow maybe 3x/week at this point and have never been a “full face of makeup” person.
    -like lotions, dislike most perfumes
    -like bath stuff, but not big on overly-perfumey things if that makes sense

    Or do I just need to order a bunch of stuff and dole it out to myself? I am not a big beauty person so I clearly have no idea where to start lol

    • Cb

      I had a Birchbox subscription but it was heavier on the make-up so I’ve ended up going with Beauty Pie and trying a product or two every month.

    • Marie

      A couple of years ago, I ordered BirchBox for my sister and BFF (at the time, they had 3 and 6-month subscriptions, as well as a year), and they gave rave reviews. My understanding was that there was a quiz given to match you to the types of products you would receive to get you started and I think you rated the items you received so they could keep tweaking the box. Outside of the ability to try new things they wouldn’t normally find themselves, they also just loved getting something in the mail to open every month.

    • Anonie

      It’s been a while, so hopefully the quality hasn’t changed, but I signed up a family member for several months of Birchbox a few years ago. She really loved it!

    • IL

      I receive the Dermstore BeautyFIX, and it’s pretty close to what you describe: mostly skincare, light on the perfumes and dyes. No bath stuff, but some hair products (like a Slip hair scrunchie in the box currently open in front of me). I find I’m actually using the samples, but not necessarily following up by purchasing full sizes because the full size products are so $$$.

    • Anonymous

      i just got my MIL the kinder beauty box (clean, vegan) for her bday and she likes it!

    • Anon

      I signed up for Ipsy based on a link someone shared here (via burner email, thank you!) and I really liked my first box. I found a new brow product which I am really liking (Item brand, seems to be an influencer thing but damn if it isn’t great.)

      • Anon

        Ps I have also heard the Allure box is nice.

        What I really don’t like is paying $10/month for mostly sample sizes I can get free elsewhere, which was my Birchbox experience.

    • Anon100

      You should check out the beauty boxes subreddit! A lot of it is Boxycharm and Ipsy which is more makeup focused, but there have been posts about other boxes like glossybox, lookfantastic, bombay and cedar, a vegan beauty box, and some other subscription boxes I can’t remember off the top of my head.

      I used to have Birchbox for years (2012 to 2018, I think?) but I stopped when they raised the prices and the sample sizes got smaller. Right now I’m subscribed to Causebox, which is seasonal and more lifestyle focused than skincare.

  17. Anon

    California is banning gatherings with three or more households and putting a time limit on other social gatherings. I don’t really think people are going to adhere though…any other CA readers want to guess? This is clearly targeted at blocking big holiday gatherings.

    • anon

      I don’t think they are banning them – they were already banned. They are loosening restrictions that were already in effect. (And which clearly weren’t being followed by everyone.)

      • Anokha

        I am in California and have been doing this. Since March, I have seen 10 people — all outdoors. Hard no on indoor gatherings here.

      • Anon

        Oh huh, news to me. I haven’t been doing any gatherings because of the risk so I’m probably out of the loop on what the official guidance is, but I guess I can confirm that literally everyone I know is not following them. I had just assumed that indoor gatherings were “allowed” given that indoor dining, etc. is coming back.

        • Anonymous

          You might try reading the coronavirus site for your local county, with the current charts it won’t take long to get up to speed on what is permitted.

      • Senior Attorney

        Yes, gatherings of more than one household had been banned altogether up to now. This is a loosening of the restrictions. Plainly people hadn’t been following them. (I admit we have been socializing a bit outdoors with one couple or single at a time.)

        I wouldn’t dream of socializing indoors although we were in a county over the weekend that allowed indoor dining and we tried it and it was kind of wonderful and kind of terrifying. (Very low cases in the county, good distancing in the dining room, staff all masked up.)

    • Bonnie Kate

      I don’t live in California, but I’ve swear that every time the restrictions get increased in my area, there seems to be an uptick in the opposite direction. Like I think there were more people wearing masks before the mask mandate went into affect than immediately after. Our governor just limited bars/restaurants to 25% capacity and now parking lots seem more full than before (and the restaurant can’t possibly be at 25% only with a full parking lot). This spirit of disobedience/you-can’t-tell-me-what-to-do is so frustrating to watch and perhaps is uniquely American?

    • Blueberries

      I’m a Californian and have been limiting my activities to much less than what’s allowed, so I haven’t kept up on the outer limits.

      I think it’s wonderful to put clear rules on the maximum risks people should take for holiday gatherings and how to reduce the risk. A local public health officer has commented that small gatherings like these appear to be a core driver of spread in our area.

      Will there be people who disregard the rules? Sure, but I don’t think it’s helpful to start from a point of “people aren’t going to follow them.” Let’s start with, these are the rules we need to keep our community safe, how can we help limit the spread?

    • Senior Attorney

      I’m glad we all had this little talk. I had been doing an informal outdoor exercise class in the park for the past couple of weeks, and after looking at the state COVID web site, I found out it’s against the rules. Damn. But I don’t want to be a rule-breaker so I guess I’m going to have to bow out.

      • Senior Attorney

        Oops I said a (slightly) bad word and ended up moderation. Sorry, mods.

  18. Marie

    PSA for anyone who could use a laugh (that’s everyone at this point, right?):

    I have been listening to the Grown-ups Read Things They Wrote as Kids podcast lately, and it is hilarious. It is a Canadian podcast where people read out loud from their childhood diaries, essays, letters, any type of writing. The angst is real and at an all-time high. The nostalgia is on point. It has taken me back to remembering how awkward and curious I was as a kid. In any case, just wanted to share something fun for a rainy (in New England) Tuesday. Hope everyone is hanging in there today.

    • Anon

      Omg no, my diaries are never seeing the light of day and I don’t think I can listen to this podcast without overwhelming secondhand embarrassment ?

      • Panda Bear

        Ugh same!! Part of me wants to listen, part of me wants to curl up in a hole just thinking about my own terrible early writings. My god – the teenage poetry. I shudder!

        • Marie

          Oh, there is some poetry. I think the hardest part of being a teenager was feeling things so strongly and having no idea how to handle the emotions and they just burst out in the form of angsty diary entries and dramatic poetry. The adult version of these poor teens are now able to laugh at themselves, and I find it very wholesome in that regard. That being said, some of the writing is children’s stories from their imaginations that are really very sweet and funny, but not awkward or embarrassing.

      • Vicky Austin

        I love reading my childhood writings back (with enough intervening years), but the thing that really makes it bearable is remembering all the context of what I was writing. I doubt I would get that reading a stranger’s.

      • Anonymous

        +1 Just reading the post made me want to die. I could not listen to that podcast without severe discomfort.

    • anon

      I’ve gone to a few of their live readings/recordings and they are hilariously cringe-worthy. Highly recommended!

  19. Anon

    For those of you working on GOTV, I want to mention an idea I was very impressed by. I live in a rural area that is aggressively Trumpy (all the yard signs, 2A sanctuary, Confederate flags, etc), but there’s a silent segment of the county that’s reliably blue. (Our voting history is generally 65% R, 35% D.)

    I got a handwritten postcard from a member of the local Democratic party that simply said, “Your vote is so important to restoring decency in our society. [First Last, Village Name]”

    Of course I’m going to vote no matter what, but it was so impressive to me that 1) someone took the time to scrub the voter rolls to find my info, 2) someone took the time and money to send a postcard, and 3) that in these hostile times – where I – a well-to-do white woman – have felt actually afraid at times to express my political views in public – someone had the courage to sign their name and hamlet. It really struck me as an excellent demonstration of “power in numbers.” A little booster shot of courage and encouragement, especially for reluctant voters who might feel afraid to voice support for Dems.

    And I got a huge kick out of a tag line printed at the bottom of the card: “Yes, Virginia, there are Democrats in X County!”

    • Anonie

      I am so glad that the postcard made you smile!

      I do want to gently encourage you to consider making your political opinions known. Maybe not on social media (that can get nasty quickly) and probably not somewhere where you feel completely vulnerable…but perhaps in one-on-one conversations with some of your Republican neighbors or friends, for example.

      I have no evidence, but I am convinced that there is power in reminding people that Democrats can look all sorts of ways and have all sorts of incomes and backgrounds. I live in a blue SEUS city in a red state and I often see Republicans slip into talk like “Democrats just want handouts” or “Democrats are non-religious” or “Democrats XYZ.” As a Democrat who also a practicing Christian, I love (gently but firmly) bursting those bubbles. I am a person of color though, so it’s less surprising to many that I am a Democrat. If you are white and affluent, you have a unique opportunity to reframe what Democrats look like to some of your acquaintances.

      Of course, keep yourself safe first and foremost! :)

      • NYC Anon

        Love all of this, OP and Anonie. Chiming in to say that one relatively non-confrontational phrase I use for situations like this is simply “that’s not how I see things.” It’s often important to me to make clear that my views are different, but sometimes I’m not interested in arguing or provoking, based on the situation. I know you didn’t ask for advice but am just leaving this here :)

      • Anon

        I’m someone who leans conservative (not a Trump voter) in a very blue area of the country and I 100% don’t feel safe expressing that opinion.

        My husband responded to a post on a community group (re: drug culture in our neighborhood – single response on the post by him, not a flame war), it exploded, he was banned from the group (I wasn’t), a few people clearly found our address (likely via the county assessor) and while they didn’t post it, made comments about our physical location.

        I’ll be honest, I stalked the thread all night and considered taking our kids to a hotel. I also ripped my husband a new one about opening his mouth on social media.

        • Anon

          I’m sorry this happened to you. I was always really uncomfortable as a Republican in Boston, and I am now so good at hiding it that everyone in my red state thinks I’m a flaming liberal.

        • Anon

          OP here. There are certainly moments to discuss politics, but my experience more closely matches Anon at 1:20’s. I have very real concerns about property damage and confrontations if we speak out too boldly and certain people hear of it. The Trump supporters in our area are more akin to the ones plotting to kidnap Gov. Whitmer for “treason” than the ones who dislike him personally but support his economic or abortion policies. There were heavily armed, Confed flag waving men at our town’s small and peaceful Eric Garner march – have you ever rallied in legitimate fear of violence? It was surreal.

          • Anon

            The people plotting to kidnap Whitmer are not Trump supporters. Please update your views as more information comes out.

        • Anonymous

          DH and I keep our political opinions and our occupations private because there is a very real chance someone may try to hurt us. Which unfortunately means only a handful of people know us well, the rest is all surface.

    • Bonnie Kate

      I like this A LOT. That message is spot on – I think I’d want to save the postcard and pin it to my bulletin board. So much better than calls/texts. A postcard like that would definitely stand out and be way more impactful. I’m getting a massive amount of GOTV calls and texts because I’m in a swing state in a key county that’s being focused on, and while I am totally sympathetic to those who are doing the calling and texting, there’s just way too many of them and I’m short/hang up with a lot of them. For those of you who are calling/texting – I am sorry for the rudeness. I have to answer my phone because I get calls from clients at unknown numbers all the time, but when you’re the fourth person today whose calling me to check if I’m voting – you’re going to get abruptly hung up on. Don’t be discouraged, I promise that am voting for Biden.

      • Anon

        If you can, vote early/send in your mail in ballot ASAP. In most jurisdictions campaigns can see who has already voted and you’ll get fewer calls.

        Other general tips on how to reduce GOTV outreach: Register with a party (independents are more likely to be reached out to) and vote in primaries and in off-year elections. The more consistent of a voter you are, the less outreach will be used on you, because they know you’re going to vote.

    • anonshmanon

      love this. And love that over 11 million people have already voted. That’s over 8% of the total 2016 turnout!

    • Anonymous

      That is so cute. Near me, we have an Adopt A Highway sign that says that area of road maintenance is being provided by The Libs. It makes me laugh every time I see it.

  20. Wishes for quick sale

    I’m hoping someone can offer encouragement or tell me their own “I got away from neighbours from hell and now I’m happier than ever!” story.

    My spouse and I have neighbours from hell living next door. We bought an attached semi three years ago. For the first two years we lived beside an elderly gentleman. A year ago he moved to a care home and his children rented out the house on his behalf. The house had never been updated and was advertised for rent at a bad time, so there wasn’t much interest. The tenants who eventually moved in have been problematic since day one, and we’ve also realized our home has almost no soundproofing and was poorly designed to have living rooms and bedrooms on the shared wall.

    Tenants have an unneteured, out of control pitbull (illegal in my jurisdiction) who is forever escaping their backyard into ours, menacing our own pets, or barking inside because he never gets walked. The young man who rents the bedroom attached to our master is up all night playing video games (we can hear the games and him yelling at the games) every single night. They have their tv (mounted to the party wall) blaring all day and night even when they’re not home/not watching it/asleep. Seven grown adults are living in a small 3-bedroom house. They have graffitied the accessory buildings on the property with spray paint. The backyard looks like a junkyard. The tenants smoke inside and the odour crosses the shared wall. I haven’t slept well for a year, neither has my child. I’ve bought a new place and this place gets listed today for sale, but I can’t help but worry no one will buy it. The children of the original neighbour don’t care and are fighting over the house in court currently – very absentee landlords. Attempts at neighbourly discussion of these issues and bylaw reports have gone nowhere. We haven’t wanted to invest in renovations because there is significant uncertainty regarding the next door property and its condition (worsened by the tenants) make us believe there is little hope it will be occupied by good tenants in future.

    Please send good vibes! All I can do is keep moving forward and try my best to get out of this situation. It’s so hard to feel forced out.

    • Anon

      Well, I would call Animal Control about the pitbull for starters. If it’s “out of control,” it could actually kill a child or even an adult. I wouldn’t mess around with that, even if you’re leaving. Otherwise, sending good vibes!

      • Anon

        No to this. Stop with the pitbull shaming. Pitbulls are not vicious by nature, they have to be trained that way. Also, there are due process protections for pets generally (depending on where OP lives) and unless the dog has actually bit someone, there’s likely little for Animal Control to do. And do not invoke “oh, will somebody please think of the children?!?!” Maude Sanders style, because that’s something we can all see through (and why it was parodied on the Simpsons).

        • Anon

          Pit bulls and Rottweilers together accounted for 75% of all human deaths by dogs from 2005 to 2019. Pit bulls did 6.5x as many of the attacks compared to Rottweilers. There are definitely responsible owners out there, but these neighbors certainly don’t meet that criteria by any stretch of the imagination. I wouldn’t hesitate for one single second to involve animal control, even if I didn’t have kids.

        • Anonymous

          Please. Pit bulls kill lots of kids every year. This particular pitbull is clearly dangerous. She does not need to live in fear of a vicious dog on her own property regardless of the breed.

        • anonanon

          Even leaving the breed out of this, a dog who menaces other pets and barks at all hours would certainly get me to call animal control. And the fact that it’s a banned breed even more so.

          OP, I think your best bet is to wield code enforcement aggressively.

        • Anon

          Pit bulls may be friendly to humans by disposition, but they represent a very serious threat to other people’s pets!

        • Anon

          Also, would somebody please think of the pitbull? This isn’t going to end well for him either.

      • pugsnbourbon

        +1. I love pitties but any large, unneutered, unsupervised dog is an accident waiting to happen.

        • Thanks, it has pockets!

          For real. This dog isn’t bad because it’s a pit bull, it’s a bad dog because its owners didn’t put in the work to train it. These are high-energy dogs with a lot of physical strength, and they’re often rescued from rough situations that predispose them to aggression, training a pit bull can be hard work especially for a first-time dog owner.

          And then of course, you have the dirtbags who like the idea of a rough-looking dog running around in the yard, to scare off anyone who might wanna mess with them, which might be OP’s neighbors going off the description.

    • anon

      I would try renting your place for now. If you can meet expenses while your neighboring landlords fight it out in court, and the tenant situation (hopefully) gets resolved, you’d have a better chance of selling it. To do that, though, you have to at least call animal control about the pit bull.

      • Anon

        This was going to be my suggestion. I had to do that when I had to move for work in a down market and couldn’t sell my home.

  21. Consulting Anon

    I posted yesterday asking about wlb in consulting. A huge thanks to everyone who responded – you’ve given me a lot to think about.

    There was an MBA anon who suggested looking into internal strategy – I think internal strategy is clearly a better fit for me, but I’ve seen a lot of firms who prefer to hire former consultants to their strategy teams. If anyone has ideas on how to be more competitive for internal strategy without consulting experience, I’m all ears!

    • Anonymous

      Spending a couple of years in M&A will also get you into strategy interviews in my experience

    • anne-on

      Do you have any financial (IR) or competitive intelligence background? I’ve seen those roles transition well to internal strategy teams. But in my experience the internal strategy teams are made up of ‘big shot consultants hired to justify the decisions we’re making and/or clean up a mess’ teamed with ‘home grown people with a LOT of business knowledge we intentionally moved into these roles’ – not something you just apply for off the street.

    • Anon from yesterday

      Firms that I think of that have internal consulting / strategy teams that recruit heavily from b schools that don’t expect prior consulting experience: Capital One, Vanguard, Fidelity, Google (though this one helps to know someone), American Express, Disney (more competitive). I’m less personally familiar but believe there are similar groups at Cisco, IBM, and Dell. Look for teams called “Internal Consulting”, “Strategy Group”, “Corporate Strategy”, “Strategic Planning”.

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