Coffee Break: Kensington Double-Breasted Trench Coat

137 Comments

1. I have the London Fog version (because I wanted a hood! Surprisingly hard to find!) and it’s good. It is NOT as shiny as the photos on the website are, in a very good way.

   1. How does the sizing run? I love the warm beige color but am on the cusp between two sizes and wonder if it is TTS or runs small/large.

      1. I find it runs a bit large. I’m going to size down on my next one.

         1. Thanks!

   2. I have London Fog as well and like it and am thinking of buying another in black. I would say look for ones with buttons or metal buckles on the cuffs and waist. I have fake leather on my current one, and that’s the only part that hasn’t held up as well as I would have liked.

2. I feel like we hear a lot of “I wish my parents hadn’t let me quit X; I’m an adult now and really regret it.” I get that parents often let a kid quit an activity but insist on a replacement (you can quit soccer but can’t loaf around the house on X-box — you can get out on your bike in your soccer time or join another sport, but we don’t replace an activity with screen time), and you wouldn’t let a kid with a recital scheduled at Carnegie Hall quit prior to the recital (possibly after). But kids eventually quit just about everything over time (who plays field hockey in their 40s? it would be hard to find people to do that with. but maybe we pick up skiing or guitar again as adults).

   Does anyone have a counter example? Like I wanted to quit X, they wouldn’t let me, and [consequences].

   1. There were sports that I wanted to quit, but I couldn’t because my very small rural high school wouldn’t have had enough girls to field the team otherwise (our basketball team had five players one year, six another). It was annoying, but I made it work and I’m glad I did it in hindsight.

      The rule for my kids is going to be that you can quit at the end of the season, but not before. If you join a team, you have to fulfill your obligations to your teammates. This would also help avoid falling prey to the “it’s hard, I want to quit” stage that precedes the personal growth and enjoyment stage.

      1. Amen to your last sentence.

         I know private schools where a kid has an expectation of a sport or activity every season and I think it helps keep them active and engaged. Lots of no-cut sports until high school varsity. Balance is good, especially after this year.

         1. I like that approach as well. It doesn’t always need to be high-pressure, but kids do need a kick in the pants to stay active sometimes.

         2. I personally like this approach. I think there’s value in dabbling in sports and getting to try activities in a low-pressure way. Plus it sort of forces fitness, and I don’t see that as the worst thing. (Source: Very mediocre athlete who is pretty darn active as an adult.)

            1. Are you me? I excelled at reaching a “high mediocre” level quickly, but never devoting myself enough to surpass that. Still, I love being a 3.0 tennis player (3.5 on a good day in my early 30s/before kids; another decade of driving a desk makes me just love to get onto a court and hit the ball over the fence as a therapy shot).

      2. This was my parents’ approach. “You can quit if you finish your current obligation and still hate it.”

      3. Sports are trash and Americans are oddly obsessed with them

         1. As opposed to the rest did the world that doesn’t care one whit about soccer. Certainly would never start a war over it. Or cricket or baseball or rugby or hockey . . .

   2. I disagree that we hear that at all, let alone a lot.

      1. Yeah, I don’t know that I’ve ever heard that?

   3. I wanted to quit softball when I got into high school. I was an “all-star” as a kid but I noticed all the other girls were surpassing me on skills and I wasn’t able to keep up. I was forced to try not for the freshman team and was cut (like I expected). But my parents wouldn’t accept that, called the coach and they put me on the team. I was humiliated and worse yet, the coach sat me almost the entire season. As a 14 year old, this was devastating to my self esteem. I resented my parents for many years for putting me in that situation. Guess what, sometimes, the kid is right.

      1. That’s rough, but that’s kind of a different situation.

         1. She asked for a counter example?

            1. I meant that that is a weird situation where your parents went above and beyond to force you to play despite you having been cut from the team. That feels different from not letting a kid who is already on the team quit.

      2. I also wanted to quit softball. I was a good player, but I preferred music and art. My parents insisted that I do sports, because exercise.

         Result: I was mentally checked out and going through the motions, so I wasn’t paying attention during a scrimmage and took a line drive to the mouth. (This was in the early 80s, when only the catcher wore PPE.)

         I lost a tooth, had to get an implant, and it has caused me decades of hassle. Gum erosion, jaw bone loss, uneven wear on my natural teeth–my mouth is a wreck. It’s cost me thousands of dollars in upkeep to stay ahead of the problems. All because I just had to play sports.

         1. I’d be on board with a switch from a thing to a thing, as a parent, especially since I’d think you could run or walk or bike for general fitness. My kids haven’t reached the age of rationality yet though.

   4. My parents let me quit piano lessons but I get it. I wasn’t practicing and they didn’t have a lot of extra cash. I wish I had persevered – I’m now an adult learner and it’s a lot harder – but I blame little me, not my parents.

      My daughter played field hockey and was on the college recruiting track. She was really stressed out and finally told us, tearfully, that she didn’t want to be recruited. That she wanted to pick her own college like everyone else. We had zero problem with that. I think she was pleasantly surprised by our reaction. She’s a junior in college now and still has no regrets about it, and has friends who did get recruited that she doesn’t envy or anything.

      1. I am with your daughter in this case. She had a “because” story that makes sense. A lot of because seems to have an undercurrent of “it interferes with my pandemic-fogged brain that processes every activity as limiting my formerly-unlimited screen time.” “Because” matters a lot to me.

         Kids have school-provided chromebooks that they use for youtube and google hangouts and you’d think that they’d be overjoyed with leaving the house for things like tennis lessons (non-competitive, a hour a week) and Y Guides (all outside stuff), but they are annoyed and mouthy.

         1. You’re describing my 11-year-old. It is super annoying.

         2. “A lot of because seems to have an undercurrent of “it interferes with my pandemic-fogged brain that processes every activity as limiting my formerly-unlimited screen time.”

            Ugh. This is me. It’s kind of sobering.

   5. Idk, parents can’t predict what regrets their kids will have when adults. They surely can lay out ‘I think you may come to regret this due to xyz’ but ultimately, there are many ways to be content with one’s life choices. DH’s parent’s overdid it with projecting their choices and unfounded fears onto him, and as a consequence, he feels unable to consider their input in any matter, even if it is reasonable.

   6. Not sure if this exactly fits but I wanted to switch majors in college but in my family everyone is an engineer and the same was expected for me. I didn’t push back that much but I was definitely more interested in and probably would have been happier in a different major and resented them for it while I was in college. I did fine but not great grade wise in my STEM classes but kicked a s s at my non-STEM classes so I might have had slightly better job opportunities for my chosen field (finance/business) had I studied my true interests. That said, I loved the rest of my college experience (which they paid for – thanks Mom & Dad), never pursued engineering as a career, and have had doors open for me because of my engineering degree. So could be a toss up but maybe parents do know best?

   7. My cousins were national ranked in [sport]. Their parents pushed them SO hard. The eldest was even scouted for the Olympics but ended up injured in the necessary window. And ya know what, the parents pushed them so hard they kind of used up a lifetime’s worth of drive in their first 18 years. They were so burned out by college that they couldn’t/didn’t want to finish and have been sort of coasting through life ever since (hourly jobs in hospitality, etc).

      1. DH’s cousin has a similar story. All that drive used up by age 19, in the name of a sport that he eventually quit in college when he couldn’t keep up academically. He’s in his mid-forties and has job hopped more than any adult I know.

   8. I wanted to quit Girl Scouts. It was boring and cliquey, full of Mean Girls. My parents made me stay in it and earn my Gold Award (which was a TON of work over several years) because the organization swore it made you a shoe-in for scholarships.

      Turns out, the scholarships were all for <5k at astronomically expensive private all-girls colleges, which they could never have afforded anyway. I went to my State U, buckled down, and graduated in three years to save money.

      My parents wasted years of weekly dues, shoveling money into a dishonest organization, for a payout that wasn't. I was also miserable and fighting with them about it the entire time.

      1. Ouch. My friend got her Gold Award, so I know it is a ton of work.

         1. My big sister got her Gold Award and my mom was too worn out to care about me getting mine.

   9. I still dislike Tuesdays because my parents made me take 5 years of piano lessons. I hate it and I was bad at it. I learned nothing except my dislike of Tuesdays because my lessons were on Tuesdays.

      Trying a million different activities is how you find what you like. How are you supposed to know if you like piano, karate, skating, skiing, hockey, rock climbing, flute, art class etc unless you try?

      My parents wouldn’t let me do figure skating lessons and I still regret that. Let your kids pick and try what interests them. I do zero of the hobbies as an adult that I tried as a kid because I was allowed soccer, piano, girl scouts, basketball, choir and that’s it. As an adult I like cross country running, yoga, guitar, and skating.

   10. My mom was adamant that I was going to learn how to play a musical instrument, so I had to stick with the stupid cello for four years. I wanted to quit and do visual art as my fine arts elective. Definitely no life-altering consequences or anything, but music is not it for me: I hated practicing, I hated going to class, I hated that I sucked at it and that everyone was so much better than I was, I just freaking hated it! But I was allowed to pick what I wanted once I got to high school, so I switched to visual art immediately and was much, much happier.

   11. I don’t actually hear that much if at all from my adult friends? I hear way more stories about people who were miserable with an activity but suffered through because their parents said it would build character, than I do about people who said “oh man I wish my parents had forced me to keep up with intramural volleyball” or whatever.

       1. +1

       2. My kids hated soccer and wanted to quit so they could be in the chess club. I was OK to quit to do something else (identified, same logistics, etc.). I don’t think I’d have let them quit to do nothing (they don’t DO a lot of things, so it can’t just be school and nothing).

          1. Oh yeah – it was not an option to just laze around the house! I hated sports but liked music, so filled in my activities with band-type activities.

             1. My kids are sporty but not coordinated enough to make the cut for any sports at their age (it’s b/c I don’t have them practice 4x/week, which some here do; they also don’t go to IMG summer camps, etc.). They do enjoy things like hiking and riding bikes and rock climbing. I’m OK with that as long as they are active.

                I wish I could have worked in music lessons, but it was hard in Before Times and now it seems that they regret not having that as a skill and yet they seem to not like activities that they have to struggle a bit to master (that last part is concerning — sometimes I get why parents make you tough it out, to a degree; everything is hard at first, even things you like). I was frustrated as a knitter at first and just could not get the purl stitch (I know, I know). I’m glad I made myself learn it, even it it took a weekend and there may have been pirate-level swearing.

   12. I quit the debate team when I was in high school, and it never occurred to me that my parents would have a vote in that decision. I was actually very good on the debate team and ranked in the state competition, but it was a lot of work and a lot of stress and I just didn’t want to do it. I was still on the softball team and academic quiz team. When I told my parents my dad was disappointed because he saw me as some amazing supergirl and he liked debate because it was an individual activity for me to shine at, not as a team. I don’t regret quitting at all. I toyed with joining the debate team in college, because I was good at it, not that I enjoyed it. I’m so glad I did not.

   13. My father wouldn’t let me quit cross country and he was wrong.

       The coach had been a callous a$$ to me. Long story; suffice to say that people on the team were appalled, people who had graduated and were in college were spitting mad when they heard, and, *shocker,* when I was forced to run my senior year, the coach found ways to belittle me. I literally got a plane ticket to visit family in another state over Thanksgiving so I didn’t have to go to the end of the year banquet.

       My father hadn’t wanted me to quit because “I loved it.” Ironically, running for that POS destroyed my love of that sport. I ran track in college, not cross country, even though I was better at the latter because I never, ever wanted to run cross country again.

       I do not speak to my father anymore. The related reason is that he thinks I should ALWAYS knuckle under when people are awful to me; I was brought up to be “nice” at all costs and he gets verbally and emotionally abusive when I stand up for myself.

       Wrong on all counts. When your meek and inclined-to-give-in kid is so frustrated that she wants to quit the sport to protect her own dignity, AND that sport allows try-outs/walk-ons in college, you tell her to rest up and have four great years doing it in college. This. Is. A. Layup.

   14. Your perspective is so interesting, I have the complete opposite point of view! I thought “most” people feel like their parents forced them to stay in X for way too long and it completely destroyed any fondness they might’ve had for X. For example, my mother was forced to play piano as a kid and she hated it. When I was a kid I wanted to learn and she refused to let me because she couldn’t stand to be around pianos. Then she turned around and did the same to me with the clarinet. I wish she’d let me be mediocre at the clarinet rather than making feel like if I wasn’t the best then I was bad. It killed my enjoyment of music.

       1. There was a thread earlier this week on either the Moms’ site or another moms’ group I’m in about “How do I convince my kid that they need to stick with X.” I totally understand wanting to teach kids to finish what they start and fulfill their obligation to a team, but sometimes quitting is best for the kid.

   15. Not me, but my sister-in-law. Her parents had her in music lessons when she was young and when she got older and wanted to stop they refused. Instead of sending her to public school for junior high and high school they homeschooled her so she could devote the rest of her time to music. They wanted her to go to Juliard and become a famous musician. They told her marriage and children would be a distraction and were not allowed. As a teen her entire life was devoted to music. No friends, other interests were allowed. The result was her leaving home when she turned 18, cutting contact with her parents and having to get a restraining order because they wouldn’t stop trying to have her come back. Plus years of therapy. If she had been allowed to quit music and go to a regular school as a teen her life would have been so different. Her brother did attend Juliard, he played in well known orchestras. He was also addicted to prescription pills and alcohol due to the pressure from his parents. He took his own life 5 years ago.

   16. My parents were both athletic. I was not. I asked that I be allowed to quit sports because I wasn’t that good and I was self conscious and hated being in front of people. I would have been fine with doing a non-sports activity instead but only sports were allowed. I started having panic attacks and was diagnosed with anxiety. They didn’t allow me to do therapy. When I was 16 I spent 3 months in an institution as an inpatient because of how bad it got. My father told everyone I had a sports related injury instead. I wanted to quit sports so badly but that wasn’t an option according to my father and mother.

   17. My daughter loved soccer and played on high level travel teams, but her brother didn’t like soccer because he had delayed puberty (medical issues since resolved) and weighed 100 pounds as a freshman, playing against guys with body and facial hair and muscles. So we let him quit at the end of the year. He tried a few things but none stuck and his lack of activities kept him from getting into better colleges. I wish that we had had him try tennis and golf lessons, as they would be good lifelong sports. He does ride bikes like we do and he did some of that. He hikes and lifts weights and rock climbs now.

       1. That is sort of our conundrum — you can be on a team and it gets to go on an application. You ride your bike with friends and it is merely a hobby (if that). I am not sure how to best guide kids to make the choices they want to make, but be savvy at the same time. Like it’s fun to write creatively outside of school, but maybe enter some work in contests and see if you win anything, whether it is $25 or a t-shirt. You have to play the long game sometimes (not with everything, but just check some boxes). Or if you like art, maybe also learn to face-paint b/c those kids always get hired for little kid birthday parties.

       2. Do activities really matter that much? If he played at least 1 year of sports and tried a few other things, it seems like he would have had a few things on his applications at least.

          1. unfortunately yes, yes they do. Colleges like to see someone who is dedicated to an activity – they moved on from “well rounded” and want their classes to be a mix of people who have a solid interest in a particular area. So trying one sport a year for 4 years isn’t much from that perspective.

   18. I’ve never said that. I wish my parents had let me quit violin way sooner! Mine usually just said “well we have paid for this semester so you can stop after that.”

   19. This thread is reminding me that parents are damned if they do, damned if they don’t. I’m a parent of elementary school kids. I want them to try things. I do want to follow their interests; however, sometimes they don’t know what they don’t know because they’re children! I do think I’d have the sense to let them quit if they really, truly hated something. But, I think most kids really benefit from the structure of having something in their lives beyond school. As a kid, I wanted so badly to be excellent at SOMETHING. I was average at both sports and music, and living in a rural area, I didn’t get to pursue some of the things I was truly interested in. It is hard for me to not project that onto my kids, who have a lot more parental support (i.e., $$) and options than I did. But for their sake, I really am trying to reign that in.

       1. I don’t think so. I think you have to strike a balance between introducing your kids to opportunities and perhaps making them give it a real try, but letting them sample different things to find the few that really click. For me, throughout elementary school, I had a few courses of dance lessons, soccer, volleyball, tennis, etc… while I did participate and did OK, I remember standing at the bus stop talking to my friends extra long after school one day because I was hoping I’d be too late to get home to go to practice. But once I started piano lessons it was obvious I really enjoyed learning music, so that (and my later-acquired band instrument) became My Thing.

       2. Yeah – all the not-parents-yet chiming in about what their own parents did wrong are going to be so shocked when one day they’re the subject of therapy for their own kids.

          1. Or, we aren’t interested in reproducing at all. Which is a thing.

   20. Only tangentially related to the original question, but my mom plays masters field hockey and if you’re in a city its very easy to find a league. I spend a lot of time hearing about people in their 40s/50s/60s playing field hockey, so I am very aware this is a thing people do! It’s not just field hockey – if you played a niche sport as a kid and are interested in picking it back up, I bet it’s easier than you’d expect to find a group of adults doing that same thing.

       1. My university has an IM field hockey team that’s open to students, faculty and staff (during non-COVID times). It’s fun and no pressure.

   21. Horseback riding lessons. As a kid, my trainer was pretty tough – she didn’t give a lot of praise. I definitely started dreading lessons a bit, but my mom made me keep going, and I am so glad she did. I was in a sensitive phase, and she recognized that. I stuck with it, and I’ve learned so much from riding, made wonderful friends, and found my true passion (hence my username).

   22. My parents let me quit things but starting in like mid elementary school before I quit I had to be the one to tell the teacher / coach – no ghosting. In one case that discussion helped address some of the reasons I wanted to quit and made me change my mind; in another I quit but revisited the club a few years later. I HATED it at the time but I think it was a really good way to handle that situation.

       1. This is a good idea, and such good practice for later in life so you don’t end up a 30 year old who can’t even pick up a phone to order a pizza or something.

       2. +1. That’s a great approach. There are so many young people today who can’t even make their own doctor’s appointments, much less have a difficult conversation. It definitely takes practice, early and often.

   23. OMG! Please let them quit if they want! I signed up for softball as a kid and I hated it. Hated..It. Thank god my parents let me quick! I barely played and I still get anxiety thinking about is over 20 years later. In hindsight, it was absolutely one of my worst childhood experiences.

       To add, yes, we as a society are FAR too invested in kid’s activates and sports. Let them play if they want. Let them quit if they want. Be part of stopping the expectation that parent’s lives are to revolve around these ridiculous sports schedules.

   24. I have been guilty of saying “I wish my parents hadn’t let me quit X” for a range of things. But I was also keenly aware of some counter examples, then and now:
       Then: Twice weekly religious school for 5 years. What a colossal waste of time, especially as I’m not religious and never was. It also ate up every Saturday during the school year, so we never took weekend trips anywhere from ages 7-13.
       Now: Dance. At the mild end, there were girls who were never as good as their older sister and I can’t imagine that helped their sibling relationships. At the severe end, a rough mix of injuries, eating disorders, and one coach who was implicated in a decades-long s** abuse scandal last year.

   25. I have way more of these examples than ones where I am happy about having been made to stick with something. Biggest was piano where it took me performing really horribly at a performance (I couldn’t remember the ending and just kept repeating and repeating and repeating) and my mom saying I had “embarrassed her” before she finally let me quit . Guess what–I had started out as an outgoing kid (did plays, loved standing in front of class to give reports, etc.), and that was such a miserable experience that I had severe stage fright that I only conquered in my 30s when I was forced to be on a speaking tour for work. I still feel dizzy any time I think about it.

   26. I quit swim team and piano lessons and it was great! Less driving around for things, free time to follow my interest etc.

   27. Church, as an older teen.

       When I had put in a lot of thought about it, and *very respectfully* said “I don’t think I believe in G-d,” I was met with “Well we don’t believe in [insert some fun activity I was scheduled to do that weekend]. Tough.”

       I lost a lot of respect for them in that moment, and though I continued being respectful about my beliefs and theirs conflicting, I would not shy away from truthful answers from family and friends when they ask about church related things (weddings, confirmations, etc.). Church–or faith, or religion–shouldn’t be used as a cudgel or weapon, or a social obligation.

       My mom has since shared that she regrets that moment and it was a low for her.

3. Curious if this is something that is reparable or not: We have a leather upholstered armchair that we haven’t taken very good care of over its 15-ish year lifetime. The first layer of the black leather is peeling away in parts (kind of like skin flaking?). The leather itself isn’t ripped or anything…it’s sort of just the first layer of finish that’s gone. Is this fixable in some way? I don’t think it can get reupholstered easily due to its construction, and it’s a great chair we’ll probably keep in a corner either way, but thought I’d explore!

4. Does anyone have suggestions for what to wear to an evening opera performance held outdoors? I was invited to attend with a small group. Normally the opera performs in a music hall, but for covid safety, they are performing at an outdoor music venue. The audience will be masked, and seated in distanced groups of 6 people. I have never attended an opera, and I’m stumped on what to wear to one held outdoors. I’ve kind of lost my “how to dress for events” knowledge during this pandemic. This is in Houston, Texas, so the weather should be mild, probably in the high 60s to mid 70s in the evening. White Oak Music Hall, for any Houstonites on here. The hosts are old money, highly educated retirees. Thanks!

   1. I would wear comfortable, washable tailored pants, a light merino sweater and a silk scarf. With flats.

      1. This plus summery, floral cloth mask.

   2. The ball gowns and so forth are for opening night. For any other night of opera*, dress like you’re going out to dinner. I see people in all manner of things. (Some do wear the ball gowns and they’re terribly out of place). For an outdoor performance, I’d focus on being warm.

      * exception for performances of The Ring, which some fans dress for like the Rocky Horror Picture Show fans do.

      1. … so you’re saying that I might get another use out of my Dr. Frank N. Furter costume?

         1. I sense a Sisterhood of the Traveling Rocky Horror costume …

            1. Haha well I probably said it wrong. Ring super fans dress up for the ring like super fans of Rocky Horror do. You’re more likely to see Valkyries than garter belts and stockings but same idea.

   3. I would wear a sheath dress, a cardigan or wrap with light to moderate beading or other fancy detail, and either low heeled sling back pumps, or fancy-ish flats like from Badgley Mischka or some wedge heels. Lacking a beaded detailed cardigan, I’d go with a plain cardigan, fancy-ish jewelry and fancy-ish flats.

      1. But not too sparkly! Just some detail. Focus on quality over sparkle.

      2. This sounds similar to my go-to for the truly weird bermuda triangle of style that are opera houses. Neutral dress, blingy accessories.

      3. Go for a midi dress with a roomy skirt so your legs will be covered and warm. looks more elegant than a sheath dress that pulls up to mid thigh.

   4. Out of curiosity, is it still required to dress up for the opera? I am more of a symphony and dance person myself, and in those performances, I see a mix of people dressed up (although not usually in ball gowns, more semi-formal) and totally casual. I personally usually just go in nice jeans with fancy shirt + shoes because I want to be comfortable while sitting for 2+ hours. And this is with pretty big symphony/dance companies, not just small local ones.

   5. A flowy midi/maxi length dress and wedges.

   6. Jeans and a nice top and bring a jacket and a colorful scarf.

      1. Seriously — you can wear whatever you want. In my very large American city (i.e. Houston equivalent in size), I have seen people in ballgown/tuxes and jeans with tees, and everything in between. I wear a sheath dress because I am going after work (which is convenient because I have run into work contacts), but there are no rules. Wear whatever you feel is comfortable or appropriate for your group.

   7. Having gone to the summer in SF version of opera at the ballpark, parkas, sleeping bags and handwarmers.

5. Any suggestions for frugal fashion blogs? I follow putting me together (she’s gotten very athleisure) and pretty penny pincher (wears neutrals that don’t work for me) and am looking for more inspiration.
   I’m casual and cheap, but I want to look somewhat current. Not really a dress person.

   1. I feel like every blog is having a neutral moment. Which is cool, but nothing wrong with a little color? I’m one of those people who needs to wear color in order to have color in my face, if that makes sense.

   2. Blue Collar Red Lipstick is very colorful and does tons of thrifting. But might be more formal than what you’re looking for.

   3. I think my comment got eaten – Blue Collar Red Lipstick is colorful and thrifts most things. But she’s a little on the formal side.

6. Help me dress for my headshot/professional pictures. I’m in my 30’s in the healthcare field in the Bay Area. I want to update my profile as I finish my MBA. I’ve been really underwhelmed by the options on the Nordstrom website as well as my existing wardrobe.

   1. Not familiar with Nordstrom options but I like light/medium grey background, 1/4 turn, white top and a colorful jacket (I have one pic with jewel green and one with pink) and get many compliments on the pictures.

   2. I think jewel tones tend to be flattering. If you would normally wear a neutral blazer, pair with a jewel tone shell with a simple necklace. I have also seen headshots where the person wore a jewel toned dress with a simple necklace and thought it looked professional, but somewhat more dynamic then a plain suit with white top underneath look.

   3. Are you doing portrait, waste up, or full body pictures?

      I would go for solid colors, or very subtle patterns. Jewel toned or light-colored shirt (i.e. a color that suits your skin tone), with a navy or deep purple/green blazer always looks classic in my opinion.
      If you’re doing waste up/full body, sheet dresses are great for this, especially if they have long sleeves and an interesting neckline (in that case, blazer would be optional).

      As for styling, if you’re wearing a simple neckline, think about a necklace. Based on your desired level of formality, pearls, simple chain, or if you want it funkier, geometric pendants? For earrings I prefer studs, but that depends on your hairstyle, obviously.

      Shirts/blouse:
      https://www.macys.com/shop/product/calvin-klein-cap-sleeve-surplice-blouse?ID=11842640
      https://www.macys.com/shop/product/calvin-klein-dot-print-pleat-neck-top?ID=11551140

      Blazer:
      https://www.macys.com/shop/product/inc-menswear-blazer-regular-petite-sizes-created-for-macys?ID=6620939
      https://www.macys.com/shop/product/kasper-open-front-ruched-sleeve-jacket?ID=10635187 (I like how this is styled.)

      Something like this for dress:
      https://www.nordstrom.com/s/dress-the-population-ruth-asymmetrical-neck-midi-dress/5654151

      1. *waist

         Jeez, autocorrect.

7. I have a twin of this also in black and wondered if it was out of style. I guess some styles are classic for a reason.

8. There is an attorney who advised me on an legal matter mostly pro bono, although I have paid for one full consultation. I got in touch with them through a free legal clinic. I spoke with this attorney today, and he mentioned he will retire soon. His legal advice helped me navigate something particularly difficult and I was particularly touched that on some of these times it was pro bono. I have never met him in person but I know the firm’s address, would it be appropriate to send a card to say thank you and wish him a happy retirement? I would like to offer a gift but that would end up being a gift card (e.g. Amazon),I know lawyers make alot but at the same time my finances are tight right now so I cannot afford something more pricey. Plus as I mentioned I dont know them personally. In short what is appropriate in this case to show my appreciation?

   1. I think a heartfelt card/note would be appreciated and plenty. No need to give a gift card. If anything, I would give a consumable, but that is truly not necessary. The thanks will be the important thing.

   2. Something consumable (champagne, chocolates, or flowers) and a heartfelt note? I wouldn’t do a gift card.

   3. I would just do the heartfelt note, and no gift. A gift card would be odd, particularly since it was a mostly pro bono situatoin, and you don’t know what he might like (a plant, wine, chocolate, whatever). I am a lawyer and I keep all the thoughtful cards and notes I get from clients, which are very meaningful to me. My favorite one, from an employment client and his wife, said “Again thanks for all of your help and your awesome attorney skills. Not only did we like you as a person but you are a bad ass in a court room!!!”

   4. Free lawyer here and the notes I’ve gotten from clients meant more to me than anything else. I’d just do a note, nothing consumable needed.

      1. Same.

   5. As an attorney who does pro bono work, a note would mean the world to me! Please don’t give me anything – I’ll feel bad because of the disparity in our financial situations. But you better believe I’ll treasure that letter and keep it for years.

   6. My 77yo mom with ALZ but otherwise healthy slept a lot for the few days after both her Moderna shots.

      My 75yo immune-compromised dad with hypertension, large lung clots, two organ transplants, so many problems, had no reaction to Moderna 1. About 12 hours after Moderna #2, he was sick with fever, chills, throwing up for about 3 hours and then fine. Huge relief. He has so much anxiety getting the vaccine at all.

      I am healthy and late 30s. I had enlarged, achy lymph nodes the week after Pfizer 1. Pain under my left armpit near injection site and possibly a mild fever after Pfizer 2, both gone after a few days. (I qualified for the vaccine as a live-in caregiver for my mom, and will be forever grateful to my state for prioritizing family caregivers.)

   7. Just another voice to say that a card/note would be lovely!

      1. Agree, this is a very nice gesture!

9. Tell me your second covid shot stories. I’m more than 24 hours in and miserable. Would like commiseration or light at the end of the tunnel stories from your own experiences.

   (Yes. On a theoretical level I know this is good. But my body is not cooperating with my brain.)

   1. Not there yet myself, but I’m curious what your experience after the first shot was like.

      1. Almost nothing. Bit of a headache and a sore arm. Nothing like the fever/chills/body aches, dizziness I’m experiencing now, which started about 12 hours from injection and continues 24+ hours past.

         My skin hurts. My hair hurts. I was trying to avoid NSAIDs but it’s 3 hours before my next Tylenol and I couldn’t handle it. I took an aleve.

         1. I got my second dose at 4 pm and felt absolutely miserable starting around 3 am (body aches, headache, chills) until around 8 pm the next day, and I felt about 80% better by the time I went to bed that night. When I woke up the following morning (so around 36 hours after the shot), I felt 100% normal! You’re almost there.

   2. Which vaccine did you receive?

      Following along closely… I received Moderna dose #1 and gearing up for dose #2 in two weeks. After dose #1 I was tired, foggy, and had occasional nausea. Lasted about one week. Spouse was on same timeline and was jabbed with vaccine from the exact same vial as me, and he didn’t feel a thing.
      My siblings both received Pfizer (2 doses). Both experienced more symptoms from dose #1 than dose #2, and my sister was impacted more than my brother. Neither took a day off of work, from what I remember, but maybe they just scaled back productivity on those days since they WFH and can skate by.

      Sending you positive energy and hope you feel better soon!

      1. Pfizer.

         Pfizer is not my favorite right now.

         1. My BIL just got his 2nd Pfizer. He’s young and obnoxiously healthy and my sister said he woke up feeling like “dogsh*t” the day after. By the next morning he was completely back to normal. Hang in there!

         2. Counterpoint: I had second Pfizer shot a week ago and it was fine. I did have a headache for the first day or two, but nothing I couldn’t manage with ibuprofen.

   3. Was an achy mess from about 12 hours after to 36 hours after. I woke up the second morning after my second shot and felt 100% normal other than my arm was still tender at the spot.

      Had no reaction at all to the first one other than two days of a sore arm.

      1. Oh- also had Pfizer. Husband had similar reaction but a bit milder.

      2. I felt the brain fog and low energy level comparable to a head cold for 36 hours. It was manageable with taking ibuprofen twice and after those symptoms just had some soreness in the arm for an additional day.

   4. My husband had chills and body aches starting about 12-14 hours after the shot, lasting most of the night, and persisting more mildly into the next day (on Pfizer). Then it all went away and he was fine again. Experiences REALLY vary on this.

      1. I had Pfizer. No reaction to the 1st shot. I had a reaction to the 2nd shot – about 12 hours later, I was freezing cold (wore 3 pairs of sweatpants, 3 sweatshirts and my husband’s robe on top of that, and still made him “spoon” me to warm me up). Felt like crap, hung around the house the next day, and had a swollen lymph node (swollen under one armpit) for a few days. But I’m soooooo glad I got it. I did tell my family just because if there’s anything genetic in this response, they should know so they can plan to take it easy the next day.
         And FWIW, I had a similar reaction to the second Shingrix shot, so that’s just me.

   5. I had shot 2 of Moderna this week. No symptoms from shot 1 other than sore arm that lasted 3-4 days. Shot 2 was absolutely awful for me starting 12 hours in. Started with intense chills, then over the course of the next 12 hours (so, hours 12-24 post-shot) I had a 103 degree fever, nausea/vomiting, chills, aching body, headache, dizziness, etc. Most symptoms were gone by the 24 hour mark (luckily!) with just a lingering ~99.5 fever for the next 12 or so hours Glad I got the shots but man, it was a really rough night for me. I hope your symptoms pass soon!

   6. I feel like the reactions are all over the board. I had two friends who got the Moderna vaccine and were sick for about 18 hours, starting the evening of their second shot, others were fine. My SO, my secretary and I all got Pfizer; he and I were fine after the second shot; she got the felt–like-you’ve-been-hit-by-a-truck, flulike symptoms about 24 hours after her second shot but was fine by the next day.

      I ‘m sorry you getting this reaction, but from what I’ve heard from others it should be over soon. Hang in there!

   7. I also was miserable 24 hours in. Give it another day; I felt much better 36-48 hours after.

   8. Got the shot at 11:00 am on Saturday. Felt lightheaded within an hour. Felt nauseated a few hours later and threw up my early dinner. Woke up in the middle of the night with chills. Woke up in the morning with just barely a fever (100.4). Felt like crap all the second day and took multiple naps. Monday I didn’t feel sick but was still totally exhausted. Tuesday I was back to normal.

      1. Oh, this was Pfizer. And I’m 32. I’ve heard women have more severe reactions and younger people do too.

   9. It eventually goes away. I was MISERABLE for the first two days afterwards with for 48 hours afterwards. My lungs had a weird reaction too so we actually got me tested for COVID because I developed a new cough (unclear why, probably because my lungs suck at being lungs). But after like 4 days I was totally back to normal.

      1. To add- like others said, I had dizziness, nausea, lightheadedness, ridiculously bad fatigue (like “how badly do I actually need a shower because I do not want to stand for that long), chills, a fever of almost 103, and terrible joint and body aches. Those took the longest to go away but by day 4 I was fine. Cough went away within a few days after that.

         1. I am THERE right now on the shower. I’ve been negotiating with myself all day about whether I could do it. It seems monumental.

   10. I’m right there with you. About 28 hours out from my second Pfizer and I feel miserable (but also so joyful – strange combo!). I had no reaction to my first. Today I have a low grade fever, extreme fatigue, headache and brain fog. I wish I had taken everyone’s advice and scheduled a lighter workday. I had to take a long nap in the afternoon. I’m pregnant so I’m used to fatigue but this is way different. It makes me SO happy to be protected from a bad case of actual COVID if it’s anything like 5is.

   11. Almost exactly 12 hours after my 2nd shot I developed chills, a fever and pretty severe nausea. After sleeping the fever was below 100, but I still didn’t feel great. Somewhere around 30 hours after getting the shot I started to feel better and felt totally fine by 48 hours after. I forced myself to go to work on day 2, but if calling out had been an option I probably would (should) have done that

   12. My second Moderna shot was AWFUL. Started running a fever 12 hours after the shot, and it continued on and off for three days. Constant aches and pains, fever and tiredness but unable to sleep. Two Tylenol’s helped a lot, and I finally slept on the third day. Day four was like it never happened. Nothing but a headache and sore arm after the first shot, and I’m (still) extremely careful and hadn’t been exposed to COVID, so it was just bad reaction. My fingers are crossed that it means I’m well protected now. Good luck!

   13. Just got my second Pfizer shot yesterday evening – no reactions to either first or second shot (so far – 20 hours and counting). My arm is slightly sore, I guess. It just sounds like it’s a total crapshoot as to how you’ll react. I’m sorry you feel crummy!

10. I am realizing that I cannot fill all of the emotional needs of my husband. He constantly needs reassurance and I feel like I just can’t give it ALL the time. Things have not been the best between us and I am now realizing that lots of things he has done in the past could be considered abusive. Now it seems every time I do anything he has to know all about it and gets upset if I don’t constantly say he is doing a good job, I appreciate him, etc. He doesn’t really have any hobbies and I realize with COVID that is a bit difficult anyway, but I am just almost at the end of my wits. It almost reminds me of high school girl drama where it’s always what were you doing and who did you talk to and why did you do that? Why did you say that? Not sure this even makes much sense, but I am so tired right now.

    1. Therapy for you! And for him if he’s open to it, although it sounds like you might encounter some resistance if you suggest it.

       1. Agree with this.

    2. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Your husband sounds very insecure. I hope you can find a good way forward that works for you.

11. A friemd of mine said she couldn’t get out of bed, and collapsed on the ground when she tried to get up. She only felt bad for one day.

    I am almost exactly 24 hours in, and typing this comment is the most I’ve done all afternoon. My brain hurts, I have chills, and I’m exhausted. Absolutely worth it though.

    1. Threading fail. I will also say I had no side effects after my first dose. My mother felt fine with tylenol after both doses. Both got Pfizer.

12. Dating app video chat tips? I’ll be doing it for the first time tonight. Lighting is the main thing I can think of because I have a rather dark apartment when the sun sets so I will rearrange a lamp for good lighting. I’m worried about being awkward on video though!

    1. Just saw this post and wanted to wish you good luck! Report back tomorrow! :)

    2. Put your laptop on a stack of books or something so it’s about 6-8 inches off the desk. then you can tip the screen down slightly and it’s a much more flattering angle. Sit in a comfy chair so if if goes well, you can chat longer!

       Good luck. Dating is so hard right now. Carry on the fight, brave warrior!

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