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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I’m not even remotely surprised that Veronica Beard has created an absolutely perfect knit blazer. The brand is one of the best in the biz when it comes to women’s jackets (the Dickey blazer is a longtime favorite around here), and this perfectly-tailored number fits right in.
Given the slightly cropped length, I would probably prefer to wear this over a sheath or a skirt, but the models in these photos are also making it work with high-waisted trousers. You do what works for you!
The blazer is $448 at Neiman Marcus and comes in sizes XS–XL.
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
Anon
Is there a way to filter cars for “has height-adjustable seat”? I’m in the market for a newer car and I’m short and if I can’t raise the seat, I feel like my visibility out of the car is compromised. Maybe they are on high-trim models but I have tested some newer RAVs that didn’t have this feature. Car places don’t have a petite section.
Anon
I believe my old Equinox had this
Anonymous
I have a Subaru Ascent and it has this. Love it!
Anon
+1 I have a ’23 Ascent. First time I’ve ever loved a car!
Anon
I think this is going to be very hit or miss and not likely a reliable filter option. Several of my own vehicles over the past few decades had this feature; some were higher trim models and some were the base model, across different makes. The higher trim ones had it as a powered feature while in the base models it was a mechanical lever. Some of my cars also had the ability to separately adjust the steering wheel height (not just tilt, but shift it up, down, forward, and back) as well as change the distance to the gas and brake pedals.
anon
When I was looking it wasn’t just the seat. It was stuff like the head rests on the rear seats being really tall. I have a Subaru Forester and it’s a short person’s dream.
anonymous
Most new cars have this feature, you should be able to find something, you might also want to focus on the SUV category rather than a sedan for better visibility.
Deedee
I think aim for the higher-quality more expensive trim packages
A thing we did was buy used but buy the highest trim package – leather seats, as much as possible adjustable, etc.
You’ll be able to find the details of the trim packages online, of course… it’s a lot of information. A thing we did actually was use a car broker – a person who loves cars and researching these details and haggling over the prices with dealers and probably other brokers. Our broker was a friend who pointed us to good prices and deals, arranged test drives so we could just walk in and try and walk out, and then knew when we were ready to pounce on a good deal.
Good luck
New Here
My Passport does this. I’m 5’2″.
My BFF is shorter than me and drove a CRV for years before getting her mini-van.
Anonymous
I’m 5’3” and I’ve noticed Hondas seem to be better about this than Toyotas, which is unfortunate because I’d really like a Toyota. But when I sit in the passenger seat of my Husband’s Sequoia for road trips, it really hurts my hips/knees. I’ve adjusted the seat as short as it will go. It’s also very old.
Anon
My husband’s RAV4 adjusts more fully in the driver’s seat than the front passenger’s seat, so that is something to look for if you will be both driver and passenger in a vehicle.
Anonymous
I have not had a car without a manual height adjustment on the driver’s seat since 1998. Even my current base model Prius has one.
Anonymous
Isn’t it just “power seating”? That’s usually an upgrade I think, but it’s worth it – you usually get the butt warmers also. Our Subaru Outback has the power seating.
Anon
Royal Copenhagen is stalking me on social with ads right now. Do I need spendy little plates? Maybe I do.
anon
I bought (second hand) a few dessert size blue fluted half lace dishes and looooove them for dessert and special treats. If I ever win the lottery, I won’t tell anyone but there will be signs.
Anon
I do this sometimes. If I see plates I like – let’s be honest, usually at Target – I buy four or six of the dessert plate size. That way they don’t need to match my everyday dishes. They can just be special. Like for any occasion where we might serve cake.
Anon
If you have an eye for fancy little plates, go secondhand! They can be had for just a few dollars on FBMP, in antique malls, estate sales, etc. There is so much of that stuff in the world already.
Signed,
My mother owns at least 1/3 of the earth’s supply
Anon
This is the way—all the spendy little plates, teacups, crystal cordial glasses—can be yours for a song at charity secondhand stores.
anonymous
They say this, but as an avid collector it’s not true about things like royal copenhagen unless you get very very very very lucky. Many people know the brand and it’s getting popularized again with influencers. I still have it on my hunt wish list, but while there is tons of china, it’s never the good stuff.
Anon
Yeah I collect Spode Christmas Tree made in England – you don’t just randomly run into that in the wild. People usually know it’s worth something to collectors.
Anon
It’s all in where you shop, ladies. OP should give it a try before buying new. The world doesn’t need more fancy plates.
anonymous
Girl, I am basically an expert in antique shopping. It’s a unicorn these days. Go on Etsy and search for it to get a sense of the value. That is also a great place to pick up used pieces but it’s hardly a bargain.
Eliza
Interesting. Spode Christmas Tree is ubiquitous in my area at second hand stores and through local auctions. I almost never see Royal Copenhagen.
Anon
1:31 probably not made in England versions.
There’s a lot of Spode Christmas Tree in the world, but a lot of it is that cheaply manufactured recent stuff that Macy’s seems to always have around Christmas on super sale.
Anon
Is the version on Spode’s website no longer made in England?
Anon
@3:18 Spode moved Christmas Tree manufacturing to Asia mid-aughts.
Anonymous
Try the Replacements Ltd web s i t e.
RiskedCredit
During Covid I lived in Denmark and royal Copenhagen is what kept me going. I enjoyed drinking coffee from the perfectly sized mug like cups that come with a saucer.
Anon
Can you link to an example of those mugs and saucers? That sounds right up my alley.
RiskedCredit
I got 12 of these: https://www.royalcopenhagen.com/en-us/collections/all-collections/flora-danica/blue-fluted-mega-cup-and-saucer-28-cl-1017335
I then got 12 of these mugs which fit the saucer of the tea cups:
https://www.royalcopenhagen.com/en-us/collections/all-collections/flora-danica/blue-fluted-mega-high-handle-mug-33-cl-1016878
For the summer house I found a set of these in a charity shop for about $30. It was 6 saucers and 4 cups. Absolutely beautiful.
https://www.royalcopenhagen.com/en-us/collections/all-collections/flora/flora-high-handle-cup-and-saucer-rhododendron-27-cl-1017545
Eating out in Denmark is ridiculously expensive. You always have people over. My ex husbands family was massive and we often had 15-20 people ‘for dinner’. I’d make lasagna and salad with garlic bread. Dessert was coffee and cake. The cups and mugs were used a lot.
In the divorce my husband took the contents of the home. When I go to Denmark in the summer to visit his parents (yes it’s horrible and it’s their fault he is an asshole but I put the children first and they adore their grandparents) I spend a lot of time in the charity shops. Some excellent things to be found.
Eliza
We have plates in Blue Fluted Mega. It’s such a fun take on the traditional version.
Anon
sooo pretty! Thanks for the link & sorry about the horrible ex.
Anonymous
From a Scandi person:
Unless you have Flora Danica sort of spending money – nope, you don’t need them. Royal Copenhagen is nice, but not nicer than other brands. I would get something vintage instead.
Unless, you know, you want Flora Danica. Those are very, very beautiful.
Anon
Flora Danica has a backstory that I am here for:
https://www.graciousstyle.com/wpblogs/flora-danica-amazing-story-worlds-most-expensive-dinnerware/#:~:text=Diplomacy.,Flora%20Danica%20by%20Royal%20Copenhagen.
Anonymous
i see SO many beautiful plates come up for auction and the entire set — ALL the settings and dishes and so forth — will go for like $25.
Anon
What’s your favorite flying outfit that looks put together but is comfy? I’m always impressed by other travelers and feel like I look schlubby, even when I think my outfit will be cute.
Anon
Do you need to look a certain way because you’re flying for work or do you just want to look cute generally? Fun fact – I met my husband on a plane. I was wearing jeans and a sweatshirt and not particularly dressy to impress :) honestly if it’s just me I wear something comfortable- comfy jeans or nice leggings and a cute sweatshirt or simple sweater, and cute sneakers. And a scarf because I use it as a blanket since I’m always cold. If flying for work, I wear comfortable office pants, a thin silk sweater, and a nice blazer if I’m going to need it at my destination.
Anonymous
I never fly in my work clothes because they get all sweaty and stinky on the plane. I change into my work outfit at the destination airport if I have to.
Anon
I’m the anon above and usually remove my blazer once in the plane and store it neatly in the overhead compartment. But if I’m traveling for work I usually bring a carry-on and blazers are hard to pack. If I don’t wear it on the flight it typically doesn’t get that stinky, unless I’m late and running through the airport or something.
Anonymous
I have a carry-on with a suit folder.
Cat
the trendy “set” look (aka a sweatsuit but rebranded) is not my vibe. For cold weather travel I wear my stretchiest jeans, cute sneakers, an upscale tee (usually a Breton one) and a wrap. For warm, a floaty midi dress, Birks, and a wrap. Compression socks under either one for ankle warmth and so my feet stay normal size!
Anon
Every time I find a cute trendy set, the company doesn’t have all the colors or sizes to make a complete outfit.
Anonymous
The last two times I wore a dress to the airport I got the extra pat-down from TSA, so I never wear dresses to fly anymore. YMMV
Cat
I have not encountered that issue though do have Precheck.
anonymous
+1 – I fly in dresses to warm locations all the time and have never encountered this once. Also precheck.
Anon
I wear spanx or bike shorts under my dresses. Those circular x ray booths where you stand with your hands up (don’t know what they’re called) always show a square of something at my hip level when I’m wearing the shorts under a dress. They’ve shown me on the screen and asked me what it was. I have no idea. So I’ve had more than my share of pat downs and extra wanding. I finally just stoped wearing skirts and dresses for travel.
Anonymous
Workout fabrics can have materials with metals in them, so it might just be parts of your shorts showing on the scanner.
Spandex, elastan and similar fabric contents are not suitable for MRIs, googgle lululemon and MRI.
Anon
Im gonna google that. I hope it’s as good as the Darwin Award guy who wouldn’t go without his gun to an MRI.
PolyD
My eye just has not adjusted to the matching set look – it looks like pajamas to me.
One exception is a set I saw last summer that was wide leg cropped pants with a shorter tank (hit the waistband, but just barely). That looked less pajama-like.
Anon
I’m in my mid 50s and even the nicer “matching sets” remind me of the Hanes sweatsuits of my youth. I’m passing.
Anon
Talk to me about compression socks. Are they supposed to feel tight? I have a wide calf, and I bought a wide calf pair for upcoming long haul travel. They feel pretty loose just wearing around the house. I’m not sure what I was expecting, I suppose more of a Spanx like compression but on my legs.
Anon
They should feel snug. It sounds like yours are too big.
Cat
They should feel snug and noticeably harder to put on than regular socks.
Anon
Thanks! I definitely need regular calf size, in that case.
Anon
I have sometimes wondered if I feel this way because in airports I’m seeing people who shop somewhere else entirely wearing things I wouldn’t know how to find!
I used to wear a wrap dress but that doesn’t feel current now. (I have to wear compression on planes so I don’t pass out, so dresses end up feeling more comfortable than trying to layer pants over compression wear.)
Anonymous
Other than in hot weather, because I am always cold on planes, I wear a pair of Brooks Brothers wool blend drawstring pants with a white T-shirt (shirt or long sleeves depending) and a coordinating cropped wool boucle jacket that I usually remove for the flight or sometimes swap for a blazer if on personal travel.
Anon
It entirely depends on whether I’m flying for business or for personal reasons. Business reasons – dark wash jeans with a dressy sweater/blouse and either boots or loafers depending on the season. If I’m going straight to the office or flying directly after work I’ll usually have a blazer on.
For personal (family) travel I wear athleisure. I’m flying for spring break soon and will likely wear Vuori joggers, a Dudley Stephens turtleneck with a tank underneath (so I can take off the top on landing), and a Patagonia jacket – we’re going from cold to warm weather so I’ll need layers. I fly in athleisure as I’m dealing with two kids and their luggage so restrictive clothes are a no go. On the rare occasions I fly for personal reasons without kids I’ll usually wear something closer to my work outfit as I’m going somewhere sorta fancy (bachelorette party/girls trip/adult getaway).
Anon
I can’t really make the cutest of outfits because I always wear decently thick wool socks for going through security.
Anon
My go-tos: Black leggings, a black tunic sweater, and my gray sneakers; or gray joggers, a white t-shirt, and a thin cardigan. Jackets as needed for the destination.
FWIW: my sister just flew and said she noticed all the women, of all ages, wearing black joggers, a t-shirt, a jean jacket, and sneakers.
Anon
I’m flying this weekend and that will be my outfit but swapping in a light weight down jacket for a jean jacket as it’s still chilly here.
anon
Sounds perfect. The idea of dressing up for a flight genuinely perplexes me, unless it’s for business travel. Flying is such an uncomfortable experience these days that I’ll take whatever comfort I can get.
Anon
+1
Anonymous
I don’t care about dressing up, but some of what I see in airports lately is appalling.
Anonymous
+1 I do not want to see your pajamas.
Anon
Even in business class, people are pretty casual for longhaul flights.
Anonymous
Black joggers + tee + denim jacket + fashion sneakers is my go-to as well. I don’t feel like a fashion blogger by any means, but it’s pulled together, comfortable, and wears two bigger items (jacket, sneakers) that would be hard to fit in my suitcase.
Anonymous
This is my exact outfit and I’ve seen it as a travel outfit on several fashion blogs within the past year or so, so I don’t think it’s too dated.
Nora
I travel a lot for work. I’ve landed on black nice yoga pants (don’t love leggings), a nice t shirt, and a sweater. Honestly the quality of the clothes make a difference. Think more lululemon cardigan than sweatshirt. Otherwise this is pretty standard among everyone I work with and end up traveling with on looong flights.
Anonymous
I wear a dress 90% of the time. I overheat on planes (maybe a symptom of claustrophobia) and it’s much easier to feel airflow when I’m not bundled up. Always some type of closed toe shoe with socks. Planes and airports are gross. I have precheck. Big sunglasses. When I want to look cute I bring or wear a large pair of earrings. Sometimes sleeveless dress with a cardigan or blazer so I can be cool on the flight but more bundled off. Cole haan sneakers are a go to.
If I’m flying overseas, I wear:
– tank top
– zip up sweatshirt or jacket usually in black
– black Brooklyn pants from Athleta or a soft, lightweight fabletics pair of joggers
– blanket-type wrap/scarf for layering and warmth and comfort to sleep
– limited jewelry
– bring/pack a more structured jacket or blazer type layer if I’m landing and not sure if I’ll see a client at the airport or right at the hotel for dinner
Anonymous
I don’t like the matching sets because they make me feel like an old lady. I just wear the pants with a t-shirt and jean jacket.
anonymous
I have no distinction between business and personal, even if I’m flying for work, I’ll change on arrival. I fly in black yoga pants, a button down shirt, usually knotted at the wait, whatever jacket I’m taking with me, sneakers, and usually a silk scarf and I wear my jewelry. Always feel on the chicer side of things.
CK
The last time I flew was for work and I wore black ponte pants, a white shirt and a beige knit jacket from Quince (plus coat because it was December). I felt very pulled together and comfortable at the same time. I have a transatlantic flight in May and I’ll probably wear the same basic outfit but with sneakers, minus the coat and maybe black joggers for pants.
Anon
Sleeveless blouse, sweater jacket, stretchy pants like the Eileen fisher ones, compression stockings, sleek sneakers or sneaker soled flats, and a big pashmina type scarf/shawl.
Eliza
Stretchy dark wash jeans or ponte pants, a polished tee like a Breton or similar, and a blazer or knit jacket with a scarf in case I get cold. Compression socks for longer flights.
Runcible Spoon
Stretch black pants, like Nogas from Duluth Traders, a PRINT 3/4 sleeve V-neck T-shirt (so food crumbs and stains won’t show too much), a cardigan, and whatever jacket or coat I am taking with me in winter, plus slip-on shoes and compression socks for the flight. Minimum of jewelry (big earrings irritate when using over-the-ear noise-cancelling earphones).
A
Cotton pants in cheerful print
Black V neck tee from cos
Tods loafers
Anon
Is male work attire now all Peter Millar and/or any high-end golf type attire? Maybe just for the trim ones? Some days I’m not sure if I’m in the office or at the country club.
Envious because if I could wear sports attire it would be washable, no-iron, and wicking. With comfy shoes.
Somehow the office skort isn’t happening. Yet. Yet.
Cat
wasn’t it always?
Anon
The tech fabrics are new I think. So mush loud swishy walking with that stuff. My vibe is more REI in winter but even Lilly Luxletic is not office enough for my casual office. Sniff.
Anon
What about the Lilly golf pants? I wear them constantly in the spring/summer and I don’t see why they wouldn’t be ok in the office if men are wearing golf pants.
Anon
Tech fabrics have been around for a while. But, since you mentioned Peter Millar, why not just wear their women’s line if you like that style?
Anonymous
The tech fabrics are super annoying. My husband wants cotton sport shirts and cotton chinos, not slippery clingy polyester. Not everyone golfs but all the clothes for middle-aged men who aren’t in a garage band seem to be golf clothes.
anon
I feel like this is all more acceptable in the summer months when things trend more casual. But if the guys are wearing golf apparel, I don’t see why you can’t, too.
Anon
The office skort isn’t happening yet but I wear washable, non-wrinkle, wicking pants to work pretty frequently. I have some from random brands purchased at Sierra and Costco as well as some from Old Navy, Athleta and BRF. I also have a dress in this material. I haven’t bought any blouses like this, but have seen at Athleta. I could wear a golf polo but that’s not my style, though some women do wear them in my office.
My job is business casual so YMMV. Honestly, now that I think about it I’m sure I could wear my Athleisuee skort and get away with it.
Anon
You can still wear golf attire as a woman. Wear your non-iron pants and golf shirt.
Anonymous
I feel like I read about athleta pants as work pants all the time. It’s not my jam but women do it.
Anonymous
This. You just wouldn’t want to wear a golf skort to the office. Men don’t wear shorts, at least not yet.
Anonymous
The equity partner in my corner of the office has post-pandemic. Truly, there are no rules anymore.
Runcible Spoon
I might try a plain black skort with a cotton twinset this summer at the office, along with streamlined flatt-ish shoes or “flatforms.” It’s just a short skir, will be my attitude!
anon
my office is a casual corporate casual (basically i don’t wear jeans). i wear clean plain white sneakers a lot but i don’t love them with darker pants (dark brown, black, navy). i feel like dark equivalent sneakers do not look right. Maybe a white sneaker with a dark stripe? am I not considering another possible sneaker option? currently i wear dark loafers or flats, it’s not like i’m going barefoot but interested if anyone has any ideas…
Anon
What about gray sneakers with a white stripe?
Digby
Maybe a muted metallic sneaker, like a pewter or bronze color? Taos had some muted metallics last year that didn’t scream “glittery!”
anon
I think that could work well!
Daffodil
Olive or mauve.
Anon
I see a lot of Cole Haan sneakers on all genders in my office, especially with Peter Millar-esque attire.
Anon
I wear a lot of navy blue & dark wash jeans, and I wear them with navy sneakers with white trim.
Anonymous
Another option would be a tan suede or caramel leather. I’d do black leather, too, personally, but I don’t really wear sneakers to work.
ADE
So many women in my similar office where Rothy’s slip-on sneakers in black. I wear them every day.
Anon
Is my great-grandfather’s sister my great-aunt or great-great aunt? If my aunt is my father’s sister, then my great-aunt should be my grandfather’s sister, but then things don’t line up. I want to get this right for a blog post about my family…
Cat
“Great” starts a generation earlier with aunts & uncles than your direct ancestors. Think about it, you don’t call anyone a “grand-aunt” which would be the equivalent of your grandparents.
Anon
+1
Your grandparents’ sisters are your great aunts so your great-grandparents’ sisters are your great-great-aunts
Vicky Austin
+1 this is correct.
Anon
Great-great-aunt
Anonymous
Yes, your father’s aunt is your great aunt.
An.On.
Great Grand-Aunt. The search term you want is a “Table of Consanguinity”. Wikipedia has one that’s fairly easy to read.
Cat
I have never once heard anyone use this term!
Anon
All lawyers have seen it. It’s a staple in trusts, wills and estates class!
Anon
Not all lawyers have taken a trust, wills, or estate class
A
This is correct. Great great aunt isn’t.
Anon
Thanks everyone. If only we had “grand-aunt” as part of the lexicon – that would help everything align!
Anonymous
If it helps, think of your grandmother as your great mother, then it lines up nicely.
Anonymous
No, it lines up.
Father’s sister = Aunt.
Grandfather’s sister = Great-Aunt.
Great-Grandfather’s sister = Great-Great-Aunt.
Anon
It doesn’t line up nicely to have siblings be in different generations – great vs. great-great.
Anonymous
It’s not different generations, though, it’s a different classificarion. Direct ancestors vs secondary ancestors.
Thistle whistle
use the same number of great/grands for everyone of that generation on the tree
Anon
Advice needed – what’s current as spring shoes and reasonably weatherproof? I need a transitional shoe between my heavy winter boots and my white sneakers. I live in a winter climate where it’s currently very muddy as the snow melts. I own cute white sneakers (Veja) but they will get really gross if worn right now. I’m just walking around town, no need for anything office-appropriate and I want something comfortable but cute. Booties? Darker sneakers? What are people wearing these days?
Anon
Lighter boots. I rotate between Blundstones and Red Wing Harriet’s.
Daffodil
I bought a pair of off-white boots for an event and they are so much more versatile than I thought. The ones I got were just cheapies from Target, but I may replace them with a nicer pair.
Lily
Short rain boots (like a chelsea boot style but rain boot material or Tretorns)?
anon
This is a job for one of Sorel’s low-cut boots. Out and about? I can’t remember what they’re called, but those are my transitional shoes. Or dark sneakers, but I hate getting sneakers all mucked up, so I lean into the boots.
Anon
I have some patent leather loafers from Naturalizer that fit this bill.
Anon
Oh sorry I misread no need for office appropriate as need office appropriate.
I like patent leather for rainy weather office wear because it’s naturally water resistant.
Anonymous
Combat boots with scrunchy socks and floral dresses a la My So-Called Life in 1992.
Anonymous
Loafers or oxfords, perhaps with a flatform or lug sole
Conferences
cowboy boots! I’m a convert
Anonymous
LL Bean vista mid pull on – a short bootie with an athletic sole – is what I’m wearing! I can’t tell you if they are actually stylish but they do the job of letting me walk around outside in 40s rain!
Anonymous
My cousin is getting married in NYC in an expensive ceremony. Her Crate and Barrel registry is all sold out, and I would love advice on what to give as a gift. (Just cash? How much?)
They’re both big-law lawyers and her parents are rich, so it feels a bit weird to give money when they have so much (and so much more than I do!), but I don’t know what else to give. We are not emotionally close (haven’t even met the groom yet), but we do have a small family. I know some of her hobbies, like cooking/entertaining, but not well enough to know what she would want and doesn’t already have.
How much would cash you give in this situation, or is there some other option I haven’t considered?
Anon
Depending on your income / if you’re traveling to the wedding / if you’re bringing a guest I’d say between $150-$400. I’d only go over $250 if you have a plus one.
Lily
Are you attending solo or with a date? I’d give $100 if you’re going solo and $200 if bringing a date, and call it a day. If you can’t afford more, the bride should understand that and no one should think anything of it. Normally I’d say minimum $150 for a NYC wedding but you shouldn’t go broke to attend a family wedding.
If $100 is going to break the budget, especially if you’re traveling for this wedding, I’d consider giving more of a token gift like a nice picture frame (maybe something silver plated, in the $50 range, i.e. more than someone might spend on themselves for a picture frame) and a nice card.
Z
You could just do a gift card to Crate and Barrel if you don’t want to cut a check. Are they only registered at Crate and Barrel?
I am in the midwest and not in extremely wealthy circles, I do $100 per person ($200 from me and my partner).
Anon
I live in NYC and haven’t seen anyone bring a physical gift to a wedding in decades (showers are for gifts, wedding presents are cash). The ‘cover your plate’ ethos is definitely a thing here – $300 is probably what I would give or a bit more for a very close relative. If that’s not something you’re able to do just give what you are comfortable with – the couple invited you to spend time with you, not as a gift grab.
Anon
I usually do a physical gift for both weddings and showers, but I order on Zola and ship it to the couple ahead of the wedding.
Anon
This. 99% of the guests will give cash.
Cat
I give registry gifts for weddings but would never dream of bringing it to the actual event. Ship it to the couple!
Anon
+1 you never see physical gifts at weddings anymore, regardless of location. But it doesn’t mean the bride and groom didn’t receive any, it just means that everything was shipped directly to them.
Cat
set aside the concept of paying for your plate and give what you can afford, especially if you’re spending a lot to attend. I agree it feels weird to give cash to a peer, but that’s easy and appropriate. If in search of a round number, around $250 seems like a going rate.
anonymous
If you can afford it, $300-350 is what I’d do. Alternatively, if the registry is sold out, I’d still use it to get a sense of their style and get a physical gift. For instance, if they’ve registered for a china pattern, get a serving plate that goes with it, a vase, etc.
Anonymous
Cash gifts are very, very popular in NYC weddings.
Anon
For the actual wedding, cash. The registry is mostly for the shower. I empathize with how ridiculous it feels to be giving an insanely wealthy person money, but in that situation I’ve just given what I’d give anyone else.
Nina
It feels ridiculous to spend so much on the wedding flights/hotel/dress/etc and then also be giving a lot of money, especially the “cover your plate” concept. Like you invited me. I’m fine with the travel spending and dress because that’s part of attending of course, but you wanted to throw a wedding, why should I pay for that event.
I do think it feels “better” when its a couple that could actually use the money.
Anon
The cover your plate concept is outdated. I wonder if we did a poll, if there would be an age divide among who still does it. People do not deserve more of a gift because they chose to spend more money on a wedding reception, that’s silly.
Anonymous
$200
Anon
I would just give cash. $200 per person.
Anonymous
$400?!? I don’t even give that much to my own relatives. Who can afford to give $400 for every wedding they attend, after spending money on travel?
NYCer
If you can afford it, I would probably give $250-300 if you’re attending solo, and $500-600 if you’re bringing a date. If that is outside your budget, just give what you can. Or get something like a picture frame that looks in line with her taste from the registry and include a gift receipt.
Anonymous
I would go the complete opposite direction from all of the other comments and give a more personal, symbolic, physical gift, delivered to their home. In this situation, I would perhaps give some amazing cooking/entertaining books with a heartfelt card and a gift receipt, delivered to the couple. Or an amazing coffee table book related to some interest of theirs. Or some kind of gift that reflects your relationship to your cousin. Or maybe a consumable, such as really good olive oil and balsamic vinegar or some pricey bottles of wine. Or a very nice photo frame, optionally with a photo of you together from childhood that is smaller than the frame so obviously not meant to be the permanent resident of the frame. This is also what I would want to receive from a peer family member. Not cash. I would feel terrible receiving cash from my cousin, particularly one with fewer resources than I have. Terrible.
anonymous
To be clear, I would never arrive at a wedding with a physical gift – always send those ahead.
anon
+1 that there’s no need to give cash to people who make a mint and have so much more than you. If they have any sense, they’ll feel terrible if you give them a significant cash gift.
I’d go with a lux consumable delivered to their home, along with a thoughtful note. Something like fancy olive oil, wine, spices, chocolate, etc. For someone with whom you’re not close, I wouldn’t go with something not consumable, but that may just be my years of living in a VVHCOL area where space is at a premium even for rich people.
Anon
These numbers are wild to me! When we did the wedding circuit in our late 20s and early 30s we mostly gave $100 for weddings we attended as a couple and $200 if the bride or groom was a very close friend. I don’t put cousins I’m not close to in the “close friend” bucket, although I know some might. When we got married at 25 plenty of people gave us gifts in the $50-100 range (which was totally fine, most of our friends were in grad school at the time) and the only people who gave us more than $200/couple were in our parents’ or grandparents’ generation.
We are more established now and are happy to be more generous with our younger family members, but since you are younger than this relative and less well off it’s wild to me that people think you should give $300 or more.
Anon
obviously you don’t live in NY.
Anon
I don’t live there, but I attended four or five weddings there. My friends are not mostly in Big Law or Big Finance though. Surely this must be job dependent? I believe this is normal in Big Law circles, but OP is not in Big Law. According to google, the median household income in NYC is $76k, and I can’t imagine those people are dropping $500 every time they attend a wedding?
Anon
You’re right. They don’t. But in a lot of circles, where the weddings are fancy, this gift amount would not raise eyebrows. For context, my NYC wedding 5 years ago cost over $800 per attendee just for food, flowers, alcohol, DJ and relatively small venue fees. The prices are sky high
anon
It is not job dependent. Some of my blue collar friends in outer boroughs give more than biglaw people. It’s cultural.
Anon
Well if you attended weddings in NY and gave the low amounts you suggest above, you were probably the lowest gift amounts by far.
Sasha
I give $100 per person for any wedding I attend (Chicago, so HCOL). I wouldn’t lower the amount I gave if the wedding was simple, so I figure it works the other way as well. If it’s a close friend I’ll add +$50/$75
Registries are outdated, everyone really just wants cash.
Anon
Agree. This is what I did when I was attending weddings regularly from 2010 to 2020. $100 per person or $200 if going as a couple. Since 2020, I’ve only had one wedding per year as 99% of my friends/family are married. I’m in the Midwest but not Chicago. I’ve given $250 (attending with my husband) for the last five weddings I attended and will give that much at a wedding next month (for a distant step-cousin by marriage). I increased it more because of inflation than anything else. I have no idea how much the venue/plate actually costs so I picked a round number and give that much to each couple. I haven’t increased the gift based on my own income increases (I’m now a Biglaw partner) nor do I increase/decrease based on who is paying for the wedding or based on the couple’s income. I only increase it for very close friends (gave my close friend $500 plus hosting her wedding shower in 2022).
I buy from registries for showers only. Cash/check at weddings.
Based on what friends have told me after their weddings, how much people gift seems to be a cultural thing more than based on the guest’s income.
Eowyn
Just a vent. I’ve been negotiating with a friend of a friend on Facebook for certain concert tickets, and it looks like I’ll need to take her to small claims court to get my money back. After I paid for the tickets, she kept posting on social media about having them available so I commented that I had paid for these tickets and she had yet to send them. The next morning, she messages me and is like “Ticketmaster is not happy with your comment won’t release the tickets until you pay $500”, which is total BS. I told her I won’t give her more money, she was all “you have to believe me you’ll get tickets today” (even though she’s never once followed through with sending me the tickets when she said she would…). Anyway, I imagine it’ll be a struggle to get my money back from her so looks like I get to take her to court… lucky me.
Lily
Wait what? You paid her her asking price for the tickets, and then she told you they were actually $500 more?
Anon
This looks like a case for Judge Judy!
Anon
How much is it? This person doesn’t exactly sound reasonable. Is the hassle of court going to be worth it?
Anonymous
absolutely, if OP has enough documentation she’ll crush this loon in a small claims case.
Eowyn
Not sure why this posted incomplete! See below for full post
anonymous
That’s bananas, but also, it’s your time and that’s valuable too. I cannot imagine bothering with court over $500 when even if you win, you’d still have to enforce a judgment. This ain’t someone who’s going to pay.
anon
Unless these are $2k Taylor Swift tickets I would just consider the money gone and lesson learned.
Anon
No, that’s called being a pushover. This is literally what small claims court exists for.
Anon
$2k is a lot of money. Why would you let someone steal it from you and do nothing?
Anon
She’s saying it’s worth pursing if it was $2k but not if it was some much smaller amount.
Cc
Why would you send money like that! It sounds like her fb is hacked – I doubt you even were talking to her. How did you send the money?
anon
This sounds so scammy, are you sure it’s really the friend of your friend and not a hacker who took over the person’s FB account?
Anonymous
just ended things after 8 months with a great guy who wasn’t open to progressing from where we were to longer-term possibilities, and while i know it was the right choice – i do want that! – i still haven’t been able to stop crying. in the past i’ve bounced back from this kind of thing but it feels different this time.
does anyone have any really great breakup self care advice? or even just ‘it gets better’ stories, because i’ll take what i can get today.
anonymous
It gets better, he wasn’t your person. Your person will come, it just takes one. Hang in there and be nice to yourself! I broke up with that guy and met my husband a week later.
Anon
It gets better! When I divorced my ex I had no idea what to do with myself. I thought I was too old and would be single forever. I started a bunch of hobbies, attended meetups, and got involved in local politics. The politics is the only one that stuck, but it was great to get out of the house and meet people and do new things. And then I leaned in hard at work for a bit and had . When I was ready to date again I met a wonderful man, and now I’m very happily remarried and much happier. Hugs to you.
Breakup advice
I went through a break up of a 4-year relationship 6 months ago (I posted about it here – some people might remember). We were seriously taking about marriage, just had a great trip to Italy together, and then he told me he wasn’t ready to get married. I figured if he wasn’t ready by now (he is in his mid-40s), he wouldn’t be ready on my timeline so I broke up with him. I’ve done a lot of hard things and this was one of the hardest. But 6 months later I’m in a much better space! Last week I had several people tell me I seem lighter and happier. I’ve decided to have fun with intentional singlehood before I go back on the dating scene. Here’s what helped me the most in my healing journey: 1. Lots of reading and podcasts – My favorites: the Breakup Bootcamp podcast, Jillian Turecki on IG and her podcast along with these books “How to Be Single and Happy: Science-Based Strategies for Keeping Your Sanity While Looking for a Soul-Mate” and “How to Be the Love You Seek”; 2. Journaling – this helped me work through my grief and uncover some patterns 3. Meditation and allowing myself to feel my feelings on my own time table 4. Starting a new exercise routine – previously I exercised at home but I joined a studio and the combination of community and challenging workout has done wonders for my mental health 5. Took an improv class. This is something I always wanted to do and I loved it. It got my out of my comfort zone and I learned some really good life lessons 6. Planned a trip to Paris – something to look forward to and an activity I’ve always done with a partner. 7. Reconnecting with friends and family – I realized my partner took a lot of my energy so I’ve channeled that into my other relationships. I’ve really leaned into creating an awesome life for myself and figuring out what is most important to me and going after it. I hope to find a long-term partner some day but most importantly I found myself and I’m building a strong relationship with me. The first three months after the break up were the hardest and then things got better slowly (with some setbacks during holidays). I really am enjoying life and feel more secure about myself. You can not only heal but grow from this. Hang in there!
Anon
Aw hang in there! The bright side is that at least you didn’t spend 3 years dating a guy who wasn’t ever going to propose, which is what I did! I did eventually meet my husband but it took a really long time! Looking back, I wish that I had gone on more dates, had more fun, traveled more and not worried so much. And a lot of meeting the right one is luck, so make sure you are living your life for you and not waiting for it to happen. You will be ok but take some time for self care. Break ups are rough – sending you hugs! I am rooting for you.
Sasha
I went through a brutal breakup last summer and truly thought I was never going to find someone I felt the same way about ever again. I grieved and it was hard and still is hard sometimes. But last month, I met a guy (off an app, if you can believe it!) and had a string of the best dates of my life with him. We didn’t work out due to looming long distance, but it showed me that there is always, always, always a new someone out there who will light you up the same way the person you miss did. You will find what you had again with someone who is beyond excited to take those next steps with you. Heal With Darlene on YT has some really excellent content about coping with breakups–highly recommend checking her out.
Anonymous
thanks to all of you for your responses yesterday – i read them, had a little cry while taking the afternoon off, and today have at least stopped crying, so i’m considering it a win. i appreciate all of your warm wishes and good thoughts and advice. :)
Eowyn
Just a vent/maybe need some advice? It looks like I’ll have to take a friend of a friend on Facebook, who was also in the same professional development program as me and works for the same large university employer (but not in the same areas at all), to small claims court. I’ve been working with her on getting concert tickets for the past couple of weeks and things really came to a head over the weekend. I’ve paid $2000 for four tickets, and she kept delaying on sending me the tickets. At the same time, she’s been posting on Facebook that the tickets were available so I made a comment on one of them stating that the seller refuses to release these tickets to someone who already paid for them. She messages me the next morning and is like “Ticketmaster is unhappy with your post and needs $500 to release your tickets”. WTF. So I kept telling her I’m not paying her more money and to refund me. She’s pretty pissed for some reason, so I doubt I’ll get a refund without small claims court. My question is, do I go to HR? I’ve never gone to HR for anything before, but I feel like they might want to know if an employee is taking another employee to court?
Anon
Since this is not all work related why would HR be involved/care?
Anokha
agreed
Anon
Oof. No advice on the HR question but it seems like this should be pretty cut and dried for the court – I’d 100% take her to court, if she’s pulling this with someone in her social circle/who knows her and where she works she’s pretty darn shameless!
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this!
Cat
I’m sorry, is the “friend of a friend” also your coworker? That part about going to HR doesn’t really follow from the rest of the story.
Cat
oh wait sorry, I read your post above – not the edited version these comments trail. Yikes. How did you pay? Can you get your credit card involved?
Anonymous
No please don’t. HR is not there to referee your Taylor swift ticket dispute.
Anon
This.
anonymous
+1
Anon
Why be so smug? Weirdo.
Anon
I also work for a large university and it’s very unlikely HR will get involved with a dispute that is not related to work and took place entirely outside of work. If anything you’ll just get internally flagged as a drama llama. I would not go to HR. Pursue this in small claims court or leave it be.
anon
I’d just ask for my money back, and say you only wanted tix at the agreed price.
She clearly got someone else to offer her more money, and wants to see if you will match it.
Or she’s just a terrible person, who is trying to con you.
Have you asked your friend what her deal is?!?!
Cat
I would suggest contacting her not through fb. Did she get hacked?
Anon
This is my thought! Have you communicated another way?
DCJ
This. It is almost certainly a scam account spoofing your friend-of-a-friend’s account. I have read this exact fact pattern many times. Unfortunately, you are almost certainly out the money and the tickets do not exist. Don’t send any more.
DCJ
Here’s a link to some coverage of this scam, including a BBB alert released in summer 2023: https://www.wrtv.com/news/wrtv-investigates/dont-fall-for-a-taylor-swift-ticket-scam
It’s sadly quite common.
NYCer
+1. This was also my first thought.
Anonymous
Have you had contact with her outside of like FB on this? Is there any chance she has been hacked?
Given the amount of connections, it seems odd that she would try and scam you. Like wouldn’t she just sell to someone else or via stubhub? The comment about Ticketmaster seems off.
If you work at the same university, can you pop by her office and say in person that it’s a lot of money to you so she needs to refund your money or you’re going to have to take small claims court action.
Anonymous
If it’s 2K for 4 TS tickets then that’s crazy low and an obvious sign that she was hacked.
Anonymous
This sounds like a scam. Have you ever spoken to her in person about them?
Anon
The only reason I see to involve HR at this point is if your workplace requires you to notify them of your involvement in any personal lawsuits (but “university employer” doesn’t sound like a situation where that is relevant). If you or the seller were in a position that has any authority over the other person or your respective departments, it could also be worth mentioning.
Goosebumpy
Looking for tax attorney (or something else?) suggestions for a friend of a friend, whose family is in trouble with the IRS. The family’s bank accounts have been seized, and there may be some dementia/mental illness issues with her dad. The parents are in Madison, WI, but she’s in Denver.
Anonymous
I love extra burned tasting crisps. I’ve found cheezits that are extra baked, and sometimes I hit the jackpot with hard pretzels that have darker edges (often a store brand bag). If any of you have suggestions for a salty snack that has that burned / extra done taste, I’m all ears!
Vicky Austin
Could you toast your salty snacks dry in the oven at home?
Anon
The ‘Splits’ brand extra dark pretzels at Whole Foods are my fave for this – they’re great with mustard
Digby
These pretzels are so good. I’ve also found them at World Market, Kroger, and Plum Market if anyone needs more shopping options.
Anon
And The Fresh Market, for those lucky enough to be in the area they serve. Second the recommendation for mustard. Lusty Monk brand “Honey Mustard”, “Original”, or “Burn in Hell” are my favorites.
Anon
You could make homemade Chex mix and bake it longer?
Anon
I like my Chex mix the old recipe from the 1970’s, extra seasoning, extra butter, and baked just this side of burnt.
Anonymous
This is probably not what you had in mind, but I love burnt, salty, oven-roasted broccoli. We use lots of EVOO, kosher salt, and cook at 400 until the side touching the pan is black and crispy. Mmm.
Mantra Magic
Yes – I love burnt broccoli too!
Anon
I’m here to change your life–update your roasting broccoli recipe to honey (warmed), water, and sesame oil. Coat liberally. Sprinkle tons of kosher salt. Roast at 400 on alumninum foil, mixing twice about 1/3 and 2/3 through. It’s heaven.
Anonymous
You are looking for dark russet potato chips. Several brands make them. It is hit or miss whether you will find them in stores but you can find them online.
Anon
Ha, more power to you but we are TOTAL opposites on this. So funny.
Anonymous
They make extra well done pretzels!
Anon
On a similar note I LOVE really well-done pizza, like when it’s a thin crust and kinda burnt.
Anon
I’m so late, but try Utz Specials Extra Dark Pretzels. So good.
anon
What are the comfiest fashion sneakers these days? I’ve learned the hard way that most fashion sneaks aren’t that great for all-day wear (not cushy enough), especially when lots of walking is involved. I have duck feet: thin, high arches, narrow heels with a regular-width toe box.
It's me.
Following but I will say not Adidas and not GG. Ha.
anon
ultimately i think the fashion sneakers are never going to be as comfortable as real sneakers but i have a pair of sam edelman ones that i wore on vacation in LA and was fine all day them, at the getty etc.
Anon
My Adidas Grand Courts never broke in and still give me blisters
anonymous
Hard disagree on GG, they’re the most comfortable sneakers I’ve ever worn.
Anonymous
I have these feet and find P448 very comfortable. I have to wear them with thick socks and have to tie the laces in the traditional way, not with the slip-on untied lace hack.
ALT
I find P448s super comfy but they run small…
I’ve been wearing some vintage/re-released Nikes and really like them. I’ve also had to start putting arch supports into all of my shoes and definitely recommend that for comfort!!!
A.n.o.n.
have you tried Superga or Veja brand? I also have duck feet and those ones work OK for me.
A.n.o.n.
+ also get comfy insoles and add aftermarket for more comfort
Anon
This is what I do. Makes a huge difference in how my feet feel at the end of the day.
NY CPA
Vejas started out ok when I put insoles in them, but when they started to get worn a lot, I’ve never experienced a more uncomfortable shoe. Ouch!
Cat
Vejas sound like a good shape for you.
Anonymous
Honestly, I only buy athletic sneakers because being able to walk all day in them is the most important thing to me. Reebok and Adidas are my favorites.
Anonymous
Whichever brand you go with, look for something with a removable insole and replace it with a sneaker insole. I have some knit Naturalizer shoes that feel like I’m walking barefoot on concrete if I wear with the thin foam insole they came with. Putting in a Vionic one has made them almost as good as my Asics. I use one in my p448’s as well–though those get heavy on the feet for me if it’s a long day of walking.
anon
Similar feet – I have good luck with Golden Goose super star sneakers, which held up to Disney adventures. New Balance has some cute fashion-y sneakers too that work well.
Anon
Naturalizer Morrison. They are cushy, come in leather, are super-comfy for all-day affairs.
Anon
Cole Haan sneakers might work for your feet. Lots of support but some styles run narrow (not all).
anon
There’s not at the level of true athletic sneakers, but I have become obsessed with Kizik sneakers and they were the only pair I brought on a trip to Asia which involved plenty of walking.
Anon
Omg kiziks are the BEST
Anon
Fit Flop sneakers fit my feet the best. Wide forefoot, normal to narrow heel.
Supposedly they’re made to support a woman’s weight distribution/hips.
FormerlyPhilly
Day trips from Copenhagen? Headed there this summer (July) for 4.5 days. One day will be the Cliffs of Møn. Worth a day trip to Malmo? Or Lund? Not really interested in Odense but could be swayed.
anon
we really loved malmo. we rented a car and drove stopping at the forest tower camp adventure. One of our favorite days of the trip. We try to work in a day or two with less walking because I really hate ending a day of sightseeing with intense lower back pain and this was a good day for that… we were there the last week of june into july 4th.
RiskedCredit
4.5 days in CPH….
2 days for CPH itself
1day for Møn
For the 4th day I’d chill out at the beach if the weather is good. I recommend Hornbæk. You can combine with Helsingør and ‘hamlet’ castle (kronborg Slot). Its about an hour north of CPH.
Another option is Roskilde. The Viking ship and cathedral are interesting and a good option if it’s raining.
Malmo isn’t bad either.
Anon
+1 to Roskilde. Really enjoyed my Viking/cathedral day.
Teapot
+1 for Roskilde! The Viking Ship Museum is great (and you can get beautiful Christmas tree baubles in the gift shop there) and the Cathedral is stunning. If you get the Copenhagen card, it covers both, plus your travel to Roskilde.
Anonymous
I also recommend Roskilde.
SF editor
Lund is wonderful. University town, walkable, stunning botanical garden, and great food.
Vicky Austin
Lund is adorable, I forget exactly how far it is from Copenhagen but it’s a cute university town.
anon
I enjoyed driving up to the small beach towns on the northern coast of Denmark. Not really any “sights” per se but it was so beautiful and peaceful. Louisiana Museum is also a must-see if not already accounted for in your itinerary.
Anon
Malmo is definitely worth it with 4.5 days
Anon
Not really a day trip but I highly recommend Stockholm if you can manage it. It probably requires an overnight stay though.
Anon
Speaking of dishes above. For those of you who have home fancy coffee setups – what cups or mugs do you use for something like a homemade latte? My standard sized mugs are slightly small.
Daffodil
Le Crueset has mugs in tons of pretty colors.
Anon
I have a Le Creuset mug but it seems to be fairly standard sized. I need larger.
Anonymous
Love my Le creuset mugs. Any larger and my coffee would be cold before I finished
RiskedCredit
Insulated glass 12oz cups are what I use for latte. I don’t do fancy coffee machines though. I use instant espresso and coffee, cafetière and a chemex for breakfast coffee. Mechanical machines and I do not get along.
Anon
I have a Nespresso Vertuo – got it for Christmas!
Anonymous
I am sipping a homemade latte from a Bodum double-wall glass tumbler right now.
anon
+1
I also use Bodum double-wall glass to keep things warm as long as possible.
But I prefer the large mugs.
Anon
I use Bodum but have broken a few and they shatter into a million pieces. I love them but do not buy if you are clumsy like me.
Anon
I got some blue and white large mugs from a local ceramicist on Etsy. They were a little expensive but they make me really happy. Look for “latte mug”.
Anon
8 mugs I bought at the Met to form a set when they used to sell items with the capital M in a circle logo: 2 in each of 3 colors plus 2 of the multi-color. RIP M in a circle logo.
Anonymous
Latte mugs from Emerson Creek Pottery, online.
Anonymous
Mine are all random mugs bought either in tourist locations or second-hand. For lattes I use a 16oz mug.
Anon
Nino Parrucci hand-painted Italian latte mugs that allow me to supersize my latte. The capacity for a big drink is helpful to me in meeting my daily calcium intake goals (turning lemons into lemonade).
anonymous
The Spode blue and white 16 oz mugs in a toile pattern make me very happy.
Vicky Austin
I have some Spode 16 oz-ers. My dad is a Spode connoisseur and they were gifts from him, and they are some of my most treasured possessions. Not least because of the incredible amounts of tea they hold!
Anon
Ohhhh, they sell the Spode 16 ounce mug in a William Morris design!
Vicky Austin
Well that just decided my sister’s birthday gift, thank you VERY much!
Anon
Some big 16 ounce plain white mugs from Kohl’s. Not fancy, but the right price for my DH who somehow only seems to chip precious dishes.
Anon
Target has white porcelain latte cups that are 16oz. They are the best.
Anon
Custom ordered Cafe Press 16 oz mugs printed with the unofficial motto of the Madeira School – “Function in disaster, finish in style”. I’ve been reading Julia Reed lately.
Anon
The Supreme Court is making me sick.
anon
Me too.
It never occurred to me their decision would include what they might do if Trump is found to be an insurrectionist on the Federal level…. Supreme court decides all…..
We’re in trouble.
Anon
Is this about Trump staying on the ballot? I have not read the opinion, but I do not mind the result this time. If removing someone from the ballot was allowed, the GOP in my state would kick every Democrat off the statewide ballots without hesitation or real justification.
Vicky Austin
Yes, I appreciate the precedent this is setting, if nothing else.
pink nails
I do too. Before the decision came out I listened to a few different podcasts on it. Without an actual conviction, I don’t really feel comfortable knocking him off the ballot.
Anonymous
So does your state allow people who will be under the age of 35 when sworn in to be on the ballot for President? Or does the office already exercise some discretion but not kick off all Democrats?
(I understand the difference between this provision and 14th section 3. Making a different point.)
Anon
My comment is about how the GOP acts in my particular state, Missouri. There are no Democrats in statewide office anymore. The GOP has a supermajority in the legislature. They banned t r a n s medical care. Abortion is illegal. If SCOTUS said a state could take insurrectionists off the ballot without a conviction, the GOP would declare Occupy Wall Street and Black Lives Matter protests insurrections and ban anyone who participated from running from an election.
Anon
Not in Missouri, also in a red state. This exactly.
Anon
States make decisions about who is allowed to be on the ballot all the time. There’s a good op-ed in the New York Times today about it. States get to make the rules about how many signatures are required, etc. and it’s not always fair.
anonymous
I’m especially outraged by Jackson, Sotomayor, and Kagan, all well-known right wing Trumpers, joining the 9-0 decision that was so uncontroversial that it issued in a matter of weeks.
Anon
I’m so confused by this comment
anonshmanon
reads as sarcasm to me.
Anon
Can’t believe I used to respect some of these people; they’re useless.
Anon
It’s so sickening to rush the decision on keeping Trump on the ballot but delay the decision on immunity.
Anon
The Colorado primary is tomorrow. Presumably that is the reason for getting this decision out now.
Anonymous
but I read that Colorado is a vote by mail state so the majority of the state probably sent their ballots in already
Anon
That doesn’t matter, Anonymous. What matters is that people are able to go to the polls tomorrow (because you can do that) and have a full slate of candidates available, with certainty as to how the votes are counted.
anon
I live in Colorado, and they mail all registered voters a ballot, but you can also vote in person (including day-of registration).
When the court decided to take the case, they announced they’d issue a ruling before the election, and there was a lot of local coverage of that – I think if you wanted to vote based on the outcome, you knew to wait
Anecdon't
funny (but not) that you say this because since I started studying for the LSAT, applying to law school, life as a lawyer etc. people have asked me “Oh aren’t you so interested in the Supreme Court? You can actually understand what they’re doing and saying”
and being Shocked when I respond that I couldn’t name all of the justices, I don’t care about them, and that no, I don’t actually have a love/deep interest in the Supreme Court.
they are a tool. it’s not about the law. and they give me the ick just like politics.
Anon
You’re going to have sooo much fun in Con Law…
Anecdon't
frankly I don’t even know how professors can teach Con Law with a straight face these days. I feel bad for them lol.
pink nails
One might think that Con Law is even more important these days, and that those professors are actually doing something incredibly valuable as they educate people on what is actually in the Constitution and the Supreme Court’s interpretation of it.
The answer to extremism is not ignorance and dismissiveness; it’s knowledgable and respectful engagement.
Anon
Major lol that you haven’t even taken any law classes and already have this opinion???? The vast majority of con law isn’t about the bill of rights, but have fun being smarter than all your profs!
Anon
Before you go, recommend you listen to the Great Courses History of the Supreme Court. Was very helpful to me in understanding SC history and the tenor of the court over the years, and I definitely found it helpful for ConLaw.
pink nails
It kind of reads like you’re going for a “above it all” vibe in reaction to important Supreme Court news, but to me this comes off as deliberately ignorant. It’s the third branch of the federal government; it’s just informed to know the 9 justice names. You don’t have to have a love or deep interest, but it’s a weird look to brag about not knowing pretty basic information about them or recognizing the significant role their decisions play. You’re replying to a comment where the person is obviously informed and cares and knows about the Supreme Court, because they do, in fact, have a rather significant effect. One wouldn’t be sickened by the decision without having interest.
Anon
I agree with this. Plenty of Supreme Court decisions have an impact on people’s lives, even beyond the high profile cases. It’s also incredibly important to understand how statutes and constitutional clauses get interpreted, as well as the nuances of things like federal preemption, what is a federal or a state issue, enabling clauses, bankruptcy, patents and copyrights, etc. I don’t know what area of law you would handle that wouldn’t touch on some of these issues.
Off My Soapbox
This was not a close call and if you think it was or are genuinely shocked or outraged by the decision, I am going to suggest that you need to get off social media or expand who you follow. And I say that as someone who genuinely hates Trump and believes he is an existential threat to our democracy.
Also, nobody is coming to save us. Not the Supreme Court, not Fani Willis, not Robert Mueller. There have probably been a dozen (at least) times over the past eight years when liberals were convinced that some savior was coming. We are going to have to save ourselves. And (if you want Trump defeated) that means supporting Biden even if you don’t like his Israel policy or think he is too old, it means voting and encouraging everyone you know to vote; and it means at least trying to acknowledge that not everyone who voted for him last time and is thinking about voting for him this time is stupid/evil/racist/etc. and reflecting that in your words and actions (because they read the comments too).
Anon
WORD
Thank you!
Anon
Amen sister.
anon
Any recommendations for Lisbon, Porto, or Barcelona? Would love to hear any tips on interesting neighborhoods, restaurants, cafes, shops, reservations you have to make, etc. We’re big on just walking around cities and soaking everything in. Going in April for 2-3 days each.
Anon
We were in Barcelona last fall, and found websites for some of the attractions to be confusing (not helpful that we speak Spanish and English, but everything is in Catalan). You definitely need to buy tickets for things like the Sagrada Familia and Parque Guell online and several days in advance – tickets are not available on site, even if you’re willing to wait in line for a long time. Also, two cool off the beaten track things introduced to us by our study abroad dd: The Corte Ingles at Placa Catalunya has a terrific cafeteria on the top floor with a wonderful view of the city. And the museum of Barcelona history is basically on top of Roman ruins that you can tour, in the basement of the museum. Have fun!
BCNAnon
I went to Barcelona last year. I didn’t understand how much I could love Sagrada Familia until I went. It’s the absolute must-see.
For restaurants, after a few days, we got a little bored of the tapas/pinxto standard fare but found that the Parking restaurant group was a great option (Parking Pizza, Parking Pita, and Parking Sotano- loved all three), as was Bar Brutal/Can Cisa. Reservations are definitely recommended most places, but we were happy being the lame Americans who ate closer to 9 and were therefore able to get in a little easier.
If you have time for a day trip, Montserrat was stunning. We did a combo trip there + a winery (I think through Get Your Guide), which included a ride on the cogwheel train to Montserrat. It was well put together and worth the money to have transportation, history, a meal, and a wine tasting all taken care of for us.
Runcible Spoon
Try the paella at the 7 Portes restaurant at the waterfront in Barcelona. It’s a historic fancy-ish restaurant, perfect for a long afternoon lunch!
Anon
Vintage Food Tours in Porto! It was amazing. I think we also used Magik Tours in Lisbon to do a day trip to Sintra, highly recommend organizing a tour for that as well so you can skip the line. We waited about 5 minutes and when we were leaving the line was 2.5-3 hours long.
Anonymous
I don’t get the Dickie blazer. Bloggers push them so hard but I have never actually seen one on a person. I live in NYC so maybe it’s a southern or west coast style? It seems odd to pair a sweatshirt hoodie under a blazer. It it really a thing?
anon
not sure where you live but i live in westchester and basically everyone i know has one, either the veronica beard or a knock off. also don’t know how old you are but it’s definitely “in” with the late 40s mom crowd. I have a knock off from liverpool. i wear it w jeans or pleather pants. i mainly wear it during the day on a weekend when i want to look polished.
anonymous
You just might not realize that people are wearing them, that’s the point.
Anonymous
That’s funny because I live in the south and assumed they were an NYC/NJ thing because I have never seen one here.
Anon
This jacket is gorgeous.
anon
anyone else with narrow feet who wonders what happened to narrow shoes? I used to be able to find a lot of styles in catalogs, neimans used to carry…. now there are less and less brands that do it. It seems odd that it was easier to find before the size inclusivity was a thing….
Anon
Wide feet here and I feel your pain, although my size is both small and wide so I never had much success. Another size inclusivity rant: why are all the models 5’7” and taller when the average woman in the US is 5’4”?
anon
yes! this! i am 5’6″ if i need to have 5 or 6 inches hemmed on my pants who are they made for…..
Anonymous
That’s your leg length, though, not your height.
I’m just over 5’6″, and need a minimum of a 32″ inseam, and my bootcuts are 34″.
I have a 5’10” son who wears a 30″ inseam.
Anon
5’10” here and if they make pants for 5’4″ people then I will never find any. Tall sizes are few and far between. It’s not like I can add fabric! Though my mom did suggest I sew some lace onto the bottoms of my too-short jeans in high school. Thanks mom. :)
Anonymous
Because models are about the ideal, not the average.
Mantra Magic
My mother has narrow feet and shared the same complaint with me too. I feel for her. To your point, it’s a weird development with size inclusivity being more of a thing now.
Anon
The catalog/online site Marmi still has a ton, as do Nordstrom and Auditions.
Anonymous
They are all frumpy old lady shoes, though. I used to be able to buy nice current dress shoes from Cole Haan, the Nordstrom house brands, and others in narrow sizes. Alas, no more.
Anonymous
Size inclusivity is the opposite of inclusive. With clothing it’s about making one pattern and then scaling it up and down in nonsensical ways so the fit on smaller sizes is weird. With shoes it is about making women buy shoes built on a men’s last.
Anon
Also, size 10-1/2 is much harder to find than it used to be.
Signed, size 10.5 AA
Anon
Home gym yay or nay?
I’d like to get a home gym. Currently we have personal trainers and we’d like to get either a gym membership or home gym. DH thinks the gym is a better idea because it’s got lots of equipment, classes, close to home. However, we have two little kids and I don’t think either of us are going to go to the gym at 5am and evenings are always crazy (even getting to PT appts is a logistical challenge with our schedules)
Those with a home gym: do you think it’s worth it? We are willing to spend ~$1500 on equipment, which is three months’ gym membership.
Anon
Have you looked at other gyms? I belong to the fanciest one in my area, with multiple locations across the city and state. Event without my corporate discount it doesn’t come close to that cost.
Anon
My DH is a crossfit person and basically recreated a ‘box’ in our garage during the pandemic. It was easily close to $10k if not over – we’ve got an erg/bike/weight bench/rogue ‘power rack’/weight rack/plates/weighted vests/box/dumbells/etc.
If you just want a bike, a yoga mat, and a decent set of dumbells you can easily do that for your budget.
Anon
I have two small children and exclusively work out at home. You don’t need to spend $$$$ to get a good workout, unless you want to.
Anon
Where do you work out with the personal trainers?
OP
There’s a personal training studio less than five min from our house.
And yes, $500/month is absolutely wild to me. We are in NYC suburbs and this is pricing for 2 adults 2 kids. DH thinks we will use the kids classes/childcare/pool/amenities. I think this is wishful thinking.
Thanks everyone for your thoughts!
Nesprin
Find a gym with childcare. There’s no chance you’ll be able to work out at home with 2 small children.
Cat
I would NEVER work out if I had to go to a gym to do it. Spending the money on our own equipment has paid for itself 10x over.
Anon
Counter: I will never work out if I must do it in my house. Know yourself!
anon
have a treadmill, dumbbells, and mat (more like rubber flooring tiles than a yoga mat per se) and use peloton app. Love it. Can do it when kids are asleep or watching a movie, when I wouldn’t be able to leave the house. I did get the best treadmill I could afford (with high incline) and I have about 5 different weight levels, but would ultimately love an adjustable dumbbell set to go higher.
pink nails
A lot of this depends on what kind of workouts and equipment you want to use. We have a large home gym at this point, but we built up slow to it. We slowly and very intentionally add equipment that we feel committed to using. For example, this is the evolution of our home gym:
2024 – larger dumbbells (DH needs to go up to 100# and these are adding up! so we do one set every month). Plus added all the twinkle lights (this is important :)
2023 – Treadmill, Boxing Bag
2022 – Rowing Machine
2021 – Built out gym walls, added rubber mat flooring, large TV on one wall, added organization fixtures
2020 – built house, moved from tiny corner of the living room to all the unfinished basement space, started using Peloton (LOVE Peloton and still use all the time)
2016 – 2019 – Started working out more regularly with dumbbells 2 lb through 20 lb. and did Beachbody on Demand programs.
However, we don’t have small kids and we don’t live anywhere near a gym with amenities. If $500 gym has LOTS of classes and childcare and amenities and it’s not a large stretch to your budgets and it’s convenient, that actually sounds really amazing.
Anon
Totally worth it, especially during COVID (now known as “virus season” as per the CDC).
EWF
Know thyself — a home gym has never worked for me, but I’ve found a gym where I attend classes RELIGIOUSLY. And it’s not even all that close to my home! I would say join the not-home-gym for six months (or three months, or whatever) and see where you land. Then you can stop paying if you don’t use it and go for the home setup. Also, how little are your kids? It was incredible to me how quickly I was able to leave my kiddo/s home alone for a quick hop to the gym or grocery store — that time snuck up on us and now we have the flexibility to leave early in the AM and work out.
Anonymous
we have a home gym and have spent a bit on it — i’d definitely recommend adjustable dumbells (i have a pair that goes up to 55# each) and maybe a starter kettlebell (12-35 lbs depending how fit you are). We have it in our basement with vinyl flooring so I don’t do a rubber mat flooring, but I keep a square of one around for stretches and exercises on my knees. We also have a Plyo box and a really old aerobics step. Just bought a weight bench and a walking pad too.
Anonymous
A yes for me, with the following caveats. I have limited fitness goals. I basically want to keep moving regularly, not to run races, etc. I have the space – I put an exercise bike in the basement aimed directly at a TV. I go there 3-4 days a week after kid bedtime (which is 7pm). I’m not sure how this would work with older kids, but realistically I’m not working out during at a gym with childcare while bedtime is so early. I’m definitely not in the best shape of my life, but my goal is to get a certain amount of exercise each week, which I am doing. Also, I have been watching the early 2000s show ‘Elementary’ on the bike and I love it.
Sarah
Any suggestions for an estate planning attorney in Brooklyn? Looking to make a trust for an apartment
Anon
Maybe a dumb question but . . . Are taxes and other withholdings all taken against your gross pay or are they against the new amount when the first “level” is deducted?
So if I make 100,000, are all of the calculations made against that 100k? Or is it fed income tax @ 100k, then Med/EE at 100k minus fed income tax amount and so on and so forth. Or is every percentage of amounts withheld always against the 100k?
Thanks!
Niki
Anon
They are each separately taken off that gross 100k, with exceptions for things like whether you have non-Roth 401(k) deductions, make HSA contributions, etc.
Anon
My understanding (happy to be corrected if wrong), numbers for illustration:
Gross pay $100k
20% into 401k
$10k for other pre-tax deductions (health care, FSA, HSA, dependent care, whatever)
That leaves $70,000. Federal, state, FICA taxes are all off that $70k.
Anon
Taxes of all kinds (federal, state, social security) are a percentage of your adjusted gross income.
Your adjusted gross income is determined by taking your total gross income minus deductions that come off the top, like contributions to a 401k, student loan interest, FSA contributions.
Anon
Help me find this product? A former coworker had a hand lotion in a squeeze tube and I loved the scent but didn’t work with her long enough to get a chance to ask what brand it was. The lotion tube was foil, not plastic. I think it had a peach or pink colored label. Smelled like rosemary, mint, or some combo that was very fresh and herbal. She was almost certainly a drugstore brand person, likely Target, Aldi’s, Walgreens, or the like, but browsing the aisles has not turned up anything that matches. Does anyone have suggestions?
Anon
Aesop is the only brand that comes to mind with “foil-y” packaging. But definitely not drugstore…
Anon
Trader Joe’s has these from time to time. Otherwise, not drugstore brand, ”
L’Occitaine.
anon88
Foil tube sounds like L’Occitane to me
Anon
+1
There’s a few scents, the cherry blossom one has a pink tube but there might be others. It’s very expensive but worth it.
Anon
The rose L’Occitane comes in a foil tube and smells heavenly. I keep it in my desk drawer and colleagues have asked what it is.
Anonymous
Probably L’Occitane
FP
Is it the Trader Joe’s ultra moisturizing hand lotion? I love it and cannot find a better lotion at any price point.
Anon
Body shop has metal tubes too. but they don’t have an herby variety.
Anonymous
Is it aromas artesanales de antigua brand? I have some on my desk in front of me and it’s in a foil tube.
Anonymous
L’Occitane has foil tubed hand lotion and a few are pink.
Anon
Love Beauty & Planet at Target has hand cream in foil tubes. Might want to check that if you haven’t already.
NYNY
If the whole tube was a peach color, it could be Aesop.
anon a mouse
My first thought was TokyoMilk Wild Whims — not a drugstore brand but Sephora used to carry it.
Bath and Body Works has a number of scents that might work, but none with a pink label. Maybe there or the Body Shop?
Anon
Burt’s Bees has mini tubes in metallic!
brokentoe
Crabtree & Evelyn?
Gail the Goldfish
Dionis has a foil tubes, though not sure about the scents? They sell it at Ace Hardwares by the checkouts so it’s drugstore-esque.
Ses
&Other Stories had a hand cream that came in a foil tube that reminds me of this. I haven’t seen it in stores recently but the lemon version was herbal smelling
Anon
OP here – it is definitely Aesop! The tube matches what I recall of the glimpse I got. Now I know what to tell my husband when he wants a give idea for something I wouldn’t buy for myself. TYSM!!
Anonymous
That is NOT drugstore!
Anon
That coworker often vocally and publicly ridiculed others for having what she perceived to be expensive taste, or for shopping at anything as outrageous as a non-mall brand, non-big-box store. In fact, the inability to keep her opinions to herself is one of the reasons she was made a former coworker. Maybe she received it as a gift and didn’t know it was not a product for the masses? Maybe that was her one way of treating herself? Maybe she was simply a huge hypocrite?
Regardless, I am happy you all helped me track it down. The Resurrection scent certainly fits what I remember of the cream.
Anon at 1:59
My god I feel like I won jeopardy for guessing this correctly!!!!! Lol
A
Verbena from l’occitane ?