ByKat Hours Updated
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Weekend Open Thread

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grayish white sneaker with dark gray stripes on the side

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

I bought a pair of Kizik shoes about a year ago for myself and my son, and have been so pleasantly surprised by how comfortable they are. I've been eyeing these newer, sportier versions, but have been putting off ordering from them because it can be a pain to deal with return policies/etc. from a random internet store.

So I'm especially psyched to see that Nordstrom now carries the brand! As they note, the sneakers have ample arch support, and “HandsFree Labs®️ technology lets the heel spring back when you slip into the shoe, providing a secure fit without having to tie the laces.” It really does work well!

Nordstrom has the pictured color for $149; Kizik.com has an additional 5 colors. (I own and have been loving the Athens style.)

Sales of note for 1/16/25:

  • M.M.LaFleur – Tag sale for a limited time — jardigans and dresses $200, pants $150, tops $95, T-shirts $50
  • Nordstrom – Cashmere on sale; AllSaints, Free People, Nike, Tory Burch, and Vince up to 60%; beauty deals up to 25% off
  • AllSaints – Clearance event, now up to 70% off (some of the best leather jackets!)
  • Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase; extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Boden – 15% off new styles with code — readers love this blazer, these dresses, and their double-layer line of tees
  • DeMellier – Final reductions now on, free shipping and returns — includes select options like Montreal, Vancouver, and Venice
  • Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; extra 50% off all clearance, plus ELOQUII X kate spade new york collab just dropped
  • Everlane – Sale of the year, up to 70% off; new markdowns just added
  • J.Crew – Up to 40% off select styles; up to 50% off cashmere
  • J.Crew Factory – 40-70% off everything
  • L.K. Bennett – Archive sale, almost everything 70% off
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Sephora – 50% off top skincare through 1/17
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Summersalt – BOGO sweaters, including this reader-favorite sweater blazer; 50% off winter sale; extra 15% off clearance
  • Talbots – Semi-Annual Red Door Sale – 50% off + extra 20% off, sale on sale, plus free shipping on $150+

204 Comments

  1. Can anyone recommend a therapist/counselor/?psychiatrist in the Brooklyn area?

    For a close family member who has struggled with PTSD related anxiety/depression for many years, whose prior therapist retired. Ideally, someone who does EMDR, which was recommended for them. They have never been on meds, and hoping for someone who can help them determine if meds are needed, after many years of struggle/intermittent therapy.

    Thanks to you all.

  2. What’s your favorite summer hat?

    Something cute and more than a baseball / sporty cap. I like good sun protection / wider brim, and something that has some style.

    1. Loving a foldable straw hat, mine is FURTALK Womens Beach Sun Straw Hat UV UPF50 Travel Foldable Brim Summer UV Hat from Amazon. I have had it for 4 years and love it, travels easily and doesn’t break.

      2. I also own and love this. I just took it to Egypt where it was beat up in my day pack by water bottles and a guidebook ant it managed to survive.

    2. Coolibar has a lot of options. I have a wide brim beach hat, a scarf, and a beach coverup from them, all are good quality and cute. They specialize in clothes made of SPF rated fabric. They have a few bucket hats, are those still in style?

    3. I like San Diego Hat Company’s foldable straw visors. But then, I embrace the Coastal Grandma aethetic unapologetically.

  3. I’m taking five high school kids to an event for 4 days. Two of the kids are my own – the other three all have nice parents who couldn’t/didn’t want to attend, but I’m the team manager so I’m not that surprised. During the trip, there will be a number of expenses that are shared (taxis, meals, etc.). Any tips for how I can keep track of the allocation of these expenses so that it doesn’t involve a lot of work for me and I can send one itemization to each parent for reimbursement after the trip? Does it make sense for me to try and get separate checks at meals or should I just split them up equally if there isn’t a lot of discrepancy between what they’ve ordered? I’ve never been responsible for so many kids before so I’m a little nervous about this.

    1. Yes! I use the Splitwise app and it’s great for this kind of thing. And I would defiitely split the meals evenly (tell the parents in advance that’s what you’re going to do.)

    2. I prefer to Uber rather than Taxi because I know the receipt will be emailed to me but maybe that’s just me because I’m so bad at hanging on to everything. Regardless of what you do, take a photo of the receipt. Much easier to go through everything post-trip than to try to sift through mangled paper with fading ink.

    3. They should be contributing cash up front to cover these pooled expenses. The

    4. Split everything equally and/or food courts. I think you can also set ground rules at each meal, e.g., entrees between $15 and $20, 1 drink or something like that.

    5. Since these are high school kids, I think they should be paying for meals and other individual expenses directly. They are old
      Enough to carry their own money. And at least my school trips never went to sit down restaurants where everyone couldn’t pay individually, and I would be annoyed to be spending that kind of money on meals for my kids on a school trip.

      Other expenses should be paid by you and split. I would get a good estimate and then collect the money upfront, with the understanding that some additional cost may be necessary after the trip

      1. What restaurant besides McDonald’s lets everyone pay individually? Paying a little more (or less) than you consume is part of the deal with any group trip, whether school or not.

        1. Virtually any restaurant will provide separate checks if you ask up front, except sometimes for very large parties.

          2. That’s weird. I travel all over the country on business and I have never once had a restaurant refuse to provide separate checks for a party of 6 or fewer.

        2. Depends on what part of the country you are in. In the south, it’s very common to be asked if you want separate checks. Doesn’t happen much in New England.

          1. It really depends on the size of the group. Many restaurants will be reluctant to split checks 6 ways.

        3. Literally any non sit down restaurant will work. Potbelly’s, sweetgreen, five guys, roti, chipotle, any other fast food or fast casual restaurant.

          1. And it’s not about having to pay more or less than you consume. In my HCOL city, I can’t think of any restaurant where you can’t pay individual that would be less than $20 a person. Most would be over $30. I don’t want to be paying $60+ a day for my kids to go to sit down restaurants on a school trip, nor have I ever heard of a trip like that. It seems like a huge waste of time and money

      2. Note that if you do decide on separate checks it is imperative to inform the server up front, when he/she takes your order(s).

      3. I agree with this. Give the kids the responsibility of handling $$ and paying for their own whenever possible.

  4. I’m kind of annoyed that my in-laws decided that they need to live really close to us (15 minutes away) so that we can take care of them as they age. They are retired, healthy and have funds, but they refuse to go visit their other kids or travel anywhere (even when we offer to pay for their short plane rides) because they don’t like to travel, so the burden of entertaining them (i.e., seeing them every 2 weeks, helping them with random tasks, etc.) falls on me and DH. I didn’t really have a choice in the matter because it’s cultural (Asian) and I’m married to their oldest son. It’s been a few years and I don’t think they’re going to change. I’m sad about it but I feel like I can’t do anything about it and can’t complain to DH since he gets even more annoyed by their requests than I do. I’m sort of resentful that DH’s siblings don’t take them on their vacations but whenever we go on road trips or whatever, they’re willing to join and I have to cook for everyone, etc. No question here – just feeling sad about this, especially as my kids will be grown and out of the house in a few years and then it will just be DH and me and the in-laws for dinners, etc.

    1. I’d strongly suggest reading ‘Real Self Care’, it is written by a Southeast Asian woman and has great advice for setting boundaries and taking care of yourself with specific attention paid to gendered labor and expectations among immigrant families. While the exercises weren’t groundbreaking it was VERY affirming to read and I felt much calmer just after hearing from someone who ‘got it’.

    2. This sounds like more a you-and-your-husband problem, than a you-and-inlaws problem

      Although… all things considered, I don’t think seeing your in laws/parents 2x a month is that burdensome. Are there things you want that those visits are preventing? Like more 1:1 time with your husband, or relax-alone time for you, or an adventure you want to go on but is too taxing for the inlaws? I’d focus there – what is you want, not “don’t want” – and sit down with your spouse to find a way to make it happen

      1. +1 that 2x a month visits don’t sound burdensome (unless they’re awful people) and that having parents age far from all family is also very burdensome, though in different ways.

        If they don’t like to travel, you can’t force that on them. I hope that their other kids are visiting though.

        If you’re only seeing them every two weeks + they have funds and are healthy, it sounds like they’re still pretty self sufficient which is great.

        1. Co- sign — my parents are one plane ride from me but two planes from my sister. Mom was rushed to the ER and juggling eldercare was a lot before that.

      2. Did you miss the part where they come on OP’s vacations and she’s required to cook and clean for them?

        1. I feel like it’s much easier to get out of them joining on vacations (stop inviting them) and cooking (order takeout) than it is to get out of seeing unless on occasion (IMO a reasonable expectation)

        2. What are they going to do, fire her if she doesn’t? Agree to the other comments — hubby needs to step up and share his or other tasks so it’s all shared fairly, including by all adults on trips and / or restaurants. People can make a sandwich in vacation or order takeout.

      3. She married into the culture and the husband cannot easily extracate himself from that. It is both of their problem to work through together.

        1. Agreed. I generally have the attitude “husband’s parents, husband’s problem,” but when you marry someone knowing this is their culture you can’t expect them to suddenly walk away because you change your mind. They have to work together to solve this. Couples counseling might help, especially a counselor from the same cultural background.

    3. I feel like aging parents can’t win. If they move too far away they’re burdening their kids with travel and complicated eldercare, and if they move close they’re imposing on your. Honestly, if they’re only expecting to see you twice a month, I think you won the Asian in-law jackpot. I’m white and we see my local parents way more than that. A lot of my Asian friends had to deal with the cultural expectation that their in-laws will move into their house — they would kill to have in-laws that just wanted to come over for dinner every couple weeks. And tell your husband to cook for them, or if he can’t do that for cultural reasons, take other household tasks off your plate so you have more time to cook.

      2. Yep, just what I was thinking. By all means, have your husband set the boundaries you two are comfortable with. You don’t have to bring them on every trip. But it doesn’t seem out of the ordinary to help your parents with handyman tasks or see them twice a month.

        1. Right.

          The sinking can visit if the parents don’t go to them. But the only thing in life we get any degree of control over is ourselves.

      3. Yup. People always seem to be complaining about their aging parents’ choices one way or another.

    4. Ugh… I hear you.

      Maybe it is worth having a talk with your husband, as it sounds like he and you may be more on the same page!

      I’d think a little bit about what you’d like. Maybe he needs to talk to his siblings and they need to start reaching out / visiting more. Maybe when you guys go on vacations, YOU DON’T cook for everyone. Husband cooks once, MIL cooks once, kids order take out once or cook themselves if they are getting old enough etc… Maybe instead of every 2 weeks parents come over, you rotate….. One weekend husband goes over and does errands and then you bring over take out instead of them coming over and you cook. Maybe it isn’t every 2 weeks….
      Compromises.

      1. Right, you say they’re “willing” to join on your road trips, not that you want them to join on your road trips. Can you just…not invite them? Or not invite them to all of them? Or have your husband and his siblings chip in for them to do a bus tour or something (since it sounds like they don’t like flying) so they can take a vacation on their own without you? I also just wouldn’t cook on a road trip for them if you weren’t already planning to cook for the rest of the family and making something where you can just make more of something to feed more people (crockpot meals, sheet pan meals, etc.). Also it sounds like you and your husband are being asked to do a lot of random tasks or errands. Can you ask them to come up with a list of things they need help with at the start of every month (or quarter, or whatever) and figure out how to tackle them with the least time or effort possible? Maybe your husband and kid(s) can spend 3-4 hours one weekend doing several tasks rather than 2 hours each time they ask for help on separate tasks. Or find a local reputable handyman who can come once a month to do all the random household tasks.

        It sounds like you’re not happy about the whole situation, but maybe you can work with your husband to come up with solutions to a handful of specific issues that will make things better for everyone.

        1. Setting up tasks is a very reasonable idea, but if their motivation to give tasks is to force more contact, it could backfire and give extra tasks, especially if they set up a handyman. It would probably need to be boundary that includes planned, willing access to DH and grandkids to be successful.

    5. Why do you have to do the cooking? Why doesn’t your husband step up? How about your in-laws? They’re healthy, they can cook. Let it go, and make someone else do it.

    6. You absolutely don’t have to cook for everyone. And if your husband has a problem with that, then your real issue is with him and not your ILs.

      1. This.

        He can cook. You can get takeout. Everyone can go out to eat.

        If your ILs complain, have your DH run interference. Or learn to let it go in one ear and out the other (don’t we all have to do this with aging parents on occasion?).

        We get together with my parents and my in-laws almost weekly and do things with extended family at least once a month. These are a mix of social visits / dinners and helping them with stuff. We’re both white mutts, and seeing extended family twice a month sounds low to me.

        If you’re an empty nester soon, then your kids are old enough to be involved too. I was really close with my grandparents so once I could drive I’d decide to go over and hang out for a few hours often. But, I was also dispatched to go help out with things too.

        My grandparents were huge fans of all of their grandkids so a regular get together was them coming to my or my siblings’ midweek games and then we’d all go out to dinner. This happened weekly in season. It could be a great excuse to entertain them + have a good excuse why you can’t cook.

    7. Since the move isn’t recent, it sounds like something might have happened that stressed you out enough to make you sad and make you post here? Or lots of things accumulated and made you sad enough to post here? (Also, is “sad” a more acceptable emotion than “angry,” and you’d like to get angry but know it won’t do any good? If so, you need somewhere private to express the anger so it doesn’t bottle up into you and go into resignation or simmering resentment.)

      I’m asking because if you can get specific and address the thing that finally sent you over the edge, maybe you can more easily identify the thing you want. Is it something about vacations or travel, since you mentioned that several times?

    8. Does anyone have local parents they expect to see less than twice a month? That seems like a very reasonable cadence to me.

      1. Yeah. My very basic white family (with healthy parents in their 60s who work FT / have hobbies and a social life) lives 30 mins away and I see them more. Heck, I see my aunts and uncles more than you see your in laws.

      2. Yeah I’m white and we have dinner with my parents a couple times a week, and my kids see them more days than not. I think we’re at the high end of the spectrum (and I’d be happy with less, tbh) but twice a month does not seem like that much to me, even for white people.

      3. Frankly if I moved to be near my adult kid and grandkids and only saw them twice a month I’d be upset.

        Even if I didn’t move to br near them but happened to live near family and only saw them
        Twice a week I’d be upset

    9. I’m East Asian. I’m secretly relieved I didn’t marry any of my East Asian boyfriends because they (and their parents) would have had certain cultural expectations of me.

      1. Yea if I married one of my exes it would have required essentially moving in with him and his mother and raising kids WITH his mother. She got whatever she wanted. I feel bad for whoever he married and hope she is just marrying him for his money.

    11. I mean at literally any point you can stop acting like a wet noodle and take agency over your life. No. You do not have to cook for them. No. They do not have to join all your trips. No. You do not have to let your husband off the hook.

      2. +2, these kinds of posts puzzle me. “No” is a full sentence. Rinse and repeat as needed.

        1. I agree but I do think there is a cultural aspect here and saying no to parents in certain cultures is extremely difficult.

          1. Then in the family home spouses need to manage this themselves so that they are on the same page and happy. And deal with your own parents! That is a child’s job and not a spouse’s job.

    12. Is weaponised incompetence at play here? Depending on the in laws English and basic phone capabilities they should be able to handle things on their own or hire someone to do so. It seems that there is an unfair load on you to help your inlaws and I feel that you shouldn’t need to be so hands on here especially as you have your own obligations in life. I feel that your husband should be more involved here to lighten the load on you.

      As an asian I do understand your situation and had to set firm boundaries which is unfortunately not well recieved. Communicate your feelings with your husband and don’t let it fester as it won’t resolve the situation.

  5. I like the look of these shoes. I’m hit or miss on whether the arch support is a positive or negative, but I’d like to try. If only I had had more restraint in buying sneakers in past years and actually had room for another pair in my wardrobe. Good pick, though.

    1. Can always swap out the arch support. That’s what I do. I couldn’t wear any fashion sneakers if I didn’t do this or my PF would be raging.

        1. I like Vionic athletic. I swap them in for all my shoes like this and no PF since—I can walk for days without tired feet. It’s been a game changer for looking cute when traveling.

  6. What’s your favorite way to distract yourself? I sent some exciting emails a few days ago and am checking my inbox every 45 seconds to see if I’ve gotten a response yet. (Trying to get a literary agent, which I KNOW is a slow process, but still!!)

    1. I just spent a good chunk of the morning ironing all of my summer linen clothing because I’m in a similar situation – except mine is that I’m adopting a rescue dog and I have to wait until Monday!

      1. Ohhhh— this is a great idea. Keeps my hands busy!

        Have fun with your new best friend :)

      2. Tell me more about this rescue pup. My diversion is scrolling rescue websites, although all of my pet slots are filled (hopefully for years to come).

      3. So exciting! I remember being similarly distracted when we were waiting for our rescue dog. She is now contentedly shedding on the floor of my home office.

        1. Haha “contentedly shedding” – bulldogs aren’t known as a shedding breed but at our initial meeting with her last week I walked away covered in fine white hairs. Oh Daisy.

    3. I’d give myself a strict deadline of only checking my email once daily at 5 pm or whatever. I don’t know why but making an appointment to do it keeps me from obsessing cause it’s just not time yet.

    5. Use your hands for something else. Gardening (literally or corporette style), crafts, weightlifting, carpentry, cleaning, bicycling, swimming – something where you have to leave your phone. Put on a podcast or an audio book while you do something, and maybe a timer if you think you won’t get absorbed, to do 20 minute chunks or something.

  7. Recommendations for a BB/CC cream or tinted moisturizer for oily skin? Basically looking for something lighter than the foundation I use when I’m doing a full face of makeup, which is the Estee Lauder Doublewear.

    2. I stick with Maybelline BB cream. It works well with my skin and is super inexpensive compared to others. It also has SPF 30. I will also use Skinceuticals tinted moisturizer, which is lighter coverage. It works on my pale skin and has SPF 50.

    3. This isn’t what you’re asking, but for oily skin, I like Mac StudioFix powder makeup. It doesn’t break me out. It covers well but looks natural, and well, my oily skin doesn’t like lotions or liquids of any kind. Go to a MAC counter near you and get color matched. Then buy it on sale (it goes on sale at Macy’s and Nordy’s a few times per year). I swap my compact out every six weeks to avoid acne contamination. Pricy but worth it. I’ve work StudioFix for decades. It’s the best powder makeup in terms of staying put and color choices.

    4. Can I tell you what not to buy? The Fenty Beauty Eaze drop blurring skin tint highlights every patch of dry skin and sinks into every pore around my nose (where I get oily). It also only lasts 2 hours in the summer.

      1. I was going to post that I love the Fenty after trying hating the Dr. Jart’s that everyone here loves.

  8. Does anyone have a favorite CPA prep company? I just finished my masters last year, so I’m looking for more test-bank heavy prep than video courses. Thank you!

    1. I did my CPA exams 10 years ago so this is probably somewhat out of date.

      I got the wiley books out of the library and used that. It was free. Becker got my through though and I highly recommend them. The videos are helpful if you aren’t doing well on an area. My employer reimbursed Becker.

    2. I did my exam also 11 years ago and used Roger. It worked really well for me, he was excitable and sort of over the top in terms of energy (sort of the personification of a Red Bull) which was easier to stay engaged with. I heard that Becker was dry. Also, Roger videos covered some extra material that Becker had in their written materials but not live (discovered when i compared with my friends who took Becker) The videos are good for overall info, but it was hours spent drilling the multiple choice questions that helped me pass.

      Roger said “If you study, you will pass.” which I repeated to myself all the time. I would take passes through the multiple choice question banks, and only revisited the questions I got wrong the first time. It helped having paper books to work from, as I could easily mark it up and revisit my problem spots.

      Good luck!

    3. I used Becker and spent a lot of time drilling through MC’s. FWIW I didn’t do a masters but maybe that will give you a studying leg up on some of the material. I liked Becker’s quizzes and mock exams and went through them multiple times.
      Good luck! You got this!

  9. It feels like my bladder hurts. Pain is similar to menstrual cramps (for me), but even lower down my abdomen, improves a bit with Advil but doesn’t go away entirely. Also the wrong time of the month for cramps. Is this a UTI symptom? I’ve only had one UTI before, and it didn’t feel like this (pain with peeing, not just bladder pain). It doesn’t really feel better after I go to the bathroom. First pangs started on Tuesday, yesterday I felt it off and on, today has been more constant. Wondering if I need to plan on an urgent care visit this weekend, or if there’s something even more serious I need to be thinking about.

    1. I’d start with urgent care because I’ve had this as an early UTI symptom, and my experience is that those can go from less pain to ohmygodpleasekillme SO quickly.

    2. I’ve only had one UTI but it was basically what you describe. I’d get a urine culture.

    3. A lot of docs are trying to do cultures before prescribing antibiotics these days, so I’d want to go pee in a cup now since cultures can take a while to come back positive or negative. It is totally possible to have a bladder infection or a kidney infection instead of a standard UTI, but I think your first steps would be the same.

        1. I guess I mean bladder infection apart from urethritis. But maybe I’m wrong that it’s more typical to have both! When they started culturing I learned that I’ve probably never had an infection (it was cystitis all along for me and never should have been treated!).

    4. if you have a gardening life, ask for an sti screen. Chlamydia, if it has symptoms, can feel this way.

    5. Sounds like a UTI or a bladder stone, either of which is a go to the Dr sort of thing. I’ve had UTI’s turn into kidney infections that put me in the hospital, so I do not recommend waiting and seeing.

    6. I had this. I didn’t have a UTI, just what ended up being years of pelvic pain that still haven’t entirely resolved, even with pelvic floor PT (which did help a lot). If it doesn’t hurt to pee, the odds that you have a UTI are lower, but still worth calling your doctor to see if you can stop by a lab before they close today, rather than have to wait at urgent care.

    7. Pelvic floor tension can feel like that kind of UTI pain. Go get tested or do the drugstore strips, but if you end up not having one then you can try internal massage (in the meantime) to see if that helps and seeing a PT. There are also certain bladder irritants, like if you ate a lot of tomatoes, spicy food, or alcohol, that bother you more with age. Also hormones in general — dropping estrogen levels causes bladder issues. Women in menopause will generally develop GSM which can lead to more UTIs and pelvic floor problems.

    10. Thanks all. I just got back from urgent care (waited less than 5 minutes!). Urine sample didn’t show outright signs of a UTI, but they’re sending it out for culture and started me on antibiotics just in case. Doc said it could also be cystitis, but generally said it was good to come get it checked out because I was noticing a change and that’s always worth investigating.

    11. Go to urgent care but in the meantime start chugging sugar-free cranberry juice mixed w a little water to be palatable. It really helps if it’s a UTI. If the pain gets much worse you might consider kidney stones. I get tiny tiny tiny ones and it feels like the pain you describe until they pass (so not normal, excruciating kidney stone pain thankfully).

  10. How long does your hair take to dry on average? Mine has always taken a long time but since I started doing CGM it’s gotten ridiculous (like 6 hours even with blowdrying). Any tips on how to get the time shorter? I did a test yesterday with a lot less product and my hair dried in about an hour but looked like crap. (Horizontally frizzy.) Maybe I’m just reentering the messy bun years?

    1. I have incredibly thick curly hair and blow drying takes an hour and air drying more like 8 hours. It’s so tedious. So my method is to wash it at night and sleep on it wet. It’s kind of a mess in the morning but I wear it in a bun most of the time anyway.

      1. Any tips for sleeping on it wet? I find if I put a towel on a pillow and leave my hair down … it’s okay but not something I want to do nightly. Is there a better method?

    2. I have straight hair so maybe this doesn’t apply but I’ve had my hair thinned out during haircuts and it cuts drying time in literal half, and it has better volume because its not so heavy.

      1. Do they use thinning shears or cut out pieces near your scalp? What do you ask for? (Fine, thick, wavy here)

    3. A long time. I occasionally go to bed with it wet and it’s still damp in places in the morning.

      If you’re doing curly girl method you’re probably putting curl cream in when your hair is dripping wet. I don’t know what everyone has against gently towel drying, but I find wrapping my hair in a microfiber towel (like Aquis) turban-style doesn’t disturb my curls. My curly daughter sleeps in a plop and the t shirt she uses helps it dry a little too.

    4. 8 minutes from soaking wet to bone dry. And I finally understand all those “I don’t wash my hair” posts.

    5. Buying a Dyson made a huge difference in diffusing mine. Hover drying on high to start and then low for the rest of the time — usually about 45 minutes.

    6. I have wavy shoulder length hair and don’t usually put any product in it. I gently squeeze as much out as I can and then wrap it in one of those hair towels for about 10 to 15 minutes after washing and then comb. It takes 6 to 7 hours to be completely dry after washing.

    7. Shoulder length wavy hair. I put it in Aquis turbans. I use the Dyson, but even air drying is max one hour.

  11. This is so petty and I would never say this to my husband IRL but he’s currently on a diet and exercise kick and it is SO nice to have the chocolate I buy still around for me to eat when I want to vs. it vanishing in a day or two. I was having flashbacks to being a teenager and my ravenous older brothers eating EVERYTHING within a day or two of grocery shopping so that there were only ‘ingredients’ and not snacks in the house and my mom refusing to buy more or let me keep any in my room.
    Fwiw I would be just as happy if he replaced the treats he finished but then he’d get mopey and start in with the negative self talk about how ‘bad’ he was for eating them.

    1. Pop the chocolate in an empty frozen vegetable bag, clip and put in the back of the freezer.

    2. This is an easy problem to solve. Get your own snack drawer. It doesn’t have to be related to junk food or not – I know couples who will even do this for fruit. Not petty at all!

    3. You just made me flashback to having dinner as a teenager and how I NEVER got to eat as much as I wanted because my teenage brother got the majority of the food since he was a “growing boy.”It was infuriating!

      1. I never ate fruit until my second pregnancy (summer baby; too sick most of the time with the winter baby) because my brother ate it all so there just wasn’t any. So glad I had girls!

      2. That is infuriating! Girls should have the opportunity to eat until they are full just like boys! I had to be careful growing up because I’m such a slow eater and I would end up hungry when everyone else ate all the food. Same thing would happy if I share food while out to dinner with friends. I’ve learned to put it all in m plate so I can actually leave an overpriced dinner without being hungry.

    4. totally understand. I buy treats (candy) for myself but then will not eat them for a couple weeks or I’ll eat it slowly, whereas DH is the type to eat it immediately. He’s gotten much better over the years of leaving my stuff alone. But I remember when we first got married, I used to keep candy in the soda box (like the 12 pack box of Coke) because he doesn’t drink soda and would never look there. I got outed one time when his friend was over and grabbed a soda (which was totally fine/normal) and came out with a Snickers. :D

      1. This is 100% the problem – kiddo and I will eat it slowly and DH cannot moderate. I don’t keep a secret stash because my mom did that and it 100% taught me that chocolate/candy was ‘bad’ and to be hidden and it just mentally feels icky to do that. We keep candy in our treats drawer as a normal offering for lunches/dessert alongside the chips/granola bars/etc. I have lost count of the number of times I’ve said ‘hey, can you not finish all the candy without replacing it?’ and every.single.time it becomes a whole thing.

        1. Can it be just Your Stash, without being a Secret Stash? Same as if you had eg. a fancy hand cream you didn’t want anyone else using, or a nice knife – sometimes it’s easier to just say “hey, I really want this nice knife and I want to take care of it a certain way and I don’t want to get frustrated with how anyone else is using it – so it’s going to be just mine, I’m keeping it in this special drawer, please don’t use it”.

          1. +1 it really is a kindness to your husband to make this explicitly yours. moderators vs abstainer/indulgers are truly different personality types. For us it works way better to have a system that works for both of our personality types, which means my treats are mine (not ours) and not even on his radar for partaking in.

          2. I wish my husband would understand the difference between moderators and abstainers. He’s an abstainer and wants me to give everything up completely the way he does. No, I can enjoy a reasonable portion of a treat every once in a while without its getting out of hand. Denying myself life’s simple pleasures in moderation would serve no purpose.

    5. My husband is the same, he can mow through everything in the house. I don’t mind so much when it’s actual food, but it annoys me more when it’s snacks or treats. He could lose a little weight, but overall his health and weight is ok.

      Now, we manage it that I may put candy in the dining room hutch, I.e. a non-food place and he won’t eat it without asking. Or, I may ask him not to binge one specific food, he may decide not to eat any of it, it’s easier for him to abstain than to moderate. I know it also annoys him that I can eat a bag of candy over several months.

      I am being mindful of what I eat for medical reasons, but we’re going out this weekend and I’ve already told him I’m ordering dessert and not sharing. Otherwise, if we split, I get maybe three bites before it’s gone. This works because he doesn’t mind if I tell him hands-off something, he recognizes his own tendencies and that it’s an issue for me sometimes. ( Yes, I grew up without enough to eat, can you tell?)

      1. My mom has the typical boomer disordered eating patterns and rarely cooked enough food for our family of 4. My entire childhood my dad/brother would eat their servings and then literally take food off of my plate because ‘I didn’t need it’. I don’t mind sharing food as long as I’m the one making the offer but people eating off my plate without asking triggers instant rage.

      2. I mind when it’s actual food because then my meal plans are wrecked. One time he demolished a giant bowl of grapes that was supposed to be fruit for kid lunches for an entire week. I don’t mind if you eat some grapes, but please don’t eat two pounds of them the day after I buy them.

        My husband is on a keto/weight loss kick and, like OP, I am enjoying the fact that food no longer mysteriously disappears.

    6. This is really challenging because the common approach of “we can always buy more” doesn’t work if one person never gets a chance to enjoy the treat before it’s gone – what’s the point of buying more? There are so many different layers of diet culture and dysfunction that go into posts like this! I’ve been your husband before, unfortunately. It took a long time to get to healthy eating patterns where I can actually leave treats in the house for days or weeks until I want them.

      1. I don’t see how the husband’s eating all the food in one sitting or the wife’s annoyance has anything to do with diet culture. Bingeing is disordered eating and eating everyone else’s food is just rude and inconsiderate. It’s not “diet culture” to want to be able to open the pantry and not find it empty.

    7. “You aren’t bad for eating them; enjoying food isn’t a moral issue. You are, however, bad for not replacing them.”

    8. Haha we were always an “ingredient” house, something my kids are on my hide about now that they’re older. But they got really good at making snacks from ingredients!

      1. I’m an immigrant and my daughter blew my mind when she started telling me what the other kids were eating for lunch, which contained a lot of pre-bagged items. In my house growing up these were untouchable treats for emergency or special occasion! I still can’t imagine grabbing a snack pack of Annie’s AT HOME instead of toast with hummus, and she’s caught on, so we are effectively an “ingredient” house and she’s also fantastic at making her lunch and snacks using dips, chips, and fruits.

    9. Lockbox. You can buy them cheap on Amazon. My DH also can’t self-regulate eating chocolate, but if it’s in a lockbox he can’t see it and he can’t get at it.

    10. We have separate snack storage areas. I stock his with relatively healthy options that he likes that I don’t. Mine is the same; he won’t rummage through my rice cakes unless he is really desperate.

  12. I’m starting tennis lessons in a couple weeks (I’ve never played!) and am very excited! What sort of sports bra should I be wearing? I have high support running types and low support yoga types. I’m a 38G so I don’t want to be jiggling all over the place but not sure if that’s actually something that happens in tennis…

    1. Running bra! Not only will you be running on the court, but it will be a lot of sprints with quick stops, studder steps and quick pivots. To me those sports of moves are harder on my breasts than regular jogging.

    2. It happens but not at this level. Wear what’s comfortable and if it’s all comfortable, opt for more support.

  13. Are there any current or former listeners to the Forever 35 podcast here? They announced last week that Kate is leaving the podcast for mental health and self care. Doree will continue the podcast, starting with a guest co-host.

    I used to listen to Forever 35 regularly, but have really fallen away from it the past 12-18 months. Seems to me they complain all the time, and the podcast has lost any sense of purpose. I’m sure it’s much more difficult to make money now that advertising has been reduced, and there are a lot of other great podcasts now that I listen to first.

    I don’t actually have a question, and I don’t want to snark too much (but will snark a little)! I feel like I listened sometimes out of misplaced loyalty, knowing they need the money and am a bit relieved now.

    1. I’m so glad you brought this up! I’ve also struggled with this. They’re actually one of the only podcasts I listen to and now that I am not into their content I barely listen to podcasts at all. So if you have suggestions, I’m all ears!

      Ultimately, I like them as morning radio hosts – I want to hear them talk to each other, do interviews with topical guests, and take questions/comments from listeners. I’m sad because in the early days of the podcast I preferred Dorree and in later days I preferred Kate, so I probably won’t listen much going forward. I will give the new temporary co-host a try.

      As making money in podcasting got more challenging, I stopped listening to more of their content because they started producing more content I just wasn’t interested in (product recall; Patreon content; TV recaps; interviewing guests promoting specific projects). I don’t blame them – I’m assuming they felt these other forms of content might be more lucrative.

      I think that Doree and Kate ultimately had different views on what they wanted to prioritize for work. I got the sense Kate is doubling down on writing romances while Doree wanted to double down on Forever35 and adopt the structures other big podcasts do to make money. They had trouble transitioning – in part because of listener resistance to change and in part because it takes a lot of work and now it seems like Kate wasn’t on board.

      Side note – one of my favorite blogs used to do an annual post breaking down how they (and many other blogs) made money. It changed the way I read blogs because I wanted to ensure the blogs I liked were getting maximum payouts from their ads so they could continue producing content. I would have done the same for Forever35 to preserve the content I enjoyed if they had given me a road map. I always have, and still, listen to their ads all the way through!

    2. I was intrigued by the idea of the podcast but never became a regular listener. IDK, the content just didn’t go much for me. Also agree that they often sounded whiny and complain-y, and that’s not the vibe I wanted.

    3. F35 got SOO boring after the first year or two! They felt like they were always trying too hard. If you are looking for something similar but way, way better, move to Everything is Fine! Its for “women over 40.” Really great hosts who are geniune, funny, and have great guests.

    4. I used to listed all the time even though I actually really disliked both of them. Kate is a total pushover wet blanket and doree is a holier than thou thinks she knows best. Both are actually terrible interviewers even when they had great guests.
      I finally realized I was hate listening and freed myself. It doesn’t surprise me kate is leaving. But also her romance novel was decidedly mid.

    5. Oh, I hadn’t heard that! I listened the first year or so until I realized I found them both…bad at podcasts?

      I think they hit such a niche (women in their 30s and 40s!) that they were immediately successful but then never really improved. And over time I realized I found them both insufferable.

  14. Question – if you eat grits, how do you eat them? I’d like to try them but doesn’t seem like the kind of thing you’d eat plain. FWIW I eat oatmeal with milk and sugar like cereal – which I realize isn’t common in America but common in my culture. Any sweet or savory ideas for grits?

    1. I only eat grits savory, either with butter and salt, or with cheese and salt. On weekends I’ll do shrimp and cheese grits.

    2. Oh Lordy. Southern person here. Do NOT eat them plain. You will hate everything about that experience.

      You can eat grits just like oatmeal with milk and sugar! I’d put some butter in as well. This is breakfast food. It also works to mix a bit of jelly or otherwise sweetened fruit in.

      A popular way to eat them savory is with cheese mixed in. Combine that with shrimp, and you’ve got a classic combo!

    4. oh now I really want some grits with butter, salt and cheese. I’m not from the south but my mom used to have my aunt ship up good grits so I grew up with them that way.

    5. Cheese grits (just cheese mixed in or melted on top) are a classic, as are shrimp and grits. You can also treat them as sweet, and if you google for polenta (polenta and grits are effectively the same) recipes, you’ll find options for that.

    6. For breakfast, with ham and cheese. For dinner, I love shrimp and grits, with a spicy sauce.

    8. For everyone saying cheese and grits – what kind of cheese? Like does any shredded cheddar you have in the house work or is there some specific cheese that goes best with grits?

      1. If I’m being picky, gruyere. But there really aren’t many bad choices I can think of.

      3. Cheddar is delicious!!!! Sometimes the pre shredded kind doesn’t melt as well as if you get a block and shred it yourself, but it will taste great. I can’t think of any hard cheese that wouldn’t work.

      4. I do sharp cheddar, cojita or quesa fresco. Depends on what I have in the fridge and ready to use.

      5. Mexican four cheese blend is great if your grocery store has that, but Tillamook cheddar rocks if you feel like getting out the grater.

    9. Sweet grits are basically cream of wheat but better, so I’d eat them like that – hot milk, bit of fruit/preserves/syrup/honey on top plus nuts for some added protein.
      I love cheesy grits and shrimp and grits but my personal favorite is grits with a variation of red eye gravy. I’ll pan fry a ham steak, slowly add coffee and flour, cook it together to get ride of the raw taste and then add in heavy cream (or half and half) with salt/pepper. Sometimes I’ll add grated sharp cheddar cheese into the sauce, sometimes I add it on top with scallions, either way it’s delicious.

    10. Call it polenta and not grits. All of a sudden its so much easier to eat!

      There are a bunch of excellent recipes on BBC good food. This one is a favorite. I add half a costco rotisserie chicken to the sauce.
      https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/creamy-polenta-mushroom-ragout

      Sweet – cook it up with water adding some salt, pour on to a baking sheet and cool. Cut into squares or French fries, fry in butter or grill and sprinkle with cinnamon sugar.

    11. Please don’t start with instant grits. Start with the grits you cook for 15-20 minutes. And for the love of all that is good and holy, put salt in your water. You will never get them salty-enough otherwise. I eat mine with just salt, pepper and butter. Grated cheddar makes them fancy.
      I also add sweet stuff to my oatmeal, but not to grits.

      1. Salt in the water is the most important thing. Butter after cooking makes them amazing.

    13. Not sweet! Savory all the way for grits. Salt, butter, and lots of cheese. Like should turn yellow from all the cheese. Cheddar or gouda are my favorites. Also shrimp and grits if you can find a good recipe. And for the love of god, not instant grits (yes, I’m Southern)

    14. I love my grits for breakfast with an over easy egg mixed up in them along with crispy bacon crunched up and added. A grits bowl– I have been eating it this way since I was a child, great comfort food.

    15. I looove grits. They are a breakfast food and a comfort food to me. I typically like them with salt and pepper as a bed for an over easy egg. Sometimes butter and no egg. Sometimes cheesy but my favorite is pretty plain.

      I also like to use them in the way one might use polenta. Mainly as a side for a meat with some kind of sauce like cacciatore.

      The comfort food angle is just very plain when you’re sick. They’re easy to keep down and they don’t upset the stomach. When I have a sore throat grits feel great going down.

      My northerner husband puts brown sugar and butter on his grits, and I swear my late southern father is going to haunt his ass for that. My aunt from Washington State did that a couple of times in front of my dad and it did not go over well!

    16. Butter and salt, letting the butter float on the surface and adding some halfway through. Love the stuff.

  15. Maybe it’s just my ear, but I swear that people talk in English with their regional accent (e.g., Kylie Minogue sounds different from Sheena Easton and Celine Dion and Dolly Parton) but they all seem to sing with a standard American newscaster English accent (like no accent, or like they are from . . . Ohio? Montgomery County, Maryland?). I’m not sure how that is possible but I’m always caught off guard that a singer is from somewhere else because they don’t sound it singing.

    1. It’s often in the vowels that accents are distinguished, but when singing vowels are elongated and differences are hidden. That’s why Keith Urban sounds like Kenny Chesney.

  16. Looking for dinner inspiration!
    I’ll be grocery shopping during my girls’ gymnastics practice tonight. Help me finish my meal planning. Looking for your favourite vegetarian supper ideas.

    2. Two very fast and easy ideas:

      Saute onions and garlic, plus sliced zucchini and chopped tomatoes if you like, with a can or two of drained and rinsed cannellini beans, throw in baby spinach to wilt at the end. Drizzle with good olive oil and serve with crusty bread.

      Roast/fry/air fry potatoes (tots are really good for this) and top with spiced black beans and whatever each person likes – salsa or hot sauce, avocado slices, chopped tomatoes, sour cream, cilantro.

    4. Cornmeal to make a quick polenta + whatever veggie looks good + cheese. I like zucchini and/or eggplant and tomatoes together with either feta or mozzarella.

      If you want more of a recipe, the NYT Cauliflower Piccata recipe is great.

  17. Follow-up to Friday morning post asking about hat and sunglass recommendations for a teenage boy. I like the idea of a hat for local sports team, and I will also check our Goodr for sunglasses. This is intended to be his birthday gift, which is why I don’t want to ask for his input. For sunglasses, I’m aiming for functional (because the last thing this teen wants is people to think he’s trying to be cool) yet current looking enough that his peers don’t think his mom picked them. Specific recommendations appreciated!

    2. I bought inexpensive Goodr sunglasses from Sierra for my nieces and nephews last Christmas. They were a huge hit with the teens and the parents were really happy with such a useful gift.

  18. We are planning our first European trip with an 8yo and a 1 yo. Mid fall. What destination would you recommend? What are the best ticket search engines for this?

      1. I am sure that the 1 year old will have strong opinions about the destination, haha. It could be fun to discuss with the 8 year old, but I would probably lean towards Italy because it is so easy with kids.

      2. Yeah, I think at 8 you can definitely talk to the kid and see what interests them. We started giving our kids input on trips around age 5-6 (within reason, and with the understanding that as the people paying the bills we have the final say). Travel with elementary schoolers is a lot more fun if they’re excited about the destination.

        I agree with the other poster that Italy is probably the easiest place for travel with younger kids and we’ve had several wonderful family trips there, but those are pretty good ages for travel in general since the older one is likely pretty independent and the younger one is still too young to have opinions. I think you can really go anywhere you want to go.

        On Google flights you can put in “Europe” and compare prices across various places.

      1. Counterpoint, we took a kid to Paris when she was 1 and it was our least successful of half a dozen Europe trip with young kids. It’s not a stroller-friendly city (even by European standards), it was hard to find decent restaurants open before 7 pm, Parisians were not particularly helpful or friendly to the baby (vs in Italy/Spain/Portugal where everyone loooooves babies and kids and acts like you’ve made their day by bringing a kid into their restaurant). And Paris has a lot of stuff that’s hard to do with kids, even older ones, like museums. I’d been to Paris several times at that point, so it wasn’t a big deal to me to miss stuff like the Louvre, but I would have been seriously disappointed if it had been my first trip. If you want to go to France, I’d suggest a smaller city or countryside area, like Provence or Bordeaux. Generally, smaller cities are more laidback, have more options for restaurants that don’t open super late, and you don’t feel like you’re missing out because you can’t go to lots of museums. If you really want a big city, I think London is probably the best bet due to the cultural similarities between the US and UK.

    3. Depends on the length of stay. For a week I would do a mix of London or Paris and a Center Parcs. If 2 weeks or longer I would do France, Italy or Spain. There are a lot of excellent resorts in the south of France, Italian coast and Barcelona which would give you culture and sports/activities and childcare so you get a break.

    4. OP here – it has been years since DH and I have been to Europe, so we would be excited about anything. We would go for a week. I would like to have a decently logistically comfortable trip preferably changing hotels only once or not at all. The most important thing to me is good food (not fancy, just tasty and not fried-heavy) and easy access to adventures or sights. The 8 yo wants to see a play in another language, but honestly community theater would be just fine for this purpose. DH wants to not feel poor (i.e. to be able to spend less than $200 a night for a decent dinner). We don’t like to stay at resorts though access to water sounds nice. Otherwise we just want to ease back into traveling internationally. Thank you for your tips!

      1. We typically go to Europe for a week, and also like to change hotels no more than once per trip. I like to do a few days of busy sight-seeing in a city, followed by a few days unwinding in the countryside or near the ocean. Some of our favorite combinations have been Seville and the Algarve coast of Portugal, Florence and Tuscan countryside and Rome and the Amalfi coast.

        If you don’t want Michelin-starred dining, $200/dinner for a family of 3 + baby doesn’t seem hard at all. Restaurants in Europe (especially outside of big cities) tend to be cheaper than what you’d pay for the same type of food and ambiance in the US, and the exchange rate with the Euro is favorable right now.

      2. Portugal – a couple days in Lisbon and a couple days down at the Mediterranean somewhere.

        Lisbon is unfortunately made entirely of hilly cobblestones, but the tramcars are a lot of fun

      3. Malaga in Spain. Plenty of things to see and do around, afordable good food and in the seaside with reasonable good weather in that season.

  19. This pot was great timing as I’m currently planning what I need for a late June trip to Italy and Spain and looking for new sneakers to walk around in. I’m also looking for a very lightweight, packable scarf/shawl that I’ll be able to keep in my purse to wear when we go to churches in Italy – does anyone have suggestions for such an item? UV protection would be nice but isn’t necessary as I mostly plan to wear it inside. Thanks in advance!

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