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Workwear sales of note for 3.22.23:
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off full-price pants and shirts; extra 30% off all sale styles
- Athleta – 20% off shorts, swim, linen & more
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything; extra 15% off purchase
- Boden – Up to 50% off
- Brooks Brothers – Clearance styles to 70% off. Some pretty serious markdowns!
- Express – Extra 40% off clearance for up to 60% off
- J.Crew – 25% off your purchase; up to 50% off special-occasion styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 15% off 3 styles; extra 20% off 4 styles; extra 50% off clearance
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price dresses, skirts, accessories & shoes
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
- What are your favorite parts of a typical day?
- At what point in your life (age, income level, whatever) were you able to take an annual vacation?
- What shoes can I keep at the office to go for mid-day walks (that go with everything)?
- How do you release stress or trauma that’s stored in the body?
- What are the best “networking for women events” you’ve ever been to?
- I feel like we’re burning through any savings we acquire…
- I hate my job and make 30% of what DH makes – should I quit?
- What do you keep in your office?
Plain color suits or suits with minimal patterns (e.g. striped), which kind do you prefer for an interview?
Plain suit with a patterned blouse underneath – or whichever you feel most confident in.
Can we ignore the research questions for once?
Right? Yo, OP, everyone in the k1nk community knows you don’t involve non-consenting people in your fetish. Kthxbai.
A few days ago OP (the recurring shirt poster) made a post about “her” husband’s fetish for suits/shirts and how he liked to have sex with her while wearing them and asking us if it was “okay to comply.” This lead several of us to draw conclusions about the poster’s possible motives in addition to/other than asking questions for ‘research.’
Best tips for carrying gym clothes and lunch to work in addition to regular work items? I work 12-14 hour days so I pack and eat probably 2.5 meals a day at work. With my long hours, I’d love to not have to go home and change before going to the gym. Any tips for carrying it all (I take the subway to work)?
Considering you already have too much to carry, I’d keep workout clothes and shoes at work and take the clothes home every Friday to wash and bring them back.
I have a similar suggestion, which is to bring in several days’ worth of meals at once (on a day when you aren’t working out).
Thanks for these tips! My schedule is weird that I’m only in the office a few days a week. I suppose I could leave clothes and just transport my sneakers each day I’m in the office. For food, we’ve had a critter problem in the past so I’m hésitent to leave mon perishables (and our fridges were questionable)
Why do you need to transport your sneakers? I’d say get a second pair and leave a set at work. That should save a lot of space in transit.
I read her post to mean that she’d be going home after the gym. So she doesn’t go back to the office after the gym to drop the clothes and sneakers back off.
Let’s say in a given week you know you will be in the office 3 days. On the first day, simply bring 3 workout outfits and stash in the office. Take one with you as you head to the gym. Repeat for the remaining 2 days.
As for the sneakers, she’s got to transport them to the gym anyway (I’m assuming she doesn’t have a locker option there) so I don’t see what leaving a second pair in the office accomplishes, but perhaps I’m missing something.
Sounds like she goes straight home after the gym? Leaving sneakers at work really only works if you return them to work after the gym, which may not be realistic.
Depends how crowded your subway ride is and how hated this would make you but what about just a giant gym bag? You could keep a regular professional bag at the office for when you need to run out but otherwise just use your gym bag for everything. Clothes, lunch, purse contents.
THIS. Also – getting a locker at the gym was so worth it.
If you're in the market for large gym bags
I am obsessed with my KingKong Bag. I’ve even traveled internationally with it.
Incredibly sturdy and will last forever. It’s also guaranteed for 25 years. My SO’s zipper was getting jammed and he took it to a local workout competition and they just swapped it out for a new one.
Most importantly for you, they have a lunchbox insert that can be a standalone lunchbox or can be used in what are supposed to be shoe compartments. It’s pricey, but totally worth it. Can’t recommend it enough.
If you can change at the gym, then keep the workout gear in a seperate bag in the car (I do this for a dance class that’s once a week after work).
If the gym has a locker you can use, keep a compliment of things there. I’ve not done this personally as I work out before work and can prep for work at home after class.
I do have days where I carry multiple bags into work: purse, lunch bag, and then a bag with whatever I need for the activity after work. I have found that a back pack is actually easier to manage as a third item. And sometimes I”ll just carry a clutch for a purse so I can stuff that in the backpack. Then I’m down from three full bags, to 2 items: 1 backpack carrying the small purse and other items I need for non work activities and one lunch bag.
Sounds like you’re doing a lot in a day! Go you! Take some breaks in there too :)
Renting a locker at the gym and keeping what you need there is a great idea. I’d probably take it all home Friday and bring in clean clothes over the weekend.
I have a pair of gym shoes and a bag with shower flip flops, hair brush, etc. that lives at work. I bring the actual clothes back and forth in plastic bags and an extra set is always at work. The actual clothes are pretty little.
I keep all my prepped meals in the freezer section of the fridge and bring about a few days worth of meals there on Monday. I keep my gym clothes and an extra pair of running shoes in a gym bag at work.
The original Scarlett
Once upon a time I was Mary Poppins with a magical bag of tricks. Then I realized I could leave pretty much all of the emergency things I carried around at the office. Now I just take my phone, ID keys, and credit card to/from work. I’d suggest streamlining your stuff to the bare minimum and do the same with gym clothes – leave shoes at work so you’ve only got a small amount to schlep around.
Thanks everyone for the suggestions!
I do go straight home from the gym so I guess I’ll just tote the sneakers daily.
No freezer option at work (just a mini fridge) so looks like meals will also be brought daily. I think I do a decent job streamlining but the combo of hoteling desk space and long days might just mean I need to bring a log in every day.
Really appreciate the answers!
Can you rent a locker at the gym? That way you could leave your sneakers in the locker, and bring in a week’s worth of gym clothes at a time. Other posters recommended a backpack, and I agree. Life got easier when I started using a backpack.
I do this every day with the gym prior to work about three times a week. I carry a backpack with my work laptop, water bottle, coffee, and the food items (logic being that these are the heavy items). Then I carry a shoulder bag, which is one of those collapsible grocery totes, with work clothes (you would have gym clothes), make up / hair stuff, and sneakers. Sometimes extra food items migrate to the gym bag based on bulk. Embrace the two bags on the subway situation – you are not alone. If I didn’t need the work laptop in my “professional” backpack for client meetings, I’d probably get everything into larger backpack.
I similarly bring gym clothes and food to work with me every day and I just use a backpack to go to and from work. I keep a nice work tote in my office in case of meetings or work-related events (which are generally right near my office).
When I lived in NY I handled the gym and lunches by 1) renting a locker at the gym and leaving a full bag of shoes + toiletries at the gym all the time, 2) taking in a week’s worth of gym clothes on Friday morning, taking home previous weeks dirties from gym on Friday night, and 3) taking in lunches/ food in on Monday’s and Wednesdays. So basically I wasn’t taking food and clothes in at the same time. Towards the end I actually started dropping my workout clothes at a by the pound laundry on Fridays and picking up on Mondays. That may only be workable if there is a convenient laundry that doesn’t have an insane minimum.
Having the extra full bag at the gym may be a lot in upfront costs (separate sneakers if you also workout at home, extra toiletries and make up), but it’s a system that has served me well. Now that I no longer live in NY and I commute by car, I still have a fully packed gym bag with sneakers and toiletries it just lives in my car rather than at the gym.
Who has suggestions to share for an extended SE Asia trip? I am sticking out a job I’d rather leave in order to make a 3-4 week trip happen this fall. Vietnam and Laos are definite, Cambodia and or Thailand would be great as well. Looking for any ideas at this point though, I need a vision board to keep me motivated. I am not generally picky on where I sleep, most of my travel ends up based around food and history and anywhere I can throw in seeing local animals makes me extra happy.
Of those, I’ve only been to Thailand, so I can’t compare it to the others, but if you go, I enjoyed the north much more than the beaches. Specifically the city of Chiang Mai- eat from food carts in the night market, the soup, similar to pho, is the best, roti (sorta like crepes) with crisco and karo syrup are a close second.
+1. Everyone I know who has been really liked Chiang Mai. It’s also near a great elephant sanctuary (Elephant Nature Park) if you want to see elephants in an ethical way. I also enjoyed the Phi Phi Islands, but we stayed over for several days and were able to get over to The Beach before the day tours. The day trips from Phuket are mobbed, even in low season. I thought Koh Samui + Koh Tao were really skippable (they are overrun with tourists and basically destroyed at this point, the much-hyped snorkeling was non-existent).
Nom Penh: you have to go the killing fields and to the S21 prison.
cooking class in Siem Reap at the Paper tiger (Le tigre de papier), eat Amok as many times as you can wherever.
temples to visit apart of Angkor Watt: Beng Malea, Koh Ker and Preah Vihear http://topsvietnam.com/best-temples-in-cambodia/
Koh Rong Saloem island (Clear Watter bay)
Irawady dolphins in Kratie (and a marvellous sunset)
if you are doing Laos too then go to Bang lung&Virachey (the Yeak Lagoom is great) in your way to cross the border.
The Plantation Hotel in Phnom Penh is great and they will be able to book all kinds of great things like an amazing architecture tour by rickshaw given by an enterprising young female architecture student. Also take a boat to the silk island. If you want to spend some serious money, the best French meal I ever had was at Topaz in Phnom Penh. Take a tuk tuk and have the driver wait. For a day tour of the city you can just hire a tuk tuk driver and he will take you all around. Also drinks at the Foreign Correspondent’s Club overlooking the river.
In Siem Reap, we stayed at Angkor Village Resort and it was great. Get a private guide for the temples. I have used Tours By Locals dot com with great success in a variety of countries and have no reason to think they wouldn’t be great in Siem Reap.
In Vietnam, don’t miss Halong Bay. I thought it would be boring but it ended up as a highlight of the trip. We stayed in the Sofitel Legend Metropole Hotel in Hanoi and it was pricey but fantastic. In Ho Chi Minh City don’t miss drinks on the roof at the Rex Hotel, where all the foreign correspondents hung out during the war. And the 23rd floor rooftop bar at the Sheraton (where we stayed and loved it) is also amazing.
anon a mouse
Elephant Nature Park outside Chiang Mai offers free (or nearly-free) lodging if you volunteer for a few days, if you’d like to spend some time with elephants.
I think the minimum volunteering commitment is a week, which is long unless you LOVE elephants (I say that as someone who loves elephants :)). If you don’t want to spend that much time, you can go for a day or 2 days, 1 night as a tourist. You have to pay but it’s not terribly expensive, by Western standards anyway. I loved the overnight visit. Sleeping there surrounded by elephants was awesome.
Hmm, consider the rescued-elephant ‘retirement home’ Elephant Nature Park and Flight of the Gibbon (zipline tours) in Thailand. Both are in the north around Chiang Mai. You can find amazing food pretty much everywhere and it varies so much from pl.
If you’re interested in the various religions & religious history of SE Asia, check out this travel blog (disclosure: the author is a friend of mine, but she is a trained anthropologist) https://leapoffaithchloe.com/faiths/buddhism/
Varies from place to place, I mean! Hit reply before I’d finished.
I just got back from Thailand on the weekend and LOVED it. We did a two day private guided tour of Khao Yai national park, which is only a two-three hour drive from Bangkok. Our guide was awesome and we saw amazing animals. We stayed for a week in Phuket, which I really enjoyed – but I think it’s pretty crucial to pick which part to stay in carefully. We stayed in the south (Rawai) as we wanted to snorkel at the southern beaches (Ya Nui and Ao Sane) – it was relaxing and pretty quiet, and the snorkelling was amazing (saw a sea turtle). If you’re going to Phuket in October, beware that the vegetarian festival is on in Phuket Town, so it will be busy for that week.
Hm no one has chimed in on Laos, so I will! Laos is so great!
Transport: I have no recollection of how we got to Vientiane – plane? Then we took a tiny slightly scary plane from Vientiane to Luang Prabang, and a horrifying tourist bus/van from Luang Prabang to Phonsavan (Plain of Jars) but then we took the locals’ bus from Phonsavan back to Vientiane and it was so much better (though someone’s pet??? little furry critter got loose on the bus and hilarity ensued — but hey, there’s an animal encounter for you!). So I guess my advice is to fly or take the locals’ bus, but don’t take a van for tourists.
Visiting: I assume you’re going to Vientiane? We stayed by the river and it was gorgeous – the sky was so big. We walked everywhere except we took busses to get to the Buddha Park (so cool!) and the Beer Lao factory (heh) and it was all sensible enough. We ate very well in Vientiane. And (at least when we were there!) it was a capital city without a single chain restaurant — pretty cool. Makphet restaurant was great but maybe it’s closed. But fear not, there’s lots of good food. Lots of cool sites to see there.
I loved Luang Prabang. It was so mellow! We rented bikes and went all around, and we walked too. Saw a monkey hanging out on someone’s porch. Again the food was great — a street market with crepes stands out in my memory. I had the best coffee I’ve ever had in a little alley somewhere. We did some tourist thing on a boat up the river to some caves and it was lovely. We spent lots of time eating outside under umbrellas. Also, Luang Prabang had the only decent bagel I ate in SE Asia (I was there for like a year, so this was important) — so if that matters, look for the cafe run by the Canadian women.
For your real nature experience, we stayed at a little eco hotel outside of Vientiane called Ban Pako for a few nights – we had a wonderful time looking at trees and being outside and such (though there was a snake in the shower).
I would recommend going to the Plain of Jars too. It’s pretty mindblowing. Admittedly it’s getting close to a decade since we were there, but the way the US just bombed the sh*t outta the place – combined with these mysterious jars – it’s just really something worth seeing. It’s like nowhere else I’ve been. Also there’s a great little Indian restaurant off the main drag – Nisha.
I could go on and on, but I’ll shush. Feel free to email me offlist if you want to talk more tho (this name + ette at the google mail) because I spent a month on the trip I think you’re imagining :)
Blah, I wrote a TOME on Laos and it’s in m0dland, so pls check back. (:
In addition to what has already been mentioned, here are some additional recommendations:
Vietnam: I really enjoyed Hoi An (ancient town) and Hue (get a taxi to take you around to all of the elaborate royal tomb complexes of former emperors and also visit the Imperial City).
Cambodia: Check out Kbal Spean
Laos: We did a guided hill trek starting from Muang Ngoi Neua (down river from of Luang Prabang)
Have a blast on your trip!
Early threadjack: I’m planning to meet my parents with my family in Charleston in a few weeks for a 4-day stay. We are renting a house in Mt. Pleasant. What should be on my list to do? My parents are go-and-do people, not sit-on-the-beach people. They like nature. I have boys, age 6 and 8. I already have touring a naval ship on my list–the 8yo is obsessed with WWII naval history lately. There looks to be a submarine tour near North Charleston. Is that worth seeing?
The submarine is likely the Hunley- it’s definitely worth a visit! I’m assuming the Yorktown at Patriot’s Point is already on your list? It’s really great and I’m not even that into WWII history. I’d also recommend taking the ferry to Fort Sumter and doing that tour.
For more nature focused things, I’d look into a marsh outing. There are companies that run guided kayaking trips that would be a fun, active way to spend the day and learn about the ecosystem. There are also boat tours if that’s more your speed.
If you want to be swept away by the Old South mythology, do a plantation tour. Personally, I prefer Drayton Hall because the tour is historically accurate and not too gimmicky, but Magnolia or Middleton might have more things that appeal to kids.
I also recommend the Charleston Tea Plantation. It’s on Wadmalaw, so a little ways away from the city, but such an educational and fun tour, plus gorgeous grounds to walk through. As a bonus, it’s free, including tea samples!
+1 to the Charleston Tea Plantation.
I have not done Magnolia or Drayton Hall. Middleton is beautiful, but it is mainly gardens– there is no house.
I have had friends that have rented canoes and canoed through the marsh. I know that there are also marshy areas that have a boardwalk. Highly recommend going to any of those areas. (It’s been a while, and I don’t remember what this was.)
Went to a wedding at Magnolia and it was beautiful. Really gorgeous.
Don’t miss the aquarium! I would also recommend exploring Fort Sumter (downtown, you can take the ferry from the aquarium) and Fort Moultrie (Sullivan’s Island, easy to get to from Mt. P.). At Shem Creek in Mt. P. you can rent kayaks, which is fun. If you are there over a Thursday, Mt. P. has a great little Farmer’s Market.
If your kids have any interest in soccer/sports, the minor league team, Charleston Battery, is a lot of fun.
We just went! I’d really recommend you guys stay downtown if you can. Everyone talks about Mt. Pleasant, but it’s basically a burb 20 minutes out with a bunch of strip malls. The town itself is insanely walkable (we stayed at the wyndham, which had an awesome courtyard & happy hour, great for coordinating different schedules). And there’s a free circular. There’s a National Park- Fort Sumner- you get to it by boat, reserve a ticket early…. we walked there but they were sold out for the day.
The horse carriage rides are a really fun way to do a little tour. Someone recommended a family photo tour to me (the woman does a walking tour while also taking professional photos of the fam)- I can link if that is of interest (we checked too late & the lady was booked). The food is great: Poogan’s Porch, Miller’s All day, Bitty & Beau (a coffee shop staffed by people w/ disabilities- so amazing), Magnolias, Husk, Farfalla… and just so many more good food options.
We did a 1 day car rental & went to Folley Beach & the tea plantation, and that was honestly enough ‘out of town’ time for us.
+1 to DT vs. MP.
You also will be an easy drive from the Charleston Aquarium, which sounds like it could be a good fit for a family trip.
Any recommendations for those considering Charleston but more interested in downtown/historic district things? I mean like cute buildings, architecture, cafes etc. — not necessary naval history. i would like a plantation/house tour and would be willing to drive for that, though no interest in driving to a marsh or gardens etc. I have considered going for a weekend and would love to be in a walkable area where I can see some stuff, pop in to get lunch, wander the streets more etc. Also, how safe/unsafe did it feel? Is it a Uber/Lyft town or should you definitely rent a car?
The historic area/cute part of Charleston (where most of the tourist-y stuff and well-known restaurants are) is very safe and walkable. Everything else was walking distance from our hotel, which was in that same area. We ubered to a BBQ joint further away from that area (Rodney Scott, strong rec) and it looked more run-down on the drive but probably not unsafe. We did not rent a car but also did not make it to the plantations either – I would guess that the cost to Uber back and forth would be cheaper than renting for the weekend but I dont know. There were plenty of historic things that weren’t naval (historic houses, the slave market museum, the exchange building (which was revolutionary history)) that I enjoyed.
I’m anon0307- what you are describing is basically what we did and it’s the PERFECT town for that- if you’ve been to NOLA, it felt like basically a cleaner, fancier NOLA w/ less music & drunk people & better food (southern, but modern & lighter & trendier imho). Stay downtown, felt super safe even @ night, it’s so walkable you don’t even need an uber unless you want to go to the beaches/plantation. There’s even a free circular bus that circles the town in case you get tired and don’t want to walk (and there’s an enterprise about 1mi away from the wyndham- I walked 1 way & they dropped me off on the way back.). A car is not needed downtown, and would be difficult/expensive to park.
Ha! Love this characterization. Just FYI, leave the French Quarter and you’ll find a cleaner, less funky, somewhat less music and far fewer drunk people and probably better food in Garden District/Uptown NOLA.
Ya def felt more garden districty :) The architecture in both places is stunning!
Have been twice in the past 5 years. Both times, I drove to Charleston but did not drive once there. There is not really parking in most places you would want to go in the historic district. We generally would walk everywhere or take Lyft/Uber if it was really far. Both trips were girls’ trips. We never felt uncomfortable. Also– there is definitely a gentrification “line,” but the city is changing so quickly that I couldn’t really tell you wear it is. For example, when I went five years ago, I was told not to go more than two blocks north of our AirBnb. When I went back two years later, our AirBnb was north of that line, felt perfectly safe, and was surrounded by trendy restaurants.
In terms of stuff to do– Charleston has a lot of the stuff you are describing. I would strongly recommend taking a walking tour. (The guy I like seems to have retired.) Unlike Savannah, the majority of the houses in Charleston were abandoned by their original families during the Civil War and for a period after that, so the majority of the houses in the historic district are not set up for any sort of historic tour. You cannot really go inside anywhere. You do get a lot of really cool history from a walking tour though.
If you have people who enjoy really good food, get a reservation at Husk. Meaning, call today. I don’t know if that would be of interest to the two boys, but I highly recommend it. It’s hard to find bad food in Charleston.
For more nature-y things that are a bit of a drive, our family enjoyed walking to a view of the abandoned lighthouse near Folly Beach, and the Angel Oak Tree. My 12-year-old loved dinner at R Kitchen (smaller kids might not enjoy it so much) and breakfast at Callie’s Hot Little Biscuit.
Just went two weeks ago, also with my parents (mid-60s, very active) and I echo everything in the comments above! We ate at Poogan’s Porch, Miller’s All Day, Callie’s Hot Little Biscuit, and Hank’s. We also Ubered to Rodney Scott’s and it does look a little run-down on the way like the poster above said, but it’s too far to walk anyway.
We stayed at Meeting Street Inn downtown and loved it. Charming with a large courtyard and a nice breakfast, freshly baked cookies every afternoon, and a wine and cheese reception at 5. And reasonable, too.
HIGHLY recommend the Lowcountry Walking Tours Charleston’s Historic Passages/Alleyways tour. It was the highlight of our trip by far! I took ten pages of notes because I’m a history dork, but I just could not believe the amount of historically significant events and people that took place in this relatively small area south of Broad!
Also, take the ferry to Fort Sumter! My dad and I were more into the idea, but even my mom, who isn’t as much into history, really enjoyed it.
We enjoyed the Charleston Museum for more in-depth history about Charleston’s role in the Civil War.
Oh, and go to some of the old mansions! The Historic Charleston Foundation has an excellent app that you can use as your guide to tour them. We saw the Aiken-Rhett (preserved but not restored, so it looks in disrepair but you’ll find out more about why that’s so), which has the largest preserved slave quarters in the area. Sobering but important to see. And we also saw the Nathaniel Russell, which is totally restored so you can see what one of these homes looked like in its full splendor.
I really enjoyed wandering south of Broad and just seeing all the beautiful homes and stopping to read all the historical plaques near each.
The downtown area is extremely safe and a walker’s paradise. Stay downtown!
Cute, but I ruin white jackets unless the sleeves are bracelet length.
I have never had luck with white blazers. I feel like I’m dressed up as a doctor.
I do like a cream colored topper but I don’t enjoy it being too blazer-shaped. My favorite used to be an unlined linen bracelet sleeved (yes!) collarless style with big buttons, but unfortunately the big button thing went out of style and it just looked dated.
I’m not the OP asking about French shows yesterday, but I did check out the Miraculous Ladybug based on the one of the recs. It’s a great show for learners, but do other people have this problem: The French subtitles (actually CC) don’t actually match what the characters are saying! It’s super frustrating and weird…like did someone spend the time to go through, translate the show to English, then re-translate back to French to get subtitles?!
That’s true for any Netflix show if you watch it with subtitles… Not only Netflix, actually… There is usually a slight or not so slight difference between what the characters say in English vs English subtitles (yes, English is not my native language and I find it handy to add subtitles). It’s very annoying indeed and seems like an easy thing to fix. Yet it never works properly…
This happens a lot. Often the closed captioning is based on the original script and things are changed during filming.
Interesting…on this particular show, the captioning was actually quite different from the spoken. They were saying the same meaning, but with totally different words. Like the character would be saying “Je n’arrive pas” and the CC would say “Je ne peux pas faire” Sort of like in English if you said “I can’t” vs. “I wasn’t able to do that.” Anyway…even with the wrong words, the subtitles are still sort of helpful to help me parse what the character is saying.
How do you get over a screw up? I kind of messed up on a client call this morning. I have a plan on connecting with the partner on my team, and it probably wasn’t as bad as I imagine.
As usual, I’m good on how to proceed but I do not know how to be kind to myself and not beat myself up over this. How do I do that?
For screw ups that aren’t that big a deal, I tell myself, if this is the worst mistake I make this week, it was a good week
My best (if meager) advice is to put it right out of your head, distracting yourself however you need to, repeating until your high-octane feelings surrounding it have dissipated. Journaling it out and then distracting yourself completely can also be helpful. I sympathize.
Set off the building’s fire alarm last night right at dinner time, causing a bunch of families to have to stand in the cold for half an hour while the fire dept checked it out.
Try not to dwell on it-easier said than done-and don’t keep apologizing over and over and bringing it up. You owned it, you have a plan to proceed, so give yourself permission to be human and try to move on.
In order to take your mind off the mistake and regain some confidence, do you have any tasks you can complete today where you know you can kick @ss? I like to take on something else where I know I perform well in order to try to “balance out” a mistake or negative interaction.
I always remind myself that even though people tend to not talk about it we all make mistakes. And that the important thing is to fix the mistake.
Very true!!! I’ve made a lot of stupid / silly / horrific mistakes and felt I screwed up big time and dwelled on it way too long. Then I figured there’s something called Damage control – if I find I can do something / anything I can do to help the situation I do it..
Now that I’m higher ranks and work in a complex matrix structure of management, exposed to so many people, I see other ppl make those mistakes too – and the world hasn’t ended! So, I do damage control when possible, then just remember not to make same mistake twice (or thrice – sometimes it takes a while for lesson to sink in.. ) and do an inner-eye-roll at myself and move on.
Made a mistake
Once after I messed up at work, my mentor said, “You get until 15 minutes from now to self-flagellate over this. After that, it’s self-indulgence, serving no purpose — we need your head back in the game.”
Are subtle metal wire framed (but not rimless) glasses in for women or is it 100% about the thick plastic frames right now? Need new glasses now — will I look ancient if I go with thin wire frames? I know big plastic is in right now, but I tend to only get new glasses every 3-5 years as my prescription hasn’t changed much. So I don’t want to get glasses that look fashionable now only to look ridiculously out of style in 2021. Nor do I want to pay money today to look totally unfashionable now. Are there women’s glasses that are “timeless”?
-38 year old female who wants to be put together at work but isn’t fashionable. FWIW – I find the big black plastic frames really odd — often they’re huge, taking up half the wearers face and even if not huge, feels like you can see the frames from miles away. Grew up in the 90s and at my school glasses esp on girls weren’t considered cool/cute and you did what you could to de-emphasize and then begged your parents to allow you to get contacts by middle or high school. I realize it’s been nearly 3 decades but still styles that emphasize glasses on women feel weird to me.
Wear what you feel looks best. I think thin and wireless de-emphasize the glasses and are perfectly OK. They may look a little dated, but they’re so minimalist I don’t think it matters. I’m picturing Sarah Palin’s glasses, FWIW.
I’m about your age and am all about the thin wire frames or wireless glasses, but am of the strong belief that the best glasses are the ones that look good on your individual face.
Right, don’t get something trendy unless you like it and it looks good on you!
I think it depends on the shape and how they look on you more than the material. Personally I am a fan of a subtle cateye shape, I feel like they give faces a little uplift.
I’ve worn glasses all my life, and have finally learned not to try to hide them. They are ON your face, at eye level, where everyone is going to look.
So even though it’s not the direction you want to go, I’d suggest getting current frames, and replacing them every couple of years. It’s about the best thing you can do to meet your goal of looking put together at work. That does not mean you need to wear the big black frames you dislike. Go to a local store that sells frames and just try on a bunch. Let the person helping you suggest ones that look good. Take pictures, so you can look at them again later. I think you’ll find that if you get a frame shape and color that really suit your face, you won’t mind if they are a little more visible than wire frames would be.
To address what you asked, wire frames are not particularly current; I’d stay away from them unless you have a quirky style. Even so, they won’t look ridiculous.
And no, there are not frames that are timeless. Glasses frames have trends, just like everything else we wear.
“just try on a bunch. Let the person helping you suggest ones that look good. Take pictures, so you can look at them again later”
this x 100000. There’s probably a formula to figure out optimal glasses for your face shape or whatever, but you can also just try a bunch and you’ll know when one works for you
Yes, this. I have a local place that is pricey, but has a great selection. I am blind as a bat without my glasses, so I take someone with me or I take photos so I can see what I look like in them. Try on a bunch and figure out what works on your face. For me, it was figuring out that a) I have a fairly narrow face so I can’t wear huge frames or anything that’s too dark, and b) I have to have some curve at the top. Straight across frames look like some weird unibrow on me. I wear mine constantly, so I pick frames that I love. Right now, that’s cat eye that are blue at the top with brown polka dots. I get compliments on them constantly and they went really well with my blue Mardi Gras wig.
Acetate will look more modern than metal frames yes. If you wanted an acetate frame that isn’t black (not many people can wear black frames well), tortoiseshell frames will always be in style. Shape will be dependent on your face shape but at a basic level the brow line of the frame should follow the same shape as your brow line, and angular frames will add shape to a round face and round frames will soften an angular face.
argh, i meant anontechie123 (at) gmail (dot) com
Just try some of the plastic frames on before you dismiss them. They’ve been popular for at least a decade at this point, and going strong. I like them because they’re not as fragile as wire-rims, and they are also better at disguising my hefty-even-with-the-super-thin-lenses prescription. There are lots of options in the navy, black, or tortoiseshell world that aren’t huge and dramatic. I like that they bring a little color to my face and emphasize my eyes (counteracting the way that my nearsighted prescription makes them appear smaller to others).
I’ve seen a few folks wearing clear plastic/acetate frames. They look cool to me – kind of like a ghost chair for your face.
lol @ “ghost chair for your face.” It’s exactly like that.
I’m actually happy bigger glasses are in style since I wear progressives and tiny lenses don’t “progress” properly.
I get what you’re saying and agree with you. Same age as you and I too don’t get how dorky glasses that look like they’re from 1975 are a thing especially for women. Talk about not looking feminine. If you’re anything like me, you probably wear contacts 50% or more of the time anyway and glasses are for the days with tired eyes etc. I went with wire frames – small and square in a neutral color. I don’t care if they aren’t stylish, I like how they look. If others like how dorky things look, more power to them. You’ll still be able to find a simple wire frame. Got my latest frame 3 years ago when dork goggles came into fashion, yet I could still find a wire frame I liked.
I will never understand why women are choosing to look nerdy with these big plastic glasses. Don’t care what color they are, they look bad. I say wires all the way.
Because what do you call a nerd in 10 years? “Boss”
In all seriousness though – wire frames with farsighted / stronger prescriptions usually don’t look right. You usually have lens that sticks out beyond the wire of the frame. Acetate frames fix this issue and there are a variety of styles which are more or less pronounced.
Not ashamed to be a nerd
You say “nerdy” like it’s a bad thing.
I wanted thin minimalist wire frames, but my eye doctor just didn’t have them. He said they were really outdated and I’d need to wait for them to cycle back into style (plus I have a very square jaw, so the unusual shape of rims I prefer was also a factor).
The closest thing I could find was a mix, with thin wire rims and bigger plastic temples. Do an image search for “Bloom Optics Rachel” to see what I mean.
For several years I just got the lenses replaced in my old pair of thin minimalist wire frames, but they have to heat the metal to do that, and it only tolerates the stress so many times. That might be an option for you.
What?? Thin minimalist wire frames are absolutely available. I’m not saying there’s a lot out there, but if you walk into an eye glass store from Warby to LensCrafter they will all have at least 2-3 frames like that. I’m thinking your optometrist isn’t stocking them because no one is buying them, but the big corporate chains do have them. For something like glasses that I don’t replace often — like maybe 2 or 3 times max in a decade — I definitely would not accept something I didn’t want (whether it was trendy plastic that I didn’t like or whatever) just because one optometrist didn’t have what I had in mind.
There are rimless/crazy lightweight glasses that are NOT the big plastic look but you’ll probably pay for them. I prefer thin metal frames like you describe for around the house and have had good luck with super cheap ones from EyeBuyDirect. I think Costco had a bunch of wired frames right now too if you’re near one of those.
I actually think the thick black plastic glasses are on their way out – I went to my eye doctor last weekend to pick frames (its a pretty hip shop that seems to specifically target lgbt millennials with high incomes) and didn’t a single pair like that, which is funny because it’s all they carried a year ago. What I did see a lot of was metal (not really the thin wire, but definitely thinner than those plastic frames) especially in gold and rose gold and often with two bridge pieces with a gap in between (I think they’re called navigators?), plastic with patterns (not just tortie, but artsy stripes, leopard print, etc.), and clear acetate frames.
Ohh i hate those nose clips on wire frames. I’ve been wearing glasses for a long time and have worn both wire and plastic frames depending on fashion trends. The nose clips are the bane of my glasses-wearing existence. Yuck.
Small Firm IP Litigator
Really think wire frames are out, and have been for a long time. I’m slightly older than you, and have been wearing plastic frames for nearly a decade at this point? You can get ones that aren’t super thick – I have a thinner framed black plastic pair, and a thicker framed burgundy pair. Oliver Peoples seems to have a good selection of less bulky frames.
I was in Paris the other week and everybody, male and female, had glasses with thin wire frames. I live in the boondocks in the U.S., so no clue if that’s also the trend here.
I’m spending this weekend in the Raleigh/Durham area. I’m going to be by myself during the day each day, but I have plans in the evening. I have a rental car. Any suggestions for things to do? I’m open to all suggestions!
North Carolina Museum of Art appears to have some cool exhibits right now.
Gail the Goldfish
Welcome! What do you like to do? Our art museum (NC Museum of Art) is surprisingly impressive given the size of our town–the state legislature, back in the 60s or 70s, had the foresight to spend a bunch of money on good art. It’s Women’s Weekend at the museum this weekend and they had some special talks, etc, but I suspect those are sold out already. (You’re unfortunately 2 weekends early for the coolest event they do-Art in Bloom). If you do like art, Duke and UNC’s art museums are also pretty good (the Nasher and Ackland Art Museum). Weather’s a little dicey this weekend, but if it’s not raining, the Duke Gardens are great (though we’ve had freezing mornings this week and the flowering trees may be looking a bit rough as a result). Depending on where you’re staying and how far you want to drive (because it is a good half hour between Raleigh and Durham or Chapel Hill), there’s also the NC Arboreteum in Raleigh and NC Botanical Gardens in Chapel Hill. We’ve also got history and science museums in downtown Raleigh, and the old Capitol building gives tours. Or, if it’s raining and you’re a bit geeky, the barcade Boxcar has a nice selection of pinball machines:-)
Piggybacking on this, if the weather permits, the Museum of Life and Science and/or the Durham Farmer’s Market are a lot of fun as well. I also recommend going to Parker and Otis or Cocoa Cinnamon in Durham for coffee and to people watch.
The News and Observer does a great job staying on top of the food scene if you need suggestions there.
Chiming in to at Triangle Food Blog is also great at this! Welcome to our fair three-sided area!
+1 Downtown Durham is pretty small and very walkable – if it’s not freezing outside, it’s easy to park your car (longtime residents may not agree with this, but as a recent transplant from larger cities, I think parking in Durham is pretty easy) and walk around Main St/Chapel Hill St or down to Geer Street. Lots of restaurants, coffee shops, bars, small shops, etc. etc.
Are there any particular things you like to try when you travel? For example, when I travel I like to check out local yoga classes and coffee shops. If so, we may be able to give more specific suggestions.
Thanks for all of these suggestions! I think I may try to spend one day in Durham and then the next day in Raleigh. I like the idea of wandering a few museums, but I’m looking for some low-key relaxing days. I’d really like to park the car once and then wander, so it’s good to hear it’s pretty easy! I’d love suggestions for a coffee shop to spend a couple of hours with a book in, especially one that’s convenient to good walkable streets for shops and wandering!
As mentioned above, Cocoa Cinnamon is very popular in Durham – there aren’t a lot of shops nearby, but there are other restaurants/bars (I think if it’s chilly outside, you could definitely hunker down with a book and a hot toddy at motorco, as well) – but I would also definitely recommend the lobby of the Durham hotel. They have a snazzy coffee bar and it’s such a cool space (now that I’m typing this, I’m wondering if I should add this to my own plans this weekend). In Raleigh, Heirloom is a really cool coffee shop – it looks like it should be in LA – and it’s right next to CAM Raleigh, a contemporary art museum, so you could do a swing through there and then go chill out with a latte and a book. Have fun!
Gail the Goldfish
Heirloom is also near the newish Morgan Street Food Hall, which I’ve yet to get to but hear great things about, so you could wander up the street and get lunch when you get tired of reading/coffee. Carroll’s Kitchen has a branch in the Food Hall and has these great little pastries called kolaches (I think they’re Czech? I had never heard of them until I saw them here). It’s also a nonprofit that employs women recovering from homelessness or domestic abuse, so bonus feel good social mission in addition to good food. Actually, you could just spend the entire weekend eating. We have so many good food options. I will assume your evening plans include some good restaurants, though.
Anon at 10:51
Since Durham was well represented, I’ll add that the downtown and warehouse areas of Raleigh are great and walkable as well (or you can catch the downtown loop bus–I think it’s the R?–it’s free). Morgan Street Food Hall is near the warehouse district with tons of booths from local food trucks and vendors. It’s furnished with chairs and couches and outdoor heaters. Although be aware that it can get extremely packed during peak hours (or so I’ve heard)!
Food is a big draw in downtown Raleigh, but near Boxcar (as mentioned above) is Videri Chocolate Factory, which offers tours.
Still downtown-ish but beyond walking distance is Dorothea Dix Park (great views of the skyline) and Pullen Park. Hillsborough Street runs near the NC State campus and has restaurants and shops.
Gail the Goldfish
A reply I posted in the what to do with old clothes post reminded me of an option I forgot–Duke’s Lemur Center! The lemurs are adorable, and they have more species than you usually see at a zoo. Call them about tour times. If they’re full, there are some lemurs at the Museum of Life and Science in Durham
Had my first interview in 5 years, lateral role/more pay and better career progression in a different industry. Went well and was told at the end of the interview they were impressed and I’ll be invited to a second round.
What should I expect at a second round interview vs the initial? I’m going via a recruitment agency so I’m able to gain some insight but any experiences helpful.
The original Scarlett
Typically first rounds are to find out if you’re qualified and right for the role open, seconds are to bet whether you’re someone they want to work with and if you fit in with the internal stakeholders. Expect more casual meets but with more VIP types both in the department and external (if applicable to your role). You should also be assessing them – it’s the phase to dig a little deeper into the culture so you can also figure out if you want the job.
The original Scarlett
PS – ask your HH, they should have insight they can share with you about what to expect
What role are you in tech? (assuming tech based on your screen-name :) ) If you’d like to share more, shoot me an email at anontech123 (at) gmail (dot) com
Bounced back from the updated email you gave, but Infrastructure/Cloud delivery.
Sorry, i seem to be somewhat useless today. :(
So assuming you are eng and the first round was on the phone with the hiring manager and they went over some basics.
For a medium sized company (200-500 people) you should expect to talk to a couple of peers (same team, a team that “consumes” your work and possibly a PM), an eng leader (1-2 levels above your role)
I’ve worked mostly with data and platform people, but broadly- you should expect some whiteboarding/a problem-solving style exercise, a troubleshooting exercise (something broke/went down, how do you prioritize and investigate)
Obviously, if you are looking at a ~Director-ish or above, more business and broader impact-type questions may come into play
Since we have a possible button-front shirt fetish here. I’m just interested.
What’s your job/industry?
Where do you live?
How often do you wear a shirt?
How many shirts do you own?
What’s you overall attitude towards it?
Me first: London. Finance. Almost every workday. 13 different shirts with different patterns, colors and fabrics. I just like it.
Chicago. Law. Every day unless I’m wearing a dress. I have probably 15 blouses for work, never counted, preferably black, white, and shades of blue and green, some buttons, some not. I like Henley-style blouses the best. My overall attitude towards wearing shirts is… grateful that I’m not cold. My overall attitude toward button-shirt fetishists is…. you do you.
I’m going to assume that every workplace requires employees not to be topless…
I think OP is being more specific. In the UK shirt is not a catchall for all clothes you wear on your top half, it is specific to typically being a button down and a certain material.
I think she’s talking only about button down shirts?
joke, will stop now
s t r i p clubs are workplaces, too, you know….
You gotta have something on first to take it off. :)
Lol- anon @ 10:10, I getchoo- I had the same internal laugh about the wording of the question.
OP stop. You write like the original shirt poster.
If you had said “London, POTS AND PANS” I’d have been really excited that Belinda was on the page today.
Is it Friday yet?
Yes!!! (I really wish we could like comments)
Ugh can we not? Not trying to be rude but stoppp with the shirt posts.
The fleece tights troll was much more amusing than someone whose “boyfriend” has a shirt fetish. OP, clearly you’re the one with the fetish. Stop involving the rest of us in it without our consent.
What’s your job/industry? Law/finance
Where do you live? Washington, DC
How often do you wear a shirt? Never.
How many shirts do you own? None.
What’s your overall attitude towards it? I hate button-down shirts. They’re not flattering on me, they wrinkle easily, etc.
Inspired by Hermione
This is great, because it’s clearly the person who is into button down shirts, trying to pretend like they’re not the same person and it’s just out of curiosity.
We all know you’re the same person, OP. Knock it off.
Should have paid more attention in church
My friends who are Methodists are broken up re their convention’s votes on SSM and gay priests.
I get that the Bible (old testament) is not gay friendly. But it also says no pork and no shellfish, all of which are served in my church.
How did we get to get the delicious things (because they are delicious) and not other things?
Not in Church
As a currently Jewish person, I can tell you that people who believe in Jesus generally believe that Jesus came and said something to the extent that “belief in Me as the Messiah and son of G-d is more important than the Laws given in the Torah and by Jewish Rabbis”. The degree to which Christian people believe in and practice this teaching is what gives us (in America, especially, although also around the world) the wide spectrum of modern Christianity.
This is a super complicated question, theologically. That said, the conservative perspective would be that Paul’s letters expressly provide that Jewish dietary laws (and other aspects to Jewish law, like circumcision) are not necessary for Christians. It’s actually a major theme in the letters, because the early Christians of Gentile background struggled to figure out how Jewish they needed to be in order to follow Christ. In contrast, the Epistles do contain several passages that have historically been interpreted as condemning homos*xuality.
The progressive Christian position has been that those passages aren’t as clear as conservatives have historically asserted and that their meaning is significantly more ambiguous in the original Greek. Progressive Christians would also note that the Gospels do not reflect anti-LGBT bias, and that it is important to take into account the cultural biases of the writers of the Epistles, as well as the fact that homos*xuality as an identity did not exist in the early Christian world, so the concept of LGBT families and committed partnerships wouldn’t be something they knew or understood (note that same-s*x behavior was something that they were aware of – although primarily among men – but the idea of s*xual orientation didn’t exist in the same way that it does now; the Greeks actually generally considered male/male relationships to be spiritually superior but even in that context they expected men to marry a woman for the purpose of begetting children).
It’s not just that it’s important to take into account the cultural biases of the writers of the Epistles–it’s that the Epistles are not the Gospels. The Gospels are the most direct account we have of the life of Christ, whose teachings and example Christians seek to follow. The Epistles are the teachings of men, not of Christ.
So that’s a particular view on Biblical interpretation. I don’t agree that the Epistles can be described, in toto, as “the teachings of men” – unless you think they shouldn’t be in the Bible at all. Both the Epistles and the Gospels were written by human hands (and in fact, a great deal of scholarship suggests that the Gospels in their current form are newer than the Epistles), and it’s vital to remember that. The Gospels have a perspective too, and textual interpretation is important there as well.
That said, I’d agree with you that our first example should be Christ’s life and teachings, as reflected in the Gospels, which I’d say are firmly in favor of affirming the spiritual wholeness of LGBT people and families. Put differently, I cannot imagine the Jesus of the Gospels treating LGBT people they way that they are often treated by the conservative churches. I also agree that where the Epistles appear to conflict with the Gospels, the Gospels have to control if that conflict is irreconcilable – and I do think that the more traditional conservative interpretation of those passages conflicts with Jesus’s message and example. I’d argue, though, that those perceived conflicts may be less than we’ve historically believed, given the translation issues.
anon at 11:11
Yes, the Gospels were written by men, who were not necessarily firsthand witnesses to the life of Christ. It is definitely important to keep the perspective of the authors and the cultural context in mind when interpreting the Gospels. I would argue, however, that the Epistles are even farther removed from the life of Christ than the Gospels, and should therefore not be part of the Bible. Instead, they should be classified along with other important works of theology and devotional literature from throughout history.
Yeah, ultimately (at least at the scholarly theological level) this boils down to hermeneutics. It’s how you view canonization of the scriptures, and what you believe about inspiration. IOW, are the epistles to be recognized as divinely inspired because of their inclusion in the Bible? And if so, what does “divinely inspired” mean? Were the authors “scribes” writing down messages from above, or were they just guys whose opinions we respect because of their proximity to the original source matter?
These are questions deep and devout thinkers have wrestled for, oh, the last couple millennia.
I don’t have a good answer, but I am currently a Methodist church member (raised in another denomination – married into Methodist) and we are similarly breaking up with our church. I am not the most liberal person out there and was ok when there wasn’t a clear cut statement on the issue, but now that it’s been solidified, I just personally can’t continue.
Also, it doesn’t answer your question, but read “The Year of Living Biblically” – it’s a fascinating and funny quick read about just how ridiculous so many of the biblical tenets are.
I loved that book! Ditto on it being fun and a quick read.
That’s a hotly-debated question. On one side, we do have some New Testament passages that deal with relational and s-xual ethics, so there’s the argument that those are baseline or natural laws independent from the OT law. On the other side, I happened to listen to Galatians chapter 3 on my way into work (it’s Lent, ya’ll), and I’m turning that over in my head pretty hard. I think it’s relevant to the role of the OT law as to Christians.
The Old Testament laws were about being made pure before God. Since Jesus solved that for his followers, there’s no need to follow them after his death and resurrection.
Not answering your question, but I’m really struggling with this. We recently (about 1.5 years ago) joined a Methodist church and really LOVE our church. There are a bunch of similarly-situated families with young kids, everyone is welcoming, and there is just such a great community. Our church leaders tend to be disappointed but are handling it from the perspective of how to handle conflict in a mature way, basically. I really can’t imagine leaving the community at our church, and I doubt we will. Those we are close to there are like-minded to us. But I also can’t believe I am associated with this message by being a Methodist.
I’m a lifelong Methodist and have always been proud to be associated with a church that is relatively open and welcoming, as far as most Christian denominations go. Social justice has always been part of the Methodist mission and this feels like a slap in the face. I am heartbroken over this. My pastor is handling this similarly to yours, and I know from a personal standpoint that she doesn’t agree with the decision. I don’t plan to leave my church, but you better believe I’m paying attention to how it’s handled locally.
It’s not about the bible and it never has been – in a heterodox domination bigots can always interpret theology in a way that justifies their beliefs. Just like the supreme court is a reflection of its social and political context, so is the methodist church. Frankly as a non christian its pretty heartening to see people putting their money where their mouth is and leaving the church over this – it’s the right thing to do, and I hope these folks strengthen their new churches. From what I can tell this type of struggle is happening in a lot of faith communities right now (I’ve been through the winger with this in the Jewish community about SO many issues and currently just stay home because I can’t find a synagogue that is welcoming of my political beliefs) I think its overall a good thing even though its really draining to be a part of a community struggling in this way.
I personally think that the American Methodist church is on the verge of a split with the UMC. The reason that their original position on this topic did not change during the recent convention was because of the massive growth and representation of the more conservative African contingent. The vote was close as a global UMC, but it was not close from the American representation.
Yes, that’s exactly true. The American church would have voted 2/3 to 1/3 for the One Church Plan.
I’m a big believer that we cannot cherry pick what we believe from the OT in order to exclude or vilify certain groups, but honestly, most of what is in the OT about homosexuality is open to interpretation and does not refer to two adults in a loving, committed relationship. I would strongly recommend watching Adam Hamilton’s video message to his congregation. It’s a long video, but the beginning explains how we got here as a church and what happened at General Conference. Toward the end, he talks about the Bible and the theology. https://vimeo.com/321348970?fbclid=IwAR254_4dhKRWxv-6b9g-5YTgNh4VpsNYrmgF4SBVtdSeSvkpEQa0ZYvBJAk
Frivolous inquiry: Always having been a bottom lash mascara wearer, I was surprised how many people don’t bother with it when the subject came up earlier this week. Curious for those non-wearers, are you still wearing eyeliner on your bottom eyelids? I gave it a try this morning, but can’t tell if: a) it looks weird to me because I’ve never tried it before; b) if it just doesn’t work with my features; or c) you all are forgoing eyeliner in this situation as well as bottom lash mascara.
I’ve never worn it under my eyes. I don’t know that lining all the way around your eye has really been a style that has been in vogue in a long time. But it also depends on what flatters you individually.
I do not wear eyeliner nor mascara on the bottom of my eyes.
I don’t apply eyeliner on the bottom of my eyes…but I tightline a portion of my upper eyelid, and it tends to smudge onto the bottom a little bit. It’s an okay happy medium for me.
I’m 44 and even as a teen I recognized that mascara or eyeliner on my lower lashes was definitely NOT doing me any favors. I have almond shaped eyes and previously used mascara/liner only on my uppers in my teens which became just mascara in my 20’s – 30’s. I felt it gave my dark eyes an “uplift” away from my chronic dark under eye circles. Now into my mid-forty’s it curling the upper lashes to open/uplift (most weekdays) and mascara only when I want to get fancy.
To answer your question – my priority was to let my lower lid/lashes disappear so no liner there ever.
Are you blonde or brunette? I am a brunette and feel like my nekkid lash game is v. strong. And I tend to get raccoon eyes if I wear mascara.
Eyeliner and mascara just on top during day. Date night look I add bottom eyeliner and very light bottom mascara as well. DH would never be able to articulate why/how my makeup is different for date night but I noticed that he tended to compliment my look more when I did full eye so I do that for date night.
I never did bottom of my eyes at all until Kate Middleton brought the look back. It was definitely considered ‘old lady’ amongst my friends to do full eyeliner with mascara on upper and lower lashes for daytime. I’m 39 for reference.
This. I wear mascara on my top lid every single day. I sometimes add liner on the top lid if I’m in the mood. I don’t do liner on my lower lid unless I’m doing a heavier going-out look, and I almost never put mascara on lower lashes, but I do blink so it lightly coats the bottom as mentioned yesterday. I’m dark blonde and my lashes are brownish.
It’s all or nothing for me. If I wear mascara on the bottom then I also wear eye shadow and liner there. I don’t usually do anything on the bottom lid, though. Wearing just mascara on the bottom looks too stark somehow. My bottom lashes are also pretty long, and I’m very pale, so maybe that’s why.
Yes to mascara on lower lashes, but no to eyeliner unless it’s a dramatic evening look. Even Kate Middleton, she of the former “outline your entire eye in eyeliner” passion, has moved on to upper lids only.
No eyeliner or mascara day to day, but maybe a light brush of matt eyeshadow well blended out for definition
Run your soft eyeliner pencil over your bottom lashes instead of bottom mascara; it’s a softer look.
I feel like mascara under the eyes is not on trend but not a big deal if you do. Eyeliner under the eyes, however, is way off trend and very dated.
That said, just for evenings, I will sometimes bring the dregs of a dark eyeshadow that I’m applying on top of my eye down under the outer 1/3 to outer 1/2 of my lower eye. It’s kind of a smoky look thing.
Other than that, no bottom eyeliner.
Lana Del Raygun
I never wear eyeliner on the bottom because I can’t figure out how to apply it anywhere between “invisible” and “mom, you just don’t understand me [door slam]”.
Yes, well put!
Not for work, no. I only line my waterline on weekends.
I don’t like how I look with a lined undereye area, so I don’t do it. I think it can be an iffy look — there are lots of people who do it, who probably shouldn’t.
I am very light and pale. Pale skin, light blue eyes, pale/invisible lashes, natural blonde hair.
I wear dark, thick and big glasses, which gives me some contrast, but there is still a massive difference if I bother with eye makeup.
My everyday look is little bit of eyeshadow (a taupy peach), a soft brown or grey eyeliner pencil top and bottom (not waterline), smudged. Proper mascara upper, and a little bit of mascara (every third or forth lash?) under, black. This opens and defines my eyes, and gives contrast and definition, which makes me look more alert/awake and makes you notice my eyes more than «pale faceshaped blob»
If I wear liquid (black) eyeliner, I will not use that under, but may still go for a soft undereye, unless I want a more stark wing, e.g. That only works with contacts, otherwise I look startled.
I’m blond and super pale. I find if I try any eyeliner or mascara I get racoony.
In-House in Houston
I’m the OP that asked about mascara on bottom lashes earlier this week. My niece is the one who told me that mascara on lower lashes is “out” and she’s in her mid-20s so I trust that she knows what’s on-trend. But I still feel like I need it but am trying to use less. As for eyeliner, I use a dark liner on top, but use a light/shiny liner on the bottom (it’s a bronze eyeliner from Ulta). I think it’s more subtle.
Spend a week with no bottom eyeliner or mascara. You will get used to it. Your niece is right.
I definitely wear mascara on my bottom lashes, but I don’t apply as many coats as my top lashes. I wear a pale pink eyeliner on my bottom lid. It doesn’t show up as pink, but I think the subtlety makes my eyes look bigger and brighter than if I leave it off. I have not figured out how to wear dark liner on my lower lashes and I think, in general, on most people, that is a nighttime look.
I wear a brown kohl eyeliner both top and bottom and a light brown shadow. Brown mascara on both top and bottom lashes, otherwise, with light eyelashes and thick glasses, my eyes would be blah. I prefer tube mascara (I use the Clinique that is cry proof).
Best wireless/comfort bras for a small band/big cup? I’m a 36J or so and just looking for something to contain them while hanging around the house. I’ll be finished nursing soon (history suggests my cup size won’t drop that much) and I’ve been living in the Cake Cotton Candy and Bravado Bodysilk Seamless nursing bras at home. I know I could convert them, but they’re a little too big in the band for me to want to make work.
Torrid brale ttes are pretty great, I’m an almost exact size and these are my lounge around the house bras.
S in chicago
Wacoal Awareness (Nordstrom carries).
32GG/HH here and I can’t really do “around the house” as different than otherwise. Freya, Fantasie and recently, Elodie are my go to. I have a weird, very top of cup, full shape, though.
I find any bra is a comfort bra if it fits right. I’m a 38G. I’ve never found a stretchy wireless bra that really does anything other than smush my bras like a sports bra, or just hold them like a sling with next to no support.
My wires Elomi bras are super comfy because they fit right.
I used to think that, but I’ve been spoiled by going wire-free on the weekends for the last 10 months. My wired bras are comfortable, but they’re no match for the wireless nursing bras. I’ve been impressed by their support – I can even wear them out of the house – and am hoping to find the non-nursing equivalent that has a tighter band. I’ve never worn Elomi – I’ll have to check them out whenever I update all my bras once I’m finally done nursing.
I’ve got an Anita wireless sports bra that I sleep in (and wear around house after wake up on weekends). Post BF’ing and having kids I just like having some support. 30DD for reference. I went up a bandsize for comfort since as a sports bra it’s tighter in the band than necessary for lounging. But it doesn’t give me uniboob.
Sorry for the late reply, but try Cosabella curvy sweetie. I really like them!
Not sure if you are still reading, but bravissimo non padded sleep bras in my regular bra size are super comfortable for around the house. If you are unsure regarding fit, I like to phone their customer support and ask— she has even measured wires, and asked colleagues about bras and fit if I was unsure when ordering online.
How do you go about finding a place to do electrolysis? I’ve googled my city and there seems to be only one place that does it — a spa that I’ve never heard of and sounds somewhat sketchy. Everywhere else seems to only do laser. Tips?
Figure out a good laser place (or few) and then call and ask for recommendations. It might just not be publicized as well since it’s been overtaken in popularity by laser.
I used Yelp to find my electrologist but I live in a big city with several options (DC). It works very very well for small areas of hair (e.g. upper lip, chin, etc.). It’s not quick or cheap but it is effective, and I haven’t had to pluck in 10 + years. It was life changing for me. Hope you find a great place!
For anyone in the DC metro area — I went to A Gentle Touch in Rockville.
has anyone been to the Ritz Laguna Niguel in Dana Point? DH just got invited to a meeting there and i’m contemplating joining him. his meeting is in mid April.
I haven’t stayed at that hotel but Dana Point is beautiful. Definitely go if you can!
+2 love love love Dana Point!!
A friend was married there! Lovely hotel. I think it would be a fun little getaway!
The Frenchie is my favorite kid
Their chilaquiles are the best. Amazing. The rest of the food is a bit meh. The spa is lovely but expensive. It will be too cold to enjoy the beach at that time of year, unless you get a weird warm streak. The rooms are nice enough – see if you can get upgraded to a room on the ground floor with its own fire pit and make smores or just enjoy a cocktail at sunset then snuggling in front of the fire.
It’s divine. Definitely go!
Went for a conference – it is a beautiful spot and the beach there, even in winter is really beautiful. I thought the food was pretty standard Ritz Carlton food which I would generally classify as “very decent.”
Yes, it’s very fab with gorgeous views! Go!!
Any other cdn ‘rettes over Trudeau? I just can’t with the mansplaining. Like assuming that three male non-lawyers (Wernick, Butts, Trudeau) know the law better than three lawyers (JWR/Prince/Roussel)? and still not clear if JWR/Philpott can stay in caucus? seriously? Fire Wernick and Chin, apologize to JWR, and let’s get on with this. He’s so concerned with QC that he doesn’t realize that if they give SNC a DPA now, he’ll lose a heck of a lot of other ridings outside QC.
At least Scheer doesn’t lie about being a wolf, Trudeau is a wealthy white male wolf in sheep’s clothing. Legit popped champagne when he was elected and seriously considering not voting at all next time.
I’m really annoyed with him and his team, but no way I’ll vote for Scheer, so not sure where that leaves me.
Never too many shoes...
Nope. The entire SNC matter has been way overblown and I think it is largely due to the Americanization of our news reporting, particularly in the last few years. JWR did not exactly handle this matter in a textbook fashion and her reticence to seek an outside legal opinion from a retired Chief Justice smacks of unnecessary defensiveness. The realist in me says that the PMO acted in likely the same manner that they have done since time began – and I mean every PMO regardless of party. History suggests that the Harper machine was a lot less subtle in executing the plays that were being called.
Trudeau is hardly perfect but when you look around, he is by far the best choice moving forward. Saying that you might not vote over this is just handing the election to the smug, pandering to the right Scheer and is exactly the kind of behaviour that landed Trump in the White House.
yeah, I don’t by into the fear mongering that Trudeau is acceptable because he’s better than Scheer. It’s like when Wernick said nothing was criminal – that isn’t the bar for determining whether or not it was right. Trudeau should have known better and called off the dogs way way earlier and the BS about not knowing if JWR’s decision was final. They expected her to do what they wanted and were pissed when she didn’t. I trust Jane Philpott’s judgment a heck of a lot more than Trudeau right now. If she lacks confidence, so do I. And Singh is starting to look better and better when he was DOA a few weeks ago.
Prince even followed JWR from Justice to Veterans Affairs which says a lot for a lawyer to give up being Chief of Staff at Justice.
Ugh Singh cannot give a straight or coherent answer to anything (i.e. see his answers on Venezuela). The only reason he is not blowing the NDP response now is because he’s just cosigning the Conservatives.
Never too many shoes...
“It’s like when Wernick said nothing was criminal – that isn’t the bar for determining whether or not it was right.”
Well, it kind of is when we are talking about politics. To hold the higher standard is, while idealistic, somewhat naive.
The Committee made up of MPs openly laughed at him when he said that so they realize the bar is higher. Clerk of PCO should not just being guided by criminality. He should be avoiding any appearance of bias or partiality. I know a number of federal public servants who were demoralized by that as they have a lot of rules in place on their conduct and to heard their boss say as long as it’s not criminal, it’s NBD, is out of line with expectations for ordinary civil servants.
I don’t know if I 100% agree with your first paragraph but yes to your second paragraph.
We don’t have any other options so I’m probably going to vote for Trudeau in October anyways unless this gets much worse.
I understand and I am in Qc. I must admit I don’t fully understand why JWR did not go with the DPA route for SNC: sure what they did was immoral and unethical but those decisions were taken by upper management (and they should be prosecuted). Upper management has now left the company. I have a lot of engineers friends who works for SNC who never did anything wrong and they are scared for their jobs ( good jobs, between 90-150K$). Other companies in the past have done worse than SNC did ( Siemens for example) and had a DPA.
Still, I don’t think now that SNC can have a DPA, especially now. It would be political suicide for Trudeau. I am seriously considering not voting for Trudeau but I cannot see voting for Scheer (the conservative party does not represent my values at all). So what are my choices now? NPD – I voted for them back in 2011 but the party is struggling. This is so depressing.
JWR didn’t have to decide to go for a DPA, the decision was already made by the DPP – Kathleen Roussel. JWR would have had to decide to overturn Roussel’s decision which is a higher standard. That is very unusual to happen. Before Trudeau gave her the AG post, he should have known that a former prosecutor who is not a lifelong politician is going to be more likely to show deference to the DPP decision regardless of what decision the DPP makes unless it is blatantly wrong.
And Wernick taking a call from Lynch (SNC head) on this? He should have known that was totally inappropriate.
I work with a prov govt and the blurring of the lines between Min of Justice and AG in this case is way beyond normal. We are normally super careful around those files and clarify when a decision is being made as Minister vs. as AG because we don’t want to be seen to be politically meddling in the courts/judicial branch of govt.
I agree with both Equestrian Attorney and Never Too Many Shoes.
I am disappointed and annoyed, but I also think this is likely SOP for the PMO regardless of party and there is no way I will vote for Scheer.
For those of you who bike to work in the winter, how do you keep your nose warm? I tried using a scarf to cover it but it keeps falling down. I tried using a face mask for skiing but it’s so tight that I have trouble breathing. Is there a better solution than a scarf or face mask? I always end up with a sniffling nose at the end of a ride.
try a Buff – use the thin part not the fleece part over your face
That’s the one I have. The thin part is still too tight. I need something that stands up on its own surrounding my face so that it both blocks the wind but also let’s me breathe. Not sure if something like that exists thoughz
What are the things people use for robbing banks — would that work?
On the law-abiding side, maybe a ski shop can help with this?
Caveat: I live in Texas and don’t bike to work. :) But, I think they make some lower face mask things for skiing that cover the nose but have a hole cut out for where your nostrils are. IIRC they are pretty scary looking, but when everyone around you is bundled up it probably doesn’t matter!
Is it Friday yet?
I have a balaclava thing that’s made by I think Hot Chilis that has a bendy wire or something built into the top of the part that goes over your mouth that you can adjust to sit up off of your face a bit. I also hate things directly on my face, so I wouldn’t have bought a balaclava ordinarily, but I won it in a raffle and was surprised by how much I actually liked it.
Is it Friday yet?
I think it’s this one, but they have non-balaclava variations as well if you explore the site.
Thanks! This gives me an idea. I might just try cutting out two holes in my existing ski mask and see if that helps with breathing.
+1 if the goal is to prevent frostbite. It doesn’t do anything to make you feel warmer.
Try a skiing neck warmer! They’re looser, but you can pull them up to your nose if you need it. Not super tight which might solve your issue.
I just accept that I’m going to have a sniffling nose when I get to work, and either carry a tissue or head straight to the bathroom to deal with it. I feel like I can’t breathe when I try to put anything over my nose.
Want to know
I’ve been thinking of starting therapy for a while now on and off. For the most part I’m very happy but occasionally I have these sprialing mom guilt/competitive kinds of thoughts relating to my family that I’d really like to kick. Things are generally pretty great in my life rights now though and there is nothing really wrong other than that I recognized these thoughts are not helpful at all and bring me down on occasion. Is therapy here worthwhile and could it even hurt? I’m worried that if I start it could create issues that aren’t there or aren’t bothering me. I don’t even know if that makes sense because I’ve never been to therapy before but my question is has anyone ever gone to therapy when they don’t really “need” it and has it hurt?
Therapy won’t give you issues that you didn’t previously have. It does have the possibility to dredge up things that you’d suppressed or otherwise learned to mentally block, but generally, that is a good thing because those things tend to come out in other ways. I would give it a try! In my experience, if your goal for therapy is “no unhelpful or unwelcome or unhealthy thoughts, ever!” then you’re being unrealistic. However, if your goal is to reduce those thoughts and move past them in a more productive way when they do arise, then it can be really helpful.
I would definitely try it. I’ve been to a lot of therapy and been treated for depression over the years. IMO, if I don’t really *need* therapy at any given point, it’s just less helpful/feels like a waste of time. I try to keep going because things tend to pile up if I don’t but the point is, I don’t think it will do any harm if you don’t strictly need it.
Also, a note–these spiraling thoughts are a symptom of my depression. A family member of mine has a similar experience but said family member’s issue is more anxiety than depression. My experience is that they are far from constant, but it’s very hard to dismiss any single one of them without professional help (in my case, that means medication adjustments).
I’d recommend looking into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Sounds like you have specific behavior you’re looking to change, which CBT is really helpful for. It’s an approach that tends to be more straightforward and goal-oriented (i.e., identifying triggers and implementing strategies for rerouting your problematic behavior) vs. a more psychotherapy approach that’s focused on digging into your past, etc.
I’ve dealt w/ tons of mom guilt and other issues- I think the greatest thing about therapy is that you have a neutral 3rd party to unload on– I personally can’t do it to my amazing family or husband… they will just try to help more and make me feel worse in doing so…. or feel bad that I feel bad. It’s nice to have someone outside of it all to just talk through things without having to feel like you are giving someone extra emotional baggage.
Augh, I have managed to make multiple staff people around me cry this morning and it’s not even midmorning. I swear I wasn’t trying. Geeze, I guess I just close my door and bring everyone lattes this afternoon to try to improve the mood.
If it makes you feel any better, my colleague made a whole customer service team cry by telling them that there are new procedures/policies that they have to follow. I meannnnnn. . . come on.
I don’t know what exactly happened but if a colleague made me feel so terrible that I cried and then tried to fix it with latte instead of apologies or further explanations, I wouldn’t react well.
The original Scarlett
+20 If appropriate, do something real to fix it and then follow up with a kind gesture another day. The important part for the gesture to go over well, though, is to fix the actual problem.
Inspired by Hermione
Yeah, I would likely still be fairly irritated. With a latte. But still irritated.
Oh, oh, def. I have self-examined, and I believe my fault in the matter is minimal here. It was a case of escalating Feelings over a thing that needed to be done. We had a Talk, in which we agreed that we have all spiraled into an apology vortex and need to reset and get back to being bad-ass at our jobs. Everyone went out for lunch, and we managed to return and salvage it into a productive afternoon.
I 100% hope that if I actually caused the offense I would be self-aware enough to address it head on rather than throwing a latte at it and running away. Not promising that I would be, but I strive to be.
My sister made me cry the other day, and my husband made me cry this morning. Maybe it’s not you, it’s them. Tell them that, and see how that goes over.
Slightly more seriously… if “making them cry” was because you did something you had to do, but it just sucked (I’m thinking of the bajillion times I had to tell paralegals “sorry you have to be here all weekend” and like, it wasn’t because I’m mean, it’s because [blah blah]) then lattes are a great, kind move. If you screwed up (lost your temper, something like that), I think an acknowledgment/apology is in order, more so than a latte. Sorry it sounds like your whole office is having a crap day.
Thank you! I SOBBED over something really stupid 2 nights ago and blamed PMS but it was definitely more than just PMS. Last night my husband was like, sooooo….. it’s been 24 hours, we can laugh at that now, right? Yeah.
Anyone who commutes to NY financial district from Hoboken/Weehawken? Can you tell me what you take and how long it takes? Also, how has living there affected your social life/dating way in any way?
I lived in Hoboken and commuted to the Financial District and left within the last year. I walked about a mile to Hoboken station and took the Path to WTC then walked about a half mile from there. In all, it took just under an hour but was incredibly reliable (especially compared to my previous commute on the Subway). I think there was only one time where the Path was unusable so I took a ferry from Exchange Place (Jersey City). Hoboken is pretty young – like mostly 20-somethings, but I am too so it was a perfect fit for me and very easy to meet people.
haven’t done it personally but I would estimate 40-50 min, give or take? depending on how far your apt and office are from respective transportation. you would most likely be commuting one of two ways: 1) via lightrail down to jersey city area and taking the path into WTC, or 2) taking the ferry or the bus into manhattan, which will get you in the 40’s, and then taking a train down to the financial district.
I don’t think social/dating life would be impacted too heavily because you could plan to meet people in fidi, midtown, or hoboken. and there is always uber… i lived in hoboken 12 years ago before uber, and it used to cost $60-80 to get home from the city via cab.
having said all that, if you’re looking at living in NJ and working downtown, jersey city is a lot more up and coming than it was 10 years ago, has a way easier commute into both fidi, and has the same commute as hoboken into midtown…
I have not done the commute, but it will impact your social life. as a manhattan-ite, dating people from NJ is an automatic no, unless they are willing to come see me. There’s no way i’m going to jersey and that applies to my friends that live there too (we get drinks after work and go our separate ways). Gauge how much you want that to happen. There seems to be a large younger population there so it might not be an issue!
I lived in Hoboken for years and worked in midtown and financial district at different times. FiDi was so so easy – quicker than my park slope commute usually!
The ferry was the best and most elegant and fastest way.
In terms of dating, yes. It did matter unfortunately
Brooklyn guys were not interested and didn’t understand how close it was. Go figure, right when I moved to Brooklyn I somehow started dating a jersey city guy.
I’ve tried the famous search engine and I’m stumped. My pants are hemmed at lengths for my work heels (usually 2-3 ” inches in height), but I have a walking commute where I wear a variety of comfortable sneaker flats. Any tips or gadgets for keeping my pants from dragging on the road/mud/sidewalk while walking?
Never too many shoes...
If you do not really care how they look, what about bicycle clips?
I feel like the work edit slash cap hill style just featured a clip to pick up pants hems. It looked to me like a big plastic hairclip, but I guess they come in a few different colors to match your pants hems. This week or last week.
I think there’s some velcro or sticky solution for this. I think Belle has talked about it over at Cap Hill Style before. Maybe even recently?
The original Scarlett
This is why I just switched to ankle pants entirely- it’s impossible to hack this problem.
I literally just use a safety pin to do a temporary hem above my heel. No need to spend money on this problem.
Commuting in flats
I bought a package of 100 or some such. I keep a bunch on my dresser and a bunch in my work tote. 4 pins on each pants leg pinning the hem to the inside works perfectly for me. It takes a minute to put them up and a minute to take the pins out and straighten the legs.
They don’t really work with wide leg pants but are fine with most trousers. It still won’t look amazing with softer fabrics but gets the job done.
Following a GP referral a few months ago, I just got NHS approval to get an adult ADHD screening.
My issue is not hyperactivity, I am not fidgety or any other classic symptoms. I was a “gifted” child so have not had issues at school because I could get away with doing very well on tests although I consistently forgot to turn in my homework. My college counselor (15 years ago), my current GP, and a current counselor all said I should get an ADD assessment but now I am paranoid that the NHS therapist might discard my condition just because I haven’t had school issues and am able to sit still.
I remember a discussion few months ago about a poster who sought a diagnosis for her daughter. There were mentions of girls having different manifestations of the condition vs boys. I was curious whether that carries on into adulthood.
My main issues are complete lack of attention with occasional bouts of hyperfocus:
– I won’t work on something unless it is extremely compelling. I will procrastinate to no end.
– I am easily distracted and constantly frustrated because I make huge to do lists but fail to follow through
– I don’t tie the loose ends e.g. when the thick of a project is over, making me finish the documentation or wrap up is like pulling teeth
– I day dream a lot and have some intrusive thoughts that stop me from working
– I hyperfocus on useless things but can’t pull myself out, at times i will do all nighters just looking up something random like the sugar composition of a specific candy
What do you all think? do I need to voice over my concerns about male / female differences in ADD or should I assume the practitioner would know
I could be you. We are pursuing a diagnosis for my son right now and I see so much of myself in the questionnaires that we have to fill out about him. I’d talk to your therapist and say all these things. Then also talk about how you think they cause problems in your life.
Except your final point, this is exactly me. I was diagnosed recently in my mid-30s. I was worried about this, too, that my symptoms would not be recognized as ADHD. I’m in the US, but my evaluation lasted a full half day, with a series of exams and questionnaires. My evaluator was a younger professional with a PhD. I did explicitly say that I was concerned that my symptoms as a woman may not fit the rigid DSM definition. Bottom line, I think if you have multiple professionals recommending an evaluation, it’s likely you won’t be blown off. I’ve started taking medication and a lot of those symptoms have disappeared or are being successfully managed.
I’m glad this is working for you. I am also mid 30’s and the reason I started the process was because of insomnia as I just can’t stop thinking. We tried tons of things and during the first session with the counselor , he said you must get an assessment. Both he and my GP pushed for this so NHS finally accepted.
They asked for some physical tests. Next week I have to gt my BMI, some blood tests and ECG.
Honestly, if I get a solution to my many problems I’d be so grateful.
Not trying to be snarky, just curious. What is the point of getting diagnosed in your mid 30s? I know for kids in the US, they do special things in school, they may get more time on tests, and of course MEDS. As a 35 year old though, what boss is going to care that you are procrastinating because of ADD vs. just because you don’t want to do the work? Do they medicate at that age?
I am not OP, I am the mom who wrote the post below. I will tell you that in the case of my daughter, we tried meds, we tried accommodations, but none of those really helped and we no longer use them. (I know there’s a lot of cynicism that academically excellent kids use these accommodations to get ahead, but that is not the case with my kid.)
What really helped my daughter with her ADD was knowing she had it, recognizing when it was keeping her from focusing, and learning strategies to adapt.
Finding helpful strategies and meds
+1. You might not get job accommodations, but you can get some coping mechanisms. As for the why- To stop getting in your own way. To help with work and personal relationships. To understand why even though you are objectively smart/qualified, you can’t just buckle down and fix the thing.
The original Scarlett
My husband was diagnosed as an adult, and yes, you can medicate. For him, it’s been life changing. FWIW, OP – you sound the same, he never had trouble in school, nor was he hyper or fidgety. I’d look for a psychiatrist who specializes in adult ADD – they should understand that it looks different in adults.
As someone who probably has undiagnosed adult ADD, so you know what the source of the problem is and you can stop beating yourself up for being “stupid,” “lazy,” or “undisciplined” or whatever other negative self-talk you’re used to. Particularly in women, ADD, depression, and anxiety are often co-morbid.
The medications are really helpful, but even more helpful was the permission that the diagnosis gave me to stop beating myself up and be more accepting of the way my brain functions. I didn’t realize how freeing the diagnosis would be until I got it and suddenly was able to forgive myself for a lot of my past struggles. It changed my personal narrative about myself, most notably that I previously believed that I did not have very much willpower and was sort of a weak-minded person.
All of these things could have theoretically changed without a diagnosis if I had worked on being more self-accepting, but it wasn’t until I got the diagnosis that so much of this even came into focus as anything more than vague self-loathing, exacerbated by the fact I could never seem to keep up with the basic tasks of my own life.
I can’t really help you with adult ADD/ADHD but I can tell you about my daughter.
She did really well in elementary school, though her state assessment test were usually “at” grade level, not exceeding like her friend group. Sometimes “approaching” grade level in math. It was surprising because her report cards were all perfect. We never had a parent teacher confence that wasn’t glowing. She was a cooperative, helpful, do-the-assignment-on-time student. Her grades were based on participation, homework, and other non-test measures.
It wasn’t until she was in High school where her entire class grade is based 50% on tests that it became apparent that her difficulty with tests was really a problem. Less so in English, where she could essay-write herself out of any issues (she’s still a killer essay writer) but really a problem in math and science where tests are basically the only way they assess knowledge.
This took us to her pediatrician worrying about vision or hearing issues. The pediatrician gave her an in-office screen for ADD/ADHD and it was a huge lightbulb moment for my daughter. One of the questions was “if you’re trying to take a test and someone is erasing and wiggling the table, and someone is sniffing, and the clock is ticking, and a tree branch is scratching the window, are all of those things equally calling your attention, or can you make them fade into the background and focus on your test?” Her reaction was incredible to watch. It was like the pediatrician had just described her to a T. All of those things are definitely equal to her.
So we went down the road with a specialist and more assessments. She has “classic” girl ADD, where she never had any problem staying in her seat or was never sent to the principal for disrupting the class early in her school years, so she slipped through the cracks in terms of getting diagnosed and getting help earlier.
This doesn’t sound exactly like what you describe, especially the hyper focus thing you are able to do, so have an open mind about your diagnosis. It could be something else, or it could be ADD that manifests differently in you. I just wanted to describe an actual case of “classic girl ADD” to you.
A helpful book: Jennifer Koretsky “ODD One Out” and her resources, including ADDitude magazine, etc.
Make an exhaustive, detailed list from the bullets you laid out above and bring it with you. I was diagnosed as an adult but ten years ago and in my first session the therapist had essentially said I’m not convinced but let’s have another session. So I went home and free form wrote a list — it was easy because i had lived with it for so long. Examples for me: struggle to finish the last part of a project, struggle to put clothes away, clean but not organized house, forgot my lunch 4/5 days as a kid, etc. I didn’t even know about the hyper focus part until after but it is so true for me. Good luck! To the poster above, another reason in addition to the good ones given to get a diagnosis is to enhance your ability to articulate what’s going on with you to others, particularly your SO.
Standing Desk Mat?
I have a standing desk at work. Does anyone use/recommend/hate the mats that are sold or advertised to accompany standing desk? I’ve seen flat mats that are padded and also ‘activity’ mats that I assume keep your legs moving.
I have the ergo driven topo mini, and like it a lot. The bigger/standard size version was too big and bulky – harder to move out of the way for sitting.
Honestly, I went to Ross and bought a mat advertised as a kitchen standing mat. It is amazing and super cheap. Definitely prevents leg and foot fatigue
Yes, my office buys us (w/ doc. note) standing desks + fatigue mats. It makes a big difference and totally worth it. I think a cheaper alternative might work fine, since ours was office provided I did not research alternatives, but something is definitely nice for your joints.
Starting to plan for a long weekend in Toronto early May for our first anniversary! Any recs on which neighborhoods to stay in (probably thinking airbnb but open to hotels), places and things to do, restaurants and bars? We will have have a car, we like nice cocktails & breweries, love all kinds of food. There’s so much to do, I don’t know how to narrow it down. Thanks in advanced!
It really depends on what kind of vibe you like. I like West Queen West. There are cool bars/restaurants (especially on Queen st. and on Ossington) and great boutiques. Other areas skew a bit younger, others a bit quieter at night so it depends.
Some cool restaurants: Miss Things, Bar Sybane, Campagnolo, Chubby’s, Patois, Rickshaw Bar, The Good Son, La Palma, Le Swan, Grey Garden – honestly there are so many, this is just what I can think of off the top of my head in the areas I usually hang out in.
For cocktail bars: Cocktail Bar, Rhum Corner, Founder, Mahjong, Project Gigglewater, Paris Paris, 416 snack bar, goldie, Councillor (again same disclaimer as above).
Thank you for such great recs, I’ll add them to our list to stalk and decide off of. Toronto has such a great food and drink scene, I don’t want to waste any meal on a subpar one haha
If you’re there on a Saturday, definitely visit St Lawrence Market and get a peameal bacon sandwich. I love brunch at Emma’s Country Kitchen (peameal bacon benedict…can you tell I LOVE Toronto’s peameal bacon?) and I’ve really enjoyed dinners at Marben (they do a classic British roast with Yorkshire puddings for C$29 on Sundays). Still really want to visit Bar Ravel which has the most gorgeous art deco bar. And if you like books, Bakka-Phoenix is a fantastic sci-fi & fantasy bookstore.
what is peameal bacon?? I’ll be sure to try! St. Lawrence Market looks awesome, we will add it to the list, thank you!
Never too many shoes...
Can you give a few more details about the budget and what kinds of things interest you? Toronto has so many neighbourhoods so it would really help narrow it down.
Husband is really into craft beer and we want to go to the distillery district. We like ethnic food, I know there are 3 china towns so we’ll be going to at least one, there’s also a great Portuguese food scene there I believe so we’d love to try. I don’t plan on shopping, I’d love to do spend time outdoors, ranging from a walk in the park, to drinking on a nice patio. I’d say most meals we’re looking at $20/person (not including drinks), maybe 1 or 2 fancier meals for $50/person, but our budget is flexible. I feel so silly basically saying our interests are alcohol and food, but we don’t want to do typical tourist sightseeing like the CN Tower. Any tips on must eat foods are also welcome! We’re 27 if that helps.
I think West Queen West (Queen and Ossington as mentioned above) or Kensington Market area is where you should stay if you are interested in Chinatown, Portuguese cuisine, etc.
Alternatively, the Broadview Hotel at Queen and Broadview is close to a lot of cool shops and is recently renovated. A gentrifying part of the city but would give you a perspective on the “real” Toronto (in my opinion)
I went to a place called “Coffee Oysters Champagne” with my girlfriends last weekend and we asked to “see the champagne room” – which brought us into a fancy speakeasy type place right downtown. Recommend for a more pricey dinner or cocktails with your SO! It’s right downtown.
Speakeasies are so fun, this is such a great suggestion! Maybe I’ll keep it a surprise so he thinks I’m just very resourceful
Never too many shoes...
All of rices recommendations above sound awesome for you, OP.
I never ever drink beer, but I ran this list by my office local beer experts and they think you cannot go wrong with any of these. Godspeed is in the east end of the city so not crazy far from the Distillery and it is always packed (it is near my house) and around the corner from Little India.
By May the weather should be good, although we had an ice storm on April 17th last year. Check back in closer to the time once you have a place to stay and there might be more suggestions. Toronto is a great city to just wander a neighbourhood and ear and drink.
Knowing your age, I would stay in either WQW, Little Portugal, around Queen and Broadview or Kensington Market.
Given your budget, I would guess that most of my suggestions above are probably a bit more expensive but there are great and more budget conscious options in Kensington Market.
Post again when you have decided where you’re staying and we can probably give you more specific suggestions.
Also check out Bellwoods Brewery.
Thanks to all of you! So helpful and way better than browsing tripadvisor.
Philly brunch rec?
i asked a few weeks ago, but thought i would try again to see if there are any additional recs. searching for a brunch rec in Philly that is wheelchair accessible + good for kids + takes reservations. This is on Easter Sunday, but we are actually Jewish, so looking for a place that is Passover friendly (enough dishes without bread). Parc was suggested but it is already booked. Urban Farmer was also suggested, but they are having a special Easter buffet and we don’t really want that. It is to celebrate a bday. Near the art museum or rittenhouse would be great, but really anywhere in the city is fine. is Devons a bad idea with kids?
I wouldn’t automatically write off the brunch buffet – there are presumably lots of meat, egg and fruit options and buffets are great for pleasing kids and large groups because everyone can find something to eat. We’re jewish and enjoy Easter brunch buffets.
Not sure these qualify as “good for kids” but strike me as the same kid-friendliness as Parc: The Love or Spice Finch. Not Rittenhouse, but Talula’s Garden?
Anyone here have / know about Linjer bags? I know they are super hot and I was on the waitlist– I was super excited to get one. I woke up early to use my special code and was in the middle of checking out for my tulip bag (it even had the “reserved” countdown!) and it booted me out and said no longer available. I am so bummed! I’ve reached out and they are basically Sorry Not Sorry. So in addition to a “buyer beware” from this brand, I am looking for any feedback on them– is their quality as poor as their customer service? Thanks!
First, can you BELIEVE it’s not Friday? I clicked over like “ooh will the ‘frugal’ deal actually be affordable?!?” … sigh.
Secondly, does anyone have any leads on double-breasted jacket dresses that are like, less than $80? I want one to wear generally, but also to wear to an annoying dress-up event where we’re supposed to be 20’s and I’m just *over* the fringey flapper thing (especially since it’s a professional event so I won’t be able to go funslutty anyway) so I’m gonna do a kinda girl gangster look – jacket dress, hat, idk, some accessories to bring it home.
I dig it. I don’t have any places to shop vicariously, but I think “Frida Kahlo in New York City” for this style a lot.
Never too many shoes...
RH, please forgive me if I am misremembering your size… but this comes in 14 (and is a non stretch fabric). It is more than the price you suggested but there is a sale almost every day so it is very likely that you can get it for the price that you want or close to it. If you are actually way smaller than this, please do not be offended by my poor memory.
Ha! You’re all good. I am indeed a tweeny size – can wear some of the smaller plus sizes and some of the bigger straight sizes. Aaaand I’m gonna start watching for a sale on that dress!
Never too many shoes...
Also, that dress would look badass with a leather moto jacket on top.
I might be too late for the thread, but I keep seeing an ad for a Maggy London tuxedo dress and I honestly kind of love it, I just have no idea where I’d wear it! Their prices are typically not too high.
Oooh lemme google that!
I’ve been invited to a dinner party (with dancing!) for late March to ‘ring in spring’. We live in the northeast so still likely to be cold and possible snowy. Asking around, its seems people wore ‘dressy’ ‘trendy’ dresses last year (but like, trendy for moms, not hipster NY’ers). My wardrobe kind of falls down in the ‘dressy/fun/cocktail’ department, so I’m open to either buying or renting something. My criteria – need to be able to wear a bra, not backless, and not super tight or super short. I’m pretty straight up and down and tend to prefer things that skim over my midsection to avoid spanx. I’m a size 6 for high end designers, size 2-4 for mall brands. Any suggestions ladies?
To my mind, a late-March “ring in spring” party with dancing (!!! it sounds so fun!!!) calls for a floral dress with some movement in the skirt. Maybe something with a fit-and-flare type shape?
This seems like something you could wear a lot through the spring and summer.
A bit more cocktail, but less springy.
Please get this because it’s so pretty?!?!?
Or this pretty thing.
I love boden dresses and this seems like it could be up their alley
I normally love Boden too but their current dress selection seems to be very easter church/daytime wedding vibe. Which…fine, but I’d like something a little more evening wear?
I think an Eliza J dress is what you need, here’s my favorite right now: https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/eliza-j-floral-print-chiffon-halter-maxi-dress/4568086?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FBrands%2FEliza%20J&color=navy%2F%20pink
Great, now I want to wear nothing but maxi dresses all spring! Ha, thank you, these are really pretty options!
This sounds like a job for a Ted Baker dark floral dress! I love these:
Recommendations for any up to date resources (books or websites) with meal or diet plans for lowering LDL levels? Specifically I’d like something that explains the why (nutritional science) to me.
I’m the meal planner in our family (DH does shopping and most cooking) and he’s been working to lower his cholesterol without meds. Making progress thus far by exercising and focusing on fiber, whole grains, leafy vegetables and lots of fruit, and moderating animal-based fats. I’m just looking for more information for myself. TIA!
DASH Diet books by Marla Heller – if you’re trying to lower cholestorol overall, her new book focuses on Mediterranean eating, but the DASH Diet for Weight Loss book is also helpful, with information and recipes.
Avoid animal products. Especially red meat. If he loves red meat, make sure its grass fed (not sure if this is true, but I’ve heard that it’s better from a cholesterol perspective, and I was already on the grass fed band wagon so I didnt bother to research). avoid shrimp, wouldnt think it if you didnt know, but it is super high in cholesterol. I have high genetic cholesterol, and have reduced it by reducing animal products. I still have a fair amount of dairy in the forms of whey protein, full fat plain greek yogurt, half and half and occasional cheese (once a week on pizza or as part of an appetizer tray). I try my hardest to limit sausage-type meats (Italian sausage, brats) to once or twice a year. I limit bacon to probably six times a year. I do not eat lunch meats, salami, etc. at all. I still eat shrimp cocktail at restaurants, salmon once a week and sushi on the regular. Chicken and beef are about 1-2 times a month. I also lost about 20 lbs (form almost overweight to middle range of normal on BMI scale) and exercise religiously.
It’s been debunked that food cholesterol has very little effect on body cholesterol. Read books “The cholesterol myth”, “cholesterol clarity” and the “big fat surprise”.
I’d say avoid all processed food and white food and sugar. Eat more fibre, organic psyllium husk, whole grains, more veggies, less carbs. Exercise every day, drink tons of water and get tons of sleep. Stress is a major aggravator for cholesterol.
want to reiterate this again:
food cholesterol has very little effect on body cholesterol.
food plays a big effect on body cholesterol.
Eating fat wont kill you but those seemingly harmless carbs will.
So I bought the Reiss suit that was featured here a week or two ago. I’ve never ordered from them. I had it shipped to my office because package delivery is not secure at my house. The package arrived with the invoice attached to the front, showing exactly what was inside and how much I paid for it. I was mortified….small office and it’s a very expensive suit. Ok maybe that’s an over reaction, but just wanted to complain a little.
The jacket was very beautiful and fit me well (I am tall). It is a cornflower blue rather than the “cobalt” that was advertised. I have not completely decided whether I am going to keep it. I need to size up in the pants in any event (runs a little smaller than Theory).
Not quite the same, but in my first job out of college I worked in a cubicle by the loading dock elevator and so was the first stop for receiving UPS/FedEx packages. One of the saleswomen in the company ordered some very pricey lingerie from Europe, and the company did the same thing – they even listed the sizes on the outside of the box. I was like 21 and broke, so seeing that she had dropped a month’s worth of rent (for me) on tiny swatches of fabric was mind blowing.
Maybe it’s required for imported clothes? Reiss ships from the UK. Their clothes are not cheap and I am definitely going to think twice about ordering from them to my office again!
Is it Friday yet?
Reiss ships from England, and I think they’re required to list all of that information on the front of the package for US Customs. I’ve gotten other packages from European retailers, and they do the same thing, so I don’t think Reiss is to blame. :) But yeah, I have a few pricey things from Reiss (leather jacket, leather pants, suits – always purchased on sale though!) and have also felt uncomfortable that my assistant (who got the mail for the whole office) saw.
And I also need to size up from Theory – Reiss very consistently runs a size smaller.
Just got back from Vegas and I’m ready to go again — even though I did not drink or gamble once. Is that odd for a 40 year old lady? If your friend told you there were going back in 2 months (or more likely this fall because I can’t deal with weather over 80) would you raise an eyebrow, assume they were developing a gambling issue etc?
Went alone for a 1 day conference but added 2 days to the schedule because a 5 hour east coast flight wasn’t worth it for a day. Didn’t drink or gamble once but staying in a gorgeous hotel, seeing other gorgeous hotels, walking around/people watching, window shopping, and being in 70 degree weather instead of 30 were enough for me.
I know it’s my own issue but as I’ve gotten older I feel more and more self conscious going alone to places with geared to families and often those are these types of “easy” places to vacation — I.e. big hotels close to the airport with a thousand food options in the hotel; walkable or cheap Ubers to shopping, tourist attractions. I end up avoiding those kinds of resorts because I’ll look like the one sad single person as moms and dads sit around bonding with their kids. And yet in Vegas I found zero room for self consciousness — me checking out the fake sky at Caesars by myself or trying on a Rolex just don’t compare to the craziness that happens there and travel parties there seem to be all combos of people — and 95% are not moms and dads traveling with kids. Anyone else feel this way whether about Vegas specifically or traveling alone generally?
If a friend who was reluctant to travel found a place where she felt comfortable, I’d say GO. Go a few times a year — everything except summer in a desert is quite nice. No I wouldn’t assume you were drinking and gambling though that’s your right. I’d assume you liked the escapism of it, the same way many adults like the escapism of Disney; or maybe you liked the shows or celebrity restaurants or shopping. You should go back — who knows maybe you’ll go 2-3 times and be ready for a new location or maybe you’ll be someone who goes to Vegas yearly. Either way please don’t feel you don’t DESERVE a break from the routine just because you’re single or aren’t the parent teaching their kids to dive at the hotel pool.
I go to Vegas for conference every year at the Venetian and this is me – I have a couple glasses of wine, but I don’t gamble – I love the shopping and great restaurants….also from East Coast, and it is super easy to get in and out of…..love it
Honestly, I’d go to Vegas for the dinners and shows by myself…. Have fun!
My uncle had a dude ranch he used to go to every year when he was single. He’d ride horses and stuff. Whatever works!
In my suburban mom circle, the vacation of choice is usually Disney World… and I’m very judgy about people who are Disney-philes. Spending your time and money people-watching at Vegas sounds great, honestly.
You do you! Don’t worry what other people think.
My friend of mine has been going to Vegas regularly since she early retired in her 50s. She likes the weather, she likes the restaurants, she likes the spa. Her preferred hotel treats her like a high roller since she goes so often, even though she doesn’t gamble. She’s always getting great deals on rooms, really nice upgrades, and amenities upon check in. Honestly I think they’re smart – being treated like a VIP keeps her going back all the time.
I travel alone and I so feel your last paragraph. I tend to plan vacations that keep me on the move. It would be nice to just hang out at, say, a beach resort where I didn’t have to plan much. I think I’d feel so self conscious being a lone single woman on the beach. Like you said, I know this is a ME issue but I can’t seem to get past it.
I don’t drink or gamble and I love Vegas. It has a great food scene (from fine dining to In-N-Out), great shopping and I love the over-the-top gaudiness and general “we’re ridiculous and we know it” vibe the city has. IME, most people love or hate Vegas. The people who love it will understand why you love it and the people who hate it will probably be confused about why you like it, but I don’t think anyone would judge or assume you have a gambling problem.
Agreed. I love Vegas :)
Who cares what your friends think? But if it matters, I would only raise my eyebrows if you were going with a group that was obviously bent on debauchery. Going by yourself, I’d assume you were planning on doing just what you say. Which I have done myself–trying on fancy watches in Vegas is so much fun.
I love Vegas!! I won’t claim that I never drink or gamble when I go there, but mostly I just go because I think it’s a fun place with lots of good food and spas and shows and nice hotels!
If it would make you feel better to have a standard line ready in case anyone comments on you going back, you can just say that you saw ads for an upcoming show when you were there, and knew you wanted to get tickets and come back!
Go, have fun! If you’d like to explore other places and not feel out of place, I might check out a tour group. There are lots of options for various groups e.g., only women or certain age ranges… Could be a fun way to travel and meet people.
Go go go! There are so many other casino towns in the country that I wouldn’t automatically assume you’re going back to Vegas, specifically, just for the gambling. And in my circle of family and friends, I don’t know anyone who goes to Vegas just for the casinos, (except my dad’s friend who worked as a dealer once upon a time).
I just went to Vegas at the end of February and I would definitely go back soon if I could. I don’t gamble at all and don’t drink very much. I enjoyed shopping (picked up the Vera shoes that everyone raves about on this blog) and my favorite place to hang out was the spa at the Venetian. I never thought of myself as a spa person, but that place was amazing!