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Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Silk Blouse

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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

My eyes are always peeled for nice-looking silk blouses for the office, and this one from Kobi Halperin really fits the bill. I love the drapey fit and pleated neckline, and the hint of stretch will make the fit absolutely perfect. This beautiful navy color would actually fill a hole in my wardrobe at the moment, but it also comes in black, ecru, and ivory.

The top is $298 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes XS-XL. 

Sales of note for 7/19:

209 Comments

  1. I have a new job and find myself thinking about it all the time, for example, what I want to achieve, improvements, projects, and even conversations I’ve had with colleagues. This position involves a lot of collaboration among peers and is supervisory. I think about it at home, when I am with my family and kids, and before bed. I have never been this way before, have always had hard boundaries between work and life. It just feels like there is so much to do and prove in this job. Anyway, any advice on how to leave work at work?

    1. I think it’s temporary and okay to wait it out. However if it’s bothering you, are there types of activity that you find more all consuming? (For example, taking the family out on a paddle boats on a lake, or something a little more of a break from your usual routine?)

    2. This is what has worked for me:

      Long walks are really helpful for triage – like if you can’t stop thinking about it all, go for a walk.

      Meditation is really helpful over time generally for helping set thoughts down. Even 5 minutes a day is space where you’re actively practicing watching your thoughts instead of engaging with them. That’s super helpful for me in developing a muscle where I can set thoughts down.

      Resetting expectations – I have work thoughts while I’m home and doing life things, but I don’t have to engage with them in the same way that I do when I’m at work. I also don’t really get mad about them. I just let the thoughts play at a lower volume in the back of my head.

      Journalling or creating a notes app where you randomly list out the things you are thinking about might help – but don’t let it turn into an active work session where you’re engaging with it. Just a quick note, now you know it’s down and you won’t forget it, so you can stop thinking about it.

    3. I find it easier to let otherwise good but overly intrusive thoughts go if I write them down. Basically a to-do list. Having those items recorded mentally permits me to stop playing through them.

    4. I would wait it out and fill my time with activities that demand complete focus – rock climbing, mountain biking, etc. Activities like yoga or walking let the mind wander too much.

    5. I do all that thinking in the shower. A former colleague of mine even had a name for it: “Shower Thoughts.” Then you let it go down the drain until next time.

  2. Does anyone have a recommendation for a women’s rash guard? Looking for something long sleeve, preferably with a zip, and more fitted style.

      1. Lands End no longer makes them with full zippers:-( They were my favorites. I have one from Carve that’s long sleeve and fitted that I’ll wear snorkeling when I really don’t want it to ride up, though a bit heavier than I like

      1. I like my Carve one with a quarter zip, neck protection, and thumbholes to protect the backs of my hands.

    4. If you’re using it for surfing, don’t get one with a zipper – it’s irritating to lie on.

      If not surfing, I am anti rash guard. I’ll wear a coverup on the beach and just my swimsuit in the water. I’m not in the water long enough to worry about sun but there’s nothing worse than wearing a wet rash guard out of the water.

      For the beach and other water sports (paddling) I love Patagonia’s SPF Capilene cool daily hoodie

      1. That Patagonia hoodie has been a unicorn for me – and so much Patagonia stuff doesn’t fit me well now (postpartum body) but that thing still does and looks great. It’s my summer uniform.

        1. 9:55 here, I clearly spend a lot of time on the beach/water and I love it!

          As a pear I can’t wear a lot of Patagonia but I love this hoodie.

    5. something else to consider – I have a SPF hoodie from Uniqlo that i use for gardening. was cheaper than the patagonia hoodie and isn’t too too hot if i’m sitting down doing something like weeding. can’t speak to how it is in the water though.

      https://www.uniqlo.com/us/en/products/E483281-000/00?colorDisplayCode=66&sizeDisplayCode=004&utm_campaign=shopping_broad_product_activewear_google_cpc_sales_us_evergreen_en&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=E483281-66-004-000&utm_content=pla&campaignid=22776758301&adgroupid=183031382620&device=c&merchant_id=10097310&product_partition_id=2421411092806&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22776758301&gbraid=0AAAAADwNkrLSsURfMB6D3I7eQbo4Y-CKP&gclid=CjwKCAjw0o3SBhBVEiwAh28-jQgEERjC14LsbHlljNa9jyihZSrgge3GjGz-MGPGU_PbR3NRToUjERoC0bkQAvD_BwE

    6. oh also – no zip but old navy has good ones too. my favorite is an older athleta one with thumbholes and a quarter zip.

      1. +1 I was going to suggest the old Athleta rash guards with the 3/4 zip and thumb holes. They come up on Poshmark sometimes with tags.

        I’m so frustrated with current seasons of Athleta swimwear. It went from being the best to the worst.

  3. Showing my age here, but how do people exchange phone numbers these days? I keep seeing movies where someone has the other person their phone to type it in to their contacts I guess? Getting back in the game and trying to catch up.

    1. This has happened to me a few times – people handing me their phones. It is easier than reading off the phone numbers to each other. You can open up your contacts to create a new contact, and hand your phone to the person so they can enter in their name/phone. Then you text them with your name so they have your contact.

      1. but only if you trust the person. In nightclubs and other flirting/exchanging numbers locations, handing over your phone is a good way to fall for someone who is very quick to venmo themselves money from your phone.

        1. oh yep, good point! I missed that. Completely didn’t think of that aspect. In that scenario I would never hand over my phone to a random person.

          2. I am prohibited by my employer from handing my phone to a random person for data security reasons. Social engineering is a real risk with implications much larger than personal venmo accounts.

          4. Why are you using your work phone for personal things? I also have a locked-down work phone, but I also have a personal phone. I would not want my personal apps on my high-security work phone.

      2. yeah, this, although it is always in the context of a known quantity (neighbor, friend of a friend, etc).

        as far as randos, I do think precautions are wise here, like using passcodes rather than face ID for opening apps like Venmo.

    2. I am way too cynical to hand over my phone to a stranger, even though I have basically all the apps locked down so they won’t even open without face ID or a passcode. I’ll happily ask them for their number and then just shoot them a text that says “Hello from Anon” so they also have my number. If I want to keep in touch, I will follow up later with something like “Great to meet you at the gala, Beth. Would love to connect to discuss your upcoming fundraising plans for museum. How does coffee on Tuesday sound?”

      1. Same. I will type in my number if someone hands me their phone (although it feels somewhat odd to type on someone else’s phone!), but otherwise I will ask for their number and then text them.

    3. One person gets out their phone, the other person says: my number is 555-555-5555 and the first person enters that into a text and writes Hi Anon. This is Anon2.

    4. Some years ago I had little social cards printed up with just my name, cell number, and email address and I am still handing them out. It seems less awkward than exchanging actual phones. (I got them at Vista Print dot com.)

        1. In work situations, I’ve found that people still prefer to exchange paper business cards. I had a “virtual card” that peole found confusing and annoying, and people don’t want to put every new person they meet into their contacts, especially in the age of BYOD policies where you are using your personal phone for work.

          1. I find people are more likely to connect on Linkedin while standing there than to use physical business cards. I basically only use my cards to enter raffles at CLEs.

          2. This is the opposite of my industry, except for maybe the rare, almost-retired old guard.

        2. Maybe for you youn’uns! Heh. And disclaimer it doesn’t happen often these days (but they are super handy when you meet people on vacation and want to stay in touch).

      2. I have sooo many business cards and don’t bother taking them with me any longer. Perhaps in your circle it is seen as a nice quaint affectation, but in my industry no one hands these out any longer. It’s way more common to connect on LinkedIn in the moment.

  5. This will probably out me to anyone who knows me in real life, but I recently contracted oral HSV-1 (herpes/cold sores) from a partner and the initial outbreak is horrific. the lower half of my face has broken out in cold sores and there is one very large spot above my lip (weirdly, none actually on my lips). I’ve seen a doctor and am on antivirals but am spiraling mentally – feeling so disgusting and stupid! Has anyone dealt with this later in life and can give me some hope that this won’t be my life from now on? Aka staying inside, wearing a mask outside,\?

    1. How would this out you? All interesting women have herpes. You aren’t disgusting or stupid and you’ll learn to manage and treat it.

      1. Stealing this – all interesting people have herpes.

        Sending healing vibes and patience as you get through this first bad outbreak. Between the gel patches and the preventive/suppressive dose ideas, just take care of you. Dried out sores are The Worst. Hydrate and I’m lifting a can of my lunch beverage as encouragement.

    2. I’m so sorry! A few things that will help – get a standing prescription for Valtrex from your doctor going forward. If you take it at the first symptom, it will cut the duration significantly. Buy a stash of “Mederma Cold Sore Discreet Patch, Hydrocolloid Gel” – they are very thin and will help things heal sooner. Make sure to wear them at night (or a larger hydrocolloid gel patch) – letting the sores dry out and then having them crack is very painful and will prolong healing.
      This is so, so common. I’ve had cold sores my whole life because my parents thought it was NBD and passed them on to me as a kid. Having good treatment options has made a huge difference.

      2. I have HSV-2 so similar but different and I am on a daily prescription of acyclovir to prevent outbreaks. Ask your doctor about a preventative or suppressive dose…you have to take it daily but I haven’t had any outbreaks while on the meds for the past few years.

    3. Antivirals are the right thing to do!

      If you want to avoid future flare ups, it can help to avoid catching other viruses like cold and flu viruses since HSV-1 can be opportunistic when the immune system is already taking a hit. (And if your immune system is generally lousy, it may be worth getting that checked out to stay ahead of things.)

      More people have this than not, so try not to catastrophize.

    4. I have had cold sores since childhood. While they are annoying and embarrassing, they are not a mark of stupidity. Antivirals are great, and so is old-school original Carmex ointment. My outbreaks have become far fewer and less common these days. I know what they feel like as they come on, and I find that treating them immediately (like, within minutes of recognizing the feeling if at all possible) drastically decreases the severity. I keep a little tub of Carmex on my nightstand, at my desk, and in my purse because applying a thick layer of it right away buys me time to get treatment before the sore explodes. Just be sure to use a clean hand to apply it and don’t double-dip into the container.

    5. You’re going to be ok. The first outbreak is the worst. Anti-virals will help. Lysine helps. You can pass this to partners with o r a l. Using anti-virals and avoiding contact if you feel any symptoms is key to prevention. It’s going to be ok.

    6. I’ve also had cold sores since childhood. Valcyclovir (generic valtrex) is the way to go. I echo the suggestion to keep a prescription on hand. I take preventative doses before dental work or prolonged time in the sun – think a beach vacation, not day to day sun exposure. It’s really no big deal. I, of course, don’t kiss my partner or share drinks, etc., when having an active breakout. But, my husband and I have been together for 20 years and he hasn’t gotten them yet.

      1. +1 – I have been with my husband for 18 years and have two kids and nobody else has cold sores.

    7. I’ll go against the grain and say that it’s completely OK and understandable to be upset about this. I know a lot of people prefer the approach of just managing it/describing how common it is and that’s probably healthier in the long run, but I’m here to say that it IS upsetting and it IS a huge drag and it’s OK to wallow for a while if you need to.

      1. I get being upset and mad at yourself. In my own specific way, I’ve been where you are and it stinks. Thinking of you!

      2. It’s okay to be upset about it. There’s possibly an increased risk of dementia even (at any rate, taking the antivirals lowers dementia risk). All we can do is keep up with the antivirals and hope for the best.

      3. There is a big difference between being understandably upset and deciding you are stupid and disgusting for contracting a ubiquitous virus. We aren’t advocating for denialism or toxic positivity. We are point out that this is not a moral failing that the OP should spiral in shame over.

        1. I don’t think it’s a moral failing, but when I set out not to contract a contagious disease and catch it anyway, I do feel like it’s a failing failing. I think shedding the “disgusting” language is a good idea though.

          1. You can catch this virus from basic life activities like shaking hands or touching a surface an infected person recently touched. It’s annoying and frustrating, but really outdated to consider this a failing. Besides, you can contract it but have no symptoms for years, so it is not always possible to attribute the spread to a specific interaction.

          2. It’s so common that I don’t think you can really do anything to prevent it. Unless I guess you’re suiting up in PPE and making out with your partner through a dental dam. Which would be a different kind of failure.

          3. But I already wash my hands between shaking hands and touching surfaces before touching my mouth to avoid all the other conditions that also spread this way? Also, common doesn’t mean universal. A lot of people don’t have this virus, even if more people do than don’t.

            It’s no one’s problem but mine if I develop a lot of complications from it, so of course I’d rather not!

    9. One other poster said it, but I will second: act quickly. DH has cold sores and when he acts quickly (as soon as he feels a tingle), the sore never really develops – it may look like a red spot on his lip for a week but it doesn’t turn into a big blister. He finds icing the spot helps a lot as well as a lip balm. He doesn’t do anti-viral meds.
      DH got them from his mom. He and I have been together for 15 years and I don’t have any signs of getting them from him.

    10. No, this won’t be your life from now on, truly. As someone else said, the first outbreak is the worst. My ex-H had it when we met, and I finally got it from him after almost 20 years together, so you shouldn’t worry about it killing your s*x life in the future. I’ve had a few partners since my divorce, dislosed it when the time seemed right, and only the extreme germ-phobe was put off by it.

      I do take daily, preventive valacyclovir and have had maybe two small outbreaks in the last several years. It will be okay, I promise.

  6. I am looking for a job in a new field and signed up with a recruiting agency. I was unimpressed by the representative I met with; they clearly had only skimmed my resume in the most superficial way, and had changed my profile in their computer system to introduce inaccuracy. The representative told me that if I independently noticed an opportunity at one of the employers they work with, I should notify them before applying so they could forward my materials.

    My dream job was just posted at one of these employers. I am not sure whether the recruiter knows about the position; they have not asked me if I want them to submit me for it. Should I go through the recruiter or not? If I go through the recruiter, it will probably increase the chances of an interview. On the other hand, if the recruiter doesn’t know about the position yet, I don’t want to tip them off and increase the competition.

    1. Do you have an actual agreement with the recruiter? If so, follow that. If not, do whatever you prefer.

    2. I would not go through the recruiter unless that’s the norm in your industry. I typically discard unsolicited resumes from recruiters bc they will hassle me for more business and want a finders fee, and rarely are the candidates good.

      A retained executive search is very different, where a recruiter is retained by the hiring company to bring them candidates. Then yes, you have to work with the recruiter.

    3. If you don’t have an agreement, just apply. They want to forward your info so they can get paid. Some recruiters will get a percentage of your first year salary. If you have an agreement, then go through them.

    4. Recruiters are some of the most useless employees in the world.

      On both the hiring and seeking sides. Other than paper pushing and scheduling – so saving a bit of time for hiring managers- they have almost zero value.

  7. So…are the liberals/progressives in your circles upset or happy about today’s Supreme Court ruling on women’s sports? I don’t know anyone who is upset, despite all (or nearly all, I hope) people in my life being very much in favor of gay marriage, equality, and progressive principles in general.

    1. Haven’t spoken to anyone else about it but as a liberal who is very much in favor of gay marriage and doesn’t really care what bathroom anyone uses, it seems like the obviously correct outcome. Women biologically cannot compete with men. Serena Williams is a generational women’s tennis talent and lost to a man not ranked in the top 200. Caitlin Clark probably couldn’t make a D1 men’s basketball team. Etc etc. While I realize that people who tr*nsition pre-puberty don’t have all the strength and height advantages of cis men, to pretend like they’re biologically identical to women is absurd.

      2. I’ve always liked the Missy Franklin and Ryan Lochte comparison here (someone made an infographic about this years ago). Both are Olympic and World Champion swimmers who grew up with all the best training and support opportunities, both are 6’2″ with 6’4″ wingspans, both held the world record in the 200M backstroke, and yet Lochte’s winning time was 1:52.96 compared to Franklin’s 2:04.06, which would be good about about 50th in the men’s division.

      4. This is a pimple on the backside of an elephant of a problem. A molehill that is being trumpeted as a mountain. Yes, there is a decision.

        The treatment of transgender people in everyday life by people who are not transgender is a herd-of-elephants-sized problem that will be increased in the name of this decision.

        1. with knock on effect on cis women who don’t conform to traditional standards of attractiveness, gender roles, etc.

    2. I hate to agree with this Court on anything, but even people as dumb as these justices can see that biological s3x is a real thing and not a social construct.

    3. I don’t know anyone who is upset, similar social circle as you, and not surprised. Whereas most progressive principles are giving rights to others at no downside to them, an ‘even playing field’ is something they want to preserve for others as far as physical strength.

    4. I’m not happy about it, and will continue to train and hopefully compete with all my training partners regardless. We raise each other up, not knock others down.

    5. I am just waiting for the fallout when a high school track coach decides to implement gender spot checks.

      2. Yeah, both of my sisters sent an opposing player to the hospital during volleyball games. If that were to happen today, would someone file, I dunno, a gender complaint? This is a road I don’t think we really want to go down.

      3. Yeah, I actually think that if sports are gender segregated, they should stay gender segregated. But the harms of trying to militantly enforce that are far greater than the harms of letting some kids play on teams they “shouldn’t” be allowed to. If you can’t enforce the rule, don’t make the rule. And I don’t want my kid to have to prove that they’re a girl to get on a team.

        1. There are so, so, so few contexts where I want to have to prove that I’m a cis woman. Maybe to participate in a relevant RCT? Not for any school activity, recreational activity, or competition.

    6. Why be exhausting about this topic? I could care less who plays in what league. I’m tired of the othering and bullying over a genuine non-problem. People get hurt in sports, all teams have players with physical advantage, no matter the gender. This is just another way to pick on people and it’s gross behavior.

      1. Well said.

        With all the utter carnage in process these days, we are obsessing about a tiny number of people? So ridiculous.

        1. It’s not that tiny a number of people. Shewon dot org has archived over 5,000 medals in 53 sports that girls and women lost to males competing in their sports. One person setting a state or national record in a sport affects every girl competing in the entire state or nation for years to come.

          1. The number of people affected is just not the number of males competing as women. It affects all the women.

          2. It affects every girl in the entire state or nation for years to come? This is just hyperbole.

          3. If a national record is unfairly set, then yes, it does affect all girls and women in that sport for many, many years. The national record is the benchmark for the sport (or international if it’s Olympic, etc.). It’s not just the 10-15 girls on an individual team who are affected.

          4. That’s not logical.

            I ran varsity track and cross country in high school. I was good, but never a contender for medals or scholarships. There would be no material impact on me if an AMAB person competed in a race I was in. None. Describing any impact as “affecting every girl competing in the entire state or nation for years to come” is hyperbolic and nonsensical.

          5. if we’re focusing on a tiny number of people i’d prefer we focus on our true enemy: the billionaires. @#$@#$@#$

          6. It doesn’t affect literally everyone, but if affects more than just elite athletes and champions. If a team with an AMAB player wins a championship, it affects not only the runner-up team who should have been champions but also the 3rd place team who didn’t get a chance to play in the finals, the 5th place team who didn’t get a chance to play in the bronze medal game and so on. It trickles down and does have a big impact on a lot of people.

      2. No, it’s not just another way to pick on people. What’s gross is attempting to undermine the entire purpose of women’s sports.

        1. Yes, it really is. If you cannot see how this is a wedge issue ginned up by the right to create a new outgroup for their base to despise and demonize liberals, then I don’t know what to say except that you have your head in the sand. You are being used. You are a tool.

          Setting aside the law, I am on the fence about the very specific issue of school sports. I really do see public policy arguments on both sides and have a great deal of sympathy for a child who is precluded from competing in sports or who believes they are at competitive disadvantage because another child is allowed to compete on their team. Truly. This is a perfect example of the phrase “hard cases make bad law.” But I am sick of how this issue has been dredged to the forefront and used to sow discord and manufacture hate against real, innocent people dealing with their gender identity.

          1. I actually don’t think this is a wedge issue ginned up by the right. I think it’s a really effing stupid position that liberals fully chose to embrace for reasons that are unclear to me, and when others have pointed out that it’s really stupid and directly against the wishes of massive majorities of voters, all they do is double down. Yes, of course the GOP is running with that (an easy win has been handed to them on a silver platter), but they didn’t start it.

          2. I’m with anon at 12:01. Fully. And I’m liberal and proudly a life long resident of a deep blue state.

          3. Yeah, that take is just detached from reality. The idea that liberals fully embraced this position is just as off-base is the denial that the right has weaponized tr@ns issues since the 2010s.

          5. And you can cut off your nose to spite your face. There are no two ways about it. This was a poor political maneuver, and it contributed in a insignificant way to why we are where we are right now.

          6. I would argue that YOU might be the one who has fallen susceptible to propaganda – people actually made you believe that sex doesn’t exist. That’s a very successful psy-op .

          7. Well, enough people fell for the “propaganda” that the moderates swung R not two years ago so it doesn’t really matter if it’s right or wrong…. it worked.

      3. There’s advantage (someone is taller, someone has more grit) and then there’s unfair advantage (male musculature in women’s sports, steroids). Only the former is permissible.

      4. I have a similar opinion. Why are people laser-focused on the one trans kid who joins the cross-country team instead of I don’t know, real problems like school funding or bullying or whatnot?

        1. I don’t know. But I have personally experienced that people care more about this issue than a lot of other more important issues. Like actual soccer moms who literally do not care if they live an a democracy as long as they can kick “biological males” off the girls team. This trans kid is hypothetical but an odd nonetheless.

          I’m not a sports person. I’m active but strictly non-competitive. Yet, I managed to raise a kid who is an impressive athlete. This means I’m around youth sports people a lot more than I’d like to be. There is such a meanness and cruelty to youth sports culture that I find upsetting but it fits right in with maga. Chest beating, yelling, angry pick-on-the-little guy cruelty all around. Adults making fun of kids for dropping balls. Exclusive teams for six year olds. Maybe if we weren’t such psychopaths about competition among literal children this would be a problem where we ban college athletes and a little trans kid could just try to join whatever soccer team made sense, try to I don’t know make some friends and kick a ball? Sports are supposed to be healthy and fun. But sports parents are never happy unless other people’s kids are being bullied.

          1. That sounds dreadful, and I have a kid who did ballet (which has a fairly well-deserved rep for being toxic). My other kid is doing marching band and it’s fairly delightful – some of the parents are kind of pills but none of the kids want parents around so win-win-win.

            To my way of thinking, trans girls (and it’s always girls) is a very effective wedge issue. Outside of closed religious groups (e.g., Anabaptists or Haredi Judaism), I’ve never met a super-conservative person who doesn’t let their daughters play soccer or softball. For some of my high school friends, it seems to function as the one arena where they can speak positively about their girl children being assertive (even aggressive!) or powerful or determined. Kind of sad, really.

      5. It’s just another a way for biological males to pick on biological females, for sure.

    7. Haven’t seen much reaction but the general feeling right now is just being exhausted with everything right now. It’s like care giver burn out but for political topics. Like, what am I supposed to focus my upset feelings on? This decision? The fact that birthright citizenship was even a question? On so on.

    8. As a liberal, former college athlete lesbian I’ve personally had a really hard time with this issue.

      As a member of the LGBT community, I do believe that none of us are free until all of us are free. I’m worried about social and political trends that threaten our equal rights and safety. I want trans kids to grow up feeling safe and accepted for who they are.

      I also feel so strongly that high level sports were the best thing to ever happen to me (and many of my friends) and I recognize that women’s sports still often get the raw end of the deal compared to men’s sports. I don’t buy any fake straw man argument that kids are transitioning so they can do better in sports. But, depending on when treatment wss started (and what type of treatment is used), there are biological differences that do impact one’s strength, speed, and size.

      As an adult athlete, most things I compete in have a non-binary division, but the fields are small and I don’t think there’s enough participants in most high school level sports for that to be the solution. I also of course recognize that being trans ≠ being non binary, but in the adult world it seems like a good compromise.

      I was an ardent feminist many years before I knew I was gay. While I feel strongly about protecting the LGBT community, I think I at times feel more strongly about my support for women. I don’t vocalize them but I have strong thoughts about phrases like pregnant person and chest feeding; I worry about very inclusive language coming at the expense of women.

      I’ll also admit that no one was out as trans in high school when I was growing up. Heck, barely anyone was out as gay. And I graduated from high school in 2013; my state had already legalized gay marriage. My wife and I have talked a lot about what we’d do if we have a trans kid because it’s challenging and not clear cut to us (totally fine with a social transition but definitely concerned about medical interventions for kids and teens).

      And politically, I do worry about being too divisive to voters over kind of niche issues and losing the plot on major issues. LGBT rights are human rights… but so are immigrant rights and women’s rights.

      1. Thank you for taking the time to post this. I agree we should be protecting women’s sports, we have so little to ourselves!

      6. Why do you feel that sports were the best thing to happen to you? One reason I struggle with this issue is that I’m not clear on the purpose of high school sports. Professional sports are entertainment for the benefit of the viewers, but high school sports are for the benefit of the players. If I could define what the benefits are I could approach this issue with more clarity.

          1. … but there was an actual legal question that needed resolving …? Aren’t you basically just saying “I don’t think people should disagree with me?”

    10. I think it’s fine to say that they can be banned and probably should be in most high level sports, but I don’t support automatically banning them from all sports at lower levels. I think we should be trying to keep sports as inclusive as possible for as many students as possible for as long as we can (certainly through middle school, and ideally though high school, though that might mean pushing more students into no cut individual sports with separate ranking or mixed club sports). You can be a little creative to be both inclusive and fair about maintaining competitive women’s sports. You’re not going to be able to make everyone happy all the time, but you don’t have to be as overtly cruel as so many of the current laws and discourse seem to be. These are kids who just want to be able to play with their friends and coming up with ways that allow more kids to keep participating in sports, including at potentially less intensive levels, would be good for everyone, as people frequently complain about here.

      1. Renaming the boys division to “open division” solves the problem of being inclusive.

        1. But forcing girls to run or swim or whatever with the boys is not. It’s also not ideal to have a third very small category, but I’m guessing that most people would prefer to be on a team with their identified gender and be ranked separately than the other way around.

          1. Being on a team with your identified gender and ranked separately only works for individual sports, and even then it only works if it’s a no cut sport at your school. The swim team was very competitive at my high school and very hard to get on. If a trans girl competed on the team, even if ranked separately, that means one less spot for a biological girl. That girl that is cut might be a freshman who would have made state in later years if she kept competing.

          2. That’s the real problem I’m identifying. Swim teams shouldn’t be cutting 9th graders. Most places I’m familiar with, swimming, track, and cross country are no cut sports, so this would be fine, but if there aren’t any no cut sports, that’s a problem for a lot more people. More kids should have the chance to benefit from sports, not fewer.

        2. When a woman (cis or otherwise) wins, you’ll see real quick that it was never about protecting women.

    11. Speaking from the bleeding left of this board, this decision basically says that tr@ns people aren’t really the gender they chose to present as.

      Which is a bad precedent.

      1. No – it is saying that they cannot choose their biological sex.

        I am not in favor of cruelty and many of these laws are senselessly cruel. But biology does not care about your gender identity and in a relatively limited sphere, biology matters.

      2. It says they aren’t really the sex they present as. Sports can be divided by sex. Gender is irrelevant to the question.

    12. You asked how people in my circle are responding so I will answer that question:

      They are tired. And a lot of them feel like progressives prioritized trans rights above everything else and insisted on doctrinal purity on an issue that the majority of voters have complicated feelings about, which contributed to our current state of affairs. The overwhelming feeling among my circle is that the house is burning down and we need to stop arguing about the color of the curtains. (And they say this while strongly believing that people, including trans people, should be free from harassment and discrimination in the workplace and people should be called what they want to be called, even as they disagree about competitive sports and spas/locker rooms.)

      1. Sorry if this posts twice but this is squarely where my (liberal, educated) circle and I are.

      2. i agree with this — forcing everyone to believe without question the most extreme positions. there were a few stories in the NYT that helped me to this view —
        https://www.nytimes.com/2024/11/26/us/politics/transgender-activists-rights.html?unlocked_article_code=1.uFA.JhwI.eQdDaFXQLh8n&smid=url-share

        How the Gay movement Radicalized and Lost Its Way – https://www.nytimes.com/2025/06/26/opinion/gay-lesbian-trans-rights.html?unlocked_article_code=1.uFA.Uy7j.e9RvVyvHNNu5&smid=url-share

        there was also an interview with Ezra Klein and a (the?) trans member of Congress.

        1. As a lesbian, I do worry about the backlash towards things like trans women in sports pushing the pendulum in the other direction.

          Selfishly, I just want to not be discriminated against and to be able to be fully legally married and for my wife and I both to have full parental rights to our children from birth (no adoption needed). I’d be ecstatic if we could get some parts of the IVF process covered by insurance. But really, I just want equal rights when it comes to my marriage and family.

          I want equal rights for the trans community too, but super frankly, not at the expense of my marriage.

          1. Different rights are “equal” or equitable in different ways. Everyone should be able to get a job and housing without discrimination. But allowing biological males to compete in women’s sports sets up a situation where women’s right to equitable competition is being sacrificed just so that a small number of people can compete according to their social preferences, even though women’s sports are about much more than social gender.

      3. I keep hearing people repeating this but I don’t know any progressives or liberals or Democrats who “prioritized trans rights above everything else,” certainly no progressive elected officials or people of consequence.

        This is a wedge issue that was created to lambast Democrats, and the right has succeeded in doing so.

        1. You can’t advance a liberal agenda if liberals are not in power.

          It wasn’t that “everything else” went by the wayside. But when you think about the sport and strategy of politics, among every other agenda item D’s pushed, this one was RIPE for counter attacks, soundbites, click-rage, and everything else that this particular generation of Republicans have mastered and is exactly what makes the moderates say “Nope, that party doesn’t represent me. Guess I’ll vote republican.” Not Trump. Not MAGA. Just not-democrat. Sure, maybe that’s a lazy decision making tree but it’s 1 million percent how a large faction of this country operate in the voting booth – and I’d bet a large enough faction to swing the vote in favor of the current administration. It was the wrong pursuit from a political strategy perspective.

  8. Any fun ideas for a pool party side dish? I’m usually hosting so I have the mains and other people bring sides. Now I’m going to someone else’s pool and I’m blanking on the sides!

    1. Assuming your group is adults … jello shots. It brings up happy nostalgia memories of pool parties when we were younger. I normally make them less strong that we did in university (no longer 1:1 water to vodka, more like 1 cup hot water, 1/2 cold water, 1/2 vodka) and have fun with putting them in various molds.

    2. What’s the main? If it’s grilling out, something like Texas caviar or fruit salad is nice to balance out the heavier fare.

    4. Adjust for how finger-food / food safety friendly you need to be:

      Fruit skewers
      Chex mix
      Cowboy caviar
      Baked beans
      Potato salad
      Cole slaw
      Deviled eggs
      Cheese, pickles, olives, crackers

  9. Thoughts on either of these? I’m trying to build out some nice-ish costume jewelry and I’m shocked by how expensive Dorsey is – also open to other brand ideas. The paracord one is definitely more a weekend piece but I think the enamel one works for nicer events? Banana/Ann Taylor/Jcrew quality just doesn’t seem to be there these days or I’d check there. Budget is under $200 per item.
    https://veronicabeard.com/products/black-enamel-and-crystal-barrel-necklace-black
    https://veronicabeard.com/products/paracord-charm-necklace-navy?variant=46311588528299

    2. Love the black. I’ve had similar things before and been surprised how much use they got.

  10. Imagine you have two job opportunities:

    Job A: For a very noble cause that you fully support and believe in. Toxic boss. Bad culture, frequent re-orgs and layoffs. Requires two days a week in office with a 1-hr commute. High stress. Pay is 120K.

    Job B: Consulting with a primary client being one in an industry you do not feel good about, but your actual job does not do any harm. Fully remote. Super nice chill boss and tons of autonomy. Great leadership. Relatively low-stress. Pay is 180K.

    Which would you choose?

    2. B all day long. You had me at toxic boss. Don’t be a martyr. If you have real issues with industry B, take it for now and see where it takes you. It doesn’t have to be forever, but the damage from a toxic work environment can be.

    3. 100% B. I don’t care how passionate I would be about job A, I’m never going back to a toxic environment again. I’ve been in toxic workplaces before and they’re detrimental to my health. Add in a long commute and less money? Nope.

    4. How is this even a question, obviously Job B. Literally the only thing Job A has going for it is the noble cause and believe me, you won’t believe in the cause anymore when you’re working for a “toxic boss” in a “bad culture” and constantly fearing you’ll be laid off.

    5. I was in a similar position, job B was for the cruise industry and even though I wasn’t advocating for the pollution simply running the ships burns a soul crushing amount of fuel and I just couldn’t stomach it.

      1. I’ve never had job B but I have had the option and a lot of pressure. I could not stomach it. Even if I were not on those projects, knowing that I contribute to the overall corporate mission was an ethical compromise I could not make.

        As a lawyer, this is a lot of my field though. A (liberal) friend of mine works for Jones Day, the firm that reps Trump. Growing up my friend’s dad was an environmental scientist for a major oil drilling company. I have heard them and others justify their position and I am not here to judge their choices, but for myself, I could never.

    6. B no question. You can support the Cause in ways other than your stress and livelihood.

    9. Thank you. I needed to hear this. I have Job B and love it but do feel guilty about my primary client. But I love everything else about the job and having a job like this has improved my quality of life so much that I can be the kind of person I want to be in the world with my donations, volunteering, and just showing up as a functioning human in my life.

      I have had Job A before and it destroyed me. Even though I was technically working for a noble cause, the toxic boss and bad leadership made morale terrible and I carried so much stress with me.

      My sister and best friend both have a version of Job A. The cause keeps them there and I think they use it to try to justify all of the toxicity. I don’t blame them. The causes are both excellent, but I see the toll it’s taking on them in their personal lives and I wonder if the tradeoff is worth it.

      I find myself feeling very envious of people who don’t have to worry about money, whether through inheritance or a partner, so they don’t have to make these choices!

    10. Job B.

      I started at Job B, left for Job A (although it came with higher pay) and hated every second of Job A. Could not leave that role fast enough. Quit to return to Job B and am much happier.

    11. If Organization A (as opposed to Cause A) was all that noble, they would not allow such a toxic workplace. B all day long!

    12. There is no ethical consumption under capitalism, and this applies to most jobs as well. The Good Place tv series covers the topic quite well.

      Anyway, you pick job B and spend some extra time and money on making the world a better place without destroying your life.

    13. B, but keep looking. I’ve been a consultant for a while, and worked with firms that did defense or criminal justice (prison side), but it wasn’t the work I did. I didn’t work on those accounts and wouldn’t have because I have no interest in that work.

    14. Having worked with a toxic boss before, B without a doubt.
      I can handle stress and tough work, no problem. My job now can be hard and stressful, and I love it. But a toxic boss is not “stress.”

    15. Good Lord, take B and volunteer for the cause you believe in. Making yourself miserable isn’t going to help anyone

  11. I have been working really hard on a project for a community group where I’m on the board for the past year; the local government department I need to get approval from has been dragging its feet with a lot of petty objections, which I keep giving them solutions to, and I finally got a long email about how they fundamentally object to the whole project.

    They’ve never said any of this before. They could have told me about some of these problems *months* ago, but just quibbled with details. I’m pretty upset and we have a board meeting tonight.

    1. Oof! It’s awful to be blindsided like that! Is there anybody in government who is on your side and can help you save the project?

      1. This is like if I were trying to set up an afterschool read-to-dogs club and they told me the beanbags needed to be a different color twice, and now the problem is that dogs aren’t allowed on municipal property.

    3. Do their objections have merit or is this a personal values bias of the individuals in the dept you are working with?

      1. There’s some merit! It’s just that I had no idea that any of these concerns *existed* and they have had plenty of opportunities to tell me. They’ve known about this project for months and I have responded to every single thing they have brought up. It’s dispiriting.

        1. oh, that’s disappointing. it sounds like they were hoping to avoid having to actually say they were opposed by providing a number of excuses.

          (In my personal life this is why I often don’t provide a reason for declining something unnecessarily – then the recipient of the ‘no’ doesn’t start arguing about how to resolve it, when the real reason is bc I just don’t want to.)

    4. Make sure you check with legal counsel about your deadline for appealing the local government decision (or determining whether it is or is not a “final” appealable decision). You may get a better reception at the next level of review.

  12. So I’m finally getting a stupid tattoo removed and the process has been an educational one! People act like tattoo removal can work on all tattoos, but you can get months into the process only to see some fading. I had my 3rd session the other day, thankfully a small tattoo. We have enough fading that I’m going to wait a couple of months to see where it is and apparently I’m lucky to have as much fading as I do. Thrilled to finally get rid of mine, but this has been an eye opener about the whole process and how it works.

  13. oh i don’t mind wet rashguards at all – i started wearing them when my kids were babies because i wanted to make sure i wasn’t putting them in something horribly uncomfortable (but it was so much easier than trying to get sunscreen on a squirming baby) — i have no complaints about them and started wearing them all the time. the sun is my enemy!

    2. +1 – I don’t find wet rashguards uncomfortable and for full days in the sun (water parks, lake days) the sun coverage is unbeatable.

    3. +1. I don’t love rashguards while swimming laps, but wearing a rashguard is better than having to apply and reapply sunscreen in the covered area. And a good one provides better protection than sunscreen! I absolutely love them for playing with my kids in the pool.

  14. I’m extending a work trip to Charlotte, NC by a few days next week–I’d love some suggestions for places to shop/eat/visit. I’ll have two full days.

    Generally I like museums and galleries, vegetarian or farm to table type food, and am more “indoorsy” than outdoorsy. I’m also a bit sensitive to heat so I’ll be focused on indoor stuff mostly to take advantage of the A.C. Staying at the Charlotte Marriott SouthPark and won’t be renting a car, so easy rideshare or walking/shuttle/bus distance would be great.

    Budget for meals is about $100/each (and I’m a non drinker so that helps with the bill!) and for shopping, I’d love to purchase a local/small biz souvenir along the lines of a special piece of jewelry–up to about $300 for that one.

      1. It’s cool but not terribly unique – they’re in most major North American cities. I’m not familiar with Charlotte but I’d probably try to find something more local to do.

        1. I have to agree. I used to live in Charlotte and you couldn’t pay me to spend any more time than absolutely necessary there in the summer. The weather’s miserable and the city is blah, especially without a car.

        2. I feel like Charlotte is good for stuff that’s not unique, but others may have better ideas.

      1. This. Maybe 24 hours to get a better flight, but it’s one of the most personality-less places I’ve ever been. And I can’t imagine you’ll find some kind of special jewelry there that you can’t get anywhere else. There’s not much Charlotte is “known” for.

      2. But you could take the train up to Durham and Raleigh. We have excellent restaurants and enough museums and art galleries to kill a few days. It’s about a 3 hour train ride. It’s Amtrak in the South, though, so reliability is sometimes suspect.

    4. Restaurants: Charlotte gets a lot of hate for its restaurant scene, but there are actually a lot of local gems. I recommend: Yunta; Restaurant Constance (farm to table); Rada; Good Food on Montford; Ever Andalo.

      Activities: you said indoorsy, but a very cool, unique to Charlotte activity is the Whitewater Center. You can buy a pass to kayak or paddleboard, but it’s also a fun place to just hang out and listen to live music and people watch.

    5. Mint Museum and Museum of the New South are both worth a visit. Are they worth extending a visit? Not in my eyes.

      If you have a few extra days, I recommend renting a car and visiting the NC mountains. Either the Asheville or Boone/Blowing Rock areas are lovely, especially in the summer.

  15. Thanks everyone!! This is all great advice and really appreciate it. I only said it would out me because of how much I’ve been complaining about it (and the former partner) haha

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