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Updated: Oct 30, 2018 175 Comments · by

Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: ‘Grayson’ Belted Mixed Media Sheath Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Belted Work Dress: Lafayette 148 New York 'Grayson' Belted Mixed Media Sheath Dress Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Yasssssssss. This also comes in a pretty rose, but I of course like the black the best. (The rose shows the contrasting fabrics better, though.) Sometimes this kind of faux wrap dress looks a bit like a sloppy robe, but something about this one makes it look sleek and cool. Gorgeous. The black is sold out in the smallest and largest sizes; the rose still has all sizes from 2-16. The dress is $498 at Nordstrom. Lafayette 148 New York ‘Grayson' Belted Mixed Media Sheath Dress Two lower-priced alternatives (lucky sizes only, alas) are here and here; here's a plus-size option. Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-5)

Sales of note for 9.30.24

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Comments

  1. Diana Barry

    I like this (except for how the hem looks uneven) but the “rose” is more like a tepid peach on my screen.

  2. Career Change

    I have worked in higher ed (administratively, not teaching) for six years and I am so over it. I need to make a career change, but I have no idea where to start. There isn’t any particular field that I am pulled to. I’m a little overwhelmed by all the books and coaching resources out there – it seems like there is a whole self-help industry focused on people who hate their jobs. Does anyone recommend a particular book/podcast/website that would help me figure out what direction I want to take my career?

    • Idea

      When my husband did career change, he started with his graduate school alumni career center — it’s a private school, and we’re in the area, but the coaches there offer discounted pricing and phone sessions, too. Very helpful.

      Two sites I like are The Workplace Therapist and also Ask a Manager. The What Color is Your Parachute series is a classic, too.

      • MJ

        Strengthfinder 2.0 is also great. You need to buy it new to get the code to take the test, but it’s like $20. I also love The Authentic Career by Maggie Craddock.

      • Pep

        +1

        When I needed to change careers I met with a counselor at my alma mater’s career center. Over several sessions, I took a variety of tests to determine aptitude and interest and he helped me figure out how to apply the skills I had in my current career to my new one.

    • ml

      I read a bunch of books and articles, listened to podcasts, did a bunch of aptitude/personality surveys and tests, worked with a career counselor at my university, and didn’t find any of them particularly enlightening. They’re worth exploring just to get new ideas you can turn over in your head, but don’t expect any huge revelations. Like you, I wasn’t pulled in any particular direction; I feel like those resources would be more helpful if you have strong preferences, in which case you probably wouldn’t need them to figure things out. I suggest thinking about

      1. Are you over your current employer, or your whole career path? Do you really want a career change in the sense that you want to *do* something totally different, or would you be OK doing similar work in a different environment/for a different industry?
      2. Your desired lifestyle and how you prefer to work (in an office vs outside, alone vs collaboratively, whether extensive travel or odd/long hours are OK, task-based vs strategic, how much you need to earn to maintain your lifestyle, places you’d like to live and what careers are easiest to come by there)
      3. Whether you’re willing/able to go back to school and for how long to acquire new skills/certifications
      4. Your interests

      I’m an inveterate pragmatist, and I am interested in lots of things, so “follow your passion” type advice wasn’t a helpful place for me to start. I’m not on my dream career path at all, but family & financial commitments mean I really can’t pursue the career change I actually would like to make. Instead, I ended up applying my skills to a new industry, and it has made a huge difference in my overall job & life satisfaction. It’s worth considering whether a smaller tweak could be the answer!

    • Coach Laura

      I’ve found The Pathfinder by Nicholas Lore to be very helpful – liked it better than Parachute.

  3. Philly - Counseling Rec

    Anyone have a recommendation for a good couples counselor in Philadelphia? TIA!

  4. Hazel

    I just broke a critical stabilizer off the earpiece of a much beloved pair of glasses. I’m not fond of the current geek-chic trend towards large-framed glasses (Warby Parker et al.), and small, rectangular frames seem to work best with my face. Any recommendations for 1) good brands to look for, and 2) good optometrists in Chicago? Thanks!

    • TravelBug

      Lara Gutierrez at Pearl Vision Old Town Square (by the Target on Division). Love her; she’s thorough, and they have good selection.

      • ace

        I have been going to this Pearle Vision for almost 10 years — even after moving to the burbs, as it’s a quick cab ride from downtown! They’ve also dealt with some medical/eye things for me so I trust the docs.
        Super random to see the rec on Corpor@tt@ but wholehearted endorsement!

    • Glasses wearer

      I’m in the Bay Area, so no Chicago optometrist recommendations (though I just looked up, on Yelp, the doc across the street from my office and decided she seemed good), but I have similar glasses preferences and have found success with the following brands: Ted Baker; Kate Spade (lots of choices I liked but a little too wide through the bridge of the nose); Kliik (current glasses, love them).

      • Mary Ann Singleton

        I like Kliik too – they’re a Danish brand. (My current glasses are Kliiks from 4 years ago.) Look for Scandinavian brands as the type of glasses you describe are very popular in Scandinavia.

    • lsw

      I personally love Bevel frames. I currently have a pair from Anne et Valentin that are really great. Both have good titanium options which is what I prefer due to a) heavy lenses and b) small nose. I tend to spend on my glasses as I wear them full-time.

      I know there are a few other Pittsburghers on here – I cannot recommend HeidiOptics enough! They are downtown in Market Square.

    • crazytalk

      I like Eye Society on Ohio Street. They have different brands that you can’t get at most places.

    • crazytalk

      I like Eye Society on Ohio St. They have different brands you can’t find everywhere

    • NOLA

      My last three pairs of glasses have been Jean Lafont and Face a Face. I can’t get really large frames because a) they don’t fit my face properly, and b) they don’t work with my prescription.

    • grey falcon

      Lindberg and IC! Berlin are also great brands that would fit your criteria. On the expensive side but really well made and durable.

      • Snoozy

        I have Lindberg for the first time – they cost a lot, but are fantastically well-made, seem durable and are really light considering I have largeish and very thick lenses.

    • Veronica Mars

      Look on yelp for the best optical shops. I followed the reviews to a small shop in my city and had a wonderful experience. The owner basically took one look at me, and identified what would be most flattering for me based on my face shape, and handed me a pair of glasses that were perfect! It was a totally painless and amazing shopping experience.

    • Moonstone

      If you are downtown, Eye Level at 2 North LaSalle is very good and convenient. Dr. Karikomi’s exams can be expensive but he is very thorough. The staff is great and they have a good selection.

    • 2 Cents

      My current pair of glasses I got from Costco. They’re small wire frames and when a plastic nose piece fell off, they replaced it, no charge. Plus, I think these frames were like $50 or $60 and indistinguishable from designer brands. I used to pay about $600 for the Rx and frames, but Costco’s came out to less than $200 for everything.

    • Susie

      My glasses are TC Charton. I believe it was designed with Asian faces in mind – I’m Caucasian but petite and I like the fit.

  5. TBK

    Does anyone have an Instant Pot? Any thoughts? Looking for a way to make dinner a little easier and love the idea of throwing everything in, then letting it cook unattended while I put the kids to bed.

    • Shayla

      My best friend made me a chicken curry dish in an instant pot, it was delicious and quick–but not “hands off.” I wouldn’t assume every recipe would require browning, cooking, stirring in extra ingredients. But, I looked at recipes I would cook, thinking the same as you, and I didn’t think the investment in one more kitchen device (we have no pantry, so real estate is limited) would provide much of a time savings as opposed to cooking something in a slow cooker all day. If you do get one, I’d love to hear your take on it and recipes you use. This is true especially now that it’s summer and we do 80% of our cooking outside. I may change my tune come fall.

    • Anonymous

      If you make lots of soups and stews, you will get a lot of use out of Instant Pot.
      It saves a lot of time making grains, esp. tough ones like brown rice, and legumes.

    • SuziStockbroker

      I like mine a lot. I do have a slow cooker, in the basement, that I am never organized enough to pull out the night before and get set up (and do the little bit of prep required, like browning in a separate pot first).

      I like that I can get home, without having prepped the night before and have a meal on the table in under an hour.

      Bonus: you can brown the meat, or whatever, right in the pot before you put the liquid in and the lid on.

      I have made beef stew and chili that taste like they’ve been slow cooked all day in half an hour.

      If you are making a HUGE batch of something, and the liquid and other ingredients are stone cold when you put them on, it can take a while to get up to pressure.

      The insert is stainless steel, very easy to clean.

    • Cb

      Ooh, I like the idea of this. Mostly veggie at home but it could be nice for stews and things. And you can use it as a yoghurt maker.

    • JP

      I love my instant pot. I use it to make beans, pulled BBQ chicken, hard boiled eggs, grains like wheatberries that take forever to cook on the stovetop, and many other things.

      I’d suggest getting an extra silicone ring for when you’re making milder-flavored foods because mine smells like cumin no matter what I do.

        • Lorelai Gilmore

          I have both. The pressure cooker is good for doing bulk cooking on the weekends – but I rarely use it, because it’s easy to just let things braise or cook on the stove or oven if I’m home. As for weeknight cooking, the pressure cooker isn’t fast enough to let me
          get home from work, cook something in the pressure cooker, and then serve it. (In fairness, I get home with the kids at 6:15 and aim to have dinner served by 6:45 so there’s not a ton of time there.). I use the slow cooker much more frequently.

          And if anyone has good slow cooker recipes, I’d love to get some new ones in the rotation. I love the convenience of the slow cooker but find it kind of boring these days.

          • Anon in NYC

            Do you have the America’s Test Kitchen Slow Cooker Revolution book? I find it really handy.

            The two best things I’ve made in the slow cooker recently are Wegman’s beef minestrone stew and Smitten Kitchen’s black bean ragout. For the black bean ragout, I’ve found that I needed 5 hours on high (I have older beans) and slightly less (minus 1 cup) water. It’s also delicious topped with a fried/poached egg.

          • JP

            Anon in NYC–I freaking love that SK black bean ragout, even though it’s the thing that made my instant pot ring smell like cumin. 30 minutes at high pressure in the instant pot and it’s done. It is awesome in tacos, huevos rancheros, basically any time you want your black beans to taste like more than bean canning liquid.

      • SuziStockbroker

        That’s a good idea JP. You can also get a glass lid, so you can store leftovers right in the insert in the fridge.

        I make steel cut oatmeal in it, and TONS of veggie stews and curries.

  6. Laser Hair Removal

    Following up on a Friday thread where someone asked me to post the rec for my laser hair removal. I didn’t see the question until this morning, so reposting my answer here.

    I go to Lumiere Skin and Laser in McLean, VA. Two years ago, after trying a few places via Groupon and not seeing any lasting difference, this place was going to be my final shot. I paid $500 for one session for a full body. That means that any and all areas you want done are included. This sounds pretty expensive, but after some research, I concluded that it’ll be cheaper than going anywhere else and getting areas done individually. I did 6 sessions initially about 4-6 weeks apart, since then I’ve had to go back 2-3 times a year. The sessions are about an hour long. The staff is professional and efficient and the place is clean. They also have Saturday appointments. They use the GentleMax laser by Candela. I’ll add that I have thick dark body hair and lightly tanned skin, which laser hair treatment is pretty effective on. The overall effectiveness can vary depending on the area of the body because hair thickness varies (least effective on the face, most effective on legs, underarms, and arms). Now, I don’t have to shave my legs or underarms at all in between sessions, which means that I go about 3-4 months without shaving. It’s glorious. Overall, I would recommend laser hair removal and the place that I go to.

    • Costco

      To clarify, it cost $3,000 in the first year and $1,000-$1,500 per year since then? Have they given you any indication of whether or not you will need to continue going 2-3 times per year indefinitely?

      • Laser Hair Removal

        Yup, it costs $3000 initially and $1,000 – $1,500 a year since. The first year I did 6 sessions, the years after I’ve done 2-3. This year I’m going to try and go only once and see how I like it. The last time I did it was in the fall of 2015 and so far the hair that has grown back has been so sparse and thin that another appointment hasn’t been necessary as of yet. I haven’t shaved since then either.

        As far as I know, laser hair removal isn’t 100% permanent. I don’t know if a no-hair forever procedure even exists (if someone knows, please tell me!), but the convenience factor is why I like laser.

        • Laser Hair Removal

          To clarify one thing. They haven’t said anything about whether I’ll have to do this indefinitely, but since it’s not permanent, I assume I’ll have to go indefinitely at least once a year if I want it to continue, so I just make an appointment as I think necessary. I don’t know what would happen if I never went again.

    • Anonymous

      Jumping onto this- has anyone found a laser hair removal system that works on blonde/red hair? :(

  7. Costco

    I’m throwing a surprise party with around 60 guests, so I need quick-to-prepare , easy-to-eat-while-standing food ideas, and I’m counting on my Costco membership to help me out. What are your favourites from Costco?

    • JJ

      They have some great frozen spanakopita and mini quiches – just pop them in the oven before the party and your guests can eat them warm or at room temperature. I’d also get a big container of hummus and a crudite tray.

    • Anonymous

      They have a great selection of “fancy” cheeses in pretty large blocks (plus a massive wheel of brie to feed 20!) + a large box of fancy crackers + fancy meats (salami, prosciutto, etc.). They have great pasta salad and chicken salad if you’re planning to offer utensils. Caprese salad using cherry tomatoes and the mini fresh mozzarella balls (can either serve as a salad or put them on skewers to make them easier to eat). Mini tacos/burritos. As JJ noted, lots of frozen finger food, as well as in the refrigerated section. I did prosciutto-wrapped asparagus over Thanksgiving for 30 people that was really easy. Large cookie trays for desserts. It just depends how fancy your party is, and what style of food you want, which tends to vary by region – I’m from the Midwest, where cheese and salami is a staple at every party, while here in the South (where I currently live), a party doesn’t start until the pimento cheese shows up. But those have been my go-to favorites for entertaining in the past couple of years.

    • Anonymous

      60 people?
      The best you can do to _prepare_ is bake frozen appetizers. Costco has mini quiches, mini franks, and spanakopita, but you need at least 2 boxes of each based on the count of guests and the assumption that no one eats just one of each app. It will be a little easier if there are 2 ovens available.
      Other than that, I would rely on their already-prepared foods: rollup trays, chicken wings, various dips with pita or naan, veggie and fruit trays, and smoked salmon/c0cktail shrimp if they fit in your budget.
      Ice cream bars or mini-cups for dessert if you won’t have cake.

    • Bonnie

      For parties, I like the frozen spanokopita and crab cakes. They also have a great Mediterranean tray with olives. The fish spread and smoked salmon can also be served easily with crackers. If you want to add something sweet, get a fruit bowl and cream puffs from the freezer.

    • Care

      Costco has these amazing meatballs with bacon in them in the refrigerator section. They come in large packages and you can put a bunch in a slow cooker with a basic sauce (like something made with BBQ sauce as a base). Stick a bunch of toothpicks by the pot and they’re easy to carry around.

  8. Listening with compassion

    Any advice for listening with compassion to a family member who has has Something Bad Happen (husband leaving)? When the Bad Thing happened, it was easy to listen with compassion and be shocked and offer encouragement. Now that they are getting down to the brass tacks of getting divorced, husband dating again, etc., it is hard to listen with compassion when it seems that the family member is still drowning in emotions (and wanting listener participation (e.g., labeling the ex, ex’s new GF, etc.)). I am trying to balance offering an ear with a strong insistance on not engaging in name-calling, rehashing Every Transgression, having convos while tender ears are near, etc.

    Family member seems to be alienating people right and left by wanting them to listening to the Outrage Du Jour (including calling up the ex’s biological family, which, as one might imagine, did not go over well). I think she’s going off the rails, but not to the level of needing some sort of intervention. Of course, family member is in counseling (and I question the competence and/or efficacy of that).

    • Anonymous

      You need to draw some boundaries for yourself, not try to impose them on her. It’s not your place to insist on no name-calling or rehashing every transgression. If you don’t want to hear it, excuse yourself from the convo. Just listen. You don’t need to offer the affirmation family member is seeking but you don’t get to decide how family member grieves either.

      • Listening with compassion

        I get that.

        I can’t get across that there are boundaries in a way that doesn’t result in screaming at me that I’m not a good listener (but I really can’t take an hour long call to discuss feelings when I’m at work or driving with kids in crazy traffic). Yesterday I was bad for not focusing on a call from her while watching a child ride a new bike without training wheels while solo parenting. I’m bad for not badmouthing BIL. You get the picture.

        I think she’s burned her bridges with everyone else on the planet (who was intially very sympathetic) and I’m trying to hang in there (while setting the feeling that something is on fire here, too). Small doses and voice mail may be what works.

        • Anonymous

          That’s your boundary problem. You don’t convey to her that there are boundaries, you just have them. Hang up. Don’t take her calls when you are busy with something else. Never when driving or at work.

          • Listening with compassion

            What am I doing wrong?

            If I say “I think we should talk about something else when wee child is around” that is a problem. If I say “I’m at work now — if something isn’t on fire, can we discuss later” it is a problem. If I say “I don’t want to indulge in name-calling about the ex” or “I’m about to serve dinner and can’t talk for an hour” it is a problem. I can talk for 10 minutes sometimes but usually not for hours.

          • CountC

            You’re being wishy washy. Say, “I am not talking about this with my child around.” Then if she continues, walk away/leave or hang up the phone. If she calls you at work, do not pick up the phone. If you do pick up the phone say, “I am at work and I am getting off the phone.” Then hang up. You aren’t actually establishing boundaries, you are asking her questions. You know her answer to those questions already, so why are you surprised?

            If she has a problem with your boundaries, too bad.

    • NYNY

      I’ve been through something similar with DH’s brother. When the initial breakup happened, it was easy to be sympathetic, but as years passed and his response didn’t shift, I started to realize that he is a narcissist, and his suffering was the only thing he found worth discussing. (It’s likely that this is why his wife left in the first place.) Obviously, this is just an amateur diagnosis, but the behavior fits.

      DH and I had to work on setting firm boundaries with BIL to be able to stand being around him. It isn’t easy, but we love our niece and want to be a part of her life.

      • Anonymous

        Yes — this!

        My sister is all “this is happening b/c BIL left the chuch and is now not associating with high-quality women.”

        I have a policy of not engaging with angry ranters, but it is all I can do not to point out that 1) breaking up is something that happens, 2) please leave g-d out of it (I know plenty of religious and non-religious people who both break up from time to time and stay together mostly; as*holes are equal opportunity, as far as I can tell), 3) would you be happier if he were dating (or whatever) better-quality women (or someone not younger or much hotter or much less hot or with a PhD or illiterate)?

        And then I decompress with y’all.

    • Anon

      You didn’t say how long this had been going on but I will pipe up for the one going through it. The Something Bad blindsided me at Christmas and I asked him to leave at the beginning of the year but my state will require a full year before a divorce can occur. I absolutely know it was the right thing to do and some weeks I’m good but there are still some days where I am drowning, completely overwhelmed with sadness and “why/how did this happen?” and anger and fear. And that’s WITH a fabulous counselor, good meds, and a group of the best friends I could wish for. And I am scared to death that one of my friends will feel the way you do and cringe if I call in tears in a panicky moments of “how am I going to do this all by myself?” or “why would he do this to me?” but I try to remind myself that my friends and family will love me and make allowances for me as they listen and comfort. I truly didn’t understand how much of a death this is until going through it for the last few months and I know there’s still more to slog through. It does help when friends acknowledge the crap but it also helps when we can find the humor in it. There’s actually been a lot of dark and rather hilarious humor in the tears. Maybe that’s where you can lighten your load while still being there for your family member.

      • Senior Attorney

        Yeah, I’ve been the one going through it, too, and it is almost unbelievable how awful it is, and for how long. So although boundaries are certainly appropriate, a certain amount of grace and forebearance is lovely if you can muster it (which it sounds like you certainly are).

        One of the things I did was set a limit of 10 minutes of Divorce Talk at a time. My (good) friends were willing to listen for 10 minutes, and I felt free to talk for that long and they felt free to cut me off when time was up, and it worked out well. We laugh now and say I probably ended up with time left on the clock…

        • Anon

          Yes, yes it is just awful.
          This is a good idea… the limiting the time of Divorce Talk.
          +10 for the use of capital letters

    • Jitterbug

      I’ve been on the other side of this, and I learned the hard way that people will only be sympathetic to you for so long, but if you keep moping and whining about something after a certain point, people will either get mad at you or just pull away from you. Years later, I can’t blame them.

      What helps, in that situation, is to have someone lay it out like this “I care about you and I hate seeing you suffer like this, but it’s been [amount of time] and you don’t seem to be recovering. I know venting has felt cathartic but at this point, rehashing all these painful memories isn’t healthy. I’m on your side, but I want to see you start to move past this, is there anything I can do to help take your mind off things?”

      • Anonymous

        I went through a horrible first pregnancy where I lost the baby and just have ultrasound pictures to show for it. I can easily see how a person can become “that crazy lady who lost a baby” that everyone runs and hides from and who makes every convo about that (how can you be so sad/angry/whatever, I LOST A BABY). I can see a person drowning in grief. And yet all around me are people who have experienced that and worse and who have pulled out of the tailspin. I guess I get it that not everyone does. But when you see a drowning person, the impulse is to pull the person out and not to run away (but when the person seems to be pulling others in, then my instinct is not to go down that the ship).

  9. Jax

    Update on the vulvar biopsy – it went well! I won’t know the results until next week, but the procedure itself was only slightly worse than a pap smear. I could have gone back to work the next morning with no pain or issues, and I’m at work today 80% healed.

    Everything I found on the internet was completely scary, so I’m just passing on my experience. If you ever need one, don’t be afraid!

  10. anon

    I’m a junior associate in the new office of a big law firm. I’m having a talk with the partner in the main office today about why word processing and compiling type tasks are taking so long. It’s been phrased as a “you guys need to do better” talk.

    I’d like to use this as an opportunity: We are definitely under-supported. My assistant never stays late and regularly says “no” to me and we don’t have local corporate paralegals, whom I think the junior associates in New York rely upon heavily. It’s almost like working at a start-up in a lot of ways.

    Trying to figure out the best way to phrase this without whining and in a constructive way. What it basically comes down to is I’m failing at managing my assistant, who straight up bullies me and (understandably) prioritizes everyone else’s work over mine, and we could really use at least one support person who will stay in the office after 5, when many requests come in. Otherwise, I do everything myself, and I know that’s not what he wants. Thoughts from all of you, oh wise ones?!

    • Anon

      I would bring a list of potential solutions to the meeting. I don’t know exactly what you mean by “requests come in” after 5 (e.g., requests for copies? for attorney work?). If they don’t want to hire someone else in the new office, can some of the paralegals or assistants in other offices be tasked with projects that can be done remotely? Can you outsource things like print jobs that come in after 5? Etc.

      I’m in a smaller office of a biglaw firm with many locations. We can reach out to paralegal coordinators, document processing coordinators, legal secretary coordinators, etc. in order to get back-up help after 5 our time, on the weekends, etc. Maybe couch all of this of wanting to creating the culture of one firm / one team, and not each office being on its own?

    • JJ

      If you’re really doing administrative/paralegal work, that’s something that the client will likely refuse to pay for an associate to do. It’s a misuse of resources having associates doing non-billable work instead of billing for work (and therefore making more money for the partners).

      Do not phrase it as your assistant bullying you. She’s not. You’re a professional adult.

    • anonshmanon

      It is not completely clear what is the more pressing issue: your assistant refusing to work with you or the timing of requests vs. staff present or the workload.
      Maybe you can work off of this:
      “The documents we request from your office take too long to compile. Wrahwrawhraa!”
      “I agree with you and I have several ideas how to tackle this problem. Maybe you can tell me what will make most sense. I looked over the assignments that came in over the last two weeks and they tend to hit our inbox around 5pm. Our only assistant leaves the office at that time, so that I have to edit the documents myself if we want to send them back the next day. If the workflow on your end can be changed to send us these during the day, I can lean more on the assistant to help. If not, we could hire someone to staff the office in the evening. If not, we could do xyz.”

      Basically suggest possible solutions instead of dwelling on problems. It sounds like you share an assistant with other (more senior) coworkers. If so, they need to back you up when it comes to giving the assistant assignments. You can not have her bully you. But unless it is very severe, I would leave that out of today’s conversation.

    • TBK

      +1 To Anon’s suggestions. I’d also suggest you take a different approach with your secretary. I’m assuming she (and I’m assuming it’s a she — but read “he” if in fact you have a male secretary) supports 2-3 other attorneys, all of whom are senior to you — correct? If she says “no” to you, ask what else is on her plate. Then go to those attorneys and see if you can together help the secretary prioritize her work. So if the secretary says she’s working on a letter for Partner A and you have something that has to go out COB today, go to A and say “hey, I’ve got this thing that has to go out for [partner you’re working with] by COB, but Secretary has said she’s working on your letter. Could she push that to get this out for Other Partner?” If A says yes, you go to Secretary and say “A said to push her letter and prioritize this document for Other Partner.” If the secretary has a problem she can go to A about it. I’m not saying A will always be okay with that, but the work of the firm needs to get done no matter whose work it is.

    • Anon in NYC

      If you’re part of a big law firm, I imagine there is some sort of centralized editing / proofreading function that keeps later hours than your assistant, so I would start there. It is unlikely that your assistant will regularly stay late (and it’s possible that your firm doesn’t want to encourage assistants to stay late because they have to pay overtime). At my old firm this group would do everything from proofing a document to creating mailing labels. They were not paralegals, though.

      If your firm doesn’t have a central group like that, I would suggest seeing if there are resources (like assistants or paralegals) in other offices that you can utilize after hours. That is something that the partners would probably have to ask about.

      • MJ

        This. You need to speak with your office manager to understand what centralized resources there are–overnight document processing, corporate paralegals in the other offices who (might) help with satellite office work, late-shift assistants that can help format or turn changes, etc. I would also speak with higher-up associates in your office to find how they handled this in years past.

        If you really have no support in your office, that’s fine, but I would definitely couch this much more as a solution-oriented talk, given the resources you have access to elsewhere, versus a deficit of resources in your particular office.

        I also agree that having a “roadblock” secretary is the worst. I would work on getting the partners in your office (for whom you are working) involved if said secretary won’t take work from you, but will take work from them. This also could be addressed via your local office administrator.

        Good luck.

    • Maddie Ross

      While saying “no” in and of itself is not an ideal quality in an assistant, if she’s not prioritizing your work (and putting partners first), that may just come with the territory. The best I can tell you with that is to be proactive about what you will need. I try and tell my assistant each morning what the day will hold (filings and how many, letters I expect to get out, etc.). Obviously, things change and come up, but if you can help him/her plan for your big projects, you’ll likely get more help. And having them leave at 5 is not and of itself unreasonable on them – they are likely hourly and will go into overtime if they stay. Which they may not want/care about, esp. if they have a commute or family commitments. Can you use the word processing or after-hours paralegals in other offices? My guess would be yes. Maybe find that out specifically from the partner today.

      • TBK

        This, except don’t find that out from the partner. Ask at most a mid-level associate that kind of question. Don’t bother a partner with questions you can figure out yourself.

    • OP

      Thanks for all of these thoughts. This is actually my second big law office I’ve worked in (I relocated cities) so I have a good sense of how it’s dysfunctional. And I worked for four years before law school in government, so I promise I’m not a 25 year old complaining. I’m in my mid-30s!

      I think you guys are right about doing more “one firm” in our discussion. And we’ve sort of had to discover resources elsewhere on our own, when it would be helpful to have a “here’s who you should call” training – especially since this is a new office and the more senior people can’t tell us from their experience.

      This partner likes to send things between five pm and 11 pm for overnight turnaround. We do have word processing in New York but they have been down-sized and tend to take seven hours to turn tasks. I think this partner just doesn’t like to see the nuts and bolts in action.

      My assistant has made three people at work cry, so I think bullied isn’t an exaggeration – the receptionist and one other junior. I’m more thick skinned, but it’s kind of ridiculous! I like the idea of going to the more senior people she supports. I often give her things early in the morning, check by for status updates (will do right after I do x for so and so) and then find her leaving for the night, so I think getting the other lawyers involved would help me. Thanks for that advice.

      It’s ridiculous that 60% of my energy is consumed by this, but this partner loves pretty deliverables for clients!

      • MJ

        Also, you didn’t mention this as a possible solution, but why not source work from a partner that doesn’t dump on you late-night every night? I’d try my best to get staffed up on local matters so that you are less beholden to crazy partner in the other office too. Perhaps your office doesn’t have resources that’d help because they are not used to working in that way. Just food for thought.

      • TBK

        If the secretary is telling you she’ll finish your work by the end of the day then consistently failing, she needs to figure out how to manage her time more effectively. She either needs to complete the work she says she’ll complete, or she needs to be better at estimating her completion time. It’s not her fault if she has too much work, but it is her fault if she’s over-promising.

  11. Wanderlust

    My partner and I got engaged over the weekend! Our families are telling us to put together a registry ASAP so people can buy engagement gifts. I registered us online at BB&Beyond. What are some “must-have” items or things you wish you had received? We already live together, so we are fortunate to not need need anything…

    • Opal

      Wear & tear items — sheets and towels!! I wish I registered for twice as many as I actually did just so I could stash them away to pull out later when the initial set wore out. Of all the nice things I’ve bought myself over the years, I can never seem to justify splurging on sheets and towels..

    • Cb

      Do you expect to do more entertaining / hosting in the run-up to the wedding? We ended up with quite a few visitors + houseguests as families met each other and I would have liked a few more pasta bowls and medium sized plates.

    • lost academic

      Man, I registered for tools and yard stuff! (We already had so much interior stuff we needed to pare down.) We also registered for some items that let us upgrade very old kitchen equipment or organize what we had better, or replace other worn items. It helped to already have an idea of what I was going to want or need to replace in the next year or so. Bowls and such are nice, but so too are leaf blowers, shop vacs, small hand tools and such.

    • Bonnie

      If you like to cook, upgrade your pots and pans. I love my Le Creuset items and would have never splurged on my own. If you entertain and will be staying put for a while, register for more breakable items than you need right now.

      • Anonymous

        Apparently for some. I have a coworker who had the same frenzy to register ASAP (northern NJ) but most people I know don’t register this soon and don’t buy engagement gifts off a registry. I usually give nothing, fairly often send a card, and very infrequently get something in the champagne/picture frame/ring holder family.

      • Wanderlust

        I had no idea, but apparently they are. We are both the “first” in our families to get engaged, so that may also have something to do with it.

        • Berry

          That being the case, you could take this opportunity to set a tone for how much gift-giving you anticipate to be part of this process. If you think it’s likely that there will be shower(s) down the line, and engagement gifts aren’t something you specifically want / need, I would push back and tell your family to chill out on the gifting. (And then graciously accept any independently chosen gifts you get anyway).
          You don’t *have* to do a registry just because someone suggested it. And there is something sort of tacky about throwing one up within DAYS of engagement.

          • 2 Cents

            +1 I’d say you should wait on your registry (you JUST got engaged). If anyone wants to send you a gift, they can think of one. Friends of our gave us champagne flutes, two really nice wine glasses and a few other things like that. I wasn’t expecting anything.

      • Anonymous

        They are a thing but I think it’s a little tacky to register for them. People who want to get you something can give cash or a gift card or can choose something that the gift-giver likes and enclose a gift receipt. At a minimum you should only give registry info to those who specifically ask and whatever you do, don’t make a wedding webpage that has nothing but your registry info. I’ve seen that done and it comes across as really tacky. It’s fine to share registry info on your website but wait until you have other content up there as well.

      • lost academic

        Yup – so in fact are multiple engagement parties/bridal showers, I have heard!

      • Anonymous

        I’ve only gotten them and given them from/to very close friends or family members, and it’s usually something pretty minimal like a cute ring holder or a bottle of champagne. For most friends I just give a congratulations card. In my area, people don’t register until closer to the wedding, and they certainly don’t register until the wedding venue and date are locked down, which is usually at least a few months into the engagement.

      • Wildkitten

        It’s the same registry, just in case someone wants to give you a present. Totally optional.

      • Anonymous

        They’re not mainstream and no engagement party I’ve ever been to has had gifts associated with it. I think it’s a little tacky to create a registry immediately after getting engaged. I get the excitement, but if you don’t know what you need and just want to register to get stuff for the sake of it, slow down.

    • APC

      My favorite registry things were upgrades of things I had had forever – old pots and pans, nesting tupperware, kitchen gadgets, trivets, etc. Like the sheets/towels referenced above (and I also registered for towels), it’s stuff that I didn’t necessarily ‘need’, and did fine without, but was super happy to have a nice version of that I can theoretically have for decades.

  12. anon

    Does anyone have any suggestions for a reputable U.S.-based website where I can order an Indian outfit for a cousin’s upcoming thread ceremony? I don’t really have time to seek out brick-and-mortar stores, and when I google lehenga, for example, there are just too many websites and I have no idea where they’re based and whether they’re legit. My stepmom is insisting I buy an outfit for this thing. I have one sari but it’s black and she says that wouldn’t be appropriate. That side of my family is Indian but I was not raised in the community so I’m at a loss and don’t want to spend a ton of money on something when I have no idea if it’s good quality, etc.

    TIA!

    • violet

      Contact a south asian wedding planner in your area they should be able to help!

    • ANON

      Do you have any friends that are similar in size that you can borrow from? These things are so hit and miss online that most people buy in store or have friends that they pass along sari/salwar/lengha etc.

      • anon

        unfortunately no; I don’t have any Indian friends. Worst case I will just borrow something from my stepmom or a cousin, but she wanted me to get something that would fit properly.

        has anyone had success shopping for these types of outfits in Edison, NJ? it would be annoying but I could probably make a trip there if necessary. I just don’t know how much to expect to pay for something like this.

        • South Asian

          I was going to ask where you’re located. Definitely hit up Edison. I would expect to spend $200-$300. You can bargain. Saris/salwar kameez can be cheaper, it all depends on the work and fabric.

          I recommend giving yourself four hours – walk through every store, see what you like, what the prices are, and then go back for the thing you like.

        • Legally Brunette

          I had a terrible experience in Edison. Was shopping with my (Indian) cousin for his wedding and was completely strong armed by an owner who made us feel terrible after my cousin tried a kurta on and didn’t end up buying it. She chewed us out and cursed. I wish I could remember the name of the store.

          In any event, it’s worth going but don’t get intimidated by these owners, they can be very pushy.

        • Anonymous

          I’m the commenter from several months ago who asked about attire for a Pakistani wedding. I went to Oak Tree Road at the suggestion of folks here and had a great experience. I got 4 outfits for about $500 total, tailoring included; I think the fanciest suit was $175 after haggling. I spent less than 2 hours shopping, excluding lunch.

    • CHJ

      This is a brick & mortar store in Cambridge, MA, but they are excellent. One of my (Indian) friends got married a few years ago and they outfitted a lot of us who didn’t have Indian clothes to wear. I don’t know if they ship, but might be worth giving them a call.

      http://www.chhabrabridal.com/Home.html

    • Anokha

      If you’re looking to buy online:
      Exclusively.in
      Pia Ka Ghar
      Pernia’s Pop-up

      For Edison: I have had luck in the past. I would recommend Sheetal or Khajana. Good luck!

    • Idea

      Fabindia was a wonderful chain store there in 2012, I heard it got bought by LVMH not sure what it’s like now…

    • Samantha

      I had a great experience buying a saree at utsavfashion dot com for a wedding for about $100 including shipping. They sent a pre-stitched blouse based on some general sizing (I think you upload just 2 measurements) and the underskirt and a free gift (necklace) came with it for the price. They also have non-saree outfits. I was recommended it by a friend who had bought a few times from them and had a positive experience. The shipping time on the website (2 or 3 weeks? I don’t recall) was accurate and I got it in time.

    • Anon

      I’ve been to this B&M store in California and it seems they have a website. Not sure about the ecommerce aspect (delivery etc.) but the in-store selection was good and I’ve bought from them.

    • crazytalk

      There’s a facebook vendor called Madina Design Company that can help you.

  13. Makeup Newbie

    Can anyone recommend a full coverage powder foundation? Looking to streamline my make up routine to make it easy to throw on at the gym before heading to the office? Liquid is just too messy.

    I have super oily skin and would be willing to pay more for good quality!

    Thanks all!

    • Hazel

      I’ve got super oily (acne prone) skin, and I love BareMinerals’ Blemish Remedy foundation–it’s lightweight coverage by itself but also plays well as powder over liquid foundation for fuller coverage.

    • Anonymous

      Bare Minerals is great for oily skin. When I first put it on it seems meh, but then when I check back later my skin looks amazing.

    • MJ

      I like MAC StudioFix, but it does make some people break out. It has fantastic, long-lasting, buildable coverage though.

    • lawsuited

      Tarte Amazonian Clay Full Coverage Airbrush foundation is very full coverage, controls oil and has a beautiful (not too powdery) finish, but unfortunately the colour range is not amazing. If there have a colour that matches you I highly recommend it.

    • Anonymous

      I have oily skin & use Jane Iredale pressed powder base. Got color matched at my derm’s office & ordered it through Nordstrom so I could return if I didn’t like it. I love it. Great coverage & lasts all day.

    • Catlady

      I love Urban Decay Naked powder foundation. It’s buildable up to full coverage and stays put really well.

    • MakeupGuruJK

      Laura Geller’s new-ish baked powder foundation. It’s fabulous. Long lasting and super easy to buff on with a powder brush, completely fool proof. It’s cut the time I spend on my makeup routine in half, blush and other makeup adheres just fine over top. Depending on your shade it may be a bit too ‘glowy’ if you’re oily- when I used the lightest shade (VERY very fair) I noticed more of a highlight effect than I do with the second lightest shade, for some reason it comes out very matte (but not dry or cakey).

  14. Help for grieving friend

    From doing a search, I know we’ve discussed what to do for a friend who’s had a miscarriage. My friend had her baby daughter on Tuesday and she passed away last Friday. Besides hugs…what can I possibly do to show her I am there for her? I would want to be left the @#$% alone I feel like but I have no idea as I have not had nor even tried to have children. Any ideas from the hive?

    • Anonymous

      For starters, don’t ever refer to this as a miscarriage.

      But my general summary is be there- send a card, send food, ask her how she’s doing, reach out more frequently

      • Anonymous

        I don’t think she did refer to it as a miscarriage. She said she knows there are posts for loss of a baby in utero, but would like specific advice for loss of a newborn.

    • Anon

      Have you reached out? Say how sorry you are –bc that’s all you can do and then offer to help out with anything they may need — which they may bc she’s likely recovering from childbirth. I think right now they may have a decent amount of support but in a week or 2 everyone disappears back into their own life and forgets — that’s when you reach out again and ask, are they ok with dinner/groceries/errands and offer your services.

      • Anon in NYC

        Yes, set reminders to check in every few weeks. Set a reminder for her daughter’s birthday. Send texts that include “You don’t need to respond, but I’m thinking of you.” Send cards telling her how much you love her and her spouse, and how loved her daughter is/was.

        I’m a parent, and I think one of my biggest fears in this scenario (besides losing my child and the accompanying overwhelming grief) is that my daughter would be forgotten.

        • Break

          Love the reminders thing.

          Also, from friends who have tragically experienced the loss of a child,

          In person, ask “How are you doing TODAY” – it seems slightly different, but it’s much harder to ask: “How are you doing?” It’s’ just t too big to answer. Adding “today” let’s the parent answer that “this morning was really hard, but I did X, Y, and I’m feeling a little better now.” Or, “today has been extremely hard” is easier to say than “every single moment of my life is awful.”

          Also, call the child by name with the parent.

    • Anonymous

      In many states, a baby born at >20 weeks is buried (and earlier ones may be at the parents’ option) or cremated and there may be a service you can attend. In which case: attend.

      And a note: I love you and I am so sorry for your loss. I am thinking about you often. [Repeat.]

      Talk to an intermediary (mother / sister / closer friend) who can filter what she wants as time goes by. E.g., she may want the baby’s room cleaned out. She may want it untouched. Maybe help with that sort of thing?

  15. Cheap Salon Rec - NoVa

    Since so many here live in DC/NoVa, I wanted to ask if anyone has a recommendation for a cheap salon for arm waxing. I am fussier about where I go for hair, eyebrows etc. bc it is possible to screw it up — but for arms which I get done once in a season and you’re ripping hair off, I care much less. Any recs? I am ok going to some of the Indian/Asian places assuming they aren’t too unclean –as I think they offer cheaper services sometimes by saving on amenities.

      • Anon

        Well it is the truth, nothing to get so offended about — places that are less clean and less nice tend to be cheaper.

        • lawsuited

          I think it’s more the assumption that the “Asian/Indian places” are the ones that are less clean and less nice to which Berry is referring.

    • Anonymous

      Not to totally threadjack, but, on the same note – anywhere people recommend for a cheap but decent trim? I usually go to immortal beloved but my hair is really long right now and I just want to get it shaped up once more before I chop it totally and don’t feel the need to pay $150 for a glorified trim.

      • Beth

        Casal’s at Clarendon. $55-$85 all inclusive depending on staff (they are a no-tipping salon) and easy walking distance to the metro. I have medium-long hair and I’ve had good cuts with both Liz and Courtney. It can be a little loud, but I’ve been very happy with the services.

      • Anonymous

        Ooohh Meghan Moody at 1201 Salon in Foggy Bottom is THE BEST. Seriously. THE BEST. A haircut should run $85. She’s been cutting my hair for years now and I’ve followed her around to a few different salons because she does such a good job. I never got compliments on my hair before her and now I consistently get compliments from strangers.

  16. mbs

    I really need some advice on shoes for a black-tie optional event in May. I’m wearing a black lace dress with sheer lace sleeves (just the lace without the lining) and about 6 inches of sheer lace at the hem. It comes to just below my knees. It’s a conservative event (banking), so I don’t want to wear anything too flashy. Also, I just can’t wear heels over about 3 1/2″, and still be able to walk. Why are all the cute dressy shoes 4″?

    I’m looking at these, but not sure if metallic is the way to go. I do have a light gold leather evening bag I could wear with them. I’m also looking at a black pair, I’ll post the link separately. Would either of these be good? Or maybe I should go a different way.

    http://www.amazon.com/Nine-West-Womens-Kalyana-Metallic/dp/B01BNHSN98?ie=UTF8&psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=ox_sc_act_title_1&smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER

  17. sleepy at work

    Might be too late to ask this but in my region it’s close to 6:30 PM.
    I have been up since 5:30, been on a couple trains to go to client. Worked all day and now I feel my eyes shutting down. I still have to power through for another couple hours but I just can’t.
    Any tips besides coffee? (I can’t go for a walk because it’s raining, the bad lighting isn’t making things better…)

    • Maddie Ross

      Drink lots of cold water. (The plus side being it’ll make you have to go, and then you can get up to walk to the bathroom.) Also making what my calc prof in college referred to as the “lion face” helps – open your mouth as wide as you can and your eyes at the same time. It’s a short rush, but it can help a bit.

    • Hazel

      Hold your feet off the floor / do ankle rotations. It’s impossible for me to relax while doing that, so it’s a good trick for staying awake. Also seconding the suggestion of cold water in copious quantities.

  18. anon

    Has anyone found a discounted price on Laura Mercier tinted moisturizer? This is my one no-compromise high-end beauty product, and I HATE paying $40/ tube. So far, I’ve checked Amazon, Sephora, FragranceNet, and a whole lot of brick and mortar stores like Ulta…and nothing below $40. Maybe this is just where the buck stops, but I thought I’d ask the hive before I make myself quit googling.

    • Anonymous

      I think you just need to look for sales/coupons, like the Sephora Sale. Sometimes Amazon has lux beauty coupon codes that may apply and Lord & Taylor occasionally lets you use coupons on beauty Combine with ebates or similar to find the biggest discount.

    • Anonymous

      Sephora has occasional sales, but generally higher-end makeup like doesn’t really go on sale. :(

      • lawsuited

        And Sephora’s April sale just passed, so the next sale will be in November.

    • Anonymous

      No, and you really don’t want to go to far afield on this search because you can end up with spoiled product.

  19. Anon

    Along the same lines as the question above — a friend’s father passed away a few weeks ago. He was diagnosed with late stage cancer in Jan, did treatment for a little while, and then hospice. While she lives in my city, she’s been away at her parents’ home for most of the Jan-April timeframe – across the country. I check in via email every week/10 days. I really have nothing to say so I’ve just asked how she and the family are — typically she responds with a lengthy detailed email.

    What do I do now though? She should be returning in the next week or 2. Do I ask her to grab a drink if she wants? Do I continue the check in emails? Hard to know what to do/say — yet I don’t want to be one of those people who just ignores it (and she has commented that ppl are doing that so she does notice).

    • 2 Cents

      I say you offer to meet for drinks / coffee / whatever because she may be craving “normal” interaction. Still email or text every couple of days (without expecting a response). Maybe send over a FreshDirect or PeaPod order of some ready-to-eat meals, since cooking is usually the first thing I neglect.

    • Anon

      I think everybody’s different with this.

      My father died last month and I didn’t need or want much from friends and coworkers. I leaned heavily on my boyfriend during daily calls when I was struggling with the gripping realities of hospice, but after my dad’s death, I didn’t really need any support. (Watching him die was much harder for me than his actually being gone.) When I came back, “Hey, I’m thinking of you, let me know if you want to grab drinks now that you’re back” texts from friends were all I needed.

    • Anon

      Agh, it ate my reply. The gist was this: my father just died, and for me, watching him die in hospice was a million times harder than dealing now with him being gone. I needed lots of support during that time because I was emotionally exhausted and dealing with frustrating relatives and didn’t really leave his bedside much, so I craved contact with the outside, “normal” world. When I came back, I was fine, and friends’ texts that said, “hey, let’s grab drinks sometime if you want” were all I needed.

    • Anon

      OP here — thanks. I’m not the most talkative person in the world so it’s hard to know what to say. I think I’m more concerned about reaching out to her bc she’s in her mid 40s and single/no partner/boyfriend; she has 1 brother who she loves but a challenging sister in law relationship makes it that she doesn’t see that brother much. She lives in a tight community, so they’ll be her support. But I think this is different from the situation where one is returning home to their own boyfriend/husband/kids, has 4 siblings and a dozen nieces and nephews who are all coming and going.

      • Anon

        I’m the anon above who didn’t need much.

        I have very little in the way of support – a couple very close but long-distance friends, a long-distance boyfriend, and no family to speak of. And I was fine after the fact. So don’t get caught up in trying to think about what to say. Just make the offer to grab drinks and talk about whatever you’d normally talk about. You can always also ask, “is there anything you need?”

        • Anonymous

          To those who grieve and those who care about them: My husband, a very close partner, died recently. Caring for him, with help, as his life ended over a long period was very, very hard, much harder than dealing with his death. I am an introvert without any close friends, but the kindness and unobtrusive support I received from many people after his death made a huge difference, and really helped in the first few weeks – a few simple meals out or at home, cards and letters with good memories that one can re-read, help in starting to take care of oneself after focusing on somebody else’s needs for a long time….. In some ways the help from professionals (attorneys!, accountants, and others) was especially valuable; they were skilled, supportive, and got things done that had to be done.

          Now, as I try to build a new life, I find identifying a doable project and completing it does help. But there are still times when I am overwhelmed emotionally, usually unexpectedly and privately. What I wrestle with is talking briefly in normal conversations about a memory of my husband. This is always with people who knew him well, some of whom also miss him. It helps me but I always hope afterwards that I have not made them uncomfortable or that I am becoming a pain. (This is par for the course for me in any social situation!)

          Grieving is such a portmanteau of different emotions, memories, and thoughts, and one’s responses chameleon like.

          On a lighter note, for the past few years, reading the daily comments on this site over a late afternoon tea was a highlight. Thank you!

          • Condolences

            I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I imagine his friends feel awkward bringing up your husband, but once you broach the subject are happy to have the opportunity to discuss memories of him. Keep caring for yourself.

  20. KT

    This is a ridiculous question and I admit it.

    But I bought the Michael Kors faux wrap dress (where it looks sort of like an obi) and for the life of me, I cannot figure out how to tie it without patches of skin showing.

    Any suggestions? Videos? Step by step tutorials (I’m only partially joking)

      • Anonymous

        Maybe this is just a shorthand way of doing links, but it looks like an affiliate link here, where clicking on it will generate a commission for whomever the affiliate link is attributed to. Is this something that is normal for a s*te like this, or is this your personal affiliate link?

      • KT

        Nope, not a per-click affiliate, just a shortened link to the dress I cant figure out.

    • Idea

      There must be something on YouTube.
      Things I’ve found on YouTube:
      1. How to fold and unfold the secondhand stroller I got.
      2. How to accessorize a cowl-neck blouse.
      3. What’s come in people’s surprise style subscription boxes.
      4. How to clean the filter on my washing machine.

      YouTube. Search terms. Go for it. Good luck!

  21. Anon

    Opinions on this AT top please? I was undecided when I ordered it online and thought I might know whether I liked it when I tried it on but I’m still undecided. I feel like I dress very boring some I’m trying to get some tops that have a bit more personality. Are the ruffles too much. Business casual workplace…more on the casual side.

      • Legally Brunette

        I don’t think the ruffles are too much for a biz casual environment but the top seems unflattering and makes the model look really wide (and I’m sure she’s not).

    • Jules

      I don’t think it’s overly ruffly or inappropriate because of the ruffles. In fact, I bought this (in a print) but returned it. I was hoping for something more like cap sleeves and these are really just decorative little fillips, not sleeves. And they seemed to show off too much of my back/upper arms/underarms in a way that is a bit hard to describe but was extremely unflattering. I’m a busty size 12, middle-aged and haven’t lifted weights in months, so this is not an area I particularly want to flaunt. If you don’t have this issue and the blouse looks good on you, I think it’s very pretty.

    • Susan

      I think the blouse is lovely, and would be fine for your work environment. But! If you are so ambivalent about it, I doubt you’ll wear it much. Return it and put the money aside for a blouse you love!

    • Meow

      Look at the model pic for the black version of the top. This is a Tuck It In or Nothing top.

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