Coffee Break: Luna Pearl Drop Earrings

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1. Any recommendations on amazing places to stay in Positano? We are going in July which I know is peak season and I’m late in planning, but we were waiting for teenage sport schedules to solidify. I know it’s pricy and prepared to spend $$$$ but we will need 2 rooms so some of the options that are putting to total for 4 nights in the $20-30k range are outside of the budget for sure! Tell me what’s worth the $$$$?

   1. If you want an amazing hotel on a budget in July, Positano is not the place to go. Honestly, Positano isn’t my favorite place in general and especially not at that time of year. In addition to the $$$$, it will be extremely hot and humid (avg. high is 93 degrees) and extremely crowded. There are so many other great parts of Italy – why don’t you go somewhere else that’s not so hideously expensive?

      As far as specific hotels, we went in May last year and stayed at Hotel Punta Regina, which we thought was nice but not amazing. It was around $400 a night in May but looks like it is over $1k for July.

      1. I know it will be hot – we live in Houston so it will be hotter at home – and unfortunately this is the time of year we can go. It’s a broader graduation / milestone anniversary trip before our oldest heads off to college. He plays a competitive sport and is also playing in college so it’s a narrow window. We’ll only be there 3 days before continuing to other parts of the country.

         1. And I’ll say I’m expecting to spend $800-$1200/night per room so not afraid of $$$$. I just wanted to see if folks had recommendations for places they can personally endorse.

            1. I think for $1,200 you can find a decent place to stay (the hotel I mentioned above, Punta Regina, is in that price range) but you’re not going to get an amazing luxury hotel experience on that budget in Positano that time of year.

   2. If you’re not set on Italy, I would suggest instead going to Greece. If you stay away from Santorini, Mykonos, Paros, you can find amazing places for much less $$, and there should still be some availability. In the Ionian islands (e.g. Corfu, Kefalonia, Lefkada) you’ll get a more Italian vibe instead of the more typical Cyclades style American think of when they think of Greece (i.e. white & blue houses).

   3. Does it have to be Positano itself? We have heard that staying in Salerno is a good way to save a bit on lodging, plus since it is at the mainland end of the peninsula it is more convenient for connecting by train onward.

      1. I also like Sorrento which is not technically the Amalfi coast, but is closer to Positano than Salerno.

         1. I LOVED sorrento and found positano beautiful but too crowded to actually enjoy. Sorrento was crowded but at least you could walk through the streets!

            Rearadless, this will be the trip of a lifetime OP! I cant wait to go back.

   4. Grand Hotel Tritone could work for your if you’re not 100% tied to be in in Positano. It is located between Positano and Amalfi. I am guessing it is in the $1000-1500 range in the middle of summer. It isn’t super super luxe, but the rooms are nice and the views are spectacular. It has its own pool and beach access.

   5. I stayed in Atrani last May at a beautiful Airbnb overlooking the ocean at it was heaven. I heard from others that Positano was INSANE. I would encourage you to look at Amalfi/Atrani (neighboring towns), or maybe Ravello if you’re not tied to being on the ocean. Everything is pretty close together on the coast, I walked from Atrani to Ravello, and from Atrani to Minori, so I wouldn’t be afraid staying a little out of town. I think Airbnb is the way to go in Italy, very cheap and very nice in my experience.

      1. There are also ferries that connect most of the towns, so you can get around quickly.

   6. I stayed at Art Hotel Pasitea last summer and it was great! Glad we stayed in actual Positano as transportation/getting around was very difficult, so I’d 100% recommend that versus trying to take the bus/taxi/private transport/boat around the coast.

2. I have a 1920s Dutch Colonial house. The front is a bit of Franken-house. It was wood, but the bottom is now vinyl siding. And exterior shutters have been added for the downstairs windows that are nailed to the house (so they don’t shut). The shutters have fake louvers and are peeling bad. I think it will be a PITA to scrape and repaint. The upstairs windows don’t have shutters (but they are under the cedar shingles that come down over the second floor). Do I just pull the shutters off (vinyl may have faded unevenly); pull them off in a few years when we replace the vinyl with Hardiplank? Get new shutters (in that case — louvered? Shaker? Ones with moons cut the tops?). IDK what the real style is but for the 1920s, it would have been shutters that shut based on friends’ houses. Just scrape and paint and stop thinking about it?

   1. I’m always inclined to to the period-appropriate fix. Over the years I have collected a group of contractors who specialize in old houses and maintaining authenticity. I have a window guy, a plumber, and electrician, and a general contractor who is similarly inclined, as well as a “handyman,” who happens to be a woman. I often ask one or more of these contractors for recommendations. I suggest you do something similar in your area for long term contacts.

   2. We just replaced our shutters and it really wasn’t terribly expensive, so depending on what kind of shape your’s are in, just replace them. (I also have to think the vast majority of shutters these days are “fake” in that they don’t really shut)

   3. If you’re going to have shutters make sure they’re the right size and actually close. If you’re in for a laugh look up the craftsman blog on Instagram and his shudder Sunday posts.

      1. … and thank you for that!

   4. Functional wood shutters run about $800-$1200 per new pair. If you need functional wood and have a carpenter who can make necessary repairs, salvage yards are a great way to go. We got 9 pairs for our house for $40 each, plus $1500 in repairs and paint (by the painter/carpenter who was painting the rest of our exterior), for an all-in total just under $2k, which was about the cost of just 2 pairs, so we were quite pleased. If your shutters are wood and salvageable, keep them.

      You might find Old House Journal (a magazine and website; NOT This Old House) to be a great resource for you. I find the chief editor’s writing in her articles to be too pearl clutchy and judgy for me (“You didn’t have your carpet hand-woven by blind nuns in Italy to match the original scrap you found in the closet?! Quelle horreur!”), but the information about what’s period appropriate – what materials to use, what techniques a homeowner might use…all so, so good. (And thank goodness the chief editor doesn’t write every article ;) )

      For overall advice about what direction to go with your house, you might also carefully wade into the various old house Facebook groups. I’d be inclined to seek out a period or architectural style group – 1920s houses or Dutch Colonials – rather than the mega groups like My Old House or whatever they’re called. The period and architectural groups tend to have participants who are better informed about what best suits the house/style and good resources rather than the mega groups that attract all kinds of folks. I belong to a few for my 1830s house, and the expertise there is really great.

3. The weight loss post and the AM thread led me to think about one thing that has very much helped me lose weight: learning about the food satiety index. Cooking at home and choosing foods that are high in satiety for the most part and listening to hunger/fullness cues has been a game changer to weight loss and for me worked so much better than counting calories.

   1. For me personally, I always get hungry sooner than I think I will after eating oatmeal, even though everyone always says it keeps you feeling full for longer. I love oatmeal but it just doesn’t work that way for me. So I’m skeptical of this list.

      1. If you have high glucose, oatmeal isn’t satiating.

         1. I don’t have high glucose.

      2. Yes 100%! I never eat oatmeal any more for that reason. I like it, but I am hungry instantly (and that still goes if I put walnuts in it or similar).

         1. Have you tried chia seeds? I put those in overnight oats and that was a cornerstone breakfast of my weight loss period. Maybe it’s just me, though

      3. I’m also not satiated by oatmeal. I need more protein for satiety. I’m sure this is very individual, though.

      4. Me too. This has been a persistent issue, even if I add nuts or peanut butter or other stuff. It fills me up quickly but I’m hungry 2 hours later.

      5. I agree about oatmeal… but I also really just want carbs and can’t stomach a lot of protein first thing in the morning without feeling queasy. So I eat oatmeal at 5:30 or 6 and then have second breakfast somewhere between 8:30 and 9:30. That’s often my biggest meal of the day, which is definitely my favorite thing about working from home!

         1. I also really struggle with eating protein first thing in the morning. Carbs first, and protein later, works better for me. I’m still getting what I need but also honoring what my body seems to want to do.

      6. I can’t say I know how to crack the weight loss code. But my nutritionist has me limiting oatmeal and most other high carb foods. Boiled potatoes are high on that index and there is no way that would fly. She’s pushed me largely to a protein-heavy diet to feel full (things like chicken, fish, tofu, nuts, seeds, turkey, eggs, beans, cottage cheese, greek yogurt) with a lot of vegetables. She holds multiple certifications and was referred to me through my physician, so I assume the advice is pretty sound. And it jibes with how I’m feeling.

         Also not all oatmeal is the same. Processed instant packets are quite different than slow oats.

         1. I’ve actually heard that there is statistical evidence that people who eat oatmeal in the AM lose weight (and sustain it) more successfully.

      7. So I have similar feelings about oatmeal – love it, but it never sticks long. I started making mine with water like normal, but then adding a ton of eggwhites towards the end of cooking (maybe a minute or two). It bulks it up, adds protein, and makes it super creamy. It doesn’t taste like eggs at all. There are a bunch of recipes online that help with proportions, but I just eyeball it.

      8. Have you given protein overnight oatmeal a shot? It’s extremely filling and because of the protein the satiety lasts longer than plain oatmeal.
         https://www.shesabeast.co/protein-oatmeal-v20-mush-reloaded/

   2. Oatmeal is instant blood sugar roller coaster for me too. I love oatmeal, but it’s more a weekend treat unless I want to get hangry.

      I can do buckwheat, though, and that works better for me.

      For satiety fat and protein is always key. There is no way starch is going to scratch the satiety itch. Mental comfort, sure, but starch is never physical to me.

4. Do you have a secret “hobby” that no one knows about?

   Mine is (pretend) shopping for tiny studio apartments and then (pretend) shopping for furniture and decorations for them. The criteria for the apartments is that they have to be small enough to be challenging to decorate, but also somehow interesting and/or quirky.

   1. I do needlework like a 18th century schoolgirl; too bad I don’t have the good vision of one because hardanger embroidery really demands it. Some people do tattoos; I embroider.

      1. I love that. You could get one of those halogen spotlight lamps that has a magnifying lens that hovers over your lap. I’ve thought about getting one for laceweight knitting. I do need that level of light for regular knitting.

      2. I recently discovered a whimsical Brooklyn embroidery store, Coral & Tusk, which has adorable pillows with little stuffed animal pillows that tuck into them. Also beautiful tablecloths for $700. Given that I would never spend that money on delicate items with little kids, I daydreamed that my sister in law who crochets will take up embroidery next. I got a C in 9th grade Home Ec, and have not dreamed that for myself. I bet you have some lovely pieces.

   2. I kind of love this hobby – do you yourself live in a small space or did you at one point? i keep clicking on apartment therapy posts for small spaces and i can’t figure out why… i’ve just chalked it up to reliving the glory days of my youth.

      do you have an app or other way of collecting the information and planning it out?

      1. No it’s all in my head! Though sometimes I will draw the layouts on some scrap paper.

         My real life involves a job with a lot of responsibility and a family. But I’m a minimalist by nature, so I think this is my way of escaping into a fantasy world where I could live with as few responsibilities and demands (and stuff) as possible.

         1. I would 100% follow you if you had a blog or insta on this. We live in an old rowhouse that does not play well with the scale of most modern brands – like a Restoration Hardware sectional would take up half our downstairs – so always in search of appropriate-scale pieces that aren’t Ikea or super Scandi or MCM.

   3. I watch a lot of historical costuming YouTube. I just think it’s interesting and the techniques are surprisingly helpful to my modern sewing which is a not so secret hobby of mine.

      1. Gosh, my YouTube watching consists of ear wax removal videos and plumbing tutorials.

   4. Does reading almost completely irrelevant nonfiction history count as a hobby?

      I mostly love ancient Babylonian culture but also ancient and medieval Europe, and I’m getting into pre-Columbus Native American history. So interesting!

      1. We just got a university library library card for easier access to this kind of reading. Any favorite books to recommend?

   5. I watch quilting and crossstitch youtubers. I don’t sew or cross stitch at all.

      I watch asian BL shows.

      I have a 10+ year old tumblr account for my fandoms.

      I reimagine peoples front gardens and imagine all the things I would have to do to clean the garden up, replant, and the style of garden I would make for the house.

   6. I’m deep into the world of perfume! I don’t wear a ton of it, especially if I’m not going to be working from home, so I don’t think it’s an obvious hobby.

   7. Now I want to hire you to finish furnishing my very old small house that definitely has some quirks!

      I used to love putting together Polyvore boards for fashion and decor; I never really found something to replace it.

   8. I weave on a rigid heddle loom. I don’t tell people that I weave or that I’m a weaver because I don’t really feel like I am one. I make scarves from wool and dish towels from linen or cotton, and that’s about it. I just enjoy picking out yarns and colors and making my simple little bits of fabric. Maybe someday I’ll move on to larger and more complicated projects, or maybe I’ll just go back to needlepoint.

   9. I watch videos of tours of Disney World and Disneyland and painstakingly research every travel tip for optimizing trips to both of these places.

      Here’s the thing. I’m… not a Disney person? I own zero objects with any characters on them, I went once as a kid and we’ve taken the kids a few times, but we have absolutely no plans for imminent trips. Here’s the odd thing – it is so extremely relaxing to me. It’s 100% my secret hobby…

      1. idk why but this secret hobby is cracking me up

5. Random financial advisor (not sure the right term) question. If you are maxing out your 401K and saving outside of that (cash emergency fund and investment accounts) and already own a home, what would a pro help you with? Just increasing the savings? Putting you into non-publicly traded stocks (which I think are risky)? If I have a Fidelity account, would you have to move it to where an advisor works? I feel like anyone trying to sell me services is not the sort of person to even ask.

   1. Asset allocation probably, but if you’re maxing out everything and saving in a non-retirement brokerage account, I would just keep it at Vanguard or Schwab and ask their people for advice once a year rather than moving it somewhere where you’d have to pay more.

   2. I learned too late in life that it is not just saving but investing what you have saved/are saving to make it grow as much as possible. That is what the advisor should be advising you about (including the investment choices in your 401k).

6. A relative has entered hospice, but is having hospice-at-home as a service. Two in-town cousins who are nurses are helping out and letting the spouse get a break from care-giving. What should I do that would help — send food? Send flowers? Nothing will help really, but it is a lot of actual labor and a lot of emotional labor (one cousin is just a cousin/aunt relationship, the other cousin is a daughter).

   1. Gift cards for uber eats/local places so that the caregivers don’t have to think about how to feed themselves. Sending any photos you have of you with the relative or sharing stories of them in a card would also be a lovely gesture.

   2. Can you arrange a cleaning service once a week? If someone could come in and dust, vacuum, do a load of laundry, clean the kitchen, etc it would take a lot of the shoulders of the primary caregivers. There are also private home health agencies that can send additional nursing and caregivers but cost cash out of pocket once someone is on hospice. If you can afford to arrange this and send someone a couple hours once or twice a week, it could be a big help.

      1. Clear it with the caregivers first. My mom would absolutely not have wanted that given every new visitor was an opportunity for Covid, flu, etc. and my dad was very private about who could see him in his condition. Other than the hospice caregivers, they really shut down their home to non-essential visitors during his last few months. I could see it being received really strongly either way (positive or negative), depending on the circumstances.

         1. Yes, I’ve been there. We had way too many people at diagnosis, then too many people again at the hospice stage trying to get one more viewing in I guess. The problem was that we had no one for 10 long months in between the two.

            If OP wants to give something, give something that can be used later, like a gift card.

   3. If you’re in town, grocery shop. We eat a lot of produce ans getting to the grocery store was a huge challenge when my parents was on in-home hospice and could not be left alone. Hospice was not providing round-the-clock care, we were.

      If there are other household tasks like yard work, snow removal, house cleaning that the family does itself, either offer to do those things or just do them without asking (snow removal).

      If you have had a relationship with your dying relative, find out whether they are still reading emails and texts. My parent was on hospice for about 12 weeks and really enjoyed receiving people’s pictures and memories during that time – it’s a last opportunity to hear you mattered to someone and hear how they will carry the memory of you going forward. My parent didn’t have the energy for visits or phone calls, but texts and emails were so welcome.

   4. See if you can purchase a set of weekend over overnight nurse visits so everyone can get a little break. When my mom was in in-home hospice, the hospice covered M-F visits but not weekends and not overnight care. Your loved one will eventually need overnight care to be sure they are turned every few hours and don’t get bedsores.

   5. Food/grocery delivery, cleaning service, and/or laundry service all extremely helpful. Offering to cover cost of respite care also could go a long way.

   6. When we were doing this for my father, I barely ate despite lots of food being dropped off and couldn’t have cared less about the house being clean. What would have helped me is those things after the death when I was exhausted from caretaking and grief. So anything you can do that is less of an immediate gift is good. As in send an uber eats card, don’t have trays of things delivered that they then have to manage.

      1. This–managing the outpouring of meals, pies, giant food trays–it was a job in and of itself. it was so well-meaning, but our fridge was overflowing and we had so many other things to deal with.

         Also, depending on what stage of hospice the patient is in, ask whether they are up for a phone call or letters, and if so, coordinate letters with lovely memories being sent _to the patient_. Saying goodbye is important for them and for you, but only if they are up for calls–letters they may really love to have read to them.

7. I’m single, and would love to be with someone but just CANNOT with the dating sites anymore. How do you stay open to the universe without getting anxious or seeming desperate?

   1. Let me know when you figure it out. I’ve basically given up on dating because the apps are so awful.

   2. Date yourself. Go do the things you want to do with someone by yourself, or with a friend. Talk to people you encounter along the way. When you meet someone, you will have way more interesting things to say because you will have been out doing things. And tell your friends you are looking and open to meeting people. I think the apps are over.

   3. Check out Burned Haystack Dating Method. It’s a method developed by a female academic and it’s designed to help keep your sanity, focus on your life, and out smarting the algorithms. She has an instagram account (@word_case_scenario)and a FB group (Burned Haystack Dating Method). The name reflects burning down your haystack to find your needle (a good guy) among all the dating app foolishness.

   4. My little mental trick was to treat possible suitors like they were platonic friends (of whatever flavor those come in for you). Basically if I wouldn’t treat a gal pal (or gay guy friend) like X or say X (some obvious exceptions clearly) I wouldn’t say it to potential suitor. It takes so much of the pressure and anxiety off the interactions and it leads to my all time tip that Dating Coaches Hate: be friends first. Really friends. I met my amazing, wonderful husband as a friend-open-to-dating and was friends with him for almost a year before making the jump to more than friends. It allowed us to be real and honest and develop a really solid foundation of friendship that I believe makes us much stronger as a couple.
      Also: frontload the weirdness. Make the filter much stronger on the front end and be ultra picky, don’t let the Date Zero or Date One be the filter.

8. does anyone have a peptide product they like? i had that cosRX one in my amazon cart with the deal but forgot to check out and now it’s 2x the price.

   1. I’ve just been using the Ordinary’s Buffet. It’s a good price for trying one out

   2. I like Beauty Pie Flash Face Lift serum with Matrixyl Morphomics. I’ve noticed a different around my mouth since using them. They are watery drops so I drop them into my more moisturizing serum in the palm of my hand and apply them together.

   3. Timeless CoQ10- it includes Matrixl and is quite good. Would recommend buying from their Amazon store instead of their website since their shipping takes so long.

   4. Look into maelove. Lame name, but it’s a beauty company founded by a couple women who sound just like ‘rettes: they had busy careers and wanted products that worked, and they enjoyed reading scientific studies, so they eventually created their own skincare brand based on all the scientific studies they’d read. I heard about it from this obsessive skincare YouTuber I watch sometimes. I tried it, loved it. Got my husband hooked on it. It’s really great stuff. And most products are $30-ish.

9. I have been struggling pretty hard with body image the past couple of years due to some weight gain, but I had a very recent victory that I’d like to share.

   I decided that I needed (wanted) a pair of flare jeans.
   I picked out two sizes to try on. Maybe notably, they were Levis, so the measurements are by waist and length rather than the standard numbered sizing, which kind of messes with my head.
   I turned my back to the mirror and decided to evaluate them by comfort level alone.
   I tried the bigger ones first. They felt good and looked good.
   I tried the smaller ones next. They technically fit but were not nearly as comfortable. They also flattened my butt, probably because they were a smidgen too tight.
   I happily bought the bigger jeans. And for whatever reason, I was able to mentally ignore the label. Normally I would be beating myself up about needing a larger size and making up all sorts of stories in my head about what it means about my body and what a “size whatever” looks like.

   Is this what men feel like all the time? This truly should not be revolutionary, but as someone who has been struggling hard with seeing the number on the tag, it felt good to quiet that noise for a bit. And I’m excited to wear my new jeans.

   1. Good for you! Finding nice fitting jeans and ignoring the number is a victory. I’ve personally decided that embracing and loving the body I have and honoring it with clothes that fit will improve the energy I project more than bemoaning that I’m not a size X anymore. We can choose to love ourselves as we are.

      1. Love this.

   2. Jeans are the worst things to shop for!
      If it helps, there is no such thing as “standard sizing”. Each company has their own sizing and the brands often have different sizing between their lines. The amount of stretch affects sizing as well, they often put smaller numbers on pants with more stretch, and it’s why we have to ‘size up’ as it were when there is no stretch.

   3. Straight men definitely have body and appearance issues that we kind supportive women do not understand. I mean, don’t forget they have a lot of body parts that are supposed to have the right amount of muscle – arms legs necks and chests. And also I have recently found out about the world of fake hair and hair growth for men – I have not looked at male celebrities of a certain age, like Jason Bateman or Usher, in the same way since, and that extends to men in my life. My son is on high school football and my husband, who did lose weight through intermittent fasting and walking, bought a weight set to use at home and began to work out very routinely. He has also discussed getting his back hair removed.

      Why yes we are in marriage counseling, what tipped you off

   4. Sizing that’s not length and width is really just completely made up. I once sat in an airport and overheard a conversation between two guys about how they are moving the sizing from 5/7/9 etc to 4/6/8 etc but like making the old 7 into a 4 etc so that they could sell more. The number tags are just about convincing people to buy. You really see in it in the international stores like Zara or H+M where they blatantly list the size variations by country.

      1. They know they will sell more product if the number on the tag is smaller, even if nothing about the product itself changes… It’s all about taking advantage of a woman’s insecurities and desire to be thinner.

   5. I don’t know that men are free from this. Maybe they were at some point, but the men in my life are (at least vocally) at least as focused on their size as the women. By boyfriend is constantly considering calorie counts and sugar content of foods and talks about his clothing size a fair bit, mostly because he has beefed up from working out but also because he is fighting a bit of a belly for the first time in his life.

10. Great pick. I love my Lagos pieces; they do pearls that aren’t stuffy.

    1. I have a Lagos elephant pendant on a long bead chain. I need to remember to wear it more often!

    2. Do they look nicer/more worth their price in person? In the picture they look identical to a pair of (cheap) costume clip ons I had as a child.

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