Coffee Break: Smart Caviar Apple Watch Bracelet
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This Apple watch band looks lovely — I'm not usually one for white accents on watches, but I'm drawn to the white ceramic details here. Something about it just feels fresh.
The Lagos watch band bracelet is available in a bunch of different colors of ceramic, actually, including black, turquoise, a medium blue, and more; they also have options with metals like stainless steel, gold, rose gold, or a two-tone reversible yellow gold/stainless steel combo. They note that they're “exclusively compatible with Apple Watch Series 1-8 (not included);” you can find options to fit 38mm-49mm Apple watch heads.
The pictured option is $1,150, but they come in prices from $1000-$15,000 (with diamonds).
Sales of note for 2/7/25:
- Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
- Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
- J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+
Loved the thread about fun families earlier. It’s so refreshing to hear people talk about how much fun they can have with their kids online – sometimes the online chatter is all about how kids ruin your life. Fun and adventure are huge values for me and I got lots of great new ideas from that thread.
Fun families make their extended families feel welcome in their homes :-D
No – fun families don’t use their family members. It’s one thing to propose a trip and have everyone be excited about it (“why don’t we stay with you and all get up early for a beach day”) and another to consistently, aggressively freeload to save $200 on a hotel. Trust me, she’s not doing that to be closer to family.
Exactly. I am always delighted to have my husband’s oldest sibling/spouse stay with us because they are fun and not demanding and they actually want to see us!
This is great to hear. I go away with my S and BIL and we have so much fun!
Huh? Who’s freeloading? I don’t follow this from anything in this thread.
It’s someone picking up the argument from the reluctant host OP post a few posts down.
Oh that’s a new one. Is that how you guilt your relatives into letting you freeload? Calling them “not fun”?
what’s everyone planning on binge reading or watching to get you through the election / post-election time period? in 2020 i saved a 6-book series to get me through the election and it saved my sanity…
Shows:
Tell Me Lies
No One Wanted This
Real Housewives of New York City – Season 15 (surprisingly delightful!)
I just finished No One Wanted This, and wow it was soooo good. Huge recommendation!
I turn 40 the day after the election so I have that to dwell on instead.
(Kidding. But also not.)
Oh god, that’s terrible timing for a big birthday. My best friend’s birthday is election day but at least it’s not a milestone.
That was me in 2016 – so fun!
Me too in 2016! And to top it off, I had to fly to the NLADA conference the day after the election. Not a very happy crowd.
Alas, Nov 6 (my bday) was the day Obama was reelected in 2012. Such simpler times.
I’ve read the first two Cormoran Strike books by Robert Gailbraith (JK Rowling) and they were excellent. There are 7 out total I believe. They’re all pretty long and like HP they get longer as the series goes on (book 7 is almost 1,000 pages!). I think they also made a TV series of it.
I wish I could read these for the first time again.
The Stike series is my favorite ever. The 8th one must be coming out soon…I believe she said there will be 10. I’ve read them all a few times each, and the audiobook narrated by Robert Glennister are excellent.
I’m doing the Westknits/Stephen West mystery knitalong from today through early November. And will be listening to audiobooks during that period. Currently downloaded are The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society (I didn’t expect it to be educational, but I’m learning a lot!) and Alice McDermott The Ninth Hour. I will probably need more recommendations soon, so all are welcome! I can always crawl back into my John Steinbeck comfort place.
Ken Burns has a film on Leonardo da Vinci coming out in November and I plan to cozy up with a mug of hot cider for it.
Oh this is lovely, adding to the list. I’m going to do mulled wine though lol
Any baking competition, particularly if it involves children.
I just ordered all the Pulitzer winners. Heady stuff, not fluff, but I am committed to reading them.
Plan to watch Interview with the Vampire. Feels like a great choice to power through October.
we started Only Murders in the Building and are loving it!! Not a true crime fan generally so didn’t think it’d appeal to me, but omg so great!!
My husband and I are blowing through the Molly Sutton mysteries by Nell Godden — there are about 13 of them, about a 30-something American woman who buys an inn in a small town in France and solves mysteries on the side. Not great literature but fun and cozy,.
I missed any convo about the debate yesterday, but this made me smile on social media: Vance seemed like the smooth talker who would casually roofie your drink at the club, while Tim Walz would be the dad who picks you up at the club because you were worried you’d get roofied.
I agree with this. Ezra Klein said JD Vance won the debate in terms of being a debater, but that doesn’t mean his performance was better than Walz’s in terms of influencing public perception. Walz came across as passionate and genuine.
that’s exactly what i thought — Walz came across as nervous because he truly believed that his positions were best and understood the importance of the opportunity to convince people
Vance seemed like the high school debate champion who can take any idea and run with it.
My dh, who is liberal but hates politics and distrusts all politicians, thought Walz came off far better than Vance. He said Walz seemed to give real and genuine answers to questions, while Vance evaded. He thought Vance would do much better.
I didn’t watch, but Ted Cruz (who debated in the same league I did) had the same reputation as Vance – he could make literal garbage sound smooth and pretty.
Hi fellow APDA alum! Some of my favorite college memories :)
I’ve never seen Cruz debate but I don’t actually think Vance was a great debater by conventional standards. He didn’t sound that poised to me, and had several deer in headlights moments, especially the whiny “but you weren’t supposed to fact check me!”
I think he mainly did “well” by appearing significantly saner and more cordial than Trump, which… low bar. And Walz seemed more nervous.
Ted Cruz’s big disadvantage is that he looks so creepy while he’s being persuasive. Can’t debate your way out of that one.
Hahahaha
Walz is the dad who picks you up. But also could be the bartender keeping a close eye on JD and watching out for his female customers to make sure no one gets roofied and is also looking for any reason to kick smarmy JD out.
Aw. I totally know that bartender.
I didn’t see either one of those, and frankly, comparing an upstanding member of society to a felon is Not Okay.
Do you really believe that Vance hasn’t committed any felonies?
Do you really think he’s the type to roofie someone???
Without a doubt
Yes
200%
A felon? You mean like his running mate?
Upstanding? Lol
Vance is the apologist in chief for an actual felon.
I didn’t feel that way. I thought both candidates conducted themselves generally very respectfully, and it was so refreshing to see that. Neither went for the hard jabs that they were expected to. I felt like the candidates had genuine respect for one another.
Agreed.
Agreed. I think if you knew nothing about Vance, he came off well. Walz met expectations, which were low and I don’t think handled the China answer well but did get a 1/6 zinger in. I think he’s hit his political limit in this role and I’m glad VPs don’t do much as I’m still not impressed beyond the fact I think people respond well to him and that’s needed. It was nice to see a civil debate though.
Ditto. They did wayyy better than the pres. candidates. I could actually watch without reminding myself to breathe.
Agreed, I commented to my husband that it was like a throwback debate, where they seemed to be genuinely presenting different approaches to challenges in a mostly respectful back-and-forth. Was there smooth talking and evasion? sure. but the whole thing felt more substantive than politics has been in a long time.
frankly I thought Vance was terrifying…he came across as very smart, and I don’t think he believes half the things he says, but he doesn’t let his personal beliefs get in the way of opportunity.
Lovely presentations, yes. Mirrored ethics and values, no.
Gut check needed. My husband is the youngest of his siblings by a fair margin. The others’ kids are all grown, some with kids of their own; our kid is in college. Our house is small and uncomfortable and poorly furnished, our cars are old and one is falling apart, and we are paying half the cost of attendance at our daughter’s private college (the balance after she received the largest merit scholarship the college awards). One of his sisters is constantly imposing upon us so she can save money. This summer she demanded to stay with us for three days during an incredibly busy and stressful time so she could save maybe $200 on a plane ticket. Now she and her spouse are coming into town for a family event, which my husband and I are organizing and for which we and the other two siblings (but not sister) are paying. Sister and spouse are staying in a hotel for one night but want to stay with us the other night to save money. They will also expect chauffeur service wherever they stay. Our daughter is flying in from college and understandably wants some peace and quiet at home that weekend and access to the car that isn’t falling apart. Sister and her spouse are high-maintenance houseguests who mess up our house, expect constant socialization, and demand that I cook them gluten-free meals at home (sister is gluten-free by choice, not out of medical necessity). What really galls me is that although their HHI is probably about 2/3 of ours, their house is paid off and their child is done with college so their expenses are much lower and they undoubtedly have a lot more discretionary funds than we do. They always complain about how poor they are, assume the rest of us siblings are rich, and want others to pay their way for everything. One of our nieces is the same way and is constantly demanding that we pet-sit or babysit even though we are busy and her pets and kids are absolute terrors. Both my husband and I are sick of being taken advantage of, but he says we just have to do whatever they ask because family is family. My husband has suggested that we just offer to pay for their hotel, but I think that sends the wrong message and reinforces the false moneybags perception. I think we need to start politely standing up for ourselves when the requests are just too much. What would you do?
I’d let them stay with me and not cook for them. Space for family doesn’t seem to be a “taking advantage” situation but more just what families do, even if just to save money. But I say this as someone who has always been welcome to crash at my family’s (and extended family’s) houses over the decades, even if the timing wasn’t perfect.
I agree and I don’t think of myself as someone who’s close to extended family.
Yes, I had never heard of family staying in a hotel ever in my life unit this site. To me that’s not taking advantage, it’s just what families do.
But, you don’t have to chauffeur or make special meals.
I had a two bedroom one bath house and two little kids at one point. My guests ended up getting a local hotel walking distance from my house, and it worked out great. Maybe my family is a little more concerned with their own personal space but at some point I had to suggest it, and everyone still spoke to me.
Bigger house now, I’ve had to flat out say no a couple of times over the last few years. My husband’s nephews (grown adults) were so obnoxious and entitled last time they were here, husband had to tell them it was time to leave. I don’t think they’ll be back! Which is great. I had to tell my obnoxious brother in law that no, he could not stay here on his business trips to my area so he could cheat on his expense account & pocket the money. I don’t want any part of that.
We can welcome guests, but I’m over catering to them for more than a couple of meals per stay. My son’s college aged friends have crashed here a couple of times, but they’re perfectly willing to sleep on the couch, and all I have to do is have some bagels available for breakfast and they take care of themselves. Highly prefer!
We have often stayed in hotels when visiting family, but it’s mainly due to space constraints. My in-laws have a 1 bedroom apartment in NYC and my childhood home is also tiny – technically 3 very small bedrooms, but only 900 square feet total. My parents could have afford to upgrade but a combination of inertia and frugality kept them in their post-college starter home until they retired and sold it to move to where I live with my husband and kids.
Yeah, I think this is a difference of family norms. Based on husband’s comments, they don’t see it as taking advantage, just the normal way that you interact with family. If you want to deal with this, you’re going to have to change that assumption from him. But it might also make you feel better to just reframe it in your mind too as being about family hospitality and expectations rather than being taken advantage of and a fight about who’s poorer. If she does continue to stay with you, be more clear about what you can and can’t do about cooking and driving. There is a possible middle ground here, if you want to try that instead of insisting on a hotel (if you really can’t handle her, that’s also understandable).
“I’m sorry, we can’t do that this time” on repeat. No as a complete sentence- no further excuses or explanations. Do not offer to pay, do not get into the weeds about who’s “poorer”.
Definitely do not offer to pay. What a bizarre idea.
This reminds me of the comment thread when we were talking about how some people will not lie (even the example of we loved your tonic, thank you). This is a lie and some commenters may not feel morally ok with it. It’s ok to just put up with stuff that’s annoying, even while fully acknowledging it’s annoying.
This is me, I can’t lie, I hate it. A colleague complimented my blazer this morning and I went to reciprocate and I couldn’t make a genuinely compliment so I just said thanks, it was awful. I wish my brain would just let me say “Your sweater is so cute”.
There’s nothing wrong with just saying thanks to a compliment. It feels artificial if you’re always turning it around.
+1
You’re allowed to say no.
Yes, clearly you know you’re being used and it’s time to put your foot down. Just do it – there isn’t a magical way to prep for it or negotiate it. Just say “no, that won’t work for us. You should get a second night at your hotel.” Rinse and repeat.
Family’s do use each other. So what? Maybe plan a trip with your husband to impose on them every now and then.
The “so what” is OP doesn’t want to. That’s it.
But her husband does. The comment is just an avenue for acceptance. You don’t just get to turn the family off when they get annoying.
My husband doesn’t want to have them either. In fact, in this case he is even more opposed to having them at the house than I am. He just doesn’t think we have a choice, which is why he thinks we should pay for a hotel.
We don’t want to stay with them. When we are in their city we get a hotel.
Of course you have a choice!! You need to grow a backbone.
If you pay for a hotel, I hope it’s because you are staying in it. Please tell your freeloading family no.
If husband wants them and OP doesn’t, then OP has to refuse to be the one to clean up after them, set up their bed, cook for them, and chauffeur them. Husband needs to do 100% of the extra associated with them staying. That will probably finally be the thing that will get him to use his words with his sister (particularly the word “no.”) I have personal experience with this – can you tell?
Ooooooooof, this is a hot take that I’m not cool with. No one gets to “use” me because we’re family. I’m not one of these boundary-setting militants, but also, no, you don’t get to “use” me. Sheesh. Maybe you’re the subject of OPs post?
OP, you feel how you feel. If this visit tips you over the edge, say no, with confidence, and no repeat. “No, not this time.” “No, that’s not going to work.” “No, I can’t do three nights but how about one?”
+1000. No one gets to use me for any reason. I’m baffled anyone is saying otherwise.
Especially not “Family’s” (sic)
It might be personality based. Some people are made to be of service to others and take that seriously. Im one of them.
Some of these attitudes are odds with my own core values (I think a commenter below indicates that only the family she created matters?) But people are different and their missions on earth are different.
BUT! Own what you want to do and be at peace with the fact that you aren’t going to get universal acclaim for your choices.
Yes to the above if you don’t want them to stay with you. Or if you want a middle ground, could you say something like, “Sure, happy to have you stay, but that weekend is crazy because of xyz, so could you be in charge of meals/dinner/something else while you’re here?”
What I would want to do is to take a stand, tell her off, and never have her over again. What I would more likely do is vent and complain, and then host her, being angry the whole time. What I SHOULD do is use my words and intelligence and wisdom to come up with a way of getting on the same page with my husband and saying “that won’t work for us this time,” bracing myself for the consequences that will then ensue.
This is a husband problem and not a family problem. Until you’re united and on the same page nothing will change – either he’ll blame you (oh sorry, you know how spouse is), undermine you (offer to pay for their hotel), or otherwise gripe about it without being willing to change his behavior to put his foot down. Because at the end of the day, this is HIS family, not yours, and HE should be delivering this message.
What you CAN do is remove yourself and your daughter entirely from their demands. They want gluten free meals? Sorry, I’m only cooking X but you’re welcome to go grab takeout! Want a ride? Sorry, daughter and I are out, check with husband. Maybe once he’s the one suffering all the downside he’ll grow a backbone.
This is it. Why does husband believe that “family” means you have no choice but to let them take advantage of you? I’d drill down on that with him. This isn’t “family comes together in a crisis” or “family makes sure familiy doesn’t go without food or shelter”. This is “family is demanding something they don’t need, at your expense.”
Yeah, it’s astonishing to me how many people will suffer through years and years of visits they don’t want to host and impositions they don’t want to deal with to avoid one “no” conversation.
Maybe family obligations aren’t meant for you. But many of the commenters understand the a duty to host family, even when we don’t want to. Honestly the annoyance makes for its own brand of memory building.
I have plenty of family obligations – not the least of which is elder care for dementia. But no, I don’t let people use me to save money when it makes me unhappy. Try it!
Why would I try it? It’s mean spirited. It makes me happy to save my family members money. Sorry the OP doesn’t see the value of being a resource to her loved ones. That’s her right, but based on the comment split, it doesn’t seem to be a universal feeling.
@3:28 did you miss the part about demanding special meals and chauffeuring? These don’t sound like “loved ones” to me. They sound like entitled freeloading asses.
Having boundaries isn’t mean-spirited, full stop.
The problem here is that in families where casually ‘crashing’ for a night or two is the norm, the hosting is also often pretty casual. Like sure we’ll have a bed for you but we’re not treating it as a state occasion and rearranging life for you.
Sister here wants the casual ability to crash but to be treated like a queen when she does it, and you can’t have both.
I get the feeling many of the commenters here are the regular crashers and freeloaders, not the hosts. Of course they’re going to argue that FAMBLY means you have to let yourself be taken advantage of, because it works for them as the advantage-takers.
But OP, it is true that no one can take advantage of you without your permission. You should have said no to a lot of this a long time ago, especially the princess treatment for your unwanted guests. Get a futon instead of a comfortable bed if your husband absoltely insists you have to provide a place for them to sleep. Absolutely do not cater to them and drive them around. Stop that nonsense immediately. If your husband thinks you as a couple have to do all of that, then he can be the one to do it. All of it.
This is the answer.
+3
‘Unfortunately that doesn’t work for us this trip’
On the pet sitting and babysitting, you can also politely decline. Just say you are unavailable when you don’t want to and say yes when you can. Don’t get defensive or justify. Just repeat that you’re not available.
I tend to check with family first as DH’s parents and siblings get annoyed if we hire private sitters but have not asked. And his parents are obsessed with being dog grandparents. Dog stays with them when we go but goes to doggy daycare everyday vs. once a week because they are not up for long walks.
i’m a coward for these things so i’d say some white lie like there’s water damage and the room isn’t liveable — but that just prolongs the problem because they’ll ask again.
I would tell my husband that my daughter is more important than his sister and the answer is no.
As a daughter who was regularly kicked out of her bedroom when family spent the night, I find this very laughable. I assume your daughter is more resilient than you seem to think she is.
Why should a young adult have to be resilient because grown adults can’t book a hotel?
Because she’s not paying the bills?
Neither are the freeloading SIL and husband.
And the freeloading SIL and husband are at least presumptively capable of paying the bills, and aren’t the children of the owners of the home.
And she’s not even being kicked out of her room — she just wants a “quiet” house. That seems pretty unreasonable to me. And I say that as an only child who’s used to having my own space and doesn’t really enjoy having houseguests except my parents & bestie. But sometimes you just have to deal.
Depends on how small the house is and how intrusive the houseguests are. I know plenty of people who live in houses that are about 900 to 1,200 sq ft, not particularly well laid-out, and having five adults is just brutal.
If I were the daughter, I might prefer a quiet visit home… But I DEFINITELY would prefer a chaotic visit over my mom using me as a pawn/excuse in an argument with my dad. There isn’t real harm to the college daughter here that warrants this kind of parental “protection”
I get it. My son would come home from college, and it took him a couple of days to wind down. Sometime kiddos want the quiet comfort that comes with being in their own home.
“We’re going to be really busy preparing for the thing, so we won’t have time to cook or drive you guys anywhere. Maybe you can stay another time when we’ll be able to be better hosts.” With the caveat that I would let them stay, but not cater to them. I also don’t think the condition of your house put cars matter to anyone except you, right? Clearly they don’t care.
My brother and his wife are horrific guests – they leave a mess, are loud and imposing, never turn down a free meal but never reciprocate, a thank-you note has never occurred to them, etc. They once stayed with my uncle at his cabin to save money in an expensive vacation area, borrowed his car for a full week, and then returned it on empty. My uncle has seethed and complained about them for years ever since but has never, ever said no when they keep asking to return. He’s too afraid of confrontation and would rather be utterly miserable. At some point, it’s not about “being there for family” or “just enjoying hosting because that’s what families do.” You have every right in the world to say no to obnoxious guests who use you, whether there is the same blood in the veins or not, and it does not make you a bad person, anti-family, or ungenerous. Rather, not saying no when you really, really want to will make you miserable and it also makes you a pushover.
I stopped reading halfway through.
All that stuff Does. Not. Matter.
Don’t want unwanted houseguests? Say no. It’s a complete sentence. Don’t get into it – rant to your friends all you want – just be quick and polite about saying no.
I guess I just don’t believe that sharing blood leads to obligation to people who are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves but choose to impose. I am learning that others feel differently, but I wonder how much of that obligation they take on willingly and thoughtfully than out of misplaced guilt.
This is an interesting question. Speaking for myself, I do not want to chat with my family on Sundays or holidays, or any of the types of small things other people enjoy. But if family wants to impose on me a few times a year (I live close to DC, so it happens), to include making me pick them up at the airport, cooking, clearing a space for them in the house, do touristy things, I love that. I like doing obvious and tangible things for people. I can’t do the constantness of ongoing communication, text messaging, or phone calls, but enjoy acts of service and bonding in spurts during visits (for whatever reason.) But I also like my family, even if I don’t talk to them that often.
I get more guilt for the lack of phone calls.
A ton of it appears to be misplaced guilt. There are a few commenters professing their love of service, even for entitled a-holes, and while I may not believe they’re not just pot-stirring here, I believe those people generally exist. However, there are way more commenters saying they’d do it to avoid causing a fuss or would do it and resent it. That’s clearly not coming from a place of genuinely wanting to host.
You are organizing and financing a family event. That’s enough. Only the people you created get to stay at your house this weekend. You’re already spending the budgeted amount on the event itself – others can finance their own lodging.
Sister and spouse are high maintenace takers. The great thing with folks like that is they are never going to be happy with whatever you do, it will never be enough (see above re hosting, financing extended family event). So decide what you want, what you are happy with, and do that. Then practice noncommital cliches in response to their complaints and demands. “Oh, good idea, but what we’re doing is best for us” kind of thing as other have suggested.
“We’re not able to host overnight guests right now.” Full stop.
Since this is a WWYD, I would feel as miffed as you, but probably take my husbands lead on it. Yes it would gall me to pay for the hotel, but it may be worth it to keep the peace.
Even if I adored these houseguests, I’d probably say “sorry, we can’t host you this time,” and not offer to pay for the hotel. My priority would be time with my college-age kid and giving her a nice time, including a quiet house as requested. It won’t be long before college-age kid graduates and may have significantly less time to come visit me.
Given that I don’t even like these houseguests, no way would I host them.
+100
In the short term, either say “we can’t do it this time; I’m so sorry.” Or if you can’t do that fully, say, “We can let you stay but we can’t do meals or drive you anywhere.”
In the longer term, you and your husband have to come to an agreement between yourselves. I’ve dealt with this exact thing myself, and it eats at your marriage and family relationships, building resentment (which is clear in your question here). Develop a rule for yourselves and stick to it.
And for everyone here claiming what families do and what family is for — that’s idiosyncratic. There’s no specific rule. Stop making your own standards everyone else’s.
ONG start saying no and stop being martyrs.
This is your husband’s family. He tells them no. You stay out of it. He deals with his family. Not your problem. If he tells them yes, then he cooks and cleans and drives them around and you are busy with work. Not your problem. If you and your husban do not agree on this then it’s a husband/ wife problem not a family problem.
This
I wouldn’t cook for them or drive for them, but I’d let them stay at the house if they refused husband’s offer of a night at the hotel. My relatives that are like this are my fairly-well-off aunt and my very-well-off in-laws. It’s galling but I can’t change their behavior.
There is a middle ground between “boundaries, no family ever, hold strong” and “pushover.” It involves using your words. In this case I’d say, “SIL not this time, with the party and daughter coming home you staying here is more chaos than we can deal with. Next time.”
This is an honest and direct answer. And shouldn’t blow up any family dynamics.
We have downsized and guests when our son is back from college is hard. It has involved them sleeping on a queen blow up in the living room. If it were me, I would just say that I am really busy but let them know not to be afraid to buy and cook what they want and to suggest that they rent a car or take Uber. You are not obligated to entertain them. In fact, I might schedule the time to go out with my own friends during some of the time.
I crave a lot of chocolate every night after dinner when I get to bed. Any ideas to satiate myself that’s not white knuckling through it, which I fail anyway. Chocolate flavor tea, protein shakes and “1 piece” Of good dark chocolate have not worked.
Are you eating enough for dinner? “A lot of chocolate” suggests to me that you are hungry and not getting the calories you need.
+1. And along the lines of the post below, you also might not be eating enough early in the day, leaving you extra hungry at dinner. Try eating a bigger lunch, and having a little chocolate or something chocolate flavored then.
Can you do your chocolate right after dinner? Or even after lunch? I think the timing matters in how it affects blood sugar.
Premiere Protein makes a very good hot chocolate powder that is like 50 calories and high protein
How much chocolate are we talking about here? I crave intensely sour flavors during certain parts of my cycle and just sort of mentally reallocate my calories for the day to accomodate an evening IPA or kombucha instead of beating myself up about it.
What chocolate is it that you are actually craving? A candy bar is probably the same calories as a protein shake (and depending on the shake, could be the same sugar), same with a small brownie or piece of cake.
Brush your teeth right after dinner. I am too lazy to brush my teeth again so it prevents me from eating.
Am I the only one who thinks you should just eat the chocolate if you want to?
Nope, I fully agree. I’ve never understood all these workarounds.
It depends on how much chocolate we’re talking about. A few squares of good dark chocolate, sure. Half a bag of Dove Promises every night? That requires a solution.
Half a bag? Who cares? Life is too short. Just eat the damn chocolate.
Eating that much sugar effs up your insides badly. When I went through a depressive episode I ate about two chocolate bars a day and let me tell you my digestion, p**ps, skin, everything suffered. I’m off the sugar train again and it’s a delight to have my morning bowel movement again
I eat a ton of sugar and have no problems pooping. Sugar is actually a laxative so I would think diarrhea would be a more likely issue than constipation. But every body is different.
Anon @3:11, eating a half a bag of chocolates a night is a great way to ensure that your life is, in fact, too short!
It’s naive to think you can meaningfully extend your lifespan by depriving yourself of treats. I know so many scrupulously healthy people who died before 65 and so many obese people who never exercise who are chugging along in their 80s or close to it (including our lovely 45th president).
Also am I the only one for whom living a long time isn’t a goal? Few people seem to have a good quality of life past 75 and basically no one does past 80. I would rather enjoy my life while I’m here even if it means dying a bit younger rather than trying to prolong it by a few years at the end when QOL is terrible.
Conditions like diabetes both shorten lifespan and lower QoL at once.
Sugar-free chocolate (e.g. Lily’s) isn’t necessarily something I’d want to make a regular part of my diet, but it could be an experiment to see if the craving is really about the chocolate or just the sugar. Sugar cravings are something to follow up on with a doctor.
Ever look at the sugar content of dark chocolate? An entire bar of Ghirardelli’s Intense Dark has all of 10 grams of sugar. That’s 1/7th of the sugar in a large Panera lemonade.
Don’t chow down on chocolate if you have terrible diabetes but seriously, it’s not a sugar bomb. It’s fine to eat a handful of chocolates every day so long as the rest of your diet is reasonable.
+1 – the workarounds are never actually that much better and life is too short.
Not the only one. I have a substantial dessert (not a small square of dark chocolate) every single day. I’m not as skinny as I used to be but I’m not significantly overweight or unhealthy, and life would be so much worse without dessert.
I have a substantial dessert almost every night too. If I don’t feel like it, I don’t have it. If I limited myself to one tiny square of dark chocolate, which I think tastes like crap anyway, I’d crave dessert more. Intuitive eating is the way for me.
Same. I could lose five pounds but I would be miserable every day.
Yes. For weight control, it’s not really possible to eat any chocolate one wants.
Shrug. I lost 85 lbs over the course of a year while eating 2 squares of dark chocolate a day. It was my treat/reward for feeding my body properly over the course of the day.
Yeah. I’m all or nothing and don’t do substitutes. So I’ll either suffer through the deprivation or have the full version of the thing I want.
I’m a big fan of dessert (though I’m not a big chocolate person, especially since I get canker sores if I eat a lot), but I think that if you describe yourself as regularly craving a lot of anything, that’s a sign that’s something’s wrong. You’re probably not eating enough (overall or of some essential nutrients), or maybe not sleeping enough or stressed or something else. If you’ve eaten enough throughout the day (including dessert), you shouldn’t still be starving at bedtime, and eating a well balanced diet means eating a variety of foods, not a massive amount any one thing, so have some chocolate, have some ice cream, have some fruit, have some of whatever else you like, and you’ll be better off if you can.
Same.
a – track your sugar intake in general for a few days and see how you’re doing. the ideal is 25g per day. i find that the higher my sugar numbers are, the more i crave sugar.
b – look into volume eating, like mixing oatmeal with hot cocoa. something else that might satisfy: take a jello pudding packet (no cook) and mix it with a protein shake; refrigerate. i view it as 2 servings and they’re nice big portion sizes.
Are you truly hungry or is this more of an ingrained habit?
I nibble out of boredom and it becomes a hard habbit to break. I also don’t do well with trying to substitute a different food or smaller portion, but do find it far easier to distract myself with something completely different. A good book, knitting project, engrossing TV, chess puzzle, etc.
I used to eat chocolate vitatops, chocolate Chobani flips, and fudgesicles or those Yasso bars when I was in a chocolate mood and wanted something that was not too unhealthy. Sometimes all 3! I also sometimes drink chocolate Fairlife milk. Sometimes the heart wants what it wants. You can plan it into a healthy diet.
Yeah I do the chocolate fairlife milk too! Or I’ll make a mug of hot chocolate with whole fairlife milk too. The added bonus of the hot cocoa is that I tend to sleep better when I drink it.
Those Yasso bars are great – I usually eat two and don’t feel too badly about it.
What about a bowl of chocolate-y cereal? It feels like a lot and you get the chocolate cereal milk.
I agree that substitutes are not going to satisfy the craving. What may be more effective is to figure out where the craving is coming from and address the root. Sleep deprivation can cause chocolate cravings – do you need to be going to bed earlier? Magnesium deficiency can cause chocolate craving, and magnesium helps with sleep – are you taking a magnesium supplement? Feel-good chemicals – chocolate releases dopamine, serotonin, etc – can you figure out other ways to trigger those chemicals at bedtime (wink, nudge)? Gut bacteria – cravings, satisfaction, cravings, are a cycle. Truly if you can white knuckle it for a week or two, they should subside.
“Drinking chocolate” isn’t exactly low cal but perhaps made with whole milk (and add in some supplements you meant to take anyway like collagen) it can be very satisfying because it’s so rich and due to the heat/thickness it take a bit to consume. You could add some spice too to keep to “sips” rather than a chug, heh.
I would suggest eating something else very filling between dinner and bedtime and not caving to the chocolate cravings. I’d personally go for full-fat dairy or eggs I’m not saying don’t ever eat chocolate, but craving it is something else, and the way I’ve killed cravings for sugar is to not eat sugar. Definitely not by indulging in it.
My inner teenager indulges a scoop of Nutella now and then and that generally does the trick (tablespoon not ice cream scoop)
I did Whole 30 a few years ago, which a lot of people on here associate with disordered eating, but it was actually helpful to me in figuring out which foods were making me bloated. (You eliminate a lot of food categories for 30 days then add them back in one by one.)
One of the things they talk about is “slaying your sugar dragon” and that was a bit of a lightbulb moment for me. I indeed have a sugar dragon, and it craves something sweet an hour or so after a meal. I don’t need to be eating dessert twice a day, so I was interested in slaying it. It’s a cold turkey thing, and also recognizing what it is. If I don’t give into it for about 5 days, then it becomes far less intense. It helped me to have a goal like that, like “I can make it five days, and then if I want a chocolate/cookie/ice cream, then I can have one.” I didn’t have to say no to it forever, I just couldn’t feed it every single day.
So that’s where I am now, though I do feel the dragon slipping back to life, if I’m being honest. But knowing what it is helps me to tell my self that I’m saying no, just for today, and if I feel differently tomorrow, I can behave differently tomorrow.
Yeah honestly, I think going cold turkey would work best for me in this situation. If I have a little of certain things, I just want more, no matter how good it is. Sometimes it is easier to just not have any.
You could try preparing some sweet milky chai tea or eat one dark chocolate digestive biscuit. When I am trying to reduce the amount and portions of of food I eat, I sometimes prepare a mug of “Better Than Bullion” chicken broth, which is quite satisfying while low in calories. (I read somewhere that when reducing the amount and portions of food you ingest, you might experience a precipitous drop in sodium intake, so the broth sort of makes up for that.)
Chocolate covered yogurt raisins!
Does anyone with rosacea have a moisturizer they recommend? The one I’ve been using got discontinued (Eucerin Redness Relief). Maybe Clinique’s Redness Solution? I think I’m looking for something alcohol-free — any other tips?
Cerave PM facial moisturizer. I use the Ordinary Serum Hyaluronic Acid 2% + B5 first and then the moisturizer. My derm says HA is good for rosacea sufferers. For actual redness relief I get laser treatments.
How much do laser treatments cost? How often do you need to repeat them?
For bedtime, I like the Cerave PM moisturizer. Vanicream if I’m really dry.
For daytime, I like Clinique’s yellow moisturizer, but the gel kind, not the + kind, which my skin does not like.
I have recently used and liked both Aveeno calm+restore cream and Mario Badescu night cream with chamomile. Both do have alcohol in the ingredients, though. I’m not really versed in skincare, so I am not sure why/whether alcohol-free is important. I am certain I saw these on a list somewhere for rosacea/red and irritated skin and just tried them out. The Aveeno is very light and cooling. The MB is thick and creamy and feels great also. I have rosacea but also had damaged my skin using some chemical wipe thing I thought would be a good idea but was not.
Thank you. I was guessing perhaps it was the alcohol that was causing a stinging sensation and irritating my skin, but that might not be how it works at all.
Last minute trip planned to DC this weekend with my teenage daughter. She has already picked out the museums she wants to go to, but I’m expecting a couple of hours of downtime here and there, including most of tomorrow afternoon. Any suggestions for something fun and non-“educational” (ie, not a museum). We will have a car and are staying in NoVa so suburban activities are fine too. Something outdoors? Trendy eatery? We are up for anything!
Since you have a car you could head west on 66 and do some scenery. Maybe a stop at Red Truck bakery in Marshall for coffee abs pastries, an apple orchard, and leaf peeping in the Shenandoah Valley.
Also, if you’re torn between the Air and Space museum in DC and the one in Dulles, pick the Dulles location!
Walking around Georgetown in nice weather is fun – shop, get cookies at LeVan, etc. Or Old Town Alexandria is cute, too.
Oh yeah. Old Town Alexandria is great this time of year and easily kills a few hours. If you go on Saturday morning, I believe it’s the oldest farmers market in the country. Parking is a total pain but there are some garages that might be reasonable.
Pedal boat rentals at the Tidal Basin is a fun outing.
I used to live in Arlington, VA. Arlington National Cemetery is beautiful and outdoors. You could go visit where Ruth Bader Ginsburg is buried, which is not far from where JFK is buried. You could stop by a local florist first and get white roses to put on RBG’s grave (I did this once, and put roses on Jackie Kennedy’s grave too). Your teen might enjoy some of the stores that are available for shopping in DC and Arlington. There is an outdoor shopping area in Clarendon called The Crossing. Another option is walking the streets of historic Alexandria. I used to park at the King St garage (King St is the main street that goes down Alexandra). King St hits the water, where you can sit and watch the boats go by and see National Harbor on the other side of the river (the Maryland side). One more outdoor activity – the Potomac Overlook, which is a regional park in Arlington.
For a big splurge, try out the Alice and Wonderland themed tea at the Waldorf-Astoria https://www.sevenrooms.com/experiences/wadcpeacockalley/afternoon-clock-tower-tea-8628008243
Or check if you can make a reservation for afternoon tea at the Ritz at Pentagon City — it’s very pleasant, and parking is plentiful, and doesn’t impose a juvenile theme that may not go over well with a teenager. (There is a Ritz at Tysons’ II Shopping Mall, but for some reason their afternoon tea tends to sell our.)
Would second the reccs to walk around old town Alexandria, and would add the 14th st NW corridor to your list. Lots of fun restaurants and stores. Start around 14th &N NW and walk as far north up 14 as you feel like (up to approx Florida Ave). The wharf area is also nice.
For outdoorsy, if you’re up for it, look into the Billy Goat Trail Loop (4.4 miles, includes a fun rock scramble section, great views of big waterfalls) in Potomac. For a tamer hike, walk from Great Falls VA to Riverbend park and back (same waterfall views, from the VA side of the river, but may be very muddy after all the rain).
This isn’t fancy but the Sunday DuPont circle farmers market is always nice!
Or go to union market and do candle or jewelry making??
art on the avenue in del Ray in Alexandria is on Saturday. I’m one of the volunteers. lots of artists and artisans and local food purveyors.
Hi fellow Dey Ray-ian!
friendly PSA if you really enjoyed any of your outdoor flowers this summer — now is a great time to take cuttings (coleus and geranium are particularly easy) and look into overwintering your plants in general. lots of youtube and tiktok tutorials on how exaxctly to do that.
Thank you!
Agree! And don’t forget the seed pods if you have any. I’ve been throwing them in places I’d like more of those flowers to grow next summer. Snapdragons recently, nasturtiums before that, California poppies (I’m in the Bay Area), and lamb’s ears.
my marigolds are making so many seeds too!
Related PSA – learn about the importance of planting plants native to your region! It’s really rewarding and fun! Also, very on trend.
Does anyone have a recipe for a cashew-lemon-garlic sauce recipe? I wanted to make this Purple Carrot recipe but I need amounts for the ingredients…
https://www.purplecarrot.com/plant-based-recipes/baked-artichoke-cavatappi-with-melted-leeks-lemon-arugula?srsltid=AfmBOopk6O13GLZk0WWjW8pQWp-j_02wfocim7Pmcvg2zOqjnzL6Lf28
The amounts are in the recipe. That said, if you’re not trying to avoid dairy, substituting heavy cream for the cashews and soaking liquid will simplify things
whoops, I see they don’t have the amount of cashews listed. I’d use 1/3 to 1/2 cup, and however much garlic you like. In all honesty I’d use heavy cream.
Some people are lactose intolerant or care about baby cows.
but not how many cashews to soak, unless i’m missing it.
yeah, that’s a typo on their end, but it’s equal parts cashews and water
Per Cookie and Kate’s cookbook, you can make cashew Alfredo sauce with:
2/3 c raw cashews
2 tbsp lemon juice
1/2 tsp salt
Add 2/3 c reserved pasta cooking water
She adds 4 cloves of garlic to her 6 ounces of baby spinach, which provides the garlic flavour. Maybe tone it down for this recipe?
I make cashew sauces all the time, but I never really measure very closely. I usually use a cup of cashews and soak overnight (or with hot water for an hour or so). A tablespoon of lemon juice and a clove or two of garlic sounds about right for that amount of cashews, maybe a teaspoon of mustard (more if you really like mustard), some salt and a tablespoon or two of nutritional yeast, and maybe a bit of olive oil? But I definitely taste a lot to see and not sure if that’s the right amount for the amount of pasta you have.