ByKat Hours Updated
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Coffee Break: Hooked On Hoops

model wearing mini 14k threader earrings with a diamond at a jaunty angle

Shopbop has some great deals right now if you're in a treasure hunting mood… lots of lucky sizes, “1 left,” final sale, and so forth.

As an example: these pretty 14k earrings from LANA are delicate and interesting — perfect for everyday wear.

I like the unususal oval diamond at an angle, and the way they look almost like a leaf or something on the ear.

The earrings were $730, but are now marked to $438.

Sales of note for 12.5

110 Comments

    2. Ugh… I am a devout Catholic and a firm believer that like 95% of the world’s problems would be solved if people would follow the Ten Commandments… but… we live in a secular society and this doesn’t meet constitutional muster.

      1. Political theater (not that this makes it OK). Nobody can possibly think this is constitutional.

      2. ex catholic here. YEARS of therapy required to undo the damage done by the church.

          3. All human institutions have problems. You just hate Catholics and need to get some help.

    3. Address the marginalized people and infrastructure problems in Louisiana. Not your personal agenda. Act according to the 10 commandments.

    4. I saw something on social media today suggesting that if we are going to post Bible verses in government buildings the Beatitudes would be better than the Ten Commandments.

      1. Ugh they really would be!

        I’m agnostic / raised Episcopalian and I do think the world would be a better place if everyone followed WWJD (actual Jesus not made up hateful Evangelical / Catholic “Jesus”) and I think the Beatitudes are beautiful and a really good guide.

        However, I of course believe that religion has no place in government, public schools, or politics.

      2. Let’s just take out the conditional. Bible verses do not belong in government buildings.

  2. I’m the one who had $2k withdrawn from our account yesterday (I think someone just walked into a bank and did it). We filed a fraud thingy with Chase and they’re “looking into it” but we’re still trying to understand how it happened. Should I file a police report or leave it with Chase? Our credit is frozen. My husband stopped in this morning and they said that we can set up alerts for withdrawals but we can’t require multi-factor authentication or secret passwords or anything like that. People are supposed to have an ID so the thought was that someone did a withdrawal slip and the teller just didn’t check the ID. But coincidentally I do seem to be missing my debit card, which I usually keep at my desk, not in my purse. What would be your next steps? I guess I need to see if I can find the debit card. We usually don’t keep more than $1500 in checking but very occasionally have anywhere from $15k-$100k in there.

      1. The last time I had an identify theft / financial thing like this, I just called my local police station and they took a report over the phone and mailed it to me.

    3. Police report, and Chase should shut down your account and move you over to a new one. Report the debit card missing and get it replaced.

    4. Omg. Really?!? Cancel the debit card NOW. They’ll reissue you a new one immediately so you won’t be without it for long.

      I’d also file a police report. I don’t do it for CC fraud because I’m not out any money, but do it for debit card.

      I hope your desk is in your home office and you don’t mean your office. Never leave a card in the office!

      I also recommend that people only have their debit card with them when they’re going to take out cash. It’s so much harder (and not guaranteed) to recover money stolen via debit card fraud, as compared to credit card fraud. Mine lives in a safe place in my house and I only take it out when I’m going to the bank or ATM. Then it goes straight back to its place when I get home. And for the same reason, only use a debit card to withdraw cash not to pay for things like it’s a CC. If the number gets skimmed you’re sadly probably SOL. Plus you’re leaving rewards on the table not using a CC!!

      1. If you don’t use the debit card to debit funds to pay for purchases, but only use it as an ATM card, you can have your bank issue you an ATM card that is NOT a debit card. You will be protected by a ceiling on the amount of stolen funds you would be responsible for, in the event of theft by use of your card.

  3. I have a very stupid question today. Prayer hands emoji is how we say thank you – is that correct? Does anyone find this not intuitive? I just never can remember this for some reason!

    4. It’s confusing because prayer hands is also high five, which is more along the lines of thank you? Definitely find myself using emojis wrong so I have been limiting my use.

      1. The one that looks like jazz hands which someone else may have called praise hands is supposed to be the high-fives. Source I have Genzie kids.

    5. I thought the prayer hands were shorthand for “please.”

      Why am I suddenly feeling ancient?

      1. I just thought it was for “prayers.” And I don’t use it for that reason as I’m not a pray-er

    6. I just say thank you. I don’t think an emoji is better at relaying thank you or all that much faster than those two words.

    7. I do not use the prayer hands emoji for thanks, and have never met that usage in the wild. I’m a Xennial, in case there are generational differences. I consider the prayer hands to mean respectful greeting.

      If I use just an emoji for thanks, I might use a kissy face (mwah! with a tiny bit of irony), blushy smile, thumbs up, heart, multiple hearts smiley (warm thanks), but most likely there will be actual words.

      If somebody sent me prayer hands as thanks, I would assume that it’s to mean “thank you, you really saved me from a terrible embarassement”, aka humble prostrating.

    8. ok, it looks like it’s all over the map. My colleagues use 🙏 as simple thank you, e.g. when someone asks a question in zoom chat, and you drop in the link they need, they will use this as reaction. Thanks (or 🙏!) also for the link to emojipedia, I am not a praying person either, but in the context of Japanese thank you gesture (and maybe other cultures too), I feel it finally makes sense.

    9. I use as thanks or for indicating that I hope for an outcome. For example if someone posts “I hope my stupid neighbour didn’t block my car in again” I might react prayerhands.

  4. I’m late to the morning thread about dating a friend… I hope it’s ok to quote the description of how she feels about sex here: “When I’m single / celibate I just get so used to not having sex it’s not really on my radar? It’s like a dessert you like but don’t love – I’ll never go out of my way to have chocolate, but once I’m eating it I usually enjoy it. But I never think about chocolate unless it’s sitting right in front of me.”

    Doesn’t everyone feel like this though? Just a few of us? Is this demisexuality?

      1. Yeah, I’m curious how old the commenters below are. At 48, with two kids and full time job, I’m low desire for sure. I just don’t sleep well anymore (thanks, peri!), so that’s not helpful either in making room for gardening.

    2. I definitely don’t feel like this. I enjoy sex. I am fully monogamous when in a relationship and enjoy having sex with my partner. But when I am not in a relationship, I still want to have sex and enjoy (safe!) casual sex.

    4. Definitely not everyone. I think about sex and I would like to have sex when sex is not available to me, so it’s not everyone.

    5. I’m that OP! I’d say most of my friends are like me, and fine going years without sex, but I have a few friends who are always cycling through FWBs when they’re single – they’d be miserable going too long between sex.

      I also probably don’t miss it when I’m not having it because traditional gardening doesn’t do it for me most of the time. I need toys or oral, so traditional gardening is something I really just do for a partner. Foreplay, making out, and things along those lines are fun but I don’t crave them when I don’t have them. And, I definitely have a time limit on how long I think they’re fun. Like that type of touching or kissing leading to something? Great. Doing it for the sake of doing it? Happy to make out for a few minutes but then I get bored.

      Oddly enough, my love language is probably physical touch. Holding hands, arm around me, dancing together and twirling me, just sitting nearby with your hand resting on me? Love it. Kissing my forehead? Never stop. Love the touching, unless it’s time to sleep then do not touch me. But awake non sexual touching? Yes please!! I actually think non sexual touching is so intimate – you can do whatever sexual things with a FWB which is yes it’s sex but it’s not intimate. But you don’t just sit on the couch with a hand on a thigh with a FWB. To me that’s something reserved for someone special and this so intimate.

    6. I enjoy all the “peripherals” of gardening–the closeness, feeling desired, feeling like I’m putting bricks in the wall of our marriage, feeling I’m doing something for him that he really enjoys, a “reset” in terms of my mood at times, but the literal physical act has never really been something I’ve been dying over. I’m heteroflexible and have been with women FYI in case anyone goes down that road and while it was just as enjoyable it wasn’t some lightbulb moment in terms of desire level.

      I think like many women I have a complicated relationship with my gardening equipment–it’s caused me so much pain and hardship over the years (cramps/PMS, UTIs, I got PID one year, fibroids, actual periods, unplanned/unwanted “seedlings” and seedling scares plus a constant nagging worry about seedling making, protection issues, fear of forced gardening only due to my gender, and on and on ) to the point where gardening just…doesn’t really have much appeal on the physical-only level.

    8. Demisexuality is specifically needing emotional connection to enjoy physical connection. What you are describing is not demisexuality. Rather it sounds more like responsive desire. And sounds pretty normal

  5. Anyone have a Cuyana bag and can comment on the sizing? I’m looking at the Easy Tote, but cannot figure out if I want the small or the classic. Typically I go for larger bags but the classic almost looks too wide…. except the models they show are quite thin, and I am more of a size 14-16, so maybe it wouldn’t look strange to me.

    1. I can! I bought the easy tote in the small size. It is large enough to fit my laptop, a notebook, my wallet, and random things (e.g., passport, lipsticks, etc.) I tried the classic on in store, and it was too big for what I needed. I am also 5’2″ and it looked comically big on me.

  6. Hello! Coming to NYC next week for a Broadway show and drinks with two women I’ve worked with from other finance firms. I don’t know either very well. What are options for an appropriate outfit for a mid-40’s woman? They are early 50’s and late 50’s. I’m size 16/18 and need to wear flats due to a recent foot injury. My black work dress is already reserved for an interview earlier that day.

    2. people wear anything to the shows — so if convenient to stay in your work clothes that’s fine, and flats are more common than heels.

    3. Ooh fun! I’m mid 40s and a size 16 and just got back from NYC recently! I wore light, floaty linen pants + a printed silk topper + solid silk top with a bit of drape for daytime, and for nighttime a stretch tank dress with a cool modern print.

      Other options were a pleated mini swing dress in a rich cobalt, silk joggers + a fun top, a bias-cut silky skirt + a top, or a long jersey maxi dress that had a built-in hood and was a minimalist, not quite figure-hugging design.

  7. Best smallish purse for wallet, phone, keys, glasses, and maybe a lipstick? I have a tote but it is too large to the point of scuffing the ground if it gets heavy with anything extra. Assume I’m indifferent as to price if <1000 (hopefully would be work appropriate but not so formal I’d need to switch bags for the weekend).

    2. A Tumi Voyageur cross-body bag, like a boxy camera bag. Then you can get a Tumi Voyageur tote to complete your “system,” particularly if you travel a lot — the smaller cross-body bag gets stuffed into the tote while going through airport security and boarding the flight (the two points where officials may enforce the two bags only rule, and require you to consolidate your bags).

    3. I thought that uniqlo nylon bag from just a couple days ago and it’s great. I used it all day today and it didn’t hurt my neck at all which my leather x body has been doing.

  8. I missed the secrets thread last week, I’d love to revive for those who would never tell anyone IRL:

    My (very shameful) secret is I have never been kissed, been fancied or desired, been on a date, been chatted up, and obviously never gardened. I’m 41. I’ve had to fabricate a past history of sorts to friends, family and medical professionals to avoid the shame.

    What’s yours? Big hugs to everyone in advance!

    1. I’ll go. I’m 40 and have been married 14 years. Right now, I find my husband physically unattractive.

    2. You’ve definitely been desired! But it’s a good thing to have standards and not sleep with any guy who fancies you.

    3. OP are you me?? 44 and the same. In my case it’s because I’m a Muslim and not married. I have been kissed and been on a few dates but no one has ever really liked me for real and obviously haven’t gardened. But I’ve still had to fabricate for doctors and friends because no one would assume this is because of religion – as I don’t cover and don’t pray at work or anything. At this point I think this is just what it’s going to be for life because I’m not interested in marrying out of my faith and guys in my faith are married by 25 or just straight out of the stone ages – and I tend to like my balance of working, friends, life – not just serving a man and living by his will 24-7. Oh well. Guess I should’ve tried harder a few decades ago but then I naively thought making a career was more important and the years flew past, nor did my career become anything high flying. Joke’s on me.

      1. Well a man who you’d have to serve and who makes you follow his will is not a good one to be married to! It’s always better to be single than it is to live a life like that without agency!!

        Would you be interested in dating a more liberal Muslim man?

      2. OP here, I completely understand your self and being (especially the part about your career, what on earth did we slog through years of education and internships for??). I’m also very proud of you for being able to maintain a lovely balance in your life at age 44.

      3. FYI, I have a male friend who is Muslim, not very observant (fasts for ramadan but doesn’t pray and does drink), but wouldn’t mind being with someone who is (the rest of his family is very observant). He’s around your age, never been married but would like to be. He’s currently seeing someone, otherwise I would ask where you are and see if a set up was a possibility. He likes women with careers! Few and far between, but there are men who fit your criteria, if you want to keep looking.

    4. I don’t like my face and never have. I have a great body that I work hard on. Unfortunately, I have my dad’s face, which is fine on a man and not so great on a woman. There’s only so much makeup can do.

      1. OP here. Big hug! I know how hard it is to dislike something immutable about yourself. FWIW, I’m very proud of you for loving and maintaining your body!

      3. I once heard a joke that says, after 50 women look in the mirror & see their father in a wig … randomly this struck me as quite funny as I’ve always looked like my father including our hairstyle … I don’t think it’s a bad thing though.

      4. A woman with a killer bod and a “handsome” face is a French ideal of beauty. Know that!

    5. I did not have a real kiss and did not lose my V card until I met my husband at 36! I can definitely see how it could happen going into your 40s too. I don’t think it is weird – just how life goes, not great luck finding someone, etc. And I followed all the usual advice about putting myself out there and went on many blind dates. So much of it is luck I think!

    6. What do you tell people? Is it a consistent backstory or a series of white lies/vague comments?Can I ask why do it for a medical professional? I feel like telling the medical professional truthfully would prevent you from having to do extra testing, for example (unless you tell them “my boyfriend and I are waiting” or something).

    7. I married for love, but I inadvertently also married up. Can’t talk about it in real life because it makes people uncomfortable (even though I think upward mobility or the difficulty thereof is endlessly interesting). I’ve been told I’m white and I’m educated and my teeth are straight, so I pass.

    8. My ex-h had a violent temper. I decided to leave him on the night he threatened to end my life, and easily could have. Almost nobody knows this.

      I tell people we grew apart. Goodness knows what he told people, because I lost every mutual friend. I loved his family like my own and the hardest part might have been knowing that they would think I just casually decided to leave their son. But I kept my reasons to myself because I was so embarrassed and also scared that if I “outed” him for what happened that night he would come after me again.

      1. Good for you for getting out of a scary and dangerous situation. You know best how to address your personal situation, and it’s probably for the best that you lost every mutual friend, as that likely helped you maintain a safe distance.

    9. I think there’s something wrong with me because I’ve been bullied repeatedly at work.

    10. 30, have had a couple guys I went on dates with and made out with, but I’ve never had a relationship and I don’t think I’ve ever experienced attraction or desire for another person before. The handful of times I’ve made out, all I could think about during it was how silly it is to touch your lips with another persons.

      I hate hearing my name said out loud and I don’t particularly like it in general. It’s not a popular name, it’s on the decidedly old lady name list, and I’ve meet maybe 1 other My Names in my life. There’s derivatives and shortened versions of my name that have been having a moment.

      I’m a slob and I think it’s unfixable at this point. Systems, methods, schedules, decluttering, downsizing, you name it and I’ve tried it. My bathroom is overdue a cleaning by *mumble mumble*. My bedroom floor is covered in clean and dirty laundry. My living room looks like your 8 year old’s bedroom after a tornado hits. I haven’t vacuumed in…. a while. I currently live in an obstacle course. The stove top needs your thoughts and prayers. I’ve recently been trying to make doing dishes while the coffee brews a thing I do every morning.

      I have friends with body dysmorphia and who think about/care about their presentation so much and I don’t relate to those feelings. I sympathize with them, I lend an ear when they need it. But my own body, what I look like and how other people perceive me just never has been something I think about. I enjoy looking at clothes, and jewelry and bags, and putting together outfits sometimes and it’s fine to care about those things. But I just don’t get the high levels of agony over clothes and appearance that some friends have. I’m not always happy with the way my body looks and feels or how I look in an outfit but it’s….it is what it is? I’d still be me and feel all the same feelings if I’m in my crappy t-shirt and shorts or some polished fashionable look.

  9. This is sort of an AITA post, but I’m honestly curious as to what others think about this one.

    My town’s downtown district (a couple of city blocks) does a monthly event in the summer. Free samples from downtown restaurants, live bands in the town square, photo booth, usually a couple hundred people out and about on a pleasant summer night. It starts in the early evening (after 5pm) and the bands stop playing around 9pm. The downtown is a mix of restaurants, stores, office buildings, cafes, and local government offices. The event happens just a few times a year and is heavily publicized to people in the local area and the greater metro area. The event complies with all city and state laws (including noise ordinances) and has been operating for about 10 years.

    A therapy provider with a downtown office has been complaining vociferously about the noise from the band (calling the organizers, complaining on social media, generally making a federal case out of the disruption). She says the bands are too loud for her to conduct her therapy sessions in the evening, she is losing money because she has to cancel sessions, the bass shakes her office building and is disruptive, there are too many loud people walking along the sidewalks near her office, etc.

    I know the woman a bit from a volunteer organization where we are both officers, and while I don’t like her very much, she’s not the most toxic person in that organization. Honestly, I think she should just chalk this up to “city life” and reschedule some sessions, but maybe I’m TA?

    1. Provider is TA. She doesn’t want a vibrant local community evening? Surely they’re scheduled decently far in advance if she pays attention.

      1. It’s probably more of a 4-6 weeks’ advance notice than a 6-8 weeks’ notice but yeah, plenty of time.

    2. Given the details about the context (downtown, legal and compliant, evening), she’s TA. It’s once a month after PM. She could reschedule some sessions or relocate some sessions or “reframe” this as an opportunity and try attending the event.

    3. If the event is monthly during the summer, then it probably only happens about 4 times per year and is scheduled in advance. If that’s true, then Provider either needs to suck it up and not schedule appointments on those 3-4 nights of the year or find different office space. She’s being unreasonable.

    4. I think I’m with you on “city life.” It sounds like these events are good for many of the businesses on the street and good for the community as a whole.
      Are you responsible for planning or organizing the event, or are you just trying to decide whether to sympathize with her? I understand that it might be tough to reschedule sessions, both from a financial perspective and feeling responsible to be consistently available for appointments. I imagine that the fact that these events happen several months in a row (vs once a quarter) makes it harder. And while tele-therapy has really expanded access, many therapists feel like they can’t serve their patients as well via Zoom as they can in person.
      Maybe the organizers could move where the band is set up? But if she were my friend or acquaintance and asked my advice, I’d encourage her to move to an office location that’s consistently quiet in the evenings.

      1. My BFF is the organizer. They could move the band, but the therapist has complained about the band location that is close to her and the band location that is on the other end of the district. I know that the office building she is in is pretty expensive for the area and the landlords have the reputation of being pretty tough on tenants, so she may be taking out her frustration on my friend.

        1. Sounds like it’s time for her to find a new office! Not every location is perfect for every tenant. But if the reasons for staying are stronger than the reasons to leave, she should do Zoom appointments on those evenings or reschedule patients. One tenant doesn’t get to ban community events that lots of businesses participate in and hundreds of people attend.

    5. I appreciate that she has evening sessions to accommodate patients with inflexible work schedules; however, the solution is for her to take these handful of sessions over Zoom. She is in her home office, the patients are in their homes or offices after hours, and that’s the solution to the loud noise.

      Maybe if the band is set up right in front of her office, the community could look into moving it somewhere else. No other ideas.

    6. This series sounds amazing, and this therapist sounds awful.

      That said, does she have any ideas on mitigating the disruption to her work other than “cancel the whole thing?” If the band is as far as possible and complies with noise ordinances, what does she want? More notice?

    7. I’m on the fence about this one because it’s obviously a public good to have a vibrant downtown and one person shouldn’t get to veto that. On the other hand, I appreciate a therapist offering evening sessions, and if the events are only scheduled 4-6 weeks in advance, that does probably mess with her schedule and force her to cancel on people. Also, in my opinion, really loud music actually detracts from an event, as it makes it harder for people to actually talk. If the music is legit too loud to hold a therapy session inside (and this woman isn’t just complaining because she doesn’t like the event), then I think it’s probably obnoxiously loud at the event too and she’s probably not the only person who would actually like the event more if it wasn’t so loud. What about toning the volume down a bit?

      1. Knowing the complainer personally, I think it’s a little bit from column A (the event is kind of loud) and a little bit from column B (she doesn’t like the event). It’s worth considering lowering the noise.

        1. That’s a fair point. We spend most weddings hovering in the hallway outside the ballroom so we can actually talk to relatives. If the music is so low it overpowers the ability to chat, it’s too much IMHO.

      2. +1 My husband and I went out to dinner in our downtown and it was like the only date we’d had in a year (three young kids). We knew there was some sort of local fest going on (sounds similar to this) but figured it could be fun. The bass was SO LOUD we could barely carry on a conversation at the restaurant. The music was also a very specific taste. It was such a disappointing evening, and I can see how music can really break an event for some (lots of) people. Always turn it down more than you think you need to!

        1. I once got in an argument with someone whose job this was about volumes known to be harmful to hearing. She said it’s common knowledge that it’s loud enough to cause damage, and it’s a free choice to attend or not to attend, so there’s no issue.

          1. My dad is a crotchety Fox News viewer, at whom I usually roll eyes and move on when he complains about things like music, but I agree with him that live bands, in venues that aren’t specifically concerts, often are too much. He especially goes on about weddings, and how during the cocktail hour and the meal people want to talk and visit, and the band is always, always too loud. When it’s the dancing part of the night (or if people are at whatever function for dancing), turn it up and have fun! But music should really be there to enhance an event, not dominate

      3. In the past few years, loud music has made me a miserable cuss. It gives me anxiety in the gym and in stores when I am trying to shop. I don’t get why music in the gym is louder than what I might be listening to on my earphones. I will not eat in a restaurant where the music is too loud. As for outside events, if it is shaking the building and she can’t hear inside to talke, then it is way too loud. And not necessary.

    9. The provider needs to build a bridge and get over it, but I do sympathize with her because it can be so hard for people to access therapy without appointment availabilities after normal working hours.

    10. In a previous life, I used to live in a downtown area that had these kind of events. While sometimes they were inconvenient when I was trying to concentrate on something (or go to sleep early) I accepted it as the price of living in a vibrant downtown. When it got to be too much, I moved. Therapy provider should make different arrangements.

    11. I live in one of these vibrant downtowns. My dad and a lot of others worked tirelessly for decades to make this place the success story that it is. And there were and are people every step along the way who fought it and continue to fight it. Every festival. Every initiative. Every forward step that the community took and takes. I have such little patience for the naysayers and nimbys who want to take advantage of all the great things that others have worked to build here and halt and destroy progress because of petty annoyances and selfishness. Forget this lady. If she and her clients want peace and quiet there are empty strip malls and office parks throughout this nation that will work nicely.

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