Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Lauper Variegated Rib Knit Dress

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A woman wearing a navy dress with gold buttons and brown heels

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This navy dress from Veronica Beard is one of the best sweater dresses I’ve seen this season. The shape is super flattering, and the brass buttons add a little extra fun.

If you’re a bustier person, I might size up on this one to prevent some of the awkward pulling that comes with the territory, but other than that, it looks like an A+ to me.

The dress is $498 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes XS–XL.

Talbots has a more affordable option in four size ranges for $169.

P.S. Visit MLKDay.gov to take action on this Martin Luther King, Jr., National Day of Service.

Sales of note for 2/7/25:

  • Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
  • Boden – 15% off new season styles
  • Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
  • J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+

179 Comments

  1. It is negative degrees where I am today and the sight of this model’s bare legs makes me cringe.

    1. Maybe she’s like that one guy who wears shorts all winter, even in negative degrees, lol.

      1. Or just British! I’m always amazed at the hardyness of young people going out in the UK.

          1. Yes but we also don’t do negative degrees here.

            I have a neighbor here in Berkeley whom I have never seen in any form of long pants. Shorts 24/7/365. Black socks. He’s originally from SoCal but has been here for more than 25 years.

          2. Yeah, that’s my point, I can’t relate to the pearl clutching because the weather here is mild. It can be chilly enough to wear a sweater dress but not so cold you need tights or boots.

        1. I wore sweater dresses plenty when I lived in the Bay Area, but always with tights. If it’s warm enough for bare legs, it’s too hot for a sweater dress, imo.

      2. That’s my husband, lol. He recently got stopped by police and asked if he was ok because he wore shorts when he was like 10 degrees out.

      3. I went to college in Chicago and we used to joke that you could always tell who the Minnesotans were because they were the ones still wearing shorts in December lol.

      4. Men look so stupid in shorts. If they realized this, they might wear them a lot less. Don’t get me started on the “no long pants” guys. Apparently they’re unaware that only little boys used to wear short pants.

        1. Shorts look a lot better than pants that have to be held up so they don’t fall down around the ankles. I would rather a man show his knees in public than his underwear…or worse…

        2. lol wut? Don’t come to SoCal, it’s rare to have a day where I don’t see many men wearing shorts.

        3. The first thing I saw were my husband’s muscular legs in shorts. I then saw his smile. Glad he is a shorts guy!

        4. Are you the same person who thinks black tights are only for children? You must really miss the Model A Ford.

    2. If it’s warm enough to wear a sweater dress, I am not wearing bare legs and sandals. I wish these things were styled more realistically.

      1. yes, along with the different sized model option I need a black tights and booties option.I’d wear those shoes maybe for a wedding, for pics only.

    3. I’m in the minus temps as well, and am considering how this outfit would work with my snowpants.

    4. I’ve reached the time of year here in Canada where all my fashion decisions are dictated by the weather. Example: I love the trend of wide-leg pants but they’re too bulky to tuck into my snow boots when I commute to work.

    5. It is 30 degrees Celsius (86 Fahrenheit) and I cannot imagine wearing a dress like that: 40 % plastic so I’d be sweating like I was trapped in garbage bag.

  2. What do people wear to privacy conferences? I’m a lawyer, attending a privacy conference in MN in a few weeks. I am attending alone, I am interested in the area but my firm currently doesn’t offer any similar services. Not sure if we ever will but priority 1 is learn and then priority 2 would be network if there is time.

        1. One of the greatest accomplishments of my life was spotting Lynne Thigpen in a restaurant! My kids watched the original.

    1. In MN, in the middle of winter? Something incredibly warm. I doubt anyone is noticing clothes. And pack extra in case your flights are delayed.

    2. I’m in Minneapolis right now. The answer is pants with leggings underneath, long wool socks with a shoe that is warm, and a thin wool sweater with a blazer over the top. Bring a heavy coat! Layers layers layers. It’s -10 today.

    3. Who on earth is planning a national conference in Minnesota this time of year?! I love the northern Midwest, but in the summer.

      1. I am very tempted to buy that hat, though it may secure my “eccentric old lady” status.

    4. I’m doing a conference in Boston next week. Too cold for traditional suits for me. So I’m wearing an MM Lafleur sweater dress (simple crew neck, not too clingly) and tights with possibly a wool blazer from Talbots. I hate wearing pants, but second day will probably be black ponte dress pants, thin sweater, and a different wool blazer from Talbots. Black short boots with both.

    5. If you aren’t staying in the same location as the conference, I prefer skirts or dresses in winter in snowy climates – wear thick tights or leggings underneath, bring an extra Trader Joe’s baf to leave your heavy boots in a bag at the front desk with your name and phone number on it, and change into conference shoes for the day. There will presumably be a coat rack; if you have a black puffer or something equally likely to be confused for someone else’s coat, put – business card in the pocket so it can come back to you.

  3. Hi All, I am the poster from Friday whose H quit his job without telling me first. No, he was not fired. It was a situation where things were being asked of him and he felt overwhelmed by the stress of the job and he just decided he could not take it anymore. I do understand that it has been stressful for him and he has commented, “well maybe I should just quit” and I have said we need to be sure he has something lined up especially for insurance reasons. I have told him in the past I would be willing to work on making a plan if he can’t find something right away, including selling our house and moving into a less expensive home. He has looked for a new job off and on, but has not had any luck and has not really focused on finding something new in any detailed or comprehensive way, just as things might pop up or he hears about them from someone else. He has mentioned just “retiring” and working some part time, fun job, but again, we need a certain level of income or need to consider other options.

    Yes, I can carry everyone on my insurance, but it is much more expensive than his so that will also decrease the amount available for fixed expenses. I’m willing to do most anything to reduce our expenses but I’m not sure he is on board. He definitely does not want to move from our current home.

    I’m really not even angry, just disappointed that he didn’t give us a chance to make a plan, etc.

    1. Look, I have had my share of communication failures with my husband. We once almost bought a house I really didn’t want to buy because I didn’t know how to speak up for myself. So listen to me when I say you need to get in counseling asap and very seriously consider leaving him. What else is he not telling you?

    2. You need to look into a couples counsellor. This sounds like some kind of mid life crisis.

      Lots of people might like to retire and work part time occasionally but that needs to be planned and financially possible.

    3. So he gets to stay at home having fun and you have to pay for everything? And he didn’t even talk to you about it? That’s divorce worthy imo.

    4. How do your incomes compare? How old are your kids? what is he doing TODAY?

      I would walk out of the house if my husband dropped this bomb on me (we have kids, he carries our insurance).

    5. oof, this level of non-communication is ridiculous to me. I can’t imagine merely feeling disappointed given this joint-life-altering-decisionmaking alone.

        1. OP, I am sending all the hugs to you…I don’t know about divorcing him, but this is a serious breech of your partnership and marriage. Don’t let your disappointment mask your anger–you deserve to be angry, he could have done so much better. And, no, he does not get to do the fun part time job while you support the family.

        2. Oh, honey. I’m so very sorry. Right now, can you find some therapy for yourself? There’s a lot to work through & another (professional) perspective will help clarify things for a way forward, whatever that way looks like.

        3. Yes, this situation sounds like it has pretty much exhausted you. I’m sorry you’re having to go through all this – take care of yourself first, if you can.

    6. I am unusual in that I have entirely separate finances from my husband, and even I wouldn’t have quit without it being a joint discussion if I knew there was potential for financial impact to him like insurance. In my state, you can’t quit and get unemployment, at least that’s what I seem to recall when I had my position eliminated a few years ago. And now he wants to compound his unilateral decision by possibly making another one to retire? You guys need to work as a team.

    7. Has he been screened for depression? How he felt about work sounds like how I felt when I was in BigLaw and sliding into a severe depression. I didn’t actually quit my job before I had a new one, but I was tempted many times and entertained the idea that I would just become a barista.

      If he doesn’t intend to look for work and actually have a job, I probably would leave. At least a trial separation where he moves out of the house and you both pay your own bills and he finds out what happens when he opts not to have a paycheck

    8. Even if your husband is facing mental health struggles exacerbated by his job, he’s done you an incredible disservice by his actions. It just seems like he’s letting you take on all this stress and aggravation because he can’t face sitting down and coming up with a plan and then following through. I know being angry doesn’t solve your immediate problems, but I think is a huge breach of trust and failure on his part to be a good partner to you.

    9. So he has no robust plan to bring in the same level of income he did before, but also no realistic plan to adapt to living on just your income? Maybe quitting on the spot really was the only way, I don’t know, but at the very least he needs to work with you to manage the consequences of it, not just pretend there are no consequences. I’m sorry you’re having to carry this for both of you.

    10. He didn’t discuss it with you because you wouldn’t have agreed he gets to have fun the rest of his life while you figure out how you (singular) will pay your (plural) bills. I’m so sorry.

    11. I quit my first job as a lawyer with nothing to go to when I was single and VERY broke. I was willing to wait on tables but I COULD NOT find a new job with the stress I was under from an insane boss. I found a better law job in one week. When my husband was laid off from his tech job, he moped for two weeks and then got a BS job with a pay cut just for the income. But, as I said the other day, we bought a home that one of us could cover if necessary.

      I don’t like that people are telling you to divorce him. They don’t know how bad his job was at all. He will find another job. Good luck.

      1. I agree with you in general, but I also think it’s deeply problematic that he acted alone. He isn’t single, he’s married and you don’t get to just do that.

      2. He’s only going to find another job if he wants to and it really doesn’t sound like he wants to.

        1. I’m curious how close to retirement they are (the kids are grown — maybe they have jobs and can now pay for their own insurance?) and what they have saved. Obviously rhetorical, I’m not prying.

          The non communication is a huge issue, of course, and a sudden loss of income is always a shock. But if the guy is 60, and they have a solid pot for retirement, that’s a different story than quitting at 45 and taking up golf full time. We are so conditioned to think we have to work and save forever in order to have value as a person, which simply isn’t the case. (Especially once you are empty nesters)

          1. This is a good point. Age does make a big difference. But as it sounds like communication with her partner is an issue for the OP, I suspect they aren’t on the same page about retirement yet.

            And you are right that healthy young adults can usually get insurance easily for a very reasonable cost on the ACA exchange / Obamacare. OP should look into that… or honestly, HER HUSBAND and HER KIDS should be doing that footwork, if money is tight.

            I mean, I had to get my own health insurance when I was out of college. It’s not an unreasonable things for young adults to do.

      3. Yah this board jumps to divorce immediately, for everything. If this is a symptom of a bigger marital issue, or yet another in a string of rash behavior that leaves you holding the buck, then maybe this is the last straw.

        But if this is out of character, and truly isolated to a soul-grinding job that made him snap, then divorce seems like the last in a long list of options. Is paying him alimony and supporting two households going to be better financially?

        This is a really sad situation, OP, and I hope once the shock wears off, both of you can get to the bottom of it and come to a consensus. Counseling is a good idea.

        1. I wonder when women accuse “this board jumps to divorce immediately” – are you in your own hellish marriage and you have decided to stick it out and don’t like to hear of others escaping?

          DIVORCE is definitely on the table here, OP. You said that it wasn’t great before.

          You have one life. There are no do-overs. Don’t spend years of it miserably married.

          1. Ba haha to Anon at 1:21. Dude, my husband was making 6 figures 20 years ago when he was laid off. He got a job at a pizza place after two weeks and eventually, built his own business. I am sorry that you assume others are in hellish marriages. Many of us know how to work through ups and downs and that is why we chose not to mortgage ourselves up to every penny. Because we know illness or loss of a job could happen at any minute. This guy JUST quit his job. OP can give him a minute vefore making her own rash decision. You sound miserable yourself.

          2. No, it’s because whenever anyone raises marital issues, big or small, there will be at least a handful of comments declaring it’s time to divorce…

          3. There is never a lack of voices telling women to suck it up and accept bad situations and bad relationships, excusing bad behaviour.

            It’s a good thing that this board is not one of those places.

        2. Not Anon at 12:48, but I agree with her, though I admit I’m probably biased precisely because I’m not in a horrible marriage. My husband is great and so are most of the men I know, so I do lean toward assuming that people have good reasons for behaving the way they do. If you’ve been married for a long time to someone who is usually a good husband who behaves responsibly, I believe in cutting them some slack when they break under extreme pressure. Obviously I’d feel differently if the relationship is bad for other reasons, but OP didn’t mention being unhappy otherwise and since she has kids old enough to be out of the house, it sounds like it’s a pretty long term marriage. It’s clearly not ideal to have quit without a plan, but how the two of you are able to come together to figure out what happens next is the important part. Some work situations are just really terrible and the only way to function normally is to get yourself out of them. But to continue a functional marriage, you both need to really listen to each other about your joint finances and what’s going on emotionally. If he can’t do that, then I’d be much more willing to consider divorce.

      4. He doesn’t want to find another job. He wants to “retire” and have OP pay to keep up his lifestyle!

      5. I agree with Anon at 11.51.

        Talk to this person who you allegedly love and find out what’s going on. He doesn’t sound ok.

        If you didn’t live in the hellscape that is the USA with expensive healthcare and gun toters threatening your life and bank balance then things would be so different.

      6. The difference is you were single. You didn’t have to consult with anyone else because your life choices didn’t impact anyone else. Also since it was your first job out of law school I’m assuming you were fairly young and also didn’t have children to support. Totally different circumstance.

      7. It’s awfully smug to say, twice now, that you have a house where the mortgage can be paid with only one of your incomes. What do you expect OP to do about it now. Do you really intend to give advice to OP or do you just want to feel pleased with yourself?

    12. Oh, my. This is really tough. I agree with everybody else that this is a Code Red Emergency for your marriage and I wouldn’t blame you one bit for lawyering up and finding out what your options are.

    13. It’s really obnoxious for one spouse to say “well, this is hard, my spouse can carry the financial burden” without an agreement with spouse beforehand. I am here in solidarity with you that it is perfectly OK to be angry right now. This was not OK.

    14. I first want to give you a huge hug and acknowledge with everyone else how not okay this is for your marriage.

      I’m in a high burn out profession (I’m a physician) and experienced really severe burnout. At my lowest point, I was literally fantasizing about becoming paralyzed so that I wouldn’t have to return to work. This is unfortunately actually pretty common (as is the barista fantasy another anon mentioned). One of my colleagues died by suicide. Another one quit suddenly without any warning. Everyone knew my job was stressful, but no one knew how low I got. I had to make drastic changes to my job (and income) and have 2 years of therapy to dig myself out.

      I had thought for a long time about making the changes I did, but then actually did them very suddenly. My sense of identity was so wrapped up in my profession that I kind of had to act on a snap impulse to be able to actually go through with it.

      I have no idea if this is what your husband is going through, but if it is, I have so much empathy for him too. If it is, quitting his job is truly him saving his own life.

      I absolutely do not want to absolve him of his financial responsibilities. This is unquestionably a deep wound to your marriage. I just truly hope he’s able to heal himself and his union.

    15. Op here, thank you for all of the feedback. I truly do appreciate the fact that he has been in a difficult situation and I am not trying to discount that. My frustration is that I have been willing to discuss and help him look for new opportunities and it has gone nowhere. Like, I can input your information in the job application, but I can’t explain in detail what you do. You need to work on your own resume and list out accurately what needs to be included. I am happy to edit, etc., but can’t do the actual writing of it. BTW, not a physician or big law, but a stressful job nonetheless. I also can’t actually do the interview for him, he needs to do that himself.

      Also, he has ruled out so many opportunities over the years because they might make him drive a few extra minutes to get to work or he’s not sure because of some random thing so he doesn’t even make an effort to see if it would be a good fit. Since he has ruled out so many opportunities I figured it wasn’t all that bad. In my thought process, if it is that bad, you would try your hardest to find something else, even if that something else doesn’t check all of the boxes. I know he is probably burned out and possibly evened depressed, but he has taken no action to change anything. That is where most of my frustration comes from.

      1. Just so you know (although you already do know) you can leave this fellow, a marriage needs 2 committed people to make it work. I would check in with the best divorce lawyer you know and at the same time have a come-to-Jesus talk with him.
        The very best of luck to you.

      2. I was trapped in a truly terrible job and just did not have the confidence or the energy to look seriously for anything else. At first my husband thought as you do—if it were truly that bad I would just work harder to find something else—but he eventually came to understand that I was so beaten down and overworked that there was just no feasible way for me to conduct a productive job search while working long hours at the terrible job and handling parenting and housekeeping at the same time. The day I quit I got an offer through my network for contract work.

        No one on this board knows your husband and can tell you whether he’s a deadbeat loser who just doesn’t want to work or a good guy who has been beaten down, but you need to think that through very carefully and consider his perspective before kicking him to the curb. FWIW, my husband would be the first to tell you that my quitting my toxic job did wonders for our marriage and family, even though I make less money than I did and have no benefits.

      3. OP, I have been in a similar situation, the difference was my husband knew how he was feeling was not okay. He ended up also leaving his job and taking significant time off work to get better but again, difference is it was a family decision. It’s not your husbands fault if he is depressed but if he can’t see that and try getting help, there’s not a lot you can do, and it’s okay to not be okay with this situation. I’d think long and hard before you take drastic steps to try and rescue him if he’s not communicating and is not ready to take a first step to help himself. I wish you the best.

      4. Op, I’m divorced. It’s not what I wanted but I got out when I heard my husband tell his buddies that he was going to be Mr Mom while I worked. When our son was 18 months old he had a clear development delay. I talked with my husband about staying home to focus on helping him and was told I had to work full time. This made his claims to his buddies rub me particularly hard. Our son needed me, his mother, but his father thought me working was more important. Reality is my ex husband is extremely lazy and I cut a bunch of dead weight out of my life when I divorced him.

        He continues to be a deadweight coparent and father, so know that no matter what you do, you are going to be dealing with him as you have children.

        You need legal advice on where you stand. Divorce is a formula. You will need to sell the house regardless so you might as well include the costs of the divorce. As time goes on, the greater the income difference the greater the alimony and child support you will need to pay and quite frankly, so the sooner you cut him off the better it is for you.

        Go through with marriage counseling but what he has done is sabotage your marriage. It’s unreasonable to behave like this and take zero responsibility for both the health of your marriage and his contributions, financial and otherwise, to the family.

        I wish you all the luck. To quit is one thing but then to say nah I’ll retire rather than find a new role, forcing upheaval on the whole family, is a whole other level.

        P.S. Regarding the house, depending on the numbers it might make sense to keep your mortgage if it’s a low rate and use a HELOC to pay him out. Depends on your finances.

    16. I’m so sorry this happened to you. This is a huge betrayal. He should have made a plan to escape, even if it was just taking FMLA leave for a period of time or something.

      My main advice is to talk about your true feelings with a trusted person, even if that person is a therapist.

      My next advice is to be honest with your husband. Don’t pretend this is okay. Don’t pretend he can get an easy job if it the numbers don’t add up. Make him take over most of the housework if he is unemployed for a long time.

    17. I think you know the drill. Get your finances in order and lawyer up. This is not an issue regarding communication. He unilaterally made a huge decision and there was no communication. The fact that he didn’t consult you is shocking. I live with my bf and even he would never quit his job without discussing it with me/without anything else lined up. We make decisions together because we are partners. That’s a marriage. I’d be very concerned about having to pay spousal support in the event of a divorce and I’d want to discuss all options asap with an attorney. I’d take a PTO day without telling him to meet with a few attorneys. I’m not sure how it works but I’d hate for you to carry all household expenses for a year and then have to pay spousal support.

      1. This is a great point. The longer you support him, the more it looks like the “marital standard of living” is you supporting him, and your reward for that is you get to keep doing it after you split.

        1. Agree. That is a really good point. Don’t get yourself into a situation where you have to pay alimony because his “current” situation is stay at home spouse.

          Honestly, eff him. I’m so mad on your behalf. Get that attorney consultation TODAY.

          1. I cannot believe the DTMFA responses. I quit a toxic job and am now working part-time and a part-time SAHM. This benefits not just me but my husband and our kids. So you all would advise my husband to dump me so he won’t have to pay alimony later? That is just sickening.

            Sure, divorce him if he’s a no-good bum who never wants to work again. But we are only hearing OP’s side of the story and it just doesn’t seem like she really understands what was going on with the job and why he quit. She seems to have a pretty hard-line perspective that he is responsible for providing health insurance for the couple and their adult children (who should really be purchasing their own insurance), no matter the cost to his mental health. That doesn’t seem like a true partnership where both partners support one another through both good times and bad.

          2. Did you quit the job without telling your husband first? From your comment above it sounds like it was something that you talked about and even if he didn’t initially understand your perspective, he came around and was on board before you actually quit. If so, that’s a completely different situation than what OP’s husband did.

          3. Oh come on, did you quit your job without discussing it with your husband? Not everything is about you.

          4. I’m with 10:20. Sometimes things are untenable and you just snap. Sometimes you have to quit to be able to regroup and look for a new job. Sometimes talking to anyone is overwhelming. As has been pointed out, they have grown children so perhaps this is just moving a retirement timeline up a few years. There is so much vitriol toward someone in a situation y’all know 4 sentences about.

  4. I want to mail a check for a kid’s milestone birthday where cash is the culturally accepted gift. (I can’t attend party and am not local). should I make the check out to the kid or parent? Will a bank cash a check for kid if kid doesn’t have an account?

    1. If the kid doesn’t have an account they can write it over to the parent. If it’s a toddler, then write it to the parents or to cash with the kids info in the memo.

    2. Can you ask if the kid has a bank account?

      If you’re mailing a check, make sure you mail it from a post office and not a blue mailbox. Alternatively, could you Venmo/paypal the parent?

    3. My kids have received birthday checks from their aunt, written out to them, in the amount of $20 every year since they were really small. The bank has no issue depositing them. We actually took our kids into the branch and used one round of those checks to open savings accounts for them. But the bank would have had no problem just cashing them. I think this happens a lot.

    4. If the amount is $100 or less I will just mail cash, not a check. That avoids having to make the check out to the parent and then the parent withdrawing the cash and giving it to the kid, or the parent buying the kid something using the money, after which everyone forgets the gift originally came from you.

      Sub thread jack: Do teens use apps like Venmo and PayPal now? Should I be sending cash to my niblings through these apps instead of mailing cash?

      1. I also prefer to mail cash or use Venmo or whatever app the recipient uses. For a very young child, I might ask if there is a 529 I could contribute to instead.

        My family is weird and refuses to cash checks. Depending on the parent, they either shred my check and give cash out of their own pocket to the teen, or they won’t tell the kid at all AND won’t cash the check. For this reason, I do not send checks for family gift events any longer.

        1. I have never heard of this “tearing up checks instead of cashing them” thing?? What is their reasoning??

  5. Does anyone have a generator recommendation? I live in the PNW and we have been without power for at least a few days every year the last few years. We now have a baby and only day 2 without power we gave up and put on chains and went to a hotel. I’m trying to future proof our situation for the next few years as I imagine it’s still hard to go without power with a toddler.

    1. Generac, propane powered. Comes on automatically within 15 seconds of power cut, turns itself off within seconds when power resumes. Mine runs whole house, has been a lifesaver in sub-freezing winter temps when frozen pipes are a real risk.

      Key is to have it serviced at least annually, more frequently if it has run for 5 or more days nonstop, and look at the front panel weekly to ensure it is in ready mode – just takes a glance. I’m in semi-rural CT, my town required application to / approval by the Buildings Dept, then the installation had to be inspected by the the Building Inspector.

    2. Generac.

      Agree that it is smart to keep up with the yearly service visits. They aren’t that expensive in the scheme of things.

      We also bought the extended warranty and the little remote device that alerts you in your house when it is time to service or if there is an alarm/problem with the device. The extended warranty was probably overkill, but I have been surprised that sometimes with cars, and air conditioners they have been very cost effective.

      We were dependent upon the generator for safety/health reasons. It has been extremely comforting and helpful many times.

    3. Do you want whole house or just emergency backup? What do you want to be able to run/plug in?

      1. Hmm we want to be able to run the furnace and hot water heater for say 12 hours each day. We’re fine with lights off and no fridge really (and have a camp stove we can cook on in the garage) but having the house go down to 35 or even lower has been really scary. We have a gas fire place insert that starts off of battery, but it’s an old 1940s house so the parts far from the fireplace in the living room will still get quite cold.

    4. We have backup batteries and they’re wonderful, but costly.

      Alternatively, my neighbor has a gas generator from costco + a generator transfer switch- the switch made a huge difference in ease of use.

  6. I love pearls and wear a white strand nearly every day. I’m young in a conservative industry, so try to keep things understated. However, I have a gorgeous pink strand inherited from my grandmother that I adore but never wear because I’m scared it’s, well, too PINK! It has a fancy diamond clasp but I think that part is ok because it’s hidden behind my hair. But what do you think? Are pink pearls ok for a conservative office, if paired with an otherwise understated outfit? The length and size is pretty standard (maybe 18 inches, and on the large size but not to the point of being costumey – maybe 9 or 10 mm).

    1. I am a fan of Japan Kasumi pearls and their natural color tends to be pink to purple. I’d wear the heck out of your pink strand! Just wear them! Pearls like to be worn. No reason for them to sit in a box for the rest of their life.

    2. In the year 2024, as a finance lawyer, I struggle to come up with an industry where a strand of pearls in any color wouldn’t be deemed conservative enough. I think you have to time travel for this to be an issue.

      1. I definitely have some pearl strands that are not very conservative, e.g., huge keshi pearls that make a big statement. I love them, but can imagine situations where these would not read sufficiently conservative.

    3. Yes, they are definitely too flashy for your office. I would be willing to take them off your hands and give them a good home so I think you should send them to me.

    4. Pink pearls are probably the most conservative thing in the world next to white pearls.

      1. Even then, they’re only a poor choice if you’re the corpse and it’s because they’re too nice to be buried with, not because they’re too flashy.

    5. As long as you have a professional drink bottle and don’t wear a wear a hair tie in your wrist ;)

    6. Sounds beautiful. Could try them under a button up shirt so they only park out a bit near your neck and see how that feels for you.

  7. This winter is already doing a number on my skin. I have a hand cream I like, but any recommendations for a good, non-greasy, use after shower body lotion? Can be drugstore or fancy.

    1. just curious, what is the hand cream you like? my hands are always dry no matter how many times I reapply cream.

      1. I am back late–thanks all for the great suggestions. For my hands it is either Burt’s Bees almond hand cream at night in their cotton gloves or if I can’t do the whole thing overnight the Kiehl’s Ultimate Strength hand salve.

    2. I’ve tried everything from fancy creams and to drugstore and everything in between, and Lubriderm Advanced Therapy (the maroon bottle) is by far the best for me.

      I recently discover A La Maison hand cream, and it’s divine. Fixes my winter hand-cracking. It’s a bit greasy at first, but then absorbs super quickly. I get mine from Whole Foods but you may be able to find it online somewhere.

    3. Kiehl’s crème de corps if I want to be fancy or Aveeno if not. I have dry, sensitive skin and these are the best for me.

      1. +1 to Kiehls. I get the souffle version / body butter in the jar when I need a treat. It smells wonderful too.

    4. I tend to just use the unscented Lubriderm body lotion. It works well for most of my body. But I do add oil, specifically to feet, sometimes knees, elbows, and hands on really bad dry days. I like the Borage Seed oil from the ordinary, as it’s very cost effective.

    5. Aveeno when I need it in quantity due to the weather. It isn’t my favorite lotion ever but the cost is comfortable when it seems like I am using half a cup a day.

      1. Lotions and creams are just emulsions of oil and water. Lotion has more water, cream has less. So if you’re using way too much lotion to get the level of oil/moisturizing you need for dry skin, a cream would probably be more efficient for you. CeraVe in the tub is a good drugstore cream. (Though the spoiled side of me is partial to the Kiehls mentioned above)

    6. I started using vanicream after I read about it here and I love it. I use both the face and body cream.

    7. Trader Joe Argan Body Cream. Non scented, quick absorbing, comes in an easy pump bottle.

    8. The neutrogena body wash called rain bath sold in Costco is excellent at not stripping my skin. I dry using a damp facecloth and their body oil or J&J baby oil. Both work very well.

  8. Single ladies – what is a good script to say to married friends who ask about your dating life? I love my friends, but I get the sense that some of them are looking for juicy details because it’s interesting. The problem is – this is my life! Dating is precarious. I don’t want to have to give updates on guys who are long gone (and who I am trying to forget!). And dating isn’t going particularly well. It’s hard to meet someone. I’m getting really good at decentering it from my life and focusing on the things that I enjoy and can control. But it can get tough when I am constantly getting asked updates.

    1. To the ones asking who you get the wants-juicy-details vibe from, you can absolutely turn the question:

      Oh, that’s boring, how’s YOUR sex life, are you doing all right?

      1. Lol, I would love to ask this. That’s what they’re getting at, but somehow they would melt into a puddle if somebody turned the tables on them. I guess only single friends are fair game.

        1. What kind of married people are you friends with,lol? When I was single it was the married women who had all of the candid advice and stories to share…

    2. A breezy non-update, a request for assistance (optional, and only if you mean it), and then a question for the person who asked you.

      For instance “The search continues. If you stumble across any great single men my age, let me know. Anyways, what’s your husband been up to lately?”

      If someone is persistent, or you want to shut the conversation down more forcefully, a simple “Ugh, I’d rather not talk about my sad love life right now – I’m sure you understand” followed by a pivot to another conversation topic ought to do the trick.

    3. “Oh, nothing interesting to report!” goes a long way, use it a few times and people should back off. For very close friends, it may be worth an actual conversation about how you feel. I did this with my best friend a few years ago and the vulnerability brought us closer. But again, not everyone needs or merits this level of disclosure so you def don’t need to get into it with everyone.

    4. So here are mine – but you have to not feed the beast. The drama is interesting and if you are wanting to vent and share the “WTF” moments, then they are going to ask you. So maybe pick who you talk about it with/vent to – and it’s OK if it’s not multiple of your married friends. I suspect, with love, that many of my married friends kind of forget the horrors of online/blind dating after a few years of marriage. And if I’m not able to talk to them about anything other than dating, that’s on me, not on them. I strongly recommend having a couple people you tell and then the rest, steer away. Have a topic or two ready and they will get used to you talking about whatever instead. Mine are new restaurants/latest meals out, and their kids if they have them. Here’s what I say:

      “thanks for asking, I’m a little burned out! Want to go to movie next week to take my mind off it?”

      “In 2024, I’ve decided to not talk about things until they get serious. Dating takes so much energy! Thanks for understanding. Let’s chat about ___!”

      “Oof, not a great topic lately. Honestly, I’d rather not talk about it until I have someone to introduce to you. Did I tell you I tried New Restaurant for lunch last week? The croissant was so good!”

      “In general, it’s a little like a roller coaster. I hope it works out! I was just looking at your wedding pictures, do you remember where Sally found those great glow bracelets?”

    5. The short answer is I don’t talk about dating with married friends and I’ve told them this. Just grey rock.

      1. Serious question: not everyone develops amnesia when they get married about how awful dating is. What of your married friends who actually understand and have empathy?

        1. Maybe. I love my married friends, but they are the only ones who want to know the scoop. My single friends don’t ask about my dating life…so there is some disconnect here.

        2. They definitely try to be empathetic, but most of them have never online dated and they all had a really easy time finding “the one” and married before 30. I can’t/won’t talk to them about the Wild West of dating in 2024 because they don’t get it.

          1. I’m the Anon at 2:51 pm and married five years ago at age 38. But yes, for some who married at 25, it’s a challenge, even to explain what it’s like to be newly married later in life.

    6. I’d say something like “If there’s anything to tell, I’ll let you know.” Short and simple. Doesn’t mean your dating life isn’t interesting . It just means there’s nothing to tell this particular person because you don’t want to!

    7. If you have an otherwise good relationship you could just be honest about how you feel about talking about it. I’m married and sometimes I ask about dating because it is important and want to show interest/be interested in the full range of things in my friends lives. Often I’m not really sure if I should ask or avoid the topic entirely, and I feel like it would help me to know how my friend feels.

      If these are more distant friends/acquaintances the responses above work.

    8. It’s fine to talk about how it’s not going well or is frustrating you. People ask becuase they’re interested in your life and this is how they’re showing that interest. They probably don’t know that you don’t like to talk about it.

    9. “There must be something more interesting going on in your lives than in my dating life. Let’s talk about that!”

  9. DH has the most infuriating habits likely due to ADHD. He is messy and will often leave wrappers everywhere instead of putting them in the trash. He will move household items without letting me know and then almost immediately forget where he put them. They will often end up in a box with other random stuff that is shoved in a corner, and he doesn’t label the box so it is impossible to find until months later after we already bought a replacement. He refuses to admit he was the one who misplaced the item and blames me. He hasn’t been officially diagnosed with ADHD but his brother and nephew have been diagnosed recently and I suspect he has it too. Is this behavior caused by ADHD? If so, would medication change his behavior? We have been in couples counseling and he has made a lot of positive changes, and he is a good dad and I couldn’t manage our toddler without him, so I don’t want to leave him. But I am at my wit’s end.

    1. Is this a new thing? How long have you been together?

      My husband has adhd and is also kind of a slob but IMO those are different things. I’m not the worlds nearest person. I chose a few hills to die on and let the rest go.

      1. +1 My husband and I realized that we are bothered by different types of mess/clutter. We hyper fixate on different areas of the house, and then are almost blind to the rest. This is either a good way to have every spot in the house tidied, or a recipe for resentment, and it’s been both at different times.

        FWIW I’m the one who leaves wrappers around. I don’t do it on purpose, it’s an unconscious habit and doesn’t bother me so my eyes gloss over the wrappers left around. My husband graciously cleans them up as he notices…but he is “allowed” to make annoyed comments occasionally, and I know they are warranted. I bring a lot of other strengths to the marriage and put up with his idiosyncrasies, too

      2. He has always been like this and we’ve been together for 13 years. For a long time he had me convinced that I was the one who forgot where I put things, but I am now realizing it’s always him who is moving things and then forgets where he put them. It’s literally driving me crazy

        1. What you describe is called ‘gaslighting’ and has more to do with emotional abuse than it does with ADHD. I’m sorry you are dealing with this.

          1. He probably thinks she did move it because he thinks he would remember if he moved it! But… he does not.

          2. “For a long time he had me convinced that I was the one…” and “…But I am now realizing it’s always him…” = gaslighting in my experience.

          3. It absolutely is gaslighting if one partner is trying to avoid blame by trying to convince the other partner that she must be forgetful or crazy. That’s like the definition of gaslighting.

        2. Practical solution (which legit probably saved my parents’ marriage) — would it be worth just getting your own of the most frustrating items : Eg. This is my drawer with my tape and scissors and screwdriver, and I am the only one who uses them.

          1. This only works if the ADHD partner doesn’t steal the items, which they probably will because impulse control issues.

          2. I followed my dad’s example and just bought enough scissors, screwdrivers, tape, sharpies to have at least one in pretty much every room in the house! Also Kleenex. Life is so much better if you always have the tools you need immediately at hand.

          3. I bought my sister five pairs of scissors as part of her Christmas gift as kind of an in-joke about saving her marriage.

    2. Some people with ADHD do well with having things in sight. So instead of boxes or cupboards, they can handle hooks and shelves better.

      If your thrash or recycling cans are neatly put in a cupboard, you could try a free standing and visually accessible one, if you want to test if this works for him.

      Generally, having less stuff will also be easier to handle for most people. Even though you can handle your level off stuff, whatever that is, he probably cannot, so decluttering might help.

      Dana K Wight is a great help for ADHD decluttering (youtube).

    3. Yes several aspects of ADHD contribute directly to these habits and outcomes. Yes, medication if it works can help.

    4. “He refuses to admit he was the one who misplaced the item and blames me.”

      This is a problem that is not caused by ADHD and is instead caused by your husband being a jerk.

      1. Right? Except for that line (and the fact that I’m a woman), I could be your husband.
        But I know this is a me thing and I do my best to not inconvenience others with my flakiness.

      2. Once the item is found, does it matter who lost it? It’s clearly not intentional.

        It doesn’t sound like he remembers he moved it and refuses to admit it. It sounds like OP thinks he moved it based on where it is found and is angry that he won’t say he moved it.

        That’s a lot of ‘right fighting’ is is problematic. Being more solution focused might help. If he has ADHD he’s not like this on purpose and it is so f’ing exhausting trying to keep on track.

        I tried to take a bath after putting the kids to bed the other night and the plug was broken. DH found me a half hour later scrubbing tile because I got distracted before I made it downstairs to ask him to help me fix the plug. He was laughing because it was clear that it was because my medication had worn off and I had burned out all my executive functioning on getting through the bedtime routine.

    5. I have ADHD. Blaming you and refusing to acknowledge the pattern/problem is not ADHD. I would guess its a coping mechanism for feeling bad about doing it again. He needs to work on that.

      Moving something and immediately forgetting I did it and where I might have put it is something I do all the time and I haven’t found a good solution yet.

      I’m also a bit of a slob because I intend to deal with the trash next time I get up, but next time I move, it’s become invisible to me. I have an alarm for the end of the day to go through my two problem areas and specifically look for and deal with trash. Even then I still miss things sometimes.

    6. The ADHD is likely responsible for the random moving around and the forgetting of objects. The ADHD is *not* responsible for the lying and the blaming.
      The lying and the blaming are your actual problems, and no diagnosis or medication will solve those problems.

    7. As someone recently diagnosed with ADHD, the medication mostly helps you stop feeling like $hit about yourself for stuff that is supposed to be ‘Easy’ seeming hard AF.

      Even if he doesn’t meet the formal criteria for diagnosis, learning about what helps will enable you to figure out solutions.

      You also need to figure out what works – for us that means a small garbage can in every single room to help make it easier to throw out things. And clean lidded storage bins instead of baskets. And a set meal plan so we know who is cooking what and when. Basically reduce the executive functioning burden by automating things and making routines as much as possible. My phone has alarms that go off every ten minutes throughout the morning to remind me of what I should be doing at that time. everything in our schedule goes in my work outlook, DH’s Google calendar and the one year paper calendar on the wall in our kitchen.

      Biweekly cleaners help. And you have to decide what is important vs where you will let go.

      Although I’m the one with ADHD, it’s my closet that is tidy and DH’s is a disaster. Our solution is that he uses the guest room. Half the time that means his clean clothes is in piles on the bed and just put away when we have guests. In my view small price to pay for never having had to wash dishes in the last 5 years because dishes are his job.

      Attitude magazine has some great reads and webinars.

    8. ADHD often comes with RSD and inappropriate dopamine seeking which for men typically means refusing to admit fault and picking fights, it can be dealt with using meds and therapy for emotional regulation but the ADHDer needs to want to improve, usually they aren’t interested.

    1. Thanks for sharing this! I don’t think I was the poster who asked about the Mediterranean diet, but I’ve recently had a health issue and my doctor recommended the Mediterranean diet as part of my recovery.

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