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Weekend Open Thread

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mini makeup brush set from MAC with snow white tops

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

Nordstrom has two big sales going on right now: their designer clearance (up to 70% off!) and their January beauty sale (with 5x the points).

I took a quick peek at their beauty sale and was pleased to see a BUNCH of holiday gift sets marked down, including this lovely set of mini brushes from MAC Cosmetics.

I have had a number of different mini brush sets through the years for various travel bags — some incredibly cheap. But I do think that good brushes are worth the money, so I upgraded a few years ago to a much nicer set, and I have no regrets. (I don't actually recall what brand my mini brushes are.)

This set from MAC looks great, and it's marked down to $41. Score!

(If you're looking for something more affordable, this Sigma brush set has great reviews and is only $25.)

Other good things to check out: really big discounts on Westman Atelier sets (40-50% off!! including their own “petite brush collection“), some great sales on classic red lipsticks from YSL and Armani, and lots of deals on MAC, Bobbi Brown, and Kiehls.

Sales of note for 4/21/25:

  • Nordstrom – 5,263 new markdowns for women!
  • Ann Taylor – 25% off tops & sweaters + extra 40% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50%-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Boden – 10% off new womenswear styles
  • Brooks Brothers – Friends & Family Sale: 30% off sitewide
  • The Fold – 25% off selected lines
  • Eloquii – $29+ select styles + extra 40% off all sale
  • Everlane – Spring sale, up to 70% off
  • J.Crew – Spring Event: 40% off sitewide + extra 50% off sale styles + 50% swim & coverups
  • J.Crew Factory – 40%-70% off everything + extra 70% off clearance
  • Kule – Lots of sweaters up to 50% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Earth Day Sale: Take 25% off eco-conscious fabrics. Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Madewell – Extra 30% off sale + 50% off sale jeans
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 50% off last chance styles; new favorites added
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 30% off entire purchase w/Talbots card

237 Comments

  1. I was the orange roll question asker and just saw it was discussed on the morning thread – I loved seeing your comments, everyone! What a fun group.

    1. You have no idea how long I was waiting for the topic to come up again! Hope you are still making them!!!

      1. Yeah, they sound awesome! I haven’t had an orange roll in ages but your post had me craving one.

    2. If anyone is in SF, the Tartine morning bun is the best possible version of an orange roll.

  2. I have my eye on a Mulberry wallet but wonder if it is worth spending twice as much as I would normally spend on a wallet due to the unique color. I am not familiar with the brand and would welcome any thoughts on Mulberry’s quality (I see that one of their bags was listed in yesterday’s roundup). I am also curious whether they have any sales. I see that they place certain merchandise on sale but wonder if they ever have the percentage sales on most merchandise like Ann Taylor or J. Crew.

    1. I’m late to this but the quality is very good for the price. I highly recommend. I have not seen any percent off sales in the last yearish that I’ve been stalking and shopping with them. However, they do have sales where certain items or colors are discounted (20-30%).

  3. I found out from my grandboss this weekend that my boss made a comment essentially trying to take credit for my work. I have brought in an account that will be a huge deal for our company. Grandboss has been trying to lift me up more, as boss can sometimes ice me out of things. Boss apparently told grandboss, “You know, I gave her the initial contact for this account.”

    This is a complete lie, and grandboss said that he was shocked my boss would try to say that since he knows it’s untrue. I am feeling very demoralized as a result though. Boss and I usually have a very strong relationship, though he will sometimes devalue my opinion or randomly shut me out of things (even when it relates to my own projects that he has nothing to do with). With this account, most recently he’s left me off an email thread with a partner company relating to the new account. He writes what I view as incendiary emails and is quick to reach versus respond. I tried to provide feedback into revising an email he was going to send, and he basically said he wanted to be direct and therefore wouldn’t take any of the revisions into account. Now I am off the thread completely, and when I am forwarded the exchanges, I see that he’s reactive, unclear and indirect, and all-in-all bad at communicating with them.

    I am likely getting a promotion in a few weeks that will make me no longer report to him. But in the meantime, how do I keep from feeling so demoralized? I have not let it bleed into resentment or anger, and I am not thinking about it too much, but there is a part of me that no longer has trust in him and feels like my opinion doesn’t matter. I think I am also on some level not putting my all into my work this week due to some resentment around it. Have you ever been in a similar situation? What do you do to make yourself feel better?

    1. As Taylor says, the trash takes itself out. Don’t mess it up if you’re getting out in a few weeks. Breathe, make notes in your notebook, picture yourself on a beach somewhere. You’re so close!

    2. Think about your new job! Perhaps take a couple of long weekends or have a week off before starting the new position and think out planning a fun vacation.

      Start mentally checking out: writing up handover notes and letting everyone know you are moving.

      Your grandboss knows the truth and you have a promotion so that must very satisfying!

    3. Honestly–you have/will have had a toxic boss. But grandboss knows it.

      You come out like the bigger person and more trustworthy employee here.

      Is it awful that your boss is trash and rude and looping you out of things? Absolutely.

      Is the best thing you can do is keep your head down until this blows over and you no longer report to bad boss? Also yes.

      You got this! If you have to, treat yourself at the end of each week with something little–a nail polish, a fancy coffee, a trip for fancy bagels on Saturday–to get yourself through the week. You got this!

    4. Perspective: your grand boss knows this is happening and advocates for you. He has your back and is developing your talent so that you do not have to report to the bad boss. You’re on the home stretch – don’t trip now or be bad about how bad the race has gone so far. Focus on the finish line and know that boss’ power over you is ending.

      1. This. Just get through the next couple of weeks, and don’t waste another minute of your precious energy stewing about your current boss.

    6. Just a moment of appreciation for that grandboss. I’m around 50 now, and the stories I could tell you about projects where others have taken credit along the way or where I suspect they have but haven’t had proof. Grandboss is giving you a very clear sign about how much to trust this person with your future references and the like, even though he didn’t have to. (Even earlier this week, I was on a call where Chad tried to steer the convo to sports because it was really clear the technical expert and I had prepped and he hadn’t, and bro desperately wanted to look like he was the one “in charge” on our side. Grrr. It never seems to stop.) My advice is to try to make sure any of your contacts are being served regardless of whether it feels comfortable to the boss or not, try to maintain a positive relationship the best you can, and recognize that he isn’t your advocate so don’t expect anything going forward. Do your best to support grandboss wherever you can and focus on the new opportunity. And count your lucky stars that you won’t have this boss holding you back going forward. So many folks don’t even realize when they’re being sabotaged like this or can do little to change the situation without upending their career.

    7. It is time to let it bleed into anger–he wronged you, and you are pissed. But, you have to manage yourself, and contain your anger. Right now you are internalizing it and feeling demoralized…yet…you are rocking it at work! You brought in a big client! Your grandboss supports you! All is going well..borrow from Brenee Brown, and stand tall and strong, put your fists in the air, and tell yourself that you’ve got this!

  4. Best drugstore shampoo/conditioner/hair-care line? Is Pantene really as dreadful as my hair stylist claims it is?

    If you use salon products, which line do you prefer and why?

    1. I find salon finishing products more worth the extra $ than cleansing. Pantene Smooth & Sleek has been my ride-or-die for like 2 decades. I bump up to the gold tube deep conditioner if my hair is feeling dry.

    2. I love Malibu’s hard water remedy treatment packets, but their shampoos smell juvenile to me.

      I’ve always found Paul Mitchell reliable, and they seem to have a drugstore line now that is just as good.

      Aveda usually smells great but sometimes seemed drying. And their amazing purple toning conditioner has a lot of dupes now!

      The Kirkland Pureology dupe is a good upgrade from Pantene in my opinion. Some Tresemme products are also better than Pantene though I have to check the formulation.

      My issue with Pantene is that they often use relatively harsh soaps and then compensate with heavy silicones. I would rather cleanse gently and condition lightly, especially with my hair type and texture.

      1. I order that Kirkland Pureology dupe shampoo and conditioner in the big pump bottles. I’m not a Costco member and they still let me order it, and it’s a killer deal. My hairdresser even commented on how good my hair is looking. I think I’ve been using it for … omg I just checked my email and I ordered the current bottles in December 2022!!! I probably started using them in January or February as I would have finished up whatever I was using at the time.

        It’s called Kirkland Signature Moisture Shampoo and Kirkland Signafure Moisture Confitioner, and I paid $11.99 for each bottle.

        I think I bought them based on a recommendation here, so if that was you, thank you!

    3. I prefer Suave to all shampoo/conditioner at any price point. It just gets my hair cleaner without drying it out. It does strip color, though. Now that I color my hair I have settled on Madison Reed after trying just about every color-safe shampoo from Target, Ulta, and Sephora.

    4. Salon products are all to heavily scented for me, I can’t stand the smell swishing near my face. I wish there were more unfragranced hair products in salons and other stores.

      1. Any chance you have wavy or curly hair? I love the unscented products (online) from Love Ur Self (LUS).

    5. I think most drugstore products are fine – criticism from stylists usually comes with a pitch to buy their salon lines. However, I say that as a non-curly/textured hair person. The higher-end stuff might be more beneficial in that case.

    6. Pantene was trendy to disparage, years ago. People used to claim it left a waxy coating on your hair but the ingredients didn’t include any waxes as far as my friends and I could tell. Maybe someone knows better than me – not about to go read all the ingredients of the different types. :) In any case, totally fine for my basic white lady hair. No stylist has ever commented.

    8. My hair has done well with salon selectives from dollar tree. It’s $1.25 for each the shampoo and conditioner. If you have thick hair I recommend the tub of intense conditioner.

      Supercuts has the Paul Mitchell sets which are $30 for both shampoo and conditioner. They last a year and are good quality for the price.

      It all depends on your hair type and what suits you.

    9. My hair is pretty undemanding and yet I’ve never found a drugstore shampoo that doesn’t have a fatal flaw. Sometimes it’s the scent, sometimes it’s too stripping, or I don’t like how my hair feels over time even if it works okay initially. I get the liter bottles of salon products at Ulta when they are running sales. I’ve been Redken loyal for a very long time but have also used Biolage, Kenra, and S3xy Hair over the years. The extra cost is worth it to me. Especially because salon shampoos tend to go further, meaning I use a smaller amount at one time than I ever do with a drugstore shampoo.

    10. Herbal essences shampoo, pantene conditioner for me. I use Kevin Murphy leave in products for special occasions. I recently started using the $10 Argan Oil of Morocco spray (from any drugstore) every day and my hair looks great.

    11. I’ve used Aussie products in some form or another since the 80s. It’s awesome (Aussome?), all of it.
      Garnier curly/wavy styling products are just as good as CurlySexyHair and half the price. IMO, between the two it comes down to which smell you like better.

    12. I don’t know what your hair texture is but I have wavy hair and the shea moisture line is fine. I use some not your mother’s stuff too. I think it’s probably just finding the right product for your hair type in the store.

    13. I tried once Redken Acid Bonding Conditioner and Leave-in Treatment and was impressed. I have color-treated hair, now a bit on the dry side, tested daily by the Dutch cold & enormous wind. My hair has never been softer and healthier. My hairdresser even said she doesn’t need to trim my ends, as they were healthy.
      As for shampoo, I am allergic to SLS, so I use a sulphate-free Wella Professional Elements shampoon. It is a one litre bottle for 30 euro [translate that to US metrics] and lasts me a year [and I wash my hair nearly every day due to intense running].
      My expectations for a shampoo are simple – wash my scalp thoroughly without drying or sensitizing my scalp & hair. I only apply the shampoo to scalp, massage it in and wash off with water. Personally, I stay away from shampoos with silicones, as I do not like the fake coating on the hair.

    14. My current favorites are from Trader Joe’s. I alternate between the hair wash for good combo of shampoo/conditioner and the lemongrass shampoo to get rid of any buildup.

  5. Any recommendations for lab-grown diamonds? I am looking for a pair of 1 tcw stud earrings set in 14k or 18k gold.

    1. I’ve been super happy with the white gold studs I bought from Agape Diamonds a few years ago. So much so that I came back and bought a pair in gold this fall.

    2. I bought myself a pair of lab-grown diamond stud earrings from Brilliant Earth in early 2022 and am absolutely obsessed with them. I did the 18K yellow gold four-prong diamond stud earrings if that helps at all. I will warn you that I have smaller piercing holes so I had to send the earrings back to have Brilliant Earth swap out for a thinner post (which they did for free) – but I think this would not be an issue for most people.

  6. Has anyone gone to or sent a teen to Interlochen for art camp or an art institute for the summer? It seems like an intense application (writing and visual art) or audition (music, etc) process. How competitive is it? This would be for next year, but it might take that long to prepare to apply. One kid is very well prepared and credentialed and would be in good shape but one just likes her activity and it is an emotional solace from a hard life, not something I want to make competitive for her if it will kill the joy and make her miserable. We know no one who has gone and I can’t quite tell the vibe from the website. Neither kid wants these as a college major or career path.

    1. My teen attended Interlochen for visual arts. The application was not a huge lift and the portfolio consisted of pieces she’d already made. I get the impression that the music and theatre programs are somewhat more competitive (in terms of admission) and rigorous than visual arts. I suspect that dance might also be a bit more relaxed, as the most competitive dance students will try to attend summer intensives run by ballet companies. I will warn you that they do a VERY hard sell of their boarding school to the campers, which I think detracted from my daughter’s enjoyment of camp because she spent part of every day texting me to beg to be allowed to apply to the school. It was otherwise a lot of fun and she liked the other kids. The cabins are very basic and my daughter said the food was terrible. They don’t spend as much time as advertised doing outdoorsy things like paddleboarding. I was a bit disappointed by the level of art instruction it have heard that the music program is very strong. All in all, it was a worthwhile experience for my daughter.

      1. Yes, the food was poor and the cabins were pretty awful. We had 16 girls in a one room small cabin with one shower. The camp is in the woods, surrounded by barbed wire….. pointed inwards. We all wore uniforms – corduroy knickers…. knickers… with knee high socks. From the pictures, it looks like they are wearing the same ones. Hated by all, and hot in the humid summer.

        Yes, the outdoor activities were almost zero for the musicians, but maybe in the other arts this was done more. We had one outing my whole summer. We walked as a cabin a couple miles down the one lane country road to the next town to order a calzone from the tiny town’s only pizza place. I still remember it as one of the best meals of my life!

        But the music was incredible. And I made some great friends.

    2. A friend’s son went last summer. He is very serious about his field (EGOT by 30 or bust!), and I got the sense that other kids there are similarly ambitious and intense.

    3. I went to Interlochen in high school twice for music – violin/orchestra etc..

      It is a very high level, with a large proportion planning to pursue music. It was shockingly stressful for me, with weekly competitions where you might loose your “chair” in the orchestra seating chart by having to play alone in front of the entire section and be compared one by one with the other violinists. So I was miserable for most of the 8 weeks the first summer I went, and yet I cried and cried the whole way home. The bonding that happens from the stress and the excitement of the performances is intense. The 2nd summer I was much less stressed and really loved it. The music that I performed was incredible, and I was taught by famous conductors and violinists from conservatories. I remember the winner of the Van Cliburn competition played with us… just wow for a 14 year old. Probably the best musicians I would ever play with.

      So it was a wonderful musical experience. I would only recommend it for a high school musician who was quite serious and very level headed, as it can be very stressful.

      Not sure at all what the other Visual Arts programs were like, as all of my friends were musicians. Back then the few cabinmates in the visual arts where extremely wealthy kids or foreigners from overseas who were dabbling in the arts for the summers. Very different than the musicians.

      1. I am the one who posted about a kid going for visual arts. Her class did not have a lot of overseas kids but yes it was much less serious and more laid-back than you describe for music. I have a degree in music performance from a top music school and played in a professional training orchestra and I would have loved the music program as you describe it, but I don’t think my daughter (who is majoring in vocal performance at a liberal arts college more focused on choral music and is not as … driven as your typical opera singer or orchestral musician) would enjoy that.

    4. Just a plug for Blue Lake, another fine arts camp in Michigan. It’s a less stressful and intense experience and tends to attracts students who enjoy their art but aren’t laser-focused on pursuing it professionally. It’s closer to a traditional summer camp experience, too. (I worked there for two summer during college.)

    5. I have friends that attended, sent their kids, and/or worked at Buck’s Rock in CT, which sounds pretty lovely for a kid who enjoys art but doesn’t want to be in a really high stress prep environment. I have another friend who is a composer, pianist and college music professor who worked for years at New England Music Camp, which also sounds less intense than Interlochen.

  7. Does anyone use Daily Harvest? I’m tempted in the depths of winter to give them a try, but am not sure about the quality. I know about the lentil crumbles recall in 2022, but given that they are still around they must have recovered from that, right?

    2. I prefer Hungry Root. I think the investigation into Daily Harvest is still open but the public commentary period has expired.

  8. I know this is late on a Friday afternoon so I may repost Monday morning to get more feedback. My H has disliked his job for several years and has randomly tried to find a new one. I just found out that he quit and has nothing lined up. Aside from the loss of income I just thought of healthcare. He covers everyone including two adult kids who are still under the age limit. Have no idea how this will work out, but just needed to get it out as it has been weighing on me heavily. I don’t even think I have a question.

    1. It boggles my mind that your spouse would be willing/able to quit a job without discussing it with you/making a plan BEFOREHAND. That would be a pretty grievous offense in my marriage.

    2. I am sorry. I guess he’ll need COBRA for healthcare, but it’s expensive, so I hope he won’t need it long. I hope he’ll seek support and have an easier time finding a new job now.

    3. Just want to say I can understand why this abrupt and poorly considered decision has left you reeling. The healthcare part, in particular, should have been reason to behave more deliberately.

    4. WHAT? That is so not okay. Of course it is weighing on you.

      Do you have healthcare benefits through work that you can move your family to?

      1. +1 yah this is not cool, but the loss of insurance may be a qualifying event allowing you to enroll them onto yours

        1. Check into your state childrens health insurance program, too. It goes by different names in each state. The income limits tend to be pretty high, and it could cushion the loss of his income a bit.

    5. When did he quit and how did you find out? None of this is ok. You have every right to be furious, even if he is suffering from depression or has some other condition that prompted this.

    6. Oh my gosh. Is he prone to making snap decisions like this? Because quitting a job without talking to your spouse first, when you’re carrying the family’s healthcare, is pretty darn bad. Certainly relationship damaging.

    7. Well then sounds like you need to figure out whether you can shift people onto your benefits or sign up for cobra and call a divorce lawyer.

    8. Whoa. My spouse once quit a job without anything lined up, but it was the result of many discussions and lots of planning. What your husband did is really not okay.

    9. If your employer offers healthcare coverage, your spouse leaving his job counts as a qualifying life event, which would allow you to insure the family. Talk to your HR next week about the process and cost, and compare to COBRA through his job.

      Also, if you murder him, we will 100% help you bury the body. Just send up the bat signal.

      1. This is absolutely the best advice here – both parts.

        My only question is if he quit or was fired or was asked to resign.

        1. I have the same question and a big dose of skepticism that he quit. I would be more empathetic if were fired and too embarrassed to admit it (barring an egregious reason for the termination). Being clear on the facts is also relevant to possible eligibility for unemployment. If he just quit unilaterally, with no advance discussion, I personally could not get past his failure to function as part of a team.

    10. Ugh this is such a man thing to do, just quit without talking to your spouse and foisting even more responsibility onto a woman

      2. Huh…that’s interesting…in my world the ‘man thing to do’ is stay working a job you hate because it pays well and has benefits your family needs.
        If my H came home and told me he quit on the spot my reaction would be to ask him if he was ok and assure him we would figure things out.

        2. Both can be true
          And more
          It’s hard for the poster
          And obviously the situation at work was different from what she understood
          Empathy all around for job seeking and figuring it out and for relationships and management of day to day. Been there. Sorry it sucks

    11. I am so sorry he has done this. Hopefully he qualifies for cobra or you can get coverage through an exchange. I was laid off in November and cobra is $1500/month, a basic plan on the exchange was going to cost me $1200/month but as I have 3 children in therapy due to their disabilities, it worked out cheaper to pay cobra.

      Just because you don’t like your job doesn’t mean you hand your notice in without first discussing with your spouse. I’m sorry to say this, but I would be expecting a full mid life crisis with ‘I want a divorce’ next. I hope that isn’t the case but when you have commitments you don’t just hand your notice in without a job to go to.

      1. Here to say I did much better on the exchange than on Cobra following my own layoff. In fact, I’m still buying my plan from Covered California, and am extremely grateful for it, as I would be otherwise uninsurable.

        1. I’m in Texas. It’s a desert of decency. I was shocked that cobra worked out cheaper. It shouldn’t but it does.

          Now it’s the next plan year I can switch but I have two autistic children and my ex husband demanded they have their evaluation which was over $2,000 per child as I couldn’t get all parts done before the end of the plan year.

    12. Counterpoint–is it possible he was fired, and didn’t want to tell you, so he lied and said he quit? I’ve had two friends whose husbands have done this. I’d go easy on him until you get the fully story.

      If he did leave the family in the lurch, I’d be pretty upset. It’s very understandable you are. Deep breaths.

      He will finad another job!

      1. Yeah, this was my first thought too. He may have officially quit, but it might not have been quite as casual as OP makes it sound.

      2. i just read this to my husband and his reaction was also “maybe he got fired.”

      4. This is what I thought up on reading OP’s post too. Or they told him “resign or be fired” and so he resigned.

        I’ve had one employer, early in my career, who tried to make me sign an NDA that I couldn’t tell my immediate family members that I had been let go. They were a dumpster fire of a place, though.

      5. I was wondering the same thing. If not, I was wondering if husband is depressed.

        OP, as far as healthcare goes, do you have an employer too and can switch the family to your coverage? This is a qualifying life event.

        1. Well or he was coerced to quit somehow. If there’s some gray area he may be focusing on his agency or stressing over how he handled a situation.

      7. No no no. Even if he was fired so what? He has to put on his big boy pants and communicate with his wife, he doesn’t get to force her to do emotional labour because his feefees are hurt

      8. Maybe. It is also possible that was a really egregious precipitating event. I came very, very close to quitting on the spot a few months before I actually did quit, and it was because of something jaw-droppingly awful that management did very suddenly. There wouldn’t have been time to confer with my spouse. The only reason I didn’t quit immediately was that I feared my husband’s reaction. I ended up staying much longer than I should have, debating with my husband on a near-daily basis why I needed to get out, until I read my husband an e-mail from management that finally made him understand how terrible the situation was and he said “OMG quit today.” There are always two sides to every story.

        1. Or quit preemptively because he did something really stupid at work he doesn’t want his wife to know about.

    14. Is he ok? I hope he’s alright. It must have been bad for him to do it without talking it over with you.

    16. Loss of a job is a qualifying event. This is why my husband and I have always made sure we can cover the mortgage on one income. He was laid off in 2001 and we were fine for a few years until his income rose again. While I would be frustrated with him, I also know that some jobs are JUST THAT BAD. What is the point of piling on?

  9. I just found out that I’m pregnant at 41. We didn’t think this was possible due to some hormonal issues, so to say it’s a shock is the understatement of the century. We have two other kids in a small 3-bedroom house and to move would almost quadruple our mortgage (VHCOL area). In the last six months, I’ve given away every single last baby item in my home, including crib, diaper pail, carrier, stroller, bouncy seat, swing, and clothes. I’m happy, but I’m also. . .overwhelmed? Scared? Mildly freaking out? No real question, I just had to tell someone.

    3. Congratulations and hugs. Take a deep breath – you have another 8+ months (depending on how far along you are) to figure everything out. The baby isn’t coming home next week. :)

        1. 100% this. Massive congratulations if you want to move forward, and also take the time now to decide that.

    5. Congratulations! Happened to a friend of mine, too, and that little caboose baby was the child they didn’t know they wanted. She is so loved and doted on by the older siblings. Totally understand why you’re feeling overwhelmed, though!

      1. Yeah, I know several people who had an accidental second or third child and felt like it completed their family in a way they didn’t know they needed, but I also know people who terminated an accidental pregnancy and have no regrets about that either. It’s ok to decide this isn’t the right thing for your family.

        1. The words overwhelmed and stressed. It’s not meant to be a negative thing. (I’m not the person who posted this specific comment, but plenty of people don’t see termination as a dark cloud).

          1. Where did I say termination was a dark cloud? I said OP said she was happy, and wondered why the comment needed to be said at all.
            I was overwhelmed and stressed with a planned baby, because pregnancy and babies can be overwhelming and stressful.
            There is no need to follow up with ‘you can always terminate’ to every perceived negative emotion. Everyone already knows termination is an option.

    7. Congratulations! Baby stuff is easy to acquire used for little money, especially in a VHCOL area where no one can afford storage, and sharing a room is so normal. I’m in NYC and know a number of people with 2 kids in a small 2 bedroom.

    8. Congrats!
      Why would you need to move?
      Mildly freaking out is totally normal, hugs!!

    10. Congratulations! I recommend joining your local Buy Nothing group–often parents are giving away baby items, so you can re-stock and prepare for the little one.

      1. +1

        Totally this.

        Look at your town’s (or the local wealth town’s!) Freecycle group postings. Even post yourself saying you gave everything away and are looking to restock after this unexpected surprise. You should get a lot of donations. Buy Nothing / Facebook groups etc… are great for this too.

      2. +2 (or 3?) for Buy Nothing. We gave so many things away there, and there are plenty of people who post about situations like this.

        I have 3 kids and it’s a lot. It’s doable but it’s healthy and appropriate to be a bit stressed about it! Line up childcare and your “village”, and that might help. Check out daycares as the prices have massively inflated and lists start when you know you’re pregnant, so do get on that if that’s the route you want to take.

        Also 41 isn’t that old, fertility is still ok usually until about 43 per my OBGYN.

        Good luck!

  10. We are considering a trip in March to Tybee Island — just my spouse and I, no kids — to fell midwest gray weather and get a change of scene. If you’ve been, did you enjoy it? Was it very touristy, or peaceful to walk on the beach? Was it easy to hop into Savannah? Thanks in advance.

    2. It has been a while since I’ve been there, but honestly, there is still a good chance it will be gray and dreary there in March. Maybe not as cold as the Midwest, but not beach lounging weather for sure.
      Short drive into Savannah!

    3. I feel like a broken record on this topic every winter, but Georgia weather in March is not reliably warm and sunny, especially if it’s early March. Warmer than the midwest, yes, but very possibly in the low 60s and windy/grey. If you just want to walk on the beach, it’s fine, but it’s not swimming weather and can be chilly even for walks depending on the day. I am more familiar with St. Simons/Jekyll area than Tybee, but the other thing people should know about pretty much all the Georgia beaches is it in not pretty blue water like Florida. There’s a lot of silt from the marshes that washes out, so Georgia’s water tends to be murkier/browner. It’s perfectly clean and ecologically very important, but it can be a shock to those not expecting it.

      And yes, it is very easy to get from Tybee to Savannah. It’s basically a Savannah suburb.

    4. No advice on Tybee specifically but what weather are you hoping for? It could be pretty and springlike but it could be a cold snap.

    5. Sorry if this duplicates-first post disappeared.

      My family and I traveled to Tybee and stayed at a rental condo with a beach view and walking distance from ocean—a nice splurge for us. Beaches were clean and fairly easy to access, and it was fun to watch the ocean shipping traffic in the distance. Enjoyed exploring the island (especially the fort) but was disappointed by restaurants on island (lots of similar menus). Made day trips into Savannah and liked the eating options better. Recommend JThomas steaks (in a multi-row shopping scented, not a stand-alone restaurant) and Crystal Beer Parlor (loved their succotash!). Enjoyed expiring Savannah via bus tour-paid to be able to get in/off at leisure and explore stops more in depth. A good way to see a lot and walk less (better for those with lower walking mobility/endurance as my family needed.) Enjoy your trip!!

  11. Thinking about the poster this week who was musing on a potential inheritance, don’t count on anything!

    My parents told me they would give me one of their houses. They moved out of it and left it empty instead of renting it for $1400 a month, even though my husband and I offered to manage it for them. They told me they were planning to sell it and give me the money. It settled a month ago and when I asked out about it there was a lot of umming and ahhing.

    I know I’m not entitled to anyone else’s money. They are aware I have a huge mortgage $4.5k a month which we can handle but that extra money means we could have retired in two years.

    They aren’t short on cash, so it’s not like I’d have to fund their end of life care.

    Disappointing that you can’t trust your own parents.

    2. Good advice. My father made various remarks about inheritance to me over the years, but decided in the end to leave his entire estate initially to my stepmother who is close to my age. Plans and circumstances can change.

  12. Is there a lower-cost dupe for the Vuori joggers with similar fabric? I like them for around the house, but they are very overpriced for something not made in USA and I’d like to find something similar for about half the cost. Any ideas?

    2. I bought a pair of Old Navy joggers that are super thick and soft. I’ll try to find them later and link (can’t get onto the s!te rn)

    4. That’s what they are charging for. If there were dupes, they wouldn’t have people buying their product.

    5. These are fantastic. I am hourglassy with big calves and sized up to Medium in my second pair (normally XS/S in straight pants). Thick but not suffocating and very soft. I didn’t like the fabric in Army Green but all the gray-named colors have excellent fabric, no pilling. If you have narrow calves, I would get true size. There is plenty of room for thighs without looking baggy. I have protruding pointy knee caps and these joggers still have proper shape.
      https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08L11ZPZG/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&th=1

  13. Is anyone else scared of the potential for a broader regional conflict in the Middle East with the strikes against the Houthis and potential for further escalation? It feels like the Balkins in the time leading up to WWI to me.

    2. We’re already there, IMO. It’s definitely scary. This all plays in Russia and China’s hands – if the U.S. and allies are tied up in the Middle East, they can’t deter Russia and China elsewhere.

      1. Keeping US tied up in Middle East is intentional on China/Russia’s part.

        I’d expect some moves by China in South China Sea soon.

        1. I mean I feel like Australia is always looking at what China is doing, especially in the seas and Taiwan.

    4. No, but my entire childhood was during the cold war, so maybe it’s just me. I am not going to live my life in fear of what might happen…

      1. Right and I know this is crass but how much did it affect real life day to day?
        It could be huge and involve a draft and an entire cultural change certainly
        But 1945 to 1999 was pretty ok in the US even with Cold War and proxy war and stuff. Even Korean conflict in 50s was forgotten in 1960s. So yes I’m worried about it because I hate war and prefer nonviolence and a lot of reasons. But still not sure how it would affect me?

        1. So if it won’t affect you, it won’t affect you, and you’ll be fine, just like the people unaffected between 1945 and 1999.

          But if you hate war and prefer nonviolence, surely you can appreciate that some people were affected and were not fine between 1945 to 1999? (!)

        2. I’m not sure how your question is crass…but you really just proved my point. Lots of people from 1945 to 1999 were worried about things for the same reasons you are worried today.
          There were several times between 1945 and 1991 when we came very close to all out war, and while the knowledge that it could happen was a constant background noise in day to day life, it really didn’t affect the vast majority of people the same way none of the ongoing conflicts from 1991 to now affect the day to day life of the vast majority of people.
          If you are wondering how this conflict is gping to affect you, then it won’t and you will be fine.

  14. I recently moved in-house from biglaw. I was a very senior associate (like 14th year?) and had hung around so long as an associate because I was in a niche practice. I’m now in at a big multinational. Yes, I did take a big pay cut. But I am so freaking happy. I have interesting work and am learning a lot, I have the right amount of autonomy and responsibility, my colleagues are nice, and my hours are so so so much better. Yes, I’m still on a learning curve. But, oh geez, this is so much more humane and conducive to being a parent. On the one hand, I regret that I didn’t make the switch earlier, but on the other, I did apply/interview and just never got an offer. Anyway, just wanted to shout from the hills how happy I am.

    1. Congratulations on making the move! Hope you enjoy the lifestyle, and thank you for the update — it is so nice to hear on a Friday afternoon…

    2. I’m so happy for you! I’m an 11th year in biglaw, very niche practice that’s not easily transferable to in-house, and struggling to get an offer for something that is not in biglaw. Glad to hear the pay cut is worth it!

      1. It’s a tough spot. Especially since a lot of companies are wary about hiring senior associates or anyone without in-house experience. Keep an eye out for secondment opportunities? Those come up somewhat randomly, but are helpful.

  15. Semi-vent re: local politics.

    My small town is embroiled in a school bond which will be voted on a few months. If I have to hear one more person say, “This isn’t political! It’s about the future of the children” I’m going to scream. This is political, it’s just not partisan, and it’s a *local* political issue. Not every vote is about some big national issue with breathless cable coverage and polls that go up and down. By casting votes in a local election, we are literally participating in the political process.

    Any suggestions on what to *actually* say in response to, “this isn’t political”?

    Related: I adore The Last of Us tv show, and I keep thinking of when Maria corrects her husband and pointedly says, “This is a commune. We’re communists.” Some days I wish I lived in a post-apocalyptic commune….

    1. I don’t know what to say, but when you figure it out, please tell us so that I can use it to respond to every woman who says, “I never paid attention to politics or voted because politics don’t affect my life, and now I need an abortion and I can’t get one.”

      1. YES. It reminds me of all the conversations I had with people in the 1990s and early 2000s that started with, “I’m not a feminist but…[insert commitment to equal pay, etc.]” (I of course was An Obvious Feminist because I’d gone to women’s college and dated girls.) Feminism is a big tent! There is no national board of feminism review. You think men and women deserve equal rights? Congratulations, you’re a feminist.

      2. I said “Yeah, most people don’t pay attention until it directly affects them…”

    2. Maybe something along the lines of “It is political, but that’s okay because calling something political isn’t a disparagement. Don’t you agree?” or “It is political, but that’s a good thing not a bad thing. It’s important that we make sure the students understand the importance of civics and this is a great way for them to get started.” Address the root issue here, which is they are using the word as an insult when it isn’t one.

      But, commiseration. I’m convinced there’s no politics as wacky and absurd as local politics.

      1. It is so wacky! It’s basically a neverending episode of Parks & Rec, but with a backbiting rumor mill and the odd d*ath threat.

      2. I’ve never had an experience of civic engagement that wasn’t miserable. Saying it’s important doesn’t mean it’s not profoundly negative in connotation.

    3. Is it possible to not engage? Local politics can be absolutely the nastiest, in my experience.

      1. I am doing my best not to engage, but unfortunately, friends and neighbors know I”m a PTA officer so I get a lot of questions.

    4. Actually say “By casting votes in a local election, we are literally participating in the political process”.
      Did these people not remember their high school civics class!?

    5. Maybe “I know it shouldn’t be political, but different groups have different ideas on what is best for our children, and it’s ok to disagree about that”

      Substitute “discuss” for “disagree” as needed

  16. Thoughts on any of the following fragrances:

    -Prada Paradoxe
    -Armani Aqua di Gioia
    -Kiehl’s musk
    -Body Shop musk

    Any fragrances you can’t stand? I’m overwhelmed by intense floral fragrances. What scent family are you attracted or repelled by? I like aquatic, woody, oud/amber fragrances with some floral elements.

    1. I like fruit, spice, and wood. Botanicals basically. I can’t abide a dry down to almost purely musk. Jo Malone is my go to. They don’t really seem to have top, middle, and base scents. They just smell like what they smell like, without evolving much over time of wear. If I do wear a traditional perfume, it’s Creed – Sublime Vanille in cool weather and Virgin Island Water in warm weather. My year round daily driver is Jo Malone Blackberry and Bay.

      1. Oh lord I love Blackberry and Bay. It’s so fleeting I had to buy the solid perfume version to layer with the spray. I might also need to buy the cream, which I haven’t done yet. But it’s so good. Yes, I know she makes mostly Eau de Colognes (other than the intense line) so fleeting is the point, but I love it so much I want to smell it longer.

    2. I am repelled by anything with musk. I don’t wear perfume much, but when I do, I go for very clean or aquatic scents.

      1. Me too, musk is too stinky. Vanilla can also be nauseating, especially when I was pregnant.

        Honestly fragrances should be saved for private spaces, a woman was wearing perfume at the restaurant last night and it overpowered my wine and meal, I like to smell my food not a stranger!

        1. If you’ve smelled one musk, you’ve smelled one musk. It’s an enormous class of fragrances.

          1. I’m nearly 50 and smelt a lot of synthetic musks. There’s a reason “musky” is a synonym for body odour.

    3. I don’t like most musky scents but I like Kiehl’s musk very much. To me it smells fresh and clean (and reminds me of my first bottle, in 9th grade). Other fragrances I’ve liked include Callyx, Un Jardin Sur Le Nil, Le Labo’s Another 13, Jo Malone Grapefruit, Demeter Gin & Tonic – almost anything with clean, green or citrusy notes. I dislike strong florals and heavy, dark notes.

      1. Love that Suir Le Nil but it’s a bit flowery for someone who leans toward woods and spices and musks.

        Actually one of them more impressive unisex fragrances I’ve smelled recently was Armani Privee Bois D’Encens.

    4. Kiehl’s musk is a total classic. You need to get your nose on it. I never recommend blind buys but it’s pretty universally pleasing.

      If you mean Body Shop White Musk, that’s also a classic but I think it has been reformulated, and some long time fans are not fans of the current version. But who knows, you may like it.

  17. Anyone making travel plans so as to not be in the U.S. on Election Day bc of potential chaos and/or contingency or serious plans to be able to relocate outside of the U.S.?

    I’m trying to balance what is paranoia and what is more clear-eyed/sober assessment that we may be headed for a period of intense societal disruption or something similar to Franco’s era in Spain.

    Thinking of ancestors who survived only because they left their country in time while the rest all were killed. Regardless, keeping the passports updated.

    If your reaction is, you’re paranoid or crazy, I’d love to hear your balanced assessment or rationale (no snark-I’m serious.)

    1. I’m more concerned about a national abortion ban or a de facto ban via banning mailing of pills for medication abortion. I think all women in the U.S. should consider stockpiling misoprostol as just one of many steps for self-preservation. It already makes me sick to imagine women in Texas and Idaho being denied lifesaving emergency care and it IS going to get worse. Republicans remain extremely motivated to control the lives of women and Democrats are unable to enact any meaningful protections.

    3. I’ll be in the US on Election Day. We have no choice really, our jobs make it essentially impossible for us to travel that time of year. I’m not sure I’d travel even if we could though – it seems like any chaos might make getting home harder.

      We have thought about moving abroad, and will think more seriously about it if Trump wins again, but we have to balance it against the fact that we’re very established here with good jobs, a paid off house, kids in schools who are happy and settled with friends and activities, and retired parents who moved to be near us and help with the kids. Leaving is not something we’d do lightly, and we’d take a huge hit to our standard of living if we moved abroad (the places where we could move have lower salaries and higher cost of living than where we currently live). My mom is eligible for British citizenship and is trying to get that done this year. We wouldn’t want to leave without my parents, and my mom being a UK citizen will make it simple for them to move to the UK. We’ve always had up to date passports for travel.

    4. I /do/ think it’s a little paranoid, so here’s my line of thinking:

      What specifically are you worried about? I basically keep two different risk tallies in my head: Scenario A is “the big one”, ie the risk of a catastrophic breakdown of law and order in the US, mass detention of anyone perceived as a trump opponent, probably a military coup, etc. Likelihood:less than .1% (ie less than 1 in 1000). But – this scenario destabilizes the international order SO much that I’m not sure it’s actually a huge advantage to be outside of the US, and where would be considered “safe” changes dramatically and unpredictably after this happens

      Scenario B is still serious, but smaller, consequences. B.1 is localized riots/elections violence, but quick restoration of order. Kind of like the risk of getting caught up in an earthquake in California, or a terrorist attack — it feels very scary, but net, I’m far more likely to die in a car crash. And I can prepare for this in the same way as for an earthquake – do I know my neighbors and do they know me? Do I have a couple weeks worth of food/water/meds if I need to hunker down?
      B.2 is, Trump wins, continues undermining democratic institutions, and the US becomes a place I don’t /want/ to live. It might develop into a Scenario A, but over a longer period, a few to several years. But in Scenario B.2, there’s time post election to see how things are going, to see how the rest of the world’s reacting, etc. Stuff like having passports, maybe pursuing dual citizenship if you qualify via parents/grandparents are smart moves, that give yourself more options at very little cost – but I wouldn’t jump to high cost options (assuming moving abroad is that for you) until we have more info.

      tldr – I find it helpful to break down overall risks into smaller, more specific scenarios – and give each an individual percentage likelihood.

      1. I guess I’m always thinking more of B.2 (they start to roll out Project 2025 etc.) This has already begun as I see it.

      2. OP here-thank you so much for this response! Really appreciate the breakdown and thoughtful input

    5. I’m staying. Not just voting but organizing, donating, volunteering. What are you doing about it?

      1. I feel this way too. My husband is from a different country. We could easily move there. But I also feel an obligation to try to make it better here.

      3. +1

        Yes this is the way.

        I try to talk to people more… even my right leaning family members. Also the many immigrant families I know that seem to be voting against their self-interest for religious/emotional reasons.

    7. We opened a bank account in Canada post-2016 for this exact reason. We are Jewish Americans.

      1. OP here-I am also Jewish American. Thanks for sharing; appreciate hearing what other folks are thinking.

    8. I felt similarly before the 2020 election and made actual contingency plans (had thousands of dollars of cash on-hand, etc.). I think it was also just the culmination of a year of exhausting paranoia related to the pandemic and also having recently been through the BLM riots in NYC. I don’t feel as panicked this time. I’m worried about the long-term implications of the election results for sure but not as worried about election day violence for some reason. I will also say I moved abroad to the UK for 2 years since the last election and although the reduced political focus in the UK was nice, I learned living abroad wasnt for me and I value so many things about living in the US that I’m willing to put up with all of the negatives (this anxiety related to politics being one of them).

      1. Not to threadjack, but what about the UK wasn’t for you? I’m considering a move there for DH’s postdoc but have some concerns.

        1. I can’t speak universally for the country as a whole, but can speak from my experience in London. There are definite pros and also a lot of cons. Since you asked about some cons: pay, benefits (at least for me, wont be universally true), cost of living crisis that doesnt seem to be going away anytime soon, housing quality, housing cost especially in comparison to the pay, tough to make friends and build a sense of community because Londoners tend to be polite but not particularly friendly, the weather, long dark winters.

    9. I am a life long Democrat but I will be switching parties and voting for Nikki haley in the primary. I live in Florida and a Desantis presidency is more terrifying than Trump.

      1. Don’t worry…Desantis is not going to win. He is a nothing burger as a national candidate.

    10. If I’d left the us on Election Day in 2020, I’d have come back and then been blindsided by what happened on 1/6/21. It’s hard to predict exactly when there might be strife.

  18. Any online suggestions for where to go for outfit inspiration? I used to love Pinterest for this and found lots of great ideas for how to put my existing clothes together in different ways, but lately it seems to be nothing but ads! I’m not on instagram and would prefer not to be… anywhere else I should try?

    1. Online Vogue magazine street style, look at a couple of different countries. I’m in Australia and I check our other countries in the southern hemisphere for inspiration and northern hemisphere for future shopping or wardrobe digging out.

      Agree about Pinterest, the video ads are especially annoying!

    2. I still love pinterest for that, even with the ads. I have everything set to the highest privacy option and turned off automatic play for videos.

  19. My partner wants to try eating vegetarian, and I want to be supportive (and try to eat healthier too). We are a busy household that eats out as much as we cook. We do a lot of food shopping at Trader Joe’s and Costco. I welcome all tips, tricks, recipes, resources!

    1. It’s not that hard, but you should eat beans and lentils so you get that full feeling without too much cheese. I like the vegetarian recipes on budget bytes because they are fairly easy. Yet yummy.

      Fwiw, my iron levels are probably better since I adopted a vegetarian diet rather than a bad omnivore diet due to beans and lentils.

    2. I’m trying to shift as well, though we eat out very rarely. A couple things:
      – Think about what he/you like to eat and go from there. We eat a lot of curries, stir fries, soups, and pasta so it was easy to find meatless options for those.
      – shifting our mindset to regard food as fuel and that it doesn’t always have to be tasty also helps when meals are kind of blah.
      – a produce box also helped us up our vegetable intake since the vegetables were already coming to our doorstep. For me a lot of meal planning vegetarian meals is planning with vegetables in mind.
      – figure out if you would rather go cold turkey or be selective about when you eat meat. I lean towards only eating meat when I eat out, so we are mostly vegetarian at home.
      – favorite cookbooks- The Weekday Vegetarian, and America’s Test Kitchen’s Vegan for Everyone.

      1. Your second point makes me so sad. Eating is one of the great pleasures of life. When I get stressed and busy and think of food just as fuel I end up eating unsatisfying processed junk that isn’t nearly as healthy as the delicious things I like to eat, such as curries and fancy salads. Vegetarian eating should be enjoyable, not a monotonous parade of dry, mushy, tasteless unseasoned lentils and beans.

        1. Insofar as I can make nearly any vegetarian meal much, much tastier by adding meat, I have never been able to eat more vegetarian meals without embracing the ascetism to some extent.

        2. +1

          I agree…. Food is life!

          It is not hard to find flavor profiles that enhance vegetarian eating tremendously. I rotate between south asian/far east asian/mexican etc… spices/herbs daily.

          I mean …. does chicken really have a lot of flavor? Not really…. Even great fish most of the time is pretty flavorless. It’s how you cook it / season / accompany it..

        3. Yeah, the idea that I have to give up one of the few daily enjoyments I have to be vegetarian is one of the three reasons I have never attempted it. I appreciate the honesty, but why live like that?

          1. Vegetarianism doesn’t have to be boring, though! I am an omnivore who chooses vegetarian food most of the time because it’s just better. Chicken, beef, and pork from the supermarket are flavorless and the texture is gross. Veggies are delicious when properly prepared and seasoned.

        4. There’s plenty of delicious vegetarian food. I agree with the poster above that it’s actually chicken, turkey and most white fish that have no taste. I’d a million times rather eat a vegetarian curry or burrito than plain hunks of meat, which I find uninspiring. Either way, it’s all about seasoning to make food interesting.

        5. I could never be a “food is fuel” person. Some of us aren’t wired that way. I have friends who are. But that ain’t me.

      2. Seconding the idea of a produce box. We started getting weekly boxes at the beginning of the pandemic and it is a great way to get fresh produce and learn how to prepare it. Super convenient if they deliver to your door. Not expensive. I have been vegetarian for decades and am an adventurous eater/cooker, and this expanded even my produce horizons.

    3. In an ideal case, I like to come out of the weekend with 1 or 2 work lunches prepped. Often, I make a big batch of fried rice, which can take almost any veggie, is good with or without tofu and egg, and you can do a million toppings.
      However, Trader Joe’s has a bean and cheese burrito in a yellow wrapper in their convenience food aisle. I like to stock up with 4-6 of them since I don’t get to Trader Joe’s that often. I throw them in the freezer so they are always on hand for a microwaveable lunch. It doesn’t do much in the way of veggies, but it’s vegetarian, inexpensive, tasty and convenient, so it’s my main fallback that prevents me from buying lunch (my workplace doesn’t have particularly good lunch options anyway).

    4. “Weekday Vegetarian” cookbook is a fantastic resource. TJ’s cooked lentils (in the fridge section) are delicious.

      Think base + protein + veggie + flair

      Base = pasta, rice, quinoa. Farro, polenta, etc

      Protein = tofu, beans, lentils, etc.

      Veggies = salad, roasted goodness, etc

      Flair = cheese, seeds, croutons, sauces, etc

      Enjoy!!

    5. I also eat a lot of beans and do a lot of meals like Annony suggests, but if you’re looking for quick things to fill in instead of eating out, Trader Joe’s is good for convenience products like frozen falafel (with the whole wheat pitas or lavash and lots of veggies and some sort of sauce), beefless bulgogi (also add veggies to this, usually broccoli, shredded carrots, and kimchi), frozen Indian (I like the vegan tikka masala and palak paneer), Sriracha baked tofu (I eat it on avocado toast, but it’s pretty good plain or added to a salad or anything you want extra protein in), soyrizo (I make a big veggie hash with onions, peppers, and roasted potatoes and/or sweet potatoes), and Dr. Praeger’s veggie burgers (not at all meat like, just a vegetable patty, but my meat eating husband actually likes them for what they are).

    7. It is pretty easy to eat flavorful quick veg meals. Someone on this website recommended the blog Budget Bytes – easy, quick, good selection for starting out.

      I do a little cooking in bulk, and freeze portions / leftovers and eat during the week (busy), but only with meals that taste great reheated and don’t overdo it so I feel like I am eating leftovers all the time. Maybe only leftovers once a week. Stews (African peanut stew), black bean chilis, many indian curries, “stuffings” for quesadillas that can be quickly thawed (I use beans again as the base), for example..

      Keep a stash of Trader’s > Costco indian (room temperature) “packets” in your cabinet. So fast and easy. I always have multiple Indian lentil and chickpea ones. They heat up in 1 minute. Two portions. Cook some rice or whole grain of your choice in a rice cooker. Pour the Indian packet on top of the rice. I love cooking a quick fried egg in avocado oil and then plopping it on top. Take’s 2 minutes (I use Martha Stewart’s a perfect fried egg recipe). Then I mix the egg in. Adds a whole layer of richness/Umami. Actually, many a famous chef has said that a fried egg on top of anything makes it taste better. For many ethnic foods especially, this is often the case, and an easy way of getting more protein/flavor deliciousness. I usually steam some other vegetables on the side. You can steam many vegetables in the microwave so quickly. Can mix in with the Indian food. I always have freshly cut up tomatoes and plain yogurt with indian food too as the “garnishes”.

      I also keep several of the vegetarian frozen Indian dinners from Trader’s in the freezer. Quite good for a quick dinner.

      I keep a basic stash of fresh herbs (cilantro, spring onions at a minimum), lemons/limes, indian spices (cumin, coriander, tumeric, “curry powder” etc..), asian flavorings (miso, soy sauce, rice vinegar, sesame oil etc..), garlic and ginger (even the squeeze kind you keep in your fridge as a backup is better than nothing) at hand pretty much all the time. Then I have a lot of flexibility if I pull up a random recipe using whatever I have in the fridge.

      Eventually you will come up with your core set of recipes you will have on repeat. Maybe 2 nights a week you eat out, once a week you eat frozen/leftovers, and then you only have a few nights a week to “cook”. Split with your partner… he does two meals, you do two meals…. you will find your core meals / balance.

      Make sure you keep an eye on your nutrients to be sure you are getting enough protein, vitamin D, calcium and B12. Several of my vegan / vegetarian friends had a hard time keeping a balanced diet because they were so busy and didn’t think about these things, and became vitamin deficient. Young women with neuropathy and multiple B12 deficiency symptoms (and one was nursing her newborn at the time!), women getting osteoporosis too young in life etc…. Dairy (especially Fairlife milk, yogurt, cheeses) and eggs are a big part of my diet, as well as tofu, or I would easily fill up on bulky vegetables and grains and not get enough protein.

      But it can be a really, really healthy diet and you will save a lot of money!

      1. I love those Indian foil packet/envelop meals. I buy a bunch and dump half a packet on rice and bring it for lunch at work.

        1. hmm, these sound like I would really like them but they really don’t ring a bell. What are they called or which aisle are they in (fridge, freezer, pantry?). I have access to both TJ’s and Costco.

          1. You really have to look for them at Costco… they are mixed in randomly in one of the non-perishable food aisles. They have less choice.

            The Trader Joe’s ones are just TJ brand “Indian fare”
            The Costco ones might be Tasty bites? They go on sale a lot. You have to buy a case of them of the same kind though, and I prefer buying an assortment of flavors etc…

            The Trader Joe’s ones are better and are in the non-perishables aisle where the soups/pasta/spices are. They usually have about 3 or 4 different packets/choices. My staple is the yellow dal (lentils) and their is usually a chickpea/chole one and one or two others (another more tomato based lentil, a vegetable one etc…).

    8. I follow a bunch of people on IG who happen to be vegetarian or vegan, although food is not the main point of their IG posts. Many of them are posting Veganuary recipes right now … every year it leads me to new recipes and things to try. I looked to see if there was a resource that supported this and found:
      https://veganuary.com/en-us/recipes/meals/dinner-en-us/ has a bunch of recipes. I personally find fake meat a little gross and would prefer to just celebrate the natural goodness of vegetables, so some of the recipes here are a miss for me.

      https://www.usapulses.org/tips/recipes is not vegetarian/vegan, but has many ways to incorporate beans and lentils into your diet. I recently made the chickpea sliders, and you could easily use an egg substitute and a vegan cheese in them. The lentil shepard pie was really good as well.

      Jenny Rosenstrach’s Weekday Vegetarian is a great book, and she’s famous for getting dinner on the table every night without a lot of muss or fuss.

  20. I know some readers here own second homes, and I would appreciate help thinking through finances. I would like to buy a home in a vacation destination about 3 hours from our primary home, use it occasionally (week in the summer, week in the winter, and a few long weekends) and rent it out via management agency or Airbnb to help cover carrying costs. We have enough liquid assets to put 20% down and still have an emergency fund and without touching retirement accounts. In the current interest environment, mortgage, taxes, and insurance would be about $8,000 (and hopefully we could refinance down the road to reduce the monthly cost). I see plenty of vacation homes in the area going for $400/night (the range is probably $250-500 depending on quality). We don’t need the rental revenues to fully cover carrying costs but I’d like to keep the difference to $12,000 or less per year. This is a desirable vacation area near a VHCOL metro area, and I think the home will appreciate in value (prices are currently down from pandemic highs) but our goal is to hold long-term for our golden years. Does the math work out? Am I crazy for even considering this?

    1. I wouldn’t do it because of the hassles and having strangers stay in “my” place, I’d rent it full time so I didn’t get attached or just rent to directly to friends, family, acquaintances etc but you might not be as sensitive as me.

    2. The two pieces of math I don’t see in your post are:
      • of the rental income, how much goes to the management agency, housekeeping, and maintenance, and how much comes back to you to put toward the monthly costs?
      • how many nights a year does it need to be rented in order for you to get the return you need?

      And,
      • If you don’t buy this house, where would that $8k a month be going, and is a vacation house a good trade off?
      • You say “we have enough ..” which I assume means you’re married. Are you both on board with this, or is this a you thing?
      • Do you have the margin in your life to manage ownership of a 2nd home?

      1. All of this, plus: if the renters completely trash the place (there have been some stories on the news about this happening) do you have the ability to a)cover repairs that fall short of insurance/not wait for insurance to cover costs and b)leave it empty for the time it takes to complete all of the repairs.

    3. I would try to talk to someone who owns in the area you are looking at about how many nights/weeks they can reliably find renters, and talk to a management agency about how much they charge and whether they have rules about how often you can use the space vs allow it for rentals, and then think about how you will handle maintenance. Also, think about why you are doing this – is it an investment (if so there are easier ones, like a house in your city), or a vacation opportunity or what?

      My only personal experience of this is as the child of parents who had a second home. For context, it is on the Outer Banks in NC, and when we built it we lived in the DC area. So it was a 6 hr drive at least, and was generally only rentable in the summer. What you are talking about is a lot closer and sounds more year-round (?). They used an agency to manage all the rentals and cleaning; I cannot imagine how much work it would be to do that on your own. Even so, every time we went there we had to do tons of maintenance work. Now this may be because my dad kind of building/fixing/manual labor, but I think it was also hard to outsource at a distance, and we often didn’t discover things that needed fixing, restocking, etc. until we were there. As a kid, I remember all of us being drafted to paint the entire exterior, my dad being stressed all week and unable to go to the beach, etc. We also moved across the country when I was 9 and they kept the house, so we were there even less often, which I am sure made it much harder.

      The other thing is that it limited where we went on vacation. We went to the beach house or visited family in other places. We basically did not travel anywhere else. If you can work remotely this may be less of an issue.

      As far as financial impact, my understanding is that the rentals did more or less cover their costs, at least in good years, and it has certainly appreciated in value over 40 years. But when they pass away, my brothers and I have already decided to sell it because none of us wants all the work to keep it.

    4. One thing to keep in mind, is the rental season year round and if not; what will you do in off season? My mom and her siblings inherited a house in a very popular part of New England but it can only be rented by the week from June to October and we had a lot of issues with it being unoccupied for 7 consecutive months (both break-ins and neglected maintenance issues). They ended up renting it year round but that is much less lucrative and they are losing money on it and will probably sell it in the next few years. Husband and I have already decided any vacation home we buy will be in a place like Florida where you can rent mostly year round.

      My husband is convinced that in all but a few circumstances you’re better off financially just investing the equivalent sum of money in the market vs buying investment property, but I don’t know if he’s right about that. It is definitely a lot of work to own and maintain a home, even with a property manager.

    5. We have a vacation home and my advice is if you need to rent it to make it pencil out, you can’t afford it and you’re in for a world of hurt. Putting the math aside, so many communities are constantly passing laws to restrict or limit vacation renting and there’s no guarantee of any kind of grandfathering in, so you could end up SOL. We rented ours pre pandemic and people were so incredibly hard on the house, things you cannot imagine breaking got broken and the math sounded good until we subtracted repair and replacement costs in addition to management company fees. Then add in all your neighbors will hate you, vacation rentals are just absolutely unpopular.
      if you only want to use a place for a month a year total, rent someone else’s house. If you want a vacation home, only buy it if you can afford it without any renting and it’s a place you plan to use a lot. An empty home will generate a lot of issues from lack of use. Also, 3 hours away is far. We use ours nearly every weekend because it’s only an hour a change from our city so we can go up Friday night and come back Sunday, or even just for a night.

    6. How important is keeping the cost differential to $12000 to you?

      Because that seems like it’s only going to happen under the best best case scenario – if you rent at $500/night (the high end), property management (cleaning, platform fees, having someone to come over when the heat randomly drops out) takes 50%, then you have to rent 28 nights/month, year round to cover $7000 of the $8000 monthly cost (aka all but 12000/year). That doesn’t sound likely to happen often though – would you still do it if 90% of years you spent more than the 12k?

  21. Favorite smudge-proof lipstick? My previous favorites keep rubbing off on my mask (I work in healthcare).

      1. I just use a tinted (or just the ultraconditioning one) Burt’s Bees moisturizing Lip balm, and reapply as necessary. Or nothing.

        Also in healthcare, masking.

    2. I am by no means a makeup expert, but I love a saturated lip tint instead because you get the color but somehow it looks a little less cakey, lasts longer, and doesn’t smudge. My go-to that I wear nearly every day is Burt’s Bees plum lip shimmer. No smudging!

    3. Wonderskins lip stain is pretty great. Natural looking color that lasts hours. I’m White with warm undertone and like Whimsical and Lovely colors.

  22. I recently turned 40 and am finally starting to get serious about finances. I work in education and have a STRS pension. My employer also offers a 403b and I set my investments to moderate with a 2050 retirement date. Realistically, 2050 would be the absolute earliest I would retire (2053-2055 more likely).

    The more I read, the more I’m wondering if I should be more aggressive now. I am working hard to unlearn the money habits and attitudes of my childhood that kept my family in poverty. I felt so validated after reading Vivian Tu’s book. Are your 40s still a time to be aggressive, or should I keep investments moderate? FWIW: DINKs, homeowners, HCOL, no debt aside from home.

    1. We have our retirement accounts in target date funds as well. I think it’s a reasonable choice.

    2. There are tons of optimization strategies out there, but the important thing is you’re putting money into the account and investing it.
      So much can happen between now and when you retire. I can only think of a couple of people I know who retired exactly when and on the terms they wanted to.

    3. I mean, yes of course you should be aggressive as you can afford to be. You never know what will happen to your health, your marriage, your job etc.. You are hitting the age where many of these things can flourish, but many may not. Ideally, you would like to have as much financial stability as you can at retirement age so that if your marriage changes, someone passes away, you can each afford to take care of yourself for the rest of your life.

      You say nothing about your income, how much you have saved so far, what your pension will be like, what your desired retirement income is… so how can we say how aggressive you should be?

      Go to one of those calculators online, like at Fidelity. You plug in your savings etc… say when you would like to retire, how much income you think you need at retirement, what your pension/social security etc.. will be like, and it will tell you how you are doing.

      I am a huge proponent of being sure to enjoy your life now, and not saving everything for retirement out of fear. Life is unpredictable. You could get cancer or get hit by a car tomorrow, and never have the “retirement” you dreamed of. But if you are just starting to think about retirement savings at 40, I suspect you may be learning more towards the … waited a bit longer than I should have to start thinking about this.

      Then again, I see you are working for the government/education and will have a pension. So you may be one of the lucky ones who actually is doing better than most of us (!) because your retirement benefits may be amazing. Learn exactly what they are. Start talking to folks at your workplace that you respect who are nearing retirement about their plans/their advice, if you have that sort of relationship. You may have an amazing pension if you stick with your current (stable?) job and really have very little to worry about. If so – well done! I am very jealous! I am even more jealous if you have the potential of having health insurance benefits in retirement. That is worth its weight in gold these days.

      1. I think she means how aggressive should be in terms of investments, like how much should be in stocks vs bonds and other safer investments. Not how much should she save.

      2. Thanks for the Fidelity/talking with colleagues suggestions. I ran some numbers today and it spurred a conversation with a colleague. She shared our district has a person who can actually help with these calculations to see if we are on-track. They definitely don’t advertise this- who knew!
        I’ve been saving for retirement since my late 20s, but I am definitely feeling behind. Paying into STRS means no Social Security. The pension is also tricky because there is definitely incentive to stay until 62+ but there is part of me that is super cynical and really wonders what education will actually look like in 22 years. My job is stable and I have tenure, but the field has changed so much in the last decade. No health benefits in retirement, unfortunately. That’s definitely living the dream!
        I share your sentiment to “live your life now” and take full advantage! After a couple of fantastic vacations this year (confined to my academic calendar) I know I will need to save a bit more to continue that lifestyle in retirement. Although my health is a priority, nothing is certain, so I am definitely not waiting until retirement for all those once-in-a-lifetime trips. It would be nice to have the means to continue once I retire though…

  23. How long after you quit a bad workplace do you wait before giving it a bad glassdoor review? I know they are going to know it’s me . . . and I want to make sure I don’t get any retaliation (ie spreading rumors at my new workplace) by giving this feedback.

    1. I would just move on and skip the Glassdoor review. It sounds like you would be better off if you just let it go, glad that it is in your rear view mirror.

    3. I waited two years and left a scathing review including names and positions (it was that bad). I changed descriptions of my position and time I was employed and all that and it was glorious. GD made me update it within 24 hrs to comply with their policies but the HR team freaked out (serves them right for ignoring all of us for years) and I have NO RAGRETS. They still don’t know it was me (27 attorneys in 6 years as far as turn over, so lots of possibilities) – I have insiders still there. They contacted GD to get it taken down – nope. For the poster’s name – nope. I am still proud of it. That place was THE WORST.

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